Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Late Credit Card Payments! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: December 1, 2025

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored by: NOBL Travel: Don’t miss NOBL’s biggest Sale of the Year! Head to https://NOBLTravel.com for up to 62% off your entire order! BlueChew: https://bluechew.com Promo Code: Garbage Brunt Workwear: Get $10 Off at BRUNT with code GARBAGE at https://www.bruntworkwear.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We got new tour dates to announce, gang. Obviously, we got Philadelphia at the Met December 13th, but then we're headed to Austin, Tampa, Chicago, Bloomington, Indiana, Nashville, Tennessee. We got Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and Cleveland, Ohio. Get your tickets right now. Are You Garbage.com. The boys are coming. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage, the show where you find out

if your favorite comedians are classy individuals, or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R.U. Garbage. It's our little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find it enough to group to be classy. Yeah, just a big old piece of trash.

Trash, trash. I'm your host, A. H.Filley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tootie's in the new edition. She just got a picture in the paper. Okay. I don't know for what Okay My co's is coming at you for across the table

He is the CEO of RU Garbage He's an international businessman The Kippie of the year Kevin James Ryan everybody What up gang? Shout out to you as always Please make sure you rate view, subscribe on iTunes Full video available on YouTube Full video available over there on Spotify, baby

And then obviously the greatest website of all time WWW dot Patreon.com slash are you garbage you go over there You join the over 15,000 strong baby 15K thousand Patreon members. That army of garbage, that battalion, that platoon is strong. That's about what Tootty lost on the Eagles this weekend.

And then obviously, guys, we just launched a bunch of new dates. Go get your tickets. We got Austin. We got Tampa. We got Chicago. L.A. is coming soon. We got Bloomington, Indiana. A lot of places.

Go to the website. Check that. Philadelphia, the Met. That's coming up soon. Get them tickets. The boys are coming home to roost. Yeah. And merch.

Merch. merch. Boy, he's got a lot of fucking things flying around up here. Get them bug man tees. Plenty still available while supplies last for the next five years. Nobody wants a reminder of the worst summer ever. I live in it. You know, I was just going to say, one.

The floor is yours. I apologize for the voice. Voice is coming and going a little bit. I got a Ludens in, which is the fat kid. Who, my man. Those didn't make it home from the fucking. a right aide at my when I was when I was rolling back when I was banging this shows you how our good pal Ryan Diesel director of operations how good he is down at skankfest the voice was

really acting up said give me some cough drops shows up with them I was looking for a hole something that actually works sure but he knew to get fatty a little sweet treat big dog likes a sweet treat I just eat them like candy yeah we know they're so good what's it there's me why don't you do you got it to get a little more proactive on I I have started okay they'll Salt water rinses in the morning and stuff like that. Unfiltered cigarettes. Is that what you're doing? Unfiltered eaters.

Bite them off. I found myself in a little bit of a financial predicament. Nice. Welcome to the party. We are so fucking back, baby. Excellent. Can't have nothing nice. Foreclosure.

No. Jay, easy. I'm not that fucking sin. I'm going to put that juju on me. That hex? Um. I just got an email. Uh-oh.

This would be for the fourth month in a row I've gotten this email. And I've been able to throw some dance moves, some workarounds at it. Con Edison, shut off notice. No. You're not far off. Kevin, did you forget something? Let me tell you. What?

That's how it opens? Yeah. Who the fuck knows you like that? Synchrony bank, who I'm on this sheet with. That's my Venmo credit card. I got the VEMO credit card back when my credit wasn't great, and I needed some walking around money. I would argue it's probably not great now.

What's your credit at? I call it, you know, not great after this. Six? Ah, 7.05, I think. But then I run one up, you know, the birds don't cover it. I got to fucking dump some money back. Yeah. You still use this Venmo credit card?

Yeah, occasionally. Some stuff's on it. Okay. I don't know what is. I can go over to transactions if you like. off the air you missed a payment let's get back on track wow that's pretty that's like really going out to the younger generation what yo bro what's up the pocket's a little light this moment i know you're waiting on something they're coming with cool teacher vibes yeah yeah that's what

they're trying to do i know your project managing jobs going well and the dj career is about to take off but we're going to need that cheddar sorry bro i can tell you who doesn't talk like that the people at American Express. No, no, no, no, no, no. They operate by certified the mail. Mr. Foley. To whom it may a, hey, pudgy. When they call you.

Ooh, boy. Here's the problem. It's not accepting my bank. I try to put my bank. I can't, you know how it gives you that? Mr. Wright, unfortunately, you have a credible financial institution that we don't work with. This guy's got a real bank. Well, you know you use that plaid to link your bank.

Bank. Oh, my God. What? You don't do that? Is that bad? I do that. Yeah, I do that. Why, everyone's doing that?

I don't think so. What do you mean? That's your... No, everyone does that. No. That's broke, bad new shit. I did that a couple days ago. I planned.

Yeah, yeah. Sending a Hail Mary. What? No. Do you use it? I'm always scared what I do. Oh, I give up. Just they got everything.

They got it. They got it. If they want it, they got it. The emblem isn't nice enough for me. It's not. It's not. And you always get like, you're leaving the site. You're like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Fucking take me to a second location. You're leaving the site to a third party. Oh, authorization. But then I see this is so funny. I see they got the pictures of like the Wells Farga. I can't find that anywhere. You know what I mean? That looks sanctioned.

Oh, picking your bank? Yeah. It's so trashy. What the fuck. But it won't link. Something's code. You're already linked. and then I go but I'm not linked

so now I try linking to checking I try like nothing I've been trying for months and I'm late every month it keeps digging how long how long you've been missing well I found a workaround I can pay the minimum with my cash at the Venmo office did you tell us

I don't think so where's Venmo at where's their headquarters somebody get them on a phone you can't that's a problem with his generation I remember nobody wants to talk I remember you complaining

you're on the phone with Venmo, and I go, who the fuck's got to call that? I'm me now. I got to call Venmo. So listen, here's my workaround, and I need help. If you guys are my sharks, I need help. Okay. I need some. I don't have any cash on me.

You take something from petty cash if you needed, but you got to put that back. That's crazy. You know the rules, which means you've been dipping into the petty cat. I assume that would be highly frowned upon. If you start taking money from me, yeah, that'd be pretty frowned. Taking money from you? You're not putting money in there. I'm not going to check

to Petty Cashers as an extra C-no walking around. That's T-shirt change. You don't care about that. Rich guy like you? Wearing plaid. I am wearing plaid. It's a bad name. Plaid, you'll never see us coming. Plaid, we'll blend right in.

We rob you. Hiding in plain sight, Plad. What is that? Well, they're never going to be a sponsor. Who thinks of that? Hold on. That's a brilliant. Hold on.

So here's my thing. I've been able to make the minimum payment for a while. Right. Because I carry a balance in my Venmo. And you can pay, I can't, because I can't link. Pay me with your Venmo. I can pay with the balance, but I don't have enough. I've just been making the minimum payment.

Now, but that's not, now I don't have any money in my Venmo. So one of you has to Venmo me money so I can make a payment today. I assume that's not going to be you. I assume I'm, I assume I'm looking at the Dems. group for this one. Okay. This is what he's been waiting for. Luke.

Luke's now, this is bad. Luke, this is the corporate takeover. This is the squeeze out. Uh-huh. He's got me right. Is your mom orchestrate this?

You sandbag and son of them. It's funny because my mom always wants, always wants to send Venmo money because she just gets and she doesn't, like, transfer it to her account. So, yeah. So she leaves it in Venmo? Mrs. Dempsey would gladly say,

no, I don't need that fucking shark swimming around here. Wow. She just leaves it in there. Yeah. She got it. You wouldn't do that. No. No.

I need it. Well, I got a current minimum due of 101. That includes the past due balance of the $41. That was due 10 days ago. What's it take to get you clear? Current balance? You're dreaming. You don't pay Karen.

Currently broke. I'm up top. Hit me low. Where I'm at? It me where my balance. I'm at my Venmo limit. I'm sorry, I can't help you for another 24 hours. My current balance has been sitting like this for a while out of its interest

because I've just been paying a minimum payment for about four to six months. What are you doing? What? It's supposed to be the business owner. Yeah, we run a garbage operation here. What do you mean? I like that I do that. I expect you to run the books clean.

This is clean? Now, what does a company like Venmo charge you for interest? Oh, I don't. It's the Dempsey group. Oh, fuck you, dude. Four tokens. No, I don't know. I don't have my phone on me either.

Three gifts boxes and two pizza slice emojis. See what they charge. But I can get better money on his street, if you know what I mean. Better points in the street. I remember my cousin yelling at like fucking Wachovia Bank or something. Dude, this is, shout out my cousin, Leo. This is when overdraft just got instituted. When was that?

This is 15, 20 years ago something. This is a long time. Overdraft hasn't always been a thing. No, well, not like debit cards weren't like, you know, you didn't have the overdraft protection. Once they realized it can make a shit ton of money and they whack you out every charge. So if you buy a package to like, you know.

I was letting the charge go through. They're going to charge of 35 bucks. That's so smart. So my cousin ran through it in like a weekend. Just not knowing, just going, I got the overdraft. You know, you're charging me to 35 bucks. He didn't realize he's getting whacked out every time.

And I remember him calling the bank the next, the Monday morning. He's going I'll fucking kill myself He's going We're sitting in poor Richmond We're sitting in a row home at poor Richmond I'm hung over to the guild

And He goes He's screaming at this lady On the bank from Wachovey And he's going Hey fuck you Mary He's going You're telling me

I buy a pack of gum for a dollar You charge me $35 on top of that And she goes yes That's how we do I get cheaper money on the street God damn it I go, she don't care. I'm like, you're not negotiating with her.

Don't take one or two off. That's the best thing do. TD used to be two every six months. What's the current? The penalty APR rate is 2749. That's a lot of gum. I owe $6.53.59. And then I'm cutting it in half.

I'm never using it again. You want it right now? after i don't i don't need i don't need this documented for if you ever try to sue come after me for 10% of the company i can always say this was part of a comedy bit you have 600 in your venmo no it's linked to your card oh he's got six hundred dollars i got plaid he's just platt it up planned it up i don't know if i am linked like that to be

honest with you i think it's just in there i got nothing in there you got to go to a venmo ATM feed money in But I will need to take care of that today. Because I also just got an email that I'm getting dinged on my credit report again for that. Because I'm late at the moment. And I can't figure it out. That's how they get you. This is how Big Bank gets you.

I don't like it. Going through my transactions, I'm seeing I requested $87 from Kevin Ryan. Did you get that? Nope. It's still sitting. I should remind him, actually. I'm going to remind them right now. Oh, there's reminders on there?

Oh, my God. And he's got the balls talking about sending him. Does he send them? I'll send reminders. $87? He'll send me screen shop. Older bottles of wine, lunches. You're shaking a guy there for $87.

What else is on there? Not if you're hitting my personal account up. He's got a couple. It was just the two. Do we have an AYG Venmo? Uh-huh. Cool. Doing pretty good.

What's the other one? It was just for $54. That small potatoes to a guy like that. A rich guy like you can't pay his credit. car bill i'm one of those rich guys that's stiff and everybody around town i'm what they call cash poor now we sell out this we're doing pretty good but there's your heart what do you what you're shopping this around you're a loop net and a podcast that's where you buy and sell business it's like zillow for

business it's a picture of me and you i was gonna say doing well ah that's all right you have $600 in your Venmo? Kevin, why don't you check out your Venmo? I don't have my phone on me. Six-60, you're away. No, no, I'm denying it. It's already saying. Denied it.

What he's getting to? Don't take more. I'm not touching anything. Diesel, throw my phone off a bridge. Listen, you tell your parents. What do you want? You want something? I'll send something your way, too.

Now, Lee, you got him. You should have went to him first, you idiot. That's how you, you should have just sent him a hundred bucks. He'd be all over you. You buy me, you kill him. Can't buy a man with morals. Next episode, you're back there. He's here.

I'm doing a show with Luke. You're back there. Fucking cameras are all upside down and shit. It's $400. What he? He said he'd buy me dinner. Oh, you stink. But all that's neither here nor there.

I was going to say, you tell your family, this company is not for sale. Unless they come with a check. guy like you guy like you you would sell the popsicle stand for nothing what do you mean you'd sell it for a pack of ludens

got one left we still have to do the show we still get to do the show yeah well who would buy the show without us a couple of these rushing

Couple of these Chechnine guys I got on the hook Welcome, Beck They're going to turn Toonies into a brothel We're fucking these days That's great I like the one in the hit The one in the what? The hit

It's a hit The hit It's like the no jumper pod Where you have podcast for an hour and then you guys fuck after. We're sitting here we're sitting here interviewing guys

from the Kremlin and then they fuck us. Can we release this? I was going to say it's just me and you every week. We just bang? I'm going. What? No guest again? You're like, I don't know.

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There's still a family episode regardless of how much debt I may or may not be in. next week we're going all country um as you know that's gosh darn family episode when you join the old patreon we'll answer your garbage questions on the air um that being said let's get into it please this isn't the same world this is taking down big bank institutions this from mitchell are you garbage if you make people or companies chase you down for a new credit card numbers after you switch banks i did it and i've switched my card recently and i've been like letting cards decline all over town. If they really need it, they'll come find me.

I operate the same way. Really? Yeah. They're going to alert you that this didn't, like, you'll get email. Hey, this didn't go through. Like bills and stuff. When I get a, yeah, when I get a new debit card, I'm not like logging into Con Ed and changing my account.

I always thought that I did it automatically. Whoa. Might explain the lights off of my house and the weird gas smell. I hate all that shit I'm sick of it I got to change the mail I don't know how to The mail

I moved I told you I don't remember when we were talking about switching apartments That one and you said it was so ridiculous But that's what I thought about the most What You change your license to fucking mail To this to that

I hate all that shit But I really hate all the electronic stuff Yeah I just I don't mind it It is, like, such a burden hanging over you. And it is, like, what responsibility, like, responsible people. That's something, Luke would get his new car. They pull it up.

They log into all the different things. He sits on his little laptop at his breakfast nook with his fruit bowl. And half of this company. What the fat ones say today? He's got a newspaper open. Piece of shit. Oh, what's AYG trading at? Panking.

Apparently, I got a. mixed up in a Venmo scandal. Diesel's my Alford just reading me what you could report. I don't know. The fat one called the bald one bald and the bald one called the fat one fat one fat. That's great. More at 11. Yeah, I don't, I'm bad with all that.

And I get it from my dad. We never used to let, we never used to open the mail. I'm, I'm the same. I don't like read. It's bad news. No, I mean, no one's going. No, I'm agreeing with you. No, here's that check for a 500 you were looking for.

that's never the case. I remember stacks. And I remember going on them at some point and going, you got to listen. I'm irresponsible as the next guy. I'm right out of places to eat my cereal. But you're going to have to fucking do something about this. I remember, you know, the colors get more and more severe as things go on.

I don't know. Luke, I don't know if you and the Dempsey's ever received fucking hot pink envelopes, but that's their money and they want it now. Getting the yellow one is scary. Yeah, something bright red. Yikes. You can't scare me with that envelope. I have that, yeah, you can't.

At this point, you know, in our early days of comedy, you become so broke that it's like you can't shot at that. I mean, I've had fucking, I've defaulted on student loan. I've done everything. You want to come up to me, Van, well, my life's on fire right now. My dad had a great line. Someone's like, I'll fucking take your ass to quarter something. He goes, get in line.

That also goes around the block. I said, God damn, I'm writing that down. Something like, you get, I'll kick your ass. He goes, get in line. That also starts around the block. They're probably taking a fucking ripping a marb bread, drinking a micklebe. That you don't? It's hard to beat a man with no fear.

Yeah. Nothing to lose. Yeah. That's why, like, I do, I used to have anxiety. Like, a lot of my anxiety is gone now that just, like, I can keep the, like, that everything's just, I'm, I can. I can't, I'd have to severely fuck this up. Trave hit him. To, you know, I've slowed down enough in my life that that's not relatively possible.

You know what I mean? I hope not. But. Me too. Depends if the fucking Dempsey group bamboozles me and takes all my proxy votes. Well, that's always our parachute. What? Seldon Luke's dad.

Something does happen. A little PR thing So to look I'll sleep it under the rug Kill who they got to kill Sure Pay off where they got to pay off Put us to work

Yeah that's what I want They're starting the farm We'll just be farm hands Podcasting out In the land Huh They're starting like a farm They're doing like a lot of like

That's which guy tax shit They get one sheep Three chickens And then they go do you have livestock And they go I do Yeah You only pay 4% in fucking Property tax or some shit

That's dirtbag shit I know people that did that His mom's selling eggs out to farmer's market? Yeah, they'd be in South Philly with fucking two roosters going, yeah, this is, you know, this is farm to table, shit like that. Nah, dude. Not buying it. Dempsey's in sheep's clothing.

Coming in, swooping us. That reminds me. I was talking to my cousin, uh, Michael. Shout out to Michael. I hit him up. Uh, he hit me up. And he was, it's kind of funny. We sold out of the 4X of the car hearts.

The car heart shirts immediately. Love it. The bootleg car heart shirts immediately. And he goes, oh, it's funny. That's the only thing sold out. I go, oh, don't buy it. I'll, you know, I'll give me, I'm like, give me your address and, you know, what size do you want? Your Venmo account.

Go give me your address and what size you want. Pay my credit card, no. You can have whatever you want. You just had Luke pay your credit card. Luke did him, no, no, no. Money's in the account. I didn't touch it. I can deny that.

I can, I can say, I can, I can claim fraud. I'm just saying. What? We're four years, five years into this. Luke's paying your credit card bill. I'm tanking. Blame Diesel's Italian. We're screwed.

That's how well you're doing. Why? I mean, his money didn't come from thin air. Yeah. His money's my money. It's like we're married. You know what I mean? You put it that way.

Send me five on it. Keeps all right off my back for a couple of days. And I'm just so bad and so dumb. when it comes to the technical, I will never, my problem is I will never figure this out. I will never figure out, it just won't take it. And I'm just done. And I'm going to have to, I'm going to have to, I still pay my spectrum bill by them shutting it off and me calling. If I'm on the road, Nadino text me, hey, did you pay the bill?

And it's out. And then I'm going to have to call and it'll go, I got to go to the whole rig of my role and it goes, hey, your service may or may not be turned off. I know what? That's crazy. Talk to Luke about this. I'm, dude, I'm just, we're not good at paying bills. No one in my family ever has been.

Well. 30, 30 people. Sure. The Irish. This is more for the big man. This is from Sticky Vicky. Please, hey, Vic. Earlyest acceptable time to get a slurpy.

Interesting question. I have my time and my reasons. I would say a gentleman. Gets a slurpy at 11 or after. I think that's the gentleman call. I will push back on this as I've had to as a fad-ass, most of my life. When I was working for my family's company, you can start early. Very true.

So if you're up at six. And you're up at six, not one day, but a multiple of days. Your lunchtime gets shifted up. I'd be doing a hot dog 10 a.m. I think that, you know, so... What time would you guys quit? It depends. Four or five?

No, no. Earlier? Yeah, yeah. Okay. It depends. I mean, really, seven to three was probably typical, give or take. My only problem with the early lunch. Early starts, early quits are nice, though.

I'm getting an early start. Yeah, early starts, early quits are nice. But the early lunch can be, when you have more hours after lunch than before lunch, Oh, it sucks. God, that sucks. Man, where when I was working in a cubicle, you'd want to take it just to get out of the fucking office, so you'd take it like 90 minutes after you got there.

And he'd go, fuck! You had nine hours left today. Swirling in my chair and shit. I like, kill myself. Two pencils in your mouth like a walrus. I tell you, not to bring it up, but that sopranos did it great. When Vito was working for that lady up in New Hampshire,

and he's doing the internal monologue with the watch, He's like 10 o'clock, got to be. Look at the position to the sun. Yes. It's like 9.45. Yeah, the manual labor of it all. Holy rich guys talk like that. Manual labor of it all.

Well, when you're busy, it's good. When you're like actually doing it's like, it's the time. And you're like, oh, the life's fucking just. Try to lose it. When you have to look busy for a long time in the office, I had to look busy. You know, you're doing the Kistanza. You're like shaking your head. Making cops.

copies. Just fucking... Just fucking a viny with a skinny. Listen to a lot of... Could you listen to have headphones on? Yeah, I could have one in. One over the hidden one, because, like, I would... This was against the wall, so I could have one here.

I'd plug my headphones into the computer, into the tower, and I'd watch YouTube. Have that YouTube playing in a background. Uh-huh. What a schlub. People could... Yeah, people come on. Yeah, it was...

I was bad I used to I mean my job there was opening mail too I was paying other people's bills paying rich people's bills and man I would hide that shit

what do you mean I just wouldn't fucking open I just I'd put in a drawer and that drawer would get so full and I'd have to go like I would just start running shit through the chopper

just start mulching and going it has never happened you can't prove you can't prove I ever got this I start giving them My Dirtbag You know what I mean

I never signed for this How fuck I get Hey you know I got it Do you see my signature on that On that bill? I don't think so That's all treaded I can't tell who's signatures

Yeah All right let's see here This is from Brennan $10 homie here Is it Garbage at my mom Called me from an all-inclusive resort In Mexico To buy her a powerball ticket

that's what it's all about yeah if that's not the duality of trash that's garbage you got a couple but maybe the maybe the whole maybe the whole trip was put on your VEMO credit card and you're down there spending money you ain't got but you're looking at home going why don't you get me if we can wash this away yeah get me a 401k you know what I mean I respect that that uh that definitely started at a hotel pool bar where they were talking I got to call my son to make sure he pays the power plays the ball ball ball ball for me my son's playing for me that and you wake a good Did you hear what it's at today? 912 million.

Oh, really? I call my son to bite that gets. That is a very garbage signal to another human being. See what the power ball is at? Mm-hmm. Nine billion. Yeah? Would you stop driving the cab if you won that?

Tell you what I'd do the next day. Come right the way. Oh, would you? Fucking, come in, never mind. Come in and open up all that mail. I haven't opened yet. I always say I wouldn't tell anybody Keep it quiet

For a little bit I definitely wouldn't do that TV shit Yeah I mean I think a lot of it It tends to be public I think certain states have certain rules Because I know people have scammed it And try to send like a Depending on where you claim

I think you got to go But you don't got to be on camera You'd say you want to be private No but I don't know I just know different states Have different regulations That's all I know I'm not saying I'll throw acid on my face then

I always wear ski masks What do you got, Luke Depends completely on state Certain Arizona, Arkansas, Georgia You're allowed to, like, hide yourself Oh, like, yeah Georgia knows what's up Arizona, shout out to the Bulldogs

Yeah Arizona, that's where you go to disappear Yeah, yeah, yeah, hey, come on over We'll burn your fingerprints off here too I'll do it all, well cash a check and fucking Why is it always Arizona with the They're cowboys When you go in the Witsack?

Oh, because nothing's out there. I just dump you out there. That's the furthest away from the mob. Ain't a fucking man. Fucking wise guys are going down there. You know what I mean? Out of shit. You wear a shark skin suit?

I'm going to go to eat. Have your parents ever played the lottery? Yeah, when it got really big. I remember when I was like 10, my dad bought some mega millions and stuff like that. Did he. Yeah. I bet he did. My stepdad.

No, this has become interesting. I remember my stepdad having a stack of fucking power bowl. because he was also like the dirt bag that didn't want to throw it away in case it was it had a dollar on it or what you know what I mean he wasn't going to check it check them tickets yeah but dude it was a stack right above in his in the vizzer that's a true dirtbag thing too the amount of paper in a visor

of your of your beat up SUV for off my dad had toll receipts you always get paid cash and got a receipt and they would be like up to that it's brutal that and I still do it when I have to pull the ticket for like the If you're in a car without the easy pass, that goes right up there. Don't forget that. Like a St.

Christopher watching up. We had this old guy, Phil, that used to work in the kitchen at Bluebell in when I worked there as a kid. And those guys lived in the one wing of the building, like the professional kitchen guys. And he would always give you like a dollar or two to check his tickets for him. Nice. Couldn't read. Proper couldn't read. Sure.

All losers again, you're in a Lambo. Great old guy. If you got cut from work for screwing around, the owner would come in, get out of here. You're done for the night. Just toss you out. Did you work in the 1940s?

Who the fuck? Hey, quit playing grab-ass, boy. You're off the line. Mr. Lampreck, that's kind of the way he sounded. Okay. Awesome place to work. You go up and hang out with Phil if he was off. He was older, so sometimes he wouldn't, you know,

wouldn't feel well, and he'd be up in his little room, watching smoking cigarettes and watching old TV. Okay. You go turn and sit with him. It's great. Yeah. Because you couldn't call your parents and ask for a ride. He'd be like, what you even weren't girly for?

And you say, I got caught. I got caught eating dinner rolls again, Pop. What? That's the third time this week, Hendry. You ain't far off. You're going to Arizona. Man, they were great. You would have loved their roles.

You don't know nothing about me. Yeah, I do. You know your little carbohydrate freak. Hey, easy does it. I know what you like. Sourdough boy. There you can. He likes a carbohydrate.

I'll tell you that much. Milky Way bread I don't think I'd like a chocolate bread Yeah you wouldn't I'm very hotballed in me Hello Kevin What do you got? Talk to me

Let's see Powerball What? This is, I mean This is a new one for me As much of a dirtbag As much dirtbag behaviors We've covered here

This is from Andrew Hey y'all never have one read Is it garbage Or Turn Your Shower on super hot so it can warm up your bedroom. F-Y-I, I don't leave it on too long. I'm not a wasteful dirt bag, just a cold one. What?

The bedroom? I guess it's or it says his room. I'm assuming it's his bedroom. The shower, I'm all four cranking that up and letting it run for five minutes to warm up the shower and the bathroom. So it's nice when you go in there. I like

that. I think five minutes a long time for the shower to run the shower. I think it's a long. I mean, I'm not fucking... I'm not captain playing it over here. But that's five minutes of running. These kids are screwed anyway. I'm not super put just five minutes. My shower ain't going to pull the chips to the Taiwan, all right?

I don't know what to tell you. You guys are on your own. It could run a drought and run them ashore. See? I'm helping out. Help me run a shower. Five minutes is what it takes to get the bathroom warmed up. Steam it up a little bit.

So my piggies don't get cold. I'm going to shower. Yeah, God forbid. Er, I touch the side of the wall and it's cold. I want to enjoy my shower. Exfoliate. Refresh. Do my stretches.

Mm-hmm. Snap a dirtle. Snap your turtle. Can you pull my wiener? Yeah, I mean, I get that. I've tried it for cold. I've tried it to lower the temperature when I didn't have air conditioning. So that makes sense that you would do that to heat because it's a good heat.

I mean, like, I just don't see how it makes it down the whole, or out of the hallway and into the bedroom. You're assuming there's a hallway. What if it's right off the bedroom? And he just keeps the door open and it warms his small room. What he has a studio apartment? I don't know. You know what I mean?

Yeah. I'm just not applying any, I'm assuming whatever it does. It doesn't go down the hallway, bang a left, you know, wrap around the kitchen, then warm up that room. I assume he's closer. I respect it. I think it's fair. There's nothing worse.

I do agree you got to warm up the bathroom. Thank you. You got it. I'm all about that. Thank you. Do we got new fucking mats? She buys cheap shit. With the white on the bottom?

That white rubber on the bottom? I don't even know, but they're like too long. Like the fur, not the fur. What's the word? Carpet. Shag, kind of? Yeah, but it's not even like thick. It's like thin.

You know those visors that have the hair on them? It looks like that hair. You know what I mean? Does that make sense? Dropping. Do you know what I'm going? Yeah. It's said that the threads are so thin.

We had a dude at the show. I can't remember what show it was recently. We met him at the meat and green. He was rocking that look. It was his hair. But he had a visor on. I don't think it was. I think it was.

I didn't know. I don't know what that was. I'm not sure. Shout out to you. Shout out to you. Shout out to you. I was so unsure that I didn't make fun of him at the. I'm eating great about it because I wasn't sure if it was a real.

I wouldn't be, I was going to be like, are you wearing one of those fucking visors with the hair? But I didn't want it to be as real hair and I didn't want it to be. I didn't know what I wanted out of it. I dug it. It's a good look. Yeah,

but as a carpet, that's, you get on baby. Dude, and this morning my wife got in before me. Nice. I love that. Sure.

But now to floor, you get out and it's like stepping in a swans again. We're walking in a marsh because it's the hair's long to begin with. And then it's wet and it holds that water. Someone through my toes. Oh, dude, it is icky feet. I hate it. And it's hers, so it's already cold because it's like, so you get out, I dry my, and

it's like walking into fucking quicksand, dude. It stinks. It ruins the day. So now I put like my t-shirt or my underwear, whatever I got on that I'm taking off. I lay on top. We got to get new mats. We're fucking jammed up. You stepping out of your underwear?

Yeah. I do that a lot. You don't do that? No, I do that all the time What do you mean? To not wet the floor I'll step on whatever I'm not like wearing

Yeah That I understand Yeah I'm not putting out a new set of underwear Why don't you just put a towel down As a makeup bath mat I don't have extra I ain't got extra Listen I barely got a workable bath mat

You think I got extra fucking I mean the Venmo for $400 I ain't got it yeah What he's talking about Luke's paying my bills Um Yeah it's dude it's just It makes my toes curl.

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you save the tissue paper from gift bags i understand the bags but the tissue paper i got an odd take here i would say it's more important to save the tissue paper in my experience than the bag because as a dirt bag who's always buying a gift and or wrapping the gift super last minute i always have the bag. I never have the tissue paper. And if anybody out there knows. When you hand a bag with a box in it and it's just

wobbling around and the sides are sticking out, you look like a fucking jerk off. What do you got a gun in here? What the fuck? Just a brick of Coke? Yeah. It's just no tissue. It looks like you're shoplifting, dude. It looks like

that should be lined with tinfoil in the inside. Which I saw these two We're all doing it 59th in the Lex one time. It blew my little... I had never seen an operation like that. They were switching. Because Bloomingdale's and H&M are all right there, 59th and Lex, whatever that is.

Checkput. Man, they were... I think, because you can hit a bunch of stores, and then you're on the subway, and there's like the NQR and the fucking 4-5-6s is here. You could be in a fucking Bronx in three minutes. Fucking... And I have.

Well, this is security guard for fucking H-E. and M looking for you and they were switching bags real quick to a teen there was like two girls came down with bags hand them to someone else they went that way they went that way gone in the no kidding fucking ghosted i went god damn this city's gonna be all right uh i like it yeah um only problem that tissue paper doesn't hold it's not that it doesn't hold You could have 40 sheets of that They pack it It takes them as much space

As a loose piece of losing paper Sure You open that shit up You're never folding that back nice Are you going to store it? I listen I don't I'm not judging I'm just saying where are you going to keep it

In the bag Put the bag on the floor of the closet Oh I guess you could just Drop another box in there You know it's a real bad luck But isn't that bad to re-gift those bags No I think those are getting past

around like fucking loose cigarettes in jail I was throw them out oh that's crazy I've always had the bag and then I got to hit up Denise you got the issue paper I don't know I keep doing I just I know

shout out to his new special I always just get that shit when I get the thing before I get to the house I'm not buying the gift bag what you're a misunderstanding is I got I got I'm in the I got the gift bag

at the house and I'm already behind the eight ball I gotta be at the nieces for my sisters for Christmas in 45 minutes stop at CBS I ain't got time on the schedule I don't have it

I get on me yeah yeah what the fuck I'm with you yeah in a perfect world I go buy all the stuff I'm saying in a world where I can't do that that stuff I get that yeah I could

but listen I could just fucking not give a gift as well I can live in all all these world. But I don't have time, whatever it is. I don't want to stop, however it be. I've taken, I've been like, oh, we have three pieces or whatever. You make that work. And then you wrap, do you ever wrap the box?

So like what's sticking out? There's none really in the bag. That's all you got to do. That's a hamburger commercial. You just need to stick out. You just need the paper coming out, right? Yeah. No.

They just want to show. I'm saying I don't have no you're I think you're misinterpreting go ahead say this is the top of the bag this is the rim of the bag yes right right the box comes out here stick it up out of the bag you bought it too small the bag I got I got I got I put it what Ikea bag I'm working with what I got what you get her what okay so it's like sticking out a little bit that's a no no No, that's okay No, that's a no-no

Well, listen That's trash Oh Who am I fucking St. Nicholas all of a sudden Fucking the box sticking out of the bag Yeah, I'm jammed up

So you just put on a thing To cover it up I just, I just wrap that I've just wrapped that So if I look through The top of the bag Yeah, you can You see it says

If I had an overview shot Yeah Which I don't let anybody get You paint that Yeah I'm bad all this stuff. It's last minute. Whoever came up with that, though, is a genius

and an evil genius because it's so much better to have the bag in the tissue and not have to open a present. And it's so much easier to, it's so much easier to put that in than wrap a present. Why aren't they doing it together? Why don't, do they have bags with it just on the side already?

And then you can just... Politics, man. With the tissue paper in the bag? Like, can it staple to the bag? They got that? So, yeah, I've seen it at like nicer spots. The spots I'm shopping. Like a Michaels. I'm assuming. Oh, a Michaels is a nicer spot?

Well, like, no, but like those places where they have like gift wrap and stuff like that. Right. CVS will sometimes do it. Have you ever paid, have you never had anything gift wrapped, have you? Yeah, I'm big on that. That makes sense. I love that. I love that.

I think that is so fantastic. I get that. Let the pros do it. Sure. They do the. That used to blow my head as a kid. Curling the ribbon? That's never been in my, that's not in our DNA.

That's like not open in mail. I don't give a shit. I get it. I mean, it makes so much that. I'll give you a million dollars. I'll write your check for a million. But to me also, that's like waiting in law. I don't know.

It was just like, oh, because I worked at Macy's. They go, where's gift wrapping? I worked on the first floor. I go up on the third floor. I go. If you told me to add like, third floor, what? No. It's never in a good part of the building.

No. The lights are flickering and shit. It's always in some flex space. Yeah, they don't want you there. Yeah, no, I'm not doing it. Turn the corners to see a sea of people. Yeah, it's just like I would just, I'll just do this poorly

on my own right before. To me, that's more important than the gift. Love a gift wrapping. I love getting flowers and having them wrapped up. Very nice. Gifted a guy's wife. I don't know. I know where he lives. Nothing on that. I don't get it. I don't know for the town.

Oh, I don't know. Trab. Cut that. This one's great. This is a great name. This is chicken parmaceuticals. That's a home run, dude. dollar blue collar bucks county bozo never have one red talk to me are you garbage off on multiple occasions you've decompressed after a long day of work with not one but two home homemade rupeer floats i've never thought as an adult to make a rupee or float at the house serious guy we're living different lives you think about you make rupeer floats at the house

yeah i have not even with rupeer just soared it that's crazy it's just just This is good with Pepsi. Just as good. Yeah, I mean, I don't think it's the root beer that it's... Root beer gives it that nice... I'm not saying it doesn't, but I think the sugar's doing a lot of the heavy... Cola flavor. You do it anything.

You do a Mountain Dew? You do it with orange soda, Fanta? Mm-hmm. That's wild that you're doing that, or have done that. It's not like I'm doing it every day. I'm chipping. Hey, don't backpedal now. I'm chipping.

I never really got the Rupier float. I got to be honest with you. I think I've only had one one time. I go, this is a shitty version of ice cream and soda. You're crazy. As a big bite and sip guy. That's nuts. It stinks.

Oh my God. It stinks, dude. The flavor, the getting the ice cream and then a little bit of wet with it, you're nuts. You've lost your goddamn mind. I'll tell you that right now. No. Yes, you have. No.

We've really showing your true colors on this episode. It stinks. It's sloppy. Crazy. It can't slurp it. It just stinks. Crazy. It's sticky but not worth it.

What are you talking? I knew you would put your nose down at it. What is like a sorbet? Oh, you don't like a sorbet? I enjoy it. Yeah. So don't change. This is what you do.

Listen, if they were that good, they'd be all for them at restaurants. Why was the last time? They said, oh, you want to do the Tierra Mousseau or the rupeer float. Tonight, tonight. Tonight we got a code, Fred. What a chubby hub. floater. No, you don't do that. It would be vanilla. Code Red

would be good, though. It would be like cherry ice cream. The milkshakes so much better. And they usually are doing... Why don't they do milk? Why don't do... Why can you go to like a nice Italian restaurant? They go, oh, we'll do a chocolate of a Neapolitan milkshake. Why can't you get that? I don't know why I'm screaming at you.

Like you're the head of dessert for most Italian restaurants. Although you should be. Why you can't get a Neapolitan milkshake? You mean vanilla chocolate and strawberry? That's Neapolitan. Yeah, the one of the fucking, yeah, I know that. I didn't know.

What do you mean? You just told me. Yeah, he did. What do you mean? You didn't know. I didn't know you knew what you were talking about. You fucking whacked out of your mind on drugs, probably. Fucking upside down with Venmo.

You didn't think I knew a Neapolitan? I didn't know. That's crazy. Plus, it threw me off that you would, A, know what that is. That you wouldn't refer to it as vanilla chocolate. Chocolate and strawberry. Because you're a heathen. And two.

It's funnier for comedy to say Neapolitan. Yeah. Yeah, it's word economy. I can't sit there and go, why can't I have a chocolate vanilla and strawberry milkshake? You would want that for dessert in an Italian restaurant? I think it would be nice. Why is it not offered?

Why would it be? Because it's a fucking dessert. Yeah, but it's nothing to do with Italy. Neapolitan? That's just a name. An Italian name. What do you mean? It's got nothing to do it.

fucking jerk off. It's not like it's spamony. What? They don't eat that shit over there. Why are you so anti-milkshake after dinner? I'm very, I'm very pro- No, it doesn't seem like it? A milkshake after dinner?

Hey, you're making roopier floats at home. I don't think you're one to throw stones. I do that before lunch. Listen, I don't know why you're pushing back on this. You like a milkshake? I'm just surprised to hear you say it. I'm sorry. Let me regroup.

Get a rupeer float me All right Neapolitan ice cream originated from the Italian tradition Of combining multiple flavors Why the fuck am I listening to you about anything? Say it multiple flavors Popularized in America

But It's a it's from a Italian tradition Hey chicken parm ain't fucking Italian eater That's these guineas over here made that Try to go over fucking sizzily Try to get chicken parms sandwich Couldn't get no sheep Where are we looking for them

Sheep Lamb Chicken porn? Hey. I said they started making chicken parking because they couldn't get any sheep. Oh, okay. They could get it up to stairs to the apartment.

I don't think I get it. They couldn't, you couldn't bring up sheep up to their small apartment in the Lower East Side of New York to cook it and eat it. So they went and started using chicken. Chicken, you can walk up a four-flight of stairs. So you're a eight-year reality.

They're buying the whole chicken, taking them up five lights of stairs and killing him in the apartment. And that makes a chicken porn with it. This guy don't know what the fuck he's talking about. You are cooked. That's what they did back then. First of all, you don't, I don't, this is crazy.

Big man, bug man, anti-milkshake. No bug man. Anti-milkshake. You don't tell me a nice little one. I mean, you're getting the ice cream. You're doing a tiramisu. Hang on. You're doing it whatever, the cremele, the fucking sword.

You're doing all the fun stuff. Why can't you have an elevated version of this? I believe they are out there I am not We never seen it Listen listen I am not Not You're not pro milkshake

That's that's come on For all you milkshakes out there Don't believe them I'm pro milkshake Not from the conversation I'm in at the moment You just hit me with a curveball That you knew what Neapolitan was

That was a fact I secret And I'd never once In my life seen you have a milkshake You've seen me have plenty Because they're not serving on my dinner I've never seen you have some restaurants do Where I just why it's a burger does

It's a fucking burger joint Yeah take that I'm with you I'm sure some of these chefs are doing it I could see like a teresia carbone Throwing this out that I think this could be the inspiration Thank you you're telling me I can't go to fucking quality Italian

Where you can get a chicken palm pizza And a fucking tiara masseu Fucking cheesecake cheesecake milkshakes completely out of the fucking question no you're serving me a chicken cutlet full pizza you're right thank you you're right thank you but that doesn't make me anti milkshake I love milkshakes you're anti root beer float yeah that's well documented run that back I like them both how do you feel about the egg cream it's okay contain zero egg and cream it's okay oh that's a cream in it what are we in the same conversation

It said it has zero It does have cream in it Does it? You said zero egg, zero cream Okay Yeah I think it's half and half In club soda

Right Cool What are we in a fucking depression My aunt used to make them So gross What do you don't like them It's the same thing as rupeer float No it's not

Take a lane You know what you can do You know what the only time I did I never make a milkshake out of a rupeer float If you blend it You guys might like that no give me a milkshake

listen soda and ice cream you like rupeer right remember the rupeer bowels I used to give you used to give me you wore me into a van what are you talking about you used to give me you ain't never give me nothing okay hey hey you ain't never give me nothing what are you punch drunk too many left hooks rock

you ain't never give me nothing Not bad Not good, but it wasn't bad That's pretty good Um Yeah, I like root beer I don't like I got ziming Fucking asshole

Um Listen Please I think somebody out there should try it That's all I'm saying If there's an Italian rush Listen Hold on can I finish

Can I finish my statement? I'm pro I'm pro milkshake over here I'm not saying you're anti-milkshake No, thank you. But you're not pro milkshake. Thank you. This is going to fucking emotionally bother you for weeks, maybe months.

Because I love milkshakes. I even like making them at home when they're real runny with briars and regular milk. I've never seen you have one if I'm just saying that. Okay, you want me to start a milkshake. Remember, you said it. 7,000 pounds. You get a huge one of a fucking, like, fucking three feet of whipped cream, which I don't love. Love the whipped cream.

Can you say that? I'm with you right there. It's just in the way. I like a little dab. A little dabble dude. It's in the way. I remember the first time I was over a friend's house, they go, you want a hot chocolate? And we were a Swiss Miss family.

End or America's choice, but the packets. Those families that went the extra mile on that shit, it was cute a little bit, but very non-functional. They hand-you-you-would-you-would-n't-you-would-neped me a mug of Ovaltene or something that didn't have enough fucking snap to it. and six inches of whipped cream with the cherry. I said, I don't know who the chef is today, but it ain't the niece, okay? So send his back, clean that off, and give me a freshie. Yeah, none of that. I like the marshmallow.

This is even nuts you might put. I like the marshmallows that came in the packet. I didn't like the regular marshmallows. Of course. Of course. Unless I was just eating a marshmallow. Which, man, putting them in a microwave, a little bit of peanut butter. Good.

You never did that? Hoo, man, you never did that? I ate a marshmallow not that long ago. Raw dog did it. Yeah, you get the big one? Yeah, they were in a bag in the corner. It's like biting into a Granny Smith. Ain't nothing sweeter dog.

That's fucking nature's apple right there. Straight up marshmallows. All right. Yeah. I don't know what age that was, but we found out you could put marshmallows in the microwave, and they really pop. They blow the fuck up. And I remember...

That microwave's dangerous. You might as, dude, you must have... I thought we had fireworks. And we were waiting to light them off until my mom went to bed. Is that what you did? What? You went to so she went to bed so you could...

Oh, you couldn't play with the microwave like that. That was an after-hours. That was an after-hours' ordeal. Even during the day, you were a house and marshmallows and the microwave at the end of the night? Yeah, sleepover. We were playing Sega.

And the boys over. She wouldn't get snacks or something for the... She did. Yeah, no, she did. She did the full gamut. I'm talking dominoes, whatever. You want to take off the menu shit. And we had the ice cream, and I go, wait, I got half a bag of the big boys.

Upstairs in my room in my foot locker. When you know who goes to... Shove them up my ass. Once Denise goes to bed, I'm sticking these motherfuckers. in the microwave. We're all going to have one. No, it was just a... I remember being like, when she goes to bed,

we're real... Because we saw what the small ones could do. And we said, what the fuck's a big one? The jumbo. Because those jumbo guys, I don't know when they came out, but they dropped in our world in the early 90s.

The super big ones. Yeah, like they're like bigger than golf balls. I would say, yeah, about that time. I just, I remember... And they weren't... everywhere it was like you they somebody were like novelty yeah and at that time people weren't spending money on now we weren't spending money on novelty stuff so we had a box of a bag of them and i mean we put about 15 on a paper plate dude it's like the state puff

guy coming they get you proton packs slab a couple of peanut butter on a hand no we were munching playing trucks on my favorite video game of all time trucks on no one's ever heard of it swear to god i can't find it what is it a truck driving no it was this fucking great it was on sega i bought a bunch of games at a garage sale a regular Sega yeah for a couple of bucks huh this old guy was selling you didn't you played regular Sega what's a regular Sega to you mean Genesis yeah Huh Yeah, I guess that makes sense Late 80s

Early 90s This would have been 92 Huh 6, 7, 8 Okay 92, Sega Genesis I didn't like

We cross over at least that much You know Mm-hmm I mean you were You were 16 playing Sega Genesis I didn't have one Okay So maybe we didn't cross over

Well it was around Other friends had it So was fucking Gorbachev he was around I had a regular Sega got a regular Sega like 1984 or 5 I don't know whatever it came out That's pre-mead dog

It's crazy you weren't even born yet I was already fucking up Sure It was the year we opened all the Christmas presents And I yelled that That was your first console Yeah no we had an Atari when I was younger The original Atari

Yeah we did We had Super Nintendo That was more my brother I couldn't figure that out. I was like my, I was like four or five. I remember them. I'm like, I can't figure this out. I'm going to go take the talk for a walk.

Yeah, I remember sitting in the room and him and his boys were playing. I'm going, there's no. That's the point that I can't, I can't wrap my head around this. I couldn't do that. I always had a problem with that. I couldn't get into the game culture like that because you're watching somebody else who played it better and you'd be sitting there, and then you play for two seconds and he kicked out. Also, my thing, I didn't like.

I didn't super enjoy playing by myself. So we would all play together, right? We'd play Golden Eye all together. That was Bigot, it's on 64. We'd play Golden Eye all together, and then I'd go home and not play video games because it wasn't fun to play by yourself, but all my boys would play by themselves

and get super fucking good. And then two weeks later, we'd all be hanging out again, playing, and I'm getting fucking... Four years old again. I'm getting mirt. left on you know I ain't got a gun and then they go let's play you could play you could play just

he's a big fat Asian guy in the hat you could play just slaps only or no guns you just karate chop each other oh was a fighting game 007 well you could play each other you'd run around the fucking

it was like the first halo kind of like that first like open I don't know open it was a map and you guys would run around and shoot each other huh and that was the first time I'm like you guys are memorizing the map

I was just running and gunning, you know what you mean? Fucking point and shoot. You got a map question? Print out in your hand. And they would play slaps only, and that's embarrassing. Just some guy coming at you, just a fucking set of hands. And he's above you because it would split the screen, and he's above you, and you're just whacking you. Suss.

Suck. They couldn't even fucking even shoot a fair one with you. That's how bad. And if I get beat up. Call me, yeah. Fucking shit. Come in me like a man. It's shooting a face.

Yeah, you look, you got that gun. Drops the gun and whoops my ass. Fucking dirtball with your martinis and your fucking Euro broads. Fuck yourself. Give me a beer and fucking shoot a fair one in the parking lot. Goes outside, kicks my head. But we got to wrap it up, gang. Gang, we love you to death.

Uh-huh. Get tickets for that Philly show. And all shows are on sale right now. And guys, listen, we're playing with this tour's a little different. We're doing weekends at clubs in a handful of city. So get those tickets. They're going fucking quick. We love you, yeah.

Love you, gang. next week. Peace.