Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Losing Your Mind w/ Chris O'Connor!

Episode Date: April 16, 2026

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Chris O'Connor! You know Chris O'Connor from Stand Up Comedy, Stuff Island podcast, Look at Dish, Tires, Gilly and Keeves, Matt & Shanes Secret Podcast, Kill Tony, You Be Trippin' podcast, Bein' Ian with Jordan, PITM podcast and so much more! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Rocket Money: Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at https://RocketMoney.com/GARBAGE Promo Code: Garbage Helix Sleep: Go to https://helixsleep.com/garbage for 20% Off Sitewide. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Gang, we're heading down to shore, Atlantic City. Tickets are on sale right now for the Hard Rock Casino in Atlantic City for the Back on the Block tour. Grab the squad. Come out and see us this July. You know you want to. Yeah, Friday, July 10th, 8 p.m. The boys are going to be in Atlantic City.

Semitage. Maybe we got some standout. We got some live, AYG. This sold out last year. So get your tickets early because if you snooze, you lose. We love you. We'll see you there. Hey, everybody out there.

and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage. It's that little show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a good to be classy. They're just a big, all piece of trash. I'm your host Sagefully coming at you on a beautiful day out back here with Toonies and New Edition.

She is definitely not on drugs. Okay. My coach is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage? He is an international business. Let me tell you something right now, you son's a bitch. You know, my best pal in the whole way, world and I love him.

Chris O'Connor. Give it for KJ, Kevin Jay's Ryan. What a good. Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you're ready to you, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify and the boys are climbing in charts.

Top 50. That's pretty fucking good. Spotify hit me with a fucking playlist today. It could have been the prom. It was fantastic. Every once in a while they get it right. Every once in a while they get it right. A lot of times they don't.

More than 11 Check out Patreon. Half the time they're right And half the type they're wrong No, no, it's not half. You know when you pick a song and you're like, just feed me songs like this And they just feed you songs

Like by bands that are close to that And it's just like, dude Give me the song, not the band. Yes, I want this vibe And I want it nonstop. I don't want you to... Oh, okay. You know what I'm saying?

Nah, it's up, baby. Every once in a while lately I've been going, Alexa, play this. And you'll hit me with the, Hey, this isn't on this. To get that, you have to. I'm like, I get the full package, bitch. You're doing it.

You would be asking for stuff you don't got. I'm kind of down with it, dude. I'm ready for the revolution to have everyone take their shit off, Spotify, off everything and just have to buy. Let's not get crazy. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey. Let's go back. Let's go back.

Let's go back. I'm kind of into it. Crazy. Cut that. Cut that up. Top 50. Cut that. I saw Joe DeRosa buy a cassette the other day, and I went, it's pretty good.

Well, you and Joe DeRoska can do whatever the fuck you want to do. Joe Don't know-Kin-Nosekin. You two can do is whatever the fuck you want to do. You two go get your cassette tapes in your lunch meet and go have a good time and leave the rest of us. You don't have a cassette anywhere in Tuddies? I'm telling you. You should open one of those things up. Look at the liner notes.

I'm telling you. What? I got to fast forward the songs. Yeah. Slow it down. Slow it down. Hey, jerk off. You should up here with an iPad.

Fucking. I'll fucking get on your high horse and start talking shit to me. You showed up with a pair of readers and an iPad. Chris O'Connor, ladies and gentlemen. Let him. Chris O'Connor in the building. Now, thank God your apple juice was missing, which is weird. Why did you show up here with an iPad?

I have been eating applesauce in the morning. Just the go, like the go apples sauce. It's so good. Apple sauce is all right. Applesauce. Have you got, do you have them in the house? No, I don't have. You got a baby, huh?

You're so good. You're so good. I like to keep them for company. Yeah, the green bag, the green like space bag of applesauce. No. Wait, that's what you're eating? Yeah. Wait, you're eating baby food?

Like the pouches? It's apple sauce. It's what? Are you eating like the pouches with the little screw top? Yep. That's baby food. Yeah, that's baby food. No, it's apple sauce.

Both brain. I don't know. Baby love? It's green. It's all green. Go-go squeeze. No. Yeah, I think it's a go-go squeeze.

That's baby food, dude. No, it's not. It's not. I gave something. I gave that, but it was peat. Hold on a second. O'Connor, are you an astronaut? Are you on the Artemis 2 rocket right now?

Then that's fucking baby food. Solidarity with my boys up there. And my lady. Yeah. You're eating. Applesauce is so good. And let me tell you something. It cured a hangover once.

Better, better than a liquid IV. Also great for colic. You got running stools. Yeah, measles is going around again. A couple of apples sauces in there. You're telling me you don't like an apple sauce. I do, yeah. It's cold applesauce.

I love it. Out of a cup with a spoon like an adult. A cup and a spoon? Yeah, comes in a cup. That's crazy, dude. Suck it right out of it? The bag, yeah. Where are you getting these, though?

My lady gets them. I think I said I liked him once. She worked at a nursery or something? She's bringing her from school. The hospital she works at? Wow. Now, please. What were you talking about?

Your iPad cassettes. No, we're talking about your iPad. No bag or anything. You rolled in like you were coming from. That's got a case on it. Yeah, that's the way old men carry them. I know. Old men that read them at airports, that's the way they carry.

They look down over their glasses To see what group's bored Dude, I got the writing utensil Are you doing like you drawling and stuff I've been trying to yeah What really? Right now I'm just watching tutorials And checking out brushes

About what? Brushes I don't know I'm just trying to slow it down Try to slow what down Just trying to all it all Speed it up No no it all needs to slow

I'm gonna get a little work done Huh Well that's we're gonna ramp it back up You don't want to hit max speed too quick for too long. You're going to blow out your engine on that. I'm going to quiet the mind for about six months with a little bit of a still life painting. I'm going to really attacking. Yeah, dude.

Yeah. You need to put an hour together. It was bumming me out. It was bumming me out that I was looking. I was staring at the, like, the little paint app. On the iPad. Yeah. Uh-huh.

And I was like, you know, I don't even know how to, like, have fun in this. You know? Sure. So you're learning. Yeah. Like I'm so insecure about painting and drawing. You should be. Also, I don't want to be like, you know, bully, whatever.

I want to be inclusive. We got to draw the line somewhere. You should be fucking real self-conscious about your arm. Whatever happened to play, you know? What? What, like reset? I'm down bad. Somebody put this kid in a pack and play.

I'll tell you what. I'll come over every day for an hour. Yeah. I take you out. We'll do a little kickball. Ding, you'd be nice. Yeah, you shouldn't know me about

applesauce? You want to play kickball? Oh, fuck. Throw a couple pitches. I think it's funny. You think he's really leaving that house. We'll do it over video. What are you doing with your time?

You're just looking at social media. That's a great question. Hey, Chris. Nice for bringing out up. More to 11. Yeah, what are you doing with your time? Look, you got the. You got the.

analog pen and paper. Get an iPad going. No. I got a laptop. He did. We got a month ago. Yeah, yeah. It's a different vibes. I haven't opened it. Yeah. He opened it once and he went to do it. He was like, yeah, how does it work? I can go to YouTube. And I've never seen, he went to YouTube and there's, he had never

gone to anything. So it was just a completely brand new computer, not logged. He had a, it was YouTube. The home screen was blank. It didn't have nothing to suggest them. Because it had no input. That's nice. You're kind of raw YouTube? I use YouTube unsigned in most of the time. Really? Yeah.

I actually kind of like that. I don't think he's got an account. Yes, I do. I don't have an account. I'm on YouTube. How do I don't have an account? Are you garbage? Dude, I've been saying this for a while, but you should be able to multiply your algorithm

times like negative one. You know, give me the opposite. Give me the opposite of whatever you think I like. And who have you been saying this, too? This is my own. I've been writing it down in the iPad. A couple old Greek guys of Dunkin' Donuts. You got a couple of cartoons to go along with it.

You know, my pain about it. Yeah. When did you make the iPad purchase? Because that, you know, you're a, you know, listen, you're a mover and shaker in the industry. You're, you know what I mean? You're a self-employed. You're a touring comic. You're an actor.

Netflix, tires. The artist now. But when did, I've hung out with a lot of con. I've never seen anybody. Break out the iPad. I got the iPad a long time ago and then I didn't really use it. And now I'm like, you know what, dude, it's fucking bullshit that you bought this and you're not fucking using it. How about you fucking...

Well, you're not retired. What? You're not a retired man or a total year. I know, but I want to be one of us... He's playing videos with the volume all. What would you be doing with it? I don't know, man. Do you have a laptop?

I heard what? Yeah, I have a laptop. Yeah, I got it all going. I use a laptop. But then when you're trying to, like, think of stuff, like, this position is not a... as good as this. Hmm. Something about holding a pen.

Yes. Sure. See how much better. Yeah. Yeah. So far I've written down your name. So if you had a computer open, you'd be a mess.

It's very true. Yeah. You know? I don't do computers. I just don't know. The iPad, it's a... I think about them. It's an in-between.

It could get you into computer. You want to be... You want to use a computer someday? No, I don't. Kiffy's a mess right now. Why not? He's starting to make sense, and I hate. The more that he talks about shit that I hate?

No. You never made sense. The more that he's... The more that he talks about shit that I disagree with, I go, he kind of gets me there. We're unfortunately very much alike. I know. And I don't like it.

I know, I know. It's like everything you hate staring back at you. Same quiet rage. Since I've turned 50, any of that, like, you know, future stuff or like what I thought I was going to do? It's an iPad. It's the past now. It's true.

That's like a cassette. I'm never going to learn to type. I'm never going to do this. I'm never going to do that. Why not? And I'm not going to be a computer guy. It's not going to be in five, you're not going to see me like, do all my thing.

Get busy living or get busy dying. I'm living. I'm living. No, you got it. I just know. Listen, I just know what I'm not going to try to do. All the shit that I thought are you doing. Hang it, it did it.

What are you going to try to do, then? It's a good point. I'd love to hear this list of stuff. You're telling us what you're not focusing on. Focus on. Score chicks. Dude. That'll come, dude.

That'll come with the iPad. You know what I mean? Wait, you get an iPad. You know what I mean? These broads are going to be all over. I mean, fighting them off with a stick. You've got to learn to paint, man. Dude, I'm telling you, man.

I'm telling you. You learn to use a computer. I'm saying that it's like the... He's not really sure. You know what I mean? It's like, I feel like when a coach is talking to a player and it's like it's about the fundamentals. You got to get this stuff down. The points are going to come.

I'm working on the fun of them. The chicks will come if you just start doing the right things. They love dudes in tech. Yeah. And iPad's the first step to that. I'm just saying I'm not going to like learn a language. We're past all that. Are we?

I think so. Also, who's asking you to learn a language? What are you talking about? Yeah, get Duolingo. This is Vietnamese, bro. Lots me to talk to her son. No, dude, you got to come up with something. You got to do something.

All right. Yeah, what do you? I feel like you could paint. I could paint. I don't want to paint. Get that shit over my household, man. Not on the iPad. It's...

Oh, there we go. What do you got stocking these fucking? I'm just saying. For three, he's... payments are 99. Just trying to defend myself. Sure. I get, listen, you're making some solid points.

We were both just shocked. We had never really... I know. It's a bad look. I walked in there with it. I had reading glasses with them, with the iPad. Are you on reading glasses now? I'm on reading glasses, dude.

They're like proper, like CVS readers. I'm in fucking purgatory, dude. I need reading glasses and I need distance glasses and it's fucking hell. Okay, hold on. Yeah, it's dark, man. Do you wear contacts? No. Okay.

No, I'm just switching between. Dude, you should see me on the iPad watching, like, the basketball games recently. He's got a 30 feet away. It's nuts. Are you opposed to contacts? No. Okay. Now, it's just, it's like a whole purchase decision I can't.

Listen. You know? I'm going to give you two options. These are the only options you got. A hard way and easy way. You can't be going back and forth with the glasses. Then you're my mom with two purse of glasses on your head. I think of it.

I might be there. I might be that guy. You don't got to do it. They're going to do it. You get contacts? Do you have contacts? I have contacts in right now. No.

All right, you can get multifocal contacts where they have the long distance and the reader underneath or reader underneath. Yeah, just do that. Now I can see through your pains. Multifocal. Chris. How? How does that possibly work? This is a science.

This is like a bad fucking infomerge. How? Please tell me how that would even. work. It's all signs. Sorry, man. It's all signs. All right. It works. You look at me on fumble with a bunch of glasses. What? He has six pairs of glasses on his head. It's in black and white. I can't see. You could do that or just get what I would recommend because the multifocus kind of stink. They get blurry. You know what I mean? Because they get blurry when you look up and stuff like that. The multi-focal. How do you look above the? What the fuck is happening? Is the is the is the I don't know, staying still? I don't know. I wore them.

It's just, I knew that when I looked straight, I could see far away, and when I looked at my phone, I could see that. So I guess if that way and then like halfway down, it's closer, so you'd be like, duh. Yeah. But it's just, I don't know, it's not, duh. It's not duh. It's not duh. No, it's not duh. Stay still.

What do you mean you look down? Look down. Yeah, your eye shift down. Yeah, but the lens sits on your. Oh, yeah, that's a good point. It moves with your eye. Here's the eyeball. All right.

I can't wait to see this. This is the kind of. Contact. Contact. So the contact state. You started with the contact? Yeah, we get the top half of the contact, the bottom half of it. How does the eye move within the contact?

That's the point. The eye doesn't move. The contact moves. I don't know. Luke, can you get some information on that? Because I thought it stayed on the year. And then I thought, I have no idea. I just assumed the whole contact move with your eyeball.

It does. Yeah. I don't know. That's one option, which sucks. Which we haven't figured out. Because they get it. It's all fucked up. I would get it's all fucked up. It gets blurry a little bit.

It sucks. What I'm recommending to you, what I'm doing now, get a long. Yeah, and then readers to combat it. Because let me tell you something about these readers. Real nice. Yeah, they're dirty. Yeah, it looks good. I'm going to take my headphones off for a second.

Watch this. You're doing this. You got that going. Then you're doing this and you have this. All right. I like how your option is take the glasses off and put them on. It's pretty good. You get to work.

with them and then you know something's got you pop them on oh for a dramatic effect everybody's oh who is this guy wearing old jewish woman's glasses doing this you sitting instead of having an iPad and six pairs of glasses you sitting with your legs crossed a distinguished pair of readers with a portfolio with a nice leather bound portfolio and a nice legal pad inside just jotting down the iPad is the legal no it's not it is And you can paint. Yeah, it's true. It's nice.

I do have a leather-bound portfolio that I use. Really? Well, yeah. As I write on those. For jokes and stuff? I got a new one. Do you write them in a book? I know a legal pad.

But then the legal pad goes in and out of your bags and all it gets all fucked up. So I need a leather bound. You need an iPad. No, I don't. Yes, you do. You can write it now. No, no, you can not. Crazy.

I swear. I know you can write. I'll do a demo. We'll do a demo. He's in a booth. Hey, sir. What are you currently paying with, sir? Oh, nothing?

You're not painting. That's crazy. Why you step into my booth? Then I'll show you. You guys like applesauce paying a chance? Up yourself. There's just a bowl on ice. Yeah, and just to go back to that, the pouch, no way.

The Mott's cups or whatever I'm in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nah, the cup sucks. Bags the way. It gets colder in the cup. You know what got really cold? Yeah, no, those bags go. You can heat up the bag with just hot water.

Yeah. You put, that's how we warm it up for a little Kipparino. He just throws it in some hot water, but he heats it up. How do I heat my applesau? I'm saying it to be the same thing. It's the, the packaging. The packaging is better than the plastic packaging for heat and refrigeration. The best thing for the cold for applesauce is the glass.

The last jar. I don't know if they still make that. The old school. That seems dangerous. You can't have glass around kids. You don't have kids. Oh, you, you meant. Yeah.

What if I knock it over and I can go to? I told you. I'm using these. This is a hangover cure. I can't be fucking with glass. It's reckless. Keb, let's talk about rocket money.

Rocket money. Let's talk about rocket money. Let's talk about saving money. Okay, about $888 million in canceled subscriptions. It's a lot of turkey. Rocket money will list the subscriptions that you have. And you can find the ones that you want to cancel, and they'll do it for you right there.

Bang, canceled. No more monthly payments. $888 million. That's a lot of chicken. Yeah, listen, I would even say me using Rocket Money has done even more than that. It has helped me realize my – they got a lot of tools over there on Rocket Money. I use the dashboard. It helps me realize my spending, my budgeting, my savings.

I've been able to go like, okay, listen, they send an email. Hey, you got these are about to hit this week. Your saving – your spending last week was more. Hey, slow down on the sizzlies, will you? It was this much more, this much less. I've used it. I told you I found myself subscribed to some weird Eastern European fun. lighting service.

You like the weird stuff. That wasn't that weird, but Rocket Money can help you cancel. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel unwanted subscription, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join rack ofmoney.com slash garbage. One more time, that's ragamoney.com slash garbage. Do we.

Do it, gang. Kevin's talking about Helix. Helix. Helix. Gang, I'll shoot you straight. I used to sleep one. on a helix. Now they sleep on the couch. And let me tell you something, boy, do I miss my helix. My life was better on a helix. Yes, it was. It was much better with a helix. Heelix mattress.

You go over there, you take the quiz. You do to sleep heavy, sleep light, sleep neat. Hot, cold. The whole nine yards. Paul, short. Take the quiz. They match up with the perfect mattress for you that you're going to love for the rest of your life. Yep. Helix has over 20 mattress model so you can find the perfect model for you. I'm a twilight man. That's just me and my whiz life. We've been on it for about five, four or five years now. Best sleep of my life. And I got to be honest with you, I do a lot of travel, sleeping a lot of bad hotels, a lot of bad beds.

My back always goes. I got a bad back. My back goes. I'm in and out of these bad beds. Listen, when I'm in a helix. You need a helix. When I'm in a helix and I'm getting my good night sleeping a helix. My back is okay.

Off the dreamland. All these discount mattresses. Get out of here with that crap. It's improved my sleep. It's been an upgrade for my old one. Listen, if you're sleeping on your mattresses. It's like you got off the side of the road. You got to step it up.

And right now, go to helixleep.com slash garbage for 20% off site wide. That's helixleep.com for 20% off site wide. Make sure you enter our show's name at checkout so they know that we sent you helixleaf.com slash garbage. One of the few things that we did want to get into. Yes. Which I think it's a perfect time to since we've now pretty much shown everybody. that you're crazy

You're a man of You know I don't want to see you know You know how to hold a grudge You get your feathers ruffled Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah You kind of lit up You're like where this is going

You guys have done your research Vengeance I like that Who I had seen a clip recently Of you upset at a Phone call with a cleaning lady Yeah dude is insane

She was asking you I guess you were calling to have your house or apartment cleaned or whatever. And she was taking you through. Dude, yeah. It was a situation where, like, our house was a fucking wreck. My parents were coming down to visit. My lady was like, I can't do it. You can't do it because we're still working on the show.

And it was just like, get some cleaning people just come in here and just fucking take care of this. So it's not fucking embarrassing when your parents get here. It was like, done. Call this lady. I texted them to be like, hey, I need it. Where did you get this number? I got offline. They were like the highest rated cleaning thing in the whatever.

Dry County. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I texted them, hey. Hey, it's me. My parents are coming to town. And they fucking, like, they called me. And I was like, this is crazy. What, do they called you back?

I have a secondary. Yeah, we could take care of it via text. Here's the house. Here's the address. What times do you have available? You weren't texting a cell phone, though. I was texting whatever number they gave me to text. Probably like a...

That's just like an inbound. That just goes to a computer and then they call you. Perfect. You know what? They were probably on an iPad. Now, do you have your text set up on your iPad? Yeah. Yeah, dude.

I got my text. My texts are coming from everywhere. You got them on the phone. No, the wrist I deny. Huh. I don't need the alerts. For a guy trying to slow down, you have a lot of, uh, devices. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I got the web. Yeah, yeah. You have a laptop and I do. pad and the watch. What's next? The implant? I don't know. I got another one of those wristbands that's like the whoop or whatever. I haven't set it up yet, but it's

for even more detailed. Oh man, wait until that thing gets a hold of you. Yeah, yeah. Relax. Oh, that's detailed. No, I did that thing where I, like I feel like I'm going to die, but I don't want to go to the doctor. So I was like, let me just gather as much information as possible before I before I go to a doctor's office

and have to deal with all that shit. So the science will have something to explain to my family when I'm gone. The attitude you would have sitting down at the doctor and be like, well, this is what my whoop said? What do you think? Here's all my data points. Can you interpret this for me? It's fully just. He's going to be like, what?

Sir, you don't have insurance. Dude, it is. I just went on one run and my heart rate was pretty good. And I was like, all right, I'm fine. You're back. Most of that is a lot of it's. meant like you're like stressed and whatever and it just it all

starts compounding on you. A hundred percent. And you're just like, you know, I don't know, we've lived such shitty, pathetic lives that you're like there's got to be. You got to go. There's somewhere I'm dying. Somewhere inside of me, there's death.

You know what I mean? On a cellular level. Just somewhere. It's like a portrait of Dorian Gray kind of situation. You know what I mean? No. What does the Dorian Gray to do with it? You know the portrait of Dorian Gray?

Yeah. What do you think there's a portrait of Dorian Gray? You're a painting somewhere of you getting younger? Yeah, no, there's a portrait of me that's getting older. Oh, that's right? I'm going to look at it and then die. Oh, is that how he goes? I think so.

That's how I'm interpreting. I thought as long as he was never in the same room with it, he was okay. Yeah, I think it was just like up in the attic somewhere. But all the bad things he was doing was accruing on the painting. You know what I mean? I respect it. No, I never thought that. Anyway, what did you ask?

You asked me about grudges? There I am. Fight with a painting inside myself. No, yeah. And that lady kept me, she was on the phone me for so long, 20 minutes. We're putting it to the rigmarole. Yeah, just like. What kind of house do you have?

How big is it? Yeah, but then super detailed. Like, what do the rooms look like? How much furniture is in them? And then down to the baseboards. And like, again, she asked me if I had shoecases. Sure. And that bothered you.

What is that? That is her going over, what kind of equipment, what kind of man hours, what kind of, how many employees are going to have to bring to clean the house? pertinent information, as you would say. It's a house. They're all different. It's a... It's a...

It's a... It's a... It's a... I got the cleaning lady calling it. Yeah, it's like how big... It's like, are there dishes? Yes. Well, that one I'll give you.

Yeah. But everything else she has to know. How many dishes? It's like, I don't know. I mean, she could get there. It could be a studio apartment or it could be a seven-room mansion. I know, but that's one... That's one question.

That's one question. How big is the house? Do you live in a mansion? Yeah, yeah. Is it a studio? Yeah. So it's like, well, yeah. No, here's the square footage.

What's the price? You don't know the square footage of your house. I have no idea how to even guess. That was the first question. I have no idea. Oh, she asked you that what's the square footage? And I was like, yeah. I work off meters.

Thanks for a risk. Yeah, yeah. You got 10 by 10 times 10. Is that how you do it? I don't understand square feet at all. Would be 100 square feet at all? Would be 100 square feet? square feet?

Yeah. I don't understand that at all. Yeah. Does it go up? That's, I don't. It's just a footprint. But then each floor, do you double it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I would assume so.

Triple it? I don't know what it is. It's like, I have no idea. It's, I was like, it's like a row home kind of thing. Also, she's probably telling her version of the story. Like, I was talking to this guy who didn't even know what kind of house he lived in. But it's also like the level of detail. It's like, she's like, are the baseboards?

How clean are they? Do they, like, what kind of clean? It's like, I don't know, man. Bring the gear. I do. Bring the gear. Like, is your shower, like, does it have a glass thing on it? It's like, yeah.

You know, why even ask? Bring the glass stuff. You know, there's windows. I assume if you're doing windows, it can translate to the shower wall or whatever. They need that limelway stuff. CLR. Yeah. You got to have a permit to carry that.

Did you get them? What the fuck? I mean, I don't know. Have you guys ever gotten a cleaning lady? I've done that one time. How many fucking questions did you get? there was i did it online and they called and it was very it was that's why i wanted to sympathize with you it was very similar of like they were like oh we'll send you a link with a questionnaire

and i was like okay because uh we had some construction done we needed like a end of the whatever you know got up all the dust and shit yeah and um i gave up midway through the i'm like i don't know how to answer this it was very very detailed it's fucking ridiculous dude i mean if i don't even cleaning up a construction site. If you told construction guys, you're just like, yeah, I need like the, or landscapers. Like, yeah, we just had a bunch of construction done. I need like the yard.

I need like grass and stuff put down. They would just go like, how big is it? They wouldn't be like, uh, how many is it? Sure. How many weeds are there? Yeah, yeah. Well, that's, I have a landscaper and he goes, you know, I go, he goes, you want to do a spring cleanup?

I go, yeah, goes, no problem. Ball clean up, boom, no problem. Yeah. I don't go. You've seen the place. What? Senior place. I know, but he hasn't seen it.

Yes, he hasn't seen it. He's not out there. Okay. This guy's running point. You know what I mean? I don't know. It's the same problem I have with the doctor. The last time I went to the doctor, I was like.

I knew. I was like, let's just ask him about one. I'll have a list of 20. What about the doctor? I went in there. It was like, I don't know. I was like about to lose my health insurance. And I was like, do the full thing.

Run it. And he was like, what is that? It's like, you tell me what it is. Fucking like. Hey, guy, I don't have a white coat. Here's my credit card. Do the full thing. I want you to be.

as close to certain as possible that I'm not dying in the next 10 years. 25 minutes. Run whatever you got to run to be certain. So that would be that see sometimes those guys they and they go is you want us to like take your blood? Yes. I'll pissing something I'll jizzing a thing I'll shit in something whatever the fuck you need. Yeah. Put a camera up my ass. This is your general practitioner. Look at it all. Look at my ears. This is pediatrician.

Anything you got the apples sauce. Because they do push back on that. Yeah, this is a bigger thing of what I've heard people complain about. They're regulated to not use the health care system. They're incentivized to not prescribe, to not do all these tests or something like that. Why? Because they make the money from the insurance companies or something like that. I don't get it.

Either do I. But if they made money. Man, I really painted myself into a corner without backup. But that is true. If they made money. What is it? What is it? Primary Care physician.

Whoever you have to go to get the referrals? I don't need referrals. Okay, whatever. There's different types of, you know, real fucking big shot on it. How do you not need a referral? We have good insurance. Oh, okay. Should we provide for our fine employees?

Really? Yeah. Fucking for a job. But isn't it, they're like, they're the ones who determine what level of health care you can get. You have to go, the idea is you have to go through somebody. Yes. Yes. And they want a history.

in order to get that test. Of course. That's why you got to lie to them. Yeah. You've got to go in there and fake symptoms if you want something done. What do you mean? And push for it. You say you have chest pain.

Yeah, but people have tried that and then they realize they're lying. And then he said if you go to the ER and you tell them you have chest pains, you get seen right away. But then people did it. Okay. They don't know how to do it right. What's this scumbag move of getting health care? I don't ever know how to do it. Yeah.

Isn't that what you're saying? You go in. You give him a fake social security. number. Yeah. Say you're Gary Jenkins. If you feel like you want to get a test done because you don't want to worry about it, you push to get a done.

But I don't know what the test is. I want them. It's like you come up with the tests. They have the test. If I die. A full blood panel. What? You wanted a full blood plant, a full blood panel.

Whatever it is. What's that mean? I don't know what they check everything. They don't seem to even know what that is the last time I talked to him. Cholesterol. All that stuff. Everything. First of all, no one knows.

what we're talking about. You're like, all that stuff. You lost confidence in cholesterol. First thing I feel like we were both drunk. Do you guys have individual companies, too, for yourselves? What? That's a private company? No, we don't.

Yeah. I just set one up. And now I don't know what's what. My brother was like... Hey, send me an invoice. Yeah, yeah. My brother was like, remember, like I got like a credit card for it. And then my brother was like, this is only for business expenses.

And I was like... How you tell that's a fucking Uber-Eat Stevie over there? Well, that's all of a sudden I go like, well, I... The business is just me. I'm the business. So what, I don't even know what. And I'm hungry. Yeah, yeah.

In order to keep this business. I need to eat something. We need to be drunk. We need to be fed. Listen, if I'm sober, I don't have applesauce. I don't know. Somebody can't survive. I can't do my job.

I don't know about tax law that well. But I believe if you go get fucked up and then talk about it on a podcast, is that not? That's a business meeting. is it not? It's production. Yeah, it's like, if I post something on Instagram, isn't now everything

associated with that picture, now business? This is real dirtbag logic. Now, hold on, yeah, I mean, how is it not? Is that a picture of you buried into a set of titty's over in a hoon? Motorboat and burn out of a twin piece? Content, yeah. Content, your office? Your honor?

I don't know, yeah, I don't get, I truly don't understand what is, what is now a business expense and what isn't. We have somebody that it just handles that. What's a limit on that? credit card. Well, I, you know. $25,000? I only hang out with other people that are considered business associates. Oh, good day, sir. Good day, Mr. Gillis.

I like, you know what I mean? Just because these guys were wearing suits back in the day. I mean, we're still not busy. Oh, yeah. Those manmen were getting fucked up during the day writing that shit off. You're telling me, I can't get a pack of heaters. There's no way they were paying for that shit back then. That was going on the company. House account. Yeah, if you, if you share. If you share a cigarette with another comedian. If you share a cigarette with another comedian, that's business.

Isn't it? Is that networking? We're on a business trip. Listen, if I're on a trip. It's the whole point of the business. You take an Uber to a comedy club. That's a business trip. God damn right?

That's a business trip. I ain't going for pleasure because I'm bombing. Nobody enjoyed what I did up there. That was all work. And you're going to have to go there and have a cocktail. buy a free get get an associate a cocktail yeah you're talking business maybe you're trying to like that it's a goddamn deal it's uh yeah it's like the comedy club is a conference center yes for business is it not yes it is i'm like i'm like it's you really in front of a jury

company club how is that not a business meeting they're all rolling their eyes at you you're at looking at each other i don't think he's that fucking He hasn't said one funny thing yet I'm angry little man This guy you're gonna put this This guy again about the apple sauce Jesus grace Man

Excuse me honey takes a pound Takes a hit of the pal Still ice cold Pulled out of my refrigerator Three hours ago Can I get a go go real quick A go go Man

The other thing we want to discuss Then you start going. I know. You just start going. I, why be a person? Can I just be a corporate? Like, can I just renounce my person? I'll just be a corporation.

Well, isn't that the whole idea behind corporations that corporations can't be like. They're people. They're people, but like there's no liability to them, essential. Exactly. That's what am I getting about what? What's the benefit of being a person? Yeah. Vote?

Smartest guys in the room right here. Yeah. This is like Enron all over. Yeah. I should have subsidiaries underneath me that are from... Yeah, I want to be a corporation. Yeah, that are like divide, you know, if I'm drinking, that should be a totally different company.

Yes. Right? Anything that happens while I'm drinking or on drugs is a... Is a... Is it a subsidiary? Is it a subsidiary? Blackout industries. That can only be...

Yeah. So if the cops come, you're going to have to talk to the guy in the blackout. You've got to talk to a guy who's drunk. If I'm not drinking, I'm not that company. And he declared bankruptcy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like if I never drink again, I'm no longer responsible for those, you know what I mean? You could never find that company.

It only exists on paper. It's based out of Delaware. Limited liability corporation. I heard you're in bed with DuPont. Yeah. I don't know. O'Connor, I am 100% with you. I want to be a company.

Where did you base your company out of? Texas. Oh. Yeah. Pretty good. Pretty good. What kind of work do you do? Import, export.

That's what I'm saying. What kind of work, don't I do? You know what I mean? If you ask me, I'm always working. You could use a vacation. Your Honor, I'm a bit of a jack of all. You don't know what's a business-focused activity. Who could really say?

Yeah. Given the business I'm in. Would you say that you're open to a lot of different opportunities? Yeah. Would you say you're open to maximizing your profits? O'Connor, do you want to work hard and play hard too? Am that crazy? Should we just do that?

Should we just work hard and play hard? That's a good point. If I take my girl out to dinner and then use that as a bit, is that not a business dinner? I would say it is. I would say it is. If that's the case, I got a little money coming. If that's the case, Kip used me a check. I've been doing a half hour.

See, these are questions I've asked myself as well. If I try the bit and then I decide it's no good, isn't that just, you know. That's the way it goes. That's R&D. Research. That's what I'm doing. That's what I say. We're developing product.

Yeah. Right. So all I have to do is record me attempting to talk about something that happened in my phone or write it in my iPad. Right in my iPad. Your honor. And it'll be evidence. You flip up in your charger. I need the old one.

I got the block. I just need the court. Hey gang, let's talk about chime, chime, chime. Chime is changing the way people bank. It's fee free and smarter banking built for you.

I'm talking to you out there. Not like the old school banks to charge you overdraft and monthly fees. It's built for you. Not the 1%. Chime isn't just another banking app. They unlock smarter banking for everyday people with products like MyPay that gives you access to up to $500 of your paycheck anytime

and getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit. Some old banks still don't do that, which is boncos because they don't care about you. They're just in it for the money. They stink, not chime. Chime turns everyday spending into real rewards and progress. Chime makes your everyday spending work harder by delivering real rewards and financial progress that you can count on. They got benefits, like we've said,

the bank fee free plus overdraft coverage you can count on. Helps you build your credit history, stress free. Get paid when you say up to 500 bucks. Earn up to 3% APY on financing. Rate of five stars by USA Today. Customer Service, real humans, baby. Chimis is not just smarter banking. It is the most rewarding way to bank.

Join the millions who are already banking fee free today. It just takes a few minutes to sign up. Head to chime.com slash garbage. That's chime.com slash garbage. Do it. Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Bank card and MyPay line of credit provided by the Bank or Bank N.A. MyPay eligibility requirements apply and credit limit ranges $20 to $500.

Option. Option.com may have fees or charges. See chime.com slash fees info. Advertised annual percent and yield with Chime Plus status only. Otherwise, 1.00% APY applies. No min balance required. Chim card on time payment history may have a positive impact on your credit score. Results may vary.

See chime.com for details and applicable terms. Kaby, let's talk about 1,800 flowers. 1, 800 flowers. What are the number one gift to give for Mother's Day? But it can be hard to know which ones will show, Mom, how much you really means to for over 50 years, 1-800 flowers, has been helping people send beautiful bouquets to mom that she's going to love,

that's going to express your gratitude to her for everything that she does. And your mother deserves that, Henry, for putting up with your stupid his for so long. Yes, she does, the dumb broad. And right now, when you order one dozen roses from 1-800 flowers, they'll double your bouquet for two dozen for free.

That's twice the flowers for mom who gave you everything. For more than 50 years, 1-800 flowers has perfected the details that matter of the most. Every bouquet is picked at peak freshness, packaged carefully and backed by the freshness guarantee. One 800 flowers knows that many of us procrastinate and they'll even be saving up their customers with same-day delivery service for years. Even if May 9th snuck up on you, they can still make May 10th count, baby. I've used 1-800 flowers for a couple of times over the past

years. It's like I said it and forget it. You call them up. They do it at it. Then your mom calls Oh, my God, you're the best son in the world. I'm leaving you everything. How you done? Mother's Day is Sunday, May 10th, and bouquets are selling out fast. Trust me, don't wait to claim your double roses offer before they're gone. Visit 1-800flowers.com slash garbage. That's 1-800flowers.com slash garbage.

That's one and garbage. Can I ask you this since we've stopped here? Saying the old one and the new one has been getting very convoluted with these Uber drivers. What is my charger called? The lightning port. The light USBC. No. No.

He's lightning. No, they all have that. Oh, you're like. They're both U.S. He's got the 4S still. What the fuck is that? I don't know what I have. Why?

I need a light. That's what I say. I just got in the fight with my dad about this because he was trying to, he had a phone from fucking, he had like iPhone 7 or 6 or something like that. And he was trying to add McCousins to a group chat. And he was. Who's that? Steve McCousins.

That's a Ford for the Cleveland? No, and he's like, you can't add Android. You can't add Android to the group chat. And I was like, I think it's because your phone's fucking super old. And he's like, that's not what it is. It's just the way it works. And it's like, then I immediately added the cousins. And it's just like, dude, it's because your phone is a million years old.

And he's like, ah, fuck up, whatever. Give me a lightning. Yeah, yeah. What is the new one called? USB. Yeah. USB. Isn't the USB the other end, the little tiny thing?

That's you, you, USB. No. No. Yes, the smaller end on the lightning one is usually USBC also. Yes. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Which is insane. Why? Because you're updating the wrong end of your cord. Which one? When you started using the lightning, the other end of the cord had a different connector. Was the original USB. Yeah. I mean, the big one.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I get you. And you watched the other end evolve. I don't know. Who are you upset at him? Yeah. Okay.

Me? Yeah. Why? What I do? Just get a new phone. That's, dude, we've been saying that. He's the only guy on the team. And he goes, I need a, his phone's always day.

He goes, and I need the old one. And then, like, Luke's got to dig through, like, a barrel of old cords. Dude, that's a fucking nightmare for him. Dude, he's in court. And it's just for him. He's the old, dude, two years ago, he's like, I'm finally completely up. I'm completely. my whole system is USBC.

Yes, which is, I mean. This guy came in, I'm not even joking around. This guy came in with the quarter with the, with the quarter inch headphones the other day. Like the round plug plugged into one of, what are they, a dongle or what are those things? Oh, no. Some my mom would do. It's an adapter. Steve Jobs gave it to them.

Listen, that's, because you, we both have buckets full of useless cables. We used that. It's hell. Cable boxes, they'd give you so much of that. Why don't you update? We didn't get it. What don't you update to the new thing? I don't know.

I just... Dude, he doesn't have time to learn a language. It takes two seconds. Yeah, but then you gotta like re-put some stuff in there. No, you really don't. It's just, all the apps show up? Yes, it migrates over. My cloud's not backed up.

I'm out of space. Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm not putting it out there. I don't know who's looking at that. What? See, this is why this is also why you need the computer, because you need a home base. For what? For everything.

For the information? Because the phone can be... The information is super highway. No. The laptop serves as a central node for all of your other pieces of technology. A mother shit, that's... So what you're telling me is the... So you can lose your phone and back it up from your computer.

Yeah. Never. All of all of my stuff talking about. That's nuts. The phone's the door. You're out in the Amazon. Listen, if... Conquistador.

I don't know why I said that fucking... I'm looking crazy. My cousins. If the alphabet boys rolled in here right now, all I've got to do is destroy the phone. I'm not destroying the phone. Then the computer shows. You think if you throw the phone off the side of the building that they're not going to know what you're talking about? If the alphabet boys come in here, I promise they're here to help.

It's the EMT. Yeah, yeah. Hey, man. Where am I at? Come on, Henry. You're taking a place nice and warm. Do I need my phone? No, no.

No, no, no. I got that dog catcher net. Tinfoil capes. Fair enough. And I do have the laptop now. I could do all that. Yeah. And get modernized.

That's what my company needs. Step into the 21st century. Yeah. Innovation. Yes. Synergy. Synergy. Nodes.

Vertical integration. Horizontal relaxation. Which is what I'll be going right after this. Got it. home to relax so I can clear my minds for better ideas well you yours would be H Foley ink yeah okay thanks for rolling with that do you ever write something down and lose it yeah all the time yeah unacceptable very true most of the stuff I write down is gibberish it's just unacceptable like that in this day and age this will be coming in this day and age to lose a piece of information is just

well that's never going to happen with your handy iPad it's yeah yeah That's right. Here's how I feel about that. I got that whatever I put into that iPad spread across three or four other devices. As soon as I modify. So that hand turkey on the way here will live forever. I respect that, but the way I look at the artistic process is so shut the fuck up. It's to not write new jokes for 13 years.

Well, here's the thing. I have written jokes, but I lose those people. pieces of paper. And I think that's the universe telling me, hey, maybe those ideas weren't good enough. I think you're supposed to lose some of that stuff. Didn't somebody lose a whole book and have to rewrite it? Like,

Hemingway or somebody? TSA threw it out. Can't remember. So this is pornographic? It was something like that. Dude, it's, I mean, they still got Da Vinci's doodlings. I'm not saying that. I'm saying

there was some artists who wrote a whole book, lost it, cranked out another one, won a Pulitzer Prize. A Pulitzer. to surprise. Boom, you got it. Some of the other day comment it too.

It's not, I thought it was pre-Madana. I'm acting like a pre-Madana. Me too. Pre-madonna? It's Prima-Donna. Although, it's one, not before Madonna. What? Yes.

It's the prima. It's the, Prima. Instead of the pre-Madana. I like Segundo. I thought it was prima-madana, too, until you just said that. For a very long time, and I still pronounce it this way, and I say it, I've been called out a couple of times. I say

laptop. Yeah. Because in my head it was scientists on a lab. That's who's using computers. Yes. Because at the time it was like fucking cutting edge technology. It's a laptop. This is fresh out of the lab, dude. Now we've got six-gen fighters out there. And it's like I never saw someone

working on their laptop on their lap. It's too big. No. I still have to get to cooking. No. I just saw Ryan. I had one. I my first went to New York by laptop. Me and my buddy smoked. Those weren't laptops.

We smoked in my apartment. They were mobile whack-off units. That was not a laptop. But we smoked in this apartment for like three, four years. And my thing would be humming because it was the intake was taken in someone. It was like an old Doshiba. I took it in to get fixed. The guy's like, what the fuck?

Did you get this in a fire? Computers got smokers long. Oh, dude. It was all tar and shit on the inside. It's like a bong. You got to clean it with isopropyl alcohol. Hey man, this laptop is a bad cough. How do we, uh,

Dude, I remember I had a Dell in college that I pissed on. A what? You said a Dale? A Dell. Oh, you sound like you said Dell. Dale. I had a Dale. Also, you're skipping by that he pissed on.

Why'd you pee on it? I thought it was a toilet. I thought it was a toilet. I was a toilet. I was blacked out and I thought it was a toilet. I used to piss on electronics when I blacked out. It made me think there were toilets. Wow.

Well, anything stationary. That's subconscious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Piss on an Xbox. I don't think it's conscious. That's something in a subconscious not liking technology. Wanting to pull back and relax. And paint more.

Even then. It was like a ludic. He was blacked out after fucking nickel beer. I guess that could have been. Yeah, dude. Rosie's penny pitchers back in the day. I'm down at Cabinoles on Wednesday. It's 50 cent.

You cool. It's all night long. Dude. It was nuts. The Cavanaos. Shut your brain off. Dude, it was $5 cover. 50 cent drink or quarter drinks.

Yeah. 50 cent mixed drinks. Oh, dude. That's crazy. You're going with five bucks and we would black. I'd just black out on a Wednesday. Dude, we were talking to the other. I was talking about my buddies the other day, and they were fucking remember him.

You were Drexel, right? Yeah, one of my buddies rigged the Kavanaugh's raffle to win the, like, the happy hours? The cooler that could drive? Was he the mayor? Dude, I mean. Jesus. What was he the Thanksgiving Day parade? How did you rig the raffle? You just got to drink there every day for a couple hours.

Well, that's not rigging it. Yes, it is. No, that's drinking every day. But then you talk to the people who run the raffle and you rig it. Oh, I got you. Like, hey, let me win. Yeah, yeah. Also, I mean, like, I don't think it's just like a fucking price waterhouse.

It's like, there was just some guy being like, yeah, give me 20 bucks and you can win it. Okay. I thought there was some type of tampering with mechanical equipment they had it when I hear rigging. Oh, at Kavanauls? The place with fucking nickel drinks. You thought they had a huge. And they were also their secondary industry? I thought there was a giveaway.

I thought there was a wheel or something that was involved. How are you going to fake that? What? A wheel. I just fucking bit the mic. That's the worst. That's the worst. Fucking A.

The one other thing. Rosie's. Where was Rosie's? I don't know if I ever did Rosie's. It was on 23rd in Walnut. Oh. And they had five to seven was Penny Pitchers. Was that where six used to run that show?

That was the Roosevelt or something. Yeah, the Roosevelt. Yeah. That was also like penny pitchers or something. Yeah, penny pitchers five to seven. Then drinkers, seven to nine was. Drinkers, no-cha? Near no-cha.

Downstairs. Yeah, yes. Drinkers was. There's Philly spots for you folks out there. Was. Only in New York. It was $5 pitchers, I think, from seven to nine. That sounds about right.

That's a back-to-back, dude. Yeah. Thursday night, you'd be in bed by 930, tucked. Tucked in buck Pissing on your laptop Just in time to wake up and pee on your VCR And ruin your Sopranos DVDs You'd be in bed by 9

Throwing up by 10th Never tell you that story In West Philly my whole fucking house got robbed They stole literally everything But I had like four or 500 DVDs That I just I would go to Walmart and just buy all the bargain bin DVDs And they stole literally

Every single DVD from an entire rack except the Seinfeld box set. Nice. They robbed the entire, the TV, laptops, every piece of electronics and the whole thing. Every DVD. The text was on the case probably could have used that information. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, it narrows it down. That wasn't a Jewish guy. Also, what a hilarious prank to blood. That's very funny. I wonder if they were talking about it, like, we're going to leave one just to make them think about it for the rest of it. his life. Just be like, fuck that show.

In the middle of crime. It's awesome. You had something else I thought you said you wanted to get into? Yes, we wanted to ask him about his day-to-day. Ah, yes. My day-to-day? Well, yeah. What's your...

I'm scared for a second. Just trying to put some days together here. Just string along a couple of things. Get a couple of things together. Well, you're moving back from... You're on the East Coast for filming and everything, and you're moving back to all... Austin tomorrow.

Yep. When you settle back down in Austin, what is that day-to-day looking like in the house? You're waking up, you're working out, you're cooking. Yeah, I think I'm going to start. Because I know you guys down there like an alcoholic beverage from time to time. Yeah, dude, yeah, I don't know. We're going to see.

I'm going to try that. Sounds like something I would say. My buddy moved down there about, I don't know, maybe a year ago. And it was just like text me. I saw O'Connor at O'Shanigans or whatever. You guys are just every time. I'm like, well, You guys seem to be both of you.

Hey, he's also trying to say, like, you have a drinking problem. Well, you seem to see him three times a week. I love that as well. He's got to slow it down a little bit, huh? Dude. Yeah, I was boozing a lot. But I'm going to try not to. I want to see.

Do you drink last night? No. I haven't drank in a week. It was Easter. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to get back to Texas with the head of steam. Just an immediate. A crash right to all.

Cut the brake line, though. You mean a low tolerance I fucked up quick I don't know Like I don't know how to not I don't know how to not drink I don't know I like The moment I'm like now

I'm not drinking a night And someone's like I'm like alright fuck it Just let's get fucked up I don't know how to get past That moment You know what I mean Mmhmm

Know it very well my friend Because I have no reason not to You have to get up in the morning Yeah No you don't have to get up in the morning Yeah I thought it said you have to get up in the morning I was like yeah

It's not going to worry at I would the baby What's your skin? You're in the baby Well the baby wasn't sleeping So I wasn't driving Dude I fucking like seven months Like not boozing at all

Yeah Feeling great Like feeling you know Physically better Seven months you didn't drink I mean not like I norm Like on the road I would But just because yeah I mean

Yeah not not drinking But like not drinking like I do Right You know what I mean Because that was You know the night You'd be getting up like fucking Four or five times

It's just brutal you can't And then even if I would You're so strict You fucking, yeah. You would like, I'd like, wake up and or I have to do the morning and you're like, all this, you're hung over and you're like, this just fucking sucks. Yeah. But he started sleeping through the night and I immediately became an alcoholic again.

Like I like just right back. I drank like four days last week. Isn't that what a good feeling that is? It feels pretty good. I was literally like drunk at the cellar. I'm like, this is who I am. This is who I believe. But also too, you went through that stuff.

You went through that stuff. You went through that stuff. Yeah. Just. It's just. You on top of a building standing over and you're on. Don't do it, man. That's that.

That wraparound shot, Chris Renold does with the Silver Music win. She, she wobble on. I'm like, I'm, I'm, like, I'm gagging a bit. I'm not the hero you want, but the hero you need. Oh, yeah. So, that, getting back into that, I've been drinking more than I, than I was previously a lot, like, you know, had the time to. and I got to be honest, it really is, it's good. It's just such a, it's just such a part of my life.

My family's life. Oh, dude, it's also just like watching a movie. Like that, that, I'm sure when the kid goes to bed. I don't drink at the house, though. I never have, never been that guy. Oh, really? No. A little bit.

Oh, it's nice. You've been that guy a little bit. That's nice. I've got a cocktail at the house. Got a beer at the house? You've got unfucked up at the house? If, like, someone's over. But you're out.

You're out, booze and feeling pretty good about it. That's nice. You feel great about it. Yeah, yeah. You guys want to get out of here? I don't know what the fuck we keep talking about. Not me. No, it's good.

Keep it sharp, focused, synergy. Vertical integration. H. Foley, Inc. is looking for investors if anybody's out there. I would take a pitch. My buttons keep popping open. That won't be in the pitch. That's bad. Some pitch you a shirt.

His day to day. Day to day. I don't know. I fantasize about. being on like a tight schedule. You know what I mean? You know, like waking up, waking up doing this, doing that, doing it like actually growing, you know, as a person.

Are you doing breakfast at the house? I'm going to try to start cooking meals, you know? This is a guy who heard stuff. This is what I'm trying to start cooking meals. This is what I'm saying. But then I start going like, the business can't afford to have me down. No. To free yourself up.

Yeah. The Elon Moss is going to the grocery store and don't. his own cooking? No. Free yourself up for great ideas. I can't be bogged down. It's true. Yeah.

You got to be out there thinking, creating. Dude, I had some guy once in a reel or something that I saw was like being. It's real credible. Somebody somewhere once said something that I, that makes me feel good. He was like, yeah, it's like having, like, he was like, rich people get to time travel because they don't cook and they don't have to like do all this shit. All this shit gets done for, you know. It was just the guy who's saying I get.

three days. There's that guy. He's like six to noon is day one. Noon to six is day two or whatever. That guy's awesome. That's the kind of guy

you need a fully. Every time I hear someone so he does more before 10 a.m. than most people get done. I was like, let me see. Let me see the fucking schedule.

They do. They get a burly rich people. They get it real early in the morning. You know what I found rich people do? What? Rich people, the powerful people, they get up and they dump

all of their anxieties on the underlings. Are you powerful? Is there something you need to tell me? When's this? What's this? What they're at the house? Yeah, it's a trait I've noticed in extremely rich people is, and I've seen this in a couple different places where they'll still like live in normal. They'll still drink and do all that stuff, but they'll wake up and just send like 15 emails or texts.

It's just stressing everybody to fuck out. And then afternoon when the hangover wears off, they check in. And they go, great work people. You know what you did a good job. Take care of all this. They look like they're doing business. Fuck, I like that. Yeah, dude.

I'd like to send all my anxieties out. Take a nap, wake up, and it all be taking care of. That's pretty sweet. Oh, my God, I think I'm dying. I'm going to take a nap. Check that out for me. Huh. Hmm.

Okay. All right. Just really stumped you guys on that one. Well, it's basically how he lives. Yeah, no, he's like, yeah, he stumped me. I'm like, don't you kind of just text, though? Isn't that kind of what every interaction you have is? I didn't have a nap today.

It's a brilliant strategy. They still early. Very true. I aspire to get to stop napping, too. That's dumb. I know, but not napping. This is the thing we were talking about the other day. Listen, I've heard.

You got to earn it to me, you got to, I come from a, you got to earn a nap. But if you're tired, you're not going to be able to do anything. I would say if you got up and did stuff, you'll, wouldn't be as sluggish around 2.30 than you are. That's crazy. You got up and got the juices going. My juices are going, baby. You pushed to the fucking sugar

coma. I don't have a sugar coma. I think it's a sugar coma. I'm on a dangerous. I'm on the, I'm on the precipice of getting into some real fucking really gay, annoying, self-help shit. You know what I mean? What are you thinking? You know what I'm saying? Just like buying into all that stuff where it's like, if you start, if you nap, then your

body's going to prepare for a nap. And expect a nap. I mean, I don't think that's selling help. I think it, yeah, I know. I just don't like saying stuff like that out loud. You know what I mean? What you got to do is make your day into three days. Let me tell you how you do it.

And I think if your body's telling you. Here, Kippy Industries, I'm now manipulating time. Listen, if your body's telling you it's tired, you need to use. That isn't a clever way to defend the nap to be like, I'm done with day one. I'm done with day one. Let me get two hours to start day two. I turn every day. Kramer tried that on Seinfeld.

Ended up in the river. You should know. You know who wouldn't know, the guy who robbed your house. I think. If your body's telling you you need to sleep, you take a nap. I don't nap. I never nap. Never.

Not never, but when's the last movie is why we taking a nap? Don't bring up Boston. Tampa. Yeah, we were performing. Is that an anxiety? How was the last time I saw you during the day, not in the office? You were napping. I was still in the process of re-regulating my circadian.

rhythm. Yeah. All right. My rhythm's been fucking... It's got a little out of whack a few weeks ago. Yeah. My sleep's been nuts, dude. I've been doing that thing where like I'll wake up in the middle of the night and not

know whether I was just sleeping or I've been awake the whole time. Hold on a second. Let's back that up. Say it again? I thought you had issues. Yeah. I'll wake up in the middle of the night, I think. But then I won't be able to tell like whether I was just sleeping or not or whether I just...

We're up all night? I've just been awake. I kind of know what you mean. lying in bed and you're like I didn't really dream I had like a bunch of weird I was like thinking and then it got sloppy and now it's up now back to

Yes I know exactly what you're talking about That is so was I asleep Yes that's what you're saying because the first thing you do Is you go oh fuck what the fuck time is it And you're like it's three and it's like but did I sleep I think this is blacking out with the lights on No No and your shoes and jeans on

What the heck my laptop's wet Was I at the mole? Were you drinking that night? No. No, I think that's the problem. Yes. Yeah. I need a couple of brown cocktails to shut the machine down.

I have that too, though. With my sleep being Wong, it's like, I don't think I've ever slept through the night. I don't think ever. What? No. Dude, I have been. I have, but it's a rare. It's like shooting the moon.

The one time I first started taking CBD. I don't know if it was like... CBD. CBD. Taking that CBD. They're taking the CBD. They're all checked up on CBD. There's too many.

I thought I pushed it. You still everybody gave me the courtesy laugh? Thank you. I don't know. It was like psychosomatic or water. I was just so anxious that that did take a little bit of the edge off. And I was able to be like, whoa. But that was the first time I started sleeping through the nuts.

And I kind of want to go back I kind of want to start to take it again But my sleep is like dude I'm like an old fucking detective When you say sleeping through the night What do you mean? You're waking up? Oh yeah

And you were waking up for extended periods of time Some Yeah Yeah Like 10 minutes 10 minutes sometimes an hour Yeah Do you like go back on your phone

Is you up that long? If I know I'm going to be up I go I'm just got to do this Just because I'm laying here And it's not I'm not going down Wow you run through the checklist That's crazy

Try to jack off Sure You see if that does it, you know. You know, stir the tanks. There's been times, you know, like, I'm laying there and be like, I'm not going to do it. Go downstairs, start the car. Get a cup of coffee. I did that the other night.

Yeah. What? Start the car? Yeah, I went down. I couldn't sleep. I started to mowing along. This is two nights ago. I, like, I woke up, same thing, couldn't tell whether I was actually slept or not.

I was actually slept or not, but I was wide awake, went down and just pounded a bunch of spaghetti. Oh, that'll do that. And then it'll be right down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Spaghetti that was already made cold in the fridge. Yeah, yeah, didn't heat it up. There's a certain, like, it feels like medicinal because you're like a lot of, you know.

You're like, and it just like, ugh. Cold lasagna. You told us just the first episode. We have been fascinated with it ever since and cold spaghetti. But don't you leave it in the oven or something? The lasagna. I don't you do something like that? I leave it in the fridge.

No, but when your mom makes it, she leaves it in the oven like overnight or something, right? There was something about the oven. The cake or something. Yes, you make it the night before and then let it sit to congeal. Yes. It does that with cake, too. Yeah.

Whole family. Wackett. But I had the cold. You got a system. I had the cold lasagna maybe five weeks ago. My sister-in-law, who makes a lot. a banging lasagna. Had brought some over for my mom and it was in the fridge and it was cold.

And I was like, yeah, I was time to prove O'Connor's theory. And? I concur. It's so fucking good. Yeah. You heat it up, you know? Well, that's as you're eating it, you're heating it. You know what I'm saying?

Oh, that's a weird way to put it. Oh, my God. That's so strange, dude. Your stomach is the microbes. I mean, we got to wrap it up. This guy's fucking. I'm never going to look at you the same, dude. I'll never be able to eat again.

I'll be like, you're heating it up. That's how I always fought people because they were like, don't drink cold water, you know. And it's like, it's getting heated. By the time it gets into the gut. What do you mean you always fought people on that? Because I liked when I, like, you're playing sports and stuff like that. They would be like, you got to have room temperature. Get the fuck out of here.

I'm drinking warm temperature gator in the middle of a goddamn game. Fuck you. You got to have ice cold. Ice cold. And I'll heat it up. There's no way when it gets to my stomach. It's still cold. I'm 98.6, and sometimes I run on.

That water's got to be at least 45, 46 degrees. Body temp's 100. Yeah. Sending it down like a heat tube. I was like it's the same principle as an ice luge just in reverse. Yeah, you pour like warm vodka down an ice luge. Very good. Ice cold by the time it gets to the bottom.

Isn't that happening with the cold water into my stomach? I don't hate it again. Coach, you know what I'm talking about? That's pretty good. Ladies and John, Mr. Crystal O'Connor. Crazy's over Mr. Chris O'Connor. O'Connor. O'Connor.

Plug away, buddy. Do you have any dates coming up? You want to plug? Go to the worst website of all time. A. Chris O'Connor. Everyone hates that it's A, C-H-R-I-S-O-C-O-C-O-C-N-O-R. Everyone hates it. Never said it once to someone to have them and go, that's clever.

Why you change it? That sounds like something. A-C-C-C-C-O-C-C-R-C-C-C-C-E? Yeah. Like you're A-C-C-C-R-C-C-C-S? Because everyone was doing like, you know, their, like, Gmail accounts and shit would be like, Chris O'Connor, 75 or something like that. So it was like, no, I'm just A.

Like, I'm one of many. Just another Chris O'Rourke. I remember having this conversation with him at the Raven Lounge. I know. That's how long ago it was. And he's like, I sort of got like right into the first part of the back bar, like downstairs. That's crazy. And he's going like.

Well, you were going to start the email. Well, I just did. Wow. And he's like, yeah, I'm just, oh, Chris O'Connor. I was like, yeah, whatever, dude. Man. Are you a microwave because you're freaking me out? That's how long we've been fucking boys.

That's crazy. Yeah. Shit. Yeah. Well, it still stinks. But yeah, I'm going on tour. I'm going to as many places as I possibly can. I'm going to be in Alabama.

When does this come out? Probably the week. Next week, yeah. This weekend. And then I'm going to Tempe, Arizona. Nice. Going to Baltimore. Here you go.

Very nice. Fucking Seattle, Portland. He's working, baby. Working to Rome. Saratoga springs. I'm going everywhere I possibly can. I like that. So keep a lookout for that.

Please come. It'll be fun. Love it. You love it. Listen to Stuff Island. Yeah, Stuff Island. Watch out for tires. Yeah, tires coming out sometime in the, I assume, late summer, early fall.

Very nice. Very cool. Depending on how quickly they can turn that thing around. Love it. Yeah. Kibby, what do you got for him? Guys, we're on the road right now. Get your tickets to the Netflix's joke festival out there.

We're at that. I'm going to be at that too. I'm going to be a fucking May 7th. I'm going to be the Hollywood Improv Al. Let's go. May 7th, go see him. And then May 9th, come see the boys. We love you.

And we'll see you out there. Love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.