Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Joe Santagato: Queens Kid

Episode Date: April 7, 2022

Kippy & Foley are back with Joe Santagato! Its a fun one. Thanks for listening. Love youse guys.  Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://www.HelixSleep.com/Garbage https://www.ButcherBox.com/AYG https://www.BetterHelp.com/GARBAGE https://www.BoxOfAwesome.com Promo Code: GARBAGE

gang quick update in the middle class famous tour we're going to be coming to the moon tower comedy festival that's austin baby taeha April 22nd and 23rd April 22nd we're going to be doing an evening with r u garbage that's our stand-up show and then we play a little a yg with the crowd yes best news is it's open to the public get your tickets links will be in the description you get them on the moon tower comedy festival website find the link get the tickets and the next night we're doing a live r u garbage podcast recording with a guest to be determined it's going to be good get your tickets that austin let's go barcos welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute

trash now here are your hosts kevin ryan and h foley hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast this is r u garbage it's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they're good to be classy yeah they're just a bag of piece of trash i'm your hostage foley coming at you on a beautiful day we're down here at entudy's basement she is unfortunately going to be upstate for a couple of weeks i don't know what happened she's fishing okay which is what they call scalping out new prisoners at sink sink because that's where she is i don't want to get into it she said she wasn't going to roll on us when i talked her on the phone but then i heard her say to somebody not on the phone did you get

all that so we could be in a little bit of trouble i think i like the shorter ones my co-host is coming at you from right next to me he is the CEO of r u garbage a bit of an international businessman sure he's my best pal in the whole wide world and i love him give it up for kj kevin james ryan love you too buddy uh that was beautiful by the way yeah i couldn't even get through that really uh what's up everybody thank you completely and sincere thanks for tuning in uh please make sure you rate review subscribe on itunes full video available on youtube as you know those numbers are true to roof cooking and i'd like to thank a personal note to thank sam yam and jack conti for inventing the greatest website of all time www.patrion.com slash r u garbage go there sign up

we'll let the boys wet their beaks get a bunch of content it's fucking awesome check it out having a good time how about a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire the magic man makes us all look good give it up for t-bone mcmuffin toby mcmullin everybody what's up dudes what's up buttons nothing dude by the while this is air and we're out in california and i'm getting called a poser by real dudes hitting beat up by teenagers on the san amonica boulevard you guys do a kick flip what's up this guy's a cop man gang that's neither here nor there because we could not be more excited to have our incredibly special guest here with us today for the first time we got a little internet star power a tight little body tell you that right now you're looking kid a very

successful very funny comedian youtuber and podcaster of course he is the host of the amazing podcast the basement yard the co-creator of the board game speak out he has multiple youtube channels totaling subscriber base you ready for this don't chew the roof i bet three million three hundred and sixty three thousand subscribers with hundreds upon hundreds of millions of views but the big question everybody's mind today is he garbage i don't know about all that but i do know two things he's got a little bit of cash and the kid's a fucking looker right now he's fucking young he's hot he's successfully smart i don't know what's going on he's got some jewelry cool tattoos give me a favorite gang give me a nice big round of applause for jose hit the god of everybody thank you guys let him

hear it one of the greatest intros of all time honestly thank you big man likes an intro i'm fucking gassed up now i know that three million i was like i don't even know how many you're gassed up i haven't ever thought that you walked in the room it'd be great if you heard 3.3 million goes what the fuck am i doing here i'm just trying to think if you got a t-shirt underneath that sweater i walked in i was like am i in the right place i feel like i'm not in the right place you here for the union job buddy thank you so much for coming and sitting down with us no yeah i'm excited i i don't know how but i got a dm from you guys like hey you want to come on the show it's like six months ago and i just like didn't even finally got back to me he's like oh yeah i'll do it

awesome let's go i pull that move all the time yeah i see the message request leave it on scene oh i just saw it is sorry about that we got it down what is the backstory joe where you from give us all scoop yeah queens kid i grew up in a story of queen what where the boys live is that where you're from oh you're they live there now let me tell you the bed bugs and queens are top notch they are also the movie theater out in there they're famous for their bed bugs yeah kaufman really yeah they're like we got bed bugs it's like i'm still going to see i still gotta see batman what are we doing here i'm still going to get jerked off there i don't care about the bed bugs it's a good trade-off hey they gotta get a claw machine what do you mean to tell you uh-huh great

claw machine honestly they do they really do everybody wins at that one yeah it's fantastic they have the little duckies in there you always get one so you grew up in a story that's where i live now been living there for a long time gentrifying the place oh i want to tell you um give us the give us the scoop uh i mean i want i mean when i how how long you've been there uh i've been i live there when i lived in new york he's moved around a little bit he's not big with leases if you catch my drift here joe the halfway houses count i don't know um no michael's is there is that what you're talking about michael's is technically queen yeah but you can't beat the views you know what i'm saying the whole city no i lived out there on ditmars when i lived up here in new york

the first time i a girlfriend of mine was living up there and i lived there for a little while um probably 2000 2001 and then when i moved up here to do comedy uh i've been out there since what 2016 i would say oh okay yeah ditmars was the what was you know the first place that i felt like home away from from home and this was back in the day when it was just cake glides out there yeah i was gonna say because when i grew up there there was just like there was like a giant hardware store yeah it's like who's buying all these screws yeah like you know what's going on but they they shut them all down recently and now it's just like there's a bunch of cafes and whatever yeah it's all popping up it's popping over there man it's fucking fantastic yeah like toby said the bed

when you were there in 2001 great year by the way uh that was when it was still old and everything was like you know but they shut them all down though and now it's just like there's a bunch of bars there it's actually a place to to be i remember probably around 2016 2017 when they started changing everything someone had hit me up and was like oh i'm coming to a story to hang out and i remember thinking like what the fuck why am like there's nowhere to be but now it's a gang fight out here but now it's nice it's a nice place to be i live right over there too it was nice growing up for you after though i i imagine it was quiet it was it was yeah i didn't i lived like on the ditmars side but a little further away from the train so i was like how far down were you i was like on the

border of like where jackson heights is sort of like i was like right in the middle for like getting to the train and getting to jackson heights is like the same yeah it's like near the border kids border kids no good right now anytime they can't just say exactly where they're from it's a tough one i was trying to address the one year we were over it was considered uh jackson heights did you grow up in a house an apartment no it was a house it was a house mom dad brothers sisters mom and dad hate each other so classic you know dad's in north carolina now i haven't seen him in years he's right on the border though down south north and south caroline exactly yeah he doesn't give you his address i don't even know if he's in north carolina he could be in europe by now i you

know what's your background uh what's your family background what do you what do you mean by that like italian oh yeah we're italian what the fuck yeah i know why this can be italian irish but i'm really like i have no cultural anything yeah i like that you don't know we're in the horn yeah no and there was never like a pair of like italian boxing gloves in my review no picture of the pope hanging up in the kitchen no one in my family has like a cross with the praying hand sure the praying hands are that's a big dirtbag tat yeah with a rose with a bad rosary wrapping yes the rosary beads around it when did your parents split uh i don't know when you were a kid yeah i was probably like 15 16 or something okay all right and brothers and

sisters yeah i have three i have two brothers and one sister okay three siblings they're all older than i am oh you're the youngest baby that's nice the attention seeker of course hey buddy everybody here we're all doing it we're all dancing for it yeah uh what's your parents do growing up with the mom and dad though uh my dad was a fireman uh nice new york real new york guy i think and i mean he also had like a construction company i'm not really doing myself any favorites with them but he did roofing on his side he had his own construction company and he was a fireman and moonlighted as a bouncer um but he uh yeah so he was a fireman and he had that also and then my mom when we were old enough she went back to school and then she worked as a secretary she

actually just retired last year yeah very nice go for her and he's living it up right now and you you don't have much in relationship with your pop from no i i mean i do oh no i like joke around but like he he moved to to maryland for a little bit and then he went to north carolina but i was just on the phone with him earlier like we still have like a good relationship but like like i said he's in north carolina i just don't see him very often but your mom for all intents and purposes she raised you yeah i mean they both raised me i mean i like they they my dad stopped living with us when i was like 16 years old and like i'm you know i'm being dramatic about it but like they uh yeah my mom was always around she still lives in the same house that we grew up in really yeah

what grocery store did she go to out there there was fucking wall bounds for a little bit whoa and then now it's like some brushing shit or or uh it's called where you create we're team ukraine over what is it take that commie shit elsewhere say to gato it's like ladle ladle what is it uh oh oh no german some russian i know exactly what you're talking about it's a little german russian is there really a difference that's how queens is doing it you can't pronounce it it's commie bullshit you're talking about ack me yeah that's the one that's the guy pieces of shit yeah that's a very that's a very new york yeah that's the guy that's the guy oh ladle i think it's called there's something like that i think it's legal i think it's pronounced leader i think that is right it is

whack i can't remember what that was that was best market out there you're talking about the one in the shopping center looks like it's from the 80s my mom loved best market hates this fucking and i don't know if it's because of you know rush or whatever it is it's not forget pearl hard it's like it's not the same she's like it's not the same i'm fighting a proxy war out there in queens it's not because because we used to drive over there and and and do our grocery shopping there and it was real small town real nice yeah the fucking deli counter was nice the kid that did the salmon knew what he was doing now you walk in there it's like you're in an ikea yeah and everything's not everything's how to put together your own bananas and shit i gave me the wrong pieces i got an allen wrench

for a sandwich what are we doing here no everything's like uh it's frosted flakes but it's not frosted yeah i hate that shit it was like frosted corn something it's weird it's like tony the yard vark it's like what's going on here i don't like the vibe fruity owes i'm like come on fruity owes is spend the extra dollar get the fruit loops in here fruity owes in a bag was okay i'll take that though i don't know about that where'd you uh i like he called you out he's getting comfortable he called you out i like it fat guy's a bozo um high school did you go to like one of those like performing art schools out there in queens no let's go to fame i went to st francis prep nice yeah and fresh meadows didn't really like it but i uh i went to public school my entire life

went to uh there's a school in astoria uh it's ps2 public school too i went there then i went to louis armstrong middle school see there you go it's a frank's dean martin school yeah no that was not it sounds cooler than it was like it was like you know a regular school there's a frank's an atro school out there isn't there isn't there a frank's yeah that's the one next to the moor did it with the bed box yeah i went there i majored in hit and brawls yeah i went a minor in back hands i studied mind in my own fucking business that's what i did then there's a little gwardia school but i don't even i don't even a little gwardia school of performing art that's what it is right next to the regis philben university

he's doing a good job over there derek jeter i'll tell you that he just went down recently right a couple year i got yeah a couple year maybe two years ago the other day i remember i brought that up the other day my friend's like he's dead i was like wait hold on really yeah dude i saw him live i saw him out he went down yeah he went down he got whacked you saw him live i don't know what i'm talking about now i saw him a few years ago our friend was on a tv show we went to a taping and he was the guest and he came out even this is how much of an old school pro he was like just showbiz guy he came out during the commercial breaks and was just like doing crowd work with the audience just making these housewives these moms from like indianapolis's life dude they were all

blushing and holding their pearls is he like a little dude he seems like he's a little guy but dude dress he was fucking everything was he had one of those shiny who wants to be a millionaire suits on they was doing all right yeah regis was all right already did fly me to the moon from the casket which is pretty impressive i believe nothing on that nothing on there fair enough we're playing hardball okay let's get into it uh did you go to college for a sec i went uh i went to queensboro community college and i did a semester there ivy league uh it was my safety school had a scholarship they gave me a hot dog and then i went to class that has a football team i did a semester there and then i signed up for another semester and then i just didn't go but

i was pretending to go for your mom for yeah for both of them oh you did that you were pretending to go i with my jerry the house my what you would leave the house like i would drive all the way because i in astoria to get to queensboro community college you have it's like 15 20 minutes it's in like bayside so i had to i drove i don't know why i could have just parked around i could have parked around the corner nobody would have known but i drove all the way there and i would just park outside campers wait like 40 minutes maybe okay and go back home wow wasn't she paying for school yeah well she paid for a semester yeah right and she was also asking for my grades but i didn't even know i would just wasn't really thinking about i was just like i don't really you know care

i was a good student too like in in high school i was always like high 80s 90s or whatever so i just like wasn't into it at all like i couldn't get into it so i was like i don't know and then i was just like i said i was pretending to go and i didn't tell my mom that i didn't go because then i dropped out after the second semester right it already like not when yeah you already whatever like you know 1500 bucks whatever the fuck oh so she paid for that semester but you just stopped going yeah i did the same thing yeah i like it's a good strategy you guys should try it if you ever go back if you're out there if you want to get your masters just sign up don't go as long as you got the cafeteria card you're all right

would you get on your sat's not good were they out of they were out of what are that 24 or 24 he's a young guy i hope it's not 24 i thought it was 21 oh 21 yeah you're right 21 how old are you exactly i'm 30 i just 30 yeah born in 92 92 that's good math that is good math it's sharp he was on your wikipedia i don't want to laugh i'm impressed that you thought that i'd backlog that yeah yeah you don't know what type of idiot you're dealing with i think he's getting an idea yeah he was trying to out i'm he was trying to add up your youtube subscribers it took him three days please um wait what were we saying sat's sat's yeah i gotta i gotta 1480 on that and then i took it a second time and did worse oh that's not good i also cheated the first time

because i don't fuck who cheats on the sat's i'm a methodical cheater are you yeah because i how'd you do it i i you because they don't sit you next to people who has the same test as you so you kind of have to fire sat the first sat the first time given it i didn't know that i thought everybody took the same test well no versions of it yeah really it's like they're very similar if not the same questions just in different orders so what they'll do is look up the people who are here have different tests but those people had the same one so i figured that i'm like oh it's just this girl has the same thing and i would only cheat on the sections where you had to read and then answer the questions i was like i'm not reading this yeah so i would just wait and be like

okay cool and then she there was like a lunch like a little lunch thing like in the middle of the test and she broke out she had three different salsas and i was like i didn't do well on this i was like there's no way this girl knows what the fuck is going on she's got three different salsas breaking out dips at the snack so she wasn't in on the scam she didn't know she had no idea i was cheating off of her oh so i thought you would have found the smark or smart person and got and got her involved i also took it at a shit high school and the proctor gave me the answer to a question on the SATs unfortunately it was like the easiest question on the test you would have probably gotten right yeah and i'm like what am i supposed to thank you for this fucking two plus two thanks

for the gimme she just walked over and she was like really yeah i was like that's probably super illegal lady yeah she put it on the line for me kb the answer and asked for a sig yeah she's like i'm going out to catch a sig here's the answer book yeah i'll be back i had a teacher tell us if he ain't cheating he ain't trying when i still live by that that's fantastic love that not a good test taker huh what was a vacation like growing up where'd you guys go we're just summer we never went on like an actual vacation um there was a few weeks like like a weekend out of the year that we would go to this house upstate with like a bunch of other families cousin relatives or just one family was our actual cousins and the rest became like our family friends i think it was like my

parents friends when they were growing up gotcha and then when like they had kids and then they you know we would go to this house but that was like the only vacation it was one other time my dad uh did some construction work for this guy and he got us tickets to disney world and oh god and i don't know if he actually did construction for this guy or something happened i have no idea but we did go to disney world and i had a great time that's how old were you i think i was like seven damn kit let's talk about helix baby helix best in the biz love him not only a spokesman you're also a client yes sir you're re-upped that's a free one i re-upped they sent me a queen the twilight we took the two-minute quiz me and my me and the lady now why

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kind of stuff better help brings it right to your home in the privacy of your own home yes better help is online therapy that offers videos phone and even live chat sessions with your therapist so you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to it's much more affordable than in person therapy and can be matched with the therapist under 48 hours give it a try and see why over two million people have used better help online therapy this podcast is sponsored by better help and our you garbage listeners get 10 percent off their first month at better help dot com slash garbage that's better help b e t t e r h e l p dot com slash garbage do it yeah now how did you find out that's how you came across these tickets did you did he come home like he made it

on good news yeah yeah yeah I really don't remember him like announcing it and being like we're going and I like cried or something like I don't really remember I do remember crying a lot when I was there because I was a little bitch I need to be attached to my mom dude getting paid for construction work in disney world that's actually kind of a big job queens isn't it's not like that's not classy what are you talking about well it's I mean that's an expensive price tag that's what I'm saying it's not like you gave you a fucking you know I don't know if it was as expensive as it is now because now you get because we were a family of six and then also my thirty grand to take a family of six to disney world now for like for a week easily yeah it really is it's like it's like a car I've

been recently and it's like no matter what you try to do the cheapest thing it's at least three thousand dollars yeah like at least and not even like staying at a resort just like you're staying in like off camp off site off camp and they're building fucking neighborhoods now you know that right oh yeah the business building yeah we're taking him that was one of our patreon goals when we hit I forget what it was like three thousand or something we're taking him I'm taking him to disney world first you make it sound like I'm nine when you say we're taking him we're taking this idiot well you're not taking us we're taking a car seat yeah never been never been man never been always jealous my cousins went fucking all the time we never went and then my fucking mom goes

with her girlfriends like 15 for a bachelorette party one of them blew goofy you know one of my buddies who I do the basement yard with my friend Frank his dad when he was younger uh it was he was it was my friend's birthday and his dad's like oh you know happy birthday whatever and then did whatever and he told him by the way I'm going to disney world with a nut because his parents are separated he's like I'm going to disney world with another family what like told him that he was like oh all right nice yeah happy birthday to me damn I'm gonna bring it back anything I will that's cold but you gotta give me the money now so I can probably got him a keychain it's nice and the thing about about your dad's deal I would have to assume unless the guy he was doing construction for

worked for disney or was one of the disney family that those disney tickets that your family well off the truck no was probably for that guy's family and they had to get construction done like we're not going to disney world oh I mean I've never he got to meet Mickey I never considered the fact that we destroyed a family that's like what Tony Soprano took the car off that guy yeah that's half the fun if I was if I was your dad I would have been telling you that down there I mean yeah it doesn't make sense that he would just be like yeah just give us tickets because they were physical like yeah so uh you know I don't know why you're Megan Smith for the week all right you gotta put a wig on all right just put a wig on and shut up oh that's beautiful

what's the extended family situation out there did you have a lot of cousins and stuff like that or yeah I have a lot of cousins they are not not a lot of them live like in the we're the only ones that live like in the five boroughs okay so there's some that are on Long Island and there's some in Jersey we have one psychotic part of my family that lives in Maine and nice just collects a bunch of guns so much so that the FBI has to go there a couple times a year really yeah just keep tabs on them also like out of my entire family if I had to pick one man to not carry guns it's that guy no the guy who has the guns would be second there is one other guy that I just remembered there's one guy who's legally not allowed to have guns he's a good guy he can't vote or have guns or anything

like that so he's one um but yeah this guy's second um I'm sorry any any answer uncles or cousins that you call by a name that's not their name like an aunt cookie and uncle Jojo and aunt Tutty yeah we I have uh I have an aunt Maureen that I call uncle Moe whoa but I'm the only one who does that all right that's what we're looking for uh yeah that's the number one answer I don't need Steve Harvey to tell me that there you go uncle Moe that's what I call that's awesome she doesn't like it no no not at all as a family grown up in Queens would you guys ever go into Manhattan and if you did was it like a big deal yeah that's a big thing for that's a good one like we'll go into the city no I mean that's pretty fucking disgusting when you say it like yeah we we never

really we never really treated it like that like to be like oh we're going to Manhattan and it's like it's the same dump sure as Sierra like it's four stops away yeah yeah we're and we're taking the train it's like okay yeah real treat when did you start taking the train as a kid pretty young because I like that about city kids I feel like city kids are pretty cool because they get like multiple educations they age at a very young age yeah I was just talking to this uh to my friend about this I was like dude we used to walk to school together it's maybe like a half mile or something like that or maybe a little less than that but like I was walking to school and like third or fourth grade in fucking Queens yeah in New York I'm thinking I'm like you know my

ma what the fuck is going on letting us just go and like they were pretty like cool with us kind of just being out all day like we weren't in the house at all like she would be like come home at 6 30 for uh dinner and then be home at 11 I remember those when I was younger were more of my like that was your time yeah my curfew 11 11 o'clock at night yeah not in like third grade like that's not I wasn't allowed to boost like third grade no but that was probably when I was in like middle school I guess so like six to eighth grade those were like yeah but we were out all late eighth sixth grade out until 11 o'clock at night I had other kids grow up quick yeah any graffiti when you were a kid you're tagging anybody any place up I I never really got into that

because all the kids that did which is sucked like I like maybe if there was like a cooler crew doing it if my friends were doing it I'd be like yeah hell yeah but I like I don't know we never really got into that have you ever given yourself a rap name at any point at any point did you try a rap career or think about it oh absolutely I think you can't grow up in the city without having that at some point I got this 100% I could definitely rap a little bit can you break out the carotid can I absolutely not I think that's reserved for like Filipino guys and just not me have you ever done have you ever done showtime dancing on on the subway no not at all no dancing of any kind for money so I'm gonna if you got any more dancing questions

they're all though can you do the walls what's your worm situation is there a meringue gay for a couple dollars first job uh first job I guess like my first like real job that stuck was a I worked at a pizzeria delivering pizzas nice and actually it was an interesting story of how I got fired from that job well I was fired out of necessity because I was part I had my dad's red van first of all what kind of van we talking just a mother's van yeah I don't know like a mini van like a mini van with a subway sandwich stuffed into the like the fucking console of the thing that he would probably eat you know every three days or something like that but uh he he let me use his van on days that I worked on I worked Thursday Friday and Saturday only three days a week

and the first day on the job I pulled into the parking lot and immediately hit a woman's car salvo kind of did the same thing but not hard got a nine out nine accident I didn't hit it hard and she lost it and I was like hot and I was like freaking out already my first day at work of like my first job really and I hit this lady's car she just let me go because there was no mark on her car or anything I was like all right cool and then back to do another car that's how I'll see you later that's how it happened and then that's also how it ended because I was parked in a spot right behind the pizzeria and my the back of my car was already in so all I had to do is like turn in the front and some guy on a motorcycle swerved around a car and hit

the back of this fucking van and it sounded like a thunderbolt Jesus and I just see a body flying through the the window I'm like oh my god I just killed a person and he did like a front flip landed on his back and like skid super far I just put the car in park got out and I'm like yo you like are you good like I'm fucking shaking two people ran off the sidewalk and they're like we saw everything don't worry about I was like thank god but this I swear to god I'm not making this up the guy was laying on his back with a cigarette like this and he's he's smoking the cigarette I look I like this guy yeah and shocker dude I'm pretty sure the guy was Albanian I was like these people are tough but he was he was like helping me up I

was like dude I'm not helping you up you could be very hurt and your spine could be in half so I'm not gonna do that who moved them uh and he's like you don't want to help me up because you know you did something wrong and then at that point I was pissed off I was like first of all yeah you hit me my blinker was on I was like I wasn't even fucking moving you drove into me the guy was like definitely drunk and he ended up suing me which was fire really yeah but it was one of those things that like I don't know if this is still true but at the time apparently a lot of people would stage accidents sure sure if you sued the companies would just settle and you would get a you know just this amount and like no one would really be hurt by that as far as like like my insurance never

went up but he got like 13 grand or something for being drunk smoking a cigarette and hitting me that's wild which he probably deserved for holding out to a cigarette to hold through that whole fucking thing which is amazing he's doing a barrel just yeah he's in the end just like god damn sorry you're a scumbag but we give you an A for effort we'll give you 13 grand yeah and then my boss came out he's like we probably should not be involved in this you're done I was like yeah really yeah I don't know it seems like a you problem Joe yeah this isn't Mario's pizzerias like whoa deliver it for who I was like no one I guess I guess no one I never even met this kid oh shit you've ever been in a parade in the parade like on a float no I don't I've never

even like seen a parade in person really I don't think I've ever seen well the only parade I've ever seen was when the giants run Super Bowl that was pretty much it that's the one I went to and that's the only one they didn't let me on the bus yeah no that would have been nice yo that's the most New York answer we have ever been I know I figured out there at Queens they probably had them all the time small now they had like little fairs and shit like at the Italian fair where you go and get zepplies and look at a couple of rats and shit that's my next question you ever worked at a street fair I never worked at a street fair but we would go to them every single year and they were not safe no seen a lot of shit go down when I did Mars is nice yeah but that's the one of

course yeah shit what happened of course I saw a guy I don't know what happened but it's like it's a fair we're playing games to win goldfish like who's taking this seriously yeah and a guy pulled a screwdriver on one of the carnies and they were like I guess a brotherhood yeah that I don't know they probably really carnies roll deep oh they roll thick dude roll thick they beat the shit out of this guy they beat the shit out of him and just like a screwdriver to a carney fight you lose why do you have a fucking screwdriver but they're like women holding their daughter's hands and this guy's just getting the shit kicked out of him by like five people and I just remember him sitting up like the undertaker and then everyone's like oh yeah and then some guy comes

just kicks him in the face yeah as hard as he could and I was like I'm going to fuck home yeah I'm getting deep fried Oreos and taking my ass they turn that guy into a game kids are taking thirds yeah just keep kicking them 10 bucks a kick you want a teddy bear kick the shit out of this guy don't shoot no one paintball piece of shit hmm you own a drone I do own a drone and where do you live now do you I live in Astoria I move back I wasn't long out in city for two and a half years and like that and I move back you got your own place you live with your mom no I got my own place okay your rent or your own it does all right rent okay president or a piece of property that's all I do I do own though too really but I don't live at my mom's house I bought my mom's house

oh that's pretty pretty queens fucking small town kid made good I still charge her rent but you know I own it outright she does pay rent and by the way biz you're late couple months late waiting for that my good news and bad news I just bought you a house bad news is the rent's going up 20% you thought you had money problems before buckle up and no pets allowed that's gonna get rid of your dog yeah Prickles has got to go I'm sorry I don't make the rules that's sweet though man that's awesome you bought you bought your child at home look at that yeah it's good stuff have you ever worn a hemp or pukashell necklace 90s they got your 90s kid they got pretty big in the 90s I feel like my answer is yes I never I feel

like I was maybe just like two or three years too young yeah because definitely like my older brother definitely had some shell necklace but I can tell you this I do remember being like fuck I need one so bad like how do you get your hands on that yeah also I went through this phase where I like desperately wanted dog tags like that was so funny I had dog tags everyone I fucking got made on the wildwood boardwalk I was like oh I'm getting fucking dog tags dude like and they're gonna say nothing on what are they gonna say on it you know local loser my name like a fucking like this is I don't know but that's awesome no pukas but definitely dog tags dog tags I might bring dog tags back I gotta be honest you can't that's stolen valor no you gotta be a little kid maybe

is is dog tags valor no I think so I think if you wear dog tags that's no but I'm not representing you can wear camouflage and not represent that you're in the military stolen valor is representing that I'm in the military fair enough I'm gonna say army of garbage so technically I'm in the military that's not a fucking bad idea we get dog tags army of garbage there we go you just claiming I'm stealing valor now you can wet your beak on it you're all about it money talks baby I'll play ball I'll sell stolen valor for sure I was I'm not gonna wear I'm not gonna wear it's gonna sell for money what was your cartoons growing up as a kid what did you like what did you get into uh wow that's a good question I was like okay on Doug I like Tom and Jerry nice classic old school

uh what else I there was a spongebob phase pretty late in life yeah late in life yeah like I was like probably too old to be watching spongebob late in life this is good this is good stuff uh let me tell you something spongebob ain't bad I'm telling that right now it still holds up pretty good pretty good hey Arnold was big too okay is that you too he was a little younger than me why what was what's your answer I was a I was born in 86 so yeah hey Arnold was just like I was like too I was a little too old for what yeah there's a lot of stuff that like even kids that are year younger than me like i carly or all these things like I've never seen really yeah I've never I've never seen an episode or I don't know anyone's name I don't know anything I was watching i carly in my 30s I thought

I thought it was that good I don't even know who's the star of that what do you mean I'll do Jerry train I thought show was hysterical plus I always wanted to live like in my fantasy I always wanted to live on one of those sets like a Nickelodeon show or like one of those Disney shows well they had giant open living rooms yeah like where hey Arnold's room I was like bro fold out okay go hang out on the roof through the fucking skylight I was like damn this is right like that hmm is your bed currently in the corner of your room and do you have a bed frame around it I do have a bed frame and it's not in the corner okay it's actually in the center I definitely grew up with my bed in the corner of the room and I

it was like a right next to the radiator radiator whatever the fucking radiator that's a pizza that's trashy I say radiator over by the radiator radiator radiator my dad got me on that and by the way no one I because that's not really a word you say that often and I was like 28 and I said radiator and someone's like what and that's when I found out I feel like it's a tomato tomato type thing you can say radiator I think it's a garbage not garbage really it's like it radiates heat so it's a radiator that's like the or it radiates it's like the nickname for someone's jeep dude the radiator radiator radiator well listen I'm still saying I have to hear the parties but I I was my bed was like right in the corner it was right right next to it and there was like a

little hole right here which god knows what the fuck sure just close food I didn't how do you pronounce the city in Michigan that starts with a D Detroit okay not Detroit Detroit who says I also say Detroit which will be coming there next week guys it's funny because there was a kid in my high school who used to say uh uh instead of blockbuster he would say blockbuster and I was like how are you saying that right and wrong at the same fucking time dude I'm going to blockbuster and I was like I'm gonna fucking hit that blockbuster blockbuster that would drive me crazy what's with this put your box put your box put your box I'm talking steaks I'm talking chops I'm talking salmon from the river and is this low quality stuff made up made quality stuff what are

we talking about come here let me smack you around what are you talking about it's all source from the source it's the good stuff source from the source high quality shit I'm talking free range grass fed wild caught more at that farm ration sustainable there you go yeah it's the real deal to answer your question uh-huh thank you for answering my man nice rigatoni with that ground beef they're they're throwing out the doors out there they can't get rid of that crazy every month put your box ship security section of high quality meat right to your home free shipping top quality state of the art for the continental united states please stop interrupting me no antibiotics are added hormones each box contains eight to 14 pounds of meat depending on the box you choose

now if I want to add my own hormones and antibiotics is that okay aftermarket add-ons you can do that in your own house but if you want them they ain't got it they ain't got them I like a little I like a little tea in my uh in my ground beef a little testosterone okay uh this is your chance to never have to shop for ground beef again this is the most this is crazy this is the most bonkers and I am not lying when I say the ground beef that they send you is absolutely fantastic that's right but your box is giving new members free ground beef for life the most insane sentence I've ever read that's one of the things you gotta worry about plus you get a $10 off coupon on top of all that goddamn ground beef sign up at butcherbox.com slash ayg get two pounds of ground beef free in every order

for the life of your membership plus a $10 off coupon log on to butcherbox.com slash ayg to claim this deal do it do it bespoke post baby be spoke post box of awesome box of awesome box of cool guy stuff it's cool guy shit you didn't know you need until you see and you go goddamn I love this and you know what it's springtime I bet you it's even cooler cool guy shit yeah to revamp and you can revamp any category you got outdoor stuff cooking stuff bar stuff grooming stuff bar stuff cool clothes get a sweet pocket knife hammocks the whole nine yards we got all this stuff they send it to us fantastic it's fantastic to get started just take the quiz at boxofawesome.com they want to know what you like your answers are going to help them pick the right box of awesome

for you they release new boxes every month across a ton of different categories each box is valued at around 70 bucks but it don't cost that you pay a fraction of the price what do you pay go ahead I don't know it's not in the copy plus the awesome you're supporting small business 90% that's the cool part 90% of everything that comes from box of awesome is from a small up and coming brand it's free to sign up you can skip a month or cancel it anytime so it's easy peasy get 20% off your first monthly box when you sign up at boxofawesome.com enter the code garbage at checkout that's boxofawesome.com code garbage for 20% off your first box box of awesome.com code garbage doing I'm back to that show wait back to the show all right I need your number one option from

from what I'm about to have to ask you here oh boy uh ice cream cones traditional cone waffle cone the sugar cone or the pretzel cone which I know is a little bit of a unicorn yeah I don't I don't know that I've ever had pretzel corn very Philadelphia okay yeah I don't think I've ever had that then regular waffle or sugar well what's regular I thought sugar was regular isn't it I like the way you think isn't it no sugar I was like stumped got them regular is the little the little like plasticky looking ones that has the little and what's a sugar cone the sugar cone is darker yeah and sweeter so probably the sugar cone I fuck okay hate waffle cones really this guy out of my face because it's messy do you bite into it the whole thing

it's a wrap so you tell me there's a difference between that's the classic that's classic and that cake cone it's called that's just a cone okay okay all right okay I always just consider that a sugar cone I guess now I that's what I thought was yeah I like those cons they're good those cake cones they're not bad a regular waffle cones taste the best they're just not I just can't use it yeah unless it's in a cup if it comes in a cup with the waffle I'll do that that's classy but that's kind of a cop-out answer were you a were you a mr. softy guy growing up big time yeah we said I used to have a tab one time my dad one time whooped my ass because he found out I had a six dollar tab you had a tab with a tab because he would stop by the park I he used to

call him Bob a loo I'm looking back you're fucking lucky looking back a little too close of a relationship with mr. fucking softy dude we still get to the truck we still get into the truck he drives around and shit I'm like yeah we'll fucking licking a fucking tweety bird papa whatever oh man never got touched I don't want that on record never touched me ever the 90s were a different time it was and he's still slang in cone really he's out there it's some Greek guy we used to call him Bob a loo and then he would call us Bob a loo so I don't really know his name apparently I'm also Bob a loo apparently everyone's fucking Bob a loo to this guy I don't know what's going on with him but he I blockbuster if we if I didn't have money

I'm gonna have money I would just go up to him be like bro can I just pay you tomorrow a child by the way being like I'll just pay you tomorrow can I just you know whatever and he'd be like yeah sure and then I told my dad you're out there dragging my name through the mud on his streets literally like that I can't get a cone in any of the five boroughs now you're ruining me my and my dad knew fucking everyone he's like I go say hi to my friend we're stopping at like a sandwich cart like I don't know you knew everybody but the the mr. softy guy he found out that I had a six dollar tab with him and he like lost his mind he's like you're gonna give him 20 bucks and then you're gonna work for me for whatever because that was another thing my

dad used to just like be like tomorrow we're going to fucking patties and you're gonna do we're gonna grow out the kitchen I'm like that happened with me a lot I'm not dad I don't know what you're saying what was your what was your move at the mr. softy what'd you get twist sprinkles I liked the the rainbow sprinkle sometimes I would do the cherry dip oh sometimes I would do that sometimes I would just get one of those shakes but then all of a sudden like inflation they're like 20 bucks yeah and the shakes were crazy chill bro like yeah fuck I have three dollars these things are eight bucks now yeah the fuck I'm already into you for 20 plus I gotta go to my fucking dad bubble I gotta go do the grout job now yeah gotta work this off but yeah I would probably do

I want you know what I never did the double cone I felt like it was too much yeah double what's the double cone yeah it's like one it's a cake and it's connected yeah it's real it's real fat some people would get like a bite handle bar vanilla and chocolate and do like chocolate sprinkles on a chocolate and then rainbow sprinkles on vanilla I was like this is like yeah it's a lot man it's a lot sensory overload I can't handle that and you have a pool growing up we did have really we had a dude I would mean if you want to call it that but we had a a tiny pool because we we didn't have like a backyard like there was a it was a driveway that had this little like dirt patch next to it and we were able to put a pool that was I think it was 10 feet round like back

there and we had that for a little bit uh and my dad but that was like where a car should have been or yeah yeah yeah so like we just put we just put it back there we're like one of three people in the neighborhood that had a pool it wasn't very glamorous at all like if I was fully stretched out like this I'm touching none of us thought it was glamorous by the way I didn't think it was the playboy he's like just I know it sounds all hoity hoity but it really wasn't so what you can he led with 10 foot round yeah it's not all it's cracked up I was picturing a swim up bar to be honest with you it's a shitty pool pretty sick hot tub though yeah my dad used to fill it up with because he like took a uh a fire hose from the from the firehouse and hooked it up to the sink

hook it up to the fucking hydrant and we would open the hydrant and run this thing around the second yeah open it close it yeah he's like it'd just be yeah it'd be like three kids on the sidewalk and we don't be yelling until I turn it off turn it off turn it off and then we you know that's how we filled it up oh man it's all rust water that water's cold these shit also it gets really fucking dirty yeah when you open it up for the first time the water's just green yeah and I remember my my father was trying to siphon some of the water out so he's like I know what and this guy not a strong stomach at all but he had the hose in there and he was trying to tuck the water to get into just yeah the start yeah it just goes right I mean you can guess what happens next some of this

green I wouldn't uh put like a piece of garbage into this pool it was so disgusting right into this guy's mouth this guy's mouth throw it up I didn't notice fucking guys not my fucking dad uh anymore get it and he uh yeah he was throwing up all over the fucking Jesus was there any years where you didn't open it that's always a tough look uh I think open it's a stretch right we did you empty it after the every summer no we just left it like that but then you and then you can just like shock it you put like this crazy sure yeah whatever so we used to do that but then after at a certain point we just like never really went in so we're like all right we're taking this thing down yeah hmm man this kid's trash I just demoed it

sledgehammer that's how you wear crocs I don't actually I may I may I may do you own a suit do I own a suit yeah I do how many like two okay and they're new okay like I just got them yeah because I had a I had a wedding to go to last year borrowed it from one of my friends we're not the same size you borrowed a suit from your friend big last year last year you're making cash what are you doing you're successful you're borrowing suits but I'm not but I just like also it's not like a belt I'm also lazy for that guy it is well not really I mean for you forget there's a lot of friends I have they're like bought this at men's warehouse perfect size no one's getting shit tailored so I was like all right it fits all of us fit right off the

right yeah who's got court tomorrow huh yeah exactly so but I just got two suits so designer no they were from suit supply oh I know that place I got a suit that's a nice place yeah I got a green suit and then a navy blue suit that's good green suits nice is a dark green very nice I know has the credit score credit score is good credit score is good you got a couple of cards I do have a couple cards Mx I do not have an Mx whoa really this guy thanks borrowing suits these numbers aren't adding up I'm trying to help me I got three million subscribers here what's going on holy shit capital one card Bank of America and Merrill Lynch Merrill that's an investment account

it's a business account guys there we go Merrill Lynch all right those guys like fucking Ropa doped me you're sitting here calling you a doofus I didn't get a Merrill Lynch again you stepped over American Express excuse me right to Merrill Lynch that's pretty good that's not bad what'd you have for breakfast this morning when do you have any left I don't think I had breakfast really yeah no I skip it pretty often to be intermittent fasting you should try I don't really try to you know do it on purpose but it just happens but if I do have breakfast I usually try to do something like just healthy I don't because like big lactose intolerant really like it near milk it's a wrap but like I can have like pizza and be like fine but just milk

proper just milk yeah and I also like so I use almond milk for like a substitute or whatever for like smoothies or something but he's doing smoothies that's pretty good even that I feel like my body knows that on this it's staying it says don't even make it look like milk yeah it's like just fucking put this thing in a brown bag and maybe I'll be okay but I don't know what it is but you know so I'll usually do like a smoothie or I'll do like fucking oatmeal or something but that's not I don't I don't really have breakfast often okay okay picky eater would you say not at all have you ever microwaved bacon I'm sure I have if it gets cold what are you supposed to do true I'll give you that I never did from the wrong yeah no I've never talked about yeah no no

you either bake that shit or you pan it yeah fry it patty foley microwaves and I'm telling you it's fucking fantastic trash it's delicious um I'm not against the microwave bacon I'll microwave it don't do it don't even go down that yeah that's a dirty microwave though by the way oh yeah it's clean I blew up my microwave the other day not oh this is like a month ago I still don't have a microphone would you put metal in there I put an ember mug oh what do you know what an ember mug is no that sounds fancy it's it is the metal mugs but it's like I I got it as a gift but it's it's it's so fucking dumb what's it called there goes that sponsor by the way but it's called an ember mug so like it has like a this thing on the bottom of it and you hook it up to

your phone and it can keep whatever's in there warm what yeah I never understood that though yeah one of these thing yeah it's so unnecessary I don't get that because people are like hey this mug can keep a cup of coffee hot for 12 hours who the fuck 12 hours to finish a cup of coffee two three minutes mate yeah I don't want my cocoa getting cold well put it back in the fucking microwave like I don't know so is that what you did you put it in the microwave in it by accident because it looks exactly like another mug that I have and I put it in there and then I went to take a piss and when I came back there was a fireball in my fucking microwave and I was like okay so then my goal is you know my father's a fucking fireman so I knew keep it in there let

it suffocate the fire and then as soon as it went out I opened it and it caught fire again shut it again caught a back draft on a microwave fire and then I used a beanie to like grab it and throw it onto the balcony and I was like battery fires are so dangerous yeah it fucking exploded and then I and then after the dust settled because there was literal dust in the air I opened it and it just looks like a grenade went off like it's completely like painted black and like there's like soot there goes the security deposit yeah it's a little bacon in there actually you guys would love the landlord to my building because he literally looks and talks like Tony soprano and the next morning I saw him and I was trying to like ease him into the fact that I

almost blew up my fucking apartment and I was like hey man like I uh had a problem last night he's like what's going on I was like I put a father in you I was like yeah it's like what's his name I was like it's ember mug but I was like I put something in the microwave and it exploded and it caught fire and now the thing is all fucked up and he was just like we'll get you no one is don't worry about it and then he sent me an email and he was like I'm gonna send PC Richards to your apartment just tell them that you have no PC Richard owes me he goes tell them you have no idea what happened I was like I was like no problem that's great that's awesome if PC Richard's ass you didn't see nothing all right that's under warranty

that he's getting a free 100% he's like tell me if no idea what happened they haven't showed up and I haven't microwaved anything since damn that's awesome how do you not know what happened I don't know it wasn't me I don't know it exploded I don't know that's fucking great how do you like your eggs scrambled okay just a classic old school are your eggs Benedict guy um I it's not like my first choice but I like it okay we'll do a Benny I'll do a Benny every once in a while okay at a brunch or something okay do you currently have a pepper grinder or pepper shaker I have a shaker okay just a field school yeah just a little bit of this good question kippy that is a good question really classy the people who have the electronic ones that's whoa I didn't even know that was yeah and

there's a light on it too what's your salt situation you Himalayan pink sea salt what are we doing the sea the sea the sea the sea okay salt okay cook at the house I not as often as I should not the microwaves broke yeah how the fuck am I gonna make bake yeah how do I how am I supposed to make hot pockets now shout out do you have a go to frozen pizza I'm gonna like that answer oh because well I just recently started having these oh it used to be ellio's shout out that was that was the one but now I have these fucking cauliflowers cauliflowers cauliflowers okay I didn't know how that was gonna go over no love a cauliflowers the veggie cauliflowers not that bad California pizza kitchen is that

what you're doing no cauliflowers cauliflowers okay yeah they're they're pretty good they're pretty good they're not the same but they are the pepperoni is all right it's good enough to trick me into thinking I'm doing a nice thing it is I walk out of go that kind of that fulfilled the pizza itch and fulfilled me eating healthy itch Amy puts on a pretty decent one too also ellio's one ellio's who is this filling up I literally eat that and my body feels nothing I feel like I didn't eat anything I need to eat at least two of these you're talking about the the the the whole strip not because initially peace yeah this one oh now who's eating like one I know that's crazy how crazy is that breaking that's like flush that's like wiping with one fucking yeah nuts

I'm doing but that is the serving size apparently is one third of that slice oh that's I caught it I could eat two like three of those like easy oh you're a fucking bastard yeah shout out to ellio's no one these no one digiorno's love it digiorno guy big huge digiorno but I'm all the cauliflowers I haven't had a digiorno in years they're good they're self rising up self rising big fan of the gift of manually rising these ones do it on their own all these all these other pieces we're gonna manually rise to kind of pick it up but this one I can never find the needle for the pump fill this yeah when they get a stuffed one oof whoever invented that oh god good cross oh my god like pizza hut when they come out they had some crazy yeah they got real they

got real desperate yeah in the late 90s early 2000s like now the pizza crust it breaks off into like garlic knots it's like what do we do and give me the nuts give me the pizza I like both now they have that fucking tool chest that they give you that has like breadsticks pizza fucking dessert in it and like a little thing that pops up but it's like fries I'm like who's buying this I don't know too much there's like there's a guy named Rob Mason who according to Google Google claims to have invented the stuffed crust pizza classic Rob Mason that's awesome claiming he made is so funny yeah I thought of that those cock suckers I called them and said I got an idea for the new pizza crust and they said it was in development is this a guy who never even tried

he's goes no I thought that and now he's just making a blog about it uh do you or anyone in your family call the bathroom the John the commode or the Lou the Lou is insane that's crazy right yeah what is Britain or hit the head hit the head uh I think when you said John it kind of reminded me that my father refers to my mother as John what yeah yeah yeah yeah my friends are very confused by that but we're like I don't know we think he just calls her John gay yeah because he would sit down and do the crossword puzzle and he would and be like John what's a three letter word for you know whatever and my friends are there and they're like what the fuck is John I don't have a John in my family I don't even have a John in my extended family so I don't even know but he would call her

John and she would answer and they'd be like what and I'm like I don't know he wishes she was a man it must be some kind of old school thing because I had an uncle my my my Aunt Mary Catherine my uncle my uncle read my uncle read called my Aunt Mary Catherine Billy was her nickname was Billy Billy Billy yeah get in here my yeah my mom's name is Elizabeth he calls her John that's weird yeah that's like a separate size that's awesome but no I think everyone just called it the the bathroom I think my dad may have called it the John or something yeah I don't know you brush your teeth in the shower no you pee in the shower big time I'll save a pee for the shower yeah I don't hear love peeing in the shower that's good one of the greatest I actually have to drain on my shower

because the other day I was like I can't piss on this oh it's like on your yeah I was like I can't stand and piss that's a little crazy but you know I never heard of that drain on the shower has that even yeah the drain clogs up you're gonna talk to Gandolfini downstairs who's bothering you I'm like I don't hear or something is in there remember you don't know what happened I have no idea you don't fucking tell anyone I think they bugged your drain okay um anybody in your family have a birthday that falls on a holiday Christmas babies New Year's babies Halloween babies no but there I do have an aunt that her birthday I think is like two days after Christmas or before Christmas or something so

we always celebrate her birthday okay there yeah okay would you at a Christmas gathering would you be like on Christmas would you celebrate it on Christmas day her birthday yeah would you see a birthday cake with a birthday cake and singing yeah that's top birthday cake on Christmas is bad that's a bad look you got an ice cream cake it may be Thanksgiving it's one of the big ones it's one of those but I pretty sure it's Thanksgiving's all right as a dessert I'll give you thanks because there's pies and everything yeah that's tough though that's true ever ruin a surprise party have I ruined a surprise party no but I did ruin Thanksgiving once when I was younger because I was just too confident in my strength and thought that I could bring

the turkey to the table oh my little boy arms could not handle the birds yeah and it slipped right off but this will not help my cause at all we just kind of picked it up and went you got it with that boy yeah what are we gonna do go back to the store get another get a couple of wet wipes or something drop it right on the ground and I was like whoops in the house in the kitchen in the kitchen yeah I mean yeah at that point you're not gonna ruin completely ruin you gotta have to you gotta eat the bird we can't just have fucking sweet potato pie but here's the thing this is what really determines whether your garbage or not in that specific situation yeah you're a young kid you're trying to be you know big boy you want to bring

the turkey out what was the initial reaction from your mother and father when that turkey hit the ground was it it's okay we'll take care of it or was it more of you cocksucker my mom never never called me a cocksucker I'm Thanksgiving you should meet Denise she also rarely said fuck but everything else she would say and yeah she was immediately pissed off yeah she was like what are you I was like I I think I ran too I was a big runner when I was younger something would happen I go I'm out I would just run it for me they would chase us too so that was the thing too well my dad never chased us because he would come home late and then he was a bigger guy so we could hear him come up the stairs like you better pretend to be asleep right now yeah

you can't hit a kid I had a good poker face my brother did not and we got beaten in tandem so I was catching beatings that were not mine through the fake snoring you idiot don't oversell it he fails a class I'm getting hit I'm like how am I you know but that's awesome a valuable lesson I think something in there there is something in there I'm sure I'm sure there is a child abuse ten thirty years I haven't figured it out yet but I'm sure there's something uh hmm do you have name brand luggage away away sponsor or no no okay no I think I just got it all right I have to get a fancy stuff do you guys have nice like I don't have any like good luggage no I got you don't seem to be a spender which I like are you a saver I did you make any stupid

purchase yeah was there yeah I and also when did you start making money I probably started early 20s uh 2017 probably this is when I yeah was when I started like okay and then I moved into another apartment that was like two I lived in long island city and I bought a uh $3,000 arcade machine or something that I like never used like a pac-man machine or what was it it had like a bunch of all of them yeah I had like 60 games on it so I was pretty psyched on it for a week yeah and then I was like okay this is just standing here standing around yourself I when I moved I um had I had movers move it because I was like there's no way by the way getting that into my apartment I totally forgot about this but I lived in a walk-up and I was on like the third floor

in my apartment you bought an arcade machine and a third story walk-up and I'm an idiot because they were like do you want white glove delivery and I was like I got it yeah it's a fucking 300 pound arcade it's a fridge it it's probably heavier than a friend and a guy comes off the truck and he always gotta go if you're in new york he gotta go white glove bro this guy this big and and then he's like he I remember he gots off the truck and I go I get down there and it's 7 a.m. to and I'm hung over and I go fuck and I go yo if I give you a hundred bucks will you help me bring it upstairs and he's like yeah and he just all he he goes into the truck and I'm thinking we get like a hand card something he pulls out a rope or something ratchet strap and he

starts wrapping it around his wrist and he goes you strong no man I'm not he goes you run away you're strong and I go I think I'm stronger than you and he's like are you getting the back so now I'm supporting the weight of this 300 pound thing I almost died and we couldn't even get it all the way up so I gave him 50 bucks I got it to the second floor holy shit are you kidding me I swear to god oh my I was I was like bro we didn't get it up there he's just quit he was like we can't no I was like all right well fucking I'm not fucking giving it to you then oh man but then we had some other movers come in they and they liked it but then I ended up giving it away to one of my mom's neighbors who had a younger kid that's pretty cool it's a nice kid at heart I can tell

uh we got you got a car I do what are you zipping around in in a Range Rover there we go my car that's my dream car now we found men's wear house suits arcade games blowing up microwaves now we find out where the cash is going it's the range nice what color black it's black you gotta go murdered out you gotta go murdered out when it comes to a range tints in the windows no tents but black I mean the back windows are like I think sort of tinted on their own but they're not like black what are you sitting on a couple of 20s what are you rolling around in I don't even know whatever it comes with I had them painted black though oh what the wheels so the tie uh yeah the rims oh that's fucking sweet that's like night rider I like that all right so there you go yeah

you're flying first class when you when you when you when you zip around not all the time I've actually never done it but I just you've never flown first class not on my oh okay I got you guys I have like been in first class before sure I rarely like do that though but this summer I'm going to Greece so I booked a first class ticket for that cuz I was like that he's gonna suck yeah the flight that's a vacation you deserve it yeah solo it was my it's my buddy's birthday so we're so the squad's going yeah there you go that's good now are you only in first class by yourself and they're in coat or you're all in first class my other buddy he's in first class as well okay so is everybody fend for themselves you're like I'm sitting first class we're we're the only one

fucking idiot come on we get a sip of champagne tell the poor people I said hello they just have that curtain like you can't come to the bathroom in here I'm sorry uh but yeah no we're we're the only two I think on the same flight and everyone else is I got you you know find your way there I guess got you got you okay if you go out to dinner with your boys are you picking up the check is it is it going to rotation are you guys splitting the check um I I pick up checks but also like if I go out with my friends mostly will like split one of the things I do probably spend a lot of money on is like restaurants and stuff because I do like going out to that's good also like fine dining places nice um split evenly or yeah item no no no no I never I never do that

like I never I wanted to like you so bad I would have broke my heart no if you're like wait I had two sodas and you're like they charge you for refills what kind of joint is yeah no thankfully I don't have friends go out with that do that that's so funny chat commentary almost gave the exact same answer like two sodas he's like who had to shrimp you telling me this is I said tap you put still that cost money um but yeah no I that is horrible and also like we won't split well like someone will just be like I'll put it on and then we'll like that more and stuff he's good he's a good guy man gentleman he's all right you can't put five cards in there psychotic yeah that's not hate that

what else I got two from the patreon okay I mean I'm pretty I mean I think we got him pretty dead to rights I'm not if I'm being honest with you he's the Walt Disney trip payment the pool fucking cheating on the SATs forgot about that Uncle Moe or whatever her name was being into the big cigarette smoker by the way if you couldn't guess how about being into the mr. softy guy yeah well being into his uh you know I don't know about all that it was six bucks I said I was good for it all right this one's from Sam Sky so as you know when you join the patreon we will answer we will ask your garbage question on line uh on on air it's just the best way to do it uh this is from Sam have you ever brought the laptop to the bathroom

when you're taking a a deuce all the time really all of the time is YouTube sensation what do you mean what he's got the numbers no I mean I feel like that's you know yeah I can't do something I got to get the phone though a computer that's a lot well sometimes you gotta go in you gotta find somewhere to put it you gotta take your pants that's a generational thing is a younger guy it's usually like in the morning because the coffee gets you and you're already like doing stuff on your laptop I gotta go in and I understand at night though let me ask you guys a question go right ahead please 3am you gotta piss yeah yeah put the light on it hurt your eyes yeah I go light off well and you guess but but you guess or you don't sit oh you sit I'm not saying

I said I'm asking you if you said that I did not say that first I guess you yeah that's what the seat goes up yeah the rim goes up yeah and then I try to find I'll pee in the water first and then go two clicks to the left to get on the wall so I'm not so it's not you know loud I go no lights and I'm like a nervous rookie cop I'm just I'm spraying the place the only time that comes to bite me in the ass is when I wake up and go pee and then two minutes later my girl wakes up to go pee and all you hear is Jesus fucking Christ so I don't I don't do the sit piss at all but there are times where it's like well I got a shit and then you piss and then you're like I don't have to shit yeah oh I've done that so I

now have sit pissed a false a false alarm you walk out of there like I feel less than I should right now but in the middle of the night check my lipstick now I turn the lights on and torture myself because there was one time that I just went for it like an idiot sure and it sounded like I was pissing on a drum and I'm like what the fuck is that and then I turn the lights on it was closed yeah oh pissed all over it and then I was like oh and then even dumber I'm just you know I'm disheveled at this point yeah in the middle of the night I'm just drawn so I'm you know in the middle of a pee it's very hard to hold that I don't really have the strength in my dick to you know stop a piss like that no you have like three seconds man three Mississippi

and I so I open the lid not thinking so all the piss that was on the lid has just went into the back of it now you know 3 a.m. I'm cleaning my own piss off that way till the morning yeah that's do you clean that up on the spot or do you let that ride I had to I had to I'm big on smell so okay I'm like if I let this go I'm gonna wake up in the morning my entire apartment's gonna smell like piss do you have a cleaning service that cleans your apartment or do you do it yourself I don't I do it myself okay dishwasher yes washer and dryer in the unit yeah it's all right doorman big no okay walk up no nice that's that would be horrible I lived in a walk up forever until this building you want a high floor six it's a top floor say day a six walk up

ain't no good anything over four I did a four is brutal four is a lot four is like you head of you're like is there one more is there not one more you don't you get lost also I feel like four is too big for like it's a it's just big enough that people would be like questioning whether they even want to come over like yeah we gotta walk up a hundred percent or like if you come home drunk dude I'm not that like energetic that I am drunk come home definitely falling asleep in the over because that's something I should I should I should yeah I should be in the trade right now I you know I'd be overseas right now but I fall asleep in a shipping container yeah if I was a woman to be over but I I coming home and then having to walk up all those flights I'd be like

I'm just gonna sleep in the hallway yeah I'm not I'm not doing this sleep on the landing I like it hmm only last question I have is uh any family plans with the phones are you on your own doing your own thing no I'm I'm I have my own okay my own thing all right but I was I stayed on that shit as long as I could I don't remember what I think I was maybe like 26 or 27 when I got off of that 46 currently on his mom's plan stop it I pay it though I pay it I pay to play is it a good deal are you guys like grandfathered into some crazy sprint oh dude we're taking these people taking Verizon to fucking town I'll tell you that right now I use again so much trouble on that because you could see all of like how many text messages how much minutes or all the phone calls you made

it was kind of ridiculous yeah back in the day it was a really flawed system and everybody was getting jammed up with the fucking nights and weekends I remember it was five cents a text yeah or you wait and sprint it was like if you wait till after seven it was free but this was this is before even there was text plans it was just five cents per text and we didn't know so me and my boys were all just like sitting around talking shit like on each other and other people would be like yeah fucking Toby's things Joe's an idiot and then I'm doing got that bill we all got the bill like our parents got the same like two days and we were all grounded because we saw we sent like 5000 text messages in a month I've done that and also I've done like in

like eighth grade just like on the phone with this my girlfriend at the time and then falling asleep and then just having a fucking nine hour phone call and my mom's like what the fuck is this dude I try to call it a work I can't get all of them it's just like a hundred and twelve dollars like more and she's like well you're gonna have to find this out you gotta regret you gotta get the paddies you gotta get the gunners over there and steves out yeah she's needs a roof done so that's great good stuff Joe Sanagato everybody look at him a hundred percent queens true garbage but a good guy nice kid yeah but seems like you got your you got your head on straight you're fucking killing it man congratulations I appreciate you guys are killing

as well thank you buddy see you guys everywhere all over the gram thank you thank you anything you want the folks out there to know you got coming up there's a lot coming up that I can't really talk about yet we need stuff like this we got stuff coming up too we can't talk about everything we have we can talk about he's lying that's it we got nothing cool come to Chicago come down this will be out we're already second show out in Chicago baby oh yeah not too shabby but I like that stuff you can't talk about yet but we got some cool stuff coming this love that fantastic buddy we love you thank you so much for coming in I appreciate you guys having me thank you you got anything uh come out to a road show come out see us we're all over the road

we're announcing more dates uh for the summer summer's gonna be fun so uh get them tickies now also merch is available link is in the description get that patreon.com I think it's like I think we're at a zillion hours of content on patreon.com two zillion I believe okay you can check that out two yeah appreciate it guys we love you Joe thank you buddy we'll see you next week gang peace