Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Katie Nolan: Boston Girl

Episode Date: July 15, 2021

Kippy and Foley are joined by Katie Nolan! She's got an EMMY! Katie talks growing up in outside of Boston, Mac & Cheese, IHOP and all other things trashy. Thanks for listening. Love youse guys.  Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://www.Manscaped.com Promo Code: Garbage https://TryCaliper.com/Garbage Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Hang on a second there, gang, before we get the show started, the Keep It Moving 2021 tour is in full swing, as you know. Yeah. We have some additions. Sure. We have some announcements. Kippy, straighten them out. Guys, we're coming to Providence, Rhode Island, August 11th.

We're going to be in Boston, Massachusetts, August 12th. Charlene Kidd. We're going to be in New Brunswick, New Jersey, August 25th. Jersey. Stress Factory. We're going to be in Timonio, Maryland, outside Baltimore at Magoobies on August 26th. Then the big thing, Moontower Comedy Festival.

Look out. We're going to be there. At the Fest. At the Fest. A couple of Festy Boys. There you go. That's going to be at the end of September on September 23rd, 24th, 25th. Also, another big announcement.

We're going to be at Skankfest in Houston. That's going to be November 5th, 6th, 7th. Plus, we're going to be adding more dates. It's going to be boncos. Get some tickies. It's going to be a good time. Can't wait to see it air. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?

The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Sure is. It's a little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians.

We find that if they're going to be classy or if they're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here at Antutti's basement. She's upstairs sleeping one off. I don't know what happened last night, but there's a lot of four loco cans up there. I don't know. Looks like she's collecting them. Hanging out with the kids again.

My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. Unamused as usual. He's the CEO of Are You Garbage. He's an international businessman. He's kind of the head bozo around here. So show the guy a little respect. Give it up for Kevin James Ryan. Hey, gang.

Happy to be here, as always. Please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube. And as you know, those numbers are... Tritter roof. Those numbers are fucking cooking, baby. And then patreon.com, you can sign up. You get a shit ton of bonus content every month, every week. You get AYG and get hard feelings, which is another whole other podcast with me and Foley.

And then we do live streams with the top tier patrons every month. It's a good fucking time. And also check out, check us out on the road. We'll be all over to fucking join. Oh, baby, we love it. And have a nice shout out to our producer extraordinaire. He's the magic man. He makes us all look good.

Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin. Toby McMullin, everybody. What's up, dudes? What up, T-Bone? Good to see you, buddy. But gang, we're on pins and needles here. This is... We could not be more excited to have our incredibly special guest here with us for the first time today.

She is an Emmy nominated, Emmy award-winning sports television host. What the fuck? She is an accredited member of the media. I mean... All right. He is from a little town called Boston, Massachusetts, if you ever heard of it. But the big question, but he's mine today, is she garbage? I can say she is the first guest that ever took the offer of taking a Red Bull.

Yeah. So that's not a good sign. She's used to these big corporations. We don't have a slush bond, okay? Katie Nolan, everybody. Come on. Thanks so much for coming. Thank you for having me.

It's the first time I've done a podcast in person in a year and a half. So I'm feeling very close to you in a way. We haven't wiped anything down in two years. None of us are facts. We bought all this stuff from Wuhan, actually. It was weird. I had to kiss you guys to get in here, but happy to be here. Yeah.

Buddy, thank you so much for coming in, man. We were looking forward to this. We're excited. What is the... What's the origin story of Katie Nolan? I know you're from Boston. Framingham. Framingham.

Framingham. Which is like 25. I just did it. 25 minutes from the city. So it's, you know, it's a suburb, but it's still big. It's all cookie up there. It's all little town. Yeah.

Well, so we were the biggest town in the country. Is what we used to say in Framingham, but now we're a city. The biggest town in the... Hold on. Every... Hang on. That's strike one. Yeah.

Every loser town around the country has their own. We have more bars per capita. Where the biggest is? Is that on a sign anywhere? Is that on a sign on the way into town? It's definitely the thing you say around town. You'd heard somebody say it. Welcome to Framingham.

It's probably on the internet somewhere. Sure. But we were a big town. Now we're just one of the other cities because they made it a city a couple of years ago. Wow. Move it on up. Yeah. I mean, I guess that's a good...

What makes a town a city? It's a good question that I should know, but I left that place in the rear view. Two Chick-fil-A's in the CVS. You get the permit. There's a mayor now. That's all I know. And my mom didn't run for it. Thank God.

Was she thinking about it? No. In her head, I thought maybe she would go for it, but she's still the unofficial mayor. But anyway... That's a pretty good question. Has any of your family ever run for a local office? Yeah. I got someone running right now.

Actually, I'm going to the fundraiser this weekend. What's it for? It's down in North Wildwood. Oh, I can't talk about it. In North what? North Wildwood. It's a very... Sounds like a casino.

Yes. It's not a great town in... Basically, one big one. In South Jersey. It's a tough... And you're still allowed to do a podcast even with a relative running... I feel like they shut everything down. Well, I mean, it's actually a very...

Yeah, I don't even want to cry. It's up to her speech. She's going to commit suicide tonight in a cell. She's running for judge. Nice. Yeah. That's a fun one. That's a little bit different.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't know you ran for that. Yeah, I didn't know you ran for that either. Superior court. Whoa. I have no idea what that means. She's smart.

I'm not saying that because we're going to need somebody on the inside down here. I'm going to have to... I'm going to get in trouble for saying that. I don't know. I'm sure she doesn't want to be fucking associated with me. Well... Too late. Are we making a donation?

We could. We could make a donation. A sizable cash, small bills. Put it in a pie box to go old school. All right. So you grew up there. So was it pretty much like a suburban back, suburban lifestyle? Yeah.

It was a big, really big town. One of the biggest. As big as of a town as you can get before it's a city, actually. Seems like there wasn't much else going on over there. I mean, we had a shopping center. There was a mall, but that wasn't needed. Whoa, that is a big town. The mall was in Nadek.

My high school was like 2000, a little more than 2000. That's a big town in the country. I wasn't kidding. So that was really big. I moved out. I went to school on Long Island. Long Island, New York? Com.

What's Hofstra? Hofstra. High school was regular though. High school was public high school. My brother went to private school. There's always a reason why. He was really good at hockey. And I didn't really bring much to the table.

I was sort of just like. My accent really came out on hockey, didn't it? He was really good at hockey. Yeah. Did I? You hit the O, yeah. I don't know. That's a ledge.

Have you taken, since you're like a professional broadcaster, not just two bozos like us, have you taken like? Get rid of your accent classes? No. Really? I never had it. My mom, my mom grew up in Newton. So did my dad.

Newton. They both have them. My mom's is really thick and she was like, you will not have. Not. You just hit not right there. What are you talking about? So I've tried really hard. But I still say, apparently I say some words funny that people

say is Boston. Like I guess I say, I sometimes say a boot. But that's Canada. A boot? I know. Like what are you talking about? But it doesn't sound that way when I say it. But then afterwards someone is like, you just said a boot.

And I'm like, I didn't notice. And I say parents funny. Parents. That's, I don't know. Well, we're from Philly. We say a lot of shit. You guys sound like cartoon characters. I know.

It's so funny. And the more we, the more of the longer we've been, because I got rid of mine. I came up when I moved up here. I'm like, I don't want to sound like everybody else in my family. You're saying the finishing school. And I tried to get rid of it. But the more it's just, the more we do this show,

it just comes out even more. The Red Bull brings it out. Yes. It's the sugar-free Red Bull. It really hits you. Gets me all hopped up. What else? Single family home.

Yeah. Nice. Yeah. And how far apart is your brother from you? My brother is three years older than me. He's three years older than you. So he went to private school. Yeah.

Because it was going to be good for hockey. Did he get a scholarship? I think so. Really? What'd your pops do? My dad worked at, still does work at. He's been in the same job my whole life. He works at Raytheon.

But he's an accountant. What's Raytheon? That's chemical for something. Or weapons. Yeah, it's like Halliburton-ass. Really? I couldn't go there. Iron Man works there.

When your daughter to work day never happened. I wasn't allowed. I didn't couldn't get clearance to go to my dad's office. I can't have you running around the mortars and stuff. I know. But then he's like a tax. He does people's taxes out of the basement. Oh, so?

All like on the side. I don't know. Is that legal? If it's not legal, then no. We're going to have to dump this whole episode. I know. Yeah, he's just a nerd. But he's been at the same job my whole life.

But I don't know. So he works there at this big company, but then also does taxes on the side out of your house? Yeah. This sounds like a cover-off. Maybe. Maybe. This is the beginning of a superhero movie.

You might. We had to finish the basement so that he would have an office. He's got like a separate door. It's one of those basements that isn't fully underground. I've never really understood that. Split-level-less. Yeah. And so he would, you know, clients come in and go to the basement.

Is it? Oh, my God. The home office. Separate entrance. Come on. I went to a couple of therapists like that. Oh, gosh. Brutal.

Or an orthodontist. My orthodontist would be in his garage. No. You would just like park. I remember one time we parked in his driveway and then his, like, well, I was, my mom was in the waiting room or whatever. And they were like, you got to move your car. We got to think to get to the side.

She had to move her car out of the driveway to let the mom out. You just pulled right into the office. And you put your own chair back. Did you play sports in high school? I played softball. OK. And I was the captain of the dance team. Ooh.

All right. Thanks, guys. Yeah. Like modern, dejet, or like ballet. No, it was like we were basically cheerleaders who didn't flip or lift each other. Oh, yeah. So like at the game.

Emotionally or physically. Yeah. So we had like pom-poms. OK. We did kick line. Do I have to talk about anything? Wait a minute. Hold on.

So you're talking about that halftime. Where were you during the game? They sit on the side, right? Yeah. Behind the, behind the regular cheerleaders? Like you never go to a, you ever go to a, there's a game you go to. There had to be some resentment there between the regular squad and you guys. No, because they were, they were good.

They were like the high school, they had representation. We didn't. Like I never saw anybody in a movie that was like, I'm on the dance. Dance team. Yeah. And if they were, it was like a cultural dance team and that was cool. Bars was just us. Yeah.

Dancing. A couple of girls doing a Macarena. It was like when there's, when there's ice dancing at the Olympics and you're like, why would I watch this when I could watch figure skating? There's just so much more to, I did a lot of that in my life now that I think about it because I also was a rhythmic gymnast. Was that with the ribbon? Oh, God.

That's the least classy of all. I have a junior, a junior Olympic gold medal. That's right. I saw that. She has a junior Olympic gold medal in that. Uh-huh. Holy shit. Yeah.

Toby, get up in my coat. Let's see some fucking, I want to see some fucking pizzazz going around. It's so funny because it was my whole life then. Like my weekends were devoted to, because nobody does rhythmic gymnastics. So you'd have to drive to Rocky Hill, Connecticut and have these meats. And it was like my whole life. And now it feels like. How do you get into that through dance?

Yeah. Just you and a bunch of home schoolers. Yeah. Pretty much. It was like in dance in, I was probably five and the head of the studio was like, we're going to start this thing called rhythmic gymnastics. We're going to put together a team and we want your daughter to be a part of it. So I was like, okay.

So your parents were rhythmic dance parents. They would drive you around on the weekends. My mom. Yeah. I guess my dad did too. Mike, you know, Kevin, my brother was in hockey. Hockey? Hockey.

Yeah. And so there was a lot of that. The overcorrection was great. We were the family that didn't ever go on vacation, but that's because we had our, we spent all of our weekends traveling to do stuff. I like that though. My one cousin's doing that now. His whole family's down the shore for this summer.

Yeah. But he's staying up here. He's in high school. He's staying up here. Why his mom works because he's getting ready for a football camp. Yeah. I like that when you got something to do. Yeah.

Something to focus on. Keeps you out of trouble, I guess. Yeah. I mean, rhythmic dance kids. I mean, when they're not performing their Hellraiser. Yeah, I hear they really let loose. We had rehearsals on Saturday mornings. So I never growing up got to watch Saturday morning cartoons.

And I like held it. I was very upset about that for a long time. And now I look back at it. It's like, that doesn't really matter, but that sucks as a kid. It's like Tonya Harding shit. Yeah. It was tough. I've had it really rough.

How old are you on the road for the rhythmic dance tour? How old were you when you won the gold medal? It was 1997. So I was 10. Wow. 10 years old. Junior Olympic. Yeah.

I don't, I look back at it and I'm like, were those really the junior Olympics or were there multiple juniors? Just in someone's backyard. Some guy named juniors Olympics. All you have to do to have a rhythmic gymnastics competition is be like, I'm having a rhythmic gymnastics competition. No one's going to. I don't know that there's a couple of wrestling mats in the gym.

Do you still have the medal? You got to have the medal. I did. And I used to put it on set because whenever you, you know, it's a weird sentence, but when you get a TV show, they're like, how do you want to decorate the background behind you? And I'm like, so I did. And then that show got canceled and they never, I don't think I have it

anymore. What really? It just faded into the set of like fake books that they had back there. Yeah. It's in a box somewhere. I just don't know that we got to get it. We got to get to the bottom of this. Some grip has that in his dining room.

It's not real gold. I'll tell you right now. It's not. No, it was. It was full of chocolate. It was. I wish it was less useful. It would have been more valuable.

Yeah, it was just gold colored. The gold Olympic medals. They're real gold, right? I think so. I would presume. I don't think you're getting fucking fake gold at the Olympics. It might just be the outside though. It could be like gold plated.

Yeah. I don't know. Get out of here with that. That's why I never tried to be in the Olympic. Yeah, that's why. It wasn't for me. Right. I want full gold or nothing.

I want full gold or nothing. What about your mom? What'd she do? She was a bartender. Really? Local? Yeah. She worked at a place in South Barrow called Owen O'Leary's

for the first 16 or 18 years of my life. I worked there with her. What? I was a waitress. She was a bartender. I had to call her Cami at work. She didn't like what I called her mom. You had.

Oh, she was the greatest. She was the greatest bartender. That ain't the classiest profession. No, of course not. You would think with your dad's position in this major corporation that it would leak down. Would she work like at night? Yeah.

So she rolled in at like three in the morning. My dad would go to work during the day. My mom was at home and then my mom would go to work at night. My dad would come home. So like she did it because she used to be a speech pathologist. She went to school for that. And then she was like, oh, if I'm going to have kids, we can't both work during the day.

But she just decided to be a bartender. What a left turn from speech pathologist. It's not that far off. Really? Yeah. There's a lot of skills that transfer. Trying to understand drunk people. What kind of bar are we talking about?

An awesome one. The upstairs was pool tables. Not like a dyes bar. It is. It's an Irish pub, right? Yeah. Sure food? It was, yeah.

Pretty good food. They had these chicken fingers. Really good. Really good chicken fingers and honey mustard. Which if you're the kid of a bartender, you're like, you just spent all your time at the bar and I would just always get chicken fingers. And they also had a sandwich on the menu.

And I spent a lot of time at a bar eating chicken fingers and my parents didn't work at a bar, so. Fair. There was a sandwich named after a local radio host. That's the kind of bar that it was. The big Louis. I think it was like the... The 83.2 of the beat.

It was, shout out to Lauren and Wally from, I don't remember, 1057? Either way. It was named after one of them. It was like chicken sandwich. Wow. Did they do brunch? Yes.

You did brunch? They had a native location. That's a town over for me that did brunch. That was like a all you can eat buffet brunch. That was awesome. I don't know that the one my mom worked at did brunch. Were there pictures of local celebrities on the walls? Ooh, probably.

Yeah. Was there a lot of like chachkies on the walls? Like a hockey stick, a glove. What about a golden TRK? Was there something like that? Yeah, upstairs. Upstairs, there was like a game room. I don't think there was a Buck Hunter when I was there.

There might be now. I can smell that place right now. But it's not even the worst. I mean, after that, she worked at a place that was in an office building. So you'd have to go into what looked like an office, like this, but not in a city. We're in a basement.

I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Delete it. I won't move for continuity. And then just splice it in. And we're back.

OK. She's a pro. I got to give her that. But you'd park in it. It looked like my orthodontist. Not to make the same reference. But you would go in this office thing and then the office on the right, one of the doors

you'd open it. It was a bar. Was there signs outside? Yeah. And you had to. The bathroom was in the office building. Oh, my. So your mom worked at an illegal casino.

Yeah. Run by Tony Soprano and his crew. Yeah, that I think about it. Holy shit. My mom was the coolest. My mom was so good at bartending. She could have a conversation with anybody. That's where I was like, I want to be like her.

Yeah. That's good cash, too. That's cash every day. She always had the cash. That's what it is. But now she's retired. I got people in my family the same thing, just bartenders and waitress.

And it's just like, you can't walk away from the cash. It's so hard. You know, you're making like 400 bucks a night in cash. Can't do that anywhere else. Would she bring home stuff from the bar? Because that would be. We would always have the best costumes, not for Halloween, but for St. Patrick's Day.

Because all the liquor companies would send like finger lift gloves that say Rolling Rock or like tall striped hats like Cat in the Hat that say Bud Light on them. Are you showing up to school wearing these? On St. Patrick's Day. Oh my God. She would deck me out with like the Mardi Gras beads that were shaped like Shamrock.

We had a lot. Two bottles of Malibu. Yeah, exactly. You're doing shooters for the teachers? Yeah. So me not having a drinking problem is like a miracle because I grew up with it. Well, that's why I asked you like,

was your mom like working late and stuff like that? Yeah. She would come home at like two. I used to. Would she have one or two before she came home or? No, she really doesn't drink. She smokes weed. OK.

Is that cool to say? Yeah. You guys acted like cops when I said it. I just wasn't expecting it to be honest with you. Hey, me neither. I thought it happened when I was in college. You got a gold medal and an Emmy. I wasn't expecting that coming out.

Yeah. You know, you can be a good productive member of society. No, she used to go to work. She'd come home around two. There was, I would throw parties. God, I wanted friends so bad in high school. I would have people over when my dad would work late during tax season and my mom would be at the bar.

I was like, you guys can come over, but you got to leave at like 1.30. Sure. And I can clean up and then she'll come home. Right. There was one night that she was at work. She had to cut a cake and she had the knife upside down and pressed down into it, sliced her hand open.

Jesus. And came home because of that and caught me throwing a party. Which now as an adult, I'm like, what? How mad would you be? What a shitty, grateful kid. You're like, I can't work. And yeah, so sorry to my mom. Any situations that you remember when you were a kid,

when your dad got called to the bar because somebody was maybe getting out of line and he had to straighten somebody out? I don't think my dad's ever fought anybody in his life. Yeah, he just pushes a button and blows things out. It's what the drones are for. Turn your key. My dad's the guy that goes to a Buffalo Wild Wings

and leaves with three new friends. OK. In his mind. And other people are like, God, we had to talk to that guy for the whole. Fucking talk to Steve again? Make sure you email. I'll be in touch.

Yeah, exactly. All right. As I get older, I get that guy a little bit more. When you're younger, you're like. Stop, dad. It's so embarrassing. What are you doing? But as I get older and I started like every now and then,

I would go to the bar by myself like after like whatever. And I'll just like, all right, I'll just sit and have a beer. And I'm like, now I get why people fucking just randomly start talking at the bar. Sure. I think I'm not a person that likes chit chat or small talk or anything like that. And the only time I get comfortable in it.

And when you do get comfortable in it, you really ride it. Like I feel like the dad in that, you know, turning into your parents' commercial. If I'm at a bar in Chicago at the hotel bar, I'm chatting up to the manager. Be bop. And where are you getting the glassware? And this and that and the other things.

Where are you getting the glass? Because I'm going to steal it. You better place another order. Oh, that's probably something we should know. All of my glasses. Oh, I can't imagine. How many ashtrays and pint glasses were in your house? Yeah.

Dan came to my house for one second time maybe ever this weekend and he was like, oh, you have the best soda glasses because we have those big tall plastic. They're the best. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. From a bar.

Yeah. That's awesome. That was good. And all of our bowls were from mobile gas station. Wait, hold on. I'm sorry, what? Pull that back. I think this is a common thing.

It's not. It's not. I've heard people say it before. You said mobile gas station? You know, mobile the gas company. I'm aware. With no eon. And bowl company, apparently.

They did some sort of like giveaway back in the day. I don't know why. This was a long time ago, probably the 80s, where they gave away bowls for every, I don't know. Yeah, on the gas or something. Yeah, but we have all of our bowls from my childhood. I think those are oil funnels that you didn't know. Yeah.

Not the best. They still have them? Probably not. We still have. My parents still have them. That's what I'm saying. Your parents, like you go. Who gets new bowls?

What do you need those for? I don't mean, I don't know if they're mobile from the 80s. Bowls or bowls, they work. Do your parents still live in the same house you grew up in? No. Well, kind of. We lived in one until I was in second grade, and then we moved to a new one, and they're still at that.

That's where they're at. Okay. All right. Yeah. Very nice. I can't get a fucking read on it. Both retired? What?

Both retired? No, my dad's still working. I think he's going to retire next year. Did you say you can't get a read on her? Yeah. You're talking about gas company bowls. What are you talking about? I know she's got a fucking Emmy in a fucking gold medal.

We don't have that. True. I've never even talked to anybody with an Emmy. Yeah, but your forks also aren't made by Slim Jim. True. Yeah. But if they were, then they're free, and as long as they're good forks, who cares where they came from?

Damn, that's pretty good logic. Those are good bowls. That's pretty good logic. Back then, the gas station used to try to get you to buy its gas. Remember those hestrucks? Yeah, come here. Now it's like. Now it's all just give me your money and leave.

Exactly. So I'm grateful to mobile. Shout out. Wow. Kippy, kippy, kippy. What's that? Caliper CBD. CBDizzle?

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We're going to ask you a series of questions. Just answer them truthfully. Okay. Answer them honestly. Okay. Um, I don't know. You don't, you don't want to say the, the, the street that you grew up on.

What was this? What was the name of the street from the house that you were in till second grade? Foster drive. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Drive's nice. Nice.

Foster's all right. Not bad. What about the name of the grocery store that your mother shops at now? Oh, I don't even know. When you grew up. I would guess that it's stop and shop. Stop and shop, kid.

Stop and shop. Billy Bobby, Tommy, Johnny, stop and shop. Charlene, we're going over to stop and shop. Fucking Kevin's got hockey. Are you a Dunkin' Donuts person? Dunkies. Hardcore, huh? What's your order at Dunkies?

Uh, right now it's just a nice coffee with cream and sugar. I love the cream and sugar up there. I used to get extra, extra, extra, extra, extra. That's what they say. They walk in and go, let me get a large extra, extra. It's delicious. It's like ice cream. I see those pictures.

That comes with a Carhartt jacket too. In a parliament. Cause I see Ben Affleck, you know, when they, Ben Affleck. What the fuck was that? It's a new band. Where did you come from? You guys are going to like it.

That's how you say it with the accent. Ben Affleck. It's a new alt band. Yeah, yeah. Ben Affleck. I see, I see Ben Affleck get caught with Dunkin' Donuts all the time. Always seems like he's about to drop it. He's always struggling.

It looks like the lightest sugary coffee ever. Extra, extra. I like it crunchy on the bottom. Oh, I used to drink it like that. I'm black now, but I used to drink it like that. You are? Yeah. That was a good piece of business.

That was a good piece of business. Cream and sugar. Oh, hmm. All right, let's see. Stop and shop, all right. Stop and shop. Did either one of those houses up until second grade or now have a garage? Yeah, the new, the one they have now.

Do they have now? Is there a refrigerator in that garage? No. Ooh. What does that mean? I have a basement fridge. That's all you need. Freezer or fridge?

Uh, fridge. Full. What's in it? Uh, usually stuff my dad doesn't want my mom to know he has because he spends all his time in the basement and he can eat garbage. Or like detonators? Yeah. C4.

Bodies. Bodies and batteries. No, it's like, you know. Mostly fingers. Food and soda. Nice. And it used to be beer, but then it got to a point where when I would come home and I'd check it, the beer was from three years ago.

Yeah, that happens. So I really don't think anybody's drinking beer in that house anymore. But that, yeah, it's the overflow. It is. Snacks. Pay me a picture of this basement though. Is it finished? Half of it.

Oh, that's worse than done. So you come down the stairs. You come down the stairs. Those are finished. They're carpet. It's a man cave. You know, he's got all of his pictures of stuff on the walls. Syria.

Exactly. Just planning, plotting. He has a big table where he puts, you know. Government cities overthrown. Exactly. And then he's got his desk. And we went to Sky Last Week. There's a TV.

And then the other, when you come down the stairs, if you make a right, that's the palace you're looking at. Recessed lighting and all. I think it was that, whatever that company is that uses a pink panther. It's commercial. Whatever. Sure. If you make a left, there's a door.

They hide it. But if you open the door, it's just unfinished. Unfinished. There is a door though. Yeah. It's not like you have that and then the water heater's right there. No. Okay.

You did for a while, but no. So the fridge is in there. Yes. The fridge is in the unfinished side. All fridges in the unfinished side. Yeah. Next to the tool bench. Is there a way out of that basement?

Is there a doorway down there? There's that doorway that goes into the finished part. So my dad can have his clients in that way. Oh, they come in through the man cave. Yeah. And where does he do, where does he have an office down there too? Yeah. It's like a, it's like a room.

It's like a studio apartment. It has like everything except, you know, a bathroom and a kitchen and then his desk and then like the living room area. There's not a bed down there. Is there? No. All right. That'd be weird.

So it's not like a studio apartment at all. It's like an office with a couch area. No trees. Okay. Interesting. Okay. What'd you get on your SATs? I don't remember.

Come on. That's a lie. 13. What? 10. My brother, I know my brother got 10 more than me. So I think he got a 1320 and I think I got a 1310. That's fucking.

Is that good? It is. All my friends were like, I got a 1520. You're not a sportscaster. You're an astronaut. Okay. I'll take it. Shut up to the other party.

Yeah. It's a deep cut. Got nothing. That's Raytheon quality right there. That is. 13. That's really good. I really appreciate you guys doing that.

Making me feel smart like that. Okay. Well, was that when it was out of 1600? Yeah. Okay. What'd you get a 13 out of? What was yours out of? 1600.

Okay. Yeah. I got a 980. You're a fucking usual. Yeah. What do you mean? Yes. I don't know.

Everybody was making me feel dumb. I want to ask you the secrets of the universe. No. 1300's fantastic. Okay. Thank you. I feel so smart. I'm going to get ready to the information.

We are dirt balls. I see it. People are always like, Hofstra. We are in a private school. Got a little cash to get in there. Hofstra's nice. I have friends that went to Hofstra. They dropped out.

It was entry. Everybody did. A lot of people dropped out of Hofstra. Everybody did. Or transfer, yeah. And it was like my friend's freshman year just were gone by junior year and I had to like mingle with Long Island. That's tough.

In a way I don't think I had been prepared for. Long Island's trash. It's like, hey, you can dislike almost everything about a person on the outside. So find something in them that makes them your friend. It's pretty good. And that's a life lesson for today. Yeah. That's it.

That's what I'm here for. Huh. Okay. Milk with dinner? Growing up? Growing up, yeah. But that's why I know now. I won't.

Because it was like a, you couldn't, you know, get up until you finished it. And my mom, sweet woman, greatest bartender ever. Beautiful. Just want to get all the compliments out there before I say not the greatest cook. Really? And so it would be a lot of like pounded thin pork chops that were really dry with milk creates like almost a paste in your mouth. Yeah, that's no good.

That's no good. And I just, it's not milk now, not for me unless it's in my coffee and called cream. And cereal? Now? Yeah. Yeah. With milk? Yeah.

Regular milk? Meaning like 2%. Okay. It's not regular. Two or one. Yeah, four is regular. I've never heard of it. Oh, whole is four.

Whole is. No, I think he just made that up. I always assumed a whole was a hundred percent, but I'm dumb. I don't know what he's talking about. He doesn't know what he's talking about. No, you might be right. No, he's not. Whole might be four percent.

No, he just made up four percent. Whole's too much. Whole is not normal. Whole's too much. Whole is like cream. Heavy cream is not enough. Yeah. Come on.

Have you ever put cream in your cereal because you didn't have milk? What do you think? Yeah. And it wasn't because I didn't have milk. You just wanted to see. There was plenty of milk. You just wanted to see. You don't get pre-diabetic using one percent, okay?

Yeah. You can substitute the milk in mac and cheese if you're making it out of the blue box, which why wouldn't you, with Bud Light, and it works fine, just so everybody else knows. If you find yourself in the same situation that I did. Bud Light. Mm-hmm. Wow. Now I'm Cors Light.

Hey, me too. Team Cors Light. That's what you drink or that's what you put in the blue box, you said? Yeah. I believe you're referring to Kraft. Kraft. Yes. Sorry.

It's not yet. And if we did take a macaroni and cheese sponsor, it would be Velveeta because we're not fucking jerkals, okay? Oh, wow. I was commenting on the fact that you referred to it as the blue box. Isn't that what everybody calls it? That's Canadian. Canadian.

No, that's Kraft. Kraft. That's Kraft. That's what it is. Yeah. The only Kraft in my life is Mr. Kraft. I just want to go on record. Oh, my gosh.

That was good. We will accept any and all food or beverage sponsors, please set us up. That's true. I'm really pushing for a twisted tea or Cors Light. This is a summer of Cors Light for me. This Red Bull. This Red Bull is delicious. Yeah.

I'm into refrigeries as a kid. I hurt my ankles a lot. I sprained my ankles a lot. From the rhythmic dance? Yeah. Rhythmic dance, yeah. Did you ever go down in a competition? I don't think so.

Do they have like trainers and shit there? No, we didn't. We were a dance center from Ashland. Somebody from the staff bar runs over to you? Yeah, someone was like, hey, I once went to the hospital. I could tell you what to do. These Twizzlers should be all right. Yeah, no, we didn't, but we weren't doing all the flipping and stuff, so it really wasn't

happening that often. Okay. But I, yeah, I rolled my ankles a lot. Have you ever had to go to the hospital on vacation? Oh, I don't think, we didn't go on that many vacations, so I don't think so. Where would be a Nolan family vacation? If we had one, I mean, we probably would have loved to be one of those Cape families that went down to Cape Cod.

Yeah. That's a lot of money, right? That's a lot of cages. A lot of cages. Yeah. A Marcus Vineyard. It's very pricey, but lovely. Yeah.

But lovely. That's like, I don't, I'll never get there. I don't, that's just in my head. That's like crazy. Yeah, we're gonna go there anyway. Really? I ain't going up and in the water, never. Where do you vacation?

Down. Down. Florida? No. Jersey. Oh, okay. I live there now, but not in the part you'd go to. That's where the sharks are.

No. Careful, he's throwing up rivers now. Anybody saw Avon? Oh, no. No. My mom openly talked shit about the women who sold Mary Kay. Mary Kay was big. Yeah, that was big, yeah.

Where we were from. Why did they get a car? I just saw one of those pink cars. Why? It was like a Lincoln. I don't get it. The pink Mary Kay cars. I don't know what you got to do.

Lincoln. Yeah, it was like a MK, like the, she just looked at me like I'm a fucking jerk off. No, no, I mean, like it should be, why wouldn't they give him like a Prius or something? I don't know. It was like the Lincoln MKX, like the SUV one they got. I just saw. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah.

All right. It might have been a homemade job. I don't know. Maybe they just did it. Some people just love to use their car to advertise. Sure. Have you ever wanted to kiss me on Irish t-shirt? Probably.

Not ironically. I word ironically. Yeah. Like maybe St. Paddy's Day. No, yeah, probably. Also working at a bar. Because it was given to you by a liquor company. Yeah.

I never paid for one. Do I get some points for that? All right, there you go. I never bought one at the store. You're not a fucking animal. By any chance did your family growing up take the orange juice out of the carton and put it into like a picture, a special class picture? No.

I didn't think so. My grandmother used to take it out and blend it though. I'm sorry? She would take it. She would pour the orange juice into the blender, blend it and then put it in the glass. It was delicious. Probably. It aerated it.

Yeah, I get that. It's like shaking it as hard as you possibly could. Probably like that Trop 50 stuff they got going now. Do you ever have that? Yeah, it's pretty good. Wow, that's kind of just blowing my hair back a little bit. That might be the clue. That's good.

I know. And then once you put it back into the... No, we would drink it. You would just drink it from the pitcher. Well, she would pour it. Like if she was going to make us a glass, she'd pour a glass of it into the blender, blend it up, pour it back. The blender pitcher wasn't on the breakfast table.

No. Okay. It was as needed. Yeah. As needed. Okay. Yeah. It's pretty good.

Yeah. Did you have one of those really long phone cords growing up? Yes. Ooh. In the kitchen. Where you can like go into like three different rooms with it. That's just like, are you old? I mean, nobody...

No. Nobody has those. Did you have a phone in your room when you were growing up? Sure. For a while, no. I think we had like a portable... My brother and I had our own line. What?

Wait, wait. What? You were one of those kids? It was just the ring. It would ring differently if they called the number that was my brother in eyes and it would ring twice if you called our number, but it was still the same line. Okay. What?

Which makes no sense. I don't know how much they can charge you for that. Knowing my dad, he just called and he's like, I've been a customer for a while. Give me something free. And they were like, here's a number that also calls your phone. So wait. So like if you were on the phone, if it rang twice, you picked it up. You would know it's for you.

But your mom couldn't then call out, right? No. Yeah. It's the same because we had dial up internet. So that all was still one line, two phone numbers. That's useless. That's not as impressive as your separate line, but that's pretty cool. It was cool, I guess.

That's like having a bat phone as a kid. Yeah. Like that's mine. But it also made a single ring put shivers down my spine because then it was like a teacher is calling for my mom, but a double ring was like, oh, it's somebody who's chill. It's a friend. Yeah. It's someone who's chill.

Yeah. I had a friend who had one of those see through phones. And her own line. And I was like, what? Your own line? What a crazy childhood. My sister had the clear one. She didn't have her own line, but she had the clear one in her room.

And I remember being like, I remember just looking at that thing, trying to study and be like, this is fucking nuts. Yeah. It was red. We should get one for in here. We got the Snoopy phone. I forgot about that. Not a bad idea.

Oh, look at this. First car. My first car. Did you drive when you were out there? Yeah. My first I want to say was that I had my brother's old car, which I think was a really crappy accord. And then I bought from the auto auction.

I bought a Honda Civic with three bullet holes and a kilo under the seat. I feel like the accord had one side view mirror. I didn't have the other. That was legal when you could just have one. That was legal. Yeah, that was legal. Wait, you can only remember Miami Vice. They had this Lamborghini that it only had a review on the drivers.

But I think before the Civic, I think the Civic was when I was going to college. I think I drove my mom's old 98 Ford Taurus. It was the year that they went for the oval theme and like the headlights were oval. The radio was oval. It sucked because it was rounded edges. It wasn't as it wasn't as like it was very sleek in a way that was uncomfortable and everybody was getting those head units. Is that what that's called?

Like the CD player. Yeah, they would like pop out and take with them when they would leave their car. And because my thing was an oval, we couldn't put a do that. I had something relative. I had a Chevy Lumina. Mine was the same. So when I took it out, I had to put one in and it was like held in by duct. It was a fucking tough look for a 16 year old pulling up.

My brother's CD changer was in his trunk. You have to put six CDs in your trunk and then you could switch from the. You thought you were. Real fucking cool kids these days. Pull over. What does he do now, brother? He works in digital at marketing sales. One of those.

That's pretty good. He just moved to Chicago. Very nice. Chicago. Toby recently. He does. All right. Welcome.

What he does. All right. Yeah. He's also the best person on earth. How far are you going hockey? You playing college? No. Okay.

He didn't. He he was really good. He just, and I don't want to hurt his feelings. He was a little short. And so there isn't a lot of, you know. Yeah. Opportunity to go be a pro athlete when you're a little bit short, but he played hard. He took a lot of hits.

Yeah. Yeah. My child is a tough kid. He's tough. Yeah. Has anyone in your family ever been in a fist fight or a fight at a sporting event? Oh, my mom sure tried. Really?

She's mouthy. She, you know, that's where I get it from. She's, uh, she yells and she's very protective, but I don't think she ever got into a fist fight. She got hit by a puck once. What? Yeah. So that she's like, but during the game, I think her knee.

Was she doing a handstand? No, it just came out into the ice. She charged the field. You've never run across a field for any circumstances. Have you ran onto the field? No. My mom ran onto the field for me when I took a, I was a pitcher. Softball.

And I took a line drive off my mouth. That's different. Yes. Not to fight anyone, but actually she, they were trying to get an ambulance and my mom was like, I'm taking her to the dentist because I had braces at the time. Oh, that must hurt. They were through my lip. Oh, that's always though.

That was always the thing. So that would be an injury as a kid. Oh, that. So that happened. Yeah. Yeah. Your crooked ankles from ballet. Those were also interesting.

Those were also interesting. Now we're getting, now we're talking business. Yeah. That was nasty. Just like six teeth. They would have just gotten knocked out of my mouth. Yeah. They also said anytime in the future, ever in, for the rest of your life, those teeth might

just turn black and fall out of your face. Oh my God. So that's a fun thing to find out as a kid. You're like, cool. Who's to sing? I know, right? Hopefully it happens while I'm here. Curse from a gypsy.

Your head starts shrinking. Favorite salad dressing. Ranch. Nice. What were the pets like growing up? None. None. None ever?

Ever. Goldfish. Hermit crab. Nope. None. Pet frog. No. Squirrel.

Possum. No. I want you to say one that I could just say yes to. Really 30 for a loop. We had nothing. My mom is a very clean. I mean, my childhood was like every Saturday or whatever day it was, we would just chores clean.

And didn't stick. My house is a mess, but she just didn't want a dog because it would shed. And too much responsibility and yada, yada, yada. So we never had a dog. I just got my first dog like a year and a half ago. Interesting. Yeah. You always wanted to have one though, right?

Yeah. You want, you wind about it. Yes. Man, that's weird. Yeah. Is it weird? A little bit. Does everybody have a pet?

No, but it's, I can imagine what it was like as a kid wanting a pet and not having one and then getting a pet when you're older. Yeah. It's weird. Yeah. It's like sugar cereal. If you were allowed to have sugar cereal when you were a kid, you don't really think it's a big deal.

If you weren't, it's like everything to you. I snort lines off my dog now. But you're here. Let's go. Have you ever made your own jello shots? Yes. Come on. I mean, yeah.

Ever ruined a surprise party? Ooh, probably. Not that I recall, but it's something, it sounds like something I would do. Yeah. What's in your wheelhouse? Yep. Talking too much. Anything that falls under that umbrella, I've usually done it.

Have you ever had gold schlager? Yes. Oh my God. Oh my God. There's real gold in it. Is that, it tastes similar to aftershock? I've only ever had aftershock. Let me tell you something.

Which is trash. Aftershock, get hold. I got in a dog crate. I got in a dog crate at a party. Did aftershock have the rock sugar in it? Was that one? I think so. I vaguely remember the bottle.

No, aftershock is from England, isn't it? I don't know. Or at least it's big over there. What I know is that- That's the only place I ever had it was Dublin. Drank it directly out of the bottle. Same night I drank gold schlager. And stood up from where I was sitting, thinking I was fine.

And then all of a sudden it was like, whoa. And somebody was like, get it? Aftershock. I was like, that doesn't- Yeah. There's no way they can chemically make that happen. Yeah, they can't delay it hitting you. That's just you thinking that.

But I got alcohol poisoning. I now know it to be alcohol poisoning. But then I just threw up for 24 straight hours. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yes, I've drank gold. My dad loves gold schlager. We always had a bottle of it in our house.

Your dad is fucking awful. He's wild. He's wild. Who loves gold schlager? Now he drinks vanilla vodka and orange soda. He's a sweet man just looking for flavor. Oh my God. This guy's fucking awesome.

This guy's an alien. I'm trying to do that right now. He's trying to blend in. Keep an eye on this guy. Holy shit. Have you ever gone ghost hunting? No. Have you ever been called to the information desk

at a department store, airport, or sporting event? Yes. For what reason? Well, two stories that kind of blend into one. So the time that I really got my name called over the loudspeaker was I got lost at some sort of Christmas thing that you go to where there's like a train that drives through and shows you all the lights.

It's like Santa's Village. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember we used to always go there and there was a time where I went and I lost my mom and I was lost there. So they looked for me. But the time I got in the most trouble at a store

was at the Tiles Plus on Route 30 in Framing Hail. Is that on Rodeo Drive? It was a... That's in Soho, right? They got one of them. There's a flagship store down there. Oprah owns that, I believe. It was a tile store on the main, a very main road

with a glass front so like you could drive by and see right into it. And I guess I had just found out about the concept of mooning somebody. Okay. I guess I didn't know what that was, but then that day I had just found out. And so in the Isle of the Tiles Plus,

I mooned my brother right in front of the window and thought that was hilarious. And my mom picked me up with my pants still down and dragged me out to the car and I was in trouble for two days. What was this? I was probably seven. It was last year.

It was last year. And I stand by my innocence. This was Easter. I mean, it was funny. She still hasn't admitted it, but it was funny. Wow, man. Anyone in your family ever have a koi pond? No.

We're not dentists. We don't have koi pond money. Ever rode in a car that was being towed? Oh, no, that sounds fun though. Ever been in the front seat of a tow truck? Yes. My mom got into an accident on the way to one of my brother's hockey games.

She hit a patch of black ice and rear-ended a rabbi. And then, yeah, I rode in the... It's always a tough combo. Did the rabbi ride in there with you too? No. I have no idea what he did. Yeah. It was a weird...

That's the day I learned what a rabbi was. I was that young that I was like, what is this? And then every time I heard it since, I'm like, you mean the guys who get rear-ended by my mom? Do you guys have a pool? No. My best friend had an above-ground pool.

Nice. But even then, I was mad at her because it was like, why couldn't you have an in-ground pool? Yes, thank you. Because above-grounds are cooler. No, they're not. No, they're not.

Yes, they are. No, the only thing you can do in an above-ground pool is the same game that everybody plays. We got drinks, vanilla, Stoli, and a fucking orange soda. So? Hey, listen, everybody loves a whirlpool, but it's not going to pull it yet.

It's an in-ground pool. It's a bathtub. An above-ground pool is a bathtub. No, it's not. I like that. That's the first time we ever heard that. We have one at the Foley's, and they've built a deck around it,

so it's kind of an in-ground pool. It's better than no pool. I don't know. But it is not better than an in-ground pool, and you know it. No. It's like sharing a bathtub. I agree.

Keeps the water cooler and crisper for long, hot bases. Yeah, it's always cold, even on hot days. What do you know about the rotisserie chicken? I know a lot about it. Boston Market. We used to eat a lot of Boston Market. Yeah.

Do you still get them now? Like the supermarket for $8.99? No, but I would. Can I ask a question? Sure. You have been this whole time. Can I ask you a question on my podcast about asking questions?

Do you remember when Boston Market was like just local? I don't know that it was. I don't think it was. It wasn't just like one, and they bootstrapped themselves. But they're big in Boston, right? It used to be Boston Chicken. Oh, yeah.

I think you're right on that. It was Boston Chicken. But I genuinely... Back when I used to bang. I've stepped in it recently on this because I could have sworn Dunkin' Donuts wasn't actually from Boston, but I think it is.

No, yeah, Boston Market. But I don't know if Boston Market, there is at least one of these chains that's associated with Boston that actually isn't from Boston Market. It used to be Boston Chicken. I know that for a fact. I remember when they changed.

Either way, it's delicious. They were poised to really take over at a certain point. Yeah. Some trash. They're like a model. Yeah. Or it's tough.

It's a tough look. Oh, really? I haven't been in one in a while. Especially in New York. They're bad things. I think it started once they started putting those mini marshmallows in their sweet potato casserole.

And you were just like, where we going with this? Yeah, you jumped the fucking char. What is this? That's not a good one. T-Bone, what do you got? The first Dunkin' Donuts was opened in Quincy.

Yeah. I said that one, I know. But what about Boston Market? So, check Boston Market might be non-Boston. It might just be a marketing ploy. Or it's from Boston. I mean, we're not really known for our chicken.

I'm looking up right now. Newton, Massachusetts. Okay, well. There you go. There you go. There was a pro skater that got sponsored by Boston Market and had a cord.

Unlimited Boston Market for life. Ooh. When I was 16, I was like, damn, that's fucking great. Anytime I see it for life, I'm like, I'd take that. Oh, yeah. I would take that.

Chipotle does that a lot with famous people when they say, I like Chipotle. They're like, I'm free for life. You get the black card. Yeah. What? I don't need it.

Do you do any punch cards now? You a punch card person? I like, you know, 10.13. Haircuts, maybe. No. Clearly I haven't gotten a haircut in two and a half years.

Two and a half years? Really? It's disgusting. No. What about a treatment? No. Nothing. This is just it.

Can't you tell by how it is hanging off of my head? Your guys, you don't know anything. Sucks. I'm going to chop it all off. But no, no punch cards. I don't think.

Interesting. What did you call the game where you would knock on someone's door and run away as a kid? Ding dong, ditch. Thank you. What did you call it? Knock and run.

Yeah. Ding dong, ditch. That's what it is. Yeah. Ring and run, maybe. What did you call the game where you would throw a ball against the wall and you have to

race and touch the wall before somebody? Suicide. Sui. Sui. Sui. It's just short for suicide. Yeah.

Butts up. Butts up. Because you would get the peg in the butt. Yeah. That was the, a crucial part was the peg in the butt. Yeah.

I was always scared of that. There was this one kid who had a cannon. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He just liked to throw balls at kids butts. And I hope that guy's doing well

in his found therapy. He's not. I can guarantee you that. All right. Hmm. He's gotten good at patching his own drywall. Yeah.

For sure. Did I do a petting zoo in the last five years? No. All right. Anyone in your family have adult braces? Oh.

My mom might have. Okay. My mom might have. I might soon. Really? Yeah. You already had them. I know.

And then I didn't wear my mask. No, but they're always like, it won't work. Yeah. Do an Invisalign. I don't know. Stop yelling at me.

Do it. This episode is brought to you by Invisalign. That's why I'm pushing it. I need a testimony. One of my shows was called Garbage Time. I know.

Yeah. Does that count? I'm just, you seem like you're keeping a running tally. So I just want to give you all this. Well, I mean, we have a lot of evidence leaning towards.

Yeah. This is more just, you know. Yeah. This is just for the five. These are more formalities at this point. Up review. No.

Okay. Ever met dog the bounty hunter? No. But I had an Uber driver once whose whole thing was that he looked like Guy Fieri. Wow. He used to like stand on his car

and take pictures and then talk about it for your whole Uber ride would show you the pictures of how he dresses up in flame clothes. How do you feel about Guy Fieri? I think he's an acquired taste. He's got a taste that maybe doesn't necessarily align with mine, but I

respect what he does. There you go. He's the fucking man. Okay. Or that. That's a shorter way to say what I said. He's the man.

We love you, big guy. Guy knows his way around a fried sampler. I can pay you that. Pay you that right now. He does. Hmm. Very interesting.

Have you ever owned your own tap for a keg? Yes. It was with a, it was a roommate situation. So I didn't own it. But there was one in the house. Yeah.

A kegerator. Ooh. What was in there? A keg. A small keg. Yeah. Like what beer though? Oh, it's probably, it's probably

Natty. Nice. There she is. There's a Miss Nolan. I know. I'll try to get fancy with your kegerator. He didn't want to tell us anything,

but she's showing us everything. I know. Katie Dolan. What? Do you brush your teeth in the shower? I have, but I don't. There's nowhere to put it.

Okay. When you're done with it. Otherwise I would. I brush my teeth while I, No, but I mean, like when you're done brushing your teeth, you want to put your toothbrush down. Okay.

And it would be gross to put it down. Right. But I'll do it while I, you know, sit on the toilet. Is your, okay. That's fair. That's doesn't seem that,

his reaction was right years through. Yeah. Yeah. No, she's, she's, she's on the right side of this. You condone toilet brushing? You're sitting there.

Yeah. As opposed to the shower brushing? Yeah. Because it's the putting of it down. That's what's gross. Can't be doing that. It's fucking gross.

Can you reach your sink from your shower? It's a glass door. So I like, it's broken. It's a broken one. It's an old windshield. I don't think I, I don't think I could.

I don't think I could. That's pretty good. Is it? Yeah. I got two bathrooms. What? Really? And I own it.

What is it? You own? You're a landowner? Yeah. Look, the second, the second I got a red bull, T-bone. The second I got a bunch of money, I was like, let me buy a house now

because I don't know how this is going to go. You don't know how it's going to arc out. Yeah. So I want to make sure I owned property. So it's a tiny condo.

It's a condo. Two bedrooms. Two bathrooms. One bedroom, one office because you can't call it a bedroom if there's no window. I didn't know that. Yeah.

And then two bathrooms. It's no window. Yeah. It's just like a dark room. Is it one and a half baths? No. Two full baths. Two full baths.

Two showers. Two showers? Yeah. But one of the, one of the tubs has a leak. So it's covered in mold. Thanks for coming back. Thanks for checking in, Mrs.

Nolan. We have a kegerator. Daddy. From far enough, yeah. From far enough away, you're like shiny and you get up close. You're like, she's disgusting.

Yeah. How many pillows on the bed? How many pillows do you sleep with? I sleep with one. Just one under your head? Yeah. That's it?

Yeah. Because otherwise, my neck is like, you know. That's pretty cool. My neck is like, you know. That's pretty classy. One. It is?

The less pillows the classier you are. I was thinking more like solitary. No, I think. Because I'm an animal. I sleep with nine pillows. I got two between my legs.

Two under my thing. Oh, wow. I'm hugging one. You should get a number bed. Yeah. They should sponsor a podcast. Or a helix. Or a helix.

Or a helixper. No, a helix. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Wait, wait, hold on. Can we say that today? Yeah. Helix, folks.

Without checks. Check out helix. What about a fan? You sleep with a fan directly on you? No. Aircon central air? Central air? It's broken.

The ducts don't work. It's broken. It's broken most of the time. You can't turn it down too many degrees at a time. Or it freaks out and stops working for three days. I mean, you're.

Last year, last year, it broke during the summer of the pandemic. And, you know, Dan called somebody. Living together. Yeah. And I don't call. Like, I think it's broken because then they'll tell me how much it's going to

cost me. And that's exactly what happened. And the guy was like, your air conditioning unit is so old, you need to get it replaced and it's going to cost you. Tons of money. Man. Or you can spend $1,100 on seven pounds

of freon. And I was like. Oh, by the. Yeah. What was the appraisal during all that when you were looking at the place? Yeah, I don't know. Bastards.

That's how they get you. That's why you only got to get a new water heater. Yeah. That's why I don't buy props. That's why I made sense. I can't be dealing with the AC maintenance. It is the thing I miss the most about

renting, being able to be like, come fix this. It's broken. It's pretty good. Your problem. Do you put chips on a sandwich? Yes. Really?

Yeah. Cape Cod chips on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Wow. Life changing. What the fuck? That's my, honestly, that's my go to. Yeah.

With a pickle. They don't have to be pickles and a glass of milk involved. Pickle on the side. Not in the. No. I'm right there. That's nuts.

What would be your beverage during a meal like that? A root beer. Wow. Straight up. No diet. No. Diet soda.

I mean, I could drink a Diet Coke. It's a real cowboy. We've been buying. What are they coming? 12 packs? Yeah. For the whole pandemic of root beer. A root beer a day.

It's really bad. It's awesome. That's right. No. They'll drink it. Dan's like a ginger ale. Loves ginger ale. Canada dry.

Who doesn't like a nice gin? Especially around the holiday. Canada dry or secret. Yeah. I only drink ginger ale on a plane. It's the only real place I drink ginger ale. Yeah. Champagne in the sky.

But he does milk with dinner. If you guys sit down with dinner, will he break out milk? No. Out of respect for me. Because I've asked him to please. Dan is a gentleman. Yeah.

It's gross as me out to watch a grown man have a milk mustache and his actual mustache. It's just like. I don't know. But I love him and he can do whatever he wants. Just keep it away from me. That's fantastic.

I want to ask you this. What's up? It is wedding season. Okay. Theoretically. You go to a wedding. Close friend. What are you looking at?

What's in the envelope? Oh, how much you give? Yeah. Close friend. You're going as a couple. This got hard once I got famous and people started writing articles about how much money I make.

Because you're like, I want to give a lot, but I also don't. I don't want to give too much and then look like I think I'm like, hey, you need this. Sure. Close friend. I'd probably go like 500.

That's pretty fucking classy. But I also am a child of a bartender. I was a bartender for a while myself. So I'm just like, look, cash, having cash on hand. It's just nice. Yeah. That's good.

500. I mean, that's fantastic. I'm not. Oh, but if it's like a friend of a friend, that's like, you know, 200. 200, yeah. Yeah. That's fine.

Yeah. That's 500. That's Chrissy D. Chaspalmentary level right there. That's money. Cash. I like it. Have you ever skied in your jeans? I've only skied once or twice.

Really? Yeah. So no, I don't think so. Other than the home, when you got like, when you got like your first big contract or your first big paycheck, was there a item that you bought, like a splurge item? TV sound system.

It was snow boots. Oh my God. The first time I allowed myself to spend money without being like, how much is it? What's the best deal? I needed snow boots. And I was like, oh, I'm on TV now. I can buy expensive snow boots.

Sure. And I still have them. And they hurt my feet. Yeah. They always do that. What'd you need to snow boots for? Were you going to Aspen? No.

No, it was wintertime. So I was going to be cold. And what were said boots? I don't even know what their brand is. I want to say like, Sorrel? Is that a brand? Yes. That is a brand.

That might be it. That's still pretty responsible. I don't like to spend it. My dad. No jet skis. No. I don't really spend my money. But what I do is I'll like,

whereas another time I would have tried to take the subway, now I'll just take an Uber. Sure. That's where I'm irresponsible. That and Grubhub. I don't cook. That's comfort. That's almost all of my food.

Really? What about breakfast? Breakfast delivered is delicious. There's an IHOP near me that delivers. And they put the pancakes in a separate part of the... You're getting an IHOP? Mm-hmm. Man.

It's not Dunkin' Donuts. I've never gotten Dunkin' Donuts delivered. That's worse than Dunkin' Donuts. IHOP is delicious. IHOP is delicious. Yes. 30 minute old IHOP is not good. It's delicious.

You can explain Dunkin' Donuts. Like what is... No, if you're getting an egg sandwich brought to you from Dunkin' Donuts delivered to your house, it's disgusting. They changed their egg... Those besides sandwiches are phenomenal with the maple bacon. No, ever since... No, they changed their eggs and now they're gross.

They did something to them. They used to be yellow and now they're like white with yellow in the middle to make it look like an egg, but I know they're not cracking an egg. They're not McDonald's. No, it's true. Let me tell you something. If you spotted the difference in Dunkin' Donuts egg carrier... Uh-huh.

I get... I go to McDonald's and get a sausage, egg and cheese McGrittle with the egg from an egg McMuffin. And you asked that? I've done that before. Holy shit. It's so good. I didn't know anybody else had ever done that.

It's so good. I swap eggs out too. Yeah. It's a better egg. They really are cracking the egg, I've asked. Yeah. They have that little thing where they cook it. It's not bad.

Mm-hmm. Man, oh man. I hope delivery is fucking nuts. Yes, that's crazy, Katie. It's like when you've been home alone for a year, you don't notice the things you... We did that a lot. Like, we didn't just do that once. I mean, it's fantastic.

You know what we started getting into? That was like our special treat. We would get a cheesecake factory delivered. That's okay. And we would just get all those appetizers. Anything that's like a popper. Anything that's fried with cheese on the inside of it. Oh yeah.

Sign me up. Yeah, I get that. Okay, cool. I have delivered. It's delicious. We know it's delicious. Okay. Do you have to make your table sticky at home before you eat it?

Can you send the rude waitress? I want the full experience please. Yeah, you have to wait and wait and wait and then it gets delivered and you have to wait. The section is not even full. What's going on over there? I used to live next to an IHOP. I'm realizing now IHOP has had a big influence on my life. My grandfather died in the IHOP.

In an IHOP? What? Yeah. We're an hour in. You tell us that now? Well, he was... You should have said that walking through the door. He was driving past it and I think he had a heart attack.

I should know this. And I think he stopped in to call like, something's wrong with me and I think he died in an IHOP. Let me get a short stack quick. Yeah. That's terrible. That's very syrup. Holy shit. I mean...

Katie. Yeah. So that's why you're ordering. It reminds you of your grandfather. I guess so. I think it's... Yeah, that makes sense. So now you guys are mean for making fun of me.

Let me get a short stack. Doh, pop up. I love you. Every time that door opens, you're hoping that your grandfather will open the bag. Oh, man. Holy shit. All right. I mean, I don't...

How are you... I have... Yeah, I mean, I got enough. I got enough to render. But we do have... I have two here from Patreon. So when you sign up for... Is it raining?

God damn. When you sign up for Patreon, we can give you an umbrella to leave if you have one. Thank you. That's the sweetest thing ever. Really? I got a nice one for you too. You just have umbrellas? So we do it here.

Yeah. That's really fun. We got a t-shirt for you too. What? Yeah. It says IHOP. I love t-shirts. Nothing on the IHOP.

Come on. I stopped listening because I got excited about a free t-shirt. So when you sign up for Patreon, we'll ask your question. You get to ask a garbage question. That's a good deal. This one's for Mario. How many cats is too many? Two.

Two? I agree. That's the number. You think above two? Any more than two is too many. Yeah. Any more than two. My best friend, childhood best friend who had the above ground pool.

Four cats. Ooh. Sleepovers were tough. That's bad. Because cats just run over you while you're sleeping. Oh, they just like on your head? They're everywhere. I guess you can smell that kitty litter.

Yeah. I was in the pantry, which I was like, but this is where you keep the food. Oh. What? Because it was just like a little inlet. Yeah. Like I could put it in. Yeah.

Keep it out of the way, but it was like the food's in here. That's fucking gross. Yeah. I just don't. And I feel bad because I love dogs so much. I feel bad disliking cats. I'm sure there's like, I'm sure your cat's great. I got a kitty cat.

I love kitty cats. I bet there's cool cats. But two, more than two, if they outnumber you, that's a bad idea. If they can unionize, you don't want that. Holy shit. Great question, Mario. Yeah. And then we got one more.

This is from Christian. Anyone in your family had known pool shark. Ooh. No. Yeah. I hustled somebody once at Papa Shot. Oh, at the. You know, the like.

Yeah. Well, it was. You miss on purpose. It was at the bar I worked at. Did you? No. It was at the bar. Time cruise?

Sometimes. It was at the bar I worked at. We had like a side bar where it was not busy. And we got this new manager who was kind of a shady character. I think he was involved in some bad things. And we used to always get like BCBU kids would come in. So like basket, like people from the basketball team. I want to say it was Harvard, but that doesn't make any sense to me.

Either way, there was a basketball team from one of those schools that was playing Papa Shot and I was bartending for them. And the manager came over and he was like, you want to make some money. And I was like, okay, he's like, well, let's pretend you suck and tell them that I'll put, you know, this much money on you beating them. They're all in the basketball team. But because they're on the team, they're all like. They can.

They've got a nice stroke. Mine looks like beer pong, but I just fire him in there. And I smoked him ripping off Harvard kid. I was like, Oh, how do you play? How do you like them apples? Yeah. Boston than that. Yeah.

Jesus. Yeah. Well, your trash. Yeah. Yeah. I have one more question. Okay. Before we let you get out of here.

Into the rain by any chance. You don't have a Guinness World Record. I do. I actually, I no longer do. But you did. I did. Would you like to tell the class what your Guinness World Record is? It is a most donut stacked in a minute, blindfolded.

Totally wrapped us up. What in the motherless fuck? It's seven. The record was seven. It's not even home. It has to be standing. It has to be standing at the end of it. I could beat that right now.

It has to be standing at the end of a minute. It's very difficult. Seven. Seven should not be a world record of anything. They can't be frosted. They can't be glazed. So Emmy nominated. Emmy Award winner.

Mm-hmm. Junior Olympics. No, not weirdo. No, not weirdo. And the Guinness World Record. Formerly. Formerly. You know who took it?

Gellman. You can't even get a good spot at the trade shows or anything. You know, Gellman from the Kathy, well, not anymore, Kathy. Yeah. I love Gellman. He took my record. Yeah. What kind of weird shit is that?

Fuck Gellman. Hey, I didn't say it, but I signed off. I'm a religious man. For a rest in peace. Rest in peace. This guy's bonkers. Holy shit. Katie Nolan, is there anything you want the folks out there to know?

No, I'm sorry. Holy shit. Oh, god damn. Fucking fantastic. What a fucking barn burner. Kip, what do you got for him? Guys, as always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes, YouTube, Patreon, and the live shows.

I'm at Keverang Comedy on all social media. And follow the Are You Garbage pages on Instagram and Twitter as well. Oh, yeah. And choose the numbers on the Clips channel. Oh, Clips channel just got announced too. It'll be in the description. Thank you, gang. We love you, Katie.

That was absolutely unbelievable. Katie Nolan, ladies and gentlemen. We'll see you next week. Finish this. It's empty. Shit.