Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Josh Potter Returns!

Episode Date: November 15, 2021

Kippy and Foley are coming at ya from Tuddy's timeshare with our old pal Josh Potter! Josh is pure trash. Thanks for listening. Love youse guys.  MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://www.LadderLife.com/GARBAGE https://www.expressvpn.com/Garbage https://www.DADGRASS.COM/GARBAGE https://www.Brooklinen.com Promo Code: Garbage Subscribe on iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/are-you-garbage-comedy-podcast/id1499140700 Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/\ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test.\ Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Folks, this just in over the wire. We got a hot new merch drop. merch drop, baby. From November 8th to the November 18th, you can get your limited edition Tooties Goodies, baby. We're asking everyone to remain calm. Ha ha ha ha ha. We're gonna have a real Black Friday situation on our hands.

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Limited edition only available for 10 or 11 days. Get them while they're available. Get the holiday orders in now. Welcome to another exciting edition of R U garbage. The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey, everybody out there.

And welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is R U garbage. Sure is. It's a little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that I think you're to be classy. Or if they're just a big old piece of trash. You got it.

I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a glorious day. We're down here. Yeah. Tooties timeshare. Woo. We didn't get remodeled. We relocated for a couple of days. Tootie got a timeshare.

She went to the pitch. She thought she was just gonna use it for the trip to Florida, but they sold her hook line and sinker. She bought into it. They saw a whale walking a lot when she rolled in. Yeah. I see one right now.

Timeshare down in Houston and she found out Skank Fest was here. Oh, baby. First weekend we're down here having a good time. It's a good time. My co-host is coming at you from across the chair. I mean, I just felt very Phil Donahue right there. My co-host is coming at you.

I feel like we're gonna read DNA test later. Kevin James Ryan is here, everybody. Hey, gang. Thanks for tuning in as always. Please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube. And as you know, those numbers are Drill a row.

Fucking cooking, baby. And then I would be a fucking asshole if I didn't mention the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com slash are you garbage? Check it out. You get all the fucking bonus content, videos, episodes, live streams, the whole nine yards. Over a hundred million hours of bonus content.

A hundred million, best in the business. Except Tim Dillon, Andrew Schultz come down and Matt and Shane, other than that, we're doing all right. And speaking of which, have a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire, The Magic Man. He set this whole thing up. All right, great job, buddy. We love you.

T-Bone McMuffin, it's Toby McMullin, God damn it. Yeah, they said it was good. So I don't even know shit in the YouTube comments. Dude, this is sick. Dude, talk about the mutants at table nine. Skankfest is popping. Yeah, it's a wild scene over there. It's a fucking neck tattoo convention.

I feel attractive. Yeah. Full, he's a skankfest nine. I'll take it. Dang, we could not be more excited to have an incredibly special guest back with us again today. Down here in Houston with us, he is the host of the Josh Potter show.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Josh Potter. What's up? What's up? You got two Bud lights in your head. What's up? You didn't do that ironically. Nope. I'm still holding that over.

That one in the bud. Budweiser, the frogs. Those Budweiser frogs were pretty good. They were cooking. What does it say about us as a society when that kind of shit sweeps us up? The California raisins were all dancing around, we're doing it.

The Budweiser frogs just, they ran so bad baby can, you know, whatever she does. Yeah, exactly. They ran over the scene. They predecessor to bad baby. Catch me outside, how about that? That was a new Budweiser.

This is the first time we're in person though. Last time we had to do dumb zoom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Quarantine style. This is great. Yeah, thanks for having me. You were early on too. You were probably two summers ago, right? It was during the quarantine, I know that.

Yeah. And you had one of my favorites, just a touch on that. You said you grew up by an off ramp. I grew up on a four-lane highway. He said he could see the toll booth. That's right, we could hear, I fell asleep to the sounds of trucks downshifting.

Fell asleep to the sounds of all the exact change. Get out of here. Yeah, they still have toll booth workers in those toll booths. It's not like you throw it in the, it's not like the carnival game ones, you know. The ring toss. They have people that give you the tickets and take your money and everything like that.

I saw the hottest chick I've ever seen in one of those toll booths. Really? To the point where I gave her the money and I was like, so, I'm like, what the fuck is going on? And I left, and I wanted to like go back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

I forgot something. Or like, what are you doing here? Yeah, yeah. Dude, I've had that same kind of thought process my entire life. Whenever I go into the McDonald's on West 4th Street, had this girl that worked there that was literally a fucking supermodel.

And then there was a CVS around the corner in the West Village that had another girl, same supermodel. I wanted to look and be like, what are you doing working here? Yeah, hasn't anybody seen you ever? What's happening? Did you hear him speak at all? No. If they had a certain affection, maybe you'd be like,

oh, that's why they work here. There's probably some neck tattoos. Missing a couple of... That'll be 48.50. Jesus Christ! She's smoking hot, but she's missing a few chromosomes. Also too, I wanted to bring up, there was one that you... I like how Kippy's holding Kord back there.

I feel these chairs really, I feel powerful. I feel like we're on a sports podcast right now. Give or make the five on Cleveland. What's it deal? Point hours out tonight. Kippy, what's your take on that? Well, you know, Foley. Because people, we were talking about it.

I think it was, do you pull? And then everyone's like, you gotta talk to Paul. Oh my God, that's right. Do you pull? We tried to call you. We were gonna call you all in the air the one time. But it was like, do you unbutton when you're at a your... Oh, we had a whole debate on my podcast about this.

So it's when you're at a urinal, do you go through the fly over, do you unbutton? People like you gotta talk to fucking Paul. Yeah, I did a whole study on this. Because I'm a, I'll say what I am immediately. I'm a through the fly guy. Wow. And when I heard that there are so many over there,

I did a poll and I did multiple polls, 60 to 40 people go over the top. Really? I found out I'm in a rare, a rare breed. I thought I was the most common. I don't, I don't mean to discredit your scientific establishment or the scientist that you employed.

This isn't a Wuhan situation. I'm not accusing. Okay. But there's no way the number's that high. Nobody goes through the fly. No, no, no. I'm doing the reverse. I was, I was in the minority.

Yeah. Oh, okay. 40% goes through the fly. Most people go through the... That's what I'm saying. Still, even 40%, there's no way 40% goes through the fly. It's you and another guy. The way that this debate...

That still lives at home, that's it. It's you and one dude that works at a bowling alley. I understood what he said. I'm saying the numbers are juicy. It's still high. I see the way that this came up, I was on a family vacation. Oh God.

And... You can't poll other potters. Other potters can't be the test score. It's in your bloodline. You all go through the hole. One of my cousins and I were like, everyone... Are we talking about over the genes or over the underwear?

I mean, just completely. I don't know what you animals do when you go over the fly. I go through the fly, both polls. This guy's crawling through the wire like D-Day. Yeah, I mean, I... You're snaking it. Yeah. That's a lot of zigzags. You gotta go back and forth a couple of times.

You must be packing some heat power. I found the shortcut. Well, that's what I said too, but somebody was like, it's big dick energy to go over. Kelsey Cook came on. She was like, I think it's big dick energy to go over the top. And I'm like, don't come on here and slander like that.

My average unit. Yeah, exactly. I can also refute that because I go over the top and I have no dick energy. Here's what I don't understand. Do you undo the whole belt and everything? I do. So I do undo the whole belt

and then I'll go over the underwear. That's just such wild maintenance. No, that's normal. That's what a normal guy would do. That doesn't make any sense to me. I just go zip, I pull it out. I've done experiments with these genes on my show where I've zipped the fly.

I'm like, I can put my whole arm through this. Why are people scared about their dick hitting the zipper? Like what kind of animal are you with your dick? That is, I do see what you're saying. I think for maybe a while I would go, I don't know. But why is the fly there then? It's like when you got to buy a cheap tuxedo and they put that fake handkerchief in there

that doesn't go anywhere. Yeah, just so it is. It's just for show, man. It's just for show? Yes, it's just for show. I just don't understand. Would you wear boxers or what do you wear? I wear boxer briefs.

That's even crazier. But they still have a fly. If you wore, yeah, but it's not straight. That's a, you gotta go right on the left. All right, that's like the PC-8. Now I will say this. It's a straight shot through. As a blind man, I'm often doing things without looking.

So I can probably navigate a fly like that pretty quickly without looking at it by touch. His other senses have developed. My other, my. That's like Denzel Washington putting a gun together. My husband. My senses are heightened as terms of touch and feel, so I can.

Fucking daredevil over here. Yeah, exactly. But I couldn't believe the study. And what I've, what I've, The study, it's all right. It's not a study. What I've deduced though is that. You asked a bunch of your dirtbag cousins at a cookout.

Yeah. Hey, they all go through the fly. We were at Daytona Beach. And they all like mayonnaise sandwiches, which is weird. Two of the cousins were kissing. We were like, but I swear to God, this is my takeaway from it, that we who go through the fly, though rare,

are more. He's, he's, dude, he's so fucking. Well, once again, take above it. Take over the, the underground. We're more of a, it's, it's the same thing. It's like McDonald's sells a million hamburgers a day. How many people are eating rib-bys a day? That's the way I look at it.

Rib-bys steaks? Yes, it's a little more, you know, just because it's not done amongst the collective unwashed necessarily. They're, you know, we're still upper crust. You know what I'm saying? That's what it is. That says so much about how garbage you are

that to rib-bys the one that you went with. Yeah. You didn't do filet. Yeah. Order house. You can have hamburger. You can have some hanger steak. Yeah.

Yeah. Some good stomach. Either you're a chuck wagon or your flank steak in my world, baby. Shout out to flag steak. Oh yeah, dawg. Nothing wrong with it. Skirt steak.

Skirt steak's bigger out my place. Yeah. Might step that in some skirt steak. Forget about it. Did your mom do London broil when you were young? That was like the big thing with us. A London broil. I got a London broil.

Yeah. Yeah. That was just that big log of meat, right? No idea what part of the cow that's from. It seems very fancy. Well, London, you think London, you go, that's fancy. It's not. It's not broil. Broil, you're not just broil.

You don't broil anything. It seems like a fancy word. I don't know how to prepare something. Yeah, but all it is is like a shit. It's like the other side of the New York strip on the on the cow. You know what, my mom only made, growing up, was that chicken that you'd put in a bag with carrots and shit?

Dude, I thought that. Chicken in a bag. And it would be in a bag. It was chicken. It was chicken. That seems like the plastics. That seems like it's getting into it. You're going through a chemical change on that plastic.

They say, don't even reuse a bottle of water. Now we're cooking in a bag. They're unbelievable. They do a chicken one and they do a pot roast one. My mom used to do that too. It's still in a tray, but it's all in a bag. Yeah, it's garbage. Yeah, what are you talking about?

Yeah, then you cut that wet, sweaty bag open. Oh, I can feel it. Whenever you wanted to stand around while your mom cut it, like, here, cut it open up. No, I actually hated it. Yeah, that's insane. It really made me like, I have PTSD over that meal. My mom still can only cook Thanksgiving.

My sister and I made my mom stop cooking on Thanksgiving. We're like, we'll get Bob Evans. We'll get whatever. Stop cooking. So you guys do order. You order in now? Yeah, or we go to a different family. My mom, she would cook.

She would think she was cooking. She'd be microwaving canned green beans and be like, they turn real green. I brought a girlfriend home. You've had Bob Evans on Thanksgiving? Or what is it, Boston Market, maybe? I don't remember which one. That's worse, I think, to be honest with you.

I think Boston Market. The best Thanksgiving I ever had, I lived in Cleveland and I got three family meals of Boston Market, Thanksgiving, and I watched. It was the first year they did three football games on Thanksgiving. Jesus Christ. And I watched them all.

It's hotter. It was the best. It was the year that the Harbol, remember the Harbol? It was John Harbaugh versus Jim Harbaugh, San Francisco. Who are you with? He got three of them. By himself, for sure. Oh, it's all alone, dog.

For dessert, he made pipe bombs. They were for the, yeah. Oh my god, my apartment looked like that apartment at the time was an air mattress, a lamp, and a television set that sat next to the air mattress. And I swear to God, I had the cops called on me four times because people thought I was squatting in there. Yeah.

That or you're playing in the next 9-11, you fucking wacko. It was a basement. It was one of those basement ones, too. So you had to like, the windows were at the roof there. Subterranean, they're not good. You see the footsteps doing it. Those dogs peeing in your window and stuff. That's a house to get swatted.

Yeah, you just see feet walk by. It was so weird watching feet walk by and a hobo takes a piss on your. Mommy, no one lives there. Nobody lives there, honey. There was no carpet either, tile floor, right? It was all actually carpet. Ooh, that's even worse.

And the appliances were immaculate. I never used them. But they were one of the kitchen appliances. Yeah. They were the stainless steel ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Those have kind of, people are figuring that out.

They got, yeah. They're slapping them on shitty ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, televisions are just as cheap as. 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But back in the day, you roll up and someone has stainless steel.

It's like a fucking DeLorean. Oh, yeah. What the fuck? Fucking sweet. I did want to ask you that. As you said, POD's working out very well. Couple of bucks coming in. Yes, new money.

So two questions. One, was there an irrational huge purchase? At any time ever. Like, do you ever get like a one big check from something you're like, I'm going to do this? This was the one time probably. And I haven't, I'll say I did one responsible thing. I paid off my credit card, which is like.

It's great. The most responsible thing I ever had. That was at like seven grand. OK. It was the only, I only had this credit card when I moved to LA. Wait, did you not pay it completely off? No, I paid it off.

I'll say it started at 15 grand and I was paying it off over four years. I got it down to like half and then I just paid it to the rest of it. Love that. But do you want to know what I was. So you got 15 grand. Do you know how I racked up that debt?

It was simply, I moved to LA four years ago. I had none of this debt. And I had no job. And I made myself two Venmo accounts so that I could commit credit card fraud against myself essentially and forward cash advances from my credit card to myself via Venmo and avoid the fees. And Venmo caught me and shut me down.

But I was giving myself money from my credit card into my bank account. I think what? Saying, hey, this is not. Like I was Venmoing myself. Yes. But then would you say like I didn't authorize this charge? Toby, call the friends.

No, no, no, I would say that I authorized it, but I was avoiding the fees. Do you know what I mean? Oh, I see what you're saying. And so Venmo caught me and they were like, you can't do that. You should have been like, no, well, if I can. You're avoiding the credit card fees by taking the ATM. I was basically going, yes, I was going like $500 to myself

then going to the ATM and having the cash. $500. Yes, exactly. And the credit card company wasn't charging you $515 or whatever. And they caught me. That's pretty fucking good. I got to give you that. Did they make you pay it back or anything?

No, it's just Venmo made me shut down the one account. It's bad when Venmo calls you and was like, hey, you got to knock it off. Yeah, you're not a sex worker or anything like that, you know? Wait, you're just a broke podcaster? Wait, you're not blowing anybody for this money? I'm sorry, I can't have you do this. I paid my rent with that credit card for like eight months,

though. Oh, just all cash advances. So, but you have a $15,000 credit limit. I had a higher one than that. And then because my mother's name was attached to it. And PayPal got a hold of me. Goddamn cash out. I had their hands all over me.

I had an agreement and I showed up and arrested you. That was the thing. So this credit card was like, I think, like my mom gave me a credit card a long time ago when I was like, she was garbage. She did the thing where she was trying to make her credit better. So she had to get it in my name. Yes.

This is generation after bag. When I was like a baby had this credit card. So I said, this is the time to use it. I'm moving to LA. I need this to advance my life. And so she let me have it. And then when it got up to 10 grand, she started freaking out. And she was like, you're hurting a monster.

Yeah, you're hurting my credit too. So I stopped using it. I paid it off, though, all at once. But then the other thing I did was. So that's the responsible thing. There was a girl that I've always wanted to sleep with from back home. Jesus Christ. That we have always talked or whatever.

I flew her to LA. I got a room at the Ritz. What? Yeah. And then we had a great time. She didn't fuck me, but we had a nice time. She did, though. Don't listen to this fat bastard.

You had sex at the Ritz? That's what I'm talking about. That's new money. Love that. It was it felt just opulent. It was wonderful. Did you tell her it was from podcast money? She knows.

She's watching right now. I love you, baby. What was that? That was a weekend? It was it was just this past Monday, Tuesday night. Oh, it was just now? Yeah. Oh, you're just coming up with this.

I just got the money. I still own a Ritz three grand. I got to call Vimbo. Don't take care of that. Yeah, it was just this past Monday, Monday night, Tuesday night. Wow. Monday, Tuesday at the Ritz.

Dude, talk about new money. Kid gets a check. Flies out the girl that he's always had a crush on from high school to the Ritz. Holy shit. Bangs are in the Ritz. On a Monday. It wasn't high school, but you know.

Or whatever. Long time ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. High school would have made it more romantic. She was just some bartender from back home. But I've always had a crush on her. She's beautiful. She's lovely, not just a bartender.

What did that cost you all told? I didn't like to look at it, but probably. You have a rough morn. Probably three grand with everything included. Because this is what I did, dude. Baller move. I flew her. I didn't get her first classic, but I gave her

like extra leg room. No, to comfort herself. Little, I upped her to base, you know, little higher than basic economy. That's all. Had you like that extra bag of cheese? That's good. I bet that made you wet, right?

Come out of a robe. Do you feel good about that exit robe? But I also, you know what I did? I got the town car. Whoa. Wait, with the sign? Yes. No way.

But dude, get this. This is what I found out, too. I don't know if you've ever tried to Uber out of LAX, but it's not much more expensive just to get a fucking town car. Just get a fucking town car, yeah. It's only like $80 more to get a town car. Did the guy have the sign and all this time? I had him go inside.

Josh's girl. Yeah. I had him go inside with it and everything. Hey, buffalo whore. I'm kidding. That's all right. We had a boy. We had a girl.

She's a delightful woman. Just a bartender. You're talking about my future wife. How dare you? Dude, that's what I'm fucking talking about. That's the answer I've been looking for, asking that question for the last fucking six months. That's amazing.

I'd like to do something else fun with it. I came here. That was part of my. Yeah, if I came here, hanging. That's fucking great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's too normal. Let's get crazy.

You know, as a road comic, sometimes you can't go to all the places you'd like to go. You have to go to the gigs, and then you're stuck until the next gig. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was cool to get to come down here and hang out. It's awesome. I fucking love that, dude.

That might be the last one of the best answers we've ever had, I think. That's fucking awesome. And the fact that it was this week, I'm chubbing up over here. Yeah, dude, it just happened. Because of that. He's so stoked. Can't but talk about the good people that ladder.

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I was gonna ask you. I know you're mostly a homebody, but well, because this is just the first in a long line, things are gonna be much better from now on. Sure. I mean, stop it. No. Money's coming in.

Yes, exactly. Now, will you start to a little more fine dining, a little more? I'm not. Your diet's not great, right? I do like a restaurant. No, my diet's actually not terrible. I'm not a garbage food person, necessarily.

I have tendency. The Boston Market. Yeah, you would never eat three Boston Market Thanksgiving dinners. That's a special. In a subterranean basement. In Cleveland. Nothing like that would.

And say it was the best Thanksgiving ever. They had three games on. They had bears. They had the Browns played. It was a great, the Harbaugh, baby, the Harbaugh. I mean, my diet's not terrible. I do like going out to dinner, though. What's like a dinner?

I'm sorry. You know, a fuckin' rib eye. No, I do like a steak. Someone made fun of me, because I was out with Tom Segura this past weekend, and we went out to dinner every time. I mean, the dinner's there. What's that?

That's gotta be bunk. That's crazy. You go out to dinner, it's got, you know, everything's got truffles. I mean, I don't know. Everything's got, the truffles got truffles, I'd say. The truffles got truffles. Yeah, you want sparkling water with truffles?

I mean, it's crazy. But I always get a steak. Is sparkling water, I'm sorry, is sparkling water foreign to you? I love it. You love it. When they have, when they go sparkling or tap, I go, this is a nice place.

They all do it now. I'm tippin' 12% here. I know Wendy's really all right. And then they got the glass bottles. Yeah. No, those are bad. Always get the, not. You're saying the sparkling in the glass.

Yeah, yes, of course. But when the restaurant just says regular tap water in like an old wine bottle, never do it. No, no, no, they gotta have a seal. Of course. Yeah, that's true. No, I'm learning. Fool me once.

You know what I like doing too? I'm learning too. I like doing like I went to the Ritz, you know? And I go in there. I'm really pretty womaning this whole thing. You know what I mean? I walk in, I look like this. I feel like they're gonna tell me to get the hell out.

Well, it's also, I've been like, when we go to, we'll go to like nice places, dressed like fucking idiots. And I just, Patobi's like, oh man, the one time he's like, dude, look at us, we look like fucking idiots. I'm like, they don't know. We could be Bitcoin rich.

You know what I mean? Yeah, that's what I say. And they go, I could be on TikTok. Yeah, they don't fucking know what's going on. Yeah, they don't fucking know what's going on. Yeah. What if I'm a rapper? No.

You could be, I could be a little dicky or some shit. They don't fucking know. I think they're important. Some day bartender from Cleveland. Well, that's the other fear they go. I don't want them to think I'm a sex trafficker or something. Yeah. Eastern European women following you.

Be very alert going through the lobby. Oh my God, that's too funny. So you are stepping out a little bit more. I am having a great deal of fun. A great deal of fun. Love that. Yeah, I can't wait. Do you feel the pallets getting a little more expanded?

Yeah, no, of course. Are you trying new things? I love trying all the new things. I don't like lobster. I've learned. I'm a crab guy. I like crab. I think that's just how trashy we

are genetically generationally. Yes. Lobster just don't get it. But I'll take fucking crab. What do you like about lobster? The autopsy part of it. I just can't. The autopsy part of it.

I don't like taking its shit out of its butt. I don't like. That's my favorite part. Seeing its eyes. Yeah. It's looking at me. It's just all there. And you got to conduct this like, you're breaking it and shit.

I can't do it. It's like crabs. It's just legs. So you don't even know. You're just like, oh, OK. Yeah. You don't know where this came from. It's like chicken wings.

You know what I mean? You don't see. They don't put the beak on there. Yes. Chicken wings of the sea. It's got sunglasses on. Well, that's good. Oh, god.

But yeah, I'm trying to think of any extravagant foods I have had lately. Truffle's pretty good. Yeah, the truffle all that. Caviar, sushi, are you a sushi guy? Oh, I love sushi. Well, West Coast, that's the thing. All the seafood is sushi.

So I mean, really, you can get some garbage sushi too. Whereas East Coast seafood, I miss a lot. Crab, clams, that kind of shit. I would just love to have a bucket of fucking clams. They don't have that shit in LA, you know? I love like a clam bake. Because what's a normal dinner when you're at home by yourself? What would you be making?

Oh, I just eat. I eat like a can of tuna fish. I eat like the fuck. Like I'm in Taxi Driver, I say. I'm like a fucking psychopath when I eat alone. Do you eat out of the can? Oh, yeah, really. I don't like dishes.

Man. You don't put anything on it? Salt, pepper? I do a little olive oil and some salt. You don't get the tuna that's in olive oil, right? You get the tuna in water. Yeah. OK.

Drain the water. Drain the water. You ever see it, do you ever by accident buy one where it's tuna and oil? I don't know that I have. Dude, it's fucking disgusting. I thought that would be good. Oh, man.

Have you ever bought salmon in a can? Oh, my god. By accident. I gave it to the can. I thought I was being fancy doing it. What? What? I'm like, oh, Sam.

I love how his brain works. I thought I was being fancy getting salmon in a can. Well, you know, they got the albacore. They got the salmon. I thought the salmon was like next level up. Sure. Ah, yes, my lady. I'll have the pellegrino, please.

What do you have in a can tonight? It's real good. It's mostly net. They get out most of the net. It says some, Dawson. Hey, I got a bobber in mind. Hey, we're trying our best. A bobber?

Ooh, a lure. All right, let's get into some cues. Hell yeah. Oh, my god. I got you here, buddy. Thank you for coming down to 7. Thanks for having us. This is nice.

I love your show so much. This is great. Guys, so as you know, when you join the Patreon, we will answer your garbage question on air. We get flooded with a bunch of them. This is just the best way to do it. We appreciate all the support. As always, Patreon gets first crack at it

because they're the homies. The homies. The rest of you are bozos. Bozos. But we love all of yous. Obviously. Of course. This one's just a home run.

This is from David Smith. It just says car freshener somewhere other than a car. That's got to be Bob. Yeah, you got one in the closet or something. That's just deodorant. Oh, my god. You remember those? Do you have a favorite air freshener, by the way, flavor?

Yeah, I'll go like, I'll typically go. Wait, hold on. Are we talking about the car, just in general? I'm talking air freshener or car. OK. I'll typically go old school, like the lemons, like the yellow one. It's always the tree.

The tropical mist or whatever. There's like a little baby blue tropical something. Not trying to get breeze or so. Not trying to get problematic, but there is a flavor. I don't know if flavor is the right word. Fully eats them, so yeah, there's a flavor. I like the turkey dinner. But the scent of it's called black ice.

Oh, that's the trashiest one, dude. That's the best one. No, it's so trashy. It smells like Mike Epps is driving my car. That's what I feel like. Like the coolest black guy ever is driving this car. Yeah, I don't know. This smells like a cool black guy.

I just think every time I've gotten in someone with black, that all my friends would have it growing up, it's like, it just smells like blunts. It just smells like blunts. And it's like, hell yeah. Yeah, I just equate it with like, yeah, this is an immature guy riding around listening to rap, smoking bars. No, but the origin of it, the origin of it,

when it first came out, it was hot. It was cool because it did have the cool black guy smell. It's almost, and it was a very Dracar noir. Yeah, which I think is trashy as well. It's not classy. Now it is, because it's been used to the back in the day. See that one dude that's got that on, that nobody else had it on, fucking chain,

killing it to run DMC. But I do do, I did put the black guy's air freshener in my bathroom. What? As like a air freshener. Yeah, I didn't mean anything. You did it as for decoration. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because I love the smell of it so much. I'm like, I want my bathroom to smell like that. Wow. But then it doesn't work, I mean. It's a fucking car air freshener. It smells like an Uber in here. Yeah. How long have you been driving for Lyft?

You got floor mats in the tub. The toilet has those beads. There's a steering wheel cover on the knobs. Do you have a car? I haven't driven a car since I moved to LA. I thought that was the city where you have to drive. Yeah, I take public transit and I walk and I take Ubers. I just, I said when I moved, no more driving.

Partly because of the eyes. Oh yeah, that's right. Partly because of the, I'm bad at it, anyhow. And I got some things. I was driving around a lot. I got some things. I used to breeze over that. I was poor.

I used to drive around a lot with like inspections being lapsed and a lot of suspended license arrests in my past. So I was like, I don't even want to bother with it. So when I moved, I said I wouldn't drive. Now the idea of driving a car terrifies me, honestly. When you get away from it a little bit, yeah. I honestly don't like driving that much. It scares me.

There's a maniac out there. Yeah, I don't even, it's so funny. Brent and Shob had that story where he like saved children from a burning car. Do you see that story? I vaguely remember that. He was like driving by and they saw a burning car and this child or whatever.

Holy shit. I'm thinking in my head like, I ride around in Ubers all the time with my headphones. I'm just looking at my phone. They're saying stuff to me. Even if a guy was like, there's a burning car over there. I would have been like, uh-huh. I would have just like looked at my phone.

How long you been driving for Ubers? Yeah, I would have even answered him like that. I would have just been like, uh-huh. I would have been like double tapping on some ass on Instagram or something. Hey, Bozo, make it right on Fairfax, will you? How often would I just not even notice that, even if I was driving?

That's what I, and then, you know, so I don't want to drive a fucking car ever again. I'm a stopper. I like that. When it comes to things like that, I'm a stopper. Usually, that's, it's real hairy, but no matter whether I'm driving or not. I'd like to hope I was a stopper,

but I don't know that I wouldn't notice it. That's the other thing. I don't think I can really help in those situations. So I'm like, what am I gonna do? What do you mean is you pull by and there were people inside of a car? If you're like proper first fuck, if it happens in front of you and I'm like,

but if I'm sitting in traffic and then I'm like the 50th car to pass, someone, you know, there's someone stopped. They got it. Someone's got it. What am I gonna do? You get out of the Uber and walk. That's the worst when you leave an Uber driver

hanging in traffic. I've done that. I'm gonna hop out of your way. Yeah, I'm like, buddy, I gotta go. I'm sorry. I almost got mad at you. Yeah, I put you in this position and now you're turning the meter off.

I've done that to make spots for sure. I've gotten out and run to make a spot. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Damn, that's a good one. This is from Sausage and Peppers. Do you ever have gum stuck in your hair? Oh, fuck yeah. Well, how would you do to get it out?

The peanut butter? That's the thing. I was gonna say, yeah, there's that. I think my sister used to use, is there a cream of some kind or whatever? He just said that like you were British. Is there a cream of some kind or something? I don't have any hair.

So I think gum stuck. Something with truffle. I think ice would work too. Ice maybe? Ice. Yes, like a water. I've heard ice. My aunt would do Hellman's mayonnaise,

specifically Hellman's. I'd rather just have the gum. Yeah, right? God damn. That's like what you do if you get sprayed by a skunk. Yeah, tomato juice. Have you ever been sprayed by a skunk? I've had dogs get sprayed by a skunk.

I never, but basically that's like the same thing. Let us a tomato on them. I've had to clean my dog with tomato juice a couple of times. Yeah, tomato juice. What do you do in the bath? You feel something? Sometimes I'm like, it doesn't smell, it just smells like bong hits.

I'm like, I don't care. Let them be, but my mom would cry about it. Dogs get, dogs got some pretty good butt on them. Yeah, yeah. My dog's just loud. Yo, damn, who's your plug now? That's trash. I've sat and gum on the train.

That fucking sucks. Yeah, where you like stand up and like, ah. Stepping in its band too, where you just like see it. What would you rather step in gum or dog shit? Dude, I step in dog shit five or six times a year. I was just gonna say. Brand new, it's always brand new shoes. And I throw them out right away.

Throw the shoes out. Yeah, just gonna go. You don't even try to, I'm never gonna get them back. I'm never gonna get them to the point where I don't know they were covered in dog shit. I was just gonna say that I haven't stepped in dog shit in probably 30 years. You guys live in New York,

how do dogs just sit on the sidewalk? Everywhere. Yeah. 30 years I've been, I swear to God, I feel like I haven't stepped in dog shit in 30 years. I had a bird shit on me a couple of weeks ago. That's good luck. It's good luck.

But it's also disgusting. What? I said we could use the good luck if you got it. We fucking call that, pull that card. Where did it land the bird shit? Landed on my Bucky's hat. Oh. You gotta be a Bucky's fan.

Yeah, yeah. Is that when you're in the South? Wait, Bucky's. It's like the, we call it like a redneck wa-wa kind of. I'm a Shonies guy. What's Shonies? No, that's, oh man, you're a real trap. What the fuck is a Shonies?

Bucky's is like a convenience store. Oh, okay. It's like a gas station. It's like on the highway. And it's like, jerky. Shonies is where receptionists go to cheat on their husbands. Yeah.

On a Wednesday. Shonies is like a low class Perkins. Oh my God. No, it's not. Perkins is a low class Denny's. Yeah, it's at the same level as Perkins. Perkins is a high class Denny's. I think Shonies would even be a little bit nicer.

It goes Perkins Denny's Shonies. I don't know about that. I think Perkins with the bread bowls, their menu was so expansive. Their menu was so expansive. They were like the Cheesecake Factory of diners. Oh my God. I think Shonies has stuffed mushrooms though.

It's a sort of a classy establishment. Well, they got that. Good shakes at a Shonies too. And a claw machine always. I mean on a claw machine. I can't believe you've never seen a Shonies though. I don't know where they are. They're only in the south.

No, there was one in Philly for a little while. We used to go in college all the time. I never heard of it. Not as classy as a Hoolahans. Hoolahans. That's like legit happy hour, fucking 80s kind of move right there. Yeah, Hoolahans was great.

Yeah. Big fan. A lot of hell of a chicken finger in that place. I don't know what they put in that honey mustard, but it was delicious. I assume, I know you like a nice Bud Light from time to time. This one's from Frank.

You ever use a beer to take a vitamin or a pill? Yes. Really? A lot. I've shotgun beers to take Xanax. What? Just for fun. Yeah, it sounds like a hoot.

Yeah, it was just for like a trip. Yeah, we don't need you driving anywhere. I don't think about it. Yeah, that's the point. I was like, it's such a relief off my shoulders knowing that's not an opportunity. Yeah, like you'll never get a DUI again. Yeah, that's pretty good.

Yeah, again, exactly. I got the first one. Yeah, I assumed. I took one look at you. Yeah, I got one back in ought nine. Aught nine. Yeah. But to be clear, I think Kevin meant like a Tylenol

or something like that. The question actually was daily multivitamin or antidepressant. I have taken just Tylenol PM or an Advil with a beer too. Yeah, I've done Advil with beers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put you out. Night night.

Exactly, go see Pebis. What is your? Go see Pebis. Man, we say that a lot on the show. That's so weird. Go night night with my PMs. Take it to sheepie town. What is your method of taking a pill?

This was big. What do you mean by that? Pop it in your mouth, take a drink of water. I can dry them. I do. Can you dry a lot? It's hardcore, I like that. Bear back in it.

Can you dry? I can do multiple dries too, like big tablets. I can do the whole thing. Yeah. Sometimes you get a little, it's up in here somewhere, but you get it down. They say that's terrible for you. Is it?

Yeah, you're supposed to take it with water for like the digestion and like how the medicine breaks up and I'll literally just pop it in my mouth. A woman told me one time at an office that I worked at for like three months that if you take Tylenol with a Diet Coke, it works faster. And probably the bubbles probably dissolve it. Quicker, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

So then I was doing that for a minute too. She wasn't a doctor. No, she had the same job as I did. She was at Choney's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, if you take those with Diet Coke, they hit ya. Yeah, that's what I was like. She was doing it with the L'Orelle pins, but.

I'll bring the nachos. I want to try that theory with all the pills. That's trash. Oh man. Gang, let's talk about Brooke Linnan. Oh baby. Brooke Linnan, let's talk about self care. Let's talk about the long year that it's been,

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Go to expressvpn.com slash garbage to learn more. Back to the shop. Incognito mode. This has been big. First of all, do you sneak food into a movie theater? I have. I like more sneaking beers into the movies. Jesus Christ.

I don't, not a snack guy. Really? Yeah. I'm not like candy. I don't really, not big on candy or anything, but I'll sneak all the beers in the movie theater for sure. I never got drinking at the movies. I like it.

I've done it, yeah. Do you watch TV and drink? Sometimes. Yeah, there you go. What's the difference? It's a big TV. Yeah. It's a way bigger TV.

What are we talking about? I know, but there's a bunch of kids around eating candy and watching Toy Story. You haven't been to my house. You go to Toy Story? I could. Yeah, I could. Yeah, that's not something you drink at.

Of course. If you're going to, you know. I've never gone to a kid's movie in a theater, I don't think, but. Yeah, that's. You usually go to see like a saw or some shit like that and you just crack a few beers. There you go.

Lots of people get murdered. I've been, I've been so drunk. Like you go obviously drunk. You've been drinking. Yeah. You get there, you sneak in some beers, some pops in there and then you're like, yo, it's time for a ciggy.

We would sneak out and then like you can't leave and then really come back. So we would just like pop out like the fire exit and just like. Oh, the one where the shooters come in. Yeah, exactly. That's so trash. Chainsmoke a fucking cig and then fucking flick it.

You can't do that now. Yeah, people would freak the fuck out. I had sex in a movie theater in the daytime. No, this is back right before I moved to LA 2017. This was the best public sex ever in the history of my life. This is fucking. This guy's steamy.

Dude, I made this like joke to this girl about the Alanis Morissette song, you know, like that she go down on you in a theater. I was like, I want to do that to a girl. Shout out to Joey Gladstone. I want to go down on a girl in a theater. That's what I said to this girl just like saying. In the theater?

I said, I want to do that in a movie theater, like that song to a girl though. And she was like, let's do it. So I scheduled, it was the movie was Phoenix Rising. Do you remember that movie? I don't. It was like a found. The X-Men movie?

But it's the point. No, it's. And it was like a found footage alien movie in 2017. And basically I picked the movie that I'd never heard of before on the list. Sure. And then I picked a matinee. Yeah.

So it was 12 30 in the afternoon on like a Monday. That's real creepy. And there was no one there. And we went into the back, back corner and just went at it. It was the best. And then the movie was, I mean, we were like seven minutes of the movie by the time we were done. Yeah.

We were gonna watch a bullshit movie. We just walked out. Cause I'm like, I don't see this fucking movie. So I wonder what they thought, you know, when we're leaving, but we just got out of there real quick. What'd you do with the Twizzlers and stuff like that? Never did see that movie, by the way. I never, we didn't buy any snacks.

I, we just. You go into a popcorn. It's not getting a couple of beers though. I don't want to think it's. I can't perform us. I got a couple in me. Get a couple of milk tubs. I'll know what we're up to.

I had to walk out though, going like, that thing's trash. You know what I mean about the movie? Yeah. Man, I wonder it was empty. That thing. You got your money back. This is. That would have been a move right there.

Will you do that at a restaurant or a bar or like anything? Will you, will you complain or ask for? I'm a simp. I'll fucking overtip even when it's. Yeah, I'm the same way. I just had an Uber driver the other night. I was so pissed because it was like, the arrival time just kept stacking up and up and up.

Uber fuck is, dude, their time, their conception of time now is horrible. Brutal. So I'm just losing my mind. I'm like, oh my God, oh my God. The driver pulls up. It's a cute girl. I'm listening.

I'm sorry. And I'm like, it's okay. I don't even care. You want me to drive? And I had the setting. It was like quiet and cool, you know, like the temperature and the, you know, the conversation I just didn't want.

I always put quiet. And she goes, how's your day? And I was like, oh, it's been great. How's your day? And she's talking. She goes, oh, I'm sorry. It says quiet. I go, oh, I don't even pay attention to those.

I don't even know what that is. And she didn't have any sense of urgency. She drove 30 miles an hour on the highway. There was no traffic. I was so late for dinner and I still tipped her five stars. Gave her a fat tip because I'm a simp. Yeah, I get it. But I'll over tip a waitress, even if they fuck it up.

It's always my fault for maybe I didn't speak clearly enough or whatever, you know. Will you send something back and you do that? Or do you just take it as it? Only if it's like egregious. I mean, like, it has to be like, there has to be a human finger severed in my soup for me to send it back.

And even then I would still say so. I'm like, sorry, but there is a finger in here. I thought it might have been mine, but I got all 10 and yeah. I thought, yeah, I counted. I got them. I think he's married because there was a wedding. You might want to alert the family. Yeah, I do not like doing that.

Just because, I mean, my parents were diner. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember that, yeah. 100%. Have you ever checked into a hotel room and then changed rooms? Been like, this is no, yeah. I can't do that either because then I feel like they're going to catch me and feel like I don't belong

in the hotel. The Ritz, I was getting a little. Couple of side eyes. I was getting a little ritzy at the Ritz. I kept going like this air conditioner is not to my liking. I thought about it for a second. You get real rich when you spend some money. Like this is unsatisfactory.

Yeah, I thought about it. I'm like, should I switch rooms? How's the girl come up and fluff my pillows? They might check your fucking credit score or something to kick you out of here. I have that problem in a bank. Every time I go into a bank, I'm like, because for so long I've had to, we were so poor

and we had to like, you know, you're overdrafting, but strategically for all this stuff. Oh, of course. Yeah, you go like, well, it'll lay over it. Roll this over. I'm getting a direct deposit in a couple of days. That'll clean it up. Maybe if I do it after nine, the charge won't go through

until you know if you play that game. Every time I walk into a bank, I feel like I'm robbing it. I feel like they're gonna be like, step in here. You owe us $10,000 in fees. You haven't paid your taxes in 17 years. Like you're a piece of shit. We've been waiting for you to get in here. It's those cameras.

One time I had a bank account. When I moved to Cleveland, they didn't have the same bank that I had. So I had to open another account and I just had such low credit and no money that I thought I wasn't able to open a bank account. So my dad had a bank account at PNC Bank. Now my dad is no less trash than I.

PNC Bank is not a great bank. So he had a bank account there. So I would get my checks deposited into that account that we joined together. My father didn't pay his taxes and they froze all his bank accounts, including mine then. Wow. And that's when I started getting real scared about bank.

Then I started taking money out and putting it in a jar. Do you still hide money? Sometimes. I used to be scared to look at my bank account because I'd be scared of that red number with the negative next to it. Now though, I look at it like four times a day. I go, look at that.

That's crazy. I still do that. And it's not even that crazy. You know what I mean? Of course. I'll have a couple thousand dollars. I go, I don't even need to look. You know what I mean?

On a weekend, if I'm out spending, I'm like, I went to dinner and that was 100 bucks. How fun is that? When you go to a place. I don't even fucking care. The check comes and you just go, I'll go keep it. I don't even just back in here and run the car.

Yeah. Run there or still. I don't care. Not looking at the check and just handing it to the credit card is great. Yes. We're like popping a tip on there and just going like, whatever.

But I had that exact same thing happen with your dad. That happened to me with Pennsylvania. It was years ago. I had like, I had just deposited. It was years ago. I had just deposited like a $700 check. I had 700 bucks going into the weekend.

I felt good. Like two hours later, I looked and it was gone. And I called them. I'm like, what the fuck happened? They were like, yeah, the state took it from a back tax. So I had to call the state and tell, and like plead with them to put it back in.

But you took like two weeks to put back in. So it wasn't even worth it. And I got back like 23, they're $230. For me, it was, I had just same thing. I had just gotten a deposit. I think I just did the revel casino and I had a $500 check that I just deposited from them.

And I was like, sweet, the weekend's gonna be good. And I went just to get gas. And not even that much, like 10 bucks. And it was like, your car's declined. Your car's declined. And I'm looking at my balance, $500. Just that was the only thing in there is that one check. And then I call them and they're like,

the IRS has frozen your bank account. And I was like, dad, he's like, yeah. Hey son. I'm on a plane to Europe now. My name's Larry. Later, nerd. He's like, was it weird? I don't know what could have happened there.

I can't hear you over the motor or the speed boat. I'll call you back in a minute when we get to land. I've said this when we started. That's gotta be really bad though, right? What? That's gotta be years. What? Before they do make a move like that, right?

Well, he owed a lot of money. Like a real money. It was, yeah, he owned a business and it floundered and then it was like hundreds of thousands of taxes and so. Hundreds of thousands of dollars in taxes? Yeah, like he was like looking at maybe jail and then he got out of that part of it. Holy shit.

So that's when they start raising their flags. Yeah. It's like that. Yeah, and it's also like, if you go to them and say, like, hey, listen, I may or may not have had some family members in very similar situations. I gotta make a phone call. I gotta make a call.

But there's a big thing too of it of like, if you're not, they're saying, they mail you a certified letter and go, hey, you owe $180,000 in taxes, penalty interest is running, contact us, we can work on a payment plan, at least pay down the principal, at least pay the penalty interest.

They work with you. They'll work with you because they're gonna go like, we know you don't have $500,000 if you did, you would pay us. So let's figure out how we can get our money. And if you just have to be open and like talk to them and look at them. But when you hide for five years and then they go,

oh, we'll fucking find you. Yeah. We'll freeze your shit. Call them real quick. Yeah. Yeah, no shit. And then they work with you, sort of. And then they're like.

So yeah, I mean, they're still fucking bending you over, but they'll work with you. It's so funny though, then you look at your own, like with comedy or whatever, you're like, there's a couple of years there where I missed and then you get it cleaned up and you're like, oh, that's all it was. Yeah.

Sweating like $400. Dude, I got hit. I knew I had something sitting from the state of New York this year and they were sending out the refund checks. Oh, I never got one stimulus check, by the way. Oh, there was the stimulus checks. That's what I meant. And I'm like, all right, I got 750 coming.

I don't know. I think maybe tax something. I don't know. I didn't get a single one, not a one, but I felt kind of like good about it that I made it through without getting them. But I was like bragging about it. I'm like, I didn't get any stimulus checks.

Like I'm a patriot or something. I needed it, but they didn't send it to me. I didn't take the government hand out. I owe the government so much money, they didn't pay me. Crazy. I feel like I kind of didn't sweater them because now if they come after me, I'm like, well, I mean, we're even.

Yeah, take the $1,400 or whatever it was. Like they'll care. There's no way that argument's going to hold up. Why, you got the stimmies. Yeah, I thought we had an unspoken agreement here. Nobody broke me off. No one gave me the stimmies. You get to keep that.

We're shooting this on a stimulus check. Yeah. And patreon.com. That's too funny. All right, this one's from Timbo Slice. Do you or anyone in your family own a shopping cart? Dude, people walking down the street with a shopping cart, like a proper from a store shopping cart is bad.

The ones that they steal from like the coin operated ones. That's crazy. Yeah, the fact that they had to coin operate carts is. Do you at the, where do you shop? When I was a child, well, now it's like in the West Coast we have Vons. And is that what they coin? Vons is like the equivalent to, I don't even

know what's in New York anymore as far as stores go. But Vons is like we're like, well, you know, chicken yoga pants to shop. It's not like, you know, Trader Joe's or anything. But it's like the middle of the road. It's like a Wegmans, actually. A Wegmans is top notch. Wegmans is top notch.

But Vons is like tops or something. But then there's Johns. There's Vons and there's Johns. Johns does not sound good. But it's a, you know, a lot more ethnic food and it's, so there's a Johns and then there's a Vons, but the Johns is closer to my house I go there. But in the East Coast, we were a Wegmans family.

And Wegmans is great. Yeah, Wegmans is fantastic. But shopping carts. It's pretty classy for living on a turnpike, I'll tell you that. Well, there was a bells much closer that we would go to often, but that became quality markets. And then that became tops, friendly markets.

Got a bowling alley. Still a grocers. It's like an airplane hanger. But shopping carts, though, is so wild. I never understood, I get it, like why a homeless person would want one. When you're a kid, you want one. Yeah, as a kid, they're cool.

And you're like, oh, I can, you know. That's a fucking race car. You know what we did one time as kids? We stole the scooters, shopping carts. Really? Like the motorized ones? Yeah, yeah. That's a slow getaway. Well, yeah, they didn't notice.

We went down the street. We went as far as we could go till they stopped working. And then we just ditched them in the woods. That's good, that's good. Took a rascal for a joyride. Yeah, yeah, it was fun. They didn't go very far, very fast. But we were like, no, no, no, no, no.

Then we took the hubcaps and the headlights. My mom also used to work at a fast food restaurant that had patio furniture for people to eat on the patio. Sure. And they decided to get rid of it. Thanks. My mom took two of them sets and put them in our backyard for patio furniture.

That's bad. What color were they? Oh, they were gross. Yeah. I mean, I don't even know how to describe these. But they were like not even like sets. They were like a circular stool seat attached to like a table. But they were like made of play.

They were all one piece. Oh, I know those things. Yes. Wow, they're not good. No, yeah, they look. That's a bad. Yeah, and my mom was like, well, just take them for the backyard. As opposed to like, you know, a regular table.

Yeah. It's like having one of those chess sets they have in parks in your backyard. Yeah, it's like a for mic up picnic table or whatever. Did your parents smoke cigarettes? No. No. No.

I started. The only reason I started smoking cigarettes really is because I had this morning radio job in Cleveland that I hated. And I worked with this dipshit Chuck Booms, who was like an 80s comic. And he was so terrible. And he just haunted my day every day.

And I would need to get out of these meetings. And I couldn't perpetually smoke weed. So I just started smoking cigarettes to get outside away from this guy. And yeah, here I am smoking. And now we're here. I started smoking at 25. That's how late.

Wow, that's old. Yeah, damn. Then I got a room with the Ritz. Yep. That's right, baby. I feel like I stood to myself. I'd quit at 35. But then pandemic hit.

So we're going to keep it moving. It's getting bad. We're going to keep going. Everybody started smoking during the pandemic. I started back in the fucking pandemic. Like a fucking idiot. Well, my 35th birthday, the one I claimed I would quit on, was during pandemic.

So I was like, fuck that. Yeah, you got to see this thing through. You know what I mean? This could be the end of days. I don't want to go out like a pussy. Can't pull out now. No. I might not even count it as my, I might be 34 still right now.

Yeah, I don't even get it. Just put that, here's a wash. That was a gimmick. Not getting chased by a zombie with a piece of nicker wrap in my mouth. I can tell you that. That patch will slow you down. I want two chainsaws and a Marlboro Red.

Let's fucking go. Me. This one's funny. This is from Angel. You ever change the channel on your TV with something other than a remote, i.e. like a golf club? Like you're too lazy to get up, so you like poked it or something?

I've used a golf club for sure. What? Golf club? Is this Sanford and Son? No, there's just one. You're just like fucking. You mean like push the buttons out of the TV? You've got to change it and you're standing there like an idiot?

I'm too blind to like have that coordination to go across the room like that and touch it that way. But I've definitely just like succumbed to whatever's on the TV if I can't find where you just go like, well, infomercials, it is, I suppose. That's what we say all the time, especially on the road now, like hotels of like, I'll watch anything in a hotel room, just like on a proper cable

of like anything, law and order. Mario Lopez tells me about the new movies for a fucking three hours long. That guy's working, dude. I can't turn that shit on. I'm just like, all right, I'll hear about Jungle Cruise. Oh, Emily Bunsen that on the rock teaming up. I just got the hotel I'm in right now

had a thing where it was like, use your phone to change the channel. I don't like that. I don't want to be linked up. That's too much. It's got a giant QRC code on the TV and you like scan it and then it's the remote all of a sudden shows up on your phone. That's how they watch you spanking it later on.

That's fine. Let them watch it. Dude, I've succumbed to the big brother. Is watching it. Let them have it. Here's all my porn. I just recently lost my, here's a trash story. I lost my debit card recently and had

to do an OnlyFans audit because I found out how many, like through the, you know, rebuild, it lapsed. So I wonder why things were like, your subscription's up. It was like, go, go, go, go, go, and I go, I was subscribed to all those. Really? OnlyFans was like my biggest utility. Oh my God.

And I didn't even. That's more than fucking cable. I didn't even realize it. And I go, oh my Lord. You're being that much. I was, because of pandemic, I must have been taking Xanaxes and subscribing to fucking OnlyFans. That's gameplays by his own rules.

We know what you were doing. I lost the, I lost the. He's doing more scientific research, I think. But I'm really glad I lost that debit card because then I went through and I was like, which accounts do I need and which do I not? Yeah, you can't give it all of them. You know what I mean?

Still gotta stay informed every day. Of course, I paired it down to what I've only been using. That's crazy. I'm not an OnlyFans guy. Oh, I love it. But I do feel like once I pull the trigger, I've never paid for porn. And I think of the one time I do pull the trigger,

I'm like, then that's the floodgates. I like paying for real girls, you know, in real life's porn. That makes sense. Cause I'm not like doing like pro porn star sites. I'm doing like, oh, I know this girl from. Comedy. Not even kind of, I don't do those ones. But like a bartender or like a waitress, you know,

or like this girl from your friend's friend or whatever. Those girls that have OnlyFans, I'm like, well, should I? I guess I'll invest in that. Sure. Yeah. That's the tangible aspect of it. Oh my God. Do they know you? Oh yeah.

I'm a big, I almost was like doing consulting. I'm like, you're missing out on an opportunity here. You're giving a desk lamp at the house. Get yourself a ring light. It's like a podcast, like, you know how they're like, oh, you guys gotta get a Patreon. For them, I'm like, you gotta get those paper views going. You gotta get those, you have your monthly sub,

but get the pay per view content going. You're leaving money on the table. They're making a lot of money, those gals. There are two women that I have, like, encouraged to do OnlyFans. I just go, if you did an OnlyFans, you'd make a killing. And they're like, huh, and then they started doing it. And now they're like, thank you.

Yeah, it's so crazy. It's bought a beamer. That's so creepy. I mean, it's not even, it does sound creepy. I'll take a club burger, a Bud Light, and I want to run over this guy. I'm like an OnlyFans scout. I'm like, you.

Listen, you got what it takes. You got what it takes. With my help and a lot of practice, you could be the best. John Lovitz in a League of their Own. I'm like. I'm like, you got the stuff, toots. There's no crying in OnlyFans. Hello.

Oh, man. Carla Hooch. Oh, god. League of their Own, classic film by the. If that comes on in a hotel, I'm not. I'm canceling the show. I ain't fucking leaving. A doddy was a piece.

Dude, Doddy had it going on. I like Kit, too. I mean, I didn't like I loved her all throughout the eighties and nineties. She was great. All the girls in that movie. I mean, I think Rosie, too, could get it. Who is who's the dude, Marshall?

Gary, Gary Marshall. Of course, wasn't he fucking Betty Spaghetti? Or is that his daughter? Betty Spaghetti in that movie is someone Carl Reiner's daughter, maybe. I don't know. I don't know. That would all make sense.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they all they all operate in the same world. Yeah. Was he fucking Betty? Or was it his daughter? Or was it his daughter? Also, he dropped Betty Spaghetti. Like it was.

Yeah, I got a ball up there. Rattling around. He's got all their cards. Yeah. I'm on Betty Spaghetti's only fan. Yeah. Betty Spaghetti. I went for it.

Toby was pointy. He's like, that's it. Someone get it. You see the new filter? That was all me. I told her. She's doing those pay-per-views now. Spend the night with Spaghetti, they call it.

It's crazy. She fucks the Spaghetti. It's called Italian night. Oh, that's too good. Oh, shit. All right, let's do a couple more here, and we've got a wrap. But this has been a fucking heater, baby. I've been having a great time.

Shout out to Tooty South down here. This one's funny. I never thought about it. This is from Jay. Do you still raise your phone in the air to try to catch a signal? Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah, like the choppers are coming.

You're like, fucking, you're doing this thing? Trying to go upstairs and stuff? Hell yeah. Oh my god. Shit, that's so funny. Who hasn't done that? Who hasn't walked around? I still, I catch myself.

I'm like, you goddamn 5G's? What the fuck? Why it would go better up here, you know? And I don't know. That's so funny. I think you're calling it a fucking airstrike. Let's go. Some of their questions are so good, dude.

Bring me, eat. This one, I feel you probably are opinionated on. This one's from Grayson. I never had a question right yet. How many times will you pee in a toilet before flushing? Also, too, I want to add, when do you flush in the journey? I'm not a yellow leaded mellow guy.

You go down every time. I'll flush every fuck time. Yeah, I don't even ever got that. I'll like spit in the toilet and flush. I'll flush all day long. I don't go and check if we keep the pen. Wasting water? Who gives a shot of care about the end of the day?

But I'm out of town. I'll pay somebody to go over and clean the fucking toilet. I don't know what's up. And then when do you flush if you're peeing at the toilet? Do you wait until you're completely done, zip back up and flush? Because I'll go like midway through.

I'll hit the flush. What? I feel like they kind of race it a little bit. When you perfectly time it, it's incredible. It's like, yeah, it's like coming. It's like coming at the four seasons. I don't like it. It's like playing slot machines.

I don't know. Because then you leave some yellow in there and you're. I know. Then you flush again. Fuck this environment. Hold on. If it's an old school toilet, you got to stand on like a jerk off.

Well, yeah, that's like. And wait till it fills back up. You just walk out and blame it on the cat or something. It's a tough look. I don't like leaving yellow in there. I will pee all over the floor. I forget where was I. I'm sorry.

Oh, it was a green room. I was in recently and a guy pissed. And I went in after him. And there was piss in the toilet. I'm like, this fucking animal doesn't flush in the green room. It was white. Yeah, green room. That's a bar.

If you're drinking your drug, it's chaos. It should just be a hole in the ground. That's what I'm saying. That's what they have at Shoneys. I go in their lolas. Yeah. At Shoneys. We have to go to a Shoneys now.

You got to. That's I can't believe you have. I think there's still one off 95. They're in North Carolina all over the place. There's still one. Like a Shoneys. Like a Bob Evans, too. I'm not going to lie.

Bob Evans down on the farm. Not too bad. All right, let's see. This one's from Neil, first time patron. Have you ever been blacklisted from a local pizza place because you drunk ordered and passed out before it arrived too many times? There was a store called Zoneys.

He was going to have. I knew this was going to hit. This one's big for me. I'm sorry, man. I knew it was going to hit. Just send it over now. I'll still pay for it. There was a.

It wasn't a pizza place, but it was a calzone place. It was called Zoneys. And you could get all these different calzones. And they would deliver till 5 AM. And I would pass out all that my wake up 27 missed calls. But there was one time that I went down to get it from the door. And I had one of those doors where the fire door closes behind you.

And then you're stuck outside of your apartment. I lived on the third floor. And I was wasted. And instead of just a normal person just buzzing all the building units to get back in, I managed to go up the gutters and scale my building and jump into the third story window. And I almost died.

And I swear to God, it was like I called my roommate after I go, I just scaled the building. I'm fucking spider, man. And then I went back downstairs and got my Zoney off the porch. Oh my God. It was the best feeling of my life. Must be hell as a calzone. Yeah, right?

This guy's really going to risk it all for a Zoney. And those things were horseshit. I'm sure, dude. There is nothing trashier than a place that just sells calzones. That's something that you get at a pizza place. What's hilarious, I feel like it was a mafia front because they had changed their names a couple of times,

but they just kept taking different parts of the word calzone. So it would be like, cows. And then now there's Zoneys. And you're like, wait a minute. What's going on? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they're like, Alzes?

Alzos? Over at Knees. Over at Knees, we make the best calzones. Knees, the first thing that calzones. I'll never forget scaling that building. Because it was just going up on the ledges of the floors. That's fucking crazy. So did they cut you off?

They never cut me off, but I was known. Yeah. I was a known guy. We did it one time in North Carolina with the stripper. We ordered a stripper. He got back from the bar, like, let's get a stripper. Me and like, it was like three or four buddies. She's just outside.

Yeah, she was, dude. She was cold. So bad, dude. Bangin' on the door, and we were fucked. We were drinking Rumpelmans all night, so there was no way we were waking up. She's banging on the door, and you leaving voicemails. You fuckin' pieces of shit.

You won't meet money. We walked down, and we're like, oh, like, you wake up. We're like, oh, whatever, that was funny. And then, like, they're in the lobby. They're like, hey, did you order, like, a delivery last night? We're like, oh, fuck. They hated us at the place. I just recently had the thing happen where I ordered.

I've been twice now in the last month. I ordered from 7-Eleven on Postmates, you know? But bragging. One of those, getting snacks and shit, like a dipshit. And I had one night, I fell asleep, so I missed it. The next time I did it, the guy comes. Did they leave it, or they just? Well, the next time I do it, the guy comes, and he goes,

hey, I had you last week. You never came. I left it right here. Did you get it? Oh, shit. And I go, yeah, I did. I never got it. But I lied to him and said I did, you know?

He was probably lying to you. He knew you were lying. Well, the fact that. There's no way he left it. Well, the fact that I had the same guy twice freaks me out. Yeah, from 7-Eleven. From Postmates, in general, just like the same guy? That's weird.

I don't like that. It's time to start getting this shit together, yeah. I gotta stop Postmates-ing. Yeah. Hey, Josh, good to see you, buddy. Maybe take a walk to the store instead of Postmates style. Yeah, I can't have running out of Postmates drivers. Yeah, that's weird.

Just giving you rides places. Yeah. Josh again. They just know there's yelling into my window as I'm passed out. Josh, it's me. Yeah. Josh, it's me, Randy.

Did the Kinos are here? Don't do this again, you scumbag. Josh, you're tearing us apart. I'm going to give you a one-star rating, Josh, next time, I swear. Let's do one more. This one's just fucking funny. This is from Throbbing Williams.

I don't know if that's his government name. Ever been chased more than once by the same dog. You're doing something wrong. If you're getting chased by dogs multiple times. I feel like that's an old-timey neighborhood story. The neighborhood dog that chases you. I would always be the kid that would be like, oh, the doggie. And then it would be like, rah, rah, rah.

I'd be getting bit by the dogs. Have you ever been responsible for a dog being put down? Is the true question? Well, it turns a man. Because they bit you or something like that? I would feel so bad. I would feel terrible. Yeah, that would suck.

That would suck. So but you know, there's always that story where it's like, oh, the dog bit the neighbor kid, and now we got to kill it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great story to end on. Did you ever name a child? Yeah. You have a third state state's evidence

against a golden retriever. Buddy, Josh, thank you so much for sitting down with us. Hey, guys, thank you for having me making my trip down here worthwhile. Tooties timeshare, baby, we're having fun. What do you got coming up? You want the folks out there to know? I'm going to be at Buffalo Helium

for Thanksgiving weekend, actually, if this comes out in time for that five shows. And next year, we got a bunch of gigs, 2022 lined up. But the Josh Potter show comes out every Tuesday. Go check out the Josh Potter show on YouTube. And there you'll find all my tour dates as well and everything. So fantastic. What do you got for him?

At Camerain Commonal, social media. We'll be in upstate New York. We're going to be in Albany, Syracuse. I'm also being hard for middle of December. Get tickets for that. And then, yeah, 2022, we're going to be fucking lock loaded, headed everywhere, baby. Rocking and rolling gang.

We love you. We'll see you guys next week. Peace.