Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Jo Koy!

Episode Date: September 19, 2022

Kippy and Foley are with the hilarious Jo Koy! It's a fun one. Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Adam & Eve: https://www.adamandeve.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jean

Hey gang, let's talk about that middle-class famous tour, baby. Machi Machi. Getting bigger and better, and it just keeps rolling on, gang. It's a live stand-up comedy show, plus we played a little L.A.Y.G. with the crowd. As I always say, great way to introduce new people to the show. So grab the squad and come out and see us. Yeah, guys, in October, we're gonna be in Nashville, and then we're headed up there to Indy.

Then November, we're hitting Atlanta. Two shows added there. Then we're headed to Charlotte. We got Philly, two sold-out shows there. I apologize, you snooze, you lose. Then December, we're hitting Providence and Boston. Those are currently sold-out, but we're adding new shows. Stay tuned.

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage. A little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that they're good to be classy, or if they're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.

We're down here at Ann Tootie's basement. She just got back from the Eagles game, which took place about a week ago. So she's gonna be hung up for a little bit. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me, unamused this week. Swinging a miss on the Tootie gang. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He is an international businessman. He's not to be trifled with in the boardroom or the bedroom.

Give it up for KJ. Kevin James, Ryan, everybody. Hey, gang. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. As you know, those numbers are closing on 100,000 over there. Then, obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com slash Are You Garbage. Check it the fuck out.

Ooh, do us a favor. Check it out. We love them. Gang, have a nice quick shout out to our producer, Extraordinaire. The magic man makes us all look good. He works the ones and twos. He crosses the T's. He dots the I's. Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin.

Kobe McMullin, everybody. What up, dudes? Hey, T-Bone. This is sick. We got a dude who moves tickets like a football team in this match. Hey, guys. A little bit of star power over here. Kippy left me hanging on a Tootie looking asshole in front of Joe.

You'll pay for that later. I can pay you that. Gang, along here, right in line, we are so excited to have our incredibly special guest here with us today for the first time. He is a very funny, very successful stand-up comedian and actor. And let's not forget, international superstar gang. Got a little star power in the building. You might have seen him in, but not limited to.

Let's go. Showtime at the Apollo, Comic View, Jimmy Kimmel Live, Comedy Central Presents, Last Call with Carson Daly, Live at Gotham, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Comics Unleashed, The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore, At Midnight, The Late Show with James Corden, WTF with Mark Marin, Tiger Belly, Lights Out with David Spade, Good Morning America, Kelly Clarkson, The Tonight Show, The View, Anastasia, Mr. Iglesias, Ridiculousness. He has multiple stand-up specials out.

Hachi machi. Don't make him angry. Lights out, live from Seattle, coming in hot in his elements. He's also the star of the brand new movie Easter Sunday and has a brand new Netflix special out right now that you got to check out live from the forum in Los Angeles. Ladies and gentlemen, the one, the only, Jokoi, everybody. Thank you. I butchered that a little bit.

Oh, I loved everything. That was great. Wow. Thank you, buddy. Thanks for coming, man. I didn't even stop. I didn't know I did. You don't remember Live at Gotham?

Comic View. That wasn't me. What are you talking about? No, I loved Comic View. That was that's one of my favorite things. Yeah. Yeah, that's one of those things that I, yeah, I love that. Now, that whole experience was incredible.

When was that? As far as stand-ups. I was like 98. Damn, it's old school. Yeah. All right. Yeah. I like it.

Give us the backstory. Where are you from? How'd you grow up? Lay it all on us. Give us the origin story of Jokoi. So where I'm from is everywhere. I was born in Masawa, Japan. OK.

Dad was military. Lived in the Philippines for six years. US military. US military. Gotcha. Air force. OK. We went from Japan to Illinois to to the Philippines

to Tacoma, Washington, and then to Las Vegas, Nevada. All right. And that was all before what age? I moved to by the age of 18. Really? That was in 18 years, yeah. But that's military life. That is.

That was hardcore military life because that was like, you know, that's after Vietnam. And, you know, it was just, yeah, it was just it was a tough time. What did he do for the Air Force? He was a cargo. I don't know how to say it, but he's the one that ships. He's the one that stocks the cargo planes for, like, like war. Gotcha.

And if not war, then to supply bases. You know what I mean? My dad is amazing at packing shit. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie, man. Get 19 sandwiches and one brown paper bag. And packing. Not knowing that.

A road trip. Putting groceries in a trunk. Like it's an art. It's an art. And yeah, and I know I'm not going to lie. I got that from him in his DNA and I'm good at it too. That's pretty. And was it military bases that you were on?

Yeah, military bases. And then, you know, when my dad started earning his stripes, he was able to get extra money to live off base. OK. So that was kind of cool. But it was also like the downfall of the family. All right. So that's about it.

Oh, Matt. Did you go to school on the bases as well? Or were you going to public school? You know, like it's so hard to explain to like my son and this generation of how difficult that lifestyle is. I can imagine. You know, it's almost like kind of like a weird propaganda state.

You know what I mean? It was kind of like, you know, you watch censor television. You didn't question it. You know, you're watching old Wimbledon matches because, you know, they had to make sure that, you know, things aren't said. And, you know. Wait, really?

On the floor. This is coming from the Americans. Yeah. Because, you know, when you're overseas, you know, you know, you think about it. You're just post war right now. Yeah. All right.

So so it's. Yeah. What years are we exactly talking about here? When I was living in the Philippines, it was like in the 70s, you know. OK. You know, so and then in Japan, it was like 71, 72. So think about that, you know, and then my dad's wife

is Filipino. And, you know, so. Yeah, I really remember those times. Damn, that's hardcore. Yeah, that's wild shit. Yeah. Like, no one really knows it. Like, you don't really know it until you're until you like

until like you speak it like right now. I didn't really think about it until now until you you're asking me these questions. But it's like, yeah, that that's how it was back then. I remember watching old. I think I watched. I think her name was Natalie Natalia Navratilova. I think that's her name.

She was Martina Navratilova. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and Chris Everett. It was it was a Wimbledon final. I think I watched that 25 times. What? Well, they just keep replaying it. This was four years ago. Then I would act like it was brand new every time.

As a kid, because you just wanted to one, you didn't want to watch what off base people were watching because you didn't understand it. You know, you know, sure. And then you want to watch American TV because you miss America. You you miss seeing people that like that. That's culture.

Yeah, you miss it. So but then it's censored. So Hogan's heroes knows three companies company. No, Duke's a hazard. Nothing like that. No, it was more like Sesame Street. Damn, was there Duke's a hazard? I know.

No. And where would you guys eat? Would you be eating on the base? Yeah, the base is foreign. The base was fun. You know, you it's everything. No, no tax. Uh-huh.

Going to the, going to the commissary was fun. You know what I mean? Because it was like, that's where you got to buy American food. Sure. You know what I mean? It's not. Yeah, it was cool. It was it was cool to get chips ahoy, you know, especially back

then now everything's like now there's this thing where everything's opened up and, you know, that sure they get the foods that that we have now that now they have they have a Popeyes in the Philippines now. You know what I mean? So but back when I was a kid, they didn't have McDonald's. They didn't have any of that stuff. You ate at the cafeteria. You're at the base.

You're at the base exchange with like the regular Air Force guys. Yeah, that's why. Yeah, they didn't have that stuff. They didn't get that stuff yet. And the school like your elementary school would be all kids like other. Yeah. So like that's why I didn't understand what racism was because I did it because it was mixed kids.

You know what I mean? Like when when Tiger Woods came on to the scene in 1991, was it? Like everyone was going crazy. Oh my God, he's half Asian, half black. And I'm like, yeah, OK, so was all my friends. Yeah, that's all you know. That's half the base. So it's like that's a really good point.

You know, and then I'm half white, half Philippine. It's like, yeah, I didn't understand what that was because we lived in such a bubble. Sure. You know, living on base is a bubble. And like we we that I we just knew about each other's cultures because we were all it was like a melting pot. What did your dad meet your mom?

You met him. God, he met her overseas and I think in Vietnam where he was working. Yeah. So your mom, your mom's Filipino and your dad's white white. Yeah. Gotcha. So there you go. So then that probably happened a lot and that got the mixed culture on the base.

Yeah. Damn, that's old school, man. Seventies. Very old school. And yeah, it's just like you you respect everybody's hustle back then. Yeah. You know what I mean? And and yeah, so it was a different lifestyle.

It was a different culture. And how old are when you guys got to the US? When I finally got to the US, I was, oh, man. Well, I lived in Illinois for three years. So from like from like in between all this. Yeah, from one to four, I was in Illinois. And then from four to like 10, I lived in the Philippines. You're in the Philippines.

And I remember everything about the Philippines. Sure. Probably not much of Illinois, right? One, the four barely. Yeah. But you know, you weren't an American anymore. Well, I was traumatized in if you want to get if you want to get deeper, do you want to have fun in this conversation?

Because we go to the boat. Yeah, I like it. Well, my brother, you know, my that's when my brother started having his episodes of schizophrenia. So OK. So that happened in Illinois. And I remember all of that vividly older brother, my oldest brother, Robert, OK, who I never really talked about, OK, until just recently when

my book came out. Gotcha. Um, so, you know, now I'm free to talk about it. Plus, you know, we live in a time now where people are open about mental health therapy, whereas, you know, when I was a kid, you get therapy. You're crazy and you didn't tell anybody you got therapy or, oh, you don't want to tell anybody that you have someone with schizophrenia. You don't want to say that they were censoring what's happening.

I can imagine how they were with mental health. Yeah, man. Jesus Christ. I imagine having a brother like, you know, like it was a I hate. I hate even saying this like it hurts me to even say this. But like, you know, when people go, you have any siblings, I would just go, I have a sister. I have my sister, Gemma, my sister, Rowena, and I never say Robert.

OK, because I knew it just it wasn't that I was embarrassed of him. I love Robert. I love Robert. He's alive. But it's just I didn't know how dark that was going to get. Yeah, but it's just, you know, as a kid, you know, once you say you have a brother, they want to know where he lives. Well, why is he at school?

How old is he? And then it then it ends up in the hospital. He's got this. Did he go to the Philippines with you guys? Yeah, he did. So he was he was with him in the house. Yeah, he was in there. It was troubling times then to a lot of cops.

A lot of, you know, a lot of black guys, not on him. Military police, too. Yeah, and he fought all of them. You know, I watched that one movie. God, what was it with with Bruce Willis and were the guys crazy? He had multiple personalities. And I apologize for saying crazy. Oh, God, what is it?

You're the jackal, right? No, no, you're talking about split split. And oh, shit. So I watched split and I, man, I'm telling you I I wanted to cry almost because I understood that one that but but as a guy that has a brother that has schizophrenia and I've seen what he did, I I know that's a movie depiction of someone that has schizophrenia like him throwing somebody against the car and they fly 25 feet.

But when you're five and six and you see your brother fight six cops, that's what you see. Yeah, you see a superhero like he was unbreakable. And when he turned, when he turned like that, like, are you kidding me? My brother was fucking, you don't want to touch my brother's tiny, like maybe 140 and he'll fight all of us at the same time and beat the fuck out of all of us. I remember my brother was getting his ass kicked by these two cops in my

bedroom, right? And just fucking pound the back of his head because he won't put the cuffs on him. My brother was like, you're gonna get those cuffs on me. You're gonna get two fucking cuffs on me. I was like, God, I imagine a kid seeing that. Where was this? That was in the Philippines.

Damn. Well, no, no, no. That was in Tacoma, Washington. Okay. Yeah. So they were watching. Military police or regular police? That was regular police.

Regular police. Yeah. That was Tacoma, Tacoma PD. So I was a little older. I think I was like, like 12 or so. So when you started getting, when did you come back to the U.S. from the Philippines? Was that the last place?

When I was like 10, 11. And then you were here until, until you left high school. Then we just stayed here. Yeah. And in Tacoma, were you guys on a military base or were you guys off campus? Off base. Okay.

So now you were starting to get a little bit more. But still military, military area. Military community. Lot of military. Yeah. Gotcha. Was that public school or was that still? Yeah.

And the cool thing about that is you went to public school. Yeah. So it was more fun. It was more like, we're Americans. Plus regular TV snacks, all that stuff. We were loving it. You probably, you gotta go nuts. I must go awesome.

And my brother had American drugs. It's just kind of worse. Oh, American street drugs. Bro, the minute we landed. I think you met American Medicaid. You hit Senator Nye. Oh, no, no, street drugs. The minute we landed, check this shit out, man.

The minute we landed in America, they didn't have a house for us yet. So they put us in like this, like this motel, but a fancier motel, you know what I mean? Sure. Family of five to sleep in. Jesus. Right.

And this military. And the minute we landed, my brother fights my dad. And it's just a bunch of cops. And just the minute we landed, and did not stop. Did not stop. So like, yeah, like whenever I think about Tacoma, I love it. I love Washington.

And everyone always asks me, you know, isn't that your hometown? I go, yes, but it's also like. You got a lot of memories there. Yeah, I always talk about the Philippines. And I always talk about Vegas. And then kind of like Tacoma is like this little blur for me. I love it, you know what I mean?

But it was it was a lot of loneliness. It was a lot of that rain just made you depressed. Sure. Yeah. Vegas, it was a little bit better. Yeah, because we had money. You know, my mom and dad divorced in Tacoma. So it was kind of just my mom dealing with my brother.

But no disrespect to my dad. My dad, even though that's not his real son, that's from her first marriage. He got a lot going on here. Yeah, man, I got a story, man. I like it. I had no idea. Yeah.

But I will say this, man. And this just happened recently, too. Like when my brother goes missing, my dad finds out. That's a good. Yeah, that's awesome. So when you moved to Vegas, who did you live with out there? My grandma, your grandma. So what age was that ballpark?

High school. So right out of high school in 1989. Your parents split up. Oh, they were already split up when we moved to. My dad was already moved on to another state. So it's just my mom, basically. In Tacoma. Tacoma, yeah.

So you guys basically stayed and your dad moved on. Yeah, he would stay in Tacoma for a little bit. Then he got a job and then moved out of state. And yeah, so that's where that tension between my dad and I. But you know, my dad and I are best friends now. I love him. But that part of my life was really, really wound up. And all I know is my mom, which she went through and dealing

with my brother and dealing with that. But every time he's in the hospital, you'll see my dad signature. Goes in season. That's good. That's awesome, man. That's solid. So yeah.

There we have it. This was fun. Good night. I'm garbage. Take a seat. And they're looking good so far, I got one. So you go to Vegas and you move in with your grandparents. Does your mom go with you and everybody?

You're going to love this. So my mom, you know, she only has, after she gets a divorce, she only dates two guys, right? This one guy, I don't want to say his name. Yeah, please don't say his name. Yeah, he's a real dick. Yeah, Randy, you suck. Yeah, he was a dick.

And then she met this other guy, Fred. And Fred was the shit. Fred was a soldier. He was, you know, he, I'm saying was. He's still alive, by the way. He's still married to my mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone's dead, by the way, you guys.

I'm going to start crying over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Fred came into our lives in like 1986 or whatever. When I was, you know, yeah, 87. I was in high school and he was the first guy to throw my brother on the ground. That was the shit. Fred's six foot four West Virginia.

We're coming in. Yeah, he's six foot four West Virginia, Mountaineer, like for real Mountaineer, you know what I mean? Like I, I, I do a, I do this one joke. I'm not going to do it, but because that's cheesy, but he's, he's a mountain man. And, and I've never seen anyone fight my brother. And just when I thought we were getting away from my brother,

you talk about Fred, he's like, he was the greatest guy. I'm like, oh, he's taking you to the park. Yeah, vacation. Only got to get my brother in a like. Bro, I'm telling you, because my brother would always act up with my mom. Sure. So now she's dating Fred and we wake up to kicks

on the door and my brother kicks the door open. And here we go. Right. And my brother starts walking towards Fred and Fred six foot four, he's in his underwear and I'm standing by Fred. And he goes, bubba, I don't want no trouble, bubba. Come on now. Come on, bubba, just calm down, but let's talk, let's talk.

And Robert throws a punch and he literally just grabs him, throws him on the ground and lays on him. He goes, I'm a lay on you. I won't, I ain't going to punch you. I ain't going to do nothing. I'm just going to lay here. You won't get tired. I'm just going to lay here.

And he literally laid there and then he let him back up. He swung another punch, did it again, and then he kicked him out of the house through a punch. And and he was like, I was like, what? I'm like, I want you to marry my mom. It was the greatest thing I've ever seen. Hey, big guy, you're in. I'll tell you that right now.

Fred Harrison, man, to this day. That's my man right there. But that was still in Tacoma. That was Tacoma. So how did you take us to Vegas? So my pretty God, so it does. My brother Rob, the mom. The more I was going to say, you ever hear of Ocean 13?

Oh, I know somebody hit big at your red table or something. Yeah, yeah. So so you ready? I'm telling you, there's a bright light at the end of the tunnel. The plague hit real bad that year. No, I promise it changes here. It changes here. You guys want happiness in here.

It is. My grandmother gets diagnosed with kids. The good kind, the funny kind. Yeah, the kind that makes you smile. Right. So here we go. So she gets diagnosed with cancer. My mom goes, hey, I need to be with my mom because they gave her like six months. OK, literally.

So my mom left us. We just met Fred, but he just beat the shit out of my brother. And I think he's a superhero. And my mom's like, I love him. I'm going to marry him. Of course she is. And I want him to. And she leaves to be with my grandma.

She goes, finish your school year. Fred's going to take care of you guys. And I'm going to go take care of my mom and then you guys come. And she literally left us with this guy that we just met. And he was the greatest. I'm telling you, it was the best year of my life, man. Yeah, you're hanging out with a friend. And he knew sports. He loves sports.

He was a Lakers fan. I was a Sonics fan. He was a Dodger fan. I was a Mariners fan. Like it was just like this, this dude, this presence. And I was just, it was the best time, man. And yeah, and everything changed. And then we moved to Vegas and that's, you know, I finally.

Did Fred roll with you? Of course. Fred came with you. Fred's still in my life. That's where I stepped out. Yeah. So your mom and Fred are still together. Oh, yeah, they've been together forever. And they're in Vegas. They're in Vegas right now. Nice. Can't but talk about Adam and Eve.

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money and deliver tons of fun. Go to adamandve.com, select any one item, use Code Garbage. This offer is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to support our show and use Code Garbage to get 50% off and free shipping. Go to adamandve.com right now. Do it. Yeah. How does your grandmother get to Vegas from the Philippines?

If your dad met your mom in the Philippines? Yeah. My dad married my mom, not my grandma. No, I'm aware of that. Are you following the fucking story? You think my dad was popping two Filipino ladies at the same time? No, but I assume your grandmother was. Garbage, bro.

I assume your grandmother was in the Philippines. No, she has her own life. She met this other guy, and he was a great guy. And yeah, that had nothing to do with military or anything. Gotcha. Yeah. So your mom was in the. They met in the Philippines.

Gotcha. He was a business man that was in the Philippines. And then they moved to Vegas. Your mom was still in the Philippines and met your dad. Yeah. Gotcha. Well, they actually, I mean, it's a long story. She lived in Utah, and then he retired.

So things have been a long story. What do you mean? Yeah, I love it. And we're only five minutes in my life. You got to see the other 55 I have in store for you. Joe's going for the Oscar on this one. Yeah, you're going to love this shit. And I'm not thinking any of you guys.

Just my mom. And Fred. I don't even think any of these people exist, to be honest with you. They don't. This is an animation series I'm working on. It's a one-man show. He's working on it. This is a bitch.

What was the setup like in Vegas? What was the house? Who was all there? Life changing. There was sunlight. I finally got to see sunlight. Nice weather, yeah. Perfect weather.

24-hour basketball. Everything was 24-hour. The economy was booming. Steve Wynn started knocking down buildings. Everyone was getting rich. He didn't need to go to college. I had friends that just were making six figures, and they were in their 20s.

Doing ballet. Working in a casino. Just killing it. Money was flying around. Money was flying. And it was just a good time. So you're just out of high school. You moved to Vegas.

Things are popping in Vegas. Where do you start working at? I start working at the mall. You start working at the mall. Yeah. But I want to be a comic. OK. I have no intention to become a ballet attendant

or work the front desk. I didn't want any of those jobs that had security involved, that I knew I would be a nice guy from. Couple hundred tops to walk away from. Yeah, I knew for a fact I would be comfortable, and I wouldn't want to leave and content. So I always wanted to be on edge there. The hardest job to get was the Mirage Ballet.

That was huge, man. I mean, people were making, like, a quarter of a million dollars. Jesus. Yeah, and they're 20. I remember I had this one friend that had, he bought a house. He had one of those sea dudes. He had a truck with a trailer.

22, man. It's real new money. You're over at the sunglasses. Loaded. Yeah, exactly. I'm like, do you want shoe cleaner? Yeah. Because I get a dollar for every can of shoe cleaner I sell.

Oh, man. What was the story you were working at? I was working at Foot Locker. At Foot Locker. And then I went to Champs, and I remember my mom. Trader. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This guy's crossing the line, bro.

I remember when they would try to push that cleaner on us after you bought the sneakers. My mom would be like, get the fuck out of here with that. And they'd try and impress you with the water repellent. Put it on a napkin, and it would roll off. It worked on hats and stuff, too. Yeah, they always had some good stuff. And then you put it on your shoe, and your shoe got wet.

You're like, what the fuck did you sell me? It never fucking wet stuff. It never worked. It never worked. I know. And my mom. What year was this? If you don't mind me asking, it's like Foot Locker.

Like 89, 90. Damn, that's pretty prime time to be working on a Foot Locker. That's when Foot Lockers were banging back in, 1990. You had the stripes and everything? Uh-huh. Oh, and I had all the Js. I was J heavy. Where was there?

Put everything on layaway. To layaway stuff. Yeah, 20% down, dude. Good salesman? Horrible. Horrible salesman. Yeah, it was even worse. You were getting me moving some snakes.

No, no, no. I was bad. I didn't give a shit. I just, I wanted to quit. And I just wanted to stand up. Had you started at that time? Like even doing mics or anything, no. No, I was just calling.

I was calling this guy. Well, I was calling all the comedy clubs, like maybe twice a week, three times a week. And then it started getting worse and worse. And I would lie. Oh, I'm a comment. Can I go up? I'd love to open.

I got some stuff. Oh, I don't have a tape, but I'm funny. I would do all that shit. This is a completely different time for comedians, too. Yeah, this is when you had to submit tapes and stuff like that. And I would call the Riviera Comedy Club. Back then, that's what it was actually called. The Riviera Comedy Club.

And he was the one that answered the most. He would just love to talk to me. And then at the end, he would just be like, no, kid. Hey, I can't use you. Yeah, he literally talked like that. He was like, yeah, kid. Oh, and then I call him because I knew he'd pick up. And I just talk and talk and like use different voices.

Well, I'm here in town. Like if you need me, I would just lie. And then finally, he would just I think he just knew it was me all the time. And then what were the voices you were doing? I would do all kinds of way. I'm just a deep voice like you know, like showing off your impression skills or no, I was just trying to get no. I honestly thought I honestly thought the guy would be like, all right,

come down, kid. Come down. Let me see a five minutes. And then the one time he talked to me for a long time. He goes, hey, look, kid, look, I know what you. I know this isn't really Rodney Dangerfield. He goes up and he goes, he goes, he goes, look, he goes, look, kid. This is what you need to do. You need to go to Los Angeles and you need to go work those

stages, those rooms until you get tape. You need tape, OK? Like maybe the Tonight Show will see you get that tape. Once you get that tape, submit it to all the comedy clubs across the country. And that's how you're going to get booked. All right, kid. All right. And he goes, all right, don't call until you do all right. Thank you. All right, bye.

And I always tell the story, but that's Steve Sharipa. It was Steve Sharipa. Oh, shit. And and it's so funny because I didn't know that was Steve Sharipa at the time. And it wasn't until later on till I became a comedian. I found out that it was Steve Sharipa that ran the Riviera comedy. Wait, you're talking about Bobby Buckley? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really? Yeah, yeah. He ran that for a long time.

And then when I started an actor and then when I started like he was a comic, wasn't it? Or he was a comedy? Yeah. But he was he was really in tight with Drew Carey and Bobby Slayton and, you know, Robert Schimel and like he had those guys under his belt. And I would always go there and watch those guys. And and then it wasn't until later when I started blowing up my manager at the time knew Steve Sharipa and he found out he goes from Vegas. He goes, he goes, yeah, he goes, hey, did he used to call the Riv?

And then my manager at the time goes, yeah, he told me the story where he would always call the radio. I always call me. And so he goes, tell him I said, hi, man. That's cold. So yeah, that's a really cool story, man. But when you think about it, too, when I think I step back, it's like it's not like you were trying to get on like small. This was Las Vegas in the 80s.

You were you were really trying to jump a couple. Yeah, I was really trying. And by the way, calling Carson. Like, what are you doing tonight? Yeah, I want to open for Debbie Reynolds tonight. Yeah, yeah. If you don't mind, I heard Tom Jones. I just graduated high school. Why did my shift at Footlocker wraps up at 730?

I could be there by eight. Can I open? Sure can. After 930, when the mall closes. But yeah, that's all right. I, uh, yeah. And by the way, Vegas was a completely different ballgame. They they weren't booking anybody.

It was literally still rich, little short. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, it was it. They weren't opening. They didn't have open mics. Now they have that. It was like Wayne Newton and shit like that. You were trying to get in there in the mix.

That's crazy. But they didn't have anything like that. So yeah, it was it was hard to tell Kenny Rogers. I'm doing 10 before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got this masturbation joke. I wonder if anyone's heard it before. So in Vegas,

when you guys living in a house, we live in an apartment. We were living in an apartment right behind Balli's Hotel. Okay. It's a real shithole. Who was all in that apartment? All of us. The whole squad. The whole squad.

You know, it's a lot of people when he says a lot of them. Oh, it's all of us. Yeah, it was all of us. Well, your grandmother was in there with you. No, no, no. She was in the same apartment complex. Nice. But we were in the two.

We were in the three bedroom, two, like two streets down. Very cool. Yeah. Two pot got shot on the same street as mine. I told you it was going to brighten up. Sounds like a nice place. That's all right, though. That's a classy hit. Yeah.

Yep. Harming Harming in Flamingo. That's where we live. It's Harming in Flamingo is where he got shot. And we lived off of Harman right behind Ellis Island. That's exactly where he got shot. What's Ellis Island? That's a casino, like one of those really shitty.

It doesn't sound like a nice one. Ellis Island? Yeah, it's called Ellis Island Casino. What the fuck? Yeah. Right down the street from the gulag. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jesus, brighten it up a little bit.

Oh, it's not. What if Steve Wynn's taking over? I know. God, do I have a Steve Wynn story for you? I'll joke it. So there, my brother's beating him up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fred comes in.

Is that, can you see now, asshole? Oh, that's good. What was the grocery store that you guys went to when you lived there? Vons. All right. And where do you go now? I have it delivered. I'm rich.

Oh. No, I'm joking. We're gonna get into it. I lied. We're gonna get into it. I'm not. No. I don't go to groceries.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're probably going to deliver. I mean, that's not insane. Amazon's doing that for like three bucks. Yeah. Poor people can do that. I literally eat out every day. You do?

Yes. I like every day. Every day. We're here for breakfast this morning. I had a bagel with locks. Here? Locks. No, we went to Tom Tomskins or whatever it's called.

It's our favorite. When we're in New York, that's where we go for a bagel. What's it called? It's amazing. Tomskins Square Bagel. Square Bagels. Who knows? No, they're round.

I think they just call it Tomskins. Oh. It's a Tomskins Square? I don't know. I thought they were Square Bagels. It sounds like Kami Tomskins. As you can tell, when I said I go out to eat, I only do fine dining like bagels and cream cheese.

In Vegas, what was the name of your pizza spot? What was the name of your Chinese spot? Villa Pizza. Nice. Sounds good. And that was in the mall, across from the Foot Locker. That takes a couple of minutes away. Wait, if you were getting like a pie for the house,

you would go to Villa. But the guy said he was from New York. I make the Square Bagels. I'm telling you, man, Square Bagels and these kind of pizzas are from New York. So like Kippy said, if you guys were getting pizza at the house, would you have to go to the mall to get it? If I went what?

Like if you were getting a pizza, it was like pizza night. You were going to get a pie for the people in the apartment. It was Domino's. That's all right. That was the height of Domino's too, though. They were really banging back. Yeah, and they had to get it to your house 30 minutes or less. Yeah, remember that too.

Would you hold them to it? I'd turn off all the lights. Give them the wrong address. If they were 30 seconds before 30 minutes, I was going to pretend I wasn't home yet. If you see Tupac, you went too far. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about the Chinese spot in Vegas?

The Chinese spot back then was this place called. Oh, man, I can't remember the name of it. Oh, yep, I do. I do remember. Hold on. It's coming. God, it was so good too. Sam Wu, Bobby Q.

Ooh. That sounds all right. And I'm not even making it up. And they were known for their beef chow farm with gravy. It was phenomenal. That might be the best name we've got so far. That's pretty classy right there. I'll take a picture of it and send it to you.

That's great. Still open. And they were the first ones there. And now there's a Chinatown built around it, but they were the first ones there. Oh, God. And they knew it was going to be Chinatown too. They did, I swear.

I remember they built this big gate like an entrance as if you were going into Chinatown. Like Chinatown's had. I know exactly what I'm talking about. Oh, you know what I'm talking about? No, no, I know exactly when in Chinatown's where they have this big gate. And all it was was a commercial area.

It was like 10 restaurants. It wasn't a Chinatown. And we used to make fun of it. Like, oh, look, they're trying to make a Chinatown. It's legit Chinatown. It's the whole Spring Mountain block now. It goes all the way down for like a couple miles. That's awesome.

Yeah. What was the family car in when you guys were in Vegas? My mom had a Pontiac transport. Ooh, all right. Yeah, yeah. Not bad. Yeah, it was pretty hot. Did you have your own car?

I had my Volkswagen Rabbit with a moonroof. Do you know what a moonroof is? What is it? It's when the window doesn't open up top. So does anyone else want to try? That's exactly what a moonroof is. Does anyone want to take a stab at a moonroof? One more time.

It's just glass on top. It doesn't retract like a sunroof. You can maybe do the little clip thing and raise it up. Yeah, I guess you're right. Yeah, 100%. But a moonroof. I'm 100% right. But the moonroof had a handle.

And you could kind of open it. Oh, damn. That's old school. What color was it? It cranked, and then it kind of opened up. And that's what made it like a moonroof. Because you got to open it. Wait, it wouldn't go all the way down.

No, it would just have a rabbit. No, no, no. My bunny had a white rabbit. No, it wouldn't go all the way down. Yeah. No, your buddy had the Cabriolet. Yes, he did. Yeah, that's when you were rich.

That's when you were rich. They weren't. How about vacations? It was a family vacation. Never went on any. Never a vacation. Never a vacation. We were all broke.

Yeah. Gotcha. I remember going to Magic Mountain on my own dime. Was that a amusement park? Magic Mountain. Yeah, Magic Mountain in LA. OK. You were an adult.

Yeah. OK. But we never went on. Did you go by yourself? I went with my friend Peter. OK. Yeah. That's all right.

Yeah. If you went by yourself, that'd be helpful. Yeah, I wouldn't have said it. I would have lied, yeah. There was 100 of us there. I had so many friends. Growing up, did you keep batteries in the refrigerator? Yes.

Yeah. Do you still do that now? Is your older? No. No. No. But man, those batteries in the refrigerator. I don't think it works.

No, they didn't. Yeah, that doesn't do anything. Yeah, not at all. It's for crazy people. My parents did the same thing. They had them, and they put them in the crisper next to the lunch meeting stuff like that. Yeah, it didn't make any sense.

Mine was next to the eggs. Um, next to the eggs. Plastic covers on the furniture at the house in Vegas? No. My mom was anti that, which is weird, because all of her friends did. Did it. So it didn't make sense.

So maybe I got that for my mom. How about shoes off in the house? Of course. Shoes off in the house? Yeah. That's a must, and everyone should do that. I don't even know why that's even a question. It's absolutely disgusting.

Hey, you remember why you don't like to take your shoes off? No, we keep them on. You keep them on? In your apartment now? Oh, not in the apartment. No, but at home. At your parents' house, you still keep your shoes on? Yeah, we keep them on in the house.

OK, so this is why I'm going to say this to you. Go ahead. Yeah, tell them, Joe. Right when I got here, I said, can I use your bathroom? What did you say? Yeah, it smells. I apologize. Because of the leak, and it's covered in piss.

Yeah. I wore my shoes in there. And when we go to your parents' house, we leave them on. Yeah. So you're going to put his feet on the coffee table, too. You're tracking piss all over your parents' house. I like this. I like this theory.

I like this. He got me on that. Yeah, and that's why we take our shoes off. He got me on that. It's piss. If you were going to have guests over for dinner, would you make them take their shoes off? Of course.

Really? Don't get my house. Wow. It's my house. OK, all right. You wouldn't? I think dinner is a little different, because people are getting dressed up to come over.

Bye-bye. You're going to fuck my place down. This guy rules with an iron fist. Your place now. We come over for dinner. You're having a little dinner party. Yeah. Us, a couple other celebrities.

Yeah. We got to take our shoes off. Of course, yeah. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. OK. Is there anybody? If somebody was like, I'm not comfortable,

what would you say? OK, I'll go like that. OK, OK. Say, I'm not comfortable. I'm not comfortable. OK. OK. And then walk away.

And then have a bye. Bye. Have a nice day, man. Go get comfortable. Yeah, go get comfortable. Go get comfortable at home. Go get comfortable, man. OK, all right, I like that.

Yeah. Do you floss every day? Yes, twice a week. Twice a day. Twice a day. Twice a day. What about what's your mouthwash situation? Listerine blue.

Really? Yeah, by the way, I'm not. I'm very big on my teeth. Keep it tight. Yeah, man. Floss, not inside. And not floss between the teeth, down below the gum line. Ooh, get in there.

Where it curves. You guys, listen to me. When you floss, you go down into the gum line where it starts to curve into a U. That's where the shit is. OK. Dig that out. OK.

And you won't need a root canal. Are those your original teeth? These are all fake, because I didn't floss. He's got it now, though. But now I floss, because I don't want to lose these. These are fucking expensive. Well, the ones you get, the ones you're born with, they're free.

Who cares about those? Well, when you put 50 G-hods in your mouth, you got to take care of it. Yeah, I got to take those. I apologize, those things up every night. Yeah, you got a pah-ho in there. These are porcelain. The other ones were bone.

Boo, dumb. This is made out of Versace. Yeah, this is Louis Vuitton teeth. Louis Vuitton teeth. Oh, that's great. What's the toothbrush, electric or regular? Nope, I always buy the same one. It's a soft, extra soft Colgate.

Really? Yes, that's all you need. You don't need expensive toothbrushes, you guys. You don't need electric toothbrushes. You don't need hard bristles, medium. You need extra soft. And this is how you brush. Are you listening?

You lost all your teeth. What are you talking about? Damn it, I'm trying to save teeth. Learn from his mistakes. Learn from me. All you need is $75,000 and an extra soft toothbrush. You don't got to brush it off. Just a little bit more than that.

I didn't buy the teeth that look like chicklets. I bought the teeth that look like real teeth. He didn't have a coupon. Yeah. They're all molars. Yeah. I don't talk like this. Hey, guys.

Floss. Get a set of the Bucys. I got the. Yeah, floss, but when you brush, just put the soft bristles at the top of your gum line and swoop down. It's down and then up. Don't rub across your gum line.

You should brush away from the gum line. I love you. Will you brush your teeth in the shower? Yes. You do. Get pee in the shower. Always. OK.

Got to shoes on. Keep those shoes on. Yeah. That's where the piss is. See? Would you keep the toothbrush in the shower, though? No. Yeah, I can't foresee.

With the math you just did with the pee and the shoes and the house, I can't foresee you leaving it in there. But do you know how I lay my brush down? Oh, no, but I like that. Oh, my god. How do you lay it down? You don't put it in the holder? I don't put it in the holder.

That's gross, because it drips down into that little holder. That's bad. So what I do is I take the toothbrush and on the sink, I lay it so the bristles are aiming down towards the sink. So it runs off. So it drips that way. That's good. Yeah, you're welcome.

It's pretty good. That's free, by the way. That's free of charge. The shower at your house, you have a, is it rain rainfall? Yeah, and then the handheld. And then the handheld, yeah. Is there a glass door or a curtain? There's a glass.

There's a glass, yeah. Curtain, yeah. Fucking sultan man. I got him. You think Joe Coy's got a fucking curtain? Is the floor heated in the bathroom or anything? Not yet, because it's under renovated. Well, it's not even renovation.

The whole, all the walls have been knocked down right now. You're getting the place hooked up, huh? Oh, it's getting completely. Custom designed. All custom, completely. All glass, by the way. All glass, it's a glass house. Are you being serious?

Oh, 100%. Oh, that's pretty sweet. My son's room opens completely. The living room has four glass walls. Like the, so like inside, outside. They open out, yeah. And then the, uh. That's like Lex Lueckler, Lex Lueckler.

Or Lex Lueckler. I would take my shoes off to go in there, aren't I? Yeah, no kidding. And then, yeah, the living room, the dining room, and the front door is all glass, yeah. Damn. Yeah, it's just a glass house. Now we're talking.

Yeah. When was the last time you had a massage? Oh my God, like last week? Okay. You have somebody you go to regularly? You just kind of jump in wherever, or whatever. They come to the house? So yeah, when I'm on the road,

we try and bring them to the, like backstage. Really? Yeah, but I get them. I get them. That's pretty sweet. And I get IB bags. That's a big thing too. That's real classy.

That's very classy. They try and offer it to the rest of the people that are on the, on the crew. Yeah. It helps. I got, I want to try it. Oh, it, it works. Yeah.

Bert does them all the time. Yeah. It's, it's, well, look how healthy Bert is. He's actually, it looks better. I don't know if you've seen the video. No, I don't care about what he looks like. That fucking guy is healthy. You know he is, right?

Yeah. That guy is fucking healthy. Have you ever seen him sick? He gets up. He does the ice pass. He does the workouts all the time. Yeah. He's a Russian polar bear.

Yeah. He gets checked up like crazy. He's at the doctor like every two weeks. You've never seen Bert sick ever, ever. The guy is topless on stage and he wears flip flops with jeans. This guy should have pneumonia all the time. Yeah.

Okay. Did you have a George Foreman girl growing up? Yes. Oh, not growing up after I moved out. Do you have one now? No. Okay. No.

I know. I know. You're embarrassing to me. I'm aware. Do you ever get a manicure or a pedicure? Never a manicure. Okay. But I do get pedicures and I'll tell you why.

It's my feet are fucking gross. And I'm not even joking. Well, just you just got bad feet. It's a bad batch. They're just bad. I have a bunion that I'm getting surgery for in December. My toenails are gross. I got thick calluses on both sides of my toes.

Like yellow. They take them down. Oh, they take them away. I tell them to shave it. Do the spray. I got to like the spray for the toe. Yeah, the electric shaver. Yeah.

And then they got the cheese grater and they use that on my heel. I love it. I love it. And it's legit a cheese grater. Yeah. I get them done every couple of months just to clean everything up.

Especially if my feet are going to be exposed to people. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Bad news. Bad news. I don't know your feet, but I know. They're not great.

I'll vouch for one of those. You can imagine. Mine. The rest of my body's not particularly fantastic either. I don't know if you picked up on that. I have a callus on the top of my toe. Ooh, whoa. How'd you get that?

Dude, I fuck. What kind of shoes you're wearing? I guess none. I guess I stopped the car. But if we do the dinner party, you're going to have socks on, right? You're not walking around with bare feet. Always socks on.

Do you sleep in your socks? No. Socks off. OK. Good. But always socks on. You can do white socks, black socks. What do you do?

White. Always white. Really? Yeah. And they have to be crew. Always? They have to be polo. I like it.

And all my underwear is polo. Boxer's briefs? What are you rocking? Whatever this is. The boxer briefs? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, boxer brief type thing. Ooh, that's rich guy underwear right there.

Oh, yeah. But that's. Can't get those on a three pack. Those come on a hanger. The white crew. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's cool. That's cool.

And then white v-neck when I'm wearing jackets or sweaters. OK. Polo v-necks has to be polo. Really? I've calculated how much I spent on polo. Am I making this up, Katie? No, she knows. Every city I go to, I buy probably two or three three packs.

And that comes out to like 70 bucks, right? We get probably more, probably 80 bucks. Wait, why do you get them when you travel specifically? You don't pack a house? You like a fresh tea. I don't really, yeah. Because when I'm on stage, I want it to be really, really. Rich guys like fresh teas, dude.

Wait, hold on. Step this back. You just said you don't really pack. You just kind of roll and get some shit when you get there? Is that what's happening? Yeah. Are you going from town to town just buying fresh gear and then moving on?

What, do you burn it before you leave? That's the craziest thing I ever heard. That's awesome, dude. That's my publicist right there. Am I lying? Damn. That's what this show is all about. Yeah, let's fucking go.

I'm not taking luggage to Missouri tomorrow. All right? Get me to a Target stat. I'll leave my underwear in Kansas City. Let the hotel deal with it. That's fucking baller. Yeah. We've got a lot of.

Do you want to know the stores or no? Yeah. Is that what this show is? Because I'm confused. Listen, we've had, yes, for sure. Especially the successful comedians that come in. Because you don't want to know the stores. Yeah, we do.

We celebrate the trash and the classic. Yeah, the big thing is the wins as well. Well, the stores are crazy. What are you, what are you, what are you? I mean, I probably don't even know what they are, but what are they? Do you want my publicist to tell you and I'll look away or? No, you tell us.

I shut down Prada's. Shut up, really? Yeah. Woo, wee. You shut down a store? You're the richest guy I ever met. That's fucking awesome. Damn.

Shut them down. When do you have time to do that? When you say you go yourself. But I'm done talking to you. Wait, are you guys going to Prada after this? I got to be a coach in 20 minutes. Dude, Soho Prada loves me. Really?

Yeah. I didn't know you were balling like that. I knew you were ruining some techies, but god damn. This guy's shutting the mall down. Yeah, they love it. That's the mall, Prada, all right? There's a big difference between the fucking sunglasses. I'm not shutting down any amps.

You better not. Big man likes his pretzies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, no more pretzel bagels. Everyone gets their face shake at the mall. Yeah, Joe Coy was here. That fucking asshole always gets here. I'm just out front.

God damn, Joe Coy. Fuck. Oh, damn, dude. I know. That's fucking awesome. I know. That's how you're doing it. Yeah.

Woo. What kind of shirt is this? James Perce. But no, that's another good one. I like that one too. Yeah, that shirt. James Perce makes good shirts too. Yeah?

Yeah. You fly first class to get here? True classic. They're a sponsor. What? Shut down Prada. You think he's a 28B? You fucking asshole.

Come on. Sorry about him. Holy shit. Um. Hmm. Joe Coy. Are you a big foodie? Like you have to like really nice restaurants and stuff?

Remember the beginning of this conversation? Yeah. What did you forget? You, I don't know. About the Prada? No, god damn it. I said I eat out. Yeah.

But is that like a thing for you? Like you're like really like. No, I do. It's not Arby's we're talking about. OK, I will say this. I'm I'm very lazy and and like I don't have time to grocery shop. I get every time we do grocery shop. It all goes bad.

Sure. I end up throwing shit away. Buddy, I'm on your side here. I'm paid. Let's fucking trust me. And my son and I don't eat like, oh, it's breakfast. OK, now it's lunch. OK, now it's like we eat dinner.

Mm hmm. We snack all day and then we'll eat dinner. You go out to a nice dinner. Like a nice dinner. So it kind of averages out to be the same thing. Sure. You know what I mean? It's like $1,000 for that dinner every night.

It's like, right? Yeah, it's that kind of fucking with you. You guys are $330 per meal. I take two cows, please. I think it's warm. Chop them up. No, no, I'm joking. I was I was fucking.

I'm sure. But yeah, we eat dinner. Yeah, that's about it. I was going to ask you if you use cruise control. Probably as Tom Cruise drive. So what I would do. Do you want a tuxedo? No, but I have the best suits.

OK, all right. Suit game. What's the suit game? How many we talking? I think I have. I think are you sure? Are people going to hate me? No, they want to hear this.

You promise because I don't talk about this. Buddy, I'm only doing it because I'm having fun with you. How much Segura spent on his birthday dinner. Oh, I crush that. What? The story you told in the beginning when you went through. I deserve every single thing that you have. Thank you.

Are you kidding me? No, let's all go to Prada right now. I love Tom, by the way. Tom's the best. Shout out to him. Krippie and Humble Joe, start flexing. Yeah, let's go. I got poor friends to bring in for the bad question.

I brought you here for the cat. Yeah, we just sat here and listened to the whole Tacoma story. Let's go. Lay it on us. Man, I love this episode. This is great, dude. How many suits you got talking?

Over 20? Yeah, probably. I shut down Prada one time. What? That's crazy. You got to make a deposit when you do that or something like that? Well, if you don't have enough money.

I'd have to. I'm fucking with you. Dude, that's got to be funny, right? Yeah, of course. But no, but honestly, I shut down Prada down on Soho. They're all nice to me there. All of them. They love me there.

They're great. Have you ever shut it down and not bought anything? No, that's dumb. That's a dick, Mo. You can't shut it down again. You can't be like, ah, just looking. I left my wallet in the car. I'll be right back.

I left my wallet in my spaceship. I'll be right back. Dipped out. Damn, OK. Yeah, so that one was fun, because that's when they bring you the, what are they called? Swatches? Yeah, yeah, yeah, of the fabrics.

So I did three of those. OK. Where they, you know, and then the guy comes in the town and got the Prada. Taylor comes in, he measures you. You pick the swatches. Did you get Prada's suit? Oh, I have like, I think I have like, I just

bought like three last, like two weeks ago. I bought another nylon one. Where are you going? What's going on? Are you got a wedding or something coming up? Well, no, like when you do like a TV show, like when you do like, like a talk show or like a carpet or something like that.

You're rolling it fresh. He dies. Yeah, I mean, yeah, of course. International superstar, I get it, yeah. Is there any part of your closet that's motorized? No, no, no. How big is the closet? Big closet.

This one is, this one's going to be beautiful. The one that we have. You're building a new one. Yeah. The sneaker collection is off the charts, I assume, right? Probably a sneaker head, right? I give them away, though. Really?

And you know, I've been a sneaker. By the way, I want everyone to know this, and you can say this is Tom's face. Everyone knows I have receipts. I'm the OG when it comes to sneaks. Like everyone knows. OK. Footlocker, 89.

What do you mean? No, but you can even go back to my first special, which was like 15 years ago. I'm rocking, I'm rocking Olympic Jordans, you know, Jordan Ones. And then my second special, I'm rocking, what am I rocking? Oh, I'm wearing Brett Elevens on the second one. And then the one you were wearing something really fresh,

because I remember telling my girlfriend we were watching it together, and I was like, I could never pull that off. They were like, they were kind of like cargoes, but they were nylon, and you had a jean jacket on it. Yeah. It was real simple, real clean, real tight. It's probably 48 grand. Shit, that's why you look good.

You're wearing a Hawaiian shirt. I'm pretty sure it has stains on it. There's a couple. Oh, man. This is fun. Damn. I didn't know this is what we were doing. Yeah, what do you mean?

I thought I had to tell you my life story. And then you're going to call me garbage. Oh, schizophrenia. No. Garbage. We told you it was light-hearted. You brought them to the family drama app in January, which I appreciate.

No, of course. It's perfect, because it now shows the win and the success, which is celebrated on the show. That's awesome. What was the most expensive dinner? Because that was the most expensive one he's had. 52,000, by the way. That's a nice one.

That's a yeah. OK. Yeah. All right. You had that for breakfast, didn't you? No, we've shut down. We've shut down. You shut the restaurant down.

Oh, yeah, we shut down. Haven't we, or no? That was his birthday. I've shut down birthdays. Kippy, how long till we can shut down a restaurant? It's got to be like a McDonald's in Queens, and I think I could get us an hour in the play place. I think Cigura beat me on the restaurant.

OK. I didn't do that that much, but let me answer this. You go to a wedding. You go to, if you went to a wedding now for a friend, close friend. What are we looking at in the envelope there? This is what you ask all. Poor to successful.

Wedding, I mean, you got to be a really close friend. I, you know, my closest friends, they're going to get taken care of. The ones I take care of the most are my. That's a rich, classy, rich guy answer. That's not a good thing. I'll take care of them. We'll just say that it's the best gift there.

But my family is who I spoil the most. Of course. Nice. Like, like, and, you know, and I never talk about, I don't really talk about that. I don't really don't talk. This is so much fun doing this. It feels good to brag about this shit.

Yeah, but I never do it. I never do it. I really never do it. But like my family, like, dude, it's, it's a wrap, man. Like fucking. I mean, these kids have grown up together in Hawaii because I'll all fly them all out to Hawaii. And we're talking like 12 kids and, and, and they live

the life of like they don't know money in their pocket and they live it. Like this is all this is all your, your family. My nieces and nephews and my nieces and nephews and no, and no parents. It's just me and like another adult. So you'll take all the kids. Let's go.

Only the kids. Really? And I've done that for years. And now they're like brothers and sisters. Like they're so close because of the vacations. It's like, and it's not one week in Hawaii. It's literally three weeks in Hawaii. And, and we go hard.

Uncle Joe's the best. I'll take that right now. Yeah. Yeah. For real. The other dudes in the family probably ate you. Fucking Joe again. You got me Nintendo switch.

What do you mean? Yeah. Uncle Joe bought me the big island. What are we doing? And a volcano. We all got our own volcanoes. Like an episode of Oprah just handing out volcanoes. That's fucking awesome, dude.

That's so fucking cool. Man. So cool. Joe, boy, something else. I mean, I'm pretty. Yeah. I'm pretty good. Really?

What else? How do you guys keep going? What's your favorite flavor Gatorade? Yellow. The old school one. That's trashy that he answered the color. But yeah. That's a little trash.

Well, it should only be a color because that's not a fucking flavor. None of them are. They're actually closer to a window cleaner than they are a drink. That's true. They'll get a maracle in them, I gotta lie. What's your favorite fast food?

Oh, well, I don't eat meat anymore. So I still eat the garbage. Back in the day. Which is fish. Back in the day was Popeyes. OK. Yeah. All right.

Wow. OK. I respect it. You like a Jolly Bee? I love a Jolly Bee. Like a Jolly Bee? But Popeyes hands down. Nice.

Yeah. Do you spend a lot of time in Hawaii? Yeah. I mean, once a year, I'll go there. It's been like three weeks. They gave me my own day there. Really? Joe Koi Day?

I got Joe Koi Day there. I broke a record. I broke Mariah Carey's record there. Most ticket sold. Because my girlfriend's family's from there. And when we go, I'm a big Zippy's fan. You like Zippy's? Zippy's is incredible.

Ooh, Zippy's is all right. Max Albright. Oh, forget about it. Yeah. L&L does a pretty good Max Albright as well. Listen to you. Oh, I love it. God, I love you.

Woo, I go in there and tear it out. I'm going to kiss your cheek. At the end of this part, I'm going to kiss your cheek. There's pee on it for sure. Somebody was stepping on me. It was you. Put my shoes on my face. Will you eat a hard-boiled egg in public?

Always. Really? Salt and pepper at the same time. Yeah. And I'll eat the yellow part. Of course. The yolk. Even if I can't breathe.

You ever eat the yellow part and you're like, ugh. It's like cinnamon. Yeah. Yeah, when it gets in your throat. Have you ever had a trick voicemail where you go, hello, hello, hello? Just kidding. I'm not here to leave a message.

Nope. Never done that. You ever have an old-timey photo done, like with your cowboys or anything like that? Yes, with an ex-girlfriend, Jennifer. OK. Yeah. And I thought it was the coolest thing.

And I looked like a fucking asshole. It's impossible to look cool. Who has that? You or her? She looked good. She wanted to do it. Of course. Of course.

It was in front of Foot Locker. You remember? It was like a kiosk. Yeah. She stresses a cow girl. You get the Foot Locker. You don't wear one. She was hot.

They put it like the bustier and stuff in a nice gown. And then it was like, who's the doctor next to her? That's me. Who has that photo? Her or you? Oh, yeah. I don't know where it is. She got it somewhere.

Probably my mom. It's on the refrigerator. Saltines or oyster crackers? Oyster crackers. That's a great question, by the way. That's something my mom would make me steal from buffets and shit, the pack of oyster crackers. And they were delicious.

They're solid. That was a good steal. Yeah. Smart mom. A little bit of cocktail sauce, home run. Oh, so good. They just put a tiny bit of salt on it until they're perfect. Oh, good, dude.

And it's like a thicker grain of salt. Yeah. So it really gives you a crunch. Nice crunch. Will you take leftovers from a restaurant now? No. No, right? Never.

No. No. In fact, when someone does, I question them for friends. Is there any situation that you did? I'm not a leftover guy. Any situation from what you've previously told us now? What? Is there any situation from what you've previously just

told us that where you would go out to eat, where there's a splitting of the check situation? Never. Never. No. Never. I'll pay. You'll pay.

And do you do it at the table, or do you go to the bathroom and hand it off? No. What if it's some other heavy hitter? No, I just look at the waitress and I go, I got it. I got it. Or the waiter. What if it's you and like, I don't do that.

No, of course. And I just like to pay. It's like, what? Just fucking pay. Even if it's you and like another real big dog? Yeah, I don't care. I'll pay. You got it.

Yeah. To write off. I know. I was trying to force that out. Yeah. That's awesome. Any dumb purchase, like not now, like from when you first started making money or whatever.

Your first big check. You got a big check and you're like, I'm going to buy a. First big check was my teeth. Real. Real. Yeah. Yep. $75,000.

That's pretty smart, though. You invested it back in yourself. Yeah. You didn't buy like a fleet of waivers. I didn't want to do it because I couldn't believe how much it was. It was $2,500 a tooth and I needed surgery on the top gum and the bottom gum.

They had to like do some kind of skin graphing and extract like some metal from my crown that I had in there. And it came out to like a little close to like $80,000 for my first set. And then I had to get a second set. And that was like another chunk. Chunk. Yeah.

Damn. That's not a dumb purchase. I don't respect that, though. Yeah. It's not wasteful. You're putting it back in yourself. You ever have Subway delivered? No.

OK. But I love Subway. You do. I even love it more that we found out that tuna isn't tuna and I still eat it. I'm still going to get it. They make a mean tuna hoagie. They make the best tuna hoagie.

And you put four jalapenos, just four. So you know how they usually grab a handful and shove it up? No, just give me four. You asked for four specifically. Four specifically. It only needs four. OK. Because then it takes over the tuna

because that tuna is special. Am I lying? No. And that's shredded lettuce? A little bit of Swiss cheese or American on there. Well, I put the cheddar. I put the cheddar on there. I respect the move.

Yeah, I like the texture. Do you put shredded cheese on a sandwich? Would you ever do that? Yes, I do. Yeah, shredded. In fact, I do that at Sub. Really? Yeah, the shredded cheddar.

It's like yelling away. People are proud of that. Yes. This guy's using the shredded cheese on his sandwich, dude. This guy's boncos. The butter at your house. Do you use butter at the house? Yes.

Unsalted and salted. Is it on the counter in the refrigerator? I leave one on the counter and the rest in the fridge. This guy's classy. Yeah. Tony right now. This guy really knows what he's doing. What about the appliances that you're

getting put in the redo? We talking Viking, Sub-Z, we're going that route? Yeah, Sub-Z, and then it's also going to be wood. So he's going to actually make it wood. The front of the. The guy, my contractor, he's also a carpenter. So he's. So my guest house, everything is covered in wood.

You going to put wood? Can I tell you another thing I did? Please. It's fun. Should I or no? So my ex-wife, we're like best friends. I bought her the house in front of my house. And then we're going to build a deck,

and it's going to be connected to her house, which is in front of my. Yeah, so I have the whole hill in LA. So she lives here. I live here, and then I have a guest house behind me. Basketball court, pool. This guy's fucking trash. Dude, Joe's killing it.

Seriously, man. Dude, Joe Coy's killing it. Here's a new slash for you, gang. Yeah, I love it, baby. Pool? Yeah, huge. I don't know. He's probably got an indoor outdoor.

He's probably got it all. It's probably shaped like him. What are you talking about? That's pretty sweet, man. I should be the next goal. That's pretty sweet. A Joe Coy pool. A Coy pond.

Joe Coy pond. That's awesome. Any pets? Yeah, two. Rescues. Nice. Yes. Winston and Kingston.

Got a good heart, too. All right. Yeah. I have one that's pretty niche. I've ever pissed in a bottle. Yes. On a private jet. Yes.

Toby, that was a home run. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I did. I mean, he's all clueless. Are you a TSA pre-check? Yeah, sometimes.

Today, this time, I was TSA pre-check. I don't know what it is with TSA pre-check, but they got me on some kind of weird list, so. It doesn't always go through. It doesn't always go through. I guess I got to go back in and get it done. But yeah, this time when I flew over, I was TSA pre-check. Probably global entry, too.

Well, when we go to Canada, we try and fly private. Yeah, so we're flying private this week. That's where you're going next. You're going to Canada. Yeah. You like cottage cheese? You got it on you. That's a tough one.

It's not a choice. No, I don't. It's not a choice. What's the mayo at the house? Is it Hellman's or is it Miracle Whip? Hellman's. Good name. But here's my thing.

Sergeant Fred Harrison likes Miracle Whip, because it's got a little zing to it. He's old school. I'll let that slide for Fred. Yeah, I'll let that slide for Big Fred. Yeah, Big Fred's all right in my world. Number one, I don't want to piss off at me. Yeah, yeah.

He'll just lay on you. Just lay on you. Ha ha ha ha! Yeah. You missed his pad. Give him a pad. Don't go into the pad yet. Get out of here.

Jesus Christ. Fucking this up. Jeverski and jeans? That's all you got. Ha ha ha ha ha. Buddy, you're 100% class. I love it, man. Fucking Rockstar through and through.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Joe Koy, especially out on Netflix right now, live from the Forum in Los Angeles. Oh, I love that. Live from the Los Angeles Forum, I fucked it up in the beginning, and I know that I did, because you made me nervous. I'll thank you.

Buddy, that was awesome. Thank you, man. Oh, that was fun. Appreciate it. Anything else you want the folks to have to know? No, that's it. That's it. My book, you can get my book at any bookstore.

Check out the book, the movie. The movie? Oh, yeah, yeah. Of course, Easter Sunday. Easter Sunday, you can get that on demand, or if you're in the Philippines, you go to the theater. There you go. Absolutely fantastic.

Kimmy, what do you got for him? Guys, we're all over the road. We're adding second shows in Providence in Boston, and I think the second one in Philly is already sold out. Sorry, we'll see you next time. We love you, and we'll see you next week. That's nice.