Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Kids Who Yell at Their Parents! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: February 26, 2026

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Shopify: Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/garbage Aura Frames: https://auraframes.com promo code GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R. You Gurbish. So that little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that if they grew up to be classy. Yeah, just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, Tate Trulley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Toadie's in a new edition. She had to get a cyst-drained.

Okay. At some point, I think you're just reading your medical chart. No. I wasn't the doctors this morning, no. Uh-huh. My co-s is coming at you from across the table. He's the CEO of Are You Garbage? International businessman.

He's my goddamn boss. Do me a favor. Make me look good and give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan. Yeah. There he is. Getting ready. Checks are coming in.

What's up, everybody? We're withholding pay this week. There's going to be massive layoffs. That's bullshit, by the way. I got a cut. I got a cut spending. I got share. holders I got to talk to.

I don't like guessing when the checks are ready, by the way. Should be Friday. What? She can be able to come in here on Friday and get our checks. Okay. Sign out for them. I tell you should be doing it. First of all, I'm not doing it.

There's a guy doing it. That'd be cool. You make it seem like I'm over here with a checkbook. That way, like if we're off on a Friday, me and Luke can link up and then, yeah, we'll walk over and get our check. We'll walk over and get our check. You guys can do whatever you got to. And then we get here at noon when they say the ADP guy's going to be here.

and then he's not here, then we hang around. And then we can, like, ask Ryan D. Like, yeah, you know when the checks are coming in? The checks come in? I used to fucking be there. Man. Thursday night. Thursday night.

Pre-game this motherfucker. And in my head, it's like, I need it, I need it, I need it. And I would just blow it. Yeah. Just blow it for the weekend. Mm-hmm. It's a classic H-fold. But in my head, I would tell myself, like, I got to get, you know, take care of this, take

care of that. There's no reason why anybody. should get their check on a Friday. You wait till Monday. Sure. 50 years old. I never did it. Never.

Thanks for tuning in, everybody. As always, please make sure your rate view, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube, full video available over there on Spotify, and the boys are climbing the charts. That's right. Yeah, we are. And then obviously the greatest website of all time,

www. www. patreon.com slash are you garbage? Shout out to your army of garbage. You go over there. You get all that bonus content gang. Join the over pushing 16,000 paid memory. I like to hear it. And he got those non-paid members.

Yeah, which I don't know what they're doing. Hey, what are you doing over there? You don't come on a lot unless you're looking to buy. Yeah, take a step in. He's just peeking around, watching. Looking's for free. Touching. That's going to cost you.

All right. That's the way Patty always did it. My big thing was, I would get my, I pick up my check. Most of high school, I worked at a supermarket. I would go pick up my check. They would cash it for you, That's bad. Man.

Walk out of there. Pack of heater. I think a pack of Marlboro lights, huh? Maybe Marlboro Miles that they were by one, buy one get one. That's a sweet game. What's the point of even putting it on a check then? Just give me cash. Skip the middleman.

Yeah, you got to put on a check. Was there a bank in there or did they just cash it at the customer service? There was a bank in there, but customer service cashed it for you. That's taking care of your own. You ain't lying, don't. That's like, you can catch me if you can. When he's like, you can always cash you can catch you check at the airport. The airlines have always taken care of their own.

How come I can't cash my shit here? What do you? Dickhead? How sick would that be? Man, get cashing it right there. Yeah, it was awesome. You always had cash. There was no like this and then that.

There's no waiting period. No, like, well, that was back in the day where you deposit a check. They might clear the first hundred. That he's going to get me pay his fucking happy hour, dog. You know, I got a bono pick with Navy Federal on that. It used to be when COVID hit. They figured you need to have cash quick. So they'd give you $225 up front.

Like if you cashed a check for like $500, they'd give you $2.25 right. You're in a position where you need $2.25? I'm just talking here. I'm just asking. They used to be get $225 up front and you get the rest of the next business day. Now you've got to wait a couple business days. You got no fucking branches. I got to go out to the Merchant Marine Academy.

in Long Island if I want to do business have the other kids pick on you shove you in a locker yeah we beat them um yeah played them for the Mac championship my cool my thing was always uh wider pioneers 19 sorry do you want me carry you off the field or something alligatorate bath wouldn't kill me a bath wouldn't kill you I don't care what I don't care what liquid it is um my whole thing and I it would it would fucking frustrate the shit out of me. I remember just driving and being so fucking mad. I would blow all my fucking money in that weekend.

I'd get all my cash. I'd fucking pick up my check. Blow it that weekend. Then I'd have to learn how to live poor Monday to Friday. Or God forbid, for two weeks. And I was so fucking man. And I would live poor. No care.

I got 80 bucks, 60 bucks. It got me through the week. It's really where I belong. I know. But then I go, if I could just live. like that with my money in the bank just live off to 50 to 60 never never never and I just remember like come just driving my car being like dude you made the stupidest fucking mistakes again again you did it again it's my life dog again you're speaking my fucking

language I mean I do it now just like why what did you do that for I've gotten to the point now where I don't even worry about it because it's like you should from what I done it you've done it for so long the reports I'm getting it's because like you know that you go out you get paid you blow all your money then that you're like oh my god how is how am i going to do this for two weeks before i get paid again you do it figure it that's what i'm saying you always figured it out yeah butter noodle pasta mac and cheese that was one of my favorite i remember when change change makes this world go around later you're saying if you were sitting on like a poland spring bottle a changer or a quarter of a coffee can or something like that

You haven't touched in a minute? Has that I was going to Roth fucking IRA. Cash that baby out. How you did? Untaxed. And you know, I give New York City credit on this. You know, it's a very expensive city, all that kind of bullshit. You can eat.

Cheap eats, dog. Under five bucks. You know, you go to a fucking Chinese restaurant. You get a fucking thing of chicken noodle soup for like two bucks. Mm-hmm. Court. I mean, as, you know, as poor struggling to me. Sorry, having a nightbuff.

Have you guys brought your own spoons. As poor struggling comedians for a long time in New York City, me and you had to do that a lot where, like, the nicest meal would be a diner or something like that. And even in, I'd spring for that chicken parm pinini on a faccacha. That was two meals right there. Shared out with Rubinoff. 799 or something.

Came with, like, a soup and a salad. Ooh! That fuccacha really changed the game. A lot of girth on that. It was moist. That's a moist brink. Man. My wife gets...

That's just pizza crust. I know. Like deep dish pizza crust. Yeah. Oily. How do you fuck then we had that when we were kids? Foucacha. Denise would never...

Something Fuccacia? Let me see your papers. Sounds like a slutty Italian girl. I know, yeah, right. I went to school with the ficchas. They're all bad news. Tony Ficccia. Mary Beth Ficccia.

Yeah. Man. Hot Italian chicken high school? Forget about it. Thick mustache. Ain't that? Get a couple of them. Okay.

See, we're going down memory lane today. You brought it up. What? Not hot chicks. Talking about chicks and pizza, dude. You're two things. I'll tell you who I got a fucking problem with. And I don't mean to air.

That annoyed to keep stealing my pizza. I don't mean the air family business. I know we got a family episode to get to. Is this about me? No. Then I don't care. It's about my mother. Dish.

My cousin popped up yesterday. he was in the studio. Cousin, young actor. Case in the joint that kid was. Young actor. Model, doing big things, doing good stuff. I saw him writing down my credit card numbers. He's up here doing a little print work.

Your neck of the woods, fashion stuff. Love it. Yeah, very nice. That's his neck of the woods. I don't know. He's young, rich, good-looking kid. What am I? He knows fashion.

I'm not a young, rich, good-looking kid. What are you? What are you? Dude, I caught my crows feet the other day. Achi-machi. Look, I got murder or crows if you catch my trip. Where's your crow's feet? Oh, yeah.

Man. Oh, yeah, what do you got going on? Some dent. Start calling you Boyle Bob. I have a dent. Can you see the dent in my head? Yeah. I don't know what that's from.

I'm getting Botoxed. It's a fucking vacuum. Your brain going to suck it in. Black hole in there. Now, you know what it is. You want to get Botox? You get all juiced up. That's what we got to do.

I got to get it under the eyes. I got to get it in the forehead. Plus, you get a little shot in the noodle there. I'm all, yeah. I mean, okay. All right. It's letting you know. Smooth it out.

Get rid of the rinky dinks. Not the reports I've gotten from the Washington Heights bulletin board. Limp noodle in 12D. He didn't appreciate that, did you? I mean. So listen. So my cousin. I don't.

My cousin's, no, it sounds more true if I'd overly defend it. No! No, it's not it works. What, 12-8? It's not even my apartment. So, my cousin's up here. Now, he stays at the house a lot with Patty, you know, when he's moving through, he'd crash in patties, which I had to ask him.

Which, I don't want to say anything. Obviously, family's a little bit off limits, specifically when he's here. You asked him where he's laying his head at nowadays. If he sleeps in my room or my brother's room. No, but he was just like here and there. Like, he didn't sound like he had a permanent address. Well, he's moving around. No, he doesn't have a permanent address, but he, he, his, his parents live more towards Westchester.

So if he's working in, in the aerial, crash, and patty. Okay. Here's the thing with that. I don't sleep in my room. It's not your room. That's my room. It's got my fucking map on the wall. got my toys and shit in there.

Your toys from like this year, you mean? It's not like your childhood toys. I've been in that room stinks. That's like a bad motel that room is. You're like, yeah, how cool is this? I was like, okay. Looks like where they drain dead bodies. It's got linoleum floor.

No. It ain't carpet. It ain't carpet. That's my brother's room. Is it carpet? Yeah, it's carpet. Not water, not water, wall. There's a rug in there.

That's hell. That's that linoleum. It's like the house they got fucking Hoffa in. Yeah. Some guy putting down fresh flooring. What the fuck? Jimmy Snake guys. What are you doing here?

Yeah. That's my room. God, damn it. That place was popping back in the day. I got all this. Talk about whaling on yourself popping. I got all this furniture. When I was in high school, I got all this furniture from some rich guy that.

What do you mean all this room's not that big? How much furniture? I had a whole setup in there. Like what? Like dressers? Well, And cabinets In a kitchen

You're making cereal in the middle of it? Get dressed You got cabinets in your I do One of my buddies had He had his clothes in a china cabinet In their living room That's wow

Yeah That's real tough Single mom Dude me My dad When my dad moved out The one thing that he I don't know why

He had this We always called it an arm war Which to me Might as well been like a hand chiseled in the French Rivier area and brought to our house. Yeah, our more. Yeah. And this thing might have been 1,200 pounds. It was like the, it was the weight of a Buick.

Mm-hmm. And my mom would be gone for so long. And for whatever reason, Danny wanted that in his room. Well, like riding cross-country with bikers? What do you mean? What? Gone for so long. She'd be at work for like, I mean, on a summer day, she leaves or whatever.

She'd just, we'd just be by herself. So she like added Sturgis or something. I picked up. down there, she's someone's old lady. Yeah, she's been patched over. The Mongols got her. How does that work? What?

I never watched Sun's the Energy. A patch over? Yeah. Are those chicks just passed around? No, someone's old lady. Those bikers cannot be romantic lovers, I would assume. Uh-huh. What are you?

I grew soft. Soft touch romantic. I think it's called mushy. Wet. slobbery, a lot of boogers. Yeah, someone's old lady. I mean, I'm sure there's, you know, a little bit of trim. It gets, you know, for the team.

Sure. You got anything on this, Luke? I think that's most gangs. Once you're someone's old lady, then you're safe from not being passed over. Yeah, you're my old lady. It's passed over, passed around? Yeah. Passed around like a loose joint.

I just think of the back room of that bar that they went in a true detective to find what's his name? It didn't look very sexy. Probably couldn't get a Red Bull vodka. Two espresso martinis. You guys do my thighs? We'll take a look at a food menu, too. A lot of gin going on.

Thank you, ice pick. No, we don't do meth. Thank you. What's the soup de jour? These crate of egg rolls look pretty good. What are you saying? Where are you going? I was bitching about my mom.

Oh, you were talking about your mom out, we're hanging out with bikers, but she would... Oh, I know I wasn't. No, me and Danny tried moving that arm more together. He must have been 12. I'm seven. And I'm like, he's like, yeah, just tip it back. Oh, I don't get you.

Oh, dude, this thing pinned me down. I thought they had to break out the fucking Joel's of life. I was saying, I remember of my knees hurt. This thing fell on me, and I'm pinned under it. Now, he can't get it. There was never a moving situation of that nature where a totally unnecessary argument wasn't going to organically start. Like if me and my brother, right now, if you asked me and my brother to like lift this table

and take it downstairs, at some point there would be a, what the fuck are you doing? Hold it. Hold it. There'd be something like that. I got to, me and my brother. We get it down here. Sure. We worked a lot for our family's construction company,

so we moved a lot of shit and a lot of iffy. So we work well together. To me, a lot of hook it. A lot of to me, to me, I come up, you come down. We were very, very good in that. Because we're always moving shit. We shouldn't have been moving. You know, it sucks is moving a mattress.

You can never get a fucking, like a king-sized mattress trying to get that around a corner. You just can't get a grip on it. You think they're going to be lighter. It's like you're fighting Clayman or something like that. You can't squeeze them. Clayface. Whatever. Speaking of which, speaking of furniture, you'll appreciate this.

Educated guy like you. You're not so much. I'm sorry. Cabinets in your room. What else was, no, what else was in your room? Cabinets what? Well, here's the thing. Because that room's small.

It's a small room, but it would all went along the wall. And the bed was a part of it. I got this whole set from this, from this rich guy whose kid had went to college. And it was his childhood set. It was for a kid. But I had it in high school. Mm-hmm. So I had the bed that had drawers underneath it.

It was all white. How big of a bed? It was a twin. Twin bed. I remember I carded me and my high school girlfriend's name and the side of it. Frank? Henry and Frankie sitting in the tree. I wasn't anybody's old lady yet.

I was hoping he asked me. It's still getting pissed around. And then it had a kid. A dresser with that a bookshelf on it. Then a desk through my homework. Then another dresser. He did not. And a thing.

And then it had a computer stand that came out that you went into the wall that my dad had to put into the wall. Couldn't put a computer on it. They would fall over. So he just had a little broomstick that held it up that my dad saw it off perfectly, by the way. But I couldn't use it to put my computer on. That's what I had going in there. Pretty good. Fuck you

What do you think about that I remember my dad moved into his We was running a house The first time I realized you could rent a home Like I was like I thought everybody owned a home I didn't realize you could rent like a single family home Nah It's for dad's you know or you know

I get it it was good Businessman on the run from the cartel Sure sure That's what it is These rooms were always so He tried I gotta give it to him he tried But the rooms

But we can move I don't run a lot of places Now I'm looking back Um I feel like there's bodies in the walls. Yeah, real Sicario vibes. We're in it. He went out and bought me and my brother and my sister,

new bedroom sets. That was going to, like, want us to be there. You know what I mean? It was like a, they were like stash house. I imagine this is what, like, drug dealers live in stash houses. Like a lot of, like, because he's also not, he's like rent in a place. It's like, I'm not, but it was a home. So there was like a living room, a dining room,

but there's no furniture in there. You know, because he's like, I'm not going to get a fucking, a single dad. I'm not going to spend two grand on a dining room set. You know what I mean? A perfectly good couch I could cry on. And so I remember him being like, we had these rooms with this new furniture in it. And it was so lifel. It was like.

That smell of like cheap plastic. That cheap, like particle board wood. And I remember me and Danny were, I was like, this is cool. And he's like, this ain't. Read the room. This ain't great. This ain't. We're jammed the fuck up.

That's all for Micah. Your fat ass is going to fall right through that. You can come back and bite us in the ass in 15 years for sure. There's a lot of trauma floating around his stale-ass house. It's like demo shit. Like you know what Ikea when they have like a fake TV. Remember discovering that when you pick it up and it was plastic? I didn't know that.

My stepdad scared this shit out. He threw one at me. Because he got one from like a sample home or something. I used to love that. And he goes, hand me that, he goes here and won it. And dude, I fucking shit, traumatized me. Being in, like, an IKEA like that as a kid and, like, seeing the, like, imagining your life in those different rooms and all that stuff. Like, why don't we have this shit?

Mm-hmm. This kid's got fucking telescope in his room. What's he doing? Telescope, fucking spaceman sheets, cool bed, sleeping on some old fucking orthodontosis. Kid's shit. Uh-huh. Fucking bullshit. Kim, let's talk about Shopify.

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Carver Matt. You add as many photos and videos as you want. You can pre-upload photos before. chips. That's great. Capadding them from anywhere anytime. Oh my God, what's the baby doing? Boom! That's what I do to Denise. She goes, oh, you never come and see me. Go picture of a baby. Oh, when are you going to? Oh, boom, picture of my balls. Giving you a finger.

Name number one by wirecutter. You can save on the perfect gift by visiting oraframers. com for a limited time. Listeners can get $35 off their best selling. Carver Matt. Carver Matt. With the code garbage. That's a URAFramed.com. promo code garbage. Support the show by mentioning us to check out terms and conditions apply to do it. Anyway, so my cousin stays there at the house And the reason I ask him about what room do you sleep in? I want him fucking whacking it in my fucking bed

You think he's crashing for a night at his aunt's house And he's wailing on himself? I don't know, I do it everywhere Everywhere and anywhere That's why you're not allowed over Is that true? Well, you just... I wouldn't do it at your house

You just said anywhere and anywhere I wouldn't do it there Have you slept over? No Depends what we were doing before we went to bed I'm not kissing you I'm getting you all fucking worked up And then sending you to send you to the guest room

Fucking wacko We're doing the thing like in a rom-com Where I come out in the middle of the night We're both at the door Just two different times Over right there Maybe that's what this whole show is Our sexual attention

Laying in bed rolling over We're actually in love with each other No Played tummy sticks Ew Anyway So like a couple weeks ago I went home

and this dumb broad did something to her TV My mother did something to the TV where you put the volume up and down it didn't do anything So I fix it And then I guess in between then and now She fucking messes up the

Close captioning Now did I get there She can't read so that's a problem That's in Russia She's being indoctrinated So instead of just saying to my cousin, hey, I don't know how to do this. She throws me because he tells me at dinner last night. By the way, where'd you go?

Smith. Who picked up that guy? I assume his hardworking, good-looking kid did. Because from what I understand, you're waiting on $2.25 from Navy Federal. Did that go on the company card? Maybe. Should I, can I check the balance right now? If you want to.

check anything you want walk right now we're talking about business put half these cameras in the bag and I'm out of here that's funny when you were setting up that thing the other day to do the Patreon episode

I was like I wonder what I could get for that what was I saying I did when you were setting up one of those things we were setting up a C stand with the C stand I wonder what you can get for that you own it I'm saying cash

what's a C stand it's how you hang Light safely and everything. You got sandbags and shit? Yeah, you can see them right down there. I thought you worked in print. I thought you were a big movie guy. At front of the camera.

I thought you were a friend of the grips. I'm a friend of the grips. It doesn't seem like it. I am. Never lines. Listen, all due respect to the below the line people. We're talking about, of course. Famous story of John Candy.

You're more of a duo line kind of guy. Gator tails. Anyway. Instead of fucking, just asking him for help, she's got to throw me under the bus. Henry did something to it. You probably did. I didn't.

She made it to fuck up. So you think she's this nice old lady. No, I know she's as crazy as she's crazier than you. And you're surprised me with you're crazy every day. I know that's where you get it. I call your family the Bureau of Crazy. You get off the phone with them, you start, you know, you're dotting your eyes and crossing your teas.

A red yarn comes out. You guys, you're all nuts. We're changing the name for tax purposes. What? It's now the Institute of Crazy. The Church of Crazy. Church of Crazy. Tax or rate F.

Yeah. That's so funny. I was home last week or whatever, and Denise moves. I'm helping her move when we get there. What do you explain to me when you say helping her move. I don't think you have a positive image in your head. What are you exactly doing? You're getting the hoagies.

Because I know when you're moved, you probably like a hoagie, break for lunch. I did a cheese steak, and as I was checking out online, they asked me if I wanted to add bacon. I see. Huh. Don't what you also do down at Owens Pub on 17th Street, North Wildwood. They add bacon. It's very good. On a, on a beef cheese steak?

Yeah. Or chicken cheese steak? Beef. Really? It's great. I only ever do it. I only have, I've only ever done it just last two weeks or whatever it was. I don't know how I feel about that.

It's good. Give it a shot. Give it a whirl. One fat ass to another. Because there is nothing better when you're doing that shit. You're in a new house, lunchtime. Somebody comes back from the day. belly and all this stuff she only got furniture yet so I'm not doing much they helped her move I was

working and then I went down just to kind of like maybe organized just whatever whatever she needed done like I'm not moving furniture give me an example whatever she needed well the big pressing issue was I can't find my Chrome book she couldn't find her Chrome book and you would have thought it was the declaration of independence I don't what's a Chromebook like a laptop yes and no you can't save anything to a Chromebook. Why? Right? I don't think you can.

Maybe. You can, but they're like... It's just an iPad. It's like a tablet? Yeah. But not Apple. No, it's a Google Chromebook. Oh, my.

I don't think you can save stuff to a Chromebook. It's the cheapest laptop you can buy. It's not a laptop. I got a Yahoo! I got a Yahoo! Peaches. Yeah, it's something... It's real as Jeeves type shit.

Oh, man. I don't think you can save stuff. stuff. There's no, like, where to put anything. You might be able to save a file from, like, an attachment. It's just one. I've, I've, Chromebooks I've only known as they have, like, it's an actual laptop. It is, but it's like,

it feels like it's for a second, that's what they give it to a second grader in art class. We had them at our school. Yeah. At a very young age. It's like just to get on the internet. Yes. Wow. It's a Google Chromebook. I go, what do you need me to do? She goes, well, I can't find my Chromebook.

I go, I'm like, I'm like, I All my stuff's on there. So I'm thinking it's like... Patty doesn't do any of that shit. I'm thinking, like, the wills all, like, all like this shit that fucking matters is on there. And I don't know. So I find one.

I go, yeah, I go, yeah, I got it. That's the wrong one. That's the wrong croon book. That's my old croon book. I go, all right, well, let's, does it work? She goes, yeah, I go, all right, well, at least get you up and running on. thousand windows are open. Oh, dude.

It was like starting a weed wacker. A little two strokes. Sadly, this thing smoked two packs a day. This thing was humming. Got started. What do you want? Dude, that exhaust fan kicked on before I plugged it in. Oh, dude.

Does that have an exhaust fan? I don't think is, dude, I remember I had this compact. What that thing said? I had this compact. Come quick. It was back in the apartment that I lived in when I first moved up here with my boy. We smoked in there. Dude, in this computer, I took it somewhere.

The guy goes, where do you work? Me and my boys were in there just cranking. He's like, working the Tula mine in Siberia. The fan was covered in dark. It was like the ceiling fan at a casino. Dude, this thing was jammed up. Oh, shit. Patty doesn't, first of all, my mom's computer looks like she stole from a U.S.

Healthcare office in like 2004. It's got that red button in the center. It's old. Dude, it's old. It's the left. It's got the track pad. It's a left. But she don't keep anything in there. What do you mean?

It's all in it. Well, I found out. I asked, I said, what's the fucking Wi-Fi to get on? She's like, hang on a second. She goes into the freezer and pulls out this notebook. Nobody knows where her password. Yeah. Yeah, and it's like X6, 6.

It's the one from the box. What the fuck did they do that for? Dickheads. Well, they fixed it. So I get in, and I'm going, all right, so I get online. That's the pay. Oh, I don't know. Everything's with this air of pack.

I go, what's the Wi-Fi? Oh, I don't know. It's all over. Taking the house. I go, all right. She thinks the bank's coming to fucking. So I'm like, all right. So I get her on.

Now I'm connected and it's not. And she goes, I go. So I get her online a little bit. I go, well, what's on the old? What's on? She goes, uh, my email and my banking. I go, what do you, what do you mean your email? She just logged into the browser.

And she thinks her email's on the Chromebook. She thinks it lives on that Chromebook. And we got to find that Chromebook or she can never get into her mail. There's no app. She just logs in online. Yeah, she just go. That's dangerous. She's got to sign out.

every time. What do you mean? She does. I mean, you can't stay logged in the bank. It logs out for you? Yeah. All right. Maybe federal don't. Still analog, baby. That's what they call open water. Get caught out there. Yeah, so then

I finally found it. Oh, my God. Thank you. It was in a bag. You know. Then you had lunch? No. At dinner. That was dinner time. Oh, okay. So that was helping her move. I helped her move. I saved the fucking Hey, what are you talking about?

That operation would be in the tubes if it didn't have a crambook. How are you going to fund the project? Can't get in the bank. Stink. Well, she didn't need anything. The bed broke. You tipped the movers? That was all.

That's all, that's Danny stuff. I'm not down there. I like that. He loves getting, he manages all he does all that stuff. My brother runs a point on Patty as well. The bed broke. He walked, he went over, he fixed the bed. He does it.

He does that. You know, all the stuff. Good to hear. Meanwhile, I face-time my mom with the fucking, with the baby. I'm like, oh, hey, good morning. I'm just like, you FaceTime. And she's there with, like, the electricians or something at the house. She's going, I told him about your show.

This is David. She shows me the electrician. It's just like a guy like my age. And he's like, what's up, man? I'm like, hey, you got David's a nice guy. He's like, how you doing? I would fucking freak out. I'm like, meanwhile, I got my baby.

I'm like, look, Mom, she's like, this is David. You do a podcast, huh? Yeah, I go, what's, yeah, he's like, she said, I told him about, I told him about it last time. And then he said it, since we were talking about it, it showed up in his algorithm or something. Like, oh, thanks. Yeah, I appreciate you. So now he thinks you work for the CIA and you're trying to kill him. Real fortune got it.

Yeah. All right. All right. I mean, we're hearing some family grievances here. A little bit of a hard feeling. I mean, to be bitching about my 75-year-old mother, but, you know. Damn, she's 75? Whatever.

73, something like that. Type piece of it is. That was all right. That's good. I keep getting tempted to go see this band she keeps talking about. Her friend D. Right. Her boyfriend's band.

If it's spring, they're going to be playing all over Chestnut Hill. I'm going on there and check them out. They need a front man. Brother says they fucking slap. That means they're good. Yeah. Play a lot of oldies and shit. I said the singers got it.

Maybe a little are you garbage records. You're right. Muscle some DJs down in Philly. Sounds like it falls under each holy enterprises. I'll handle it. Luke you in? Let's do it. There you go.

Luke's busy that weekend. Tickie scams. I'm going to need DC stage you're talking about. And shoot a music video. All right, let's get in a guy. All this, not fucking around here. We've got to get into a gosh darn, we've got a family episode on our hands, and getting some goddamn questions.

As you know, when you join the old Patreon, we'll answer your garbage question on the air. This is very much kind of what you're just talking about. This is from Noodles. $10 homie here. Talk to me. Is it garbage to always wait for the display at the gas pump to say thank you because I'm paranoid.

The next guy's going to get a bunch of free gas on my nine. Buddy, welcome to the show. Always. Yes. Always. Always got to see that or insert calls. I wait till thank you is not enough. I need insert card to begin transaction.

Select your put whatever it is. That's crazy. I ain't taking your word for it. I love it. I'm worried about. I'm worried about. Oh, of course. I'll wait 15 seconds and make the guy behind me wait because I'm going,

I'm making sure it is clear as out. I don't fucking trust you. I throw my receipts out, depending on what time of the month it is. I'm either embarrassed about what's in there or I don't want anybody to see what I got. Kim, let's talk about Cigars International. Ooh, Cigars. I love a nice cigar every once in a great while. I like to enjoy myself.

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Results may vary. See Chime.com for details on applicable terms. I remember one time you and I remember one time. And some guy had like... I remember. It was like $700,000. Oh, I don't remember. Oh, I kind of do remember that.

It was like 200-something gram. It's nuts. Yeah. It's taken out 100 per gram. Of marijuana. That one. Of high-end white marijuana. Keep selling myself out.

Nah. We're buying blow. Huh. Yeah, I respect. That's perfect paranoia. Yeah. Therapists might say that you're crazy. That's how they get you.

He's probably trying to steal your gas. Yeah, that's how they get you. worried about this move now because when I go to the Wawasel when I go to Wawa I fucking you know if I'm down to patties and I'm driving back here I pull up to the pump get it started because down there in PA a little different this is yeah okay down in PA you still got the clip where you can leave it yeah most places have that I feel no they're just broken off I feel no no is that a choice yeah in New York yeah some I don't know I don't know I feel like they're all just broken in New York Google that

I feel like some states you're not allowed to just let it run in. That makes sense, but I always just thought it was a fucking bumping. What are you, hen pecking over there? You had that Chromebook in high school. You should be able to fucking type away like a madman. New York State largely prohibits hold open clips on self-service gas pumps due to decades old fire safety regulations. There you go. It's like bump stock.

I never pump gas in New York, though. There's three gas. There's fucking three gas stations in all of Manhattan. One, I do live by. and if I'm real jammed up, I'll grab gas there. You think I'm paying for fucking New York gas? You go down on pay. Dude, Patty knows which Wawa's cheaper.

I know. Gade a Wawa and Trooper Road's cheaper. We never bought, you don't get it in Newtown. That's a new town. Uh-uh. You had a Hohelahole. Texaco. You used to be to Texaco.

What do you think? You're saving. That's up. People like that. I, you know, it's not for me. 286 over there to fucking shit cow. Mm-hmm. Remember those, what was the gas places that popped up that were real Russian?

I ever tell you the story that there was, this was on. Luke oil. Oh, yeah. Those things came out of nowhere. One of the kids I grew up with. No, not a kid. As soon as they took Kremi also. Rest of the Beast.

A kid I grew up, not a kid I grew up, but in Northeast Philadelphia, there was a large Russian contingency. And there was this really rich guy I don't even kid I don't even know what school he went there might even been older We were like we were in high school I've never only saw the kid like once or twice And his house was like His dad wasn't allowed in the US

Like OPEC type shit or something like that I don't know what it was but it was like Oligar type shit Yeah Sees your yacht Yeah we go My grandmoms here So we were just like partying it has crap

We didn't even go inside It was just like he showed us the garage It was like a Bentley a poor. It was like a detached garage with an overhang wall. But something with Luke oil, maybe. I don't know. I don't want to even talk about this publicly. What? I don't know.

Dad's not a lot. I remember, like, where's your family? Great, and I'm going to get fucking poison. But there was a loop oil on the corner of bustleton and Byberry. And it was Russian guys. And then there was this like fresh off the boat rushing guy that didn't speak English and he reprogrammed the pumps

wrong. And instead of $2.17 a gallon. It was $21.7 a gallon. Dude, this guy, people found out and shut down this fucking, the cops had to come. Because the lines were blocking traffic, people filling up. My boy Justin hit me up and was like, you got to get down the bustle. That luke oil is giving away gas, dude. We were fucking driving around burning gas just to top back off.

Fucking get it while you're going, baby. Well, when those things popped up, I swear to God, gas at other places, was like $4 and they were selling it for like $1.29. Probably half water. It's mostly two-stroke shit. Mostly goat milk. Is Luke oil Russian? Russian owned. That's so funny because a Russian buddy of mine owned the,

in the Northeast somewhere, owned the garage at a Luke oil. His dad owned the garages at Luke oil. I remember they used to drink this shit called Russian Jewel. Oh, it was like painting. Fucking, he'd be playing beer pong with. It's good to have that on a clock. With Russian Jewel.

Oh. Dude, those Russian kids in high school played by a different set of rules. They really did. They didn't fucking wrap. That was the first, like, underworld I was introduced to where I'm like, oh, you guys are real tight-knit. Everyone knows everybody and not everything's on the up and up, which I respect. Don't hook up with anybody's sister. You'd be in chibble.

They would turn on each other, too, sometimes. Cut your nose in. ears off and shit like that. I'm drinking you. Other thing that I worry about too now, these kids out there doing this shit, I pull up, I get it started. I go in a wild weasel and I get my fucking sizzling. I can't do that. You're crazy. I get it. That's standard practice over there, 73 and 2002. Everybody does that. I understand. And I think in Pennsylvania it's a little different specifically with the Wawa's because there's a lot of pump and pumps and there's a lot of space.

It's a super Wawa. It's not like there's four pumps. There's like 16 pumps. Yeah. And I mean, I think it's the same at Buckees is similar. Like you can park and leave. Mm-hmm. These people, I don't love doing it.

I mean, I'm in and out. I'm not in there. I'm not eating in there. Like, I'm sitting in the fucking at the picnic table out front. Uh-huh. Which sounds like you have, if I'm being honest with you. But I'm worried about people going over, taking my thing and bringing it around the underside. That's crazy.

People do that. No, they don't. The fuck they don't. I've seen videos where a guy, where a guy. guy gets out and he'll walk on the other side of his car and someone who'll get in his car and drive away ripped the pump out yeah yeah i ever say they they got uh how they got they got they got viny with the skinny's dad one time he was selling a car or was selling a motorcycle and the guy pulled up in a car and said he said yeah just leave the car as collateral i had a guy sleeping and laying down in the

back seat with a set of keys the guy on the motorcycle takes all he going for a test ride Waits 10 minutes, hops up, mrs. Takes the car. Pieces out. No shit. Was he standing there? I think he was like working or whatever. He's like, hey, leave the car and the keys.

And you can go to, like, you can go test drive the bike. Guy had another set of keys. That's pretty good. Hopped up, me, peeled out. Huh. That got, son. That makes me, that made me think I lost a set of keys, so the joke's on you. I've had the, do you remember the valet key?

No. Do you remember you're way too young for that? Cars at some point. had a valet key and it was just the, remember, like, obviously cars had the key to start. Yeah. And it was just that key. And you would, like, leave it, I don't know, in the car or something. And it would say that, Mike, because we had a Dodge Intrepid.

My stepmom had a purple Dodge Intrepid. And on the key, it said valet. Like, instead of giving the valet, now, I don't, we, first of all, I didn't go to a valet until I was fucking 32 years old. Hmm. But the idea was you were going to enough valet events. And you're intrepid? I'm just saying Instead of giving them all your keys

You just give them that one key You should have just that It would open the doors and everything Yeah and start the car It was called a valet key It can't open the glove box Or like the trunk of the car though Get the fuck out of here

Yeah That's where you keep your gun That's where I keep my product Mule and daddy out Yeah that was crazy to me I remember yeah My dad's like when you go to valet I go

Let me know when a Wawa's starts valetian. Yeah, no shit. Uh-huh. Huh. I never think about that. It's like, there you go. Yeah.

Steal it. But the gas station, you're not getting me like that. Banging out my credit card or fucking putting my gas in your car. Sure. Next thing you know, you'd be eating my sizzly. You know, it's a great technology that they should have everywhere. All Jersey is, they pump your gas. But you can pull up on any side, and it's got the thing that says, we reach both sides.

Yeah, that is pretty good. You don't need to pull up on your left side. It just says, I pull up any side, long stendo nozzles. You ever do that? Fuck! Fucking A. Look like an idiot. But it's supposed to be a rule.

It's supposed to be American cars are on the left and communist cars are on the right. I don't know. You need something like that? I really got Luke working today. That Google Chromebook's really paying off. I can't think. I think all of mine have always been on the left. Are you surfing the web right now?

I am. Most American manufactured vehicle. have gas tank filler on the left driver's side. This design allows drivers to pull up closer to the pump. However, there is no universal standard and many models particularly important vehicles. Did you ever have a car that had it behind the license plate? No.

Who are Joe Pesci? My cousin had one. I don't know. I can't remember what cousin was. I feel like those station wagons. Those old big wagon ears had that kind of shit. Yeah, it was, it might have been my cousin Ziggy's fucking, cousin Ziggy. Cousin Ziggy, cousin Doug, cousin Flo, cousin Eddie Mugabe.

Shout out to the boys. Mm-hmm. Flarity boys. When do they get out? They're all out. All right. Fresh and clean. A cousin duck just retired.

Shout out to him. It's crazy your cousins are that old. Their cousins are my uncle's age. My cousin duck. You know duck? You met him before. fan of the program. I meant a lot of your...

His brother worked at a Chevron on... I don't know what the road is, but it was by the Wyoming Valley Mall. That was the first time we were there hanging out. I don't know why. My mom, like, dropped us off for him to watch us for a little bit. Are that crazy?

My mom dropping you off at a gas station to hang out for a little bit. Should have run some errands or something like that. And he worked there? He worked there. It's like the summer job. My mom would... I was a parking lot rat, so my mom would just drop us. off and park like we skated so it would be like you know drop you know village shires down at

crowzers wherever that was the first time i saw a gas behind the fucking license plate man i never had that that's got to be dangerous i don't know it that i mean i think i don't know um all right let's see here this one's from uh jeremy r ten dollar homie never had one read how far are you allowed to bike to work before you're considered jammed up? That's a great question. It's a great question. Because some of it's exercise, some of it's environmentally conscious, some of it's just time-wise as well.

I would say, oh, I don't know. I think the road conditions really, really depend. The size of the road. Yeah. Are you on like a highway? Like, you know, are you where bike shouldn't be? That's a good one. because sometimes you see dudes walking

yeah if there's a median you're jammed up and they're in the burbs and they're walking like the next bus stop you're like god damn back of the day we'd always give those guys a ride that's wild like you're going to north town yeah you're probably going to north stang gets weed

or something you want to ride yeah give a guy a ride working on a Mickey D's or something like that whatever there's a guy that worked a while he walked from our neighborhood down and my mom he would get mad if you You asked them. It'd be poor in rain. I think he was in my brother's,

he was in my brother's greater. Fuck you then. And there's something, you know, something a little, you know, off with him, but. Sure. You know, oh, hey, you need a ride.

I'm okay. You're like, okay, buddy, it's fucking dark and raining. I saw my dad. It's gonna be size, no, you did last summer. You keep hanging out around here. I saw my dad do that in a storm one time.

Guy was pulled over to the side and, like, his thing was his hood was up and he was, like, working on his thing. Who, my dad fucking turned around. He's like, you need a little help or something? Should give the guy a jump. Got the guy out.

I thought about that was Batman. I locked the door when he got out. Yeah, we never did shit like that. I pulled away. Yeah. Every man for himself here. I'm going to go to Ducks house. It's how they get you.

Crazy? No, I know. Yeah, I mean, I would say if I had to put a time limit, one conditions of the road for sure. Median, jammed up. If there's, like, broken, if there's a shoulder, I feel like that's worse, too, because that means, like, you pull out, like, cars.

There's, like, a lot of gravel and some broken taillights on the, you shouldn't be there. If there's one of those things that the tractor trailers go up, the dead man turn. Yeah, the dead man's buff, the emergency pull-off. I always wanted to fucking hit one of those. I got a good rule. If you don't pass another biker, you shouldn't be biking.

That's a good one. Or a guy walking or something. Yeah. In the city, whatever, you know what I mean? Sure. Yeah. It's always, it's always, it's always. spotty in the burbs when you see that.

Like, that guy shouldn't be riding that bike. There's also, yeah, there's also a thing, too. I mean, a guy, there's an age where a BMX bike you can't do either. Dude, there's nothing scarier than an adult on a BMX bike. He's got nothing to lose, dude. There is nothing. Don't, fuck him looking for a score. Dude, do not fight with that guy.

The taller he is, the worse it is. An adult on a BMX bike. They don't fit. The proportions are just wrong. They bend the one knee. And some, do you ever see them standing up? Scary Sit down

A kid did you steal that from Do a bar spin or something Earn your keep right now Let me know you're trying out for the X game Fuck that Never Yeah Great question though

Yeah okay let's see here This one's from Joey bag of donuts $10 hoagie is it garbage To run a scam for my high school Football fundraiser We would sell those discount cards For $10 for local businesses Example you buy a cup of coffee

You get a free donut at the local whatever Is that the book? Is that the coupon book? It was a book And then I think they I remember in high I remember seeing one in high school I think they switched to a card

Where like on the back It was like Real fine print like Thunkin' Donuts and here Like It was just you had to show the car I never got the coupon book Uh

Yeah I remember We never I don't think our school We ever really did it or anything Like it was never really prevalent in my I remember seeing one at some point or something But it was never like Nobody was doing it

Um this I would run instead of selling the cards I would take donations of any amount of money and if they did and if you did more than $10 you got a card whoa

said it again so he'd go hey it's a donation we're doing a fundraiser can you donate if you donate more than $10 you get a card so people go here's 50 get the card he only owes 10 for the card

so he just made $40 bucks. So he, so, oh. So you do that at 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 times. So he lied. Yeah. So everybody. Welcome to the fucking show, guys.

Slat me around. So, but everybody, that's a victimless crime. Everybody made out. He fulfilled his obligation to the, to the donation. He sure did. Made a little grease on top. I don't hate it. Huh.

That's like when I would, when I worked at the golf course, I would take the tokens for the driving range and put them in my pocket. And then people would go, hey, can I get a bucket of balls? And I'd go, I got a token right here. give me 10 bucks and I would take the 10 bucks he would have had to go all the way up to the pro shop to buy tokens to buy a token and I go I got the tokens on me because I had the keys you would take tokens out of the machine that was my job I had and take them into the so you would grease I would I would I'd pocket five tokens and then I'd be down there cleaning the balls

picking the balls whatever I drove the cart the cage cart they would go hey where can I get you know guys who were just guest or whatever you know first time there go hey how do I get a bucket of balls. I go, right this way. I go, tokens are up at the thing or I got, I got one on me. 10 bucks.

Yeah, here you go. Boom, 10, 10 right in my pocket. Never enters the economy. Whoa. Do that. Plus, it was a, I was a card attendant. It was a, it was a.

Figure they owed you that for everybody fucking shooting at that cart. Yeah. Barrassing yourself. I didn't mind. It's kind of fun. You ever have any chicks from school be there with their boyfriends?

No, it wasn't like a country club. I had to work with the owner's daughter one time. And she was like, that was her punitive. That's like how funny. Her punishment was like my dream job. Like that's just like, She had a ride in the cart with you?

Different side of the tracks we were. Yeah, they call you fat ass every once in a while, but it's not too bad. I don't know. She went to a different school. I don't know where she went. You're making this girl out. No, I swear not. Nothing happened.

But like, it was one of those like standalone girls. Like no one knew her. No one. And she went to like, she was older maybe, like a little, a couple of years older. something like that, two years older. Because he wasn't from the town. Like he was from like 40 minutes away or something like that. And she was like, oh man, I had a thing for her.

Bet you did. I mean, how. How could you not? I'm sitting there crush you. This place had the hot dog roller on point. I'd be crushing diesels drinking free, free cups of coke from the bar. Shout out to Christine. She kept them fizzies coming, though.

Yeah. It was just so like, this was a job I had to have. I got my fucking 95 Chevy Lumina. I'm fucking working. I'm like working. I'm hustling. I'm stealing fucking tokens. I'm wiping down clubs.

I'm fucking cleaning the golf balls. I'm fucking. I'm hustling. I'm picking up shifts showing up. It's golf course. Show up at like 4.30 in the morning in the summer. Motherfuckers breaking your ball. 5.15 tea times.

Those wet feet. Uh. And then she would like, her friends would come to work with her. Because they were just like, oh, I think it was like Alyssa. She was like, oh, this is at work. I'll just go hang out with her. That's Kevin. He usually has a boner.

I still do. Yeah, it was very much just like, it was like, my dad's making me do this, you know. She'd like crash a golf cart. I'd have to hide it. They'd blame me for it and shit like that. That's Kevin. Ew. Yeah, very much, very much that.

Having a job. Fucking out. The barn cart barn. Well, you. get free soda. Oh, dude. It's such a mistake. You tell me it's free.

Man, I'm drinking soda all day. I did for all for all summer. Like, you could have water. No, you couldn't. I mean, why would you do that? Dude, listen to this. When I worked at 16 ounce clear, like solo cup, like plastic solo cups with the, no, without the ridges, like flat on the big, nice handle. Yeah.

Good ice. Christine would keep you. Top you off. She was a hop-y-z-ass, dude. She's probably 30. Man. But when I worked at 20 Manning in Philly, we had a soda machine in the server station.

That got me a portofino on Walnut Street. Dude, she had birch beer. I had never had any of me as birch beer. Dude, I'd just be, I was the only one that drank it. Uh-huh. I remember. I remember I was a bus boy. I was a bus boy.

I'd go to a crush and stuff. sodas at the bus station crushing them and dinner rolls you can't give guys like us free or rolls dude especially at the rolls room in out of pizza dough what he's nuts one guy went that's a lot of soda one of the one of the wages went that's a lot of soda that's your rude hey is it huh you think so huh let's take the professor here that's Kevin he drinks a lot of soda he's got a boner yeah also again at 20 main they used to get these little rye bangor rolls from Metropolitan Bakery

in Philly, they'd come in fresh. We put them in the fucking toaster oven, they get all hot. They have butter back there. Butter? What are you doing to me? You're getting a boner now. What are you doing to me? I know. It's, I mean...

There's a little Coke in your sugar packing. I was such a fucking idiot. I was just such a dufus. Left to my own devices. Cargo shorts. Just fucking looking like a dufus. ever worked out with you and that girl I had a baby blue shirt on baby we had to wear baby blue polos and they had I had not good for your boy tints I would have to assume dude it's so funny

we had this so many of the same have the nipples uh what was because one is it's always my problem whenever you got the uniform from the company I was a bigger kid and they go we don't have any extra large. So we're just wearing black shirt for six weeks until you get fired. Yeah. And I know. So they had one. I was supposed to get two extra larges or whatever.

Like you get two shirts. They gave me one extra large. And then like they were supposed to get new one. But you know, I got an order coming in. And then I, so after a couple of weeks, I'm like, guys, I'm fucking working all. I'm working until 9 a.m. 9 p.m. and I got to be back in at fucking sick. Like, I need...

I need T's here. I got to burn and turn his laundry. Got armor all over my fucking shirt. Not to mention these ketchup stains. Yeah, we don't sell pizza sauce here, right that? And, uh, so they gave me a large. So I'd jump out, switch between a large, which was so tight. You're out wetting it down in the hose. Trying to get some stretch on it.

I'm pulling it between two golf carts. I was another gig People would leave clubs And I would maybe not return To the lost and found And then I'd fucking That's how you put a set together When you were a kid

I put one of my first sets I got my first couple of wedges And then I did you know I got a ping whatever People are like I'll have 30 bucks You are a dirt ball So lady clubs This guy saw a left-handed lady clubs

Uh, let's see here. But that's a great game. Oh, so, uh, cover the cost of $10 in my pocket and so on. I once raised over $250 to cover the $25 cards. Any cash donations over that was admin fees if you catch my drift. I respect that. With you.

100%. Yeah. Good for you. Yeah. Like it. Um, all right. Let's see here. This is from, uh, Rion, uh, $10 investor.

Were you a hot glue family? No. Never. Who the fuck had that? We did. What? You had a hot glue gun? Oh, you're scientists?

I was just talking to my mom about it. She would plug that thing in, and there would be a warning that would, she would send the sirens that she was going to plug it in an hour. Don't go near the kitchen. Because you couldn't turn it off. What the fuck was she making? It was like arts and craft shit. No, you got that stick. Got the glue stick.

I love that glue stick. I don't usually use deodorant. That shit stunk. With the rainbow color? I used to fucking Yeah, he couldn't eat hot glue You burn your mouth on a hot glue I remember

My sift dude You would think I don't know if they updated that technology Zeran all an off switch And it had like a little kickstand And you could dude the cord Oh yeah glue guns I've seen glue they look like little Nerf guns

They're all plastic And they're so light plastic That the cord tension would topple it over And I burnt a kitchen counter one Oh, that tip got hot. You wanted to start we were breaking out a ray gun, dude. She was this technology. We're shooting down drones on the southern border.

Put on classes? Dude, this was every bucket, and then he unplugged it. It was hot for like three days. You couldn't put it away. It was like a curling iron. You look those guys in Oppenheimer in the fucking bunker. It's fucking crud. We're all hiding behind the kitchen table.

Your face is all sunburnt. Dogs growling at it. No, never. A hot glue gun. Are you crazy? It was Elmers. We were a crazy glue family. And there was a lot of model glue floating around.

And we, dude, from the way we handled that stuff, if that was nuclear or radioactive, we would have killed everybody in the neighborhood. Sure. We were so bad with handling that stuff. Our model glue would have a hole in that thing in two seconds. Bad. Yeah, we never, we were, we always had, we got one thing of crazy glue probably every six years. Mm-hmm. And it was for like one pro, like one thing.

I'll get the crazy glue And then it would leak And shit sucked Dude it would glob at the end Get on your fingers That was fun though You feel that tension Rip it off

It had nothing to do And have cable No HBO My buddy's dad My neighbor growing up His dad had those RC airplanes It was like before drones

That was like That was weird shit to me They were like The size of turkey vultures. They were huge. I know. I don't know when he did him,

but he had like a couple hanging up in the garage. I never saw him use him. But he had like a little, he was, I think he might have been an engineer or something like that. So those guys always like the wrong side of World War II. Yeah. You know,

they were a little too much about the Blitzkrieg. If you catch my drift. Buddy, relax. See a patcher or two in his work shot? What the fuck is that? Grandfather stole. Okay. But he had a workstation in the basement.

like a little, like a little crepe box, and he had a fucking soldering iron. Oh, we had all that shit. I was like, what the fuck? Are you making fucking Zelensky? Whatever his name is? Kiklinsky? No, who's the Unabomber?

Ted Kiklinsky, no. Keklinski's the ice man. Right. Ted Kaczynski. About the Fields Medal, isn't it? Um, I told you, I have a vivid, my dad soldered a, we had to make an ad on, and he soldered a thing for me for school.

I mean, he struck the, his soldering with an acetyling torch in the, in the garage. That's not a soldering iron. No, it's not, fucking, that's welding. Yeah, no, it's a torch, it's a torch to solder. A soldering iron just gets really hot, and then you do it that way, or you can use the torch, like plumbers use the torch, and they have a, they have a roll of solder that you, like, pull out,

and you fucking, you got to do it by hand like that with the torch. Never. Never. I used to fuck. I did a couple of fucking joints up. And my dad would go, the difference between plumbers and fidders is plumbers wiped their joints. We were never told to wipe the joint.

Okay, he's psychopad. You're doing it with the water running? Scraying everywhere. Dude, help! Get out in the truck. He's got the, dude, he fucking strikes the, because you have a striker, so he strikes the fucking lights the torch. He still love those.

And then fucking lights a heater in his mouth, and he's fucking soldering. in my Adam project for like fourth grade and I'm like, this is a lot. The dog's growling at him and you're a lot. You're at the science fair ripping my heaters. All right, let's see here. This is from FarmD's a long time.

Soul Sista in love with both of the years. How you doing? All right. Is it garbage? It takes something out of a lost and found that isn't yours. No. Someone who is stealing found the golf clubs.

I think there's like, if you have an idea that it might be somebody's. Like, I would wait. I would leave a golf. If somebody left a golf club in a cart or whatever, I would take it, leave it in the cart barn. And if someone came back or call and like the pro shop, I'd be like, hey, Kevin, did you find a ping putter or whatever, whatever?

I'd let it cool for a couple of days. It's in my locker. Of course you let it cool. Let it cool for a couple of days. So if that's the case. Then you fence it. Yeah. You're cool.

Then you fence. You don't go moving hot. Archedemnice. Bozo. Yeah. Take it. Take it. So you get pinched.

Uh-huh. Get nicked. Fucking lose your tokens. Uh. You know those sunglasses that I wore in Route 66? No. What? I don't know why.

I mean, dude, you know how my brain works. Do you think I would ever remember the sunglasses? Around sunglasses. Most sunglasses are round. No, they're not. Like John Lennon can say that. Yeah. What do you do you think you are?

Elvis? You fucking dumb. I remember No I remember you shit your pants I remember that Anyway I like those sunglasses

I like those sunglasses You think highly of yourself I found those in a lost and found At a comedy club It skeaves me a little bit To wear other people stuff Especially my facing stuff like that I just don't like when the ears are chewed

Oh Like somebody left a pair of glasses here that I would like that I would get I would get lenses put in but the ears are all chewed I want to chew my ears I don't want to chew on somebody else's glasses yeah that'd be weird gross

you know what I mean soft and spit yeah it's like sharing muscles I respect I respect it's just not for me and also I'm not anymore around the lost and found type thing but every lost and found was always I equate to like our elementary

due to 90s elementary school lost and found was like poop stained Russell's sweatpants a burton ernie t-shirt it was just like the dirtiest mustiest see I like rootin through that shit oh no not the clothes but like like like a little joke gives me like weird depressive nostalgia was a great time of my life and cheap furniture dad left striking out with the boss's daughter yeah I don't have like it makes me sad smell makes like think of old people and old time and old things I don't I don't love it I get Better on nursing home smells. When I smelled like soup like that, it bugs me out.

My grandmother was in nursing home. Okay, let's pull out of it. Pull out of it. Abort. A bull trying to share. I actually had a six Super Bowl party there one time. No, we didn't have a go colds. What did you say?

Go Colts in Baltimore. I can do this. Then we got a wrapper up there. This was from Michael. $10 home. He never had one read. I recently went to a fancy steakhouse. Oh, look at you.

Fiance's family paid. No, big. Nice. Is it garbage that I put the garlic butter from the bread on top of my filet mignon? It was fantastic, but I got a few looks from the family. I don't know how close you're going. And the difference in class, it seems like a lot. If you're going, I went to a fancy steakhouse and they paid, they seem to be,

have a little bit more cash and a little bit more comfortable in these situations. And if they're giving the side eye, I would say it's probably not classy. I wouldn't fucking judge you. I'd go, ah, great. I'm okay with it. Can I step in here? Yeah. Thank you.

Here's the thing. Culinarily, these days, oftentimes the steak will be served with a tarragon butter with a rosemary butter. We get that. You're going to. I all understood. Right? This butter's got breadcrumbs and sesame seeds in it, all right? Tough guy.

If the chef didn't send it, come on. You could have asked for a fresh one. There you go. Hey, can I have a side of that garlic butter? I'm all right with... I'm all right with doing it. I'm just saying if you're doing it in a mixed company, you might get some stairs.

But fuck them. Put it in my soda. Top it off. Free sodas. I got looks one time when we were at a steak place and sometimes they'll give you like a little bernet sauce or something on the side. Well, it got down to, you know, pushing and shoving. Everybody was done.

There's little meat, little potatoes left or whatever. And I went in with that and just kind of finished it off with a scoop of mashed potatoes. I don't hate that. You gave me shit for taking a fork full of hummus. That's different. Yours is sauce. Mine's at least a fucking appetizer. Where'd you take a fork full of hummus?

At the restaurant. At a restaurant. I forgot about that. Now I'm pissed. I just dive over the table at you. Son of a bitch. You owe me half a fork of hummus? Um

Yeah, I mean, do you But I think it's a comfort level thing If you think they're gonna judge it And that's gonna make you feel weird Then don't do it If you're okay with it, then fuck them What happens? My thing is what happens at your table

With your people is your fucking business Every like this is where me guy Who's gotten judged for being a picky eater It's like, why does it matter to you What I'm doing over here? It's a little uncouth sure Then why the fuck you're hanging out with me Yeah

Suck my dick Probably a little more I'm thinking of the guys like, this guy's going home to bang my daughter. Got crumbs on his steak? Sure, that's, yeah. Okay. Got a wrong turn? I don't know.

I don't think dads are thinking that. Maybe they are. I would be. Yeah, because you're a creep. Fucking scumbag. Fucking butter. Using all my butter and taking my daughter home. Fucking lose it.

Yeah, I mean, I guess like, I mean, one, we never went to fancy places growing up, and table manners weren't a real... Ours were a little bit. Get your elbows off the game. I mean that, but. But like, What the fuck does that even mean? Denise isn't going to judge me if I put butter.

We're a big butter family. I want all those wines in her. We got to wrap it up as you. I can insult my mother. Gang, we love you to death grab tickets to the live shows. Tampa, Austin. First one's up on the block. Yeah, Tampa sold out.

We added a fifth show in Tampa. Austin might be sold out by the time you get. I mean, tickets are moving. Get your tickets. Hey, we love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.