Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Kelly Hart - Cali Kid

Episode Date: September 15, 2022

Kippy and Foley are joined by new friend Kelly Hart! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Mint Mobile: https://www.MintMobile.com/GARBAGE Ladder Life: https://www.LadderLife.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans

Yeah, but let's talk about them live shows, baby. That middle-class famous tour. That's a good, good time, that middle-class famous tour. We're coming to a city near you to stand up comedy show. Then we play a little AYG with the crowd. Fantastic way to introduce new people to the show. Grab your best guy, grab your best gal. Grab your girlfriends, grab your guy friends.

Bring the whole squad and come see us. Yeah, gang, next week, September 13th, we're gonna be in Kansas City. Then September 14th, we're gonna be in Springfield. All right. Then in September 15th, we're gonna be in St. Louis. Then in October, coming to Nashville. We're going to Indy in November.

We're going to Philly's second show out of there. That's almost sold out. Get those tickets. Don't sleep on that. Then we're coming to Providence, Rhode Island, and Boston in December. Those shows are sold out at the moment, but we're adding tickets.

Be on the lookout. Yeah. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts. Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back

to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage. Oh, yeah. Little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that the group to be classy. Her to just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host H. Foley coming at you on a beautiful day.

We're down here at Aunt Toody's basement. She just got a brand new ankle bracelet. Good for her. I ain't talking about K. Jewelers either. But he's going to be home for a little while. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He is an international businessman.

He's the Prince of Park Avenue, but always the king of the boardwalk, baby. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan. Hey, gang. Thanks for tuning in. As always, make sure you're right with you subscribing to iTunes.

Full video available on YouTube as you know those numbers are. Almost at 100,000, baby. Let's go. Let's go. And obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. Slash Are You Garbage. A lot of that money, baby.

Check it the fuck out. Yes, Sarin. Have a nice quick shout out to our producer, extraordinaire, the Magic Man. Makes us all look good. He works the ones and twos, crosses the T's, and dots the eyes, and he's no stranger to a kick flip. I can tell you that right now.

Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin. Toby McMuffin, everybody. What up, dudes? T-Bone. I'm so hyped. I've never wanted to guess it. I think I'm cool more in my entire life. He's been doing heel flips all morning, dude.

He's fucking stoked right now. Dude's a poser, man. Oh, my god. Man. T-Bone is all excited. We are all excited. We couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly special guest here with us today for the fourth time.

He's a professional skateboarder and podcaster. He is team manager at S. Shoes, MobGrip, and Richter Wheels. He is also a team rider at LRG. He is sponsored by Visit Skateboards. And you can hear him every week on the amazing podcast, The Nine Club. But the big question, but he's mine today, is he garbage? I don't know about all that, but he's a cool dude.

He's got a sweet name. The kid's fucking smooth as ice on a skateboarder. Give it up for Kelly Hart, everybody. Let's go. Yo, you guys, that was incredible. That was first take. That was first take. That was insane.

You guys are amazing. Ah, man, I love this guy. He came in laughing. I'm like, this is my kind of fucking guy. Yo, thanks for having me. It's awesome. Buddy, thank you for coming. Give us the backstory.

LA Kid, Los Angeles. Techland Goonahills from Orange County. I grew up skateboarding, playing baseball, basketball, football. Really? Yeah. I was a full on jock for days. Nice.

Two sisters. I got a dad. I got a mom. This guy's got a mom. Kid's doing all right. Yeah. Where'd you meet dad? I have an older dad.

I was like, OK. I got an older dad, younger mom. Giving it real Callie. What is Laguna Hills? It's right next to Laguna Beach. It's a cool neighborhood. It's, you know, it's pretty nice. A little bit of cash.

A bit of what? A little bit of cash. A little bit of money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Laguna Beach would be this. I mean, it's like middle class. Nice. You know what I mean?

Parents, families, my dad's at ER Doctor. Mom's a nurse. OK. My sister's a lawyer. Her husband's a plastic, no, orthopedic surgeon. My sister's other sister. These are learned people. A dentist.

Her husband's an oral surgeon. And I'm just a skateboarder. Yeah. You're out in front of the 7-Eleven. But, you know, it's super cool. I think I was the baby boy. So they kind of like let me. Let you do whatever.

Like, you know, I think when parents, I don't know. I don't have kids, but when they had their, my first sister, they were real strict. Sure. And then they had another one. They were strict on her and then the baby boy. And they're like, oh, he's cool. Yeah, just let him go.

I never got into attention in high school. I was like super nice little kid. I just paid attention to what I wanted to do. I got into skateboarding and it just took over my life. What age? Yeah. I started skating, I think at 11 years old. OK.

And it like, I played sports and everything like that. But I, in high school, I figured like, I don't like having like a schedule or like, hey, you have to go to practice after school and practice for two hours and do all that stuff. And that was all year because I played every sport. Damn. And so then I was skating on the side

and then I kind of just, hey, mom, I'm done. How did you see, what was the first skateboard that you were like exposed to? Because it's always like an older kid in the neighborhood or there's always like some sort of romance where you're like, oh, I want to do what that kid's fucking doing. Yeah, for sure. So my parents had a beach house in San Clemente.

I grew up surfing. OK. And then my neighbor, he came skating down the street one day and he just had a skateboard. I saw him and his little brother and my friend. I was like, whoa, what? And then I kind of had one before, but it was like, I'll ride down the driveway in my ass.

And like, you know, just a little kid, you know what I mean? Now you're speaking my language. As far as I got, I skinned my knee and I was like, I'm going back to football. Well, dude, when I was a kid, too, it was like, you would go. I had to live on this hill. So my mom would buy me a brand new pair of shoes and I'd get on the board and just fire down the hill,

putting my feet on my ass on the ground, destroy a pair of shoes in literally an hour and two just get super pissed. But anyway, my friends skated down. They showed me you could do this thing called the Ollie. And I kind of just was like, well, that's kind of cool. And then I started to learn it. It took a long time to learn that first stuff.

But then you realize there was this open, huge, vast world where you could live like just all the spots that are out there, all the tricks you could do. And it was just kind of eye-opening. And I kind of just went down the rabbit hole. You got into like the scene and all that stuff. Yeah, it took a while to get into that because there wasn't really a big skate scene.

I mean, there was, but it was like, I don't know. There weren't skaters at my school. OK. How old are you, if I may ask him? I'm 37. So when you were, because when I was a kid, there was no skate parks. There was none of that stuff.

It was all like. He's 104 years old. Back in my day, you went for snappers You're going to scare my horse. What are you doing, young man? But no, it was all like, you know, it was like parking lots and stuff like that. Kids getting chased out and stuff like that.

And I feel like it wasn't until your guys' generation where people started, you know, like where it started to become a little more mainstream at that time. It was the same age. And I skated till I was horrible. I never really got past the alley. I was good at cruising. But no, like that's what it was.

There wasn't a bit of a boom. I feel like that for kids that age at that time, like the early 2000s or whatever. Yeah. I think, you know, my friends started doing it and then I saw skate videos and that's what really opened my eye because you're like, I didn't even. There was a video called Toby knows four and one.

Yeah. And it was just like this. These like monthly, bi-monthly videos that came out that just showed you skateboarding and you got to like hear the music to see the way they dressed. And I was introduced to like, you know, Southern California skateboarding and then East Coast skateboarding and seeing like Philadelphia, New York.

But I'm like this little white kid in like, you know, Orange County and I'm like, this is so fucking cool. I didn't know that there was like this big world of like, just there's no organized, like there's no organization of it. It just go out and do what you want to do, you know what I mean? And so that's what kind of like led me to it. And I literally just took over. We talk about this all the time.

Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld said this in either comedians and cars or something like that. He said, you know, who's going to be all right is the skateboard guys, because you see them and you know that they had to fall so many times to be able to perfect something. Yeah, but you're getting back up and doing it again. Yeah, I think that is the big parallel with stand up, too. And I started watching all those epically later.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, and I just like this was like a few years ago. And it's like with stand up or, you know, with stand up and skateboarding, it's it's success through constant failure. It's like you only succeed one out of a hundred times. Yeah, whether it's a joke, whether it's landing a trick or whatever. So it's like you're it's that constant failure that I was like, Oh, it's so similar mentality wise. Yeah, I trip out because you I feel like comedy.

Like when you guys sell a joke and it bombs or something, like you're just taking that emotional that emotional beating right there. And then skateboarding is like more, more physical. Sure. Yeah. Like you're just like falling, falling, falling. That's the thing. It's it's wild.

I always just tripped on that. I trip out on you guys doing stand up and you guys are hilarious. But like it's like wild for me to like get up in front of people and just be like, you got I watched some thing. You guys is like, you know what? I'll just while jumping down 10 states. Yeah. All right.

It's a little bit like, yeah, I'd rather bomb and fall off a loading dock. I'm not going to lie to you. You guys are crazy telling jokes for 12 people. You're alien off the fucking roof of my house. I totally would rather get bombed like bombing instead of jumping off. Oh, dude, what is the broken bone situation today? Uh, dislocated my ankle once or I broke ankle. Oh my gosh.

Foot once ankle dislocation once broke my ankle another time. And then I had a hip surgery, like out of nowhere. Like I had this thing called hip, hip impingement. That kind of would like slow me down a lot. Was it because of skating? Just repetitive skateboarding for 20 years. And it was this one day I was like, oh my God, what is that? I didn't even know what it was.

I had to go look into it and like luckily one guy came on our show and kind of had the same problem. And then I was like, I need to look into that. And then I saw his doctor. He's like, oh, yours is way worse than his. You're fucked, dude. I was like, God, you could have asked your dad. Anybody in your family could have taken care of that.

There might be a concussion thrown in there too. I'm not going to lie. To be honest, that was a cool thing is that I remember when I broke my foot. The first time I had called my brother-in-law and he was like, oh, yeah, you have this one injury ball. By telling him, you know what I mean? It's like, you need to get surgery now. That's what he told me about my hip.

He did say that, right? He did the x-ray. Do you scare the shit out of me, dude? This guy's awesome. First off, I'm waiting in like the waiting room for him. And he's like, he opened the door and three dudes walk in and they're holding this huge syringe full of like brown shit. It's like, sir, we're going to need you to calm down.

And I was like, what the fuck? I'll be here for an x-ray, dude. Hey, put the junk away. Yeah, he was like, all right, you need to get down. And he starts putting it in like, we hold it and stop, stop. And the brother walks in and he's like, got you, fucker. I was like, dude, you can't do that in the medical field. That's fucked up.

He's got your janitors. Yeah. It's not a frat house. But yeah, no, it's a lot of injuries and like whatever. But you just, it's the funny thing about skateboarding, man. You eat shit and you destroy yourself. And that whole one year that you're out, you're like, I just want to skate. I just want to skate.

And then you somehow you get back into it. That's how long it is sometimes. It'll be like a year. Yeah, it could be depending on what it is. Yeah, it's super nuts. And that's still going to hang out when the other guys are skating and stuff like that with the cast on and shit. Yeah, but dude, didn't you got to crutch around?

That's the way. Hey, wait up, guys. I'm like, that's the worst part. Like, I hope don't break my arm. I would have put a fake cast on. Yeah, I'm sorry, I can't do it. I'll trick down Vans here. Oh, you've been injured for 14 years. Yeah, you know, I don't know.

Tony, man, back home. I really tore it up. That's like my girlfriend went to another school. She's really hot. You don't know her. That's all. Yeah, that's the whole side of skateboarding sucks. But this is what you go through.

You know what I mean? Has anyone gotten injured doing stand up? Maybe somebody attack him on stage or something. Yeah, but nothing doesn't. Yannis used to, Yannis is falling off. A couple of people falling off stage. Yeah, but nothing like skateboarding. That shit's fucking wild.

Yeah, I trip out because like there's segments in videos like the slam section. You're like, dude, I can't, I can't watch that. Oh yeah, when they're like jumping over the stairs and fucking just catch it wrong. Like when that's what's crazy, people, people, when you watch skate videos, they land in the videos. They're usually landing every trick, right?

You put the music to it, you land all the tricks. People don't know how many times people destroyed themselves. I would have the gnarliest swell bows growing up. Like, like a couple of years or sacks. Like there's, my hips were just like swollen as fuck because you're just like constantly falling. But like the funny thing, there's a couple of people and not Cal Smith, the professional skateboarder, awesome.

He like, you just learn how to fall. And so he'd fall into spring off the ground. Like it didn't even hurt. Like a stuntman. Yeah, let's figure out how to do it. Yeah, and that's, I think with skateboarding, you have to learn how to fall, which is weird. That's fucking sweet, man.

Did you go to school? Did you go to college? Went to high school, didn't even do the SATs. No SATs. I went to community college for like a year. And then my mom was like, I got, I didn't tell her that I was going out skating. And I, one day, a check came to the house

and she's like, what, what is this? And I was like, oh, I got sponsored. And they're like, what are you doing? I'm like, I don't know. You want me to go to college or just or community colleges when there's like, yeah, they asked me to go to Barcelona. The next month of this new video. She's like, let's get, stop going to school

and let's go do what you want. Yeah, I got on board real quick. Yeah. Fucking cash out. I mean, it was like, it was like 300 bucks. But like, take that, surgeon. I'm out of here, dad. I just need a first class ticket to Barcelona and I'm going.

But it was cool, like that they let me just, they always supported me. That's awesome. That is awesome. It was a cool thing that they didn't push me down this like crazy medical like college road or anything. So it's been cool. You got leukemia, dude.

You're not going to make it, man. I just said fucking lunch, dude. What are you doing? It's a debo. That was a good one. That's funny. I love this episode. This is all right.

Do your parents still live in the same house that you grew up in? My mom was in the same house. My dad lives somewhere else now. But so in Laguna Hills, but it's cool to like go home and like my house, I grew up skating in my driveway and that's like I cherish that place. Oh, that's awesome.

But I live in Venice Beach now. Nice. Yeah. So not to give the address away of your of your mom's house, but was it a boulevard? Was it an avenue? Was it a street court? Coldest Sack.

So it was perfect. It was like I had my driveway. I had this, it was like I had this driveway and then my neighbor's driveway was like, there was like a grass gap in the middle so I could skate. Those are great. Perfect little flat gap. And then I had a box and a flat bar,

good flat ground and then my whole street was just like perfectly paved. And it was like, yeah. So they would constantly see you out there. So they knew you were, you were very serious. Oh, I was insane. And I must have pissed off my neighbors so much. Just hearing the skateboarding, nonstop.

I'd be out there till midnight just trying to like learn shit. You know what I mean? But it's a thank you to my neighbors and my mom and family for letting me be a mania. Geez. Here's a couple of trucks. Yeah. Here's a set of bearings.

Get out of here. What was the high school mascot? The Hawks. Nice. That's got a whole host of names in the high school. Laguna Hills High School. That sounds nice. It's pretty cool.

I imagine there were some attractive people at that high school. There was some attractive people. I'm trying to think. So you were the same age when the hills dropped, right? Dude, no, it was Laguna Beach was the first one and then it changed to the hills. But Laguna Beach was really close. When you were in high school or whatever.

It was right after I graduated. Is this where you grew up? Yeah. But holy shit. Yeah. So I worked at a skate shop growing up called Laguna Surfing Sport. And there was one in Liso Viejo and one in Laguna Beach.

So the kids that were on the show, they worked at the one in Laguna Beach. It was like Steven and Kristen maybe or whatever the name was. And I worked at the other one. And people in Laguna did not give a fuck about that show. Because it was just so weird. I don't know why, but I would get calls at the shop like, hey, is Steven there?

I'm like, oh, you got the fuck the wrong one, man. I can't even Ollie do anything. But that show was big. I mean, that's like the Jersey Shore to us. We grew up going to the Jersey Shore. That's not what we do. Exactly. It's very different.

Yeah, but that's funny, man. What was the name of the grocery store that your family went to growing up? Dude, that's funny. Do you guys ever hear Alphabeta? No. There was one Alphabeta that was like, va. Sounds like Skull and Bones.

I always drifted out in that name. But they're like, I don't know, Vaughn's, Ralph's, you know. OK. Stater Brothers. There's a bunch of them right there that are just. What do you go to now? Oh, man, I'm going to. There's one next to my house called Airwan.

It's just like super. Oh, that's a nice one. But it's the closest one that I don't have to get in my car and drive anywhere. So I can walk right there. But it's a little expensive. It's pricey. Yeah.

I haven't been, but I hear good things. Yeah. What was the name of the Chinese spot and the pizza place in your hometown? Sticks was the. What was that? I hope that wasn't the Chinese place. Oh, man, it was the Chinese.

It was called Sticks. I think it was called Sticks. I think there was a letter in front of it or something. I can't remember. Sticks is all right. Probably throwing a good fried rice. And then what was the other one? Pizza.

Pizza spot. The pizza store. It was right next to the high school. Pretty basic. After every high school football game or whatever, everyone would go there. You hit the store. You gotta get a slice.

Yeah. That's high school, baby. I didn't drink at all in high school or like I did after, but it was just the place where you'd go and all the kids were hammered. You know what I mean? Being crazy. You go to all the football games and stuff like that?

It was cool just because my friends were playing. Actually, it was pretty interesting. When I quit football, they kind of like stopped hanging out with me because I was just like a skater now. Sure. And then either the skaters that were at school were like, oh, Kelly's a jock. Yeah.

So I was like in this middle. You walked in both worlds a little bit. I was kind of like in this middle space. I had friends, but it was like I didn't party or anything and go to these weird events. I thought you were a cop. Full beard. Was there ever any friction between like the skaters

and jocks and stuff like that? Any rumbles? I wouldn't say. I don't know if there was rumbles or anything. Can I stir up all beef? I will say, I think the skaters talked mad shit on the jocks. And the jocks didn't give a shit about the skaters.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just like, oh, you fucking jog, blah, blah, blah. Like, and the jocks were getting all the girls and having, you know what I mean? But the skaters were just, I don't know. They, I don't know. Why don't you go fall down somewhere? I'm over here banging the cheerleaders.

The skaters in our school, they were all real quiet. They were cool as shit. You know, there was a couple of bozos or whatever. But for the most part, they had like this quiet confidence about them that you knew not that you would want to, but you knew not to fuck with them. And a couple of them could fucking kick some fucking ass if their fucking back was up against the wall.

And I feel like the skater group always had like one berserker, like one monster that would fight like, hey guys, would just like to do, always had his shirt off, could like hold on a fucking telephone pole sideways, and would just fucking kick this shit out of nine people. Did you ever see the video of Mike Valely? Well, I was just going to say that. Is that what they called him a skater douche or whatever, right?

Or they called him a skater douche or something. I don't know what the... I just saw a video of him fighting five dudes at the same time. What was that on? That was on a... Tony Hawk's skate tour thing. I don't know what video was in. It was in a video...

Because I remember seeing it really early on. I think they ran in a few things. It was definitely in a CKY video. Okay, that's... Would not fuck with that guy. That's exactly what I'm getting. He was also randomly in the hangover. That's right.

He's the guy who pulls up in the van and hands them their tuxedos on the highway. Oh, really? Yeah. Just random cameo. But he beats the shit out of those four dudes. Oh, yeah, he does. That was great.

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Have you ever gotten in a fight with a security guard? No. Nothing like that? I don't. No. It's like when you got older and you start doing your sponsor, I'm like, people come at you pretty quick because they're like, hey, get the fuck out of here.

Because they're probably sick of dealing with skaters coming to the spot. But I'm like, hey, I'm sorry. I'm just doing this because this is what I love to do and I'm doing it for a job. I don't mean to ruin. And they're like, oh, OK, yeah, cool. Hey, you get one more try.

It's all good. You know what I mean? I never really got that. Why they were such dicks about it. I understand maybe the insurance. But it's not like the skateboard's ever really ruined anything. Well, no, they can, yeah.

Like you see on the ledges there, like rails or wax and it's all grinded up. And the scholars, it grinds down the edges. OK. Yeah. And so I understand that. But at the same time, it's just like, you built the perfect spot.

Yeah. But dude, it was not my fault. Your place rips you. Yeah, it's fucking amazing. It was always some fucking security guard that looks like me fucking with his shirt undone, trying to chase four or five of you guys around. And it's like, dude, this is not going to end well.

It's being filmed. You look like a fucking idiot. Put your mace away and get back in your car. Shut the fuck up. Not worth it. What were the vacations like growing up? I went to family vacation. I went to my family had like this time share in Maui.

Those were the four of us. Time share. Yeah. Time shares are trashy. Time shares are for sure trashy. But Maui's all right. The yard must have been slow back here. Yikes.

It was tight, though. I went out there. Remember, that's where I saw Ace Ventura for the first time. I was fucking, I watched it. I recorded it. Ah, the family memories. Yeah. I quoted it the whole trip.

And my sisters hated me, dude. It was fucking, it was that. And what was, oh man, what's the guy? Fucking. Oh, man. I have to think of the, I can't remember his name. I'll get that out. You got it in post.

And you guys had the beach house. We had a beach house too. How often would you go there? Would you just do that in the summer? No, the time share as well. So it's extra trashy. Yeah, I have this trashy everywhere. Wait, were you at time share?

Okay. Was your regular house a time share too? Only had it two weeks a year. Hey, wait for the Clarks to get out of there. Get back in my room. I went there once every like two months. Okay. And it was cool.

It was pretty good. It was like literally on the beach. And then like El Nino happened. Yeah. Dude, I went there after it happened. In the house literally was filled with sand. Like literally filled with sand. It was pretty wild to see, but yeah, we stopped going after that.

Really? Did they, did they get rid of it? They renovated it. But that time my parents were like, oh, we're good. And I was like not, dude, when I started surfing, and I was so over the, like the fish, and I did understand the sets coming in, I would get destroyed.

So I just kind of like skateboarding is like, I can control my surroundings. And so I just, that's why I kind of got on this. Do you ever see a shark? No. I just like stepped on a fish once and it felt really weird. That's it. You know what I mean?

Like, you know, once you step on a fish, and it's like, you're like, dude, fuck that. Yeah, dude. Get a case of fat. Get a bad case of icky toes. No, thank you. Yeah, no thanks, dude. I'm good.

I don't think what it is. I'm gonna go hit a four-stair. What's your go-to order at 7-eleven? If you're going in and you get a snack, what are you getting? Dude, I used to run the hot dogs, which is a horrible fucking joy. No, it's all right.

Shout out to the big bite. What are you talking about? I don't know what they put in that chili, but goddamn. I used to do that. Now it's more like, oh, I'll get like a cliff bar or something like that. OK. I kind of cleaned up my.

I get older. You kind of have to. Yeah, but I would just crush hot dogs and go skate all day. Back in the day. I was chubby, dude. I was chubbed up. Yeah.

Were you a slurpy man? At one point, yeah. I would do the suicide stuff. We could just get all the different flavors. I've never heard of it like that. From girls fucking hot dogs. That's your calling a suicide on the show. Yeah.

Give you a taquito, a big bite, and a suicide. Let's do this. Oh, man. Good times. That's fucking awesome. Yeah. What were the pets like growing up? I had a dog.

I had a golden retriever named Quincy. That was the dog. It was crazy. Mom would tell me, it's like, yeah, you were crying one time on the other side of the house. And Quincy heard me and went and got my mom. Really? And like, you know, whatever.

Hey, something's going on. What kind of dog was he? A golden retriever. Golden retriever. Yeah, it was sick. It was a golden retriever. And I had a dog named Barkley. He was a cockapoo.

OK. And he was like my actual dog during my teenager and later. Yeah. So that was like weird because when he passed away, you know, it's like, you never think a dog would be something so special. But when he passed away, I was like, me and my family, like, wow, this was fucking horrible.

How old were you when he passed away? 27. 27, that's tough. It's like parents, not that they don't think about it, but like, you get married, you get a dog, then you have kids. When those kids are 10 or 11, that dog's checking out. And that's fucking traumatic. That's very traumatic.

They did that. Life, baby, you got to learn. I know. We do. My mom did that with our first German shepherd, Mike. We went to like, like, Pop Warner football practice one day and came back and. Oh.

Yep, 86. Later. Out of nowhere. Yeah. Out of nowhere. That's horrible, man. Yeah, it was brutal. Sounds like a nice lady.

Correct. He was looking at me funny. He was going through my purse. Ah, that's good. Ever have a burrito for breakfast? For days, dude. Breakfast burrito, dude. You're my new favorite person, dude.

For fucking days. This fucking rule. This is Toby's two worlds coming together. Dude, for real. My whole life is led up to this moment. You were all, dude. That's a huge thing. Like the breakfast burritos in Southern California.

Burritos in LA, especially in San Diego. That's huge. Like Mexican food down there. Yeah. Call it California burrito. Have you guys ever heard of that? What's that? Like, it's just like you get like,

what is it, chicken or whatever steak, but you put french fries in it. It's like a. It's the whole deal. I can get behind that. Yeah. And then you have some french fries. It's pretty like hammered late night type style food.

But yeah. I like it. What's the credit score like now? Credit score? Yeah. Pretty good. I actually tripped out on that. I used to like, I said before somewhere I think,

but like I didn't have a credit card until I was 35. Dude, I just got my first one. And like two years ago, maybe we were in this studio. So within two years, and my credit limit was 300 or $200. Oh, wow. Yeah. Man, but now we're doing good.

Shout out to Capital One. It's like started. I just actually got another credit card recently. I was like, I'm going to, but I got like a new car and fucking it's like. It's pretty good right now. I'm stoked. But I just never thought that.

I never thought of that until 35. Sure. Right? Yeah. Weird. They gave them like, they gave us a credit card when I went to college and fucking,

they probably had like 500 bucks on it. Just ran it up once. Yeah. Never even thought about it again. Just ran it out. Yeah. And then as an adult, it's like your credit score is negative 54.

Yeah. Because of $500. I know. Been digging out of that hole for a long time. What kind, you got a Amix? No, I got a, what do I have? I have like the American Express. Sorry, you would have said that.

American Airlines like credit cards. So I get like the points. And then I got like a Bank of America Visa card. You're an American Airlines guy. That's why I tell you a role. Well, when I go on all these trips for traveling, for like contests and skating, like my friend was like, dude,

just go on one airline. You got to, it was kind of much of the same thing early. Delta men. Like big one and just stay on it because it'll pay off. A lot of skaters would do Delta. That's a big one. And then I just got randomly,

like I had gotten a lot of flights in America. American. I was like, I'm just going to stay. Yeah, just stay. Yeah. So Americans are nice outfit for sure. You fly first class now. No, I'm not there.

I had, I'm still working on it. Sure. You know what I mean? But not sometimes they'll bump me up, but I'm not there yet. Yeah. We're playing that game too. Yeah.

It's a little bit more. We'll do it. Yeah. Trying to get those points. Trying to get next year's straightened out. Yeah. Trying to get silver. Trying to get silver.

So you've been on, you've been on trips to China, right? Yeah. Yeah. Who'd you go with? I went with Expedition and LRG back then. Did they send you to China first class or was that? No.

I never went first class like that. I did go to Australia on the way home. This is actually kind of funny. I'm the young kid on the team. There was like OG pros, the LRG trip, the Carl Watts and Rob G, all these older Delmo. I'm the young kid. You know Rob G.

Sure. Fuck, I'm hanging out with him last night. He's got good weed, I gotta say that. Oh, fuck, man. Yeah, I got in the plane. I was like, it's hit some weird ass number and I go up. It's like upstairs first class and like all the pros are like in the back and like regular spot.

Oh, shit. I'm just like laid out first class. I'm like, I just got lucky out of the group. Just randomly got picked or whatever. Yeah. And that was the one time where I was like, this is what it's like. You never want to go back after that.

But then I'm not paying that much money. I don't know. Yeah, it's crazy. Skateboarders, we see it on the couch, man. I don't give a shit. Yeah. I'll sit in the back. I don't care.

How far is that? How long is that flight to China? Oh, it's like a, I'm going to say like a 12 hour flight or something. But Australia's worse, right? Australia, I think is longer, right? 18 or something like that. Dude, stairs on a plane. I don't trust that.

It's fucking too big. How would gnarly, it's a huge ass. That's fucking nuts. That's fucking nuts. Yeah, but first class, dude, I'll take it. Who is, I think, Virgin has bars in them. Like you can get up and go walk to the bar and like stand at the bar. In business class.

Oh, I could, dude, if you get on that plane, it's like you're at a club. Yeah. It's a little weird, but like, I'll fuck with it. Do you guys celebrate Christmas growing up? Oh, hell yeah. What would you do? Real tree, fake tree? Real tree.

Real tree. Real tree. Colored lights on that tree? For days. Yeah. Okay. Colored lights are trash. And you got the thing on top.

You got the ornaments on top. Did you tinsel on it or no tinsel? No tinsel. Oh, I don't know. I don't know if I ever did that. Can we make the popcorn string and have that go around it? No. All right.

You got what? People do that. I was like, what? People do that. They make like shh. People do that. And how about the outside of the house? Would you do colored lights out there or white lights?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Colored lights. And then actually, we did the back was, we did the colored lights in the back, but we eventually did it. My mom's house was all white lights. And we did it one year, like, just like 15, 20 years ago. They already stayed up. They haven't gone down.

Cause it's like a perfect backyard light. A backyard with white Christmas lights. Let's fucking go. It's a proper backyard light. That's a good hang. Yeah, yeah. I feel like you're in a wine cooler commercial. I fucking love it.

Well, my backyard where I grew up is ridiculous. It overlooks like all of Orange County. It's like, I grew up on this hill. It's like pretty nuts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Grew up like, I didn't, I just, all I knew that I moved away. I was like, whoa, that was. Damn, you had a, you had a mate in the shade, baby.

I can't believe I grew up in that. That's cool, man. So it was cool, man. Were you a bagel bites or pizza rolls? Oh, damn. I'm going to say bagel bites. Okay. I don't really, yeah.

I think I was, I don't know. I was like, you go to, you know, go to Costco and use, they have all the little like snacks you can get, whatever. They had like little corn dogs and shit like that. Oh, we never got those, but a couple kids had them. Those things were wild. That was my foray into corn dogs. We're seeing those things.

And he never looked back. He's a pancake wrapped in a hot dog wrapped in a pancake. Let's go. Yeah. That's pretty sick. I forgot about those little things, little bangers. What about frozen pizza? Would you guys do frozen pizza?

Oh yeah. Tombstone. Really? Tombstone. That was very classy. Hella tombstone. All right. Yeah.

Yeah. My, and I also, my mom would get me, I do, I eat like a maniac. I would go out like, I don't know. I can't believe my mom would let me do this. I would go like twice a day to McDonald's or something like that. Damn. Two Big Macs, cheese only, large fry, large cook. I do that twice a day sometimes.

Really? That's for a kid. That's a lot of calories. Now, cheese only, no pickles, no onions, no special sauce. Straight up. I was, I was really strict eating as a kid. So pizza, burgers, chicken nuggets. Okay.

I'm a nugget man myself. But now, now I expanded my mind. So I can eat other things. Gotcha. Yeah. What about school lunches growing up? Did you buy or did you bring your, bring your lunch? Depends.

In elementary school, the food there was trash. Yeah. It was garbage. Like it literally sucked. Dude, I think it'd be good. Yeah, but like. But it's like the nine, no one cared in the 90. It was just like slop and keep it moving.

Yeah. And then like when I got to junior, junior high, they would have like, they have pretzels with like chili and cheese, like the soft pretzels. And I was like, that's my shit right there. So I would crush that and that'd be good. I didn't really bring food to school or food to school. Shout out to the super pretzels, soft pretzels.

You guys ever go on a cruise as a family? Never did that. Nice. Nice. Ever been in a hot air balloon? No, I just talked about that the other day, how fucking insane that would be, but no. It would scare the shit out of me.

That would be, that's, my friends were like, I would rather do jump off a plane or whatever. Fuck going in a hot air balloon. It's too slow. It's like, you're just fucking, you're like, am I going to die now? Am I going to die now? Am I going to die now?

If you want to get down, you just have to like chill. Yeah. It's like, fuck that dude. What about skydiving? Ever go skydiving? No, I don't think I'll ever do that. There's no reason for me to do that. Okay.

Have you guys done it? No. Are you nuts? Fuck out of here. I think I'm over the weight limit for both. They have to strap him to an elephant. That's the only way to balance it out. Oh my gosh.

Do you know karate? No. Do you want to learn? What? Well, these questions. Tell me, get him. Are these questions you ask everybody? Yeah.

Oh, this is awesome. This is the show. Oh, shit. It's good. What about devil sticks? You know how to use those? Oh, the things read. Yeah.

I did it once, but I don't know how to use it. Can you hacky sack? Not good. Okay. I kicked the ball probably three times. Okay. That's good. That's a good answer.

It's a good warm up to skate, actually. Gotcha. Makes sense. That makes sense. Have you ever won a Kangol hat? No. Do you own a suit? No.

Tuxedo? No. He doesn't own a suit. He's not James Bond, dude. I got one. When was the last time you bought your own clothes? Ooh. I don't know.

Geez. You're flooded with gear. That's the cool thing about skateboarding? Damn, this guy's awesome, dude. I'll get you guys gear. Yeah, get me gear, dude. They don't got 5X stuff over there. There's no 400-pound skate porters, dude.

LRG, though. LRG does make a lot of sizes. And you get gear up, dude. Yeah, dude. We've got to get you skating. Yeah, do you guys get free shit for doing comedy stuff, or how does that work? Free drinks at the bar, usually.

That's how you take full advantage of. I mean, our sponsors for the pod send us stuff. Everything we sponsor. But not skateboarding. So you're low. I mean, we don't have clothing sponsors. Yeah. So the cool thing with doing the team manager stuff,

I sponsor kids with shoes or spros. I can send myself shoes. I can send myself grip tape. I can send myself wheels. I can order gear because I'm sponsored by LRG. I get all the boards I want, all the trucks, all the wheels. So it's like, maybe I didn't make a lot of money growing up as a skater.

But I got everything I wanted to do. Always had gear, and I got to travel for free. Yeah. So that was the fun part. You know what I mean? That first couple of things at gear, you're like, fuck, this is awesome. It's Christmas every month, dude.

You're waiting at home, and the UPS guy comes up. You're just waiting for him. He drops off a box. And it's cool, man. What on you right now did you buy? The hat? The hat. That's it.

That's it. What about the underwear? Got for free, too. Shout out to Stance. I got the socks from Stance, too. S-pants, LRG t-shirt. I'm a huge Dodger fan. So I had to, yeah, I got to.

He's living the fucking dream over here, dude. I'm so jealous. He's had the toe and merch. I fucking love it. Oh, that's a good piece of business. Well, you needed to counter at a diner. Are you a counter guy? At a diner, no.

I'll sit at the booth. OK. Yeah. I'll have a booth. But yeah, if there's alcohol involved, I'll sit at the bar. OK. You know what I mean?

Like, I don't know. It depends if I'm also from solo with friends. Right. Is that a thing? I don't know. Solo at the bar is nice. Solo at the bar is nice. Yeah, right.

I would rather go sit at the bar by myself. And you don't have lunch there? I'll have lunch there. But if I was, if I had friends, I'd rather sit at the booth. For with the homies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With the squad. Yep.

Let's see. Do you have name brand luggage? Uh, I don't know. Well, the company has a name, but it's not like that. It's not necessarily the, it's Volcom randomly. Volcom clothing, yeah. Yeah. They sent us a box a long time ago, so that works.

OK. It has been named. Ever been to Burning Man? No. Coachella. No. I'll never do that shit. OK.

No disrespect to it. It's just, you're just out there. It's a lot. It's a lot. I like it. Yeah. I like it. Good answers.

Is there a family dessert or a family party appetizer that's well known within your family? Like your aunt's banana pudding recipe or rice pudding recipe or like a buffalo chicken dip? Anything like that in the family? Damn. That's a great question. I don't know if there was like a specific thing, but I don't,

I don't know. Nobody had a famous dish. Nobody had a famous dish. It's a good thing. I mean, if my mom would just make, she'd get really drunk sometimes and make all this chicken. I'm like, then? She'd make this chicken and she wouldn't cook it all the way

and put it down. I was like, mom, you can't get hammered to make, not cook chicken. I didn't answer this, I didn't answer this rare. That's not exactly what I mean, but that's all right. But no, she's a great cook. It was just funny how that stuff happened. But no, that's not too crazy.

How do you feel about the rotisserie chicken? Oh, I love that. She would bring that home from the grocery store. Shout out to the roto guy. Oh, yeah. That shit is banging. Yeah, they're all right. Do you currently own any $2 bills?

No. OK. Do you guys? I have one. Do you guys just hold on to it or do you just? I tried to spend it when I was really poor. I didn't have any money. I tried to spend it and the guy at the boutique

was like, I'm not touching that thing. The trashy thing is that at some point when you're a kid and the uncle or somebody gives you a $2 bill, and you thought it was like a barrel of wine. It's going to be worth more money at some point. That's the thought. Random thing I have, I have this thing full of change and I have two silver dollar bills or whatever.

Yeah, yeah. Like, and that's like the rarest thing I have. But I don't see those anymore. I don't think they're that rare. Are they? I don't know. That is rare, $2 bills. Yeah, I don't know.

I don't ever use a bill. That's all right. What is the container that holds the change? It's just little, I don't even know. It's like this little glass bowl thing with a little lid on top. It's so random. It's not like a two liter with the top cut off or anything. No, no, no, no.

That's currently what I have. Really? Two liter? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a one liter. I have two one liter, two Poland spring one liters of the top cut off. What?

Yeah, I'm trying. Yeah, I'm balling, dude. I'm fucking caked up from the waist up. Let's go. I want to get one of those things. Well, when do you cash it in? Like you go to the CoinStar machine and cash it in? Yeah, I would go to the CoinStar.

Have you seen those things? Where you just dump it in there? But no one time. That's my banking institution. What are you talking about? I was like, I fucking don't like they take the percentage. The 9% or 7%. So I went to the bank and I just gave them

all the change that I had. It was like, they took it? Yeah, they did. I was there for quite some time. And they hated you. Yeah, they totally hated me. But then I realized. This is US currency.

You have to take it. But I was like skating back and forth real slow out front. I was like, maybe I shouldn't do that next time. I'm going to do the CoinStar. Yeah, CoinStar likes to wet their beak a little too much. Tell you that. Take that down to the Caimans. Straighten myself out.

Get that shit off short. Have you ever gone ghost hunting? No. OK. Ever had your palm red? I don't think I have someone professional. Couple of amateurs. Maybe a couple of friends.

You got calluses, dude. I do have one callus right here, fucking. Oh, damn. A random thing. I'll just shout it out. I jump rope a lot because I hurt myself skating so much that I got in jump roping. Shout out cross rope jump ropes are the best.

He's exit up. I'm going to show you guys. You're going to be like, what the fuck? You're kind of weird. But I have that. It's been there for like five months from that. And I'm like, dude, I never had that. So yeah.

That's good. It's a good sign. I mean, you're doing a good job with the jump rope. And I'm like, OK, it's active. You pee in the shower? Yeah. I have. Yeah.

We're not the feds. Take it easy. I like how it's like my mom gets drunk and makes chicken. Do you pee in the shower? I don't know what you're talking about. Are you flossing every day? No. Never.

I have my sister's dentist and she hates that. When was the last time you were at the dentist? A year and a half ago. OK. That's not bad. That's all right. The cool thing about having a sister's dentist is that I get like free show or whatever free checkups,

but I don't go see her. OK. I had a paper shit in his life. Cozy shit. I got a merch deal with the dentist. Probably made you somebody to work at Mickey D's and you're all set. Keep you in Big Macs.

Check out SoCal Dentistry. Holy shit. Tell him Kelly's at me. The giveaway kid over here. I fucking love him. Becky Hart or Becky Kroanik? I don't know. She has two last names, I guess.

Is it a drugstore or a pharmacy? I guess. What is it? CBS? Yeah. What would you call them? What would you say? Oh.

Would you say I'm going to the pharmacy or I'm going to the drugstore? Go to the drugstore. I would say drugstore. OK. Yeah. I think it's what it was. All right.

That's trash. Do you know any of the lyrics to The Battles from Eight Mile? No. OK. That's good. That's good. That's a good sign. Who's your mom's favorite singer?

Bob Seeger or? Shout out to the Silver Bullet Man. Shout out to Mrs. Hart. I like it. Jimmy Buffett, huge fan of Jimmy Buffett. That's what I was thinking about before. Now we're getting there. Yeah, Jimmy Buffett and Barbara Streisand.

Curveball. She's a parrot head. Who loves Streisand? Shout out to my mom. She's the best. It's like her first show thing. That's fucking awesome. That's a good sign.

Seeger. That was great. My stepmom loves Seeger, dude. She had a Porsche growing up. Like when I was a kid and she would rock Bob Seeger. Top off, like top down. We just drive around Laguna, Bob Seeger. I was like this little kid besides sitting there.

That's fucking awesome. It was pretty steep. All alone in the loads of alley. Out there working on the night moves. Were you a Crystal Light family growing up? Yes. Nice. Crystal Light.

It was the lemonade flavor. Because they had other flavors. Yeah, they had out of here with that. Yeah. That Euro trash. Straight up the middle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go.

If you buy a six pack and you go, you're taking it home and you put it in the fridge with a six pack of beer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you take them out or leave them in the six pack? That's a great question. It depends on if I'm going to go somewhere after. But usually I just put them in there. Just like just like just put the box in there.

Put the whole thing in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I don't know. Because you're garbage. Yeah. I got it. I pick up on it. This is a Toby question.

But you ever walk on a highway? You ever walk down a road? No, no, no, no, no. That's I trip out by seeing people doing that. Yeah. It's not great. I would see that in China a bunch randomly. OK.

So you would just be, dude, driving in China is wild. You drove? I didn't drive personally. But just being in a car. But just being in a car. Like they really, like it's people are on the street. Yeah. They're honking.

They're only going 50 miles an hour in a freeway. Like if you're going up to a car and you're going up a little faster, it'll honk. Just like honk. Just to let them know that you're there. Gotcha. That's too much. It's just there's a lot going on there.

But good for skateboarding. How do you feel about cold pasta? We have cold spaghetti in the morning. I used to. I cut out carbs completely. Cut all that stuff out. OK. Because I can't.

I would get. Yeah. So I just cut the carbs out. OK. Good, good, good. Good. What kind of car are you whipping now? I got a Lexus NX 350.

Nice. I just got it. I'm really stoked. Awesome. Congratulations. 2022. Yeah. I'm hyped, dude.

Is it a lease or do you own it? I had a car and I just like gave them. I've got a good deal. It's a lease. OK. I like it. But for three years and I realized, I'm like, in three years, I don't even know what cars are going to be like.

Like it could be all electric. It could. You know what I mean? Like, and I was just like. Who knows? It could be flying through space. Yeah, it could be flying all the time, man. But I was just like, I want to get the car

that I hope my dad had one growing up. I always thought that it would be so cool to own or like have a Lexus to drive. Sure. So I just got it. That's fucking awesome, man. Congratulations. Thank you.

Thank you. I appreciate it. The 90s dad that drove a Lexus. Yeah. Was fucking classy. Had the phone in the car. Yeah, the big one. Man.

My dad had that in a Jeep. It's like he was calling an Airstrike. Well, you go to the gas station. We'll use the squeegee at the gas station to clean anything else but the windshield. Well, you do like the doors. I think I did that once. Yeah, I actually did.

I used to have a purple Honda. I got it. That's actually good. I saw you. I would know I just do the windshield now. OK, yeah. And I would do the windows on the side sometimes. You can't be cleaning a Lexus with the squeegee.

I got a bad look, dude. The only exception. They're going to look at me like that's the least. You don't know that's the least. Dude, when I was a kid. Still got the big phone in there. Mike, when I was a kid, I thought I was buying. It was a cloudy day and I thought I was buying this black Honda.

Oh, my God. And they deliver the car like a week later. It was full on purple. I had my shades on, dude. I was like, what the fuck is this? And then so like a couple. Oh, they saw you. Give them the purple ones.

Shrink me with that one. And then my homie. Dude, I bought a car on a cloudy day. God damn smog. And then my homie. He had a piece of. That's my favorite story ever, dude. Well, this is even better.

My homie had a car was all dusty. And my homie had this like piece of plastic. I don't know why he did it be drove. I called it dode, but like a huge dick on the hood of my car. The whole thing. And I thought I was like, oh, to scratch it off. It just stayed. I had basically car keyed a huge dick on my purple Honda

for when I was a little like a high school kid. So I got I got roasted pretty good for that one. They had my number there. How long have you been friends with Johnny Knox? That's a real nice move right there. Has anybody ever in your family ever uttered the phrase, I should have killed you when I had the job? Maybe my sister.

No, I'm not used specifically. But I heard a family member say that not too long ago. And it really struck me. I should have killed him when I had the chance. I knew that would just happen to you because you've been spending so much time at home. I'm like, oh, he just heard that. He just heard that.

I should have killed him when I had the chance. Jesus Christ. Relax, lady. Oh, God, have you ever farted in your hand and made someone else smell it? No. OK. That's that's raw.

Do you fart in an Uber? I have. Not like not loud. Sure. You know, dude, the public loud fart kind of hardly. Like you do the silent dude. Imagine being a fat guy. You're blamed no matter what they bring in.

You received that one family guy when Peter and some dude get in the elevator. And he like he farted. He's like, it was you. I don't know why I always thought that was funny. That family guy knows what they're doing, man. Any turquoise jewelry? No.

OK. I got to make one. Have you ever pissed in a bottle in a moving vehicle? Yes. For days, dude. Like on skate tours, you're doing that all the time because like you're going from like six hour drive and the driver is like, we're all drinking beers

in the back, whatever. Like he's not stopping. Every 10 minutes to like let us piss. So you just get a Gatorade bottle. And just have at it. Yeah, just go for it, dude. I know you're probably off them now, but if you were having a burger with a bun

and you're eating the burger, when you pick a bite, first of all, do you cut it in half? No. OK. When you put it back on the plate, do you turn it upside down or do you put it back right side up? Right side up.

OK. Do people do it? Put them down. I'm an upside down guy. Upside down guy. The science behind it is the top is more structurally sound. So it's like it's easier to do this than like. OK.

Intra. It does make sense. It's like a backhoe. Yeah. I guess. I don't know if I ever saw anyone do that back home. Well, let's get a burger also. Yeah, it's an east coast thing, right?

It's an east coast thing, yeah. What do you, where do you live now? You live in an apartment or a house? I live in an apartment in Venice Beach. OK. What kind of bed do you have in there? You have a king, queen. Dude, I have.

It's a sponsor, for sure. No, I'm trying to get one. I'm trying to get some bed. I've had this bed for fucking ever. And it's a full-size bed. It's a little spot that I have it. And I'm trying to get a new bed, but I can't.

I'm so, like, indecisive of buying furniture. It took me two years to get my place, actually, what it is, but all I'm missing is a new bed. I would recommend Heal Ex sleep promo code garbage. Take a two-minute sleep quiz. That's just me. I don't know. I'll fucking do it, yeah.

Is it up against the wall or is it in the middle of the room? It's, there's a little nook in the right-hand corner. And so I put it in that little nook and it's like, I wouldn't get a king, but the king won't fit in there. Can you get out on either side? No, no, no, no, no. You got to get out the one side. You got to get the one side.

And it's like the way my, it's positioned. Dude, I have, I have a studio apartment and I have a TV right there and I have a TV right. It's like the most bachelor pad, like. Sleeping in a fucking sports bar. Yeah, exactly. But it's cool. I like it there.

And what's the bedding situation? Do you have a complete set? Like pillowcases? Oh, bedding. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it all matchers? Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I'm a comforter.

Uh, yeah. Yeah, for down cover, yeah. Does it have a duvet cover on it right now? Yeah, yep. Really? Yeah, yeah. Okay. That's a Kelly look at you.

Not bad. Yeah. Uh, do you open your eyes under water? Uh, not in the ocean, but in like maybe the pool. I don't know. I haven't done it for a while. No, I won't, I wouldn't do it anymore. When I was a kid, I, I got it like a lot of chlorine in my eyes

and it kind of fucked me up. So I don't really do it too much. Do you have any fireworks in your house right now? No. Okay. Okay. Ever jump off a trampoline into a pool? No, that sounds fun though.

I'm surprised on that. You haven't done that. I think parents would be a little iffy. Well, I mean, I'm not asking my mom to watch. She was at work or whatever. I know, but I think my mom would be like, fuck, that's kind of gnarly. The first one's awesome, but then the second one, you're wet.

So you lose your feet. You know, it's, it's bad. Yeah. The first one, you're like, this is the fucking great. I think it's real dicey. Trampoline falls when people like jump off of roofs on the trampolines and they think they're going to like spray off and they just like combust in the way.

Or sometimes it snaps. They just go straight through the ground. Did you skate on the trampoline with like a deck? I never, I never really got good at that, but there's some skaters that get really, really good. Yeah. Back in the shower. Do you brush your teeth in there?

No. Okay. I do it outside. What kind of soap shampoo are you using there? Uh, I think I have doves. Bars. Bars. And I have the shampoo in there, the dove shampoo.

Okay. Doves three and two and one. Yeah. Uh, no, I have conditioner too. Really? Yeah. I don't know. Is that the sponsor?

I feel like they're about to be. I'm super down, dude. It's the one thing that I pay for than this ad. Yeah. And I'm furious about it. It's good. Has anybody in your family ever claimed to see me UFO? No.

Nobody? No. No. Okay. Nope. Have you ever left a bad yelp review? Nope. I never really yelped one at all.

Neither have I. Yeah. Even if you're not eating it now, have you been in the past been an ex-Benedict man? At one point, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's good. Okay.

Yep. Pretty good. Anybody in your family drive a PT cruiser? No. Let's say you were going to a wedding. All right. One of your buddies is getting married. What are you dropping in the envelope?

What are we talking about here? What do you like cash wise? Ooh. Fuck, I still owe my last friend some money for this. You can stop right there. That says enough, Mr. Hart. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

How long ago was this wedding? A month ago? Two months ago? Oh, you're good. That's all right. Yeah. In dirtbag law, you got a calendar year. I heard that somewhere and I'm sticking to it.

I just saw him the other day. I told him that. He's like, no, no, it's all good. Fuck him or whatever. Oh, you had to do that. Yeah. I still got you, dude. Well, then yeah, it's all good.

But then I'm going to a wedding next two weeks. So I got to look into that. I got to give him some money. Okay. Yeah, yeah. All right. Thanks for reminding me. Of course.

You fat bastard. Yeah. You're going to keep your fucking back shit. You want to because I came to do this podcast. Toby got that. Have you ever taken a bath at a hotel? Yeah. I have.

Wow. Yeah. Was it an epsom salt bath? No. I was with someone. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. Well, it's his name. I thought it was you. That's all right. I'm glad you're not telling me. I like that. Was it a big one or a regular sized tub? That was a big one.

Yeah. Okay. All right. That's fancy. Get the sour talk for you. You know, your birthday, you got to get the sweet. Sure. Oh, yeah.

Sure. Okay. Do you have a favorite flavor of Gatorade? Even if you don't drink it now? Oh, I still drink it now. A nine club would drink it all the time. The orange. Really?

Yeah. Orange. I'd never liked it when I was a kid and all the time I'm like, damn, orange is the best. I respect it. Yeah. That's pretty good.

Yeah. I'm going back and forth here. I'm not really sure to be honest with you. On him? Yeah. He sold. Are we watching this? Are we on the same show right now?

Yeah. I don't know. Orange Gatorade is pretty fun. Yeah. That's literally anything with food will convince him that you're like, you could be royalty. He's like, well, he does like pickle.

I do like pickle. Anyone in your family ever represent themselves in court? No. My sister's a lawyer, but she would not. I don't think she's gone. She hasn't been to have to do that. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Have you ever been to anybody's first call when they were locked up, if they got locked up? No. No? No. OK. Have you guys had that?

Yeah. Really? I've been a first call. What the fuck? What do you do? The only number is mom. How do you get that and get him out? What do you mean?

What do I do? I don't know, but like. Wrong number. What do you mean? Yeah. How do you get my boy out of the lockout? What do you do? It was a Friday.

He would have been sitting there until Monday. I can't do that. He's going to show the next night. Oh, fuck. Do you have butter at your house? Do you have butter in your home? No, I don't. No butter?

Not at my spot, no. Really? Yeah. OK. Yeah. You're not fucking with it. I fuck with butter, but I just, I used to eat so much and I just realized that I don't need it.

Is your fridge stock, like if we went there right now, would we, if we showed up at your house right now, if we, would you be able to make us a meal? Right now, no, because I did it on purpose. OK. Because I'm going out of town. Nice. So I don't want to like go to Trader Joe's and stack it up

and then just dip out. Sure. So, but when I'm home and I'm at home for a while, it's pretty stock. You'll do a grocery shopping and all that stuff? For sure. You have a Swiffer at the house? Yes.

Nice. Yeah, yeah, the fucking, yeah, I have one of those. Is it the electric one? No. OK. I just like the regular one, yeah. What about a vacuum cleaner? You have a vacuum cleaner?

I have a vacuum cleaner. What are you rocking? I don't know, my landlord's like my best friend and he gave these to me. That's weird. Yeah. Dude, I get the, I get amazing rent and it gives me free shit all the time.

It's like a 70s sitcom. I don't fuck. Hanging out at the Regal Beagle. I never heard anybody say they're bullies with their landlord. I also picture like an old guy, is it? No. He's like, he shouts at Jeff Gallows at my home and he skates. I just got a month of free rent.

Yeah, there we go. He said if I get a free, yeah, exactly. That's why I came on here. Go to gallowsapartment.com. He goes, that's why I came on here. Oh, good heart. That's good. Yeah, he skates.

Oh, OK, there you go. And so we became friends through skating and then he's like, oh, I actually own his property. You can just live with me. Nice. All right, that's different. So what is it? I thought you just like randomly applied for a place

and like Mr. Jenkins like, this guy's fucking awesome. Yeah. Some old war vet hanging out. Wait, so how does the vacuum cleaner prop into that relationship? He gave you a vacuum cleaner? It's weird. Can you live in Japan for a long time?

It's a random Japanese vacuum. Like all the controls are Japanese. So I have like no idea. It's probably like a blender or something. Oh, I know. When I just hit the green button and that's all I know what to do. Dude, the moral of this episode is that if you're chilling off, you don't have to pay for anything.

Oh, shit. Yeah. Steve will give you a vacuum. Can you kickflip North Korean toaster at your house? I don't know what he's doing. This guy is 360 flipped his way into the coolest life ever. Oh, my gosh. North Korean toaster.

He's been using that line for months. Have I? I think so. He got big on North. I like it. I'm a fan. I'm just saying. I mean, I think I'm pretty good.

Yeah, I think. He's trash. It's game set. Max. I already knew I was going to do it. Yeah, yeah. Perfect. But I'll tell you what, a fucking goddamn good time, Kelly.

I'll tell you that. Thank you. My kind of guy. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Kelly Hart, buddy. Thank you so much for coming and sit with us. Anything you got coming up? You want the folks out there to know? Plug away, plug the pod, socials, whatever.

Thank you guys for having me on. Of course. Anytime you're in New York. Thank you for hitting me up. I just are announcing right now, because I'm actually going to do it right after I'm done, that I'm back officially on LRG. We're like redoing or not redoing it,

but we're building up the skate program. Okay. Awesome. Super hyped on that. Kev D, Carl Watson, Chico. Watch the nine club. If you can, if you like skateboarding, even if you don't. Even if you don't.

Also, you had Norman. Oh, yeah. Check out. I mean, everybody's comedy fans listening to this. Check out Norman's episode of the nine club. Please. I mean, huge mark. Fantastic pop.

Huge mark Norman. Comedy. Yeah. He's been on your guys show. Yeah, of course. Yeah. So that and S footwear, Don Brown. And yeah, no, thank you guys.

I appreciate it. Thanks, brother. This has been great, man. Thank you. Fantastic. Thank you. Kibi, what do you got for him? Guys, get tickets to our live shows.

They're selling out. So get those tickets now. It's a good time. We'll see you out there. Come see us, gang. We love you. And we'll see you next week. Peace.