Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Josh Adam Meyers: Hollywood Trash

Episode Date: September 28, 2020

Kippy and Foley are back for another hot episode of AYG! Comedian and podcast host Josh Adam Meyers is put to the test this week when he talks about working at a strip club, doing drugs, and comedy. Support our Sponsors: https://dickatyourdoor.com and use the code Garbage for 15% off. Originally Aired on www.GasdigitalNetwork.com on September 22, 2020 Sign up for Gas Digital: www.GasdigitalNetwork.com - Promo code: AYG Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Hey gang, it's your old pal Uncle Hank. I got a special RU garbage announcement for you folks. The live show that we recorded in Philadelphia at the punchline is going up tomorrow. It's going up Tuesday. So if you listen to this on Monday when the episode comes out, which I'm sure you are, make sure you check out the RU garbage live show dropping tomorrow for you guys. It is a hot one with special guests, Mr. Shane Gillis and of course from the dadmead podcast, Mr. Mike Rainey and wait till you hear how this kid grew up. Make sure you check it out. The live show goes up tomorrow. See you soon. Hey gang, it's your old pals Uncle Hank and Kippy. Just want to thank you for tuning in to RU Garbage. Yeah guys, make sure you subscribe. That way you get the

episode as they come out and you can also go to gasdigitalnetwork.com. Use promo code AYG to get bonus content and get the episodes before they come out and HD streaming. Do it. Yeah. Hey gang, today's episode is brought to you by one of our favorite sponsors and that's dick at yourdoor.com baby. That's what we're talking about. Dick at yourdoor.com has the perfect gifts for anyone you love, hate or just happen to have their address. Send them something. Go to dick at yourdoor.com and see if you use the promo code Garbage. You'll save 15% on your order. Now let's get to the show. Welcome to another exciting edition of RU Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley.

Woo baby. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is RU Garbage, the show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and find out if they grow up classy or if they're complete trash. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day here in the East Village, New York City, alive and well as we've been fucking saying we ain't going anywhere. We're here for the long haul baby. My co-host coming at you right next to me wearing his oldest black t-shirt but the eyebrows and the hair are looking pretty sharp these days. Sure. Gang you know the drill the next time you reach it for a best pal do yourself a favor, make it a kippy, taste great, he's less filling and now available in a hard cider.

Kevin James Ryan everybody. Only till October 31st so act now. Now with pumpkin. Dude you look like the catcher from Sandlot. I can't help it. That's fucking what are you doing? God damn you are letting it go. I'm leaning into it baby. Guy gets a little bit of cash all of a sudden he fucking checks it checks out. What the fuck's going on here? We're running a tight shift. Christian Bale from fucking the big short. Dude you're dressed like a fat fucking 13 year old. Shut up man. You should sit in that computer chair backwards like you're at the fucking max. What's up everybody make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube you can subscribe there as well and then everybody knows gasdigillnetwork.com you go there use promo code AYG you sign up for

the network you save a couple of bucks we make a couple of bucks couple of fuzzles so fucking win-win you let me wet my beak you know what I mean my lights get to stay on for another month that's right uh yeah that's it thanks guys very nice and gang let me tell you something we could not be more excited to have our incredibly special guest here with us today uh this young man you've seen him on Bill Burr's ringers and of course the comedy jams and of course you know him from Ephesus for family dj howlin hank ladies and gentlemen all the way from the fucking coast do me a favor give me a nice big round of applause for mr josh adam Myers everybody the fuck is kids here just touch down baby who went from the coast first class by the way the

fucking christian bale reference for a big short I just watched that on the airplane I literally love that movie great movie great movie his outfits were garbage yeah and you're like lean the fuck in dude you know just you look like you look like Newman from Jurassic Park we got that's it over here we got that's it nobody cares nobody cares where's my shaving cream can oh god I got this I got this dinosaur yuck on my face I'm gonna spit in your face midway through I like how he was I was eating apple pie and a dinosaur park buddy thanks so much for coming in right from the airport right in the airport fucking trooper I almost uh I almost sound kippy I almost first thing I did when I got to the studio was take a shit and then I would have been like well then

this episode would have been three minutes long because that's garbage did you just smell up gas digital studios your trash you are trash yeah I still haven't felt comfortable to take a do-do here really nah it's a little pee-pee we're still we're still the new guys you know we just signed I can't be clogging the fucking toilet next thing Bobby hutch is the whole thing I'm getting yelled at dude you guys are like front page gas digital you know that's because what a fucking diarrhea it's all because it's alphabetical because we're it's are you garbage which that's like you know when you're like AAA painting or whatever like so you come up first in the phone smoking mirrors I thought it was like this yeah I was like dude they're taking over no it starts with an A

I thought so too and then my ego got checked you know what's funny about taking the this shit like I'm I'm okay with taking a shit anywhere it's just I don't want to have to anybody experience it and when the clubs were open fucking sure enough after a show I'd have to fucking really go and I try to time it out and as soon as I came out of the bathroom there'd be some fucking hot chicks standing there like oh my god you were really oh my god it's like Nicky Glazer is like is anybody in there calling my hair oh buddy thank you so much for coming down this is my pleasure I when I saw this podcast and what it was about I said uh because I am garbage I'm admitted but I'm reformed

that's what we'll find out we'll find out don't start don't start making statements because we're just gonna disprove you because we we're we're we're fucking surgeons when it's coming I'm no I'm excited to get to the bottom of my garbage yeah I really am tell us uh tell us the origin story here where'd you grow up what was the what was the scoop so I was I was born about 20 minutes right outside of Washington DC in Germantown Maryland suburb uh Montgomery County Maryland it's one of the richest counties in the country because that's where all of like the politicians kids live well politicians live they live out in the uh you know uh like outside of DC more in like Potomac but I was Germantown very uh racially diverse which I was just super lucky

because you're growing up with you know it's not like anything was ever been a culture shock sure so I grew up in a very diverse neighborhood uh my my parents uh you know my my dad when I was born was an accountant for ADP and was making a shitload of money right but then he left his job and started going in I think he went into sales okay and just sucked balls like so bad dude suck so bad at sales take him out of the pool oh dude it won't no but this is what I'm saying we we got my mom had to start working and my dad uh kind of fell into this depression and then he got a job as an orcan man so like spraying like pest control wow but to the stars so he's going like they have this big dj ellie in the morning so he's doing like ellie in the morning's house and steven's

they're bragging to the other dirtballs in school my dad kills roaches at ellie's house he was at steven spielberg's cousin's house two weeks ago look at his t-shirt gun I got who needs constant tickets huh they got water bugs so so we like I remember like growing up uh there was a time where it was like we had no money I mean we were like really struggling we actually lost our house but my dad's best friend bought the house from us okay uh and rented it back to us wow yeah which is great that's a solid fucking move plus he gets to wet his beak a little bit yeah you know what I don't know because the sale getting it back uh was my after I graduated high school so actually senior year at high school I I got I remember I came home one day

because I used to come home and my parents would be like either fighting yeah my mom's crying and they're just like because they just they did not love each other like they were just together because they didn't want because my mom didn't want to leave my dad because he would just be homeless you know and my dad was just like great dude he's dead but you know he's he's he wasn't good with money got that being said I got the same thing buddy I got you oh perfect so all right so but then I'm not good with money either I see I am now yeah I am not dude the best thing that the coronavirus uh did to me was just change my spending habits where now I think about every dollar hit me with the Allen Iverson crossover breaking ankles in the studio

I was like what for the audio listener he just fucking did a three-piece move with the mic goes like James Brown something right man you turn around and get the handkerchief on and you hold it back we're living on the street I got excited I'm on two hours of sleep so so I so I came home one day and my mom and my dad were like we're crying but tears of joy because my great uncle died such dirtbag shit out but he left me and my sister and a couple other cousins our age 40 grand each damn and I had never had any money before right so like for me this was like it was just fucking it this was like I was like I'm a fucking millionaire you're gonna get this they were they were excited because

they were gonna pay the mortgage exactly so the whole deal was me and my sister both had to give we both decided well we didn't decide they decided for us to give my big to give us give them half the money so we each gave them 20 grand okay and that was enough money to buy the house back sure uh or at least make the down I don't even know because sure but uh then with the rest of the money I just fucking blew it dude how old were you I was 18 they're 20 grand and 18 good night I was buying everybody fucking we go to TGI fridays I'm like get two samplers yeah two samplers you want Santa Fe egg rolls bring them in Santa Fe egg rolls ain't cheap dude you ready for the most I don't think they're from Santa Fe no you ready for the most garbage shit ever so I had never

had nice clothes so I just started buying shit this is also like at the height of fleece oh you remember when fleece was really big fleece was big yeah fleece was huge I'm still wearing it now I mean it's it's comfy it gets cold here it only lasts a couple of days and the lynch just fucking embedded so one day I went to the mall I spent $2,000 on fleeces on fleeces fleeces 2000 Ralph Lauren Timberland oh I'll give you that though Ralph Lauren put together a nice pullover back in the day shut out to fucking Ralph oh yeah where did they go wrong isn't polo kind of shitty now no I don't think so it's well they have they they have a couple off-shoot brands well they they went higher they what it they was there was like they have like their fucking purple label or something

the high went high the low went really low yeah and now there's no middle ground you know what I mean I mean dude Tim Dillon's supporting half their business with his fucking shirts well the thing about the thing the thing about polo is I gotta I had a couple of big I got some big guys in my family and they don't they'll go up to fucking 30x so you can buy as big as possible and still look presentable they're the only they're the only because we've had to do weddings where we're interesting to know yeah we've got to do weddings where everybody had to wear like the same polo or whatever and they're like you have to do Ralph Lauren because you can get like a fucking 6x forget about it there's a big motherfucker yeah six x yeah there's a couple of

big boys in the family how many x's does it go to like can you ask him what the fuck you're looking at me for I'm a 4x I said here's a large what do you got dude if he's a 4x what the fuck is a 6x yeah I got I mean I got guy I don't want to know yeah I got dudes in my family that are like six seven like four seven x yeah yeah probably yeah yeah we were trying to get it we got some t-shirts we were trying to get him for a couple listeners and I reached out to uh the merchandise person like now we we tap out at 3x yeah we had listeners like can you get us a 6x I'm like dude what I appreciate it but I like is that a guest is that like a mumble rapper 6x I don't I've never heard of that you got the Kashi's cousin what's going on 6x just buy two shirts yeah

holy shit see it's so fucking 20 grand you drop fucking 2 grand that fucking close you're the hottest kid in fucking school oh I was buying everybody weed I was buying everybody drugs did they say did they say that you could do whatever you wanted or were they there was a there was like there had to be a conversation when you got home from the mall that day I they they've said to me post they said they wish they never would have given me the money or it had the access to a car just to go buy shit because I blew it within the first year I went but but what I the coolest shit that I did do was that I backpacked through Europe for six there you go that's worth the fucking 20 yeah so I did that and then I came back to the DC area and then I started I dropped out

of college and I started working in a restaurant and you know going to raise what was the name of the restaurant well it had a change it changed a couple times so it started it was never a good so yeah yeah it was mozzarella's then it was mozzarella's the American cafe then it was mozzarella's then it was just the American cafe it's but it was it was an offshoot of ruby Tuesdays okay so I give you an idea tell you ruby Tuesdays yeah so so uh there was so then I heavy it's crap I've never heard was it a chain or was it like a standalone piece that they were trying I think or was it like the purple label of fucking of ruby Tuesdays I think it was a purple label yeah I think it was supposed to be like it was supposed to be like we're mozzarella's it's nice we can do it

but it wasn't really Italian though do you know what I mean it was more like they had like Cajun pasta like that's that's the shit they did it was like the Cajun shrimp pasta was but it's alfredo sauce just with a little bit of cayenne a little bit of old bay on there yeah that stuff why does nobody think fucking alfredo is fucking classy I olive garter man they pushed hard in the fucking 90s and 2000s you put shrimp alfredo in front of something they fucking line up around the block yeah they do it I don't know I'm a fan I don't even know how long it's been since I've had alfredo I haven't had it a long time but it was time me either I'm marinara breakfast yeah man yeah of course yeah you go I'm a cream sauce if I could put alfredo sauce on my cereal in the morning I

fucking would cinnamon toast crunch alfredo style al dente crunch cinnamon toast crunch alfredo here at mozzarella's American cafe all right so you're working in a restaurant so I feel like I've left out so much about my my childhood yeah go back buddy yeah because I wanted to talk about out port so so I I this is the the weird thing about me though regardless if my family was you know financially like middle class yeah dipping into lower middle class like at one point like my dad went to college my mom went to college like my sister's a doctor okay okay nice you come from good stock yeah but I was like the bad kid yeah I did dude I was just getting in trouble right from the beginning of like I remember like in in in kindergarten I got in trouble

for like trying to hit on one of the the patrols on the bus I was like throwing what are you doing at the dish you'll get this I honestly think I honestly think I was like a seven-year-old like like fucking like what do they call it you know not sexual assault but you know what's the other one catcaller catcaller yeah dude I mean what now would be sure I would have been canceled at in first grade he's he's on the corner smoking a sing what time you get done let me clear up a seat for you you're like fleece honey you getting cold put this on um but I was but I was just kind of like like I was already a funny kid um and everybody like I was friends with everybody but I would just I would just get in trouble and then and then I

wouldn't get into fights nothing like that but as we started getting into high school uh because I I was so alright so middle school was me wanting to be black okay because it was like public enemy you know I was hanging out with all the black kids and I had like the lines in my eyebrows yeah I had a couple raiders hats back in the day with a black turtleneck fucking rocking it I can go bad for a white kid some white kids camp most black kids can pull it off with a white kid with the lines in the eyebrow I could not oh no it wasn't my finest hour sure but I wasn't I was I wanted to be a part of this all black gang if you want to call it that called the raider boys so when you said the raiders hats I was like oh dude like I wanted to be in that so bad but then I got into high school

and that was when I started drinking in ninth grade I started drinking with my friend Greg we'd steal from my parents liquor cabinet nice and then and then that was also the right around the time that I started hearing like stone temple pilots and now I music has always been this big thing in my life right um like I can remember my earliest memory is like being obsessed with iron maiden and hair metal and then I can pinpoint the exact moment I heard guns and roses appetite for destruction changed my life how old are you for me asking right now yeah for some 44 so I'm right there with yeah so but it blew my mind dude DC 101 I'm listening on my clock radio it was like 10 o'clock at night and they were like there's a new band out of LA called guns and roses we're

going to play their whole album all the way through and it was just the next day I stole money from my parents to go buy it and that was another thing that I was doing like I forgot to there's a big chunk yeah I was knocking over banks on the weekend hitting a couple of red I stole from my my parents they had this little envelope but just all these 20s and I would take from out and I'd go like buy friend's pizza or I'd buy like tapes for everybody I remember one time I took out money the day I got caught I remember I just left I just left Indiana Jones in the last crusade and I was like right and I just had popcorn and milk dud residue on me and then I got grounded but I also took from my sister and then that ended

because I never had money I never had money I was the same I remember I got I remember my mom would be like I'm like oh we're going to the movies or the mall or whatever it's probably 16 and she's like oh I don't have any cash like here take my debit card go get 20 bucks out at the Wawa and bring me back my card and then you can go well I mean you know it is dumb brawl because you don't know what's happening and then dude I literally get a call I took out I took out 40 okay I took out 40 you know I'm a fucking gentleman I just need a little bit of walking around you don't notice yeah 40 bucks well what's going on here you know what I mean so I hit it for 40 dude and by the I'm not even back home it's like a four-minute drive to drop her back off the

fucking debit card I'm I'm not even home and I get a call she goes you took out 40 dollars go fuck she got online banking god damn fuck this yes because she didn't know she didn't know how to turn the computer on the older you get the more you pay attention to your checking of course like you're in your 20s yeah because if you just look and you're like what the fuck is this $200 expense for I don't know what that is I was probably fucked up yeah and you're just like all right whatever the parents always know she would have to do it like on like bounce the checkbook before online before she got online banking we bounce the checkbook so 20 bucks here and there she wasn't you know she didn't know she didn't know what the fuck was happened I take out 20

and take out 40 but date I keep having cards you don't fucking knows 30 days ago what'd you say what'd you say to her I said yeah you gotta check how long you've been doing that yeah fucking I was like oh really oh yeah I was fucking stealing money from her getting in trouble when you were at the old switcher room yeah getting in trouble when you were kids one thing but when they start putting pieces together and they realize you've been doing it for a long time and they start digging in you know how long you've been doing this bop bop bop then you're like a career criminal yeah they're like it's a one-time only thing I swear to god I got mixed up with the wrong crowd empty out your pockets I don't trust you it was the Myers kid DC check the jewelry drawer

now it's I wasn't like like once I got caught by the seventh or eighth time I was like it's probably time to buy time to stop right like you're falling over here well Mike because then I go to my sister and then they switched then I would steal coins my dad had this coin fucking like I don't know it was like a it was like I think it's like the thing that he that you they when you they send you checks and just like they have them all stacked up and so you remove the checks hide them somewhere else and then you just fill up this this box with quarters and okay and that became that became like oh I'm going to 7-eleven I want to get candy or then I start here and there then I wanted this when I started smoking at like 13 then it was like you know 225 for a pack of cigarettes and but I

was saying was when I got to ninth grade that was when it like coincided with with me hearing stone tumble pilots core which is like a very important record to me I love scott wyland but yeah and that also got me into wanting to be into bands more than just like singing in the mirror and like just listening to music and dancing around like a dickhead but I I met this group of kids that were all kind of like the grunge you know the smoking section kids yeah you know what I mean and I started hanging out with them toss those Ben uh Demetrius all those guys and then it became like all right now we're smoking pot now we're doing LSD uh at 15 uh so I did LSD a few times up until then but this is pretty garbage um when I was 15 years old uh it's probably the third or fourth time we

I've ever been good I was gonna do acid and my buddies were like let's take three tabs each it's like 10 of us we'll set up a tent in the back of Tossos's parents house and we'll just we'll bring a couch in there candles we'll fucking just do it up and it also coincided with the day my sister had gone away to college that year and that was the first night she was coming back but I blew it off and I was like well I'm gonna go hang out with my friends of course I didn't tell him I'm doing drugs but it's like a big thing for me to hang out we're gonna trip balls it's gonna be great so we each take three tabs we get them from there was this you guys you know have that like dirtbag family family that lives in your town so so it wasn't my family it was the B crafts so we had the B

crafts they were they were fucking trash dude I think one of the sisters that was in my grade became a prostitute and the pimp was the brother god damn it family business that ain't real garbage as garbage as you can be did you ever partake in the uh merchant no but I was offered I was did you ever kick the tires over there maybe in like maybe don't walk on the lot unless you want to buy you know what I mean in check it out in ninth grade she was cute but then I remember seeing her one night and they were at the Wendy's hanging out smoking cigarettes I think I was all trash I was we were at the Wendy's hanging out smoking cigs so he didn't mention a burger or nuggets in that whole thing hanging out we were no we'd go in there somebody would buy fries and we just sit

and fucking smoke this one you could smoke and they had the little tin foil those used to gross me out or I mean if they didn't have that we would take the comment cards fold that up and my friend folded it up to an ashtray it was no it's real trash if you went over someone's house and they had like the little mcdonald's ashtray thing I'm like you're stealing this what are we doing it's fucking it's disposable we're using the big breakfast containers it's my mick d l t you the cigarettes here then put them out over here so so we we all decide to take LSD and we all take it probably run like eight o'clock and buy about I don't even know man I feel like this is like three four in the morning because this night gets so crazy I go into the tent

because I was hanging out some swings with some friends and I go into the tent and Tossos is this long-haired Greek dude right and he's sitting on the couch and he's just like he's like everybody's paying attention to him like he's David Koresh just like and the meaning of the world is this and time is just nothing and it's blah and I just I'm glissing and I start freaking out and I start looking around the tent and I start seeing swatstickers on everything just I just I see like swatstickers I see bugs and I'm just like dude I gotta get out of here and as soon as I say that everybody starts following me which starts freaking me out even more because they're like what's wrong what's wrong and I'm just like I gotta go and I just take off and I run it was probably three miles

from Tossos's house to my house I run three miles like I'm Usain Bolt yeah full sprint wrecking it full sprint in that run I don't remember all of it but dude I lost touch or reality completely gone like you hear those stories about that guy like getting high on LSD and jumping off like like a like an apartment because he thinks he can fly I was there you were yeah we're going at one point I remember I was running through the desert which which I saw the desert it wasn't like you know my my brain whatever it made it be these kids are getting good shit down in DC it's the bee crafts holy shit it's the bee crafts yeah quality product this isn't the sea crafts this is the bee and crabs and and so I mean I remember like like flesh is ripping off

my skin I start running through this field and there's these there's bugs everywhere there's giant praying mantis eventually I get back to my parents house and I start beating on the door because I don't have my key all I had when I my mom answers the door as I'm holding my wallet and I'm in my underwear my mom is like watching a movie my mom's like what are you she's like Josh what's going on and I mush her face like move and I start like running through the house just all crazy eyed and I see my cat and I'm like who sent you and I throw the cat and then I run upstairs my sister's awake my dad's awake I'm in their bedroom and I'm literally like on the ground like curly from three stooches like and then this is this is the craziest shout out of all that

is that this is the power of the brain of what you don't think that you remember but at one point I'm on the ground probably having a seizure and as I'm looking around everybody starts aging backwards my mom starts getting younger and younger and younger to the point where like my first memories of my mom even the clothes she's wearing is going back it's just Benjamin Button everything in the room the television they had a brand new television it goes back to the older television the bedsheets all of it I just kept seeing everything freaking me out you got this connection where to be crabs that get them on the horse they'll get on that so so I I remember and so I get to the it's keeping younger younger and younger and to the point where then I re-enact

my own child bird I just remember laying on the ground going ah ah it's a baby and I like held my arms up like I'm fucking Kimba or Simba. It's Kaisal Goofballs. Beak has got a good Goofballs. And then I pass out and then I wake up the next morning and I'm in my bed my whole room is trash and my mom is like crying sitting next to me just doing that motherly like head pet like stroking in the hair she's like what happened last night and I was like I was like I was at a party and and then I don't remember anything yeah she's like someone must have dosed you yes sir I don't know I remember having an orange juice and then that's the last thing I remember. Oh you deny it till the end. You're just as confused as she is. We were at a Grateful Dead concert and somebody gave

me a sugar cube I was like sure I love sugar um wow but but it gets better so she goes she passed my hand she goes so somebody does she goes all right that's fine she's like you you really scared us come downstairs we're having breakfast and then I go downstairs and we never spoke of it again. Wow. Ever. That's an old school family right there. Never once. Sweeping under the rug. Yeah that's real trash shit it's like hey when we we we we get downstairs we get to the table zipping. We are not emotionally prepared to process this or speak of this out loud so we will never speak of it again I got a couple of those nights too. And then when I when I headlined the Hollywood Improv fucking 20 years later probably maybe even more my mom came she flew from from Maryland to

to Hollywood to watch me headline sold it out great super exciting my mom's sitting of course like front row like and she's so excited and in the middle of my set I just stop and I go hey my do you remember the time that I took lsd and then I trashed the house and reacted my own childbirth she's like yes I did by the way my mom sounds just like what does she smoke what's her brand misty 120 what the fuck's a misty the fucking skinny the little pinners wow these are very much like Capri yeah 120 is the extra longs uh menthol sounds like something from Dairy Queen a misty 120 I got a misty 120 and a dilly bar let me get a slurpee a misty 120 he's got cream on the brain and two crellers uh no it was she smoked the long cigarettes but she was this she was

garbage because she would like light one take a couple puffs put it down and with half the like majority even I say like 75% of the cigarette left she's blazing up another one yeah that was saying fuck that so me being the garbage that I am sure would go around that night take out those other butts and fucking puff on those yeah man of course smoking old butts out of the ashtray oh really it's the best that's no dude that's like when pj ever see somebody put like they put a stick out to put it back in the pack oh I mean I've done that ah come on dude the rest of the pack ruins all that you're not the cherry on oh that's I don't put any indentations on it I fucking pow smell that it gives the other cigarettes dude first of all if you're smoking you stink I

know I know I started smoking again why I don't know because I'm a fucking jerk off kids on the edge uh hey dude tape flew too close to the sun now I'll kick I'm gonna kick it I'm gonna kick um but yeah all right let's get into some fucking questions did you just see that fucking vape hit that he took to yeah he's got fucking indoors lungs of steel that's something else all right we're gonna play a little game called are you garbage okay we're gonna ask you a series of questions we want you to ask them open and honestly which I you're obviously doing if they spur any stories please feel free to elaborate we're gonna start at the beginning we're gonna ask you some of the standard questions now let's go back to when you had the nice house

okay all right well we kept that no we kept that house that house until my dad died in 2010 my mom had that house right okay what was the name of the street that you grew up on Jameson Place that's not bad that is fucking class nice place is good single single family home okay thank you this is the only one who knows what every time we say was it a single family home they're like yeah it was just us it was just us to live there you fucking pee break yeah I didn't think you guys had a communal fucking operation going on a family nobody knows this nobody's ever been on zillow what's going on a family with roommates well we were when we were in the cult nexium and we had nine families living there no it was single family home dude it's what it was

I know that people's two stories with the basement unfurnished basement okay not showing off not showing off but which in I always remember this Jordan's last game when he won the NBA championship with the bulls that was the night because my friend Jesse had a single family home like literally a block away where we used to go in the basement smoke pot do drugs his parents didn't give a shit but they moved so we needed a basement and so Paul my my good friend Paul Blivin was like oh man we should he's like do you have a basement I'm like yeah dude it's unfurnished so he goes let's go check it out we go downstairs this is when I'm like 18 years old yeah uh and he sees it he's like oh my god dude he's like we can see the potential

we can see that put the television here I'll go get some carpet for this got an old couch over there old couch right there yeah dude we'll fucking we'll fucking dust it off I mean there's by spiders on it oh yeah we'll put some blankets on it just to make it feel a little bit more homely I think Steve's got a table at his house we can bring that down Paul built the table there you go there you go I've got a couple of two-by-fours of the truck I'll be right back TV on the fridge we put the TV on the mini fridge and that downstairs basement became my drug den and my sexton oh yeah of course because that also coincided with me being a raver so so Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday so Wednesday Thursday Friday I was at I was at raves at clubs and on Saturday there were

always house parties in DC or in Baltimore and then on Sunday Monday Tuesday I would I would meet girls on those nights at the clubs or the house party and then Sunday Monday Tuesday I would go and fuck those girls all around Virginia Baltimore fucking DC I remember I drove to West Virginia once talk about the talk about the orcan man huh guys put in work making house calls we got we got met what are they called millibytes or millipedes thank you millibytes Trent the rifts don't work the rifts don't work oh we got it I don't even notice the unfinished basement in the 90s left unchecked by parents yeah what what were they thinking like people just were like oh I don't have to look downstairs what dude all they had to do is walk three steps down

and everybody's fucking busted out of smoke cloud what do you think seven 18 year olds are doing in a basement anyway yeah I think they're sitting there playing fucking monopoly we used to we used to at one point before poppers a weird sex before we shaved eyebrows before we started with the basement we had my bedroom and dude I used to you know decent sized bedroom but not like much bigger than this it's too close it's 17 people we'd have up there we had a pulley system where we take the fucking screen off the window we send a bag down this like when you got one of those bags you get when you buy cologne like they go yeah here's some free swag for some soup yeah like a royal flag yeah and and then we'd send the bag down the rope put the beer in that we bring

it up yeah so then so then we finally have the basement was there a separate entrance into the basement oh yeah dude one man one way in one way out hey mr. Myers just like just wearing a trench coat with lumps in it like yeah fucking chun top of the morning the first down jacket on stuff with fucking pbr probably just gonna pizza or something if that's okay meanwhile your eyeballs are rolling the back of your head huge pupils just dude I can't tell you how many times like I would be down there with a girl probably inside that girl and my mom would come down or my dad would come down to do laundry yeah and that we just have to like roll over like put a blanket over here or something all of a sudden you're reading a book of poetry that's fucking yeah we were trashed dude

fucking 90s were awesome god damn it dude I was saying this like recently is like man like you know there's of course these people are getting busted with saying shit that's inappropriate it's like dude we were raised by the beast it was different yeah it's different time man it's like it's hard it's hard I'm trying I know you're trying to adapt but yeah of course nobody gives you credit to be like well this guy had a wild child you know what I mean yeah dude how about what's the name of the grocery store that you went to well there were two there was giant giant giant food that's what we're talking about or safe way ooh safe ways trash safe way I assume was during the uh before the 40 showed up that was the rental period safe ways are no good are they I think they are

better than giant giant food was I think like giants got three lane highways fucking those you could fucking you could drive an aircraft carrier down those things giant giant in our neighborhood giant was the trash one wow and safe way was the top of the line he lives in the upside down I like it or maybe we're just such fucking garbage that we think giant's nice but there was one my brother used to work out shout out Southampton uh that was nice it was good it must have been new though maybe it was new maybe had an old giant we got our new our giant was new so it might have been let's see let's see if you can nail this down I think we could do this all right at the safe way do you remember was there the bakery do they have

the bakery inside good bakery good bakery yeah I had the deli go get sliced meat deli deli had everything dude this isn't all right so like were they making sushi in there not back day not back then sushi was invented in like fucking 2000 that's a brand new dude were they doing sushi and fucking outside of DC get no they were popping pills yeah we had one sushi in germany we had one sushi place I forget what it's called it's like sushi honor some bullshit like that it was I mean now that I live in Los Angeles yeah Jim sushi it's like Tony sushi oh mally sushi bar mozzarella sushi sushi the american cafe now it was it was but we had one sushi place and now that I live in Los Angeles and I've had great sushi I'm like I'm that was the most garbage yeah that's like 40

once you get out of you know we get to go back from philly to New York and you're like I'm like oh that's Chinese food that's like you have an actual authentic good stuff and I'm like you're not just like fucking fridays and apple bees yeah fucking whatever you know but we were this is a this is something that might take me off the the garbage uh level it better be big well no my dad believed this uh and this is the the one advice people always ask me like what you know if you ever ask somebody like what's the best advice your dad ever gave you and my dad's was uh always go to a restaurant where you know the owner's there because you know you're gonna get better quality food we didn't we never went to alpax steakhouse we never went to ruby tuesdays places like that we every

restaurant we went to was like the gyms or you know some guy is there he's coming around the table his neck's on the line how's the Alfredo or whatever like yeah it was it was very our chinese was like we always went to the same restaurants me rancho from mexican uh fucking italian pines for italian it's actually funny everything had like the name of whatever the culture was so it's like chinese chinese one and number one yeah but but we never ate garbage food like my my mom was a great chef you know well she's like she's like a mom chef you know but it was but it was phenomenal and the recipes are like old jewish or like updated shit like because she watches cooking network all day long um but my dad would never it was always it was always good food when we went out to eat that's

pretty good once we always went out to eat once a week because we were uh we were like a big outback applebee we were we were like trash like yeah at like a birthday was like we're going to applebee no we never do that we were a combination about we were local okay not not change my mom just they wouldn't spend the money on change but it was always like real shitty like you know like this place called the car stop where it was like an applebee sounds like a jiffy loo but it was local i'll tell you what the mozzarella sticks fucking turn your life around phenomenal fucking phenomenal how would you say your mom was a good cook oh yeah fantastic how was her Passover brisket phenomenal but dude my mom is my mom is is an incredible cook like i i don't

want to call her cook i want to call her a chef because because like it was my like i said my mom and dad were like my dad was a good looking guy and my mom just kind of had like started gaining weight and just you know she drank and smoked and and uh she like the only real time they connected was when they ate and when they they'd go out to eat but they should not have been married as long as they were like it was they were only together because of us or because like i said my mom thinks my dad would have probably been homeless so the food was kind of what brought us all together and she would just all day long when she was on her days off work was was watch you know the food network or whatever or pbs whatever was showing like Bon Appetit or Julia Child or

whatever the fuck and she would make those things and and and nail it and or she take a recipe and add her flavor to it and so so we'd have friends over to eat and they would eat my mom's food and then just be like holy shit my mom can't cook for a shit like miss mires is fucking killing it my mom's thanksgiving is phenomenal uh funny thing about my mom and dad though like it was every year up until he died was my dad hated brussel sprouts and my mom would make brussel sprouts and always go out but you're gonna have some brussel sprouts and he'd be like i'm not eating them so then the rest of the meal she'd be like how are the brussel sprouts josh and i'd be like they're phenomenal and she'd like eat super loud like fucking throw it in the space brussel sprouts

it's so good they hated each other they hated each other but they would go out to eat and and and like i said man that's great though that's great that you at least have that moment and that connection of like and that's like food means food was meaningless to me like growing up it was like not really yeah it was just like huge in philly yeah but my mom like my parents had divorced my mom went back to work it was like nobody was home after school and shit so it was like and she would she would work like second or third shift or whatever she'd come home late and it's like you know i mean i'm not trying to paint this picture like we were like fucking destitute or anything no but like it wasn't like you already said alback yeah you only said you went down

we likely did shit you know she'd spend a little k she's gonna bloom an onion she's not a fucking jerk off she'd be like kip you know what i'm in the mood for tonight kookaburra wings let's go to alback maybe karabas you know oh i work at a karabas that's out that's trashed it's trashed Italian first short yeah sunday dinner at the folies was fucking on point yeah we never did like i mean we did walk in as like the sun's going down from playing yeah you just smell whatever was fucking cooking the best it's the best i live in my mom uh for christmas does the uh english style so it's like prime rib uh the vegetables yorkshire pudding like my mom goes and the other thing that we're because we're from maryland it's all crab i don't know you had sickler

on here he probably just like yeah so we pick crab love love love love do my mom whenever he might go home now because so my mom this is you know i'll give you fucking garbage so my dad she's really pulled like everything you've said so far is garbage but everything you're saying about your mom she might pull you out of this get ready get ready because i don't know 120 sickies stole a bushel of crabs so so my dad dies in 2010 and my mom my mom's from narstown oh yeah my dad's from harrisburg but they moved down to the dc area in the 70s and my dad dies in 2010 by this point i'm already in la and my sister uh moved to i think she by that point she's living on the eastern shore ocean city area maryland secrets secrets fagers island uh mug and mallet so you just got

real tragedy so so those are the things we all drank out of the city dude i don't went to senior week until i was 25 i of course you did yeah i mean it was like it was but nobody was it was seniors for everybody wasn't just high school it was college yeah it's college too that's what you tell yourself yeah i'm going for the next year senior next year 25 or in a bunch of seniors you're like a fucking millionaire oh yeah maybe not 25 okay i'm a comedian i'm exaggerating for comedic effect yeah still had cut them so so so my mom uh sells the house in germantown and moves up to harrisburg to be by her sister and her nieces and other cousins they all everybody else stayed in harrisburg from my mom's side of the family my mom had this uh yenta of a fucking uh her niece

but really was almost like her her like her like sister like my mom's sister's daughter was around the same age as my mom gotcha and they just all day long drink coffee drink wine smoke cigarettes uh cousin said live in the life cousin said she just fixed her nails all she was doing was putting on press on nails all day long filing her nails and they were best friends and all they did was talk shit about everybody right but it was just them so then my mom's sister says mom ross dies right and my mom my mom's my mom's a lot i love my mom to death but she's a lot uh she i've heard so many conflicting stories but going by my mom's version is my mom said all i want out of roslin's is this one lamp that has been in our family for years right yeah okay and

cid was like okay and then an appraiser came over and bought that lamp and that started the biggest war between family members like real trash comes out when someone dies oh yeah there's a will on the line real trash comes out baby because cid is saying that my mom was asking for a bunch of shed and my mom is just saying she wanted this lamp but all that trash that they would talk to one another cid started telling everybody that my mom said it so everybody started it's actually kind of sad everybody started like this not disowning but started taking cid side cids are fucking cunt like i'll she almost stabbed me once with a knife uh because she was she was going through a divorce or a breakup whatever the fuck she was dealing with and uh and she was making these brownies called

better than sex brownies i was like a 13 14 year old kid i was smoking i was cussing i showed up high yeah and she's making the brownies and she got a bunch of caramel over there and i grabbed a handful and she was like don't grab my caramel and i was like fuck you bitch yeah and she just grabbed a knife and like put it right up to like my fucking like like not on me but like but like aggressively toward you and yeah and my dad even my dad who was like right in from downstairs and my dad was like what the fuck cid what are you doing she's like she's fucking and it was just so cid's a fucking whack job yeah i'd like to retract the class statement you're you're you're absolutely right i told you jump in like but it's garbaji garbaji how about a knife being pulled on you over caramel

caramel who calls it car that's garbage carmel i like my carpool carpool holy shit holy shit so then my mom so then my mom uh sold that house moved uh to ocean city with my sister and then to the main point we were talking about crab every time i go visit we're right on the fucking ocean so my mom will buy like two pounds of jumbo lump crab meat and just fucking make like i mean literally like 45 crab cakes and my sister and her husband they eat some the kids the three my two nieces and my nephew they like one each my mom has maybe two and then i eat like 30 yeah i could just fucking i feel like it's not even food like crab like i'm just like i just feel like it's sick oh it's it's like it's sick yeah exactly i'm the same way all right all right

let's get some questions come on am i garbage oh um garbaji oh have you ever paid to have anything airbrushed i don't even know what that means like you know it's like on the back of a jean jacket or like uh like on your car so okay not on my car or a t-shirt hold on so i didn't do it okay but this is over you're just you're asking the right questions right now buddy we got you're bringing up there's a reason we're the host of the army you know i'm like i'm about to start speaking in tongues because you're bringing up like hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi so uh when i was when i was after i graduated high school i was obsessed with wu-tang clan and me and my friend dead cat his real name is mike sceneberg what we called him dead cat um he's a tax attorney now i think he

said architect he did he disowned us twice he got married found a girl architecture he found a girl and disowned us twice that's uh come on but dead cat so at that time you saw ms burg or mike seenberg we were listening to wu-tang and then we started like rapping over uh this like this killer army uh single and it had like the instrumentals on it and so we put it on and i was like oh dude if you take the headphone plug it into the mic thing you can rhyme into one of the headphones so then we started this all jewish hip hop group called the shekels okay that's a the shekels dude i you want you want garbage i've got the d tattoo right here oh my god and i've got the s tattoo right here where's the camera boom oh shit here dilla want you to show

him yeah go ahead wait hold on there you go get the tricep up and working out brooks lake has been training me oh my jude holy what the fucking basketball that's the wizards logo that's trash dude garbage team tattooed into my body and all i gotta wash into redskins tramp stamp yo what's great you know how trashy my use is is that when he says his friend's name it's almost like we know them you know what i mean he's like we were fucking joey you know jimmy frog legs right you know jimmy so so we did so with the shekels the music got better the first album was i'm not buying it but the first i like their later shit dude we dude all right so the shekels first album's gazooks second is flight of fear third was booted tributa fourth was sasa grass

then we had would you sign with rca how many fucking albums we made seven albums what in in about six months dude you were they were a fucking hit turning those motherfuckers out dude phil specter producing but then oh dude once we got past sasa grass then we started getting experimental with sergeant buddha's smoky bong club band that was and then we had just to set the shekels six we just called it the shit it was just self titled and then we had a greatest hits to shackles bank heads these guys had the balls to put out a greatest hits it was just a cassette just because every album was like 42 songs did you move any of these any units no but we put we would like put them on at parties and the party would end pretty much dude because this

is also around the time like no limit soldiers and fucking like mysticals at his at his highest hey man big mystical guy shout to no limit about oh what'd you say huh what'd you do oh god uh man that was fucking wild dude so right so the shekels became so he talks about it like it's the fucking like it's the Beatles the shekels did not become underground super maybe can they were real underground we're only in my basement where they available so my friend uh mike barbarisi who who also who also was like also an architect also he was barbaricing jewish no he's not no no no but he he he he guessed it on a couple records yeah you gotta have features i mean it's not an album if you

don't have features i was the only jew i was the only jew i always say all jewish because we called it the shekels but i think like paul was a piscopalian and then i think uh dead cat was maybe like christian catholic one of those things well you had to get into the business somehow yeah you got me i'm the jew i'm the i'm the head i'm the risa you do the talking in the in the pitch meetings oh dude so so mike barbarisi came home you like dude i just went to ocean city i got a surprise for you and he got the shekels airbrushed on a t on a t-shirt yeah i never did it i never did you ever wear that shirt god damn right you're fucking right you my friend are rich i wanted to ask you you know what you saw i made me think of something when you said you

showed up at your parents house and you didn't have keys did either one of you guys ever have the fucking little key the little key rock that you would hide that was as seen how we never had that oh that was like under a hat the neighbor had it the back window you could get i mean you could get into that you could spot that thing from down the street like that's not a rock yeah it's not a real rock it's fucking garbage we didn't i kind of remember like where we had uh we had our like separate key i maybe maybe the next door neighbor yeah that was big back in the day yeah yeah give it to the next door neighbor that was why i beat on the door at six in the morning and woke my mom because i was like wow we didn't put the rock out we didn't put the rock out remember what i thought

like it was first i thought this was somebody had it a friend of somebody i thought it was reserved for like fucking spies was the magnet like under the car i was just gonna say that you remember that you could put like a magnet box put a key in the box in the magnet you would put it under your car like in the driveway or whatever so you could always get into the house my friend craig who's a comic craig conan in la uh he we did a show at the magic castle we're doing like driving style shows so we park our cars on this one level and you know because we haven't seen each other in so long we're hanging out until like two in the morning after the show ended at ten and craig locked his keys in the car and he goes he goes don't worry man and leverages under his car

pops up the the rock recently he's got the right like two weeks ago who weeks ago then he pulled out a big math billy bastard dude you guys want to book him i got you he's he's definitely garbage holy shit wow i only yeah i only remember seeing that back in like the 90s someone having the fucking hidden key the hide a key now holy guy's got a hundred thousand instagram followers he's got a fucking key magnetized to his car that's fucking awesome you got one i got one have you ever been a part of or been to a bikini car wash you look like you orchestrated a couple to be honest i know down there it's secret so i could give you the most garbage of all garbage lay it on us i was a strip club dj for six

years holy shit did we get involved in any strippers come on dude that's awesome but it's my always dip your pen company ink especially if you're a fucking strip club but i listen i can count on my hands how many strippers in the six years that i hooked up with because the first club i watch at male strip club he never said that it's called dingles it's called the manhole so so my first strip club sorry so i i moved to la and i for the first wait you did this in la in los angeles yeah oh but no no no no oh listen listen so check it out so i i couldn't find a job when i started stand-up so when i moved to la i worked in television like doing pa work i was a i was a pa for keeping up with the kardajians for two seasons wow the first two seasons i used to

in a sense babysit kendall and kylie because i was such a bad pa they'd be like just go play with kendall and kylie keep him out of the chute go play video games with him whatever um and then i worked on a reality porno called foursome on playboy tv uh i hooked up with a couple girls on that so it was an or or fo you are something so we but then i i started stand-up and i couldn't find work that would work with my schedule schedule and i was never a good server i got fired from every restaurant job i ever had so there was a there was a comic at the comedy store named alex uh more and he was a uh bouncer at spearmint rhino and he goes he goes dude because i was a wedding dj for seven years that's how i that's how i got wedding environments

yeah that's trash that's trash but i was good you're always like i'm not saying you aren't good but it's always like the guy pulling the speakers out of his he got real defensive about that i was good i was the king of ultrasound dj good ones are good ones are great dude if you have a good what they make or break the fucking everything for sure everything but but i think it was more like maybe my more where my personality uh you know wasn't as you know because dude i was drinking and yeah fucking you know i'd be hung over doing coke all night and then show up to the fucking goldberg wedding like oh fuck we're cutting this one short tonight one time i did coke with the bride and groom at a seven hour wedding in like in like real rural maryland

um but i moved to la what if they're still together i think if you're doing below i wish i could find out i would say probably probably say probably not yeah but they're they're they're they're so similar at that point it's not like the ones doing it behind the back you know let's start up unless one got a d y had to clean up their life yeah and then the bride's like listen i'm fucking i'm riding if one of them got sober yeah that might do it um kill you but so i so when alex knew that i used to be a wedding dj he goes dude he's like i know you're looking for work i'm telling you right now if you go to a strip club just go to like pick out five strip clubs tomorrow and go apply and i bet you get hired at two of them and he was right i got hired

the first one i went to and uh i remember there was their dj like their main strip club this is well this is out this is they're all the good ones are all out in the valley like north hollywood pocoyma uh or downtown la which is the last one i worked out which was like an atm i made so much fucking money i don't know what do they tip you out or so i so i'll tell you this and then i'll tell you how you make the money so this the dj at the first club i got hired at was a club called desire and i mean this place was fucking even the way he says right desire it was we're here guys they're coming out to the lunch gift at desire to give us just a taste to bring in somebody else so i'd be like oh yeah y'all that's what i'm talking about right there give it up for

paprika guys all right guys buy two dances get one free this is the best save a little bit of green get everything in between you know what i'm saying y'all come on i'm chomping up dog have you got any ones in there somebody call my wife i'm on my way so the first club i get hired at they have this really this like huge samoan guy as the dj no bullshit his name is murder huge samoan like literally boogie down productions or booyah tribe whatever that fucking hip hop group of samoans is he wears glasses and a fucking huge suit and he's like he's like you have a dj before and i was like why did weddings and he goes now i'm talking about the strip club and i'm like no when he goes there's only one rule get that money girl wants to hear a

song cool five dollars because you need to get that money everything you can charge girls for everything why does he sound like uncle ben get that money so he taught me very early on he goes you don't fuck these girls man you don't fuck up your money so he goes do you look at he's like you can make money if you just stay focused literally when you get to that strip club just like the girls the girls that make money are the ones that are like money money money money not the ones that are like oh i want to like get you know i want to talk shit with this girl i want to get high with this girl yeah it's if you go into a strip club focus to make money you can fucking clean up so i worked at you would charge the strippers dude i had so many hustles especially

i so i'll just use dames and games which was the last one i worked at because it was a it was a topless bar why is everything rhyme at a strip club dames and games games and games green between la's a fucking weird town man la la land baby well the save a little bit of green get everything in between that was like my thing that was like everybody has like weird things like more breast and files than papas like all there's all shit like dr seuss yeah it's very seuss la is a weird place dude i'm gonna be reading the fuckers i'm gonna read if y'all go to fucking scores i bet the dj is like all right welcome to scores where you won't be born you know what i'm talking about get some more at scores coming up next cilantro guys

it's always spices the stripper named cilantro give it up for cystic pub bros one more time for peppercorn medley everybody peppercorn medley come to the stage give it up for steak au poirot so but i but i learned very very quickly how much money you can be made at these clubs because i always worked day shift so i could do comedy at night yeah and when i got to dames and games because i worked i worked day shift at well i worked desire i only worked there for two weeks then i got fired because i went out of town even though i covered my shifts they just like removed me from the schedule which was a blessing because then i then when i got back from from being home visiting i went and applied at experiment rhino

and got hired at rouge and when i started at rouge day shifts i was making like you know like a hundred dollars a shift day shift it was pretty good i worked a couple days a week then i became Monday through Friday every you know every day work from like 11 a.m to 7 p.m go hit spots after that yeah it's perfect and it was cool and i was dating a girl um who who didn't care but also i wasn't like i never i've never cheated so i never i've never while i was with a girl i've never cheated um but then uh a whole bunch of different shit happened to me i got in this bad car accident when my friend passed away um another comic and i i then i was like on drugs like hardcore opiates for like seven eight months then i got sober and went back to the strip club um and i worked there

for a couple months and then i saw they were building this club in downtown la called dames and games so i called up corporate or wrote him an email and i was like oh man i worked at rouge in the valley for fucking three years i really i live closer to downtown can i please get hired as a dj or can be considered and immediately when that place was opening they brought me in for an interview and i became the daytime dj and i was making like 250 300 dollars just day shift it was packed dude every day cash and and and then a green is mean and then you're no dj that wasn't bad i'm ripping here i mean he's a little nasally they don't want to hear like all right so uh coming up the stage giving up the sassapras uh yeah so um so i was working

there for maybe like four or five months and they were upset with their nighttime dj who worked literally he worked tuesday through saturday and it was like a fun place it wasn't the typical strip club like workers like the gm was this guy steve who came from nightclubs and bars but he was just a cool guy that i was like really becoming cool with and he goes listen josh he goes um we're really upset with jacob so would you like to start working nights i'm like ah man i got comedy he goes dude just work one night just work one yeah and then tell me if you don't want the money or not and i worked one night and i made 500 bucks and i was like and i did nothing same shit i did day shift and i was like all right so i can work two night shifts to make up for the for the five six

you know day shifts i was working so i started working thursday and friday nights and it was just instantaneous to learn how to make money so let's say the popular song at the time was bitches love me by lil wane right every girl wants to dance to that but you can't let every girl dance to it because you can't play it all night yeah you can't it would get annoyed so i'd be like if a girl comes up she's like i want bitches love me i go all right that's 100 bucks it's your song on night give me 100 bucks right now boom then a girl would be like hey i got a guy here that's about to throw money on me i know i just went up four girls ago couldn't you throw me back up and i'd be like i'd be like honey man there's 50 girls working tonight that i'll want to go on stage

all right here's what i'll do i'll put you up next but i need half that money so you need to bring the money over to me i'll count it and then i'll give you your half and i'll keep my half all right done all right then there was disguise coming up hey man can i get uh you know can you get my girl next and i'm like all right you got it it's 100 bucks just to me perfect or 20 bucks whatever whatever it was it was it was money money money money and then it was just um you know also just being funny yeah just being having a good personality well if you're comedian if being a comedian can take you a long way in a lot of a lot of situations you know what i mean like if you're like mc in something or dj it's like yeah you're you have the natural

knack to fucking go be funny very much yeah yeah of course and and but it also was a job that destroyed me uh because dabble in the flush train there was Seinfeld would say it was well because i as i was working at damson games i got new faces just for laughs thinking thinking i was going to quit the job yeah you're gonna be famous and i'm gonna be famous um that didn't happen yeah of course i had to go back to work and that called and then i and also like i had gotten sober ish uh but then i i started like because to get to that club in downtown l.a you gotta you gotta drive through downtown by pill alley which is where i used to buy dope and there's a pill alley is like fifth and broadway in in downtown l.a and there's just like a shitload of guys selling oxys selling fentanyl

whatever so i just i hated the job because i gotta go to this place that fucking yeah like andrew santino doesn't have to work at a strip club but i do sam marrell we all did new faces together but i'm the one that still has a fucking day job and that killed me yeah so i started getting high and and then i created the goddamn comedy jam which started really blowing up and then it was like what when can i quit this place when can i find steve's gone at this point there's this manager mitch that's like a trump supporter even pre trump he was just yeah like i remember when trump was like was like uh because i quit there january of 2016 and which was actually they fired me but it was a blessing um because then i i sold the tv show and we made that that following june

but i remember him being like he was the first person that i that i knew that said yeah i kind of like what trump's saying and i was like what the fuck i was like you're trash dude that guy's a fucking racist he's like i know and i'm fucking feeling it but um as the jam was taking off i remember one week uh so cool the jam yeah you're a cool guy we did so we did we sold out uh great cool guy we sold thank you very much you're a cool guy too stop it all right i'm a cool guy we sold out forget about it for new york that's a good job fucking johnny on the spot they're killing it one good drop out of 40 hits on the board so we we had done the new york comedy festival in 2015 and the jam was at grammar c we were the hottest show there yeah i remember i remember

yeah i remember it it was burr this wasn't that long ago now burr uh hannibal aliza big j mateo i mean the tickets were we sold out like we took all the chairs out it was just like we got to make it a rock concert sold that out um and i remember the next day after that like literally that we did that on november 13th at midnight we were still doing the show it was my birthday november 14th and i remember you know 700 800 people singing me happy birthday also i was high as fuck on oxy 30s some perk 30s just scratching myself nose running so much for this so bright dude i have i went to high school with kids like yeah dude i'm doing perk 80s i'm like now dude they're oxys i don't have people telling you you're not doing you're not doing a perk 120

okay the perk just it just sounds good you know i mean it sounds like a little more fun you know what i mean kind of reminds me of friends they used to central park so we so i remember we did that and then the next day burr rented uh some drums and some amps so my band uh right before he headlight madison's i remember that yeah jammed in madison square garden as they're setting everything up it was one of the coolest moments of my life um and then a week later i'm at the exact same fucking moment i'm being yelled at by a stripper in downtown la because i still had to work there i didn't it wasn't making enough money and because of that that like i could not compartmentalize that strip club dj is the job that supports the career and because you don't realize how long

it fucking takes dude it took eight years from the time i moved to la and started stand up to be able to quit my job and support myself as a comedian god really want to keep smacking this thing you guys haven't done that at all but so i it was it was like it just it made me depressed it made me sure it's tough man we i mean well yeah we're going through it i've gone through it it's fucking but the like here's the cool thing about being the strip club dj is that i quit and i remember i always used to say the happiest moment i'll ever be is when i quit the strip club and they removed me from my shifts because i started calling out um because they had me work on like thanksgiving and then i had to work on christmas because i fell on a thursday shift thanksgiving

and a fucking strip well i worked that thanksgiving so november of fifth as the stuffing november of 2015 double actually the the kitchen at david games wasn't bad i fucking knew he was gonna say it's a trash state it's a trash like the caesar salad but with like thigh meat you're like come on here's chicken breasts is that like a pun on is that like a whole is that like a pit no the we serve you the thigh meat the guy that you're getting caesar salad and it ain't chicken breasts you're fucking up dude the guy remember the chef goes not thigh meats more tender and juicy i'm like oh come on dude chicken breasts is this a is is this a joint what is this what do they call it like a fun carnival it's a tendon save the ligaments for me but but i remember we so that

thanksgiving i had to work and then christmas was coming up and i was also going to like i wasn't buying dope from downtown i had a pain doctor in beverly hills dr k he's the shadiest guy in the world i'll give a fuck i'll call him out because he's killing people like really killing people like uh because he was just you show up and be like he'd be like what do you want and i'd be like i don't know as many perk 30s as you can give me all right well your insurance will let me give you 90 for free so here you go 500 for the appointment and i mean he'd be like when you want to get off just let me know i'll put you on some boxing yeah so um i remember i re-up with him we did the jam that december with uh with sarah silverman and louis dropped in it was like really it was dope

this is all pre louis getting canceled or whatever uh and then i i remember i saw star wars the first the force awakens i fucked up at like three in the morning to scratch myself high on drugs and then that thursday i called out or that friday i called out then a week later it was christmas and i called out that time but i got the shifts covered but they took me off the cal the calendar from that point on they wanted me to work uh sundays and mondays which are no money days and i was pissed but i go well i gotta have vocal cord surgery in february so i'm just gonna quit anyway because we already sold the show to comedy central we're gonna make it and cut to june of 2016 uh we just the day after we shot the hour special for the god damn comedy jam

my agents got me tickets to go see the dodgers play the nationals at dodger stadium and i remember i was driving on sunset boulevard with my buddy avery and it just so happened to be the exact road that i took to get to the strip club and i just started like weeping because i was like as long as i don't fuck this up yeah i'll never have to go back there as like in a professional way right yeah go for pleasure but oh no and i have i do i've gone back there and i've gotten lap dances and but also it's more if i go there now i just picture the strippers like so has the comedy thing they don't even realize how good i've been doing like they have no fucking idea they don't their world is their world of course they literally are you still trying to do comedy

and i'm like yeah i've sold two tv shows or i'm doing all right so it's spotify yeah i have a poor show your bump hole is in my face right now i'm doing all right but uh i go back sometime like once a year and it's more just to remind myself like don't do drugs just stay the course because this you don't want to come back oh yeah i kill myself i kill myself i know i know it's you know it's it's fucking scary well look at it came out the other end damn i this is this is going to be called hollywood trash for sure that's a fucking name right there let's do uh let's let's run through a couple quick ones just like a yes i'm sorry i'm sorry i got i got caught i don't have much fun that's what happens when we have good guests that we like hanging we don't get to

that many questions you know i was a fucking brilliant story what do you mean i was fucking perfect thank you so when i saw some of those you guys have like happy endings in this shit too right of course i told you i'm referring to positivity now baby i'm positive i read kamu like i'm fucking i got come on let's do some of the some of the basics right okay uh growing up did you drink milk with dinner never okay my man do you brush your teeth in the shower never my fucking dude this guy might fucking put his rally cap on he might be coming baby come on no whammy's no whammy's um all right what do you got uh i'll brush your teeth in the shower um growing up what did you leave the butter was it in the refrigerator or on the fridge okay all right this

guy's this guy's fucking it's shut up shut up i told you my family wasn't trash i'm trash wait the milk was no that's they're all nose the pressure was no and the butter was no but i got i got i got from an expert an expert wrote in to a she's a he's a he's like a he's a chef in australia and he cleared it up for me what he said the salted so salted butter you're allowed to leave out for spreading because it's salted it's preserved it doesn't need to be cold unsalted needs to be unsalted is cooking and needs to be kept out or be kept it can be kept in because you're just cooking with it well it doesn't matter if it's spreadable should there be an amendment to this question too is it butter or margarine margarine's trash you're doing margarine it's trash did

you margarine go in it never we were never we might i remember seeing country crock in the fridge like once well i think people tried it they're like what's this let's try i have it now it's all chemical what is it it's just chemical i don't know i go back to my mom's and it's like literally biting into a battery i'm like what the fuck are we doing all right this is the this is the trifecta on this one um after you open the ketchup what does it belong in the refrigerator in the cabinet refrigerator and what about the maple syrup cabinet wow this guy's clean i don't know what happened i think i mean we was a strip club i just flipped it on us in the last day i feel like you want to be garbage but i got news for you man no i'm garbage i i'm trash i am 100 trash pure trash

he just put a little fucking polish on the end of it i told you dude it's like we the family my family was like if i ever said we were lower middle class when we were my parents were like no we're not we're middle class like we're my dad was refined my dad exposed me to the arts like i have a miles davis tattoo because my dad used to play jazz records with me and take me to like fucking see rebel without a cause i mean like i grew up with that yeah you're free he said you're from good stock you just made a lot you're just trash you're the trash yeah my sister's a fucking doctor her husband's the the assistant da to maryland whatever sakamo whatever native american county he's got his jewish rap group tattooed on all right he's fucking trash he's got airbrush t-shirts come on

what are we doing i wish i wasn't able to place perk alley what'd you call it a pill alley a pill for the broadway folly folly's gonna need the address for me before we get out of here by the way Dylan get me a little guardia quick where is your where is your where is your drug alley oh we're not telling you i don't want your blood on my hands myers i'll tell you after the show i'll tell you where our drug alley is you're sitting across from it right i'm rattled around like a fucking rattlesnake josh had a mires ladies and gentlemen josh what do you want the folks out there to know you got anything uh to promote listen to my podcast uh the 500 with josh had a mires i'm going through rollingstone magazine's list of the 500 greatest albums actually today it was a

bombshell rollingstone magazine updated their 500 greatest album list we've been going off the 2012 one we're two years in uh and it's like it's changed everything like i don't know i gotta record something now because i already recorded the intro for the episode that comes out tomorrow it's a whole thing dude but it's good if anything it just if anything it just extended the podcast some more money listen to the podcast uh support it in whatever way you can uh but mostly just listen that's all i care about awesome man thank you so much uh make sure you rate review subscribe on itunes as always full video available on youtube you can subscribe there guess the drill network use promo code a yg you get to join the chat you get the fucking you get like the last 10

years of fucking legion of skanks that's worth the fucking seven bucks a month or whatever it is towards should be worth more than that use promo code a yg uh we get to wet our beaks a little bit we appreciate it thanks so much everybody came out to the live show in philly which is going to be happening uh yeah guys appreciate the sport yes we appreciate you guys we love you shout out to everybody in the live chat that uh that goes back and forth with us we love all you guys and we appreciate you guys and we will see you next week peace peace