Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Lauren Compton!

Episode Date: August 21, 2023

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Lauren Compton! Thanks for watching the Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast! Come to a Live Show! NEW LIVE SHOWS: https://areyougarbage.com/ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ This Show is sponsored by BetterHelp, Better Help: https://www.BetterHelp.com/GARBAGE Trust & Will: https://trustandwill.com/Garbage Butcher Box: https://www.ButcherBox.com/AYG Promo Code: AYG Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, baby, have we got good news for you? We just added a second show down there, a film more for December. Yeah, gang, you guys were awesome. The Army Garbage came correct. We sold out the first show four months before the freaking show. So we added another, let's do it again, baby. Tickets on sale right now at rugarbage.com. Tickets on sale right now for all other cities on the state trashy tour on our website.

Links in the description. Get them. Do it. Yeah. Welcome to another exciting edition of, Are You Gobbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals, or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

Hey, everybody out out there and welcome back to everybody's new favorite podcast. This is R U Garbage. Oh yeah. So at little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that after you're at the Big Classy, after just a big old piece of trash. Nice, nice, nice, nice, nice.

I'm your host, age Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition. She's out front, just saw her get tased by the cops. Okay. Not getting into that. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me swinging a miss. He is the CEO of our Ugarbid. She is an international businessman, but at night he turns into the flatbread freak. Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan. What up gang. Thanks for tuning in. As always please make sure you're right You subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube as you know those numbers are true to rough cooking baby

Okay, and obviously the greatest website of all time W.W. W. That patreon.com such are you garbage gang you sign up over there You become one of over we're closing on 11,000 fucking patrons right now join the fucking army of garbage gang love that money and patron right now. Join the fucking army of garbage gang. Love that money. Now, but a nice quick shout out to our producer, Extraordinary, the magic man makes us all look good, works the ones the twos, the threes and the fours,

he crosses the tees and he dots the eyes, give it up for T-bone McScruffins, Toby McMollan everybody. What up dudes? What's up, pal? I'm excited our guests came in from beautiful Austin, Texas. Yeah. Little bit of touch of class until she said she like,

Mayo on her hot dogs about 30 seconds into me It's gonna be a fun one Gang the long hair ain't lying because we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly and I mean incredibly special guests here with us today for the first time She's a very funny comedian actor and podcaster and you may have seen her in but not limited to you got clowned town I'm dying up here companion death house here and now golden state once upon a time in deadwood in 2023's your honor with mr. Brian Cranston and she has a brand new podcast first date show over there at YMH studios give it up for Lauren Compton everybody hey buddy good to see you

good to see you guys thanks for having me me on. Thanks for coming in. Yeah. Give us a little bit of the the origin story here. What's the backstory? Tell us the whole deal. Where are you born? Where are you raised? I was born in Dallas, Texas. Okay. Raised in Mesquite, Texas. Okay. Where's that at? It's like, I only know it as a flavor. So you're gonna have to give me some coordinates here just the direction of the ghetto Straight that way I was homeschooled Whoa, it's now second nice Home school, I think you're the first home school person we've had on the show and 400 fucking up

grew up in charcoal town and was homeschooled. Yeah. Uh, okay. What age did that start the whole time all the way through? Um, I was homeschooled until I was 16. Then went to high school. And then I went to a private school for a year. And then I went to a public school for six months.

How does girls trash? She's a bad schooler. That's not in the fucking cycle. And then I went to an alternative school for six months. How did this girl's trash? She's the best. She's going to die in the fucking cycle. And then I went to an alternative school for six weeks. And then I moved to the safest place on Earth, Hollywood, California. Okay, all right, back this up. All right, hold on.

Why was home school the option? I was an elite gymnast. Okay, that's the next sentence. All right, okay. So I would train from 6.30 AM to noon. Okay. I'd have lunch from noon to one and then I would go upstairs in our gym. We had an English PhD who would teach the six girls on the team School for four hours. So not your mom wasn't teaching you math of the kitchen table. No, this was like hillbillies

Yeah, I thought there was like goats running around and get out. Okay to burst your body. No, okay. All right, well, that's very classy. Born and down, what's your, what? Right, I've been instructors and stuff. What's your parents do? My mom was a nurse. Okay. Yeah, she retired.

And then my dad was a computer engineer. Okay, so why did you guys move from Dallas to Mesquite? Was that because of the gymnastics? I was just born in Dallas. I grew up in Mesquite. Okay, all right. So you're from there. They find out that you're a good gymnast.

Yeah. So you start the path of becoming a out that you're a good gymnast. Yeah. So you start the The path of becoming a champion an Olympian. Yeah, so I went to like one of the highest and strictest schools for gymnastics. Okay, and When did they discover this like when did you when did you find something you start early? Yeah, you start like two and three You're doing I started it at nine. Whoa damn. Yeah, I tried everything else and nothing else. Were you regularly schooled until nine? Did you go to kindergarten and stuff like that? I went to like eighth grade as a normal school.

Okay. Okay. And then I got pulled out in eighth grade. Because they saw some potential. Because I started taking gymnastics super seriously. Okay. I saw the cheap sport either. That's expensive. It was so expensive. It was $500 a month and this was like way back then. Sure. $500 a month for the school and $500 a month for the gym. So it was a thousand

dollars a month. Okay. To put me through this process and way back then that was a lot of money especially for my family, I grew up pretty poor. Okay. What was the house situation like? Was it a- Only child. Only child. Yep.

Parents worked only child. Single family home like a house. House house. House. Do you have a garage? We did have a garage. What kind of acreage are we talking about? I think it was just in a neighborhood where,

I don't even know if we had an acre. I don't even have to be had an acre. Okay. Just a regular residential suburban neighborhood. Yeah, just if we had an acre. I don't even have an acre. Okay. Just a regular residential suburban neighborhood. Yeah, just a normal, it's a bourbon neighborhood. Would you park the cars in the garage? Yes. Okay.

Park the cars on the lawn. In the garage. In the garage. Yeah. Was there a refrigerator in that garage? No. Uh. How long did you do the gymnastics till?

I did gymnastics so I was 16. I blew my knee out a couple of times. Okay. So I've got like, here's my star. I got this one. And I've got this one. Damn, so that kind of put an end to the gymnastics story. Yeah, you think it's 16?

Oh, fuck. I did it the first time. It's a bionic man over here. When I was 14, and then I did it when I was 15, and then 16, the doctor was like, the next time it's not gonna be your knee, it's gonna be your neck. And then my dad was like, you're done.

How'd you blow up the knee? What was it on? First time it was on the balance beam. I felt it was really bad. I was doing a dismount. I won't even go through it with you, it's a problem. It makes my little skin. If I think about it, it's so comfortable.

What was your event? I was in all around. So you would do the whole thing. Did you do the floor thing where you spin around the monster? Floor beam and bars vault. I sucked it vault. Okay, vaults. The one where you run and you had to bring more.

Yeah, how about the pummel horse? That's for boys. Damn. Is that what you're explaining? That's what you're gonna get in the chicks out there. What the fuck? Why do you tell why that's what I couldn't get any shicks out there What the fuck? I was posted up on the pummelers trying to get some trim the rings I was smoking the rings are just for guys too. Yeah, yeah

The uneven parallel bars the balance beam the floor and the vault are the Four you do you so you did the thing where you spin around and then like your waist would hit the lower one Then you spin back around and you would jump from one to the other. Yeah, damn did I loved it I was really good at it until I fell okay, huh. That's pretty classy. It's not triass. Not trash Yes, what were there any pets growing up? I Had a cat but then my dad backed over it with the truck. Okay All right, and then I had a and then I had a dog named but then my dad backed over it with a truck. Okay.

All right. And then I had a dog named Casper. Who killed him? He just died old age, yeah. He's almost accident. Yeah. Blue Hat is Nate. What was the family whip? What'd you guys drive around in?

My mom had a Volkswagen Beetle. Okay, old school one? A new one. Okay, one of the neck. Like 2004. Okay, old school one? A new one. Okay, one of the neck like 2004. Yeah, the one they stole for 2000. Got in a car accident and my dad was like no more accordion cars. Sure.

So then she went for the new one. What was the color? Yellow. They're always yellow. Yellow. But when you were a little kid, your mom was whipping around in an old school Beetle. She has, she's still to this day has a Volkswagen Beetle. She's had black or yellow Beetle is my life. What's your pop driving? He was driving a Mustang. Really?

Yeah. Like a good one or like a fucking, he was tinkering with it. No, he loved cars. Okay. So he had like a stingray Corvette that was gold with leopard interior. All right. What do you say? You were poor. Well, that was when he was growing up. Okay. But he had cars throughout his life. He was a car enthusiast. You know how like when you don't have a lot of money, but you have one thing.

Sure. And a lot of car guys is that. All their time and money goes into the car. He had cars and guns. Okay. And that was. Nice sounds all right. And I remember print fucking stingray.

Let's go. Yeah, my dad was a badass. He was cool. Growing up, did you have any cars around the house that didn't run, that were maybe getting worked on? Quote unquote. No, I wish I would have. I feel like that would be so credible.

Sure. But no, my dad was like pretty good at keeping his car. Runnin' a tight ship. He would show it in car shows. Car show guy. He was a car show guy, and he was in the SBT Mustang club. And so he had all of his little friends that had Mustangs and then they would have like group calls.

Was it an old Mustang or a new Mustang? The one that he had last was a Mach 3 Mustang and it was a new one. It sounds cool. Yeah. It sounds like a plane. We were broke because of his habits. Okay. Okay. I respect that. What was the because of his habits. Okay, okay.

I respect that. What was the name of the grocery store that you went to growing up? Albert Sense. Albert Sense. Very respectable. Do you guys still, do they still live in the same house that you grew up in?

No, my mom now lives in Pennsylvania with her sister. My dad passed away in 2012. Okay, I'm sorry to hear that. That's okay. What was the name of the street that you grew up on then? Bill Shaw. The address was 625. Bill Shaw Drive.

Bill Shaw Drive. Oh, I don't know. I don't know about that. So it's got wrestler or something. Did you write Bill Shaw? Bill Shaw from the top rope. I loved the WWE Smackdown. Did you ever?

Oh, I was obsessed with that triple H was my shit. Huh, shout out to Triple H. It do, she liked it for the acrobatics, I'm sure. I was, these guys in Stone Cold Steve Austin don't even get my- He was a hero of mine for a very long time. Let me tell you what, Thursday nights nothing would come in the way of me and WWE. Okay. That's not true.

Yeah, that's a blemish in the fly. I'm starting to add up. I don't know, I can't get a read on her. As an athlete, were you drinking, you were drinking Gatorade back then, right? Yeah, Gatorade water. Favorite flavor of Gatorade. I do not like anything great for cherry so the yellow one yellow one, okay It's called lemon lime. Yeah, yeah

All right, what you call your grandparents assholes Thumb bitch Check that one off all right Where you close with any extended family and uncles? Does anybody around her? Was it just you guys out there in Mesquite? No, everyone hated us. Yeah, wait, why? I don't know.

I grew up with this like privilege of being homeschooled and elite gymnasts and all this stuff. And my cousins on my mom's side, fucking just thought they would make fun of me for being the golden child. And so they really really really did not. But they lived in the general area. They were from Texas. Luckily they lived in California. Okay. So they were far enough away that I didn't have to give a shit. Okay.

But then when I would see them, they would like put me on a scooter and clip the brake thing and send me down a hill with speed bumps. They were from the home of the Colombo Grime family. What the fuck? They were mean. Clip in the brakes on your scooter and sending me down a hill with speed bumps. I will never forget that. They put a car bomb on my power wheel. I can't believe I'm here today. I survived my family. Sounds like you grew up in the 1820. Five my family sounds like you're growing the 18th one Shit bad blood with the family, okay, and then no one on my dad's side is around at all I have my mom and my aunt and that's it gotcha There in PA. Yes, very nice. All right. What were the vacations like growing up? None no vacationsations. The only time I traveled was for my gymnastics competitions.

Okay. And I think the furthest I went was Arizona. Okay. Good bragging. I'm sorry, I don't mean to show you guys that. Arizona. Okay. But I did, I would go to California with my mom sometimes so that she could visit her family,

but I never took a family. Like my dad never went anywhere with us. No Disney Land, down to the lake house. No lake house. This is really shaping up. Yeah. Sorry you guys. No, this is what we're here for.

Uh, hmm. Were you an Applebee's family or any corporate chain restaurants growing up or were you doing local little stuff? Did you ever go, so our highlight was on the border? The Mexican restaurant? But you are in Texas. I know.

You're literally on the border. Yeah. Whoa. So we'd go to on the border. Um. Just love that Chipotle. I don't know what it is. Yeah, me what?

We're waffle house. Yeah, I do. You want to talk about breakfast, like a treat. Mother-tuttered and covered. Of course. I get the RS All-Star special. The pecans in my waffles. I'm also allergic to pecans, but I didn't give a fuck.

How allergic? Like, if I take them, my mouth will break out. And you would eat them anyway. Yeah, I didn't care. Okay. Zero fucks. Here we go. We ever kicked out of a restaurant as a family.

Asked to leave. Yeah, my dad got wasted one time. All right, your dad sounds pretty cool. Yeah, and we were at Super Solid. What's that? What's that? It was like a buffet style chain, and you go in, and it's like a buffet of soups and a buffet of salads.

A buffet of soup? A soups and salads. It was called super salad. Perfect on a hot Texas day. And my dad was like wasted and we're sitting in the booth and he was making vomiting sounds because he thought the food sucked so much and my mom kept telling him to stop.

And I was like, oh, what's happening? And they just got so annoyed with my parents that they told us to leave. Super salad. That's crazy. When you got, would you guys eat dinner as a family as a kid? got so annoyed with my parents that they told us to leave. Super valid. That's crazy. When you got, would you guys eat dinner as a family as a kid? Would you sit down at the table and eat?

Yes. You would. Yes. Okay. I remember one time my mom slaved in the kitchen to cook this meal. Okay. And my dad came home and he was just in a bad mood and he looks at this dinner that was like just the whole table and he goes, I'm not hungry.

And he went upstairs and my mom was living. Oh, I guess I would lose it. So the next two weeks, well after that, after that he went to Wutterberger to get food like two hours later because my mom had cleared the table. So then he got hungry, went to Weta-Burger. Then for the next two weeks, every time he'd come home, my mom would have a bag of Weta-Burger on the table until he apologized.

Damn. And so he got so tired of Weta-Burger that he was like, I'm so sorry, I will never do that again and then my mom went back to cooking. That's damn. Family's fucking vindictive. That's an emotional pressure cooker you grew up in. And then my mom went back to cooking. That's him. Family's fucking vindictive. That's an emotional, pretentious book where you grew up in. And that's the side that tried to kill you, right? My mom's like, yes, yes, yes. It's Christ.

You like you want a big, you so much. Why don't you marry? Okay, was your mom a good cook? Yeah. Or was she a cook? She would make Italian food, Mexican food, homemade tacos, spaghetti, her own ragu sauce. Okay.

Yeah, mom was a cooker. What were the holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas? They had, my dad had two friends. Okay. Al and Judy is wife and his brother. I don't even remember his brother's name, I forgot. I think I'm just Traumatized from their that group of people sure, but they would come over and that was all that it was ever for Thanksgiving and Christmas Just good presence of the morning though, right on Christmas. Yeah. Yeah

What's uh what are the lights on the tree with a color or were they white colored colored lights on except for one year My mom wanted to do an all white thing and she did pearls and white lights And she got seashells from the beach in California And she thought it'd be a really good idea to like bleach them and put glitter on them, but they smelt Like the ocean for fucking Christmas morning smells like low tide for weeks damn and our whole house just smell like fish Dead fish that'll ruin ruin of fucking his Christmas. It was Christmas. It doesn't matter what kind of gingerbread cookies you make.

Man, the gymnastics was real misleading. I tell you that. Right, private tutors. Talk about a roller coaster. A roller coaster. Huh. What about on the outside of the house? Would your dad decorate colored lights out there?

We never really did anything outside. Really? Yeah, we just had a tree and a couple of decorations. Maybe a garland on the stairwell. Sure. Man, you were that house, huh? Yeah, we looked unhappy. Pick it up on that.

Huh. Vacation. No, nothing. Okay. Ha, vacations, now nothing. Okay. So, when you started high school, what was the name of the high school that you went to? The one year in a private school was called Dallas Christian. And what happened to that?

That you only went there for a year? Um, oh, my, so I told you I didn't have a lot of money. Yeah. So my 16th birthday came along and I wanted a car and I told my dad, I said, dad, just, you can get me anything you want. Just please don't get me a truck. Okay. And please don't get me anything like whatever you do, just get me a black car. I wanted a black car and I didn't care what it was.

And on my birthday, I walked outside. My dad was like, I got you a surprise outside. I was like And on my birthday, I walked outside, and I was like, I got you a surprise outside. I was like, oh my God, it's gonna be a really cool car. And I go out and I say, champagne gold, S10 mini truck. That's all right. And I just had cried my eyes out, and I was like, it looks like a penis.

And I was like, I can't drive that to this fancy private school. Like, I would feel like I looks like a penis. And I was like, I can't drive out to this fancy private school. Sure. I would feel like I can get a fetish. I did. I was like, I'd drawlux in it. You keep it lower. I wish I could have.

It would have been like a really cool low rider. So anyway, I hated this car so much. I didn't talk to my dad for like three months. OK. Because I felt like he made me ride in this awful car and everyone made fun of me. Okay. So then my dad came to me and he said, you have a choice. We can either sell the car and I'll get you a black Volkswagen Beetle, but you have to go to public school because I can't afford both. Okay. Or you can stay in school and drive the truck.

And I was like, well, obviously give me the better car. Jesus. So he got me a black Volkswagen. I got pulled out of private school. I went to public school and it was so bad. The public school. The public school. You didn't know how good you had it.

You're out there. You're out there cruising around in a cool whip to a private school. Next thing, you know, you're fucking, you're in there with the fucking, with the bombs. Yeah. So the answer is you wanted a car. I wanted a nice car.

It wasn't you got in trouble, you're grade, something, or something respectable. Something had to give. And then I hated the public school so much that I got in with the wrong group of friends. Hey, we all been there. Yeah, I can't, I can't, I can't appreciate that you for that. I'm in with three of them right now. For a

long time, I was the wrong group of friends. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Gang, we only need a little advice that will help every once in a while and better help can help. It is easy. You could do it right from your home in the privacy you're on home. As you know, I'm screw balls as they come. Sure are trying to find a therapist. Been striking out had signed up for better help. Needed some help.

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Game piece of mind today with trust and will gain peace of mind today with trust and will get 10% off plus free shipping of your estate plan documents by visiting trust and will dot com slash garbage that's 10% off and free shipping at trust and will dot com slash garbage do it gang. I would ditch school and I would go to the mall with my girlfriends and we would steal really cheap jewelry from like Claire's or the icing. Every chick did that for every girl at some point got arrested at the mall for stealing stuff. Yeah, so Claire's.

I remember the thing that got me, I stole a pair of fossil sunglasses from like, Dillards and that was my big steal. Big score. That was my big one. I was like, oh my god, and they caught me on the cameras. And the security guard came after me and put us in little mall prison. Did you try to run? I did. It didn't work. Should have done a summer salt over the fountain or something. We got all like run. I would. Yeah. And so then

they called my mom. My mom had to come get me from like mall prison, and then my car got taken away. Sure, rightfully so, you're fucking out there stealing. I know. Wait, the cops impounded it, no, her pair of eyes. Took my car away. I was like, say, this is an accessory to a crime. That's crazy. And so that's why six months of public school

was only six months, and then they were like, we gotta get you out of this situation. So they put me in an alternative school, and that's like where you either like stab someone as a juvenile or you get pregnant or you steal from them all. You're real criminals. So I was like in this criminal school. Okay. And where I sharpened my skills.

I was really, that's what I learned bad from. That's right, that's what I learned bad from. That's right, that my first boyfriend. Okay. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Okay. And so I graduated within six weeks with a GED, and on my 18th birthday. Wait, so you have a GED?

Yeah. I never even like really properly graduated. Did you take the SATs or the... No. Nothing. GED. I got a GED. So you didn't go to college or on playing on going to college? No, I went to Hooters and I got a job at the university of Hooters man. This is fucking shape it up. All right, winter Hooters or to eat another place called bone daddies, okay? Okay, so I went from Hooters to bone daddies Wait hold on what's out of financial services?

What are they do 401k's and do these sugar daddy? Okay, so you became a mortgage broke All right, wait hold on this is right out of high so alternative schools over you get your gd You got a hooters. Well, there any sports at the at the alternative school or anything like that? No, I never did another sport ever again I don't know. I'm just trying to get my head around Do alternative school is a is a square room where everybody's fistful. I mean dodging bullets What you're just only sport the life that you're describing is how assassins are made Pretty much that that's the picture that I'm getting here

Yeah, so you so you get out of there, G-E-D, you go and you go and work at a hooters. Yeah, and then I make enough money to buy a sports car. And then I take it. I mean, yeah. Girls got priorities. What was the sports car? Well, my family took my car away,

and I was like, well, fuck you. Did you ever get to beetle back? No, that's why I was a hot dog. How are you getting to it from hooters? Your parents are dropping you off at hooters. No, I would just I would figure it out. Okay. I made a lot of money pretty quick. Okay, no, I know I had a friend who worked at hooters right out of high school as well. I also cleaned up. I also did date for my that would give me rides. Nice. Yeah. So I had a boyfriend with a car. Okay. Okay. How well? What was the age difference? Yeah, cuz this this screams five year eight.

Eight. Say age we met in the high school that I went to he went to a different high school, but we met at a party. Okay. Yeah. All right. Well, he came in and hang out while you were working. We talked about this. Yeah, we were just talking about hanging a guy who hang out at a hooters. Yeah, he would sometimes just to like make sure. Sure, yeah. Did you ever have regulars that came in? Oh yeah. I would ask to be sat in your section.

I had this guy named Neil. That would come in. Classic Neil. Fucking Neil. And Neil would come in. Older guy. He was older. Married.

He was engaged. But he was one of those guys that would pick up money from illegal poker tournaments. Okay. Do you know what I'm talking about if you have like an underground poker tournament? Sure, and there's this collectors that drive around and they collect money. Okay. He was one of those. Okay. And he would tip me $700. On wings? I think I already what's going on? His bill would be 17 bucks and he'd tip me 700 and he would come in once a week.

Really? Yeah. This is let you know I'm desperate. Are you just going to come and whack us? What are you doing? I had another guy that would come in, his name was Bobby. And he, one time asked if I would be his date to an event, he was trying to make all of his buddy's jealous and he paid me like $3,000.

That was like my first call girl, first and only call girl.. Did you go you did it? I went with him to the party Yeah, I was at her now like a proper term of the escort It was like just to go with him to a party and then afterwards I went home Yeah, but isn't that what a typical and escort I didn't mean in the the sex worker way Yeah, I like it to like to accompany you the Yeah, I guess I got a guy with me. How old was he? Was he older? He was in his 30s.

Okay. And I wasn't even 18. Jesus, okay. But he paid me $3,000. Hey, I would do it now. Don't know a party. Which has to be illegal. It was for sure.

It was illegal. Was it? It's frowned upon. I know that. I don't know the local Commonwealth of Mesquite all walls, but it didn't. And didn't work or was friends like, who is this girl? What's going on? I have known this guy.

Do you need help? No, I'm saying they're coming up to you. Yeah. He was, he was so nice. I mean, I mean, I guess what else would he have been? But yeah, yeah, it wasn't. I only could kill Jeff. He totally could have killed you.

I just watched the documentary on that. I was like coming out of alternative school. I was like, you want to pay me three grand to go to a party bitch? I go buy my, I go for free. Yeah, I mean, 17. I'm over here trying to like rob clairs. Yeah, I hate, I'm not to go to a party bitch, I go for free. Yeah, I mean, 17. I'm over here trying to like rob clairs. Yeah, I hate, I'm not hating that, I'm not hating the player.

So those are the two regulars that I ever had. How long would you work at Hooters? Not very long, couple of months. Couple of months, you were 17. And then you went to Boneheads. Then you went to the Bone Daddy. Similar type of establishment. Couple of months, yeah, because on my 18th birthday,

I moved to LA. That was it gone I took my money. I took my car small town girl getting out of my ski. I got out of my ski All in went straight to Hollywood, California. Oh nice and that's when I got recruited for my brains at Playboy Okay, okay, okay very similar story to my friend hooters to playboy she went so there seems to be a lateral move. Yeah, like Sorry, you were talking about me You go to Hooters and replay Huh, okay What year was that?

So I didn't do playboy until I was just turned 21 so 18 until I was just turned 21. So 18, 19, 20, 20, so I was in California for about three years. I went to a community college. I took all the fun classes. There you go, what are the fun classes? I took Shakespearean literature, biblical literature, English literature, and theater.

Nice. And then I had to take math and science, and that's when I quit. Okay. So no associates to go with that GED. Okay. Nope. Man.

But I know how to write a really good book. Take your time. You can read the shit out of the Bible if you need anything. I'll interpret that motherfucker like no one's business. I know where to get bad weed if you need it. Huh. All right. All right.

So that's the tale. And then I wrote a book of poetry. Okay. And I got it self-published. Okay. I thought I was going to be the next Shakespeare. Uh-huh. I sold one copy from the rifter Not too much. He's low hairs on today boys Look out, huh? And it was just a skateboarder that felt bad for me and said he had seen me out there all day long And he just wanted to I don't need the book man I don't need the book. Go get a bowl of soup or something. Well, yeah, wait. Where were you selling it? On the boardwalk.

Like, you know when you go to the stand? Like a lemonade stand? You know when you go? She also said she got it self-published. Like, I did. I had 500 copies made, because I was like, I'm gonna sell out the first day I need to have stock. They were all handwritten.

And... Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha- Shit Lauren and so yeah, I sold one copy. I still have a double bag full of 499 more. There you go Yeah, it was called cases. I smell a merch drop Look out why am I a studio? Couple of paperbacks Wait, what was the name of it cases of a poet cases of a poet don't worry. It's nowhere online That's not a bad. Yeah, I still analog I like it Don't worry, it's nowhere online. That's not a bad. Yeah, I still analog I like it lose the art form online

Okay, huh I respect the hustle though. I really respect the hustle of course of course, of course, huh? All right, let's Switch gears talk about now. Okay, all right doing well. Yeah, you down there you're down there in Austin. Mm-hmm Was there any stupid purchases at any time when you would get a check when you start it when you start Making some cash that playboy check cuz you know What was it was a pain were you doing like the appearances and stuff? Hold on what was the sports car that you bought though? Oh, I got a Chrysler crossfire. That's not a My mom drove a Chrysler a crossfire That's not a sports car. My mom drove a Chrysler. A crossfire. The little thing.

The little thing. I don't, that's. Now you sound like my dad. Yeah, exactly. People who drive sports cars, not myself, would call that. T-Motor says, I don't think so. This is one of those Chrysler moves where it tries to look like a Mercedes.

Yeah. It's like the 300. It's the, you know, it looks like it, it looks like a sports car to the next, it was sports car. Yeah. If I can quote Mr. Cat Williams. Yeah, it looks like you own a minor league team maybe.

Right. And then my, my sugar daddy Bobby ended up putting $6,000 down on it as my down payment. Bobby from the party. Mm-hmm. And I'm sorry. Bobby loved me. Poor Bobby never got any pussy though. They never do.

He didn't. Took that man for everything he had. Really? Not everything. He was very rich. I just, I took like 10 grand. Okay. Hey. That's all right. Those guys, the guy they liked that though.

They like being the sugar dad. They like giving, you know, young, uh, pretty women nice thing. All right. Hi myself. Don't like doing it. The grift is going to be a strike against you. Not gonna lie, but I respect it. The GD helping either.

The crossfire. I mean, that's like lottery winners. Oh, man, Chevy crossbow zip and around LA. So the Crossfire, were there any other stupid purchases? Where you were like, if you got a check for a couple grand or whatever, and you're like, I shouldn't have spent half of that on... I mean, I took trips. I respect that.

That's good, where'd you go? Tallahassee. Yes. Yes. Ohio? Yeah, I went to Italy. I lived in Italy for a year. You did.

I did. All right. Learned how to speak the language. What's it in Italy? Bologna. Oh, my favorite town. My favorite town. Oscar Meyer.

So you speak fluent Italian. Uh huh. That's a good one. Oscar Meyer. So you speak fluent Italian. Uh huh. That's pretty good. Yeah. That's pretty good. Wanna pizza? Uh huh. So that's what I can line with.

There's no Italians. Oh, by loiterian. I was like, I think I understood that. Maybe I know more Italian than I think. She just goes, hey, how you doing? All right, you speak Italian. That's pretty good. You live in Italy for a year, not bad.

I would buy other people gifts. That's classic. You would buy other people gifts. Well, they're like, what, give me an example here. Like shit that they could, like my girlfriend has a fashion line and I funded the whole thing. Okay. Or my dad wanted.

You get points on it. Are you a part of it? Are you an investor? Are you just gave her the money as a loan? I Gave her the money initially and I was like I just want you to go be successful So that what that had nothing on it But then I also invested in a restaurant and I have a return investment on that really what restaurant plug it You put a couple of super cellar franchise Really? What restaurant, plug it?

You built up a couple of super selling franchises. My ex-husband is the manager. Okay. Okay. It's in Venice, California, it's called, I don't even remember what it's called. But stuff like that, like I don't even think about it. I'm just like, how much money do you need?

Okay. But for people that I really love, I will do very lavish. So you've been making money for a while. Couple of bucks on you. Yeah. Doing all right. Yeah What you guys get married Vegas, why can't get a fucking read on it? What are you talking about?

We may be something classy. I don't know Restaurant tier fashion lines Post-war personal loans Probably charging a vague on it. You remember fucking poor Bobby? He's gonna say Neil to collect. Hold on, you guys met in Vegas. Yep, so we went back to Vegas two years later to get married. Okay, what venue in Vegas did you get married out?

A drive-through? Okay. Hmm, alright. We went through a drive-through and we had a Pamela Anderson look alike. And then my mom found out that we had done that. What Pam Anderson? Like a trashy one. Okay, like the barbed wire one. Was that the movie? It was like yeah, barbed wire. She was wearing like a wife, Peter. Okay, that Pam Anderson. Yeah. Very funny. Have you ever seen the drive through weddings? Not in person. It's like McDonald's.

There's a menu. So when you drive up, they're like, okay, do you want the number one, which is like you drive through, you say your vows, you drive off, do you want the number two? We give you a candle that you both can light together. Or the number three, we also give you a bouquet and a headdress. And you are in your car speaking to a drive up window. Damn.

And so we did that and then my. Are you in the crossbow when this is going on? No, we were in, um, I had turned that car in and got a full swag in a yellow one. A beetle? Yeah. And at the beetles, it's crazy. Yeah.

And you were, you were doing well then, right? Right. I was doing pretty good. You just liked the beetles. I loved the beetles. What are you driving in now? I have a BMW. That ain't yellow. It's not Beatles. What are you driving in now? I have a BMW. Nice.

That ain't yellow. That's not. Nice. All right, very good. What was the ice like that you got from your act? Was he a man of wealth and taste? Is this ring? This is the one I hear?

Is this ring wearing it? This little tiny anybody one? Was that the Engager ring? That was all I had. That was the cute little ring. And then after being married for like three years, he got me one that was like a little bit bigger that looked like a braid of diamonds from Tiffany's. And that's just in my jewelry box.

But this one is just so cute. I mean, I have to like, here. Sure, sure. But never had like a big rock or anything. Never, and he let you keep the engagement. There was never a thing about that. Well, he cheered on me! Gage?

Oh, right. It wasn't like he got anything back. He gave me a chlamydia! Okay. You met him in Vegas, what do you expect? I mean, like, fucking asshole. Okay. Hmm. Yeah, I got more than I bargained for, trust me.

Man, we are all over the map with this one, man. Uh-huh. What was the last dinner you cooked? Um, the last dinner I made was Thomas Keller's buttered lobster and orzo mac and cheese. And then the one before that was Gordon Ramsay's duck with Thomas Keller's pom-pour-ray. He did the recipe.

Uh-huh. Okay. Masterclass. I'm on Masterclass. So I've been practicing my gourmet cooking skills. Nice, right? So you cook for yourself at the house. Me and my boyfriend. Nice.

All right. He owns a barbecue restaurant. Okay. So sometimes he brings home barbecue and then I mix it into the homemade pasta shells and stuff like that. It's pretty delicious. That's homemade pasta pasta. You're though. Oh, yeah, wow. I love to cook. It's my favorite little hobby. We were talking about mayo before we started recording. Is it Helmonds or is it Miracle with you? No, no, no, Miracle with Rose. I have trust issues with people who like Miracle Web. Yeah, excellent, excellent, excellent. All right, it's the first right answer. I think we got out of you. So you got your speak Italian and you got,

and then you got Mayo. Yeah. So far. Love Mayo. Can we ask for another table at a restaurant? What? Will you ask for another table at a restaurant? If you get sat and you're like,

I don't like this, will you ask to be moved? No. Okay. You're cool with it? Yeah, I'm fine. What about a hotel room? Well, you have some move of hotel room? No, I look online at what I'm booking. Yeah, but sometimes you get one. I've learned from you. You get one next to the elevator.

Oh, like never take that. Like if you get up there in your room 402 and it's right next to the elevator. Yeah. Because people you'll hear it all night. I typically don't do that because I'll pass out drinking. So I don't know. I've never, uh, okay. Uh, I'll return food if it looks fucked up. Sure. If it's, if it's egregious, of course. Yeah.

Sure. How do you get your steak cooked? Rare. Hmm. I want it to move at me. Okay. And then I also swirl it around and it's sauces. Will you bring food onto the plane with you? No. I like going to the airport and indulging. Yes. Of course. I like to go a little early. Of course. Have a drink or two. Sure.

Eat something naughty. Sure. Have those tater tots with cheese. Sure. Yeah. Now you're speaking my language. Well, you put your seat back on the plane before we even take off. I got to make sure that we keep things spicy. Okay. If that plane goes down, I want to know it was my fault. All right. Keep having to put your box. Shout out to the MFN butcher business. Big fans over here at RU Garbage and butcher box gang butcher box for talking pop quality meats and seafood delivered right to your door.

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Get on butcher box. Get meat delivered right to your door. Yeah They've they've the good folks at butcher box have been nothing but sweet to us nothing but good Shipping me I mean Palants of fucking bacon a ground beef hamburger meat. Whatever you need I put an addition on my house all ground beef. I got so much meat They said I turned the second walking the second bedroom to a walking freezer. If you're looking for recipe ideas, you'll get tons of guides and tips,

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I'll back to the show back to the show. How do you say say you're at home? You're cooking you use half an avocado. How do you save the other half? Do you just put it in the fridge raw dog dog, do you have covered in tin foil, so ran wrap, you have one of those nice little I would still ran a wrap it, but I'd make sure that the seed is in the part that I saved. Gotta stay in there. And then I'd probably put some

saran wrap on it and save it. Okay. What kind of fridge are we working with at the house? Just a normal silver one. Silver? Yeah. Stainless steel. What's the vacuum situation? Dyson. That long silver one. Silver? Yeah. Stainless steel?

What's the vacuum situation? Dyson. That long stick one. Oh, it's my favorite toy. Pretty good. Where are you shopping now, grocery wise? Where do you go down here in Austin? There's a place called Central Market.

It's a fancy place, but with the meals that I've been making, I have to have some kind of specific things. Got to get good stuff. Otherwise, I just go anywhere. But other places don't really have the imported things. Got to get good stuff. Otherwise, I'd just go anywhere. But other places don't really have the imported things. What's the big one down there? H-E-B? H-E-B.

Yeah, they're the ones that don't really have the imported stuff. America, right? You're in fucking God's country down there. Yeah! We're not bringing in Italian stuff. Uh-uh. I like H-E-B.

That's where we were instant car all the stuff when we were down there. I like H-E-B too. What's the credit like? What's the stuff when we were down there. I like H.E.B. too. What's the credit like? What's your credit score? I don't know, should we check it? Not right now. I mean, we have to get, no.

Good enough that it's not a problem. It's not a problem. Okay. What kind of plastic are you throwing around? You got an MX? My boobs are real. Oh, good to know. MX.

I do have an MX. Nice. Yeah, business platinum. It's one of those metal cards when I hit it to someone they know. I do have an MX. Nice. Yeah, business platinum. It's one of those metal cards. Well, when I hit it to someone, they know. I drop it to let them know. Yeah.

Oh, God. Watch your toes. Yeah, let me do a deadlift to metal's coming in. Yeah. You better be seal toe boots you got on. I sharpened mine and throw it against the wall. Like a throwing star. Nice.

Any capital one, discover cards, anything like that? No, I only use my A-Mex. Do you have a checkbook? No. Okay, I just got one. Are you, say you're going to a friend's house for dinner? Mm-hmm. Right?

And you're bringing, are you gonna bring something like a bottle of wine? I'm the chef. Wait, you're bringing food or they're coming to you? Well, first of all, I don't have that many friends. Okay. So like Thanksgiving and things like that, uh-huh.

People are coming. Okay. Let's say you were going over, you know, uh, Segorah's Tom's house. Yeah. So like, hey, come over, Evan dinner, whatever, for the team dinner. Yep.

You're coming, you're not gonna come up the hand that I presumed you're somewhat of a pretty classy bro. I would bring a bottle of champagne, a bottle of red, and I would make homemade stuffed conchillioni shells With sausage, mortadella ricotta and Parmesan cheese with a beshamel sauce baked in the oven at 350 degrees with Parmesan Crusted layers, we're actually having a party tonight But I love to cook this is my shit

So good. Yeah, that's I mean that's man your history was just wiped clean Yeah Talk about a fucking reset in the mainframe. Oh, I heard was a bottle of red and hot appetizer Yes, and the platinum card ain't killing you either the entrance. I like to make all right All right, I like that. I like that good on that if we came over to your house right now, if we were over at the house, and you offered us a water, what would we be getting? We'd be getting out of the tap, would we be getting a bottle?

A potter, a bottle. Pellegrino. You'd be offered a pellegrino. Yeah. The pellegrino. I like sparkling water. You got the big bottle or the little bottle. The big one.

Because usually if I pour you a glass, I'm gonna want some too. Nice. We're pellegrino people as well. When you go to the restaurant, is it sparkling, still, or tap? It depends if I'm getting champagne. If I'm getting champagne,

I don't do sparkling water because I'm having a sparkling wine. Okay. So I'll drink normal tap water. And I usually always ask for tap water because I don't want to pay $7 for a normal bottle of water. Okay.

What is the drink? What is your go-to drink? You're going out long. Extra dirty, filthy, awful, terrible dirty, gin margini. Gin, I do vodka, but I got a real problem with them. I want to crush them. Yeah, I'll be. God, I can throw it back.

Yeah, they're the best. You know, I got fucked up on those because I thought they were zero calories. I was like, 200 calories. 200 calories. I was trying to like take it easy on the wine and I was like, oh, you know what? This is just liquor. There's no carbs, calories in this.

So, I got damn olive juice. My goodness, and I like it. Yeah, yummy too. So, yeah. Blue cheese olives or regular olives. Blue cheese. Really? You have any on you?

I want it disgusting. Make that like a whore drink. Gotcha. Nasty. You ever been to a time share pitch? Yep. Really? Uh huh.

Vegas. What'd you win for it? For doing? It was like a three day thing and I want a raffle. Which is so fucked up that you have to win a raffle to go to a time share. Can everyone win the raffle? What?

Where did you win the raffle? I was at a course show. It was like inception of trash. It was inside a Walmart. Yeah. Somebody's spin something on the table. I don't know what's going on. All right. Now the inception. I got you. Thank you. Do you not use chopsticks? Yes, okay? You send an eventmo request

No, I never send the request. I only get requested. Yeah, gotcha everyone's trying to sure what their beaks a little bit What kind of luggage are you using to me? a little bit. What kind of luggage are you using? To me. Hmm. See, bands. The AP in the shower? All the time. You brush your teeth in there. Yes.

And if you ever take a shower with me, I'll pee on your foot. Okay. Good to know. The elite of toothbrush in there? Um, no. I imagine the apartment is night. Is like put together. It's nice. Yeah. Yeah.

It's clean. King size nice. Yeah, clean. King size bed. Oh yeah. Nice pillows, all that kind of stuff. Like a hundred pillows. Okay. My boyfriend's big, so he has to have his own side. You guys sleep with a fan on you?

There's a fan for noise, as weird as that sounds. It's like white noise. Sure. But we sleep with it. Cold as fuck. Nice. You can fall asleep with the TV on. There's not even a TV in the bedroom.

Oh, are you reading anything right now? Twitter. Good book. Halfway through. Okay, do you guys live together or is it your play? You live together, okay. Yeah, I invaded his space. Okay, so it's pretty serious, I guess.

It took a break That's it shows over Thanks for coming by Do you have a favorite cup at the house? This is gonna sound so silly, but I have a YMH made First date martini glasses. I guess all of those actually. It's my one piece of merch, and I know it sounds stupid, and I'm not even doing it for a plug,

but that's my favorite glass in the house. I'll drink sparkling water out of it, because I've never had merch before in my full life. So having it made me feel. You had the book, what are you talking about? No, that was a mistake. All right. Yeah, so that's actually my favorite glass

that I drink out of. I don't care everything out of it. You guys have a little bar set up at the house? No, we live in a kind of small apartment. Where do you guys eat in dinner? If you're having dinner together at the house. Nancy. At the table?

Oh, at the table. You mean at home? At home at home. At home. If you make dinner, he comes home. So, at the table. You mean at home at home. Like if you make dinner, he comes home. So we have an island that has two chairs. Okay. And so, and then we have a couch and we do have a dinner table. If it's really nice,

the table. Sure. You set the table. Yeah. And we have candles and it's like a romantic thing. Will you guys sit and eat dinner and watch TV together He doesn't watch TV really. Yeah, he reads he reads. Yeah, and then I play candy crush Still oh, yeah Jesus Christ. I'm practicing being a grandma

All right, huh? You keep your catch up in the fridge or in the counter fridge? Where do you keep the butter top shelf in the door on the right. Okay. And I use European butter. What butter? What does that mean? It's like carry gold. Yeah, Irish.

Okay. That's very classy. I never heard somebody refer to as European butter. It is European butter though. Sure, I'll give you that. I can see it right away. I mean, but yeah. Sure.

Okay. Where do you like to go on vacation now? I just got back from a huge trip. I went to Barcelona and then Croatia and then Soho farmhouse and then London Very and I just got back like two weeks ago nice nice. Yeah, all right my next trip is my birthday trip in October And I'm going to the Marrakesh Okay, very nice. Marrakelle. Yes, very cool.

I hear good things. All right, that's true. But I'd love to travel. How old were you when you got your passport? I was the first country you went to. Um, I went to Argentina with Playboy when I was 21. Okay, that was the first time out of the country, 21. Mm-hmm.

It was my first time anywhere. Yeah. Because I never traveled. Sure. So you had a hair zone. So you had to get your passport to go. I did. They even told me I had to get it and they got it expedited for me. Okay.

Because I didn't have, I didn't never had gone anywhere before that. Mm-hmm. Do you still have the activation sticker on any of your cards? You know what I mean? That you're supposed to peel off? No, that shit drives me nuts. Hmm. Okay. Uh, so you do get takeout. You you and your boyfriend at the house, you get takeout from whatever it gets delivered. Will you plate that or will you

eat out of the containers? You know, I don't do takeout. I don't like things delivered. Uh, wait. It's never as good. I agree with you on that. It's never as good. The tacos are soggy. The pizza's cold. The things that arrive like McDonald's, it's just that doesn't have the same crispiness and that McMuffin. And if I'm gonna eat the calories, I want it to be poppin'.

So at the house, except when he would bring home stuff from the restaurant. I cook. That's it. 100% of the time. Really? I like to cook. And I don. 100% of the time. Really? I like to cook.

And I don't, I like to go out or cook at home, but I don't like postmates. I don't even have DoorDash or any of that on my phone. It's not an option. No kid. Don't like it. It's pretty good. Do you have a favorite fast food? You can't say in an out burger or shake-shack.

Does Waffle House count? No. No. But I respect it. I had McDonald's this morning for breakfast you did I did what you get you're having Mickey D yeah I get that um what is it called the sausage egg Mcwap it with cheese and a medium coffee and I had a bite of the hash brown it was a little too greasy for me this morning kids alright man sausage Mcmuffin yeah no this is fucking jury tapering and it was a little too greasy for me this morning. Kids alright, man. Sasha McMuffin.

That's what I had. No, this is fucking jury tapering. And it was so fucking good. Hey, guys, he's got Mickey D's on the brain. I might even have it for dinner again. There you go. Oh, last time you did a shot of fireball. Oh, man, Christmas.

Jesus. Okay. Traditions, traditions. You have to put church re at. Cinnamon. Okay. It's cinnamon vibes. Sounds like my family party's got to

Yeah. Let me ask you this. All right. You're in a relationship. You and your boyfriend go out to dinner. Okay. Okay, don't, don't screw me on this. You and your boyfriend go out to dinner.

I know. You order the salmon. You have appetizers. You guys share your appetizer. Can I give you a caveat here? What? You go to a pizza place. No.

No. No. What are we doing here? I want you to settle something. You act like you know, hold on. This is bullshit. No, let me ask the question. You and your boyfriend go out to a restaurant that it's an Italian place that does offer coal fired

pizza. Not does offer is one of the premier menu items. It's the huge, the huge fire thing the huge coal oven that is pronounced open kitchen. So you see it. Okay. Okay. I'm walking through Wendy's. Okay. You guys go out, you have a couple appetizers, you share some apps. Come sign the order of the entrees. You get the, I don't know, the carbonara. He orders a pizza. Yeah.

Do you find that strange? No. That ain't pizza. You, I got just dirt bag on my side. No, because I would be that dirt bag that orders the pizza. And I don't want to share. If you want pizza, get your own pizza. A pizza is made for one person.

You don't think it's weird somebody ordered a pizza, and I try. No, I don't think it's weird. You probably orders it in a Italian. You got to get my own, yeah. I mean, I can't even tell you how many times I've been out there. If he gets a pizza, I get a pizza if he wants a bite of mine

That's fine, but I'm having a bite of Double saw I'm doing double saws down there. I'm never asking that question again Scream me on it. You got a bad take on it. We even called the restaurant and they said you were wrong Hard feelings Ever seen a UFO I think so. Okay. I think so, but I was on mushroom. No, all right. Ha, man, she's all right. I was on a whole other show.

I was on a paddleboard in the middle of Lady Bird Lake in Austin, and I was looking up into the sky, and I swear saw you a bow. Okay. Okay. And it wasn't just Elon Musk. Good to be good to be zip and around up there. That's crazy. I took mushrooms and I swear I met Elon Musk. You guys live in Austin. You guys got hand towels in the bathroom? Yeah.

Complete set or you're all. No, it's like the one ring by the By the sink and I've always like sure putting my makeup and shit on it So I have to get a new one every day. Okay, if you were at home It's like you miss stab me in the back on this as well if you were at home And you were making pasta for you and your boyfriend, okay? Or if he was making pasta for you, would you use, and again, this is not the argument. If you were using a jarred sauce,

would you use the whole jarred sauce and a whole box of pasta, or would you use a half a box of pasta and half of the sauce? Hold on, man, this is not the question. The question is, When you make pasta to use the whole jar, before yourself, you're making one serving of pasta

was the, is the question. You're making one serving of pasta was the is the question You're doing revisionist history over here. I don't know what to tell you guys. We're at company. Keep it together Miss captain answer the question screw you and her boyfriend. I can tell you guys tell me I Cannot remember the last time I use you makes homemade box pasta Or where you getting the pasta you make it making it. You're making the pasta. I have so many pasta machines. It's probably unhealthy. You got one of those kitchen aid things?

I got a kitchen aid. I can make any kind of pasta you could possibly imagine. You got a Vitamix? No. Ninja? Ninja. You got a Ninja. Cause I make my own sauces.

What's the cookery? You got a lot through song, maiden. Made in. Made in. I think I've heard of that before. Yeah, it's like nice, nice, ever since I started making fancy meals. Sure, you got to,

you got to step up. Yeah, that was a gift for my boyfriend, my boyfriend bought me some really nice stuff to cook with. That's good. Stop, stop, stop. All right, what was the last concert you went to? Um, I'm trying to think, Oh, sorry, what was the last concert you went to? I'm trying to think I was just I was I was at a country concert

Luke Brian no jelly roll jelly roll Jelly wait it was post Malone ah That was the last concert and I got to go backstage that was like a week ago ago. We could go. Yeah. No, no, I went before that. Okay. Yeah. And there was a parker McCallum. Have you ever heard of him? He was also, he was the night before. So my boyfriend knows a famous barbecue restaurant.

And so he has some cool connections. Nice. So we got to go to the parker McCallum country concert. Cool. And then the next night was Post Malone. Shout out to Post Malone. That was very cool. He was so nice. God damn show. We play beer pong backstage. Yeah, I seem to be a good. He's a good guy. What was your first concert? Share.

Whoa. You believe in love, tour. And Cindy Lauper opened for her. Really? Yeah. Love that Cindy Lopper. Mm-hmm. Man. I mean, I do have pretty good here. Do you have baking soda in your refrigerator? Yeah. And the freezer too? No. What's the ice machine situation at the house? Full. Okay. Can I get it on the door? Yeah, but I usually just open the door and get it off. Grab with your hands? Yeah. So you got a two door. Okay, can I get it on the door? Yeah, but I usually just open the door and get it out. Grab with your hands, roll it. Yeah, so you got a two door.

Yeah, it's double door. Freezer on the bottom. The ice is on the top. No, it's a double. Oh yeah, okay. Double. Gotcha. All right.

Any milk crates in the house at the current moment? No. Hmm. You doing a Christmas tree now? You put up a tree? I wish. No tree. No.

Okay. Not there yet. You ever cut your own hair? No. Only back like when I was nine. How do you feel about the rotisserie chicken? What do you mean? Do you like it? Yeah.

Okay. I like food though. I'm a foodie. You like eggs salad? Yeah. You own binoculars. Yep. You like eggs salad? Yeah. The own binoculars. Yep. I like to spy on people.

And I live in a high rise where I can look out the window and I can see all kinds of things. I'm waiting for a telescope for Christmas. Okay. Have you ever crashed someone else's car? No. Okay. No, just my own.

You wear a CPAP machine. I'm not a hundred. She's so in shape she thinks they're for old people. I'll skip the compression socks. I have compression socks. You do? Yeah, I wear them on the airplane. Me too, there you go.

All right. That's right. Every time you wear a friday or something. Uh-huh. I mean, she speaks Italian. We think. I know. She also said I want a pizza.

I mean, she's trash. Yeah, man. 100% big time big time. Big time. There was a there was a half a glimpse in the beginning where I'm like, oh, she's already thought it was. But there really wasn't because when you said home school, we're like, oh, she's trash. Then you pulled out of it for about a half to say a little glimpse. That's it. What's the trashiest part about me? I mean, all of none of it's good.

The Vegas wedding, the Vegas wedding, the stealing money from desperate old men. That's not great. Hooters is not not a fantastic, the GD. The GDs, no coming back from that. That's a good enough degree. What you think a sports car is. Short. Yeah, you get your favorite sports car. You get a fucking Chrysler sports fire. Something cross fire. Yeah, you're trash.

All right. All right. It's okay. I'm having Donald's this morning for breakfast. You're a dirt bag. Wrap it up. That's the show. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Lauren Compton. Thank you so much. Amazing new podcast on YMH Studios first day show. Everybody check it out. Absolutely fantastic buddy. We love you. Thank you so much for coming in. Thanks for having me on. This is so much fun. Anything else you want to folks out there? I know you can hit him right there.

Plugged socials or anything. Find me at I am Lauren Compton on everything. Nice. Kippy, what do you got for? Guys, we're all over the road. Shows are selling out, so get your tickets. We're announcing some second shows and third shows and some four shows and some markets. So get your tickets before they're all gone.

We love you. We love you gang. We'll see you next week. Bye.