Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Johnny Pemberton!

Episode Date: June 22, 2026

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and actor Johnny Pemberton! You Know Johnny Pemberton from Stand Up Comedy, Fallout on Prime Video, Bad Thoughts on Netflix, 21 Jump Street, 22 Jump Street, The Watch, This is 40, Neighbors 2, Ant-Man, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Bob's Burgers, The Lowdown, You're the Worst, Superstore, Son of Zorn and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: BetterHelp: Sign up and get 10% off at https://betterhelp.com/garbage Promo Code: garbage Cash App: Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/li0uni5h Promo Code: CASHAPP10 Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card, and Bancorp debit flex card. Cash App Green features, Savings, Direct deposit, Round ups, Overdraft coverage and Discounts provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Gang, Tootie's got a limited Fourth of July drop coming at you. We got some nice t-shirts. Show up to the barbecue looking fresh, clean, and patriotic. Yeah, don't be a bozo. Available at RUGarbage.com while supplies last. Happy Fourth of July. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage.

So a little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that it's a group to be classy. Or if they're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, Tate Trolley, coming at you. On a beautiful day, we're out back here with Tooties in the new edition. She's upstairs laying into a roto. Okay. He's not like a goddamn raptor.

I'll tell you that. No fork, no knife, just going after it. Uh-huh. My co's coming from right next to me. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. Bit of an international businessman of my best pal in the whole wide world, and I love him. I don't care. Who knows it?

Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody. Hey, what's up, gang. Shout out to you. As always, please make sure you rate, you subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. boys are climbing a frigging charts. Oh yeah.

I tell you that right now. And obviously the greatest website of all time, www. www. com slash y'ar you garbage. You go over there. You get all your friggin' bonus content, gang. Yes, sir.

And gang, we could be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest here with us today for the first time. He is a very funny, very successful, very talented, stand-up comedian and actor. And you might have seen him in, but not limited to. You got 21 and 22 Jump Street. Oh. You got the watch. You got Bob's Burgers.

You got Kroll Show, Antman. give the kid a whopper. You got neighbors, too. Superstore. Weird, bad thoughts. Fall Out, of course. He's on tour right now. He's going to be in the upcoming season, season three of Fallout.

And he's got a brand new movie out on VOD called Mermaid. Give it up for Johnny Pemberton, everybody. Oh, my God. Look at you. Oh, that was like, I've never had an intro like that. That was everything. Welcome to the show. I think that was more than I have.

No, we throw in plenty more. We throw in a couple of fake ones. 99 appearances in film and television. Yeah, but you know what? some of that is like barely it should a couple of shorts in there sure john you can start somewhere yeah there's like stuff on there that i couldn't watch it if i if i asked like 20 people where is this thing where is that it's like somehow they got an i mdb but it's like a it doesn't exist we shot in an alleyway in carzana like you know like avoiding porn stars driving us over and stuff

give us the backstory i've been talking like you're from boston johnny pemberton yeah you got a good right feel for the socks but that's not the case no not boston i'm wish, man. That's the one accent I just cannot do. Really? Yeah, I mean, I... What can you do? All the other ones. You name it, I got...

Let me hear you're British. Oh, well, that's what kind of British do you want? Do you want like a Cockney? This kid's a Thespiel. Do you want like a high. Give me a high. Okay, hold on a second. Here on.

It takes a second. You have to find the word that gets you in there. Of course. I say, young chaps here. You're having a podcast, you know? Is that right? That's here. Yeah, that's good.

Well, well, if you're having a... A little bit of a laptop there. You're right here. I say, not for me, actually. Very good. Very nice to meet you, Sean. That's kind of an extinct accent, though. There we go.

Yeah, it's all coming together, right? I like it. Okay. So, Minnesota, kid. Minnesota. Minnesota. There's two of them? Jesus.

Well, Rochester, Minnesota is very different than Rochester, New York. Okay. Yeah. It's the home of the Mayo Clinic. Very nice. I can't believe I'm wearing my fucking Minnesota T-shirt. You go? Let me think about that.

Look, he just got off a postcard with that. Yeah. Hey, hey, guys. Oh, I'm here. I'm trying to talk about Minnesota. You guys ever been? Hey, juicy lucy. Oh, my God.

Don't have one. Got to have, don't even have half, but it's going to spell out like a fucking spider bite. Yeah, it hurts. Yeah. I get you. That cheese. Cheese in the middle of a burger. I never had one.

Really? Yeah. Whoa. Well, I didn't grow up in Minneapolis, so. And even then when I went back, I was like, I don't want to have instant diarrhea, I feel like, because I have, like, yeah, bowel issues. Sure. real. But in the dialogue and Marvin,

hanging out of Frankie and Vinny's or whatever it's called. No, LA sucks. What did you say to me? What? I thought you were from L.A. Yeah. You don't know Marvin? Marvin.

Marvin, the restaurant in L.A.? No, are you serious? Tell him, tell him I know you. I'll throw you out. He just got so serious. What? I just am I going to get, like, beat up by some guy. It's like the code word, like, oh, this guy's not one of us.

He's not, we don't know him. He's not one of our guys. It's some trendy joint in L.A. do we go to when we're out there and I always end up embarrassing myself. I actually don't know about that. I don't know about that kind of stuff at all. I'm really not like. We only know that one place.

You keep a low pro out there. Well, I go to restaurants here. Uh-huh. But I don't go to restaurants in L.A. really. No kidding. I mean, I'll go to restaurants, but not like, you know, the restaurant scene. Uh-huh. You're not hanging out at the Grove?

Um, not hanging out. I'm going through. I'm popping through with Vilderder. Yeah. With Vilder. Yeah. Me and my German friend. Who was with you at Minnesota?

Mom, Dad. Yeah, I had a mom and dad growing up. And I have... Kids are right. Mom and dad, I have a younger brother and two younger sisters. Okay. So I'm the oldest of four. No kidding.

Yeah. Nice. Typical suburban life? Well, you grew up and like that... I guess so. Well, Rochester's a weird town because it's the home of the Mayo Clinic. And so everybody there is like a doctor pretty much. Yeah.

It's a pretty small town, but it's not that small. It's like that weird thing where it's like, you know, not tiny, tiny where you can be like, oh, you know everybody. It's also not like a big city at all. I think it's like when I was growing up, it was about 75,000 people. I think now it's like 125. What did your mom and dad do? My mom didn't, she used to be a nurse.

My dad was a surgeon. No shit. Yeah. At the Mayo Clinic? The Mayo Clinic. Get the fuck out of here. He's retired now. What kind of surgery?

He was a colon rectal surgeon. And a general surgeon. He used to do general surgery and colon rectal. That's what I'm talking about. Son of a doctor. Very nice. Gentlemen. Gentlemen.

Yeah, I guess so. What do they do? What do they do? Especially. Yeah, they save people's lives. They do everything. They mean, it's a huge hospital. But you got to get in there. It's not just a hospital, right? That's like where you go. Well, the clinic is the clinic and there's like they have a relationship with two hospitals in town.

There's St. Mary's and there's Methodist. Okay. It's all part of this Mayo medical system. It's all one big thing. There's like maybe 15, 20 buildings. It's the entire downtown of Rochester is pretty much. I've seen it. It's all the hospital. Yeah.

Hospital. That's a lot of cause. Yeah, a lot of cause. It smells great, too. I love the way cause smell. Do you think tissues have a smell? Like, do I do have a smell? I don't smell tissues.

Oh, wow, he's making a note. This is like when they write something, like you in the lie detector test, they're like, are you, have you ever touched your penis? I'm like, yes? Like, oh. Machine explodes.

Oh, hmm. How big was your graduating class? That'll give us a good size. Okay, I went to a Catholic school. Small Catholic school. I think my graduate in class was under 100 maybe. Okay. Very small.

Any sports? I was not into sports. I tried to play baseball when I was younger, but, you know, when you get older, you stop getting bigger and I stopped playing sports. Gotcha. Because I'm pretty small. What were you into? Computer games, video games. Music.

Music. Yeah. In the band? I wasn't in the band. Actually, I guess initially I was really into rock climbing. for a while okay yeah indoor like you know indoor because actually have they have the first indoor walk rock rock the first indoor walk climbing wall is in Rochester minnesota yeah the walk climbing wall is in there's a great wall to climb up there you want to climb up that Ted kennedy so that are you

doing I didn't think about it I guess it sounds like yeah the uh yeah was climbing a lot mostly indoors though because that's in Minnesota you know it's so fucking snowy all the time but then I stopped doing that at some point but I got into music I think in seventh grade I got really into my friend Steve he started a band he asked me I want to be in the band he needed a bass player so I got a bass two weeks before the talent show

at our Catholic middle school Basically yeah it's like necessity Yeah nobody one nobody was just nobody was playing the base Nobody wanted to play base and I did it was the same thing My buddies were in a band they're like we need a bass player I'm like I'll do it Yeah I mean because no one wants to play the The base.

No one's just hanging out playing the guitar, lead sing. They want to drum. Yeah. But I'm cool. Base player is always like the brother-in-law or something like that. Yeah. He's the guy who's like he's the only person with a car. Yeah.

He has some sort of other utility. He's got money for the studio. He's the guy with the license. No one else can drive. Johnny, what was the name of this band? First name of the band in Seventh Grand was Strange Cattle. I don't hate it. Yeah.

It's not bad actually. It's not bad. Strange cattle. Strange cattle. Yeah. Okay. And the second name? Second name was Geisha Kitten.

Geisha Kitten. What's Geisha? Geisha like a, you know, like a Japanese comfort girl. Oh, Gisha. Gisha, yeah. But I think we pronounced it geisha for some reason because our friend in the band, Pete, he was half Japanese and he insisted that that's how you pronounce it.

Oh, okay. But also, that makes more sense. But also, that might not be true. Like when I correct you on Gioza. How are you supposed to say it? I don't know. I say Yosa. You say yoza?

Like, you'reos. Oh my God, that's fucking hilarious. You say yoza? Luke is an educated kid and I'm a moron, so I'm pretty sure I'm wrong. So you go on there like, give me all the yoza you got. Yeah, yoza. Yoze me up. Yoz me up.

Yose me up. All right, so you're into band. Yeah. What was your first job? First job. First actual real job. This is getting weird, guys. This is super weird.

I like it. It's going to be so not weird. It's weird in the sense where it's like, you serious okay I was a I used to do a lot of art I was a painter I like to draw and paint okay and I got a job like the most part-time job ever hoping a woman my mom was friends with who had these dollhouses these large dollhouses she hand-painted and I would paint the dollhouses huh it is weird yeah I would hand paint doll houses which to sell them she sold them for a lot like hundreds of dollars really like these big I think they were meant for like putting baby clothes

in, there weren't so much like dollhouse, but it was like a big, like a cupboard almost. And I had opened up. Gotcha. But she hand-painted the whole thing. Damn. And I would paint like the basic stuff and she taught me the designs and stuff on there and I would do that. It was like I made almost no money.

How old were you? I think I was probably maybe 15. Damn. Something like that. I don't remember exactly. And you would do it over at her house, painting dollhouse? She had a little studio downtown. Cool. Yeah. It was very cool. It was very like, I'll put listen to my jazz music on CD on the CD player and they all be like what's the what's that what's this music sometimes I put something on like no no not this one no you're 15 years old

Rochester Minnesota yes you're listening to jazz painting dollhouses you're an old soul yeah yeah that all sounds now that I say it out loud it sounds very like like like it sounds like it sounds like you grew up in the 1920s yeah clears up the not not playing sports question yeah definitely what okay I mean into jazz Who got you in the jazz team? The same guys I was in a bandwidth. Mainly my friend Pete, who was... He sound like adults now.

Yeah, I know. Yeah, but we were like hardcore into it. We were like super, super into like a lot of old, like free jazz, like Ornette Coleman. And, I mean, like Coltrane a lot and Lonnie's Monk and Miles Davis. Miles Davis, of course, yeah. Greatest song title of all time. They never even entered my mind. The best.

The best song. I love that song. Yeah. That song is, well, that's off relaxing. that I couldn't take it's off of relaxing or maybe it's on work? I think it's off of yo-oh, damn it. Very good, Kevin.

What's your mind-yel-mailed? Speaking of, well, I'm sorry, what was the first concert? Your big music guy? What was the first concert? First real concert that I was going to because I wanted to go to was you know what I mean? Like, you go to a concert, it's like,

I don't want to go to this. It's like a thing you're seeing like, oh, I'm seeing Maynard Ferguson in the park with my parents or something like that. Who the hell is that? He's a big trumpet-playing guy from back in the day. Oh my God

He's not He's not that interesting Actually I have What kind of band did the music Did the What kind of music did the band play? Manor Ferguson? No

Smitten kitten Oh we were like We were just covering Nirvana Okay Yeah It was we were not like a real band We were not writing songs You weren't doing jazz or anything

But you were We were doing jazz later Yeah We had a jazz trio We would actually gig around and stuff I got to answer the question though First show was A Gentle Youth opening for Smashing Pumpkins

Whoa Now that's a guy God damn concert right there. It was the, when we got through, we got there a little bit late, and we walked into the Target Center in Minneapolis as there were, I think Sonic was playing Starfield Road off of experimental jet set trash in the L-Star. And it was just, the whole place was fucking rumbling. I was like, oh, God, this is so cool.

What year is this? This must be. Billy Corgan, I was head shaved or not? Yeah, this is, this is the Melancholy Tour. Whoa. So what year would that be? That ain't no third Ferguson in the car. 93, 94?

95, maybe? I think 94, 95. Okay. Whatever that was. Wow. Yeah. Holy shit. That was very cool, very fun.

Okay. Speaking of that, who growing up, it couldn't, it didn't have to be nationally famous internet. Like, who was the most famous person you met? Could have been a local celebrity, a newscaster, a radio guy. Somebody was like, whoa, that's pretty big. You were excited to meet. Excited to meet?

Okay. Well, so Rochester is weird because a lot of people come to Rochester to have medical treatment. When I was really young, I met Ross Perrault. because he came to speak and he was driving away in his car and I ran up to the car and I shook his hand and Ross Perrault said to me he said

Hi son now get away from the car you're going to get run over to my face That car was a 1978 El Camino He wasn't driving was he He was not driving but could you

Could you imagine that now like running up to a presidential candidate and shaking their hand You'd get fucking like it would kill a child. You get lit up. Yeah, that's crazy. I was such a Ross Perot kid. I was like, I was like a, I liked

Ross Perrault for some reason. I was like, are you? I don't even know, man. This is all like, what kid? What kid has a president of Canada doing? This is dredging up so much stuff. I'm like, man, I can't believe that was real. I was into politics a lot because my dad used to watch the McNeil-Lair

News Hour on PBS every day when he got home from work. And he'd eat Merck's cheese with pork rinds because he's on the, uh, this is before. Atkins? He was on Atkins. Yeah,

it was on Atkins back in the day. He used to be a huge guy. My dad was huge. He lost tons of weight by just eating cheese and pork rinds. So he'd watch the McNeil-Lera Newshour from the TV and eat pork rins and Merck's cheese from a bucket. What's Merck cheese? It's just cheese from Milwaukee. He was from Milwaukee.

Okay. It's like a fucking cheese in a bucket, like soft cheese. Okay. And he'd eat that, he'd watch that. Merck's cheese spread. Merck's, Emmie. Is it, could it come up? There's it.

That's it. Oh, my fucking. This is like, Johnny, Pemberton remember your life or something? Look at that shit, man. Merck is a legendary Wisconsin made cold-packed cheese spread known for its bold flavor, creamy spreadability. This is ridiculous.

And pairing with pork rinds. I can't believe this is real. Holy shit. Real Great A Wisconsin cheddar. Wow. Commonly used for snacking burgers, dips, and game day appetizers. That's hilarious. Or jazz trios.

I haven't said those words out loud, I think. I don't even know. Welcome to the show, baby. You grew up in an educated household with sensible they were pretty educated yeah that was a surgeon at the male clinic yeah

that's not a devry degree my dad was a steamfeiter who may may or may not have been paying his union dues yeah he was not a seam fetter no I didn't even get that he's like what what is that what is that it's a cheese bread

yeah a local Philadelphia cheese spread holy shit so your dad's a sharp guy were you reading when you were a kid are you a reader yeah I know how to read No. Pretty proficient. Yeah, actually, I was, I picked it up.

I learned how to read and I'm still doing it. You read a book now? Yeah. Read a book before you go to bed. I try to, but I've been bad lately, you know, because of TikTok. I look at TikTok. Really? Yeah, man.

You know a little dirt on you. Oh, it's bad. Okay. All right. There's got to be, what was your first car? My first car was a 2001 Honda Accord. Sensible. What year would have you have gotten that?

I got it the first year or my son. Second year of college. Second year? Second year of time. What year in the of time? Like, was it 2001 when you got it? You said you got a new car. How'd you get that?

Your parents get it for you or did you buy it? My parents got it. I bought you a nice, sensible car. Yes. I was going to stay in the family, probably go down to the next kid. It did. After you. Smart.

100,000 miles on. It still runs good. My brother sold it to some guy in Minneapolis. Okay. My brother had it for a while, though. He did. Which brother? My younger brother.

I only got one. Was he the youngest? No, I'm the oldest and he's the next oldest. Okay, all right. So it only went to... Yeah, it just went to one. Didn't go to the girls? Nah, they don't want that.

Gotcha. Yeah. Gotcha. Is it a stick or was it automatic? Oh, automatic. I don't think they made a stick back then. At least not. If they did, I think I wanted it because they learned on a stick.

I learned to drive on a stick. What car was that? It was a 1991 BMW 325 IX. Let's go. That's the best. Surgeon in the Midwest at the Mayo Clinic? Why we talked? But that was an old man's sharp.

That was an old car back. then. Yeah. The old man sharp. Dude, that car was the best. Well, he's not driving.

But he can't drive. Okay. He had this. He and his partner have a, they have a fucking big ass BMW 7 series. It looks like they're drug dealers. Nice. They look like they're like Russian drug dealers.

740? Gotcha. 750. All I know is that it's got like a thousand motors in it and it's the worst car. Well, you say partner, your parents separated to divorce? My parents are separated. Okay.

Yep. All right. When did that happen? What age, yeah. I guess I was 18. Okay. I think that's when they got separated, but I think they got divorced like a year after that or something like that. Gotcha.

Yeah. Where's your mom at now? She's in Wisconsin. Okay. Remarried as well? No, but she has, you know, has like a boyfriend, I guess you'd say. Gotcha. Okay.

Everything's amical back and forth, but it's kind of cool. Oh, no. Not at all. Not even close. Here we go. Not at all. Are you cool with everybody? I'm cool with everybody.

I'm like the peacemaker. I'm the one who always is like, Oh, we're so sorry about how, you know, I'm like writing emails and shit and you're also removed. I have that. You're remote, like you're not in the day and yeah, I'm removed and every time I go back, it's one of those things you're like, man, this is rough. This is like, it can be. Because when your parents just can't even get along, it's like you guys are fucking, you're going to die. Just, just relax a little bit.

Sure. There's no therapy. Like, what? What's that? You know, not at all. So, yeah, it's, uh, I'm, yeah. I get along with everybody pretty much. What was the family vacation like growing up?

Where would you go? The Dells? We actually know. I begged to go to the Dells. That was big. I begged. We never went to the Dells. I wanted to go.

They probably went to Europe. We went to Europe a lot. But not on vacation. We never did. A lot of times what happened is my dad would work a lot. He was very busy. I would go. He would pick a kid to go with him on a trip.

Like a business trip. Right. A conference. So I would be like in some ante room, drinking like coke after coke and Belgium maybe I went to Belgium when I was What's an anti room? Like a side room From the conference? Gotcha. Yeah

I was I don't know why I said I never said anti room before either it's like Merck's cheese like it's like Doc Pemberton's kids sucking down diet Pepsi's like It's going out of style just just playing coke in glass I'm not drinking fucking diet Pepsi what do you think of here okay diet Pepsi? What do you think of here? If someone put a diet Pepsi from me I'd be like What do you think of here is Minnesota for a motherfucker Minnesota Nice

That's a phrase right Minnesota Nice This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp Yes Gang as you know Kevin and are both Knee Deep in talk therapy The summer is here There's gonna be a lot of travel

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But you're already in the pool and the boat's already moving. forward that you don't have to say yes to everything this summer find support in therapy sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash garbage that's better help help.com slash garbage do it yeah kip let's talk about cash app baby cash app gang if you weren't aware already up to speed as they say cash app is way than just a safe way to send and receive money with the cash app app card you unlock a ton of perks without all the hidden fees nobody likes those hidden fees enjoy benefits like exclusive early access to nationwide concert pre-sales, Kendra Marr, Sabrina Carpenter, to name a couple.

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and send $5 to a friend within 14 days. Terms apply. Cash app is a financial service platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partners. Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank member FDIC, Cash App. cash app visa debit flex cards issued by Sutton Bank member FDIC and the Bank NAC pursuant to a license from Visa USA Inc. see terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid cards, Sutton debit flex cards,

and Bank Corp debit flex cards, cash app green features, savings, direct deposit, roundups, overdraft coverage and discounts provided by cash app, a block ink brand. Visit cash dot app slash legal slash podcast for full disclosure is not back to the show. Back to the show. Um, okay. But here's the thing. My mom was from Louisiana. So, you know, that's half of me.

She grew up not... Norlings? She was from, uh, even... She's not from New Orleans. That would be nice. She was from New Orleans. But she was, um, from a town called Alexandria. Okay.

Which is like the middle of nowhere. Middle of the state. It smells like a paper mill because there's a paper mill. Uh-huh. Yeah. It's a... You guys go down there and visit at all? A bunch of times.

Yeah, because my grandpa used to live down there. Mm-hmm. She bringing it. that Creole spice to Minnesota, the little gumbo, a little et tufe? Yeah, she was a great cook. Nice. What was her big dish that you love? It was like, I'm doing the.

I like crawfish et tufei. That's my favorite. So I'm a big thing. Yeah. I love nice crawfish etifet, please. Si you play, monsieur. Huh. All right.

So that's the thing, you know. It's a blend. It's a blend. It's a blend because my mom's family, they're not, they were not like, My, her dad was a mechanic in the Air Force. So with, you know, they had, they didn't have, you know, had three kids. They weren't like hurting for, they weren't like starving, but they definitely were not. They weren't surgeons watching McNeil and McNeil on PBS.

Yeah, they were not. Very different, very different clash. Dr. Pembaton, ladies and gentlemen. I don't in your family smoke a pipe. No. My dad smoked Sigs for about 20 years. Nice. You're that, you're that a B&B.

He's crazy. This guy's fucking awesome. Yeah. I mean, a lot of doctors smoke. A lot of back then, a ton of them would smoke. They would smoke like crazy. You'll still see a lot of guys outside the emergency room smoking. High stress.

High stress. There was a doctor named Peter Muka. He used to smoke like two packs a day. And he was the ER surgeon. Damn. Yeah, that guy would smoke like a fucking chimney. What kind of SIGs did your dad smoke? Gosh, I don't even know.

I mean, I really don't. Because he quit because I got really bad asthma. as a kid. So I think it was from the smoking. As soon as you stopped smoking, it kind of started feeling a lot better. I never connected that. That's probably why I had asthma.

Holy shit. Yeah. Do you think? From the Sigs. From the heaters, your dad was blown in your face. Dude, I never put that together. Never once was like, don't smoke in the house. It was like, you got your inhaler on you, right?

Could your dad do anything noticeable with his hands? We were like, oh, shit, he's a surgeon. Like, have you ever seen him, like, do like a stitch? A lighter. What would you say? Light a heater. Yeah. Just like...

Do it like this, like dice? Super fast. Like, did he do like ships in a bottle or anything like that? No, he knew that stuff. No. He had a very steady hand. I imagine. Yeah.

I think, I think I've, I used to have very steady. Whoa. You're pretty steady. Holy shit. This kid's ice cold. I like it. Yeah. He held that pretty long.

Well, because his dad was a surgeon as well. Whoa. And so was his dad. What? I know. Isn't that crazy? Did he want either of you guys to go into the surgery? They never made it a thing.

It was never like, you should do this. I wanted to for a long time. But then I was like, I am so bad at math that I just cannot. I don't think I can get through this. Why? You have to have math. Yeah. Why?

Because you do. You just have to like, you have to be okay at math. You do? You know what? I mean, like times tables and stuff. You have to get through this. You have to get through school. Yeah, you have to get through like calculus and stuff like that.

What I could have done. You don't want a surgeon that ain't doing the math. They can't be white, huh? Well, I understand, like, you know, three milligrams of this, two grams of that. Eh? I can't think about it. I could have studied, though. I could have studied, though.

Yeah. But I didn't want to do that. Were you a good student? Nah. How'd you do on your, what do you guys take out there? ACTs. Gosh, I don't remember. I think I did just good enough to get into Florida State University.

Let's go. Yeah. Johnny P. Which is not. That's good? I mean, it's cool that you party. Oh, yeah. I was fucking partying, man.

You were playing jazz and eating salt cheese. I was partying. You're down there getting loose. Yeah, it was very loose. There was very loose. There was a lot of fun. What did you major in? Keg stands?

Keg stands and college radio. You did college radio? No, you didn't. Yeah, I did college radio. But I did, I majored in communications, which is, you know, that's like a free major. Get us with a call sign, baby. WVFS telehealth. The Voice of Florida State, 89.7 FM.

Call 64.4-1837 for your requests. Coming up next is something off of relaxing with Miles Davis. This is, It Never Entered My Mind, featuring Paul Chambers on base. Actually, I don't think he's on base. All right. Let's do it for real. You weren't selling that shit down there in Florida State, were you? You're doing the wheezer and stuff.

It was a jazz. They had a jazz show on Sundays. That's what you did? I hosted. So you had that voice, just like kind of the soft rock? I don't know. I don't know if I sounded like that back then. I was just doing that for you.

I loved it. But I think probably... It was so soothing. It was an indie rock station, though. Gotcha. It was definitely like, you know, all kinds of indie rock, all kinds of stuff where it's like

no one knows about this stuff. That was very good. That was very soothing. Yeah. This is Johnny Pempton and a late night out. Hi, it's a late night here. We're going to listen to some music from Ele Fitzgerald Louis Armstrong right now.

This is from their 1968 release on Verve Records. This features Ed Thigpin on drums. and Elefist Gerald's husband, Ray Brown on bass. You can hear the kids in the dorms like, what the fuck is this? Can I get late over here. Pemberton's out of the game. Go, Johnny, go. I wanted so bad to be a jazz radio DJ.

That's awesome. I applied for a job at WBZ in Chicago. Because I wanted to live in Chicago. That's my dream to live in Chicago. Okay. But I didn't get a job there. And when did you start doing this? Doing the acting and the stand-up.

I guess I started one of the first. I moved to LA. Okay. Yeah. I mean, I always knew I really wanted to do it, but it was one of those things where, like, Minnesota, I didn't grow up around anyone at all who even knew someone who did that. Sure. I knew my dad had a friend who was funny. His name was Glenn Fisher. He's the only guy in town. But he wasn't even in town. He lived in Nashville. He's a doctor? He was a doctor. He smoked 12 packs a day. Yeah, he spoke like, like, he had a carton of him. He spoke every day. But this guy, I remember he used to be funny when someone brought out a video. camera he would be funny on the video camera

he'd turn it on yeah he would turn it on they'd all laugh at him because he'd be like welcome he was from like I think it was from like maybe Philly or something like that it was like welcome to Minnesota where the coffee tastes like buffalo urine shit like that's a good bit remember seeing that video and being like oh that guy's funny

man that guy's funny that's funny that's so cool he's funny holy yeah but otherwise you know you can't say you want to do comedy in the Midwest you can't you couldn't possibly say that because he'd be like oh Oh, we got a funny guy. Oh, funny guy.

You know what would be pretty funny as if you shoveled the walk. That'd be hilarious. I might laugh quite a bit if you did that. Oh. It's my deal, Jerry. Oh, it's a funny guy here, huh? Oh, so funny. You couldn't get to class on time, I guess, huh?

That's pretty funny. I assume being a Midwest kid that we'll find common ground on this and from your vibe. Right. I was obsessed as a kid and young adult with Garrison Keeler. Oh, my God. Me too. The Prairie Home. You can have been a quiet week and like Wobagong.

Yeah, I love his stuff so much. He's really very talented guy. That's right up your alley. All right. Now it's all falling in the box. I had all the cassettes. I was sort of the cassettes. I was like, you know, I'd be like doing something,

I'm painting in my room or something like that or maybe like, I don't know. Whatever I'm doing. You know the buddy Holly story? I don't think. Him and his buddy's driving out to see Buddy Holly when the plane crashed? No, I don't know that actually. Ooh, it's a good one. Damn.

I got to check that out. It's a good one. I met him once. Get out of here. Yeah. Huh. Cool guy? I guess so.

You know, I was pretty young. He's a very big guy. He said, get away from my car. Yeah. I'm going to run you over on purpose. Get away from my car, son? You're going to get run over. A bit of a weird kid.

It's been a loud week in my hometown. All right. That's crazy. You know that. Here's a cool story. Please. I met a guy in Florida State. This guy named A. Ton.

He was from Miami. And he was really into that stuff, too. He was really into Garrison Keeler, Prairham, Kenya. And he had, I think he was like Israeli or something. He had a weird accent. And he was like, I don't know where you're from. Very Minnesota, have you? Yeah.

Got a weird accent. He, um, funny guy. He, we talked about, he found out from Minnesota. He was like, oh, I want to go to there. I want to go to that place so bad. I told him, like, it's not a real town. And he was, I saw his face like, what do you mean? It's not real?

Like Wobagon? Yeah, like Wobagon. Yeah. He wanted to go there so bad. I'm like it's not it's not a real place it's fictional he made it up and he just was he was just oh just the the color drained from his face this tiny man like five-foot tall guy from Miami did you go to games when you were at Florida stage you go to football games oh yeah involved in that um I learned about it there I never that whole thing to me was your dad

I wasn't watching sports growing up. Not at all. No shit. No. I mean, it was like an anti-sports house almost. Gotcha. Yeah, it was weird that in that way. Did you pledge down there?

Did you join a fraternity? No, no. Opposite. I would like never, never do that. But you party? Yeah. I mean, everybody parties. That's like everybody parties.

I mean, we were doing like. Everybody parties. Here's how much I partied. I had a friend. Strap in. I had a friend get arrested for buying the precursor chemicals for GHB. Hey, parties.

Yeah. Not even Ross Paro can get you out of that one. No. Whoa. He got it. He went to jail for like two weeks for that shit. Huh. Yeah.

And we were doing a lot of that. You just got your street cred back. I'll pay that Pemberton. For about a year and a half, yeah. Huh. A year and a half. What is that? That would never hit around us at all.

No. It was more. That's not true. It was more. I mean, my age. It was more pills. Well, what is it?

Yeah, I'm just saying We were doing pills too We weren't making it No, it wasn't that big where you're like I need to get this at a Manufactural level Yeah, because that's how you get it I couldn't really tell you how it feels

It's weird I always say is a cross between Being perfectly drunk and painkillers That last the right amount of time What would the right amount of time be? Exactly one hour and tense And then four hours after that It's totally gone

Like you're like sober basically Like nothing ever happened, yeah But also you know When you do stuff when you're 20 years old, 21 years old, like, God forbid, everything bounces out. You bounce out everything. If I did it now, it would probably be like, I can't do anything for two days.

Yeah, I'd cancel everything. And I'm done for the night. If I have hot wings, I guess I can't. I can't do a spot tonight. Can you do spicy? You a spicy guy? I usually can't. I had an incident just two days ago where a man.

It was the fucking worst night I've had in years. I was up going to the bathroom probably like four times and the burning in my ass it felt like it was something was inside of me it was so fucking hot I was whimpering I was in a Hampton Inn fucking just like

That's where you're staying in a Hampton Inn? It's the only place you can stay That's where we stay I mean I'm not like I'm not like you're putting me on a pedestal here Yeah I'll do a Hampton Inn I'll do Hampton. I'm, hey, I'm not, I'm not.

Yeah, bad burn. What did you eat? A couple hot wings. Holy cereal. Yeah. Apple jacks. These fucking apple jacks, man. Those things bite bad.

Yeah. They were expired. Where did you have the wings? And how hot were they? I got a takeout, delivered to the hotel. Okay. It's balling. It was after it was in a field drinking all day.

Okay. And then, um. What were you doing out there? Hanging out with some guys. Okay. Dude, everything sounds like you're like, we're the cops, we just pulled you over and you're making up the world's worst.

There's some guys. There's a guy there. Hanging out with some. Officer, I was drinking in a field. Officer, how many did I have, how many did you have, officer? I don't know. It's oddly specific, but vague at the same time. What was it, a festival or something?

Friends of mine had this monthly thing called Beerfield. This is these guys I know. He's making this. I know. It sounds like I'm making it up, but it's all real. Back home? No, this is Rhode Island. Okay.

The Canane brothers. Oh, okay, okay. So they link up once a month and get drunk in a field. That's a good time. It's a community event because there's no bars in this little town. Are these guys you worked on Mermaid with? No, these guys that worked on the curling movie with. Okay, gotcha.

Yep. All right. I thought you were up there doing stand-up because you're in Hampton's in and you guys get together. Is it like a community? Like there's a bunch of people or is it just like the boys? I think it's a whole community because it's a small town that doesn't have any bars. So they do this thing. They get like a license from the city that allows them.

It's sanctioned is what I mean. It's very like family friend. There's dogs. Yeah. And there's some, you know, it's hot dogs and stuff like that. Like hot dogs. Yeah, very like, you know, all the craggers come out. All the crusty, leathery, Rhode Island guys come out and have a bunch of beers in a field.

How many years have you been going to this? This is the first time I've ever been. I just happened to be in town because the screening, the mermaid screening we had in Newport. I was like, oh, I'll go to New York on Sunday, go to this beer thing and hang out with these guys that I spent two months in Winnipeg with. Right, filming the movie. Yeah. Okay, then you got back to the hotel. You wanted some hot wings?

Want some hot wings? You got a couple in you. Feeling a little adventurous? You go for the extra spicy? No, I just get the... This is why, I don't know what happened. Got them dry. I got like just the most plain buffalo wings.

I also had like a halal chicken and rice thing, you know? Separate place or same place? Same place because I had to get the minimum order on Grubhubhub. So, okay, hold on. So, you know? You got hot wings from a halal place? It's all the same place. It's all the same place.

You're bundling on Uber and you're, You're giving me this. You're not a big star? You're kidding me? Oh, you have to. You have to make the minimum. So I bought some, I was like. What did you want?

Did you want the wings or did you want the chicken and rice? I want the chicken and rice. You wanted the chicken and rice. Yeah, something basic. Get some wings. I was like, oh, I'm not, didn't make the minimum, so I'll, I'll get some. Throwing a wing kicker. Get six wings, six buffalo wings.

Now here's the trashy thing that I think. You do double chicken, you do chicken and rice and chicken wings? I would have got lamb or beef on the, on the, on the, you do double chicken? Rhode Island lamb? I don't want to eat lamb. At a Hampton Inn. Yeah. Okay, I'll give you that.

Yeah. I'm with you on that. If I can't see where it's coming from, I'm not going to get it. What do you mean? Like coming at you? You know, if you can't see like... Oh, how the lamb was raised. Meet the guy.

I want to meet the guy. You want to see the place. You know what I'm saying? Do you do that? You know if you order from a place, you know. I don't know this place at all. I've never been there. You're not saying the only time you eat lamb is when you go and meet the lamb yourself.

No, I'm not. Just like a restaurant and you've been to like I know that. Yeah, that place does good lamb. I understand it. This is like a faceless place I've never heard of. God, could be a ghost kitchen. It's called like, you know, Jim's halal. Yeah.

Yosa and Yosa. Jim's halal and Yosa. Mm-hmm. All right. The wings got you. They got me as bad. I think it's the worst I've been burned in maybe 10 or 15 years, actually. You never had that happen?

No, yeah. Probably. Probably too much. 100%. Like a hot exit. Yeah. Yeah. That shit, but that shit is, it's a different kind of pain.

Make the mouth whistle, make your butt holes. There's a lot of nerve ending just down there. Man. And they don't like, they don't like the hot sauce. I'll tell you that much. So bad. On food. Yeah.

You just say, let's say you did order the takeout. And they have that little snack shack there. They have at the two-star hotels. At those hostels. What do you like, do you like a snack there? What do you do? You come in and got it, you've been drinking in a field all day. Your phone's dead

Gummy bears You're going for the ice cream Man you know I don't it's a tough one I kind of at first I hate those things They shouldn't have those It's a hotel It's not a store

You know I gotta push back on a Johnny Penn Like this is like It's a new thing It hasn't been I think a new thing in hotel It's like the last maybe 10 years maybe Right

Uh huh Hotel used to be They have like You have like room service or something I agree there should be I should be able to get There's like a local restaurant Yeah

Not this like Oh you want a fucking piece of shit Raman package to microwave in your room asshole. That's what it is now. I think they say that to you. That's what they're saying to you. Sure.

You'd be able to get a steak and a baked potato brought up the room at midnight. I also never knew. We didn't stay in hotels a lot growing up. And I only, I thought every hotel, until we started like touring, I thought every hotel you could get room service. Yeah. You'd be like, hey, send up the chicken fingers. That's gone. It is.

There's an episode of Sopranos. Remember where. We've never seen the show. I literally just quoted it. Right. You send up a couple of steaks in mashed potatoes. But that's that episode, right? Yeah.

Dining room's closed. All right, send up a bottle of Johnny Walker and this. You could go over to Canaan's or whatever it's called. That right there. That episode. I just saw that clip. That's like the most relatable piece of that whole show for me was when they were like, when that guy, yeah, like things have changed.

Things have changed and they're so disappointed about that. That's how I feel about those fucking little stores at a hotel. I hate that shit. I got you. Did you like the Sopranos, Johnny? I mean, I think it's probably the greatest thing ever made. I honestly think it's probably the best show that's ever been made of all time. And I watched it kind of recently.

I think I finished watching it about three years ago. And I remember thinking, like, what am I going to watch now? Because nothing will ever be this good. I mean, we could wrap this up now. This is my guy. Is that like a weird opinion, though? I don't think it is. It's not.

It's a great television. It's the greatest television show ever made. I don't think it's even a television show. I feel like it's something else. It's one of the only things that I watch to the point that they hate my guts over it. Yeah, I can see that happening, though, because... Strong verbiage, I guess, but... Just ask you to get out of the house a little more, that's all.

I'm not saying, I'm not saying it can't be the only thing you watch. It can't be what you do all day. It's one of man's greatest achievements. It is really. I honestly feel that way. Yeah, it's so incredibly great. At the telephone, huh? Everything about it.

I'd like to thank BMW for the 750. But I watched that show so recently. Like for me, I avoided it for a long time because I thought it was like super violent for some reason. And it is obviously really violent. But I think I'm really happy that I waited so long to watch it because I think I wouldn't have appreciated it as much. Sure.

If I watch it when it came out, I think it would not have liked it as much. I love this guy. I love him. All right, guys, I'm done. Yeah, but talk about that chili pad. Chili pad. I know you're a hot sleeper. You sleep hot.

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There's no need for a new bed. Yes. Works right there. Bang. There you go. Sleep and comfortable. Uh-huh. It actively cools or warms your bed.

by using water. It's a thermostat for your bed and water is the key here. Fans just move hot air around like a bozo. That's all the fan does. We're talking about the chili pad. He uses actively chilled water to cool the bed. Oh, God. Actually, pulling heat away from your body and the differences is standing in front of a fan or jumping into a cold pool. You do the math. Okay? Okay.

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Feel in control, energized and more aligned with how you want to feel this summer. Get 10% off and free shipping at tryqS.com.com slash podcast. That's tryquS.com slash podcast for 10% off and free shipping. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Man, like the radio station and get out of here. Yeah. Grounds out of here. Huh. On the top. topic of food right what do you get into how do you get your burger cooked my burger cooked yeah um whatever the chef recommends I get medium usually medium all right I'll

give you that medium well okay I don't like burgers steak I don't love burgers I don't love burgers I don't say don't love burgers um steak I usually get uh probably medium okay rare maybe good man yeah you like a steak I love a steak okay what was the last restaurant you went to? The last restaurant I went to. It was probably I like that he repeats the question. Well, because I'm trying to remember. Someone's been murdered. I forget everything. I forget. I killed

him. When someone asked me like seriously what I've been up to, I'm like, I don't know. I'm trying to think what I've been up to. And sometimes I'll just go like, oh, okay. Yesterday was that was Monday and I did

last restaurant I ate at. God, I don't know what I have for dinner. Oh, I know. I went to Abe Pagodas last night and had dinner there. And Bush, Bushwick, a bar. Abe Bogota, the actor? There's a bar called Abe Pagoda. There's a bar called Abe Pagoda.

Oh, Abe Pagoda. It's like a Tiki bar that has food. Okay. And I had dinner there. Is this in Brooklyn? It's in Brooklyn. It's in Bushwick. Bushwick.

Yeah. Huh. Hanging out with the hipsters. Yeah. The trendsetters. What'd you have? I had some chicken yakatori and tater tots. And Napoleon dynamite

It was really good This is great It's like chicken skewers Okay You have chicken skewers and tater tots Yeah I had that Keeping it tight Yeah because I have

So I have a crazy dietary condition Hit me I don't have a large intestine I had it removed About 25 years ago Because I had ulcer of colitis For a long time

Whoa And you're doing Schworma and hot wings In the middle of the night Are you out of your mind? Yes I know I am out of my mind in that sense. You don't have a large intestine.

Yeah. You just got the small. Just got the small. That's what. No one's ever said that before. No one's ever said just got the small. That's good for you. You still got the small though.

Just got the small. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. Can you not eat a lot, I assume? I can eat anything, but I just have to pay for it. What do you mean? Like suffer.

Like have like, what are the consequences of your actions? Is it just like diarrhea? Diarria or having to go. Yeah. That's what diarrhea is frequently. Okay. Urgently. And, yeah, it's mainly that.

You do fast food with this? I can do, I'm just super selective about stuff. And also, I don't know, it's like my life. I've been living this way for so long. I'm not like actively thinking about it. It's more just constantly. I'm always thinking about, I think about what I'm going to eat a lot. You do?

Yeah, I'm very careful about what I eat. What did you have for breakfast this morning? I had some yogurt, some plain yogurt. Okay. From the hotel? No, from a little, I guess a bodega or something like that. I got a little thing of yogurt. I prefer sheep's milk yogurt, but they didn't have any.

That's the good stuff. If you ever get a chance to have sheep's milk yogurt, that's the ultimate yogurt. Does it have a tang to it? Does that like that lamby fly? I mean the goat taste? No goat. Hate the goat. I hate the goat, too.

Do not do the goat. The goat is no good. It took me like five years to get used to goat cheese. The first time I had it, I was like, what the fuck is this? Yeah. But the goat yogurt is even more. It's even more goat. People drink goat's milk.

That's fuck. No, no, thanks. I'm not a shepherd, okay? I don't tend to my flock. I'm sorry, I'm not out here smoking weed in the mountains. Did they smoke weed? Shepherds? Yeah.

I think they're the original stoners. Is that true? Yeah, because that's how you pass the time. You just get high as shit and you sleep while you're... Listen to cold train. You listen to cold train while you watch your sheep eat grass. You smoke a little, like a little, like have a little fire, make your weird little bread. in the mountains of

I don't know the Cush Mountains or some shit I don't think of this is historic But I like where his story is going What's your favorite fast food? Oh man Favorite fast food You're not a burger guy I mean I like I love McDonald's

You love McDonald's what burgers? Yeah Okay I love McDonald's I actually like filet fish a lot My man Yeah filet fish Put the fries on there

I actually I had a Fries on a sandwich Oh you gotta You never done that Flau fish I don't know Do you really think that he hasn't done that? I don't think I've ever put fries on a filet of fish.

Not a filet of fish, but on a sandwich. Oh, my God. I don't know if it's ever crossed my mind. You have the hungry man all the time with the hash bread in the middle of it. Yeah, that's different than French fries on a filet of fish. I don't know if it is. I mean, it's the best. Okay.

You put them on. I understand. Yeah. This jumps from French fries on a, putting your own French fries on a filet of fish versus a I met a potato. A breakfast sandwich that comes with potato. in it. Fair enough. Now what were the fillet of fish with fries on it do to your body?

Not that much. It's okay. Yeah, I usually only have it for lunch. Can I ask a medical question? Ask it wherever you want. What does the large intestine do? It does a lot of stuff. It's kind of like a loading dock for one. You know, like your shits in there. So when you go when you go shit,

it's like it sits in there waiting as opposed to just going through. It also takes out a lot of water from your stool. Dries it out. So you Yeah, dries it out, but also extracts the water for, you know, for hydration purposes. It's also a couple of vitamins, I think. I can't remember which one's exactly. I think vitamin D, maybe vitamin K. There's a couple of vitamins.

It's actually not essential, obviously, because I'm alive here. I'm alive for 20 plus years without the colon. But, yeah, it's basically just extracts a lot of water and minerals. Wait, do you not have a colon either? That's the large intestine. The large intestine is the colon? Yeah, what did you think it was? No way.

I thought the large intestine was a large intestine. and the colon was the colon. Wow, no, that's the same thing. Get the fucking. Your dad is a... I know, the irony is ridiculous. What's that all about? I don't know.

I think that's one of those things where it's just... Did he do your surgery? No, that never happens. You can't do that. Because it's like... Did you get it done at the Mayo Clinic? I did, yeah. You had to...

I didn't have to pay for it, surprisingly enough. If it wasn't me, I wasn't paying for my own... You got to pay for your own fucking surgery. You're going to work it off. Yeah, I didn't have that. Peyton... Payton... houses yeah his dad is a colon surgeon he's had his colon removed very strange jerry that's crazy

start up with me huh i didn't know that that was the colon it is i think technically there is some sort discrepancy between the large intestine the colon in terms of like i can't think what it is but they're both out you would you don't have a colon no colon large intestine is gone completely man yeah it's a two-part surgery. Every day I find out how dumber I am. It's crazy. Actually, no, honestly, though, there is something right about that. I can't remember what it is exactly. We could, we could,

there's some difference in, maybe it's an entrance way or something. I thought this, just in my head, I thought the colon was the end of the large intestine. Okay. I think you might be on to something there. The colon is the longest section of the large intestine. No kidding.

Right, but also, it also is used to describe the large intestine. intestine a lot just as a thing. As a whole. The nomenclature. So you're technically, you're right. We're both kind of right. You know what I mean?

The colon would be Bushwick. Brooklyn would be the large intestine. You could say that. Can we say that? You can say that. You can say that. Confirled Dr. Pemberton later on after the broadcast. This is all of my special that's going to be coming out.

I don't know when it's going to come out. Are you being serious? Yeah, I did a whole special about this. Fantastic. It's called Minnesota Reggae Colostomy Bag. Let's go. Yeah, and it's about that. Let's go.

So we'll see. I just finished editing it. Fantastic. You don't know where it's landing yet. Where'd you shoot? No. Just a random theater. It's a fun show. I mean, it's like a normal stand-up show, really. Let's talk about travel. You're flying up front, you fly in the back. Keep it tight.

I do both. You do both. You do both. Yeah. I look like a gentleman. Gentlemen. Also, I think it's good to be arriving where you live in first class. Why? Because that's where I live, man. Feels good. Don't want to be seen in the back.

Is that right? That's my theory. So that's about as much of the L.A. stuff that you do. You want to show up at L.A.X. first class. Yeah, if I can't. You're not going to go to the Grove or make it at the Viper Room or anything that bullshit, be it at Erowon waiting 25 minutes to get a fucking $45 munch shake. No, I don't do it.

Honey P showing up first class. Yeah. Case Coggins gets on. Like, hey, don't big dog. Exactly. You don't want to see in the back of like a bozo. Yep. Very smart.

That's the idea. I don't know how you got there. And also, it's just more comfortable. Right. Because I'm exhausted from traveling. Sure. I want to relax. Sure.

Especially if I can lay flat. If I can lay flat. Dude, I want to lay flat. Lakes a lady. You ever lain flat? You ever laid flat? Yeah. We started flying first class

And it was one of those things Even when we couldn't really afford it It was like well we're never I can't go back Remember the first time you had the lay flat? That shit is I remember it I remember I was surprised to me

It's like holy shit I'm a bigger fella I'd rather just have the larger First class seat I don't do good in the lay flat It's like a dentist chair for me I get comfortable I can't get you go on your side

Can you go on your side on that I can do it all I'll go upside down sometimes When you sleep, how do you sleep? On your back, on your side and your stomach? I think I do side and back. Side and back. You do back?

I start down. I end up on the back. I don't know. I don't know what's going on. Hold on. You start down like this? I just for the record. I'll start.

Yeah, I start down. I start down. How many pillows you use? Just one. Just one pillow? Nothing between your legs, not holding anything? I mean, I've heard a lot about this between the leg thing, especially from friends of mine. I get an email letter to.

One of my friends swears. One of my friends swears. One of my friends swears. One of my friends swears. wears by a pregnancy pillow. And he's like, it's so embarrassing. But I, my wife had a, Jay pillow.

Uh-huh. It's fantastic. Do you use it now? Uh, yeah. You do. And you love it, right? This has been left out of the dossier. I don't use it all the time, but it is a, it's,

well, use it once. Use it once. You used it. Uh, no, it's great. It's a big J pillow. Yeah. And you can snuggle up and it's, it gives you everything.

It's like a hug from a bigger man. You know what I mean? What's that, what's the house like? You got a house. I got a house. Own it? Mm-hmm. Very nice.

Pool? No pool. No pool? I don't want that liability. Fair enough. Smart guy. What's the whip? What's the everyday car you're zipping around L.A.

I have a truck. Truck? What kind of truck? It's a Honda Ridgeline truck. Nice. What year are we talking? Like a truck truck or an SUV? That's a pickup.

Technically, it's not a truck. If you talk to truck guys, they'll be like, that's not a fucking truck. Yeah. Small bed, but it's a dumb difference. It's just a, a small. A smooth driving truck. What's the Mrs. Drive? She drives a Subaru.

Okay. Yeah. Smart, reliable. It's good. King's bed in the house? I have a king. I have a queen. You have a queen.

Yeah. How many pillows are on the bed during the day? Probably like, I don't know. What's a pillow? Like, is a stuffed animal kind of has a pillow? No. Stop. I'm not putting, they're not mine.

Your wife, you have stuffed animals on your bed. Yes. Okay. My wife has them on there. What are they? What are they? They're not baby dolls, are they? Yeah, they're baby dolls with ceramic faces and one has one eye and one has a knife and it's got like, you know, we've got one that's like a snake.

I was scared for a second. One is that doll, Annabel. We have a giant Annabelle in the corner. No, it's just like a little, I don't know, some Japanese Disney plushy thing. I don't know. Oh, just one? There may be, there's a rotation. Are these from her childhood?

No, no, no. Okay. This is current. Okay. Yeah. So just kind of like a little decoration. Yeah I respect it

I respect it Yeah they're on the bed I think we probably have Maybe four pillows Plus whatever Putram out Yeah You go to sleep with the TV on

No No TV in the bedroom No TV in the bedroom No So when you guys go to bed And like get situated Are you sitting there reading She's sitting there reading

She's sitting there reading She's falling asleep Or on her phone Probably on the phone It's cute I'm trying to not do that anymore I'm trying to do it It's so bad for your sleep

To be on the phone Right before you go to bed Brutal So I'm trying to do Yeah just reading and we have a dog too. Someone's the dog is in there. But not anymore because she,

we had to put her in the living room because she wakes us up at like 5 o'clock in the morning. To go to the bathroom. Yeah, or just to get up. Like, hey, it's morning. Uh-huh. Yeah. She's the sweetest dog.

What's the dog's name? Her name is yogurt. Yogurt? Yeah. Greek. What kind of dog? She's a golden retriever. Get out of here.

I love it. Got a golden retriever in my mom's house. Bentley. Bentley? Oh, that's a cool name for a dog. We've always had retrievers. I got a German Shepherd back in the day in Avichelah when I was young

But ever since 9-11 We've had retrievers all the way through What? I don't know why I did that Something happened when the towers came down You're like no more German shepherds No, we just happened to get a cold retriever at that time Yeah

It's really my mom's dog Which I have to really start saying That's a 50-year-old man But he's my buddy Yeah, you love him Love him My little brother How old is he?

Two or three Okay, that's good And it's the same lineage It's the same He's related to the other two dogs that we had yingling and daisy yingling that's funny philly there's probably a thousands of dogs in yingling sure yeah that and jalen hurts what was the last vacation what was the last vacation you went on last vacation vacation vacation vacation like i'm trying to think last work related

um was probably i think it was hawaii last summer my man what island you go to big island conicide um is that the east of the west uh the uh the Got me. The west side. West side. The west side. What's the mountain? Was Steve there?

Oh, we went up the mountain, though. You did. Saw the Milky Way? It was the greatest thing ever. It's so cool. It's like you're on the fucking moon up there. It takes forever to get up there and you feel all spacey because the air is thin. That was one of the coolest things I've done in a long time.

And you got to see the spiral of the galaxy? Well, we did it in the daytime. You did? Yeah. There was nothing up there. Yeah, but it's still. really cool. So cool. Yeah, it was great. It was a very cool trip. I think daytime just is good because you get to see out over everything and yeah, it's awesome. And you can see this the spiral of the Milky Way galaxy? Well, I mean, can't see that from someplace else too? Not here. Not here, no, not here. Definitely not here. You can see in a couple spots, right? I've seen the spiral. Have you? Yeah. You ever see the northern lights? A little bit. When I was in Winnipeg, I saw him for just a little bit. But I was so tired. I just got in. I just got in.

I was like, I don't feel like you have to, even then the Northern Lights, sometimes you have to go out a little bit away from the lights. Yeah, wings coming into Hampton Inn. Going out there, you're nuts. Yeah. Bring the Northern Lights to me. You have name brand luggage? I don't know if I do. I don't also, I don't like that shit.

Have you always been good with money? You always been a saver? I've been like, I'm so good with money. It's ridiculous. Is that right? Yeah, it's kind of boring. I'm actually, I just recently I realized I am saving too much. You got a little bit of cash on you.

Doing well. I mean, I just save a lot. I don't like to spend, I really don't like to spend a lot of money. What do you spend money on? You went to Hawaii, that's good. Yeah. But like month, is there something, are your comic books? Is there a video?

Is there something you like that? Do you like that? I collect records. I'm collecting for a long time. Okay. Like, I stopped collecting aggressively a couple years ago. Okay. But even then, that's like a cheap hobby.

Yeah. If you have a job, it's a cheap hobby. Because most record collectors who are hardcore record collectors that's what they do and so they're like pension pennies you ever see that movie american splendor of course harvey peacock yeah my favorite movie that guy's the epitome of a record collector you know fully on the spectrum doesn't want to spend any money anything but records so excuse me if you have like a when i first moved to l.a and had a job i was collecting records back then and i was like oh my god i'm making like i was making like i don't know not that much

money but i was making money had a job i was like oh my god records are cheap now Yeah. Because all I wanted to do is buy records all the time. I have a lot of records, man. But now I don't, yeah, I don't have like an expensive hobby at all. I don't gamble. I don't know. That was a jump.

Well, I have a bunch of friends who they tell me how much they gamble. I'm like, what the fuck, man? Kids big today. Like, how can you do that? You're 10 grand down? Like, no. How many records that is? Yeah.

You and the misses are having dinner? Put on a little record. You sit there at the table and listen to a little jazz or now? No. You sit at the table? table when you have dinner, you sit at the couch and watch TV. We sit at the coffee table and watch TV. And what do you watch?

Lately, probably watching alone. Not a show on Discovery Channel? Okay. Yeah. Because I have a thing, I don't want to watch like a movie or a show if I'm really invested in it because you can't eat food and also look at the screen. You know, so I want to be able to actually pay attention. Be checked in.

You guys cooking? Ordering in. Ordering in a lot, man. So much. It's embarrassing. I'm embarrassed to how much. It's her, though. It's her.

She's the problem. I want to cook. Ever since the pandemic, it's been like a slippery slope where she's like a fucking wizard at ordering. You know what I mean? She's like just so... Does she handle it? Yeah, of course.

I don't even touch it. Does she say, what do you want for dinner? Essentially. This is how you... She doesn't say that? That's awesome. It's like this. What do you want?

Okay. And what do you say? And I'll say something and she'll be like, I don't know. I'm like, see, that's why I don't say anything. So you say just order. Whatever it is. It's like whatever you want, I will find something at that place that I like. Oh, so you do pick this as a big item.

She doesn't order dinner for both these. No, no. I love that. I mean, sometimes she does. If I'm coming home late, she'll get something she knows I like. Chicken skewers. Yeah, some chicken, some yakotory. There you go.

Yeah, some chicken liver. You like chicken liver? I do like it, but I don't think it's. You like paté or foie gras? Of course. My man. Yeah. I used to like it a lot when I was younger.

Younger? Yeah, because I had a friend Hanging out in Belgium What's younger? Like when I was like, I don't know, 12 Because I had a friend Patee and foie gras Yeah, because I had a friend

My friend Eric who was like super hoity His family was from Cape Cod They were like, you know They were like old money people And he was all about patte I'm like what is this stuff His family of year old I know isn't that nuts

It's really weird You look like a bozo Luke Yeah I was having patte I thought it was the best It's so good It is great It is great. But it's also like, I don't want to eat anymore because it's...

I understand. Sure. You're a conscious man. Not really good for you, too. No. Not good for you. Not good for you. That in a bottle of red wine?

Yeah, it's just pure. A couple of heaters afterwards. You know that guy? This guy who was a writer, Jim, you've heard Jim Harrison? No. He wrote Legends of the Fall. Mm-mm. Love that movie.

He's a great writer. An incredible writer from Michigan. He's written like, you know, 14, 20 books. But he was like a big time. He would eat just the most. intense, rich stuff. He was good friends with Mario Batali. Batali would fly into where he lives.

They would have like four days of just eating every, like, stuffed goose with a, you know, just all this stuff. The man lived until his 80s somehow. But this guy was just, he smoked, you know, mar breads every day, drank a bottle of wine every day. And this guy lived so long. Like, so something, something works with that. But not for me.

They don't need no colon. Yeah. I can't process all that. Can you drink alcohol? I guess you can, right? Does it affect alcohol? No? It does, but I pulled back a lot.

Like this trip is the most I've had to drink in a long time. Had to drink. Yeah. So you're up in the woods with the woods. Yeah, also just fun and fun in the city. I like drinking here. You got some squad. Who are you at the dinner with in Bushwick?

Some friends? Ryan Donahue, comedian. Yay. Shout out Ryan. Yeah. Love Ryan. I love him, too. He's so funny. Very nice.

You got the squad out here. Right. What's your take? I mean, this guy's all clear. I mean, I was on the fence. I'm going to tell you right here. He is one of the sweetest people. He's a sweet, sweet man.

He's educated. Sharp. Okay. Sharp. He's good with money. He's calm. He's collected. It's telling like he has a loving, peaceful home.

Jazz. Can be. He's a sinified and those movies. Yeah. He reads books. He sleeps with one pillow. No TV in the bedroom. He drives a sensible car, wife drives a sensible car.

His father, esteemed man, doctor, male clinic, surgeon, might be. And this is somewhat new because we had somebody really classy last time. This is going to get crazy. You're going to say the classiest, no way. What do you think? What's not class? I'm not saying he's not classy. The intestine's not his problem.

I'm holding that against them. You got a large intestine. You only got to smoke. Yeah. What dirt do you got under his fingernails? I'm not, I'm sad. I don't think he's the classiest guy, I'm saying. I'm not, I'm not.

What do you think you do that is garbage? Um, I don't know. Um, that's garbage. Maybe just if I just don't want to. You spit in the hotel room? You brush your teeth in the shower? I have, but I don't do that. You pee in the shower?

I use like a shitty toothbrush. I don't have like a nice toothbrush. It's okay. I don't have like a nice luggage. That's okay. There's a lot of stuff, it's a lot of status stuff that I genuinely find so. Off-putting, which makes you classy. I fucking hate it so much.

He's a classy guy, for sure. Luke, what do you call that stuff? Stealth wealth? Stealth wealth. Okay. But that's not what he's doing. I understand it. He's just a conscious man.

How do you know I'm not doing that, though? So stealthy. We don't even know. I think to anybody who has money and you know it, they don't have money. You know what I mean? It's like, has money and you know it. That's exactly what you're talking about. If you really, I mean,

Sometimes you can tell. It's like a thing where you can tell, I think how you compose yourself, how you treat people, says more about your supposed class than anything. For sure. Let me ask you this, Mr. Pembert. Yes, yes, sir.

Doctor. I'm not a doctor. Son of a doctor. Son of a doctor, grandson of a doctor. Great grandson of a doctor, correct? And now I'm some sort of not a doctor. Definitely not a doctor, yeah. You can play one on TV, though.

When you went out to dinner in Bushwick last night, with our friend Ryan D. Right. Who picked up to check? He did, but I paid him, you know, I paid him. Via Venmoed him. You split it. Yeah.

Interesting. Not stealth. Wow. Well, what? Am I supposed to just pick up the tab all the time? I do a lot. But it wasn't a date, okay? It's all class.

You know what? I have bought Ryan dinner. I bought Ryan dinner That's not what he said He was in the yesterday Trashing you No I'm kidding Pulls out of receipt

Yeah And I tip 18 and a 5% I did pay him more than half though That's good There you go I did pay it well more than half Even though we definitely had the same amount Did he get a couple of tater tots

Oh yeah We split the taut it was a big tan tatertops I'm not eating a whole basket of tater tots Yeah This guy's the best Buddy I do like picking up a check though I do like that Feels nice

Yeah For the point I've got a dirtbag. I'd like to know what he's sitting on, too. I don't know what I'm sitting on even. Business manager? No. Handle it all yourself.

No, I have an accountant, but the business manager thing I think is, I don't know. I don't know if it's worth it. Okay. Yeah. I don't know if it's worth it because I don't trust people that much. I think it's the kind of thing. How many times you heard a story about someone who gets everything gone because they're so busy. doing their stuff they don't think about it at all i don't know i just don't i think that i don't trust

it in house yeah keep it in house the pemberton files stay here remember that part in the the professional the professional that movie with uh you know yeah yeah yeah yeah at the end uh when uh matilda goes to uh what's his name go danny a i'll i'm gonna give you a little bit he's that him you trust exactly he did first of all that was in the that was in the fucking fridge in the back. Nobody knocks off old Tony. Nobody knocks off old Tony. I love Danny A. Oh my God, the best. And when he was like, remember when he says that thing about, like, I'm about to,

my famous good mood's about to go away. I don't know. I'm just thinking about that. Because like, I feel like I'm him for me. Gotcha. You know what I know. You're old Tony. No one's taking my money. You're the Alamo, baby. Exactly. The last name. I got to be on top of them. I got a yogurt guard in the front door.

What are you talking? No one's coming in here. That dog's not guarding shit. That dog isn't gardening a goddamn thing except for food bowl. Which is where I keep my money. Johnny Pemberton, ladies and gentlemen. 100% class. Gonna start filming the new season of Fallout, season three.

He's got a brand new movie out right now, Mermaid. Yes, that's it. On VOD, you got Apple, Amazon. Yeah, I think you watch it on Fandango, too. There you go. You said it's a dark comedy? Yeah, it's a thriller, horror-ish, dark comedy. It's a cool movie.

I'm really proud of it. I love it. I think you're a super talented actor. Yeah, ma'am. Fantastic comedian. You're super funny. You're super sweet. And you're all-class baby.

And we love you. Well, thanks for having me. I really had a great time. Of course, bud.