Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Joe List: Sour Milk & Bad Eggs

Episode Date: May 16, 2022

Kippy & Foley are joined by Joe List. Joe is one of the best in the biz! Check out his new special on Youtube "This Year's Material". Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Download the FREE Upside App and use promo code garbage Subscribe on iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/are-you-garbage-comedy-podcast/id1499140700 Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast this is are you garbage oh yeah so little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out that you're to be classy mm-hmm or to just a big old piece of trash I'm your host a trolley coming at you on a beautiful day down here at Anthony's basement she's upstairs knocked out cold oh god yeah you don't run your mouth in a

while while parking lot I can tell you that all right my co-host is coming at you from right next to me he is the CEO of are you garbage bit of an international businessman himself give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan hey gang thanks for tuning in as always who's make sure you rate views subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube and as you know those numbers are true good good good then the greatest website of all time www.patreon.com slash are you garbage check it out got bonus episodes a yg episodes of heart feelings live streams the whole

nine yards check it out absolutely have a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire the magic man makes us all look good we love them you love them give it up for T bone Mcscruff ins Toby Mcbuttons everybody what's up dudes hey T bone never had a whoopee pie but I didn't watch that Joe list special special the year yes out baby the long air ain't lying gang we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly special guest back with us again again again I think it's third or fourth time here he's fucking family at this point think the four club very funny stand-up comedian podcaster and actor has a special out

right now called this year's material on YouTube as it stands right now 531 hey all right gang all jokes aside he is one of the best stand-up comedians working today we love them her show of them give it up for mr. Joe list thank you everybody where the cameras come on animals baby I love coming here just for the Seinfeld references we're back but a hawk near a squirrel eat squirrels you idiots well what do you find once you're with Seinfeld people I can't not do because I'm doing it anyways I know I'm already thinking about it yeah I just say it when I hang out with

non Seinfeld people they now have to know if I say something doesn't make any sense just assume it's Seinfeld or good fellas yeah sure you know who I met the other night just this is just a hello hey how are you I'm Henry hi how are you I'm Terry oh miss Terry Hatcher oh wow she's a big comedy fan yeah she was at the cellar oh wow yeah she messaged me during one of the one of the what do you call it zoo some zoom bullshit or the seller thing maybe it was Ray Ellen somebody had a show and she messaged me and I was like oh my god this is so exciting Terry Hatcher yeah yeah she was great in that Jackie Charles old girl

that's right oh what's been cooking buddy not too much just trying to get this better I'm wrestling the algorithm I'm so afraid of the algorithm you're all asleep to it I know it's brutal but it's out there right now this year's material go watch it tell a friend there's somebody you haven't told please tell them I did the special I'm sweating the algorithm it's very exciting it's absolutely fantastic you gotta watch it man we I meant that when I said you one of the best out there oh thank you working we love you things are going fantastic before we get into the patreon questions I wanted a little follow-up with

you do you feel like maybe you're starting to get a little classier you're starting to do make it a couple more bucks a couple years ago I mean you're patreon it's doing all right I'm hoping I mean we're doing okay I'm making money I'm making more money than I ever you know I would imagine you got a pretty nice chunk of change in the bank great chunk I know the chunky it's a great chunk I don't know what to do with the chunk I was talking to a guy the other day and he was like I'm thinking about getting into real estate and he said an amount of money he had in the bank and I was like I got way more money than that

you can get in a real estate I'll buy your house call me buy your house through you out I don't know what to do but you look and the amount of the house is more money than I have but I guess you're paying cash what are we doing down you keep it all right well I don't know and then you put someone in there is that then you're in it and then you rent it out in the hopes that you make more money off the rent I wouldn't do that just buy a house for yourself and get some equity well I I want to do that but my wife my wife wants to be near friends or whatever I just like let's just sit in the backyard and smoke and

look at stars I want to hang out in the backyard have like a fire pit of some sort going and just really get drunk you were mentioned you were mentioning that outside that you would obviously you live in a story we're talking about maybe making the move out to the barbs I'd like that how do you picture all that going what what would be Joe's style would you get a landscaper would you want to do the lawn yourself would you put in a pool I don't know how to do those things I'm an idiot you don't want to be a fucking landlord then going and fixing somebody else's dry I don't know about a pool the ocean I want to be near

the ocean the ocean heels it heals Jerry the pool doesn't heal you got to fix it but I don't I want to be like rich we have the apartment and the house because here's the thing I've lived I worked the road a lot and it shows on the special this year's material YouTube but I live I live got chops I live 12 minutes from the airport it's the thing I won't be able to like part way if I move to the Jersey Shore it's like three and a half days to get to the it's like Oregon Trail that LaGuardia from Astoria it's beautiful it's fucking it's like it's like it's in your backyard I let I literally it takes me 16 minutes it's

30 bucks now will you fly out of any other airport or you'll just take a flight even you know you don't really want will you take an even earlier flight just because it's LaGuardia and a you first class all the way these days I get upgrade I'm diamond damn so see that's what I was talking about we're trying to figure out we're almost we're almost so we just started doing the road this year so next year will least be silk because it's about the year before right it's based on miles flown the year before yeah we'll probably be silver with Delta they upgrade you for free when you have this if there's open seats but

they're jammed pack now these days they're jammed but most fly I'd say like 75% of flights I get a first grade first class upgrade once in a while I'll spring but now flights are insane now it's like 800 bucks to get to Cincinnati when I know it's a lot when do you find that out that they're bumping you up when you get to the airport sometimes it's not until you scan yeah sometimes it's like until I was right there you think you're going to fucking 38 B and then all of a sudden yeah so you keep one and I you keep checking it and it'll say it says the I'm always number one for the upgrade so like they have the

right they like in the app they'll have like the hot they'll have the rank of the people on the flight yeah who's the highest medallion they have names like a roster yeah it's like J list yeah really yeah you're sitting there and you're like oh you know if you're like 10 you're like there's no fucking shot you're getting wow you have a list of the other passengers yeah it literally it literally ranks them yeah and so it'll say it'll say number of seats so you're like sometimes it's like six seats available and you're number one so you're like guaranteed I'm getting it wait so even coach mom on this list to somewhere

on the top 10 yeah you know yeah you're like embarrassing yeah you're like you're like 38 and 39 you're like stony you're like stony brook on the BCS rankings yeah somewhere you have one but you're strict the schedules in the bottom of the class like people looking at my name because we pay an invasion of privacy we just bought we were flying we did Denver Salt Lake and Phoenix three nights back to back to back and on the first leg to Denver we got emailed hey do you want to upgrade and I knew we weren't well we we had to pay for it but still only 119 bucks I put me and him in it wasn't bad he's a big guy it was it was it

changed my entire perspective about air travel yeah I could have done that for three days sat there well it was like sitting a lazy boy the nice thing is getting on the plane first cuz I don't check a bag so the carry on if you're not just me so much anxiety get getting it up there finding the space when you're the first one on you just toss it right up there get a drink and all the poor people walk by it makes you feel rich you go like oh I get this I get how rich people live throw change at him as they pass but I have such like class problems I feel like I have to be like this I got upgraded my parents make no money I'm

one of you guys I suck we were sitting there we got recognized by a guy walking by was like I love the show and I was like this is the most yeah but then we also got recognized on the way back with a guy that was in the front of the plane as we were heading towards the rear we were like the last two guys walking down the aisle yeah that's the show I go by the engine if you need it um but no it's it's going it's going pretty good but yeah I would like to have a house near the ocean ride a bike but you want to have both you want to be rich I do think that well I think there is a way where I don't know what your

rent is but it's probably not you live in a straight probably not you know you're probably not paying like seven grand in month and rent or whatever you know I'd say 1500 2000 but we have this extra bonus thing for six so it's 26 all in we have like an office we have a two-bedroom basically okay it's nice yeah for 2600 you could get something okay probably where you want at a should the shore houses are expensive though it's crazy look every couple of weeks I'm gonna be I'm big on are you peeking around I go to Zillow I peek two point four yes the shack or five blocks from the beach it's wild to me like a house

in New Jersey near New York City is like one million bucks I'm like one million bucks it's crazy a million dollars like that's like the joke number yeah it's a million number yeah it doesn't even make sense my parents house costs like 11 grand in 1981 but what's it worth now now there's a house in my parents neighbor this isn't like doesn't hit unless you've been there really but like it's houses went for $440,000 there's no basement it's like a flat three bedroom and it's 45 minutes from Boston yeah like there's nothing near there there's no jobs and it went for $440,000 that's gotta be a big topic of

conversation at the List House that's all I know my mom my mom knows what that they down the street what they're got $450,000 for it oh there's like it's you have to as soon as you walk in you're like you know what the house across the street it's why I mean it doesn't make any sense but my parents bought the house in 86 they kept going south until they could afford a home yeah from Boston yeah yeah of course and so we ended up you know 40 minutes outside the city it does I know and there was Kyle my mother said the first night she could hear cows and she's like this is insane honey wake up we gotta get out of here

like this cows and now it's like a half a million dollars would they ever cash it in I don't know where they would go they would have to move to Texas yeah it's too hot the heat the whole thing but my my Sarah my wife's neighborhood for that amount of money literally you can get like a five bedroom three bathroom with a pool and that and that's in like an affluent neighborhood Kingwood which is where she grew up like a affluent nice like not garbage place I mean garbage in their own way they're you know it's not a real estate game sold it not a lot of okay come on now the northeast is a nightmare it's it is it is

crazy I I do we remember I do have the dream of just fucking getting out like and anytime I am in a backyard I'm like what the fuck like last week I was at my brother's beautiful backyard pool kids running jumping everybody's laughing having cotton got the TV outside playing the game and I'm like I gotta get back in the car and drive to New York for like a 145 spot in the morning yeah what are we doing no it's not a way to live life it's better getting older it's funny cuz I'm like I'm such a crazy springsteen guy and he's like my dad he's like my he's like the most important figure in my life and I

grew up in the summer other than your dad no beyond the dad dad stinks Bruce Springsteen you just said Bruce Springsteen was more of a dad to you than your real dad it's trash it's over for bozo living in the past man but I'm on some songwriter from the 60s man but when I was a kid I grew up in a small town the little house and I was like I'm going to run I gotta get out man I'm like we were born to run and now I listen to the same song and I'm like I gotta get back now I'm like this is no way to live yeah 100% I'd like to high-rise I'd be okay in New York with a high-rise because I don't man the whole

nine yards that's like dorm style to me like yeah I don't I don't like sharing I don't know I think because that's expensive that shit's like fucking nine grand a month to be in a high-rise it's no good in New York what's the credit score like I don't I haven't looked I'm not a credit damage to it in your use did some damage well I never I but yeah yeah I don't know I haven't looked I can't look I'm afraid to look what kind of cards you're messing with might want to check that out before you go popping around Zillow well I don't know doesn't it get better it was all medical bills but can't medical bills not fuck

up bills aren't in there no I think just no medical bills can fuck up they do I think I don't know but after seven years it clears that might be clear I don't know I haven't I didn't pay anything in college I just was like all right I didn't have money and then I was like all right I'll start paying these bills like five years into it and I'm like what am I doing two years fucking clean slate let's go what credit card I don't have any debt I just have one American Express card that I only use for like rentals yeah okay yeah why don't you buy the flights on the credit card double the point I know but I'm an

I have a business I'm incorporated so I use the corporate cards when it comes down to new taxes you just give them the statement they know about that yeah we got the same guy yeah yeah he's great yeah yeah I have somebody a little down the trough in the office yeah he uses someone he was I forget the name I got a junior man on the account it's like it's like I forget what it is but it's like Harry Levin CPA and he's like Harry's talking to me like Harry's not talking to you okay you got a Harry's great great grandson I'm sure he'll move up you don't have a car I have a car I bought a car I bought a car during the pandemic

the Vroom boom that's a term I heard one time no it's not no it's not during the pandemic people bought kind of like this is the Vroom boom and then I was like I like it and I adopted it started saying it nobody's ever heard that's not a thing somewhere somebody said nope sounds like a racist air and music but I got a Nissan Sentra 2018 nice just about to click 30,000 miles it was 14-2 when I bought it so I put about 15k on there that's alright and aftermarket products in there neon lights noz can anything like that no none of that stuff I've washed it a couple times guys are real gear head

real grease monkey couple vacuums in there and not a big air freshener you working with him no freshener no fresh well I don't drive it that much I don't know it still smells pretty new and nice are you going out and doing the alternate side parking bullshit no I got a garage so I spend every once in a while here in there which is nice yeah got a garage closer to the house it's a couple blocks which is still this New York nightmare even like when you're like successful you're like I got a I got a spot mm-hmm you're like all right everybody you guys ready to go it's like a 15 minute walk it sucks it's embarrassing

I want to walk out into my driveway I want to live like a real person like a real boy it's a yeah not a USA over here I like it it's embarrassing I haven't spent a lot on clothes either obviously do you eat in the car we eat in the car I will eat in the car every once in a while I love a road gig coming back stopping at McDonald's and parking in the parking lot and eating that is fun what's your what's your McDonald's order double quarter pounder with cheese ketchup only I don't like any of the shit pickles onions none of that that's nonsense I hate it just cheese and ketchup cheese and ketchup beef cheese and

bun I say and I handle my own ketchup I don't trust them and then a fry and that's it and I'm off coke I've been off coke for about three years really so just this the Agua huh is that garbage am I right yeah was there McNuggets thrown in there no McNugget I've never had a McNugget my whole life whoa yeah I'm I eat the same I'm very similar yeah he's never had a general if I trust you anymore to be honest with you I only recently had McDonald's a hash brown for the first time that's something else oh man this guy's a get the fuck out of here are you insane we never did breakfast let you in

Texas what are you not guys reading the Daily Worker we're gonna be very well read holy shit you never had a fucking McDonald's no we never did breakfast we're not a breakfast fit my father my father still doesn't eat breakfast my father's gay what do you mean your dad doesn't eat breakfast he doesn't love breakfast he'll have like a bagel but he waits I'm not I've never been a break breakfast guy you know so you get up for school you're going to school what do you have in the morning I would do cereal for something like a frosted flakes frost flakes of fruit loops all right that's pretty good a bowl kind of

milk you'd be banging around with up there back then it was whole milk yeah good stuff exactly alright your family wouldn't do McDonald's breakfast on a Saturday no you wouldn't get a big breakfast no with the sausage and the not a tee never said ha never said ha ha ha ha ha this is insane we did breakfast would go to maybe like an I hop type of place something a big I'd get a big stack of water I'd never like pancakes waffle I'm a waffle guy or french toast french toast pancakes stinks get out of here with pancakes pancakes at home are delicious I'll give you a good problem with the waffles at a place

is the shelf life on a waffle of it being good it's about 0.3 seconds you gotta get into it quickly you gotta eat it in the kitchen yeah yeah yeah but I like filling the cube with the butter and the syrup and really getting it in there you know oh it's autism I got you I got problems for sure can't let's talk about mint mobile baby mint mint mint mint mint you like getting ripped off by the big guys that's what you like you like pain I like big wireless providers ripped off fine print no I don't like it you like overpaying you like getting fucking bamboozled like a dumbass you know I'm a favorite idiot yeah take a

page out of your wife's book mm-hmm who is a mint mobile customer she was 15 a month 15 bucks a month before it was cool she's a trendsetter sitting there like what's the catch something something something no there isn't one mint mobile secret sauce is the first company sell the wireless service online cut out the cost of retail stores pass those savings directly on to you cut out the bozo you choose you choose um probably lose your number though right no you fucking idiot you keep the same number keep the same phone for anyone who hates the phone bill mint mobile for spring in wireless for just 15 beans a

month 15 bucks gives you the best rate whether you're less than the price of a cup of coffee 15 a cup of coffee it's pretty expensive best rate whether you're buying one for your boy whether you're buying one or for a whole family mint family start at two lines all plans come with a limited talk test high-speed data delivered on the nation's largest 5g network to get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month and get the plan shipped directly to your door for free go to mintmobile.com slash garbage that's mintmobile.com slash garbage cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash garbage do it let's talk about ladder baby ladder let's talk about ladder you know what ladder makes me think of

what's that pal how fragile life is very it's like a it's like a it's like fine china life is like how we almost got squashed on the highway in phoenix by that fucking jerk off in a fucking pickup truck i know that almost ran us off the road and if it wasn't for our uber driver we'd all be dead could have been it if we did die we'd be leaving everybody with nothing because we got no god damn term life insurance yes and ladder can help with that ladder takes care of you baby what an addiction out over there it's first of all it's 100 digital no doctors no needles no paperwork when you apply for 3 million in coverage or less talk at 3 milli now can i request the needle just answer a few questions about your health plant your health in the application just need

a few minutes on the phone or laptop to apply ladder smart algorithms working real time so you'll find out if you're instantly approved no hidden fees cancel anytime get a full refund if you change your mind in the first 30 days that's how good these people are over there a ladder stuff only your family hold on the bag like i'm probably gonna oh yeah uh finally since life insurance costs more as you age now's the time to cross it off your lifts so go to ladderlife.com slash garbage today to see if you're instantly approved that's ladder ladder life.com slash garbage ladderlife.com slash garbage never had what else haven't you never had never had a mcnugget no i mean this is a lot not really because i don't like all the shit so i do double quarter

pounder i guess you could get a big mac plain sure if you're a psychopath like a steak dinner i do steak yeah big steak okay steak potato you've had a frosty no mcdonald the literally the only things i've ever had mcdonald's are a double quarter pounder or cheeseberry when i was a kid when i was growing up you know and french fries no filet of fish never had a filet of fish no i'm eating over here come on i love fish but mcdonald's fish okay no never ice cream i've had like i guess a soft serve maybe at some point what about a whopper you ever have a whopper i did a whopper but uh normally i just get a double cheeseburger burger king too burger king stinks yeah burger king kind of stuff when i was growing up we were like that was number one we were burger king

family oh man yeah the hash brown thing really threw me yeah sorry but i had one recently i'm back now people are just turning the special off right now they're like what i can't get support what would you guys do for like a birth it was a birth your birth date the list household would you go out to dinner one time i had a birthday we went to puppy Jesus Christ i um no wonder why you like spring steam so much i only had one that what we had to have i mean like people would come over and you'd have a cake or whatever my mother would make it people come over they yell at you and they'd leave but you know it's funny i never was a cake guy i got problems i was never a cake guy poppy's got some problems so they they stopped making me cake nobody has sung happy birthday to me i'm not

kidding in about 20 years holy because i never liked cakes so they just don't do it but i'm like you still do it and this is give it to me ice cream cake or something like that i have not had happy birthday sung to me in at least 20 years that's a minimum shame yeah i'm a hurt man hurt people hurt people um talking about your parents but one time we went to puppy geno's and that was fun and we got to make the pizza that was exciting that was like a fun birthday and you got to toss it and the cucumbers it's not a pizza until it goes in the oven do you feel this with your show maybe it's just because i'm on the show i feel this with tuesdays with stories i'm like is anybody getting any of this because we're just doing sign felt yeah uh when there's a guest obviously when

like you or normand or a very sign felt heavy guest comes donly it'll be you know it'll be you know shooting quick like this you can't help it when it's me and him we do it when it's just me and him we do it a lot as well yeah i'm always wondering and then people are like i love the show and i'll talk about this and people are like never seen sign fell you guys rule and i'm always afraid they're going to watch sign fell and be like wait a minute you guys are fucking hacks just stole their whole thing joe that is exactly what happened to me when i started working on this show oh wow oh wow sign fell guy then started it and he's coming he just is like you guys this is all bullshit well what's weird about it just newman well what's funny is the show by the way oh funny

newman story but the show now sign feels now 30 years old so it'd be like if when we were kids watching this show they were just doing yeah they were talking about f-troop or some shit i got to do a great newman though in real life the other day the newman because matt daemon was at the stand and then i was so excited i'm a boston guy he's a boston guy good hunting to the part of the whole thing and i was like i want him to like me so much i did my set went okay and then afterwards i i didn't have the guts to meet him because i'm a big pussy so i hit in the back and then the manager came down was like oh i talked to matt daemon he loved the show and i was like did he mention me and she goes no he came to see normand and then i

went normand i was so happy but there was no sign for people to see it but it was great what does he do is he rolling solo he had a couple of goons he had two friends his buddy was a big normand fan was like told matt daemon they're like you gotta go see mark normand oh how could you so they he a couple guys and it looked like uh the departed he had the hat low in the corner that's a pretty cool move yeah it was he get to that celebrity status where you do that the hat is big great i gotta get a hat yeah some some what's that special hits a million it never fits right it's always like a size too small so your hair kind of sticks out channeling used to do that move a lot which was pretty cool that in the sunglasses it's fun when you see a celebrity

and you're like i i got you i spotted you yeah especially new york used to that used to happen i feel like prepay never happened a lot more i guess i was just out running or running the streets more you would see somebody like holy shit what the fuck i asked adam um what's his name sandler no no adam he's a comic glenn adam glenn you know him the tmz guy first tmz and i said how often are we walking by celebrities and not knowing he said all the time every day yeah that's what he said and the upgrades of the apartment these days you get a new couch get anything like that we got a new couch we got a new couch new chair from uh Ethan allen whoa sponsor just bought it straight up just bought it straight up couple jeez folks leather what are we talking no it's velcro what are

we doing fabric thing i don't know fabric i don't know much okay what color i showed up though this is salesman really bamboozled you talk about garbage this is embarrassing i went in there we went into we were watching going to see a movie so we were like we'll go get a couch across the street beforehand and the guy said this this couch here is about 35 this is almost like you're glad to be handicapped um he said this is like 3500 bucks and i was like oh we're looking more like three 400 bucks range and the guy was like you said that i said that and sarah was like honey what no we're not and then he was like oh and i was like and then the they're both their reaction i was like wait what does the couch cost i was like i think i'm wrong about this he's like that's

not a couch that's like a used internet couch and i was like okay forget i said anything and then 300 bucks for a couch i didn't i wasn't thinking i don't know i never bought anything so it ended up being like closer to a couple grand or something they're expensive yeah they were expensive what's the what's the chair is it like a lazy boy nice chair retro finer chair it's just a chair does it go back no it doesn't go back doesn't do anything is there a sofa bed in the couch no that's trash i think if you're buying a sofa bed now that's sure yeah we have a spare bedroom right is there a couch in there oh yeah we got we got two couches and but you have a two bedroom essentially so what happened was downstairs there was like an apartment for like the uh

mr fix it guy or whatever super super yeah but you can't have an official you can't have a this guy wants to be a homeowner i know where's the mr fix it guy with this house where does he live i mean this the things that look like silverware the thick stuff i mean tools yeah that's what i'm looking for did you ever hear garage silverware let me tell you collin store collin quinn is one of the great stories sorry i'm just all over the place but he's got a great story where he's living this is like obviously 30 years ago and uh he's living in his building he talks to the the mr fix it guy the guy no no the the owner the landlord and he goes hey collin could you uh you think you could fix a sink if you had to and collin's like ah maybe probably i guess and

he's like all right i'm looking for a new super for the building and con goes frank i'm on saturday and he goes no i know you want a couple extra money the guys are saying we're saturdays he's aware that collin's it's not like he didn't realize he's like no i know you're on saturday live i want to know if you want to be a super uh any jizz so the downstairs it couldn't be an official apartment because of fire whatever so there's like a space there but you can't lend it to somebody but he's like if you guys it can be your part of the house yeah but no one can sleep down there yeah so it's like you can't you have to go outside of your apartment you gotta leave the apartment go down in the basement

but it's nice but that's pretty good that gets you out of the house here actually you know it makes it a little more official yeah sarah goes down there which is saved us during the pandemic so she could go to the office and that way we didn't you know shoot each other so upstairs is a two is a proper two bedroom no that's a proper one bedroom oh it's a one bedroom that's a one bedroom yeah so where's the extra bedroom that's in the thing is there a bed down there there's a bed in a bathroom any thoughts of installing like a fire pole to get down there in a fun way spiral staircase the original idea was a spiral staircase and then he was like it's gonna be a lot more difficult than I thought and then I was like we could just have it not that he's like that would be great let's do

that I could feel him yeah and also I worried about the heating because you know New York is it's all pipes so I'll get a plumber on the phone right now so I just didn't understand how we're gonna heat and then there'd be a hole in our house and I was like this isn't gonna work so we just have to you have to leave but it's nice is it completely finished because it sounded nice for a couple seconds now I'm not really sure no it's nice it's a carpet I mean like the water it's a basement so you hear water running is a tile floor uh it's tile-ish but there's some rugs like this it's not terrible it's not great it's it's not a king bed down there I would assume no it's a queen it's our old queen okay that's good yeah that's good any extra space let I mean we're shitting on

it any extra space in New York is is there an exposed water heater anywhere down there no no that's in the closet like I am that's not bad all right nice come over new couch new this new that pretty good we got a guy who you guys over some time we got the we got a little backyard thing it's like love the backyard yeah it's like not a yard it's cement cement with a fence or something neighbors hate us yeah it's really embarrassing time no you gotta have it it's just like literally the sun shines on it for like 80 minutes a day and you sit back there and you pretend it's nice and you gotta whisper because there's like 300 people yeah there's a hundred windows yeah it's horrendous I imagine you get yelled at by your neighbors like shut up I got a joke I got a real

joke over here it's really terrible oh secondly you'd run on Hirschberg lives upstairs he's a noisy fellow hear him stomping around oh my god you can't believe it no and he's like I think you're making fun of my weight and I'm like no that that's you're walking like he's he's blocking like this I'm like it's not weight doesn't make a noise it's your gate gate gate what's it called he's stomping uh-huh I'm like probably leads with his heels yes heavy on the heels you've seen Newman run across I mean he's like he's like on his tiptoes tippy-toe tippy-toe um but anyways yeah he's a noisy fellow huh you don't sleep with your socks on do you no okay all right what's the sleep attire sleep uh boxer briefs that's it shorts or a shirt no shirt no shirt I these days I've been

sleeping with a shirt over my head because Sarah got some curtains that are like white so it's like it's like the gates of heaven and that is a game changer of mind though I my wife showed me that the t-shirt over the eyes it's it's a nice touch it's gotta be a soft t-shirt what are you talking about it's like a hobo sleeping at a bus station it's nice t-shirt over your yeah it's nice I'm telling you why don't you just get one of those little the masks I like no I don't want to be classy yeah you can you can tuck the t-shirt in behind your head it's like a mask so you're telling me if I walked into your bedroom and you and your wife were sleeping Sarah would be laying there and you would be laying there with a t-shirt over you like you were just killed by a head wound

I look like an Iranian hostage but you don't tie it around your head no no I just lay it you do a drape yeah it's nice I'm telling a little bit of pressure on the eyes helps as well no so the other day I had a shirt that shrunk or whatever it was like a Michael Kors t-shirt was nice and it was too small and I was so mad that I just Hulk Hogan did and Sarah was like mad at me she's like I would have worn that oh right and so then she's threw it went to throw it away and I was like don't throw it away that's gonna be my drape over my eyes so I have a torn t-shirt and these two are bonkers I have a torn designer t-shirt that I drape over the side of the bed to put on my eyes at night oh my god that's my head cover Kip what's talking about upside upside upside upside

talk about everything being upside down these days inflations through the goddamn it's all wonky baby you go to a restaurant you get hit over the head with a fucking check that can kill somebody the fucking gas prices are through the roof and you've been in a pump recently Putin's causing trouble it's chaos out there it's all jammed up upside you can help get yourself some cash back it's an amazing app that's helping people save money yes to get started just download the free uh upside app in the app store or on google play use our promo code garbage you get $5 or more cash back on your first purchase of $10 or more give it money away give it look at this there's no downside the upside am I right what are we doing got me to check patent on that trademark

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download for free upside app and use promo code garbage to get $5 or more cash back on your first purchase of $10 or more that's $5 or more and cash back to start your first purchase of $10 or more using promo code garbage doing a back to that guy go back to the show you fall asleep with your glasses on no never i've never i never fall asleep i'm a go to sleep guy i never i think falling asleep was like a sign of weakness man this guy i'm sleepy and i go i'm going to bed try to sleep like a pussy guy who's like it's weird so what do you do i go to bed i go i'm sleeping i'm getting tired i'm turning in every once in a while if it's like you know i've really been whatever or if i take like a Tylenol p.m or something but i'm not a big dozer you never fell asleep on the couch or

anything like that i'm watching a movie i've drifted but i'm usually i think i'm self-conscious about it or something you know what i think because i used to watch it a movie with a t-shirt over his head wake up you pussy it used to break my heart when i would want to watch the game or a movie with my dad and then you're like do you think you're sharing something you turn around you look over and he's asleep and it really broke my heart i would try to wake him up he'd be like i'm just resting my eyes that's what he would say i know my grandfather would say i'm checking my eyelids for holes it's a fun one it's pretty good um and then it's like that with now with the phone like sarah i'm like i think we're watching like cuckoo's nest or something and i'm crying i look over and she's

like tiktok yeah that's a that's a real sore subject with my with my girl we put on a movie and 20 minutes in she sees me looking at my phone we're supposed to be watching this together oh i'm her i'm with her on that one yeah i agree hmm you have name brand luggage i do i have the to me baby and see thank you i think that's as good as it gets if i'm not mistaken to me it's now does it's like that uh roller i assume right yeah does it roll vertical as well or do you have to tip it and drag the vertical roll is vertical roll is huge it's huge baby yeah all right you're a big park guy too you like the park i love the park i'm all about the park which it just shows you i need to move all i want the best part of new york city i think this is a good test if you think

the best part of new york city is central park you don't belong here that's a it's a good point i want to be in the woods i want to be in the grass i want to roll like a like a sheep or whatever rolls meadow that's what i think that's what made me think it hmm there'll be clocks in your house that are wrong yes the stove but it's not my fault it's the mister fix it guys i think the stove the stove sucks and then the microwave doesn't work we have a stove and microwave sounds like a junkyard it's bad again it's this new york life you just go all right i guess it doesn't work at all it worked no the microwave works just the clock doesn't work you got an air fryer i don't know what that is i think maybe sarita she does the cooking i do the uber eats i know you guys i know you guys

have a weird thing with the food she makes dinner and you don't eat it yeah i don't know how you get away with that i would never be able to get away yeah it's a problem it's a thing but i'm just i like uber eats and this is where i spend all my money this is why i can't have a house i spend like 300 bucks a week on uber eats how do you coordinate that like all right dinner's almost done make your order and then you eat together we rarely coordinate meals that's why are we going to get divorced i'm just as i'm saying a lot i'm like she eats early i eat late and it just she's down in the basement all the time it's yeah yeah sometimes kind of road interest it's not looking great we eat together occasionally we'll go out oh good

do you know what the term bogo stands for bogo i do oh yes i just thought of it buy one get one yeah it's a true mark of a dirt bag yeah but it took me some thinking i didn't know it right off but i'm also good at that i'm good at uh one's acronyms yes i'm good at figuring out acronyms i think you're not a shopper though are you you don't go out and just shop and get things that you don't need no rarely i don't buy that's what i feel good because i spend a lot of money on uber eats and and uber ubers cars but um and i'll i'll get nice tickets to things and stuff but i don't spend on things i'm wearing the same old navy sweatshirt i don't buy shoes or anything there's maybe a little inside baseball but where are you

ordering from over there in the story i'm curious um taste of italy is my new spot have you ever heard of it i don't even know where it is because it uber eats it's very good great chicken parm right next to my parm no kidding my pizza place oh wow place right next door yep they do italian specialties their pizza is great yeah i get the chicken parm it's massive yeah i like their pizza better than uh beluchis i love new spot love taste of italy i'll do that a lot and then um where else do i order pete's burgers uh um lately this is you want to talk garbage i've been getting mcdonald's delivered and it's like a block for me yeah mcdonald's delivery one on 31st yeah yeah the one on 21st street is a top shelf organization oh really i don't know if that's a flagship store

or whatever but they're they they're fantastic no kidding i think better than 31st street one wow i had to know all right uh you said you get you like like tickets to events at zero an event you've been too recently that you really enjoyed since things have opened up more and you're always what was the first one you went to as things have come back first one back i went i go to the sea here now festival every year asbury park i went to that this past year that was nice that was a big event trying to think of where i've been i just went to the buffalo sabers game that was whatever i went to the bruins game i went to two red sox games yeah i spent all my money on what's the food move in a hockey game i'm all hot dog french fries hot dog just catch up french fries just catch

up can't go wrong it's a classic straight up the middle yeah the middle for a basic thing you try to pull the ball you're hitting to a double play you know what i mean not show it off not follow behind good stuff do you know how to use chopsticks no i mean i can't eat a hot dog with a chopstick i can do that i'll do the take me to your leader you know i can do the walrus pretty a walrus yeah i'll do an alien but uh no no idea i would imagine you're you don't step out of the box cuisine wise do you like chinese food i like i like general sal white rice and i'll put some of the ketchup on it did you guys call it irish marinara that was the term we had trash um it always gets a laugh hey him and the irish marinara was like uh yeah that is

classic bill um indian food indian food i had indian food once in london my god you sound like my mom jeez is great no i like spicy george likes his chicken spicy i do like spicy we're going to a new pakistani place on 43rd street um they're not wearing that are you maybe i've had it twice because i will eat if i'm in a situation where we're eating if it's up to me we're getting burgers a pizza chicken pie or whatever but when i travel i've traveled to a lot of places in germany you have a little schnitzel i'll have some schnitz yeah i love the schnitz um but i went to peru and i ate whatever the fuck goat shit they gave me or whatever i'll do it if i have to sure because i'd rather not be embarrassed so i will eat as if i'm also a very picky eater and that's how i've

found myself trying new things is because you don't want to seem like a fucking idiot or cause like a scene of like oh well kevin or kevin doesn't like that yes i'm just very like fucking just give me the bread and don't look don't make eye contact and i'll be i'll make it cheese yeah it's bad well so i don't know if i told this to you before i went to peru and years ago and it was like we hiked the salcantai trail and it was like every day we were hiking mile like in the jungle yeah to machu Picchu you did yeah damn it was amazing and then we had like sherpas who carried our shit and set up camp and they cooked for us and i literally bought like military meals ready to eat spaghetti and meatballs mac and cheese because i was so nervous and you eat up my

velvita for me and the first day i like started to take it out and i was like yeah and i just had to eat whatever and it was great and i got through it yeah but it felt weird because they were like peruvian they didn't even know what the fuck i was talking about and i was like i'm grabbing mac and cheese yeah you make some meatballs you don't have milk you can do it with water in a pinch you did make mac and cheese the other day but it was oh you tagged us yeah it was craft deluxe i'll give you that but i did walk i walked to the grocery store buy that don't bring any bags i buy it and carry it back like a book yeah and then make it and i eat the whole thing use milk or use water i what do you mean in the cheat in the thing or that's the one that

like no that's just like the liquidy cheese that's like the velvita that's as a kid that was the best that's the best meal i every day i think about kevin mccallister never got to eat his mac and cheese that looked delicious it looks so perfect freezing cold glass of milk it looks so good there's no way i would have walked away from that table i didn't care what time it was coming and kill me you want uh but no i love a good box of mac and cheese the pizza also looked really good little niro's look like they put out a pretty oh yeah it's a nice buy yeah nice tip too lady threw it down all right let's get into some cues here okay as you know when you sign up for the old patreon we ask them on the air we happen to have mr joe list in the building who'll be

answering these questions again if you haven't seen it if you don't know about it do yourself a fucking favor this year's material on youtube check it out okay thank you like like a pro broadcast right there comment that was nice mid plug yeah right cut to the weather yeah also it's big go to his page and share the clips in like with your friends yeah that's the dm the dm the the the promo clips work the rhythm a little bit people love the clip um all right speaking uh let's see here speaking of sporting events this is from nick el has anyone in your family ever gotten engaged at a professional sports event oh no no but man i always wish the person would say no i've i've thought about you feel like creating that and saying no yeah the respectable you say yes

and then later on the parking lot like i'm not married yeah yeah and i always think the woman's not as into the sport as the guy never of course never never ever been on a kiss cam oh no i haven't i've never been on the kiss cam but i have i feel like you're a guy who really tries to get on the megatron i have been the jumbotron you start doing the floss or whatever that dances got the shirt off going to do that and i have been oh look at this guy going for broke over there i have been at a Bruins playoffs game in the 90s i was in high school and i had let's get rowdy boston which the photos on instagram they i they had it where the camera guy was on my chest so the big screen was just my torso and that was very exciting that was like quite a thrill

yeah going to school tell the boys about it that was really i don't need a late at lunch i like that that's pretty close it was pretty cool so yeah i do i try to go for the jumbo tron there's a big thing now of when kids get on uh not kids like you know dudes or in their 20s or whatever they do they there's like now a thing where they do the double dicks like they they let it get on them they're like yeah go to you take that jumbo tron what would you say is the classiest thing you've ever done whether it was like a super expensive restaurant like if you've been on you've been on a private plane before right many times yeah okay yeah that's pretty good yeah pretty good i mean i was a guest still but yeah you're there pretty cool i've done that um

i've picked up a check for a rich person that feels pretty cool how much was the check i was like uh maybe 150 bucks something like that is a gesture sure kind of nice and i i paid for our family's vacation house one year that's big that fell that's that's and that was before i really had all the lists all the lead the whole gang the whole kid that's pretty nice where was that at in main okay it was like 800 bucks but still but now it was my aunt's place um did you ever mention the price to them or was there like a are you a face are they was their guilt of you shouldn't done you shouldn't have done this no i think it was like yeah no that's right how many people know how much you paid for the couch um i don't think that made the trade you're not you're not

telling me now there's about $300 for a nice couch that's pretty good yeah no i don't think so i mean let me open it with that you kidding me now do they deliver the couch they deliver the couch but they wouldn't take the old couch so that was the whole thing how much did you tip the delivery guys i gave them 40 bucks it was two guys and i gave them 40 bucks 28 that's good that's great that's love a good tip it wouldn't take it too that's bullshit how'd you get the couch out of there me and steve rogers wonderful comedian with a big dick we uh unscrewed though i unscrewed the thing and then we carried it out and left it out from the side and then like four hours later i came out and there was a lady literally sitting on it making a phone call but their feet up and i was like good

for you not a homeless lady just like a lady that was like oh sweet a couch all right um let's see here uh this is from kevin james ryan gosselin nice uh you ever scrape the mold off food and considered edible again oh no i cut it off a bread or something no i don't have to throw under the bush he's not here to defend yourself i could see sarah doing that sarah does that sarah will eat like she'll pull out milk and just kind of smell it and be like ah and then pour it i'm just it's wild i'm a no risk reward guy well you know and i don't know if this is true but i it's been going around on that there uh tiktok or instagram or like meme or something where a milk container has a cutout like a circle on the side like an indent yes and that is that's functional

once that pops out that tells you it's no longer good oh i don't know if that's true or not so don't give it a whirl but yeah like if that pops out that means it's no longer good oh wow i never heard yeah now you can roll the dice i've definitely left it in my fridge long enough to where that's been popped out and i go oh yeah you don't yeah that's no play no well sarah yesterday the other day she hadn't made eggs in a while but she was like i'll try to save eggs she's one of these save people whatever we know we know the ricotta cheese store i'll just go rebuy she cracked the egg and it came out black it smelled like shit she said she almost barf and like the whole house stunk because it was like four months old like black

shit came out of an egg black black what are you witches what the hell i don't i don't even know what it is how long how many years i don't even know what an egg is i don't understand eggs but yeah she tries to save shit i just go i'll rebuy yeah i'm the same my wife stopped by pete's getting straight down pete's not a bad onion ring over there pete's uh not an onion ring yeah what this guy had just had a hash brown for mcdonald's french i'm a french fries all the way got an onion ring guy no what about a mozzarella stick love a stick i'll show up a mozzarella stick right up my ass i love a love a hot stick are you kidding where's your do you have a place where you're like that's my favorite mozzarella's a place that really does them well even from

childhood or now where you're like that was a classic mozzarella's tough to say i do get the taste of italy ones they're kind of whatever i hard to think of a mozzarella stick that's really amazing there was this place he used to do triangle ones that's too fancy i don't like them phenomenal i remember the fridays does the square ones i believe like the rectangle ones they're all right yeah those are okay i'll give you that yeah it's hard to say i know the best meatball mama santas have we talked about mama santas mama santas in clean if you guys ever go you gotta go to little italy mama santas family owned and operated they make the pasta and the back no frills the best the best mama santas mama santas little italy cleveland go okay it rules

it like i took bobby kelly there louis ck they're loving it yeah yeah all right i'll have to check this out i have to do that then it seems you know a meatball i feel like you guys didn't believe me until i mentioned two factors that's when he was like all right i'll fuck with that it's like certified right there interesting okay bobby kelly stamp of approval i'm in it's good stuff if bobby says it's good it's gotta be good sure i don't i also don't like you don't take our guess word for that you know what i mean this guy's been around the block no it's been traveled the world he's had macaroni and cheese at machu beat you he knows what he's doing i've had peruvian food i ate whale i ate reindeer where did you ate whale bulls in norway i ate whale they're they're way i wouldn't even trust

the mcdonalds in norway get the fuck out of whale they got good mcdonalds is it just that or is there actual meat in there i don't know i think it was it's very how'd you have it dark and um in a finger what'd you have it was just uh i don't know it was a piece of whale and i tried it because i wanted to say hey well but it was pretty gross and then i went back and um i was with another comic um dino i don't know how you say his last name he wrote for the dana carvey show dina scum it's pull it's but it's greek like mock up an apocalypse or something but he had it he ordered it as a meal and he's like this is the worst thing i've ever had yeah so don't eat whale that's gotta crush your way out yeah yikes you're not a seafood guy generally are you i like fish

i like fish yeah i like do it oyster raw oyster not an oyster guy i don't like fish and chips fish and chips i love sarin i went to wales we ate fish and chips exclusively every day and uh i love i like salmon okay yeah i like a fish but sushi disgusting uh whatever the fuck you mentioned oysters i hate you want to sushi now i tried sushi once i almost threw it up it was very embarrassing because the guy was standing over me being like this is the best and uh i can't do it either i was like doing this he's like what is this i can't do accents just bring me it's bring it double quarter pounder with cheese okay fucking zip it um all right this one's from poly walnuts never had a question read have you ever been i feel this is very in your real house

have you ever been tubing down a river with beers well i know you're sober now absolutely yes the Merrimack river up in New Hampshire so much fun dude yeah a lot of tube we do ocean tubing too my family we still do it on the boat like on the back of the boat yeah yeah that gets that gets who's driving the boat yeah my uncle who's having a lot of beers yeah i've gotten whipped off one of those in the skooka river and thought i was going to be fucking dead meat it's fun i've gone with sarin you go as a pair and you can bury them by diving off the side because it throws the weight on yeah it's fun so like in the middle of it i go by honey and i just come up and then she's like i've seen it where it it it goes up in the air they have those now that have like wings kind of get

the fuck out of yeah some air yeah no that's fun good fun any other water sports skiing water skiing or anything i tried water skiing when i was like 13 years old again on my uncle's boat and my instinct i wrecked immediately i didn't know how to do it i couldn't do it brutal strength you need but i didn't think to let go because that seems counterintuitive uh-huh like that's where my family is so i held up and i literally was like getting dragged for like talking about a fucking abandonment issues it was bad i just got so much water and then they were like me i thought it just seemed like i don't want the boat to keep going of course so it was it was very traumatic and ruined my life randall's behind the thing that's fucking horrible i'm getting a lot of trauma just talking about these things my dad

fallen asleep uh the the water skiing uh all right she touched my leg this one's from mike first time long time uh everybody a gift or the card on the way to a party oh like mother's day or a birthday or so you stop at the cvs absolutely i've done that and worse than that bobby kelly's son had a birthday party years ago and i went with soda and soda had bought two gifts and i just took one of his that's that's a dirtbag move which i've done i'll throw my name on that type thing but to be fair we went on the podcast later and to really sing the part to i guess is a compliment to both soda and i i came clean and soda was like don't do it what are you doing so soda's a good soda's a good guy soda is a very nice man and i i just had a guilty conscience but so yeah i've i've done that

for sure when you do the i've done the on my way to a kids party bought the toy at the pharmacy yeah which is slim but you gotta you're you're looking for they really know yeah they really really know it's really really wack but the card on the way i think is smart i've never bought a card previous and also that's what you do you what why am i gonna buy a card bring it upstairs to the house then get a couch or something fill it out bring it back down remember that grab a card on the way what are we doing yeah card in the way it's good it's a lot of gift card if i get you a gift card that was i didn't put any thought yeah you have nieces and nephews yeah you do what's what what do you guys usually what'd you get them for christmas good question oh i got uh my my nephew's 13 i got

tickets to the socks game which is a punishment if you're 13 because he grew up on tiktok he's sitting at the baseball game being like this is the worst thing yeah i can see that being tough nine hour baseball game he just hated it and then my niece i'm taking to see brandy carlyle she's 16 so that's like a nice rock that's fine brandy carlyle the experience is a good as good no that's belinda carla oh okay brandy carlyle's uh rock and roll slide does a little bit of country now it's like god it's a man it's a woman oh it's a woman okay he's big on the tickets love a ticket lots of good experiences you gotta get the experience now when you give them the tickets do you are you actually giving the tickets or are you saying hey male or something like hey there's no tickets so

literally i'm like here's your christmas gift on this date we're going to this thing and they're like okay yeah that's the bummer it sucks the no ticket you gotta do something put something in a shoe box you're not a cash guy you give him cash yeah i know cash i should give him cash cash kids like cash at weddings though right are you a gift guy i've not got no i do cash i haven't been to a there's no so many degenerate assholes everyone i know is either married or not close to getting married your wedding did you have any standout envelopes but you know what the name names i'm trying to think a little bit no louis didn't get me a gift he took me he took me to paul mccartney but sarah didn't get to go so she got nothing this guy's all right yeah and we met we met mccartney

hung out with him met springsteen sarah got nothing um and then um no envelopes she's home drinking sour milk and eating black eggs um you're hanging with the beetles yeah i'm trying to think of who i mean there was some decent cash and then collin quinn couldn't make it my wedding he gave me a car he set a car with cash and then he got married the next summer and i gave him back the exact same amount of cash so we just traded off cash what it's like um donnie brasko donnie brasko um what uh say you say you know foley's get you know you got work acquaintances we're not you know not best friends fully invite you to his wedding sure you and sarah it's in queen there's no big travel what are you giving him 300 is that something that's good that's something that's

something pretty good all right 300 that's pretty good that's good oh a bottle of ketchup waiting on the table a couple more fingers for my friends i don't i miss it come on i imagine you're a good time at a wedding i can see you with a tie on the head of the dance can you do the worm i can't do the worm but i do my own version of the worm i'll do a jump i do an angus young where you run in the circle and then some jump you mean the curly what's the curly on the ground yeah i guess so yeah i do a lot of that i do a lot of dancing i can really rip when sarah and i got married the dj comment he's like we've never seen a bride and groom dance this might we never stopped dancing we just danced the whole night because we didn't want to talk to

anybody can you do the macarena i'll do a macarena you don't you know the moves i think so yeah it's kind of one mecha two something like that i think that's stealing third but okay you said you would do a jump what kind of jump are we talking like rock and roll kick a leg a lot of jumping a lot of bouncing air guitar guy which is in good huge air guitar can you jump through your hands like this thing no i do the foot i'll do the foot you do yeah i'll do that bottle opener i'm a bottle opener there's videos i mean i really get after it do you hit the sprinkler with the thing oh i never thought of that i'll do the shopping car i'm in a good time to fish out of water that's big just doing the mashed potato it's no we danced the night away i mean we had a good

time limbo you limbo i suppose you can limbo that's the swivel i suppose it gets like one of those uh vinyl cheers vinyl maybe uh swivel i suppose you can swivel man we are burning all cylinders we might ask you what kind of cake did you have at your wedding i don't even know because you don't like cake a vanilla i like cake now i've grown into a never had a whoopee pie that's what you you said that that's been burned yeah we talked about the other time whoopee pie guy never heard of the corduroy i didn't know chocolate that there was just chocolate chip ice cream oh that's right yeah that's what you like yes i love a chocolate

you guys i think we had some kind of vanilla cake white cake thing did you save the top of it no i don't think there was a top really we didn't do we didn't do a lot of traditional things and we didn't shove cake into each other we never got that we thought that was weird i think that's pretty trash you know what's what they do now is if it's a little kid's birthday they'll smash his head into the cake oh you haven't seen those videos on instagram no i haven't oh it's gotta be traumatizing yeah i don't like that we didn't it feels weird because like i guess when we were older her parents are there her parents are british and maybe that's part of it but i'm like i can't be smashing cake they're like classy people yeah her parent do their parents live in england

no no they've emigrated or emigrated what emigrated they emigrated from they came over yeah they came over everyone always complains about english food and it sounds like you would fucking love it yeah no it's fish and chips but that's what i always think about like london people like you gotta have the indian food i'm like how sad that your nation's food is a different nation well that's kind of uh kind of their whole thing everything is taken from other places around the world yeah i suppose so imperialism or whatever this is a political podcast all right hey the spice trade was the spice trade well whatever a lot of damage done what can you do sorry folks it's a new day they're fresh i didn't do nothing it was the 80s they didn't know

god damn birthday it's not his fault i know uh all right let's do uh let's do two more here and we gotta wrap it up um this one this is from matt having a question right have you or anyone you know ever hung like girls lace or like the garter in the rear view mirror like did sarah have a garter belt did you guys do that no no garter we did the best man takes it off no we didn't do any of that no the best man doesn't take it off what are you crazy he does i think right no the groom takes it off the best man's putting his hand up the line someone's gotta talk to my aunt my aunt Cindy yeah no that's a silly thing what are you crazy no i think he gets up under the dress right

yeah t-bone my best friend is not getting under my wife's dress you're out of your mind 100% it's definitely the best man that doesn't it's not the groom why would that be and then the the the main of honor gives a lap dance to the groom what are you talking about then the usher blows the flower girl i'm like what are you talking about dude no no no it's supposed to be the groom man your family's really up oh my god he's fucked up groom that's it's her wedding day it's a sacred day she's a whole god damn it you have the fucking best man go up the thing you can't have uncle charlie taking it off with his teeth what are you doing that's like that's like a cuckold wedding that's fucking crazy hey i don't know whatever you guys are into joe joe's tied up in

the corner no we did no guard a belt no church we didn't do a bouquet you threw the bouquet all right we didn't do a bouquet throw and um the first dance we had a group dance we had uh greed you're the one that i want yeah which one you're the one that i want from greece and everybody danced joe's on the hood of a car because we don't want to do the whole thing we're just out there for yeah we didn't we didn't yeah we didn't do that you didn't do an entrance did you with the bridal the the party's entrance they come in and like the eat give it up for march norman and Cindy no we just had uh it was just me and uh my best man best buddy were up at the front bobby kelly married us uh garbage uh and then sarah walked in with her dad and that was it and

then we just walked everyone walked over to the thing all right and we did all one spot but it was all in the that's the best all just central location love that it was the best i'm getting emotional here that was the best day of my life kids and actor ladies and gentlemen ladies and gentlemen mr joe list this year's material out on youtube yes a lot of big things coming up tuesday's with stories of course shore house in the works maybe i want i hope we'll see who knows might see him down there at the beach i love that would you walk the beach are you a body like a body surf kind of guy feel no i'm just like a hang out and into the end where the end the breakers and get hit and go and jump around it's very spiritual it

heals i'm big ocean guy myself i get it what about a metal detector could you ever see yourself trolling the beaches with a metal detector no but we were just in aruba sarah and i with aruba ray ellen and a girl lost her ring and she flagged down the the you know guy the guy and he found it that was the biggest moment that guy was fucking it was big and she was like 22 and hot like tits out the whole thing and she was like thank you and you can see he was like whoa he was like you're like chrispen glover he was like he's got it up on her boobs you can tell it was one of those things where she was like i owe you and he was like oh god oh yeah it was i'm chopping up over you have a carter belt on you you want to get married anything you want the folks out there to

know dates is coming out next week oh uh comedian joe list dot com all my dates i'm coming to nashville toronto vancouver san francisco uh a bunch of them they're all of my website finally updated my site comedian joe list dot com and this year's material on youtube please like share comment all that shit hundred percent most of you know joe list if you don't you're an idiot check out the fucking special he's one of the best great and we'll see you guys next week we love you peace peace