Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - LIVE! Shane Gillis & Mike Rainey: Philly Trash

Episode Date: September 29, 2020

Live from the Philly Punchline Kippy & Foley bring you an INSANE episode. Mike Rainey and Shane Gillis are our guests and we talk about Mike's WILD childhood. You gotta listen.You now Mike Rainey from Dad Meat Podcast and Shane Gillis from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast. Recorded Live on September 24, 2020 by www.GasdigitalNetwork.com Sign up for Gas Digital: www.GasdigitalNetwork.com - Promo code: AYG Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Hey gang, it's your old pals, Uncle Hank and Kippy. Just wanna thank you for tuning in to R U Garbage. Yeah guys, make sure you subscribe. That way you get the episode as they come out and you can also go to gasdigitalnetwork.com, use promo code AYG to get bonus content and get the episodes before they come out and HD streaming. Do it.

Yeah. Welcome to another exciting edition of R U Garbage. The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. I feel like I'm at a fucking deposition right now. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.

This is R U Garbage, the show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and find out if they grow up classy or if they're a huge fucking piece of shit. I gotta tell you on this show, I'm leaning towards the ladder. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day, our first live show here at the punchline, Philly.

Philly, make some fucking noise tonight. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the brains behind the operation. He put this whole thing together, also set to ticket prices, so if you're upset. But the next time you reach for a best pal gang, do yourself a favor and make it a kippy. Give it up for Kevin James Ryan.

Hey, what's up everybody? Thanks for coming out. I already got a text from my friend. What clan rally did you invite me to? So happy to be here. It's just good. Yeah, that was, that was rainy, that was rainy. Woo, man, I can hear the N words flying down 95.

Guys, thanks so much for coming out. This is fucking awesome, I appreciate it, thank you. Yes sir, we have a very special guest here with us today as a comedian co-counsel on the podcast. You've seen him on our episode, of course from Matt and Shane's secret podcast. Give it up for the young bull, Shane Gillis, everybody. Hey, hey, hey, how are you?

Turning the hue after a real play. Hey, oh, oh, oh, oh. You might recognize him from SNL for nine minutes, ladies and gentlemen, Shane Gillis. This guy makes getting canceled in art form, ladies and gentlemen. I'm gonna do it again, I promise you, I will get canceled again.

We felt doubted, dude, we do not doubt it. I heard mad TVs coming back, so you got an opportunity coming up there. But gang, our very special guest that we have on the podcast today, we wanna thank him from taking a break from guarding the Frank Rizzo statue. Thank you for coming.

Ladies and gentlemen, give it the fuck up for Philadelphia's own Mike Rainey, everybody. Buddy, this is your time to shine. We're gonna play a little game called R U Garbage, but before we do, just do me a favor, so Kippy and I can kind of get an idea. We were talking in the back, Shane says that we're gonna be completely surprised

that you're a complete class, you play the violin, you like to paint, sculpt, and write poetry. I'm kidding, he said you were a coped up fucking dirtbag. But what is, because you don't know that when like Kevin, Chris Cotton, Tom Cassie and I, we started out in comedy, Rainey was kind of already on the scene, but we always stayed real fucking clear of him. You wore a lot of fucking sweatsuits

to open Mike's bag. Yeah, this guy would show up to fucking open Mike's dressed like fucking DJ Khaled, so. And you always had that look on your face like you wanted to knock me the fuck out for some reason. So I always stay clear, but what is your backstory? What did you grow up, tell us the deal. You know what, guys, I could probably save you the next.

They already paid, drag it out a little bit, create the mystery. The next 59 minutes of this podcast by letting you know that I have driven drunk with my kids in the car. His kids are here tonight in the back, everybody. Give him a nice round of applause. We're all wearing helmets if anybody recognizes us. Jesus.

They rode in the back of a pickup truck. Where did you grow up? Are you a Philly kid? I grew up in Upper Darby, Pennsylvania. Ooh. Yikes. Yikes. The Perk capital of Pennsylvania.

Shout out to Upper Darby. Yep. So I grew up there. We moved out when my sister got shot in 94. Really? Yes, it was her fault. Wait, did you say got her shot, like Star Search or something like that?

Or actually got shot? No, she actually, yeah, she got shot. Did she live? Yeah. Holy shit, tough broad, I'll tell you that. What did she get shot? Where did she get shot? What did she get shot for?

Just two kids robbed her. She was coming from the 69th Street Terminal. And two kids robbed her. She gave them her money, and they shot her anyway. Damn. Hey, criminals in Philly, they're fucking committed. They don't play, dude. Well, they weren't too committed,

because she's a real pile of shit, and she survived. So they weren't committed enough. And where did you live in Philly when that happened? I lived in Upper Darby, and it was like maybe like two blocks from like the West Philly border. OK. That's what real scumbags, like now it's Upper Darby

by 25 feet, but you know. So funny your fucking sister got shot. That's all. Who the fuck has a sister that got shot? It's like a boat call. Who has that? Video. Well, there's another interesting aspect to her

getting shot. So she had been with her boyfriend at the time for about four weeks. And I didn't realize we were this close, but apparently we got close as she was on the men from getting shot. Where'd they shoot her? In the abdomen.

Ooh, got shot. That's the worst. So she was a. For the listener, Philly takes cannonballs every Saturday. If anybody's got a 20 bucks, it'll meet you at your house. This is not great to add, but. Oh, god. I shot her.

I was watching Starship Troopers this afternoon. And at one point, this guy gets his legs ripped off. And he looks at the main character. He's like, you know what to do to finish him off. He just shoots him in the stomach. And the guy's like, ah, they leave him. Yeah, she was probably the first person to just get shot in the stomach since fucking Oswald got shot.

Nobody ever fucking knows that. She got the Jack Ruby. She's like, yeah, you already got my 20 bucks. The fuck, dude, you shot me? Just some 60-year-old kid from West Philly dressing in an all-white suit and a white fedora. No, but she had been with her boyfriend for about four weeks at the time.

And for some reason, she gave me this information that they consummated their relationship while she was on the mend. But they didn't consummate it the typical way. She let. Anal? Yes. What?

Because she was on her period at the time. So it was just a fucking. That was God shooting her for doing anal. So she was just a fucking bloodbath in every sense of the word. He put his dick in the hole, was in the hospital, and got butt fucked? When she got home.

When she got home? Yeah. Dude, she plays it fucking fast and lose this girl. Who gets shot and then go does anal? What the fuck? That's like at least a bottle of wine or something getting in the mood. A chick that does that, after you let him put it in your butt,

you're like, put it in the gunshot. How did she tell you that? I don't know. Well, I would like, well, I was worried about my sister. So I would spend a lot of time talking to her. And I learned that. And how did this. Yeah, you worried about it.

But then like, so you're fucking these days? Or what's going on? Well, I grew up in a very strange house. Yeah, here you are. Look, he knows that information. I wasn't going to get involved because I wanted to see you two do your job. Yeah.

Because you're good at it. You get this trash out. This is where things get weird. You start talking about coming. You'll see. What's the household like we're growing up in? Minus the gunshots. Very, unfortunately, very sex positive.

What? You're up in one of those weird sex cults where everybody's fucking everybody? I wasn't. I barely speak to my family now. So I'm like the normal one. That's not saying much. Yeah.

I was like, no, I'm doing pretty good now. You know, I ended a gunshot. I got my head on straight. To give you an indication as to how fucked things were, my sister's bedroom was next to mine. And this guy that she let butt fuck her was a manager at Risqué Video. And I know I know I'm familiar.

I would regularly hear my father as he was going to work at the firehouse at 6 30 in the morning, knock on her door and say, you got any tapes? What? Yeah. Oh my God. What kind of cheap bastard goes to his daughter for tapes? How do you know he wasn't just looking for like a home alone

or something like that? We didn't have any fucking any booby traps around the house. I don't think it was a home alone guy. So. So yeah, that'll brighten this crowd up. Tell them about how his dad borrowed porn. What did your parents do for a living? For a while, my dad was a fireman,

and then he was a cab driver. Define a while, and why was it a while, and what happened? What was the dramatic end to that? There was never an answer. What black family's house did he refuse to put the fire out on that got a fire by the Philadelphia police to move? Yeah.

Dude, we actually live like eight blocks from where move was. He was in the helicopter. He was actually a deep cup, I guess. Holy, and did you say then you moved from somewhere, or you were always in the house in Upper Darby? We moved. We were in Upper Darby from like 83 to 94. We moved after my sister got shot because the neighborhood

was turning. That's going to be the name of your memoir. After my sister got shot. The Mike Rainey story. Tonight on NBC. And where'd you move to after that? Lands down. Lands down?

Yeah. I don't even know where that is. I'm a little fancier. Not Landsdale. Not Dale, but down. Like Shane has down. It definitely ain't up. I'll tell you that one.

That sounds like a retarded Landsdale to me. Speaking of which, I love how little lands down, if you know what I mean. It's like Landsdale, but doesn't speak very well. Kev, I meant to tell you, you look like Johnny Cash has retarded son, Georgie Cash. I hurt myself eating spaghetti-o's. A ring of spire.

It is my own funeral. Maybe I am wearing black. All right, so you guys moved out to Landsdale? I shot Mike Rainey's sister just to watch her die. Keep it on Rainey, will we? So you moved that to Landsdale. And your mom and dad are together, I understand? Yeah, they're still together.

OK. And what did your mom do for a living? She was a cleaning lady for a while, and then she became the secretary of my high school. So at one point, everyone. She's underqualified, but OK, fair enough. Hold on a sec. White cleaning lady?

She broke the mold, dude. Got into the rackets real quick. I like it. But she became the secretary of my high school. And at one point, my dad, my mom, and my sister all worked in my high school. Wow, holy shit. Was your sister in high school when she worked there?

No, she had just graduated. She was doing a work release program at high school? But I'll tell you what, her Texas Tommies were fucking fantastic. All right, and then trying to think of one other information we need before we can start playing the game. Dude, the sister shot at 94.

I think we're fucking set. Let's find out if he drank milk with dinner. What the fuck are we doing here? All right, gang, let's play a little fucking R U garbage with Mike Rainey. Give him a nice big round of applause. All right, so a couple of the standard questions we like to ask here on the podcast.

Number one, we'll start out. What was the name of the street that you grew up on? It could be your lands down street or your upper Darby Street. It actually sounds very dignified. It was Wellington Road. Ooh, beef Wellington, I like it. Roads are, I don't know if that sounds too dignified.

That shows how much garbage you are. You're like, no, it was actually pretty classy. It was Wellington Thruway. It was pretty good. No, Wellington's all right. I'll give them that. Wellington's not bad. What street did you grow up on?

East Meadow. That's no name at all. Drive, East Meadow, drive. That's actually pretty nice. I'm nice. I come from nice, you know. Time magazine doesn't think so. You just said your dad, you just said, what'd you say?

Time magazine doesn't think so. Where you on CNN's worst people of the year list? I was. I'm from East Meadow. It's pretty nice. If you open up Time Magazine, it's like racist. Despite growing up on East Meadow Road, racist Shane Gillers.

And what was the name of the grocery store that your mother went to? Or she was just stealing food from the high school. What was the deal? We went to IGA. International Grocery Association? That might have been it. I think that's what it is.

Isn't that a money management company? Sounds like a check cashing place in the S&P. Well, it would have fit right in with our financial system. Do you ever cash your check at a supermarket? Because I have for sure done that. Dude, my mom used to pay groceries with a fucking check. Dated two weeks before or after the fucking groceries went paid.

Fully's the only person who had traveler's check from the county next door. The biggest check I ever got, I cashed at a check cashing place. They crushed you on the fees, by the way. It was for $5,000. My aunt had died, and she left me $5,000. And I got it on a Friday. Dude, that is fucking garbage.

That's actually not a shock, getting off the train. Son of a bitch came back and finished you. I opened the casket to get her checkbook out of it. That she left you? Dude, cashing a $5,000 inheritance check at a fucking check cashing place is an all-time garbage move. What was the fee on that? You had to lose at least a grand on the top of that.

I think it was $800. What you guys are missing here is why. What were you up to? Yeah, what were you up to? It's his money, and he needs it now, all right? Fucking JG, stop asking questions. Give me this scratch. It's my dead grandmother's money, and I want it now.

This was a. Why in a Friday night? You couldn't wait until Monday till the bank's open? I had never had more than $80 to my name up until that point. I don't have that now. Yeah, by the way, Foley's main banking institution is a check cashing place in the Lower East Side, just so everybody knows.

Shout out to Lewis. He's got one of those cash 10 checks here. We'll give you a free one card in his wallet. Well, I actually had almost like a credit card. I was like a bank card from Quick Checks up in Astoria, in Queens, where it takes sometimes if it's like an out-of-state check, they won't take it. Listen to the explanation of this dirtbag shit.

Well, you know, sometimes when you're jammed up and you don't have three business days, you know what I mean? Yeah, I can't, but Coke dealers don't wait three days to get their money. They want it now. But they gave you a card once you passed the screening process, which was if you had a fucking pulse, they would give you the card so you could get the money

instantly. Did you have a similar situation? No, dude. I went in on a Friday. I think they closed at 8. This was like 6.30. So I ran in there. It was United Check Cashing on Marcia Road.

And I came out and I kicked my heels up because I now had $4,200 to my name. We're in the money. I was not in the drugs yet. This was 2001. I did not get in the drugs until about 2000. And it was the year the Eagles went to the Super Bowl. 2004.

What really trash? That's like BC and 8 after death. Well, it was before the Super Bowl, so. It was the year the Sixers traded Elton Brand. It was a good year. So I got $4,200 on a Friday night. I got a Sega Dreamcast. I bought my wife a kitten and I took my boy Steve to Vegas.

In that order. A Dreamcast? Did that come out in like 93? Man, I had no idea what was what. It looked cool, so I bought it. You were a troop also. Yeah, yeah. Dude, a dreamcast.

Yeah, you were in the service. Oh, you were? I was, but then I stopped going. I wasn't aware that was an option. You can do it. If you're in the Marines or if you're in the reserves, you can do that. I feel like I set the trend.

I'm kind of the Rosa Parks of quitting the Marines. So I signed up in 99 and I lasted until I stopped going in the summer of 2001, right before 9-11. No, it's not fucking summer school. How do you just stop fucking going? It was a dispute over financial aid. They wanted a piece of the five grand. I didn't have money for the book, so I

wanted to look at the point of fucking going. Yeah, so they weren't going to give me my financial aid for community college. So I was like, all right, I'm just not going in protest. Who the fuck needs financial aid for community college? Dude, it was like $1,200 a semester. What did you buy? What was the bootcamp?

I remember you did something. Well, it reminded me of the dreamcast. You're bad with money. Yeah, well. I've heard only horrible gifts from you. He just spent his fucking dreamcast and went to Vegas. We know he's bad with money. No, no, no, this is good.

Well, when you go to boot camp, you get paid the entire time you're in there. You don't make a lot, but I think you make something like $400 a week, because we're all like privates or private first class. So we're getting like $400 a week. They make you pay for uniforms and shit, so that's deductible. When you get out of boot camp, they just give you money

direct deposit. So I had, dude, I probably had like $1,000, and we had 10 days leave. And on the night before I had to go down to Camp Lejeune, I treated the whole squad to limp biscuit and kid rock tickets. Oh my god. Dude, and I don't know if you've ever treated your whole squad to kid rock,

but when Bob with the bot kicks in, you're leaning up against the floor like Andy Dufresne on the fucking roof, watching your boys drink beers. It could have been one of our own bands we were sitting with. We almost felt like real men. Hey, Mike, you want to get in the pit for Bob with the bot? No, you guys do. Mike Rainey just sat there with a weird smile on his face,

watching that midget sing. It was beautiful. I gave up the pit when I killed my wife. Dude, that's insane. That's one thing about me, when I get money, the whole squad's got money. The whole squad. The squad, yes.

At least you know if you ever went to action, that people would have your back. It's like Rainey's in there. He got us a game to your ghetto. Hey, man, he took us to COASIS. Let's go fucking get him. Holy shit. Jesus.

That's a guy I stand for. I got one. What'd you get on your SATs? 790. Oh, no. What'd you get on math, huh? You remember the split? You got a 790.

I was shocked at how you were. I got an 870. I can't believe you fucking beat me. Well, going in. He didn't, you idiot. He beat me in a lower score, I mean. Oh. I thought Fully was so dumb.

He thought, whatever. He's a 790. This guy's a fucking genius. This guy got a four. He must be a genius. Fucking Mensa over here. What happened, dude? You're pretty smart.

I thought you were autistic. This is shocking. I also suffered from severe anxiety in high school. So I was running late on the day of the SAT, and my dad drove me. And when he pulled up, all the kids were waiting outside. And everybody seemed like they stopped their conversation just to look at me getting dropped off by my dad.

So I felt like everybody was talking about me. So I was just crushed by anxiety heading in. And I just wanted to get done as quickly as possible. But they only let you go at a specific time. But I rushed through it, and I got done. I was like, can I leave? And the lady's like, no, you've got to stay. But it was good enough to get you in the community college.

Well, when I got to community college, my math was so poor. They were like, who let you in here? Dude, my math was so, they were putting up problems on the board like Google Hunting, but they were wrong. Like no retard. But dude, when I got to community college, I didn't get to take a regular math class. They put me in the basement and had me watch VHS tapes of people

teaching math. And I had to wear the gigantic headphones. What the fuck? He just sat there watching old episodes of Full House by everybody else. Like he's fucking setting fighter jets off a fucking aircraft carrier. Jesus Christ.

Did you finish community college? What's your degree in? I finished two years ago. I went from 1996 to 2018. Hey, get my name. Are you a doctor? Or a band wilder. You're the man.

He's like a party man. I'm fucking rape band wilder. No, but I got that community college 2018, and I'm currently enrolled at school, and I should be finished in December. Hey, give it up for Mike Rainey, everybody. Dreams do come true in Philadelphia. Oh, clap.

You got a fucking 790. Kick him out of school. Get out of school. I'd be curious, who in here has the highest SAT score? Anybody? Huh? I'm looking at a lot of fucking trolls. Nobody has.

Somebody here had to get out. I got 1140. Anybody be 1140? We got 1140. I got 1170. 1170? Fuck you, pussy. Who's next?

What do you got back there in the back? 1220. Dorn, get in the back, Dorn. Dude, this is like an autism auction. Hey, somebody thrust that dirt in a fucking locker, will you? I got a nerd going once, going twice. All right, I think we got to play the game here. Let's do it.

Yeah, we have been. What are you talking about, you weirdo? All right, the edibles kicking in. We're 25 minutes into the podcast. Let's get started, will we? What do you got, Kip? This is a pretty good one. This is definitely Philly Trashit.

Do you have any answer uncles where you don't use the real name? Example, Aunt Toody. I think you should ask, do you have any that do use their real name? Not only do I have, well, she died last week. My Aunt Bitty. Rest in peace. My Aunt Bitty. Aunt Bitty?

Bitty? You'll enjoy this as well. But when I was four, she used to make me walk porn with her. What? What the fuck? Yep. Aunt Bitty. What she got on her SATs?

Is that the one who gave you $5,000? No, that was my Aunt Pat, who bought me porn. My Aunt Pat, who gave me the $5,000. Playboy used to send out these catalogs where you could buy soft core porn. And when I became of whacking age, I used to stay at my Aunt Pat's all the time. And I think she was aware that I was of whacking age.

So she's like here, order one out of this book. And I instantly knew what she meant. So I ordered the chameleon with Tori Wells. And six weeks later, I got the chameleon with Tori Wells. And I was just fucking, I learned how to jerk on that. I couldn't even get a book out of that book fair. He could get a pizza hot book. Scholastic buzz.

Dude, that's nuts. This was scholastic. Why is everybody all porn in your family? Yeah, what's that all about? I don't know. That's a fucking problem. That's a very strange. Yeah, that's definitely fucked you up.

That's like a real weird. Did she look at it with you? Oh, he's trying to get in. And was she hot? What's the deal? Not my five grand, and my fucking creep, and she had the very first one of my earliest memories was of being in bed with my creep aunt.

We were both naked. And she's making me look at a Playgirl magazine and asking me what I thought of it. What? What? Yeah. Can we be broadcasting this? What are you doing?

We're technically in public right now. Can we get gas digital legal in here? I'm like, yeah, this is so cool. I said, Lewis, and what the fuck? I like the show. It's like, are you garbage or classy? Like, well, I've been raped. Yeah.

Well, you know when your aunt touches your Peter? I was sexually assaulted by a family member. Are you a sex crime victim? And that answers your question. Asking you what you like. Yeah, I don't know. Like, what was your answer? Go box?

I like GI Joe. Like, I don't know. You've got to be transformer bears and care bears. And I'll never forget, like, in this magazine, it was a dude who had his dick in a hotdog bun and he was putting mustard on it. So yeah, it's pretty funny. Bully's chopping up a pretty hot domain.

So in hindsight, you know, pretty funny. Painter roller, just white bread. What are we talking about here? Dude, on the next page, he's got it loaded up into a hotdog gun. Holy shit. That's fucked up. And you don't talk to your family anymore?

Do you still see her? She died last week. Did you go to the funeral? No, it was today. No. What? Yeah, I swear to God. Dude, I'll show you the.

Aunt Bitty's services are today? Yeah, they were. She's fucking dead. Shout out to Aunt Bitty. This one goes to Aunt Bitty. Old fucking Aunt Sandusky, dude. She's dead. She's out.

Yeah, I got news for you. She ain't up in heaven. I can tell you that. Purgatory at best. Purgatory. I. Come on, SNL, please take that. Purgatory.

That's a good piece of business. I have a very kind heart. So I knew she was down in her luck at one point. So I lent her $300 to keep her electric on. And she repaid me when she got paid out from a slip and fall at Acme. What in the fuck did you grow up with? Oh, I feel like I need hand sanitizer.

Just like the fact that you have to use the lingo. Somebody get me a marble light and stat. What the fuck? Just a lingo of like a slip and fall. Yeah, that's not the first slip and fall in the rainy house all either. All right, other than the statutory rape. Were you a Lunchables kid growing up or?

You don't strike me as a Capri Sun guy. We didn't have Lunchables. I mean, I grew up in the 80s. We just had like Bologna and liverwurst. Liverwurst. Yeah, Dan Bologna, I can see. Did anybody out there eat liverwurst? Yeah, they're under a fucking 95 right now.

I got some on me. Holy. Was it at least name brand? Was it like Deaton Watson liverwurst? Or was it like generic liverwurst? The only time we got cool shit. I remember we got this up. What do you mean you were looking at porn when you were five?

That's fucking pretty cool shit. Let's keep the boards, man. Give me the fucking Playboy. You must have been a real fucking weirdo in school. You know, I wonder why you had anxiety. I'm actually stunned that I was not a school shooter. Well, there's still time. I've been pretty cool.

Taxi. They actually at work, they have active shooter drills, and they actually want somebody to volunteer each time to do it. And I can show up like Rambo. Damn, somebody gets to be the shooter in the active shooter drill? You're supposed to just check knobs,

but I'll go in and grab my dick on pictures. Yeah, that'd be pretty cool. They should give the shooter a paintball gun to really be like, you got work on it? Yeah. You know, at the end, be like, who got hit? All right. Hey, Herschewitz, you got a zigzag.

You can't do that. He's running straight down the hallway. Because Herschewitz, he's coming for you. He wrote it down. He said he was coming for you. Every drill, the same people get shot with their force. Well, Mike has his favorites, we can tell you that. I always thought about that with school shooting drills.

It's like, when you do school shooting drills, the school shooter is in the school. So he knows what you're going to do. I would say, keep the weird kids out. Tell them you're doing one thing, and then when it actually happens, everybody goes the other way. You got to set up some sort of Venus flytrap for the autistic kids.

And be like, yo, there's a magic, the gathering card game going on in the cafeteria. And then you have the school shooting talk. Listen, I'm going to tell you guys probably the only funny thing you'll ever hear about Sandy Hook. No, no, no. Jesus Christ. Oh, God, don't do it.

Yeah, I got Disney checks coming in. Pull it back with that, will you? On the State of Connecticut's website, you can read the entire report and most of it. Who reads that fucking report? You are a fucking, can we switch seats? And he's been training, dude. And he does jiu-jitsu?

Yeah. He's the only guy in his 40s who gets cauliflower. He's going to tap out a kindergarten. But there's one aspect of the report where they're talking about how the teachers had gotten the kids into bathrooms to try to keep them away. It's like, look, you've got to fucking keep quiet. It would be like 10 kids in a bathroom.

And in one of the bathrooms, one of the kids kept getting chastised by the teacher because he kept accidentally flushing the toilet. Was that motion censored? No, he was just touching it. Just had to take a deuce. What are you going to do, you know what I mean? I get some privacy in here, please.

School shootings, guys. What the fuck? I'm working with what I got here. What the fuck? None of Mike Rainey's comments are anyway associated with are you garbage of the gas station network or Mr. Lewis J. Gilmour. Trying to get signed by fucking Barstool.

Jesus Christ, Rainey. Come on, Barstool. Come on. All right, let's switch gears. What about the holidays? What was Christmas like at the rainy household? Let's shift gears. I imagine you were a colored light family.

Well, we were colored lights. But Christmas was punctuated. The big event on Christmas was some dude. I don't know who he was to this day. I don't know. But we had to call him Uncle Beef. He would show up on Christmas Day and get hammered. And this guy would show up on Christmas Day

and he would show up on my birthday. And he would only take me out and not my sister to get presents. He would take me to Kitty City. I could spend $30. And then he would take me to a half. To a half. I don't have any memories of that,

but that would line up with what would be done. Dude, you taking out, you buying your fucking toys? You all hopped up on McDonald's ranch and blacked out a little bit? Shane, he would take me to a Howard Johnson's in the middle of nowhere. What? Oh, bro, you got raped by a guy.

I think that's the only place Howard Johnson's are. There's no rational explanation. Christmas and your birthday, a guy would show up and rape you. Holy shit, dude. What the fuck? Your parents let this happen? Yeah, they were making $500 a trip. It's fine.

Like I said, I have no recollection of anything that had happened. They got a check for $5,000. They were like, yeah, whatever, dude. We're getting gamecasts. Thanks, Mike. Taking one for the team on this one. Wait, would you stay the night?

No, it would just be he would pick me up on my birthday. We would go to Kitty City. I would spend $30. And then I can't remember where it was, but I remember going through hillsides to this Howard Johnson's. And I remember that the hot dog was split down the middle, and they would have a toasted bun.

I bet his hot dog was split down the middle. Was there mustard on it? Does that mean he was uncircumcised? Dude, have you talked to your parents about this at all? Yeah, have you talked to the police about this? What the fuck? Yeah, Mike, this is I didn't know this. Yeah, holy shit.

You said he was a good guy. I thought this was going to be a fun life. People are crying in the audience. We got a fucking audience full of people here, gee. I thought it was going to be a lot of, like, Percocet stories. Oh, there's those two. Yeah, someone's asking you what your wall-wall order is. Yeah.

It's like, I treat the whole squad to kid rock together. My parents treat the whole squad to me. Yeah, that's, oh, they rock the kid. Yeah. Holy shit. Man, so finish the story. So you'd go to the Howard Johnson's, and would you go to a room?

No, it was just, it was a restaurant. It wasn't like the most important part. I tell you what, Howard Johnson's food was pretty good, to be honest with you. I feel like I said that. Nobody else is getting on board with that. Don't act like you guys haven't been raped in a Howard Johnson's. Don't give me that shit.

Man, it is tough to follow, like, I got raped as a kid's voice. I was going to ask if you ever applied to work at Power Windows Insighting. Local deep cut. It's Power Windows Insighting. What about Thanksgiving? Who would rape you on Thanksgiving? Fuckin' whole neighborhood had dibs on fuckin' rainy. Damn.

This kid was like a fuckin' advent calendar every fuckin' day of the month. Another door opens, and another closes behind him. Dude, that's fucked up, man. Yeah, I don't, yeah. Do you address that with your parents now? Like, hey, by the way, who was the guy that you let fuckin' take me to the Howard Johnson's in the woods on my birthday? That would be the first thing I would ask my parents when I got home.

I did. I had a similar conversation with them about my aunt, and they were just, they just shut it down right off the bat. Yeah, that's how it was. Yeah, they went to Jobah. That's Jobah. Yeah, that's Jobah, yeah. It's just like, that's junk.

I don't know what that is. We don't even have showers. Yeah, yeah. You're lying. Yeah, you're fuckin' lying. You know, these kids lying about getting raped all the time. Jobah's like, I don't have my glasses on, right? I'm the Penn State.

So, yeah, sorry. Wow, so a very sex-positive household. Yeah, you were kidding. I don't know if the term sex-positive is also, yeah. Sex-negative. Jesus. Prognosis, Nick. Yeah, I don't know.

We could lighten the mood with my addiction issues if you guys want to switch gears to that. So, you were a cutie. Yeah, that's the one thing we know. Mike Rainey was a fuckin' tight piece of ass back in the day. You were a cutie. Yeah, I know. Tell me to brag.

That's nice. Wow. Yeah. Bro, are you all right? Yeah, I'm good, man. I'm just worried about everybody else. Well, I think we're all worried about you. What the fuck?

Hey. And when did you start getting into the pills? Uh, 2012, I had back surgery. And I'm doing that. Yeah, fuckin' Uncle B broke it. Who the fuck out? Yo, you gotta flip and fall against Howard Johnson if you want it. Uncle B blew your back out and you got addicted to the birds.

Uncle B is the creepiest name. Aw, man. Holy shit. Yeah, so 2012, I got addicted to the perks and I got off him in August of 2014. Yes. There you go. Pop it up for that. Come on, guys.

How about a win tonight? We got one. Well, we put some Percocet in your water just to get you back on the horse. Thank you, man. What do you got? One other thing I want to add. I'm still waiting on the power windows inside me. In winter of 2013, I overdosed on children's painkillers.

They give kids painkillers in a bottle. It's liquid? It's liquid painkillers. Did you drink liquid painkillers? Yes. Wait, hold on. First of all, I don't think there's anything remotely called children's painkillers. I think that's just painkillers.

What, they have a balloon on the end of them or something like that? It came with a thing of cotton candy. Oxy cotton candy. Oxy cotton candy. Come on. That's why it's good. I'm feeling it. I'm feeling it.

We're having fun. Time magazine. Yeah, time magazine, bitch. Fuck you, cream at dojo bar. Fuck you, Lorraine. You could have had that. You had your son stabbed a guy. Fuck you, cream.

All right, everybody relax, relax, relax. Jesus Christ. Cream wrote an op-ed. I assume this is our last show, ladies and gentlemen. Is there any attorneys in the audience? If there's not, there's eight billion fucking billboards above us that we could pick from. You should have called one when you were getting raped as a kid. Get somebody to fucking represent you.

If I had access to a phone, I would have. But you don't remember one actual happening. Having sex with a guy. Yeah, we're not saying that actually. No, not with beef, no. No, we're saying that actually fucking happened. He was a straight shooter, yeah. Beef was a straight shooter.

Right on your face. So, beef was actually the ban. You're telling us we got this wrong. Beef was genuinely the fucking man. Like I said, I have no bad memories of beef. Beef rules. Yeah. I'm actually starting to be on beef.

He's taking out, he's buying toys, taking you to Howard Johnson and being like, you know, jump on the bed. It will be cool if like, when beef was about to put on my bun, he's like, no hojo. Was there any mummers affiliation in your family? You seem like a mummer's crew. Was he ever? Oh. Froggy car or something? No, but my mother's side of the family is from South Village.

They're very Diego heavy. Okay. Yeah. All right. And like, I'm very Irish looking. At one point, my Aunt Pat like outfitted me in a Italian horn that were around your neck. So, it was very Irish overweight and had an Italian horn hanging from my neck. That's the way Uncle Beef liked you.

Get to pick the outfit. He's got a little mummers casting him on in the Howard Johnson play in the fucking banjo. Let's make some noise in here. You know what? The crowd is like, oh, no. I think I'm always leaning into it. You're getting fully after dark for some fucking reason. He's gonna be like, Jesus, huh, they're wacky.

That was like, yeah, what were you wearing at the Howard Johnson? Well, I figured we canceled anyway. Why not have a little fun with it? You know what I mean? And Foley looks every bit of the guy that breeze having the background of child porn. Yeah. I said he's dressed like Newman from fucking Jurassic Park. We got Dotson here.

We got Dotson. Now have him go to the top bunkers. You look like Uncle Beef. Do I look like Uncle Beef? I'm envisioning Uncle Beef. You don't not look like an Uncle Beef. I'll tell you that much. I apologize.

You would end up in a lineup of Uncle Beef, for sure. Yeah, a backwards hat. You look like you're like going undercover in a middle town. 21 Jump Street. Hey, kids. I'm your age. All right. Okay.

All right. Sorry, we'll talk about kids. Do you have any tattoos, Rainey? Yeah, I have a... I'll show you. God. Oh, no. Yes, dude.

It's a picture of Uncle Beef. I'm gonna be right back. I love beef. You're jacked. You're pretty cut, dude. So this is the name of my favorite corn album, which is Life is Peachy. What is a motherless fuck? And on this side is a chimp with my wife's name underneath.

A chimp? What the fuck is that? Did you get them at the same time? No. This one I got right before my shift working as an orderly at the hospital. And I went in and like... You got orderly fucking stored backstories for sure. Orderly's the best, man.

Orderly's the best, man. It's like dead guys and shit. It's awesome. Have you ever smothered anybody with a pillow? No. No, I... That's a yes, by the way. Absolutely yes right there.

You see, you'd slow to answer that one. That was... Yeah, I had to think about it for a second. Smothered? No, not smothered. Have you ever killed anybody with a pillow? They got out. They got out.

You think they're weak, but... They got a little fight in them. Some people are already on their way. Just help them along. You got to like talk to them. Yeah, give them like negative. It starts like talking gibberish like Jonathan Davis. Deep God.

Let's fast forward a little bit. I got one out there, alright. Let's fast forward a little bit. Let's talk about your house now. I got a question about your house now. What is currently on the top of your refrigerator in your home now? Papers. What?

Like paperwork. You keep your paperwork on top of the fridge? Yeah, I don't know why it goes up there. What paperwork? Yeah, what do you got going on? I don't know. It's papers you get in the mail. I heard Miller Buffett does the same thing.

You get papers, you put them somewhere. People on Musk keeps them in the freezer, so don't feel bad. Let's put these babies on ice. Wow, alright. I was looking for... Paper work? I think an answer would be cereal. What do you got?

I got a... At my parents' house is just like a shearer for my cat. What? Like a thing that cut the cat's hair. It was for like cattle. Or like... How big is the cat? But now we use it for the cat.

We shorn the cat. You are like fucking... Pennsylvania country trash. It's nice, the cat likes it. Who shears their own cat? Tibble. The cat. Shout out to Tibble.

Shout out to the Prince of Cats. Shakespearean. These Miller lights are getting in me. Come on now. I miss that fucking cat, dude. So many of you guys missed this. You know, let's just start crying about a sheer dead cat. But he left me five grand, so it was pretty cool.

May. Kevin? Alright, you keep going to me. You haven't asked the fucking question yet. What do you mean? I got the beef story out of him. I feel like I've done my job here. When I answer a question, we get an answer.

He goes, okay, so Kevin, I feel like you're Regis on fucking Coke. What's happening? This guy's bonkers. No, you're fit. So, you have kids now, right? Yeah, I got three kids. How much porn do you watch with them?

How's that in Reaganomics? That trickle down effect to treat your kids? So, obviously, you do things differently. I hope. Yeah, no porn. They really limit screen time. Okay, that's good. You seem like you really turned around.

How old are you right now? How old am I? Yeah, 41. Yeah, you seem like you really fucking, you really made a pivot, I feel. Yeah, in the past few years, I kind of got my shit together. Does your wife know any of this,

or is she hearing this for the first time now? Yeah, she's there. She knows it all. If not, it's gonna be an awful fucking car ride home if your wife didn't know about fucking Uncle B and Aunt Bitty. Her first question, so where's the rest of this five grand?

Yeah. Now, and I give her a lot of credit, too, because without her, I would still be a degenerate. Give it up for Mrs. Rainey, everybody. Look at that. Dude, talk about a kid getting fucking turned around. And honestly, we're joking around, but this is what the podcast is all about.

It is about having dramatic things or fucking... We get sincere foley, everybody. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. I'm trying to fucking cover our tracks. Shut the fuck up. We're fucked.

What are you talking about? You know what, guys, this is actually what it's all about, you know? Shut the fuck up, dude. Just a couple of guys and you shut up, foley. You've been laughing at a guy who got raped as a kid for an hour, and you're like,

at the end, it turns around. I knew it was turning around. It's really a life lesson, folks, just so you know that. It's really a life lesson here on RU Garmin. Dude, you stink. So do you guys do colored lights now, or do you do white lights?

It's a mixture of both. It's so weird to try to pivot out of what we do now. I was going to ask you, if you've ever put flypaper in your house. Flypaper? Yeah, there's some hanging in the basement doorway now. Really? How long has it been there?

Is it doused up? What are your kids' in it? It's more of a warning to other flies. What about a bug zapper? Do you have an electric bug zapper? No, we haven't upgraded yet. Where do you live now? Right by the airport.

Cargo City, nice. I thought we were going to turn a corner here. Is it Howard Johnson's by the airport? I don't know why. I just always feel like I have to live near Howard Johnson's. I don't know what it is. I get a cozy feeling every time I see the light.

How loud is that by the airport? It's fine. What did you say? After a couple of 747s, I don't even notice it. Honestly, subconsciously, I might have chosen it because as a kid, one of my worst memories was of hearing my parents have sex all the time. Jesus.

So it's like the more that I guess maybe subconsciously, I chose to live near the airport. You get that jet engine to hide your moans. Really fucking numb your brain. I actually heard a whisper argument between my mom and dad. My dad was trying to get my mom to suck his dick and she was standing underground

and she was not having it. And I give him a lot of credit for maintaining the whisper the entire time. What was he saying? Suck it in there. Suck it. What? Yeah.

How else do you ask a woman to suck your dick? With your family, who the fuck know? Pardon me. Maybe get a tape of your sister, see what happens. I don't fucking know. I'm surprised there's a question mark at the end of it. Check to suck your dick in your family. What's that?

The answer is like, what do you want, some candy? By and large, my parents have a good relationship. There was one moment where my dad threatened my mom with a knife at the dinner table. Butter or steak? It was a steak knife. How well done was the steak knife? We were having hungry mans that night.

That's a thing. It was a one and done deal. Damn. Can you witness this? Yeah. I don't know what you're talking about. He picked it up and he extended his arm, then he dropped it. So I'm getting ahead tonight.

Done with this bickering. That was the only time that ever happened. It was never a thing that occurred on a regular basis. So I'm inclined to think it was something my mom said. Sure. It's okay. Woo! Victim blaming?

Okay. I like it. Have you ever been to Myrtle Beach? I've been to Myrtle Beach. I've been to Myrtle Beach. I've been to Myrtle Beach. Myrtle Beach? Funny you should ask.

I actually got fucked in the ass down in Myrtle Beach by this guy. I actually killed a hooker in Myrtle Beach. We actually spread my aunt's ashes there. She loved the strip clubs that one. Have you ever been to Myrtle Beach or Ocean City? Maryland? Williamsburg? Colonial Williamsburg?

Where'd you go? What was a rainy family vacation? Dude, Wildwood. Wildwood? What street were you looking at? Rio Grande, I think. Ooh, not the good park. Okay.

Rio Grande sounds pretty classy. No, it is not. It's like Wellington Road. It ain't. Dude, when we would get to Wildwood, my dad would give me a $10 roll of quarters to go to the arcade while him and my mom banged it out. What the fuck is going on with the rainings? They love each other.

How hot is your mom? Dude, she had a fat ass before fat asses were cool. Really? Yep. That's actually pretty sick. Did she sing? Is she around? What's going on?

Is your dad still in the bucket? Is your dad still in the picture? All right, what about this? Growing up, did you have milk with dinner? No, soda. Soda. Yeah, soda. You are fucking garbage.

No, what dude? No, soda. Why round of applause? Who drank milk with dinner? Round of applause. Yeah, the milkman unite. That's about 50%. That's about 50%.

Let's go. Guy who got a 12 something on his SATs. Milk? Yeah. That's why I did so good. Give it up for my man back there. Yeah, you're all fucking nerds, dude. What are you talking about?

Jacked nerds. Do you still drink milk with dinner? When I'm home, I crush milk. Like to this day, I caught myself. What are we doing? Whole, whole 2%, 1%? Come on, man. I'm worried about my figure.

But I caught myself like cutting the lawn and coming inside and drinking milk. Because it was like hot out. And I was like, oh, I got a cool off. Dude, I'm telling you, it's fucking heartbreaking. None of you would last in my world, dude. You would have crumbled by now. All right, Mike, have you... The next time magazine, you're going to have a milk mustache on the cover.

Kind of soften the below a little bit. Have you ever... Uncle Bev Veeve had a milk mustache. Of Child Come. We were like five minutes past Uncle Veeve. Come on. What the fuck? Of Child Come is my favorite John Steinback book.

More of a giving tree kind of kid, I'd assume. Have you or any member of your family ever lived near or connected to a cemetery? No. All right. Shocker. I don't think that's going to pull you out of the fire, but okay. No, but I'm sure I was fucking... You're really going to need to fucking rally out of this one, Rainey.

Do you sleep with a fan directly on you? Sometimes, yes. Okay. How many pillows do you use when you sleep? There's like six. Holy shit. Just so you guys know, the more pillows the greater you are. The block out Uncle Veeve.

Builds a chastity wall. Have you ever owned or anybody in your family ever owned a Ford Ranger or a Dodge Neon? Neon, yes. That's no bueno. Have you ever owned a beaded curtain to divide rooms into homes? That's what I wanted you to talk about. That's a story? Well, back when Uncle Veeve would come over.

All right. When he heard the beads fucking jingle. All right. So what is it? All right. So I have not had a beaded curtain in my home. However, when I was getting ready to leave for boot camp, there was a very kind woman, woman who let me eat her box.

And I... Shout out to her. And I... How fucked up are you? That's how I support the troops. Dude, what's that? I eat box. It's a lot of meat.

He came up to me. I haven't seen him in years. He came up, hey, what's up? How you doing? We had this great adult conversation. Normal level conversation. This is wild. Rainy is like the sweetest, nicest, most supportive friend you could ever have.

He's literally the best. So it makes a little sense now I hear how fucking damaged. Every once in a while I'll be like, life's great, dude. I'll do anything for anybody. Yeah. All right. Back to this. Back to you eating this chick's box.

Yeah, your chick's pussy. But right before 9-11. Yeah. It's what inspired me to become a troop. If I can do this for her, I can do this for the country. But I was terrified of women. So this was the only sexual experience I had. And I was like 19.

So the night before I left for boot camp, I went to Spencer's gifts. And I bought her and her best friend glow-in-the-dark beaded curtains. For what? I'm a gentleman. You don't gift women after they let you eat their box? Fucking weirdo. He shows up. I thought I had a fucking gift card to Spencer.

So I got you a black light. Both turned some beads. Anyway, off to Iraq. I hope this finds you well. Here's Martha. Here Uncle Beef. The terrorists are trying to stop us. I give her a family guy hoodie with my scent on it so she can have me when I'm away.

Do you currently have any collection of knives at your homes? Yeah. Butterfly? You got a butterfly? You got a switchblade? What are you working with? Butterfly knife, yeah. Any numchucks?

Do you know how to do tricks with the butterfly knife? No. Okay. Is that it? Yeah, I'm sorry. What the fuck? Fuck him, jerk off. Do you own a samurai sword?

No, I do not. I would like one. Is that it? That's what we're working for. That's the goal. Have any of your houses ever had carpet in the bathroom? No. Okay, an aristocrat.

Do you currently own the cooking device known as a wok? I do not. Okay. Did you hear a set? Have you ever had a beaded seat cover in your car? I have not. He's making a rally, I'll give him that. Does anybody in your family have a tattoo of a country's flag on them?

No, but my sister has a Philadelphia Soul tattoo. Oh. No. No. Wow. No. This is crazy. This is the worst piece of information.

She got in early. She's like, this is going to be the next big fucking thing. She got a Philadelphia Soul. And then Bon Jovi was like, I'm fucking out of here later. Yeah, it's right on her ankle. Ankle Philadelphia Soul Pat. Yeah. Is this the same sister that got shot?

Yes. Dude, they can take her life, but they can't take her fill it up. Yeah, they got the barnstormers next week. The big of thing. The regrets are coming into town, I heard. Is the trash can in your home underneath the cabinet below the sink? No, it's next to the cabinets. Next to the cabinet.

All right, that's pretty classy. I like that. Is it trashy to have it under? Yeah, that's real trashy. Really? I feel like it's hidden. No, that's because it's always smaller and it's always full. And it stinks and it's fucking garbage.

Do you want to pull out couch? It reclines. Is there a couch? The whole couch. The small fucking couch. It's a futon. Exactly what a futon. What the fuck are you talking about?

Come on, man. Come on, man. Here's one. The big one on Are You Garbage these days. Do you brush your teeth? Yeah. I'm not a fucking animal, dude. Take it easy.

Let me finish the question. But not in the shower. No, I brush them over the sink like a normal person. Like a fucking gentle. Shower's the move. Shower's the fucking move. Shower rules. Shower actually rules.

A lot of you think it doesn't rule. It rules. It does not. Where's my shower teeth? Brushes out there. Make some fucking noise. Guy that got good SATs. Where you brush your teeth?

Fuck you, dude. Dude, there's some animals out there like flossing and shit in the shower. I floss, not in the shower. No, you don't. You don't floss, dude. Just started flossing, dude. What? What'd you say?

Pussy? Don't get fucked up here. Don't get knocked out in this parking lot, dude. Radio, fuck you up, dude. Unleash my raped friend. As long as I'm not currently getting fucked, I will fuck you up. We have some listeners. We have some questions from the live audience.

Oh, awesome. People have written in. Wait, hold on. How's this going so far? You guys having a good time? All right. No one ever speak of this again. This is definitely going behind a paywall, for sure.

It's a real Uncle Beef episode. Don't tell anybody about this. It's our secret. It's a beef heavy, dude. This is fucking beef. We know Rainey. Keep his mouth shut. I'll tell you that.

True. If you guys tell anybody about this episode, we're going to kill your parents. Rainey's going to go into work. What'd you do? I got nothing. I didn't do fucking shit this weekend, dude. True. Rainey, very loyal.

Keeps his mouth shut. That's right. To his adult lovers. This is for both. This will be for Shane and for Rainey. This is from Davey. Have you ever taken a koozie to a bar? I feel like you might have, Shane.

Yeah. I swear to God, I must have accidentally. Like a Notre Dame koozie or something? Probably a dozen times, yes. That's fucking good. Does anybody have a koozie on them right now? Kyla brought a koozie to helium last night. What's the point?

I don't know. I don't know. Dude, I'm just picturing Kyla pronouncing the word koozie. I guarantee her jaw dislocates. Koozie. Yeah. It's a Dan Seder koozie. Sounds like jacuzzi.

Yeah. It does. It almost does. Good. All right. This is from Pat. Have you ever participated in the mating of a dog or a cat? Wow.

I feel like you were talking about your cat shoes. I love my cat, but I would never ever, Uncle Beavitt. No, not you fucking them, you idiot. No, have you tried to mate two dogs or two cats? No. Well, I know Rainey growing up in a very sexy model. I know. I'm afraid to hear Rainey's answer here.

I didn't encourage you, but I didn't stop it either. Did it produce a litter? Yeah. Really? Really. Well, dogs are cats. It was cats. Oh, you watched Cats Talk?

Yeah, we do. Why is that worse? You got any pain? It is worse. That's the weirdest thing we've heard all night. No. We filmed it. Then my dad asked, we had tapes of the video.

Oh, my God. No. No. All right. Well, what the fuck? Yeah. Unfortunately, that sounds believable coming out of your mouth. This is from Phil.

Have you ever put ketchup on a steak? Yeah. Yeah. Do you do that? Like a cheese steak or like a steak steak? That is so trashed up. That's where your head goes when we say steak. Yeah.

Dinos are a past? You mean a burger? You talking about a burger? I don't know. Yes. I put ketchup on my steak. You? Defunded.

Sorry. What? You put ketchup on a steak? Talking to my friend back there. Yeah, I saw. Like a fucking jerk. What? You put ketchup on a steak.

I put it on pizza sometimes. What? Yeah. Just so you fucking freaks know. That's real mechanics. It's actually good. It's actually good. No, it's not.

You'd be surprised. You'd put ketchup. Everybody's looking at you like your brother. I promise. I promise. It is not good. You sound like somebody advocating child sex. Trust me.

Try it. It's good. Just give it one try. First off, guarantee it feels good. The ketchup. How do you get your steak cooked? I'm curious about that. Me and Ray.

All right. Rayny? Well. Well? Yeah. Dude, you are a psycho. He is, man. Dude.

Sorry about that feels good joke. I was having fun. I got carried away there. But we're all adults. We can. All right. This is from this is from Mike. How often did you eat shaken bake as a kid?

At least once a week. Wow. We would have pork chops pretty often. Pork chops, shaken bake? Yeah. Is that a thing? That fucking rules. Yeah.

Yeah. I've only ever done chicken. Really? Like the bottom gets soggy a little. Oh, I love that. So good. That's the best. Yeah.

We were big hamburger helper, dude. Like I'm surprising anybody. You pay me as a French cuisine guy. Yeah. Hamburger helper holds up. Straight. You guys have that lately? Hamburger helper.

Somebody has had hamburger helper recently? Nine hands just went up. Jesus Christ. All right. We only got a couple of minutes left here. This is from Ryan. Has anyone in your family and uncle or cousin ever had a pickup truck with a spoiler on it? No.

What was your first car? I just remember being like a fucking boat. I don't remember what's a priest class. You blocked out a lot of your childhood, man. That is not a fucking good sign. His life started when he was 22. That's when I woke up. Man, that's cool you can make kids time travel by fucking off.

You can fuck them into their 30s. Dude, that's going to be big part two. This is our Howard Johnson sponsor. Shout out to Hojo. Come on, Barcell. Here, Barcell. All right. This is from Trey.

Have you ever peed in a bottle to avoid walking to the bathroom at home? At home, no. I just had a girl in the audience go fucking yeah. That's a pretty good accuracy right there. I'll tell you that. But the last time I peed in the bottom, my wife was driving me to one of my favorite murder sites, which is the Sharon Tate House in Los Angeles.

That gets a woo? And I was peeing in the back of the car. And why do you have a favorite murder site? Why doesn't he? What are you talking about? What's your second favorite one? The second night of the murders or the Manson murders. Yeah, that actually makes sense too.

Because I remember you always going to LA and being like, I'm not the fucking Manson fucking. That's the only way he can feel anymore. Why don't you check out Disneyland like a normal person? But now it makes sense. The guy that ended up buying Sharon Tate's old house, he demolished the house and he put up this monstrosity, but it's the executive producer of Full House.

Rainey's just Zillow for weirdo. Exactly. Fun Hollywood fact here. You're definitely going to break into the family matters house and kill that guy. I didn't say family matters. I said Full House. Whatever.

You think Carl Winslow's in there? Do you get Omaha Steaks at your house? Before I answer that, if Erkel committed the murders, you think he'd be like, did I do that? But Omaha Steaks, we got them one time. They came door to door and it was the one time. I don't think that was Omaha Steaks. You got tricked.

Omaha Steaks does not come door to door. We had Lincoln Steaks. There's a catalog like a fucking panel. He got North Dakota beef. That's what that was. I've never heard of it. What? I've never heard of Omaha Steaks.

I don't know how it operates. Hamburger Helper. Hamburger Helper and Milk. They have Omaha Steak money. Hamburger Helper and Milk. You guys are telling me that's not a good night. Please. I love Shane, five Miller lights deep.

He starts crying like, you're not telling what's going on. Hamburger Helper and Milk is telling me it's not a good night. We only got a couple of minutes. Then we got to get out of here. I got one or two more. Have you ever paid to have anything airbrushed? Yes. His asshole.

In 1996, on the Ocean City boardwalk, I had an airbrushed t-shirt that said Wu Tang, the Wu Tang symbol on the front, because I was a big wigger. And then on the back, it said my name and cursive. But I overheard kids talking about how they were going to rob me for the shirt. So I took it off and threw it out.

It was cursed. A gypsy at the boardwalk put a hex on your Wu Tang shirt. The palm reader on the boardwalk. All right, I got one more. Does anyone in your family pronounce the days of the week as Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday? Everybody. Everybody.

That's a real dirtbag shit. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Mike fucking Rainey. Thank you guys. We'll take this one to the audience by round of applause. Who thinks Mike Rainey is class? I think that was his wife. That was it. And who thinks Mike Rainey is total garbage?

Ladies and gentlemen, this has been the first live edition of RU Garbage. We want to thank you guys honestly so much for supporting the podcast. Give me a nice big round of applause for Mr. Shane Gillis. Give me a nice big round of applause for my co-host, Kippy Kevin James Ryan. And give me a nice big round of applause for the punchline

of Philadelphia. We're having us here tonight. Give me a nice big round of applause for Mr. Mike fucking Rainey. And give yourself a nice big round of applause, Philadelphia. We love you guys. Let's hang out out front. Good night, everybody.