Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Joe List Returns!

Episode Date: December 16, 2021

Joe List returns for a family episode with Kippy & Foley. Its a hot one! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys!  Subscribe to watch the special: https://youtube.com/c/AreYouGarbageComedyPodcast Joe List  for a hot one! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys!  Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://www.LadderLife.com/GARBAGE https://www.HelixSleep.com/Garbage https://www.GetRoman.com/GARBAGE https://www.BetterHelp.com/GARBAGE Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Dan, we got a big announcement. A special announcement. Kippy and I are related. And we got a special drop in December 21st. And boy, do I mean special. It is all of our favorite moments from this year's Keep It Moving Tour, plus some behind the scenes footage. It's going to be fantastic.

Yes, guys. It's available on our YouTube page. So go. If you watch now, subscribe. If you listen, go subscribe. It's going to be dropping December 21st. It's going to be good. We need the Army of Garbage to rally behind us.

Unite and get this thing on the moon, baby. Tell everyone. Do it. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey, everybody out there.

And welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage. It's a little show. We sit there with your favorite comedians, and we find that they go to be classy, or if they're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, H Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. Down here at Aunt Toody's basement,

there's bushes missing from the backyard. She's selling Christmas treats to the blind family down the street. Billion force. She says they won't know. So you can see the neighbors in the backyard. So just be careful when you go out there. I will.

My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. Speaking of selling Christmas treats, look at that shirt. Give it up for KJ, everybody. Hey, everybody. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube. And as you know, those numbers are

True to Roof. Fucking cooking, baby. Cooking. And then obviously, I have to mention the greatest website. Contractually have to mention the greatest website of all time. Yo, not much. www.patreon.com slash Are You Garbage.

Check it out. Bonus episodes, AYG. Episodes of hard feelings, live streams, the whole fucking nine yards get involved. 18 billion hours of bonus content over there on Patreon. And counting. And how about a nice quick shout out to our producer, extraordinaire, a long hair, pride of the Chicago

comedy scene, Queen's Transplant, T-Bone, McScruffins, Toby McMullen. What's up, dudes? What up, T-Bone? Good to see you, pal. I'm doing great. I'm eyeing up these dunkies that our guests brought. Ooh.

Classic move. Dunkies. You can take the kid out of New England, but you can't take him to New England. Starbucks, man. Shit. I'm also a Starbucks man. The line was too long.

They closed the one around the corner. I don't want to talk about it. Gang, we could not be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean, incredibly special guest back with us again today. Third time, he's going to be answering your questions. You know him. You love him. Co-host of Tuesdays with Stories.

Co-host of Joe and Renan Talk Movies. National headliner. Kids a goddamn movie star in the making. Watch the fuck out and give it up for Joe and Joe List, everybody. Where are my look? Where are the cameras? Where are my look?

I'll ask the question. I build the episode movies, tell you like, where's the cameras? Just hook it. Pops right in, baby. This one here? Is this wide? They're all over here. This is you, right down the barrel.

No, that's my close-up. That's my close-up. I know that, but am I with you guys? You're hanging out with Louis too much. I don't know what's going on. I read Cam over here. I like the barrel, but I might want to be in the whatever. The camera will find you, baby.

That's the wide. That's Kippy and I. And that's the moneymaker right there. There he is. He clams up real quick. Buddy, good to see you. Nice to see you. I'm spilling. Thank you for coming in.

Do you know this movie reference? You're spilling. You're spilling. No. That's the godfather with the little kid, Anthony. He's got the little thing. Brando says, you're spilling. You're spilling.

I always wondered what was in that. Was that water or pesticide? Because he squirts the kid like right in the face. I think it's water. I think it's water in here. It's water. Yeah. I don't think he's whacking little Anthony.

The scene's reversed. The kid falls through. He's got the orange in his mouth. That traumatized me seeing that. Well, the kid got really fucked up. That was genuine. Oh, sure. Yeah, he scared the shit out of him.

It's a fine film. Godfather, check it out if you haven't seen it yet. Good Christmas movie, too. Around the holidays. Good point. It's always on A&E around the holidays. Yeah, Thanksgiving. They used to do the whole shebang.

Yeah, yeah, that's nice. You're doing a little traveling? Launching off going to Germany like right now. An hour after that. It doesn't make sense for me to be here. Dude, you told me when we were scheduling this. I'm like, hey, we got Friday, Monday, Tuesday. You're like, hey, I'm leaving for Germany on Wednesday at 3.

Can you do Wednesday at noon? I'm like, this guy's fucking playing. Wait, that's the next order of business on the schedule? Yeah, I just got tested. This is luggage is outside. And then I'm going to go home, get packed, and head out to Germany. But it's a you still haven't packed?

No, I'm not. I packed quick. But the laundry is done. So all you got to do is just transfer. Yeah, stack it in. Yeah. Count out the undies, the t-shirts, the whatever. And how long are you going for?

Just a few days. Few days. I did it all. I don't know if this is garbage or if this is the opposite. But I did it to get my delta status for next year. I wanted to really beef my numbers to make sure. And I did it. It worked.

I got diamonds. They judge you year to year, right? Yeah, year to year, you start fresh. That's fucking crazy. So I made it. I'm diamond. What's that mean? Diamond.

I think you get to blow the pilot if you want. I don't know. I don't even know if I've ever imagined the world of diamond. I mean, you guys know where I came from. You know the go-kart. Honey, where's that? I mean. Mr. List, you want to take over for a little while?

Got a real cowboy up here. Yeah. You're up there doing top gun. He's inverted. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Yeah, so I don't know what diamond. I think you get upgraded every flight. Maybe a lounge situation.

You've got to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you have a credit card? Because that matters. We just figured that out. We just got an AMEX card. Collectively, the three of us got one. I got the card, but I got your card.

I got the card, but I don't use it because I'm a corporate too. So I use the corporate card. And that's different than the delta card. What's the corporate card? What do you got? So it's just a Visa corporate. Whatever. But that way, when you do your taxes,

you just use your card and everything, I don't have to go through anything. Yeah, that's all. They have my statement. That's the only benefit that I'm familiar with. I'm a moron with anything financial or anything other than financial also. Talking to the right people.

I mean, I stink. So you're only going for a couple of days. Just a few days. I thought you were getting out of town for the rest of the year. You guys are staying there for Christmas and stuff. No, we're there for a few days. We're going to see these Christmas markets, which I thought.

When I booked the ticket, the vaccine had come out and it was spreading around. Everything was good. And I was like, oh, by December, it's going to be a free for all. But now Germany is on fire right now. Yeah, I'm going to like the international. Bad.

Damn. My wife just got back. My wife's German. She just got back like. Amni Kron? Five days yet. It's tearing through there. Jesus.

It's like a blitzkrieg. Should I not go? No, I think you're fine. You're fine. I got two boosters just for fun. One on the ass and one on the face. So just hit me with it. I came all this way.

No, you should be fine. Christmas markets are a good time, too. They're outside. It's pretty. Are you wearing a mask? I think you got to show a vax to get in, though. My wife was telling me you got to get vaxed. Yeah, you do all that shit?

I'm vaxed. No, to get into the Christmas market, you got to show a vax. You seem unprepared to be going. I'm not. That you've got to get an international flight in a couple hours. Well, we just went and got tested.

And then we looked it up and they're like, you don't need to be tested to go. Yeah, if you're vaxed. If you're vaxed. So we just got tested for no reason, I guess. I was over there maybe. I was over there in October. It's real loosey-goosey.

Yeah, no shit. I wonder why they're on fire. I think, who are you flying? Delta. Ooh. Direct flight? No Amsterdam. Yeah.

Then where are you going? Frankfurt, Hamburg, Berlin? Yeah, we're going to Berlin. Berlin only for the things. And we're doing a show, too. There you go. Which, yeah, which sold out. International.

Really? Joe List. There's a lot of, you guys probably have a lot of fans in Berlin, I bet. Yeah? We don't. No, I was checking the numbers. Because you were like, I'm doing a show over there.

I'm like, maybe we can do that. There's like seven guys in all of Europe that listen to us. That's not bad. Sevens. Good answer. Good answer. Hello, Kippy. Was that German?

I don't know. Was that Latin? You guys rush more fans? Of course. He is. Not so much. Just watched it yesterday. Another great line.

Just watched it yesterday. Why couldn't you leave well enough alone for sure? Was that Latin? Great line. Oh, I love movies. Anyways, what are we talking about? Oh, yeah, Germany. So we're going for a few days to see these markets.

I don't know. I got pages of emails from fans like, you got to see this, this, and this. I just screen shot of them. So I have to look into it now. We have no plan whatsoever. I like it. That's good.

But and then how do you show back? Do I just bring my card? Because there's no international passports. This is what I don't get. Yeah, you can show your card. I'm going to France. He's going to France at Christmas. Palais-bou.

And we hit. Was that French? I think so. It was Latin. We had to jump through a shitload of hoops. We had to send our Vax cards to the French health department, get a QR code, all this shit. Oh, god.

Now he's panicking. I didn't do any of that. I don't think you have to. He's a passport, Joe. What's that? This guy's not making it out of LaGuardia. What are we talking about? I think we'll be all right.

I think you take off. They should check at the airport. They should check your Vax card at the airport. And then they might check when you get there. But I don't think they even checked when I got there. Well, but now they have all these new restricts. Because everyone keeps sending me. Don't you think people like to be a bummer?

Or maybe they're trying to help. I think they're trying to. I think they definitely get off on. I'm coming from a point of power of knowing something. Sure. Yeah, people are like, look at this article. People send me articles about Austria. And I'm like, well, that's a different country.

What is a different nation? They're like, look at this. Look at these protests. It's shutting down. And I'm like, well, that's a different nation. Yeah, it's a completely different country. Yeah, I don't even want to think about that shit. My biggest fear is getting stuck over there.

Them closing the American borders and me getting stuck in France. Yeah, that's not good. As a US citizen, you're always allowed back. Sure? Yeah, you might have to take a boat for you to get here. Yeah. I don't have to join the French resistance. A lot of resistance.

I think we'll be OK. If a war broke out, if World War III broke out while he was in Germany and I was in France, are we enemies then? Could Joe and I be fighting on the front lines? I think you got to go underground. Well, Germany's due for a win. So it might be, you know what I mean?

It's been a lot. It's been a rubber match. An 0 and 2 rubber match. Oh, man. All right. We'll cut that silence out. It sounds like somebody said like a horrible word, because it just got weird.

And we're back. Well, buddy, that's fucking absolutely fantastic. We're going to get to some cues here. As you know, when you sign up for the old Patreon, we'll answer your questions on the air. And we have international movie star, Mr. Joe List here. I'm excited. All right.

He has a travel vibe. That's a very, that's a very big travel guy. This is what you wear on the plane, right? Well, I'll put sweatpants on. But yeah. OK. Travel and business? What are you flying over there?

Coach? I think it's regular shit. I don't know. I was hoping for an upgrade, but I don't think they have that on those internationals. Do you ever splurge for first class? I do domestically, but. That's what I like to hear.

Overseas, that's a pretty price. It's a lot. Also, the flight going over is probably going to be relatively empty. I think so. There's not a lot of people traveling. Not a lot of people can travel. There you go.

I think it'll be quiet. So, but yeah, I'm dreading it. But you get through it. I don't know. I'll take some talent LP, put those in my ass, and try to sleep. Yeah. Can you sleep on a plane?

No. You watch a movie? I'll watch a few movies, I think. Yeah, get something going. I just watched another round. Did you guys see another round from Mads Mikkelsen? Won Best Foreign Film last year. It's amazing.

I think you'd love it. I doubt it. I just want to. I'm a USA man myself. Foreign film. Who is this guy? Kick rocks with that. It's not like I.

Hey, Merkel, get out of here. It's not a think piece or anything. It's the subtitles I'm out. Yeah, new shit. My girl tries to put that shit on Netflix when it's in English. I'm like, get rid of that stuff. I hate subtitles.

We were just talking. Yeah. People watch. There's American people that watch American films with subtitles on. Yeah, they're idiots. It's crazy. Yeah, it's bananas.

It's like extra homework. Oh, it's the fucking worst. I don't like doing that. Anyway, don't watch it. You'll hate it. All right, let's get into it. Speaking of vacation, this is from an aptly named Baby Joe. Have you ever gone to the movies while on vacation?

Oh, yeah. Really? Of course. On vacation? Yeah. Well, here's the thing. I don't all work a lot. Not like if you're away for the weekend, I get that.

But here's the thing, I don't drink. So at night, what am I supposed to do? And I don't want to talk to my wife all day. Yeah, you go to the movies. I love going to the movies on vacation. I don't know. That just seems like. That's weird.

Yeah. There's got to be something. I mean, if you go to, I don't say you go to Paris and it's Saturday night, you've got to be able to see something. We did that. We did that. Yeah, you go to a nice French film house, a cinema.

I'll give you, all right, the Cinema French Film House. That that is. I'm not going to the AMC in Paris. Watch it die hard again. I'm going to like Shea Film or whatever. Seeing Independence Day. No, we saw some French horseshit. I don't know.

I'll give you that. That is an extracultural experience. Yes. But on vacation, it's like, I'm a day person. I go out and do a bunch of day. You hike or whatever. You see your sights, your museum. But at night, everything's close.

The only thing to do is nightlife shit. And you're not a drinker. I'm not a drinker. Go to dinner. You go to dinner. Do a nice dinner. Go to a nice dinner. We like to do dinner and a movie.

Have you ever heard of this combo? Oh, yeah. It's not bad. You ever go dancing? You guys ever go dancing? We don't go dancing. But Berlin is a dance club, so maybe we'll dance. But I want to dance till the rocket.

It's got to be rock and roll music. I want to dance to like Chuck Berry. Fucking Kevin Bacon over here. I don't want to hear like, you know what I mean? You're not on the rave scene. No, I want to dance to like Bob Seeger in my socks. I saw it in the paint. That's a real mosh pit starter.

You know what I mean? A little ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Everyone goes nuts. What about the beach? You do the beach on Vacay? Where do you vacay? I vacay everywhere. I mean, I'm a traveler.

Honeymoon, we went to, I always said LaGuardia. Not LaGuardia. Lagoon. You're beautiful this time of year. We went to Terminal D. Lagoon Beach. You know LaGooner? Oh, it's in California.

It's in Southern California. Yeah, it's very nice. Spectacular. Very nice. We went to the beach every day, 10,000. Sarah actually got my wife, got annihilated by a weight. We kept, I kept telling her, I'm a wise guy, as you know. I'm picking up on that, yeah.

So she's like standing in the break. She's one of these people that can't get into the ocean. It's like a couple of steps at a time. My life's the same way. It's like, you got to get in there. It's brutal. Like a band-aid, right off. It's four steps in and like, two steps in and four steps back.

And she's from, oh god. I'm a New Englander, so I'm used to like 50 degree water. That's what I am into. A chop. Yes. But she's from Texas, so it's got to be 88 for her to get in the water. So she's doing this like dainty horseshit.

And I always say, I'm like, you got to get in because I'm about to get out. Yeah, it's been seven minutes. I've been in here for like half an hour. So she's doing that, but we're in, this is in Lagooner. So it's actually warm, but she still is like afraid. So she's standing in the breakers. And I'm like, you got to get past that.

This is the worst pot. If you get past that, I'm just like this. I'm like, I've never felt better in my life. It's like I'm on heroin out here. I love floating, baby. Just float. So I'm like, you got to get out of there. So finally, she gets like in this in-between,

where the water's leaving and coming in at the same time. That's dangerous. Didn't she see North Shore? It's like a washing machine. It's exact. So she, we're getting out and I'm getting out of the water and I see it coming. Like I see this water coming this way.

And I just high step run. And I look back and just watch her get fucking annihilated. It was like a Tasmanian devil. Boo. And she just went crazy. And I actually watched. She got up and her hair was just like mad at the cross. No idea where you are.

It looked like the ring. And then she was pulling sand out of her twat for like six weeks. It was just pouring out. It was all in her. It was crazy. I mean, she was on the ground. And she got up and I had to be like, don't move.

Are you OK? She's like, yeah, yeah. And it was like. I was like, you got to like. I was like, don't move yet. You got to make sure you're all right. It was a turn off, quite frankly. Anyways, I don't know how we got there.

So I'll go to the beach. I like a hike. A lot of hiking vacations. I see that. I like a hike. I love a hike. You're an outdoorsy man, I feel. Yeah, to some degree.

I don't like sleeping outside. That sucks. That's insane. Yeah, that's nuts. Not a camper. King camp. I'd camp, but I hate it. Yeah, I hate the sleepy part.

I like smoking a cigar, having a cup of tea under the stars. That's pretty classy. Do you buy a cigar? Are you a cigar guy? Do you keep a stock of nice cigars? I tried doing that, but I don't know how to use a humidor. I'm an idiot. I bought like a $400 humidor.

And Bobby Kelly's like, you put a pack in there. I don't know what a pack is. Just keep sodas in there. I ended up just buying them. I had some hard candy in there. I'll buy an occasional cigar. I'm trying to cut back. That's great.

All right, let's see. This one's from Scott. Has a woman ever hit you with her purse? No, I've never been struck by a woman. And I had this discussion on the You Know What Dude podcast. And I was in the minority. And I thought, I confidently said to Lewis Gomez, I'm like, that's weird that you've

been hit by a woman thinking like, right? It means, yeah, you're putting yourself in situations that aren't the greatest, I feel. Well, I was in the minority because every guy on there was like, I think you're gay. Something's wrong with you. I've never been hit by a woman. I've never even come close to getting hit by a woman.

Really? I've gotten a drink thrown at me in my drinking day. Really? Yeah. It was St. Patty's Day, pub crawl. I mean, your tensions were high. That's like 80s bar shit. I know.

It's freaking your face. It was like somebody had bumped into her and spilled and she got mad. And I didn't respond so nicely, I think. I think I told her to shut the fuck up. She responded with a Miller light right to the face. Like a splash? A Miller light?

Fuck you, yeah. Like the glass and everything. No, like, yeah, like it's like held the cup. Like it was like a draft. She didn't smash it over your head. No, no. We weren't the fucking Dudley boys. Yeah, it was one of those things where it was like she got

beer spilled on her in a crowded bar on St. Patty's Day. And I'm like, all right, I'm sorry. And she'd like made it a scene. And I'm like, it's fucking packed. We're in like a mosh pit right now. I'm sorry, but it happened. I just had this. I was at the, I was.

And then she, I told her to shut up and she threw it in my face. Well, you deserved it. But we were, Sarah and I, speaking of vacations, we went to Palm Springs to go to the. It's moving. Nice. Look, yeah. I was going to say, look, you know what that means?

Say, look, Gordia. Laguna, Palm Springs, Germany. Yeah. Well, the Laguna and Palm Springs were many years apart. But we went out there for the Indian Wells tennis tournament. I'm a big tennis guy because I'm not garbage. That's class.

Kid's classy. Kid, want to talk to you about ladder. Love ladder. Think you need a little life insurance, a little term life. Can't let anything happen to you. No. In certain times, you got to make a move. Ladder can help.

Got to protect the ones around you. Protect your loved ones. Don't leave me holding the bag. No, guys. I'll stuff you in a refrigerator box. Ladder is 100% digital. No doctors, no needles, no paperwork. When you apply for $3 million in coverage or less,

just need a few minutes and a phone, laptop to apply. Ladder's smart algorithms work in real time. So you'll find out if you're instantly approved. If you prefer to talk to a person, that's fine. I got a team of licensed agents who don't work on commissions. They'll help you and not upsell you. No hidden fees, canceled at any time, the whole nine yards. Finally.

I'm not trying to get you with the undercoding. Since life insurance costs more as you age now is the time to cross it off your list. So go to ladderlife.com slash garbage today to see if you're instantly approved. That's ladder, L-A-D-D-E-R, life.com slash garbage. Ladderlife.com slash garbage, do it. Helix mattresses.

Helix mattresses? Don't play dumb with me. I snooze on one every night, I love Helix. I know, you got the free mattress. What about the big man over here? I'll take the quiz, because that's all you got to do. Two minute quiz. Go on there, you take the quiz, they know what you want.

Sleep hot, you sleep cold, sleep fat like me. Listen, I don't got time to be walking around no mattress store. Like a buzzer. Ever see the dregs that roll around in there? They're not Ivy League graduates, I can tell you that, my friend. Yeah, hey, see, at least kick rocks, will you?

Yeah, a lot of short ties and short sleeves. Go to helix.com, take the quiz, get yourself straight, now get a good night's sleep. Yeah, guys, I took the quiz, me and my lady, they were nice enough. Got a 42. I'm a genius when it comes to mattresses. They gave us the twilight model, it was fantastic,

we had a queen, we just upgraded to a king. I know. I paid for it, I like them so much, I bought the same mattress. Did you use the promo code? Did I use the promo code? Now what is that promo code? Let me check, why are you putting me on the spot?

That's how you do it. It's helixsleep.com slash garbage. You take the two minute quiz, I'll match you with a customized mattress that'll give you the best sleep of your life. Like I said, get your adult mattress, they got a 10-year warranty, try it for 100 nights risk-free,

they'll pick it up if you don't love it, but I'm telling you will. You can't beat that. Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep.com slash garbage. One more time, that's helixsleep.com slash garbage, do it.

And it's tournament. Come a long way. Losing his go-kart. We went out there. Playing pickleball. And there was a lady and her daughter who was probably like a teenager and then there was a guy just by himself

and he had a cocktail and a couple hot dogs and I love anyone doing something by themselves. Don't you find it charming? As I get older, yes. I like the confidence of it. I don't always have the confidence to do it, but I get it, yeah. I like a guy, he's like,

I like tennis, no one wants to go, so I'm going to tennis. So he had his beer and his hot dogs and he's like an old alcoholic. So he's trying to like shuffle into a seat and this much beer spills on the lady's back and she's like, oh, and they get up, they move down and they stare at him

and they're like asshole. And they're just like hugging each other and embracing. I'm like, you're at a sporting event. You got to get a little beer. Yeah, there's a social contract of like things might not go your way here. Yes. It's a splash of beer.

Anyways. I got rocked in the face by my college girlfriend from the back seat. For what? I went to a movie without her. She made her sit in the back seat. Yeah, what the fuck? No, I wasn't driving over.

I was sitting in the passenger seat. My buddy was driving. She was in the back seat and just came around full punch right in the side of the face. But you went to the movies without her? Yeah. What movie? I want to say it was one of the Batman's.

This girl sounds like a real fucking loser. I'm telling you. And she was like, pow, bing. Big Riddler fan. Yeah, I think it was like the George Clooney. We were supposed to go together. And we talked about it. And I ended up going and just fucking she just rocked me.

Imagine being upset about missing the Clooney Batman. She was a little. But you can also go see the next day. It's not like it was the only show. Yeah, but I understand where she was coming from. I mean, the physical violence was a little over the top, to be honest with you. Sucker punch a guy.

Give me your heads up, at least. Yeah, shoot me a fair one, will you? But that's big in relationships. You can't go see if you guys, if you guys are, if you say, oh my God, we got to go see that together. And you go see it with your buddies. That's an issue, right? Yeah.

Do you have shows that you guys watch together? No, I don't watch shows. I'm not a show guy. Real. I hate shows. You're an uppity, this one, isn't he? No, right? He's a real hoity-toity.

I've tried watching shows. From Massachusetts trash, Joe. I can't watch shows. But I did. I've never admitted this before. This should go on the Patreon. Because this is some serious bonus stuff. Oh, boy, here we go.

I did go see Joker without Sarah and never told her that I'd seen it. Wow. I respect that. Because she was big. And I was alone on the road. And it was an independent theater, single screen type of thing.

And so I was like, I got to do it. And it's the only live ever. Did you then go watch it with her and act like you've never seen it? Yeah. Really? I liked it enough that I was like, I could see this again. How'd you play that off?

I just went, yeah, I just went, well, go see it. It'll be fun. I just never brought it up or mentioned it until right now. The discussion after the movie, how did that go? When you were talking about the movie, this, that, and the other thing. I liked it better the first time. What?

No, it's like, this is my best kept secret of my life. I'm not a secret keeper. So this was something. But exclusive. This is an exclusive, folks. Venmo made. Scandals and animals. What are you doing your personal times?

You're a business, Joe. Hoxie squirrels. We actually have your wife right here. Sarah, come on in. But yeah, I was just regular. I was like, yeah, it was good. I liked that. I was surprised by this.

I thought about doing a couple of predictions to really blow her mind. I'm like, I bet he murdered this guy and let the little guy go. But it was good enough that I was like, I'll see this twice. Wow. Now, is she going to be upset if she hears that? Would she be upset about that? I don't think so.

Someone will tweet it. There's all rats on Twitter. The whole family turned out to be rats. Hey, her. One year, she said what she got from me on Christmas on her podcast, and a guy tweeted at me what I got. We're pretty good, actually. We have a chicken sandwich.

Don't fucking say it. There's things that don't go public here. And everybody's pretty good about it. Oh, good. Yeah. Well, chicken sandwich. Do you guys fight that seem like you guys don't ever? I can't really see you guys getting mad at each other.

Not really. We're desperately afraid of confrontation. So we just hold it all in. Match me to heaven. I'm sure she's just trashing me to her friends. But no, we don't fight very much. We're not big fighters. I'm a kind of guy that, like, if you get in a fight,

I'd be like, all right, that's it. We don't have to date anymore. Yeah, I'm kind of the same way. Really? Yeah. If someone, like, I see, like, movies, or people will tell me about fights, and they're like, fuck you.

You got a little dick or whatever. And I'm like, so you left, right? That's the end of it? We've been talking to my girlfriend, I say. That's right out of the script. That's always the one I hear, or you're like, you see it in a movie or something. It's like a marriage.

It's like 12 years, and they've hated each other. I'm like, just leave. Just go. I don't understand that. Yeah, we get along great. OK, I can explain that. It's very low self-esteem. Fear of being alone.

Oh, we do have that, too. So maybe that helps. You'd walk on a dime. She gives you shit about the joke, or you're out. Yes. Someone's not going to do it. It's the NYG first. We've got secrets.

We've got door knocks. What's happening here? Let's see who it is. Well, I canceled that, buddy. Yeah. I spoke to, I canceled over the phone. Who did I schedule with you? Then, yeah, could you left me a voicemail saying,

thank you for canceling and letting me know? Yeah. Wow, that was awesome. Holy shit. Yeah. Insurance inspector. That guy was giving you some fucking attitude, though. He's lucky Mr. List was here.

That was him, too. Yeah, he was very upset with me, I feel. It's going to have been a lot worse. It's like the cable guy, the guy from Cable Town, trying to think right now. Well, that was intense. My heart started going. Wow, that was something.

Yeah. I didn't know what was going on. Our premium is about to be fucked. Yeah. Wow, man. I just fucking, if there's any insurance adjusters out there, hit me up. They have live monkeys in the studio.

Boy, I didn't understand any of that. That was so adult. Yeah. So we have to have an insurance policy here. And we've just completed one year here at the studio. And so they have to come and do an inspection, because we renewed the policy. Oh, I see.

And then they wanted to come and do an inspection. I said I couldn't do it. And he confirmed, for sure, confirmed the cancellation with me. I can play the voicemail back. I'm on his side. He goes, thanks for canceling, giving me the heads up. I don't like that he has that old ass camera.

One of those things. Guys start snapping pictures. He had a camera? He had a little camera in his hand. If anybody asked Joe's Kevin Ryan from here on out. I didn't see him. That was like, get him. Anxiety inducing.

Yeah, dude. That was a, wow. That was like on sexy side of you, though. I see you in a different light. He's an international businessman. He fucking calls his shots around here. I like the way you handled that, too. You were like the bottom.

You said no visitors or something. Yeah. What the fuck? It's like, what the fuck? Fucking Alfred Pennyworth over here. No, that was hot. I'm like, I feel it. No one can bother the master now.

I feel emasculated that you guys just really manned up on that guy. I would have been like, all right. You're trying to force me on live television. We're broadcasting here. I'm like, show's over. He said insurance. You have to stop.

I'm like, dude, that's exactly what I thought. I was like, oh, we're getting kicked out of here. I was about to get my coat. Good job, fellas. I thought that was like the German councilman asking for my vaccine, my papers. Wow, that was crazy. It's Joe List.

We've never had that. That good German? I think that was pretty good. I don't think we've ever had anybody knock here. The mailman once, I think. I thought it was the mailman. I thought it was gonna be your guys' Christmas presents. Get your credit cards out.

I did real good. Really? Oh, strap in. I did really good too, I gotta be honest. These might be the two best gifts I've ever bought for anybody. But I digress. We supposed to be getting people to put this on?

You're loved ones. What are you guys doing? Yeah. We're going to, I don't know. I forget. Because here's the thing. I don't see what he's got. You see we're going to Houston?

We're going to see her family. So I gotta buy those tickets. You gotta buy them all presents. You know that, right? No, we're doing a secret Santa horse shit. I kind of like that though. I like a Yankee swap. That's where you get to pick.

That's real trash. Yeah, that's real garbage. Oh, that's us. Our family, we make a thing of it. This yelling and swearing. I know people get real mad. Yeah, slurs, the whole thing. I'm going for the big box.

Yeah, it's big. Trying to trade up. It's wild. There's always like a gag gift in there too. You know what I mean? Somebody got somebody a vibrator or fucking Steve get stuck with it or something. Yeah.

Do you know what you're getting, Sarah? No, because here's what I was going to say. I don't want to be one of these guys who's like, I'll pay for it. But it is tricky. We're going to Germany on my dime. We're going to Palm Springs. I mean, we're going on vacation left and right.

Gloves are awful right here. And then all of a sudden, I'm like, oh shit, I got to buy a gift. But I'm like, well, can I just get the credit for the Germany? But you guys are married. It's both of your money now. You guys have a joint account? He's still separate accounts.

No joints. Yeah, he seems like a separate account guy. Well, I got the corporate. I can't be sharing my. Does she know what's in your bank account? Oh, I tell her quite a bit. That's all I have. I'm doing well.

I got bad teeth and herpes. I got to be like, I got to throw a couple of numbers out there. I've been doing a little face throwing lately too. I'll tell you that. Better believe it. Yeah. That's all I have for her to be like, ooh. But this is my wife had to pay for everything up

until about six months ago until we started making some cash. So I mean, she paid for this studio that we still got to pay her back for, by the way. Allegedly. Allegedly on paper, you know what I mean? So she's something insurance guy. So now when I pay for things, and I will make a joke, I got this one, I guess.

She's like, yeah, I've been carrying you for seven years. So I'm like, it still comes back to bite me in the ass. I'll figure something out. I'll get her something. Do you do cards? Are you sentimental like that? I'm so good at cards. I write a long thing.

Really? Really sweet. Oh, yeah, they're keeper. And then she tries to do it, and you're like, nah, nice try. Now, do you go blank inside, or do you have a little thing? I get a cute card, and then on the left flap, it's a Sarah. And I just crammed in there. I love you with all my ways, or whatever the hell, bullshit.

All my ways. I don't know. All my ways. Or whatever. Bill Shakespeare over here. I'm so mad. So I'll write something really sweet. Does she keep them?

I think for a little bit. I think eventually she throws them out. Yeah. Sarah's not as sentimental as me. She's a little colder, I feel. I made a movie, a film. And then when we finished, she was like, so we could throw the script out now, right?

Why? And I was like, that's the script. I'm like, we could probably auction this off for a couple bucks. But I think she's like, clean out, clean it. Yeah. Did you dedicate it to anybody? The movie? Yeah.

Nah. That was cool at the end. That should be the Christmas gift right there. You can get that in there. If she dies, I'll dedicate it to her. She's got two weeks left. What's your fridge look like? The front of the fridge.

Magnets? Magnet collection. Tons of them. That's where all our cars are. Like cities or fun stuff. All city. Yeah. We collect magnets and Christmas ornaments.

Which Christmas ornaments is a really fun thing to collect? Because every year you pull them out and you go, oh, remember Providence? That was fun. Oh, travel. OK. Yeah. But where do you buy them?

Do they sell them places? Yeah, that's weird. You're putting them away. Yeah, year round. Really? Yeah. This guy's bonkers. Yikes.

I'm telling you. I don't know if I. I don't think I've ever seen a Christmas ornament somewhere in the summer. Yeah, no shit. They got them. I feel like they only pop up in like now. No, they got them.

I'm telling you. You got to look. I'm coming back with a Germany. Oh, it is Christmas time, I don't know. Sounds like a real fun vacation. A hike Christmas ornament shopping and a shitty French movie. Couple of rabble rousers over here.

I'm a big hike guy. You got to go for a hike. You going to hike in Germany? No. Go out to like the Black Forest or something? Ooh, the Black Forest. Ooh. I want to.

What's the record for Seinfeld references in an episode? I want to break it. We do pretty well on our own. We're very Seinfeld heavy, for sure. Right. I always love when people will make them and then somebody just like on Twitter is like, I caught that. And I'm like, yeah, that's good.

It flies under the radar. For a while, we had a Twitter account Tuesdays with Seinfeld and the guy would go through each and every one. That's awesome. And there was a lot. But I think he's dead or something. He probably got tired of doing it. It's pretty ingrained in us, like in our DNA.

That's just how, yeah. I think that's like how a lot of people from our generation, specifically in comedy, just think. You think in the Seinfeld line. Yeah. There's like seven of us. Yeah. There's Andy Fiori, Donnelly, Mark, myself.

That's it. I'm like, I don't think it's the whole generation. I think it's just a few autistic people. I think a lot of people are like, why are you saying that? I don't think like I meant like. Man, it's not like it was Social Security. Rape old age is 65. I don't think a younger general, I don't think I meant like our age.

I don't think kids in their 20s are watching. These kids don't know. They're all on TikTok. Dude, that show to a 20-year-old came out before. It was like me watching Mesh or something. I know. I think that all the time. That's an old fucking show.

I did watch Mesh. We've been over this. The reason why the kids today don't know about old shows is because they don't have to watch them. When we were kids, that was all we had. Right. Hogan's Heroes, what's happening, all that bullshit. You watch the fucking lineup in the summer on Fox 29

or whatever it was. Yeah. Do you have cable growing up? Yeah. Do you like to do like the three basic categories? I always had cable. I can't see that. I think I remember getting cable.

But I was young. We had cable when I was young because we were big Red Sox. We needed the cable to watch the ball game. That's all we had was we didn't converse. We needed those 162 nights. We're still like that. In February, you're like, hey, pictures and catches are reporting soon.

Yeah. Just keep the conversation light. It's only 84 days. Not too bad. Yeah. We had cable as long as I can remember because I remember watching Bruins and Red Sox games as really young.

Why would you have to watch the Red Sox on cable? Because they were on the New England Sports Network. Well, maybe they were local. They had to be a local. They on TV38. My thoughts or something, yeah. At least the home games. Well, yeah, we had, I think, I don't know.

I think New England Sports Network, Nessun, if you will, came out when I was a really young kid. Pretty sure. Because I remember we had upstairs. We did have cable upstairs. We had one of the TVs with the fucking rabbit ears as we would have to have in our room in a fucking cell. Were you at one TV household?

We had. My parents had a TV. Most of the time, we were two. And now we'd go down to my parents' bedroom to watch stuff. Down to your parents' bedroom? Well, down the hall, I'd say. It's one level. All right.

Yeah. We had those stairs. First floor master bedroom. Garbage. Garbage. Is it a one level house or two? One level house, no basement, no nothing. Just a real slab.

Wait, you want some real slabs? It's one floor? One floor. Yeah, I meant down the hallway. It's a small house. It looks like the Monopoly house. It's a classic rectangle triangle house. There's no second floor.

No upstairs. No upstairs. There was an attic, but you had to like really. How close are the mine to you guys? We needed a real ladder. And it was like a one floor. It was a little square. There was no entry.

It wasn't like a pull-a-cord thing. Sure. You had to pull a ladder. Like a crawl space little time. Yeah, yeah. And only my dad ever went up there. That's a dad's job. Yeah, we weren't.

And it wasn't like a floor. It was a crawl space. How many bedrooms was it? Or is it? Is it still the same house you were up in? Three bedrooms, one bath. Three bed, one bath. That's what you got, right?

Three bed, one bath. The one bed, the one bath is tough to me. We have three bedrooms and one and a half bath. Yeah, we just had the one. But we have a basement like normal people. Yeah, no basement. What time, my buddy? Talk about nowhere to run.

I don't like that at all. Yeah, it was very little. My buddy. And it's weird that you guys didn't talk a lot too, all being, you know. No. No, very quiet. It was no good.

Any video games growing up? We were in Nintendo. On the main TV or the parents TV? That was down the hallway at my parents' thing. You had to play in your parents' home? Yeah, because that was like the smaller TV. Big and tell me it's another apartment. I know.

I'm down the hall at my parents' home. Down the hall, it was like seven bases, honestly. I think it switched back and forth. It would be at one and then the other. But I crapped out on video. I got to Sega Genesis, and after that, I was done. Yeah, same with me. I was pretty much out after Genesis.

Yeah, I was not a big video game guy. Folks, let's take a quick second and talk to you about the good people at Roman. Keeping it spicy over there. I like it. Hey, man, we all need a little help every once in a while in the Boudoir, in the bedroom. Your car battery dies every now and then, you need to jump.

100%. If the pipes were broken in the sink, you wouldn't just let water flow everywhere. You'd get it fixed. Same thing with the piece downstairs. You know what I mean? Can't be showing up with a rubber gun. You're going to be ready to rock and roll.

Roman, can help. It's way more ED is way more common than you think. 52% of guys age 40 to 70 experience some sort of ED. Kevin has it. I got it right now. Hit that thing with a blowtorch. Nothing happens. That's why I go to getRoman.com.

That's punch-drunk. That's why I go to getRoman.com.com slash garbage. I speak with a US licensed health care professional about a rectitis function, and you get 15% off your first month of treatment. Guys, they're not just going to write pills if it's not. That's what's cool about it. They talk to you a little bit.

They figure out what works. If prescription is what's required, they take care of it. Completely confidential, totally screed, free online valuation, and ongoing care. Go to getRoman.com slash garbage. Complete the online visit. Take care of your ED without ever leaving your home.

One more time, getRoman.com slash garbage. If you're prescribed, you get 15 bucks off your first month of ED treatment. Make sure you're ready to have the confidence and control this season. Roman ready, baby. Don't let KJ sent you. Gang, this podcast is brought to you

by the good people at BetterHelp. Doing the Lord's work over there at BetterHelp. They really are doing the Lord's work, man. If you've got something that's going on, I'm in therapy right now. It's a process. It's a big step to take. BetterHelp is absolutely fantastic.

You can do it in the privacy, and the security, and the comfort of your own home. It's not a self-help line, all right? It's a licensed therapist that wants to help you. Yeah, guys. And you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. I don't know if you've ever tried to pin down and find a new therapist or start therapy.

It's not easy. It's a pain in the ass. It takes months. Months. It really does. To figure out some of the fits. And if you're in an area where they don't have certain specialists, BetterHelp can take care of you.

You'll get timely, thoughtful responses. You can schedule weekly video or phone sessions. You won't ever have to sit in an uncomfortable waiting room with traditional therapy. Special offer for RU garbage users. You get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash garbage. Special offer one more time for RU garbage

listeners, 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash garbage. Do it. Do it, gang. Feel good. Back to the show. Back to the show. I do like an Xbox now and again.

I played with my cousins over Thanksgiving. They're all kids. It's fucking awesome. Yeah. Played a Star Wars game. It's too much. I feel like an old soul. Like, it's too many buttons.

I can't do it. Yeah. The second there was like a joystick got involved. I was like, all right. I'm out. Oh, the other joystick, yeah. The other joystick. Nintendo 64 you could get by with,

but the second joystick was bad news. I started with Atari. One joystick, one button. I remember Atari. That was fun. Fuck yeah. All right. My dad's smoking plane.

Space invaders. Ah, the holidays. Smoking the house? You grew up in a smoking household? Oh, my god. You? Your parents' smoke? My parents' smoke.

My grandparents' smoke. It was in the house. My uncle is a fireman. And when they went to give him his physical, they're like, how long have you been smoking? He's like, I've never smoked a day in my life. Jeez. And they were like, ooh.

Well, your parents are bad people. Damn. My grandparents' house was one of the ones where you remove a photo and it's just like yellow with the little splatter. Really? Yeah. Pop up with the heaters, huh? It was bad, yeah.

What was their nickname? The indoor sing ain't too shabby. Graham and Gramp. And then I had Nanny and Pa. Pa? Pa? Pa. Yeah.

I don't know. I didn't name them. Jesus. How about this? You want to hear garbage? You want to hear garbage? My grandparents' nickname for my sister's kids? Grand Deb and Grand Steve.

Oh, my god. Grand Steve? They just took their names. Grand Deb, Grand Steve. Wait, and that's what the grandparents call the grand kids. Wait. No, the grand kids call them. Jesus.

Hey, Grand Deb. Because their name's Deb. So she's Grand Deb and Grand Steve. I think we invented that. That's trash. That's a level of white trash I've never heard of. Honestly, as they got older, it changed. That's a 40-year-old grandfather.

Now that it's gotten older, they've gotten older. I think I've got a leather jacket off for sure. Oh, call me Grand Dad. It's Grand Steve. I'm only 25 for God's sake. I'm still looking for some tail, all right? One time when he was leading on the jukebox, they've evolved into grandma and grandpa,

but it was Grand Deb and Grand Steve for a long time, which I liked. What'd you call your grandparents? Grand mom and pop. Yeah, pop, I think. You're shitting on pop. You got pop. Pop's all right.

Pop is a dad. No. Hey, pop. My grandfather was pop, and my dad's pop now with the kids. I don't know. I think pop is a dad. It's better than Grand Pop or whatever you're saying. That's a French car, I think.

Grand Marshall's here. When's the parade start? I have pop's dad. I'm sorry, pop. No, pop's good. Pop's a bad look. Pop? Yeah.

Pop is better than pop. No, that comes like a coonskin hat. Pop is bad. Put it on. If you're in a shootout in Deadwood, pop's OK. They got pop. Nanny and pop.

Pop got shot through the liver. What are you talking about? Hey, pop. And Aunt Da, it was Da and pop. And they worked together. Wasn't that funny? Da, pop. That's a real trash thing when family members work together.

And they work for the town, too. That's pretty good. That's good Benny, so I got to give you that. That's good Benny. Man, working for the town's a tough look. That's a tough look. Secretarian road work. That's what you was a small town, though?

It wasn't like you worked for the city. No, no. It was like a town. My family's not city material. All are all town. They're no comptroller, I'll tell you that one. My family, I don't even, this sounds like another Seinfeld. Where's the sneakers in the pool?

I don't think my family has set foot in a major American city in 45 years. My mom's come up to New York once to see me. No, the idea, like I mentioned New York, they start grabbing barrels to throw up in. They're like, what? My parents had to go in the Philly yesterday to go to the doctors.

He's getting bad down there. You haven't been there in 20 years. What are you talking about, getting bad down there? The homeless are on the street. Yeah, where the fuck do you think they go? Fucking boats out. I could never picture my mom and step down on the subway, like taking the A train or something and being sane.

No, you forget, they're like, why would we go to the city? That's insane. As I get older, it makes more sense to me. I want to get out of here. What am I doing? They don't come to see you at all? No. You always come to see me.

That silence was really sad. Well, it was a staunch no. I was like, every couple of years, nope. No, my wedding, they came to. When you guys go there and stay at your mom, do you stay at your mom and dad's when you guys go up there? You stay in the house. Childhood bedroom, same bed, poster still on the wall.

No, new bed. It's a guest room now. It's more of a guest room, but there's still a couple thing. It's a Joe-centric bedroom. Because I had this debate with my sister. You guys, please weigh on it. So my sister, as soon as she moved out with her husband, they redid her thing and made it a family room.

I moved out. They left my bedroom very similarly intact. And she was hurt. She's like, as soon as I left, you changed my bedroom. But I think I should be hurt. I'm like, they knew you were never coming back. They were like, she's taken care of. She's got a husband.

She ain't coming back. My bedroom, they were like, let's just leave it as it is. Let's give it a couple of months. Mine's more hurtful, isn't it? Yeah, let's see if this comedy thing pans out. I would love if they put a jacuzzi in my room and said, he's good. He's not coming back.

They're still even now. Like, I don't know. We better leave a bed and some books there. I don't mean to make fun of you, but how do you turn a bedroom into a living room? This house is banana. Is there a door? You open a door to the living room?

It's a family. It's a bonus family. It's a guest room. There's a lamp and a computer in there, a couch. It's quite nice. They turned my sister's bedroom into the dining room. I don't get that. I need a blueprint on this house because I'm upside down.

I don't know what's happened. It's a nice house. It's a little nice. By the way, because it's Massachusetts, they go for like $400,000 these houses. It's goofy. You're saying not, yeah, not expensive. Or is that expensive?

I think it's ridiculously expensive. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because you're close, relatively close to the city, right? In Texas, for $400,000, you get like a mansion. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Two floors at least. Yeah, this is a single floor, three bedroom, one bathroom for $400,000.

Yeah, that's all, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. I think they'll cash it in. No, well, there's nowhere to go. I mean, it's still... They still got a mortgage on it? I think so. Okay. Yeah, I don't know exactly.

A little refinance to that one. You gotta get that second living room somehow. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They're not going anywhere. Do you do that thing? Me and my wife do it. It's very trashy.

It's like you're on Zillow looking at like $4.7 million houses, being like, that's what they're charging. There's only two swimming pools. I'm on Zillow constantly. All I think about is getting out of here. You do? Where's the one place you would go? Well, I think about...

You still gotta work. That's the thing. You still gotta be like, I would go back to Philly. I would do Philly because you can fly out of Philly. I dream of a second home in like Western Mass, like the Berkshire, so we could just shoot up there and have some time in the woods, a cigar, a fire, a hike, those kind of things.

See a movie? Yes, exactly. Go up there to the movies and come back. There's a matinee playing we can still make. Or like living, I think of like Red Bank. Like Jersey Shore, like an hour from now. Jersey Shore is beautiful. You tell everybody this though,

and they're like, you're never gonna do comedy again. You're a piece of shit. You can't leave. What about Westchester, upstate? Ah, no? I don't know. I got to contend with Bobby up there. It's a whole thing.

Plus, I feel like Bobby would win. He's one of those guys that moves and is like, you know what you gotta do is come up here, dude. And I don't wanna let him win. You're in the circle. What do you mean the circle? You would be in Bobby's circle. Yeah, it's exactly.

And then he's gonna tell me all about the place. And you gotta go to this place. Don't go to that place. Got you. Yeah. Yeah, I would like to do like up the Hudson somewhere. Oh, Hudson Valley. Forget about it.

It's fucking beautiful. Nice little cabin up there. Cold Spring, you ever been there? That's where I was looking. Main Street in Cold Spring. Fantastic. Fantastic, beautiful. This is a French restaurant, a nice little bar,

coffee shop, antiques. I'll be there in Queens. A nice stretch job with a pool and a bar. I'm staying in Queens, baby. Yeah, I'll probably be in Queens. You gotta get out. Queens ain't bad. I love my apartment.

Queens States. The best apartment, too. I hate, he's not gonna like, I hate Queens. What are you, Brooklyn? No, I'm Manhattan. Oh, get out of here. I'm all the way uptown, though. He's in Washington Heights.

In Washington Heights. Oh, I remember Manhattan. I lived in Harlem and was like, oh, Manhattan. And I'm like, eh, 175th or whatever. I'm a nosebleed, baby. Yeah. I'm in a cheap seat. I got a quick one for you, Joe.

So last time you were on the show, you were talking about your pretty picky eater. Yes. You were talking about the food situation in Germany. Beautiful question, T-bone. Well, they got McDonald's and stuff like that. Are you fucking kidding me? No, I'm not gonna do a schnitzel or something.

I'll eat some kind of schnitzel-y thing or whatever. But no, it's annoying. My wife hates me when I go to play. But I'll eat, I do well in foreign countries. Foreign countries, I'll eat something. What'd you eat when he went to France? A lot of croissants. Heavy in the croissants.

And I don't know, what do you have there? I mean, some kind of chickeny thing with some jizz on it. I don't know. I don't know anything about food. It's the culinary capital of the world. What do you have there? A chickeny thing with jizz on it. But they're pastries.

I go pastries in France. They do it nice. Are you going to Paris? Paris. Go to Circus Bakery. It's right across from the, what do you call it? Movie theater? The Notre Dame.

Right across from the Foot Locker. It's right across from Notre Dame Cathedral. It's called Circus. Look it up. It's like, there's no signage. It's just like a lady and her dad. And they make these cinnamon rolls. You'll shit.

OK. I've never recommend anything to anybody but Circus Bakery. All right. Right by the bookstore. Shakespeare. I will check it out. Now for food, when you're walking around it, you're just going to like, will you do research of like,

you know, top 50 places to eat in Berlin? Are you just going to walk by and be like, let's just go in here? I got a lot of recommendations from fans. But I'm a big fan of foreign city. You just walk and figure something out. I like a scroll. I just pop into a place.

Yeah. Because if you have too many plans, it becomes a whole thing. And there's also no expectations of like, oh, this restaurant, so go to this place to go here. You just pop into a where. And if it's like solid, you're like, that was great. I had a good time.

I'm pushing real hard for that. I'm getting a lot of pushback. She wants to schedule this, that, and the other thing. She wants to schedule tours, like a wine class, this, that. I don't want to fucking roll around. Yes, girl. Have you been to Paris? No, I've never been anywhere.

Just got a passport for the past time. Just got a passport. Oh, wow. Oh, you're going to love it. Paris is like incredible. I can see you loving it. Every time I can genuine it. Because you love stuff like that.

You've just been so anti. You've been so anti. You're up for so long for some reason. I don't know why. Yeah. But now I think you're like excited. Because I could never afford to go. Of course.

But now I think you'll love it. You've got a beret and a cigarette holder. I'm ready to fucking roll. You're either going to love it or, hey, you're going to come back like those fucking pussies. I'm never going back. Well, I'm expecting that. I'm going to keep my mouth shut and mine might be some cues.

Get to the, hit this circus. You're going to love it. You're going to shit. Can you eat stuff or you're doing a thing where you don't eat things? No, well, over there, I'm going to enjoy myself. All right. Yeah. You're supposed to be doing a thing where you can't eat things

if we're being honest. I felt bad. I brought the donuts and I could feel a vibe when I came in with donuts. I could feel everyone would be like, you scum. They're on me a little bit. I got the trainer, though. I'm going to make sure I work out why I'm going to eat as fast as possible.

Should I bring the donuts with me when I leave? Give them to the inspector. Oh, jeez. I feel like they're sitting there open. I'm an asshole. It's like a trap. P. Adams is going to fall on your head. I get stuck inside the box.

I fucked up. I'm sorry. It's OK. Don't be silly. What do you mean? But it would have been worse if I showed up with one donut. Yes. I don't think I'm fine with that.

I mean, everybody's moving and shaking. It's New York City. You get a donut. Hey, can I have a donut and drink my tea? I think that's fine. You don't show up to a gathering with a donut. No. This is a gathering?

If you would have showed up with a bagel with cream. Sorry, I got to eat this real quick. I'm dying. Yeah. That's one thing. You show up with one donut. I got a problem. Yeah, I agree.

Yeah. It's a dick move. Yeah, you look like a bozo. You said the right thing. Could have got a Boston cream, though. Couple of crawlers or something. Do it right, Joe. You are from Boston.

I grabbed two of these. Well, I like the glaze, so I grabbed two glazed for me, and then two or whatever. Got a jelly? Two jellies? Two jellies. I don't know. When you go to your girlfriend's house for the holiday,

your girlfriend, your wife's house for the holidays, I'm sorry, do you bring a gift? Chicken sandwich. Chicken sandwich. What are you getting her for Christmas? Bust plug. What do you take something like a gift to the family's house? Like, if you're going over to your brother

and sister-in-law's house or mother-in-law's. I think this is the way you should do it. I'm responsible for the gifts for my family. I throw her name on it and vice versa. Ooh, very good. That's good, right? Very good. She gets the gifts for her family.

You know what they want. You know what to spend, what's everything. So I'm like, don't worry about that. I won't worry about that. But I think he means if you're showing up for dinner or something like that, do you roll in with something? No, because we stay there. So I think you just.

Yeah, because you're going down. Because, yeah, it's not far. What if you go up to Bobby's? What if Bobby invites you up for a cookout or something? I'll bring something. You're rolling in with something. One time. Not six donuts.

This is embarrassing, but I didn't know what to bring. Bobby had the new house, so I was excited. I brought him a Home Depot gift card. And it didn't go over great. I think it was like strange. I think he was like, how much is on it? Everyone brought cannolis and stuff and spaghetti, whatever the fuck.

And I was like, spaghetti. Here's a box of pasta, Bobby. Go nuts. I know you like your carbs, my guy. Whatever people bring. And then I just handed him a gift card, and he was just kind of like, oh. How much was on it?

I think like $50 or something. It was a balance of whatever he returned. $884. $1832. That's $50 minus a pack of drywall screws. But the rest is for you, big guy. I want to hold on to that. Yeah, Liz, that's no good.

Yeah, a gift card to a friend is bad. It was strange. I think he's just, it was very bizarre. At first I was like, he didn't even say thanks, but I think he was just befuddled. Yeah, I was stupid. Did you get handed it to him with the receipt? Did you get the gift card at Home Depot,

or did you get it at a different place? No, I got it at Walgreens. Yeah, it's a hookover, whatever. On the way up. Yeah, that's shitty, dude. I'm mad at that. That's bad. No, Joe.

It's orange. It just, it came, popped off the shelf. You got him that at Whitman's Sampler and an anniversary card. You might as well jump out of a rake. Oh, it's goofy. I got you some watch batteries. I've had that too. Sometimes people give you gifts and you're like,

what is, what, what? Yeah, I screwed up. No good. Did the right thing with the donuts. How do you feel about gifts? Do you feel you're a good gift giver? Oh, great gift giver. I really, I keep my ears open.

Around the holidays, I really listen. I love it. I heard Bobby talking about that Home Depot card. Well, you got a home. You got a new home. You got to buy a shingle or something. You should have given him $182. Cash?

You can use them cash? That's nothing to sneeze at. Yikes. What do you mean, my uncle? $81. Yeah, $81. That's great. Good stuff.

Holy shit. All right, let's see. God, I'm having a headache here. Having a headache. I'm getting a headache. I apologize. Let's see here. This one, this is from Drew.

Never had a question read. No question, just a comment. My cousin got married twice in the same calendar year and is currently divorced. That's a fucking. Wow. That's moving and shaking right there. I'm not bringing a fucking dying to that second wedding.

The same year? Yeah. I don't think I've ever been to a second wedding. And my dad's. But you were in one. I forgot I was in my dad's wedding. No, that's no good. You've ever been to a second wedding?

No. Any divorces in your family? Oh, yeah. Everybody in my family gets divorced. Of my generation, I'm the last man standing, still married. Really? I'm like the cousins. Yeah, sister and cousin.

Yeah, the whole group. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I know how to pick them up there, huh? It's tough. Do you have any affiliation with her husband at all? We were close.

I mean, I'll check in occasionally, yeah. It's hard because you've got to figure out what's going on with the other people. Yeah, it's very tricky. You don't want to overstep. It's tricky because people bring someone into the family and then you're like, all right, I guess this person's part of my family.

And then they're like, their person's no longer. And you're like, oh, shit, all right. Yeah, it's weird. I'm not the biggest fan of that. I'm like, oh, listen, I can't talk to this guy. You brought him here. I did my job of being the good brother, friends, whatever. It's tricky.

And quite frankly, it's painful. It's like a weird thing. You're like, that was my sibling. It's like, I can't be friends with this guy. Yeah, you're like, all right. I don't think I could. I wouldn't be able to break up with my girlfriend, not that I would want to.

Chicken sandwich. But yeah, my niece and nephew love her now. Right. They know her. I don't want to do that to them at fucking 10 years old. Turn out like this bozo. Yeah. What, like me?

Hey, I'm doing all right. I just yelled at an insurance inspector. I'm doing all right. Well, what, is he a clown? Yeah, it's tough. Divorce is tough. Yeah, you heard it here first, but it's tough. Look.

All right, let's do a couple more. This is from Geronimo, ever worn shorts in the snow. Yeah, but as a guy, that's what I was doing. Yeah, like I'm the shorts. I'm not a shorts. No, like we throw on shorts, we run out into the snow and come back. But no, I'm not the guy.

I always hated those like football coaches who are like, I always wear shorts. Yeah, those people stink. I can do it. I've reached, you have to be a certain amount of fat to do it. I'm warm enough in shorts in the winter. That's how fat I am. Gotta let the games breathe a little bit, I get it.

Yeah, 90% of winter shorts are cargo shorts, for sure. Yeah, fat guy and cargo shorts. Fat guy, cargo shorts and flip flops in the winter. Flip flops. Yeah, I've seen it. Jesus Christ. No, I've put on like underwear and run out in the snow. You do a snow angel, you come back and you're like, oh, we're crazy.

I did it in a hot tub one time. You jump out and like roll around in the snow and get back. Yeah, yeah. Are you a Long John's guy? Oh, yeah, I just packed him to go to Germany. Really? Big time. Thanksgiving football game, had him on.

Yeah, you got to do it. Long John's on vacation. Man, nothing says fucking like that. Real sexy trip, huh? It's just 34 degrees. High of 34. I mean, that's not that cold. All we do is walk.

Low of 25, we're walking everywhere. You put those thermals on, feels good. Man, she's popping it to take a piss with Long John's on. Oh, my god. Well, it's not one piece like a field west. It's just another band. It's another waistband. That's a flap in the back.

That's a real paw move. Yeah, that is a real paw move. It's a fun gag. They're not like the white ones anymore, too. They're like black and sleek or slick. The white one, when I was a kid, those things, I might as well have had fucking a mattress stuffed in my pants.

They didn't fit. They weren't terrible. Nothing. Always baggy in the crotch, too, I might have. Yes, quite a lot of that. I could have fit all of your dicks in mine, too. Who was the test model? Will Chamberlain for those things?

Then no, she came down to your knees. And the fabric, great. I'd be itching all day. Sucks. Nothing hated when your mom was like, do you have your Long John's on, you're like, fuck. No, now they're sleek. And you have that fun gag where you take your pants off.

You look like a ballerina. You dance around. It's very cute, sweet. Sarah loves it. I think I told the story before. We were out playing in the snow as kids. And I don't know about your, well, how was your gear in the winter?

Did you have good gear where you were playing in the snow in jeans? We had decent gear. We had sweatpants. But we had, my uncle worked on an Air Force base. So he got us these Air Force boots, which were like, government-issued. They were insulated.

That's pretty good. There was an insulation. And they went up to like the knee. They were badass. Those were great. That's great. But it was a lot of like sweatpants. So you'd be wet.

Yeah. I remember one time I was wearing snow pants with just Long John's on under it. And I was probably like 13. And I went to my buddy's house. And his parents were like, you've got to take your snow pants off if you want to come in. Oh, no.

So I was like, no, I don't think. I think I want to hang out here in the sun, you know. I think I want to sled by myself. And I did. I had to go in and sit and eat dinner with his family in my Long John's. Tough look for a fat, fat 12 year old. That's rough.

That's like a cowboy. That's hilarious. I've been wearing assless chops, dude. It was a bad look. Kind of to the outhouse. Take a dude's stance block and say it. Did you ever, speaking of Long John's, did you ever have a pair with the flap in the back?

No, no. That seems more of like a year generation type thing. Yeah. I don't know how you would shit in that. That's brutal. I would have it all over me. I'd be like I'm eating a Sunday. I think you do now, to be honest with you.

I don't think you're a clean shot. Oh, no, man. A lot of control, a lot of road work back there. How actually, we haven't talked about this in a while. And I bumped into you the other night or two weeks ago at the stand. And you were about to shit in public. You're about to, you're all nervous.

You were so nervous, Nellie, about taking a poop at the club. Can't take a poop? Well, I hate, I don't mind if it's like, like the Village Underground at the Comedy Cellar, there's like four individual booths with it closed. Individual, that's great. That's a home booth. Anytime it's one booth and you know,

if someone's waiting, they're out there, just I can feel them checking the clock. So that's the problem. I don't like a single stall. How do you clean a public restroom? If you walk in at like, what do you do? Are you doing a wipe? Are you doing, are you laying down the toilet paper?

Or are you just going fucking ham? If there's piss on it, I'll wipe it. I'm not a big germ guy. Really? I sit right now, especially my ass cheeks. I don't have a thing about my ass cheeks. I don't want to sit and piss or shit, but I'll give it a quick wipe.

I don't build a fort. It just, I don't, I don't believe in, I knocked three times to come in. I don't believe in the butt. I don't care about germs in my butt. It's a butt. Just a nervous aspect. You don't need people milling around.

It's the time. Yeah, yeah, it's people outside. That's what makes me crazy. Because sometimes, you know, you have those shits that you're wiping for a half an hour. Are you worried about the smell? I'm being worried about the smell. If you're like, walk out and you're like,

who, man, sorry about all of that. That's a skinny guy, I think. Fat guys, that's petrified. I mean, if there's ladies around or whatever, if it's a unisex, maybe. Ladies around. What are your chicks doing later, huh? I'm going to go pinch a loaf.

I'll be right back. Yeah, I don't worry too much about smell. Why don't you broads take a lap? I'm going to dump one out. Anybody got the paper? Have you been to the, by the way, the creek in the cave in Austin is fantastic. But they have the multi-gender, all common use bathroom.

Who's shitting in there? I'm trying to think of the bathroom. It's like a, imagine a men's bathroom with the stalls where you can see through the crack and it doesn't go to the floor. Which by the way, that's one thing that the Europeans have figured out. It's the stalls all the way to the floor.

Really? You can take a huge deuce and no one will know. They're better than us over there. That's very liberating at the creek though. I'd like to go in there and fucking drop a deuce. Just let it all out. The fucking showroom would clear up. Paint would come off the wall.

Rogan moves. He leaves town. God. Yeah, but that was nuts. I remember like I would be in there and then like this hot chick would come in and I would just get nerfed. I'm like, this is too weird.

Yeah, I don't like that. I can't, I have more trouble pissing. I can't piss with anybody anywhere within a hundred miles. I need to be in the stall. Yeah, I'm a stall guy. I'm a nervous Nelly. I don't even, any kind of noise.

It's brutal. Any kind of noise. I need like, I need, I need silence. Fine, please. Even my wife. My wife approaches the urinal. If she's talking about, I can't, I can't. I need full concentration to piss.

And to come also. I got a bad brain genital connection. Any kind of, I need, I need silence. It's embarrassing. I'm a child. My uncle, I'm like torching. We used to like try to pee in the water because we'd be on the boat all day.

And he would, he knew I couldn't piss with anything going on. And he would do like circles around me. So I'm like getting like, I'm trying to piss in the water. Oh, you would jump in the water to pee. I can't piss in water either. Yeah.

Really? If I found a piss in water, I have to take my dick out and piss like I'm at a urinal. What? That's a sex crime. So I'll be like in the beach. Are you kidding me?

I'll go way steep and kind of just pull it out. Cause it's like the, the, the, the, uh, what do you call it? The sensei. The mechanics of urinating. I can't do it. The waves, the whole thing. It's brutal.

I've swam in the ocean with like having to piss so bad for like an hour straight. I can't do it. Can't do it. What? That's nuts. I'll be on the beach drinking and then I'll just walk in like waist high.

I know. I can't. Well, you gotta work on that. Well, drinking back in the day when I drank that you're, you lose your inhibition. So I would piss on like a, a lady's face. I didn't care. Yeah.

But now it's tough. It's a hard life. I'm living man. You got it. Next time you go to the beach, you got to go out there and then set yourself free of that. I need, well, what happens is like this movement

of stairs getting tossed around. So you don't pee in a pool. No. Oh my God. Really? You can't pee in a pool. Doesn't the green, it turns green. That's, that's an old lifestyle.

That doesn't happen. I always got money for those chemicals. I mean, come on. And drink a ton of tea. I have to pee right now. Yeah. I'm always worried about it when I'm peeing in a, peeing in the ocean.

Cause I've had it happen one time where it was a brand new bathing suit. So like the fabric wasn't treated yet or something. And the pee kind of stained it like a discolored it. Oh yeah. Really? So I walked out of the ocean and it just clearly was like Kevin just peed.

It was like a discoloration. Yeah. I'm worried that it attracts predators. Cause they say that the warm water attracts predators. So I'm always scared to pee. But I can. All right. The fuck.

Now we're judging? No, no, I'm like, I gotta, I gotta get better. I'll make some changes. I'll make the necessary adjustments. Oh God. All right. Let's do one or two more than good. Joe's gotta get out of here.

I gotta go to Germany for guys. What time's your flight? Three o'clock. What? No. I was like, Jesus Christ. It's boarding right now. Oh yeah.

I should wrap up soon. But the show is, the show, the flight is at 6 30, but it's to JFK. So the traffic, so we're leaving at like 3 30. Nice. Uber and out? Yeah. Yeah.

That's how we sign off our conversations. Uber and out. Anybody house sitting or anything like that? House sitting. Yeah. To the parking. Hey, come over. I'll check out what's in the fridge for a little bit.

Someone's got to flex the gaskets. What are the plants? I need you to flush the toilet. No, no, no house sit. Anybody get in the mail or anything? I don't think. It's gone for like four days. You're going to Germany for four days.

It's a quick trip. Jesus Christ. I just wanted the miles. Go over there and see a movie and come back. What the fuck? We got the red eye out. It's bad. Can't stay for the credits.

I do think Sarah is put out by it quite frankly. What do you mean? I know our thoughts are going to be about. My rods and cones are all screwed up. She doesn't want to go? No, she's excited to go, I think. But I do think it's like, it's a real kick in the vagina. Like it sucks if you're scheduled.

You're all like massive. Yeah, the travel, the time, different. But it is going to be, you're going to get there. The German Christmas, it's a good time. It's always worth it. It's all the holidays. Always worth it. It's all like, you know, it's in like an old cobblestone

fucking town square or whatever. Have you done this before, this Christmas market? No, never done it. Excited. It's a good time. You've been to Germany before. Germany, but just like Frankfurt for a day, a layover, missed the flight kind of thing.

Okay. So, never Berlin. That airport ain't nothing to shake a stick at that Frankfurt airport. Oh, it's quite a place. All right, let's do one more and wrap this up here. This is from Kiefer Deli. When was the last time you purchased

a 99 cent Arizona product? Oh, I'm not an Arizona guy. I've never done that ever in my life. Oh man. Well, because of my acid reflux, I drink exclusively tea and hot tea and water. No soda, no sugary. It's weird because I have acid reflux really, really bad,

but I just... Pushed through it. Yeah. How bad do you have it? Well, I got the silent re, so it gets in my throat. Right now you can hear that. It's always burning.

It sucks. Take nexium? I take just pepsid. Pepsid? Yeah, day and night. Check out nexium. It's actually really good. Okay.

You guys putting your beaks on this or something? What's happening? Isn't that a cult? They're both plugging big pharma over here. Nexium.com. So yeah, I don't drink. I've never been a tea guy. I feel bad I'm ruining the last question.

Not at all. Not at all. What did you drink as a kid? What was in the fridge at the List House in the picture? I don't want to say. It's going to be a whole situation when I tell you what our favorite beverage was. That's what we're looking for.

Let's go. We were looking for hot tea and water. Drought up as well. We were a Mountain Dew family. What was the Dew? We did the Dew, baby. A Mountain Dew family. I got an uncle that still always has a Mountain Dew.

He's like 78 years old just with the Mountain Dew. Jesus. That's 20 ounce? I don't know. It's like the long thing. It might be 20. Yeah, that's a 20. It's a 20.

It's a 20. We love the Mountain Dew. I like Pepsi and Coke. I liked Pepsi, Coke, Mountain Dew. Those are my trifecta. Your mom didn't make fruit punch or iced tea in the picture or nothing like that? Every once in a while we would occasionally,

but not regularly. Mountain Dew, Pepsi. I had the big two liter pouring a cup. I'd balance it on this thing like this. It would be like, you pour it like this off the thing. Oh, yeah. But yeah, your little hands were too, yeah. I was too little, yeah.

Yeah, same way. And then I would open it and go like that. Spin like that so we go and shoot up to the ceiling. Fun move. People can evil. I miss soda. I quit soda a couple of years ago. I'm big on diet soda.

It's not good. Oh, yeah. Were you allowed sugar cereal? Oh, yeah. I don't think there was any restrictions. We didn't have a lot of restrictions. They played it fast and loose. No, fruit loops frosted places.

I grew up on Mountain Dew. That's a family. I've never heard it. Like I heard when you turn to a teenager or whatever, you start skateboarding. You shouldn't really be alive right now. It was a lot of Mountain Dew. I had some dental issues.

A lot of cavities. That messes up the sperm count too. I think that's a myth. No, yellow five and yellow six. I don't know. I don't get you. An adult drinking a green beverage is horrific. A neon green beverage.

It's been a while. I was into my 20s. But yeah, my uncle, but my uncle has three kids and he drinks four bottles of Mountain Dew a day. So that's why I think it's a myth. I mean, he was in the delivery room. Double fist of the two. My uncle drinks Mountain Dew every day.

He's dropping loads left and right. Yeah. No, I think he's strong. That's great. Good stuff. Buddy, thank you so much for coming in. Thanks for having me. Yeah, what a fun app.

Glad we made it work. Absolutely fantastic. The button will be when I miss this flight to Germany. I'm like, shit. We'll do a Zoom follow-up call. When you got coming up, you want the folks to know. Plug the splash. Plug the plug.

Plug it all. Well, I shot this app, but I don't know when it's coming out. But I shot a special. It's in the can. But now I have no material. So I've got to write some material before I can release it. But I've got to show in Berlin. You better get to it, buddy.

Yeah, I shot a movie coming out, a special coming out, both in 2022. But I don't know when. Joe and Ronon talk movies. I feel like if you like the show, you might like that show. We talk a lot of movies. 100%. Yeah, and so check that out.

It's on YouTube. It's everywhere you get podcasts. Ronon Hirschberg, he's a great guy. And I got a bunch of dates. I don't know where, though. I don't know when this comes out. April. I'm in Boston.

I know that. Patriots Day weekend, whatever weekend that is. That's our own holiday. I thought everyone had it. But just in Boston. It's the marathon. It's April. Yeah, the marathon.

That's right. Oh my god, I got a lot of texts. My god. Jesus Christ. But yeah, I don't know my day. I stink at plugging things. But check out Joe and Ronon Talk Movies, Tuesdays with Stories.

And oh, I know what to plug. Subscribe to my YouTube. I'm self-releasing this special. I got no YouTube followers. So please subscribe to my YouTube. Yeah, great. Also, subscribe to our YouTube channel, because we are dropping a special December 21st.

December 21st, baby. Check it out. It's going to be on YouTube. So go subscribe now. If you listen on the audio, go subscribe so you can watch it. We're going to drop it. I believe December 21st, if T-Bone gets it finished. Luke, cut that.

Gang, we love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.