Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Lil Sas Returns!

Episode Date: May 9, 2024

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Lil Sas. You know Sas from Son of a Boy Dad w/ Rone, The Yak w/ Bigcat, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, Bussin' with the Boys, Out of Order and stand up comedy. Thanks for watching Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast! Town Hall Tickets: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Fum: https://www.tryfum.com/garbage Promo Code: garbage This Show is sponsored by BetterHelp Better Help: https://www.BetterHelp.com/GARBAGE Blue Chew: https://bluechew.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Sheath: https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Oh my god, get a look at this place, who let us in the front door? Achi-machi, the army of garbage invades Town Hall in New York City! Yeah, we're gonna be there this week, Thursday, May 9th at 7 o'clock for a little stand-up comedy and then we're gonna play a little AYG with the crowd in one of the most iconic, most beautiful theaters in the city! Woo-wee, don't steal nothing, no smoking, no public urination, all tickets available at RUgarbage.com! See you there! Welcome to another exciting edition of R U Garbage. The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute

trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is are you garbage? Oh, yeah It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a good to be classy Yeah, they're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day We're out back here with Tooties in a new edition. She's up in Canada doing a little fly-fishing Okay, couple of the boys from Halliburton took her up there. Very nice. One of the execs from Boeing too. So let's see if she makes it back.

All right. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He's the CEO of RU Garbage. Whoa, swinging him. They go political. I saw, yeah, it took me a minute, but I got there. Yeah. He's the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman. I think I just spitting his coffee. Give it up for KJ, Kevin J.

Ryan, everybody. What's up, everybody? Thanks for tuning in. You for sure did if you admitted it. Luke, let's even get that in super slow. Well, that's right there. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes.

Full video available on YouTube. As you know, those numbers are true to Roof. Cookin' and obviously the greatest website of all time, www dot patreon dot com slash are you garbage? Go over there and get all that content, baby. How about a nice shout out to our producer extraordinaire, the magic man makes us all look good. Works the ones, the twos, the threes and the fours, the fives, the six, the sevens, the eights. Give it up for T bone, Mcscruffins, Tommy McBall and everybody. What

up, boys? Hey, buddy. T bone. I'm excited. We got one of my favorite people in the city in here dude. We got the kid in town. I love this guy. Hilarious, great guy, and gives you faith that people from Massachusetts can be nice. Hell of a dresser too.

Gang, the long hair ain't lying because we couldn't be more excited than we are incredibly, and I'm an incredibly special guest back with us again today. We got a lot of catching up to do. He's one of the stars over there in the Barstool universe. hot young kid on the scene everybody says You can hear him every week on his amazing podcast son of a boy dad with mr. Francis Ellis and our good pal

Rhone give it up for a little sass How's it going? How are you? But chillin buddy you for having me again your eyes as it's brought up your outfit choices are me again. You're as it's brought up your outfit choices are going. Yeah, dude. I'll be honest. Nothing grinds my gears more than this. I know because I wasn't a setup. I wear clothes and I'm like, yeah, this is a good fit. And then everywhere I go, people are like, what the fuck are you wearing? Just like you work at Models in the 90s. Trying out for Nirvana. But I like to see he's rocking the old-school shit. He's doing the long Under the under the regular tape, dude I'll wear I'll wear like a collared shirt on our podcast and all the comments will be like it looks like you're about to protest

affordable housing Like I thought this was like a nice outfit. He's got protest It's good to see you, pal. Yeah. I want to get right into it. So the last time you were here, my friend, there was a lot of red flags. Now, you're a young guy, obviously, but there was a lot of things.

The room situation was pretty bad. Psychopath. I have a mattress on the floor, Nintendo 64. All right. It was a dicey situation. It was as any of that improved. Yeah, I mean it's really Well, so I got a I got a bed frame Okay, but the funny I got a bed frame. It's probably like a month ago. All right There I slept on the ground for over probably a year since we last spoke Okay, and then and how long were you're what 24? I'm 23 now 23

Okay, yeah And I got him I got a bed frame. I got a rug. Whoa. Yeah, where did you buy these? Amazon Amazon everything so you took everything out of the room and you redid it basically same same apartment same same apartment Yeah, same room. Yeah, when you say you got a bed frame. Did you get just a metal frame? Just a straight metal frame. Just a straight metal frame. And you have a box spring. Yeah.

Okay, so you have a box spring, you have a mattress. No duvet, I would assume. No, no, no. No duster going around. No. So I can see under your bed. You can see the wheels. Is it on wheels?

No, it's not on wheels. Okay. You know those metal frames. I think it is and he doesn't realize it. He might have I put the wheels On wheels they all know but now they do sell they're just the just the little stubby legs So you just had a clamping together and that was it no backboard no backboard The problem with having it the problem with those bed frames with a headboard is. All-star game? No, I got a mini-hoop, dude. It's good. The problem with having it, the problem with those bed frames with the headboard is they

take forever to set up, and you're setting it up where the room is the size of the bed frame. Sure. So it's a pain in the ass to set up. So this one, I looked up the easiest one to set up. Dude, it took me one minute. Okay. It just unfolds, and then it's done.

All right. That's a great piece of furniture. Yeah, it is. But you're the only person I know how to that has shopped that way Oh, yeah, what's the easiest bed frame you Google? What's the easiest bed frame because if you set up those ones for they take forever and then your back starts hurting you're like your Your hamstrings start getting so what do you 82? When you're in that position just on the hard floor just screwing shit in your knees start hurt. Yeah, you're 23 years

This is the time to do it and do you have a selection of tools at the house no he's got a bunch of good gushers and stuff no I have a hammer you have a hammer and I get and I just use like whatever they send to set it up the Allen wrench Allen keys yeah it is funny I have a knife too and I was talking to my friends about this the other day. I have like a LL Bean like wooden handle pocket knife. Okay. That I was like pumped.

I thought when I got it I was going to be like filleting trout on a river with it. And I've only used it just to open up boxes. That's the only thing. But you feel official when you open up boxes with it. I got the same thing. When you get to a certain age you use your keys for that. Yeah, yeah. Love using my keys. I got one that has been sharpened get to a certain age, you use your keys for that. Yeah, yeah. Love using my keys.

I got one that has been sharpened from using it on boxes for so long. Really? Oh, this thing's a throat slit. It'll open you up, dude. It's like a shank. Sounds like you got a lot going on over there at the apartment. A busy weekend?

I'm opening other people's packages. Nah, I'm foli and 2F. I got it for you. OK, and what's the any upgrades upgrades in the kitchen area and the cook? Are you cooking at home? Was that the last time you weren't cooking? You are solo, right? Yeah, solo.

It's your own place. You rent it or you own it? I rent it. Okay. Now, I wish the cooking. Own it? I wish... Yeah, no.

That would a shirt like that? He does well. What are you talking about? I think he's got a nice little nest egg tucked away. Probably in the crypto and Litecoin and all that stuff. I wish. He does well. What are you talking about? Probably in the crypto and like coin and all that I wish I actually just invested for the first time Okay, let's that's very no one go and a weed. Oh But we're gonna flip that this weekend you figure you save on the grams alone about a couple a Couple apes.

What are those things called? You know what I'm talking about. What are the- You bought an NFT? No, no, I'm kidding. That was the joke I was getting at. I was like, I don't know. Bored ape, dude.

Also, I got pretty jealous. I'm like, are they back? I might have to fuck you. I might have to get in the eight game. Jokes like that don't work when you don't remember what it's called and then you have to ask. You gotta ask what it's called. And then you have to ask. You gotta ask what it's called. Now I put money into Fidelity Go.

What's that? It's the future. You hear that count there, kids? That's what the salesman told you. It's the future. No, it's just like a Fidelity. Sounds like a WNBA team. It's like, what are they called?

The Vanguard account? I think it's similar to that. All right, cool. Yeah, it invests money for you. But it's Fidelity. But it's Fidelity. And I have to- Did similar to that. All right. Yeah invest money for you But it's fidelity, but it's fidelity And I do that on your own or your parents line you up with that my sister told me to do it Yeah, and then I did a personal one where I put some money in Tesla nice. Okay. What are we talking about? They laid off 400 people the next day

This kids the kiss of death Fucking spaceship blows up on a launch pad. Fuck! The thing is, I don't like, I like all my money. I like to have all my money. Sure. I'm a liquid guy. I like to all be liquid. I respect that.

I like to, it's my money and I need it now. Where is it? And then people are like, you gotta invest. And it's like, well, the Bruins are playing tonight. How about I put all of it on that instead? Make some quick games. You're 23, you'll go broke and make money again. That's how it happens. Oh yeah. Nobody loses quick games. You're 23, you'll go broke and make money again. That's how it happens.

Oh yeah. Nobody loses two games in a row. That's gonna be all right. Can I ask you what the number was on those investments? What'd you drop? Good amount of money. Good amount of money. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. I respect that. A lot of my money. He's doing good, he's got a good job over a bar stool. He told you you do well in a row, you're a bit of a drawl the barstool money is not a lot of money, but the Road money is good. The road money is decent. It depends though. I mean you guys know so in the thousands

We're talking. Oh, yeah, yeah, I didn't put 300 bucks in there. My dad told me to put 80% of my money Not in in the fidelityidelity Go, not Tesla. Okay, in the Fidelity Go. Yeah, but I was like, I'm not, that's crazy. I'm not doing that. 80% of my money. I got none of that. Dude, that's like four or five grand.

Yeah. And we give you shit, but dude, us, I mean, I know I could speak personally, me at your age, I mean, that wouldn't even be a thought in my mind. I Got a savings account. I feel pretty good. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I miss I got all my money in a fucking been a Rockland Trust Zero interest savings account. What's a right Rockland Trust is a local, Massachusetts bank and all of my Yeah, how do you go to you can't go to a branch, can you?

No, there's nowhere to go. When I signed my lease for this apartment, I had to get like a cashier's check and Rockland Trust was like, we don't do cashier's checks. So it was like, dude, signing my lease was the most chaotic. Man, that is a true, and I'm the same way, I'll put the lease, the lease for here.

It's like, when paperwork is needed and all the I's dots all the eyes have to be dotted T's have to be crossed and everybody's got to be on this I'm not that guy to be like oh here's all the I don't have I'm the guy who show up and like oh you don't have your social security card you don't have this I got nothing did you get your taxes done get taxes squared away no my tax situation is actually the worst one it's uh I don't have an extension and I still haven't paid So I'm fucked for that, but that was a whole nother problem where I was using my parents accountant and This is making me feel so much better because you're investing at 23. I was like I was paying my rent in cash

All the money all my money's about to be gone gone. But dude, so I was using my parents' account. Good thing you got the rug. Yeah, I was using my parents' account, and I've used them for like three years in a row. And I was like, eventually this year, I was like, where did you guys find this guy? Because I don't think he knows, I think he knows how to do like a W-2.

I don't think he knows how to do like the 1099s and all that shit. Gotcha. Yeah, and then my parents were like, oh, it's our old neighbor's friend. And so that's who's been handling my finances some guy you're sure Exactly, but uh, I I so I say I sent him all my 1099 so I thought and He's using them as coasters and No, what the what account doesn't know how to handle a 1099 dude

He didn't have 13 of my 1099s. And he sent me back, he filed, and he sent me it back. And my gross income was 50% lower than what it actually was. And good news, bad news. Dude, which is part, it was partially my fault for not knowing that he didn't have all the 1099s. But at the same time, I did 23 weekends last year. 23 states and 23 1099s. 23 states, 23 1099s, 56 flights that I wrote off.

Sure. And he had nine 1099s. Did he think I flew seven times to get to one destination every single time? This guy loves Delta! Oh wow, you had seven layovers to get to Philadelphia. That's crazy. He wants you to pay him in miles. That's one way to find out that your accountant plays ball That's what someone just said that to me the other day they were like dude He was probably like on your side. He's probably like yeah fucking right off 56 flights

Yeah for half the income Cuz I got I got all the information back and it was like Massachusetts owes you money That's only good when you have a square job When you're getting one w-2 if you work like an advertising agent. You're now the Attorney General of New Hampshire. Yeah Yeah, so that's a whole that's a mess in itself. Okay, that's uh, okay. Well, yeah, I mean you're growing up You're sure you'll get the tax thing straightened out. Yeah, or pay a little penalty. Okay. That's okay. Well, yeah. I mean, you're growing up. You're sure you'll get the tax thing straightened out. I'm sure pay a little penalty. Whatever. Yeah. Keep moving forward. You got the rug. You got the bed. Got the rug. Yeah. Like I were listening

that in annual achievements. You'll be surprised the rug actually really tied the place together. Yeah. Yeah. The rug was game. That's one of those things when you're when you're living when you're living like a broke dirt bag and you don't realize You're like I don't need a rug and you get a rug and you're like, oh, I need a rug Is it under the bed or is it in the living room? It's in the living room. Oh Yeah, all right. What else is in the living room? So I got a rug couch. I got a little ottoman Okay, I got a desk and a chair Right any other any other upgrades you want to make to the

apartment at the at the given moment? You got the big TV in the bedroom right? TV in the bedroom. To be honest, only upgrade I've ever thought about recently is a bigger TV. In the bedroom or in the living room? Living room. Okay. I want my whole wall to be TV. Because don't you have a 70 inch in your bedroom? No I don't have any TV in my bedroom. I thought you had one in your bedroom. No I got like a 50 inch in your bedroom? No, I don't have any TV in my bedroom. I thought you had one in your bedroom. No, I got like a 50 inch in my living room and I got like a 24 inch that I play video games on also in my living room.

Really? Yeah. How's that add up? I don't like that. What do you mean? Go big, yeah, that's like a couple hundred bucks. Yeah, so I'm gonna upgrade the big one. I wanna get a 70 inch.

Okay. Yeah. Write that off. Yeah. Gaming purpose. I'm sure, yeah. I know to get a 70 inch. Okay. Yeah. Write that off. Yeah. For gaming purposes. I'm sure, yeah. I know an account that'll play ball. Jesus.

All right. Not bad. And are you a little bit more domesticated these days or are you still ordering out? No, I'm ordering out still. Ordering out? Yeah, I'm trying to go to a restaurant. What's the go-to restaurant? Delis for the most part. Do you have a proper deli that you like?

West 4th Street Deli. Okay. But I had to stop because it's giving me diarrhea like you've never seen. Dude, a New York City deli will get you. Dude, the chicken. You'll never see it coming. The chicken cutlet. I was eating the chicken cutlet like most nights for a while.

I love a chicken cutlet from a deli. And then one day I had one bite and I was like, this one tastes weird. And then diarrhea. It was probably a day old. It was from like Tuesday or yeah hot stomach That's all right. Yeah, you have anything on your walls pictures. Yeah, I got some uh, I got a Patriots flag I got a how is that a fix to the wall? Is it pushpins bubblegum? I think it is no it's the sticky blu-tack

Sure, yeah, no the two sides are yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, pretty legit those things That's not bad, but you don't gotta worry about the deposit. It won't take the pain. Oh, yeah, that's true I tried I tried I got that going yeah, I tried to use nails, but the wall like wooden the walls Dude, I got thick walls over that old plaster. probably that old plaster. I got that shit too. You can't get nothing in there. Yeah, and you know the difference between like plaster and drywall, right? Yeah.

Drywall, the nail will go right through and not hit anything. Drywall, that's where one of the people just like sail their fists through when they get angry. Yeah. He knows what we're talking about. I don't want my mom put her head through when a patriot's gonna cover you.

I know that kind of stuff. You ever put a head through when a patriot doesn't cover you. I know that kind of stuff. You ever put a hole through a wall? Oh yeah. Yeah? Yeah. I've never been that, I never have had that in me. You know, when you were a kid, you were...

It's called rumple mint. Dude, yeah. I was saying, I've double drop kicked a wall. Like, what are you talking about? In a hotel room, I put my buddy's head, we were fighting and we fell and his head went through the wall and we just lowered the picture that was behind the door, never caught us. I threw my phone at a wall when I was really young

and that went straight through. Straight through. It went through one of those Japanese houses. Kids got a goddamn arm on them. It was surprising how easily it went through the wall. That's crazy. Nice. You know what's real good?

If you live in a place and you put holes in the wall and you have drywall, if you take a sheet of paper and put it over there and just hit it with a little bit of paint, they'll never know. It's true. They'll never know. Real dirtbag shit. Yeah, you're out the door.

Until you open the window and it fell in. You're long gone by then. Sounds like when you're driving with the trash bag as a window. Oh man. So many times. So dangerous. Let me tell about fume. Fume.

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That's betterhelp.help.com slash garbage. Do it. Do it. Don't steal my do it. Do it. But your closet doors when you were a kid, were they Luan? Were they easily breakable? Closet doors. Like did you have a sliding closet door in your room as a kid? No.

Oh man. Did you have an open one door in your room as a kid? No... Did you have an open one? I guess I had an open one. But it wasn't a walk-in, it was just a closet. I'm actually trying to even remember, I don't think I ever really used my closet growing up. But I also don't really use my closet now, it's more just throw a bunch of shit in there. Lock it up. What are your clothes in? Um... I have two... I did buy two dressers.

Okay. Plastic dresser. Plastic? No, that's- What do you mean plastic? That's not a dresser. Those are tubs, bro. That's containers. It's containers. I got two containers. Really? What store did you buy them at? Amazon. Okay. Yeah, that's a container.

Yeah. I wanted to get my place more in order because mice was a problem. So I didn't want anything on the floor anymore. So I just bought the fastest stuff to set up, stuff that I'm not going to have to screw in. Sure. Those just come, you literally just lift them out of the box and they're set up already. Are their clothes already in there?

These guys are good. Goddamn basis. Pouch of rubbers in there. Some gum. Are they both in your bedroom? One of them is in a closet, one of them is in the bedroom. I'm not a rubber. I'm gum. Are they both in your bedroom? One of them is in a closet. One of them is in the bedroom.

They're both completely empty. And how bad is this my situation? So my last apartment that I lived in, there was we had we had mice like like bad infestation like the mice you would see like we could all be in here right now be like music playing. They're just flying by your feet. Not scared at all. That's a certain point of city living where you're like, these things are, I got company.

They don't care. You're still getting frisked. Yeah. So then I had a mouse a little less than a year ago. I came home from a weekend and there was a dead mouse just in the living room. And I was like, that's weird. Murdered? It just like fell over and died Dying of natural causes. A bunch of little mouse cops are running around So that that fucked me up

It's real bad Nicky Cuz I looked that up and they were like if a mouse dies of like old age in your house It means you have a shit ton of money. How'd you know he was old though? Yeah, the cane It was splinter from the Ninja Turtles like a little beard I there was nothing in it that could have killed him like I there was no traps or anything So I was I didn't think I had mice okay, and I love how you don't think you have mice and then they're dying of old Yeah, man, what a turn so then the next then that week then I saw another mouse I think I had mice. Okay. And... I love how you don't think you have mice and then they're dying of old age. Yeah. Man, what a turn.

So then the next, that week then I saw another mouse. Mouse had prostate cancer. Yeah, yeah. And then so then I had an exterminator come because I was like, I'm not, I can't do this again. I can't have the fucking like sitting in bed and there's mice just flying around your floor. It's brutal.

It's too, if you were, I woke up one time and I opened my eyes and there was a mouse like two feet away from me, just sitting on the ground. And I was like, I can't do this. I don't, other than the disease factor and like the poop and like the cabinets. Yeah. They're cute as buttons.

They don't bother you? No, I mean, no, I would freak out, but it's not like a rat. Like a rat, I'm losing it. I just, I- That scares the shit out of me. You have a rat in your apartment, you leave the apartment. Yeah, they win, dude. Yeah. You're gone. I wish you were a rat I'm losing it. I just that scares the shit rat in your apartment you leave the apartment Yeah

Exactly you do not because I thought when I first the first time I ever had a mouse in New York I thought it was a rat and then I looked it up and on reddit. They were like, it's not a rat They were like if you have a rat you you just leave you don't ever go back. You know it's not a rat. They were like, if you have a rat, you just leave. You don't ever go back to the apartment. You know you have a rat. There's no, once you see it, The poops are like that. Yeah, oh yeah. The tail on them is like an extension. Oh, dude, the tails are so gross.

The tails are thicker than this wire. Yeah, you ever hear the legend of the Rat King? Theo Von? It's not a legend. It happens. It happens. It's a real thing. Yeah, but no, so, well, the idea that it was like

a one mega rat, but that's not the case So the rats get all in like a small thing and they start wheeling around each other and their tails get knotted and then They there's like 15 or 20 of them, and then they all start moving Happen if that if I like open my closet and I saw the Rat King, I would, it's not even just I would, I wouldn't just leave the apartment. I would kill myself immediately. Like, I don't think I would be able to live my life knowingly that that could happen. Like, I would never be able to open another door. No. Imagine having to move to another.

Every door I open, I'm like, Lee, hello, Kevin. If a Rat King pulled up to my apartment, my cat would lock the door behind it. Like, cat's commentary. You can't leave. Everyone says, get a cat. Kevin if a rat king pulled up to my apartment my cat would lock the door behind it Everyone says get a cat dude. I was thinking cuz I don't I don't want a cat I want a cat, but I don't I don't think I'm responsible enough to take care of it They're pretty set it and forget it yeah, I'm the animals obviously there's things But it's like compared to not if you get it as a kitten you got a yeah I gotta take care of you there should be a rental service in New York they do that they do I know like get a hawk dude you can get a hawk you seen those videos now that's what you need yeah start lighting that

thing up I'm on stage next someone watch my like one of those sheets yeah you never seen him with the guy drives up in a car and he's holding the hawk in his hand and I'll be like a pigeon I'd I'd be like and the oh, yeah, I saw that I've seen that video that is crazy Yeah Yeah, or somebody if like I know a lot especially in New York a lot of Comics, I'll obviously have mice problem because we don't live the best you know the best home lives, but People will lend you them their cats for like

Like if someone's going away for a week Yeah, oh just I'll take your cat instead of fuming the place instead of yeah Then like they the mice learn that the smell of the cat and old yeah, yeah I never thought to do that that a little thought I had like a great like shark tank idea. I didn't know those are Got my yeah take all the cats that are like not adopted and just rent them out to people for a weekend. Mercenary cats. It's a great idea.

I would do that every weekend. Show them a piece of the good life and then right back to the shelter. Put the vlogger group. You did your job. Now you're going to be gassed. So how did that play out with the exterminator? Exterminator came in.

This guy, he was passionate. He lives there now. He has to. Have you ever had an exterminator? Like I've had exterminators where they come in and they kind of half ass it. This guy, dude, he- He like kill it.

It was like 8 a.m. when he got there. I'm like, just, I just woke up. I don't wake up at 8 a.m. So I woke up for this and I'm just like sitting in my room. He's going around, he's filling all these holes with like this like plaster type thing. And then he's like showing me around after.

And he's like, so this was the main source right here, this is where they're coming from. And I'm like, oh, really you think? And he's like, do I think? I know. I don't know. It's like blow smoke. I don't get paid to think, I get paid to know.

Buddy, the blood on my hands ain't human. And you didn't see these holes? I didn't see the holes, but they were big. Dude, there was a hole. He showed me a hole that went down like two feet down under the ground. And he patched them up. But so then a couple weeks ago,

I thought I heard a mouse in my apartment. And dude, it's just, I've never not had a day in my apartment where I'm not thinking about the mice Yeah, that's the problem. Yeah, it's like when you're but when your house gets broken into yeah, you're you're shook from now No, no way you get bed bugs it never leaves you bad bugs. Have you got you got them? I had them years ago when I lived in Queens when I lived up here the first time I threw out everything in my apartment Yeah, like everything bad bugs scare the shit out of me. Brutal. Because yeah, we had a bed bug scare

at my last apartment, because I got this rash, I got this crazy rash. I bet I had it last time I was on this show and I bet I didn't bring it up because it was still going on. Dude, you're never coming back. Where was the rash? It lasted my whole body.

It lasted for like eight months. It's called pittoriasis rosea. Okay. Not psoriasis. Everyone always goes, oh, it's psoriasis. No, it's called piteriasis rosea. Okay. Not psoriasis. Everyone always goes, oh, it's psoriasis. No, it's not psoriasis. And dude, there's no cure. They don't know anything about it.

They said there was an uptick in it from the vaccines, and I'm not like a Vax, I'm not like one of those guys. Gotcha. But that's what the nurse told me. And they do, they didn't, there was, it just wouldn't go away. The only thing that would help. What did they tell you if you put on it?

I was just putting insane amounts of lotion on my body every single day and steroid cream. But then they were like, if you use too much of the steroid cream, then there's another rash that you're gonna get from that. It's the same thing with cortisone. It burns your blood or your skin or something like that. But you know who, Shane had that.

Shane had the same thing. He told me about it. He had it when he was like my age. I said the only thing you can do, do people go to like UV bit like UV Yeah, like tanning beds to try and get it off. I went I went out It was weird. I went out to Phoenix for a weekend and it went away. There you go cuz of the Sun Yeah, yeah the dry heat. Yeah, and then I came back to New York and it came back stronger than I had JFK. Yeah

Yeah, some people did in the 1800s. They had like consumption or TV Dude it was it was like just these spots like red dots all over my body my back was insane a little little rass watch yeah Yeah Yikes Yeah, you get bed bugs. You just never not think about it Yeah, so we thought that was bed bugs and then it turned out none of my other roommates had it so I was like I guess it's not I would have probably rather That been bed bugs at least there would have been a cure. I know yeah

Yeah You're passing my bomb like now I'm alright Okay, all right some new kind of ringworm I thought it was monk. It was right around the time when monkeypox was popping off And I used to do a joke about thinking I had monkeypox one of those jokes that works once and you're like This is a killer and then it bombed every single time Your brain will not give it up I'll be telling it and be like I know this don't work

I did it at stand-up New York, and I had people coming up to me after the show being like that monkeypox joke That's what it is that day. That's gonna be big. Yeah, I had two more spots that night It didn't work either of the shows and I was like those were just bad crowds I'll get it and I did it for like a year straight and never worked Yeah I'll get it and I did it for like a year straight and never worked. Yeah All right. Well, that's neither here nor there gang. We got a as you know when you join up for patreon We will answer your garbage question on the air. It's the best way to do it The patreon gets the first crack at it. We got the kid in here We got the kill sass gonna gonna get his perspective on some still trash

Yeah, for sure. We goes to whatever medical ailments he has. Doing good with the investment. Now, you can't touch that investment money, right? Is that locked up until you're 65? I don't know. No, I really don't know. That's a 401K. That's a 401K. That's a retirement. It seems like it's an IRA. Okay, so can he get in there if he needs to? No, really? Okay, good to know. I wish I knew that before I put it all in. Man, your dad and that accountant's really playing the long game with you. God, I didn't put the 80% in there.

Yeah, no. What did he put in there? Ask to borrow 20 bucks? Can't touch that until you're 87. What the fuck? There's got to be a way to get around that, right? There is, but you get banged out. There is penalties, yeah. I don't know, like I said, I got nothing.

I got a savings account that I feel That's all right never had one of the hoops. Yeah, I never had money to put into it, so now I'm like that's what I got yeah, yeah, and I'm fine with that All right, let's see here this one's from Gabriel How garbage it how garbage is it to keep catching your dad jerking off after you moved out? How garbage is it to keep catching your dad jerking off after you moved out? So I guess he moved out. He keeps going home. He keeps catching his dad wailing on himself Jesus which is I don't even know if that's garbage as much as as much as it is just scary disturbing

You know I can't get off of the doors locked Has anybody here been pinched? themselves not sass like caught yeah Has anybody here been pinched themselves? Not. Sass? Like caught? Yeah. No, I had one time where I still don't really know, but I was in high school. He killed them right away. I was in high school and I was watching porn and it was like, you know when you're in high

school you wake up like 30 minutes before you have to leave. Sure. My dad like that night was like your phone keeps connecting to my Bluetooth headphones. And I was like, well, the only thing I did on my phone this morning was watch porn. Wait, you woke up and you beat off before school.

Yes. Okay. And my dad. Imagine having the phone before school. Dude, I've never done dad having a phone before school dude. I've never done that Yeah, you don't wake up in the morning loaded gun You don't sure would you jerk off at your jerk off at night guy? Um He's a lunchtime Yeah, usually if I make a seamless order I like to get

I don't ever remember doing it before school. That's crazy. I for sure have. That was like, that's like the first thing I would do in the morning, especially when you're like 15. Okay. You wake up, dude, your boner could fucking cut through wood. Yeah. I think I would do it before I went to bed at night. Takes so hard to go through drywall. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

That's no phone. Yeah. You bump into a wall in the morning when you're 15. You're going straight through. I think I would do it at night. I think I would do it at night before I went to bed. I'm sure I would do it at night, too. He's probably setting an alarm for 4 a.m., waking up, knocking it out then.

He's got a little hound dog in him. When I was in high school, I would jerk off like four times a day. That's crazy. Like, I'd be in class being When I was in high school, I would jerk off like four times a day. That's crazy. Like I'd be in class being like the first thing I do when I get home. I had that feeling. Oh yeah, of course. It's tucked up in your waistband,

you're like, wait till I get home. No one's home. It used to course through your veins. Yeah. It was uncontrollable. Like dangerously horny. Yeah. Yeah.

Like you're a danger to yourself. I picture you like the Cheeto guy. I'm dangerously hardny You're a danger to yourself Dangerously hard right now. That's your first special Chester creepo dangerously horny all right, so okay, so your dad. That's all he said he said that to you in the morning It keeps you keep connecting he said that to you in the morning It keeps you keep connecting. He said it to me that night When he got home from work, and I was thinking about it And I was like the only thing I play the only thing I did on my phone this morning was watch porn Hmm so that was kind of just like a It wasn't but it was I never got like the full on I was a gentleman's yeah, I never was he was watching porn

Yeah, he might have been he's well and just listening to have you guys ever gotten the full on like... That was a gentleman's agreement. Yeah. Unless he was watching porn too. Yeah, he might've been. He's wailing just listening to it. Have you guys ever gotten the full like door open? No, I think I was always smarter than that. Yeah, I could be like, I knew my parents, I knew they were sleeping or like I knew they were out, like, you know, I'm not, you know, I didn't get too crazy with it.

Yeah. I've gotten danger close and I've done it in some precarious situations as a young man. Yeah. Where like the door was open or whatever. Oh yeah. But yeah, no, never never busted by like my mom.

What are you doing? That's a dive. I remember I read a story about that. Yeah, I got busted cold. You did really busted cold. Yeah. Mom or dad? Dad.

Okay, but it's bad. It's not okay. No, I was in. But it's not, okay. I was in, it was like middle school age. I got caught in my brother's room. Ooh. Which is like, that's a war crime. Yeah, hanging in the closet.

Yeah. I don't have a walk-in. You're in there sniffing his boxers? No. Dirt bag. No, my dad had a crazy stash of old Playboys. That's right. Like. Oh, right.

The vintage one. An expansive. And I got caught and they were in like an attic closet off my brother's room. And I got caught in his room with it on a dresser that was in the middle of the room for some reason. So I was standing behind it. So I was blocked. It, so I was blocked. And I was-

Jerk pulpit. Yeah, I was perusing. And he walked in and he goes, what are you doing? Whatever. And I'm like, well, and he fucking yanked me out of there. I had a fucking raging- Oh. Oh.

Give him a minute. Yeah, that's worse on your dad. That's not your fault. That's your dad's fault. Yeah, but my dad hit me with the shame cannon. He just goes, what is that? I was like- Oh, you know what this is. That's what I said. I said, it's a Woody. Oh. Yeah, but my dad hit me with the shame cannon. He just goes, what is that?

I was like, oh, you know what this is. That's what I said. I said, it's a Woody. Oh, no. Awful. I would have turned that on him. Toby's got a huge hog, too. That was probably pissed.

Yeah. It's not my fault you're leaving this smut all around. Yeah. Yeah. I learned from you. I love bush That's fair faucet yeah, no never been caught never we would find like our friends parents porn and shit like that You never had any that it's all it's all remote. You're 23. Yeah remote

It's funny way to put it, but a few years ago. It's all digital. Like it's fucking a zoom call. You're not breaking mortar in your porn anymore. Have you ever seen a porno magazine? Yeah. 23. Yeah. He's not from Mars. Yeah. I never saw one when I was young, though. I never had like I saw one now as people being like, look at this. This is an old porno magazine.

Shit like that. Never. Yeah. There's a dude at Barstool, Glennie Balls. He has like a whole collection of them. OK. Oh, that's a weird thing to me. Never, yeah. There's a dude at Barstool, Glenny Balls, he has like a whole collection of them. Okay. Oh, that's a weird thing to me, I get it, but it's like... Well it's weird to have them on your desk at work too. Sure.

That's where his are. Working in insurance companies. I gotta respect that a little more, I do. Letting it hang out. Hey, if you're coming to my office. We're barding over here. They used to have them in barbershops when I was a kid. And we used to go and get our haircut at this barbershop.

Ron's. My mom would come with me, and they would just be a dude sitting across, and we're fucking looking at like a penthouse. Really? He's got his tongue out looking at her. And he was cutting kids in there. Dude, I'll still get-

That shit would not fly today. I still get nervous with the Bluetooth, like, well, we you know, the you know, we travel together when we go on the road. Yeah, have a Bluetooth speaker that makes the rounds. Yeah, that will use like before the show after the show at the meet and greets or whatever. And if I was hooked up to that that day, I won't use it. Dude, so no volume. Did you hear sodas bit and special volume? That's why Soder's bit in the special? No, you need volume.

That's why I'm hardwired to headphones now, which is great. What's Soder's bit? Soder had a bit in a special where he was at his house during COVID with his fiance, and he was connected to the Bluetooth speaker and she was in the shower with the Bluetooth speaker and he didn't know. And then he didn't even notice. That's a tight time to fucking dry a shower. Yeah, you got to get hard. Yeah. But he didn't even know that's a tight time to fucking your shower. Yeah, you got to get hard Yeah, but he didn't even know that it was he was like why is the volume not working so he's turning it up on his phone

I just have I have the I have the I have the nightmare that I'm I'm in a room next to Toby and the Bluetooth picks up through the wall. Yeah, and it's just like whatever weird thing I'm into that The Hamburglar what are you doing? Let's hit him with a little blue chew hit him with that hard diesel Talking about no footlong neither up. They you bought boarder that you saw cocktail weenies gang do you So get the job done. You're having a little trouble in the bedroom. I do from time to time Alright, sometimes I can't get through the door who's ever in there. I don't know Get it. I do it in the bathroom sometimes for real strong peas

in the bathroom sometimes for real strong peas. You want to pee like a stallion? Pop a blue chew and hang out in the bathtub. I tell you what, you're going to need it. You want to kill a spider the hard way. You'll never see it coming, baby. She's going to be pissed. You got it all over the floor. But hey. Gang, we're talking blue chew.

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Try blue chew free when you use our promo garbage at checkout just pay five bucks for shipping That's blue chew comm promo code garbage to receive your first month free visit blue chew comm for more details Important safety information and thank blue chew for sponsoring this show Yeah, Kim, let's talk about sheath shout out to sheath. Oh gee she gang whether you got a sword or a pocket knife Sheath can help you out It's the only underwear where you can separate your nuts from your wiener, and it keeps you cool keeps you dry Yeah, it's the first time I ever wore nice comfortable underwear I've been wearing the discount stuff from the big box brands

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Well, if you don't know, I mean, we've said got a pack it's got a little little pouch for your balls and then once you're in there once the whole teams in there there's another hole for your little twig sure or your magnifying glass whatever you like four or five guys in a world that can do that listen I'm still waiting to see one I don't know here's the deal go to sheath underwear calm use the promo code garbage to get 20% off your first order that ain't nothing to shake a stick at all right plus she plus sheets underwear 100% money back guarantee that she's underwear dot com promo code garbage get

sheath underwear support the show support your balls to it yeah we caught um we were sneaking when we were sneaking out in the sneaking out days in like eighth and ninth grade if we would like all stay at somebody's house yeah let's sneak out and go to like you you know, the girls house or whatever. We went to like go get one of the girls and she was supposed to be in the basement, but her dad was down there and we looked in and he was jerking off into his humidifier. No way. Really? Yeah. Whoa. Never went back. Was he the BTK? Was there a bunch of lockets of hair around?

That's crazy. This guy's just down there misting Jizz. That's like diabolical. Everybody's like, what? He was jerking off. Sinister. Into the back of the humidifier. I guess it would have been a dehumidifier at that point. What the fuck?

Yeah, lights on. You know the window that's on the bottom of the... Yeah, the little like... Yeah, it looks into the basement. Yeah, lights on. You know the window that's on the bottom of the... Yeah, the little like... Yeah, that looks into the basement. Piece hole one, yeah. Yeah, he was in there pulling it. There was a bunch of beer cans everywhere. That's crazy. When I used to go down to the basement at my house and we had those windows, I would

put pillows in the windows. Pillows, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. We had a trash bag for a long time. Really? Yeah, it looked like we were up to no good. Not for beating off purposes, just because you were scared. No, just because I'd be down with my friends and shit, and we'd be drinking or something,

and fucking my parents would pull up. Those windows are crazy. Why do you need a bird's eye view of what's going on in the basement? A security camera angle? Yeah, those things are scary. I don't like them. But they were good for sneaking in and out.

Yeah? Yeah, they were great. Yeah, we got some. Yeah. That was a good way to get beer or a three-foot bong in and out. Yeah. Oh, they were great. Yeah, we got so yeah, that was that was a good way to get beer. Beer or like a three foot bong in and out of the house. Yeah. Yeah. You drop it over there. Oh, we're gonna run down the basement real quick. Next thing you know, you got a fucking 30 pack in there.

Yeah, that's a smart idea. Did you have a separate entrance to the house through the basement? Like, did you have one of those like, like tornado doors or whatever they're called? Yeah, we did. Yeah, we did. But it, we did, but it was behind the house. So if someone was to come in through there, that's also loud as shit. Yeah, those things, yeah, there ain't no WD-40 on anything. Yeah.

Those things are functional back there. And then they slam down when you're closing it. Oh, good day. Yeah, my parents would have to be in a deep sleep to not notice those things right outside their window. You are. All right, let's see here. This one's from Cole.

$20 shareholder, never had one read. Shout out to you. Is it garbage if your grandmother illegally pirated it and burned movies onto DVD discs and then gave us to him as birthday and Christmas presents? I respect it. What, is she in the mob? That's crazy

He does that mean and it's not easy to do shout out to that grandma. That's that's what I'm saying. That's insane That's like a high level. I couldn't figure that out now. What year are we talking here? This would have had when I was doing it was high school. It's like 2006 2008 and you were that was relatively the height of pirating I feel yeah 2012 was like I'm pirate. I oh MGM studios a hundred grand Yeah, I remember always there was always a weird fear about it though like you always thought well They were gonna get a lot more people were getting caught like every now and then end users would get caught I remember like but not that was when they were selling them. No no no no no my uh

But not that was when they were selling them. No, no, no, no, no. My my boy, Pat, his girlfriend got caught using the, you know, limewire or whatever, because she was on. They went to Drexel and she was on the school's Internet. So the company is the record company, like whoever RCA or somebody was suing her for like forty thousand dollars. She said she was like 18 because she had downloaded like 30 songs on the things and they were all illegal.

No kidding. Then the school was like, yeah, it's her. What the fuck? And I'm not having to pay it, but I remember, I was just like, I remember it was one of those things where I'm like, nah, that doesn't happen to anybody. They're like, it's happening to her. I was like, good luck with that.

Yeah. It's like, who's got the beer bong? And what were you doing? Where were you getting the, where was the source material from the TV? So you either bit torn it or the the better orange. That was the better version was Netflix came in. And to compete with that, the local Hollywood video down the block from my parents crib would do like a Netflix style deal.

You pay 10 bucks for a month. You get three DVDs at a time. OK. So I'd go in, rent three DVDs, walk home, rip them, burn them, come back, drop them month you get three DVDs at a time okay? So I'd go in rent three DVDs walk home rip them burn them come back drop them off get three more I you got to put them on the computer then from the computer onto a disc I did that a couple times with with with CDs from the library Because you could we are our library. How old are you? I was young when I did that I was probably. What CDs were you getting from the library? I don't know, they just had CDs and I would go home and you just put them into your laptop and as soon as it comes up you just take all the songs and just drag them onto your desktop.

Like music? What would they have in there? Just songs. What were you listening to? I have no idea, probably Kidz Bop? I don't know. Kidz Bop. You probably don't know Kidz Bop. I know exactly what you're talking about. CDs were still around when I was't know. You kids bop. You probably don't know kids by now. I know exactly what you're talking about.

CDs were still around when I was a kid. Big time. Big time. Like the first streaming service was like Pandora radio. Yeah. Okay. I still bang with Pandora. Yeah.

From time. And that's the reason. That's crazy. He uses Napster, dude. You guys just sold out the Wilbur and you're doing Pandora music? I use Napster. Here, I have, he genuinely He uses Napster, dude. You guys just sold out the Wilbur, and you're doing Pandora music? I use Napster. Here, I have, he genuinely does use Napster.

It's crazy. He's like, yeah, you know when you use Napster, what's the music? My sister-in-law has an account, and I use it. Here's my thing. Spotify is like $5 a month. Sure, here's my thing. Well, I got Spotify, too.

I'm not a Geralt. I don't understand it. When I put a song in Spotify, it just gives me a playlist. It doesn't bring the song up. Yeah, you got to to I'm not I'm not I'm not a caroling I don't understand it when I put a song in Spotify. It just gives me a playlist doesn't bring the song up Yeah, you gotta get the real Spotify. Yeah, you gotta you gotta upgrade. Yeah, uh Extra 250 a month talk to your account No, my I just had this argument with somebody as well who sided with me It's like I've been curating the Pandora for like 14 years. Yeah, those stations now are just like They'll play the 500 songs that I like. Yeah, that's true. And it's like I don't have to there's no yeah There's no guessing anymore. You know, it's a set it and forget it type model. Yeah, that makes sense, you know what you know

Yeah It's just like it is what it is like if I'm putting on like a fucking if we're in the car like Billy Joel or classic rock or something, it's like, yeah, I can just run and there's no. Yeah. Well, you have an option on Spotify, though, where you can just go. You can click on a song and then just go to radio from that song. I know. But that's what I'm saying. That's it gives me a I'm like weird. It gives me a bunch of songs I don't know and or don't want.

Sass, what were your cartoons as a kid? Realizing you're almost the same you're two years older than or a year older than one of my cousins who just graduated College yeah I'm doing college. I guess 22. Yeah. Yeah, did you go to college? No, you did. I went for six months Okay, and I dropped out. Yeah, they played Minecraft started tweeting here is Yeah, all right. I uh cartoons. I as a kid You were a Harry Potter kid. I assume not until I was in like not till I was a teenager Oh my god, that makes sense I was on I was on some mushrooms and I was really laughing in a hotel somewhere

We were at thinking about Hagrid coming to you and going you're a Sasquatch Harry. I'm losing my mind. And I mean reading the books not the movies. Oh no I never read the books. You never read the books? No, I read probably five books up until like I was 20. Respect. Yeah, The Outsiders and Huckleberry Finn.

And still had you reading Outsiders? Oh yeah, seventh grade. That's crazy. Yeah. S.E. Hinton. Yeah, it's a great book. Rumblefish too, that's a good one. Yeah.

Cartoons, I probably watched. I mean, I watched like Spongebob, all that shit. I watched, I used to watch Tom and Jerry. We had that on disc. Okay. And I would watch that all the time. I respect it. On a disc, what kind of disc?

Like a CD. Okay. Or a DVD. You burned it. Yeah. I bought it from Toby. Hey man, two for 10. All right, because what was popular when you were a kid? SpongeBob was big.

SpongeBob was big. I mean, I would watch, I would just watch Disney Channel and Nickelodeon. But I like the Disney shows. Yeah, I have two younger sisters, so I would watch whatever they would watch and I would pretend not to enjoy it, but I would fucking, we would watch the show h2o

Okay mermaid show hot ass mermaids and I used to love I Carly. I thought it was genuinely funny I'm genuinely done. Well that Jerry trainer was alright. Oh, yeah, yeah Schneider And what were your toys? What did you play with as a kid? Toys? I had a lot of uh... Anal Beads, Bubba. I had a lot of little military guys, army guys. So G.I. Joe? No, nothing like that. Literally just the plastic mini dudes.

I would just set them up around the house. Sometimes it sounds like he grew up in the 1920s. I know. I think which that's pretty common toy Yeah, but if I asked you we have a nice word nobody would that wouldn't be like I mean I think that's that's like the only thing I can think of I played outside a lot I wasn't I was never a big like sit down with toy fisherman as well, right? Yeah, but that wasn't like I fished a little bit growing up I fish more were you into the Star Wars prequels as a kid? Like, did you like the Phantom Menace

and all that kind of stuff? Yeah. That was your era. I was super big into Star Wars. OK. Yeah. All right. Yeah.

I remember when one of the prequels came out and I went to see it with my dad. Attack of the Clones. Maybe. Revenge of the Sith. It might have been Revenge of the Sith. OK. And I remember my dad just covering my eyes

every like 30 seconds because it was like super violent I guess huh, and I was really young okay. Yeah Yeah, big guy like Star Wars. I'm a big Star Wars guy. Okay still yeah, I love Star Wars army guys I'm not one of those fucking freaks who's watching like the cartoon shows though Not one of those big 50 year old freaks read about I don't know why you got to be rude, Mouse Boy. I'm into this. I like the movies.

I never got into like the Clone Wars and all that stuff. Not one of those fucking Star Wars freaks with tiny dicks and weird balls. What? Who you been talking to? With a red sack. I'm not one of those guys. I love them.

They just came out with a. I love a red sack. What's the one of those guys. I love them. They just came out with... I love a red sack. What's the Yoda show? The baby Yoda show. Mandalorian. That's tight. If you're an old soul, you'll like that. That's like a 50s bounty hunter show. People really like that show.

It's a good show. And the cartoons are great, man. Yeah, they used to always have them on Cartoon Network. It would be like The Clone Wars. Sure. I could never get into it. It's package now very nicely over there on Disney Plus? I love You got me sound like a plug. They're the great people at Disney on Pandora live I'm probably paying 20 bucks It's a good

It's a good app! Man, you eviscerated me. You eviscerated me too. I didn't know you were a big Star Wars fan. You just got bodied by a guy with an unidentified rash. An uncurable rash. Hope that rash comes back. It's gonna come back. Strong too. Okay.

Oh man. This one's just funny. Strong too. OK, man. This one's just funny. Ten dollars a year. Is it garbage for your parents to argue about you while you're still in the room? That's a tough one. Been there. Been there a lot.

You know, he's an idiot. Yeah. Yeah, I tried talking to him. Fuck. Man, I remember getting it one time. I was late for school and my dad had to drop my mom off and me at school and they were up front talking about me like I was nowhere Yeah, just like and my dad was like he's a fucking moron. I was just in the back in like a little like a jump seat

It was it was a pickup truck and it had those seats that came down on the side I was like smooshed in there with like my book bag and shit and he was just murdering me Oh, I was just back there crying like a pussy I don't know if I ever had it that bad your parents go at it a lot Was it a my parents used to fight when I was younger not now they don't fight at all anymore really I know It's crazy how it that dies out probably just cuz kids leave the house sure so much less I think you also yeah, you just like you've you let go at some point. Yeah I remember my I remember my mom and my stepdad talking at one point

where she was like, I called you and he's like, I didn't get it. She's like, I called you twice. He's like, I didn't get it. And then like that was just the end of the conversation. I'm like, if that happened to two 25 year olds, that would be the end of the relationship. She was she's just like, I didn't get it. She went, all right.

And they just like went about eating dinner and like never mentioned it again. Probably because he probably genuinely didn't know he for sure didn't get it. Or even if he did, he's like, I'm not fucking talking to her right now. And they were both just okay with that. Yeah. Which I can imagine like I she's like, I texted you to nothing. Things are really do come if they make it if you make it through that. Things really do calm down once the kids get out of the house

and things. Then you're in like the companionship. Yeah, you're like a partner. You're like boys. Yeah, you're like, oh, we're doing this. Yeah. Because like, I mean, the financial stress of like, I remember the financial stress of between my mom,

my stepdad, my dad and my stepmom, them for trying to figure out getting me through college and the amount of loans I'm taking versus who's paying for books versus like what I'm bringing to the table through work. Dude, it was fucking, everybody's guns were drawn and all pointed at me. I was pulling in like a 2.2 GPA.

That's all anybody fought about was money. Well, it just makes everything worse. In different ways. Mine was. Yeah, that's all anybody fought about was money Oh, just makes everything different different ways Mine was always just it was always school because I was such bad grades in high school Did your sisters do good in school my yeah, my older sister got had she got she was a Northwestern So yeah, yeah, like a fucking 45 GPA man. How much older is she than you? She's a year older than me a year. So you had that in your face the whole time. You're in the wake of her killing it. Man.

Yeah. What are we talking? D's, F's, C's? Dude, my mom, I actually had, my mom sent me like a week ago, my mom sent me my report card. Oh, we have to find our old report card. This is a new bit. This is great. Way to let it go. She sent me, let me find this. There you go. Weird rash pussy. She literally sent it to this. We are your weird rash pussy.

She literally said to me ever read. Yeah, she sent it to me and she goes, This is why I used to get mad at you. And it's F D C plus D D B plus C. Is this high school? And the B plus is in music tech. There you go. Which was literally just like, can you play the keyboard?

What was the F? The F was in beginning Spanish Respecting the game Spanish no, but that was more fabulous Dude that was I still have like dreams about that Just no Spanish was tough and if you didn't like I didn't have a good grasp of the English language Yeah, exactly, and they're hitting me with verbs and adjectives. That's not the way you should approach it. Dude, I was talking about this with one of my friends

the other day, being in Spanish, and they're like, I'm like 14, and it was all- Hard as a rock. Dude, you're 14, and it was all like, it wasn't just like sitting down doing papers, it was like, you have to have a conversation, like, all right, we're gonna break up into groups, and you're gonna have a conversation with someone.

And it's like, okay, I'm breaking up into a group with two girls who I'm extremely attracted to. I can't talk to girls in English, and now I have to go full fluent Spanish and try and have a conversation with them, and I don't even know Spanish. She's saying I'm a tiny little girl. Yeah, yeah.

Hey, take us to Grandi Pena. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. Being in Spanish, my biggest problem is I just never did my homework. So it was like you'd get into class and the way we would do our homework in Spanish was we would go down rows and everyone would have to read out loud a sentence and then translate it. And then it would get to me and I would have to read out a sentence and then they would

translate it and I wouldn't know a single word in the sentence. So then they would make me walk over to the back of the room. This is they stop the whole class I have to walk to the back of the room grab the dictionary the Spanish dictionary go through find each word while the whole class Watches you fucking and you go all right the and then And then you get to the end and they're like and that's why we do it and then it just the next day the exact Same thing would happen. Howie. What's how far did you get math in high school? Math do you remember what your last class was was it trigonometry? It was probably trigonometry really ah maybe I don't remember. I don't really know that's pretty good

Algebra 2 yeah, yeah Calculus is after that right Crazy, I don't remember what I took, cause I got. Did you get the weird calculator? I got the weird calculator. What's that? Yes. What is that calculus?

The TI-83. Yeah, the graphing, the parabolas and stuff like that. See, I got bad grades freshman year. Cosine, what's that? Freshman year I failed classes. And then the rest of my high school career I did fine But I was like trying hard You got to get your because I had like a 1.3 GPA freshman year And then I got it up to like a 2.8 at the end of the year

But like my senior year I got like all A's and B's and I still didn't get up to a 3. Wild Yeah, I did good my senior year too, but I was in I was in something remedial class in some called social lab dude I was in chemistry in the community chemistry in the community literally for it was me and all retarded people Chemistry in the community. Yeah, it was like it was like intro Like everyone else was in chem and we were in chemistry in the community and we'd like walk around the town as a class Being like this is a frog Vibing with the town shop owners I still do field trips when you were a kid or that kind of phased out

I don't know if they do that yeah, like did you go for your Spanish classes to go to a Spanish restaurant? We did nice we went in we took a bus to Boston and we went to a Spanish restaurant Was it Chi Chi's or was it like a local spot? It was a local spot. It was a fun day Do you remember Chi Chi's or is that past your time? It's gotta be past my time. I don't remember that at all It did fried ice cream Now we went to like a like a what is it tapas we went to like a place like that. Okay, hopper That's pretty pretty classy. I don't think I had tapas till I was about three years ago. Yeah, I haven't had them since.

Weren't big enough portions for me. No, it was terrible. Okay. Huh. All right. All righty. That makes sense. Let's see.

We can do a few more here. This one's just nuts. Tooties, green bean casserole. Shout out to you. Are you garbagey if you ate tacos on white bread? No, no, you're trashy, but it's good. I was gonna say absolutely What I'm not saying it's not it's probably oh, it's probably better than you think yeah, it's probably awesome Have you had it? So no, I've had you just want tacos right now. No, I've had sloppy Joe's on white bread Yeah, I've had a hot dog on white bread. Oh, come on. I was literally one of the first questions of the show

You take you do the end of a end of a loaf of white bread roll that up roll hot dog in there Good night. That's a hero right there If you have a fresh thing of white bread Okay, and you have that you have the thing and you put it in the middle and you put the toppings on there. You can make that work. No one's saying you can't make it work. But you gotta do it in three bites or less. Yeah, you gotta move quick.

You're getting after it. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I'm sure that makes sense. I assume a piece of toast would probably be pretty good. You can sit there and take your time, a little bit of conversation. I'll tell you this much. I got tostada. Any taco that's ever been prepared on a piece of white bread has unmelted shredded cheese.

Oh, absolutely. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. Which I don't mind. I actually prefer that. I'm starting to get that. I like an unmelted shredded cheese.

Got good texture. I know what melted cheese tastes like. On a sandwich. I'm past that. It's not bad. Shredded cheese. I had a turkey sandwich from the deli not that long ago. With shredded cheese?

Yeah, with shredded cheddar cheese on it. Whoa. It was pretty good I've always been a I've always been a more of a home. I like tacos and steak. I prefer homemade by a mile I'll give you that. Yeah Well, you guys Ortega would you get the kit when your mom would make tacos you put them in the oven? Yeah, that seasoning. Yeah, so good. Uh-huh. Yeah, well you want taco salad kid No, God, no, we love that with that hit in the 90s at the perfect time. Yeah, I made a taco soup That's good weeks ago. You did at the house at the house just interesting. It's just Taco Bell in a bowl pretty much just wet chili

It's chili with two cups of water It's wet chili. It's chili with two cups of water in it. Sure. They do lasagna soup now, which looks pretty good. Really? Yeah, looks all right. That honestly sounds terrible. That just sounds like someone didn't fully cook a lasagna.

It's like, ah, it's lasagna soup today. My algorithm is wild. Oh, dude, I can imagine. It's crazy. It's probably boobs and carbs. You know what I've been getting a lot now? There's a trend going on where they take fruit. They'll take like a piece of pineapple.

Right in the trash. Yeah. And I cum so hard. No, they'll candy coat it like a candied apple. And then they'll bedazzle it with like some nerds and stuff. That's all over my search page. People trying that for the first time. Wait, it's a candy apple with what?

It's like, so if you took a piece of like a pineapple ring and put it in a toothpick and put it in. Made it fatter. And yeah, like put like a candy hard shell coating around it. Oh, that sounds awesome. You guys heard of this new chocolate salad? Yeah. You take the lettuce, throw it out, and just eat chocolate.

Have you ever seen those fucking insane videos of the who are they're smelling a chocolate bar and just like hammering iceberg lettuce It's like dude just get fat it's not that serious. It's not that big of a deal. You are torturing yourself Because the smell makes is the most influence on taste yeah, so it's to make the lettuce taste like chocolate No kidding. I think of that a world. I don't think you I don't smell the lettuce and eating the chocolate Sass what a fun one, baby. Yeah, thank you for what do you got coming up? What the folks out there? No, when does this come out? It'll be out this week. Oh, awesome. I'm going to be in Sacramento, California at the Punchline this weekend. Five shows, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Please come. Sackdown, go check them out.

A lot of tickets are left. Pretty much all of the tickets are left. Awesome. It's Son of a Boy Dad every week? Son of a Boy Dad every week, twice a week. Of course. What was your website? LittleSasquatchWebsite.com. Little Sas website? Yeah. This is Googling guy crazy.

Find him on Instagram and follow the link. Why did you put website in there? Little Sasquatch website was taken. Yeah. But I'm trying to make the transition into my real name eventually, so. Okay. Yeah.

I lost KevinRyan. com by like a day. It went out. Someone must have been watching. Yeah. Or Kevin Ryan comedy. So I must have been like looking at the expiration date and it was like, hey, we're new, we're new. Yeah. And I didn't because my credit card, it was like the I canceled credit card or something. Man, I sat down two days later to do it and someone has it. And they want like 1500 bucks. Oh, what a scumbag.

Like, buddy, I don't need a website What do you got for him kippy, uh guys we're all over the road as well If you're listening to this day comes out we are at town hall scoop up those ticks if they're left We fucking love you announcing more dates very soon sass. We love you, buddy. Thanks for having me appreciate it and gang We love you. We'll see you next week