Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Kyle Kinane Returns!

Episode Date: May 18, 2023

Kippy and Foley are joined by the hilarious Kyle Kinane! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NEW MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Helix Sleep: https://www.helixsleep.com/Garbage Blue Chew: https://www.get.bluechew.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Game, you got a live show bomb show to drop on you right now. Just added a second show at the Vogel Theater, August 11th, over here in Red Bank, New Jersey. Grab some tics and come see the boys. Yeah, shout out to the Army Garbage. We sold it out in four days. So we added a second show. Get those tickets before they're gone,

because they're going to go. We love you. It's also May 24th, we'll be in Louisville, Kentucky. There you go. Then June 14th, 15th, we're going to be in Cleveland, Ohio and Columbus, Ohio. Then again, back to Red Bank, New Jersey. Get those tickets.

We love you. Be adding dates. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's new favorite podcast.

This is Are You Garbage? Oh, yeah. It's our little show. We sit there with your favorite comedians, and we find that they're good to be classy. Just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties in the new edition, baby.

She's out doing a little fishing over there at the VFW. Trolling. Looking for some night crawlers if you know what I'm talking about. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He is an international businessman, and he's my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ.

Kevin James, Ryan, everybody. What up, gang? Thanks for tuning in, as always. Please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube as you know those numbers are. Truder out. Cookin'.

Then obviously I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. Slash Are You Garbage, you check it out. It's a party over there, gang. Yeah, it's a good time. Have a nice quick shout out to our producer, extraordinaire. The Magic Man makes us all look good.

Works the ones, the twos, the threes, and the fours. He crosses the T's, and he dots the I's, and now you can get a little sneak peek at him on that Toby cam. Give it up for T-Bone Mcscruffins. Toby Mcmullin, everybody. What up, dude? What up, bro? Hey, pal.

Hey, we got Uncle Barbecue in the addition, bro. Talk about a guy who knows his way around a Portillo's hot dog. Fucking real one in the building, baby. Let's go. Gang, the long hair ain't lying. We could not be more excited to have our Incredibly, and I mean Incredibly special guest back with us again today. It's been a minute.

We are so excited. He's on tour right now. Absolutely fantastic stand-up comedian, has a brand new special out right now. Shocks and struts. Do yourself a favor, check it out, and give it up for Mr. Kyle Kinney. What's up, buddy?

Hi, boys. Looking sharp, man. I like the chain. I like the jacket. This is me trying to change pace. Really? It was a big event that I went with a jewelry. OK, that is a big step, but it looks great.

I would have never pegged it as a new look. It seems normal to you. It's like to be middle-aged and start doing accessories. I did, I got shiny watch. There you go. This guy's a full boy. You got a bank account, too? What's going on?

Yeah, I got a couple bucks. Let's see that watch. What are you rocking with over there? It's a Seiko. Ooh, that's nice, though, man. It's not like it looks shiny, but it's not, you know. That's what it's all about. This thing hasn't worked in four years.

Oh, no, it's like a top-level Camry, you know. Fully loaded. Yeah, yeah. Heated seats. Seated seats, Camry. I'm not a jerk off, all right? Got the moon roof and the spoiler. I'm not dickhead with an Avalon.

Get an Avalon. Buddy, congrats on the new special, man. I just peaked those numbers. That thing is cooking over there. It's going, it's getting around, you know. That's pretty shabby. What is the, we're going to do, just do a little retouch on you because it's been a minute.

What's the van situation? The van situation is the van, a lot of us. You've been living in a van. No, I wasn't living in the van. I got a PO box. I'm doing better than that. Access to indoor plumbing. OK, OK.

No, well, because I bought it at the beginning of pandemic because I didn't know, like, you know what's going to happen. Sure. Remember those few, like, we might never. Wonky times. There might not be airplanes anymore. Could be it. I might have to just go, you know, just drive town to town

and set up and pedal my wares like a, like an old, like a. Step right up, folks. Yeah, like a knife sharpener just going down. You're doing demos out in the parking lot. Ice cream truck speaker on the top. Where are you from, miss? What do you do? Guys ever get hemorrhoids?

That's a crazy thing, huh? No context. I should at least write comedy on the side of it. So yeah, but now I just take it out. It's like more of an RV. I get out there and I still. Nice. Is it nice?

Is it done nice? A guy built it. OK. And it was the one van he built. OK. You can tell. And he did a good job for himself. And then.

It's a prototype. Yeah, he built it to his specifications. He's a single man and then he met a woman and she's like, I'm not going to live in a van with you. And then he sold it to me. My girlfriend's like, I'm not going to hang out in his van with you. But.

Picking up on a trend here. She just don't like vans. I did. Well, I got my appendix out and I did get to keep that little Jariapian. So that's coming handy in the van. There you go. It's angled.

Yeah. How was the appendix? Did it start bothering you? It started hurting you or did you catch it before that? Oh, that was weird. I had no symptoms. I was just all of a sudden like, oh, I feel like. You know, like the different like, oh, the inside pains

of like. Sure. Elbow, oh, I hit my elbow. My elbow hurts. But inside here, you're like, all right, man. Weed and Sprite. See if that fixes. See.

Do THC and 7-Op and see if that doesn't do it. Fuck, we're going to have to get into the deductibles. If the Sierra Mist don't hear it. I don't know what to tell you. You flew here, though, I would assume, right? Yeah, yeah. I'm part of the modern world. I have a.

They didn't take the Oregon Trail. It's thumbed my way across the country. So where are you based out of now? Where are you posted up? I'm in Oregon. Oregon. Said you were out there in the Burbs. Nice Burbs.

Just outside of Portland, Oregon. And you said you were feeling it out there a little bit. I like it, man. I'm from the Burbs. How are we talking? It's like the first. It's a town called Beaverton. It's basically the Brooklyn of Portland.

Now, it's funny, I'm like a third of a mile away from the Nike campus. Oh, I know where that. I went out there. OK. And it's real fun to see those dudes that work at Nike but aren't athletes. Like, they're just in accounting.

Sure. But they get the freshest Nike gear. Yeah, they look like Tiger Woods out there. Yeah, but there's an Indian buffet right across the street. And I see lunch breaks. These guys just can't wait to just light up a smoke in like the nicest track suits. Can't wait to pound five pounds of Tika Masala right now.

Just do it, baby. Oh, my god, I dig you guys. What grocery store are you going to out there? What grocery store? Yeah, what are you hitting up? OK, all right. Here's my options, right? Lay it on us.

Lay it on us. It's got out there. Right. They got a, it's not, it's called, shit, what's it called? It's not Whole Foods. It's like a fancy one. Ooh. Not Trader Joe's.

No, it's not Trader Joe's. Is it the one they have in LA? Air one? No, god damn. Why can't I remember the name of this place? That's right there. Oh, it's Wegmans. No, but it's nice.

And it's super expensive. And we went through the first couple of times, like we just moved here. Let's Cook at Home. Yeah. And then right next to it is an employee-owned place called Winco that's also open 24 hours, which is my favorite thing about a grocery store.

It's my kind of speed right there. And you're just like, you can't, it's like cash or debit. Like they don't even take credit cards. I'm like, holy shit. This is my spot. Like, OK, I dipped into the fancy stuff. And now I'm over at Winco, and I'm down with it. There's something about a grocery store

in the middle of the night when it's just nice and clean and quiet in there, and you're just scrolling through the aisles, right? Like, when you get them, when they've faced up everything, like everything's where it's supposed to be. Yeah, yeah. I used to do that. I used to work at a Kmart, and we'd face everything up.

And then that's the like, it's peaceful. Everything, you could tell the employees are proud of it, too. Like, in six hours, this is going to be a nightmare. Go check out cereal while you still can. The soup aisle is going to look like me lie. So get in there now. It's color coordinated. It's also at that point when it's clean, and it's empty,

and it's whatever, it's midnight. Anything's possible. You're like, I can make a lasagna right now. You're just walking through like, I can do anything. Yeah, there's no like, gopher holes dug into the bin candy for the children. Just reach in there. Some nine-year-old in the bottom of it.

You all right, man? So high. I went and I got so high. So I'm vegetarian, but I was getting cat food. Cat's not vegetarian, so I was living out my fantasies. We're like, ooh, ham and gravy. I've never had gravy on a ham before. Cat's getting it right now.

So high, I'm like, all right, now I'm going to get candy, but I can't get the lower bin candy, because that's when the kids dig around. I got to get it. And then I was just still eating it with my hands. And then I got microwave popcorn for myself. When I got home, I forgot I don't, I haven't had a microwave in three years.

Man, that's really high. You forgot what kind of kitchen you had. I got so excited about buying popcorn in a while. I got so excited about it. You put it in a toaster oven? Yeah. New Seasons. New Seasons is the name of the fancy one.

OK. New Seasons. New Seasons. That sounds nice. It sounds like a good rehab facility. Down here at New Seasons, anything's possible. Dry it out at New Seasons. Six weeks, your parents come out at the end of it.

Insurance covers it. That's all right. Are you cooking a lot at the house? Am I cooking a lot? No, but one of my trips to Winko, I found this weird little niche where it was like hot dogs and cans and stuff, like veggie. There was like this hidden three can-wide section

of vegetarian meat substitutes that I wasn't even looking for. And I caught it out of the corner of my eye. I think they put it in the ethnic food aisle, because we don't know. We don't know where this should land, but yeah. Where a can, it doesn't need its own aisle. We don't know where a can of hot dogs should be. And the girlfriend.

It's not quite Indian, not quite Spanish. We're not really sure. Yeah, just sausages and water. OK, well, give it a shot. And so the girlfriend was out of town. I'm like, I'm making all this stuff, this meat and a can. And she almost cut her trip short to come home. She's like, this is like, I'd rather see you doing drugs.

I'd rather see you. Just get a bag, man. I'd rather see you do a coke by yourself. It's funny. But so no, that's like the extent to my. I cooked, oh, I did a piece of fish the other day. I eat fish sometimes. OK.

I cooked a piece of fish, and I was like real proud of myself. What kind of cut we talking? What kind of fish? It was a gift from my father-in-law, because he was like, well, I don't know what to get you, because you're not like a dude, dude. And you don't eat meat. There's nice fish.

Yeah, OK. So it's like a red snapper or something. Yeah, yeah, that's all right. That's pretty hoity-toity, that canine. Yeah, I watched a YouTube recipe. There you go. You know, when they touch it real gentle with oil. Yeah, it's real adult right there.

I did that, was seasoning, and cooked it, and then the house smelled like fish for five days. I'm like, I don't know if this was worth it. I don't know if this was worth what I did. How big is that big piece of property you have out there? You got a good yard? I don't know. It's a house that belongs to my girlfriend and her brothers,

because it was like in her family. So that's how we wound up there. OK. And so we're just renting it. You guys don't own it. I'm renting it. She's like, her and her brothers are trying to pay it off, so they can have it at this like a little rental property.

Gotcha, OK. But yeah, we got a nice yard. Well, that's what I was telling you to start. We got a fire pit. Fire pit's not, like it's not dug in. It's just like a big pan. Is it like one of the ones you bought? You can move it around.

You bought, yeah. No, I can't with that. He was telling me. I can't mean it, but it's like you buy them, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you can buy it at like a keyboard. Yeah, I'm not just lighting a fire on the ground. Which I wouldn't be.

You throw a couple of rocks around there. That's the same thing. That's a classier fire pit. Sure. This is just a big aluminum dish. Yeah. He was telling me outside. He's like, they moved in right after all the fires and shit out there, the first thing they did was start a fire.

And the neighbors came over like, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah, we've been breathing smoke for six weeks. You come over here and you're burning trash your first night? Yeah, I'm here. Burning the sofa you don't need? Pouring beers out like we're so sorry. We weren't in town for it. We weren't thinking I'm sorry.

Ah. That's fucking awesome. Who's taking care of the property? You got to cut the grass yourself or you got somebody that does it. Her brother lives in the house, they had a guy. I'm not cutting grass. You inherited the guy. I'm not cutting grass.

I'm a job creator. There you go. You're giving back to the economy, baby. Let this guy handle it. He just does great. Undo the misses. She likes the flowers and everything. So she's out there doing that.

He takes care of that. I'm still from a rent. I'm like rent for work. Sure. He's like, I'm not doing shit. I'm not doing shit. I paid my rent. Yeah.

Babe, this is broken. You're the landlord. Better call your brother to get on this. You stop paying rent for a couple of weeks. Clog the shitter again. Get on it. Is there a garage at this house? Oh, there's a garage, baby.

What's going on in the garage? I'll tell you what. You parking cars in there? You hanging out in there? You drinking beers in there? I'm not getting a car in the garage. Really? I bought a pull-up bar that has been used to drive

various clothings and rugs that the cat threw up on. All right. I don't even do pull-ups anymore. I dangle off of it and I consider that stretching. There you go. Stretching out the vertebrae. I've also been that lazy. You ever just hang out there and twirl a little bit?

This is better than nothing. You know what I mean? Stretching out the joints. I got about six bicycles in there. OK. Two BMX bikes. Nice. What kind of brands we talk about BMX bikes?

I just bought one. I bought one as an adult. What is it? I bought a Fit. Fit subsidiary of S&M bikes. I know S&M. I had my dad send me my S&M that I bought in high school.

I believe it was a S&M of Philadelphia company, maybe? I feel like it was. S&M was SoCal. OK. I'm wrong. That's all right. But I was refurbishing that one as a retro BMX bike that I kind of gave up on.

And then I bought the new one just because I'm like, oh, I'm just going to go ride a BMX bike at the tracks. I go as a grown man with no children. You go to the track. To a BMX pump track. And I have to forcefully stay away from children because I don't want to look creepy. But now it looks like there's a lot.

Like I have a stipulation. We better watch that kid. You're just riding in a circle on the outskirts of the park. I just make sure I got a measuring tape on me. Like 50 yards, kids. Please. Can you hit the rhythms? You're pumping.

You're pumping. I'm bad at it. Really? Yeah. But you can jump. You can get a little air. You know what I could do is I can have a good time. That's all that matters at the end of the day.

I can have a fun time. That's all that matters. Are you getting all old man padded up? You rocking elbow pads? Hold on to mountain bikes. I got all the pads. Mountain bikes. Helmet.

All that shit. Oh, yeah, dude. I'm not fucking around with that. Sure. I'm not. I can't remember shit as it is for stand-up. Take risk of head injury. You could be a pro athlete with CT.

Yeah, you can't be a comment. Catch the ball. Throw the ball. Don't talk to the press. You know, like, you can do that. I got to rely on this thing working at at least 60%. Yeah. At 2 AM with 10 beers in it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm already pushing it. OK. I got a lot of remote-controlled cars. Really? I got a whole bunch of shit. Holy shit. You're kidding me.

What the fuck? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got RC cars? Oh, yeah, I got about four or five of those. That's the only fun part. You crash them, they break, you get to fix them, you feel like a mechanic. Are they gas or are they electric?

He is next level trash. I put out. Why you boys come on into the shop? Let me put on my dickies jacket that I'm wearing right now, because I got to go work on some stuff. Stepping into a body shop, will you? Are they gas powered or are they electric? No, I got electric.

We got electric. So you got the controls zipping around? Do you have a track in the backyard that you made? I didn't do the track, but I got some rock crawlers. So I just drive over some old firewood out there sometimes. Drive the next door. Drive the dog next door, nuts. Dude, talk about suspect.

You got BMX bikes in the front yard, and you're back there with no children anywhere. Rock crawler sounds like bait. Kids at school, huh? Nope. What are you talking about? Me in the middle of the day. I'm just hanging out doing jumps.

No, my boy died. I'm trying to fulfill his dreams. This is what he would have wanted. God damn, Kenane. Man, that's fucking awesome, dude. I'm working with his RZ cars. That's something. And then I get my, because we're in a house,

I got my own room, I got a bunch of guitars that I suck at. I suck at everything. Like, I'm bad, but I have multiple. I'm guilty of the guy like, well, if you buy a new one, you'll be forced to get better. Sure. Any of those guitars hanging on the wall, you have them just in stands.

I got one of them cool boxes things. Like the racks, yeah. Whoa, really? Like Coldplay. Fucking sweet. Like Coldplay. Ken, you need to change. You know what?

You need to change guitars for the next song. Yeah, let's hear what Highway to Hell sounds like if you only had two fingers. And let's change guitars nine times during this rendition. That's fucking funny. Oh, god. OK, how many suits do you own? And do you know how to tie a tie?

I actually have four or five suits. Oh, really? Because when I was living in LA, we became members of the Magic Castle. Ah, right. So for the longest time, you have one suit in case somebody dies or gets married. Sure.

But then when I start, yeah, court, you don't want to look too pretend. You don't want to look like you don't feel. You don't want to come in all hoity-toity. A shirt and a tie for court. Or an old 90s suit. Like you're in there in a Steve Harvey. Like my cousin, Vinny, or something.

Like should nights coming after me? That's a good sign. But now that we sell, my girlfriend got into magic a whole lot. And so we started going to the Magic Castle in LA, which is like a country club for a magician. And you had to dress up. I'm like, this is the reason to get suits.

Because now I can get a fun suit, not a suit that's just for like, let me get like a nice like a blue with a Hawaiian shirt under it kind of front suit. So I bought formal wear to go watch magic. That's fucking funny, man. The reason he buys suits is to go see close up magic. Yeah, I want to feel nice. That's crazy.

I get liquored up. That's a good time. If I'm going to get tricked, I'm going to look sharp. I'm not going to look like an idiot. And then a Mrs. was taking magic classes. And so she was coming home, but she was taking them there. And she'd have a few drinks and come home with like a new magic trick.

And she'd like do it on me. But she was like, was like be drunk with a little attitude. And it was real hot. Because is this your car? She's like, you fucking bet it's your car. Look at it. Like throwing it at me. I'm like, this is what I'm into right now.

Yell at me, Chris Angel. Sexy magician. So yeah, I know how to tie a tie and wear a suit. But that's so I can enjoy magic. Man, the score is fucking racking up. Yeah. I don't know if there's caveats because like, oh, too many suits, not garbage.

Is it to see illusions? You bet it is. Yes. Yeah. That's fine. OK, but let's talk about Helix. Helix, baby. Let's talk about the best night's sleep

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They sent me and my wife. We took the two-minute sleep quiz. Being by the boom, they sent us the Twilight model. I love it. She loves it. I masturbated earlier today. I love it, too. What are you talking about?

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information. We thank Bluetooth for sponsoring this podcast. And I'll back to the show. Back to the show. Do you keep any pots and pans on the stove, like when they're not in use, like as like showpieces? Or does everything go in the cabinet? Everything goes.

Well, her brother lived in the house before us, and he had one of those hanging things. OK, so it's just for storage, for spatial savings? Yeah, that's pretty classy. That's pretty classy. I know. What's the key situation of Kyle Kinney? How many keys do you have?

They're on a carabiner. You look like a carabiner kind of guy. I got three carabiners. I got van keys. And also because like, I think it's like a smidge of OCD. So I've got to have a house key on each thing. Really? So I got a set of bike keys with various bike locks.

Sure. I got a set for the van and various locks within the van for there's a bike racks in the van with locks and also gun safe. What do you have on your right now? Like, is it just none? Because I'm just, you know, I got a hotel key. All right, that's perfect.

And then put that on a carabiner. Yeah, that's not bad. But yeah, so I got. You said gun safe. What kind of nickel you got? Got some nickel out there? Yeah, I got a couple pieces. What do you got?

I don't know anything about guns, but I'm intrigued by them. Neither do I, but I just bought them. I got a bazooka. Sometimes you just want to flex those constitutional rights, you know, I mean, you're out there in the woods, theoretically. Yeah, yeah, that's where I go to shoot. Yeah, I got a nine millimeter and a 40 cow.

OK, 40 cow. 40 cow. That sounds heavy bike. It's that's a big boy. No, it's it's got a little funk. Is it for yeah, nine? Yeah, four. Yeah, 40.

Is anything on the ready at the house in case somebody would come snooping around? Or do you got to get the you got to go to the garage, get the carabiner, get the fucking gun key and go into the safe and get it? No, they sleep with like a bat or anything. No, OK. Any home protection.

There's I'm like, it's how much do I want to really in the van? I have a machete and a hatchet. OK. Well, because when I was like, I was like, when I was killing people, I needed it. I was there's. When I was a serial killer, I needed something quick. A machete.

Well, like I'd parked the van. I was out for seven weeks that first summer. And I was like, I didn't I didn't know. Were you parking in like where were you parked? Like Walmarts and a lot of people Walmarts were safe. Yeah, Walmarts. Now that everybody lives in their van and it's not just like, let's welcome these retirees that

will be cross country. They're like, oh, hold on. Now people now this has its own zip code. Yeah. Yeah. And so those were safer. But there was I remember going through Austin. I parked in front.

Like, OK, I'm going to hang out at the creek in the cave. I'll drink. I just go to sleep out here. Right by the creek in the cave. I'm like, there's a dicey over there. And I was just laying in the van like, it's just a matter of time before this window gets smashed in. And so I'm sure, you know, mental health crisis comes in.

And I'm going to like, I don't know if I could do it. I've never been in a fight. Don't make me do this, man. I love these are never been a fight. I got a 40 cal of sniper rifle, three machetes, a hatchet. That's what you do and you don't know how to fight. That's exactly what you do. You buy a bunch of shit to make you feel safe

because you can't do it on your own. It's very true. That is a very good point. I've just got a laser painter. I've got a coward's armament. Oh, shit, dude. I mean, you are something else. Man.

When's the last time you got a massage? You do massages at all? You treat yourself a little bit? Can I go? I don't know if this qualifies under the checklist. It's not going to be classy, whatever it is. I don't do massages, but I do get my ears waxed. OK.

OK. With the honeycomb thing? I like the outside. No, I go to a place and they put the hot wax and pull the ear out. Oh, with the ear hair, yeah. OK, yeah, that's cool. Because they were getting like, that's not a massage,

but all right. Well, that's I'm like, is it self-care? Does it fall under the hair? Yeah, that's grooming. It's like clearly like my neck, like this will loop together eventually and I'm fine. But for some reason, ear hair. Yeah.

Like, I have enough ear hair that it just rejects air pods. Oh, wow. Immediately. It's bouncing them out. It's like, nah. They don't connect because they don't feel the skin? No, and it's like the way it's waved. It's like white blonde hair, so they just look blurry.

Jesus. I started to have to get that done too. And for the first time, I went and got my nose hair done, which I was always warned about that it's getting affected. But dude, you're good for like six weeks. Cleans it all right out. My girlfriend and I, she had like the little wax kit at home years ago, like, oh, yeah, let's do the noses.

And it was wax. Like, we just put it on a Q-tip. Yeah, that's not something you do at home. And it just looks like an old dandelion when it comes out, because it's all the hair out. But then my mom had gotten us gift certificates for indoor skydiving. And so we went and did that right after we did the nose hair.

And you don't realize how much nose hair keeps things in. And so we're just indoor skydiving. We both said so much snot just flying up the sides of our faces. Like, you want to buy your photos? Like, I'll pay you to burn those. I'll pay you to never show those pictures to somebody again. Holy shit. But my massage, I don't know.

It's been a while. OK, massage. Any vacations recently? You and the you and the misses get away? You go anywhere? Where have we got? It's been. Yeah, we went out to we went to Hawaii back in.

Very nice. Where'd you go? What island? This last time was Kauai. OK, a bunch of times. Love it. Yeah, a bunch of times. The Hawaii love it.

My girl, my girl's from there. She's from Oahu. Oh, yeah. We go about once a year. Last four or five years. You go back to Oahu. You go to other spots. We go.

We always go back to Oahu because that's what that's where the family is. And we went to the big island this trip that we just went. And I got to tell you, I wasn't crazy about it. Really? I'm a Oahu guy. It's like a farm island. Yeah, I like I like the little mix of the city

and a little mix of the beach and all that stuff. Oh, man, we went to Kauai. Nice. It's beautiful over there. This might be trashy. We let a stray cat into the Airbnb for the week. We got it. There we are.

I think it had mange. Only you could make Hawaii trashy, can't you? I think it had mange on its face. We let some squatters in. It's their place now. And the last day we were there, it was in the house. And I think like a breeze or something locked it in the bathroom.

And it took the nastiest shit on the bathroom floor. And it's an Airbnb. So you got to clean everything. And we're leaving. And no one could even touch the bathroom. We're just like, ah, it's the worst smell of shit. Oh, there. That's fucking all right.

I don't know if we got the deposit. I would say no. What's your favorite flavor or Gatorade? Oh, favorite. I mean, I don't like because now there's like black ice. There's a bunch. Yeah. There's not black ice.

There's not? Yeah, that's an air freshener. That's an air freshener to use. Black ice. All right, that's what you want to call me on is that I didn't know that that wasn't. No, you're true. No, but that is.

Give yourself a couple of points for that. No, for sure. You fucking jerks. Fuck, I'm not going to be sitting here and judged on my guessing. This dipshit thinks black ice is a Gatorade flavor. There probably is one very close to that, Deppa. Something that sounds like a Wesley Snipes character

or something. I don't know, red. I got like, I go, I'm old school. Like it was bright green when it was red. Black ice is a Gatorade flavor. Oh, yeah, fuck that. Kiss my ass, then. Holy shit.

Kiss my ass, then. Give me extra points or take points off. Whatever your scoring is. I don't want to hear about the cat again. Like that cat never happened. Black ice was the name of the cat we led into the Airbnb. Your club, fierce black cherry ice. I'll give you that.

That's in there. That's fucking awesome. That's so funny. I was like, dude, that's too close. That probably could be one. Can't aim for the fucking wing right in our faces. He just took our 40-calibre point in the back and us. OK, any of your family members get married at the courthouse?

Family? No. OK. Friends? Yeah. Yeah. OK. Yeah.

My one buddy was a courthouse. It was a Zoom wedding that I forgot about too. I felt bad, so I'm my best friend from back home. And see you on the Zoom. I was there, man. So you got the sport coat on you wearing shorts underneath. I got those suits, you know. Let me ask you this.

How do you feel about the rotisserie chicken before when you were eating meat? Love it. Right. Love it. One of the best purchases you can make. 8.99 or whatever. That's all right.

Immediate food. Immediate good food. You could put it in tortillas. Put it in a pea to make a little sandwich out of it. Put it on a salad if you want to be healthy. Probably don't want to be ready to go. Love rotisserie chicken. OK.

I knew I liked you. When you say it's just you and your girl, if you would make spaghetti, all right, do you cook the whole box of pasta and use the whole jar of sauce? Yes. OK. Yeah.

Leading the witness, Your Honor. We do this every single time. You said him and his girl. That was never the argument. It was you. It was just you. If it was just you, yes. OK.

You'd still cook the whole and leave the leftovers in the fridge. Yes. Gentlemen. OK. I'll throw this tip on there, too. I used to cook the pasta, heat up the sauce, put the sauce on the cooked pasta.

This is what I learned from Mrs. You heat up the sauce, cook the pasta, put the pasta in the sauce that's hot, stir it around a little bit into it a little bit. That's real old. Is she Italian? No. That's real old school right there. She just knows stuff.

She's cultured. Yeah. Do you sleep with your socks on? No. What are you sleeping? Not much. Just maybe you're bare bones. A lot of free manscaped underpants.

Shout out to them, man. Have you gotten to that point yet, where you're just surrounded with swag? I have like, I still, I've been trying to work out, but I was getting into bed one night. I realized I'm wearing these manscape panties, and my dresser's got gout medicine on it. I'm like, I'm the least fuckable person that's ever lived.

Why are you here? I'm at that point, too. No offense to manscaped. I use the products on my. Shout out to them. They got the nose trimmer, too. I wouldn't do the wax. I'd use the nose trimmer for manscaping.

Shout out to the 2.0, man. The sleeping situation, you got a king-size bed, you got a queen-size bed. What are you using over there? We had to up it to a California king, because I snore so much. This was the largest size before we moved to sleeping in separate rooms.

OK. And I did a sleep study, and I don't have sleep apnea. And it was one of the most disappointing things. That's crazy. So I don't qualify for a CPAP through insurance. Do you breathe through your mouth or your nose? I have all of it. All of it.

Fuck, I can snore if I do crossword puzzles that I think too hard. If I'm like looking down at an angle, and they wouldn't give it to you, you weren't having sleep apnea. I went to the place with all the nodes and everything, and I woke up the next day, and the guy's like, yeah, you snore like a motherfucker, but it's not the numbers for them.

I'm like, well, fudge the numbers, man. Yeah, juice the books. I'm trying to stay with my special woman. I'm trying to get laid here, dude. I woke up after one of our vacations, where it was like two weeks of her not sleeping. I just woke up to her punching the headboard next to my face, like, can you fucking treat this anymore?

It's tough, man. What? What happened? I was sleeping great. Are you using anything for that? Because they have the mouthpieces and stuff like that. Yeah, I did that, and it felt like my teeth were going to fall out of my hand.

Yeah, I tried the mouthpiece, too. I did the slanted pillow, the mouthpiece, the strips. I got some spray. OK, so what I use is giving her earplugs. Yeah, my wife does the same thing. And the couch. You got the California king, which is pretty sweet. You fall asleep with the TV on, or you

turn the TV off, or you go to bed? No TV in the bedroom. No TV in the bedroom. So when you go to bed, you go to bed. No microwave. Yeah, we're just out there living, hunting our own food. No, I respect it.

That's good. I respect that, too. No, no TV in the bed, but I got to listen to podcasts about ghosts or something. Sure, fall asleep. You fall asleep with the ear buds in your ear? I got the special headband with the flat speakers. OK.

It rules. It's so good. Because then it's also like an eye mask. And it's flat, so you can lay on the side of your head. This guy's sleeping in the matrix. Dude, I had one in it. It was shitty, so I had to spend $100 on a good headband so I could sleep.

Picture you snoring. You got the man scaped on these. I am the least fuckable man pulling the ear buds. It's just like, oh, and then there was orbs they saw in the basement like what? That's all right. Bigfoot's real, it sure is. You're the living embodiment of you

don't quit skateboarding because you get old. You get old because you quit skateboarding, dude. I have preserved myself. He's the man, dude. My reflection's upsetting. Other than that, I'm killing it. Catch myself lacing up my vans and putting on some board shorts to go have a whirl on the BMX bike and then.

Gets up my cars. Neck up is a substitute teacher. I had to go back to work. When you do fly, will you put the seat back? Yeah, you will. Will you give a peek? Will you ask anything or you just drop him back? No.

Just going back. Taking the shoes off on the plane? No, but usually I'm wearing crocs anyway. OK. Crush out the crocs and socks. Crocs and socks on the plane. I'm not going to go barefoot. There's nothing more comfortable than a pair of crocs

with socks on. It's literally the ultimate. Can't bring myself to do it. They're great. Can't be that guy. Will you bring food on the plane with you? Will you bring like a sandwich or anything? No, I've locked down air travel to where I can like.

It's the closest to being a private jet is where if like I drive or anything, I get off. I could walk through. I got the timing down to walk through where I never even have to sit in the airport and walk right on the plane. OK. Really?

Usually no food. Usually I'm asleep. OK. I take red eyes and stuff. So I snored on the plane the whole way out here. Yeah. Shout out to it. I knew I was snoring too.

I'll get that almost lucid point where I'm like not all the way asleep, but I know I'm snoring. But I'm like, I'm pretty tired, so sorry, everybody. You wake up. You feel like you were just snoring. You can like physically feel like I was just sawing wood. So one good thing I'll say about the plane

is the noise, the natural like room tone on the plane. It covers it up a little bit. We'd like to think that, wouldn't we? Yeah. Yeah, we would. We sure would like to think that. You woke me up. I was snoring the last flight we were on.

Yeah, well, you also wake up panicking. Was I snoring? I'm like, dude, fucking take a Lexapro or something. Jesus Christ. It's the opposite of a tree falls on the floor. It's like, well, if I'm snoring, but I can't hear it because I'm the one snoring. Am I even snoring?

Am I even snoring? Did it even happen? Yes, you are. Have you ever bought any As Seen on TV products? I think the headphone things, the sleep mask. Yeah, I bought a few of those. I got the, not the slap chop, but the big, the one it was like, it was like a grid blade.

So you like slap, you'd smashed like chop, dice your vegetables. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you talking about? Yeah, I got a salad spinner. Shout out to the salad spinner. That had a run for a little while. Then it kind of fell off a little bit.

Salads didn't. Those things are great. That was fun to use. Yeah. I got, yeah, I'm on my second one. I had the, like the mower start one and the cord broke because I like the dry salad. I don't like any moisture on my leaves.

Well, I'm coming out crisp. And then I got, well, I fell for like some targeted ad on Instagram too, but it's a rope belt. It's just an old piece of climbing rope, but it's a belt. OK. It's just, it's a piece of rope. And it's looped on one end with a little grippy thing. Yeah, they got you.

And it's again, adding to that. That ad probably only went to you. They were like, let's get Kinane with the rope belt. They were yelling in the storage. You're like, we sold one. We got new colors, Kyle. How do you use them my first name? That is one of the ones where I'm like,

one, I showed it to my girlfriend just once. She's like, never let me see that. Really? No, whatever. Wear that when I'm alone. I don't wear it. You're a worker. Well, that goes back to the Crocs thing.

I don't know if I told the story last time about how we had to go to a beach wedding. And it was like, get casual. Lay it on us. Sure. They were like, oh, it's a beach wedding. So it's like casual, but you know, wedding. She was on a surfboard.

I found a thing called Flofers. Googling those. They're rubber loafers. They're loafers that float. Flofers. And I was like, this is exactly what these are for. I get drunk and fall in the ocean. This is exactly what these are made for.

Hey, these? Yeah. They're not that bad. They're not that bad. OK, all right. I'm on your, I want to. Rachel. I want to, I want to dis-on paper by the name Flofer.

You should be wrong, but that's OK. That's all right. I thought I was nailing it for a beach wedding. And I get them and I was like, babe, for the beach wedding. You're never going to believe it. Fuck no. Like it's the only time she said, send them back now. And that's how I got my first pair of crocs

is because she felt bad that she made me send those back. OK. So she bought me crocs. That looks, that's better than crocs. Yeah, they're not that bad, man. They're pretty sharp. You throw in a pair of khakis, you go to the beach. Listen, I'm here to tell you that we're all wrong.

They're bad news. According to a woman. This episode has been brought to you by Flofer. According to a woman that tastes. We are, we all, we know why those are fitting the task at hand. It's not egregious. Obviously they're not the coolest looking shoe, but that's not egregious.

Well, it's a loafer. My wife would give me shit for that as well. That is ready for the beach. It's a formal croc. It's a flofer. It's a formal aqua sock. That's what it is. Let's go.

Will you fart in Uber? Yeah. OK. Looks like he's made a fart. He did that on the way here. I mean, not like loud, but like once you crack the window, they know what you did. You'll crack the window.

You gentlemen. I wait. I see what elevation it gets to. Sure. If it's a lowlier, if it's like an American werewolf and London fog, and it's just waist high, I'll leave it. But if it starts getting up, if it's simmering up like a, if it's midnight at the Tower of London,

if it's like kind of a nice food smell, you're like, OK, we'll crack the. We'll waft. When you're getting dressed, do you put your socks on, and then your pants, or your pants, and then your socks? Socks, then pants, but it's a real free for all. OK. Yeah, I've fucked up the water sometimes.

But you will then, you will lead socks first. Usually socks first. OK. But I respect that. I'm a real short guy as much as I can be if I'm not going out. So really, sometimes socks aren't part of the equation on account of the crocs. Or the flovers.

Or the flovers, yeah. What a name, flovers. They're all right. How do you feel about the double egg? Love it. OK. Absolutely love it. What are you putting on it?

Peace Green Olive. Little Green Olive, maybe a little paprika, I would say. Little paprika, a little color to it. Keep it pretty simple, little mayo, little Dijon mustard, maybe a splash of hot sauce. It's going to say mix a little hot sauce in with the yolk. It's really good. All right.

All about double eggs. All right. Ties right into that fart and the uber. I respect it. Yes, it does. Let's do one from Patreon. This is from Griz Adams. Never had one read.

When was the last time you cooked without a shirt on? I think all the time. You have to be careful. I feel like you're a loose form of cooking. I did open that can. It's a sausage. It is assembling called cooking. What if the absence of heat is still called cooking?

Will you eat over the sink? Yeah. And when you and your girl eat, when you guys are home, if you're off the road, she's home, you make dinner, will you sit down at the table and eat, or will you guys sit in front of the couch and watch TV? No, we sit at the table. You do?

Yeah, it's set up. That's nice. It's not a comfy TV situation like sit and watch TV. OK. And we did get in the habit, though, of like, oh, if we're eating, I don't know. I don't think it's racist. But we would play music from whatever country food we're

eating. No, that's nice. No, you're setting the mood. But then there's like a staycation. Yeah, but then there's moments where you're like, I can't do any more of this Thai disco that you found on Spotify. We'll both be sitting there eating like, it's a bit much.

Put all the stones or something. Let's go. Like, I'm really enjoying this Massaman Curry, but that's pretty classy, though. That is pretty classy. I never even thought about that. Some real warbling coming out of the Bluetooth right now. That's pretty sweet.

That is like an elevated way to experience the food. It's just doing an extra fun thing. Yeah, for sure, of course. I respect that. That's, man. Found some pretty fun stuff. I think it's like, I was like, this Cambodian funk scene from the 70s.

Jams, man, it's like really good tunes. A couple of hot licks. We're both sitting there eating like, hey, all right. Put a favorite. Put the thumbs up on this. I want to listen to this again. All right, man. That's fucking funny.

What kind of deodorant are you using? I mean, old spice? I got a stick of old spice that I'm probably on year three. OK. You don't do deodorant? Really? It makes me sweat more. Like, it never does the job.

And if I'm getting real funky, all right. OK, let's throw a little on. I'm kind of into my own musk, like one of those days. I don't hate that. Is it? But does it become an issue? Like, do people go like, Canadian you stink? I've been told I've ruined parts of the house.

Whoa. Man, this guy is by his own rules. Nick Bain becomes onion patch sometimes. It's wild, man. Do you wear any cologne or anything? No. And what's soapy? He's not even doing the first line of defense.

But I do. I moisturize. You do? Yeah. I even have, like, the little under-eye thing. They're nice. I'm looking tired, you know? I need them.

That's the best. There's some care going on. What's the soap in the shower? Is it a bar? Is it a? It's probably pine cones and Homer's glue. I mean, well, it's that Dr. Bronner. So pretty much, it's pretty much.

Same thing. Dr. Bronner. They're all right. Just black ice Gatorade with a couple drops of palm olive in it. Put some armor on the wheels and call it a day. We're all for the outer bits for the shine. Get the deluxe. Get the works and keep it moving, baby.

Will you do the Venmo instant transfer? Like, if somebody sent Venmo's you $100, will you instantly transfer it to your bank account or do, like, the one to three business days? One to three business days. Nobody's getting a cut of my money. It doesn't deserve a cut of my money. Really?

I'm instant transfer all day. Oh, fuck them. These old school. JG Wentworth, it's my money, and I need it now, but I'll be. I pay off all my credit cards right away. I'm like a dad. I do that, yeah. I love it.

I love the idea. Like, no, you're not getting shit out of the Capital One. Is that where you're throwing around? Thanks for the points. Is that where you're throwing around? Capital One, you got an Amix. I got a, I'll break it down, like, for business. As soon as I leave the house.

Oh, this is big. As soon as I leave the house for anything work related, I have one credit card, so I don't keep receipts. That credit card statement goes to the accountant. Great. Everything I bought on this is for business. Good. And then I have another one that's just for my bullshit

that's like a master card. It's like an REI card, because, you know, you go on an REI, like, I might need all the stuff if the shit goes down. Sure. And then I bought all that stuff. I don't use it. OK, I like it. I like it.

That's pretty good. Might need to buy a kayak ore to beat somebody. I can get it. It's a machete. To sharpen the edge, so it's not technically a weapon. Have you ever written your name in wet cement? Yes. Sounds like you've done that recently.

Couple times. Well, I haven't been by wet cement recently, but if I was, I would. Do you have flashlights in the house? Oh, yeah. You have binoculars in the house. Yeah. You do.

And I got a telescope now. You do have a telescope. Are you a stargazer? I'm doing a whole bit about it. I love a telescope. I got it with my credit card points. I'll show you capital one. You ain't getting shit out of me.

It's like my dick, I'm looking at Saturn this weekend. Is it that good a one? Yeah, yeah, it's bonkers. Really? Does it have like the auto tracker or whatever? It's all manual, but it was like a pandemic thing. I'm like, all right. And it was like, because some of them are like, well,

Jupiter and Saturn are going to be next to each other. I remember that. You can't see the details, but the fact that it's just, I just got a tube with glass and mirrors in it. It's pretty sweet. And I was in the alley at that time. We're in the apartment in LA. We're in the alley in the apartment.

And I could see like, say, I could see the dot with the ring around it. I'm like, I'm looking at this thing just in an alley. It's wild. It's like, it's wild. Perspective changes. I found an old one during the pandemic at my parents' house. And it was, it was a little wonky.

I could only see the moon. But when you honed in on that thing, the detail, you're like, holy fuck, that thing is really up there. I ain't made out of cheese. It's wild, man. I respect it. It's less like, you see the thing and then it's kind of, yeah, you put yourself into a place of like,

you get like philosophical about it. Yeah. And so. I'm just looking for UFOs. I want to see something going across the moon. Of course. Have you ever, has anybody in your family ever claimed to see UFO?

Or Sasquatch. Well, I'm in that world. So not my family. So I'm the one who's claimed to see that. I got close to thinking I saw a UFO in San Francisco. It was turned out like the Chinese lanterns that they let go connected. Because I'm like, it's a pattern.

What's over there? And I'm like, drunk on a roof. I'm like, yes, I'm seeing a UFO. And not any of the very logical things. Drunk on a roof. Yeah. I saw it right over Chinatown. Is it the lamps that they use?

No, it couldn't be. It couldn't be. It's got to be extraterrestrials. Man, that's good. Would you be stoked if you saw a UFO, or would you be making nervous? And would you report it? OK, well, now we're on my turf, guys.

Buddy, we've been on your turf for the past 45 minutes. I don't know if you've been listening, Canane. We're in Kyleville right now. I googled. Full force. That guy, I think, is about to pull a trigger on a pair. That guy with the rubber dress shoes and the gun came in. And he saw aliens.

The rubber dress shoes and the guns. I mean, I think it depends on the context of what would happen. I think I'd be more mystified. I'd like to say that, but then truly knowing myself, I'd probably get scared shitless. I'd have to kill. I feel like I'd kill myself.

I'd be so nervous. I'd think the anxiety of not knowing anything, I'd fucking lose my mind, I think. I'm feeling it. Oh, for me. Thanks. Of course. Give him another one.

He's on a roll. About to start talking about Bigfoot. You don't think I'm getting you another beer? And then do you have theories on Bigfoot as well? You know what? I think that's the one that's the best foot. I got a good DB Cooper one. You probably went to high school with him.

You're in DB Cooper country. I solved DB Cooper, baby. What do you think? I just saw something on it. I saw another something on it as well. Having done little to no research. That's the best. That's the best kind of research.

I think the flight crew did it. Whoa. Did anybody check the flight crews back? So nobody saw the guy. The whole story was made up by the flight crew. That's pretty good. So if all the flight crew was just like, well, that's what we're reasonable about.

We just break off a piece. We throw a parachute out, a few bucks out to lead them off. None of the passengers know. Right. And then. And they probably weren't vetted at the point they, at that point, they just ran with the story, like the authorities.

Yeah, and just that's pretty good. So he never existed. They all got some money, not an exorbitant amount, but enough money to be like, all right, this helps us all out. Nobody got hurt. That's my thing. And I'll tell you what. They came up with one of the coolest, mysterious names

of all time, D.B. Cooper. Shout out to it, D.B. Yeah, the sunglasses and everything. Yeah, and the drawing of like, just like a nondescript, man. I don't know, draw a guy, just a guy. He had on a suit and sunglasses. I can see that like the end of Ocean's Eleven, man. The flight crew's walking.

The baseline kicks in. You see a 20 sticking out of the bag. There was no D.B. Cooper. That's my theory of that. But I don't know. I did not know if the police had investigated the crew for this. OK.

I would assume the FBI probably did. At some point, they poked around. But that's all right. I don't know. But maybe back then, you know, the suspicion wasn't really up. Yeah, that was one of the first times something like that happened. More scared about it, like, oh, he's making them.

He said he's going to bomb. He's got to land the plane here and get it refueled. But he's letting the passengers go. And then he jumped out midair. That's pretty good. I hope there's an FBI guy listening to this, doing a U-turn on a highway. Oh, god damn it.

Calling the secretary. I think I cracked the D.B. Cooper case. And get me a pair of floafers. Call my wife. Will you dance in a wedding? Will you dance in a wedding? Will you cut her up? You will.

Could you do the worm as a kid? I bet you were a worm guy. Yeah, I could do it. Wow. I could do a worm. I couldn't do any other moves, though. No pop and lock or anything. Sure.

And a worm's all you need. Girlfriend's a big dancer. And I was like, I had this revelation at a wedding. I'm like, wait a minute. I was the guy who would sit there, and I wouldn't dance. Because I'm like, little of these people, they look silly. And I'm like, flipped it. And I'm like, you're alone at a table on your ninth-free drink.

And it's also like, everybody knows what you're doing. Everybody's like, that guy sitting there because he's ashamed to dance. I don't dance. Everything's dancing. Yeah, especially at a wedding. So now I'm like, absolutely. Yeah, it's a good time at a wedding.

Yeah. Let's give it to you. OK, let's do another one for Patri on here. This is from Dawson. I don't know. I don't think anybody has ever said yeses, but you could be the guy. Have you ever attempted to do a local restaurants eating

challenge? The old 86 or anything like that? You know, the 37 hot dogs in under an hour. Some man-versed food. I did. I was on Hot Ones a few years ago. And I doubled down on the hottest sauce. You did?

Yeah. You can take that kind of heat? I used to be able to. I don't kill anymore as he cracks the beer. I hung my gun up. Now I just cut myself to feel something, you know? Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something, fat boy.

That's been open. No shit. Yeah, I haven't done, because that's not fucking around hot on that show. Those things are hot. No, it went for it. But one of the things I did here, and you might be able to weigh in on this,

you're the first person I asked about it who's done the show, is they say by like, I don't know, let's say there's like six of them, or what is there, 10 or whatever? It was 10, yeah. Let's say by like five. They're like, it's already so hot that like incrementally, it's like diminishing returns a little bit.

It's like you're adding time to how long it's going to be hot. Not that it's going to get hotter, it's you just going to be more uncomfortable for longer. Kind of like when you're wet, you're wet. Here's a question I always had about that show. How are the wings? I was doing the veggie thing, which I addressed at the beginning,

I'm like everybody, log into the comments and call me a pussy. How are the veggie wings? Fine, I mean, it was just a means to, it was just a distribution system. It's a vehicle for the sauce. Yeah, so. Because the wings look pretty good on that show.

And I'm like, and again, I still like all the food. Like I still, I don't look at meat, like I just had to gout and all this other, my own like, let me do these things for health. Sure. I did it for health. You know what I'm saying? He's chugging daybeers, but heavy.

But I did also, I had a place called Holland Rais in LA. It's a hot chicken spot, national hot chicken. Okay. And I didn't do a challenge, but I did do like. Who's a personal challenge? But yeah. Well, they had like, that's one place that I'll break edge and get like a sandwich from around the store.

Really? But they are like, oh, it's medium and hot. And then like the crazy one, I'm like, well, maybe I'll just get the sandwich hot and I'll try a wing. That's the crazy one. And the guy, just matter of fact, he's like, I'm just going to tell you right now that the hot ones

we make with rubber gloves, this many peppers goes into it. People don't finish those. The hot one, I don't know why we make that one. Really? I'm like, all right, let me backtrack. Let me get a medium sandwich and one wing of their hot. And I ate that. And the guy also, he gave me time frames like hot.

That's about two to four hours of your day. God damn. The crazy guy's like, that's six to eight hours of your day. Like just said, like, of what? Just, no, this is how much your day is over. This guy a doctor? Yeah, he is. He just said it so matter of factly,

not like I dare you to do it. I'm like, all right, just give me one wing of the hot one. And it was four hours and be like this. Just ruin your day. They're like, ah, I might start praying. Canane's wild, dude. I'm crazy. Man.

I just another food one. You're a great, great trashy food guy. This is from Joshua. Is it garbage to make nachos with cool ranch Doritos? Or have you ever thought of that? I just saw a light bulb go on. I saw a light bulb go on. I mean, I would only object because I think,

once again, like the vehicle thing, nachos are about the flavors you're putting on it. True. If the chip already has flavor. Kind of stepping on toes a little bit. Sure. It might be overkill. But I like this guy seems like a free thinker.

And I encourage him to go forward with it. That's my D.B. Cooper theory. Yeah, yeah, listen. If you're a man, do you do nachos at the house? Or are you a nacho guy? You do nachos at the bar? I do have a couple cans when I got the hot dogs in the can. I do have just, quote, quote, unquote, quote, quote,

taco meat. That was also that same little area. And I didn't have cheese. I was going to make nachos the other day, but I didn't have cheese for it. Yeah, I'll fuck around with nachos. You know, Mike, you know microwaves. So what do you, oven?

Put them in the oven. What's a no microwave all about? Just a lifestyle thing? No, we just didn't, the old apartment had one that was like above the stove when we moved. We didn't get one. And it was like, let's see how long we can go without it. Because it was like, it was also a pandemic.

It's like, we're not in a rush. Sure. Yeah, you don't need to save four minutes. You know, so like, that's the closest. Like I was thinking like, this will jumpstart me into becoming a chef. No, I got it. It all started when I didn't get to buy a microwave.

Because now I got to heat up chili in a pan. My God, get the apron and the big Chef Boyardee head out of here. I always wanted breakfast nachos. I thought those could be made. I like it. I've had them. Have you?

I believe so. It's just kind of like chili killies. Yeah, chili killies. Is that's, I've had them at norms. I get them at norms when we're in LA. Thanks, Toby. They don't ruin everything. I always think, yeah, somebody should make them.

Oh, they do. Oh, you're right. Will you do karaoke? Will you do karaoke? And do you have a go-to song? I'll joke right now, but I love calling the karaoke. OK. But it's a punishment to people.

Sure. Like, I don't sing well. But I also, OK. But it's like, I sing so bad, it's upsetting. I think I would be that same. I sing like, they turn the volume down bad. Like, it's happened to me at karaoke. I'm like, well, I'll just put on a show and people are like,

oh, man, they turn the volume down. So I'm like, I'm there because I love seeing people have that kind of fun. Sure. If we're going out, we're going to go to karaoke. Like, yeah, I want to see people get into it. I'm not. It's not like dancing where everything's dancing.

And you're just, it's like, no, this affects somebody else's happiness. Everybody else in the bar. And it's not like, I know that too. Because you know, you see when somebody's bad, everybody's kind of laughing or they're into it with them. And I'm like, the get up and go get a drink. Like, I'm taking five.

Yeah, let's have a smoke. This is upsetting. So I don't sing at karaoke. OK. OK. In the past 365 days, have you pooped at a bar? Oh, yeah. OK.

Does there have to be specific conditions? Or? Yeah, I have to poop. Sometimes I'll leave the house to poop at a bar. What if there's no door on the stall? Will you try to mask? Will you do anything? Because you're just like, go in there.

You're like, it is what it is. How far are you willing to go is what we're asking. All the way. Really? He's got a machete in a van. Oh, yeah, true. All the way. He likes when people, hey, he leaves the door open.

Come on in. That's a test of like, what's a bathroom for everybody? I don't know. I can't think of places that I've been to that don't have doors anymore, though. Yeah. That's pretty good. It's kind of stepped up.

That's growth right there. I like that. It's kind of stepped up. I like that. I'm not hanging out in places with the doors in the bathroom. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. What are you thinking here?

I mean, I got a few more. Challenge me, man. I'm a patron. Oh, I would like to. Is it you call it hamburger meat or ground beef or a new one taco meat? What do you mean a new one? Well, that's the new one, not to you.

It's where is it going? OK. Well, if you say I'm running to the store, it'll be ground beef. What are you making? Yeah, if you're just like, I would like to have some meat on hand. What do you call it? That's ground beef.

You call it ground beef. Oh, we're going to make hamburgers. I'll go get some hamburger meat. OK. I'll change the nomenclature. I'll go get some taco meat. OK. OK.

Fair enough. This one's from Rodrigo. Never had one read. Is it garbage put mustard on burns? My mom's been doing this since you worked at Mickey D's in the early 2000s. Can I get a look on that? Is that something?

Mustard on burns? Like if you get a burn, if I guess a cooking burn or something, you put mustard on it. There's got to be something in it. Jesus, no way. I would assume. What? There's no scientific evidence supporting mustard

as a remedy for minor burns. You calling this kid's mom a liar? Yes. What the fuck? I want to know where your mom is from. Can't put Big Mac sauce on an open wound. Although differentiating opinions, but this does come from the NationalMustardMuseum.com.

That's the goddamn experts, right? That's Big Mustard. But that means people have been asking. This isn't like one guy whose mom was in the voodoo. It's like DB Cooper. We may never know the answer. It's because there's turmeric in the mustard, which is an anti-inflammatory.

OK. Come on. OK. There had to be based on something. That's pretty good. But that's because she worked at McDonald's is why she did it? That's what she did. I guess it was an old McDonald's wives tale.

Jesus. McDonald's is so hardcore. Like, nobody's going to the hospital. That's a lunch rush. Shut up. Everybody play it cool and put your foot in the McFlurry machine. You got to burn.

Mustard goes on it. The sniffles jam some ketchup up your ass. We take care of problems in house. The clown doesn't like it if we talk. We're switching over from breakfast to lunch. We need you. People walking around with pickles on their eyes. What do you leave for the hotel for the cleaning?

Chambermaid, if that's the right term. Per night. I never let him come into the room. I'm not an animal. I like to pick up after myself. I respect that. I never let him come into the room. I try to leave a fiver at the end.

But it sucks because I don't have cash on me. I do not know why you cannot add a gratuity to your stash. Very good. And I think what it is is that maybe a lot of the people working in the hotel are undocumented. And so there's no tax recourse for them. So that's why the cash has to happen. Gotcha.

That makes sense. OK. You can get changed from the front desk. And you go, I leave a fiver. OK. What are you guys leaving? It depends. That's per night.

You do a fiver per night. Fiver, like if it's a road gig of three nights. And they don't come in. OK. I just leave a fiver at the end of the weekend. OK. Because they're not coming in once. OK.

I try to do, it depends. I've mentioned this before for a very long time. And we didn't have any money. And I would not stiff anybody, but just short. So I'll do, if I'm in there for a night, depending on how much I clean up or what it is, or if there's like 7-11 trash or whatever, five to 10. OK.

Because I want to know if I need to step up my game. It should be about a dull buy. Yeah, you could go. You could 10 bucks, I think. If they're not coming in, they're just cleaning up on the, I think, 10 bucks is it. I think we have a lot of merch cat from the shows too. OK.

I got to step up my game, then. Little bit. I will. I mean, I put my trash in a trash can. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes I have not done that. If I wake up hungover and I'm like, fuck, we're running late.

It's, I try to corral stuff to wear to be together. It's by the trash. It's by the trash. I always use one of the towels as an app kit. I'm like, oh, I should be using the makeup towel for that. There's a reason. There's a reason it's the not color. I steal those a lot.

I steal makeup towels. Yeah. Do you take anything from a hotel? If it's a different color, I'll take that. I'll bring it home for the bird, let her do it for her makeup. How much do you leave after that? Listen, I took a lot of shit from it here. I took two paintings and an alarm clock and a makeup towel.

I took the coffee maker. I love it. He's a 50-Zippit. Will you use the coffee maker in the hotel room? Absolutely. You will. Absolutely. Whoa.

That's a wild man right there. Yeah. I've done weird shit. I didn't know. Yeah, I've absolutely drank the coffee at the coffee maker. I did a, the worst is I tried to heat up pizza using the hairdryer once. Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ. What the fuck, man? Were you drunk or sober? We're living in a society, you know? I just was like, I'm stuck eating this. Because I'll get like one extra large pizza at the beginning of the weekend. I like the mood.

And I'll just revenant that shit for the next three days. Very good mood. But it was like getting a little rough towards like Saturday. I'm like, let me hit it with the hairdryer for a while. Holy shit. Let me blow some hot pubes on this. You know what this means? Not smell.

But you will change the flavor up a little bit. Hold on. We've opened up a little door here. So you are OK with getting a pizza. Yeah. And leaving it out. Yeah. For multiple days.

Yeah. OK. Yeah. I respect that as well. I'm still here, man. Yeah. I don't think you necessarily need to use it. A day old, two day old pizza, it hits a little different

in the morning or what it's, I love it. It's one of my go-tos. You could put it on top of the AC if it's hot out. Sure. Oh my god. Hit it with the iron. It's all right. Do you have any baking soda in your fridge or freezer

at the house? I think it's been in there since we moved in. Shit. Good landlords. Go back to the hotel. Will you use the ironing board as a table to eat? Have you ever utilized that trick? It's a good move, dude.

No, that's great. You pull, you can sit on the side of the bed. You pull the ironing board up. No, I've since. It's like Thanksgiving dinner, baby. And do you like a hotel or are you more of an Airbnb guy? I love a hotel. Love a hotel.

This is like traveling. She likes to take an Airbnb, understand, because you're like in a neighborhood and everything. Sure. I don't want to do chores at the end of my vacation. I agree. I'm alone. If it's like one king-size bed or two queen-size bed,

you give me two. One for sleep and one for eating. Sure. Respect. I respect that. Move right there, gentlemen's move. OK. I'll do what I wanted to do more from Patreon here.

This one's from RJ. I thought about the van. This is good. This is just a fun, fun time. I took an RV to my junior prom. Hear me out, though. We had about 20 kids and beer in the refrigerator. It was like a house party on wheels.

That ain't bad. That's a fucking good time. You tailgated your prom. That's way better than a limo or fucking whatever. Absolutely is. Just doing some laps hanging out in an RV. Have you taken a limo or a party bus anywhere? I have, yeah.

I mean, I'm like prom, but like limo not on purpose. Party bus? But for the last time, you were in a limo. Have you ever got one cent, like someone sent in a car or whatever? And sometimes they do that. They end up just being like, how always we have it as available as a limo.

No, for like, I mean, when I was in LA, and if I was doing like at midnight or something, they'd send a car for you. And it was like those Lincoln's where it's not all the way stretched. The shower already. You could like really throw the feet out. I'm like, you don't see a lot of limo zipping around anymore.

It's not a thing. Yeah. It's weird. Do you have a rider? Oh, we were just talking about this. We were just talking about riders. I do, and it needs to be augmented, because I had it when I was doing like smaller.

It's still just like chicken wings and gum shit. It stems from like when I was doing smaller music venues and I was driving myself, yeah, just one honey big tam. And a hatchet, that's it. Trust me, I'll get it done. What's the machete situation? Yeah, I brought my own. Don't worry, I got my own machete.

Because the music venues are big on the riders. Well, great question, Thibault. And if I was dry, like because then I was doing a different city every night, so I'd be driving anywhere from five to seven hours a day. Two quarts of oil and some wine with blue. Yeah, you know, if you've got to hook up with BF Goodrich, I'm going to need a.

It's all right. But so I'm like, OK, and you, like all road foods trash. And then I get there, like I want to, I just, I still want to sleep in and I drive right to the venue. I don't want to eat a bunch of shitty food. So I'm like, it needs to be like veggie platters and trail mix, like stuff that's good for me. Because the only time I'm going to eat something decent

for myself is in that moment. And so then I'll have that. I'm like, oh, I'm not starving. I ate all this. You have a burger or whatever. My carrot sticks and everything. And then I just, you know, get the pizza at the end of the night.

OK. So that was, that is my rider. But then plays, I'm like, I tell them, like, it's very minimal. I want the dumbest, like the shittiest little veggie platter from Albertsons with the carrots in the thing and the ranch in the middle. Like, you go to places, they can use a freshly sliced. I'm like, I don't.

Just give me the $8 one. Yeah, not even. The one that was marked down. Yeah, yeah, something that expired yesterday. Yeah, cherry tomatoes in the celery. Give me, though. Yeah, celery can get the fuck out of here, but room temperature ice.

That's what you're calling celery. That took me a minute. You're calling it room temperature ice. Oh, shit. Wow. Man, he is a wordsmith. Man, that's a fucking take right there. Room temperature ice.

You know, it makes a little sense. Yeah, because it's like nothing. Some people call it crunchy water. I go the other way with room temperature ice. There you go. I'll give you that. All right, I got one more for Patreon. This is from MRI.

Is it garbage if you have a tooth pulled instead of getting the proper dental work to save the tooth? He said, hey, I got $50, not $12, honey for the root canal. I've been there. Have you ever bypassed any medical or dental procedure? Do you have all your teeth? No, I got a couple wisdom teeth taken out.

OK, that's normal. Looks like you got good teeth, though. You got a good set of choppers. All the other stuff, yeah, but teeth are still going strong. Still intact. I've not been to a dentist in five years, probably. Yeah, I'm up there, too. Do you have floss every day?

Oh, no, no. Like, it's like. You take that back. Like every couple of weeks where I'm like, let's get in there. OK. And do you brush your teeth twice a day? Do you make sure to brush them before you go to bed? As far as my girlfriend's concerned, yes.

But on the road, not at all. I'm like, what am I going to? I just ate all that pizza. I ate it because I like it. Yeah. I'm just going to get rid of it as how insensitive. I respect it, man. I didn't end telling a story in the show right now.

I never did that, but I did help a neighbor pull his tooth. Oh. Why? Where? Who? It's, I mean, just back. I just picture like castaway. You got to figure skate?

It's right. No, but we had vice grips. Oh! Dude, what's wrong with you, man? That just ruined my day, dude. Your show's called Are You Garbage. I'm here saying yes. Why are you getting squeamish, guys?

Dude, vice grips in a mouth? You have a fucking studio for this premise, and you're upset with my answers? Man. Was it a molar? It was back there. Whoa. It wasn't one of the front two.

I couldn't get the angle on it, so I just kind of stood around drinking while he gave a shot. Like he's grilling? Hey, you got to let him flip it. You got to flip it. See if you can get in. Can you yank it? You got to twist the thing on the bottom.

Oh, man. Holy shit. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Kyle Kanane. Love it. The special shocks and struts on YouTube right now. Absolutely fantastic, brother. You're the fucking man. Yeah, thank you, brother.

Anything you want to folks start to know, hit them. Plug away any dates or any Insta, whatever. Oh, man, I'm just on tour forever. So I'll be somewhere that you live. Check him out, guys. He's a fucking stone cold killer. One of the best. One of the absolute best doing it, buddy.

Congrats on the special. Thank you so much for coming in. Congrats on the studio. Thank you, man. Thank you, brother. Kippy, what do you got for him? We're also all over town. We're getting ready to announce the second leg of the tour.

So it'll be the fall and winter. Got the boys working on that. But get the tickets. We have Cleveland, Columbus, Louisville still left on this run. Get those tickets before they're gone. And check out that RUGarbage.com. That's where you can get your tickets. That's where you can pick up a couple of tees.

Gang, we fucking love you to death. And we will see you next week. Peace.