Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Kerryn Feehan: Private School Class

Episode Date: July 30, 2020

Comedian and podcaster Kerryn Feehan joins Kippy and Foley to find out if she classy or trashy. Kerryn talks growing up in Massachusetts, going to private school, and drinking too much. You know Kerryn from Jim & Sam, Roast Battle, and TLC. Support our Sponsors: https://yokratom.com For a 60$ Kilo Today! Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Forman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Hey gang, it's your old pals, Uncle Hank and Kippy. Just want to thank you for tuning in to R U Garbage. Yeah guys, make sure you subscribe. That way you get the episode as they come out and you can also go to gasdigitalnetwork.com, use promo code AYG to get bonus content and get the episodes before they come out and HD streaming. Do it.

Yeah. Welcome to another exciting edition of R U Garbage. The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Couple of good looking boys right there. I'll tell you that. Hey everybody out there and welcome back

to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is R U Garbage, the show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and find out if they grew up classy or if they're a complete piece of trash. I'm your host H Foley, stumbling over his words. We're on a beautiful day here at Gas Digital Studios in the big studio in the East Village or what is left of it.

It's like a demilitarized zone out there. Bombed out and depleted. Right from the studio to the Uber, ladies and gentlemen. That's my fucking tip for the summer in New York City. My co-host's coming at ya right next to me. He's a good kid. He's got a brand new Uniqlo shirt on. We stopped.

He ran in. I kept the car running. He looks fresh. Gang, he is the brains behind the operation and as I always say, the next time you're reaching for a best pal, you go ahead and make it a kippy. Give me a nice big round of applause

for Kevin James Ryan. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. All right, one person, appreciate it. Not, not, New York, stop it, huh? Not to brag, but I'm back in an XL. This is the first XL I bought in a couple of years. Kippy put on a little bit of pounds. Couple dejournos.

A few more pounds, few less hair follicles. You know what I mean? That's the kippy you know and love. Happy to be here, guys. Thank you so much for listening. We're back in the top 200, baby. Yes, sir. Loving it.

Thank you for everybody that left a review on iTunes and subscribed as well. Full video available on YouTube. You can subscribe there as well. Also, you can get full HD. HD. Access to the complete library of all gas digital shows. If you go to gasdigitalnetwork.com,

use promo code AYG. Get the shows early. Get the chats. You get the live streams. Plus, we get to wet our beaks a little bit. You know what I mean? A little bit of cash. And kippy's pocket.

That's what we like. And we are tankin' up. Waitin' on Steve Mnuchin to drop another fuckin' check in the mail. I needed that 1200 like fuckin' three months ago. Let's go! And gang, we could not be more excited to have our very special guest here with us today.

She is an accomplished standup comedian, writer, podcaster, and actor. You've seen her on TLC, Comedy Central, TruTV, and just about everybody's podcast. But the big question everybody's mind today is, is she garbage? I don't know! Ladies and gentlemen, you know her.

You love her. Karen Feehan, everybody. Hi! Yeah, thanks. This is so fun. Thanks for doin' the show. No problem. I'm thrilled to be here.

I'm so excited. We are thrilled to have you. Now, let me ask you this off the jump. You're well-known. Everybody knows ya. Everybody loves ya. Do you think you're garbage? Wow, it's such a nuanced answer.

It is, then we'll get into it. Can I be honest? That I think that that's about perspective. Yes. Because I think that wealthy people would see me as garbage. Sure. Sure.

Me too. I feel bad. We're all in the same boat on that one. That perspective, we're trash. I can't buy a crab cake. And I don't mean rich people. I mean wealthy people, like old money, classy people who sort of float around in these souls.

These souls. They're shitty too, though. They can be trash. Of course they're, they're shitty, but these souls of wealth that sort of like, they don't even, it doesn't even matter what they look like. They don't even care. They don't even care to like improve it.

Sure. They just sort of like wear sunblock and like count their money and like live and build hedges up so people can't see how many kids they're fucking, you know what I mean? Very protective. Very private. Like to those people, I think they would see me as trash.

To the average comedian, I'm fucking rich. Yeah, there you go. All right, there you go. I'm fucking rich. I forgot about that. You have to realize we're coming from, within comedians. Right.

Comedians, that's a low fucking bar. Yeah. That is a low bar. And not every comedian, obviously, some people are killing it. Sure. But I mean, my circle. Rich people definitely can be trashy

because I was in the Hamptons not too long ago. Ooh. The town next to the Hamptons. Yeah. A little bit further down the Long Island Expressway. But we stopped at this nice roadside stand and this fucking, it was like a Rolls Royce. This old lady pulled up in the Rolls Royce.

She got out, she went over, she was arguing with the lady that ran the fruit stand and then gets back in the car. And then I see the lady with the fruit stand runs back over. It turns out she was returning cherry tomatoes. Stop it. Jesus. Returning cherry tomatoes.

Who'd you? And here's the best. The fucking lady catches her. She's like, hey, you're returning these. I was nice enough to return them, but you fucking ate half of them. You're kidding. She was fucking eating them out of a bag

in the fucking car. And then she fucking spun out. Oh my God. It was so great to see her called out. She was like, eh, I'm dying. She, that doesn't bother her though. You know what I mean? She's moving on to go return blueberry somewhere.

She don't give a fuck. She found under her seat. So that's what we've kind of, that's exactly what the podcast is all about is that you could be from anywhere. You could be garbage. You could not be garbage. It's a, you know, it is a very minutia kind of thing,

which is great. It's thrilling. I'm really excited to talk more about it. We're happy to have you. Yeah. Where are you from originally? I'm from Massachusetts. Oh.

It's like you're up in a town called Marshfield, which we used to call Mash Vegas. Mash, that's pretty good. That's real trash. Why? I'm getting hammered. I'm getting fingered in the dunes. Ha ha ha ha!

Woo! Fingered in the dunes. Fingered in the dunes. I told her I loved her. That's awesome. It was like a trashy and wealthy town. It was both. Those are my favorite towns.

I grew up, I was very similar, very similar town. And like the dichotomy, cause you are around like rich people. Yeah. Who are like- But you're also friends with Charlene, who taught you how to get fingered in the dunes. Yeah.

Because she looked like, she was like cousins with one of the new kids. Yeah. And we just go to her house and wait for Joey to show up. I swear to God. And like, I'm sure she made it up. Why did you call it Vegas though? Was there gambling or something?

Was it a resort town or anything? She said no. Just trash. So it wasn't like some shitty local casino. Cause they've done that in Philly a lot. That's funny. Oh, it's a real shitty. Oh God, yuck.

Shout out to the sugar house. You owe me a bag of meth. I'll tell you that. That was a beat bag. They don't open till 3 a.m. at that place. All right. And you grew up brothers and sisters. What was the story?

Yeah, I have an older brother, younger sister. Most of my, the people in my family are teachers. Everybody is a teacher. That's very respectable. Agreed. Very noble profession. And then my dad's in sales. What's he sell?

So am I. No, he used to work for a college textbook company. So he would like drive up and down New England. He'd like drive to and from Maine in like a day. Travelling salesman. Yeah, he's like Willie Lohman. He loved us so much he would come home and we would listen to him pee.

Cause he wouldn't stop on the way home. He would hold his pee all the way home and then we would all listen to how long he peed for. That's not normal. Decent peace with the situation. Strong stream. Wow, all right. Strong stream doesn't equivocate large people.

No, I got a strong stream, small tool. Oh man, you would think that fucking, there's a horse in there. I got nothing, but it sounds good on the audio. You know what I mean? You switch over to video. This is an audio platform. That's all that matters.

I'll be back. All right, so you grew up there, brothers and sisters. Middle class, upper middle class. I would say upper middle. Just because of my dad's extremely hard work ethic. Like we're talking like 60, 70, 80 hours a week. Damn. To make, he probably made like over a hundred grand a year.

That's good. Back in the 80s and 90s, that's clean fucking living right there. He's making money. You know, meanwhile my mom was getting her masters while working as a teacher. So she eventually started making close to that and then he got laid off the day.

I got accepted to college. Where'd you go to college? I went to Mary Mowman Haddon College. Got kicked out of two dorms. Thank you so much. Oh, for you. All right, Mary Mowman had to go to school though. My cousin just got rejected from there.

That's a real trash to grow in college. There was always the kid or the girl who got thrown out of the dorm in the first like three weeks. I mean, how the fuck did you manage to get thrown out in three weeks? It's so funny. You look back on that and you were like, we were in those situations too.

Like, oh, we got caught smoking weed. Like what's gonna happen? Nothing ever fucking happened. You get a fucking other dorm and that was it. And unless your dorms are in a luxury building on 55th Street, then you get three chances, community service, and then they boot you out. And then you got to start being a waitress

and pay your own rent when you're 19, which was fun anyway. Is that what happened? Yeah. What kind of place do you start working at? Community service, what the fuck? Like for the college, not for like the stator. Oh, that's fucking bullshit.

And then the cafeteria in a jumpsuit. Yeah. You don't have a chain gang, they're like, Karen, is that you? You going to the party? You going to the fight sigma party? Handcuff to some drunk sorority girl. Stop crying, Tammy.

Yeah, but no, so that I was like, oh, I'll just get a job while I go to college. What, where did you start working? I worked at Moe's Caribbean, which is a bar on the Upper East Side. Where, do you know it? It's trash. Is it?

I don't think it's called that anymore. It's like a brother Jimmy's. It's very similar. I was like the girl that would like pour like booze on your throat. Yeah, probably booze. That is so trashy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And like give you a lobster with the other hand, like it was like food, booze, I would black out every shift. Yeah. You were a big booze, big booze. Oh yeah, I would black out in my, it was like a sports bar too. So anytime when I'm from Massachusetts,

and I'd know nothing, I would, I would know one player's name. I would just be like screaming ways to like go socks. Inevitably, I would wake up the next morning in a Yankees jersey at some dude's house. I'd be like, fuck you for you, and I'm like fuck. Derek Teter giving you cab money? Yeah.

Hey, who won that game? You're signing an NDA on the way out the door? I'll tell you what, that's classy as shit, man. Shout out to Derek Teter, I love you, buddy. He knew how to do it. He did, he was pretty good. Do you still booze or not? Oh, well, this time around,

I haven't had a drink in over two years. Hey, congrats. Yes, thank you. And you've kind of shaken the Massachusetts accent as well. Yeah, I mean, but all I gotta do is go home to my mom. And it's just trash right back. Right back on, garbage, garbage. What do you think is trashier,

the Boston accent or the Philly accent? Philly, 100%. It's disgusting. It is. Well, at least. It's just chill through my spine. It does, I have it too, I have it bad. You don't really have it.

Water. I say water and chocolate. Yeah, what are you going over there? Over there? When I go home, it fucking, it hits me. I dated a guy. Especially after a couple of course lights. Yeah.

Good night. I dated a guy from Philly forever. I dated a guy from Philly forever for like eight years. I dated him, Eagles fan, psychopath. Psycho. That's a different level of trash. But I think there's a romance behind the Boston accent, there's romance in the movies.

It's the cool accent to have. Yeah, and when you like. You meet some guy, you're like, it's like having a British accent. When Ben Affleck is saying it with a five o'clock shadow on a fucking AK-47 in his hand, it's real fucking sexy. Yeah, he's like,

you're going to embarrass my friend in this bag? You're not remarkable. Oh, I love it. I don't know. Philly's pretty trashy. I would say Philly's trashier than Boston. I think the Midwest though, which is where I get a little bit of my accent from,

because I was born in upstate Pennsylvania, and they tend to carry like a Buffalo Midwestern accent. I think the Midwest is the trashiest, especially gender-based between females and males. See, I think a sturdy South accent is the grossest. It's like the trashiest. Okay. I just kind of tell you,

you get like a chick from Florida or something. That's awful. I've been fingering myself. I don't know. What's up? What's down? It's such a shame. You can't sound smart.

You can't sound smart. You can't tell me to spell psychlopedia. It sounds like you just bought lottery tickets. That's exactly what it sounds like. I would like to address this class of 2020. I am the alma mater. Yeah, yeah. I am pregnant.

They clunk of words, alma mater. No, you're not. You four scum sounding goofball. I hate it. Let's get into some more of your garbage. We're gonna play a little game here, Karen, called Are You Garbage? I love games.

Kevin and I are gonna ask you a series of questions. We'd like you to answer the questions as honestly as possible, and obviously they trigger any stories or memories the worst the memory is. Please share with the audience. Start out simple. What was the name of the street that you grew up on?

Peterson Path. Peterson Path. That's fucking, that's class. Wow, a path. I don't think I've ever heard a path. It was a nice street. I picture like dunes and like. Peterson Path is a nice neighborhood.

It was really nice. There was a few Italian families, one pair of lesbians, Irish Catholics. It was a nice mix. There you go. Yeah, that's pretty good. That's the best one we got, Peterson Path. All right, what was the name of the grocery store

your family went to growing up? Oh, God, I don't know. My mom always went, what was it called? It'd be weird if you were going. That'd be trashy. Yeah, I was just sending you at 11. Go get me a packet of smoky dumboa. No shoes, I don't know.

Super something? Super fresh. Super. Super market. Super market. Super market. No, there's no way that's worth it. Yes.

Super market, super market. Super market, it's just super market. Oh, there's supermarket and star market. Star market. They both sound garbage. Star market. Star market. I swear to God, they were like next to each other too.

Really not smart. OK. And so you grew up in a single-family home, I presume your dad was bringing home some cash. Like, you know, suburban, single-family home. Had your own room? Yes. Not only did I have my own room,

I had the master bedroom and my parents moved downstairs when we started hearing them fuck when we got a little older, like 11, 12. So my brother, who was three years older than me, got the smaller bedroom and my sister got a smaller bedroom. I got their master and my dad put a ballet bar in my room so I could practice and I had full-length mirrors. That's pretty classy, however.

What, that the parents, that the whole family decides that they're all going to just listen to the parents fuck and they move the children around? That's garbage. No, what's- That's like porn star weird garbage. What's garbage is that your parents moved downstairs. Anytime the parents' bedroom is on the ground floor.

That is trashy, right? Oh, yeah, for sure. Or the kitchen's upstairs? What the fuck? No, they were on the same floor as the kitchen. They were downstairs. Did they remodel to build that room or was that just an extra room in the house?

No, they did. They, they, they, it was a nice room. That was a big, like nice- It was always there or they put it on? Oh, it was always there. They're trash. And was it a bedroom? It was a bedroom on the first floor.

They turned it into a bedroom. What was it before? Yeah, I mean, there was, we still had a bedroom, a living room, a dining room, a kitchen, and a bathroom on that floor. And then we had a finished basement. That's clean living. Like a nice TV and then three bedrooms,

another bathroom upstairs. I also liked, you think your parents put them, the mirrors were there for them to fuck hardcore. No, shut up! So they weren't there for the ballet training. They were there for the peeky peeky, you know what I mean? I didn't get rid of the swing.

That was weird. The parents put the mirrors on the ceiling too. It was great. Dude, thinking of my parents fucking brings me nothing but joy at this point in my life. That's pretty good, man. I'm glad they did. I never had my parents have sex once.

Yeah, I wouldn't want to. I don't know, I've seen them. They're fucking, they produced you, it's hideous. I bet they're still doing it though. Shout out to Patty, love you babe. She's doing it with somebody. I don't know, it might not be your dad. Oh fuck you, listen, shout out to God up there.

He's sitting on his chair right now by fucking pissed off at you, I'll tell you that. All right, did you have a garage? No. No garage? No, no. No swimming pool? Nope.

Big backyard? Yep. Who kept the grass? My dad. He did. Riding mower or push mower? Push in the beginning, we could ride on later on in life. But push for a long time, that was good.

Like the only exercise he got, but he was obsessed with his lawn. Greenest lawn on the block. Wow, that's really good. That's class. Love a guy who takes pride in his lawn. Obsessed, like mulch day was like mulch day. So talk to me, it's like mulch day.

That's pretty good. Fresh mulch every spring, that's a fucking sign of a classy gentleman right there. He was good, yeah. But unfortunately, your father's not on trial here. Sorry. You are. Great.

Okay. What was the Christmas decoration situation? We did colored lights. Ooh. Ouch. We did colored lights, we made fun of people who just did white lights because we thought they were boring.

That's classy. That's classy, it's understated, it's sophisticated. Fucking the Griswolds did colored lights. Real tree? Yes, always. That's pretty good. One tree or multiple trees? Just one tree.

Okay. Do you guys do tinsel on the tree? Yes. Love tinsel, it's the most fun part, is it child? It's trash. Throwing it everywhere. Yeah, now the dog eats it,

it hangs out of his asshole, it's a whole thing. It's a whole thing with the tinsel. I love tinsel. I can't get a read on her right now, at least the upbringing. Yeah. I wish you could know the name of the supermarket,

that would be a big thing. I'm telling you, it was Star Market, it was one of them, and the other one was, what did I say? Supermarket. Supermarket. It can't be supermarkets, supermarkets. I'll text my mom.

There's no way there's a company out there called fucking supermarkets, supermarkets. Let me text my mom, you guys. I'm looking at Esther. I'm Jim Dolly, I'm the CEO of supermarkets, supermarkets. What's fucking supermarkets? We got fresh cottage today. Did you shop?

Scott's a fucking halibut came in. Fucking tuna kid. Yeah, that's tough. Nothing in the backyard though. So we had a shed that looked just like our house. Ooh. What? Yeah, so we had like a house wrapped with a shed.

Is that cute or what? That's fucking, dude, my neighbors got that. They bought like the farmhouse on the block and they redid the outdoor shed just like the fucking farmhouse. And as a kid, I was like, you cock-sucking motherfuckers, I wanted that. I have a great story about the shed.

What do you got? So it would, so everybody came to our house for winter time because it was the best sledding. We had the most hills, two huge hills that like converged. In the yard? In the yard, in the backyard. What?

So you had some, okay, you had a little bit of acreage. Huge backyard and then the shed was down in the bottom. So all these, there was like a little hill here and then a hill that came over here, a hill that came up a little higher and then they all converged to this pit essentially, right? So we got the shed that looked like our house later on and it snowed and all the snow melted

and it was like a straight up like a little pond and it flooded the shed. Okay. So my mom goes in there with a suck pump. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the like the wet vac. Yes, but she's in knee-high water and she plugs in the suck buck or the suck vac. Wet and suck buck, suck buck.

She keeps a little, I'm like, they sound like sexual performance. Yeah, she gives them the suck fuck, you know when you go in the shed with the suck buck. Yeah, they be like paused on it. Yeah, she's like, look at them, I'm like, is this an innuendo? I don't know what's going on.

What is Mr. and Mrs. Feehan into up there? Yeah, these guys are fucking. They can turn shock in each other. I love you guys. I'm not catching a movie or something, read, read a book. That's where people don't like Christmas life. She electrocutes her whole body.

Like no reason she should be alive, right? Like you're in like knee-high water. Yeah, I think that's like dunzo. Or in charge of children to be honest with you. She walks in downstairs in the laundry room and we're all standing there cause we just been sledding. She looks like Mar from Home Alone.

Yes. Haley! No, she can't move. She has like no expression. She's like, mommy just electrocuted herself. Jesus Christ. But then, cause, and then another year, my dad built like some wood around it

and let it, when it froze, it got really cold and we skated on it a little bit. Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah. That is pretty good. I don't, dude, this is fucking, this is up and down. I don't know what's going on.

She grew up with like a nice, like kind of picturesque childhood minus the weird room fucking, but that's the backyard. Yeah, living in the master bedroom. I was the favorite. That's like out of like movies. You know what I mean?

That's where like the main character lives and moves into the parents' bedroom or something. What about the, what was the jungle gym situation back there? Was there a swing set? Was there a tree fort? Swing set. And then one year, my dad built us a tree fort

and then Hurricane Bob flew it away. When Hurricane Bob came, it flew away. That's a real trashy hurricane name. I don't, I don't remember. Do you remember Hurricane Bob? No. That sounds like a liquid day that came to take the shed back.

I think people are gonna- It sounds like the drunk neighbor who drove his car through it. People are gonna know how old I am because of that. Hurricane Bob. Hurricane Bob. Hurricane Bob. It was bad.

I don't remember Hurricane Bob. Hit the 90s. And he's fucking 90. Yeah, I'm 44. He's a meteorologist too. I'm gonna go there hopefully. Hit the Northeast pretty hard. Huh, okay.

Was the jungle gym one of those nice wooden ones or was it metal? Wooden, and they assembled it for us. And I remember when they assembled it cause me and this other little girl was like five or six. We put on our bikinis to watch these guys construct it and we like threw popcorn at them. Like it's not the pedophile's fault every time.

We were begging for it. I can't. She's out there with like a lot for the popsicle. Hey, wait, I was just like- I got mirrors in my bedroom. Now hold on, I just wanna stop. That's a huge thing. That's very, the wooden swing set.

Very expensive. Guys putting it together, not your dad with fucking two yinglings and them fucking screaming. Two drunk uncles or something. He was working. That's great. I wanted one so bad as a kid. My kid on my block at the top of the hill got one

and I remember like begging my dad and he was finally warmed down after like a fucking year. He's like, we'll go, we used to drive by it. And we pull in and he puts like, I don't know, let's say it was like 700 bucks or something. They're expensive. Yeah, he put like a $300 deposit cash down on it. And then he's like the two weeks later,

I'm like, yeah, we were supposed to come on like the following Tuesday to put it in. They no show. So my dad's calling them, they're not answer here. They just fucking went out of business. They too, it was like the last thing they took us 300 bucks. And he, how garbage he is, he still feels that 300, dude.

Every time for years after we drive by, like those fucking cock sucking fucking tree foot people. Hey, gang, we just celebrated the 4th of July and I don't think there's a better way to celebrate your freedom than going to YoCratom.com and getting yourself a $60 kilo. That's outrageous. That's the world's best value in Kratom right now.

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Was there any summer camp, any sleepaway camp? Yes, I went to a lot of different ones. Sleepaway? Yeah. This kid, she's a rich kid, this kid's class. I got a lot of scholarships though. I went to the Boston Ballet Camp, that was a three week program in Boston.

That was expensive. Sleepaway, I did acting camp, that was like a week of it. You stayed at a camp and then it was like you would just go during the day. And then when I was in high school, I went to the University of Texas for two summers. But this isn't camp at this point, right? This is like, I was like-

Well it depends what you went there for. It was a speech and debate. So it was football camp, no, skill building and stuff like that. Yeah, but you know how it was like a football camp, like if you were really into something, that's classy. A university and get even better at it.

I'm saying if you went there just because football camp was in session, that would be trashy. Yeah, no, no, I was like, you would like, you would get your speech and debate pieces together in the summertime to compete. Speech and debate, what the- To compete, I was the captain. Right to fifth in the country when I was a senior.

What'd you get in your SATs? 1290, 1390. 1390, jeez. That beats Ari. Ari was 1350. 1250. 1250. Or maybe it was 1290.

Either way. It's pretty good. 1290 or 1390. I'm not- I actually think Amiko. Didn't Amiko have like a fucking 1370? It was like 1400, so it was a real win. It was high though.

That's why I got into Marymount. I got the presidential scholarship. It was like a 75% scholarship. Wow. Yeah, I'm wicked smart, I'm just lazy. Oh, and I'm an alcoholic. The wicked just took that all the way. I'm a wicked smart, I can have it.

You got a fucking problem with it? Wow, okay. Interesting. Kevin, turn the floor over to you. I don't know where I'm fucking. She's like wallpaper, I can't take a read on her. Let's move into like, have you ever dated a guy who sold weed?

No. Wow. I thought that was a dead giveaway. You're- For sure, I thought the end was fucking sleeping with some dude who sold QPs or something. Salt Coke? No.

No drug dealer of any kind? No. So you have no current connections, don't you tell me? Fair enough. Have you ever taken a full-sized pillow? No. Neck pillow?

Once in a while, but rarely. How do you travel? I'm light, I'm very compact, I can fall asleep anywhere in like little spaces, I'll roll like a. It's pretty good. But like, I'm not like first, have to be first class all the time. First class?

First class? No, no, no, but once in a while, it's nice to treat yourself. Wow, have you ever flown first class? Yeah, my cousin bought me a ticket one time. Who died? It was his company card or something. Let me ask you this.

If your family's going on vacation. Growing up? Yeah, would you guys know first class? No, absolutely not. Did you ever see me those families? Oh my God. Yeah, the fucking McAllister's, that's why I fucked that kid.

My parents are close. Fucking flying first class to France. Good thing he got lost, don't fuck it. The fuck did he do anyway? Mr. McAllister was fucking so. He was K-P's, I tell ya. Definitely banging his secretary. Okay, wow, I think as of now,

she's like bulletproof Clare. Have you ever flown private? No. Interesting, you're on a cruise. Yes, hate him. Why? Why are we on the cruise? Why'd you go?

My parents took me and my sister because my brother was in France. Huh? And we were, it was like the school vacation, it's like an April vacation. You took the boat to France? No, my brother was in France, so we went on a cruise.

You were doing something, okay. I was like, yeah, your brother's in France, we'll take you on a cruise. Right, right. What was he doing in France? School trip, I went on the same one as when I was a junior. School trip to France, we went to the fucking.

You had to be good at it. We went to the zoo. We went to the zoo. We went to the job application. I went to private high school. You went to private school? Holy shit, I wanna know what's going on in the fucking live chat right now.

There better be fucking head spinning. This is unbelievable. Holy shit. I went to Sacred Heart. I went to a Catholic private school. Damn. Were you guys religious growing up? Yes, until we got a new Monsignor and he had this whole,

what are they called, the homily, the sermon after the gospel one time and it was just very anti-gay. And my parents were just very close with the lesbian couple as I mentioned before. Sure. So when they were like, we're over this. But I went, when I was younger, very, every Sunday.

Let me tell you something. Having a lesbian couple in the neighborhood, they keep the fucking place tight. Absolutely. High values. Sore. And they're always, they don't have their own kids. They were around for babysitting.

They had a dog named Wicket. My mom would chain smoke with them in their living room, trashy. That is trashy. There we go. Smoking indoors. I know I have asthma. Your mom smoked.

Oh yeah, new ports. Oh. Who's that Maureen? Here we go. Now it's starting to get out. Now it's the fucking, okay. That's why everybody loves this show. Eventually we find what we're looking for.

Dude, I don't care. You can polish it up with fucking private schools and fucking flying first class. All the fucking ballet classes you can spend. You're smoking newbies. Your mom's smoking a pack of ports in the fucking den. Trash. Did you ever go and buy them for us?

She used to do sit-ups in the backyard in a sports bra, fucking smoking. Oh, what's she in the yard? Jesus Christ. Every time. It's like fucking. Yes. Every time she wanted to drop them.

Shanking the dog. That's like what they did at the rock. She used to call it her Ian's Diet, caffeine and nicotine. She would just drink coffee, smoke bots for like two weeks. We need to get her in here. This bra is waxed.

She's fucking awesome. Fucking loose cannon. She was a teacher growing up. Yes, yes. Special ed. Ah, special ed. The cat teases. Christ.

All the flaws here and there, but. Still pretty clean. Have you ever stolen makeup from the store? Yeah. When? Was it like a habit? Or recently? Not recently, but not that long ago.

Within the last year? Two years ago. Why do you do that? The rush. It's crazy. The rush. You're not that guy, but a lot of our friends will steal candy bars from 7-Eleven.

I wouldn't want to get caught as a fat guy stealing candy. I'm talking about like $200 skincare products. That's trash here. Jesus Christ. What are you robbing a bank vault? I wasn't always rich. You could get in the vault in Sephora. Sephora is no joke, man.

But I've always had rich tastes. Yeah, I got that about you. Wow. So you stole that a necessity. Yeah. That's a little less garbage than doing it for the rush. Yeah, hopefully they don't. But the rush ain't bad.

I want to get in trouble, you guys. Should we edit this out? That is very. That's very funny. This is worth it. We're technically therapists. You think Sephora cops are going to come looking for you? I shopped together as a charity.

Yeah, I'm looking for a fee there, see? Rouge team, go. Rouge team, go. So fun. Okay, I got one. All right. Do you cut or bite your nails? I get manicures.

I used to. What the shit is on that comment? I don't know. Truck driver? I used to bite my cuticles, though. I used to bite my cuticles. There were times in my life when I was like nervous and like if I was ever going through some shit,

my thumbnails would look really, really bad, but I'm better now. Did you suck your thumb growing up? Probably. But not to a point where you showed it to them. Not to like high school. No, no. I knew someone who sucked it until high school.

Get those fucking big buck teeth. Please have a kid, Bucko. Shout out to Bucko, you might listen. You've liked a couple of posts. Bucko had a big set of chompers on him. What about twirling your hair? Anything like that? No, no, I don't have that many, many gross habits.

We have ticks. Okay. Anything in your apartment right now that says live, laugh, love? No. No chotchkees like that? No, but I have a magnet that says when I die, the dog gets everything.

That's cute. I'll give you that. It's kitschy, it's kitschy. What's the scented candle situation over there? I'm more of like a, I burn Palo Alto wood. Check please. That past, do you know what I'm talking about? That like sandalwood.

You think those bozos are gonna know? What are you talking about? These guys are fucking huffing hairspray in there. The other ones all dusted up. Look at Dylan, he's smoking something. There's three dudes in there and two sleeves, you do the math. They're not fucking light and scented candles

or no one, beach wood is. I know our guy, Joey the Irish, barely made it to New York and you all. I don't think he's fucking burdened sage. When you walk into any yoga studio, that's the scent. What the? Typically, not you, but. Yeah, I mean.

When you have to pee and you walk into a yoga studio by accident. When you fake like you're gonna join. How much are memberships here? Where's the bathroom at? Can I grab a cone? What's the deal? I'd like to talk to that girl with a nice ass.

Yes, I do. I'm a progressive. Okay, so you don't bite your nails, you don't do anything like that. Growing up, would you guys eat TV dinner? No, my brother once in a while would do the Hungry Man dinners. What?

But my mom hated it, we all gave him shit for it. How many nights a week would you guys eat at a table together as a family? Like five, like four to five, growing up a lot. My mom cooked a lot. TV on at all or no? No. That's an Irish habit.

Did you ever eat in the living room on the coffee table? No, that wasn't our thing. We were really good. Until we got older and we're really busy with activities and like deal, mealtime, we were really good about eating together. Would your parents have a cocktail or wine with dinner? No.

Okay, that would have been classy, so the record. Yeah. One cocktail is really classy. No, they weren't, they weren't big drinkers. They only drank with their friends. They did this thing called the tree toasting, where every Christmas they would pick a different house in the neighborhood and they would go toast their tree.

How cute, right? And they would get drunk and sing carols throughout the neighborhood. Oh, come on. That's pretty fucking. I'm excited for Christmas this year too. I just wanna fucking. I wanna go on record.

I'm doing it at the V-Hand house. And they would let me babysit all the kids. Babysit, I'm the last. Oh, jeez. Dump it. I was like 14, like a bunch of six year old. Jesus. I was gonna ask you that.

Who babysit you growing up? That's a big sign of trash. We had babysitters. There was Marnie who taught me how to swim in her pool, which was across the street. So they were legit babysitters, not like a cousin that was hanging around or something. No, no.

There was always like young, like cute girls that my parents hired. Very nice. I used to love that in High School. Can I just digress for a second? Is when you were hooking up with a girl that babysat for rich people, and you go over there and hook up with her

and fucking go into the pantry and hang up. Ah, that was clean living. Dude, I had one of the girls. Fucking suburban fantasy, I tell ya. One of the girls brought her boyfriend over and ended up, he threw me down the street. I forget. Wait, what?

Oh, you were being babysat? We were being babysat. No, I was the high school kid going to the babysitter's house. He's probably, for the record, I was fucking. Yeah. So you, you came over to my house, right? Yeah, I would come over to your house.

And I was like six. Said you to bed real quick. I was like six. There's a bed of drill, bitch. Yeah, I'm off of sticking it in my ice cream sandwich. Hey, eat up. I gave the bald kid a little nickel so we had a little private time.

We were bad kids. We were real bad kids. And something happened. We were like fucking mouthy too, you know what I mean? Because we thought we were tough. I was a six-year-old who thought he was tough. That's trash. When you're a six-year-old and you think you're tough,

I was like, I was like, yeah, go fuck yourself or something. And he fucking muffed my face down the stairs. So I looked up and I didn't know what the fuck happened. I ran over and got my neighbor. Shout out to fucking. I don't want to say his name. I got big B came over and he was like, what's going on over here?

I went and got back up as a six-year-old. Dude, who babysat really defines the trash? He also, my buddy, my buddy had a babysitter. We would be over his house and just fucking slob from the Northeast would come. She was looking back like a troll. And she would show us porn, looking back. She'd be like, yeah, you can watch porn on Cinemax

or whatever, like. She's like, we wanted to read a book. Yeah, but I was also like 14 or something. It was like before the internet. I was thinking about where the sidewalk ends, but all right, it's still a little Cinemax. You guys got Star Wars? All right.

We had this woman from the neighborhood that used to babysit as god-lover. She was a little slow. She was mentally challenged. And so are you. Perfect, dude. Me and my brother were fucking two of the biggest pieces of shit to this woman ever.

We'd fucking, we'd pretend to go to bed. All right. And she'd be downstairs watching her program. She used to eat these butter pretzels. I don't know. She would show up with her own snacks. That's bad. That's real.

The fact that my parents- Because if you're not like on a diet, if you're like bringing celery, because you're like, hey, I'm watching my cards, but if you're bringing your own buttery treats. No, they were rolling the dice by fucking leaving us. And we would sneak down after we knew she thought we had fallen asleep and we'd sneak up behind her

and just fucking yank the chair out from behind her and let her flip back. She would freak the fuck out. Oh my God. It was a good time. It was a good time in the 80s. Using a slow woman. We would throw, my dog, we had a beagle,

a mean fucking beagle, and we would throw, he loved cheese, so we would throw cheese on the babysitter while she was on the couch. We'd get like 50 craft singles so she couldn't dodge them. And we'd just fucking- That's hilarious. And the dog would fucking go crazy. Would he bite her?

Oh yeah. Not like, not like intentionally, but like he's trying to get- Get the cheese. He's all hyped up. He's fucking- He goes to the Superbowl. You're fucking yelling at me.

You're fucking sickening the dog and the baby's- She had all her marbles. She could have fucking, you know. What was the boyfriend doing? I don't know where he was. Not so tough now, huh, Pussy? Yeah. Sick of him.

Come back, I'll throw cheese at you, Pussy. I can't remember. Did you say you had a dog growing up? Yes. Our first dog was half-smoy. Her name was Kelly. She looked like a white wolf. That's very nice.

I like that. That's very classy. However, I have a question. Would you allow the dog to lick the plates after you guys were done dinner? Before it went into the dishwasher. My dad would, yeah. Trash.

Trash, trash. Yeah, my dad also let her lick his feet for hours. Oh. Every, like, all the time. Just like, he would just- That's fucking weird. It was like, he would switch feet. And she would like that.

Oh, my toes are cringing. That's fucking nasty. Thanks to Vera's in the bedroom, huh? She would get back in there. Mr. Fihan's a bit of a freak. That's trashy. See, we're always gonna find it. All right.

You know what I mean, Joey? Okay. We're always gonna find it. All right. I'm growing up, did your family have bacon bits? Once in a while, but that wasn't our thing. Yeah. Have you or any member of your family ever had turkey?

A full turkey on any other day, but Thanksgiving? No. No? It's very classic. What would you guys do Thanksgiving at the house? Thanksgiving was typically at my aunt Karen's house growing up, but- Sounds nice.

We did Christmas. Christmas day or Christmas Eve? We would do both, but Christmas Eve would have a smaller party, smaller amount of people there. It'd be like my uncle Bob and his wife, and we get Chinese food. And then the next day, we would have Christmas, we'd have everybody come over.

The Chinese thing. Yeah, that's a thing. I've always done that, still do it. Now we open all our presents on Christmas Eve and do Chinese food. Oh. Yeah, I do Christmas Eve as well now, since we got older, and he thinks

it's the trashiest thing in the world. It's garbage. You open presents Christmas day, you could open one Christmas night if it's a pair of pajamas or- If you're fucking seven, if you're an adult, you don't need to wait till Christmas morning, you fucking asshole.

No, he has to wait for Santa, and he doesn't give a shit. You're allowed to open your PJs, to play your football games. All right, so I don't get new pajamas on Christmas Eve, and then in the pictures on Christmas day, I look like I'm fucking jerked off. There's not enough fabric in the North Pole. Opening presents on Christmas Eve,

unless it's one after midnight mass is trash. For us- The Chinese food ain't helping either, I'll tell you that. For our family, my brother's the only one with kids right now, and he spends Christmas day with his wife's family. Sure, so you do- That's what's the same thing happen with us.

As you get older, they have kids, and the kid, they're gonna go somewhere else. That's a rip-off, by the way. I would make them go back and forth one year to one year. Make them, absolutely. No, I mean- You should make them buy you a new shirt, too, by the way. I enjoy my niece and nephew for like two hours at a time.

Oh, really? I don't need both, a lot. It's a lot, it's a lot. They physically hurt me. Huh, interesting. We're like, she's batting like a 90-fucking-percent class here. What was the- A couple blemishes, but-

I got one. What was the local campaign signage at the house? Always Democrat. But there was local campaign signs in the front yard? Oh, yeah, I'm like, did we have one? We wouldn't get that into it, but people in our neighborhood would, yeah. Okay, as long as you didn't have them out there.

If you have like, Joe Reynolds for judge, you're fucking garbage. Unless you're related to Joe Reynolds, you should've been doing that. No, no. Did you guys ever have a chia pet growing up? No. Hmm.

How do you feel about imitation crab meat? No. Yeah, what? Be good. What? I don't know. Freaking private school kids don't eat imitation crab meat. That's for you and the rest of the doc workers.

And they do a public school, I'll tell you that. Yeah, that's the special ones. That's the special on Fridays. We got ceviche the other day and it had fake crab meat in it. Shut up. Pet store? Yeah.

Where? Yeah. Can't be seen enough. Look out. Woo! That was at some place near West Point. It was pretty good. Okay, did you ever smoke cigs?

Or do you currently smoke cigs? I would smoke them once in a while at like, stand-up shows. Okay, just, yeah, yeah. I would host a lot, so like, not that I don't love my fellow comedians comedy and want to see their art. That's a time killer social thing, for sure.

I would go out and smoke. But since quarantine, I've not smoked a cigarette. Wow. I feel like I was never really addicted. Okay. I'm a raging alcoholic and I have a tattoo that says don't serve me on my wrist. Yeah, that's pretty, who did the tattoo?

Bartender. This guy named, yeah. This guy named Jeremy, I don't know. Okay. Sounds like a winner. Well, like sometimes it's like, ah, fucking, like we had Julio. Julio's like, yeah, Pete Davidson had a tattoo gun,

so I'm like, that shit's wild. Yeah, Pete Davidson did mine. Ever vacation at a lake? No. Good. That can be classy though. No. Yeah, it can be.

Under no circumstances. We just had a lake house growing up. It was fucking weird. And we were fucking garbage. Dude, we had a boat, we had weight. It was like, it was Ricky Bob. It was like new money type shit, for sure. Yeah, it's new money, but there's dope lake houses.

Yes, there's dope fucking, Lake Cuomo in Italy with fucking George Clooney. That's not Lake Cuomo, you idiot, Lake Cuomo. Lake Cuomo. Lake Cuomo, he's the governor. Yeah. Lake Cuomo. It's also got that hot brother.

And I've been there. You guys both. Cause I'm crazy. Sound like you swim in Lake Cuomo. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Only when you're there. Not your own, would it? Ha, ha, ha.

Yeah. Okay. What about a toe ring? When I was in junior high. I put sun in my hair when I was in junior high. Me too. Me too. And I got a wicked man,

like a Puerto Rican, my mom kept saying that. She looked like a fucking Puerto Rican next to us. We're all Irish, dark hair, look at the city. That's such an Irish thing to sit like. I was either Portuguese or Puerto Rican, she didn't care, I started with a P. Yeah, it's very like, you look Puerto Rican. Just cause like blue, it's like trashy people.

Just identify groups of people by their nationality. You know what I mean? Like I'm from a huge Irish Catholic trash family from Philadelphia and my wife is Jewish. So they'll be like, ah, I've never seen a Jew broad like you. And I'm like, ah, all right. I'm like the guy who brought one into, you know,

they're like, ah, a Jewish girl, play sports, you never hear that. I'm like, all right, let's tone it down. You fucking jerk off. My grandfather came to me. She's like, what the fuck? My grandfather came to visit me, we took a cab, and we, he's not even sitting down yet.

And he's like, are you from Calcutta? I was like, get out. Watching the Discovery Channel. Rest in peace, Ginka. Aw. Hmm, hmm, what about? I got one, have you ever smoked pot out of a soda can? Yep.

How long ago? No, not recently. Like teenager, like early teens or whatever. Yeah, no, I've made like a bong out of like a water bottle, like not that long ago. Yeah, a short gravity bong, fucking up. Do we gotta do sometimes? Okay, I got one.

Do you drink coffee? Yeah. Are you more of a Duncan or Starbucks? Do you know the answer to that's gonna be? I grew up on Duncan, I grew up on Duncan. Duncan, even the way you fucking stunk and kept. I grew up on Duncan, but I love Starbucks too. I'm a caffeine fiend, so for me, it's like whatever.

Okay. But if I had a choice, it depends on the time of day though, you know, if I need to get up or like have diarrhea, I'm drinking Starbucks. Yeah, you gotta go, you gotta go big for sure. But if it's an afternoon coffee, I'll go Duncan. Wait, diarrhea, caffeine helps that? Absolutely.

What, does? Have you ever heard of like the coffee makes you shit? Yeah. Yeah, if you have diarrhea, why would you wanna shit more? Because you have a date? Yeah, you gotta get it out, speed up the process, you know what I mean?

It's pretty good. Well, a little booster shot in you. I love shitting, is that classy? My family's so trashy that they found out, I've started drinking Starbucks and they make, they think it's a thing to make fun of me. Like, why don't you tell them where you get your coffee at, Ken, you fucking queer New Yorker?

You know what I mean? It's like, I'm like, Starbucks, there's about 70,000 of them in that country. I know. It's not like- Rappuccino Kevin over here. My dad hates it, my dad hates it so much. Currently, are growing up.

Did your toilets contain or contain now the product known as blue magic? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Growing up, yeah. Aw. My dad loves it. That makes you feel like you're in a ball game or something. Is that, is blue magic like the thing they drop in?

Yeah. And it turns it all, it turns it like fucking windex. And don't kill the dog. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, that couldn't have been good for pets. Yeah, oh, what, no, it's Teraish. Now mine looks like brown magic. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Anyone in your family ever have just a hot tub? No pool, just a hot tub? No. Okay. Do you currently have a PO box? No. Pretty good. Pretty clean.

Have you ever left a bad Yelp review? No. What brand of toothpaste do you currently use? Crest. Middle of the road, not bad. Not bad. Sensodyne is the number one answer. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Nine out of 10 dentists recommend it. Just see it. Use promo code Garbage, everybody, when you're checking out at Sensodyne. Woo! These questions are so good. What was your, what was the vehicle situation? All right, so growing up, my mom had a Toyota Sienna

or a Toyota Previa. She'd be, she trained a man. That's the van, right? Yes. Sienna's the van. I've never heard of a Previa. Previa was the van, too. It was a van before the Sienna, I think.

Okay. Similar style, though, but it was because my mom worked, but it would also like to carpool. Sure. So we would pick up a few other kids in the neighborhood and drive, because a few kids in our neighborhood went to private. You guys are like the fucking Cleavers.

Private school. Pretty good, man. The whole ballet, it's pretty classy. And I played soccer and softball and tennis growing up until I quit all of them to focus on ballet. Jesus. That's pretty classy, man. But my mom had, my dad had a company car,

though. My dad had a company car that the company gave him and he had like a van. Oh, company cars were big in the 90s. Yeah. And then my mom had that van, and then she would come pick us up from school and slide that door open,

and she would always have tons of candy. So kids would jump in the van, grab candy, be like, hey, Mrs. Finn, you're so cool, and then get out. Then when I started doing speech and debate, my mom started letting people smoke cigarettes in her van in high school, but wouldn't let me. Shouldn't she smoke?

That's fucked, dude. Anytime the mom let you smoke fucking things in the car. In the car, the way they put it in the house. Shut up, you should have kept that to yourself. Jesus Christ. That's trash, man. That's fucking smoking. You know, you seem pretty,

your mom plays it fucking fast and loose. She's like, her philosophy was she's like, they're gonna fucking smoke anyway, at least I can watch it. That's a trash mentality right there. I'd grab you a joint in front of me, so I know you're not, but yeah, whatever. Yeah, because we had that mom, she was a divorced mom.

It was the first time we got drunk, was with her and her boyfriend. They went out on a Friday night, picked us up, like a couple cases of beer. I think they had a couple of fucking eight balls on them, took us, that guy was up for a really long time. That guy could talk, he was starting business too, it was weird. I think we should start a business together.

But that was her thing, I'd rather have you do it here than somewhere else, which is great, and it's good life experience, so you don't go to college and act like a fucking idiot, like you're having your first beer, but. But my mom was also like a little naive about things, like I had people over once and like, she brought us down like,

I think there was probably like eight kids there, and she brought us down a six pack of Bud Light. She's like, here you go guys, and we're like, we're pulling out handles of vodka from under the cap. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah. Underage drinking. Oh, the best time of my life. Man, there was nothing better than drinking like fucking

12 MGDs and then smoking Marlboro Miles, out front of my buddy, Justin's house. It was clean living. We used to drink Bush Light, we call him Blue Yummies, I dated this one guy, we used to call him Blue Yummies, and I get wasted off like four. Four, four Blue Yummies kids, this fucking brought up like a finger in a donut.

Four Blue Yummies fans, pass out again. Dude, we used to do, we got, cause like. Blue Yummies Fee Hand only. We had money growing up, like even kids, like cause like, we were like upper middle class, whatever, and so like the kids had money too. Tending on a quarter. Yeah. What? Yeah, depending on the year,

we bounced back and forth. Depends how much copper pipe was going for it. We got number one copper, the scrap yards. So like all the kids had cat, like, or at least, hey, we never drank shitty beer. We never drank like Natty or fucking Bush or any of that shit. Yeah, wow. We all, like, we would drink Miller Light,

Coors Light, what, at least like $20, they were like $20 bucks for a 30 pack. But we got our hands on LaBat Blues. Nice. We found out about those once, one winter, called them big and tasty. Woo, do about 10 of them, you be fucking driving home. I mean, not driving home. Right. Yeah. I used to always drive drunk.

I would put my head out the window. I mean, I wasn't like full drunk. Mark this down so we can dump it. Stealing from Sephora, driving drunk, Jesus Christ. When I asked you about cars, I was asking, what was your car? What was your car in high school? So my parents bought me a 1990 Toyota Corolla.

It was probably like three grand. And just rent, yeah, just that was it. What color was it? White. I named her Blanche. I put Zebra, it's like stuff on the seats. Right, that's what I was gonna ask you. Did you have any aftermarket editions? Trashy. Did my dad put a stereo system

in that car with a little subwoofer? Absolutely. Any fake rims on it? No. Spoiler? No. Okay. CD changer? No. That was my best friend, Gabby, growing up,

had an Ultima tinted window. Ooh, that was the fucking, if you could get your hands on an Ultima or a Maxima, dude, kind of an Ultima, but like I went to school with kids who even had like, like beam or Range Rovers. Like, yeah, like they would come to school like after their 16th birthday

and it was like, oh, that's what you're working with. Sure. I remember this kid pulled up in like a fucking $55,000 silver Corvette with like the convertible. Oh my God. And I was a lot, dude, I was sitting in my fucking 1995 Chevy Illumina with the paint, paint chipping off of it.

It's out front, if you want to see. Yeah, man. I just remember being like, fuck. Yeah. Gabby was fucking loaded. Her parents were travel agents. She was, oh, she had the Tiffany's. This is a question you guys should ask with girls. The Tiffany's charm bracelet? Did you have the Tiffany's bracelet?

Because to me, some people are like, oh, that's classy, but it's not. That's fucking gaudy and goofy. Yeah. If you're wearing to school, it's gaudy. If you're going to, you know, if you're wearing, you know, it depends where you're wearing it. It's too basic. It's too obvious.

But I remember as a high school kid trying to buy my girlfriend one and rolling into the Tiffany's up here, like when we came up for Christmas, I was just squirted out of the building with rather coolly pants. Sir, the McDonald's is down the street. You guys just got a can opener or something?

I could buy a silver. I got a key chain. How do you feel about coleslaw? I love it. I just had some excellent coleslaw today. Kevin, what's your verdict on that? Try fucking keep. Don't even bring it out on my plate. Luke's lobster and Dumbo.

I've had two of their lobster rolls in the last two days. Their lobster rolls are great. Top not maybe the best. I had to see more's the night before. I've had three lobster rolls in the past 40 hours. That's pretty fucking classy right there. That's $90 in fucking lunch. Oh yeah, I just got back from the one hotel in Dumbo

in Brooklyn. I stayed there for a couple of days because I had a rooftop pool. I needed a pool. Very nice. But I don't think that's classy. Can I explain? It's trashy that you're spending the money to do that.

That's trashy. Oh, you stayed at a hotel in the city. No, that's nice. A staycation. I enjoy a staycation. I've done it before. However, if I had my druthers and if I was a little bit of a better planner,

I would prefer to have my own house, obviously, with a pool that I don't have to deal with these other. They are trashy. I'm a cute hotel guest and I'm minding my own business, but there's complete garbage, garbage that comes to these fucking hotels. I'm like, how much did you save up for this night all year you fucking peasant?

I mean, break down the fucking street on here. Oh my God. This woman had her kids naked in the pool and I'm just like, if I just fucking put my head on the skin, I don't know. Some people just don't know how to fucking act. That's very true and I'm typically one of those guys.

I try to, I always feel, I was a couple of weeks ago, I went to the fucking yacht club and we were swimming at the, I knew, I knew they knew I was a guest. You know what I mean? Oh yeah. It was like, I knew, but I act accordingly. I don't make it a fucking scene,

but also the people I was with had like, they filled up coolers of fucking twisted tea and shit. I'm like, why don't we just fucking order and we'll fucking, you know, we'll settle it up somehow, like fucking roll it in like we're going to an Eagles game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to a fucking yacht club. What are we doing?

Half cash, half card, that's garbage. Can you split the chicken fingers between three different cards? Ooh, my brother has a boat. Does that go towards my score? That's very nice. We'll find a boat. Like not a crazy one,

just like a regular one he takes out with the family. You can like sit on it. Up there, up in a. Cape Cod, yeah. Cape Cod. He's on the Cape. That's where my parents live now. That's where my parents live now.

And then my dad works as a bartender on the ferry that goes in between Cape Cod and Tuckett. Talk about a nice retirement game. Loves it, loves it. That's Cape Cod. You guys like Cape Cod? Never been.

You've never been? Well, to us, that's fucking, that all we just know that is rich shit. Yeah, that's rich people. Because you only hear it in media and movies and shows, Cape Cod, The Gates, Hamptons, that's all the same because we went further south. Cods, I think a little more down to earth than the Hamptons.

Kennebunkport? Maine, yeah. I went to school with Kennebunkport. Ha ha ha ha. Uh-huh, hmm. But yeah, so, but there, we're not talking like old money, like we're talking about my parents both work there.

Sure, sure, sure. I'm in the same boat. I'm in the same boat, but like, yeah, yeah. But like, it's also, it's very similar to like, your mom is fucking trash, regardless of how much money she makes. So it's like, she's still gonna be fucking, you know, smoking cigs in the lobby of the hotel.

But my dad grew up way trashier than she did. My dad grew up in Dorchester and like. Watchy-astic kids. Triple Decker, like, life of crime. Kick that a minute. Three Deckamin at best. Not gonna open bread trucks. We're upset, we're upset with all things Boston.

Sometimes we just call each other and we'll just speak like we're from Southie for like a half hour. That's so fun. But we only can say like seven words each. So the conversation just keeps going in a circle. All right, let's get back on track here. That's right.

All right, we're coming up. Let's do some of the basic staples that we do, you know, at the end. I like it. Alrighty. I'd like to know a couple of things now though. Sure, go for it, buddy. Do you keep bread in the freezer?

No. What are you supposed to? No, you could, for your garbage. I don't need a lot of bread. You don't need a lot of bread. If you have bread, do you, after you take bread out of the package, do you twist tie it back up?

Do you tie it in a knot? Or do you fold it under like a fucking animal? Animal. I usually twist tie it because I lose the plastic thing. You'll actually twist tie that out though? I'll knot it, yeah. That's tough though.

Let's get it open again. Yeah, that's just so much, that's so much work. I know my own strength and I try to leave it tied in a knot. You gotta allow a little loose. There you go. You still get a finger in there.

The garbage is folding it underneath. You do a twist and fold, you don't just fold. You twist and fold. You're a trash. Growing up. Oh, I have pure trash. Growing up, did you have milk with dinner?

Yes. Nice. There we go. That is, you want like anything, like pasta, lasagna, meatball. Pork chops, mac and cheese. Pork chops and milk. How about spaghetti, like spaghetti and milk?

My dad would make spaghetti. Do you still do it? No, I'll drink milk with cookies though. Give me bag of tates, say goodnight. I'm not a fucking animal. Bag of tates are all right. Second only to the Milano. Double, double, double, double.

Yeah, nice. Dark chocolate, double dark chocolate, okay. I like the Peppridge Farms little bouquet that they put out. Oh, who doesn't? It's called the Classics Collection. I love it, because then you get the chess match. You got the Brussels.

Ah, the chateau. The Brussels, I don't know what's in there. You know what's nice too? It's definitely a lower class, but the blue tin with like. Of course. They come in like the little cupcake. Yeah, the shortbread cookies.

Some of them have sugar sprinkles on them. Yeah, there's like a pretzel shaped one, a square one. If no one's looking, I'll crush one of those. Pure wet, down the hatch, seal it. And then after that, you gotta put your sewing stuff in there and put it in the drawer. That's what every, that's like a stereotypical thing. All right.

Currently, do you have any ketchup packets in your apartment? No. Do you have a drawer that has old tin? She, I've seen on Instagram, she's, her apartment's kind of sterile. It's very, not sterile, but it's very together. It's definitely not fully as apart.

You got a Swiffer? Yeah. The wet jet? I got a dust buster, and then I have a Swiffer wet jet and a broom. I have a dog. No, but I should get a dice. I should, I should invest.

I have a nice- You want to be a classy individual, yeah. You should get a dice. What's the AC situation at the house? I only have a window unit. One window unit? Yeah. Bedroom or living room?

Bedroom. It's called standard New York. I don't have roommates. I live alone in a one bedroom apartment. In Manhattan. In Manhattan. Ah, so you were in Brooklyn, okay. I was until I got money.

Ooh, a little bit of cash. And the attitude to go with it, I love it. Yeah, right? Okay. She's been rich her whole life. She's finally just catching up to the bankroll. You know what I mean? Yes.

Do you own any jewelry that contains turquoise? No. Very nice. Wait, this might be turquoise. And that is garbage. That is trash. There we go. From the garbage drive.

My sister got me this. That's my favorite necklace. I love it. From Myphonies. Shut up. Okay. I'm making it worse. I'm trying not to just zoom in.

I don't know if it's turquoise. Also, why are they close to my face? I believe it is. It's my wrinkles. Dill one on the creep cam. My sister got me that. Turquoise, I want nice jewelry. I'm gonna go get some right after this

just so I can come back on this podcast and be classier. Nice silver is nice. Okay, that's what you guys like on a lady? Silver diamonds is nice. I wanna get a gold chain though. I'll get you one. Yeah?

Yeah. Steal it, Sephora? No, I'll buy it for you. Thank you, buddy. There you go. You're welcome. Has anyone ever named a star after you? No.

No one's ever loved me. No one's ever loved me with star love. Yeah, nobody's ever loved me enough to write an email. Have you in recent memory ever scratched your name in the sidewalk? No. Have you ever wrote Wash Me on a dirty car windshield?

What is she, in the fucking little rascals? No. What the fuck is wrong with you? I'm ruling things out here. She's got a house in Cape Cod, her brother's got a boat. She's doing staycations at like five-star hotels. You're asking her, she carves her name in wet cement?

All right, all right. I carved mine in my ex's initials into the Eiffel Tower when I was in Paris. Oh, damn, that's fucking real classy. My high school boyfriend, yeah. I loved him. Aw. He's married with kids.

I hope he listens. Shout out to Dave. I hope he listens and wants me back. That's real classy, the Eiffel, the Eiffel Tower, Kevin. I know. You're riding the fucking, the wicked sailor at fucking Wildwood Boardwalk.

You and your bro. I haven't done much international traveling a long time though, I have to get on that. That's still pretty good. I've been to the Eiffel Tower, it's more than I've been. Yeah. If I always never left a country,

it was in Delaware once. Yeah, never left a country. Well, I live near Chinatown, you can do that. Take a whiff. Get the vibe. Not missing much. All right. We got two big ones.

Yeah. Relieve the butter, put the butter in the fridge, leave it on the counter. The fridge. Class. It's Irish Catholic. Okay. And ketchup, you'll put a bottle of ketchup,

where do you put it? Fridge, but I don't even really use ketchup. Okay. What about maple syrup? I love maple syrup. I don't have any, I wanna get some. Okay. Fridge.

Fridge. Keep it in the fridge. You like it like lukewarm like that? What? I think the cold syrup. The good stuff you gotta keep in the fridge. No, you don't. It's in the tree.

And it's natural. You leave it in the cabinet, so it's like I'm warm. I like the mentality of like the warm dessert and the butter. I see where you're going. Yes. What we do is what my mom will do is she'll take

half syrup. Inject it, right India. Half butter, and she'll put it in the microwave for a couple of seconds. And then mix it together. Put that over a fucking egg. Only trash, over an egg. Oh, I'm mad.

You're doing that for frozen fucking waffles? Guys, I used to put a little bit of butter in every one of the eggos. Oh, yeah. Fucking love it. Dude, you know how trash I was? I would just fucking make an eggo and just eat it like after school.

Just like it was like a piece of fucking eggo. Just like it was a cracker. I would just sit there and eat eggos. I got into microwaving them during the quarantine and putting ham and cheese and a little bit of syrup in there. Cheezus Christ. Yeah, like a little trashy Monte Cristo. Fucking not, dude.

Dude, that's insane. It's a croc monsieur, motherfucker. To one thing, we didn't have any cheese, so I used a cheese stick. I used a piece of ham and put a cheese stick in there. Not bad. Shout out to Palio. Make a fine product.

Shout out to Peloton. I'm going to drop it in your house. I'm going to buy you a Peloton. Dude, you never cease to amaze me. Honestly, that's crazy. Crazy good. OK. All right.

Karen Fiham. What's the ruling? I don't know. Dylan, do we have anything in the chat that sticks out as far as a big question? Let's see one second. Nothing, lewd. Please, we're family shows.

I'm going. She's class. Did you wear Uggs? No. Oh, that's even really classed. What are you even still? No, I never had Uggs. Never owned Uggs.

Never owned Uggs. What was your phone as a kid? Nokia. Yeah, stand everybody at the Nokia 3100, everybody. That was standard. Did you ever have a sidekick? The phone? No.

Call me when you want. Call me on my sidekick, son. I had one. I thought you were like a little fat kid. I was like, my last boyfriend was kind of a beta. Wow, I had a slide kick. I had the one that slid up. All because Lil Wayne mentioned it in a song,

so I went and bought one. Because you ever owned a slip and slide? Yeah, but like one summer, like randomly. OK, you know, make your own. No, no, no. I mean, we're fucking grasping at straws here to find something to make her trash. This broad is class.

I think I have, I'm classy with glimmers of trash though. I don't honestly, I don't see any glimmers of trash. Oh, wow. I mean, in your mom, that broad's a little rough around the edges. Maurice. Yeah, we get her in here. She'd be fucking flipping the table.

All shocked up with the fucking wet fact. She got electrocuted. Holy shit. You're classy in my book. 100% class. Wow. Saying it right now. I think you might take the cake too.

I don't think we've had anybody come in here and fucking bat away our questions left and right like that. You might be the classiest person. Oh, that's so sad. That's so sad. Well, we're interviewing comics. I know.

I mean, I guess the bar's pretty low. The bar's low, and you came in, and I mean it's, we can't even get close to that anymore. What do you boys think back there? Yeah, what do you guys think? Class, Dylan? Dylan doesn't think I'm classy. I think it's class come from trash.

So take that as it is. How could she come from trash? Fucking ballerina, the shed that looked like the house. House and Cape Cod, a boat. That is a bartender right now. That's class. I think you're right. I think we're all are grasping at straws.

We're trying to make it. You're looking for something. I think she's class. Yeah, class. She's class, falling through all class. Wow. 98%, she's clean. 100%.

The other 2% is my HPV. Hey, which 95% of people are going to have in five years anyway, so she's ahead of the curve. She's the trendsetter, folks. Wow, I'm fucking shocked. I'm just as surprised as you guys. I'm baffled. Pretty good, man.

Pretty good. Bulletproofed this brawl. Anything out there you want the folks to know, anything coming up, anywhere they can see you. You know, I've been a host. I don't know when this is coming out. It'll be out Monday, Thursday. I've been hosting a lot of shows at the stand,

and they're doing shows Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays, outdoor seating, social distancing, get on their email list. And yeah, follow me on Instagram. Go Chip Chipperson. Awesome. Very nice. Kippy, what do you got the folks out there

to know? Hit them with a little business. Yeah. Let's get some things moving here. Obviously, iTunes. Make sure you rate, review, subscribe there. Full video available on YouTube. You can subscribe there.

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So surprised.