Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Jim Norton Returns!

Episode Date: December 12, 2024

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Jim Norton! You know Jim Norton from stand up comedy, Opie and Anthony, Jim & Sam w/ Sam Roberts, the Joe Rogan Experience, Sword Fight w/ Nikki Norton, We Might Be Drunk, Stavvys World, Tiger Belly, Whiskey Ginger, Good For You and so much more! Thanks for watching the Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast! AYG & Friends: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ True Classic: https://trueclassic.com/GARBAGE Tushy: https://hellotushy.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Aura Frames: https://auraframes.com Promo Code: garbage Mint Mobile: https://www.MintMobile.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to another exciting edition of R U Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is are you garbage? Oh, yeah So a little show we sit there with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a good to be classy Yeah, they're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host a trolley coming at you on a beautiful day We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition. She's upstairs watching her dainties Okay, her unmentionable. All right in the bathtub. Okay using lava soap That's from our good friend Bridget Maoni on the old Patriot the fifth the fifth tag got me

My co is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of are you garbage? He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan everybody What up everybody? Thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you sure you rate, you subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube, then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com slash rg garbage. You go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang. Yes, sir. And gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean,

incredibly special guest back with us again today. He is a legendary stand-up comedian. He's one of our absolute favorites. He has a brand new podcast with his lovely wife, Nikki. Nikki and Jim over there on the YouTube, you got to check it out. And you can hear him every morning, Monday through Thursday, 8 a.m.

Faction Talk Radio, Sirius XM, Channel 103, with Jim and Sam. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the one and the only, Mr. Jim Norton. Oh wow. There he is. Jimmy! Oh guys.

Legend in the building. Back with us. Uh-huh. Thank you. Happy to have you, man. It's good to see you, I love the new is. Oh guys. Legend in the building. Back with us. Uh huh. Thank you. Happy to have you, pal. It's good to see you. I love the new place. Thank you. Really impressive. Thank you, buddy. We appreciate it. Yeah, yeah. I was on the block and I'm like, I don't know about this block. Looks like the place De Niro sent Karen to get dresses.

Keep going. Keep going. We're in here doing rub and tugs. Got you waiting in the lobby when I'm little beers. Yeah, I would have to always gave it a little. They always gave it the ones I've heard about. Yeah, the ones I've heard about. Yeah. Married man now, brother. Just the time for the holidays. How's that going? How's that treating you?

You know, it's I go back and forth. It's funny you say that because I don't know when this airs. But today we put up a video. It's an argument we had a year ago today. YouTube channel has been live for a year. Okay. And grudges. Yeah, but she came back. We had somebody filming us at the time and she came home and was just emotional and tired. Sure. And like, you know, certain times you let's just say certain people partake in certain activities. But when

they travel international, they don't partake in those activities I just didn't begin to Jones for it understandable and their mood is a little hypersensitive and shit That's like me in Delaware I've got a guy down there. That's kind of it. Yeah, gotcha So she unraveled and we had an argument and it's like when I look at that. I'm like, that's what marriage is It's everything every fucking hack comic in the 80s. Dude, it's so bad because I like, I'll like try to write a bit that I think is specific to me.

I'm like, this happened. And then I'm like, it's like on like an episode According to Jim or something. I'm like, fuck. Yeah. Has anybody talked about holding the purse in the mall? The stores get hot. I'll tell you that. How are you guys traveling together? Are you good with that?

As we saw you on Burt's Cruise? Yeah, you guys you were together and that was my first time meeting your wife. And we got on the bus together and she was it was very you guys were doing well. I'm moving together. It was still the first day of the trip, too. So yeah, I think that was our one of our first public events was was Burt's Cruise. We get along great. Traveling is pretty easy. OK.

She won't she won't come to one nighters. Like if I do one night in Boston one night in New Hampshire, she's not coming right? Yeah, you set up somewhere for a weekend. Yeah, if I if I'm like, hey, I'm going to LA then of course, you know She wants to go out. Yeah, she wants to act like she belong. It's really I do that out there too Spago over at the Brentwood Market. We just got a dog. I like it. So the travel is great because now

she has to stay home with the dog. It's like 10 weeks old. Which is awesome. I'd love to have you. But I guess I'll have to sit alone and jerk off and eat whatever I want. Fuck! I love hotels now. I love right it has that sweat you were and you were you were probably over hotels you've been you've been working for a long time so it's like yeah now you're like yeah you're a little refresh a little

rejuvenation I love it me it's like I but I don't like I would always have escorts come over and like I was a complete creep on the road but now it's just like I'll go to escort sites I'm gonna say room service I'll look at what I could do and Can I do that? Yeah. You'll go browse the inventory, kick a couple tires. My wife dies. I'll be back in Toledo.

Yeah, you just look, but I don't do it. I eat bad. You know, it's nice to have your time alone in a hotel. Sure. Do you like a nice hotel? I am a gentleman's accommodation. Really? Snob. We also Snob, yeah.

We also just did, we were in DC with you. Gentleman's accommodation. That's a great, that is a great term. We were in, we did the- Send up your finest escort right away. And the beef Wellington, please. Man, that poor escort. Getting somebody after a beef Wellington.

I'm a little sleepy. We were in DC and you, remember he maneuvered, we were shocked. We were like, what the fuck? You did. You showed up. You had already got there the night before. I think you did the hotel the night before and then you show up to the you show up to the venue. You got your luggage.

You pulled your car right in the garage. Yeah, and then like a hit man. And then he's like he gets off stage. He goes, all right, I'll see you guys later. Right back to New York. I had an execution in front of the Hilton Rubber gloves off and walked out the door didn't run walk I like I'm a weird traveler man. I like to get there the night before I don't like to drive To where to fly when I get a gigs I get like nauseous I like gigs or get out there the night before always because this way you're not stressed you don't fucking you don't have to take your dramamine and be loopy on stage

I get it so I like to drive late the night before four-hour rides sleep in I Really do the head Bundy stuff it really is over night from Florida to Nevada Yeah, put the diaper on and hit the road Yeah, nobody in the car. None at all. That's because I took the passenger seat out, you know, as old Teddy B did. We always talk about this. I mean, we do understand it. I mean, especially something like that where you're so, even though it's DC, you're still so close

back home. Like, you have to be somewhat over that shit. How brutal was it? Like, when you have to be somewhat over that shit. How brutal was it like when you were coming up doing clubs and you're you know, we're lucky we go together so we can goof around. But when you were by yourself, I mean that had to wear. Well, I was always hosting like when I first started for the first 10 years, I was an emcee. So you would like pick up comics just to or could be serial killers. Absolutely. Criminals are like you're just getting whoever got booked that weekend. You were hoping they were murderers,

so you didn't have to go through with a shit gig in Lancaster. Yeah. I know that club. I hope he just cuts my throat. There's a piano wire in the back seat if you need it. You're leaving, you're leaving Leptin's for him? Yeah, but you would share rooms. That was the worst part, was like,

but I also look back on the stage, it was fun. Like, you were sitting there with, like, I was you were sitting there with like I was so happy to be there I was so happy to be in the room with a comedian like who is like talking to me like sure it was great man I love this I miss I used to do with Bob Levy and Florentine we would do a gig in Maryland that's just fun 75 bucks for the weekend 25 a show no food no room so they would let me share the room that they got and they would pool the money and can Keep the money was it was great

Good old days. Oh, oh Florentine must have been fun. It was fun, but Florentine would always fuck a waitress So it was always been I would always oh Me and Jim picked up girls together one time and it was so embarrassed He was a good-looking guy now, but back in the day he was. He was an eight and a half. And he had, Jim had a great rap. I'm a three and a half. He had a good rap? He had a great rap.

He's got that voice too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they did. Come on. Yeah, what are you doing? And we picked up these two girls, went back to the hotel room, and Jim is pounding like a professional. Straight hotel room, beds next to each other

to two like double beds. Sweet, dude. No, back then we know it was it was a regular small room and I was wearing all black and I was just like the preacher and the poltergeist too and I'm fucking laying there. You're all gonna die. And you're not gonna get an erection, Jim. And he was right, I couldn't. It was shriveled in my pants.

I went down on her for about 40 minutes and she couldn't have an orgasm. And then I finally went back up to my room with her and just made out. It was embarrassing. Jesus. Yeah, Jim Pound, what a professional. Ah, dude, I mean, I'm not gonna be able to get hard

for another week here in that story. He had his face in her neck just grrr, grrr. A real man. What would it take for me and you to hook up with two chicks in the same room? A gun. That was a lot of chicken fingers. I was going to say an act of God. For us to pull two chicks together?

Man. You guys gotta have groupies though. Come on, you guys are hilarious. I mean, we're big with welders. Guys that make skateboards for us. That's about it. Has the home, I know you guys had worked on it in the house, but has the home improved, your lifestyle improved now that she's there?

Like, does all the silverware match? Is it spotless all the time? All that kind of stuff? Is it more domesticated? It's more domesticated, but spotless, no. Because she's what they call, she's like a trad wife, but doesn't want to do housework or anything traditional. What's a trad wife? Traditional wife.

Okay. But she's not a traditional wife. She just wants to lay around and do nothing and smoke pot. That's to her, a traditional wife. So yeah, the place is a mess. Hey, she's new age. What are you up for me? Dating a teenager.

I know. Smoking weed with posters on the wall. Yeah. Like, we're talking about flour, like smoking joints? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. In the apartment? No, no, no, no, no. But she's trying to quit.

Like, she goes through these periods where she'll quit. Okay. Which, you know, but then you have to deal with somebody's mood when they quit. Like you were saying, yeah. Yeah, it's never good. What about the gummies? Should I like the gummies? No, she doesn't like, they make her too loopy or they make her nauseous or whatever.

But it sucks though, because when somebody's smoking pot all the time, they just fall asleep on the couch. Like, you know, and they're passing out and I go into my, I'm isolating. Get up and mow the lawn. Yeah, do something. Mow the lawn, I just did a high rise.

That was the joke. Hey, thanks for playing along. This guy's funny, maybe we could pick up some kicks. I don't know you had a personality on you. I thought you were just a good-looking fella Okay, huh? What about the holidays? How's the apartment shape shaping up with that? You guys get a tree and all that stuff? Yeah, we order a fake tree every year. It's too big to store

And she was she was going through one of her did see you throw it out at the end every every year no Who's she throw it out? You got throwing away artificial tree? Not that much, but They're not that much. But it's probably cheaper than a fucking real tree in New York City. You got the high ceilings over there. Not that high though. You got a couple of bucks on you too. 350 to 400 for the tree.

Throw it out the window. Out the balcony. I even risked the lawsuit right off the balcony. If it hits a stroller, I'll pay it. How much was the kid? But somebody scoops that up. Yeah, somebody takes it I think they do and one guy they wanted it one year for a charity like for some kids thing I'm not sure. Yeah, take it

But just you'd have to pay to store, you know, it's an apartment building or storage units So it would cost me more to pay for a storage unit for that fucking tree So I'm like just get rid of it. That makes sense. Are you doing gifts or are you doing no gifts? I'm doing no gifts this year with my wife we said. I guess through the whole year right? You get what you want?

Yeah she gets whatever the fuck she wants. That's kind of the way it is. Yeah it's like what do I want? Okay yeah just put a tag on it from Santa and it's yours. Amazon shopping addicts. So I'm like look we can exchange a little bit but we don't usually do that many gifts because she's like, I don't want anything. I'm like, I definitely don't want anything. You know, the least I have to spend, the better.

I want the tree. Exactly. She wants the tree. You got the tree. You got the dog. She wanted the dog. I got a little dog. That's that's her Christmas gift is that little dog. You think are like a couple from the fifth. Tree and a dog. the Amazon shit, man. Brutal, insane.

It's getting worse and worse. And there's my brush. There's so much pressure. If you're coming up, she thinks someone's going to steal the packages in the package room. Yeah, it's like, dude, I don't give a fuck. Let them steal it. It's crazy. Yeah, she's addicted to it. I'm addicted to it too.

But I also I collect kiss posters. I've been doing that for like the last year. Goddamn kiss poster we're talking about. But I mean like someone's gonna steal that. I am paranoid. The dog I said the dog piss is on one of my posters. It's going off the fucking terrace. If one Japanese Victor poster is ruined by dog piss.

What's a poster cost you? It depends on the like a lot of them a few hundred The most I've spent I think is three grand, but that was that was like for the original Casablanca Promo poster oh shit. There are some that are more, but I won't buy it How many times have you seen them in concert would you say not too many not a lot? I went to the last show at the garden this guy Matt who I know I was on my way home from the Comedy Cellar, and it was like seven o'clock He was hey, man Do you want to see kiss tonight got tickets an extra ticket if you want to buy it?

So I'm like I hadn't seen them in fucking 15 years So I texted my wife like do you want to go and check let's go let's do it even though she fucking hates them So she we met outside she hopped in a cab We literally walked in as they were about to start Detroit Rock City, I couldn't believe I made it. And it was nice to see their last show ever. Sure, that's pretty good. Yeah, I'm happy I won. You ever put the makeup on?

No, not for that. For a good pegging, I'd be lying if I said I haven't lip-sticked up. Can't bitch-boy without a little lip- lipstick on. No one's gonna believe it. I'm with you, brother. That's alright. Oh, God. Alright, some of the questions that, it's been a minute since you've been here, so some of the now, the ones that have become common game, we want to run by you.

Who is it? Because you are a notable man who likes to meet famous people and get the picture in the autograph. Yes. That's well documented. But who was the first famous person you met before you started doing comedy? Before you were famous? Yeah. Tom Noonan. I was, my grandmother took me.

Who's Tom Noonan? You're C.Easy Money? Of course. He's not Pesci and he's not Rodney. He's the other guy. Oh my god. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Dude, I see that guy all the time in the East Village. I was a kid. I was like 12 years old. My grandmother took me to the George Street Playhouse to see of Mice and Men. And I forget who played George, but Tom played Lenny. Wow. And I chased him down the street for an autograph. I was 12 years old. I'm still in character. He starts petting you.

James got lipstick on he felt my hands and I smooth, you know puts Vaseline in his glove. No kid. That's a great That's a really good one. Yeah, you know what? He was great in is Heat Was he in he was in heat. He was the one that got the fucking plans He was the one that was working with job where he was in a wheelchair I don't remember good in that. I see him all the time in East Village. He's a great actor.

Great. And I saw him at Louie's once. I went to Louie's for Thanksgiving and I think Tom Noonan was one of the guys. It was a bizarre, eclectic. Yeah. It was Philip Seymour Hoffman, Joan Rivers, her daughter, Parker Posey.

This is the height of Louie? It's Murray Abraham. He does gather an eclectic squad. You're Jim Norton, Robert Kelly. See how off the cliff the guest list goes. But I really admired Bob Kelly that day. He was so good because I get like I felt Seymour Hoffman was there and he's like, hey, I'm Phil.

And I'm like, I know, but I couldn't talk. And Bob Kelly is so good at being fun in those moments, being himself. And he's just fucking making everybody laugh and being Bobby. I'm like I know but I couldn't talk and Bob Kelly is so good at being fun in those moments being himself And he's just fucking making everybody laugh and being Bobby. I'm like sure he's really Bobby's a great guy in those moments Okay, I panic and I just shut down That's all right That's a wild fucking Tom Noonan the first one yeah, that's a good one though Autograph I ever got was jocob the clown his name was I said nobody He was probably just some pedo from Edison

I was a kid and I went to my friend's birthday party and he was a local clown He just did my friend's birthday party. You asked for an autograph. I was a douche. Oh my god That is in bad. I was douche gasey should have been the clown I met I got the pen in my car. Right this way, Jim. Here's a picture of me and Rosalind Carter. Ooh. You asked for an autograph. You probably made that guy's year.

I still have it too, Jaco the Clown. Imagine seeing a local clown on a birthday birthday, this guy's got it. Yeah, you've got to sign, please. Who's your representation, Jaco? I might never get this chance again. Meanwhile, he's working at a pet police during the week. Yeah, I thought he was famous. That's really good.

I think we asked you about your first job. But did you have any jobs like as you were starting out in comedy, any bartending or anything like that? No, the only job I did during comedy, I worked at a place called Christoph Silver, where I was doing like I was working on a packing line with really high expensive, like, know, $300 forks. You know, Kristoff is a great, like a high priced silverware and I would write jokes on fragile stickers

and then I worked for this place called Leacoste Lamps, which were high, high end Italian lamps. How'd you get into this shit? I was a warehouse worker in Raritan, Raritan, whatever it was called, Raritan Valley, Raritan Center in Edison, New Jersey it was called, Raritan Valley, Raritan Center in Edison, New Jersey. Okay.

So I was just working at Kristoff and then when they moved back to New York, I stayed there and worked at Leacoste Lamps, but got fired because I would go to Maryland and sleep through work the next day. Sure. So I got fucking canned. You get laid with fucking Florentine. Well, no, no, it was more like me and Levi. One time me and Levi jerked off on the television.

Florentine was out with a waitress and then me and Levi both scrapped loads on the TV set. And then we just wanted to just have Jim would go crazy when he came back. And he just looked at it and he went beautiful and then went to sleep. That was the only reaction we got out of a life pseudo gay experience with Bob Levy. It's not really pseudo.

No, no, we didn't look at each other's dicks. We were facing they. It's not really pseudo. No, no, we didn't look at each other's dicks. We were facing the TV. They're watching 60 minutes. We were laughing. Gentlemen at the end of the day. Of course. How much talk about Aura Frames?

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That's it I'm fucking done. You know, did I quit? There was a company called zero copper that I worked for and they were I drove a forklift Never in a million years. I think Jim Norton knows how to drive a forklift. I drove a forklift. I was doing a diamond mine No, I was actually in charge of chopping off the hands off the hands if their diamonds are missing. I was still in there. I don't want to do it, but it's a job. Forcer for a diamond mind? I was, no, I drove a forklift that we would get these 20 foot bundles of copper tubing and they would be like on these giant, wrapped in these core.

That shit's dangerous. Yes, it was. And it was, I had a giant boom on the front and I would drive onto a ramp that we had a foot Was rotting in the corner and go on the back of flatbeds and pull off these giant Jesus things of copper tubing. I did that for a while that that job. I might have just quit I worked with a guy at that place so I'm sure is dead at this point and there was a hooker that I knew who would come by and Hooker that I knew who would come by and a hooker that I knew is a crazy

she was right if you're working with guys that you assume are dead at this point yeah yeah yeah well he was an older guy back then and and her she would you know she wasn't that attractive but he was like Jim I would love to and I'm like okay man like but just take your wallet out of your pocket if your pants go around your ankles she was going to the office and bloom but I'm like but just take your wallet out of your pocket if you pass go around your ankles She was going to the office and bloom, but I'm like make sure that you take your wallet out because You know and I saw him on Monday. I'm like how was it go? She took my wallet I'm like what did what did you do? I'm like did you take it out of your very film Mary's up to her tricks again I know she would do it at the office or because it was in this really

Desolate weird warehouse area by New Brunswick so like New Brunswick is where these hookers hung out like around Howard Street and and commercial Avenue so Right there right next to the dominoes yeah, yeah, yeah, it was a worse intersection Reginald Denny's fucking toilet seat to the head and he wound up getting his wallet taken and Yeah, money his money stolen out of his pocket because he let his pants go around his ankles Rookie mistake he was old he was very old by then So yeah, 35 years ago. He's probably dead. You drive a forklift. That's pretty good. I did drive a forklift I enjoyed it. I did that in a few jobs. I worked at Pergament, which was like Home Depot

It was a Staten Island based company, right? Okay. Yeah, and I offloaded tractor trailers for a while That's how I worked in receiving so I was just going to back of trucks and what age you talk about early 20s was a Staten Island based company. Right. OK. Yeah. And I offloaded tractor trailers for a while. That's what I worked in receiving. So I would just go in the back of trucks and. What did you talk about early 20s? I would say from I started comedy at 21. So I would say eight to 17 to because I dropped out of high school. So I was working full time by the time I was like 17 or 18.

OK. In the early. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 18 to 21. So you had to hop back behind the wheel now I think you can handle it it would take a little a minute, but I could I wouldn't want to go up on the ramps Again, that ramp was awful because you would like lilts to the right and you were on the on a shipping dock So if you fell off you were gonna you were gonna get killed What would you would you be doing something in that world if you hadn't started doing comedy? Where do you say you would just land you'd be like the supervisor at the dock? I would be doing something like that. Yeah, cuz I hated I was again uneducated So I wasn't qualified to do anything else and yeah, I would probably drive in a forklift. There you go

Yeah, pretty good good work if you can get it. It is. Yeah, huh? Is a fun job is it cut the grass or mow the lawn? That's a great question it cut the grass or mow the lawn? That's a great question. Cut the grass, I'm gonna mow the lawn. I mean, I would have to say 50-50. I never chose. I've said both, I admit, embarrassingly. I don't know what the right answer is,

but I've said cut the grass, and I've said mow the lawn. Mow the lawn, I think, is the trashier of the two. No, it's the classier. Mow the lawn, yeah, mow the lawn. Cut the grass. Cut the grass. Okay. Mow the lawn, I think is the trashier of the two. No, it's the classier. Mow the lawn, yeah, mow the grass. Cut the grass is trashy. Mow the lawn is something that you would probably find in an upper echelon home. Yeah, I don't think cut the grass is more of a trash.

And how do you say the thing that you get, you get your car? That could be too many things. Took? Do you know what I'm talking about? No. I don't wanna, I don't wanna talking about? I don't want to... You have car, you have health, you have life.

Oh, car insurance. Insurance. It didn't go insurance. Car insurance. Oh no, car insurance. Car insurance is trashy. That's a guy who can't pay the insurance bill. And how do you pronounce the product that Crayola makes? Crayon. Not crayon. How would you say I'd say crayon crayon. That's like Philly right you Delaware

Yeah, it's pack of crayons pack of crayons. No crayon. He said it proper. I do crown pack it Crayola crowns Fucking Queen have it on her head Like that wasn't the sharpest tool is yet. Where are you from? You feel it outside you feel it outside Philly yeah okay I get it um ground ground beef or hamburger meat hamburger meat my wife says minced meat and I want to just drop yeah European minced meat but he was fucking 78 no one says minced meat that's what Mike Tyson does it was opponents turn you to mince meat Hi, you I oughta that was always a beat you up thing. I'm turning in the mince meat. Yeah Yes, always food with you, but I was fighting Jack Dempsey. Yeah, all right

Okay, what? Shit, what was the one the last other one I had how do you clean a public toilet seat my tongue? The money's right Yeah, you're somewhere that's like not great. We have an issue with that you dry money's right. What do you mean? You're somewhere that's not great. Do you have an issue with that? Where you dry it? What do you do?

Here's what I do. I pull the toilet paper down. Obviously, you clean the seat. Give it a flyby. Now, it depends if it's a full seat or if it's the one that goes like that with the little space where all the piss collects. Because then you have to scrape that. And there have been times

Where I've gone out and gotten a little water and wipe that okay, and then push that thing into the toilet Okay, take a nice fresh sheet or two put it there and then sit down and take my dump But I has to be hygienic. Okay, that's good. That's a fucking gentleman I had to shit when I came in here today, and I looked at your bathroom. It's pretty bad, right? It's not great at the moment. You don't want to poop in there No, just because I can hear you going. Hey, you guys are chatting out here Yeah, cuz you can kind of hear it. You can hear everything but it wasn't a cleanliness thing you know Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I wouldn't care

I would even care if you guys do but it wasn't an emergency But I looked at your seat and I was like am I gonna have to clean this toilet seat and shit I like a nice clean seat and did you think you would have to clean it? Would you have given it a once? You have to. Well, I lifted it to piss and I left it up because I piss slow. I didn't want you guys to think I had been shitting. So I left it up just so you know. We are nuts. What I was doing. Yeah.

It's pure mental illness. I'm just combing my hair. Yeah. That was the worst when you're on a date and you're taking a dump and you knew you were away too long to be pissing. I would always come back with an excuse. Yeah, gamma contacts you like I was doing something other than shitting I had to turn the shower all one time. It was shut in there for so long. It was teams it up, dude So last bad as early as early in my days. It was her house Showering in my house. It was her house. Really? Yeah, dude It was just it was a night after it was just bad. It was like I'd rather I you know what's happening rather you not hear it

Yeah, yeah, you can use your imagination, but you really gave it to her after that Yeah, I was like Norton real Italian. I went down on her for 45 minutes. I couldn't get art Do you like a surprise party? I've never had one thrown to me. I'm like Peter Brady. running around the house hoping for my party and realizing my dad has AIDS. What was the high school you went to? North Brunswick Township High School. Hit him. Get on it. We find out if you're a notable alum. I am, but I'm not. There's a soccer player who's first. I might be in the top five.

Tim Howard beats you out. Oh, I know Tim Howard. Yeah, it's a tight list It's only six people on the list go top to bottom James Althucher Oh James Althucher is a good he's still a friend James John Cameron. What's he fake? Wait, what's James Althucher? He's like a really like he goes broke on purpose and then makes a lot of money back He's like he owned stand-up New York for a while. He's well that guy James. Yeah, he's a really interesting He's a great high school with him?

Yeah, I know him since fourth grade. He's like a billionaire. He's a hedge fund manager. Yeah he's like a billionaire. Yeah he's a really smart guy he's a very interesting guy. That's crazy. Got Tim Howard, Jim Norton at number four, Harry Spears. Harry Spears that's right. No shit. Yeah but this is an alphabetical order. No it it's not. Yeah, it's just random. Aries is younger than me. I know Aries Spears since his mom used to bring him to open mics, he was such a talented young guy. And we would go to a place called Arbijons.

I'm sure he'll remember it in East Brunswick. But his mother would bring him because he was, I think he was too young to go in and she would take him and be like, this fucking kid is great. Why he would do Robocop and you just knew that this guy was but I remembered him because that name Ari spirit is Such a Distinctive name. Yeah, but I know him a long time. He never graduated. He was expelled the sophomore year Yeah, I don't think I remember from school I knew him from the open mics though two of us are both outcasts from high school

Your little rat. He's like, he ain't graduated. Yeah, he ain't graduated. His Tony soprano is fucking. I just saw that. Everything's good. Excellent. Really great. Well, there, notable alum.

Jimmy Norton. Love to see you. That's great. Let's say, what's the shower like at the house? Is it like a tub shower or a stand up shower? Like the stand up? It's got to be stand up. Well, I mean, there are two.

And the reason there's a second one is I got a tub, a nice tub, the second one, they said if you ever want to resell, a tub is good to have so parents with little kids can move in. It's a good thing to have, but the main shower is, it's a spa adventure. I wanted, it's a big glass. A gentleman, yeah.

A truly gentleman steam experience because I have it where you can close off the top and it becomes a steam shower so I can why it's there and take a nice steam and I'm in a real good steam and then it's probably it's it's bigger than this table area. No shit. It's a large- Got a nice place. And there's a chair in the shower. Like there's a concrete looking thing.

Like a bench. A bench, thank you, yeah. Got the watch chair in there. Got a watch chair in there. You got to weigh with words. I like to sit there. It's good when you're taking a steam and you want to just blow your nose and relax. Sure.

A couple of robes hanging up in case there's company. That's it. In case there- For the jacuzzi. There's a couple of robes- There's case there's company. That's for the jacuzzi. There's a couple of robes. There's a jacuzzi outside. Yeah. Wait, hold on. So out of the that's what I mean. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You never been to my house. So I never got you over jacuzzi out on the balcony on the terrace. Yeah. The terrace.

And yes, he's a fucking and then there's a tub in the bathroom. Yes. With the jacuzzi, you can't walk out of the bathroom onto the balcony, can you? No, the balcony. If you want to jacuzzi, you can't walk out of the bathroom onto the balcony, can you? No, the balcony. If you want to get onto the terrace, you can go from the. He's correct. There is a little Juliet balcony. What the fuck is that? You're talking to two dirtbags.

That's a small one. You got living there. Done. done And And what I love the most about my wife is that she would really enjoy that Now if you go out on a Juliet balcony is When you leave the bedroom, there's a small it's almost like it's enough room for one person And you can just stand out there and look and it's probably it's just enough for one person to relax Sure, I would jump through if I woke up with a bad day. I thought of it. I thought of it.

So then in the bathroom, there's a bathtub that has a shower on it. That's that's a jacuzzi. That's the guest bathroom. Yes, that's the guest bathroom. That's attached to the living room. And the master bath has no pardon me, no tub in it. It's just got the standing shower, the steam room and the damn and the outside area. Has errors. Yes, has some places to sit and got the jacuzzi How often you using that jacuzzi not as often as you think like you think you're gonna use it

I had a new one put in because there was one that came with the place But I was just like it was a little smaller than I would care for and I didn't I don't want somebody else's jacuzzi energy sure So I had to hire be wiping that thing down every day I could have struck out all the time for all I know he's got bad juju this guy can't close Yeah, I need my own anyway new one so yeah, I did get out we had a crane come and bring up a new one That's how they put a jacuzzi on it there. They bring a crane out And cost extra. Oh, yeah Right, and he got the fork. It was ten grand to shut the fucking street down five minutes

And then they lift it up they hoist it and they I have video of it going up I don't know if I have it on my phone But I have video of it being hoisted up and it literally takes ten seconds Yeah, and it's on top and they drop it and then they're gone and then the old cuz there's no other way to get jacuzzi into A place the next one they and they the old one they just break up with hammers and saws and take down by pieces. How long ago did you do this? 2017 or 16 you had to have told us that that's insane. Oh, I don't know. Maybe I did. No, no You're not though. I would hear stories of you would have what you would have all barbecue or something of some kind I've only had a couple I'm not very social

of some kind. I've only had a couple I'm not very social. Do you guys have had a barbecue? Nah, I mean for myself I can and it sucks but there would be stories of you having these parties and I would hear by like third hand like you gotta see the deck on this place. I would love to have had you guys. We weren't successful yet Jim. I still do an open mic. I might have bartended out of it or something. In fairness I did one of these in August And I would love you to have come I don't know why I didn't I didn't I probably just forgot So you don't have to take the dog that dogs a little dog big dog tiny We're so stupid. We wanted a Cavapoo and we thought it was a Cavapoo. It's a Yorkie, but it's fine. It's hypoallergenic Okay, and it's just we've only had it two weeks. So it's a little you know it's shitting and pissing on pads and

We have we just we took it feeling you are too. Yeah, it's much easier I just keep eye contact with her to make sure she's not stealing my money And we brought we brought them we brought the dog on the terrace and it's so scared of being outside So we finally found treats that it likes because the other dog treats had fucking hated We brought the dog on the terrace and it's so scared of being outside. So we finally found treats that it likes because the other dog treats had fucking hated. I don't know what kind of treats we got it, but my friend sent me some that this thing loves. So now we're just getting to walk on the terrace. OK. Needs its vaccinations. Gotcha. There's a vet at my place as I do this. We found a vet that does house calls.

And so the vet is coming to make sure it's up to date on vaccinations. Yeah. And so my wife is dealing with the vet right now. Juliet Terraces have vets making house calls. The Juliet Terraces, no, it's good for one person if you wanna just sit out there and take a glance at the city, sure, you know, and relax. I mean, I don't think the word terrorist

has been said this much on fucking all episodes, any episode. Terrorace is a great word Okay, how big do you say the Terrace is I've heard it was big. It's a good size I heard it turns him is that true there. It's it's a wrap a wrap a little bit of a wrap around at the corner dog Yeah, I have a I have a camera. I could show you it, but it's not impressive You could just see the size of it's not it's a private terrace, New York City Yeah, I want an outdoor space. That's why I moved where I was I was in a Trump building on the Upper West which I loved I mean the building is the best maintenance of any of those

Buildings are beautiful fucking great. I was on 70th and Riverside. Yeah that whole yeah whole little bill I love it up there. I love it love it love it, but I couldn't have afforded an outdoor Space in that no no we've been crazy love it, love it, love it, but I couldn't have afforded an outdoor space. No, no, no, it would have been crazy. So I started looking on, you know, the rest of the city. What year did you start making money? I started making money the first... Get down a brass tacks. The first money I started making was, I would say say 10 years in when I my first contract with opi and anthony

They had finally signed me. I was it was making fifty thousand a year to be on the radio That was a thousand bucks a week back then back in which I was like holy fuck That's as a comic to do to make fifty thousand dollars as a comic in New York in doing comedy Adjacent like living at the in the comedy world. I still lived in Jersey. I was paying 300 bucks a month rent. Plus the shows, doesn't your show, your probably road shows go up. I was selling out everywhere. Yeah, yeah.

And they doubled my salary to 100,000. But the show got kicked off the air before the paperwork was signed. So yeah, I lost that. That was heartbreaking. That was when we got kicked off the radio in 2002. But yeah, I had just signed to double the money and the paperwork hadn't gone through yet.

Canceled a Juliet Terrace. Yeah, oh no. This is a dead-throwing white trash I have. I was paying 300 bucks a month. Florentine was my roommate and his girlfriend, so we split a $900 rent three ways. And there was mold on the wall. Have you ever seen that video?

It's called Jim Norton Cribs. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. Black mold. It's disgusting. So I'm like, I can't afford a place now in New York. So I got a two-year deal. They double my money. And I got a two-year rent for $2,300 a month. So I went from $300 a month to $2,300 a month.

OK. And five months in, we get fired. And I'm fucked. So thank God for tough crowd that really yeah Yeah, then tough crowd ups and downs baby. Yeah fucking well. Oh, yeah. Yeah, have you ever had a credit card cut up in front of you? No, but I did because I'm financially savvy There were these escorts that used to accept credit cards And I would go there and always pay by credit card and wouldn't you believe it that all of a sudden

My credit card numbers get stolen fraudulent charges $10,000 on each card and back then I was making no money So I had to call the credit card company and they're like, where did you spend it? And I'm like on a prostitute I told them You're not I'm single I don't care. This is not my charges 100,000 $10,000 on each card. So so I just that took me two years to straighten out fucking worst Shit, yes, like how they remember. I'm gonna put that down as a yes

They didn't actually cut it up sure yeah you ever have a fucking credit card jizzed on and the numbers stolen all right same same oh God um Don and the number stolen all right same same oh god um do you put your shirt on then deodorant or deodorant then the shirt great question I would say Jim this morning because I did think of that today after the gym I usually go home and shower but I was coming here so I showered at the gym and I put my deodorant on first and then my shirt but I don't like doing that because a lot of times, as you know, you pull it down and get that fut on the side. That's fatter guy, that's bigger body stuff.

Yeah, but also, Carol, sometimes after a shower, your shirt sticks to you because there's a sheen on your body. Mm-hmm, almost. So what I like to do is I have to hold it out and then wrap it around and lower it. Sure. Or I like to just do the shirt first, great question.

I use white deodorant now and I still never have that problem I never get anything on me maybe you put your shirt on you always stretch it out over your pits when you do it yeah that's right good kit we got talk about pushy who does she does you do because I got a little surprise for you what's that I got it all hooked up at the house Yeah, my butthole is a whistling. Yeah screaming me clean as a whistle gang Toshi But day hooks up to the toilet. What are you doing with the wipes with the toilet paper? You're killing yourself get a nice fresh clean in there. Give your asshole a shower. Mm-hmm with Toshi

Yeah, as the big man said they were nice enough to send it to us. And it's it's a we got them here in the studio. It's a proper game changer. It's one of those things where you're like, how was I walking around like that? With just dirt, dirt, poo on my butt. It's crazy. It's easy. Set up. You can do it anywhere. It's fan friggin. Tastic clean water, right?

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$45 upfront payment is required which is the equivalent of $15 a month new customers on a first three months plan only speed Slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan additional taxes fees and restrictions apply see met mobile for details do it What's the shower like at the gym single or he's like a big stall with a couple of guys? No, no, it's hedonism. The ripping in the tear. Yeah, yeah, there's no, it's a bunch of individual showers with like a plastic shot shirt. And there's so many guys going in and out like I don't I very rarely shower there. I usually

go home. But like I said today, I do. If we came over to the house right now and we asked for a glass of water, what would you what would you be giving us? I'd be giving you a I mean a glass or a cup or like would it be a bottle? It would be out of the zero Water filter we have something called a zero water filter reverse osmosis. What's that? I don't know some rich guys No, this one takes all the all the metals and stuff out of it. OK.

And there's a little thermometer on it where you can measure. Like, if you put it in water and hit the button, it tells you, like, it gives you a number, like, 41. Like, that's how many metal per million. And then you do it with zero water, and you put the thermometer, and it's zero. So it takes out a lot of stuff. Yeah.

What's the cost on a zero there? The cost is it is now is this the one attached to your sinker is this like a Brita? No, it's a big a big one with two filters in it standalone. Yeah And alone it's a standalone think that is reverse osmosis is that what that is? I don't know could be He also went to New Brunswick High School No, New Brunswick was kind of the hood high school north bronzer well reverse osmosis went to New Brunswick High School No, New Brunswick was kind of the hood high school North Brunswick Reverse osmosis went to New Brunswick. It is I believe it's reverse osmosis that it's around five hundred dollars. Okay? Okay, so that's what we're getting there. How about the ice cubes? What's the ice cubes? The ice cubes are made by the refrigerator So but I do think it goes through a filter. Yeah. yeah, yeah. But I'll be happy to get you some.

It's not as bad as tap water, but it's not as good as zero water. Freezer in the bottom? Two freezers. Two? Yeah, we have a sub-zero. You open a nice fridge, freezer number one, and then freezer number two. Whoa. Yeah.

Sub-Zs over at Norton. Yeah, it's a good fridge. I wanted a good fridge. What was the honeymoon? Did you do a honeymoon? No, we just got married because she came into the country, so we got married within 90 days. Gotcha. Did the same thing. Yeah, no honeymoon yet. We just travel whenever we want. Sure, good. Doing your thing.

The dog, we won't be able to. Will you bring a pillow from the bedroom out to the couch if you want to lay down and watch TV or whatever not often? But if I'm gonna sleep there are times I have done that she does it more than me cuz she's been sleeping in the living Room because of the puppy which is great cuz that's just me alone with a sock in my bedroom. Finally having some alone time Like you're on the road again But yeah, once in a while I will My couch is really big and something a cloud couch so you can get comfortable on it gotcha

We ever bring a pillow on a plane from the house no But I used to bring one when I was opening for dice in 97 my first gigs I would bring a pillow in my checked luggage like a total rookie what but now I wouldn't so I'm so scared of bed bugs I'm afraid I'm gonna get bed bugs on my pillow, so no I don't bring any any bedding did he know you were checking a pill you're checking a pillow in your check luggage I mean, I I don't know. No, I don't think so. I began doing carry-on shortly after This guy's checking bags, yeah whole crew up Man, but you learn fast you learn fast. Don't check your bag. I mean don't whole crew up. Man. But you learn fast.

You learn fast. Don't check your bag. I mean, don't check the bag. I know. I've been there. When you brush your teeth, will you walk around a little bit or do it right at the sink? I don't move, but the psychopath that I'm married to brushes her teeth. She'll take the toothbrush.

She walks into the bedroom. She'll lay on the bed on her back with her feet up in the air, like in baby position. It's the most batshit crazy. I don't know. I'd like to ask every uncle she has. There's a reason. I don't know what it is. But she literally lays on her back and like brushes her teeth like that with her feet up in the air bent. Like a cat getting petted or a dog getting petted. Me, I stand there. I have an electric toothbrush.

I stand there. I don't move. His and her sinks, I assume? Yes. OK. Gentlemen. Yeah. I like it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like my own sink. And you're flossing every day. I do. I floss most days. Once in a while, I forget. But we have a lot of floss there. And I do get complimented on my gums by the dentist.

Very good. Thank you. Well, you swim at a hotel pool? Sure, I do get complimented on my gums by the dentist. Very good. Thank you. Will you swim in a hotel pool? Sure, I don't care. Yeah. Absolutely. I mean, I went to Brazil and fucked without condoms. I'm not scared of a hotel pool.

I'll drink it. It wasn't more of the germs. It was, do you enjoy it? Oh. Do you enjoy it as much as Brazil? You gotta bring Rio into this. So yeah, when I'm in my swimming things, I'll do it, sure. But my exercise has gotten, I've been doing, I work out a few days a week, but I haven't

been exercising like with cardio. I just kind of, I don't know, I would if I was back to doing that. Okay. When you said you take a shower at the gym, do you got flip flops on? Always. Okay. So you're worried take a shower at the gym. Do you got flip-flops on always? Okay, all worried about athletes foot hundred percent that gym. Yeah always where now Where's that did you bring the flip-flops with you? You got a locker there? I have them with me. I travel with them I bring a bag with me and I bring it to radio in the morning and I write to the gym

So when you were banging in Rio raw dog, did you have flip-flops on I did not that's the funny part I know I did you know what we were in on? I did not, that's the funny part. Oh no, I did, you know what? I don't want to get icky toes. Yeah, it really is. I can say it's fine, it's fine. And a cattle get it. We uh. Mr. Norton, you have icky toes.

Yeah, I would actually, we did, they gave you in this, what they call a termis, in the whorehouse in Brazil called the Monte Carlo and So fancy and Yeah, I was in there with Patrice and we were just we were wearing our flip-flop We went every day me Keith would do a hundred milligram Viagras and then just going to this place hundred milligram Viagras all over the counter stroke That's too much by I stroke. Yeah, I was just thinking that as I said. That's why it's too much Viagra. I'm not checking out the sights.

They're going to Fogaday Chowers. Well, we did that one night. We would see the sights in the taxi on the way. 100 milligram Viagra. 100 milligrams a night and just going. Three, four girls a night. It was crazy. It was crazy.

Yeah. Yeah, it's like the most famous brothel in Brazil. There was another one, too. I forget what it was crazy. It was crazy. Yeah. Yeah, it's like the most famous Brothel in Brazil. There was another one too. I forget what it was called But the Monte Carlo there was cops going there like it was there was security I mean you had a locker there was no cash exchange like they had a whole system Is it only Google business? Tons of articles are written about it Carmelo Anthony alleged accidentally went there So did Jim me too. I actually I had a residency there. I Thought it was money crystal. I was talking for a sandwich

I like the Swiss cheese Yeah, we spent a lot of nights there Okay, huh, are you guys still not going to remember we talked to you? You're not big on the cooking. Is she cooking now at all or? She makes great stew and she makes Norwegian food, which I don't like at all. A lot of fish, right? Yeah, and it's not good, but she's a good cook when she wants to.

If it's something she likes, something she can eat, she cooks. Me not at all. So you're doing takeout? Or you're going out? A lot of, or yeah, I order these meals, like these Whole30 meals. It's a diet that I do. So twice a week, these pre-made meals come in. We got this great egg.

It's like an egg grill outside. Sure. Oh, the green John's. Yes. OK. And I just don't use it. I have a little Weber I want to throw out and then use this one. But I'm so bad at getting started

Do you say green John? The green the green eggs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I gotta learn to cook on it. Okay, that's a goal So you go home tonight. What are you gonna do? What's today today's usually I'll go home We'll see what the dogs up to with the vet and I will do we have dinner plans tonight Nice dinner just you two or another no we got invited to rouse that place in rail rail Oh, sorry, oh, yeah, yeah fucking Jim Norton Jesus. I've never been there My friend knows somebody who has a table there everyone says it's amazing. Yeah, have you been no

There everyone says it's amazing. Yeah, have you been no? Can't even get to fucking Applebee's in midtown I wish I had gone last night so I could come in and discuss. Oh, what a wonderful that in our face But we're looking forward to that and then tomorrow. I'll just do spots Wow there you go Right, right. Oh, that's a fucking I know They had to accept you can't say no you can't say no Norton has really turned it around. I'll tell you that I have I think so Unbelievable yeah, this is a fucking this might be the first time that we had a legit Garbage to fucking this kids all class now you think I've really upped my game What are you talking about?

Terris not even the money just how you're handling it what you're doing with it. You got the dog You're going to ray out a nice car. I do have a decent car but my lease is up in February. I don't know if this will knock me back down into the trash bin but my lease is up in February and I'm probably going to get a much cheaper car

because it's a waste of money. Sure. What are you going to get your thing? What are you eyeing up? You got a Mercedes now, right? No, no, no. Right now, I have a BMW X6. I had a Mercedes last time but X6 I lease and the garage is

expensive so I want to get like cheaper garage I don't drive enough. You know you're watching the building No, unfortunately, no the old they don't have one my old and on the block it closes at midnight I don't want to fucking curfew. Yeah, I gotta get home. Yeah Garage guys gonna be pissed So I gotta go like three blocks and then park it and walk. He's standing there in his robe waiting for you. Where have you been?

So, yeah, that's a garage in the building. I had that in the Trump building, which was, I mean, you can't do better than that. Yeah, that's I mean, that's the I mean, that's the epitome of making it. You got a fucking garage in a building. They had security. Like you would order food and security would walk the food guy up.

Not your guests, but if you have like a food order, there was a guy in a coat. You know this motherfucker? He would walk up and stand at the end of the hall while security did it, just where they couldn't mess around in the building. Whoa. Yeah. Tight ship. Bruce Willis used to live in the building.

No kid. Steven Tyler. Yeah, there was some good residents. Did you ever see them? I saw Bruce Willis once or twice, the building no Steven Tyler. Yeah, there was some good resonance. Did you ever see them? I saw Bruce Willis once or twice and I shot a scene with him in that Kevin Smith movie Cop out okay door. Yes. I had one scene with Bruce and he was people everyone said he was very difficult and Kevin didn't like him But I had a good moment with him because I told him oh yeah We live it to any so when he knew that we were in the same building, he was very nice to me. He was like, oh you're, yeah.

You don't want to be a dick to a guy you're gonna see in the fucking mailbox. Yeah. You gotta get to Taco Bell delivery. Yeah. All right. I mean, yeah. This is, I was not expecting this.

He's very meticulous, very well thought out. Which you've always been. Sure. And you've always been. Sure. And you've been doing well for a long time, but man, when you really compare the childhood and the beginning to this. Will you do socks and then pants or pants and then socks? When you get dressed. Socks first because I don't like to have to roll up the bottom part of my trouser.

That I got from my Habadash My chinos I don't want to wrinkle the bottom of my trouser putting on a sock What are you sleeping in? We might have asked you before what are you sleeping in now nude straight nude? Totally nude unless I am on the road. I hate boutique hotels. I Hate a boutique hotel chain You like if you marry out marry up because the bedding is comfy and cool and great and they don't overdo it with starch. I hate these places that like try because the sheets are itchy so I'll wear a t-shirt and have very soft skin.

Don't be shy. Holy shit. What's that? Kiehl's? Get in on that. I mean, that's soft. I mean, I do appreciate it. Like a puppy's belly. So I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I mean, I mean, I mean, I can't get in on that. I mean, that's I mean, so it really I mean, I'm a puppy's belly.

Yeah. So I I get itchy very easy. So I like to have a nice a nice soft sheet. The Marriott chains, anything that's Marriott. I'll stay in boutique hotels. I'll take a courtyard Marriott any day. What's a boutique? What do you say, like an a loft or something like that Johnson the downtown a weird name like you know the st. Marie yeah that older shit I'm assuming you don't like

when the when the toilet and the and the shower are like in the same room no I don't mind that same room but like you know I'm talking about like at the Tommy oh no so like some of these real small new cool hipper things are like uh the whole bathroom is kind of tiled yeah and then the toilet is kind of in the shower and the sinks outside of the door i've never seen that yeah he's not slumming it here's what i don't like here's the boutique hotel he stayed at the Thompson when he goes down to Austin he's staying at the Tommy i know but the rid with the four seasons where you want to stay in Austin. We did once on points.

That's a great. And they knew we didn't belong. We shared a room. When you open and close, like a boutique hotel giveaway is they have those barn doors that slide along tracks to open and close. The bathroom. Yes, I hate it.

OK. And a lot of times, there as hardwood floors and not carpets I hate them so much. Do you have any like any any look? He's loving this yeah around on my dime An RC is where I'd prefer to stay a Ritz-Carlton horse very nice. Yes Okay, never stay at the Plaza here in the city for shits and gigs? I have not. No. Let's do it this weekend. I'll stay at the Plaza. The three of us.

You know, I've stayed in only like one or two hotels ever in New York. I've been in a lot of them. Fair enough. Yeah. Someone's back in town. Got to go say hello. But no, I don't know if I've maybe once or twice I've stayed in a hotel in New York. I can't the best hotel ever say that probably the Bel Air in It's not it's such it's just a comfortable perfect hotel in in Bel Air I've stayed there once my wife and I get invited to Sharon Osborne birthday party a few years ago

You have such a wild just history. It was such a great life. You're talking about Forklift 20 minutes ago. But we got. I don't want to be back when that ramp, the wood was rotted. So I'm there with Sharon Osborne. But I'm saying that like,

because it was such a special thing. Like I'm like, let's get a great hotel and like let's just do it up. Let's have a great weekend in LA. So we stayed there for like three, it's unbelievable. I mean, well, it's well worth it. You like a hotel breakfast? I do. I confess. I like a nice You got me. I like I am guilty. Guilty is charged. I like a fine hotel breakfast. I

enjoy a crumpet every once in a while. I do. And they bring in the little treats. I mean, who am I to say no? What do you do with room service? Oh yeah, I will. I like a nice 24-hour room service. The Ritz has that. Sure. I was just in Chicago. I stayed at the Trump Hotel. Nice. Where did you stay when we were in D.C.? When I was in D.C., I stayed. It was in a Marriott property that they were paying for, but it was a very nice hotel. Like it was, you know, like there was a mall attached to it, Starbucks. I mean, it had everything.

I'm not crazy like that. Like I'll stay in a nice, just a nice Marriott's all I need, yeah. Well, I mean, we'll jump up to a nicer one when we have the points and it's just me and him because we travel with like a team when we go on the road. So it's usually- It's our anniversary or something.

Yeah. If I know he's gonna put out. We'll use points to upgrade to something nice. Do you have any tips or tricks or things, hacks that you do when you get into a hotel, like I close the windows, you know, like seal the blinds or anything? Anything you do to set up to get how you like it? Here's what I do.

It's not glamorous. I take the thing for the luggage out of the closet Can I put my luggage on that never on the bed because I'm paranoid about bed bugs And I take all my clothes out and I'll maybe put them on top of the dresser I don't fuck with the drawers or I'll actually leave them in the suitcase I I'm very white trashy in a hotel, but it's purely a bed bugs issue I mean, I don't even I've never used that thing I go right on the other bed or Even that desk I'll put my luggage on the bed never I've never used that thing I go right on the other bed or no never desk

I'll put my luggage on the den never I would never put my luggage on a desk Maybe yes, but not not the the bed. I did stay recently in a fine hotel I used the drawers in certain places. I'm like you're probably getting fancy gyms In certain places, I'm like you're probably getting fancy Jim. Yeah. Yeah, this is snooty nose-in-the-air Jim fresh I like it fresh from the gymnasium Flex that muscle baby, but I feel like yeah, but if the hotel is good I'll use the drawer like we I forget the place in LA we say that that was really nice Like when they wanted when a hotel wants to rope you in a lot of times They'll upgrade you the first time you're there and then like never had yet. They do not want us coming back

Where's those vending machines dog Yeah, no, I like I like when I walk into the lobby. I like when they go welcome mr. Norton like I like that I'm a piece of shit. I want the white tea oil that they have in there like the smell that I do fancy hotel. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. I want I want all borderline worship from the staff Are you taking any of that stuff home with you taking any of the lotions or the soaps or anything? No, but I did marry a hotel thief. I'm married We have stuff from hotels all over the world a book that was in like the fucking some Italy hotel What are you doing a book? She stole a book. I didn't

Yeah, you guys are Bonnie and Clyde you're all in together dog. I don't know what to tell you Yeah, but I don't know it's there until we actually walk in the house and like what the fuck is this? She's like oh I got a note down. I got it from the hood. Yeah, she stole it. Yeah, huh? So no, I don't take anything. I mean Okay, this has been I mean this is a turnaround. All time. The comeback of all comeback. All time turnaround. Well, thank you.

Fucking classiest guy in New York. You got dinner at Rayo's. Jim Norton, everybody. Well, thank you very much. Goddamn terrorists. Yes, I appreciate that. It makes me feel like I've been working hard since the last time. And I felt like I presented myself as absolute garbage juice.

Yeah. Like that cuncti collects at the as absolute garbage juice. Yeah. Like that collects at the bottom of the bag. Sure. And I said, I wanted to turn it around. And I wanted to, you know. What do you think of getting after the Beamer, though? What would the new lease be? Oh, right.

Wouldn't be anything fancy. It's simply something that's good in the snow and the rain. Four wheel drive. Sensible car. A Jeep, maybe? Maybe something a lot less expensive. An Audi. Hmm, maybe. Depends on the price, because my contract is up.

So again, we have to be. You're not going like, they will work here or something like that, right? No, no, no, no, no. Maybe not a RAV4. That's about to reverse my decision. No, no, no, I understand that. But like, again, a lot of times the fancier people

have very Smart vehicles very economical. I've just noticed that a lot of the times the best people have a very average car Because they don't want to showcase their wealth and success now And you are you gonna go or do you send the help to go? Testing it for my friend. He's very big. He eats a Rayo's this guy. I will test it, but when I got it at Mercedes, they actually drove it to my house. BMW did not do that. It was in the city. So they're like, well, yeah, you can be here till five. Come get it, Jerkoff.

Yeah, exactly. Don't bring your wife. We should be stealing shit. Yeah, exactly. Leave that fucking thief at home. Can you call the machine at the house? Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Jim at home. Can you call the machine at the house? Ladies and gentlemen, mr. Jim Norton. Thank you very much brand new podcast on YouTube that you have to check out Nikki and Jim Buddy told sword fight the podcast. Yes. What's that sword fight sword fights podcast? Oh, yeah, I thought it was Nikki That's the channel Nikki. I'm NYC. Okay. Gotcha. I love it. Thank you very much. I love you guys. Congratulations Yeah, man. Thank you. We love you. We can't thank you enough for coming in Jim Norton everybody. Thank you very much. I love you guys. Congratulations. Yeah, man. Thank you We love you. We can't thank you enough for coming in Jim Norton everybody. Thank you very much anything else you want to

The first time you ever did that really threw me off Well, I'm on the road doing gigs. Yeah, what yeah, where are you? Where you at? Just dropping this week? So where you at plug away? I mean I got before the end of the year Tarrytown and I also have Harrisburg, Pennsylvania then I got the mothership in Austin. I got Laconia, New Hampshire. I got Rhode Island. I got Hollywood. I got a bunch of places.

Seattle, Tampa. You shouldn't have men just be moving everywhere. Great. Love it. The legend Jim Norton, everybody. Kippy, what do you got for him? Guys, we're off the road for a little bit. New tour dates come in early next year.

We fucking love yous and we'll see you out there. Jim, we love you. Gang, we love you. We'll see you next week. Peace. Thank you, guys.