Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: April 7, 2025

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley to discover the true King of the 'Burbs. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Do You Wan...na See AYG Perform Live in your City? Click Here: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nIJgvAZNftO_J655NLbu_phPt-HvzDj-tfzBt_uWyjI/viewform Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored by: Upgrade your wardrobe and save on @trueclassic at https://trueclassic.com/GARBAGE This Show is sponsored by BetterHelp https://www.BetterHelp.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey gang, Kippy here. We're planning the fall leg of the Back on the Block Tour and if you live in any of the following cities, click the link in the description and let your boys know. We got San Francisco, Portland, Oregon, Seattle, Washington, Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Massachusetts, Atlanta, Georgia, Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland, and last but not least, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The boys are coming home and we got a big one. These shows are gonna go quick. Click the link in the description, sign up for tickets, we love ya. See you on the road. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians
Starting point is 00:00:42 are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R U Garbage. You know it. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out they're good to be classy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:04 Or if they're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host a trolley coming at you on a beautiful day We're out back here with tooties in a new edition. She's upstairs. Just got a bag of razzles. Okay Candy than it's gum She can't figure it out. What the hell she's doing up there. I said it turns into gum. Don't swallow it stuck in her hair She's like that. She's like the girl in the infomercials in black and white. She can't get her head around it. She's stuck in the blinds.
Starting point is 00:01:31 She's like, it's candy, it's gum, I'm like, it's both. Save me a couple. Hit me. My coast is coming at you from across the table. This is what we call a family episode. It's just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman. He's the king of the bozos and the homies. He is the CEO of are you garbage? He is an international businessman He's a king of the burbs, baby. Give it up for everybody's favorite American
Starting point is 00:01:54 Shout out to you heavy chase king of the burbs First of all, thanks for tuning in as always just make sure you rate you subscribe on iTunes Could use a couple more reviews over there if you're listening. Bump up reviews up. Full video available on YouTube and Spotify. Shout out Spotify. Patreon.com slash RU Garbage. Best website in a whole wide world. Yep.
Starting point is 00:02:14 Check out the Route 66 special that's currently streaming on YouTube. Uh-huh. On our YouTube page. And Quibi. Crackle. And we got the new card game out. The 2025 edition, the 2025 edition of the third
Starting point is 00:02:26 edition of the RU garbage card game play with your friends play with your family find out who's trash and who's not and come see a live show. Yes come see a live show. We still have a little saddened. We had to cancel the March. I'm sorry April 14th of Monday show in Pittsburgh in Pittsburgh coming there Tuesday.
Starting point is 00:02:44 We're still there Tuesday sold out I sold out no big deal Cleveland sold out still a couple tickets left to the second show there We unfortunately can't make it boys are jammed up. We can't make it But yeah, we love yous will make it up to you and also more dates coming down a road It's got the fall dates. We're taking a summer off kippys having a goddamn, baby. I gotta be home So if you're in Cleveland, you want to see a show come see that second show Otherwise, we're gonna be off for the summer a little off for the boys are taking off for the summer Kimpy's having a god damn baby. I gotta be home. So if you're in Cleveland, you want to see a show, come see that second show. Otherwise, it's going to be off for the summer a little.
Starting point is 00:03:07 Boys are taking off for the summer. I gotta raise a dad, king of the burbs. What I wanted to bring up. I wanted to tell you this before you get into that. If there's ever been an H-Foli, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. That just happened. Okay, big guy. Oh, hand me my crowbar.
Starting point is 00:03:25 You know, Bosley's still banging. Sure. Remember Bosley? You want me to get plugs? It looks like they're back better than ever. I'm not getting plugs, dude. I just saw the camera. I can't believe they're still in business.
Starting point is 00:03:34 They're killing it. I never understood that. They're cheap, too. They didn't say plugs. Yeah, I thought it was they were wigs. I think it might have been at one point. I might have offered you many, many things. What's a Bosley go for?
Starting point is 00:03:45 It's a hair transplant technique Get the Bosley. It's got real Tai Chi written all over it. I can't do it I thought if I think about it across my mind. I've priced that I bought it I've been on Expedia looking I know the turkey between 6 and 12 grand That's cheaper than what they go. I don't want the six yeah Much I know I Just saw the commercial and I thought he I couldn't believe they're still in business He thought of me. That's like Bose stereos remember the Bose system. Yeah, that's still like a leader in technology pretty cool
Starting point is 00:04:18 Sure, shout out to them both Bosley and Bose Bose and Bosley they get them together Put some speakers in your hair. Cover up that dome with some sub wolfies. Anyway, I apologize. I still living off the highs and razzles. So I'm dinger. So hippo on the TV that they made me think of you. That the one where he's pooping in the aquarium. Is that the one where he's pooping in the aquarium? Hey, try a brand muffin.
Starting point is 00:04:47 Play off the oysters, rock a fight. That's one of my favorite things. I've said it before, but this is way before we ever started. Are you garbage? Me and Foley were down in Philly doing a spot down there at some bad club that was mostly my family and I guess your family would come out. We had a couple of listeners at the time of the program we worked with. But we heard, I heard that girl talk to her mom in the most Philly accent ever.
Starting point is 00:05:12 She said, hey mom, remember when we were at the aquarium when we saw the hippo poop in the water? And I was like dude that woman, that girl does not stand a chance. She's dead now. She's gonna to be a she's going to be a club risque. Ain't that? Speaking of King of the Burbs, what do you got? As you know, I've been, you know, I've been documenting me being King of the Burbs on Instagram. No big deal. And, you know, I've been in a lot of home depots, do a lot of depot runs lately.
Starting point is 00:05:42 Doing runs, getting the house ready for the baby, getting the house ready for the baby. Well, you know, you gotta get fuck you You paint the room and get out to the covers. You gotta get like in whatever whatever you get all that kind of stuff You need to paint off the hardwood these spills, you know, there's a lot of like Come off get a carpet. Yeah, get a new window through the roller through I Got man punch the hole in a wall gotta get some smack Told my wife she's annoying gotta get the dog back from the SPCA threw him in the clink for a couple of days I don't like the way he was Judging my trim work. I told you I remember we go
Starting point is 00:06:18 We only the follies when you get a pet you get a pet. That's it No matter what had we're not giving it away people. Sure. But in the beginning of our family in the 80s, we got this Australian Vesla hound, which I told you. And we got him out of the ASPCA. And I think he was probably like he was in his teens and dog years. So he was troubled. And man, he was a nightmare. Wait in dog years he was so he was too. Something like that. It was seasoned. He was bad. He was in a gang. Fit right in with your family
Starting point is 00:06:50 degenerates. Bad news biting everybody. Nipping, biting the whole nine yards. You couldn't get him in control. You know when they do the thing where they're biting the leash and leash and spinning in a circle? They did that all the time. Crazy. So my dad gave him back for like 24 hours. I remember when we got him back man he was like old Brooksie from Shawshank he didn't know what to do. Tyler ever see those my neighbors got one of those Italian jumping dogs. You ever see them things. Those Italian whistling dogs?
Starting point is 00:07:26 It's saying, Hello! Your girlfriend, she got a nice ass. Just cat-calling. Am I right? It's an Italian greyhound, yeah. Yeah, but they're called the Italian jumping dude. They're fucking-
Starting point is 00:07:38 Italian humping dogs. It's like they just saw the House of Bane video. These things are jumping around. What are you talking about? all the House of Bane video these things are jumping around. They just fucking like I'll be walking Hans and this one this one will be coming out of their building and just like he they just jump and do like 360s and backflips there it's fucking crazy. They're like remember those little dogs you see at the kiosk in the mall and then does the backflip. Oh yes, I still love those like that. They're nuts and there's no like rhythm to it
Starting point is 00:08:07 You know like a do you know how a dog jumps these things like they do like endos They pull their back up like bunny hopping those Italians are kooky Lay off the espresso will you Double Zambuca take it easy You see? This guy had a double Zambuca. Take it easy. Makes a mean Cacio Pepe. My question is, I don't know if it's cultural,
Starting point is 00:08:32 if it's like area-wise or just like, you know, kind of culturally, the, the, why is it Home Depot over Lowe's? And it's not even a question. Why is that? I don't know. It's Home Depot over Lowe's always has been, always will be. You run to Lowe's in a pinch maybe, if it's proximity. What do you get at Lowe's? the All I can speak is from the greater Philadelphia area, the tri-state area, as Jim Gardner used to so eloquently put. One second, you give me a total number of lows
Starting point is 00:09:08 and a total number of Home Depots, please. I want that on my desk by the end of the episode. It's got to be nothing. It's got to be no content. They're probably pretty close, man. Oh, well, then Home Depot's got to be killing them. Don Pollack, or what were you saying? Don Pollack, that's from Ed Baskmaster,
Starting point is 00:09:24 who I love, by the way. I don't know, for whatever That's from Ed Baskin who I love by the way I don't know for whatever reason that Ed bad bad bad bad bad Pollock's my godfather He just told me pterodactyl escaped from the Philly Zoo ate a toddler on Morgan Street It's his godfather and not his uncle is so Philly trash. It's so perfect. It's not a poly All I can speak is from the from from, from, you know, the suburb. Home Depot was there first. Home Depot, Lowe's, I mean, what? Get out of here.
Starting point is 00:09:52 It was Heckenger's and Sears when Sears was really popping back in the day. Excuse me. And then Home Depot came in and it was a natural progression from Heckeninger's to Holy God a Home Depot now. Yeah. No, I remember. Yeah. I don't even know if there's a Lowe's in that area. Maybe there is. I don't know anybody that goes to Home Depot. Well, growing up my dad, we would go to Home Depot and then my stepmom
Starting point is 00:10:17 would go to Lowe's. So that was just where Broad's went to me. Yeah. I was like, you know, home. It's not. But it was like home improvement for like the broads. I think the orange sells it. What do you, because that seems construction-y. Or maybe you're already, you're just doing that because that's what you think of Home Depot, chicken or the egg type thing. Very true.
Starting point is 00:10:36 What do you got? Lowe's was open first. What? In 1929, Home Depot didn't open until 1978. There are- Wow. 50 years on them. In the US, there are
Starting point is 00:10:45 two thousand and twenty-five home depots and in the US for Lowe's, one thousand seven hundred forty-eight. Double. No. What? Two hundred and fifty off. Yeah. Oh. Three hundred or something. Oh, okay. That's not that much. No. That's like we would, I can't go, there's three hundred less. You brought up a point. Home Depot, that's where Patty would go for her home improvements that she was doing and stuff like that. But when I worked for that general
Starting point is 00:11:13 contractor, he went to the depo. Everybody went to the depo. On the job sites, we would say, yo, I'm running like the, we were the plumbers. I'm running the loads. They would run over. What? They go, yo, I'm like, you know, the the GC or the carpenters, running a low. They would run over. What they go? Oh, I'm like, you know, the jet, the GC or the carpenters, but y'all run into depot.
Starting point is 00:11:28 Anybody need anything like, oh, yeah, we need, you know, I don't know. Some of them. So I was like, hey, Dan, you're fat one like sausages, right? Yeah. That's that would have been weird if you went to Lowe's. Yeah. Drinking Pepsi. I think you still say I'm running the depot, but you go to like, if you were going to Lowe's,
Starting point is 00:11:47 you still say I'm running to the depot. Yeah. And you throw the bags out before you get there. That was always the thing. I didn't have it at Home Depot. I had to go to Lowe's. Yeah, I don't understand. So you pick up a Ryobi.
Starting point is 00:11:58 It's very, yeah, Ryobis. We're a fucking Milwaukee or the Walt family Japanese drill I think I read whatever I think Ryobi did get pretty good though. I'm sure for whatever I'm doing. Um But you want it you wanted to fucking do you want to break out the European go Bosch? I'll get a Bosch gun really blow your tits off with that other way Tries on the wrong side of the road that guy but yes, she's very like. I when I said I'm going to the hardware, I just like innately go.
Starting point is 00:12:31 I probably drive by. I think I drive by a Lowe's to get to a depot. How do you go to a better more more sawdusty? Mm hmm. And I'm also a guy and someone called me out in the comments. They were like, you seem like the guy who will not ask for help But will look to see what island been it's in that's what I do. Yeah, they don't know I know that shit in the commercial date. There's no expert I had to ask the same old lady you ever try have family members that work at that work there in the
Starting point is 00:12:58 Sections and we don't we don't talk to we see him. I go to the other aisle Yep, you ever ask somebody at the at the paint section at Home Depot about something else Well the paint section at the home. They don't speak English. That's like the fragrance people at a Macy's that's do you there's sure They're fucking separate. It's like an Edmonds counter. Yeah, exactly Yeah, I don't sorry. I don't work home depot fucking Mab pays my bills. Yeah, they don't want it. I don't know you gotta ask Some method walking around They don't know where nothing is I don't know I had I asked three times cuz I come I didn't have service to look on my phone cuz I'm a little
Starting point is 00:13:36 Baby girl either they don't know where anything is or you're asking them about something. That's right in front of your face So either way you look like an asshole or they don't know. I'll be honest with you, they ask this old lady. Old is, I mean like, she's 70 years old. Old, tiny old lady working there. It's not that old. Well, it's not young. So that's old in the workforce. It depends how you look at it. I'm looking at it as an employee. That's an old employee.
Starting point is 00:14:00 I'll be 70 in 20 years. You're not making it 20 years I would have been I'll be burying you at a Home Depot What are you talking about? She knew where everything was Better not use 1x3, I'll pay you that Snap that like a twig Better put some rebar in that thing
Starting point is 00:14:20 The first concrete casket One thing I wanted to tell you about We got a fox Yeah, I had to tell you about, we got a fox. What? Yeah, I had to put up some chicken wire this past weekend. Oh, in the house you have a fox. Yeah, where did you think I had a fox? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:14:33 I felt real handy. That was very nice, king of the birds. Chicken wire? Yeah. Where? Around the fencing? From the fence, so I have a shed that's empty. I don't have anything to put in.
Starting point is 00:14:42 I don't own enough stuff to put in the shed. It's just what the guy who lived there left in there. And a fox, a pretty big fox. And it's not, I don't think, and it's for Hans, it's not to keep the fox out. It's to prevent Hans from going under, because he had his head halfway under the thing looking. Oh, wait, the fox is underneath the.
Starting point is 00:15:01 He ran, he was in the backyard. He ran under the shed. I don't know if he lives under there. That's just his escape route. He probably lives under there and there probably as a baby under there because it's a springtime Okay, hmm. Are you fucking Steve Irwin all of a sudden Jack Hanna? big Fox What who would win in a fight would be my dick name? Yeah big Fox Yeah, big Fox who would win in a fight Hans Hans. You think? Yeah, I think that I think by
Starting point is 00:15:27 default foxes are timid animals. Foxes only anything under 15 pounds will be at risk. Dogs wise. Oh yeah? Yeah, Hans is 50 pounds. Yeah. Hans and I don't know if you've seen him. He's got a bit of an attitude problem. Yeah. He's looking. Dude, he's getting crazier about a minute. He's not running feas. He's he's you know looking for trouble He's putting his head on there something ain't never seen I wouldn't want the Fox to bite him or him to bite the Fox or yeah, yeah That's why I put up chicken wire so now you have the Fox trapped in the thing No, he can get out the back. Oh You put it like along the you put it across the yard?
Starting point is 00:16:05 No, across my I don't care if he comes in the yard. I don't understand what you're not getting here. I don't want Hans going under the going under the shed. Right. So I blocked the front of the shed from Hans being able to get under it. OK, chicken wire. But how does the fox get out and get out the back or the sides? Is there holes underneath there? Yeah, obviously. So Hans can't get to the side of the box get out. You can get out the back or the sides. Is there holes
Starting point is 00:16:25 underneath there? Yeah, obviously. So, Hans can't get to the side of the back. No, you just the front of the fence is in the front of the shed is in the fence. Oh, okay. I got the back the back and sides of the shed are behind
Starting point is 00:16:37 outside of our fence. No kidding. Yeah. That's weird. Huh? Alright. I don't know. I didn't put it there. Alright, cool. So, the Fox can't get in the yard. Just said that and can't get in. Okay, I got it. Are you sure? Yeah. Home Depot. Can't but talk about true classics, baby. Shut out the
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Starting point is 00:19:22 So your wellbeing is worth it. Visit betterhelp.com slash garbage to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. H e l p dot com slash garbage. Do it. That's like the crux of our relationship. I'll explain something that I've done and you take it the wrong way. I wasn't thinking that. I wasn't thinking that it was like that, that the fence went like, I understand. Who the fuck has their shed? I don't know, but I gave you the half way out.
Starting point is 00:19:44 I gave you the facts of He can't get in he can't get out. It's not halfway and it's not even in the yard. That's crazy I kind of put it in I don't know what to tell you You should push the fence back and get the shed in the yard. I told you about the chicken wire I want to get rid of the shed. I don't need that but there's animals live under there. So I let them stay there That's nice. I don't know if my property goes back that far there so I let them stay there. That's nice. I don't know if my property goes back that far. Don't take the shed. Is that what I just heard? Take the shed and put it where? Like dude,
Starting point is 00:20:11 see, this is we get into situations where he just says I'll do stuff just to kind of relatively make me look bad. Maybe Patty, you know what I mean? Like, oh, you don't want it. I'll take it. Patty wants it. You don't have your whole backyard as a deck. Your whole backyard is an above ground pool. Put it on the side of the house. She has a Rubbermaid. You have a garage.
Starting point is 00:20:31 She has a Rubbermaid shed on the side. We'll get rid of that and put the big shed in there. Keep the Fox, though. I like them. There used to be a ground or gopher under there. I don't know what happened to him. My neighbors got a groundhog that's been living under there for about 40 years. Now, I think they only live like seven or eight years. Big one. I looked it up. Yeah, groundhogs? Yeah, because we were like, I was like, oh, this groundhog's probably been there for like a hundred years and we looked it up to live like five, six, seven, eight years. Really? Yeah. Two to three years.
Starting point is 00:20:55 Is that what it is? Two to three years? What are they drinking? That's crazy. How does a two years? They can make it to six, that's the latest. Yeah, I told ya. I wonder what gets them. What? What the hell, what does a groundhog die of? Helicopter crash, what do you think?
Starting point is 00:21:16 They're living under sheds. That's crazy, what does a groundhog usually die of? Eight. What does he usually die of? Cause of death. I mean, don't let him look it up. You like pull back, commercial break. That's crazy. Two or three years. That's it. Damn. I thought at
Starting point is 00:21:39 least 15 years. They get big. Motherfucker go to college back on the way quick Predators disease parasites accidents like cars hibernation complications Alright shit Wow that's crazy, so I guess that's a different one that moves into the shed and my mom's back maybe you guys are all fucked up I thought it was the same guy could be a local homeless man and you guys just don't know man he's legendary it's not him. I don't know what to tell you. It's a copycat impersonator. That's nuts. We have fox in the backyard too. I love them. As long as they don't get rabid or anything like that.
Starting point is 00:22:32 Yeah, that's the problem. Then they're catching the nickel. And don't do it for a second. Yeah, rabies scares me. So you think? Dude. Because you shoot them and they're still staggering around like zombies. It's like con air Takes one in the chest and keeps coming for the cock Yeah, you gotta put them down and
Starting point is 00:22:54 I don't like that But a cute little cute little fox like a mom Fox and the kids because they stay together for a while And they're they have like a little family how how old the file of the Fox last? Oh, they don't make no you're saying they stay like a baby Three to four years yeah, I think That will three to four you better than two or three with the groundhog and the parasites Jesus no, but they stay as a family unit, I think, for a little bit. It's always cute in the spring down at Patty's, because the animals all have the babies. And they'll be like a little nest of rabbits.
Starting point is 00:23:32 Yeah, they're looking for grass. You guys killed it all and put down wooden planks. These guys got nowhere to live. Talk about ruin a habitat. It's like you guys are torching a rainforest down there. Displacing the weevils and shit. Making palm oil. There's a torsion of rainforest down there this place in the Weebles Making palm oil now we have a huge in the Panama Canal We have a huge tuft of Woods in the back where they all live. There's deer running around. There's goddamn deer. They're in the driveway
Starting point is 00:24:07 They're running around but the Fox and stuff they live. There's a huge set of bushes between the lady between her legs between the lady that lives over there. Then there's the my listen. I've been I've been to this house many a handful of time. No, there's an area back there. I don't get it. There's a house behind his house behind whose house your house. Your house is in someone's front yard, right? Yeah. Yeah. Off to the side. They're more, they're in our backyard, really. It's their front yard. Kinda. It's a front field. It's a yard. It's not a field. There's crops back up there. Crops? Corn. They grow corn and soy. Cattle. Groundhog. It's a groundhog farm
Starting point is 00:24:46 No, you're talking about That's nice though. Maybe you have a little that's that that hell hound will get him though He gets his hands on one of those baby fox bad They scream too you don't want to hear that in the middle of the night You'll think it's a banshee coming to get you those things it's scary like an infant child Scary all right That's no good telling you no, what's no good you do what my wife. They're screaming. Oh You're the king of like I tell you a problem and tell you how I fix it you gotta take care of that
Starting point is 00:25:19 You gotta you gotta get on that. I don't think I literally just said that the really fixed it Why didn't I completely fix it because the Fox is still under there maybe with a family, okay? So what am I supposed to do just place the Fox? That's not you're not no no So what do I do put some cabbage out or something for him? What I don't know leave a riddle for him to solve you don't know You're the king of thinking I haven't solved the problem correctly you have woods behind you right? There's no streets behind you There's woods behind me. right? There's no streets behind you. There's woods behind me.
Starting point is 00:25:46 There's streets behind me. There's a lot behind me. I'm not living in anyone's wrong yard, I'll tell you that much. Fucking breaking my stones. Fox or no fox? You're living on a guy's property. Nuh-uh.
Starting point is 00:25:58 They moved in after us. That was all woods back there. And we sold off some land. You did it. you're renting sharecropping fucking Vandy patch over here I would have lived in your front yard if you gave it to me as a gift for the pipeline for an above-ground pool all right So you got a fox, huh? Shout out to Lose. So that's where you went with Lose?
Starting point is 00:26:33 No, I was the depot guy. I go back. I forgot something. How's your chicken wire game? Pretty good. I'm pretty proud of it. What you put it up there. So you can't get into the shed now because you you blocked off
Starting point is 00:26:46 the front door. I just put a little down at the bottom like molding kind of now I went to I got two foot. So you how can you open the door? I didn't put it in front of the door. See you see this doesn't make any sense. Don't want to believe me. I said why don't you just go? Why don't you just take my word for it instead of trying to prove me wrong that I didn't do this correct? You're an idiot I don't think you know what the hell you're doing quite honestly. I don't even think you've seen a fox. Yeah, it was Hans
Starting point is 00:27:18 Holy shit What'd you put it up there with I do some no you see idiot Don't finish the sentence that's coming off Moron Yeah, never on chicken wire You believe this guy starts a car. Let's go to Home Depot. Let's solve this problem for this guy. Did you tack it up? I used those like double. They're like you nails kind of. Oh, those are good.
Starting point is 00:27:49 Thank you. Those are good. They don't go in as well as I thought. You probably could have just stapled them with a heavy staple gun. Yeah, by a staple gun. Yeah, you should have one anyway for the house. Oh, I shouldn't. What? I've never I've never used one in my life. Oh, we always had a staple gun. For what?
Starting point is 00:28:05 Shooting each other. Shooting the neighbors used one in my life. Oh, we always had a staple gun. For what? Shooting each other. Shooting the neighbors that live in the backyard. No, we used a staple gun for the trains. To put down the green stuff for the trains. I'm not sure my mom used it for other shit. But as far as I was concerned, it was just for... What, a booger? Probably had to let your underwear out of it.
Starting point is 00:28:24 What? Who am I, booger? Probably had to let your underwear out of it. Who am I Frankenstein? Staple underwear? Reinforce your grundle. Who are those things pop? Scratch it. Catch a leaker. Oh, one of those things pop scratch you catch a leaker I Can give me tetanus on my my tape I don't think so
Starting point is 00:28:53 No, she'd do that By the way, just so you know, there's a ramp leading up to the shed not a ramp like yeah a ramp So you had to do two pieces? Yeah. Whoa, man., I got to. You got a ramp because you can't get a mower. Drive a Y&L up your ass. Yeah. No, so you can put the mower in there. I think that's where you got the mower in there, or a wheelbarrow, or as you'd, I don't know. I don't have anything to put in there.
Starting point is 00:29:13 I don't own enough stuff to fill it. Maybe I'll get you a lawnmower. No, stop buying me stuff. I've never asked you for anything. I don't need a lawnmower. You don't have a sick lawnmower in there? You can cut the grass. You got the kid now.
Starting point is 00:29:24 You cut the grass. I got a guy who cuts the grass. I have a sick lawnmower in there you cut the gray got the kid now you cut the grass I Got a guy who cuts the save a couple of bucks plus I got something a family to do I got lawn guy who I've never talked to he just cuts my I've never met him Never talked to me just got you can change that you could be out in the backyard cutting the grass So my dad used to do it, and then we'd be like where he is now. I don't want that. Don't put that on me Neighbor probably killed him, he cut in his front yard. How dare you?
Starting point is 00:29:48 But it was a bad look, I was, I am relatively, I'm not handy, enough. I'm pretty handy if I can get in the rhythm of doing stuff. You know what I mean? But like, if I had to hang chicken wire on 80 in 80 houses by the 10th one I'd go this is the best way to do it. This is the rhythm whatever I hadn't Done this yet, and now I'm out that stuff's brutal too because it doesn't bend back cuts back on you It's like working with saran wrap. It's the dude there with the one edge is like undone and that shit
Starting point is 00:30:21 I it's like this is like binge like a slice like it's like netting essentially Did you fold it under so he doesn't catch his face on it or something like that the dog sure okay? Yeah, you got to fold it under so there's no sharp edges. Yeah, I'll come down this week Is that what you're looking for I'll come down yeah Straighten it out for you cuz I did it wrong Right sounds. I don't know what I'm doing. I did it wrong. I mean. I get it. Yeah. Mm hmm. What'd you do with the leftovers? Because you don't
Starting point is 00:30:50 just buy a piece of that. You gotta buy a whole bundle. I bought three. Why don't you throw a little chicken coop in the back there. Five by two. Start doing your own eggs. What? Plus you could probably write off some of the house. Be a farm.
Starting point is 00:31:05 Mm hmm. Destroy that come milk you. A quarter milks out at the locals farmers market that ain't milk lady. That's any juice. I gotta do this more often. Feel like a million bucks in your mouth. Um, wait, what? No, I'm the one getting milked. Whatever jerked off in this case. Dude is more of it. Feel like a million bucks. You're wiping your mouth.
Starting point is 00:31:25 Wait, what? No, I'm the one getting milked. Whatever. I'm jerked off in this case. I'm saying that's not milk. I got you. Yeah. What's coming out of me?
Starting point is 00:31:33 Hey, we were riffing. I made a bad move. You were jerking me off. That's what I was. Who's going to milk me? I don't know. Who does it now? Nobody.
Starting point is 00:31:44 Well, I won't get you on that one. I'll do it myself. Nobody. I won't continue on that way. I'll do it myself. No, I got two, I got three five foot by two foot rolls. So that, the yeah, I've covered it perfectly. I put a couple bricks at the bottom, a little reinforcement. Can you give me an update on that?
Starting point is 00:32:00 Cause I love all that stuff. What do you want the update? Just so if there's a fox, if there is an actual fox living under there, if. What do you want the update? Just so if there's a fox living under there, do you see babies running around? Be cute. Okay. I like that. I like in the neighborhood in the springtime. I think that stuff's great. Great. Yeah, like the little rabbits and stuff like that. The little fox, little groundhogs, ducks, the geese come back, the birds, of course. Of course. You know, Springs Springs beautiful in the in the Northeast that's where we are right the Northeast there you go. Yeah, the Atlantic Magellan over here Atlantic seaboard No, what's it called Eastern Sea Eastern seaboard? Yes?
Starting point is 00:32:38 beautiful When the leaves come in the dandruff this time of is. That's bad. I don't know what the deal is. For the listener, I called Hank with. I had dandruff. I mean. I had fucking dandruff. With Jack Frost level dandruff. Never in my life. Now I have dandruff. I have not been, I have not washed my hair in a long time. Like a long time. Okay. Months. Bosley. Try that. I'm like, I actually, I got I got Danger shampoo from my beard coincidentally at the dermatologist a couple weeks ago because I had I had danger of coming out of this thing. I Can use that in my hair? He said I told you this could also use it downtown I don't I mean the second you start talking about your conditions and skin flakes. You know what I mean? I'm out. That's an old dice joke, isn't it? The day you put the danger
Starting point is 00:33:25 shampoo on his balls. Maybe. But his balls are flaky. Either way. That's all right. No, no, no shitting around here. All right. We got business to take care of. This is a goddamn family public. They need to take a picture of where we get around. I apologize. I apologize about the dangerous though. My general appearance. You're going to take back me not knowing what I'm doing. And King of the Bird. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize about
Starting point is 00:33:46 the dangerous though. Uh huh. My general appearance. You're going to take back me not knowing what I'm doing. King of the bird. I haven't seen it. Send me a pic or a video or something. See what it looks like. I assume it's shoddy construction. Didn't
Starting point is 00:33:59 you see it? Didn't I show you you guys stopped by the house? I showed you no? Nah. Well, you saw the nursery. It's beautiful. Thank you. Thank you. You painted it. Which I'd probably say that she probably did the finishing touches. Not even close. Not even close. She stood there and busted your chops while you did it.
Starting point is 00:34:14 No, I don't like saying that. There were a couple, you know, divorce was thrown around early on in the project when we were pulling permits. Now it looks beautiful. It's a good baby's room. You got the windows. It's perfect. It's a good baby's room. You got the windows. It's perfect You'd be able to think it's nice kid that if I did put if there any windows be in a closet that ain't fucking legal No, I think we're living in a railroad apartment
Starting point is 00:34:32 It had the windows set up is good for the fresh air to come in also It's very neighborhood II back there, so it'll be cute when you're in there rocking the baby You don't mean they don't got a cool summer night door Sure, I'm sorry. I'm excited for you. I'd like to come over and babysit though hang out We're good. We're good. We're all Good on that. We're all locked. I got the Fox Still like to come over and babysit well then where am I gonna go? Watch TV. No that's fucking weird dude
Starting point is 00:35:06 You're not gonna let me rock the baby or something like that? What? Give a koochie-goos and all that? I'm Uncle Hank, god damn it You're gonna Christopher Multistante that thing What happened? He sits on the cat The dog Alright Hey quit screwing around, that's what I'm saying
Starting point is 00:35:22 I've always got some questions we're gonna go through Hit me Come on, What's the first one? Chicken wire. How would I know? I don't know, but buying chicken wire, I want to go back to that is the thing where you're like, this is even ask, it ain't called chicken wire anymore. It sounds suspect. I know it does. It sounds like there's animals on the loose, which there kind of is. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:43 I don't know. Or you're doing something, you're cooking something that you shouldn't be. With chicken wire of yeah, I don't know or you're doing something you're cooking something But you shouldn't be with chicken wire. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. It just didn't it didn't feel right That's not by the gardening. I didn't know where they were gonna keep that It makes sense a lot of people are having chickens now though you get the eggs sure You're doing it. I thought you love that kind of stuff. No, okay. I live in an apartment You doing that? I thought you loved that kind of stuff. No. I live in an apartment.
Starting point is 00:36:05 I don't know, you just try to take my 20 by 10 shed the fucking 10 minutes ago. For my mother. Does she have chickens? No. She lives in the suburbs? One neighbor has them. Brings them over. The chicken? No, the eggs. I don't trust them. They're all different colors. Freaks me out. And they
Starting point is 00:36:22 have like the date written on them and I don't trust Patty with the dates anymore. You don't know what she's got in that fridge. Or when it came in or when it's going out. Mm-hmm. Bad. Alright, quit screwing around, please. For the love of God. Okay, flights on air Canada. How about Prague? Ooh, Paris. Those gardens. Gardens. Um, Amsterdam. Tulip Festival. I see your festival and raise you a carnival in Venice. Or Bermuda has carnaval. Ooh, Amsterdam. Tulip Festival. I see your festival and raise you a carnival in Venice.
Starting point is 00:36:45 Or Bermuda has carnival. Ooh, colorful. You want colorful. Thailand. Lantern Festival. Boom. Book it. Um, how did we get to Thailand from Prague? Oh right, Prague. Oh boy. Choose from a world of destinations, if you can.
Starting point is 00:37:02 Air Canada, nice travels. This one's from shit lock homes trademark in front I know two-year homie never have one read my apartment building is right up against a Costco sounds like a great location so everyone in the building pushes their shopping carts all the way up to their apartment. In the parking garage there's a place where people park the carts when they're done and a worker from Costco comes along and brings them back every morning. Very nice.
Starting point is 00:37:34 So when I buy groceries I unload them directly from the cart into my fridge. Is this classy or trashy? What? You bring one of those into your apartment? That's pretty nice. Those wheels are dirty Yeah, that's probably not great. Wow, but Cuz I'm not a Costco guy we were a Sam's Club. You probably don't get bags at Costco, right? No Yeah, dude, that's the thing. I hate so it's like you got a bunch of loose stuff. What's better than there's no better
Starting point is 00:38:02 Flow order of operations. That's perfect. Yes. And plus they come and get the cart for you. Rolling in a cart in your apartment is nuts. Yeah, it's not great. That's been all over spills everywhere. Dog shit. Caps in on the floor. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:17 You'd be surprised about how many people poop in supermarkets. You'd be wildly surprised. Poop in like on the floor. Like their pants. Yeah. No out, yeah, a lot. Something. Yeah, I mean, listen, I don't know, that's a tough one to call, because it's great, but then you're,
Starting point is 00:38:38 Liz, that's, I don't know. Tight setup. I've never heard of it. I gotta be honest with you, I've never heard of that. I would do the same thing, I'm not saying what that role what way that goes but from what I remember With Costco, they're huge shopping carts. How does it even get through the door? Yeah, maybe got big door. Maybe goes right into the garage door or something. They say apartment building. Yeah I think he'd say right to the fridge
Starting point is 00:39:01 I mean he might be speaking a little it might be like right to the front door maybe and then it's all like from the front door into you know he carries it right to the fridge right to the house. Yeah. Either way trashy trashy but good for you. Yeah. Easy setup. That's fine. Hang on to that place. This one's from Pepe. Do you have any outlets that don't work alternatively? When was the last time you were physically shocked? I was dealing with it in the nursery physically shocked within the last 15 years Finger in the Socket of a lamp that's what got me. I was probably I told you I was probably 14 or something and I mean
Starting point is 00:39:47 like the jolt through you like the I cried my step dad laughed at me. It was such a weird feel Oh, I didn't use cuz it was dark. It was dark out. I thought I was turning I was in the living room And I hit the switch that didn't work so I turned it on There was no light bulb or something and I reached in And I mean it was the last thing I was expecting It's good to fucking I knew I was I never had a flyers Jersey on And I started crying I felt like such a pussy I stepped out you'll be alright
Starting point is 00:40:22 Your eyebrows are gone, that's what happened to my airline Hey, I go here. High browser gun. That's what happened to my airline. Um, sockets that didn't work, not I don't think in in in Patty's house. I'm sure some of the shitty apartments that I had. Sure. I also had a couple that were hanging out. I got one or two now. It's typically the one behind the couch gets it because you put.
Starting point is 00:40:43 You put the cell phone plugged in and then that gets pushed back and pushed back and pushed back maybe do a little boinking on there you know what I mean sure so we have one now that's loose my wife like well plug like heavy stuff I'm like that's a two-prong or maybe a cell phone I'm like don't go plugging in like a fucking shop vac or so. That's bad news Scary I had a wall go. Yeah, I'm like tell her why I had to tell her I was like we don't ever use this one ever again like put some tape on it put some chicken wire Good question yeah, that's a tough one
Starting point is 00:41:20 I was I was trying to change the light and you know like sometimes the light fixture in the center of a room is not necessarily connected to The lights aren't part of the light fixture does that make sense? No, like sometimes the light fixture just there's a light in the could be coming out of the ceiling and the light fixtures Just placed around that Does that make sense the light fixture? Yeah, like just goes onto the ceiling. Oh, yeah, like a fish bowl. Yeah, but that's not technically connected
Starting point is 00:41:49 to the light bulb itself. You know what I mean? You have to do the screw. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And take it down. Oh, I've shattered a couple of those. And my fucking dad freaked out. Always bugs in there.
Starting point is 00:42:01 Big ones. I know. Dried up mosquitoes and little weebles and shit. So I was doing that we're getting rid of those and I'm listening That's a barren desert graveyard up there. That's a rough way to go for a bug man They'll never find you being lost in the Sahara dude. Someone's back. Oh like why don't he don't write? nothing on that Dances with wolves Good movie
Starting point is 00:42:26 Uh he uh That net, this one was like I was trying to get it all and then The light sockets were part of The fixture itself You know what I mean? And I was like I could Do it and I'm like what the fuck Are you like, I was just like you're gonna get zapped dude
Starting point is 00:42:42 Like I don't know enough, I haven't Changed one in a long enough time Wait you're changing the bulb or you wanted to change the fixture the whole fixture You're nuts. I know but you got to kill the main for now shut down the city. I know never Never I was literally like I just fucking John homeowner mode I'm like I could do this and I'm like, what are you doing? You never roll the dice with the electric want to get zapped. Never. It's always you get zapped. I can't even change a light bulb without getting zapped. That's not my hockey jersey. You shut that shit down.
Starting point is 00:43:12 Yeah, no, it's not for me. We got a guy coming to do it. You don't even shut down the what's it called? What's the box called? Circuit breaker. You shut the whole building. Call City Hall. Dude, shut me down. I don't pay the bill for eight months. I let it never There are guys that will hotwire them though like with the power on like real quick No, like know how to like put I know scary
Starting point is 00:43:40 You got to be real good guy that I got I worked for was nice with it. He'd wire a house in like two minutes Okay Three minutes. All right, and you want to be my chicken wire guy wire a house in two minutes he did it good sure I'm not saying he did it better than you maybe should be able to do it better than I don't know why you take offense to everything better than me okay fair, fair enough. Better looking too. He didn't need Bosley's hair care for men. Beautiful hair on this guy. He was a stallion.
Starting point is 00:44:13 He got zapped a bunch. Former tight end of the contra-hackin' steelers. Good looking guy. Italian. Right, a nice hog on him too. Not that little dipstick you got. Speaking of chicken wire. What? You're really getting it today, huh?
Starting point is 00:44:32 It's so weird. The things you have pride in sometimes. And make competitions in your head. What was that? I thought I heard something. You hear that Sound like an automatic toothbrush Now it could be the effects or I don't know
Starting point is 00:44:55 Transaline my doctor says cram it Quit fucking around god damn family a great question great question. What was it? Yeah, and now the electric shock um All right, this is one from Jessica Byers $10 homie is it garbage to go to college classes with your mom when you were a kid If my mom was jammed up, and we didn't have a sitter for us We would go to my mom's college classes all the time this was a nice college, and we were a hit I remember the library and cafeteria being top notch. Wow, that's great. First of all, hats off to your mom for fucking making it work.
Starting point is 00:45:31 Yes, that's fucking what she's doing now. That's amazing. Probably wires houses. That's amazing. That's really fucking cool. Also to not have the shame and be like, fuck it. This is where I'm at. I'm bringing my kids to fucking college. Of course, I'm swallowing this embarrassment in the in the short term to fucking better my my family's life.
Starting point is 00:45:52 That's amazing. Also said, also, you guys being a hit is pretty cool. Like, oh, that's Janine. She's got the ears of like in the little ones. Kids are coming today. That's a good time. And that's a good experience. The fact that he appreciates and remembers the cafeteria. I love that. You know, obviously, I love that.
Starting point is 00:46:10 Sure. Anytime my dad took us to a cafeteria or something like that, and we always loved it. He used to take us on the on the naval bases to the cafeterias. My friend, I fell in love with the sausage patty. They were big on the sausage patties, wherever it was. That's great. Trashy as shit though. Sure.
Starting point is 00:46:29 Your love for them patty didn't come in from like McDonald's or something? No, never really registered. And I don't even know if we were, we didn't do McDonald's breakfast that much like that. Making up for lost time, huh big guy? Yeah, and if I did it would be, it would be,
Starting point is 00:46:46 it would probably, I wouldn't be getting sausage I don't think I don't know why I don't know what is a big breakfast I don't really fall in love with the sausage egg and cheese yeah I would do the big breakfast as a kid scram bees the muffin the hash brown yeah I don't really remember it was like the two egg special I don't remember the bacon either though to be honest with you because we wouldn't got bacon remember the hotcakes the butter the butter and that little thing. Okay, all right before we lose you Let's check back in okay Is once for my fumaar is foobar ten dollar mountain man never had one read how long of a drive?
Starting point is 00:47:18 Does it need to be until it's okay to fully be on forward and backward change another driver's seat settings. Say that again. How long does a drive have to be until it's okay to change the seat settings? You know, like fully make the seat and steering wheel and mirrors your own. Oh, every time you get into the car. I disagree on that. You're nuts. Wait, who Wait, you're driving who's somebody else's car? You don't get in and make that your car. Yes you do. You're running to Wawa, you do that? Running to Wawa.
Starting point is 00:47:54 So you're saying what is the drive? That's the question. What is, minus a little forward and backward so your knees and legs fit. I think the mirrors, that's a safety thing. You gotta do that immediately. That's bitching. You get in and get situated. I can change in the mirrors, dude Yeah, you do the mirrors and you make sure you can see to keep you're not getting them Well, if you're on a fucking two-lane street, you don't need to change the mirror. You can you can duck and say
Starting point is 00:48:17 I don't know. I'm big on getting in a car and getting getting My son such a bad driver. I gotta be situated. I get that. I would give you more benefit of the doubt of being I don't situate. That's why I'm a bad driver. You don't like that do you? I don't think I'm that bad of a driver. I mean that's insane.
Starting point is 00:48:40 I don't fucking speed pass tractor trailers like you do. I'll give you that. I don't drive like I just robbed the first City National All right, I drive Defensively and And for certainly no you do not drive a certain yes, I do it's so weird cuz sometimes you will say yeah I'm a bad driver Not today
Starting point is 00:48:58 Other times you really take it personal. I mean I think breaking green lights I think as somebody might t-bone you come on the other way someone might rear end you cuz they're not expecting to slam on the brakes at a green light Maybe that maybe it's for sure okay, whatever I think like Satan a designated driver situation like say we go out okay I didn't drink you got all fucked up. What world is that? I was just killing on the dance floor Alright could have went home with somebody but I think I gotta take your drunk ass home I'm getting in the car and getting you know so everybody's at night time or probably we're probably at a cool club midtown
Starting point is 00:49:36 I gotta go all the way back uptown right. I don't mean that's a third. That's a 20-minute drive Yeah, I'll give you that plus there's drunk drivers drivers out, it's nighttime. You wanna be careful. Yeah. Yeah. But I do see your point. If you're just running down, if you're- I mean, what's next? You redo the radio stations? This is fucking blasphemy, dude.
Starting point is 00:49:53 It's all Christian rock. Take it to get the car painted? What are we doing here? We're redoing the radio stations, this is wild. Never. Listen, I think you'll forward-backward to make sure you're fucking your legs fit and you're okay The steering wheel changes fucking been a to change that my wife does that shit cuz then it's like it's so tough to get right back Oh, it's brutal cuz it's not like a it's there's not levels. It's just your free ball in it
Starting point is 00:50:23 Yeah, and then it never feels the same until you get back used to it Again, yeah, I'm big on that. I gotta get with the wheel nice though. I always kind of wish that that you're a bigger guy Oh, yeah, it's a different situation for me. I got a rearrange. You got a seat in the back seat Hey, we're gonna have to remove the neck on this thing like a movie There are those in movies and ever keep those in what they really always take the headrest away well for trivia for you hey Cisco zip it okay yeah that's right I always wish
Starting point is 00:50:58 there was you know how like well when you well a lot of them just have the memory buttons they don't really work that well I go to jail jail for 15 years. I get out boom my seats right back I think that's a side. What he gets his dad the Cadillac. It's got the memory That's good go to jail for 10 years. I kill me at that you're gonna go to jail You know like the crack about the pen did you I did not Just shoot the movie so I can get it out on the street. Alright. Uh listen I would say run into the store crazy. I would say anything over on a highway I'll give you you can do a lot of changing because you got to be on your your noggin there. Or if it's like a
Starting point is 00:51:42 bit of a road trip where you're like we're gonna be in here for a minute Of course if you're like driving somewhere. Yes, you have to I would say under and out under a half hours I don't I'm not making any major change Okay, just disagree on it. I guess yeah, I feel like every time you get in there You should set everything up nice, so you're safe. It's somebody else's vehicle You don't know what the insurance situation is. You don't know what's in the fucking hubcaps. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:52:10 Could be riding with a couple of keys in there. OK, you don't want to get pulled over. Sure. Then you get pulled over somebody else's car. Then you got to go, that's my buddy's car. Sure it is. Where's this? And you reach for the glove compartment.
Starting point is 00:52:24 You know Safety that happens all the time Sure, I mean I've lost count if I had a nickel for every time that's happened Safety first when it comes to vehicles they have auto they keep you in the passenger seat. Did you think it? I'm a good radio man. No, you're not you we just said you played the same song for an hour and a half straight without Knowing that was an accident Okay, but still that was that doesn't happen to go to the radio. That doesn't happen to good radio men dangerous clogging your ears
Starting point is 00:52:54 Sucks I got spots that I do yikes Might go to the salon get up get a wash in a blowout Where Petco? Get my nails trim like the lady All right Let's see this one's from JM $10 home. You never have one right are you garbage if you pre-gream?
Starting point is 00:53:19 This is a this is a this is a this is a good one Are you garbage if you pregame a dry wedding? It was one of my best friends and I'm in the wedding party. He's one of my college roommates and I've carried him home more than once. I can't let his new lady and her family prevent me from drinking, right? Yeah, what a dry wedding is fucked up. I don't know what the rules. I guess it would depend on why it's right you think it's religious If one religion, I mean unless it's like Muslim maybe Muslim. I don't think any like I mean Catholics drink Catholic Christians drink
Starting point is 00:53:57 The Jews drink sure it's got to be like Martin Muslim It's like I don't know. Yeah, Muslims are dry. Yeah, dry, huh? Hindu. OK, OK. You make up with the food, though. Clean up. Sure. But just go heavy on the samosas. Huh? Hmm.
Starting point is 00:54:18 I would if that's the case, I guess she's probably to like, let's just say it is religious. She's knowingly her family's are extended family's gonna be there Yeah, she's probably saying tell your idiot fucking friends not to drink Well, no, it's just a dry wedding. So they assume Yeah, but I'm sure there's if this kids carrying this other kid home. Has this already happened? I don't know I thought he said in the thing. I would say don't do it if it's ahead of you You don't want to be fucked up and they they sniff you out
Starting point is 00:54:50 I would say but it's also like you don't want her dad fucking screaming at you. I would say do it like How are you gonna drink during the wedding? Pop in the bag. How do you coke in a wedding? Have someone else drive your car Yeah, I mean you pop into the bathroom and I'm going outside to smoke a cigarette you smoke heaters is still America sure You know what I mean all right there fucking you got a little you dump something in the you know Don't get fucked up, and if it's religious you don't you don't want anybody I want to get drug out, but like you can get fucked up and if it's religious, you know, you don't want anybody don't get drugged out But like you can get fucked up and have a good time
Starting point is 00:55:27 You know what I mean? But I don't know I don't I've also never been the drunk like I don't know how that looks one drunk guy in a room full of sober people It's bad. It's bad. It's like you gotta be seen the drug You've seen the drunk guy at a wedding around other drunk people. That's what I'm saying. How bad do you think, how obvious? Everyone's drinking coffee? I don't think you're gonna go that far to be like the guy getting, you know, doing the worm or whatever in the barbie lot. But like you're, you know, I'll let you loosen your shoulders a bit.
Starting point is 00:56:02 Okay. That's what I would say. Alright. And it's like hey listen She don't you know? She don't know she ain't got a hurt her of course so like if you and like two other groomsmen or buddies or cousins are like y'all fucking we're We're taking nips off the flask then you know it's where the bag comes fucking it is what it is a little bit Yeah, just take some edibles or something kid knows what I'm talking. That's what you get into
Starting point is 00:56:24 Yeah, taking Eddie It's a wedding something. Kid knows what I'm talking about. That's what you get into. Yeah, take an Eddie. It's a wedding. You got to get fucked up. You're so remarried. What? And you really crush the food. Yeah, I would have a problem not drinking at the wedding. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:38 That'd be tough. I'd be like, hey man, that's great. I'm not going then. I don't need to sell. And those Indian weddings, I don't know know you've been to one they're about three days long you're telling me I got I got a party Friday Saturday and Sunday and I can't wet my beakers but goddamn weekend I can go back to the office on Monday it sucks everybody's working for the weekend man going back sober with
Starting point is 00:56:59 wicked heartburn I shit my brains out. Fucking chicken tikka marsala runs right through ya. Ooh man, I'd go for a little bit of that right now. Ooh, a little naan bread, how you doin'? Uh, let's see, this one's from Ozempic Gold Medalist. I was explaining RU garbage to my older friend who's in his 50s, and he had a really good one. Okay. He said back in the 70s when his dad was at work,
Starting point is 00:57:27 when he was a kid, his dad would call home and talk to the family on his lunch break using a payphone. But his dad gave him the number to the payphone at work. His dad would use his quarter to make the call and would let it ring twice and the family knew not to answer it. His dad would hang up and press the button to get his quarterback, which I don't remember,
Starting point is 00:57:47 and I guess they did if they didn't pick up, you got your quarterback. And then the family knew to call that pay phone back, and his dad'd be waiting there, and that's how he talked to his family for free at work. That's great. That's a good one. It was also a technique that the mafia used for years as well.
Starting point is 00:58:00 What about the papers? The papers. Yeah, we did the same, we did a similar thing. We would call collect call collect Hi, mom, it's Kevin. She would say no and then no that was to leave the house to come pick me up I'm picking after my detentions. Yeah It was also locks. It was also clocks. You remember 1-800 collect remember that? Yeah, so I'm saying you call collect Yeah, didn't spade do those commercials for 1-800 collect. I feel like he did at that point
Starting point is 00:58:23 There was so many there was was like 10-10 to 20, 10-10. It started out 10-3 to 1, 10-2-20, 10-10 to 20. They all switched to. 1-800-Collect was like the original. I think the old guy was in the commercials. 1-800-CallATD, Spade did it. Spade did it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:36 Yeah. Damn. Talk about old school. Guys had to prime a collect calls, too. Probably a nice check for those. Yeah, that's a good thing. that's a good one. We would do the call collect and hey, you know, or call and ask for yourself. We did something like that. When we
Starting point is 00:58:54 would come down the blue bell to see our cousins, and then drive back to Wilkes-Barre, we would call and ask for ourselves. Call collect and ask for ourselves. So they knew that we got there. So maybe it was my mom called collect, said, I'm calling for Patty. They knew to not accept the charges and whatever. And then Patty was home. They knew we were home. Gotcha.
Starting point is 00:59:19 Yeah. I believe that's what the, what the hustle was. That was nuts. So I just like, I got, I'm out. What a service. I'm out. I don't have any money I got a call There's a number that you called then dialed a number and said it's like you're in prison. Do you accept a call from you know?
Starting point is 00:59:35 Eastern State Penitentiary. Hey, it's kippy sure. Yeah crazy. What a crazy system. That was not that long ago call collect Yeah, it's actually nice. Get you out of a jam. Sure, of course. I mean, that fucking three dollars and 50 cents a minute. Think that's what it was. Oh, yeah. What were the rates of calling collect for sure? Yeah, that's why nobody.
Starting point is 00:59:55 I mean, if it was if it was 25 cents, you would just take the call. And yeah, you know what I mean? I remember I think I remember it being when I was when I was in junior high and we would call from the pay phone after detentions or clinic if you were doing bad yet a stay after and go to clinic I think I remember being 350 so this would be like the year 2000. What was what's the difference in clinic and detention Clinic was like academic like you got it like you're doing bad You got to stay after and I'll walk work through this with you or like if I had like five missed homeworks
Starting point is 01:00:27 They'd be like stay after and do all your homework in clinic Google saying 25 cents for the first three minutes and then 10 cents after each minute in 2000 yeah, I don't feel like that's right. I remember mine being for whatever reason three Maybe that's what I switched over. Maybe they banged the out in the 90s Maybe but I mean my this would have been that's where the turning point would have been This would have been like 99 or whatever Sweet system yeah, I liked I respect that's a great question. I respect it not bad Everybody did that shit back then sure in this in the also in scheming this was from Justin brand new $10
Starting point is 01:01:01 Garbaggio member are you garbage if your family members used to slide neck away for candies? Into toll baskets to pay tolls on the family trips what they registered as quarters But you had to slide them into the basket carefully because if they broke it wouldn't register Once you slid them in and the gate went up rumor had it they would jam the coin machine and the next person would get Stuck and need the attendant Ouch. That's I mean but that's then you gotta have neck a wafer or you know. What's a pack of M cost? 50 cents? Nah. They get the little bag. You just make sure they're in the car. Each one of you. You're spending probably
Starting point is 01:01:38 probably a 25 cents for the little guy or the big guy is a dollar. That's trash. Get you like a year's worth of toll. That's trash. I love it. Neck is a dollar. That's trash get you like a year's worth a toll. That's trash I love it neck away for that You know I do Lish I yeah that brown one the licorice one or whatever that liquor sucked. Yeah chocolate one was good I know but you'd be in the mix and you get the fucking it's like doing a shot of Sambuca at six years old It would taint the rest of them after that.
Starting point is 01:02:06 Yeah, that's what I'm saying. There was no going back. You remember those? Yeah. No shit. Yeah. Bang with them. Huh? Uh, this one's from Mitchell. Ten dollar. I'm recyclable here. Never had one red. Are you garbage if you don't smoke, but you keep a pack of heaters in your truck just so you can toss a couple out the window every time you pass the boys in orange
Starting point is 01:02:25 When they throw up the two fingers asking for a Bernie Helping take the edge off one fell under the time. Love y'all from South, Georgia Whoa sees the chain-ganger the people picking up fucking trash And I guess that's what they do. They're going throw us heaters. I never knew that I mean we don't see them Whoa, that's a good dude right and then he's just got like a fucking pack of marlites throws three out the window That's a fucking that's a good dude right. Thank you for your service type. That's a damn gentleman. That's a fucking Helping take the edge off one felon at a time I thought he was gonna say what they say Sebastian did was keep a pack in the car for
Starting point is 01:03:05 for the broads for ladies. For felons. That's pretty good. I respect that. Yeah, I make their day that probably that probably makes them weak. A heater on a chain gang? What are you kidding me? Greatest thing ever. Uh-huh. Man, a heater on a chain gang. I've needed some nice heater never on a chain gang Jesus that ladle of water the bug man still good dude damn that's really good everything that one time that's a gentleman's move right on 95 there's a Department of Corrections van there's like imagine like a fucking Imagine like a UPS van like a UPS box draw with the back door up We're flying down. I mean we're on we're on Philadelphia 95 like we're doing 70 easily and there's like I
Starting point is 01:03:59 Don't know eight Prisoners in the back of it not chained up they're just sitting in there and the doors open the one guy yeah don't do what there's two guys you know it was like out of a movie in orange jumpsuit the one guy's got the orange jumpsuit down to his like his waist the other guys in it and he's sitting on the back like with his feet dangling off and I mean we are cooking dude and I remember being looking around me and the dudes are right in front of me I got on right behind them they're like looking at me and I'm like what dude I'm trying to get other people's attention like these guys clearly you're escaping
Starting point is 01:04:35 this is like fucking and I was expecting to then I pull up and I was expecting to see it another guy in an orange jumpsuit driving to be like they fucking he's like I'll fucking kill him hahahaha all over he got a sickle on fucking winging sigs out alright we gotta wrap it up though gang wait so who's driving it? I thought it was the officers or whatever
Starting point is 01:04:58 I guess they were on good behaviors so these guys were hanging the fuck out dude it was they were hanging the fuck out It was they were hanging out like dazed and confused It was legit it looks like they're out of like a 50-cent rabbit it looked like they were on a movie set That's what it looked like it was Shit myself thinking they were right my license plate Come and get me on the outside your fat ass I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like,

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