Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Kevin Smith!

Episode Date: September 30, 2024

Are You Garbage presents actor, director & podcast host Kevin Smith! You know Mr. Smith from Beardless, D*ckless Me, This Past Weekend, Steve-O's Wild Ride, 2 Bears 1 Cave, The Joe Rogan Experience, Your Mom's House, Inside of You w/ Michael Rosenbaum, and so much more! Thanks for watching the Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast. Come to a Live Show! AYG & Friends 10/1: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Smalls: https://Smalls.com/GARBAGE Promo Code: Garbage Sheath: https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Rocket Money: https://www.rocketmoney.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

New York City, New York, this Tuesday night, October 1st, we're going to be at the Gramercy Theatre for a little AYG and Friends and we're bringing out a star-studded lineup. Oh, we got Dan Soder, we got Janis Poppish, y'all know why I watch wins. Plus we got Crazy, Cousin Ian Fy Dance, Gramercy Theatre, all tickets available at RUgarbage.com. We'll see you there. See you there. Welcome to another exciting edition of R U Garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash Now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley

Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R U Garbage Oh, yeah, it's that little show We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R U Garbage. Oh, yeah. It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find it out there. Good to be classy. Yeah. Just a big old piece of trash trash trash. I'm your host, A truly coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition. She's in the kitchen making some checks mix. Okay. Yeah. That's fair enough. That's all I have. Four hours

wasted. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of RU Garbage He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan everybody What up gang? Thanks for tuning in as always Please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube then obviously the greatest website of all time www.patreon.com slash RU Garbage you go over there you get all that bonus content gang Yes, sir and gang we could not be more excited to have our incredibly and I mean incredibly special guest here with this today for the first Time he is a very successful very well-known director producer writer actor and podcaster

But more importantly, he is one of the most influential filmmakers of a generation. Yes, and you might have seen you got clerks You got ball rats chasing Amy dogma Jay J and Silent Bob Stripe back Jersey girls. Clerks to Zach and Mary make a porno. You got cop out. You got red state. You got total garbage. You got clerks three. He's got a brand new podcast on our heart radio. Beardless, dickless me. And he's got a brand new movie out right now. The 430 movie, which is in theaters. It is also available for streaming and the blue lay blue ray will be available November 5th give it up for a true American original mr. Kevin Smith so damn touching can I tell you what was going on I was first as soon as I got

here I was like can I get a bathroom so I went into the bathroom and I was like I don't know what the premise of the show so everything I did into the bathroom and I was like, I don't know what the premise of the show is. So everything I did in the bathroom was reconsidered through a lens of like, this could be a test to see if I'm garbage. I think it was, I don't know what happened. I lifted the lids, take a whiz, and fuck, a couple drops got on the, not the lid,

but like the basin itself. Normally I'd drop that lid, go about my day. I respect it. But I was like, is it a test? Will they go in there and be like with a camera be like we See if you've left piss on the fucking seat Garbage exactly and then I like was like I wasn't gonna wash my hands, but I was like what if That would would that make me garbage that I didn't wash my hands so I perfunctorily wash my hands We were filming the whole thing.

Yeah, I figured. I was looking around for a camera. Also, he came in with a Jersey tote bag. Yeah. So on brand. It's insane. I got that from fucking Whole Foods. And I think he's wearing Jankos shorts right now.

I am. I got those from fucking the 90s. And a blazer. I love it. Yes. I like to kind of partner up man The Jorts with something a little classy I'm with it and you rolled in solo no goons or nothing like that Kevin Smith just walked through the front door

I wish I had a goon because I could have been here like ten minutes earlier But there was like it being New York are we like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's in New York New York City There was a fucking truck. I mean, this is such terrible content, but anybody who's been to the city knows and any city Yeah, it's fucking truck man tried to fucking K turn That's the mouth of 29th like right where the parking thing is Yeah So I'm like god damn it and I had a choice to be part of the problem and go over and be like well when it's

Done, I'll be able to get through sure that would have fucked up all the So I had and then I'm like is this a fucking are you They said specifically like you go to this parking place, and I was like this is a fucking test I'm driving the truck. This is so instead of like going ahead and fucking up the rest of everybody's day, I'm so codependent. I went right and I went to a fucking hotel where I saw valet sign. I was like, all right. And then when I pulled up, the guy's like, it's going to be 75 bucks. Jesus. And then I was like, yes, if I don't pay it, am I garbage? Does he know these cats?

And so I was like, you know what? No problem. I can pay $75. Wait, she just valeted a hotel that you're not staying at? Yeah. He got a room for two nights. He looked at it. And then I had to get a room. And I kept following it through. And I saw a hooker downstairs.

And she pressured me. I didn't get the room yet. But he was like, you're going to check in. But I wasn't. Sure. So I was like, I will. I'm just going to get a pack of cigarettes Yeah, I don't even fucking smoke. That's how good an actor I am

You know what I'm saying cuz that dude bought it and shit He did say like he made as he was taking my ticket. He goes like odds nice to see that you talk So there was a familiar Perhaps you'll be silent when I don't Don't want to pen fight you for $75 any luggage, sir. Just your grocery bag I work. Well, that's funny. Perhaps you'll be silent when I don't to the hotel. I don't want to fight you for $75. Any luggage? Sure. Just your grocery bag.

He saw he was like, do you have any luggage? I said, beyond this. No. It's a short stay. My New Jersey bag. It says New Jersey all over. I was so delighted to buy it because I'm going to take that shit back to Los Angeles. Yeah, you go.

And every time I go to Whole Foods fucked like the L.A. bag. I'll be bringing your jersey trash bag. I'm saying. And I guarantee it Whole Foods, fuck the LA bag. I'll be bringing that jersey. Flex on it with your jersey trash bag, maybe. And I guarantee it'll start conversation with the motherfucker too. Be like, oh, did they sell that here? No. But you know I made Clark's once. That's how I begin every conversation.

When people are like, do you know where the vegetables are? I was like, no, but I did make Clark's once. Do you remember me? Have you seen Dog but give us the give us the backstory. Obviously, your twenties are very well documented but let's go back even further. Your childhood. Yeah. Mom's, dad's, brother's, sisters, all laid on us. All all in the Jersey area. I just came from before

you guys. I was at the New Jersey Hall of Fame which is in the American Dream Mall. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The American Dream Mall, for those who are like, what, is a mall that they built around what I still refer to as the Brendan Byrne Arena, the metal land. Sure. That's where we watched the devils fucking beat up

on the flyers all the time. Thanks for sneaking in. Just threw that in there, could you have the root? Before they moved to the Prudential Center. So this building I'm familiar with, but they built this fucking massive mall. There's like a water park in there and stuff. Yes, there's a Nickelodeon-like theme park

with a roller coaster where the guy's like, this is the highest roller coaster on Eastern Seaboard and shit. So. No, that's a lie for sure. I was just flabbergasted. I was like, this reminds me at a Mall of America, they're like same owner.

And I was like, now it all fucking makes sense. So the New Jersey Hall of Fame is located there. And this New Jersey Hall of Fame, they fucking spent money on. Yeah. We are one of, I just learned all of this, so bear with me. We are one of only four states with a hall of fame,

an official hall of fame for the state. I didn't ask what the other three were because I'm really fucking self-abuse. But it is like crazy how many faces, they got faces everywhere, they've got interactive exhibits where you move your hand and a bio comes up and you can watch it.

You can interview people like George R.R. Martin or John Bon Jovi or Lil Steven, like in these CG kind of, what are they called, the holograms. You can watch Gloria Gaynor perform or perform I Will Survive Next Door. They spent some fucking money. There's a motion ride.

Okay. Like those 48, do you ever go to 40X theater where you're watching a movie and you're in a chair and it fucking blows you and shit? They did that for Jersey for this and it's this movie. It's just going down the turnpike. Yes. People cutting you off.

Just hitting bumps every once in a while. And you shout here. Steven Van Zandt reality tour. There's a paint factory over here. Shaking fists and shouting at motherfuckers. It was, no, it's Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison, not the real ones. These guys are still banging?

They're still there in the Hall of Fame. They make a big deal about, like, they were our first class. I'm like class 15 or 16. Yeah, I was going to say, you're in it, Right. I just got inducted my man. This was something that I've been like fucking studying every year They announce it like people make fun of me in my world cuz I'm like fuck and they're like what I was like They just announced Hall of Fame in New Jersey. I'm still not in what do I got fucking? On the Oscars last year. You worried about the Jersey Hall of Fame?

Honestly, me and Jay have our handprints and our footprints in the cement at Gromans Chinese Theater in Los Angeles. Inarguably. Illegally, by the way. Nobody fucking asked us to do it. They were doing road work. And Jay's dick is there for that reason.

But nobody, you know, it's a very hard piece of real estate to get into. Of course, they have the stars on the Walk of Fame and they got plenty of sidewalks. So I'm not saying it's easy, but because I still don't have one. But the but the the courtyard is fucking nuts like it's us, the Avengers, Clark Gable, fucking Marilyn Monroe, Jimmy Durante, Steven Spielberg, Quentin Tarantino fucking Clint Eastwood So it's like real fucking our comes here and me and and Jay like two Jersey boys and shit And that has always been like for me the highest honor of my really cool, New Jersey

We got your rest stop On a turn place get a Kevin Smith I know that would be a man. I don't a Kevin Smith rest stop. John Bon Jovi's got one. I know. That would be amazing. I don't even need a rest stop. Just give me a glory hole at the rest stop. Just give me a sunucco. That's what it's for. People go for gas, get cigarettes,

and blow each other at the rest stop. If you name one of the bathrooms, Kevin Smith Memorial. Kevin Smith, Roy Rogers, and Glory Hole. Exactly. Heavens, man. People will remember me, man. Because while you're Glory Holeing it, you look up, and it's like Kevin's

I'm your fucking never forget you. I'm your cum visual yes, buddy, man Huh how many brothers and sisters do you have I've got a brother and a sister I was born Let me see my sister was born five years ahead of me on August 10th I was born on August 2nd, which is my brother's fourth birthday So I was born on my brother's fourth birthday. Me, my brother and sister are all born in August. And within a week, so our parents love to fucking know about it. Yeah, I was going to say they had a schedule.

There was it. Right before they hibernated, they fucked. And then had a child and went down. So the family grew up on the shore, which we used to proudly say. And then that show happened. And we're like, on the shore. which we used to proudly say, and then that show happened, and we're like, on the shore. But Garden State through and through, man. So, you know, my family has been absolutely everything.

I have a family of my own now. I've been married for like 25 years, and the kid is 25, my daughter, Harley, and stuff. But there's still moments where, when somebody talks about home or family I'm referring to like 21 Jackson Street, New Jersey or sure my parents Yeah, one of whom is like fucking dead at this point But it's that that was some people hated their home life yeah like like most

Bruce Springsteen songs I get the fuck out of New Jersey right I was the opposite you seems you I mean through your work It seems yeah loved it of course you I don't I hated fucking getting out of high school like I hated like you know when I eventually moved out of the state I hated that too. I thought I'd live and die like it like not in LA But in New Jersey in NJ to live and die in NJ But I have traveled the world and shit and the nice thing is like that Jersey Credibility spends everywhere. Yeah, you have an authenticity walking into a fucking room that you didn't even earn. It's crazy.

It's like, they're like, well, you come from the same place Springsteen comes from. So the next 10 things you say are probably true. Like, it's really nice to be from a place that has such an identity. Now the downside, of course, is it's easy to make jokes about New Jersey and historically has been throughout most of my life,

toxic waste jokes and shit like that. the middle child but being the middle child state between or middle child technically the entire state between two massive cities between New York City and Philadelphia right creates a certain personality a certain type of individual New Jersey individuals tend to try harder there's a chip on your shoulder. For sure. You're always trying to prove something. So, if you're gonna get your pussy eaten

or your dick sucked, find somebody from New Jersey. They're gonna work overtime. You will finish and they'll keep going, you'll go, no, no, one of those. But we deliver, man, because we wanna, that's why Bruce Springsteen does like 15 hour shows. Yeah, it's crazy. That's his version of like, I don't care if you've come.

He's just gonna keep fucking going. I assume we can curse. Yes, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, and you failed that test. I am garbage. What did your parents do growing up? Mom was the homemaker, but then later on,

she went to work as a receptionist at a doctor's office when I was about 13. Nice. Dad was the primary earner, and he worked at the United States Post Office, but not delivering mail. He was the dude who went to the sectional center every night and sorted before there was a fucking machine so he would technically his job was to cancel your stamp so when we were kids if you got an uncancelled stamp

you're like I fucking use a stamp again it was my father's job to be like that joy will not be yours and he worked yeah, yeah. And he worked overnights. Yeah, he worked from like, he'd leave the house at 10 o'clock, he started at 11, and then he was done at seven, so he'd be home by like 7.30 and shit like that. So he worked nights, and he was so, he hated it. But he wasn't one of those people that like me, my generation, probably you guys,

is like, what do I wanna do with my life? Like, what do I wanna do for a career? He was just like, I just need something to pay for my family. Yeah, that's it. Get one of the seven jobs available. And didn't fucking bitch was never like, but I want it to be, you know, I asked him once, I was like, dad, what did you dream about doing

when you were a kid? And he was like, what do you mean? I was like, you know, I dream about being like making films, being a filmmaker, what did you fucking dream about? Before you gave up. And he was like, I never gave up. And I was like, well, what did you fucking dream about? Before you gave up. And he was like, I never gave up. And I was like, well, what'd you dream about?

And he goes, well, I wanted to get married and have children. And I was like, so your dream came true early. He's like, yes. And I was like, all right. But inside, I remember being real judgy, like anybody could fuck. Like that's not a dream.

Like that's, the bar is so low and shit. But now, 30 years into a fucking career and shit, like my father's the smartest person I ever met. Like he was not cursed with ambition. He wasn't cursed with this notion of like, I gotta achieve. Filling some sort of hole, yeah. No, the hole was his fucking wife and kid,

well technically the hole was his wife, literally. Jesus Christ. But what he filled. In November. What he put in that hole in the November came out in August as his kids. And so that was his whole fucking raisin de tral. Like it wasn't like I'm.

He wanted out of life. Yeah. Very old school, very Jersey. And like us, I guarantee you all three of us sitting at this table, we empire build. The notion of like, oh my God, I could do a thing and now I could do a thing bigger and now this is the thing that perhaps this is what I'm doing

for the rest of my life rather than working at a fucking job or canceling stamps at the post office and shit. He didn't come from that generation. They didn't fucking dream. Like nobody in my family was ever like, you could be a filmmaker. My father took me to movies like twice a week. We'd go as a family on the weekends

and then he would take me out of school noon on Wednesdays to go watch movies. Sat next to him, fucking 20 years watching movies. Never once was my father like, you should try this. We didn't come from that. Our fucking parents were like, you see that mountain? Never fucking climb it. Yeah, we're very much the same.

Yeah, but now you tell your kids, oh my god, you can do anything you want. You can be an astronaut. And it's probably a result of not necessarily, like our parents weren't like, you suck, you do nothing, but you can't fucking dream about somebody who's never seen it. My father never saw somebody just make a movie

and become a filmmaker. So as far as he knew, they all came from fucking Hollywood and shit like that. So he was a very impactful figure in as much as I sat next to him watching movies and while he never said, you should do this, seeing the effect that cinema had on a guy who was so kind of shut down and reserved. Like, you know, my relationship with my kid were buddies.

This guy and I. This guy and I. I think that sums it up. There it is. This dude. He was just a, he was a 70s dad, right? So it's like you just respected him, you had to be quiet when he was sleeping and shit like that.

And you knew he loved you, but it was the way they taught us in Catholic school about God. They're like, you gotta love God. And you're like, of course. He's like, but you gotta fear God. You're like, wait, what's that part? And they're like, fear is respect. And so I just say, respect God.

I'm like, no, cause it's about fear. You have to fear God. And that's how we felt about our parents. You loved him, but you feared him and shit like that. For sure. Don't piss him off when he came home from work. Oh my God. They were the be all and end all shit.

So he, even though he didn't have that, I gotta do a thing. People need to know my name. As long as fucking four people in that house knew who he was, it's all good about him. He was good with it, yeah, that's great. And I wish, the older I get now, I'm like, that would have been a nice life.

My shit has always been driven by shit that happened in childhood, or fucking traumatic shit or like they need to know who I am and whatnot. He didn't have that shit, which means he wasn't fucked up. Like which means- Sure he's a little more well adjusted. He wasn't seeking the approval of strangers every day.

And I sat there going like, this guy fucking like, all he wants to do is have a wife and kids, like fucking raise the bar. This guy's a loser, what the hell? He's a fucking winner. Yeah, he won. wife and kids like fucking raise a loser. What the hell fucking winners? Yeah, one is like you want it like 25 you won and I guess if he had lived this long right like cuz he died 20 years ago 22 years ago at this point fuck no 21 years ago. I

Think I might have been able to like tell him you know what man like one time I really fucking judged you for like just wanting to be married and have kids but like you were right we fucking brilliant yeah you nailed this shit I'm still fucking trying to figure it out at age 54 I'll tell you this much I went to a fucking mental hospital my father never went to a mental hospital he was very well adjusted hated his job like a true American but that inspired me to chase my dreams because I saw that dude hate his job. Do it because it was the thing he had to do and shit but like fucking hate it a lot.

And I was like, well, I'd rather die on the cross of maybe trying to do something that works out that I would love to do than just fucking take the thing and do the thing and that pays for what you enjoy but it's the thing you hate. Well said. Thanks guys.

That was dad. He never spoke it but he lived it. Kip, hate. Well said. Thanks guys. That was dabbed. He never spoke it but he lived it. Kemp we gotta tell them about Smalls. Ooh baby love that Smalls. Talking about Smalls cat food ladies and gentlemen. I'm talking about your pee pee. Hey you've been talking too. Let me tell you this right now. I'm a kitty cat man. Kevin's not a kitty cat man he's a dog man. My kitty cat my little baby was snuggling with her this morning. I really care about what was in her body. Mine? Not so much. Cat was having some digestive issues, you know, on the dry food, all that kind of stuff.

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That sheath.com, promo code garbage for 20% off your order. Sheath, the underwear of legends and fat ass podcasters. Jackson Street was the name of where the house was. Who's is anybody in that house now? No, the Riley's. I was just there. Is that just some random family? Come on, you know, the fucking Riley's crazy.

Just airing out their address. They I go there all the time. You remember me? Do you know who I am? They asked me all the time, like, you want to go in and look again? Because the first time I met them, you know, for years, that 21 Jackson Street being like the focal point of my entire young life until until clerks happened, that was it, right? That was the fucking location of my well-being and stuff. And that would be the only place that ever fucking mattered and stuff. So now, if I go back to the highlands and I like to hike,

I'm not hike, just fucking walking shit. I try to get like 10,000 steps a day because of the heart attack years ago. Sure. Try to keep it off and stuff. So in Los Angeles, I fucking hike Runyon Canyon, which is, you know, a hiking trail and up and down and it really works out.

In highlands, it's the only town that's both above and below sea level on the, it's level, on the, It's a very New Jersey fact, by the way. That's a very, we're actually the only place in the world that's above and below. You believe that? It's below sea level and it also has the highest point on the Eastern Seaboard at the same time.

That's such a Jersey fact. The differing factors, the warring factors, that's what makes them mold. It's the soul. Higher and lower than Mount Everest. Say what you want. Somewhere in there is our truth. That's where we lie.

That's right. What was the grocery store that your mom went to growing up? Mom went to food, well, we all went to Food Town. There was a ShopRite. There was an AMP. But Food Town was primarily the one we went to the most right in Atlanta. College was just still open to this day. Really? One like less than was it one and about half a mile

from Smodcastle Cinemas, from the movie theater that I own in Atlanta. Very cool. I shop there as well. Nice. You do. Yeah. Are you shopping out and out in L.A. when it's grocery time? Are you going? Yeah. Fuck yeah. Really? Yeah. And I do every aisle My wife hates it. Well, you go up and back every aisle Wow You know somebody that does that or have it delivered. Here's the thing. I used to enjoy so many things outside of the house

I used to love going to the comic book store every week Now I own a comic book store and have for 27 years James all about secret stash the thrill of going to a comic book store every week. Now I own a comic book store in half for 27 years, James Oliver, Secret Stash. The thrill of going to a comic book store when you own one, the impact changes. Now, no matter where I go in life, if I'm on a foreign city and traveling, I see a comic book store, if I got time, I'll go and stuff. But the hunt that I would go weekly for is gone

and so I don't get the same amount of joy from going to a complex store. Used to love going to buy new fucking first laser discs and then DVDs and then Blu-rays. And that was a weekly ritual of like, oh man, I'm going to a fucking store and shit. Now it's right on my phone so I don't have to do that. The places that I go and enjoy shopping

just don't really exist anymore so all that's left is a fucking food store. Really, so you're scouring. It's true, but I don't consider scouring. It's a's left is a fucking food really your scour But I don't consider scouts fucking privileged to walk around American food store. Yeah I'm not wrong truth. I've been overseas. I've been around the world and shit and like, you know No disrespect to other countries, but go into a British food store socks It's like going into an American convenience store. Yeah size and the selection is limited. Walk into an American fucking food store. Like a nice Wegmans or something.

You feel like a king. And that's the point is like they make you feel like all of this is yours. America! You can have any of this as long as you pay for it. The AC is at like 33 degrees. We always talk about in the summer, you get out of the pool, your bathing suit's a little damp, you got the sunburn, you got to run down to the grocery store for something. That's evocative.

Oh, walking around there. For me personally, man, my high school girlfriend, Kim Lachran, Kim Garby. Guy's name and name, dude. You know, Kim Garby. She, her house was on the highway, right across the street from Foodtown. She had a fucking pool, an in-ground pool.

So most of like, you know. ground. All right a little bit of cash Oh, yeah, her dad was stepped out as a contractor that contracts new that's new money Jersey and feeling Contractors the first time they get a little bit of money in a family and they blow it immediately My dad did it about five times new money explains it for that is Jersey sure new money and like I'm a contractor New money explains it for me. That is Jersey Shore new money. It's like I'm a contractor. It's like, whoa, welcome to the table sir. I'll build another one. Now you may have your in-ground pool, Mr. Liberace. And they all live like they, if they have one good year, they live like they're going to make that for the rest of their lives. I'm doing that now. I know, yeah. Yeah, I do as well in this business. Fuck, you just made me face the

truth. For a second there, I was feeling a little superior. And then I was like, wait, we are all contractors. Yes we are. Yes we are. She lived in a house on the highway across from Food Town and we'd spend the summers in the pool and then periodically her mom would come out and be like Kimberly Renee you have to go to the store and get this shit which meant I had to go with her and stuff. She would get out, towel off, fucking roll across the highway, pick up stuff and that wasn't in every aisle. That was only like in childhood with my mother and then when I started going to the store

like as a grown up, which I've never really stopped. But that's the only way I could do it. My wife, every time we go out, she's like we're gonna stop at either Ralph's, that's our kind of food down at the store. Or of course they got Whole Foods. And she's like I wanna stop at Whole Foods. I was like okay.

She's like but we can't do every aisle. And I was like that's like fuckin', we're gonna fuck but you ain't gonna come Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why would we bother like well who am I sting? Like I need we need to climax We need to finish same with the grocery store It's like we need to look at and I look at everything I'll yeah If you're in a if you're in like a Walmart or a Target or something like that, and I'm just curious

I do this and I'm almost 50 D do you go and peak what's in the toy aisle? What the action figures are like? 100%. Yeah. And that's not even like, oh, that'll be a cute thing to say on a podcast. I have to. I go. Still. It's not the same as when we were kids. But at the same time, it's also bigger. We used to be able to go to a whole ass fucking store full of toys. Toys R Us, Child World, KB Kiddy city. These kids will never, Lionel Kiddy City. These kids today will never know that man, but they do know the beauty of like they look at it on a phone and it shows up two days later. Yeah. Sure. Target, Walmart

still carrying that torch, which you know, I'm sure they ain't doing it for us in our generation. They're doing it to make sales. But when you go into the tourist section of Target is just big enough for you to be like, I remember this. Yeah, it scratches the itch. It does, a little bit. And you feel like there's a sense of everything's still all right with the world. Now, you become part of the problem

when you leave the toy section, you don't buy anything. Because it won't always be like that unless you fucking support it. So when I go in, I'm always looking for something that I'm like, even if I buy it and resell it at my store at J&S,allen Bob Secret stash I've gone through the fucking motions of making sure like hey, man They made a fucking Batman from the flash

But it's it's Michael Keaton version of Batman and yes the flash didn't do well But I'm fucking buying this because I want to make sure one day somebody goes like go and make more Michael Keaton Batman short I want to be part of the solution not the fucking problem. I always get something I'll get a spaceship. I'll get saved when we're on the road I'll just put it in my bag and I'll put it on the nightstand before I go to bed the Star Wars micro galaxy squadron That's what I really got in there hooks in me Jason Muse when we're on the road is adjacent to To Target and buying fun things toy store things when I go to a Target I go to the toy section I go to the book section, I go to the book section, I go to the movie section.

I go to the thermal section because I look for thermal shirts. I wear waffle shirts. They don't sell them everywhere in the country. Waffle shirts. That's the trash. Get my long johns. I wore a pair today, man,

when I went fucking hiking and shit. So I'll go to a Target like no problem and shit and and I Troll the aisles roam the aisles or whatever fuck they call it and stuff I will buy things to make sure that like There's a vote cast for that sort of thing in general Mm-hmm, but sometimes I just go to Target and fuck walk around like because it does remind me of when I was a kid I used to go like big days out with mom and dad like go to two guys, go to Bradley's these fucking five department stores. Yeah, they usually get target is what they would if you wanted a GI Joe or something, nothing crazy couldn't afford it.

Like that's the thing is like we were lower, lower, lower, lower, lower, lower, lower middle class, which is a polite way of saying we report. My mom hates it when she's like, don't fucking say we report. There's a polite way of saying we report my mom hates it when she's like don't fucking say we report They have my mom has the same thing that because they're very They were they're very proud of the work they put in and for you they feel embarrassed or hurt when you go wow We were poor. They're like fuck you I broke my balls to provide for that my mom does the same and my mom too was like even though she wasn't cheap bread When her dad worked at the post office my mom was want to figure it out how to fucking make fucking money work for three kids and shit.

And unlike just like most of the people who were surrounded by it, and lower, lower, lower, lower, lower middle class, my parents, since my dad worked at the post office, he insisted on traveling. Because he was like, I'm in one room all the time, and I see letters from all over the world, I wanna see these places and shit.

So it was up to my mom to figure out how to make the budget stretch. And we went on vacation all the time and I see letters from all over the world. I want to see these places and shit. So it was up to my mom to figure out how to make the budget stretch. And we went on vacation all the time. There were rich kids in my class growing up. Never went half the places that we did. Where would you go? What were the vacations like? Everywhere in the continental United States,

including way before Chevy Chase and vacation, one time we drove down to Busch Gardens. Yeah, that was big for a guy from Philly, Jersey, New York. But it was closed. No! Because there was no internet, you couldn't figure this out. We got all the way down there, drove. It was just me, my mom, and my dad.

It was the last vacation we ever took as a family. The middle of December. I was never doing this again. It was fucking closed, and I'm like, are you serious? And then when that movie happened, I was like, dad. That's crazy. They made a whole ass movie about it. What was that car car if you don't mind me asking you drew them in a? Plymouth the Plymouth Olds Mabuick some sort of thing

But I remember it had a goose mounted to the front like if you were a Rolls-Royce you got this shit It had this Canadian goose was that like after much like you guys did that I know we it was a hand-me-down car because we were lower lower lower lower So it was a hand-me-down car and the person who had before us had this Canadian goose mounted to the fucking hood So whenever my get dropped off at school people be like good fucking goosemobiles Had to eat shit for it all the time But wait a second. Where was I had a point vacations so vacations. Yeah, so they took us to

Hawaii when we were kids I went to the Bahamas Oh shit which these are places I hated as a child because when we went We went to the Bahamas. Which these are places I hated as a child because when we went to the Bahamas and to Hawaii, I was a video game, Atari had just happened. So I don't wanna look at fucking Sam. Plus I was a portly kid. I don't fucking- We were also two fat kids going to a tropical destination.

You want me to take my fucking shirt off? I don't even do that in Jersey. Hot chicks walking around. But I would go find the video games, try to play that, go to the gift shop, try to read Playboy and shit like that. So they took us places like that is crazy that we were able to afford it and stuff and tried to culture us, you know?

Never really overseas though. Like that didn't start happening until, till clerks. But my father's wanderlust was really contained, I guess to to the US, not just the continental US. We went to the United States Virgin Islands. Sure. When we, what was it, Barbados and shit.

And I'm telling you, it's crazy the amount of places we did, and I'm so glad my mom figured out how to do it, because my dad wanted to die. She must have been a whiz with the budget. That's crazy. Fucking great. Seriously, and that's the thing we were talking about, nobody gives credit to that. Yeah, of course, that's a job.

And to do it in such a way that her three kids experienced the world, got a taste for the world, and reacted in different ways. If I could have, I would have stayed in Jersey forever, but the job has taken me all over and stuff. My sister hasn't lived in the United States for more than three years since like fucking college. Yeah, we got a theory that she works for the CIA

but she won't talk about it. But she, cause she's lived in a lot of like hotspots around the world. That's not a good way to put it. You know what I'm saying? She lived in Hong Kong before the changeover. Exactly, something bad happens when they get there. But she's-

Kabul, really? Yes, weird choice. But she's always lived abroad Really? Yes. Weird choice. But she's always lived abroad. My brother's had to wander less. He travels all the time. I've been more forced to travel. Sure.

But I think it all came from... Yeah, that exposure to it. And that was for my father's soul. And I'm glad he got to do all that shit before he left this world. Your mom with the budget, would she sit down at the end of the week on a Sunday or at the end of the month at the kitchen table and be crunching the numbers the dining room table Yeah, I know this office new to stay the fuck away Yes

Cuz all the bills get tense all the bills were laid out and shit and my mom never sat me down said here's how you do financing but when I first started getting it like a checkbook and Like my first discover card and Sears card and JC Penney's card. My mom trashed them out to make a movie. They did eventually. I learned how to use them to my benefit. But all the war drugs coming from Coles, everybody. Yes, Coles, if only they existed back then. So here I am like being told by mom, she's like, oh, you got like bills coming in now.

I said, all right. And she goes, well, you got bills coming in now. I said, all right. And she goes, what you get is a little recipe case. I said, all right. And she's going, you put your bills in order of when they're due. You write on the front of the envelope when the bill is due and then you put it there. And then two days before the bill is due,

you pay that bill and with your checkbook. And so she kind of taught me basic finances, which I did for like six years on my own and then clerks happened and then I was like somebody else did it. Yeah, someone did this. They stole all my money and that's why I do podcasts. Did they? I had no money to steal.

A lot of people are like, you must got rich off clerks. Not at all. We spent $27,575 bucks making clerks. They bought it for $227,000. Now you hear a lot of Sunday and stories are like, we bought, they bought the million for 10, 10 million bucks. That didn't happen in our day. That happened two years after us.

So 227 of that 27 plus went to paying off the credit card bills. A hundred grand went to blowing the movie up from 16 millimeter to 35 millimeters. So you can show it in theaters and stuff. And then what was left, I was able to pay the cast You know ever let everybody wet their beak a little give everybody and then I bought a dodge neon that was Jesus Christ That was me splurge. That's a double whammy

One of the first a YG questions ever was have you ever owned a dodge? And the fact that was your big purchases total garbage Yeah, but questions are answering what color was that the Dodge Neon was black with purple flex? I know that dodge had neon tinge on the interior and I loved it because it was the first brand new car I ever had every car I'd owned and I'd owned 12 cars up till that point Because I always by the time they give me a goose mobile the duck mobile Yes, by the time I got a car man. It was on its last legs

Sure So it was always some fucking hand-me-down car. First car I had was this yellow Volkswagen that used to be my godmother's. And it had no real fenders on it. So my fucking uncle had her. Your godmother's. It was her yellow Volkswagen.

And she had heart-shaped wooden bumpers. Jesus. Yes. So for you. Sounds like it's in the 1920s. I'd pull into the school and people would be like, who do you love, Kevin? You love woodwork, don't you?

So every car I had was like hand me down. Dodge Neon, first brand new thing I got. And I was like woohoo. Scott Mosier, my producer and friend, disabused me of the notion. Went about two months into ownership of the car we were driving and we spent a lot of time driving up into the city and whatnot because we're Miramax was so we're in heavy traffic all the time and

I drive like a fucking like somebody from New Jersey so I'm very aggressive and very asshole he got in the wheel Scott's like you're gonna get us killed I was like no way I don't die in a car as if I know my future. And Scott goes, that's a guy who just sold the movie by the way. Exactly. I don't die in a car. He's saying how it ends baby. Not in a Dodge Neon. People bought that for years. My kid was the first one, I've been saying that for years

and my kid like when I was driving recklessly, she was just like, would you fucking slow down? I was like, don't worry, I don't die in a car. She goes, that doesn't cover me. And I was like, good boy. So where was I before I jumped to the kid? Dodge Neon.

So I'm in the Dodge Neon, Scott Moser says to me, he goes, if we get in an accident, we're fucking killed. I said, why? And he goes, the whole fucking car's made of rubber. It's a soda can. I was like, no, it's not. And we pulled over and he fucking went to the hood of the car and pushed his finger in like we were in The Matrix.

Like it was like, whoop. And I was like, oh my God. So then I moved on to steel cars after that. There you go. We were gonna ask you later in the pod, but since you brought it up, so what was the first big check where you were like, oh shit? I mean, honestly, it was that $227,000 check I got

for clerks that was more money than I ever assumed I'd see in my entire life. And even though a lot of it went off was spoken for, so to speak, the fact that I had made any money at all making a movie. The odds of that are fucking slim. Especially then, there were a lot of independent filmmakers, way more now, to be able to be like,

not only did I chase my dream and make a movie and I got to watch my own movie, but somebody bought it. My buttons are all over the fucking place. Somebody bought it and I got money for my art. Like. It's not so much the yay money, money's great, but you can fucking make it do it. I made money working at convenience. Money was not the problem. Money, though, in this instance is like good enough validation.

You're filling that hole. You did a thing that we recognize stands shoulder to shoulder. It's not as good as fucking Godfather, but it looks like a movie. He's trashing himself. It's no Godfather. That's New Jersey right there. New Jersey keeps you humble. Of course. It doesn't matter what you do. You're always kind of first to take your shit down. It's like a movie with a $25 million budget. Listen, I'm no saint. In the old studio system. Look, it's no Barbie or Oppenheimer, but it has its merits. But the check for like chasing Amy had to be bigger, right? No.

Chasing Amy, so the first check I got that wasn't the clerk's check, I'll do all my checks for you. So clerks, you got any on you? I wish. I can use a couple of bucks. Fuck you and me, but fuck you. You got a set. I came to this podcast and they have a fucking set.

I was like, you guys are doing very well. They're like, this is our new set. I was like you guys are doing very well We're like this is our new set of my whole fucking Which is a very nice pat on the back coming from fucking Kevin's take it from somebody who's been podcasting since 2007 your generation fucking figured it out. We walked so you could fucking not wrong And also we are very bad with the money this place is way too expensive For I only had one and and that was after Clerks. I'm telling you, you guys have figured out. You need no money whatsoever.

Thank you. In fact, when this is done, I was going to hit you up to find out it's a fucking movie. Also to get to $75. I was like, you know how much that bargain is? We got you. You can validate that shit, right? I mean, I'm not saying I don't have it, but I don't want to spend it. But was the Dodge Neon going through your success?

So hold on. Mall rats, I got $50,000 to write the script and I got sag minimum to direct it So I think at that point it was like 32,000 and that was the first time you got a check for a project That's yours. They paid me to make a thing where I didn't sell them a thing. They're like, this is your job money Okay, next movie we made was chasing Amy, but mall rats had done so poorly We were we first went in with a budget of three million, and Miramax was like, no, especially because I wanted to cast the people I wanted to cast,

who I wrote it for. I wrote it for Ben Affleck, for Joey Adams, for Jason Lee. They had different ideas. The cast, they had holding deals with some talent, so they read the script, they're like, it's a great script, we got great people to put in it. Jon Stewart would have played the Ben Affleck role no shit drew Barrymore was

was they've suggested her for the Joey Lauren Adams role and David Schwimmer who they had financed a movie for he was the guy they liked for Banky the role that Jason Lee I couldn't see anybody with those well now right yeah now you know the movie but like they were like, I remember Merrill, who was one of the execs there, Merrill Postor, lovely woman, but she said something that would shape the rest of my career. I was like, I don't want to, those people are fine about it.

That's not who I wrote the movie. I wrote the movie for my friends. And she goes, Kevin, this is the movie business, and the movie business is not about making movies with your friends. And I was like, well, I'm gonna spend my entire career fucking disproving that. Sure, that's all I want to do. So I dropped the budget in the toilet that's how I've been alive in this career as long as I have because I'm

not particularly talented and some of the movies work and some of them fuck me up. There it is. Change the whole game. I've been able to pivot and modify the budget and that can make it work so in a world where I from your mom stretching stretching the budget right that's sitting at the dining room table and shit so when they wouldn't give us three Kevin what all these envelopes that's the only way to make money in the movie business Kip how about that rocket money rocket money how about that rocket money saving you money organizing your budget a little bit there. They're sending me emails. Let me know what I'm spending what's going on. I go over to the app

I'm checking this I'm checking that and by the way I had a couple of charges in the old checking account and I was like, what's this? I don't remember this went over to rocket money. Bing bing bing got rid of in two seconds Yeah, they hit you with this sometimes they're're like, hey, an abnormally large chart, if you bought something out of whack or whatever, it's like, hey, there's some movement here. Sure. Get your eyes on it.

Because if it wasn't you, let's jump on it quick. It's like a personal dashboard for all your finances. And I don't know squat about squat, but having all that, I got my card, I got my PayPal, I got my bank account hooked up, beep, boop, bop. I'll let you know what's going on. I know. Most Americans think they spend sixty dollars sixty two dollars per month on subscription But the real number is closer to three hundred clams daddy-o. That's a big difference

even if it's just a Couple of subscriptions fall off your radar those re-carrying payments you don't even know about can really add up I said I did they write the first time I signed up out of being they caught that boxing thing I was signed up for some Eastern European thing Got my money back. Shout out to you Stop wasting money on things You don't use cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocket money comm slash garbage rocket money has over five million users and has saved a total 500 million dollars in cancel subscriptions saving members up to

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That's the powerful backing of American Express. Learn more at mx.ca slash ymx. Terms apply. So she, so when I went in there and they were like, we're not gonna let you make a $3 million movie with your friends, who would go on to become very famous, but at that point we're not famous. What year is this? What year are we talking? 1996.

So it's before he breaks with Biblio Hunting. And she got nominated for Goldilocks. I would've walked in and kicked over the door and been like, told ya! Yes. I mean. Oh yeah, right after that. That was the rest of the career, I guess. But so, I told them, I was like, instead of three million,

what if I did it for like 200 grand? Can I make my movie? And then if you guys don't like it, we can take it out and sell it. But if you like it, it's yours. And they were, and they said, we'll give you 250 grand. They gave me 50 extra K so I could pay the cast. Which I thought was like, what a great gesture. But really it was like,

we don't want anyone fucking laying claim to this if it works. So it worked and they went with it. So I didn't, I, what did I make? I made like minimum scale, minimum, not even DGA scale. Cause I wasn't a DGA member. I got paid to write the script because I was a WGA member, but I probably got like maybe a thousand bucks a week and we shot for three weeks or something So didn't make any money there dogma was a ten million dollar movie and I think my I made it for 80 bucks

Yeah, I kept the rest coke and horse That's awesome. I think I got paid a hundred as first time I got like six figures a hundred grand That was what you walked with like direct you got a hundred you were get your pay out of that was a hundred K Broken up because we were always under budget, over budget on that movie. It was a movie like that needed minimum 20 million dollars, but we were making it for 10 million and stuff. So I deferred my salary until we were in profit on the movie and then I finally got paid for it. Damn. Yeah, Jay and Tom Bobstrike back now at this point.

We had established an overall- Are you rich at this point? No. an overall you rich at this point no now No, I know I know you are now not even fucking now like honestly now I you see me so much in pop culture and in media not because I'm like I love myself because I need a fucking job I mean we got This is where it is you can't be doing I'm doing it for the 75 bucks So I can tell my wife. He probably took the subway. I was like, it costs me nothing, I swear.

Yeah, no, I live hand to mouth, man, like seriously. And now granted the handfuls. Are larger handfuls. Larger handfuls, but in an economy of scale, it's all fucking spoken for the moment it comes in and shit. So I've never had that, ah, like billion dollar payday where I can like now I just do shit for you know because I'm fucking just to watch people's expressions change. I will always be working until the day I die. Yes exactly. I will work until the day I die which

is fine because I'm in the Kevin Smith business. I'm a huge Kevin Smith fan. So you know I want to die and and and and and and and and and and

and and and and went out of this world, toes up on a movie set, got the rest of the movies finished by Paul Thomas Anderson. Damn. That's kill me, you know what I'm saying? Like sorry, that came right the fuck out of my mouth. Kill me and then fucking have a better director finish my movie, like holy shit.

Not that, you know what, that's unfair. Better director to me, Paul Thomas Anderson, I think would be the first to tell you is not as good a director as Robert Altman, but I would argue that he's as good as Robert Altman. Very, yes. See, I have to cover my ass. That makes sense. Because I'm sitting there going like, does that make me garbage? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm argue that he's as good as Robert Altman. See, I have to cover my ass. Yeah, that makes sense.

Because I'm sitting there going like, does that make me garbage? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm looking for what's going to make me garbage. I feel like there's a hook to this. Like a panda dammer was like, smile, you're fucking garbage. I'm like, damn it. First got to wear Jankos in the studio. What was the pet situation growing up?

Anything weird? At first, nothing. We weren't allowed to have them. I remember there's a beagle puppy that my grandparents had and they were like we can't keep it because my grandma was going blind and stuff and so I was like can I have it and my grandparents were like yes and it was a beagle named Snoopy and we went home back you know cuz they live down South Jersey and a week later we went to visit him again we're going to pick up

the fucking dog and we get there no dog dog. I was like, what happened? They're like, oh, he went to the farm to play with other dogs and shit. Now, that ain't my grandparents, as my parents being like, don't give him a fucking dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we don't want a dog. So we never had animals until, I think I was about 11, and we got a cat.

This cat named Tina, changed the fucking game. Tina. Tina. Sounds like she does hair. What a jersey. Jersey cat's name. So jersey. Tina, that's game. Tina. Tina. Sounds like she does hair. What a jersey. Jersey cat's name. So jersey. Tina, that's crazy.

This is Tina. She had big. She'll do your tips. Big teased up fucking hair for her. Her last name was Mascarelli. She did, she was just like meow what? Yeah. The fuck you looking at?

She started a trend where we would add, like then Tony came after that, then there was Casper, Tabitha, four indoor cats. Tony was another one we had. So we had... Tony and Tina's wedding. Yes, totally. We had five indoor cats, but slowly over time the strays started hanging out at our place. And my father, like he retired early because he had a stroke and he had that Bob Dole thing where his hands always like this

Mm-hmm, so every day he would put together this fucking bus bucket like that You carry as I used to carry as a bus boy long johns and shit You do your laundry in it shit or you put your dishes in it He would take that fill it with like fucking cheap dog food fucking cheap cat food Bread fucking stale bread water water, make this horrible fucking gruel. I'm going to throw up. Oh my god, it's terrible.

And then I would always get there, I was living at the house until I was 23, so he made me do it when I was there, but even when I came back to visit he'd be like, you made it just in time to feed the cats. So I'd pick up this bucket, he would open the door, we'd go out in front of the garage, I'd put it down on the ground in front of the garage. I'm not exaggerating for the purposes of storytelling. 30 or more cats would come from nowhere, just like ninjas, and swarm in.

Descend upon you. And sit there and eat like in a cartoon all around the fucking shop. And my old man, who is out of a job and shit because of the stroke and whatnot, and he had a lot of free time, like was deeply invested in who ate what. So he would sit there.

Let Maitens get in there, he probably had them all named. Yes, he would sit there with his cane and he'd be like, you've had too much and move one out of the way. I'm like, how do you fucking tell the difference? Make room for everybody. Truly, he was dialed in on them all. So cats became our thing.

And then when I met my wife, Jennifer, before we were talking, she got pregnant. And I was like, maybe we should just go for it. We weren't even talking about getting married. Suddenly she was pregnant. And I was like, we could just go for it. We could just start a fucking family. And I was like, but I don't know if we'll be good.

We should get a dog. Let's see if we'll be good at even raising a fucking dog. So she was like, I've had dogs. You get a yellow lab because they're good with kids. So me and Jennifer go to Menlo Park mall in a pet store back when you could buy a fucking dog and shit now They give them away for free at the shelter. So we went we bought this we weren't looking for a yellow lab I said, can we get a yellow lab and like yeah, we got one. They took us to the cage We were looking for a puppy grown ass dogs

Who is like two days away from like we were shipping her out man. I was like this is a puppy and like sorta. So they're like she's young. Yes, so we got her man. She was 600 bucks. I remember being so like fucking I remember being that was my reaction. I was like don't they fucking give away dogs for free and shit. Why are we paying six dollars?

That's a yellow lab. She was lab adjacent. There had to be something else in there, but she was all love bro. Don't they fucking give away dogs for free and shit? Why are we paying six dollars? That's like the yellow lab. She was lab adjacent. There had to be something else in there. But she was all love, bro. Like a rescue dog. Just she knew we saved her life or whatnot. But we had her for a week.

And I was like, this fucking dog's needy. Let's get another dog to watch this dog. That's always the mistake. And we got a second dog. So the first one was Scully, second one was Mulder. We were big X-Files fans. Damn, that's funny, I like it. And that's how we trained to become parents. So the first one was Scully. Second one was Mulder. We were big X-Files fans. Yeah, that's funny. I like it.

And that's how we trained to become parents. So from there forward, it's been dogs. I've had a series of seven dogs, magnificent seven, Scully and Mulder. Then there was Louie, Louis Vuitton. I didn't name that one. Shecky, I named that one. That was my dog I absolutely love, little miniature dachshund.

Then we had Mad Mart again. She was a pity head and a rottie body mixed street dog and shit. Used to eat rocks that she had no fucking teeth. She came to us often like a fucking Sarah McLaughlin dog like in the arms. We fatten her up and she lived another six years. And now we got two German shepherds. Nice and birdie. Yeah, they're wonderful. Those GSDs are great.

So now I'm a dog person. Yeah that just on a quick side note we we asked that question and we're looking for weird pets growing up and we always end up falling into Sean William Scott in no in in in J and Silent Bob muskrats beavers yeah we just fall in it. Rhinos, that's one of my favorite movies. We just naturally fall into it. Bears, rhinos and shit. Musgrats, beavers. Have you ever skied in jeans? I've skied once, was I wearing jeans?

Was that Jersey still open? At Vernon Valley Great Court. Yeah, it was. You were in jeans. Sweatpants. It was winter time, of course. the only time I've ever skied It wasn't even like a k2 or some session. It was bunny slope, but there was such incredible speed to it I was like I don't want to ever do this again. It wasn't a k2 But I'm pretty sure I was wearing because I didn't have like snow pants. It must have been jeans

I didn't have jorts at that point Okay, so it must have been full jeans, but not in a way of like, I'm wearing jeans, sunglasses, smoking. You weren't cool. It was all you had. No, it was like, that's all my tough skins were all I could afford. Sure. Did you guys have a garage growing up? Yes. Was there a second refrigerator in that garage? No, that's for rich people. What did I say? No. Lower, lower, lower, lower middle class. That's for lower middle class. We've put a lot of time into it. It's whenever, because it's never a new fridge that gets put in. It's an old fridge that just gets put out there,

and you go, this is expensive. We're not throwing this out. Our fridge stayed with us. You had a good one. It was from childhood, from cradle to grave. That was the same fridge, so we never got a second fridge. But I had relatives that would have the second fridge. Seemed luxurious.

What were you drinking for dinner? What would you get? Would you get iced tea? Would you get milk? Would you get soda? What were you drinking for dinner? What would you get? Would you get iced tea? Would you get milk? Would you get soda? What would your mom put out? First, if there was a coupon or fucking,

it was triple coupon day, we could get high C or Hawaiian punch. And the big cans that you had to them, punch open with the top yourself. You had to put two holes because otherwise. You had to vent it. You had to vent it. Remember how cold when it was half filled

and that was in the fridge for like a couple of days. You know what that tastes like? The air would get into it. Even had to vent it. Yeah, to vent it. Remember how cold when it was half filled and that was in the fridge for like a couple of days? You know what that tastes like? The air would get into it. Even now to this day, you take a sip of fucking high sear or Hawaiian punch, it tastes like a happy child. Yeah, it's crazy. It tastes like, oh my God, fucking they loved me enough to get this,

which was rare because my mom was a big, oh, we got the Food Town brand version. Oh, sure. All the generic, all the fucking no name brands. Bagged cereal. We didn't get Pop Tarts, we got Toast-Oats. Toasted oats, as opposed to the generic, all the **** bag. Bag cereal. We didn't get pop tarts. We got toasted oats as opposed to Cheerio.

Were you a bag cereal guy? Huge box bag as well but but the bag was for when like, you know, puffed wheat. That was when it was an actual bag. Most of the times in a box. No frosting on it on the puffed wheat. Oh, I know what you're talking about.

The sugar smacks without without the sugar. When you go into those things and they put it. Yes. I was like eating pussy willows. Yes. Brutal. It's like basically like eating a rice cake today. Yeah. But as cereal. It's like sugar smacks with all the joy removed. Yeah. It's the smack. How about sugar? How about Christmas colored lights on the tree? White lights? Yes, colored lights, are we allowed to say that? Yeah. Yes. Multi-colored lights, that makes it safe. But more importantly, mom at Bradley's in February

at an after Christmas sale where everything's discounted, they sold a rotating tree stand. Wow. So my entire childhood, we had the tree tree fake tree or real tree fake tree hundred percent There's a stick together and then you have slots for the whole thing. I had to pull one of those together Years, that's pretty good. But they're pretty there's pretty intuitive though Like once you figure out once you figure out how to get it in but I remember trying to link up the orange to the Orange and the blue it was

Fuck life. Yeah This thing I still have wonderful memories of it my brother makes fun of it He's like bro. No the height of tacky is a spinning fucking tree 100% But it's what Italian so slow yeah, that's night with lights every side of the tree It actually kind of makes sense and it had like this low hum Well, the whole time it sounded like a a special thing. The motor going. Yes. And my mom got a chirping ball that you plugged into it. So we'd go like, chip, chip, chip, chip, chip, chip, chip, chip,

some Christmas bird of some sort. I don't even know that. Freaked me out. Early tech, man, early tech. But I love that rotating tree, man. Okay. I get made fun of a lot for it. And you mentioned long johns.

Would you be referring to long john sil's? But not the not the seafood joint, not the fast food seafood joint is a restaurant in Highlands, New Jersey was a place called Long John's no Silvers and they were they're gone long gone. Was it a seafood place? Total seafood place that's coming to very much coming down. I think they predated Long John Silver's. No kid. I think so. But people would come from New York,

there are two restaurants in town that brought the cuisine folks down. This place called Dorison Ed's, which was like a five star restaurant. And Long John's had this feature that made people travel from all over. They, you know, instead of giving out bread, they did these things called popovers.

Sure. So it's like a croissant, but there's nothing inside Okay, air doughy air and that's what you'd get to the table. That's the fuck that was it. Yeah found it I work as my first to see which was that place is all right. It was the fucking bar. Oh my god Yeah, I would have to bring in that looks like the whole of a ship. Yeah, that's all it was right on the water and shit That was like my first employment was as being a busboy. That's crazy, huh? That cup reminded me,

did you have a favorite like novelty cup? Yeah, 100%. In the house. You want them in alphabetical order? Hit me. So my mother and father got us from, I assume Great Adventure, cause Great Adventure,

well, what some people call Six Flags. Sure. We always call Great Adventure cause it predated six flags Would you get in with the coke cans the coupons on the back of the coke? He did from time to time my aunt was big on that so she was the one get the free tickets and I don't know They made any money. They gave so many so many tickets hand over fucking fists. Yeah, they're doing all right they we so wait a second so

going to Great adventure. I'm wait, what was the story? The novelty cups. So they got this big wigwam or teepee, I don't know if we're allowed to call it that anymore, because the theme at Great Adventure was Western. So they had a giant cart, like a chuck wagon, that was a restaurant and shit like that.

And so they had this giant wigwam that you went in and bought stuff. So they had these cowboy mugs, plastic. Apparently they were made in the 60s, but I was born 1970 and we got these like maybe 1974. So there were three of them. They were shaped like a boot and they got a spur and stuff like that, cheap plastic and whatnot.

And there was a red one that was mine, the blue one was my brother's, the yellow one was my sister's. And so that was like juice water A boot a boot that we drank out of now those cups went away during the nor'easter of 92 the house got flooded and everything Got thrown out and shit like that, but I found him recently online I went looking I was like they gotta exist and nothing no brand for it, but I was like 60s slash 70s plastic cowboy

Apparently was a very popular model. Fucking found all three. So I sent it to my brother and sister lives in Austria. I sent her one and I sent my brother his color and her color and shit. And they were like, what the fuck? And I was like. Did you tell them or just let them open it?

I said I've been saving this since childhood. They're like no. And I had to cop to the fact guy. I was like no, I just bought that. That and my favorite cups, series of cups made by this company called, well, was it Nabisco? I think Nabisco made it,

but it was a drink mix called Funny Face. And when you sent in the proof of purchases, they sent you these little mugs, plastic mugs, which I also just re-bought, man. So like, Chu Chu Cherry was a flavor. There they are. I have this, my Star Wars one is somewhere up there that once somebody gave us Darth Vader one. Yeah, it was a glass. I think it was a me. Yeah, it is the Empire Strikes Back I got a whole set of those fuckers

Those are amazing start chip and they would have like that smell of the dishwashing detergent inside with that that the paint the layer of like gloss over the paint would go in the dishwasher And then the the paint would hold the flavor of the cascade or whatever That's because fucking none of this lead-free shit All the time all lead let's go huh all right. Can you whistle? With your fingers No, my mom can and I could never do that my mom's brilliant at it and for years I was like teach me and I could never get it done. I can't do it. She could do this shit.

She could do one. A double pinky? Yeah. My whole life though, she'd be like, how the fuck? Yeah. Still amazes me. She's 78. She can still do it.

Are you double jointed at all? I could bend them back very far. Yeah. That's too much. Yeah. You can stop that, Kevin. I give a hell of a hand job. I can reach around like nobody business. How do you pronounce the product that Crayola makes crayons crayons? Gentlemen okay cranes is a ground beef or hamburger meat hamburger meat

You open your eyes underwater in a chlorine pool yes in the ocean no chlorine pool yes in the ocean no which is so fucking weird that was how we were raised like never in the ocean saltwater better pool you can open up your eyes for sure you know they used to do fucking we had a pool above-ground pool when I was a kid and once again offseason my mom went shopping this time it was at Bradley's and she got a mask snorkel and flippers like two sets me and my brother like oh let's test it, and it's October It's long past women season whoa pool wasn't covered, so it was half full and of the greenest fucking germiest sure fucking Repulsive water you imagine, but we were just so young and just so like we have masks

And we went in that shit and put our heads under so we could see it all we saw was hell But we had no cable we We had no fucking internet. No cable. No, this is pre-cable. Pre-cable, I guess. AC in the house growing up? Window box units. But we had two.

One was in my parents' room, and one was in the living room. The living room one rarely went on, because it took longer to make that room as if the place was full. Where would you sleep on really hot nights? What a great question. We go into my parents' room, as if the place was full. Where would you sleep on really hot nights? What a great question. We go into my parents' room and sleep on the exercise mat on the floor on one side of the bed.

On the other side, there was a fucking sleeping bag. But we slept on the floor. Nothing colder than that. Coming from a hot room. Oh, that's a good memory. A hot summer night in August. You're gonna make me cry. I hadn't thought about that.

Woo. We used to load up in the living room and close the doors, put a movie on. Oh, it was the best night ever. That was before Central Air, man. Air conditioning, the beginning of my life was something that was seasonal. He took it out of the window during winter and put it in the garage.

And then like when May came around, it was a big like, we're putting the air conditioners in. He was like, oh. We're not running it the whole day. Yes. Since he slept weird hours because my dad worked You kind of lucked out a little bit Yes

And he would use that too to like drown out all the noise because we couldn't like if we were playing in the backyard I'd be like I'm trying to sleep so he turned the AC on that hum was just white noise What was the chore situation? Did you have to cut the grass? Yes? There was no official like these are your chores But we had my grandmother lives right around the block from me. So our yard was manageable, small. You could probably mow it and be done within a half an hour with all the trimming.

Push mower. Push mower, indeed. My grandmother had an acre of land, tiny ass house, doll's house, was a bungalow. They had a second floor too. Tiny, but big piece of property, corner property. So that in my childhood was the bane of my existence because my mom be like You're gonna go grow up and mow your grandma's lawn. It was a minimum two-hour fucking job So growing up I hated that was my Lex Luthor my electric mower

No Late in life like right around the time I made clerks they got a rider mower. I'm like fucking thanks Because they were all old, and they're like, if he ain't going to do it anymore, we're fucked. Yeah, yeah, I'm not moving it. You got a movie in Sundance, you're cutting your grandmother's yard. I did.

I came back after Sundance, I did have to cut her lawn. And I hated it so much growing up, but now, fucking, I don't think I'd fight it. I might go, people bought the property, built two houses on it. And I'd be tempted every once in a while, I'd be like, can I cut your lawn? Go home, Kevin Smith.

Like, Forest Gump, is that Silent Bob cutting my lawn? It's funny. Uh-huh, do you have a go-to karaoke song? I've never done karaoke. Respect that. I want to. Yeah. I've wanted to for 54 years here, it's very fun.

What's preventing you? I've never been there, I'm not a bar guy, I don't drink. So I've never been in, I'm not in a situation where karaoke breaks out. Did you ever drink or no? In high school I drank because it was expected of us. So the social drinking that came in late junior year, early senior year, but I resented it, I did it,

but I resented it, because there was a time where our Friday nights were about, let's sit around and make prank phone calls, send pizzas to motherfuckers, and see the pizzas show up. That was a time where like our Friday nights were about like let's sit around make prank phone calls Send pizzas to motherfuckers and see the pizza show Time dude total good time and then suddenly everyone's like we're going snake leg getting a beer ball course beer ball We're gonna drink and all that was it. It was like that. There was nothing after that That was the plan so a bunch of fucking dudes sitting around looking at each other fucking drinking beer as if that was the edge And I got my calls to make

I got four hours with the Chinese food to order other fucking drinking beers if that was the edge and I calls the make I got for hours with the Chinese food the water Man, what about our wedding? We dance at a wedding when I was a kid. Yes now probably not I'll slow dance at a wedding sure got to but when I was a kid like in our family My mom still talks about to this day. Oh, well at your cousin Andrew's wedding you did that. What was that dance move? I was like the worm. She's all's like oh you got down on the floor? I could not now. But then one time and somebody videotaped it with a big ol' clunky VHS camera, so periodically it would make an appearance at like family functions and whatnot.

And for every wedding after that the family would be like, you gonna do the worm? I was like I did, I'm just not my habit. I got more bits than a worm, all right? It was like I became the Urkel of the worm. I'm like, oh, you do that thing, man. Who was cutting the hair back in the day? We'd go to a place called the House of Beauty, which was primarily- Which my cat Tina worked at.

Tina and Tony ran a joint. Mom took my grandmother there all the time and she went there, so she was like, well, you're just getting a haircut, it doesn't matter. And so I went there as well. You frosted tips, you're all teased up. Mom did, but me, they wouldn't spend the money on frosted tips.

Although I did later in life choose to frost my hair at one point. What a fucking stupid time I spent frosted. Yeah, but you were kinda at the few, that was who you were at the time. That was me stepping out and going like, this is who I am, a guy who frosts his fucking hair like my mother used to.

Who's cutting the hair now? Emily is the person, generally, who cuts my hair. She comes over? She will come to the house. She'll come to the house. I've been to her place, but she's the person, generally, I have not enough hair to fucking cut, but if I'm going to do a thing, they call it grooming.

So if I'm gonna be on camera or something like that, I try not to do it anymore, because it feels like a lie. Because she'll get in there and like, take out all the whites in my beard like this is the Bane of my existence because it's the gentrification of my beard the whites keep moving in and all the interesting colors Just fucking going away and stuff and I would love to just Die it but that feels like a fucking lie. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? I've been debating that too and they keep telling me I look like an idiot. I don't know how to do it.

There was a thought I had the other day. I was like, well, just shave it all off. And I was like, well, I have a way to ruin your brand. Yeah. Where people are like, he used to be watchable, but now his creepy bald face. His face looks like a fucking vagina. Is that what his chin looks like this whole time?

Exactly. He's got no fucking chin. Do you own binoculars? If I do, it's because my dad left them to me. Okay. Yeah. He was a big binocular guy. Really? Yeah. Because we lived on right near the water. So we would go down and do this shit and whatnot. But to be fair, he also used it to look at my neighbor. He, that's why I mean it was a male neighbor. So it wasn't like him going like I'm jerking off

He they had this ongoing fucking feud no kidding you He my dad did because of a parking situation And he was a young guy and shit and he had one point little this mom always a park that his mom died And then he felt his oats right he's like I don't have to fucking be polite anymore and shit So one day got a parking argument with my old man. My old man hated him ever since then and shit. So we'd sit on the porch and fucking look at his joint. And one day I came home and I was like, he had a fucking BB gun on the table. And I was like, what the fuck is this, a pellet gun?

And he goes, I'm gonna shoot his window, Bob, his name's Bob, I'm gonna shoot Bob's windows out. I was like, why would you do that? And he's going, because I can't stand him. I was like, you're just sitting out here? How long you been thinking about doing this? He's like, two hours. And I was like, god damn it, here. How long you been thinking about doing this? He's like two hours

Grab the pellet gun and shot out Bob's yeah, and I was like now we're done. He was what the and he ran into the house Anything for dad Bob if you're out there, I apologize I mean, I'm you know yeah, I got no no no more further questions your honor Do you what do you wear any cologne now? No, and did I ever? When I was a kid when I was a kid car no when I was a kid aqua Velva yeah, cuz my dad was an aqua velvet man and of course the ship in a bottle What is that old spice spice fruit? How many suits do you own? None because I just own jackets

When I go to a suit store I just buy the jacket and I make a deal I tell the dude I go to places where these are my favorite type of jackets I love fucking barely non flammable jackets

So you can buy a really nice suit for like 150 bucks That looks nice, but you wouldn't you know it's not good for many things But for what I do I get up on stage and present shit like it's totally fine for me So I'll go in and buy like fucking five jackets that come with a suit like today's man We're talking something like that even lower really yeah Joseph a bank or something where you buy like that's my god like if I was well that's like if you buy one they give you a ten for free and a free cell phone they still they've got some dignity I'm talking

about I'm going to places like they don't have a name it's just like suits yes okay 100% there was one this guy's a dress jackets yes so I'll go in and I'll make a deal with the dude where I was like I just want the jackets and he's like you don't want the vest you don't want the pants. I was like no. He's like I can knock off two, three hundred dollars depending on how many jackets I buy. So no full suit. I don't have a single full suit but I have a lot of jackets. Well what event would get you in a suit? The last thing that get you in pants. The last thing that it didn't get me in pants but it got me into a quasi suit was I went to a couple friends of mine got married after

Not getting married 20 years before Okay, so it was a big deal And there was a dress code which in my life general. I'm not bragging but Just code is nothing like you're going to something you're that you're telling an artistic enough. You'd be like hey, I'm Zane I got I got the jankos in Anything else I'm fucking disappointing. Yes, so generally I'm always gonna come in uniform, but this they wouldn't let you go Unless you wore all white so everyone's wearing fucking white and shit. It's not a ditty party. Everyone's wearing all fucking white I didn't have a white outfit

I got a white suit and it had white pants and then I had the pants turned into shorts I got a white suit and it had white pants and then I had the pants turned into shorts So that's the last time I wore a suit had no tie. I want them higher higher The dude was perplexed to say I was like, it's a joke. I Mean the new podcast beardless dickless me on our heart radio and the brand new movie the 430 movie in theaters also available for digital right now and November 5th, it'll be available on blu-ray Kevin Smith 100% jersey trash we wouldn't want in any other fucking way I've now I know that I am garbage, but I know it's a good thing

Yeah, see I was looking for the left, but then the sweet hug came from the right. Sure, yeah, welcome to the party baby. It really is man, it's nice to be in Tooties. Buddy, we can't thank you enough, congrats on the new movie again, the 430 Movie Gang. Make sure you check it out, get it on Blu-ray November 5th. A true icon. Yeah man. We mean that from the bottom of our hearts. You change a lot of people's lives, you know that right?

I do and I love it. I'll be honest with you, I get off on that. That's sick. You know what I'm saying? I'm gonna leave here and use your bathroom one more time and be like, I changed lives! That and a cheap jacket. Kevin Smith, ladies and gentlemen,

Kippy, what do you got for him? Guys, we have AYG and friends at the Gramercy Theater. If you're listening, the week this comes out, October 1st, tickets available at rugarbage.com, and I think Philly sold out a Parks Casino. Thank you for everything. Nice, look at that. A lot of audiences and shit. That's the sweetest plum. Oh my god because not only is it the money but it's also the immediacy of like I know what they're laughing. I said a funny thing, they're laughing. We're moving the fuck on. Yeah we're cooking baby. Kevin Smith we love you buddy. Thanks for having me.

Anytime you need me. We love you we'll see you next week. Peace.