Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Episode Date: April 7, 2025Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley to discover the true King of the 'Burbs. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Do You Wan...na See AYG Perform Live in your City? Click Here: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nIJgvAZNftO_J655NLbu_phPt-HvzDj-tfzBt_uWyjI/viewform Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored by: Upgrade your wardrobe and save on @trueclassic at https://trueclassic.com/GARBAGE This Show is sponsored by BetterHelp https://www.BetterHelp.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Hey gang, Kippy here. We're planning the fall leg of the Back on the Block Tour and if you live in any of the following cities, click the link in the description and let your boys know.
We got San Francisco, Portland, Oregon, Seattle, Washington, Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Massachusetts, Atlanta, Georgia, Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland, and last but not least, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The boys are coming home and we got a big one.
These shows are gonna go quick.
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sign up for tickets, we love ya.
See you on the road.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians
are classy individuals or absolute trash.
Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is R U Garbage.
You know it.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out they're
good to be classy.
Yeah.
Or if they're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host a trolley coming at you on a beautiful day
We're out back here with tooties in a new edition. She's upstairs. Just got a bag of razzles. Okay
Candy than it's gum
She can't figure it out. What the hell she's doing up there. I said it turns into gum. Don't swallow it stuck in her hair
She's like that. She's like the girl in the infomercials
in black and white.
She can't get her head around it.
She's stuck in the blinds.
She's like, it's candy, it's gum, I'm like, it's both.
Save me a couple.
Hit me.
My coast is coming at you from across the table.
This is what we call a family episode.
It's just the boys, the bozos, and the homies.
He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman. He's the king of the bozos and the homies. He is the CEO of are you garbage? He is an international businessman
He's a king of the burbs, baby. Give it up for everybody's favorite American
Shout out to you heavy chase king of the burbs
First of all, thanks for tuning in as always just make sure you rate you subscribe on iTunes
Could use a couple more reviews over there if you're listening. Bump up reviews up.
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Best website in a whole wide world.
Yep.
Check out the Route 66 special that's currently streaming on
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On our YouTube page.
And Quibi.
Crackle.
And we got the new card game out.
The 2025 edition, the 2025 edition of the third
edition of the RU garbage card game play with your friends
play with your family find out who's trash and who's not and
come see a live show.
Yes come see a live show.
We still have a little saddened.
We had to cancel the March.
I'm sorry April 14th of Monday show in Pittsburgh in Pittsburgh
coming there Tuesday.
We're still there Tuesday sold out
I sold out no big deal Cleveland sold out still a couple tickets left to the second show there
We unfortunately can't make it boys are jammed up. We can't make it
But yeah, we love yous will make it up to you and also more dates coming down a road
It's got the fall dates. We're taking a summer off kippys having a goddamn, baby. I gotta be home
So if you're in Cleveland, you want to see a show come see that second show
Otherwise, we're gonna be off for the summer a little off for the boys are taking off for the summer Kimpy's having a god damn baby. I gotta be home. So if you're in Cleveland, you want to see a show, come see that second show.
Otherwise, it's going to be off for the summer a little.
Boys are taking off for the summer.
I gotta raise a dad, king of the burbs.
What I wanted to bring up.
I wanted to tell you this before you get into that.
If there's ever been an H-Foli,
what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
That just happened. Okay, big guy.
Oh, hand me my crowbar.
You know, Bosley's still banging.
Sure.
Remember Bosley?
You want me to get plugs?
It looks like they're back better than ever.
I'm not getting plugs, dude.
I just saw the camera.
I can't believe they're still in business.
They're killing it.
I never understood that.
They're cheap, too.
They didn't say plugs.
Yeah, I thought it was they were wigs.
I think it might have been at one point.
I might have offered you many, many things.
What's a Bosley go for?
It's a hair transplant technique
Get the Bosley. It's got real Tai Chi written all over it. I can't do it
I thought if I think about it across my mind. I've priced that I bought it
I've been on Expedia looking I know the turkey between 6 and 12 grand
That's cheaper than what they go. I don't want the six yeah
Much I know I
Just saw the commercial and I thought he I couldn't believe they're still in business
He thought of me. That's like Bose stereos remember the Bose system. Yeah, that's still like a leader in technology pretty cool
Sure, shout out to them both Bosley and Bose
Bose and Bosley they get them together
Put some speakers in your hair. Cover up that dome
with some sub wolfies. Anyway, I apologize. I still living off
the highs and razzles. So I'm dinger. So hippo on the TV that
they made me think of you.
That the one where he's pooping in the aquarium.
Is that the one where he's pooping in the aquarium? Hey, try a brand muffin.
Play off the oysters, rock a fight.
That's one of my favorite things.
I've said it before, but this is way before we ever started.
Are you garbage?
Me and Foley were down in Philly doing a spot down there at some bad club that was mostly
my family and I guess your family would come out.
We had a couple of listeners at the time of the program we
worked with. But we heard, I heard that girl talk to her mom in the most Philly accent ever.
She said, hey mom, remember when we were at the aquarium when we saw the hippo
poop in the water? And I was like dude that woman, that girl does not stand a
chance. She's dead now. She's gonna to be a she's going to be a club risque.
Ain't that?
Speaking of King of the Burbs, what do you got?
As you know, I've been, you know, I've been documenting me being King of the Burbs
on Instagram. No big deal.
And, you know, I've been in a lot of home depots, do a lot of depot runs lately.
Doing runs, getting the house ready for the baby, getting the house ready for the baby. Well, you know, you gotta get fuck you
You paint the room and get out to the covers. You gotta get like in whatever whatever you get all that kind of stuff
You need to paint off the hardwood these spills, you know, there's a lot of like
Come off get a carpet. Yeah, get a new window through the roller through I
Got man punch the hole in a wall gotta get some smack
Told my wife she's annoying gotta get the dog back from the SPCA threw him in the clink for a couple of days
I don't like the way he was
Judging my trim work. I told you I remember we go
We only the follies when you get a pet you get a pet. That's it
No matter what had we're not giving it away people. Sure. But in the
beginning of our family in the 80s, we got this Australian
Vesla hound, which I told you. And we got him out of the
ASPCA. And I think he was probably like he was in his
teens and dog years. So he was troubled. And man, he was a
nightmare. Wait in dog years he was so he was too. Something
like that. It was seasoned. He was bad. He was in a gang. Fit right in with your family
degenerates. Bad news biting everybody. Nipping, biting the whole nine yards. You
couldn't get him in control. You know when they do the thing where they're
biting the leash and leash and spinning in a circle? They did that all the time.
Crazy. So my dad gave him back for like 24 hours. I remember when we got him back man he was
like old Brooksie from Shawshank he didn't know what to do.
Tyler ever see those my neighbors got one of those
Italian jumping dogs. You ever see them things.
Those Italian whistling dogs?
It's saying,
Hello!
Your girlfriend, she got a nice ass.
Just cat-calling.
Am I right?
It's an Italian greyhound, yeah.
Yeah, but they're called the Italian jumping dude.
They're fucking-
Italian humping dogs.
It's like they just saw the House of Bane video.
These things are jumping around.
What are you talking about? all the House of Bane video these things are jumping around. They just fucking like I'll be walking Hans and this one this
one will be coming out of their building and just like he they
just jump and do like 360s and backflips there it's fucking
crazy. They're like remember those little dogs you see at the
kiosk in the mall and then does the backflip. Oh yes, I still love those like that. They're nuts and there's no like rhythm to it
You know like a do you know how a dog jumps these things like they do like endos
They pull their back up like bunny hopping those Italians are kooky
Lay off the espresso will you
Double Zambuca take it easy
You see? This guy had a double Zambuca.
Take it easy.
Makes a mean Cacio Pepe.
My question is, I don't know if it's cultural,
if it's like area-wise or just like, you know,
kind of culturally, the, the,
why is it Home Depot over Lowe's?
And it's not even a question.
Why is that?
I don't know.
It's Home Depot over Lowe's always has been, always will be. You run to Lowe's in a pinch maybe, if it's proximity. What do you get at Lowe's? the All I can speak is from the greater Philadelphia area, the tri-state area, as Jim Gardner used to so eloquently put.
One second, you give me a total number of lows
and a total number of Home Depots, please.
I want that on my desk by the end of the episode.
It's got to be nothing.
It's got to be no content.
They're probably pretty close, man.
Oh, well, then Home Depot's got to be killing them.
Don Pollack, or what were you saying?
Don Pollack, that's from Ed Baskmaster,
who I love, by the way. I don't know, for whatever That's from Ed Baskin who I love by the way
I don't know for whatever reason that Ed bad bad bad bad bad Pollock's my godfather
He just told me pterodactyl escaped from the Philly Zoo ate a toddler on Morgan Street
It's his godfather and not his uncle is so Philly trash. It's so perfect. It's not a poly
All I can speak is from the from from, from, you know, the suburb.
Home Depot was there first.
Home Depot, Lowe's, I mean, what?
Get out of here.
It was Heckenger's and Sears when Sears was really popping
back in the day.
Excuse me.
And then Home Depot came in and it was a natural progression
from Heckeninger's to Holy
God a Home Depot now. Yeah. No, I remember. Yeah. I don't even know if there's a
Lowe's in that area. Maybe there is. I don't know anybody that goes to Home
Depot. Well, growing up my dad, we would go to Home Depot and then my stepmom
would go to Lowe's. So that was just where Broad's went to me. Yeah. I was like,
you know, home. It's not. But it was like home improvement for like the broads.
I think the orange sells it.
What do you, because that seems construction-y.
Or maybe you're already, you're just doing that
because that's what you think of Home Depot,
chicken or the egg type thing.
Very true.
What do you got?
Lowe's was open first.
What?
In 1929, Home Depot didn't open until 1978.
There are-
Wow.
50 years on them.
In the US, there are
two thousand and twenty-five home depots and in the US for Lowe's, one thousand
seven hundred forty-eight. Double. No. What? Two hundred and fifty off. Yeah. Oh. Three
hundred or something. Oh, okay. That's not that much. No. That's like we would, I can't go,
there's three hundred less. You brought up a point. Home Depot, that's where Patty
would go for her home
improvements that she was doing
and stuff like that. But when I
worked for that general
contractor, he went to the depo.
Everybody went to the depo.
On the job sites, we would say,
yo, I'm running like the, we were
the plumbers. I'm running the
loads. They would run over.
What? They go, yo, I'm like, you know, the the GC or the carpenters, running a low. They would run over. What they go?
Oh, I'm like, you know, the jet, the GC or the carpenters, but y'all run into depot.
Anybody need anything like, oh, yeah, we need, you know, I don't know.
Some of them.
So I was like, hey, Dan, you're fat one like sausages, right?
Yeah.
That's that would have been weird if you went to Lowe's.
Yeah.
Drinking Pepsi.
I think you still say I'm running the depot, but you go to like, if you were going to Lowe's,
you still say I'm running to the depot.
Yeah.
And you throw the bags out before you get there.
That was always the thing.
I didn't have it at Home Depot.
I had to go to Lowe's.
Yeah, I don't understand.
So you pick up a Ryobi.
It's very, yeah, Ryobis.
We're a fucking Milwaukee or the Walt family
Japanese drill I think I read whatever I think Ryobi did get pretty good though. I'm sure for whatever I'm doing. Um
But you want it you wanted to fucking do you want to break out the European go Bosch? I'll get a Bosch gun really blow your tits off with that
other way
Tries on the wrong side of the road that guy
but yes, she's very like.
I when I said I'm going to the hardware, I just like innately go.
I probably drive by.
I think I drive by a Lowe's to get to a depot.
How do you go to a better more more sawdusty?
Mm hmm. And I'm also a guy and someone called me out in the comments.
They were like, you seem like the guy who will not ask for help
But will look to see what island been it's in that's what I do. Yeah, they don't know
I know that shit in the commercial date. There's no expert
I had to ask the same old lady you ever try have family members that work at that work there in the
Sections and we don't we don't talk to we see him. I go to the other aisle
Yep, you ever ask somebody at the at the paint section at Home Depot about something else
Well the paint section at the home. They don't speak English. That's like the fragrance people at a Macy's that's do you there's sure
They're fucking separate. It's like an Edmonds counter. Yeah, exactly
Yeah, I don't sorry. I don't work home depot fucking Mab pays my bills. Yeah, they don't want it. I don't know you gotta ask
Some method walking around
They don't know where nothing is
I don't know I had I asked three times cuz I come I didn't have service to look on my phone cuz I'm a little
Baby girl either they don't know where anything is or you're asking them about something. That's right in front of your face
So either way you look like an asshole or they don't know.
I'll be honest with you, they ask this old lady. Old is, I mean like, she's 70 years
old. Old, tiny old lady working there.
It's not that old.
Well, it's not young. So that's old in the workforce.
It depends how you look at it.
I'm looking at it as an employee. That's an old employee.
I'll be 70 in 20 years.
You're not making it 20 years I would have been
I'll be burying you at a Home Depot
What are you talking about?
She knew where everything was
Better not use 1x3, I'll pay you that
Snap that like a twig
Better put some rebar in that thing
The first concrete casket
One thing I wanted to tell you about
We got a fox Yeah, I had to tell you about, we got a fox.
What?
Yeah, I had to put up some chicken wire this past weekend.
Oh, in the house you have a fox.
Yeah, where did you think I had a fox?
I don't know.
I felt real handy.
That was very nice, king of the birds.
Chicken wire?
Yeah.
Where?
Around the fencing?
From the fence, so I have a shed that's empty.
I don't have anything to put in.
I don't own enough stuff to put in the shed.
It's just what the guy who lived there left in there.
And a fox, a pretty big fox.
And it's not, I don't think, and it's for Hans,
it's not to keep the fox out.
It's to prevent Hans from going under,
because he had his head halfway under the thing looking.
Oh, wait, the fox is underneath the.
He ran, he was in the backyard.
He ran under the shed.
I don't know if he lives under there.
That's just his escape route. He probably lives under there and there probably as a baby under there because it's a springtime
Okay, hmm. Are you fucking Steve Irwin all of a sudden Jack Hanna?
big Fox
What who would win in a fight would be my dick name? Yeah big Fox
Yeah, big Fox who would win in a fight Hans Hans. You think? Yeah, I think that I think by
default foxes are timid animals. Foxes only anything under 15 pounds will be at risk.
Dogs wise. Oh yeah? Yeah, Hans is 50 pounds. Yeah. Hans and I don't know if you've seen
him. He's got a bit of an attitude problem. Yeah. He's looking. Dude, he's getting crazier about a minute. He's not running feas. He's he's you know looking for trouble
He's putting his head on there something ain't never seen
I wouldn't want the Fox to bite him or him to bite the Fox or yeah, yeah
That's why I put up chicken wire so now you have the Fox trapped in the thing
No, he can get out the back. Oh
You put it like along the you put it across the yard?
No, across my I don't care if he comes in the yard.
I don't understand what you're not getting here.
I don't want Hans going under the going under the shed. Right.
So I blocked the front of the shed from Hans being able to get under it.
OK, chicken wire.
But how does the fox get out and get out the back or the sides?
Is there holes underneath there? Yeah, obviously.
So Hans can't get to the side of the box get out. You can get out the back or the sides. Is there holes
underneath there? Yeah,
obviously. So, Hans can't get
to the side of the back. No,
you just the front of the
fence is in the front of the
shed is in the fence. Oh, okay.
I got the back the back and
sides of the shed are behind
outside of our fence. No
kidding. Yeah. That's weird.
Huh? Alright. I don't know. I
didn't put it there. Alright,
cool. So, the Fox can't get in
the yard. Just said that and can't get in. Okay, I got it. Are you sure?
Yeah. Home Depot.
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That's like the crux of our relationship.
I'll explain something that I've done and you take it the wrong way.
I wasn't thinking that.
I wasn't thinking that it was like that, that the fence went like, I understand.
Who the fuck has their shed? I don't know, but I gave you the half way out.
I gave you the facts of
He can't get in he can't get out. It's not halfway and it's not even in the yard. That's crazy
I kind of put it in I don't know what to tell you
You should push the fence back and get the shed in the yard. I told you about the chicken wire
I want to get rid of the shed. I don't need that but there's animals live under there. So I let them stay there
That's nice. I don't know if my property goes back that far
there so I let them stay there. That's nice. I don't know if my property goes back that far. Don't take the shed. Is that
what I just heard? Take the shed and put it where? Like dude,
see, this is we get into situations where he just says
I'll do stuff just to kind of relatively make me look bad.
Maybe Patty, you know what I mean? Like, oh, you don't want
it. I'll take it. Patty wants it. You don't have your whole
backyard as a deck.
Your whole backyard is an above ground pool.
Put it on the side of the house.
She has a Rubbermaid. You have a garage.
She has a Rubbermaid shed on the side.
We'll get rid of that and put the big shed in there.
Keep the Fox, though. I like them.
There used to be a ground or gopher under there.
I don't know what happened to him.
My neighbors got a groundhog that's been living under there for about 40 years.
Now, I think they only live like seven or eight years. Big one. I looked it up. Yeah, groundhogs? Yeah, because we were like, I was like, oh, this groundhog's probably been there for like a hundred years
and we looked it up to live like five, six, seven, eight years. Really? Yeah. Two to three years.
Is that what it is? Two to three years?
What are they drinking? That's crazy.
How does a two years? They can make it to six, that's the latest.
Yeah, I told ya.
I wonder what gets them.
What?
What the hell, what does a groundhog die of?
Helicopter crash, what do you think?
They're living under sheds.
That's crazy, what does a groundhog usually die of?
Eight.
What does he usually die of?
Cause of death.
I mean, don't let him look it up. You like pull back, commercial
break.
That's crazy. Two or three years. That's it. Damn. I thought at
least 15 years. They get big.
Motherfucker go to college back on the way quick
Predators disease parasites accidents like cars hibernation complications
Alright shit Wow that's crazy, so I guess that's a different one that moves
into the shed and my mom's back maybe you guys are all fucked up I thought it was the same guy
could be a local homeless man and you guys just don't know man he's legendary it's not him. I don't know what to tell you. It's a copycat impersonator.
That's nuts. We have fox in the backyard too. I love them.
As long as they don't get rabid or anything like that.
Yeah, that's the problem.
Then they're catching the nickel.
And don't do it for a second.
Yeah, rabies scares me.
So you think?
Dude. Because you shoot them and they're still staggering around like zombies. It's like con air
Takes one in the chest and keeps coming for the cock
Yeah, you gotta put them down and
I don't like that
But a cute little cute little fox like a mom Fox and the kids because they stay together for a while
And they're they have like a little family how how old the file of the Fox last? Oh, they don't make no you're saying they stay like a baby
Three to four years yeah, I think
That will three to four you better than two or three with the groundhog and the parasites
Jesus no, but they stay as a family unit, I think, for a little bit.
It's always cute in the spring down at Patty's, because the animals all have the babies.
And they'll be like a little nest of rabbits.
Yeah, they're looking for grass. You guys killed it all and put down wooden planks.
These guys got nowhere to live. Talk about ruin a habitat.
It's like you guys are torching a rainforest down there.
Displacing the weevils and shit.
Making palm oil. There's a torsion of rainforest down there this place in the Weebles
Making palm oil now we have a huge in the Panama Canal
We have a huge tuft of
Woods in the back where they all live. There's deer running around. There's goddamn deer. They're in the driveway
They're running around but the Fox and stuff they live. There's a huge set of bushes between the lady between her legs between the lady that lives over there. Then there's the my listen. I've
been I've been to this house many a handful of time. No,
there's an area back there. I don't get it. There's a house
behind his house behind whose house your house. Your house is
in someone's front yard, right? Yeah. Yeah. Off to the side. They're more, they're in
our backyard, really. It's their front yard. Kinda. It's a front field. It's a yard. It's
not a field. There's crops back up there. Crops? Corn. They grow corn and soy. Cattle.
Groundhog. It's a groundhog farm
No, you're talking about
That's nice though. Maybe you have a little that's that that hell hound will get him though
He gets his hands on one of those baby fox bad
They scream too you don't want to hear that in the middle of the night
You'll think it's a banshee coming to get you those things it's scary like an infant child
Scary all right
That's no good telling you no, what's no good you do what my wife. They're screaming. Oh
You're the king of like I tell you a problem and tell you how I fix it you gotta take care of that
You gotta you gotta get on that. I don't think I literally just said that the really fixed it
Why didn't I completely fix it because the Fox is still under there maybe with a family, okay?
So what am I supposed to do just place the Fox? That's not you're not no no
So what do I do put some cabbage out or something for him?
What I don't know leave a riddle for him to solve you don't know
You're the king of thinking I haven't solved the problem correctly you have woods behind you right? There's no streets behind you
There's woods behind me. right? There's no streets behind you.
There's woods behind me.
There's streets behind me.
There's a lot behind me.
I'm not living in anyone's wrong yard,
I'll tell you that much.
Fucking breaking my stones.
Fox or no fox?
You're living on a guy's property.
Nuh-uh.
They moved in after us.
That was all woods back there.
And we sold off some land.
You did it. you're renting sharecropping fucking
Vandy patch over here I would have lived in your front yard if you gave it to me as a
gift for the pipeline for an above-ground pool all right So you got a fox, huh?
Shout out to Lose.
So that's where you went with Lose?
No, I was the depot guy.
I go back.
I forgot something.
How's your chicken wire game?
Pretty good.
I'm pretty proud of it.
What you put it up there.
So you can't get into the shed now because you you blocked off
the front door. I just put a little down at the bottom like
molding kind of now I went to I got two foot. So you how can
you open the door? I didn't put it in front of the door. See
you see this doesn't make any sense. Don't want to believe
me. I said why don't you just go? Why don't you just take my
word for it instead of trying to prove me wrong that I didn't do this correct?
You're an idiot
I don't think you know what the hell you're doing quite honestly. I don't even think you've seen a fox. Yeah, it was Hans
Holy shit
What'd you put it up there with I do some no you see idiot
Don't finish the sentence that's coming off
Moron
Yeah, never on chicken wire
You believe this guy starts a car. Let's go to Home Depot. Let's solve this problem for this guy. Did you tack it up?
I used those like double.
They're like you nails kind of. Oh, those are good.
Thank you. Those are good.
They don't go in as well as I thought.
You probably could have just stapled them with a heavy staple gun.
Yeah, by a staple gun.
Yeah, you should have one anyway for the house.
Oh, I shouldn't. What?
I've never I've never used one in my life.
Oh, we always had a staple gun. For what?
Shooting each other. Shooting the neighbors used one in my life. Oh, we always had a staple gun. For what? Shooting each other.
Shooting the neighbors that live in the backyard.
No, we used a staple gun for the trains.
To put down the green stuff for the trains.
I'm not sure my mom used it for other shit.
But as far as I was concerned, it was just for...
What, a booger?
Probably had to let your underwear out of it.
What? Who am I, booger? Probably had to let your underwear out of it.
Who am I Frankenstein?
Staple underwear?
Reinforce your grundle.
Who are those things pop?
Scratch it. Catch a leaker.
Oh, one of those things pop scratch you catch a leaker I
Can give me tetanus on my my tape I don't think so
No, she'd do that
By the way, just so you know, there's a ramp leading up to the shed not a ramp like yeah a ramp So you had to do two pieces? Yeah. Whoa, man., I got to. You got a ramp because you can't get a mower.
Drive a Y&L up your ass.
Yeah.
No, so you can put the mower in there.
I think that's where you got the mower in there,
or a wheelbarrow, or as you'd, I don't know.
I don't have anything to put in there.
I don't own enough stuff to fill it.
Maybe I'll get you a lawnmower.
No, stop buying me stuff.
I've never asked you for anything.
I don't need a lawnmower.
You don't have a sick lawnmower in there?
You can cut the grass.
You got the kid now.
You cut the grass. I got a guy who cuts the grass. I have a sick lawnmower in there you cut the gray got the kid now you cut the grass I
Got a guy who cuts the save a couple of bucks plus
I got something a family to do I got lawn guy who I've never talked to he just cuts my I've never met him
Never talked to me just got you can change that you could be out in the backyard cutting the grass
So my dad used to do it, and then we'd be like where he is now. I don't want that. Don't put that on me
Neighbor probably killed him,
he cut in his front yard.
How dare you?
But it was a bad look, I was,
I am relatively, I'm not handy, enough.
I'm pretty handy if I can get in the rhythm of doing stuff.
You know what I mean?
But like, if I had to hang chicken wire on 80 in 80 houses by the 10th one
I'd go this is the best way to do it. This is the rhythm whatever I hadn't
Done this yet, and now I'm out that stuff's brutal too because it doesn't bend back cuts back on you
It's like working with saran wrap. It's the dude there with the one edge is like undone and that shit
I it's like this is like binge like a slice like it's like netting essentially
Did you fold it under so he doesn't catch his face on it or something like that the dog sure okay?
Yeah, you got to fold it under so there's no sharp edges. Yeah, I'll come down this week
Is that what you're looking for I'll come down yeah
Straighten it out for you cuz I did it wrong
Right sounds. I don't know what I'm doing. I did it wrong. I mean. I get it. Yeah.
Mm hmm.
What'd you do with the leftovers? Because you don't
just buy a piece of that. You gotta buy a whole bundle.
I bought three.
Why don't you throw a little chicken coop in the back there.
Five by two.
Start doing your own eggs.
What?
Plus you could probably write off some of the house. Be a
farm.
Mm hmm.
Destroy that come milk you.
A quarter milks out at the locals farmers market that
ain't milk lady.
That's any juice.
I gotta do this more often.
Feel like a million bucks in your mouth.
Um, wait, what? No, I'm the one getting milked. Whatever jerked off in this case. Dude is more of it. Feel like a million bucks. You're wiping your mouth.
Wait, what?
No, I'm the one getting milked.
Whatever.
I'm jerked off in this case.
I'm saying that's not milk.
I got you.
Yeah.
What's coming out of me?
Hey, we were riffing.
I made a bad move.
You were jerking me off.
That's what I was.
Who's going to milk me?
I don't know.
Who does it now?
Nobody.
Well, I won't get you on that one. I'll do it myself. Nobody. I won't continue on that way.
I'll do it myself.
No, I got two, I got three
five foot by two foot rolls.
So that, the
yeah, I've covered it perfectly.
I put a couple bricks at the bottom,
a little reinforcement. Can you give me an update on that?
Cause I love all that stuff. What do you want
the update? Just so if
there's a fox, if there is an actual fox living under there, if. What do you want the update? Just so if there's a fox living under there, do you see babies running around? Be cute.
Okay. I like that. I like in the neighborhood in the springtime. I think that stuff's great. Great.
Yeah, like the little rabbits and stuff like that. The little fox, little groundhogs, ducks, the geese come back, the birds, of course.
Of course. You know, Springs Springs beautiful in the in the
Northeast that's where we are right the Northeast there you go. Yeah, the Atlantic Magellan over here Atlantic seaboard
No, what's it called Eastern Sea Eastern seaboard? Yes?
beautiful
When the leaves come in the dandruff this time of is. That's bad. I don't know what the deal is. For the listener, I called Hank with. I had dandruff. I mean. I had fucking dandruff.
With Jack Frost level dandruff. Never in my life. Now I have dandruff. I have not been,
I have not washed my hair in a long time. Like a long time. Okay. Months. Bosley. Try
that. I'm like, I actually, I got I got Danger shampoo from my beard coincidentally at the dermatologist a couple weeks ago because I had I had danger of coming out of this thing. I
Can use that in my hair? He said I told you this could also use it downtown
I don't I mean the second you start talking about your conditions and skin flakes. You know what I mean?
I'm out. That's an old dice joke, isn't it? The day you put the danger
shampoo on his balls. Maybe. But his balls are flaky.
Either way. That's all right.
No, no, no shitting around here. All right.
We got business to take care of.
This is a goddamn family public.
They need to take a picture of where we get around.
I apologize. I apologize about the dangerous though.
My general appearance. You're going to take back me not knowing what I'm doing. And King of the Bird. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize about
the dangerous though. Uh huh.
My general appearance. You're
going to take back me not knowing
what I'm doing. King of the
bird. I haven't seen it. Send me
a pic or a video or something.
See what it looks like. I assume
it's shoddy construction. Didn't
you see it? Didn't I show you
you guys stopped by the house? I
showed you no? Nah. Well, you
saw the nursery. It's beautiful. Thank you. Thank you. You painted it.
Which I'd probably say that she probably did the finishing touches.
Not even close.
Not even close.
She stood there and busted your chops while you did it.
No, I don't like saying that.
There were a couple, you know, divorce was thrown around early on in the project when
we were pulling permits.
Now it looks beautiful.
It's a good baby's room.
You got the windows.
It's perfect. It's a good baby's room. You got the windows. It's perfect
You'd be able to think it's nice kid that if I did put if there any windows be in a closet that ain't fucking legal No, I think we're living in a railroad apartment
It had the windows set up is good for the fresh air to come in also
It's very neighborhood II back there, so it'll be cute when you're in there rocking the baby
You don't mean they don't got a cool summer night door
Sure, I'm sorry. I'm excited for you. I'd like to come over and babysit though hang out
We're good. We're good. We're all
Good on that. We're all locked. I got the Fox
Still like to come over and babysit well then where am I gonna go?
Watch TV. No that's fucking weird dude
You're not gonna let me rock the baby or something like that?
What? Give a koochie-goos and all that?
I'm Uncle Hank, god damn it
You're gonna Christopher Multistante that thing
What happened? He sits on the cat
The dog
Alright
Hey quit screwing around, that's what I'm saying
I've always got some questions we're gonna go through
Hit me Come on, What's the first one?
Chicken wire. How would I know?
I don't know, but buying chicken wire, I want to go back to that is the thing where you're
like, this is even ask, it ain't called chicken wire anymore.
It sounds suspect.
I know it does. It sounds like there's animals on the loose, which there kind of is.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Or you're doing something, you're cooking something that you shouldn't be. With chicken wire of yeah, I don't know or you're doing something you're cooking something
But you shouldn't be with chicken wire. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. It just didn't it didn't feel right
That's not by the gardening. I didn't know where they were gonna keep that
It makes sense a lot of people are having chickens now though you get the eggs sure
You're doing it. I thought you love that kind of stuff. No, okay. I live in an apartment
You doing that? I thought you loved that kind of stuff. No.
I live in an apartment.
I don't know, you just try to take my 20 by 10 shed the fucking 10 minutes ago.
For my mother.
Does she have chickens?
No.
She lives in the suburbs?
One neighbor has them. Brings them over.
The chicken?
No, the eggs. I don't trust them. They're all different colors. Freaks me out. And they
have like the date written on them and I don't trust Patty with the dates anymore.
You don't know what she's got in that fridge. Or when it came in or when it's going out.
Mm-hmm. Bad.
Alright, quit screwing around, please. For the love of God.
Okay, flights on air Canada. How about Prague?
Ooh, Paris. Those gardens.
Gardens. Um, Amsterdam. Tulip Festival.
I see your festival and raise you a carnival in Venice. Or Bermuda has carnaval. Ooh, Amsterdam. Tulip Festival. I see your festival and raise you a carnival in Venice.
Or Bermuda has carnival.
Ooh, colorful.
You want colorful. Thailand. Lantern Festival. Boom.
Book it.
Um, how did we get to Thailand from Prague?
Oh right, Prague.
Oh boy.
Choose from a world of destinations, if you can.
Air Canada, nice travels.
This one's from shit lock
homes trademark in front I know two-year homie never have one read my
apartment building is right up against a Costco
sounds like a great location so everyone in the building pushes their shopping
carts all the way up to their apartment.
In the parking garage there's a place where people park the carts when they're done and a worker from Costco comes along and brings them back every morning.
Very nice.
So when I buy groceries I unload them directly from the cart into my fridge. Is this classy or trashy?
What?
You bring one of those into your apartment?
That's pretty nice.
Those wheels are dirty
Yeah, that's probably not great. Wow, but
Cuz I'm not a Costco guy we were a Sam's Club. You probably don't get bags at Costco, right? No
Yeah, dude, that's the thing. I hate so it's like you got a bunch of loose stuff. What's better than there's no better
Flow order of operations. That's perfect. Yes.
And plus they come and get the cart for you.
Rolling in a cart in your apartment is nuts.
Yeah, it's not great.
That's been all over spills everywhere.
Dog shit.
Caps in on the floor.
Yeah.
You'd be surprised about how many people poop in supermarkets.
You'd be wildly surprised.
Poop in like on the floor.
Like their pants. Yeah. No out, yeah, a lot.
Something.
Yeah, I mean, listen, I don't know,
that's a tough one to call,
because it's great, but then you're,
Liz, that's, I don't know.
Tight setup.
I've never heard of it.
I gotta be honest with you, I've never heard of that.
I would do the same thing, I'm not saying what that role what way that goes but from what I remember
With Costco, they're huge shopping carts. How does it even get through the door?
Yeah, maybe got big door. Maybe goes right into the garage door or something. They say apartment building. Yeah
I think he'd say right to the fridge
I mean he might be speaking a little it might be like right to the front door maybe and then it's all like from the front door into you know he carries it right to the fridge
right to the house. Yeah. Either way trashy trashy but good for you. Yeah. Easy setup.
That's fine. Hang on to that place. This one's from Pepe. Do you have any outlets that don't
work alternatively? When was the last time you were physically shocked?
I was dealing with it in the nursery
physically shocked within the last 15 years
Finger in the
Socket of a lamp that's what got me. I was probably I told you I was probably 14 or something and I mean
like the jolt through you like the
I cried my step dad laughed at me. It was such a weird feel Oh, I didn't use cuz it was dark. It was dark out. I thought I was turning I was in the living room
And I hit the switch that didn't work so I turned it on
There was no light bulb or something and I reached in
And I mean it was the last thing I was expecting
It's good to fucking I knew I was I never had a flyers Jersey on
And I started crying I felt like such a pussy
I stepped out you'll be alright
Your eyebrows are gone, that's what happened to my airline
Hey, I go here. High browser gun.
That's what happened to my airline.
Um, sockets that didn't work, not I don't think in in in Patty's house.
I'm sure some of the shitty apartments that I had.
Sure. I also had a couple that were hanging out.
I got one or two now.
It's typically the one behind the couch gets it because you put.
You put the cell phone plugged in and then
that gets pushed back and pushed back and pushed back maybe do a little
boinking on there you know what I mean sure so we have one now that's loose my
wife like well plug like heavy stuff I'm like that's a two-prong or maybe a
cell phone I'm like don't go plugging in like a fucking shop vac or so. That's bad news
Scary I had a wall go. Yeah, I'm like tell her why I had to tell her
I was like we don't ever use this one ever again like put some tape on it put some chicken wire
Good question yeah, that's a tough one
I was I was trying to change the light and you know like sometimes the light
fixture in the center of a room is not necessarily connected to
The lights aren't part of the light fixture does that make sense?
No, like sometimes the light fixture just there's a light in the could be coming out of the ceiling and the light fixtures
Just placed around that
Does that make sense the light fixture? Yeah, like just goes onto the ceiling.
Oh, yeah, like a fish bowl.
Yeah, but that's not technically connected
to the light bulb itself.
You know what I mean?
You have to do the screw.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And take it down.
Oh, I've shattered a couple of those.
And my fucking dad freaked out.
Always bugs in there.
Big ones.
I know.
Dried up mosquitoes and little weebles and shit. So I was doing that we're getting rid of those and I'm listening
That's a barren desert graveyard up there. That's a rough way to go for a bug man
They'll never find you being lost in the Sahara dude. Someone's back. Oh like why don't he don't write?
nothing on that
Dances with wolves
Good movie
Uh he uh
That net, this one was like
I was trying to get it all and then
The light sockets were part of
The fixture itself
You know what I mean? And I was like I could
Do it and I'm like what the fuck
Are you like, I was just like you're gonna get zapped dude
Like I don't know enough, I haven't
Changed one in a long enough time Wait you're changing the bulb or you wanted to change the fixture the whole fixture
You're nuts. I know but you got to kill the main for now shut down the city. I know never
Never I was literally like I just fucking John homeowner mode
I'm like I could do this and I'm like, what are you doing?
You never roll the dice with the electric want to get zapped. Never. It's always you get zapped.
I can't even change a light bulb without getting zapped.
That's not my hockey jersey. You shut that shit down.
Yeah, no, it's not for me. We got a guy coming to do it.
You don't even shut down the what's it called?
What's the box called? Circuit breaker.
You shut the whole building. Call City Hall.
Dude, shut me down. I don't pay the bill for eight months.
I let it never
There are guys that will hotwire them though like with the power on like real quick
No, like know how to like put I know scary
You got to be real good guy that I got I worked for was nice with it. He'd wire a house in like two minutes
Okay Three minutes. All right, and you want to be my chicken wire guy wire
a house in two minutes he did it good sure I'm not saying he did it better
than you maybe should be able to do it better than I don't know why you take
offense to everything better than me okay fair, fair enough. Better looking too.
He didn't need Bosley's hair care for men.
Beautiful hair on this guy.
He was a stallion.
He got zapped a bunch.
Former tight end of the contra-hackin' steelers.
Good looking guy. Italian.
Right, a nice hog on him too.
Not that little dipstick you got.
Speaking of chicken wire.
What?
You're really getting it today, huh?
It's so weird.
The things you have pride in sometimes.
And make competitions in your head.
What was that?
I thought I heard something.
You hear that
Sound like an automatic toothbrush
Now it could be the effects or I don't know
Transaline my doctor says cram it
Quit fucking around god damn family a great question great question. What was it? Yeah, and now the electric shock um
All right, this is one from Jessica Byers $10 homie is it garbage to go to college classes with your mom when you were a kid
If my mom was jammed up, and we didn't have a sitter for us
We would go to my mom's college classes all the time this was a nice college, and we were a hit
I remember the library and cafeteria being top notch.
Wow, that's great.
First of all, hats off to your mom for fucking making it work.
Yes, that's fucking what she's doing now.
That's amazing. Probably wires houses.
That's amazing. That's really fucking cool.
Also to not have the shame and be like, fuck it.
This is where I'm at.
I'm bringing my kids to fucking college.
Of course, I'm swallowing this embarrassment in the in the short term
to fucking better my my family's life.
That's amazing.
Also said, also, you guys being a hit is pretty cool.
Like, oh, that's Janine.
She's got the ears of like in the little ones.
Kids are coming today. That's a good time.
And that's a good experience.
The fact that he appreciates and remembers the
cafeteria. I love that. You know, obviously, I love that.
Sure. Anytime my dad took us to a cafeteria or something like
that, and we always loved it. He used to take us on the on the
naval bases to the cafeterias. My friend, I fell in love with
the sausage patty. They were big on the sausage patties,
wherever it was.
That's great.
Trashy as shit though.
Sure.
Your love for them patty didn't come in
from like McDonald's or something?
No, never really registered.
And I don't even know if we were,
we didn't do McDonald's breakfast that much like that.
Making up for lost time, huh big guy?
Yeah, and if I did it would be,
it would be,
it would probably, I wouldn't be getting sausage I don't think I don't know why I don't
know what is a big breakfast I don't really fall in love with the sausage egg
and cheese yeah I would do the big breakfast as a kid
scram bees the muffin the hash brown yeah I don't really remember it was like
the two egg special I don't remember the bacon either though to be honest with
you because we wouldn't got bacon remember the hotcakes the butter the butter and that little thing. Okay, all right before we lose you
Let's check back in okay
Is once for my fumaar is foobar ten dollar mountain man never had one read how long of a drive?
Does it need to be until it's okay to fully be on forward and backward change another driver's seat settings.
Say that again. How long does a drive have to be until it's okay to change the seat settings?
You know, like fully make the seat and steering wheel and mirrors your own. Oh, every time you
get into the car. I disagree on that. You're nuts. Wait, who Wait, you're driving who's somebody else's car?
You don't get in and make that your car.
Yes you do.
You're running to Wawa, you do that?
Running to Wawa.
So you're saying what is the drive?
That's the question.
What is, minus a little forward and backward so your knees and legs fit.
I think the mirrors, that's a safety thing.
You gotta do that immediately.
That's bitching. You get in and get situated. I can change in the mirrors, dude
Yeah, you do the mirrors and you make sure you can see to keep you're not getting them
Well, if you're on a fucking two-lane street, you don't need to change the mirror. You can you can duck and say
I don't know. I'm big on getting in a car and getting getting
My son such a bad driver. I gotta be situated.
I get that.
I would give you more benefit of the doubt of being I don't situate.
That's why I'm a bad driver.
You don't like that do you?
I don't think I'm that bad of a driver.
I mean that's insane.
I don't fucking speed pass tractor trailers like you do.
I'll give you that.
I don't drive like I just robbed the first City National
All right, I drive
Defensively and
And for certainly no you do not drive a certain yes, I do it's so weird cuz sometimes you will say yeah
I'm a bad driver
Not today
Other times you really take it personal. I mean I think breaking green lights
I think as somebody might t-bone you come on the other way someone might rear end you cuz they're not expecting to slam on the brakes at
a green light
Maybe that maybe it's for sure okay, whatever
I think like Satan a designated driver situation like say we go out okay
I didn't drink you got all fucked up. What world is that? I was just killing on the dance floor
Alright could have went home with somebody but I think I gotta take your drunk ass home
I'm getting in the car and getting you know so everybody's at night time or probably we're probably at a cool club midtown
I gotta go all the way back uptown right. I don't mean that's a third. That's a 20-minute drive
Yeah, I'll give you that plus there's drunk drivers drivers out, it's nighttime. You wanna be careful.
Yeah. Yeah.
But I do see your point.
If you're just running down, if you're-
I mean, what's next?
You redo the radio stations?
This is fucking blasphemy, dude.
It's all Christian rock.
Take it to get the car painted?
What are we doing here?
We're redoing the radio stations, this is wild.
Never.
Listen, I think you'll forward-backward to make sure you're fucking your legs fit and you're okay
The steering wheel changes fucking been a to change that my wife does that shit cuz then it's like it's so tough to get right back
Oh, it's brutal cuz it's not like a it's there's not levels. It's just your free ball in it
Yeah, and then it never feels the same until you get back used to it
Again, yeah, I'm big on that. I gotta get with the wheel nice though. I always kind of wish that that you're a bigger guy
Oh, yeah, it's a different situation for me. I got a rearrange. You got a seat in the back seat
Hey, we're gonna have to remove the neck on this thing
like a movie
There are those in movies and ever keep those in
what they really always take the headrest away
well for trivia for you hey Cisco zip it okay yeah that's right I always wish
there was you know how like well when you well a lot of them just have the
memory buttons they don't really work that well I go to jail jail for 15 years. I get out boom my seats right back
I think that's a side. What he gets his dad the Cadillac. It's got the memory
That's good go to jail for 10 years. I kill me at that you're gonna go to jail
You know like the crack about the pen did you I did not
Just shoot the movie so I can get it out on the street. Alright.
Uh listen I would say run into the store crazy. I would say anything over on a highway I'll give
you you can do a lot of changing because you got to be on your your noggin there. Or if it's like a
bit of a road trip where you're like we're gonna be in here for a minute
Of course if you're like driving somewhere. Yes, you have to I would say under and out under a half hours
I don't I'm not making any major change
Okay, just disagree on it. I guess yeah, I feel like every time you get in there
You should set everything up nice, so you're safe. It's somebody else's vehicle
You don't know what the insurance situation is.
You don't know what's in the fucking hubcaps.
You know what I mean?
Could be riding with a couple of keys in there.
OK, you don't want to get pulled over.
Sure.
Then you get pulled over somebody else's car.
Then you got to go, that's my buddy's car.
Sure it is.
Where's this?
And you reach for the glove compartment.
You know
Safety that happens all the time
Sure, I mean I've lost count if I had a nickel for every time that's happened
Safety first when it comes to vehicles they have auto they keep you in the passenger seat. Did you think it?
I'm a good radio man. No, you're not you we just said you played the same song for an hour and a half straight without
Knowing that was an accident
Okay, but still that was that doesn't happen to go to the radio. That doesn't happen to good radio men
dangerous clogging your ears
Sucks I got spots that I do yikes
Might go to the salon get up get a wash in a blowout
Where Petco?
Get my nails trim
like the lady
All right
Let's see this one's from JM
$10 home. You never have one right are you garbage if you pre-gream?
This is a this is a this is a this is a good one
Are you garbage if you pregame a dry wedding?
It was one of my best friends and I'm in the wedding party.
He's one of my college roommates and I've carried him home more than once.
I can't let his new lady and her family prevent me from drinking, right?
Yeah, what a dry wedding is fucked up.
I don't know what the rules. I guess it would depend on why it's right you think it's religious
If one religion, I mean unless it's like Muslim maybe Muslim. I don't think any like I mean Catholics drink Catholic Christians drink
The Jews drink sure it's got to be like Martin Muslim
It's like I don't know. Yeah, Muslims are dry.
Yeah, dry, huh?
Hindu. OK, OK.
You make up with the food, though.
Clean up. Sure.
But just go heavy on the samosas.
Huh? Hmm.
I would if that's the case, I guess she's probably to like,
let's just say it is religious.
She's knowingly her family's are extended family's gonna be there
Yeah, she's probably saying tell your idiot fucking friends not to drink
Well, no, it's just a dry wedding. So they assume
Yeah, but I'm sure there's if this kids carrying this other kid home. Has this already happened? I don't know
I thought he said in the thing. I would say don't do it if it's ahead of you
You don't want to be fucked up and they they sniff you out
I would say but it's also like you don't want her dad fucking screaming at you. I would say do it like
How are you gonna drink during the wedding?
Pop in the bag. How do you coke in a wedding?
Have someone else drive your car
Yeah, I mean you pop into the bathroom and I'm going outside to smoke a cigarette you smoke heaters is still America sure
You know what I mean all right there fucking you got a little you dump something in the you know
Don't get fucked up, and if it's religious you don't you don't want anybody
I want to get drug out, but like you can get fucked up and if it's religious, you know, you don't want anybody don't get drugged out But like you can get fucked up and have a good time
You know what I mean?
But I don't know
I don't I've also never been the drunk like I don't know how that looks one drunk guy in a room full of sober people
It's bad. It's bad. It's like you gotta be seen the drug
You've seen the drunk guy at a wedding around other drunk people. That's what I'm saying.
How bad do you think, how obvious? Everyone's drinking coffee?
I don't think you're gonna go that far to be like the guy getting, you know, doing the worm or whatever in the barbie lot.
But like you're, you know, I'll let you loosen your shoulders a bit.
Okay.
That's what I would say.
Alright. And it's like hey listen
She don't you know?
She don't know she ain't got a hurt her of course
so like if you and like two other groomsmen or buddies or cousins are like y'all fucking we're
We're taking nips off the flask then you know it's where the bag comes fucking it is what it is a little bit
Yeah, just take some edibles or something kid knows what I'm talking. That's what you get into
Yeah, taking Eddie It's a wedding something. Kid knows what I'm talking about. That's what you get into. Yeah, take an Eddie.
It's a wedding.
You got to get fucked up.
You're so remarried.
What?
And you really crush the food.
Yeah, I would have a problem not drinking at the wedding.
Yeah.
That'd be tough.
I'd be like, hey man, that's great.
I'm not going then.
I don't need to sell.
And those Indian weddings, I don't know know you've been to one they're about three
days long you're telling me I got I got a party Friday Saturday and Sunday and I
can't wet my beakers but goddamn weekend I can go back to the office on Monday
it sucks everybody's working for the weekend man going back sober with
wicked heartburn I shit my brains out. Fucking chicken tikka marsala runs right through ya.
Ooh man, I'd go for a little bit of that right now.
Ooh, a little naan bread, how you doin'?
Uh, let's see, this one's from Ozempic Gold Medalist.
I was explaining RU garbage to my older friend
who's in his 50s, and he had a really good one.
Okay.
He said back in the 70s when his dad was at work,
when he was a kid, his dad would call home
and talk to the family on his lunch break using a payphone.
But his dad gave him the number to the payphone at work.
His dad would use his quarter to make the call
and would let it ring twice
and the family knew not to answer it.
His dad would hang up and press the button
to get his quarterback, which I don't remember,
and I guess they did if they didn't pick up,
you got your quarterback.
And then the family knew to call that pay phone back,
and his dad'd be waiting there, and that's how he talked
to his family for free at work.
That's great.
That's a good one.
It was also a technique that the mafia used for years as well.
What about the papers?
The papers.
Yeah, we did the same, we did a similar thing.
We would call collect call collect
Hi, mom, it's Kevin. She would say no and then no that was to leave the house to come pick me up
I'm picking after my detentions. Yeah
It was also locks. It was also clocks. You remember 1-800 collect remember that? Yeah, so I'm saying you call collect
Yeah, didn't spade do those commercials for 1-800 collect. I feel like he did at that point
There was so many there was was like 10-10 to 20, 10-10.
It started out 10-3 to 1, 10-2-20, 10-10 to 20.
They all switched to.
1-800-Collect was like the original.
I think the old guy was in the commercials.
1-800-CallATD, Spade did it.
Spade did it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Damn.
Talk about old school.
Guys had to prime a collect calls, too.
Probably a nice check for those.
Yeah, that's a good thing. that's a good one. We would do
the call collect and hey, you know,
or call and ask for yourself. We did something like that. When we
would come down the blue bell to see our cousins, and then drive
back to Wilkes-Barre, we would call and ask for ourselves.
Call collect and ask for ourselves. So they knew that we got there.
So maybe it was my mom called collect, said, I'm calling for Patty.
They knew to not accept the charges and whatever.
And then Patty was home.
They knew we were home.
Gotcha.
Yeah.
I believe that's what the, what the hustle was.
That was nuts.
So I just like, I got, I'm out.
What a service.
I'm out.
I don't have any money I got a call
There's a number that you called then dialed a number and said it's like you're in prison. Do you accept a call from you know?
Eastern State Penitentiary. Hey, it's kippy sure. Yeah crazy. What a crazy system. That was not that long ago call collect
Yeah, it's actually nice.
Get you out of a jam.
Sure, of course.
I mean, that fucking three dollars and 50 cents a minute.
Think that's what it was.
Oh, yeah. What were the rates of calling collect for sure?
Yeah, that's why nobody.
I mean, if it was if it was 25 cents, you would just take the call.
And yeah, you know what I mean?
I remember I think I remember it being when I was when I was in junior high
and we would call from the pay phone after detentions or clinic if you were doing bad yet a stay after and go to clinic
I think I remember being 350 so this would be like the year 2000. What was what's the difference in clinic and
detention
Clinic was like academic like you got it like you're doing bad
You got to stay after and I'll walk work through this with you or like if I had like five missed homeworks
They'd be like stay after and do all your homework in clinic
Google saying 25 cents for the first three minutes and then 10 cents after each minute in
2000 yeah, I don't feel like that's right. I remember mine being for whatever reason three
Maybe that's what I switched over. Maybe they banged the out in the 90s
Maybe but I mean my this would have been that's where the turning point would have been
This would have been like 99 or whatever
Sweet system yeah, I liked I respect that's a great question. I respect it not bad
Everybody did that shit back then sure in this in the also in scheming this was from Justin brand new $10
Garbaggio member are you garbage if your family members used to slide neck away for candies?
Into toll baskets to pay tolls on the family trips what they registered as quarters
But you had to slide them into the basket carefully because if they broke it wouldn't register
Once you slid them in and the gate went up rumor had it they would jam the coin machine and the next person would get
Stuck and need the attendant Ouch. That's I mean but that's then you gotta have
neck a wafer or you know. What's a pack of M cost? 50
cents? Nah. They get the little bag. You just make sure they're
in the car. Each one of you. You're spending probably
probably a 25 cents for the little guy or the big guy is a
dollar. That's trash. Get you like a year's worth of toll.
That's trash. I love it. Neck is a dollar. That's trash get you like a year's worth a toll. That's trash
I love it neck away for that
You know I do
Lish I yeah that brown one the licorice one or whatever that liquor sucked. Yeah chocolate one was good
I know but you'd be in the mix and you get the fucking it's like doing a shot of Sambuca at six years old
It would taint the rest of them after that.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. There was no going back.
You remember those? Yeah. No shit. Yeah.
Bang with them. Huh?
Uh, this one's from Mitchell. Ten dollar.
I'm recyclable here. Never had one red.
Are you garbage if you don't smoke, but you keep a pack of heaters in your truck
just so you can toss a couple out the window every time you pass the boys
in orange
When they throw up the two fingers asking for a Bernie
Helping take the edge off one fell under the time. Love y'all from South, Georgia
Whoa sees the chain-ganger the people picking up fucking trash
And I guess that's what they do. They're going throw us heaters. I never knew that I mean we don't see them
Whoa, that's a good dude right and then he's just got like a fucking pack of marlites throws three out the window
That's a fucking that's a good dude right. Thank you for your service type. That's a damn gentleman. That's a fucking
Helping take the edge off one felon at a time
I thought he was gonna say what they say Sebastian did was keep a pack in the car for
for the broads for ladies. For felons. That's pretty good. I respect that. Yeah, I make their
day that probably that probably makes them weak. A heater on a chain gang? What are you kidding me?
Greatest thing ever. Uh-huh. Man, a heater on a chain gang. I've needed some nice heater never on a chain gang Jesus that
ladle of water the bug man still good dude damn that's really good everything
that one time that's a gentleman's move right on 95 there's a Department of
Corrections van there's like imagine like a fucking Imagine like a UPS van like a UPS box draw with the back door up
We're flying down. I mean we're on we're on Philadelphia 95 like we're doing 70 easily and
there's like I
Don't know eight
Prisoners in the back of it not chained up they're just sitting in there
and the doors open the one guy yeah don't do what there's two guys you know
it was like out of a movie in orange jumpsuit the one guy's got the orange
jumpsuit down to his like his waist the other guys in it and he's sitting on the
back like with his feet dangling off and I mean we are cooking dude and I remember being looking around me and the dudes are right in front of me I got
on right behind them they're like looking at me and I'm like what dude I'm
trying to get other people's attention like these guys clearly you're escaping
this is like fucking and I was expecting to then I pull up and I was expecting to
see it another guy in an orange jumpsuit driving to be like they fucking he's like I'll fucking kill him
hahahaha
all over
he got a sickle on fucking winging sigs out
alright we gotta wrap it up though gang
wait so who's driving it?
I thought it was the officers or whatever
I guess they were on good
behaviors so
these guys were hanging the fuck out
dude it was they were hanging the fuck out
It was they were hanging out like dazed and confused
It was legit it looks like they're out of like a 50-cent rabbit it looked like they were on a movie set That's what it looked like it was
Shit myself thinking they were right my license plate
Come and get me on the outside your fat ass I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like,