Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - KFC Returns!

Episode Date: June 6, 2022

Kippy and Foley are joined by old pal KFC from Barstool Sports! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://www.HelixSleep.com/Garbage https://www.MVMT.com/Garbage Subscribe on iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/are-you-garbage-comedy-podcast/id1499140700 Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Kip, let's talk about that middle-class famous tour, baby. Uh, I think you're talking about Buffalo, Pittsburgh, and Detroit. That's right. We're gonna be coming to Buffalo, jumping on the table. Detroit, we're gonna be hanging out with Eminem, and Pittsburgh, we're gonna do a little coal mining. Guys, get your tickets. It's a great way to introduce your boys or your gals to the show. Bring your squad. Grab a crew, send it out in a group text. It's, uh, me and Foley, each co-headline T-bones on the show. We're bringing our boy Tom Cassidy, and we close it out with a little live AYG with the crowd.

You seen the clips? You know what we're doing? Get those tickets. The link's in the description. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan, and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that they're good to be classy. Yeah. They're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here at Aunt Toody's Basement. She's upstairs starting to go fund me. Yeah. Getting some implants. Okay. She started a website for it.

Toody'sNewKnockers.com. Oh, we're gonna have to buy that now? Yeah. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He's the CEO of Are You Garbage. He's an international businessman. The boys on Wall Street call him the gambler because he likes free drinks. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan. I was working on it all weekend. This is amazing. I'm not sure I get it. What's up, everybody? Well, I give you free drinks for your game. I got it. But if you're on the Patreon, you know he stinks at it. What's up, everybody? Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video. This one is off the fucking track. Full video available on YouTube. As you know, those numbers are true to roof. Thank you. And I'm contractually

obligated to say the greatest website of all time. You should get on over there. You should check it the fuck out. It's www.patreon.com slash Are You Garbage? The boys are fucking cooking. Everything but water skis over there. It's a fucking good time. How about a quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire, the magic man makes us all look good. We love him. You love him. Yeah. Give it up for T-Bone McButtons. Thomas McMullen. What's up? What's up, T-Bone? I literally had a whole conversation. I'm just like, can you just say Toby McMullen away? You're a fat piece of shit. I said your whole proper name. I always forget your middle name. Yeah, but that's my government name, bro. That's where people I owe money to. That's how I scream my calls. How are you

anybody looking for me? What the fuck? I had a whole thing. I was going to go get a nice Popeye with KFC. It feels like a neighbor. We've never had a Popeye before. This is our first Popeye. Is he dropping? Yeah, I like it. He's dropping. He's dropping in. I said Ben Kenobi, you fuck. What are you doing to me? I got this psycho looking for me. Obi-Wan, come here. Gary, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly special guest. Back, back, back with us again today. He's family at this point. I mean, I just straight up invited myself on. He did. No, what do you mean? We've been trying to set it up for a week? No, but even setting that up, I just said you guys. Hey, pick Tom to car out of the studio. I said KFC's coming. Beat it. We got

the kid coming in. We were halfway through an episode. I said, yeah, come on, stop by. We're here. Joe Lotto here from Scarsdale for this. Yeah. Gang, he is the brains behind one minute man sensation. I fucked that up. You were working on it. It was the one minute man. Do I just say one minute man and instead it went minute man? I wasn't calling you the one minute man. I'm the brains behind one minute man or I am the one minute man. He's, but you went with both. You went the brains in the manuname. He's the brains behind the viral sensation one minute man. There you go. I like that. Of course, the host of KFC radio, ladies and gentlemen, Kevin Francis Clancy. AFC. He took it three tries too. For the listener, we're sitting here before record and have a nice

conversation, a little bit of gossip, some hot gossip flying around. He's over here googling what the name of the one minute man videos are. He's a professional broadcaster. I don't want him thinking bad of me. No, he does after that. Never, never, never, never. I'm happy to be back. Tell us more about how micro dosing doesn't affect you. We're on the micro dose screen? Oh yeah. Micro, macro, whatever they got. Whatever I can afford that day. Oh, no shit. Shout out to them. How was your memorial day? How's the summer? What's the scoop? Bro, I am anti-summer. Really? And it's because of fucking days like this, dude. It's a hot one in the city today. 96 is like, I don't get why when

it's like zero degrees, people are kind of like, you know, you got to stay inside. It's, you know, it's snowing and at zero degrees, like just reverse. Over 92, pack it in. Done. Everybody goes over 85. I would even argue over 85 a little crazy. I hate it. I'm 79. I'll see you guys on Monday. Well, what do you keep your apartment at? This is probably a good garbage question. What do I keep the apartment at? It's 32 degrees in here right now. It's whatever the window units will get down to. Fuck yeah. Like I have a very busted thermostat. I don't think it's very accurate. Well, you live in a house, right? I live in a two-family house. Yeah. So it's like an apartment. Okay. It's not like, oh, do you have one? I didn't know this. I live in the second

story of a two-family house, basically. Oh, what are the cutting hands live downstairs? There's this older couple there. They're lovely. They're are they the owners? No, it's so I got lucky when I split up with my wife, he sold the house and then I needed a place to live. And my like family friend is a landlord and like a contractor and shit. So I got this place. It's in the hood. It's garbage, but it's it's big. It's like a big three bedroom second floor. I hate the walk up. It's it's definitely garbage in that sense, but it's window units are central. No, but so I got the central area. There you go. Is it digital or is it one of those old school safe crackers? I got the digi. I got the digi. You got your ear to it here in the clip. Like

he's got a stethoscope on it. Like I'm cracking a safe, you know, I'm gonna get it in there. Yeah, I go 66. I go 62. I'll go with the window units typically go down to 62. And if you live in the city, you got it. If I have a window unit, I go to the lowest. Yeah, 100%. When I go to the when I go to the the hotel, I go as low as it goes down. We went to a hotel recently and I it just kept going. And I think it hit like 51 or 49. And I was like, I was filming it because every time I go to a hotel, the first thing I do is let's check it out. And it was like 61 58 57. And I was like, folks, we're going into no man's land. Like no one the room starts here. Yeah. No man has ever gone this low. Two things I do when I walk in a hotel room, drop the fucking AC all the way down

and throw on A&E, whatever. Love that. I also love anything, anything on the actual old school cable. Oh, yeah, I'll surfing anything. I never understood. I guess they just have a bar so low. You're just happy to go. I'm away from home. I you just traveled. You just got to a bed. You go, I don't care what's on. Just give me fucking something. Have you ever ordered the hotel porn? No, your phone. What am I doing? Yeah, that's what I mean. Like, I mean, like, yeah, pre smartphone wants to almost do that next time, like 1999 for like a softcore porn, like, let's do it. But I, you know what I used to love that they don't they don't do anymore? The robe. I used to pop the hotel robe on. I have my last like three have not had it.

Do you throw the privacy sign in the door? That's the third thing I know. I guess I don't but always. Yeah, I would. You know what? I don't go on many vacations. So like the last few times I'm in a hotel, it's for work. And I'm just like, I get there, I go to our show, I sleep there and I leave like there isn't much downtime. Yeah, but I would put, I would put it up if I was hanging out, you know, housekeeping. Nope. Come back later. I'm always the come back later guy. What's the KFC summer vacation looking like? Yeah, man, not much. Not much, dude. Not much. You guys are sticking them on. Yeah, no, no, you know what I'm you got to take the kid somewhere. So, you know, so a couple years ago, we went, we went down to the Jersey Shore last minute,

went to Bradley Beach. It was lovely, man. Nice. Kind of, that's exactly it. It's sandwiched in between. I want to say like, maybe let's say Asbury and like more towards like the Manusquan, you know, so it's kind of like in between the good ones, the popular ones, but I'm like, ain't nothing wrong with that. When my kids, I'm like, they don't give, they don't know they're young, they don't give a fuck. You don't have to have something lined up by now. Like, hey, yeah, no, probably, probably. So it's probably, it's probably too late. Yeah, it's probably too late. But I was thinking about maybe just like, I just work so fucking much, man. But I was going to try to grab a house in like an Airbnb in August and bring the kids down for like a long weekend or

something like that. Sure. Because yeah, yeah, I would probably go to Jersey. What I do though, no great adventure, no Dorney Park. They're so too young for that. Dude, doing that at 96 degrees in August fucking sucks. Not in line sweating to go into a pool or such a sweat dude. Or a little bit of food poisoning from some funnel cake. Even like, I'm at the point like, outdoor weddings and shit, even when it's like kind of nice out. If I'm moving and dancing and it's outside and there's sun and it's above like 60, I'm a problem. Yeah. So I'm like, I'm a much, I'm an indoor cat. I have a brand Barstool indoors. I am, I'm an indoor guy where I can control it. And I got my fridge and my TV and we can have a grand old time there. I don't

hate it. I went to a wedding one time in the summer. It was like the middle of July that the tents and all that shit set outside, but you couldn't go into the place. There was no relief. Oh, no, fuck that. Fuck and took that envelope. Yeah. Yeah. See you later. Thanks for the crab cakes. What I did just buy and I'm interested to know if this is garbage is going to go out on a limb and say, yeah. Well, when my kids, I don't know, maybe not. What are you doing in the summer? Nothing. When my kids are going to the Poconos, not even on a lake or just on a, on the side of a cliff and Airbnb for a long weekend. Why do I feel like that's going to be by the airport? That's not single dad vacation.

That's the thing, man. You're making grilled Jesus on the ironing board. A cigarette hanging out of your mouth. What's your mom saying? Big time single dad vibes. We also, I did. I mean, I know that because I had a single dad. We also, uh, my family lives on, in, uh, City Island in the Bronx. And at the end of the block is the beach. Yeah, there you go. And it's like probably the size of this room, the beach, and we belong to a club to get in there. It's literally a gate and then like private, uh, public bathrooms and the beach. We have to belong to the club there, but the kids are able to like go down. They think it's amazing. Yeah, there you go. Very funny. We're, we're, they're literally digging in the grimy, you know, Long

Island sound and they're like, the beach, it's amazing. You stay your folks when you go out there. You stay your folks when you go out there. Uh, it's, it's like 20 minutes away. So like, yeah, yeah, I mean, uh, no, it's not perfect. It's just something that the, something that a six year old and a four year old don't know any better. You know what's really trashy? They put on a good King crab light up there though. Even the middle of the Bronx, it's not, what do you mean City Island's beautiful? I, I was in, you know, I went like, you know, fucking, look how clear this water is, man. That's clean ass water. That's not bad for being in the fucking, you can see your feet. You can see your, let me look at that. That's in his basement.

God damn, some pump went again. That was my first experience when I bought a house. So before this apartment was the first time I bought a house in the suburbs and we're trying to be in the nice neighborhood. So we're sacrificing, you know, the house itself. Sure to be in the, and we were, we, we walked the basement. We see that there's two sump pumps, big red flag, but everything was like clean. That's like it isn't hers. Right. What is it? The Titanic? It was water. You expect only let me tell you something brother. I swear this thing took on more water than the Titanic. It was this.

And it was at the bottom of a hill, at the bottom of a hill. We did, we did the contractor. We did the inspection. Everyone was kind of like, yeah, you know, you'll get some brother, a sprinkle and it was fucking flooded. And, uh, and it's funny because I used to. It's below the water table in West. I tried. They blew the levees. I had a person come and I said, like, what, what could we do to fix this? Move. And they said we would have to,

they said it would be like at least a hundred grand to. You'd have to put it on like stilts or something. Yeah, put a dam in. The, the, the driveway. I don't know, I get about 3000 beavers. The driveway went down, right. And then there was a garage and they said we would have needed to fill in with cement, all of like the driveway up to the ceiling of the garage. So I mean, I, it must have been like a zillion tons of cement to fix this problem.

So the solution was move, but me being the idiot that I am, and there's this like slave to make you show in that. Yeah, it's perfect. I swear to God, you need the seven sun pumps. I filmed for social media, like all of my exploits, screeching water into the sun pump, me and these big yellow boots. I'm a homeowner now, of course. It's scary when it fills up with water. After you fix it, you're going to electrocute it down here. I don't like that at all. And then it just keeps going. And I was like, uh, and so the joke was in,

I'm so ill equipped to be a, a homeowner, filming these videos and everything. Time comes, we got to sell the house. I delete all those, obviously. Guy who comes through, the internet guy who comes through and went to college with me, knows me, knows the videos and everything. And I didn't say nothing. And he goes to me so like, this is what's funny. That was all the production I was doing down there. But this is, this is where we brought that water in from the river.

I got my, my legal hat on. He said, um, he worded it as, um, has it gotten any better? And technically it did. We took a couple steps. We fixed the pump. Sure. We changed a couple things. So it has gotten better from the existing condition. And I was kind of like, you saw these videos, homeboy, and he bought it and they already sold it. There was like a couple, you know, they were there for a couple years too.

I mean, it's, it needs to be condemned. It's a fucking, it's garbage. So honestly, even though I'm in the hood in an apartment right now is better than, than, you know, below sea level. Sure. That's a tough look. Have you ever peed in the sump pump? That's a, that's a great move in high school or college you're in a basement drinking. Oh yeah. Open up that little door, go to the corner and just fucking let it rip into something. One of the top five players coming out.

Yeah. That is a hundred percent. Spiders, huh? So I just, I just moved into a new place and I have a question for you as, as a guy who's gone from house to an apartment, is there anything in your apartment that makes you feel elevated that you're like, ooh, that's a nice touch for me? Like a air fryer or anything like that. I did recently get an air fryer. We got, we, I just came.

Yeah. It's, I know you were like staunchly against it. We were anti-air. I love it. It is so good. Straight, it's all right. It's just the best steak bites I've ever had in my fucking life. Leftovers can become a thing now.

You know, it used to be like, oh, this is soggy. This is gross. Now you can prisp it up. It's nice. Um, bro, my apartment's so trash. I've been waiting. This is, this was my divorce. He doesn't have bed bugs.

How does that? Yeah, yeah, right. That's what he did. Like this place, let me, let me, let me explain it. Cause it is nice now, but the, when I, when, when the landlord, the last person moved out. Like when Mrs. Doubtfire got her place. My landlord told me, who was my, my family friend, he said there was 400 fish tanks in the apartment when he, I'd rather move back under the water.

Like he went up like, uh, you know, all right, the person's out. I got to like renovate, paint some walls and shit. He said he had to walk like, like, excuse me. I just smelled it. Were they up? Was the water in it? I think some of them had, but I think most of them were just empty. Was it just fish or was it also like python?

Uh, no, no, no, no, I think it was, I think most of them were literally just the tank. Like he was collecting the, the, I don't even know what. But so he, he cleared it all out. He fucking, this guy stinks at picking properly. He cleaned it all out and everything, but then I move in. This is like single dad house to the max. And I'm just trying to get to the finish line. It was with this little money and then I can fucking, you know, move on.

Waiting for that check to clear, baby. Because I'm not going to go, you know what I mean? I don't want to move a couple of times. So I got to wait for this so I can go get somewhere nice. So I am just like limping to the finish line here. Your answer is no, my friend. There's nothing in my apartment. The fish tanks, dude.

I would, I'd rather have the place be haunted. Yeah, that's weird, right? That is a weird one. Do you have anything planned for when you're, you know, your number does come in? Are you looking? I'm thinking what I want to do. Are you thinking like a ranch or you know what I mean? You want to, do you want to like yellow stone it?

You want to like high rise it like, or just like a house in the bird? Like what do you think? I think I want a, uh, I think the move for me is going to be, I never understand people who are like, I got 10 bedrooms and 25 bathrooms. Sure. Unless you got fucking 30 people living there. So I think I'm going to go smaller place. Are we in that realm?

No, no, no, no, no. But I'm saying like, I'd rather get a smaller place that's like tricked out. Like new modern everything. 500 fish tanks. Like, like motorized blinds. Yeah, I want, I want, I want motorized blinds. I want heated floors. I want two dishwashers.

Heated floors. Two dishwashers. Two dishwashers. Same kitchen? Right fucking next to each other's sweater. What? Because that's new money right there. This was a burnt thing.

Yes. It's a life changer. I think it's been debunked. No. Yeah. No. What do you need two dishwashers for? Okay.

So the theory is you have two dishwashers and you never have to empty the dishwasher. One gets full, right? You run it. And then you fill the other one and then that one's done. And you just keep going back and forth. So you're just taking them. As long as you, you still have to run it and, and like move something. But like, I think-

So you're just taking the plates out of the dishwasher. Yeah. I think it's crazy. Which is like the ultimate trash move. Putting plates into the fucking cabinet makes no sense to me. Next thing I hear. There's a thing that holds it and cleans it. You take it out, you eat it, you put it into the other one.

When that's full, you're running. I get that. It's kind of like going back and forth. You can't get away with that. As a dad, you're not going to pull that off. That's never going to flow. That's like still kind of has to be perfect. I agree.

And then it's, it's one of those, it's like- And then also you got to go right in the dishwasher. And you need two lines. You're going to need two lines. Yeah, listen. The money's coming in, big man. You ask me what the question is. What am I going to spend it on?

Two lines of water. That's what I'm spending it on. High roller. He's not working for Rebomb's world, all right? The last time you were in here, I believe you said you had a TV on the floor. Yeah, so I was about to bring that up again. When you said, is there anything I'm proud of? I have a TV on the wall that broke four years ago.

I took my other TV. I put it right underneath it. Wait, so you have a broken- You're- Did we talk about this? Yeah. Oh, we did. OK, that's crazy.

Broken TV, that's probably like a 60-incher. That's on the wall. And I don't want to- Do anything. Take it off and figure it out. So I just put my other TV- You need a handy. You need like the-

Yeah. We talked about this. The $40 handyman comes over for an hour and a half. Zip, zap, zoom. Yeah, I understand you don't want to move and deal with that, but it's not like you're putting in a pool. Get rid of the broken TV. I also have a-

It's a good low rent. I don't want to be the needy tenant. The bothering guys. So I just kind of fly under the radar. I'm just, like I said, limping to the finish line, brother. She's Christ the only. This guy's in a bad way. I don't want to cause any trouble.

Yeah. Pipes are burst in the house. Where were you thinking? Jersey here, New York? No, no, no, no. It'll be Westchester. That's where the kids are. Because that to him, as it, you know,

growing up in the Bronx. I was in the Bronx and Westchester growing up. Yeah, that's where you want to go. OK. So right now, they're in like Bronxville, which is, you know- Ah, very nice. I know Bronxville. Bronxville and Scarsdale look exactly the same with that.

So those Tudor buildings, right? Yeah, yeah. That's real nice. That's real money. Bronxville money. Bronxville like proper, because there's always a thing, you know, I'm sure you guys know people who are like, I live, I have the address on, but it's not the real town.

I have a Manhattan address and I am not technically a Manhattan. It's like we live in Bronxville. He's not reading the New Yorker. Yeah, I'm not running in the park every morning. All right, boys. Yeah. Kepp, let's talk about them Helix mattresses. Helix, baby.

I know you know what I'm talking about, because you got one. They sent you one for free. You liked it so much that you bought one on your own with promo code garbage. You better believe I double dipped, huh? Woo! Go over there, take the quiz.

They find out whether you sleep hot, sleep cold, whatever you need. They got you straightened out. You don't got to walk around at the department store. You don't got to walk around and match your store like a bozo. Yeah. Listen, we said it 10,000 times, just Helix is the best.

Me and my bird, we took the two minutes, two, three minutes, leave quiz, got that twilight model. And I got to tell you, when Keppie go night, night, he go night, night, OK? Little twinkle toes, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle. I'm out cold in my little skivvies in my sleeping jeans. Sleeps like a dead man in a river. Guys, I'm telling you.

Listen, we got a lot of bozos out there, right? I was a bozo total. I got a Helix mattress. It's the best sleep I've ever had. It's my first adult mattress. I was always like, hey, you got an old mattress, pulling it from the trash to dumpster, using my brother's old one, my cousin's getting ready,

anybody need a queen's, I'll take it. If you want to get approved for a mortgage, get a Helix. Bring the score up a little bit. The Keppie guarantee, your life will turn around once you get a Helix. Just go to helixsleep.com slash garbage, take the two-minute sleep quiz. They'll match you with a custom-made mattress

for the best sleep of your life. They have a 10-year warranty, and you get to try it for 100 nights risk-free. They'll even pick it up for you if you don't love it, but I'm telling you, you will. They even have financing options and flexible payment plans. So a great night's sleep is never far away. Here it is. Here's the turkey, baby.

Helixsleep. Helixsleep. Helixsleep. What's the turkey? I gotta get through this, big man, come on. We're not getting paid by the second over here. Helix is offering up to $200 a fall mattress or two free pillows for our listeners

at helixsleep.com slash garbage. One more time, that's helixsleep.com slash garbage. That way. Yeah. Kepp, let's talk about movement. Movement. Just a couple of guys that were trying to make it in the world. Sounds like two guys I know.

100%. They started a watch company. They made them better. They made them cheaper than the other guy. Now they're blowing up all over the place. You gotta get on movement. It's fantastic. Yeah.

It's boncos. You might be thinking, what color is it? I think I don't expect it colors. Yeah. Are they fair prices or the fairest prices? Of course they're fair prices. Are they clean original designs? They're the cleanest and most original designs you're gonna see.

Top quality. Movement. MVMT. Top shelf. Write it down. Get a tattooed on your asshole. Do something. One of the fastest growing balance shipped over 160 countries

across the globe, baby. Look at that. They've expanded into blue light glasses, sleek jewelry, and even more style essentials that don't break the bank. All designed out of our California headquarters. That's right. My girl.

We got a lot of homies and bozos out there too. My girlfriend wears those glasses when she's on her computer. Yeah. That helps with the eyes. It gives her reduced stress. Makes her sleep better the whole nine years. I wear them when I'm watching my movies. They sent me a watch and the glasses too.

I got my cool fancy watch. It's like a nice kind of tan thing. I wear what I call it. It's got a canvas bracelet. Yeah, I wear it. Real light. Real sharp. When I go out to dinner, my fancy dinners,

I go, excuse me. You know what time it is, by the way? I don't know what I'm doing. Why are you asking for the time you got to watch? Just to show it. Flex it. These waiters don't know what's up. Guys, this is it though.

I think it's 8.30. Let me check. The turkey. We want to talk about the turkey. This is the turkey. Movement is having a huge site-wide sale for Father's Day. Their prices are slashed up to 40% from May 31st to June 17th. So we're going to think of it right now, baby.

Go check it out. Get the old man something nice. Make sure you get the perfect gift for your dad from classic watches to adventure watches. Or step dad. Shout out, Joe. They have quality modern watches at a fair price, super adorable sunglasses, the whole nine yards.

Shop up to 40% all for Father's Day and save big on the perfect gift for dad. Join the movement by going to mvmt.com slash garbage. Enjoy 40% off. Again, that's mvmt.com slash garbage. Now back to that show. Turkey. So if you're in Bronxville proper,

Bronxville Manor, whatever the fuck it is, I think it's literally top three in the country. Yeah, it's like money, money, yeah. Goodell lives there. Roger Goodell. Like big, big money. So I'll be next door in the hood in Mount Vernon. Thank you very much.

Would you do a pool? Yeah, I think so. Well, we grew up pool people big time. Nice. Two car garage? Probably not, no. Landscaper? Yeah, for sure.

Landscaper, electrician, plumber. My goal in life has always been to make enough money to pay people to do the things for me. I don't do them. And you got a car in mind? Yeah. I know you are a Hyundai man, which is a tough look. Upgrade to a Ford Explorer.

Which is good. So 1996. That was another $80 edition. Only got 800,000 miles on it. Purrs like a kitten. No, the Hyundai experience was a wild one because I... Does everybody know I'm a Kia man myself? Yeah, you're rolling in it, you know.

All right, doing all right. Couple thousand patrons next thing up. Does anybody say anything if they see you driving around and they ever say it's Kia? Oh, let me tell you something. So I had... Put it deliverin' pizza? I mean, for me, it's on brand.

My podcast is about trash and I'm driving a Kia. Listen, the experience I had with cars. So I have the Hyundai, right? It's time to turn it in. And I got some nicks and some bumps and some bruises. It's SUV-esque, right? Yeah, yeah, it is. It's like a mid-sized SUV.

Ah, mix it up. What is it, man? Wait, what did the Tusk got? Tucson. Tucson. Tucson. Jesus Christ. Tucson.

All right, it's named a Christy in Arizona. A little bit of culture, please. Visit Arizona and understand it's Tucson. When you do the videos in the car, I'm like, what the fuck is that? It looks like you're in a geo tracker. What the fuck? You're like stuck in traffic.

I thought it was like a car he just kept to shoot videos in to make it seem like he was still a man of the people. And then he hopped into a helicopter and flew to Barstool, A.J. No, what's going on? I am a man of the people in that regard. I mean, this car had history. I was pushing it in the days that would break down.

I'm filming myself while I push it to safety. Is this water leased? Leased. So the lease is coming up. Wait, on your way into Barstool, break down. No, one specific time. One that's criminal. Let me ask you this.

You guys, are you a car guy? No. Any of you car guys? All right, to me, when the fucking light goes on, I'll try to fix it, right? Really? Maybe, right? No, I don't mean like me personally.

I mean, like, the light comes on, now there's a problem. Yeah, of course. The, like, the oil or whatever. I'll have to go, that's a fuse or whatever. And then I'll drive for another 100K. So, but this, no lights ever came on. I bring it in. They're like, you didn't change the oil.

I was like, well, I didn't fucking change the oil. So I didn't change the oil. It was, it was probably. You ran out of oil. So I like drove it into the ground with the oil, right? So it was like making noise. It was bad. I've done that to my Chevy Lumina back in the day.

When you were in college, you know when something, when it's out of oil, you feel it, you know something. But it went from like, it was making some noise, and then it was like, and it just kicked out. Yeah, listen, now I know I got to change it regularly. If the light doesn't go on, I don't do anything. I understand that too. If it's not something you're like thinking about and you go,

oh, I will be prompted to change, like oil life 5%. And like, all right, let me go. Also in my mind, I was like, it wasn't that long ago. This is for everything. I don't think Hyundai's have that technology though. You know what I mean? It's my kid, doesn't either. I went, I didn't change it for like five or like six,

8,000 miles. And I was like, oh, fucking never prompted me. Yeah, there's no warning light in that thing. That's what I'm saying though. It's like, I don't fix shit unless it's fucking broken. And this was broken. So, you know, things like that anyway. Now you're in a foreign world.

No, but so the car is banged up. And I give it to, I have a friend who has a shop. He was like, I'll fix it for you. So when you turn it in, you don't have to pay for any of these little damages or whatever. Turned out one of the pieces was like more broken than we thought on the grill. And we needed to order it.

And I knew about the supply chain and shit. Bro. Jam job. I was there. No, not even. He was a good guy. I was just, it was just in the shop for three months. Yeah.

It was two months. What are you laughing at? Just trying to piece together. The grill was busted. So, I had like four cars in a matter of two months because I had a rental, but the rental ran out after 30 days. Then I had to, then I was basically like, I was riding dirty.

I had enterprise on my ass being like, you got to bring this car back. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, my dad did that. They were showing up to find the car. Yeah. So he had it for like six months. How many days did you push?

Oh, I probably went over probably like three weeks with it. Can't they just charge you for it? So they were charging for it. But they dug. My buddy was an Uber driver. He leased through Uber. He couldn't afford the payments. He just left it at a gas station and called Uber.

It was like, it's at the sick go on all set, man. That's a move. Love it. You can keep the jolly ranchers. That's the Louis bin. It's like, well, you're going to go get it. It's your car. Yeah.

It's like, I'm out of here. No sweat off my back. As they were like, you got to bring it in. They were like, we can extend you. Don't worry. We're figuring it out. As that happens, my license expires. So now I got the DMV on my back.

I've got Hyundai on my back because now it's time for the lease to expire. The DMV is like, your license expired. The car lease has expired. The rental car has expired. I'm sitting here fighting for my fucking life, man. I'm fighting a nine front war over here. I got every bureaucrat on my ass.

The Putin and dirt bags. I sing on the cake, man. You asked me if people ever say anything to me. While this is all happening, my uncle is like, I got you. We have a car you can borrow. You're riding a bike. You're calling a car? Because now, so the rental is out.

My insurance won't pay for any more rentals. So I got to rent the car $200 a day. You know, I can't do this. I haven't got the money yet. Man, when the insurance company turns their back on you. $2,000. Listen, I can give you a neon for two days, but then that's all I can do.

Well, it wasn't much better. I was a 2010 Prius. You got to wrap the upkeep. Exactly. You have like five billion impressions on the internet. So I'm driving. And you're fucking driving. Listen, don't ever tell you.

I don't know what anybody ever tell you. I'm not the common man, all right? I'm keeping it real over here. Totally. I think even if real goes wrong, I have C stories. I go to the Mets game opening day. And as we're leaving, I'm driving out of the parking lot. And you know, when you're getting out of a ball game,

if you drive there, it's like you're just in dead traffic trying to get out of the parking lot. It's a nightmare. And I see these guys because I had this silly Mets hat that I wear that my son bought me that's big and oversized. So they see like my hat and they're like, yo, is that KFC? And I'm like, yeah, man, like, good win.

You know, people at stores. Is he riding a big wheel? What's going on? And then they go, it goes from so quick of like, yo, man, like, love your shit. Are you driving a Prius? What are they paying you at Barstool, man? And I'm sitting there like, please, can the traffic just

go away? Can I drive around it? It's a bad look. I've always had the car and me has been a running thing at Barstool forever. I had a fiat back in the day that I got made fun of relentlessly for. Who buys a fiat?

Because you got $99 a month parking. Parking. The only other person I know who drove a fiat did the same thing. So I was able to zip back and forth. We got a year on an Upper East Side parking garage that was usually like $700 a month. We lived in Westchester, but couldn't turn it down.

I was at Yonkers. It was the hell of a commute. I'm not a car guy, though. So like, oh, and then so when the lease expired, I went out there. I was thinking like, I'll go to a couple dealerships. I'll do a little comparison. I'll get the car.

Everyone was like, you're not driving off a lot today. Are you nuts? There's no cars available. And I knew it was bad. But they were like, you can go. A Kia. The Kia truck or SUV. $1,000 a month.

Damn. And they were like, and it'll be available in three weeks. I was like, suck my dick. That's crazy. So these guys who I know, shout out to my guys at All American Ford out in Jersey. Don't bleep that. I'm a Rockledge Kia man myself, wherever the fuck.

Listen, it's J.D. Island. J.F.P. Kerback. That's how they do it here. They hooked me up. They actually told me how shitty is this. They were like, in other years, if the world was a different place, we would just give you a car. Yeah.

And he's like, but we can't. We just can't anymore. There's supply issues and money issues and shit. So we can give you the friends and family. But they were like, ordinarily, we would just be like, can you post about us on social media? And here's your car. And I was like, fuck.

Any other year, that would have just been, you know. They give one to Peter Alonzo. They do these guys. I would have made the cut. I would have been somebody. That was the thing. My friend was like, I was telling this whole saga to my friend.

And he was like, can't you just get a car from somebody? Can't you use this? And I was sitting there like, yeah, maybe I should do that. Yeah. I don't far away enough for this, you know? In a monster energy car. I don't like always. Got the big, the can on the top.

I got to drive around Times Square an hour a day. But that's it. Other than that, we're good. Who's that in the Jack Link's car? What's going on? So what do you have? You have an Explorer. Board Explorer, man.

What's the year? New, brand new, 2023 or 2012. Oh, really? Yeah, yes. It's not the least. I'm a least guy. I'm going to bra. You're going to ride it into the ground.

And then give it back, you know? There you go. Unless you're a real car guy, would you have your heart set on something? Which I just don't. I mean, I guess if I got this money, I, you know, what would be my dream car? I don't even have a dream car.

Like, I can't even, I don't know. I like outies. Maybe I get a nice outie. I don't know fucking. It's not like I'd be like the 1967 Shelby GT with the racing strips. Like, I don't, you know. I like how you're talking about the money.

Like you're a dock worker. And like, it's like a lottery. Yeah. So that's like where my number comes in. It's coming. You know what? Is it though? Is it fully?

Is it, you look at some, every time, every time Barclays back in the news, I'm like, I'm dodging a bullet here. I just got to make it to February 2023. Please fucking God. And I always got Portnoy being like, you know, I've made you rich beyond your wildest dreams. Like, no, not yet.

I heard you yelling. Not fucking yet. I saw a clip of you yelling. You're like, well, I don't have it. Yeah. When it's in my account then. But until those days, I'm driving a Hyundai Tucson. What is the dream then?

If it's not a car, it's not like a super lavish place. He told you to dishwasher. His bozo. I want four refrigerators. I'm going to have to run. One for soda. One for candy. Going to have to run up by the landlord.

But he seems like a good guy. I do have like, so back to the house, I just want a house that's like, I want it to just be exactly. You know, it's like, I want my fridge in my living room near the TV. I want my, you know, I don't want it to be like a regular house.

I want it to be like every fucking thing I've ever wanted. Who, you Pee Wee Herman? What do you want it to be? That's what the kid in black checked it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah, that's what I mean, though. Great.

What are you talking about? I'm so sick of the just the traditional home. Kitchen and living room. Yeah, I don't want the kitchen. Oh my God, dude. You can't do that. You're a, what do you mean? I want it to be custom.

I want it to be exactly what I want it to be. That's not custom, man. That's trash. You want to put the refrigerator in the living room? Not that particularly, but. What happens when the kids bring friends over? He's got 20s in the windows. We put your bathroom inside your living room, dog.

We got the kitchen inside the bathroom inside the bedroom, dog. I heard you like dishwashers. We got the dishwasher in the bed, dog. Fucking disco. I heard you like sports. There's a batting cage in the bedroom. I mean, I don't have, I am a very simple man. The whole thing, Ash sort of.

It's not going to be a big, I've always said the. Thank you, Kevin. I appreciate that. So I've always said, I always just wanted enough money to have like a beach house. So give me a second house. I was just down the shore and I think, you can't afford, I can't, I mean, I can't afford a house anywhere

for the, unless it's like the Poconos or something. But I think my move is going to buy, I'm going to buy a shore house first. Yeah. And then because I have a really good deal on rent here and just rent. And then. We've talked about.

Because that's what a lot of people in New York do because you can't afford to buy in New York. So they're like, we buy a vacation home or a second home, you can rent out a little bit or you're just gaining equity. That's not a bad idea. Especially if you've got money and you don't, if you're not married or kids or all that shit yet,

it's like, you don't really need like the home in Westchester. We're not worried about schools and shit yet. So go get a house in the Hamptons, go to a house in Jersey, still live in your apartment. Northwild, New Jersey, baby. I was looking this weekend like, don't open a house. Hold on. So I should keep my apartment in Queens,

paid and it's not that bad and buy a house in Hawaii. There you go. Well, I mean, that's a jump because it's going to take, it's going to cost you $3,000 to get there every time. But you rent it out the other, you know, 360 days in there. Then I make the rules on Airbnb. And smoke anywhere you want. Then I tell you, the shirt was such a hit.

Had to fill more man. People were like, I mean, everybody noticed it. It was great. Everybody pointed out the king. Did you tool around Philly a little bit? What'd you do? What'd you see? We went to, the bar still has a bar in Philly.

Yeah, they just opened it. That apparently, you know, I'll shoot you straight. When people, if you want to go to the bar still bar, I was like, not really, to be honest. Let's go to like a real company, man. You're just talking about the stock tank. And you're trash in a joint. And they're pumped some fucking drinks.

Take some hands. What are you doing? Fucking work their merch table or something. It's your children's future for God's sake. You're having a trash in a joint. Jesus. I've done enough, done enough. But I, everybody in Philly was like, no, no, like,

this is the bar we would go to anyway. It's a solid bar, yeah. Sandsome, not sandsome. I always say backwards. Big nice bar, like good vibes, good music, good, good. Everything good. So we had a blast there. I saw the boys the next day and they were talking very highly of it.

Yeah. We had a bunch of, you know, Gillis and the Stuff Island boys were all there. Shop came through. Yeah, it was cool. I mean, granted, we were getting endless buckets of fucking seltzers and booze and beer just, you know, in the VIP. But it looked like, you know, it was a cool spot.

It would be so fun if you couldn't get the VIP in a bar stool. Somebody else had it. You know, what the fuck do you got to know around here? Fidelberg's in there. Yeah, Fidelberg's in there. He's like, sorry, Duber Full. So listen, to show you, to show you how little we are, like,

like bar stool money, like rich and, and, you know, living the dream type shit. You've covered it so far. Fidelberg, yeah. Fidelberg goes to me, like, oh, God, like, this is going to be such a big bill. I was like, I don't think we're paid. We're at a bar stool.

I was like, this is, but then I was like, but are we? Fuck, are we? Because we brought a lot of fucking buckets. Oh, how man would you be? You get that shit. Oh, I would have. But honestly, that's something that would have happened. Plus an automatic retuity.

Yeah. So I said, like, I did, I did tip the waitress cash on the spot because I was like, someone's going to fuck this girl and not give her money. But I was like, oh my God. And we had to have a little pow wow with the general manager being like, so was this taken care of? And he was like, yeah.

Dude, what? You fucking idiot, man. You are a bozo. Because we're just, we're just not like those, I don't know. Of course. Impostor syndrome or whatever. We're just not those guys. I love it.

I don't think anything's going to change other than like, I'll be relaxed. I just won't worry. Like the kids are good. The college is good. Like I'm still going to be, you know, fucking streaming stranger things. I don't know.

What about, what about Mets box seats? I'm not. There you go. No, you don't, you probably don't like going to the games. Like it on the TV. I don't go. We go, we go to our events. He doesn't like anything.

I love him, but he doesn't like anything. Sits in his chair with his big Mets hat on. Got a refrigerator right next to him. I mean, if I had a suite or something like that, but like, it's more about getting to the game. It's a lot, especially in cities. If you live outside of the city. It's brutal, man.

It's brutal. You're either going to drive in the traffic and all that shit, or, or, you know, I'm too rich to be taking public transit at this point in my fantasy. So, you know, it's like Seinfeld has a box that he just like never is ever in, inside, in city field. He has like his beautiful, you know, and it's like, I guess maybe I would have one in case I wanted to go,

but no, it's not that. It's, it's, it's like the nice beach house. I will go, if I get a beach house, I will, that's where I will be. You know, like most of the time I can be there. That's where I'm going to live, you know. That'll be my dream. And the rest will be like,

now I have money to pay these fucking bills. Yeah, Lord knows there's a lot of them, man. Some pump bills are adding up. I forgot about that story already. That's insane. All right, you ready for, I need the verdict. Oh, no, bad dude. I get the comfort.

You're a titan of industry. What are you doing? Dude, they're glitter, too. People know you out there. So these were, this is, there's like a street wear. It has two shoe sizes on the bottom. It's a 10 and a 12. That's your fucking answer.

Well, that's because it's men and women's. It's unisex. I'm surprised you didn't say whistle pig on the bottom of those. So, to be quite honest with you. Hey T-Bone, can you zoom in on my whistle pig crocs? So I'll be honest, I kind of- Whistle pig, hit me up. Could use, could use a couple-

Cover that out. That's mine. Could use a couple of pig bucks floating around. A couple of pork dollars. I bought it kind of as a joke. And what this is, the reason why it's like shiny and shit. There's a street wear and like sneaker designer called Jeff Staple.

And he made these, these are the New York City edition. So, you know, when the sidewalk has the sparkles and shit. And his thing is he has the pigeon. That's like his logo. So he designed these, right? So I kind of get them. Clem is another guy at Barstool who is, he's leading the crocs charge.

He's like, yeah, listen, you're going to talk your shit. You're going to make fun of it. You're going to slide them on. You're going to love them. And it's exactly what happened. And now it's the summer and it's, I'm always like, why do I, I don't like flip flops. Not a flip flop guy.

Are your feet sweating in there? No. Because look, man, it's got the fucking, you know, got the air condition in there. It's got the holes. I don't know, man. I don't, I get like if you run to the store or something. I'll give you that.

But like, you're working right now. Yeah. You just, you just traversed the city. Yeah. Well, I got my indoors and on my outdoors. You know what I mean? I don't like it. That's, I don't like them.

I can never do them. So you didn't buy them at the crocs store? Never say never. Because I was that guy. I was that guy. I was this guy too. I was the guy who was like, no. And I was this guy too.

I mean, I have a, I have 115 pairs of sneakers in my house. I, the one, that's the one thing I, I, I buy is sneakers, right? And so I was the ultimate like fucking crocs. Now I'm like, you know what? I don't know. I can't do it. I tried to get away with it for, for about 10 minutes. There's one sitting right there.

Yeah. The other one, who knows where the other one is. Why, you, you don't like it? I mean, it fucking made fun of me. It gave me an eating disorder. What are you talking about? I was ridiculed. So, so you like them.

That's crazy. But you just, I feel like I'm, Well, you don't like them. I feel like I'm standing in a ball pit. They're real squishy. I don't like it. Yeah. So you didn't get those at the crocs store.

That was like a custom job. No, no, it's not a custom for me. He, he, so this is the other thing too. Everyone makes fun of crocs, right? I know who he is. He's like famous, but he, but he put them on, you know, he bought them on sale. Yeah, I definitely your most garbage appearance.

I know this is crazy. I wore them. I'm ready. I came in with everything. I'm coming in hot. So I was like, why don't we do a collab with crocs, barstool and crocs, because I wear them. Clem wears them as a bunch of guys at barstool who are like,

we don't fucking care what you guys think. We're going to wear these comfortable shoes. And I was thinking to myself, crocs would be like, oh my God, like we love this. Like you got some young audience. You got some guys that, you know, the people who always say, I would never wear it if the barstool guys saw it.

Maybe they would. I'm thinking they're going to roll out the red carpet. Laughed in our fucking face. Said, maybe, maybe we will talk to you, have a conversation with you in two years, because the next five, six, seven, eight seasons, we are already like booked up with collaborations with Balenciaga.

So crocs is like, get ahead, make fun of us all you want. We're busy working with like Italian fashion houses. Sure, sure. The fuck out of here. What about a full croc? They are the nickel back of shoes. How about a full croc suit? What do you guys think?

Why stop there, right? Just become, but this is definitely a part of like, I've given up. You know, I'm a single dad. Yeah, that to me, I think that's the scary part to me. The second I don't like, I don't wear sweatpants in public. I'm like, no, you're in shape though. So you get a bunch of pussy.

This is the time, like five years ago, athleisure became a thing where you can wear joggers and sweatpants and shit in public. And it's like, cool. But you missed the window. He wouldn't look like that in those. You got good legs. You're still, you're still.

My legs are all right. Let's not get fucking crazy. Are you kidding me? What are we doing? Dude, me and him. You got nursing home legs. My legs are all right. Me and you are the same.

I'm skinny fat. I'm not, I'm not impressive. You're that tubby. He's tall. He's modest. Let's get some of that porcelain one and get out of here. He's taller and slugger. He can pull it off.

You can't block. Nobody's looking at me being like, you look great in those fucking, you know, sweatpants and crocs. It's just that it's like. When Kanye- Dude, I wear jeans to fly. I refuse to wear sweatpants when I'm clean.

I'm jeans in case I go, in case something. In case? So he- I don't know. Okay, let me ask you this. Your family at the funeral, you know, they found him in sweatpants. Dude, my uncle then would be in the back like,

yeah, yeah, yeah. He's wearing some pants in public. He was in, he was in basketball shorts. If this isn't what they had in common. Fucking, um, main character syndrome, I think they call it. Where they, you know, you like, you think people are looking at you,

whether you're wearing jeans or sweatpants? No, it's not that. It's more of a mental thing of like, I'm working. Like, it doesn't make any sense. I don't know. No, I get it. It's like, you know, to each their own.

But- To me, it'd be like, show them through constructions, like new balances. You're that just like, doesn't work. You should get over this, bro. Let me ask you this. You should get over this.

I agree, dude. I moved in a swimsuit this weekend. I'm down. That's a little different. I was gonna ask him if he's wearing a bathing suit. I legit was. No, Lulu Lemons. Do you own a bathing suit?

Okay. Yeah, we go to the pool. You can get away all at the barstool store. Store, not barstool store. That's not fair. Not three new colorways. No, no, no. Three new colorways.

He's selling everything. Without the net, by the way, I hate the net. Yeah, no net. Yeah. I'll cut a net if I have to. Always cut the net. You don't have to do that anymore.

Always cut the net. No net in mind. So, always. Like, board shorts. Board shorts are- But they're not, because board shorts are now out of style, this job, this life,

to not have to- Of course. Dress up in business casual and look, you know. So, and then along comes athleisure and Kanye West and all these people who say that sweatpants and hoodies and all that shit are cool and stylish and fashionable.

Fucking lit. This is the time. I get it. I get it. Yeah, I don't know. Cause you know what, in another, you know, seven, eight, ten years, where they're gonna be like,

now you gotta wear a full suit everywhere you go or some bullshit. That's what I'm talking about. Out of denim or something, something sturdy. Something uncomfortable. Currently, well, not maybe not because of the summer,

but this spring was wearing corduroy pants. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That were huge. They were baggy. It looked like a speed boat in Seattle in the 90s. For a guy who, you know, was like,

for a guy who was like, you gotta wear your, you know, skinny jeans with the peg at the bottom. You gotta roll it up and it's gotta be this and that. And now he's like, well, you know, fashion changes.

And now I wear fucking boat sails of- They were big. I mean, he has like, reams of fabric of corduroy and his likes. Fuck that. Just pop on your- Go to the bars.

I respect it. What you want to do? Just two clicks away. Did you have a cheesesteak or anything in Philly? So disappointing, man. I used to live outside of Philly. So I know a little bit

about the cheesesteak game. It's my favorite sandwich in the world. I don't know much about like, as much about in the city because I was a kid and I wasn't going in. It was more like,

we had our favorite spots in the suburbs, appetites to light and for a win pizza and some of these, they're not famous, but they're my favorite spots. I have a theory

that these spots, we were, where did I go? I want to say it was like a spin-off of gyms. Gyms in Old Town or something like that. Like there's gyms,

but then there's another gyms, maybe. I don't know if there's multiple gyms. There's gyms on South, right? Yeah. That might have been it. Is that the only-

Gyms on South. That's like a 50s diner a little bit. Yeah, okay. That's like four street. There's an upstairs. Okay, so I went there. A lot of heroin addicts

walking around. And all the ingredients are good and shit. It's fine. I think these places are so popular and they're moving so fast that they,

they put the cheese on the bread and they put the bread on top of the hot meat and that's supposed to give you like the melt. Sure. I need the cheese

and the shredded meat mixed in and melt it off. Which is what you get in the Philadelphia suburbs. Yes. Yes. That, to me, 100%.

Is a thousand times better. A hundred percent. Because in the city, you get the meat with a little bit of melted cheese and then a little bit of like regular cheese

and it's fine because you're still eating meat and cheese is a good sandwich. But to me, I want, it's a soft roll, the gooey,

melted in cheese, the best one, Barry's steaks on Long Beach Island. Barry's, do me a flavor. That's Barry's steaks. They came to Barstool.

Barry? They're my absolute favorite and it was originally one of these have, they have like 51 flavors of ice cream and then they came to Food Place. They came to Barstool

with cases of cheese steaks in like these NASA wrapped foil things to keep them warm and all that. Even traveling, you know, two, three,

three and a half hours from Long Beach Island, they were still fire. And that's because of the mix in with the goo. There's a lot of places such as Steve's, which I'm a fan of.

I was like in the Northeast, but then there was one in the center city but they closed during the pandemic. A lot of people say Steve's is the best, obviously, it's debatable.

But they do melted American. So they have a tub of hot melted American. That's what you need. That they just fuck around. Yes. Fuck around. That's why I exclusively go with.

Damn, I didn't know that. You get your cheese fries on the side with the side of melted American for the fries as well. Well, the way if you can turn the the American

and even the Provolone into the whiz. Yeah, they do. The whiz is fine, but it's like they have American liquid. Provolone also gives you this the stretchy goo.

So you're not maybe do a little combo. But I think a lot of the city places are either so big and they're going, you know, they're just like

that's next, next, next, next quality. They're not taking the time to lower. But it's not even quality. She's like

because the meat and all that is quality grease. It's just that they don't take the assembly. Sure. Yeah, the assembly. It's not made with law. You need some guy hanging on

by a thread. Just lost a lost a parlay. Also, I'm a big, I'm a big proponent of it. You can go into pretty much. Oh, you know, you can go into a lot of just like bodegas

or corner, their corner stores and in Philly. Get them there and get them there. One hundred percent. Five, six bucks. And you're like,

it's fucking solid. 100 percent. The sandwich is up here. Stink. I'm saying it right now. Manhattan is the delis of Manhattan. It's over.

See, they do the Jewish delis, the cats. The delis stop. They're now bodegas. Yeah. But with like a deli counter, you go across the river to Jersey and you go to like

Hoboken. I mean, they are. Sure. Fioris, Bianca Manos, make a nice. Nazis. They though the mozzarella that they make in Fioris

and Hoboken. Oh my God. Yeah, I could. You know, that's what I want. I want. I want. I want. I want that.

I want. I want made out of this fucking delica. Yes. It's crazy how hard, you know, it's like, if I'm in Manhattan, I'm going to like Lenny's, you know, like a chain.

It's like Lenny's. You know, like, what's like your good Italian go to deli in Manhattan? They don't exist. No. B, you going to Blimpy? No.

You know what? I'm a subway guy. If I'm going to one of those places. I'm with you. Be ever a Quiznos guy. Big Quiznos guy. I think that's a real trashy.

Don't think I've ever even seen it. Not big on the toasted sandwiches. No, me neither. I like the colds. Of course. Yeah.

If you want a toasted no, I fucking don't. They almost automatically assume now. Yeah, they really do. Also, I don't. T-bones losing his shit over there.

He's a toasted guy. Don't they just toast it in that oven? The one they run it through is all right. Like the grill. Like the rat. That's a little different

than throwing in that weird microwave. Subway has a microwave that can heat up. It's a convection of it. That thing stinks. Get out of here. They put that weird wax paper.

Yeah. There's like a weird mat or something on there. Yeah, the mat. Duncan does the same thing. With the shovel. Like the no good. I've said, I've been on record.

Duncan stinks in New York. They know their way around a hash brown though. Yeah, but for food. In New York City. Service. They're dirty. But like they're like coffee

stinks. Their coffee's not free. So I wouldn't know that. But to me, it's like when I see people getting like an egg sandwich at Duncan, I'm like, well, that's on you, brother. Sure.

You know, like the donuts are fine, but you're getting, if you're getting the hash browns, the hash browns are good. They're baking egg and cheese on a croissant. I wouldn't kick out of bed. I can say that right now.

I'm supposed to do that. Maple bacon. Yeah, whatever. Yeah, but it's made in a microwave. They just stand there with their hand on the microwave, waiting for it to beep.

It's the worst fucking process ever. The thing at Subway, I don't know if they make them out of yoga mats. Whatever they make them out of that bread is soft. And it smells intoxicating.

And you put it in the microwave thing and it becomes you know, flaky and crispy. And it's like, that's, I want it soft. I understand. What you're done right. A heated sandwich done right

is certain ones. What you go to a Subway. You ever fuck with the crab salad or the tuna salad? Oh, that was a big debate. That was a big debate about a month ago. Fidelberg got a tuna sandwich

from all of their tunas also. He got a tuna. Wasn't it not tuna? Yeah. Did it come out? Yeah, no, it's not tuna. What's what? It's imitate.

It's not tuna. It's like dolphins and bottle caps. The tuna is disgusting. He ate it when he was like hung over and then he had like leftover and he's complaining about stomach hurting.

I'm like, yeah, you fucking think you're reading imitation imitation fish from Subway. No, it's tuna. Come on. That's fake news. It came out and it was not. I could be wrong.

No, it definitely is like one of those things where they don't call it tuna fish. They call it tuna. Yeah, it's like it's not fish. It's like random meat with fish flame power or something. Yeah, smushed up.

Yeah, god damn it. I saw something. I saw a frog that overturned and they said something like. That was in Philly. 1500 pounds of hot dog filler. Hot dog filler. No, it was like 15,000 tons

of hot dog. Yeah, that was disgusting. It was in Pennsylvania. That picture was unreal. It was just like a big gooey mess. It looked like a fat guy exploded.

I did. Somebody hit a foley on I-95. Yes, knife tractor trailer. No, my go to would be when I go to the subway, it's either I do the Italian BMT, which is like an Italian combo. I go with the sweet peppers,

lettuce, tomato, and a fuck ton of oil vinegar. I want it to be like the bread is soggy or I would do turkey, American bacon, like a turkey club basically. I respect it. With double bacon, double cheese.

But that's where they always want to put it in. I'm like, no, microwave the bacon. Because one time I said, I don't want it. You don't want the whole salmon. And they just they just put they didn't cook the fucking bacon. Like you got to still cook the bacon.

Can't get good. They're not doing that. They must have looked at you like you were an alien. I'm not making a hot and cold sandwiches over there. If I'm going with deli though, like a real deli chicken cutlet.

I'm either doing chicken cutlet with mozzarella and balsamic, or I'm doing like, you know what's an underrated one that I rock with? Munster cheese. Chicken cutlet with monster cheese. You know what's making it come back to?

That pepper jacks. Pepper jack give a little bit of a bite. A lot of people, you know, a lot of people don't don't they stick to like American or Swiss or whatever. The whole world of cheese out there. Whole whole sandwiches. Chees shot down there in a village.

Blow your fucking hair. They got everything. They got everything. Go cheese. I don't have it on sandwiches, but goat cheese on appetizers. Oh, yeah. It's basically kind of like cream cheese.

It's like cream cheese that you're allowed to eat on other shit. Yeah. Oh, so underrated, man. Cheese is where it's at. Subway lawsuit got thrown out because it was the study that said it wasn't, the study said they didn't detect 100% tuna DNA,

but it was after it was cooked. So that changes the DNA properties. So it was a bum study. Also, I feel like the study should be thrown out. If you cooked me, I'd come up as a human. And I don't like that we have to go to a DNA test. What is this fucking mori? What's going on?

You are not the tuna. Did they catch it on a boat? Did it look like a fish? What are we doing here? I feel like they should throw out the thing. They should throw that out being like, we're throwing out the case because you're an asshole

if you eat tuna fish from Subway. Like, you know what I mean? It's not like you're under the impression you're getting a five-star meal. Whether it's real or not, you know you're in here. If it is not fish, you must acquit. We're all dirt balls here.

Also, who takes that case on? That's great. Yeah, right? That's some Jackie Child shit. That's great. Your face is my case. The man's a goblin. You know that some guy was like,

it's a class action. We got millions of people in the tuna. We're all going to be rich. My boy called me and was like, yo, did your Facebook money come in? And I was like, what? He's like, from the lawsuit from three years ago, you didn't get in on that?

There's a website you can go to and put your name or something in and it'll tell you anything you qualify for. I mean, free money's free money. Or if this government owes you some money or whatever, you can go throw your name in. See that? I don't like to do, though,

because then I feel like I'm on their radar. That's how you get out of here. Keep the money I didn't know I had. That's when a teacher says, I'll review your test, but then it's open to me reviewing everything. I don't want you looking at, I'm good. I'll take the mesophilioma. I don't need it.

Keep it like a bank job, dude. Just don't toast my sandwich. I was laughing at the other day I'm driving and I see on the back of the bus, 1-800-DEVORCE. If you're calling 1-800-DEVORCE, you're losing. Like, you just give her the house, bro. Like, you ain't winning. I forget where I was.

I think we're at a club down south somewhere at a comedy club, and I was peeing in the bathroom. And over the urinal, they had like, it was like a lawyer's advertisement. And it was like, it was like, Johnny, the lawyer. It's like, DUI is $299. Domestic abuse, $419. Drunk in the public.

Yeah, like all this shit. Public intoxication. I'm like, god damn, dude. This dude really knows his market. You know this guy peeing like, yep, yep, yep, yep. Exactly. Kill a dog, $58. Two for one deal right now is never.

Beat up your neighbor's kid. If you're a lawyer with a prefix menu, you suck. No substitutions. Oh, we got to do a couple of questions. Just a couple of cues. All right, this is one from, before we get started, do you know what Turks and Caicos is by any chance? Yeah.

OK, just check them. The Ibonia stink. T-bone had no idea what it was. That was probably the fanciest thing I've ever done. I went to like a five-star resort. You went to a furniture store? Toby thought Turks and Caicos was a furniture store in the mall. No, I made a joke.

I was like, oh, whoa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Salino and Barnes are a legal duo. Yeah, exactly. Turks and Caicos, it sounds like Pier 1 and 4. I was like, Turks and Caicos. He's like, would you get an end table? We were like, we didn't even understand.

We were like, what are you talking about? What do you mean? No, I went to like the most beautiful beach in the world. I've never lived in a world where somebody didn't understand. Yeah, that's a wild one. I like how Salino and Barnes, that's an all-inclusive. It's some character to be honest. We're taking a flight down to Salino and Barnes.

If you go last season, you can get a good deal. Comment if you don't know what the fuck, if you've never heard of Turks and Caicos. Bro, there's going to be not going to be a single comment. You're just lining yourself up to get a fucking bamboozled. You think you're going to win this argument? You lived in Florida too. This guy changed his patron name to Turks and bozos.

That's one guy. You will lose this argument harder than anyone's lost an internet argument ever. You're going down. I mean, this is crazy. It's like not knowing like the Bahamas. That's coming from this guy. So you're really in for it.

Oh, shit. Holy shit. I'm happy I came in with so much garbage because I was saying like my first appearance, I think you guys, it was like kissing your mother. It was like I'm nothing. It was a little like, I'm not garbage. Well, you didn't tell us this shit.

Also, I didn't know you. I was, we were real intimidated. We had fucking. Yeah. And now you know. We had Brass from Barstow come in there. You're stealing windshield wipers. Jesus Christ.

Man. Yeah. So you're one of the big pull out of that stadium. Barling cars off your uncle. I know he has a guy for every garbage thing. A good friend of mine. It is the garbage life. Well, Shelly's not driving that much anymore.

So I guess you could. Grandma, you're cataracts. What are you, crazy? Let me take the lawn mower. All right. This one is, this says, went to see Topgum with my grandpa. Nice. And he ate his share of the popcorn.

I guess they split a bag. You know what I mean? He had a share of his popcorn using his hat as a bowl lined with napkins. Trash or innovation. I like it. I have a feeling you're on board with that. Absolutely.

That's crazy. No, no, no. He said his grandfather, right? Grandfather. That's what I'm on board with. Yeah. Just being like, you're a grandpa and you're like, I'm wearing my crocs and I got my hat bowl.

I'll put it, you know, I'll put it in my shirt like this. Yeah. He's not reaching his hand in the same bag that the kids are reaching into. I know. That is, that's, I don't know. Oh, you know what I got for you? I think I would rather just do that.

This one is gonna, this is gonna up the garbage on a whole, a whole extra level. I went to the movies to see Doctor Strange. So maybe like a month ago through. Snuck in. I ordered a glass of milk. Oh, I saw this. I did see that.

They were tagged in that. That's pretty crazy. But they had it. How did they have it? They have a whole menu, man. I mean, to be honest. Wait, a whole menu of what? Dairy products?

You can get like desserts. You can order whatever you want. You can get food. You can get steak. You can get booze. You can get everything. Oh, okay. What was the word?

And to be honest, the milk came first. So I had a picture of just the milk. I was getting hot chocolate chip cookies. So it's a little bit better. But for the content of it all, I just said, look at me. I'm drinking milk at the movie theater. Look at the movie theater.

It is wild. Is that the Texas Roadhouse? Or what's it called? It's called the Alamo. The Alamo Draft House. That's what you're thinking of. It's awesome, man. It's old school.

I mean, you can get like buffalo wings. And some of it's honestly a bit much. I don't want to go sit down and eat a fucking skirt steak at the movie theater. Yeah, I don't want to do that either. That's crazy to me. But for me, like, I'm also like, who had to hang her right here?

This is well I ask for medium. You fucking third ball. You write it on this little piece of paper, and then you put like your. It's almost like the Brazilian steak houses where you put the red and the green. You put the thing up. I haven't gone, but I want to.

I love when you can eat like endless fucking pounds of meat. It's like, I don't want to eat that. Yeah, no. But you can get like these cookies that come in like the cast iron skillet. And you can get some nice shit. I like that.

You know, rather than I myself. It takes away from the movie, no? I understand what you mean. Like you're like looking for the waiter. You're like, I don't know. No, they're pretty good, man. Because you just do it. You put it there and they kind of just run around.

Yeah, it's a distraction. It's a little bit. It is a little bit. But on the flip side, you're getting like. Nice glass of milk. Yeah. To me, you know, I go to the movies I get. Sorry.

Sorry. I asked for 2%. Can you imagine sending something back in the movie theater? There was whole milk. I'm sure people are. Yeah, I'm sure. I almost did have a complaint. You know, they brought the milk and then the cookies

were like 20 minutes later. So the milk was warm as a whole thing. Oh my God. No, but uh. Just try to be a dirt ball all at once. Yeah. Holy shit. I'm a popcorn with a bunch of crunch.

When the milk gets warm. That's my like. The mix. Yeah. Well, I just eat. I don't have to pour it in. Yeah. And then with that, I'm drinking a gallon of soda.

Yeah, of course. And I'm not doing milk. Oh, when the milk gets warm. When the milk gets room temperature. I don't mind that. I'll still use it as a dip. Get a little fuzz on it. What?

I'm kidding. No, I don't mind it. Oh, that's another. You know, Fidelberg had, he had like the tuna sandwich and then he drank spoiled milk. And then he had like Chinese that was like five days old. And then he's like, ah, my belly hurts. Yeah.

He's just throwing it right now. I told him, I said, if we slice you open, like license plates would fall out or something like that. That little kicker boy would fall out. He had a comment. That's a deep cut. Yeah. Shout out to Spielberg.

What was the question? Oh, the hat. The hat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm of the mind that once you are like 80. You're anything good. I think you can do anything you want. You can steal.

You can eat out of your hat. You can fucking shoot. Yeah, I wouldn't. Yeah, I want to go out doing that. I'm getting on roy. You're doing racial terms. You're doing sexist terms. You're saying whatever you want.

It's like, I don't fucking know, man. It's good stuff. What's next? All right. This one's from Husky Jeans. Everybody had a question. Red, have you or anyone in your family ever brought an air mattress to the beach?

Bonus points if you took that bad boy in the water to catch some waves. Not a bad idea. Also, many people chimed in and were like, best summer of my life, best beach trip ever. They have done it. I have not, but it's like the wheels are spinning. Yeah.

Just to sit on it on the beach would be nice. But you got to bring a battery-powered pump with it. A lot of people have like the battery-powered pump. The batteries, you know, plug them in. I mean, listen, if I could- Loan it up like an asshole. Yeah. Yeah.

But you take it to the gas station, then strap it to the top of the car. Equally, like you're sitting on the beach as- Yeah, it's a bad luck. That's garbage. But I'm also like, when you go to the beach with kids now, I'm like, whatever it is that can make them- Whatever to keep them comfortable.

Keep them from not complaining. I don't care if it's loud and I'm obnoxious or whatever. It's like, we're building this bed for my fucking kids. So they leave me the fuck alone, you know? I have to do it this weekend with my niece and nephew. Do I need to get a tent? I see. I do the tent because it's like, otherwise,

I'm going to be putting sunblock on you 50 fucking times a second. Do you do like the tent where you can be watching like a soccer game, like an innermost soccer game, or like a camping tent? No, no, like the- So be honest, I'm a pool guy, no surprise. Sure. So they go all out with their mom, but they do like a- The pot, like four sticks.

Four sticks. That's when I was just at the beach, that's the roundabout. You got to hump that thing over. You're like, it's like fucking Norman. Packs up, and then you open it up. You got to crank it in, corks throw it in so that it doesn't blow away, and you got the stakes at the ground, and it's like- You got to fill up a bucket full of sand.

Ty, you got to anchor it. That's the big thing, because that thing takes off. You take out a family. I'm just going to take a little bar. Yeah, it's, I mean, beach with the kids is- Brood a lot. Let's do this when you're 12. Dude, if I see dads-

And then you get there, and they're like, I want to go. I see moms and dads in the airport with like just bags and the kids. It is. Dude, I would fucking blow my brains out. That's the main reason I got to get out of this joint, the place I live in now, because I got to walk upstairs. So I get both these kids fall asleep on the way home. I got two kids, I got the bag, I got the grocery bag,

and I'm getting the keys out to get in. You can't leave one in the car, run one up? Sometimes I just leave them in there for the night. It's running, they're good. Don't worry, it's a lease. On my Ford Explorer, when I get out of the car now, it says, boop, boop, and it says check clear for occupants. Oh, really?

I know a guy, my buddy, he takes his shoe off. Puts it in the back so he doesn't forget his kid. Because you get out of the car like, oh, I don't have my shoe back there. That's crazy. What the fuck? Listen, I've heard, that is crazy. I'm like, you're fucking, you're a pussy, first of all. Just forget your kids, man, whatever.

I'm not taking my shoes off. Are you crazy? I can't. That's not. What, a crock in the back? No, sir. But I mean, I've heard stories of guys like, go to work and don't realize the kids in the car are crazy.

Like your baby's in the car because it was your turn to drop them off at school for the first time ever. But you get in the car and you just do your route to work and you get out of the car and you go and the baby's in the back. That can't be happening that much. I mean, I've heard the stories and I know they have the technology that, you know, to prevent it. But that's, you know.

The fact that it's enough, that should come standard now that it just says, check the back. Shouldn't it come standard to get the kids? You should be hard-bired with that technology. Not, oh, my flip-flop. What the fuck? How about the three-year-olds? I thought it was one of those urban legends,

like we got high on acid and we brought home a kid because we thought it was a troll. You ever hear that one? No. The story I heard and all my friends. All my friends told me the same thing. It was like, we went out, we dropped acid for the first time on the walk home.

We saw a troll. We saw a gnome and it was a troll. We were playing with it when we woke up in the morning and there was a baby in the living room. And I was like, yeah, that's probably the same story as the guy who leaves the baby in. Sure. I guess that's real.

Hopefully. That's fucking boncos. I'm just fucking empty in the clip on this episode. We're talking about all sorts of shit. Hear a dirtbag? All your friends are dirtbags? Jesus Christ. I don't make podcast appearances, really.

That's true. So when I come through, it's like, what do you want to talk about? I'm just, I got a bunch of shit that I want to get off my chest. All right, this won't cut me deep. This is from Louis. Long time first time. Is it garbage? You use the comforter set package as storage.

For example, I have a bunch of random cables in there. Fuck yeah. Which I have. Fuck oh, yeah. Like to clear. Not for the, not for the, not for the. Yeah. Like, you save that.

Don't throw that out. Bag. That's a quality bag. Dad, dude, don't throw that out. I got about three of them on my closet with like books anything in there. Put a big sandwich in there. I just remembered another thing you're going to kill me for.

This is maybe one of the most garbage appearances from anybody ever. This is up your, yeah. We went to Philly for our show a couple weeks ago. Also, go check out one of the KFC live shows. 100%. Yeah, it is. It's really rounding into like a nice show.

When we first started, we didn't know what we're doing. We did the one in New York. Yeah. Just having some Island guys in Philly. Do yourself a favor. It's a fun time. It's a partay. So I have.

Also, you said you had me on the, we were performing at the one in New York and we couldn't even get in the fucking building. Do you remember that? We're standing in line. We couldn't get in. You guys are on stage or about to go up and we can't get in. And I'm like, I'm on the show.

People are like, get big, big man. We know where Uber. So one of the agents had to come out and get us. I was embarrassed. The folks in Philly lived up to their reputation, man. It was so funny. We get to this spot and there's a girl in the ticket window and she's like, can I help you?

And I was like, because we just walked in, it was early. And I was like, we're on the show tonight. And she was like, great story. And I was like, oh, I just, I just didn't want you thinking we're like, man, people walking in. I think she said great story. No, but she was like, what?

And so I was like, okay, so we're going to go. And then we get like to the next door at the theater. And this guy is like, whoa, like, whoa, what are you going? I was like, we're a part of the show. Again, he's like, we don't give a fuck. He's like, you got to go around all the way back. We walk in, there's another security guard. He was like, yeah, whatever.

It was just so Philly that I was like, we're all like, oh hi, like we're so excited to be here tonight. And they're like, shut the fuck up. I don't know you motherfucker, keep it moving. But anyway, I don't even know where it was fucking. Oh, oh, the reason why I'm extra garbage. So I have like nice luggage and then I, oh wait, promo code KFC.

Everything he got is freebies. Carboggio, so it's like a nice like rolling luggage, whatever, right? I have nice luggage. And then I have- He said that like you bought it. That's why I- No, no, no, no, my point being I have, I don't have-

It was in the back of the rental car. I don't have anything in between. So I'm not like packing a fucking luggage to go to Philly. And a lot of the, I used to have like nice duffel bags and shit that have kind of become kids' bag. Sure, I know this is cool. And so I had nothing. I don't even have a backpack anymore

because that's where their fucking iPads go. The kids are faking everything for me. But I'm also just going for a night. Playing it cool, huh? This guy's losing it. I'm going for just a night. And I just took a shirt and some boxers and a pair of pants, tossed it in a reusable grocery bag.

The one you paid 45 cents for or whatever. Yeah, they're awesome though. I mean, they're- They're better than the plastic bag. That's what you're saying. You don't look like such a dirt ball. We get to the place and I, you know, we pull up in the-

You're checking in the hotel like that? Yeah, that's the thing is like I grabbed the bag. It was a trade fair bag. It's like, what is that? And I was like, my stuff, it's my clothes. And he was like, holy shit. That's a bad look. I was like, yeah, I'm not proud of this one.

Your toothbrush is in your pocket. And then he told it on stage and I was like, motherfucker. Yeah, that's right. You know, this one, I'm like sweating on stage. Being like, God damn, it's really embarrassing. Yeah. I got to get a, I got to get a duffel bag or some shit. The first two trips we took for live shows

fully brought a tote bag instead of- I was gonna say, you guys can't be fucking, you know, traveling the world. It was a monogram tote bag. We got better because we travel so much. Yeah, you got it. So it's like, I mean, the first couple of times, I remember yelling at Toby over something or something.

I'm like, get a fucking duffel bag. We travel every week. Yeah, that's true. When I was a kid, I went on a, you know, we rarely didn't go on any long vacations, but I went, I think with my girlfriend's family or another family, and like, I had a bag that had like duck tape.

Oh yeah. And my mom was like, you just embarrass the family. Like, you just like, like sell it to our family name by going on a trip back. Well, you see people checking into like a hotel or whatever. Like on, they have like the, they have the luggage cart and there's like plastic bags hanging from it or cooler. Like, oh, it's a bad loaf of bread.

Yeah, you second glass. Oh man. All right, let's see. Let's do one more here. And then we got to get out of here. This one's from Murdock. Were you ever the target of a who's kid is this when yelled in a crowd?

That's a good one. I don't think I've ever been. Just squirting the ketchup into his mouth. I don't think I've ever been a who's kid is this. I've definitely caused a couple of, I've definitely been walked back to my mom being like. Have you ever been like lost to the department store sort of thing?

Never really lost. Kmart, still scars me to this day. I was gonna say that's scary, man. Oh, it's a scary one. Cause it was the 80s and it was just around the time where that kid got snatched. John Walsh's kid, Adam. And they like brought,

we had to go get fingerprinted and shit. I was like, oh, here we go. This is it. Cause you, your mom went this way and you're usually playing in between the clothes and the shirt. I was being a dick or something like that. Well, you get distracted in a Kmart.

You're like looking at the toys a little bit longer. She goes to the end of the aisle. You think she makes a left, she goes right. This fella making fun of me and my friends for losing the kid in the car. Kmart, huh? It was too busy looking. She was in the smoking section.

Yeah, they were all smoked up back there. They were all taking ludes. What do you want? Who's, who's kid is this? Have you, have you not lost a kid? But you, you know, has there been, I mean, we have, I just had one this weekend on the beach. We were there and they were like,

where's fucking Steve at? And everyone's looking like, oh, he's over there. I had a quick moment. Those moments, everybody. And then I'm sitting there. I'm about six fucking hard seltzers deep. And I'm like, I will point to a high, I have to get up and start looking.

You know what I mean? Like at what point is everybody panicking? And I'm like, all right, here we go. I'm about there. Let's finish this up. And I'll back a sandwich, take a leak. I'm booking for this. And I'll be on, I'll be on the posse.

I'll be there about 45. Guys, once he's, once he's, once he swells die down, I'm gonna come help you look for the kid. My mom, my mom got yelled at by, I think a fireman or something like that. I stopped a parade in, in my hometown. Cause you know, It makes so much sense.

I don't know why, but of course she did. Stopped the parade. You were like, local small parade. But you know, they, I don't know if they still do this, but they used to throw candy, like real shitty candy.

And you ran it. I ran out. I was in the front of a fucking fire truck. Just like, like, like, like a, like a, like a dog throw in the tree. Like I gotta get the candy. I gotta get the candy. I gotta get the candy.

Yeah. It was like Tiananmen Square. Just a picture of me in front of the fire. In front of like the cheerleader float. Literally. Yeah. The guy got out. What's going on?

Cause it stopped the whole parade. Who's fat kid is this? Who's little fat tub of lard is this guy? That is fucking funny. Yeah. My mom running out. What the fuck? Like grab me and rip me out of the street. I don't think I've had that yet.

Like a multiple light you were candy. I'm a proponent of these, see some of these families from, you know, maybe from other countries that have leashes on their kids. The leashes, yeah. I mean, we travel a lot. We see it in the,

we see it in the airports a lot. More and more. You get it? Brother? Cause it's just like, I think I had one. Especially if you're alone and it's like, you know, hold my hand.

Like, no, I don't want to hold your hand. Next thing you know, they're fucking walking in the street. And it's like, if I just had a little bungee, like you wink, you know? The other day we almost got, boom, this guy was whipping down

city Island Avenue in the Bronx. It was like drag racing, a guy, a motorcycle and a car. And they were drawing at each other as they were going. We had the light. I had to like literally grab my kids and like run out of the way.

Cheese. And I was like, if I had a leash. Fucking reel it in. Fish and rod. See if you can see a dog on a leash. No problem. See the kid on a leash. Yeah, it's a use.

Team leash safety. I get it. Like you kind of get it. I just put it up an electric fence around my house. What do you get? You get chucked once they're good. Before we go, we were talking about big crowds.

I don't know why I got this vibe off you. Have you ever put a girl on your shoulders at a concert? No, bro. Yeah, again, he's not fun. I'm not. No. It's, it's, it's.

He's not a big chicken fight in the pool, guys. But I'm not, I'm not. That's a rare caught a person that does that. I put you up there for a minute. I'd be like, lady, I'm gassed. Yeah. The bird usually shows her titties. Any type of guy to get on her shoulders.

Yeah. That's, that's the KFC style, pal. You're calling up your shirt, pal. Harry, check out these. Yeah. That's a very specific type of guy and girl. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. And I'm not either.

Usually find them at an Olive Garden. Car show, Facebook guard store, those, those kind of typical places. Yeah. Buddy, we fucking love you. Gentlemen, I, I feel like that was a therapy session. They need to get all my garbage out. I love it.

I didn't mean, I, I, I was. I forgot that was a pop bite. That was, he'd popped in. There's a poppin. That was a poppin. That was the first AYG poppin. That was like a confession. He had some kind of chest.

Yeah. Like I need to get it off, man. So. I didn't mean to be so attentive. Now I'm going to go back to my like ivory tower. I'm going to go get, I'm going to go have like a steak dinner tonight. Somewhere nice. Fuck you guys. I'll have the plastic fork, please.

Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, Kevin Clancy. What do you want the folks out there to know? We got the bar stool. You know what? We got the KFC radio. If you go to KFC radio on any of our social media, I think there's about a hundred tickets left

to our Chicago show. Chicago. That's almost sold out. Go see them. It's a really good, fun show now. It's a great time. The whole gang. So there's like a hundred tickets left for that.

We'll be putting more on sale soon. We're going to come to like the Ocean City area in late September. There's a music festival. Ocean City, Maryland. Yeah. There's a music festival going on with some of the guys from Barstool Plants.

We'll be in that. So KFC radio on YouTube. KFC Barstool is where I put up a one minute man. And yeah. Oh, and then we got a Mets podcast that we're trying to grow. So if you're a baseball fan and a Mets fan, it's called We Got to Believe.

It'll be a good year for the Metsies. Yes, it is. Not so much for the Philadelphia Phillies. But we don't have to talk about that. I said yesterday in the text, I wish you all the luck in the world. I know. That's very nice of you because I wish.

Once the Phillies are out, he doesn't mean it. He's just trying to hate the light. Yeah. No, I don't wish. I don't hate the Mets. Fuck you, man. I don't hate them. People say that.

It's like, why don't you hate them? I don't hate them. Fuck you. I enjoy them. I'm going to make sure that you hate them. You know, I like Buck Shaw, Walter. Yeah, Uncle Buck. He's the man, dude.

Not bad. Keep it what you got for him. We're going to be announcing more dates coming up. Oh, yeah. We have Buffalo, Detroit, and Pittsburgh. Come see us. Come out. Buffalo, Detroit, Pittsburgh.

That is some salt to the earth. Yeah, that's the armpit of America. That's the great door. Let's go. Salt to the earth. June, be nice and hot. Enjoy that goddamn Patreon, baby. Yeah.

Gang, we love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.