Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Laser Tag w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: September 6, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back with a hot one! Its a family ep so we're answering you garbage questions! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys! Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows Merch: https://areyougarbage.bigcartel.com PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Subscribe on iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/are-you-garbage-comedy-podcast/id1499140700 Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Holy boncos kids, look out. The keep it moving tour is adding new dates. We're coming to a city near you. Come and see us, some stand up. And we play AYG at the end of the show with the crowd. We answer your garbage questions. We've got some trash so far, but I know. I know there's deeper garbage out there around the country.

So come on out and see us. Kippy, tell them what they need to know. Oh baby, we're all over the place. Tejas, baby, September 21st will be in San Antonio, Texas. September 22nd will be in Houston, Texas. September 23rd to the 25th, Austin, Texas for the Moontower Comedy Festival. And I ain't done yet.

August 26th will be at Dallas, Fort Worth, Texas. Then we're bringing it back to Long Island, baby. In September 30th, and then we're coming home. The boys are, the chickens are coming home to roost, baby. October 27th will be in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. And then back down to Tejas, November 5th through the 7th for Skank Fest South. Get those tickets.

The link will be in the description. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Let's go, Matty. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.

This is Are You Garbage? It's a little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out if they grew up to be classy, or if they're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host H Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here in Antoni's basement. She's upstairs watching a little Jeopardy.

Yeah. Excited for this new host, Mike Richards. Yeah, I think he's out, though. Going to be a little disappointed, I told her. She thinks it's Kramer, I think. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. This is a family episode. Just a fam.

Circle in the wagons a little bit. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. Kind of the head bozo around here. So do me a favor, show him a little respect, and give it up for my best pal, Mr. Kevin James Ryan. Hey, motherfuckers. What's up? Welcome to AYG.

Please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Yeah, be nice. Full videos available on YouTube, and as you know, those numbers are true to roof. True to fucking roof, baby. Cookin' over there. And I've got to hire another grill man. We're in the market for a fucking line cook.

Who knows one? Let's go. Bring your own spatula. We got the aprons. There you go. And then patreon.com, obviously. I would be a jerk off if I did not bring up patreon.com. You can sign up there.

You get bonus episodes at AYG weekly. You get bonus episodes of Hard Feelings, which are a whole other podcast on its own. You get that weekly. Who's that guy? Who's the guy that started Patreon? Who's behind that? Musk?

The fucking Johnny Patreon. I went to school with his kid. Steven Eric Patreon. I don't know. I don't know his name. Find him and kiss his feet. Fucking dude, I'll give him a fucking handy. Yo, one of the founders of Patreon's name is Sam Yam.

Yo, shout out to the Yam company. Yam Incorporate and all of its subsidiaries. And the whole Yam family. Buddy, I'm a Yam man. You choose, OK? You can join Patreon for a 5, 10, 20, or $50 level. You choose. I don't care if it's Kim Jong-un.

I'll tell you that right now. The Yam family. I hear all of their great people. The shout out to the yams. Shout out to them. Yeah, sign up on Patreon. Plus, guys, live shows. We're going to be coming to fucking Texas.

Oh, yeah. When this comes out in like two or three weeks. We're smoking through Texas. Do we got San Antonio? San Antonio. Houston. Houston. Austin for the Moontower Fest.

Austin for Moontower Fest. And then closing it out over there in Fort Worth, Dallas. Fort Worth, baby. It's going to get some fucking tickies. Then we also have. See, Dallas on a Sunday. We have Long Island coming up. Yes, we do.

We got a Philadelphia Pennsylvania. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Go down there. You better show up and come the fuck out. The 27th of October, helium comedy club. Let's fucking go. The boys are coming home. I'm giving wedgies, noogies, and swirlies.

The line starts around the corner. Let's go. The theme song is worse behavior. We're coming back. Motherfuckers never loved us. See, I said Tootsies. Yeah, and we'll also have a NYC day dropping very soon. Yes, we will.

Very excited. And have a nice shout out to our producer, Short and Air. Who that? The magic man. He makes us all look good. He's the brains behind that Jersey Shore video that everybody's been falling all over themselves about. Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin.

God damn it. It's Topey McMullen. What's up, dude? What up, T-Bone? Nothing's over here. I got a frosty beverage. It's just staying so ice cold thanks to this. Like a gentleman, Koozie.

It's a plug-fest, guys. Oh, it's a plug. Heavy plug-fest. Like a gentleman, Koozie. I got a three-day pass to plug-fest. I wear him as mittens. I put a testicle in each one of them. The real story is, fucking, Jeff Bozo's over here,

ordered four million of these things. We got them clamoring up to studio. Jeff Bozo's is so good. Well, you're not getting your cut then, all right? We're all backed up on Kindles over here. What? What? What are we doing?

We got a goofy one already, boys. What are we doing? We're drowning Koozie. I'm looking at 17,000 of them right now. I ordered 100,000. I ordered more Koozie's than we have listeners. My mom asked me to bring a couple home. I said, how many?

She goes, 12. I'm like, what the fuck, Patty? She's having a couple of the boys over, you know what I mean? Yeah, Foley starts giving away the merch to all of his fucking dirtbag family members. Hey, I need nine T-shirts for the boy. My aunt needs a fucking apron the whole nine yards. I keep it moving to her shirt.

Makes a great christening gift. I'll tell you that. He'll grow into it. Yeah, wrap the baby in this. Tell him we're coming to Texas. Tell him we're coming to Texas. Yo, Bunksy looks like her rotis. Hey, Fada, you ever been to Texas?

You got any family down in Texas? Good stuff. We're having a good time. Gang, fucking family episode. We're not screwing around this. We're getting into your Patreon questions. We're going to rattle them off. Fucking kippy.

Hit it. How about you, OK? My job's over. I did want to. What would you like to say? Well, Henry, you have the floor. I want to ask how garbage you think this is. I recently discovered some previous employment

from this producer you talk up so much. OK, yeah. Are you aware that Mr. McMullen used to be a canvasser? Really? Yeah, hitting people up on the street. Who'd you used to work for? Oh, my God, I work for like four different places. What's the big one, the ASPCA or whatever,

that nobody ever gets the money? I'm not going to listen to you. Get out of my way, OK? Dude, they were heavy and filly around like 2008 to 2013. That's why we met. They were on every corner, is it? He was there canvassing. Now I remember.

No, it's not. He came to Philadelphia to canvas. You were a traveling canvasser? Yeah, they said. A gypsy canvasser? What are you doing? What are you doing? Who'd you work for?

I can't remember who the big one was, but they'd hit you up. I think you just knew. I think Children International was the name of the organization. That sounds like a scammer. Yeah, which they never get a dime of that money. Oh, no, no, it's Dialog Direct is the company. Total Scam.

Yeah, it's a third party. They're a for-profit company who takes most of the money and then gives a percentage to the organization they represent. You fucking sleazeball. I did that too for them. You did? Well, I did that.

I'm in bed with some fucking scheisters over here. I look clean as a whistle. You don't. Got dandruff all over the back of your shirt, but just saying, this is more of a hard feeling. I like it. I told you I did it for the cot, the fraternal order of police. Oh, yeah, that's right.

You were in the boiler room. This guy fucking bumping dump Ryan over here. But that brings up a great fucking perfect transition. This is first question, guys, as you know. That's why I'm in the hot seat, baby. You think I don't earn my keep around here? I know what's going on. You don't see the question.

Delicate genius. The superglue seat, maybe. Yeah, for the listener, fully superglue to seat together before we record it. Like, two ounces of superglue is going to fight back 400 pounds. And my basketball shorts may or may not be stuck to the seat, to be quite honest with you. I'll see you guys later.

That's like when you tuck the tablecloth into your shit, thinking it's the napkin. All right, guys, I'll see you. The whole table goes. I just stay here till you guys leave. Come back Tuesday morning. I'm still sitting here. Long beard, hey, guys.

Oh, man, the big man's got the giggies. Kippy's got his number today, folks. Very good. I don't know if the people find it as funny as we do, but I am loving it. Having a good time over here. Guys, so as you know, when you join Patreon, we'll answer one of the perks of joining the Patreon

is we'll answer your garbage question. Shout out to the YAM family and the estate. This one comes from Dallas, which where we'll be. This is a fucking plug-a-roma, dude. First time question, what's the shortest amount of time you've ever held a job? First question, where do I get tickets for the Dallas shell? Fantastic question.

I would go to WWW. After I left Patreon.com, I would probably stop. That's all the questions became. Just trying to grip. Hey, sweet coosie you're using. If I wanted to send cash directly to Foley, where could I send it to? That's a great question as well.

OK. All right. Let's get serious. Let's screw it around. Let's screw it around. I've got business to attend to. I mean, this is an hyenas comedy club in Fort Worth, Texas. I'm sorry.

Is it September 26th at 7 o'clock in Fort Worth, Texas? Did you just check that on your movement watcher? I got a good night's sleep on my helix. Fall asleep listening to my Raycons. Stam stocking now. All right, well, let's see. Quit screwing around. We've got a lot of business to attend to.

This is from Dallas. First time question, what's the shortest amount of time you ever held a job? For context, I worked at a bagel shop for four hours and a ride-aid for 90 minutes. Ride-aids, that's hard to do because there's training in front of them. Yeah, that's like a corporate job.

You're going to pass a background check. There's something that can be letting you by the pills. 90 minutes. 90 minutes. Jesus Christ. I so want to know if it was Ham or there's no way Ride-Aid fired him in 90 minutes. That's got to be like, I'm not doing this.

I've taken jobs. That sounds like a walkout to me. I've taken jobs where I'm going to, where I'm like, there's no way I'm sticking around here. I always wanted to take one last waiting table. It was a job so I could quit the first day. Just to like make myself feel better. Hey, Ham, this is where we keep the knackin'.

Fuck you, I'm out of here. All right, man, what the fuck? So you got your 14 years of waiting. Well, I always wanted to have a job that I didn't need, but I was never in that position. You're barely in that position now. Can I just keep Sundays? Hey, guy did a brunch shift?

Nobody wants to work during the day, right? I had a, I worked at a forklift battery place when I was in college. Quit bragging. Was that an internship? It was, it was an, it was an unpaid internship. We're like, I wasn't getting credits or paid. I was just like, this is back in the day

when you could, that was still flying. And I'm like, yeah, just come here and work type thing. I would send out, not cold calling, not knocking on door. I would send out cold faxes. I just had like a list of fax numbers. I would just stay in there like beep, boop, boop, boop, boop. Fax like a one sheet over of like, hey.

Did you ever get any bites? What? No, that's so fucking. You gotta be some kind of loser to fall for that. The facts got you? Holy shit, man. Yeah, no, I never sold shit. I was, it was a very short, it was like,

I was supposed to come in like every Friday or something. It was like one of those things. Just so I had habit on my resume of like, really hit your foot on the gas, didn't you? Dude, who's running that company? You can ignore a call. You can't ignore a fax. You can't walk away from a vaping kid.

Either way, that sounds annoying as shit, right? That'll get your attention. Yeah, and I remember my dad had the fax machine set up down in his office for a little while. And like, up until like maybe like three years ago. I think we were still one at my mom in the basement. It's not hooked up, but there's still one. And every once in a while, you'd be sitting there

watching a ball game and fucking all of a sudden you hear R2-D2 going off in the corner and you're like, Tripwire's been hit. Yeah, what the fuck is this? And like some manual slide out. Directly, they know their market. Hey, Angelo's hit us with the new specials today. All right, I'll get this campy.

Yeah. Yeah. See what they'll do with salad with the pasta. They'll make a deal. Yeah, but I left that, I pulled in, I think on my second or third day, maybe, I pulled in, hung like still drunk from the night before. It was a college like dollar beers on a Thursday night

at like, you know, the local fucking watering hole. I pull in and just still drunk. Like, and just being like, there's no way I can go in there and do this. I was chugging a red Gatorade, thinking it was gonna fuck, like just hoping to string a couple of hours together. And my boss walked by and he was like,

and I was like in the car and I just like, I was in my mom's gray bravada. Just fucking hit the fucking bricks, dude. It was, and even worse, it was in, it was in a stone parking lot because it was in like a warehouse. Like, you know, an, so as I did it, like how they hit them with dust and pebbles.

Like fucking sprayed them. Like fucking later. See you around losers. Startin' my own fax company. Yeah. He hit me up a couple of years later. He was getting together like a soccer magazine or something. He's like, you or anybody you know

I'm like, no man, I'm fucking out of here. This guy sucks. Yeah, this guy's got the worst fucking products in the world. He's pitching shit to you. Yeah. No, it was more like, do you want to sell at, or do you want to work for us? He's like, we're-

I didn't want to work for you the first time, asshole. Didn't I leave you in a parking lot somewhere? Pulled out like one of the Duke boys. Great question. That was a fantastic question. I made it a week, one place, I think is the shortest. Me and my brother, I think we talked just me and my brother got these jobs.

It was like a union contract, but they needed non-union people, but they were paying union rates. Yeah, that will pay, like that's with the union. I forget exactly what it is, but they're like, you can take on non-union guys, but you have to pay them like two thirds of a regular union.

A family friend on the company. Yeah. And they hired- Fucking scab. We were- Fuckin' sex. Should've been outside your house with a fucking rat. We were lining coax cable through a high school,

and we had no idea what we were doing. Just fucking breathe in like asbestos and insulation every day in the drop ceilings. We're gonna crawl through there. Pull in his brother like coax goes in, copper comes out. Somebody put a bunch of empty wire in here. Just all PVC.

Yeah, they realized we had no idea what we were doing. Yeah, of course, of course. All right, let's see here. This is from- Mavvy, I think it is. Yeah. You had to have a question read. Ever needed to have a paper license plate

taped to your back window? I see them more and more these days, and I don't know why. I had one for too long on the Tiga when I got it. So sometimes if they don't have, it's like a temporary plate, right? But I don't get it. When I got the Kia, I left there

with the fucking steel on the car, the front and the back, the New York Johns. Really? Yeah, damn. Yeah, damn right away. But when I bought the, I think it's more used cars. When I bought it,

I bought it from like a rinky dink, like one of those like, they have the corner lot and there's like a trailer on it type thing. I never understood that. And there's all different kinds of cars yet they stay in business for like 50 years. Yeah, there's good fucking,

you make good margins on them. There's one in our area that's been there forever. I've never seen anybody buy a car there and they keep getting bigger and bigger every year. Yeah, I don't know. We bought a car. It was like a family friend or something like that. Friend of my step-dads, same thing.

And the day I turned in, I finally took it down a year or whatever. You had a temporary tag for a year? I think it was on there. I just never taken it off. It's a paper? Yeah. What, it looked like old homework by the end?

It was like a little frazzled for sure. The light had got, the sun had gotten to it a little bit. Jesus Christ. And when I turned my fucking Montego in, there was still the top piece of tape was on the inside of the back window still. Every time I looked at my review.

Oh, you had it inside? Yeah, of course. Oh, I'm talking about the ones that are where the license plate should be. Though the paper white ones. They gotta last like an hour. I mean, when I see them, I'm always happy for people.

I'm like, oh, this guy got a new car. I see a lot of them these days. Can't afford license plates. Dude, in the fucking window, that is a tough, tough look. Yeah. I would not ride with my parents in the car if our license plate was in the fucking rear window.

Well, it's a temper, I really, till the tags come, then the tags came, I put them on and just, I guess I never took down. The piece of tape was there for, I think I had that car for like eight years. Jeez.

Boys, I just found maybe my favorite story in are you garbage history? I'm listening. Used car king of New York, busted in prolific paper license plate scam. Oh, there you go. Dog or more of them. This fool sold as many as 3000 phony paper tags

in the past year alone, pocketing $250,000 in cash. That doesn't seem like that much though. For 3000? Each one's about eight Gs. If I'm doing the math right. That's not right. Yeah, it is.

3000 times 8000 is more than 250,000. What is it? It would be $800. Huh? 800, 800,000? What? No. Said he made 200 and some thousand.

Yep. He sold 3000 of them. Yeah, for like 83 bucks a piece. Yeah. Oh, 83 bucks. Yeah, not 8000 bucks a piece. Okay, but here, But he'll be like a billionaire.

You know, what the fuck? What are you ready for the? That doesn't, if you're doing a scheme, that doesn't seem, I'm scheming bigger than that. Shout out to the yams. Are you ready for the AYG kicker? Okay.

Ocasio's criminal record dates to 1996, was arrested Tuesday at a Long Island Buffalo Wildway. Nice. Come on. Going out in style. That's like 250K untaxed in your bank account. Covered in blue cheese. You got your fucking wing sauce on your face.

What took you so long as they walk up? Smoking a celery stick. Waitresses are all crying in the corner. They took Jimmy. Yeah, that's a tough luck, the temporary tag or plate. Bad news, man. Bad fucking news.

All right, in the same vein, this is from McLinn, I have not had one read yet. Ever give the finger to a student driver? You gotta be a real cold bastard to do that. Give the kid a break. Anybody that does that, man. I don't know how anybody has the patience for that.

We're patients. I don't have the fucking nerves. A driving teacher? My ink, I don't even like it when you're driving. Oh my God, I'd be a wreck. Oh, dude. Shit, next to some fucking 16 year old. I did see one time, we were about 14, 13,

I don't know, probably younger. They're never nice cars either. They're always tough looks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The big thing for us is- Man, do you imagine driving that off shift? Do you guys, that's your only, that's the main motor transportation?

Oh, that's a tough look. Pulling up to the bar. The norm sign on the top? No, yeah, that's bad. Pulling up to the bar that day. Trying to get laid in a student driver car? You ever see two brakes? Yeah, you're all fucked up in the bathroom seat,

hitting the brake on your buddy. Oh, that would be- Hey, go, will you? Go. That would be fun. Hey, it's a green light jerk off. Now we're talking. Where do we get our hands on one of these things?

I did see one time, we were playing laser tag at the UltraZone, shout out to you. Did you have UltraZones by you? There was a couple of them. I think they were like a bigger chain. There's a couple now, I don't know, it's called Urban Air. There's a couple now in our area.

Those are trampolines. Yeah. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. We didn't have a laser tag set up. Yeah, UltraZone, they were by like, there was always like one by a mall. I felt like there was a handful of them, so I assumed they were more widespread.

I only knew two kids that had laser tag, one was my cousin, and we only had one- What, parties? No, just in general. What do you mean? I wasn't in that life, I wasn't about that. It came out, you were too old when it got cooking. I remember-

Cause I was like on the cusp of like, this is corny, but it's still kind of fun when it got popular. I just remember my cousin had one, but just one. What do you mean one? He had it at the house? Yeah, one gun. I don't know, I'm talking about going and playing.

No, just one gun. I'm sorry, I have to pause, I'm gonna shit myself. Again? Dude, I'm so sorry. Jesus. Gang, this podcast is brought to you by our good friends at BetterHelp. Yep.

Is there something holding you back, something you wanna get off your chest? You gotta go to BetterHelp and get yourself straightened out. They match you with a licensed therapist in the privacy of your home within 48 hours. Kippy, straighten them out. Yeah guys, it's not a crisis hotline. It's not a self-help line.

It's professional counseling done securely online. Professional. Guys, the pandemic, I mean, we're still in it. We're still kicking around. You know, you don't wanna have to go sitting a lot- Sitting a lot- It can't be sitting in some waiting room reading some sports illustrated from 98.

Come on. Yeah, and plus you can, like the place I used to go, I could hear the person before me, then I know the person. While I'm in there, the person who's waiting behind me can hear me crying about my dad or whatever. You don't need it, right? It's easy-

All kids are real screwball. Ha ha ha ha. You can do it worldwide. You just log into your account anytime. You can send a personal message to your counselor. You get a timely and thoughtful response plus you can schedule weekly videos or phone sessions. Like we said, no waiting rooms.

It's easy-peasy, lemon squeezy. BetterHelp is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches so they make it easy and free to change counselors if you wanna- Look at that. I mean, what are we doing here? What are we doing? It's easy.

So visit betterhelp.com slash garbage. That's better help H-E-L-P and join over the one million people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Look at that. Everyone's taking care of their mental health. You gotta do it too.

Get on it. Special offer for RU garbage issues listeners. You'll get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash garbage. One more time, guys. Get a pen, get a paper, write it down. BetterHelpH-E-L-P.com slash garbage. Kippy, Raycon Wireless Earbuds.

Best in the biz. I'll say it again, Raycon Wireless Earbuds. I'll say it one more, Raycon Wireless Earbuds. But you don't got them. You got the other brand. I'm the one bebopping down the street to my upbeat tunes with my Raycons in. Your coolness factor went up 15% when I gave it to you.

I'll be on the phone. You think I'm talking to you? I put you on hold. Boom, I'm right back to the playlist. You walk around with CEO vibes when you got a bit. Oh, I love them. They fit perfectly in your ear. They're very comfortable.

Battery lasts forever. Volume's unbelievable. The best. Love them. And when you put them in, it goes, power on. And I dig that. You feel like a robot. Oh, yeah.

Check it by tuning in. Bring me sandwiches. They started half the price of other premium audio brands. Half the price, too. But they sound just as good. I think better. And they feel better in your ears. I'll be honest with you.

They fit comfortably in there. Also, I'm going to hit you with, they come with a 45-day happiness guarantee. So you really can't lose. Give them a try. And you'll see what the big man is telling you about. Oh, yeah. Right now, RU Garbage listeners can get 15% off the Raycon order

to buyraycon.com slash garbage. One more time, guys. That's buyraycon.com slash garbage. You'll save 15% on Raycons. You'll be cool like Foley. Yeah, you will. You'll be a little bit of a robot. You'll look cool to your friends.

You'll sound cool on the phone. You'll be bopping, scatting around. That's buyraycon.com slash garbage. Do it. Yeah. Now, back to the show. Yeah, no, no, no ultra zone. No ultra zone.

Yeah, I meant, yeah, the place. We never had it. Nobody ever had one at the house. That's how, see, I think you're thinking laser. I think you missed the beginning of laser tag. That was sold as a home gun. Yeah, but they were never good. No, it sucked.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. You go to ultra zone and you're fucking. It didn't start getting corporate until you guys were kids. Well, Kip, I can tell you there's some unhappy customers of the ultra zone down there in Benson Salem, PA.

Benson Salem, this guy. Fucking learn how to read before you come at me and the good people lower bucks county, OK? Where do you live? Benson Hedges. Benson Hedges, PA. Can you buy me a Benson Salem cigarette, please? It's Benson Salem, you bozo.

All right, well, this review is of the ultra zone in Benson Hirst, is from Ryan, who's a grown ass man with sunglasses and a backwards hat and his avatar for Gula reviews, which you stink already. One star review from one year ago, so ultra zone's still going on. They still can unless he's been holding a grudge for a couple of years.

I thought I'm going to wait and get him real. I thought it closed a fucking decade ago. This is unreal. I will begin this review by stating that I am utterly disgusted and disappointed, all caps, with the unsportsmanlike environment I'm supposed to be. There was guys covering their packs. I shot him.

He had his hand over his. You're dead. I got you. I got you. It's a grown man with a car payment. The staff allowed one of their friends slash co-workers named Steve, parentheses, confirmed by two employees.

God. To participate using a vest that was very clearly programmed to not disable its gun when shot, the player, parentheses, Steve, did not leave the arena with everyone else and stayed inside. The arena. The arena of combat, I mean. I'll have my vengeance in this life for another game master.

That's what you have to do. Two men enter Steve's leaves when he wants. Not only does his kind of behavior show a clear and blatant disregard for fair play, but also a high level of unprofessionalism as a business. If management takes the time to read these reviews, I hope you take the time to speak with your employees, parentheses, and Steve about this type of behavior.

Steve needs to hear about what's going on here. You can be corrected in the future. UltraZone's got to work on their vetting process, huh? I mean, it's also like. You ever shoot a gun before? Yeah, you're hiding it. It was, yeah, the UltraZone, that specific UltraZone was the one we would dabble in, for sure.

However, I think they threw a nice fucking slice at you. Buddy, they had a birthday party room that would knock your fucking socks off. I'm telling you. Like the Bellagio in there. 32 degrees. Walking in a sack of quarters to play the games. You know what's not too shabby?

I don't fucking shake a stick at it. A pitcher of soda. I mean, we've talked about this before, but if you've come heavy with a fucking, I like Pepsi out of a pitcher. Nice pitcher of soda. Let's breathe a little bit. Packed with ice, pouring it from the side

so you get a little ice in your cup. That was, hold on. When you were a kid. And you saw a dad do that for the first time. That was an older person thing. My head explode. My cousins could do it. I could.

Oh, yeah. Took skill. We would go to Sam's and you'd get a pie and you'd sit at Sam's pizza down there in Wildwood and they would give you a pitcher. Oh, they would? Yeah, they would give you a pitcher of birch beer. We didn't get to do dine in service.

We had it on the boardwalk, like animals. When we went. Yeah. By the way, I said this, I want to say it publicly. I know it's been covered by the experts, but one of the best slices of pizza I've ever had in my life. Sam's pizza's a homerun.

Holds up. So that's not just good short pizza. It's fucking good pizza. Fantastic. I didn't got her. I'm Toby McMillan and I didn't got her right. Tomatoes, you either shut up. Yeah, kick rocks.

It's like the best pizza from a Chucky Cheese you'll ever have. You're nuts. How? Get a haircut and call your father. Yeah, right? Jesus Christ. Press gave it a seven nine.

Yeah, come on. And you were like, you got to respect what he says. You got to respect it. It's the only review of his that I've ever disagreed with. Oh my God, you're up. He was pressured into it. What, you follow him around like Dave Matthews? You're a fucking bozo.

Don't you kill that fly? No, he's been landing on me. Tickles my leaves on your face. All right, it's episode five. Taking him home with me. All right, let's see. This is from Elizabeth and we've touched on this. I'm sure on the side, I think you have.

I haven't. Have you ever gone sledding on something that wasn't an actual sled? Still think about it to this day. I've discussed it multiple times in the podcast. The famous Unisys Hill in Union Meeting, Pennsylvania. The cardboard snow sled. Yeah.

Me and my brother, day office school, new in town, just moved in the town line apartment. Oven mitts on his clothes. Didn't have a lot of friends. Didn't have a lot of friends. Still don't. Oven mitts sewn to his jacket. So he doesn't lose him.

He blew his head. Fat little bastard. Plus I got a pot roast in the oven. Yeah, my mom's off from work. I feel like she did it to be strong. There's no way that this woman thought, that aerodynamically, that this was going to work. She don't know what's going on.

Just pure physics. She said she used to do it when she was a kid. Listen. The 20s were a weird time. He was like, use it. Nothing on that. Using a cardboard box as a fucking sled. We just went into the snow.

Yeah, you're not going anywhere. Do you remember what kind of box it was? A cereal? A fruit loop sock. Ah, it's stunk, man. The other kids are looking at us like we were aliens. It was fucking brutal. Oh, of course.

Talk about not making friends. Not to mention she tried it and rolled down the hill. Now she's covered in snow. Yelling at us. The fucking boxes are all black. I told you, assholes, this wouldn't work. She's selling us out. Oh, man.

It was a tough look. And I remember we went to like a Kmart or a Walmart because we had just moved. So we had to get rid of our, for some reason, the sleds couldn't make the trip. So they got 86 in a yard sale the week before we fucking blew out of town. But we price-checked a couple sleds in Kmart.

Kicking the tires on it. Probably like $5, $10 bucks. You know, a little circle, John. The saucers. No, no. We're not getting that. Now let's go and embarrass ourselves in the new neighborhood, kids.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I love you, Patty. Good stuff. Yeah, that's a tough look. You probably had all the hot shit because you were a divorce kid, playing fucking both ends against the middle. You were out like car shopping, probably.

You go to the lot and see what they have. Probably with the fucking handbrake, you little prick, you have the handbrake, fucking scumbag, the two-seater. Picking up chicks. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. You're terrifying me. Yeah, we were in a big sled,

maybe like just one or two of the cheapo plastic jawns, you know what I mean? We had a couple of the radio flyers left over. Those things were death traps. I don't know where that, that was when I was gonna say, I don't know where the fuck it came from. The wooden ones with the rails on it?

With the red metal rails? Ah, you die in those things. We would wax up the rail. My dad's like, you gotta wax these up. I'm like, all right, dude. I went down my fucking hill, like, dude, cooking down this thing. You coulda went in August, this thing.

Dude, these things were so slick. Yeah, but you had, those were for old-time winters. They were for winters when it was like 40 below. Yeah, they weren't for fluffy snow. No, you need to be on like a ski hill. You had to go down, you had to go down a tire track on that thing. Yeah, dude.

Yeah. Those things would get cooking. Good luck steering with that thing. No, no, you're fucking dead end. God's driving there. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, God, take the wheel on the radio flyer. The only sled that had a compartment for your smokes.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Had a cigarette lighter in it. Fuck that. Yeah, those things are fucking tough. The best ones. I, like that brought, he goes, yeah, we got this. And I had been in every inch of our house

and he broke that out, I don't know what, I still, to this day, think he had it in the cross piece. And I was gone, we don't own that. Where did you get this? He goes, yeah, this was mine. And I don't know if it was his one or something. Jesus. Man, this thing was rickety.

I'll tell you that. For sure, dude. Like being on a fire, escaped downtown. It was like that scene in Cool Runnings where they show the inside of the sled and the bolts are falling out and shit. Like, there's going too fast and the old sled breaks. You're going backwards down there.

Me and my brother in the back. Practice and leans. Ha, ha, ha. You want to live, don't you? Hey, kippy, you dead yet? Yeah, man. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Great question.

Oh, man. I want to make sure we go. I want to go sledding this year. OK. I mean, you're too big to be. That's too much velocity. You have to lose a little couple of pounds. Take out a city bus.

I know. Jesus Christ. That was like when we had Bobby on for the first time. Bobby talked about how he hurt himself. He's stupid. And then we made the joke that he may have too much momentum that he went through, passed the end of the hill, ends up on the highway.

He keeps going, gets caught in an easy pass. Oh, that's pretty good stuff. All right, this one's from Kevin. Does anyone you know fish without a standard fishing pole? They're using something else. That canoodling, that fucking, you get them on your. It was canoodling. I don't know any canoodlers.

It's just noodling. Oh, what happened? It's amazing how many attractive women have a noodle, I'll tell you that. According to Instagram. I mean, on TV, yeah. You're not going to really find them at the bod. You couldn't pay me a billion dollars to get in that water,

let alone stick my hand on the fucking side of a creek into rocks, trying to fucking go into a fucking catfish's summer home. Are you out of your fucking mind? I'm there with my pants off. Get the fuck out. Hey, where's he at? Hey, he's at this hole, right?

What a trouble little power bait on my peepee. You got a snorkel on. Oh, man. No, every once in a while, going down the shore, going down the beach, a bunch of families would come. There was always somebody on the fringes that usually didn't come down, or maybe the family that did their own thing, where the dad would like,

yeah, do something with a spool of fishing line on a wooden stick. He would fish like that off the bridges. I've attempted that more as of like, it's a summer day, and we have nothing. As a nine-year-old, and you're like, oh, today's going to be 47 hours. I've got to kill some time.

I mean, you get into some mischief. We would fuck around with that, but never knowingly, we're going to try to catch them. It was more like, let's see if we can figure this out. Now, this was their move. He'd show up with one of those primer buckets, those huge paint buckets, and he'd have all his shit in there, like a couple of fucking things

that cut the line, and bait, and this and that. Goober town. Like, didn't you rip your fucking fingers off with this? Yeah, I don't fuck with that. Head over to Dick's. Get the fuck out. We had a rod and reel, weren't we? Let's see.

All right. This one's from Joshua. Ever participate in your school's talent show? No. I could have done it. I could have done the senior class show. But I was in some. You guys don't get me.

I was in an argument with my girlfriend. It didn't go. Well, are you going to bang on stage or something? I don't know. I can't remember what it was. But I was working at West Coast Video, and I purposely didn't go. And I picked up a shift at West Coast.

Listen, I'm going to pick up a shift. I'd rather earn money than spend money. All right. You could have played Sunny Day. I was in it in eighth grade. The senior class show? Not the senior class show. Like the talent show.

Like the junior high, I guess the one. Our junior high was seventh, eighth, and ninth. I guess it was seventh or eighth grade. This band had gotten a friend. There was like 10 people that played instruments or sang or whatever out of all of the whole school or whatever. OK. And I had played.

They got in as a guitarist, a drummer, and these two girls sang. And they needed a bassist. Of course they did. Talking about a super group. This is how the Eagles started, by the way. And they were like, hey, did you play the bass? Yeah, I had played the bass.

I just wasn't like that tight with them. But they're like, hey, we're already in. And it was one of their original songs, like the girls' originals. It was like these two broads thought they were like Christina Aguilera and fucking Britney Spears. Meanwhile, I was just trying to slap the fucking bass.

You know what I mean? It's stage diver crowd, sir, for something. So yeah, we played. They were already in. So we just had to do a couple of rehearsals with them. And then the big show. And I remember the band. So another group of kids that we knew.

Hey, Johnny, you know that new sound you've been looking for? Boom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom. Hey, man, the talent show's over. Unless you know a fat kid with a cheap bowl cut that can play the bass guitar. It was an Ibanez. No big deal, man. It was sweet.

You must have stunk. I was OK. I carried. Carrying Anthony Jr. up in your room whaling on that thing. I'm all my wee-wee. They're just going to weld on in the bedroom. It's getting pretty good.

No, I. Get your noodle hooked up to an amplifier. What the fuck was I going to say? Oh, but I remember the fucking bitch music teacher. I don't even know her name. She thought we were like the symphony. So we were in seventh or eighth grade. And then the ninth graders were like, the kid is still

a phenomenal guitar player. Like fucking shmelt your face, heavy metal, like Metallica shit. And they played Fade to Black. And at that point, like it sounded. You want to follow that? No, they were closing. I mean, come on.

What if they know how to put a show together? Don't be an asshole, Foley. I mean, dude, we were playing Falling Down. We opened up the first half, OK? But they played Fade to Black. In my head, as a Metallica fan, I was like, this is like note. It was it was probably not as good. But at the time, I was like, this was phenomenal.

I just think because that was such a complicated song for them to even be able to do it. What? I don't know who you are right now. What do you mean? Because that's a complicated song. Well, no, I'm saying as a fucking eighth grader, to watch these kids like actually do a fucking Metallica

song well, I was I was shocked. No, I didn't have the confidence to do that. But we all wanted to watch it. We were like, and they're like, she was like, no, you can't. We're like, let us go watch them close out the fucking show. She's like, you are performers. You have to stay back. I'm like, I'm a fucking 300 pound of fucking 12 year old.

Let me the fuck out there. I'm a fucking mosh. Fucking breaking my stones, lady. We're working at fucking a junior high right now. So keep you retired after that one show. Played a couple more. Couple more dates. Couple more dates, couple more tea shows.

For us, it was patience by guns and roses. Heard of it. There were a couple of bozos, I think, in my brother's grade. They could nail it in your eyes at that time, nailed it. And they were the guys with the acoustic guitars at parties. They got together. This one kid sung it. And yeah, it brought the fucking house down.

My cousin also brought the house down at our talent show doing a Michael Jackson impersonation that she had done for years. Fucking crowd of police. Real original. Murdered. Get out of your impersonator. Get out of here.

We were writing originals, man. I was playing Fallen Down. We should have heard me wailing. I was like, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo. It was like, open E, then like, you know, yeah. Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo. I was shredded. But I remember one of the guitarists or whatever had a wirelet.

He had like, brought, dude, he was walking around the fucking gym slash cafeteria slash auditorium. The cafeteria material, if you will. He was killing it by the vending machines. I stole that, I think, from Bill Engvall. Yeah, he was walking around. I remember just being like, this is the fucking, the height of showmanship right here. He's kicking banana pudding in parents' faces. It was a scene.

It was a good time. All right, moving right along. This is for Mark. Have you ever been sketching? What the fuck? You know what sketching is. Oh my God, I got broke off hammer drunk sketching on a cab. You're on rollerblades, a bike, or skateboard, you hold on the back of a car.

Back to the future? Yes. Okay. There was a Sega game. Sega, I think it was called Skitchin, where that was the game. We had to dodge things and switch cars and whatever. That's trash. It was a great time.

That was a garbage fucking video game. I'm not even lying, I tried to buy it at a fucking yard sale in my neighborhood. My mom was like, absolutely not. It was $5. I'm like, this is a steal. He's old. This old bastard doesn't know the price of fucking Skitchin. It should have been like.

Mine, I got Skitchin. It should have been $39.99. Sounds like a rash he'd get. Yeah. All skitched up. Ah, but yeah, sorry. Continue, T-Bone. Oh, I just, the cab took off.

There were two girls in the back seat. One of them blocked eyes at me. I gave her the like, the shbie cool, and she was like, okay. She opened her door. It was like 3 AM, Ashland Avenue, in Chicago. This cab took off. Just gunned it. I instantaneously got speed wobbles and got pitched sideways.

I'm midair and I just see this chick looking back at me, just like, oh fuck. Call me. I'm kind of glad that happened to you. Slam. Skitchin. Rolled both ankles, hit my head, got a concussion, didn't walk for like three days.

If I was in an Uber and I saw somebody, I'm definitely opening the door. The fuck out of here. Yeah. I had my buddies, who will remain nameless, but they were, I don't know if they were going to try to beat the cab or whatever, but one of them was like, got out, like, tried to get out before the cab and like,

fully come to a stop, and he knew something was up. And this is back in the day. This is way for Uber. This is Philly, like 2008 or whatever, where those cabs where they're relatively lawless. You could like, still smoke in the water. It was like, you know. As Mr. DeRosa says, international waters.

It is. It's international waters. And I guess he thought they were going to run. Because my one buddy opened the door and I think he got out at a light. It was like, I'm out. But there were still like four other people in the car or whatever.

And he was, it was like this old timer who was like, I've been beat too many. This ain't happening again. Fucking lays on it. Hops on 676. Hops on the highway. Jesus. Yeah.

With the kid hanging out. No, he's gone. He pulls out a gun and he's like, no one's going anywhere. They're like, what the fuck, dude? We'll pay you. We'll pay you. We'll just skitch it, man. He pulled over on the side.

He pulled over on the side of the highway and they got off on 670. They had to like jump over the barriers and shit. Hey, thanks, sir. Take care. Yeah, keep the change. That's not skitching now. That's just falling out of a cat. That's being a drunk asshole in fucking 2008.

Toby skitched. Yeah. You just learned what it was 30 seconds ago. Fucking in every fucking two words. Well, you look like a skitcher. I'll be honest with you. I got to really see you doing that. Looks like you're skitching a little bit down there to be honest

with you. You're jammed up in your fucking underwear region. Your balls are skitching. Your balls are skitching on your wiener. All right. Let's see here. I don't have cats, but this is for you two, I guess. Do you keep a spray bottle for your misbehaving cat?

I would never spray my little stinky bitch. No. Or can of pennies for your dog. Most of you shake it. It scares them. I keep that for my younger brother. There's a nickels at him. Yeah.

My mom had that when we were kids. I think it was for us though. That was a retirement fund. She'd squirt us with the word. My buddy's dog had an electric collar. Oh, we used to try those on all the time. Oh, yeah. In front of the TV.

But there was a clicker. I think the second level, there was a clicker that you could click to train them. And it would give them a low voltage shock, I guess. So then the dog just became afraid of the remote. So we would sneak in late at night. And that thing would start barking. And you would fucking grab the closest remote

and point it at him. We would fucking shy away. This is crazy. Keep your fucking mouth shut. Fucking dirtbags. Hey, I play a game. It's either that or I get grounded. Dude, I just remembered that my mom,

when we would play out in the neighborhood, she had a dog whistle. She would blow to get us to come back to the house. A dog whistle? You can't hear those. I think you can. They're just very high. No, no, no.

Not like a dog whistle. Like only dogs. Like a whistle. Yeah. Yeah. But I think they're like more like. A lot wasn't a lot. One of those old school long ones.

Yeah. Jesus Christ. Did you do like a little? Yeah. Yeah. Those little whistles with little fans in them. Those things were hot for a minute. I don't know what you mean.

The kazoo. Yeah. No, not a kazoo. Like a fucking jerk off. Yes. They're like tube ones and they have little fans inside. And you go, whee. Wow.

I don't recall. Really? Just call yourself a musician. You want to be in my talent show? I wonder why the band broke up. Yeah. Oh, that's good. One neighbor had a cowbell to call him home for dinner when I was real little.

There's a lot of jokes there. I'm leaving it on the table. He was a little chubby kid too. He was banging throughout the neighborhood for him to come home for dinner. He come home wearing his shirt. What's going on? Little fat kid busting through the bushes. All right, let's see.

This one's from Steve. Have you or anyone in your family ever used a stapler to fix the drooping fabric interior of your car? Jesus Christ. That was wordy. Yeah. It was wordier. I cleaned it up.

No. We tucked it on the sides like a gentleman. That could puncture a good roof. Yeah. Those things were a tough look. Yeah. When that would start hanging down. That starts drooping.

What was that? That doesn't happen in cars now. No. Cheap fabric. Bad glue. I don't know. Was it demise of the auto industry? I don't know what to tell you, kid.

Detroit wasn't the same. Fucking dropping it. We got bad ceilings and slow sleds. Yeah. Shit's changing. Fucking jar full of penny. If it was a secondhand car, I feel like it was like one of us driving it. We just cut that shit.

Yeah. That's just getting ripped out. Yeah. 100%. All right. Let's see. This one is from, sorry. This was a, this is from Sam.

Have you ever drove a dirt bike in a residential area? I don't think you've ever been on a dirt bike. I've been on a mini bike once. And a kid, this dirt bag kid in our neighborhood had a track around the back of his house. And I rode it. Yeah. Oh man, that is the wrong side of the track. Oh, this place was, I don't even know if he had parents.

I'll be honest with you. All right. You know what I mean? It's tough. Yeah. I rode it once, was petrified, almost burned my leg on the, I was scared to burn on my leg on the muffler. And that was, that was it for me.

Yeah. Yeah. No, never. I don't know if I ever ridden a proper dirt bike. A mini bike growing up. My brother had a go cart. And then we rode quads and stuff. Like friends had quads that we would ride.

Now. Yeah. But never. We were, I was petrified of those things before I even knew what it was. Somebody got hurt on the, on the quad. There was always a, actually a break in your neck. Breaking your neck. That's it.

Apparently in the 80s and 90s, everybody was breaking their neck. I think a lot of people did. I think there was a little wall less. They were completely unsafe back then. Yeah. Yeah. I dumped my mini bike. First day I got it.

I think I told my dad got it for Christmas. And my mom was like, don't get him a fuck. I'm sure it was a contentious conversation. But he was like, you don't think I'm going to buy this kid fucking happiness? Fucking mini bike drove it the first day. Guy fucking dumped it. Tore up my fucking arm. I was like, what happened to your arm the next day?

I'm like, I fell at school. She didn't get it. It's Christmas break. I've been in school nine days. I'm like. Been practicing on the base. You'll see. You'll be sorry, man.

This is from DeVry. Are you garbage if all four tires are different brands? Yes. Yes. 100%. Yeah. I'm not going to say I haven't been jammed up in situations like that, but it's trashy. But I get what you got to do.

You got to do what you got to do. You know, if you need a new tire, you only got 150 bucks. You can't have a fucking. What are you going to do? You know, what are you going to replace them all just so that. It's up the alignment on the car. I just want you kids out there to know that. Not the brands.

The sizes. The sizes. Different treads. Telling you, I've just been going through it. I've been through like four tires in the last year. I think it's four years. You're not really balanced when you're cruising. You got a heavy payload.

Car drive sideways. This one's from Brandon. First question. Have you ever known anyone who married multiple spouses with the same name? So you like married two trishes. That would be too weird for me. Too weird. Yeah.

Also too, if like my uncle brought home or like, you know, my cousin brought home, like, Hey, this is Megan. And then like four years later, this is Megan. But that's, you know, there's something here. Yeah. You're a serial killer. There's something kooky going on. Yeah.

No. Get Tinder or something. I don't even like the second marriage, no matter who they were. Really? Oh yeah. You got divorced and then you're at like their second wedding. Yeah. I don't think I don't have any.

I think my opinions on that are well documented. Yeah. I don't think I have any other than my, my parents, nobody else had like a second marriage that I had to like, none of my friends have been married. Like I'm not at the age now where like, you're at the age where somebody can get married, divorced and then remarried. I'm still a little too young for that. Yeah.

I'm married at like 22. I don't have that. I know one of my boys just got married at 45. Wait, Bloomer. Why are you going to get married? Moving on. Wait, not your marriage first. I'm going to get my hands on you.

All right. Go for the money. Hey, dual income. We could do it. Get a better tax break. Nice insurance rates. I like it. All right.

Let's see. This is relatively on the same, same path as that. This is Chuck, a new to Patreon first comment. Does your family keep, we've talked about this. Does your family keep a record of cash that each guest provides as a gift for a party, confirmation, weddings, et cetera, then gift that family accordingly based on their initial gift when they have a party of their own? What the fuck was that?

What? No. Yeah. But people do that at weddings. Say it one more time slower. Oh, no. You keep track of how much you, somebody gives you so that when they have an event, you give them the same amount.

No. What I would, no, that's insane to me, but people do know what you give at a wedding. Oh, of course. Like I'm not even that guy. Like I'm not the guy to be like, well, they only gave me a hundred or they gave me 500. Oh yeah. You know. But as you're going through the cards like, all right, Steve, I didn't know you were fucking

doing that. Well, yeah. So you do know, and it does sit with you. You do remember. 100%. I think I got an Amazon gift card from you that I'm pretty sure you took from your mom. That was, what was that for? My wedding.

Oh, well, I wasn't invited. Lucky you got anything. Like I didn't give you a bill for an order of crab cakes and some watered down martinis. But my own chocolate fountain. Yeah. No, that's that. That's cookie. I'll tell you this though, but I think the power move would be to keep track of it.

And then when you go, you give up. Well, sure. That's why I wouldn't flex and give the same thing. I would go, I want you to know I'm better. You gave me 200. Here's three. Don't think I don't know. Because I do.

I noticed the, if I, if I give a nice gift, I will say I am looking for the thank you card at some point. Yeah. You know, wait, not a couple right now. I'll be on it. Yeah. A couple. You should be coming.

I wait soon. Because I usually don't get them. I usually get a tongue in cheek. Hey, thanks for coming. Yeah. Well, they're not really happy you're there to be honest with you. They have to deal with a bounce check. I went to this broad's house.

I didn't steal none of a Percocets and I don't get it. Thank you. I don't get it. Thank you. I do you the courtesy and not robbing you blind. I could have took that silverware, but I didn't where we just did Robbie and Casey's wedding and you wrote, you spelled her name wrong on the envelope. I fixed it.

No, you didn't relax. What is this fucking? What is it? Ladies and gentlemen, he tried. He squirmed. He left. I first of all, I just wrote R and K, but just not thinking and then I changed it to a C. I made it look cool.

As in C. I'm an idiot. You can't turn a K into a C. Yeah, you can. Yeah, you can. Maybe turn an E into a B. Maybe. No, because I drew it out like calligraphy.

I made it look like print. It looked cool. It did. It didn't. And I called you out immediately when we gave the cards to Robbie. Fair enough. That's what I got to do. What are you going to do?

Yeah. He also was like, what are you animals? Because it was that we gave it to him the next morning. Because like, yeah, we gave it to him the next morning. You don't want to get lost on the table or something. Sure. I need, especially with that, I need an eye contact when I handed that over. I was like, I was like a fucking bread truck.

That was a transfer of funds. I needed a receipt for that. No, what he called us out because we walked up to Robbie, like we were leaving the brunch the next day. Hey, thanks a lot. And I go here. Mine's just blank. Like I didn't write to Robbie.

It's also, it's like, you know who you are. It's like it's going to mix up. But they get confused with that stuff. What do you mean? Was there a card inside that had your name on it? Yeah, of course. Oh, I had mine was watermarked. So he knows the bills have a special ink on them.

Have you wrote an H-bowling on every bill? It was like a hot script in Hollywood. Sealed it in wax with your initials. I would love to start doing that. Yeah, someone does. I feel like I just watched something where like that's, it ain't that big of a deal. It's like, you could do it with cranes, I think you can melt the crayon.

And then just, you got to get your family crest stamper. That's all you got to get is your family crest stamper guys. You know what I'm talking about? The wax on the cards on envelopes. It's a real classic. The H-bowling crest is a chicken wing and a broken snow blower. And an unplugged dryer. Absolutely.

Those things are cool. All right. This one's from Zach. Haven't had a question read yet. Has anyone in your family ever been cast as a member at medieval times? Cast as a member. They actually call people out from the crowd? No.

I mean, if they ever worked at medieval times. I don't know. I don't know what he's asking. Never been. Never been either. No. Would love to go. Oh, we could go.

That could be a thing we do. I wouldn't mind getting my hand on one of them turkey legs. Oh, I did go. I went in, I went in junior higher elementary school. They took us. It smelled like horseshit. I would imagine it would. I don't remember.

It's kind of be tough to eat around this. I think they're Johnny on the spot with the cleanup. Yeah. I feel like they got a bit. Horshit. Well, I don't think they're not keeping the horses in there. The horses are like kept outside and then trial. You know, they, they.

They're still taking dumps in there. Come on. I think less though. They ask them, hey, do this outside before the showtime. You're performers. You can't be shitting out there. I don't know. I could.

I could be shitting during a performance. I don't think I could. I don't think I could eat. And even with the remote smell of horse or horseshit. I don't recall to be honest with you. I also just remember it being like this. It's tough for me to get lost in that. How are they serving food in there too with that goal?

I mean, it's a fucking, it's a turkey leg. It's not food. It's not like a fork, which is not a chef tasting. I think there would be some type of FDA regulations. FDA. No. I don't know. Yeah.

I know you don't know because that doesn't make any sense. Oh, is that what gave me away? Yeah. No, no way. But there's one right in Jersey. We could totally go. I know. He knows guys.

I know. He knows. All right. This one's from Mark. Do you have, wait, do you, or have you ever shopped at a grocery store that had the anti-theft wheels on the carts? That really tells you something about where you live and a multitude of ways. Because if you're living in a place where people are still on the carts, it's a bad

look. It's a bad look. And it's also, if they're still on the cart so much that they have to do that. I take my mom's neighborhood, they don't have them. And also, no one's stealing a cart. And if they do, it's like, yeah, I just take the one. You know what I mean? They don't care if one gets taken a year or a month or whatever.

Yeah. You've got to be losing a lot of carts to invest in that kind of technology. Yeah. Because I don't know how they do that. It's just an invisible fence or with its radar. It's a shock collar. It's got to be something. Or there's just some guy in a computer room like hit 32 and then he fucking sees it's like

a bank car. Seizes the engine owner. That's a tough look. Shopping carts outside of a supermarket and supermarket parking lot are the toughest look. Sure. You see a guy walking down a street probably. No one's ever pushing that down a street.

They probably should be walking down. No. It's always they're on the shoulder. They're like, there's a bumper in it. A lot of highways under bridges, under overpasses. That's where you see the solo shopping cart. Yeah. It's a tough, tough, tough look.

Frightening. I feel like I was just somewhere where someone had one. And I was like. We drove wherever we were driving. There was a shopping cart on the one side of the road. I can't remember where we were. No. I was like.

Like a friend. I think it was my mother-in-law took one. What? Yeah. I think she returned it. Oh no. What they had is they had the basket. That's what they had.

They stole a basket. Jesus. Yeah. Like a handheld light. I know exactly what you're talking about. I don't know. Now listen. Now those I wouldn't mind stealing.

I got to give you. It was a pretty. We went to, we had like a picnic and it was like fucking perfect. I don't know if she bought it or what, but it was in the apartment and we took it. I was like, this thing's fucking. This is a good move. Yeah. Sanitize that up real quick.

It's not bad. You got a fresh heat. Yeah. I like that move. It wasn't too bad, but I remember looking at it. I saw that in the house. I'm like, these don't belong in homes. I know that, but it's a pretty good snag.

I got to give it to you. She's got a sleeve of those produce bags. That's what you take your lunch in. Oh man. You got a bucket full of twist ties. I remember my dad, I don't know. I think it was just looking back the way my dad would operate a twist tie. It was like he invented.

Oh, it's crazy. And I remember as a kid, I could, I don't know if I didn't have enough torque or something. Yeah. Like the dexterity to hold it tight and get it. I couldn't put a twist tie on to save my life. Meanwhile, this guy's making balloon animals. That and how they stirred shit. Like how good they, how fast they can make a spoon moving something.

I was like, what are you fucking Superman? Well, we used to talk. I think we've mentioned this all fair, but the thing for us was ice cream with like a little bit of Hershey's syrup. Like Briar's ice cream. Sure. A little bit of Hershey's syrup. And then my dad would fucking whip it. And he was the only one and the kids were two.

I don't know if I, again, didn't have them. It didn't. Yeah. But like he would like too wet. And then I did it as an adult. I was like, God, it's fucking. Talk about blow your hair back. And then I pulled Briar's vanilla and a little bit of fucking Hershey's whip that up in the soft serve.

Get the kids, brush your teeth, put some list to read in because it's fucking good night. Yeah. The best. That is a wrap. Tough to recreate on the second bowl too. Oh, because there's already, I don't know what it was, but have going back and recreate and that was tough. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know if I ever had to do it a multiple bowls. All right. Moving on. We got it. Let's do like two more than we got. Yeah. Get out of here. Let's see.

We did the dropping out of roof fare. So from Mark, have you ever been named in a restraining order? God, no. Yeah. No. Jesus Christ. I don't even think anybody I know that has admitted to me. They've been named.

I'm sure I know somebody who has been in a restraining order. Sure. A boyfriend, girlfriend type thing, husband's wife type thing. I know too many dirt bags for that not to be a case. Somebody's got to keep 200 feet away. Even if it was filed because it's like, hey, we filed it because there's something. You know what I mean? Just playing, yeah, setting you up for something else.

Yes. Yeah. I don't know. I would have to assume. Yeah. We got to have friends who can't get within 100 feet of Skrillex or something. Skrillex. Skrillex.

I'm banned from the juggalos. Turns out, ICB can't take a joke. All right, then we'll get out of here on this one. This one's from Jared. Is it Tratton? This is more of a debate. Is it trash to call ramen noodles, oodles of noodles? I always thought that was a brand, I feel.

I don't know. Let me look. We used to call it oodles of noodles. I think oodles of noodles was a brand. Was it? Yeah. That came in a cup. No.

That's a cup of noodles. But I think that was also oodles of noodles. Yeah, oodles of noodles, TV commercial, 1979. What are oodles of noodles? Ramen noodles packed with a variety of seasonings sold by Nissan Foods. Nissan, yeah. Yeah. We're top ramen.

That's how we operate. We were always top ramen people. Chicken Flavor. I didn't have it until I went to college. Oh, my brother loved that shit. Yeah. We used to get creative with it, too. Chop up hamburger.

Oh. Chop up, not put the seasoning in. Chop up hamburger and put ketchup in it. And a little bit of what's it called, A1. It's nice. Try it at home. Don't. Nice cold glass of milk.

If you do, don't tag me. Chop up a hamburger. Saute it in a little A1. Put a little bit of ketchup with the noodles. Clean living. No, no. That's it. I'm out.

That's a very tough look. I literally just made my blood run cold. Gang, this has been a family episode. We love you, Kippy. What do you got for him? Guys, I'm at Kevin Ryan comedy on all social media. I'm almost at 10,000 on Instagram. Let's fucking.

We all are. Let's fucking get some a little closer to the more. Let's get the fucking numbers up. You know what I mean? Come to a live show. Get some merch. Yeah. Tell a friend.

I don't care. We're just fucking happy. Listen, we fucking love you guys. We love you. Thank you so much. We'll see you next week. Peace. Peace.