Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Louis CK & Joe list!

Episode Date: June 30, 2022

Louis CK and Joe list come by for a fun one! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys! Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://www.ButcherBox.com/AYG Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jean

Okay, let's talk about that middle-class famous tour, baby. Those sweet, sweet live shows? Woo, about to be kicking in the high gear. It's a stand-up comedy show with a little AYG that we play with the crowd. Great way to introduce new people to the show. So grab the squad, grab the homies, grab the bozos, grab your best girl, grab your best guy,

and come out and see us. Yeah, guys, first date is going to be Red Bank, New Jersey. That, it will sell out. Let's go. Get those tickets, and we're in Seattle, Portland, Kansas City, Springfield, St. Louis, Nashville. Come on. Then up there to Indy, get your tickets.

Like Big Man said, it's a great time. These live shows are bonkers. You've seen Eclipse. Link in the description. Do it. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash.

Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Oh, yeah. We'll show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find it out to go to be classy, or to just a big old piece of trash.

I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here at Antoni's basement. She's upstairs doing a little gardening. Okay. I ain't talking about tomatoes, though. All right. We got a crop of sourdies coming in a couple of weeks. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me on Amuse

this week. I take a shot. I swing, and I miss. Yeah. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage, bit of an international businessman himself. He is the Prince of Park Avenue, but always the king of the boards.

Give it up for my best pal, KJ, Kevin James Ryan. Hey, gang. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube, as you know those numbers are cooking. And then the greatest website of all time,

www.patreon.com slash Are You Garbage. Check it, though. Fuck out. Love that money. How about a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire, The Magic Man. Makes us all look good. We love him.

You love him. Give it up for D-Bone McMuffin. Toby McMullin, everybody. Oh, I got a mic. All right. Gang, we couldn't be more excited to have not one, but two incredibly special guests here with us today. Our first one is our good pal.

He's family at this point. A very funny stand-up comedian and actor, and the star and co-writer of the brand new movie, Fourth of July. Give it up for Jolt and Joe List, everybody. I think this is number five. I think that's a record. I think you and Ian are tied for five.

Fuck Ian. Yeah. Fuck you. No sport coat coming your way. I could tell you that. Ian Finance? Yeah. Yeah.

What's he got? How many does he have? Probably five or, yeah. Probably right around you. I don't know. You have to check the stats. I think this is five. I think it is five for you.

Yeah, that's something. Well, you love it. We'll send you a check. All right. Yeah, please do. One of those big checks. Everyone, I see. Everyone, I bump into the comedy scenes, like, you know,

those are your garbage guys are really making money now. The word is out. Yeah, I got a center, everybody. Fall back. They don't like success. 20% for old Joe List, huh? Gang, Joe did not come alone. No.

He brought one of the biggest heavy hitters in the biz here with us today. He is a legendary stand-up comedian, writer, actor, director, and filmmaker. Let's cut the bullshit. He's got Emmys. He's got Grammys. He has influenced an entire generation

of stand-up comedians. And he is the co-writer and director of the brand new movie, Fourth of July. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Mr. Louis C.K. Buddy. Buddy. All right. What an intro.

Kidding me. Thanks for coming, man. No, thanks for having me. Yeah, don't be silly. Thanks for coming in, man. You're the reason I have a black t-shirt on all night. I saw you like 10 years. I'm like, that's my move, baby.

Yeah, simplifies it, doesn't it? It does, yeah. You're the reason I wear a watch. I swear to God. You're the reason I wear a watch. Nice pair of sneakers and a watch. I once, this is garbage. Somebody told me well before I knew you

that Louis C.K. talked about how you cut your burgers in half. I started cutting my burgers in half. Really? Not even kidding. God, are you serious? I'm dead serious. Do you cut your burger? That's garbage.

I sometimes I cut them in half, yeah. Cheeseburger. Like a big tall cheeseburger with a lot of shit on it. Uh-huh. Cut it in half. Got it. Do you lay it back down on its top? Or do you keep it on its side?

It teeters a little bit on the side. Spending on a burger. I mean, I don't do it every time. But it's not crazy. Like Shake Shack, I wouldn't do that. Yeah, it's really strong. More kind of like a hotel burger sometimes. When they come real stacked up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Nice. I don't know if this is garbage, but Shake Shack's the best burger I've ever had in my whole life. I think that's better burgers than that. But I'll tell you, the reason why I cut it is because of the inside, the center of the burger bleeding.

Uh-huh. And the juice coming out of it? You like that. That's appealing to me, yeah. What do you get the burger for? I've never had someone understand the show so quick. The history of the show. That's crazy.

That's what this show is about. That's insane. How do you get the burger cooked? Medium rare? Medium. Medium? Yeah, I don't like when it's red. And heuristic.

Yeah. Heuristic. What do you do? I can't see you go rare. You're well done all the way. I'm a medium rare. No, I'm not that garbage-y. Really?

I'm a medium rare steak and a medium burger. Because I heard burger, you're not supposed to get medium rare because it's ground beef. That's what I heard. That makes sense. OK. But medium rare steak. I like a red, bloody, fucking steak.

I like it. I'm surrounded by medium everything. Medium everything down the bowl. It's pink inside. Yeah. OK. Like a gentleman. Yeah.

Congratulations on the movie, by the way. Thank you very much. Appreciate it. We know it's going to be in theaters. You've got to come to special events late on us. Friday. This comes out Thursday. It comes out Thursday.

Tomorrow night, Schubert Theater, Boston. It's premiering. We're going to do a Q&A thing. And this will be on stage with some of the cast. That's awesome. At the Schubert in Boston. And then that's almost sold out now. Yes.

The beacon was last night from what you heard, and that was sold out. And then Saturday. The Vic Theater in Chicago. The Vic Theater in Chicago. Get those tickets. About 200 tickets left there. And then July 6th.

Well, first it's also in New York City at the Village East Theater and in LA at the Lemley. Nice. It starts July 1st, but then it's like normal. Like you can go anytime you want. I'll run, yeah. Yeah, but July 6th, they even see theaters as showing it all over the country.

Just on the 6th at 7.30. All over, almost every state. Awesome. The trailer looks fantastic. Joe, you look amazing in it. Thank you. Louie, Bobby looks awesome. Sarah looks awesome.

Yeah. Looking fantastic. Yeah. It was a real family effort. We're very excited. It's funny. It's sad. It's sweet.

It's gay. It's just beautiful. How was the craft service? Did he throw out a nice bread? Well, it was OK. Yeah, we actually had good up. We had some stuff to say. We had nice great meals.

Yeah. And then Louie rented us all big houses. And every night, everyone came to my big, giant house. He spent a lot of money. He wasn't thrilled about that. I mean, I just paid for the movie. So I'm in a lot of debt. He gave me a lot of money.

Straight to me. Yeah. What do you do with something like that? You write a check? Are you putting that on a credit card? I mean, a lot of it. You make an account. The movie has an account.

OK. It is its own financial entity. Sure. Nice. Yeah. Pretty classy. What is the origin story of Louie CK? Take us back.

My is the origin story. You moved here when you were seven, right? To what? To America. You mean America? Yeah, yeah, America. Yeah. Not to Antonis.

What country do you think this is? Yeah. Yeah, I was seven about. You're seven. You moved in. And you're up in Boston. Take it from there. Grew up in Boston, suburb in Boston.

OK. I never went to college. But during high school, I started doing open mics. OK. In high school? Yeah. I was like a senior, though. But yeah, that's when I first did it in Boston comedy clubs.

And then all my friends went to college. And I was just working in a car garage and other shitty jobs. And doing a stand-up at night. Fixing cars? Yeah. Really? You know how to do that? I wasn't like a.

I mean, I worked at a garage where they let me do break jobs. And it's changed a radiator out, stuff like that. Imagine that. Louie CK has changed someone's brakes. I have done many break jobs. I've inhaled a lot of it asbestos, too. Used to be you spray the spray on the brakes and all the asbestos dust, because that's

what brake pads are made of. Just goes in your face. Oh, jeez. And you inhale it. So that'll be what I die of. Eventually, it takes a long, long time. You might have a class action lawsuit coming up. Yeah, a little mezzo-fee.

Yeah, a little mezzo-fee. I'm not 1-800 and whatever. Yeah. You gotta get C-Rollin' Barnes on the phone. But yeah, I was a car mechanic. And then I was a fucking bike messenger, all kinds of stuff. Yeah. The continents.

What was the childhood like? Digging trenches, whatever. Were you like, was parents together? What did the parents do? Divorced when I was 10. OK. I got divorced when I was 10. Can't guys make it moves?

Yeah. I don't have time for this. I got brake pads in the face. Yeah. You pulling out on your big wheel? That's right. I'm still paying her, too. I got two kids.

Said you're running out for cigarettes. That's the last time we saw them. That's right. Ran off of crayons. Candy cigarettes. So yeah, my parents were divorced when I was a kid and had three sisters. And I don't know what else to tell you.

Did you live with your mom? I did a lot of drugs. I didn't know I was a kid. I did a lot of shit, a ton of drugs. At what age did you start? Like 12. Yeah, that's like a real divorced kid thing. Yeah.

I mean, I started smoking cigarettes, like pack a day when I was like 11. Oh, well, that answers the question. All right, guys. Thanks for tuning in. Check out the movie. Yeah. Smoked a shit ton of potty of acid.

Did your parents smoke? Is that how you started? My dad did, but not when I knew him because he had a piece of his lung. He almost died when I was being born because he had a piece of his lung taken out. I think he was in the emergency room while I was being born.

That's trashy. Have your parents ever been in the same hospital as you when you were being born? Did you ever roll him up in your sleeve? Oh, cigarettes? I tried it a couple of times, but I couldn't carry it. Didn't stick. I wanted to.

I wanted to. Wasn't the 50s. He's not the fox. No. No, but there was like Matthew. What's his name? Fuck Matt Dillon. Matt Dillon was in this movie, The Outsiders.

Little darlings. And he rolled it up. Everybody did that. It was cool. I wanted to do that. He was something. He was a looker when he was young. He was a good looking young man.

I'll tell you right now. The Outsiders. Huchy munchy. Oh, it's a bruise. Everybody's going to got it. Oh, yeah. Fucking smoke. That movie's good for a few shots.

I said the other day, yesterday in a backyard hang, the Tom Cruise in Top Gun is the hottest I've ever seen a man. And everyone just made fun of me. You're crazy. I just asked my, it was on TV yesterday. I was at my mom's house. And I asked my girlfriend and my mom. I'm like, he's hot, right?

And they're like, oh, I'm like him or Val Kilmer. They were like him all the way. Oh, yeah. And he puts the aviators on to smile. Oh, freak. Yeah, he's the hottest. Val Kilmer was pretty hot, too. Val Kilmer was smoking.

I got to tell you, in the new one, Tom Cruise with his, playing the football on the beach, with his shirt off, fucking hangs in with those young kids. It's crazy. He looks good. That's crazy. He keeps it fucking tight. That's crazy.

He's something of that Scientology. He's in his fifties, right? He's got to be 50. He has to be. He has to be. Late fifties. Late fifties. No.

It's got to be. Yes, of course. 1986. He won't get on that. What do we got? Six years ago. Late fifties. 59.

Whoa. Oh, shit. No, I still, I'm still overruling with people. I think he's younger or older. No, he thought he was younger. All the right moves is 83. Leah Thompson's tits. Thompson's tits.

All the right moves was all right. Yeah, it was great. That spoke to me directly. Yeah, but the end is, I think the end was reshot and tacked on because the end doesn't make any sense. The very last scene, the movie's really good. It's like a good movie. It's like you guys, Pennsylvania movie.

Yeah, 100%. And he just, he has his dream. It doesn't work out because of some bullshit. And he goes into the fucking dirty steel mill and it's over. That's the ending. Yeah. But then I swear this is what happened. I mean, I'm imagining they turn that in and the studio was like,

are you out of your mind? It's got to be more lighthearted. So they went and got, they got, what's his name? Greg T. Nelson. Greg T. Nelson and, and, uh, Son Pen. No, Chris Penn. Chris Penn.

Leah Thompson. No, but it was Leah Thompson and Greg T. Nelson and Tom and Tom Cruz. The last scene is the three of them and it doesn't make any sense. He's at work and she comes and says, hey, the coach is here and the coach says, hey, I'm working at this university and you're going to get to be the rest, the football guy there. Isn't that great? And he goes, yeah, but he looks at her and goes, what about you?

Then I won't see you. And she goes, I don't, I love you. The end. Yeah. It makes no sense. And they don't look in character. It's like they check, they put the clothes back on and like, I can't believe I'm doing this.

One guy's got a mustache. Yeah. They look a little tanned. That guy really died in the mill. Yeah. Yeah, that's, yeah. Like he was, he was already making top gun. And he was like, are you serious?

So he looks a little off. I'm in Miramar. Yeah. What kind of work did your mom do? She is a computer software engineer. She wrote code. Jesus. Whoa.

Back then? To be specific, she wrote code for a fourth generation language, which is like really heavy industrial. Yeah, she wrote the code. She talked, talked to the binary. Where did she go? She went to college. Yes, she did.

She was a very bright person. She was extremely, she worked at computers when there were punch cards, like way back when, like I grew up with computers like in the house because she was very good at what she did. So she would take home terminals with these, this cradle for the phone. You'd call the computer at work and it would go, and she'd put it in the, anyway.

And she was, yeah, she's very good at her job. Is that where you think you got your knack for, you know, tinkering and stuff? Well, her father, I mean, her brother, my uncle Jack, was still alive. My mom's passed away, but Jack was an engineer in the Navy. He was a CB, he went to Annapolis. They were dirt farm, dirt poor farm kids from Michigan. My mom and her brother, but they just thought they were smart.

They education to themselves out of there. My mom raised us alone. My dad was a Mexican economist. And so that's not a huge industry. Good buck in that one. We're tankin' down here. Yeah, yeah. Sounds like a cartel member, to be honest.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But so my dad, but they met, they were both like in college when they met. Okay, so he was over here going to college. Where'd your mom go to college again? She went to, well, she was in Michigan, but she went to Michigan. But she went. University of? Yeah.

Damn, that's pretty good. Then she went to Ohio State, though. She went to the two rivals. Geez. Because she had a boyfriend in Ohio State, and she thought they were gonna get married. But he just got, he was just drinking and having a good time, and she liked serious people.

So she moved to, she went to Harvard like summer school, summer school. Like she just went there to take some courses. And my dad was there going to business school. Damn. My dad came from a very high pressure family in Mexico. Okay. His father had nine kids, and they all got doctorates. Like they were all about education.

So. So they get divorced? That's it, you don't see your dad? No, my dad was around, but not a big part. My mom raised us, my dad didn't have an income really ever. He just didn't work out for him. And my mom raised a single mom working every day. In a house or an apartment?

In a little half a house. Rented half of a house. There was little people upstairs. Like one of those three-decker-johns? Yeah, like that. It was two-decker, but it was like that. Yeah, yeah. Was the owner upstairs?

Or was it another tenant? No, upstairs was another tenant. Yeah. Used to, when we first moved there, it was the owner. Nice guy, Mr. John Panagacco. What's his name? Mr. Belvlaqua. Mr. Tomasilo.

But yeah, so they, they, and we lived like a block from the mass turnpike was behind it. You got a hiss of the turnpike I grew up with. Oh, that's bad. And there was a freight train all the time. I used to actually like that. Yeah, put you to sleep at night. It does.

And now when a freight train goes by in the whole house, like settles and shakes. Well, that's, you got some issues. Because that's crazy. That's nuts. I liked it. I liked it. I liked it.

As Jackson brought on rain, you put that sound to traffic? Exactly. But then we'd go to Mexico to them. Like, I mean, I lived there until, I was born in DC, but because my dad was working there. And then we moved there when I was less than one. And I lived there until I was seven. Came here without any English.

I spoke Spanish first. You could speak Spanish fluently now? Not great. I dropped it hard in order to adapt. Because I loved America. Because I mean, I remember, I have, my memory is coming to America. That's crazy.

And they weren't inviting in Boston for diversity at the time. Well, look at me. I don't look, I, you know. That's also true. I did all right. I did all right. Everybody think you were a cop. All of a sudden you start speaking Spanish.

Exactly. Yeah. But, no. So I liked my life. And then, and then in high school, I started hearing local radio in Boston. A lot of comedy. Comedy was big in the 80s.

I graduated high school in 85. And there was this huge peak of stand-up at the time in Boston. Of course, it was the heyday of it. Thriving local scene. And you'd hear them on the radio. They had this five o'clock funniest show on the radio. And so I started hearing. I heard Stephen Wright was the first guy I heard.

Sure. That they said he's from Boston. And I thought, wow, there's comedy here. Because I always thought of comedy as this Hollywood thing. Sure. But there's comedy in Boston. And that's, and I love Stephen Wright. Still do.

He's my friend now. And so I got into the idea of going on. Then I heard one day on five o'clock funniest, hey, we do, you want to drop by? You can do five minutes. And so I tried and opened my. That's key for you to realize that it is in Boston. Yeah, hearing that there's in a place.

Yeah, exactly. There's people like me doing that. You can just go do it. Well, I thought I would be like the new kid. I had this whole other idea. Like, it's all going to be these professional comics. And I'll be the one new. Sure.

I was did not know there'd be like 38 people lining up. Two lost. Six spots. Yeah. You thought you'd walk right in like Henry Hill, huh? Yeah. But you did get on. When I started started, you could get on by showing up.

It was actually not that many new guys. So and the open mics were very popular in Boston. So they were packed. And you definitely get on. You just had to sign up. Really good when you started? Like, were you like, did you take off pretty good? I was so bad.

Really? I got through two and a half of my five minutes. And I took silence. Just like, what? I did that last week. Like, that kind of silence where it's not just like, it's like, what is he? Defining silence.

Yeah. Like, they're like a little shocked. Do you hear the ice? Yeah, terrible. Oh, man, you have a clinking ice. You have a clinking ice. You have a clinking ice. And then I walked off and I was just so ashamed.

And the host made fun of how I didn't do like time on. That's awesome. And then I went on one more time and it went as badly. And I thought, I can't do this. Wow. But then like a year later, like right after I graduated high school, there was a place in Cambridge called Off the Wall Cinema.

It was a weird cinema with weird movies. And they sell, you get coffee and carrot cake and watch a movie. So I used to go there to watch weird movies and foreign movies. And they had, they had assigned comedy Saturday at midnight. And there was this weird guy named Ron Lynch, who's still my friend. Yeah. And Ron did a show called Comedy Clubhouse.

And it was all just offbeat. Whacky. Just fucked up comedians. It didn't, you know, some of them were just so strange. And I was in love. I was like, I have to do this. So I asked to go on and he let me. And my first set at that place was like, boom.

Cooked a little bit. I was like, oh, I think I can, I think maybe I can do this. And all the comedians that I had, I've been coming already for a month watching every Saturday. And all these comedians who I knew their acts by heart, they all came up to me after my set and said, shit, that was really good.

You were really funny. And I mean, that feeling was probably better than anything I've felt since. Nothing's been that clean. Chasing the dragon since. That's right. Chasing the dragon. It's never as good as the first one. Never that good.

No sports, anything in high school? No, I played popcorn or football. I loved it. OK. I loved football. I wanted to play. And I was big for my age. OK.

And then junior high school was the first time to go out for a team. And I just stood on the field the day you're trying out. And I'm just watching this guy. Just you fucking put like really cursing at the kids. You fucking pussies. And like guys and the seniors or whatever, older kids crowding around younger kids and spit on them.

Right. And it was all on just like on the field was just this display of here's where you get hazed. Here's where the coach screams at you. And I was like, I just fucking did it. I can actually just walk away from this. I just like football. Like can we just play football?

It was just so intense and angry. More of a carrot cake in foreign films. Yeah. A little bit lighter. I didn't even have a BCR. I can take a part by any chance. I was not talking about the foreign films around Echo. Don't pay that.

Yeah, so I didn't get into it. And then I started drugs soon after that. So nice. That makes sense. Okay. Let's talk about that butcher box. Butcher box. You going to grill this summer?

Are you going to be a loser? Of course I'm going to grill. Get out there on the grill. Get the charcoal cooking. Get the Weber going. And what are you going to do? You got a nice grill. You spend all that money.

You get a nice grill. What are you going to do? Huh? You going to go to the pharmacy and get fucking antibiotic checking? No. What are you going to do? I'm going to call butcher box.

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Lot of pot. My friends, a lot of kids used to do a mescaline. We used to take mescaline and acid. Man, that's old school. Yeah. And that's quail roots. Quail roots were a big one. Loads were big back in the day.

You ever take the lemons, the famous ones? 714, man, yeah. Jesus. And they're down 14. 714? Some on me if you want them. That's the home run record. Is that related?

I don't know. 714 was big. That was the number on it. It was a big, huge pill. I did 714 on it. Look that up. That might be connected. There's no way that's connected.

I mean, you're telling me Babe Ruth was on Ludes? So that would be your insinuating? Was it Babe Ruth 714? Babe Ruth had 714, and then Hank Aaron had 715. There's a new home run champion of all time, and it's Henry Aaron. All right. 715.

Did you want to go to college? Sports. I did. I was interested in it in going to college. Somewhere down, I wanted to be a writer or something. You had to take a filmmaking class or something, right? So I just saw so many movies. I loved movies so much, and I ate them up.

I had one eighth grade teacher who was social studies, but all he did was show us really cool, weird movies. He just had great prints of movies. He shows 16 millimeter prints of weird movies, and then he'd give everybody an A. He didn't care what you did, and that inspired me. His name was Ty Vignone. What was his name?

Very gay fella, and it inspired the hell out of me. And then high school, I was depressed because I quit drugs, so I went into kind of a deep depression, because I didn't have any guidance. I just stopped, and then I started again, and it was a rough road. I was just doing fucking mescaline, cold turkey. Yes, it was.

Jesus Christ. No wonder you like to freight trains. You're at an NA meeting in Charlestown by exactly 12 years old. Jesus Christ. Well, I had this one teacher in sophomore year in high school, because we started in sophomore year in my high school.

And I had quit drugs, and I got it straight A's the first quarter of the year, and then I just went back to drugs to stop going to school. So they had a meeting, because there's a lot of shitty kids in the school, but they're like, this kid was smart for like a minute. He's got potential. Yeah, what are we doing?

We can save this one. Yes, so we had this meeting. My homeroom teacher, Mr. Fucking, I wish I would remember his name, Blair. I think his name was Mr. Blair. And he said, listen, you're not going to go to school. I can't make you, but you can't do nothing. Like, what do you want to do?

And I said, well, I wish I could make movies or television. That's what I wanted. Wow. And he said, what if I could help you with that? So he went in. There was, at the time, cable TV was pretty new. And every town got a local access cable station. And our town negotiated for a very good one.

It was like a serious studio with a news program and sports. So he got me an internship at a local access cable station. And I went there one day, and they're like, we're going to teach you anything you want, how to edit, how to shoot, how to direct, anything you want to learn. We'll teach you how to do it. And I mean, that just, I stopped all the bullshit in that moment, because I was like, if I just come here,

I could learn this stuff. Yeah, of course. And then I'm not going to fuck up school now. I want to be a real person. So I got very serious. I went back to my high school when I wanted Emmy. And I brought it with me, and I showed it to that guy. No shit.

And I told him, you did this. It's the one chance I got to do that. He was the one guy I could say that pulled me out of this shit. He gave me an opportunity. And I was the whiz kid at this station, and I loved. So I would learn, because I found it because I'm a tech guy, and I was a mechanical guy. Hey, you have an engineer's brain.

Yeah, I do. I like tech stuff. So when you work at a place like that, they just don't want you to break stuff. So I knew how to fix this stuff. So I was allowed to take stuff home. I could go take a whole. Back then, a video kit at the camera was this big, just

a huge camera, and it hooked up with a cable this thick to a tape deck, giant tape deck. It was so heavy. It was so hard to handle that stuff. But anyway, I knew the equipment, so they let me take it home, and I'd make weird little movies with my friends. And then edit.

I learned how to edit from one tape deck to another. That's how I used to edit back then. You lay down one shot at a time. And then if you made a mistake, you couldn't fix the middle. You had to. It was a nightmare. But I loved it. And I covered the baseball games and the football games

for the high school. Really? Yeah, like I knew how to run the van. There was a van with three cameras. I knew how to. Oh, fuck, that's crazy. I was obsessed. These kids on ludes, what are we doing?

Giving us kid camera equipment? That's right. Holy shit. So that was when I started learning how to do that kind of stuff, yeah. That's fucking wild, man. All right, let's get into some fucking are you garbage questions. What was the high school mascot?

Tiger. Not bad. Pretty good. Name it in high school? The Newton North Tigers. Newton North, not bad. Since nobody lives there, what was the name of the street that you grew up on?

Newtonville Avenue. Not bad. Newtonville and Avenue. But the freight train. Yeah, the freight trains. And the mass turnpikes. Not a good look. No, no.

That's tough. What was the name of the grocery store that your mom went to as a kid? Star Market. Star Market. See what makes us shine. That was their thing? That was their thing?

Star Market. See what makes us shine. I hate it, Star Market, because any time I asked my mom for money, I'd be like, I want a little money to go to play video games. Sometimes you go, they're hiring at Star Market. You see a real two Boston experience between William and Joe? Yes. Star Market.

Someone plug that in there. Star Market. See what makes us shine. Star Market had a thing called the Jim Rice Butch Hopson Baseball Clinic, where the two of those two players would teach you baseball. Like the parking lot? That's a weird pairing. It was, you had to fill out a thing and put it in a box.

So I took a little whole deck of them home, and I spent all night filling it out, and I won. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's good. Yeah, that's crazy. You're rigging an election at a Star Market. I'm rigging an election.

And they took you to some high school, and they played with tennis balls, not even baseballs. And Jim Rice was just like this. Like you could tell he was like, this sucks. Was it community service for him or something? And Butch Hopson had a Southern accent, and I was like, why? He's not from Boston. This guy's a phony.

Get him out of here. This commie added a ballpark. Yeah. Anyway, so long answer to the question. Star Market. No, of course. Where did you, growing up, where did you go to the supermarket? Star Market as well?

No, we had, there was Trukeys, which is a name. Doesn't sound good. Everybody called it Trukeys. Everybody called it Truchees. This always bothered me, because it was CCHI. But their ad thing, with their slogan, was the true key to shopping. And so we were like, no, it's Trukeys.

The true key to shopping. Everyone's like, no, it's Truchees. It's the true cheetahs. We had Truchees, and then we had Johnny Foodmaster. What? That sounds like a karate guy. Come on down to Johnny Foodmaster. And then there was Johnny Foodmaster for all your cold cut

needs. Shaw's and Star Market. We parked at Star Market. We went to Fenway. That was the parking lot. Was it a Star Market? Does he know the story about the go-kart? I think you do.

I think I remember the go-kart. My parents, I was at Stone's video video store. And I'll tell it quick, because I've told it before. But you put your name in to win a go-kart. He didn't bring the election. I was seven years old. He just put one in. I put one in.

I was seven. Hopeless. They won. They called us at home and said, you want a go-kart. I was so excited. Crazy. My parents let me drive it around the neighborhood, and I gave every single neighbor a chance.

There's a picture in the paper. They made the paper. We're in the newspaper. It's my dad, my mom, and dad. And I'm sitting in the go-kart with my sister. And then they ended up, my parents sat me down and said, you can't have the go-kart. We're trading it to Uncle Bob.

He was my Uncle Brian's brother, Bob. A couple screeners of police academy. We're trading it for a trip to the Bahamas. And I was like, great. I can get right into the Bahamas. And they're like, well, it's just dad and I. It's an adult person. How insane is that?

You didn't know this? I never heard that. I told them I was going to be the leader. I'm in theaters now. So I told my wife the story just a couple of years ago on the Jokers' Wild Cruise, in practical Jokers' Cruise. And I told Sarah as a funny story. And she started sobbing.

Yeah, no, that's sad. Didn't the guy live near you? Can you see him driving around in the thing? No, I don't know about that. But he didn't live near it. He was related to us. So he had to go-kart. So I had a go-kart for a day.

I was the coolest kid in school, and I lost it. Your parents said to you, listen, you have cancer. But there is a cure. We're going to be in the Bahamas if you need it. We don't want to miss the mash of your parents. Some of my life is long. Unfortunately, my math stinks. How'd you do on your SATs, Louie?

Did you take your SATs? I took them, and I did very, very badly. I just remember. I don't remember the numbers. Below 1,000? I think so. I don't remember exactly, though. I wonder if you took an AP art.

I took an AP art history test, and I for whatever the best way I got. Want to go-kart? I used to. I just didn't like the SATs, and I didn't enjoy it. OK. I imagine what you would do now. I don't remember what I got.

I know it was low. I didn't practice for it. I just went walking and did it. I got an 870, so don't feel bad. Nice. 1140, not bright. No, 870 is very, very bad. Is it?

Yeah. Would you get list? 1050, baby. There you go. Four digits. I mean, I'm a small motherfucker. 870 sounds familiar to me. Really?

Yeah, you probably got it on verbal. Yeah, I think so. You ate something, dick. What were the vacations like growing up? Any vacations? I didn't go on vacations. No, we didn't go on vacations. I went to day camp during the summer.

That's what I would do. That's not bad. Yeah, you could drive to some place, and to some, I don't know, whatever it was, Stoughton Mass. OK. Oh, that's where I was born. Tough town. Yeah.

You collect any Chinese stars, dumb chucks, anything like that when you were a kid? No. I like Bruce Lee when I was a kid, but I didn't collect that kind of stuff. Fireworks? Oh, you mean any collections? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anything. What were you doing? I would go to the CVS and steal stuff. CVS was in existence back then? Oh, yeah, a long time. Holy shit. Yeah. That's wild.

Yeah, I would go to CVS and shoplift. Giant chocolate bars, like giant Hershey bars, and Zippo lighters. Oh, man. I like the way that it smells. I like smelling and lighting Zippo lighters. I like smelling and lighting Zippo lighters. Yeah.

Fun. Those were my hobbies. You like to smell a gasoline? I do. We just smelled it when we were waiting for the cab. Busy day. Yeah. We just hit the Sonoco on 8th Avenue.

Just a guy was pouring gas into his food truck. Yeah. It was beautiful. Off a little paint and go see what the boys are doing. Why, is the leg of the smell of gas garbage? I don't think the Kennedys are doing it. No. My favorite is asphalt, fresh asphalt in the summer.

No way. That asphalt's better than gas. That takes me back. No way. Add in the tar. No, you're all right. Tar's all right. Tar's great.

Tar's OK, maybe, but gas is primo. I just think about that scene in Shawshank when they're up there and that hot tar and the beer, it's like very. I can smell the smell in that cold beer if I can hit something. That beer looks like it fucking hit the spot. Yeah. Do you drink?

If you have a drink, what's your drink? You're like winding down. Red wine. Red wine? Yeah, and whiskey. I like Scotch. Good Scotch. OK.

And I like beer, but I don't drink much. But those are the three things I like. Very cold beer. I assume you've had a couple of nice bottle of wine. Yeah, I've had very good French wine. Like, I go crazy for like a very good French wine. How expensive we talk about that. Yeah, what's the most expensive bottle of wine you ever bought?

A lot. 2000, 3000? Something like that, yeah. Oh, wow. Wow. It has been a long time since I've done that. OK. I live very differently than I used to.

I used to have gold watches. That's a sweet shark watch. Does that go under Walter Louis? That's a pleasure. No, I don't do stuff like that no more. But I used to go like, let's get this shit crazy with wine. Sure, of course. Once in a while, I buy a heavy bottle of Scotch,

like a really good Scotch. And I keep that for a long, I don't, I don't keep it for months. Just sip on it, yeah. Nice bottle of yellowtail these days. I think you're fine as box you have back there, please. What if you're going to a dinner at a friend's house and you're bringing a bottle of wine?

Do you have a go-to? What are you spending around there? Anything? It depends on the friend, right? This is what we get into, yeah. There's, you got the wine that was brought to you last. You're just regifting. Just regift the last one that brought to you.

That's a power, man. I never thought of that. Yeah. I mean, if anybody brings me wine, I ain't drinking it. Let's see. It's not going to be what I like. So I just hold on to that until next time I go. No one's ever had that answer.

That's really smart. Yeah, you got to do that. Let's say Martin Scorsese watches the movie. He sees Fourth of July. He says it's fantastic. What does he discuss? How you guys came up with it? How you worked with someone like Joe List?

How good are you guys? Come over my house. I want to discuss how you got this performance out of this guy. What are you bringing there? That's a different caliber. I mean, I bring him or somebody I just really like and feel grateful to somebody.

You know what I mean? Like that, like somebody who I'm like really wanting to get a Lynch bag, 2005, if you can find it, 2006. If you can only find it in 2006. Lynch bag? Lynch, it's French. It's L-Y-N-C-H and then B-A-G-G-E-S. I don't have Lynch Bodge.

I don't know how to fucking say it. Lynch bag? Yeah. That's the fucking Boston coming out of this. They got you a Lynch bag. I may get a 2022 Lynch bag. But that's about $200 to $400. That's a fair bottle.

That's a flex, yeah. Or any kind of like Margot's are good. San Julian kind of things. Sure. Any of those in the range of $200 to $400. Margot's are nice. Rude, Julian. What do you like red-wise?

You a Cabernet guy? You a Mel Beck guy? What do you like? Only those Bordeaux. I just really into French Bordeaux. I can get it. I was just in Copenhagen on tour and our promoter, he's obsessed with restaurants.

He's been to all the best restaurants in the world. He's one of these guys. He'll wait months to go somewhere or whatever. So he told me Copenhagen is his favorite city for restaurants and that he was sending me to the best. So it's his favorite place. And I did a pairing. You get a tasting menu with wine pairings.

And they introduced me to natural wine. This is a new thing. Yes, very new. Yeah. So they start you with the white. They start you with a champagne and then white. And then it gets literally those orange wines. And then you get deeper red as the meal goes on.

And they're cloudy. And there's no filtering. They're not like refined or anything. Nothing. It's just the grape. Like you taste the earth in it. Yes, you can really. And that's what I like about wine is being able to taste.

Like I feel like I could taste the weather when it was and the soil. So these things, holy shit. And there's a gamey, almost rotten smell to them. Like pussy. Yes. But the wines get. And at one point, I was like, I'm getting,

like I trusted them. And I'm like, what do people do to not get drunk? And they go, no, you get drunk. Yeah, that's the point. Like, really? We're fucked up. And I had to walk along the buildings. I barely made it back to the hotel.

Really? You were that fucking? I was blind. I almost, I've never blacked out drunk. Yeah, never drank. Serving you a fucking Copenhagen fucking moonshine. Like Sharon Stone in Casino. How's the Rising Suns play?

Exactly. That's how I felt. And it was a bad day the next day. You do ice in the wine? No, crazy. Actually, I was going to pitch you off. How many suits do you own? A lot, but I don't wear them anymore.

I had one tour where I wore suits. Right, right, right, yeah, yeah. And I got the, because I can't, I wear a suit. And in 10 minutes, I look like a disheveled person. A bad accountant or something. Yeah, like a guy who's had a nervous break. Sure, I'm the same way. I put on a suit.

That's how they fit me. The second I get into a car or sit down, it's fucking over. The shirt comes up and out. And the pants are down to my balls. You look like a kid at his communion party. It's hard, man. Like a fat kid at the end of a wedding. That's right.

Fucking cake on your face. That's it. But when I was in San Francisco with my daughter, and we went to a thrift store and she found a suit that it was like really cool and almost fit. So I found a tailor in San Francisco. I'd never even been to one. And I said, can you fit this to me?

And he said, yeah, by the way, I can make you suits. You can get one, just get whatever you want. And he wasn't expensive, but Peter Panos is his name. And I picked, just that day, I picked a bunch. Cool. I decided it that day. I'm gonna wear suits. You're gonna be a suit guy.

I'm gonna wear suits. I always wanted, when I was a kid, I wanted to be a comedian in suits. Sure. And so I had a bunch of shirts and suits made by that guy, like eight of them. And he sent them. I wore them for a whole tour of our suits.

But I'm done with them. I'm not gonna do it again. Any Armani or anything like that you got at the house? Like from a couple of movies I was in, that they let me keep the suits. You own a tux? I do own a tux, because I used to go to the awards shows every, all the time there are.

Yeah. Nice. Yes. You know how to tie a bow tie? Yeah, I could, I used, I did it a few times. I'd need a refresher. It's tough, yeah. I don't know how to tie a regular tie.

Really? Is that garbage? I don't think you have a tux, Mr. List. I don't know. I got two suits. Nice suits, right? Ted Baker, right? Ted Baker baby, important.

I just got a Ted Baker bag. I love it. He's all right. He's got stuff, Ted Baker. When I remember hearing you talk about it, I thought it was somebody you knew. I thought he was like a fan or something. That's a tragedy I was.

No, Ted Baker. You know Ted Baker, kid. I remember when Ted Baker was, I don't know how long he's been around, but I think he was a new thing. And I was with Chris Rock in Aspen, Colorado at a festival. And there was like a lot of people, there was a lot of activity. People were excited, a lot of famous people there.

And Chris was huge. And I was nothing at the time. And somebody came up to us with a headset and just said, get in this van. We're taking everybody to, and we're just talking. So we just let ourselves be put in a van. Anyway, next thing we know, we're in a Ted Baker store. They had closed the store for Chris.

And they said, pick whatever you want. And it's yours. And Chris is a high class, classy guy. And he said, he said to the girl, you pick me one shirt. You pick it for me. Like that's the kind of guy he is. And I was like, you know, I went to the, I said, I want one of these.

And they're like, are you Chris Rock, sir? They had to unlock it. It had a lock on it. I was like, I want one of these. Cause I was like, I'm never going to be in here. Chris is trying to maintain this lifestyle. I was like, this is my last time this is happening. So I still have it.

It's a really good leather jacket. That's fucking wild. Did you do Hands Across America? No. No. Did you go to Live Aid? No. Okay.

Do you have AIDS? Did you have a pet rock growing up? I had a mood ring. Yeah. See, it's what we're looking for. Any chia pets or anything? No, I think I might've had a pet rock. Yeah.

I think I might've. Were you a Captain Kangaroo guy when you were a kid? I liked the moose. I hated Captain Kangaroo, but I liked that moose very much. Dude, those cartoons in the 70s were fucking wild. Yeah. There was some, well, I like Bullwinkle very much.

Those were very fun. What about HR Puffin stuff? That used to freak me the fuck out. There was, that was pretty good, but then they had these offshoot ones like what the fuck? The New Zoo Review. Zubilee Zoo? New Zoo Review was a Freddy Frog.

Like how fucking shitty that, you know, Freddy Frog. And then a Wise Owl and a Henrietta Hippo. And I hated them. It was very kind of, I think they tried to go against Agent R. Huffins with kind of Christian ones. And I hated those. Jesus, the mule.

Yeah. What was your first concert? Queen. Really? Billy Squire opening for Queen. And Billy Squire was amazing too. Queen Boston Garden. Wow.

Man, that's a fucking concert. Incredible show. Incredible show. You saw basketball? 1979, 80, something like that. They did in fact rock you? They did rock me. They took outfit changes and smoke.

Yeah. And that fucking Brian May and the guitar. I mean, just incredible show. That's fucking, that's pretty classy right there. Ever gone ghost hunting? No. Have you or any member of your family ever claimed to have seen a UFO?

No, I don't think so. Not that I can think of no. Ever bought anything off a TV? I think I might have bought an album off of late night commercial. Okay. Did you have Columbia House? You ripped them off?

No, I didn't join them. Really? My sister did, but I didn't. Oh, that was a fucking gold mine. Yeah, they were idiots. Yeah, they send you whatever you want and then you just never pay. Fucking stupid.

You just don't have to, you have to not mind getting a lot of mail. Yeah, what are you gonna do? You really should pay. You guys should, you should seriously pay. Hey, we're not playing around anymore. This is one's in red, red ink. But you don't have to pay.

You ever read Auto Trader Magazine? Sure. Yeah. First car was a Datsun B210. A 78 Datsun B210. Wow. Was it a hatchback? No, it was a sedan.

It was the best car ever. I'm always looking on eBay for one. Before I knew it. They never have them. That was the first. And I got a friend of mine, his mom had one that died, so I bought it from her and that was my parts car.

That's the car I learned how to fix cars on. Damn, that's fucking hot. I would just take parts off of hers and put them on mine. Yeah. We drove from Wilkesbury, Pennsylvania to Texas in a hatchback Datsun. To best.

Big hit. Broke down like four times. Yeah. Well, they were like made to compete with like Mustangs. Yeah. So they were actually pretty cool. Yes.

First job. Do you prefer the studio album or a live album? If you bought a record, are you a live album guy? I remember Aerosmith Bootleg was really a great live album. Depends on the artist, I feel like. Depends on the artist. Yeah.

Jose Feliciano got no complaints. Feliciano's got no complaints. Oh. I think I like studio better. Good. I like the precision of studio music, yeah. That is the correct answer, my friend. Is there anybody in your family,

aunts, uncles, cousins, that you don't refer to them as their real name? Like an Aunt Cookie. Aunt Putty. Uncle Thumbs. Uncle Jojo. Well, all my dad's brothers, my uncles on his side,

they all have nicknames. You don't use, Alberto is Bersi. Francisco is Pancho. And Gustavo is Guse. I'll have, yeah. I'll have your name. Gabi. Gabi, Guse, Bersi, yes.

It's hard with another country because you're like, is that garbage or not? I think that's not garbage, yeah. That's not garbage, yeah. That's what's going on down there. If your name's Guse, it's like Poppy, yeah. I'm talking about like an Uncle Nichols. Like there's something like that.

Yeah. I've only got one. No, on my mother's side, we only have a Jack. Yeah. His name is John. Okay. Oh, that's trash. That's like the Kennedys.

Yeah, that's Kennedys. Yeah. Talk about now. Where do you keep the butter? You keep it on the counter, you keep it in the fridge. In the fridge. Really?

Yeah. You keep the shoes off in the house? No, people always do it and I'm like, you don't have to, I don't have to, you don't have to do that too. Sure. What about the syrup? Where does that go?

In the cabinet or is it in the fridge? I, when I have it, it's in the fridge maple syrup. Is it real maple syrup? Yeah, it's not in matcha mimes. Growing up was margarine. Sure. Miracle whip. Miracle whip.

Yes, no real. I didn't have butter till I was like 22, so. The fuck is this shit? I was like, that was pussy. I was like, this is unbelievable. It's unbelievable. You know, margarine, corn oil based margarine. Yeah, I was the same till I went to college or something.

And mayonnaise, I couldn't believe that shit. When I got rich friends and I had mayonnaise. Rich friends? No, yeah, because this miracle whip is salad, it's like dressing. Miracle whip is fucking trash. Yes. The correct answer is a nice fucking helmets.

That's right. Or dukes maybe. Yes. Her best is out west. Out west, it's the same label, they just changed the name. Now what are you doing mayo wise? Mayo, it's, you know, what do you call it? Are you an all top shelf brand kind of guy?

I know you're a west side market dude, right? Well, no, I mean, I like, you know, organic food and stuff like that. Okay. Are you doing the food shopping? My kids hate it. They hate that I do that. They want ketchup, they want Heinz ketchup, they want, you know.

You're not buying Heinz? Well, Heinz now has organic ketchup. Actually tastes more tomato-y, you know, I like it. This guy with the screw balls. Natural wines, organic ketchup, I don't know what's going on. Yeah, no, it's no good, it's no good. Do you do the food shopping? Or do you order in?

I do, I have for years. The last few years I've been on the road a lot and there's new things like fresh direct. Of course, yeah. So you're doing that? Sometimes, yeah. But no, I gotta go. And I have a housekeeper, she sometimes does it, honestly.

It's been a while, but you know. Live in housekeeper? No, fuck no, no, no. She comes every day? I don't care what she does. She cleans the house. I don't know, I've never seen her. I pay her.

Do you sleep with your socks on? No. Have you ever left a bad yelp review? No. OK. I have recently. Oh, tweet the deeds, Joe. I have to speak to the manager a number of times.

Really? I'm an asshole. Really? What was the situation? And I usually end up apologizing. That's usually what happens. The last one was a hotel in Stockholm. It was the Grand Hotel Stockholm,

which is like a famous hotel. And I waited an hour and 15 minutes for room service. And I called and said, where's my food? And she said, it's coming. And I go, you have no credibility anymore. Yeah, exactly. You've already said this a number of times. So stop saying it.

And she said, I don't make the food. And I'm like, all right. Manage this. Manager. What was the order you were waiting on? Check it out. I waited two hours. And that ketchup better be organic.

Sweden makes, in Sweden, they have this thing. It's toast with shrimp and avocado and eggs on it. It's fucking good. Can my life occurs? I don't remember. Oh, what? What are you doing? Fuck balls.

Shit. Ain't no. Can you say pussy like 15 times? That was me. Who did you Yelp review? I'm not Yelp review, but Google review. I have one for Domino's that has a lot of likes in the story. They fuck me.

A lot of likes. And this guy. A cab company. He goes, you go back to your Yelp reviews? And a cab company. No, I get updates. I get emails. Real good in the algorithm.

I'm telling you, I get emails. And then there's a cab company in Madison. What do you do? It has a lot of, it says it's a very well, what do you call it? Relevant comment. Gotcha. People write to you to say, hey, we appreciate it. This is a cab company.

A cab company that didn't show up. You could probably find it on Google. Somebody's emailing Yelp reviewers to say, hey, man. Thanks for shitting on that. I like the Moses of dirtballs. I'm telling you. It's there for us. People have the power.

Wow. Let's talk about the shower. Are you peeing in the shower? Yeah, because it's good for your foot. If you have fungus on your foot and stuff, it's good for you. I think that's a lie you tell yourself. No, because I mean, I don't care. That's jelly food.

Oh, shit, it's my shower. I don't get a lie to nobody. Do you brush your teeth in there? Yeah, you do. You leave the toothbrush in there. Well, in New York, a lot of times it takes a while for the water to come in warm. So I get in there, turn to water, and I brush my teeth.

Well, I'm waiting for the water to get warm. Standing outside of the stream of the water. Yeah. That's kind of psychopath. Yeah, that is. Really? Yeah. You're standing in the shower not under the water

brushing your teeth naked. That's right. That's pretty weird. I'm not going to wear my clothes in the shower when I'm waiting for the water to get warm. I pee in the shower 100% of the time, because I end my showers with a cold whoosh. There you go.

And then the cold whoosh makes you piss. That feels great. Whoosh is good. Electro toothbrush, regular toothbrush. Regular. You floss it every day? I got these things with spears. Fantastic.

Yeah, I'll keep it a stick. When's the last time you went to dentist? Pre-pandemic. OK, that's not bad. 20, 20, 2018, something like that. Not bad. You? It's been a while.

October of last year. So not that crazy. I haven't been since I was in my 20s. I know, but I had a bad. I didn't go for 10 years, and I had, like, 6.46. I can't tell. Young guy, you look young. Oh, man, I'm never going to hear the end of that.

Louis said I can play 22. The hair is on point. It just keeps getting better. Thank you. Thank you. If you lose weight, you'll look old real fast. You think so? Yeah, you traded fat for old.

I feel like genetically, I should be attractive. I just try really hard not to. You are. You're sexy to some people, I think. It's kind of a fetish, but. I never noticed the hair. I'm just, I can't take my eyes off.

Oh, thanks, buddy. You know, I never noticed these. In the Boudoir, how are you sleeping? How many pillows do you use to sleep? What's a Boudoir? I need. Bedroom. Branch, I think.

Yeah, like linch bag. That's right. I got usually one and I got a couple reserve. King size bed? When it gets sweaty. King size, yeah. King size. So you just have one pillow under your head?

Yeah, usually. If I sometimes I read in bed and then I end up leaving the second one, and I end up leaving that. But I've got three pillows usually and one that I'm on. You read before you go to bed? Yeah, or I do with this puzzle. I like.

Portal? Sudoku? No. You're not playing Candy Crush or anything. That are you, Louie? No, no, sir. Thank God. It's a thing from the London Times newspaper that's called.

Last hoity-toity, Louie C.K. Well, I can't believe you're reading before you go to bed. I read some in that, but that'll keep me up. I do code. It's called code words. Skies of slime. I really like crosswords. OK.

And I do those all week, like in the times I do them. Can you do the Sunday Times Crossword Club? I can do the whole week in the New York Times. Holy shit. I like to get the daily news. Smart guys. Saturday is actually harder. I like my groupica.

The weekends are harder than Sundays. Not hard is just a lot. It's a volume thing. How many books would you say you've read? In my life? Yeah. Oh, I don't know. I don't know.

Over 10? Yes. Jesus. He's a guy. He's a very smart, well-read. I mean, he's a guy that goes to the bookstore and buys seven books. And I'll read one of those. Yeah.

I mean, I do buy more than I read. My mother's never read a book cover to cover. Really? Yeah. And I've read maybe three. But I tell people I read a lot. I'll recommend the book. Why?

I don't know. It's hard to do that. I mean, you just told everybody that you don't, so stop doing that. It's a big show. No, I go through deserts of not reading, and then I still read a bunch. OK. I would peg history or is it fiction?

I like history. Yeah, so you're a non-fiction kind of guy. I like history to listen to. I like how I put on audiobooks about history. I started doing that in the car. It's the best. But fiction, but reading, reading, fiction. A lot of fiction.

I just love great story, great fiction. I don't read a lot of contemporary, although what's her name? White Teeth is the name of the book. Zadie Smith is currently writing. She's a genius. But I like old, like, I read William Faulkner and Baldwin and all these old guys.

Alec Baldwin writes some great stuff. She's grossed some great stuff. Stephen Baldwin's got a hell of a novel. That's right, that's right. Stephen Baldwin by Stephen Baldwin. Are you a poetry guy? I can't do it. I'd love to hear it sometimes.

Like, if I'm watching a movie and they quote poetry, I'm like, I should read poetry. But I can't, somehow I can't, my mind wanders. I can't get into it. I always feel like anytime there's an excerpt from a poem, you're like, that's beautiful. And I bought a Mary Oliver book. And I'm like, this is trash.

I can't even, I can't make sense of it. I feel, it makes me feel bad because I feel like I should be appreciating it. I just don't have that circuit. I like T.S. Eliot, E. Cummings is a good one. I know E. Cummings is a Woody Allen movie. And I'm like, oh, I gotta get that. But it's presented to you in context.

You're like, I based on what I just watched or whatever. Well, that's what I like. I understand this to mean that. When you have to do it on your own, it's a little different. Yes, like, and that's why I read guys like Faulkner and also Baldwin because they both have poetry in their prose. So like, there's like a thing you, I can't believe how he said that.

But it means something to me because of the person and the story you're saying it. Sure, sure. I always cry at four warnings in a funeral when he reads the W.H. Auden poem when the one guy dies. Have we seen the film? Which one? Four weddings in the funeral?

Four weddings? Four weddings in the funeral. Four weddings in the funeral. You don't like his goodfellas. Is that the Chris Rock? I really like his goodfellas. No, he can't tell a lie. You hear somebody died at a funeral.

It's Hugh Grant, right? Yeah, Hugh Grant. Yeah, Hugh Grant. That's right. I know about Hugh Grant. Are you cottage cheese man? It is pants. Do you have any on you?

What was the last meal you cooked and what was the last meal you had delivered? I made chicken parm for my daughter and me. Not bad. Just a couple nights ago. Did you ever taste this chicken parm? No, I was just telling them that I want to make it for them because that's his favorite meal.

It's my favorite dish ever. I've been making something, we call it chicken bakey in my house, which is just you get chicken breast and you cut it really thin and you dredge it and put bread, like bread crumbs on it. And that's all, and with lemon and stuff, but it never occurred to me to put red sauce on it.

Sauce and some cheese. That's all, yeah. Pasta. And I made that. Blow your fucking tits off. And it's hard to please my kid with food and she ate two big helpings of it, so I was very proud of that.

Last meal we ordered out, it was at last night. What did we get? Oh, it was Italian, I got lasagna. I got a lasagna for two. My next question. And I scarfed the whole fucking thing down and I was so sick. Lasagna delivered is a different level of trash.

Way too much lasagna. My question was once I left, I had lasagna. It's wild. Last night. Holy shit. Have you ever eaten at the List Household? At the List Household? Yeah, I've had some Cheerios at his house.

At the table. At the table. Cheerios? No, no, no, no, we've had some meals, yeah. A few meals, yeah. We were working on the thing. You know, Sarah makes cheese in the bathtub. Just gonna let you know that.

Stay away. We didn't cook for you, though. No, we ordered food. We got Chinese once. Yes. You know how to use chopsticks? What's that? You know how to use chopsticks?

Sure, yeah. It's pretty classy. Pretty classy. Any dental hygienists or x-ray technicians in the family? None. Nice. Anybody in your family refer to jeans as dungarees? Ooh.

That's a good one. I think my aunt Sue, who I love very much, but she's from Texas and she didn't, she married into the family. She's not blood relative. I haven't heard dungarees in a while. Where are you shopping? Like, where'd you get that shirt?

Well, that's J. Crew online, just J. Crew. Not bad. You're jeans. Where do you get your jeans from? A place called Alexander Goldschmidt. It's kind of a fancy place, but jeans I had a hard time with because they just don't, Levi's can't do it. Really?

Yeah, it's the leg size or the crotch droops and then I might fight in them when I walk or they're just, they heart, they chafe. I've got a weird body. So I walk one block in jeans and I'm in hell. So the jeans you put? These jeans, this, I mean, I looked for a long time and I found this brand.

So the jeans I would see and they weren't, I always thought they were like Walmart kind of. No, no, no. You said that like you've been watching him from afar. The jeans I've been seeing you in. Well, I did, I worked at a restaurant in the West Village and I would see you walking by all the time. And I worked.

And that's where you looked. Yeah, checking that ass out as we rolled by. But you could always tell, I was on Bedford & Morton where Old Chopsons used to be. Yeah, sure. Mac Taverna. And you always, you dress down, but you could always tell you had a little bit of cash.

Yeah, I wore the brown for the cotton. Good cotton. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you had a nice brown jacket and you used to wear those blue glasses. That's right. Yeah, real charnel. That's right.

I like those. Are you about to ask him out on this? It's a real fucking creep level, dude. He said it, he said it. I'm comfortable with it. He said a track, the track. You ever wear Stetson cologne? Yeah, what's the cologne situation?

I had a French girl, French, she stole my dearest friend and she gave me a bottle of cologne once. So French. I'm right here. I thought you were from Boston. I thought you were from Boston. And it felt nice to wear it for her. And I liked the way it smelt.

I kind of liked it, but I don't wear it. What deodorant do you use? None. Really? Yeah. Do I smell bad? Are you kidding me? Does he smell, Joe?

Has there ever been an issue? No, I never noticed, but that's a lie. You don't wear deodorant? I don't wear deodorant. No. What? 100% never wore it in my life. Mr. C. Gag comes in here and lies to my face.

This is a gag. Got to be a gag. No deodorant. Damn. I don't know if that's classy or a crash. Not Victoria's Secret, regular secret for the ladies. Louis Secret. Hello, folks.

I only got one or two more to wrap it up. If you're going to a wedding, not Joe, because he's a very close friend, but you're going to a wedding. Didn't come to my wedding. Was he invited? Of course. Ouch.

Yep, but took me to Paul McCartney. I made it up for it. Yeah, OK. Fucking. Oh, god. And was on record. Directed a movie. I was on it for it.

I made it up for it. No, you didn't know that at the time. You fucking ingrate new shit. You didn't know that at the time. It wasn't like you were like, I can't come to the wedding, but five years from now, I'll direct a film. He might have known that. He's a very smart guy.

Got an 880 on this. That's all right. What can you do? Next wedding. I don't remember why I didn't go. I should have gone. I'm sure he remembers. Yeah, I don't know.

Will you do this? If you're at a restaurant, will you walk up to the bar? That was the question. Oh, Jesus Christ. I forgot. How do we go to a wedding? What are you giving? Not somebody super close to you.

Why do I want to hear this? Stop pulling the cart and I'll give you that. I don't want to hear this answer. If you're going to a wedding, sorry, Joe. Say, what are you given to as the gift? What's in the envelope? What are you dropping? Oh, jeez.

Let's say you can't. We've also asked every famous person we've had in here. And they've tell the truth. Good, very good. Very, very good. Colin Quinn sent me $500 for my wedding. And then a year later, I went to his wedding and gave him $300.

Lefty from Mulberry Street? I made out. I didn't want to lose my net. He had the chicken and the fish. Ever been to an air show? Yeah. Ever seen a crash at an air show? No.

No, I saw the Blue Angels. Yeah, I got a sunburn. Really bad, really bad. How do you feel about banana pudding? It's OK. Depends where you get it, but it could be OK. Yeah. OK.

Can I put a question to you guys? Please. Last night I was at a diner had soup. And then the last I slurped it up. Is that bad? Is that garbage? Do you guys do that? I do that.

Like I do. It's trash. It's yes. But it's not trash if you're eating ramen. They say that's like it. You got to slurp. It's part of the thing. But at a restaurant, there's no other way to get the line.

Not at a restaurant. Michael's restaurant. I mean, Mike Steiner in Astoria? Not Mike's. Michael's restaurant on Broadway in 34th. I live right there, yeah, actually. Yeah, that's fine. That's not.

I like a plate. And a nice restaurant? You lick a plate. No, Louie. You're not doing it at the Stockholm joint with the wine and the. He was drunk. He could have.

Yeah, he could have. He doesn't have a bathroom, though. He takes the plate to the bathroom. He's a gentleman at the end of the day. I'm out. I'm good. Any beekeepers in the family? No, beekeepers.

Do you eat fast food at all? Not in a long time. I used to a lot. What's a long time? Five, 10 years? We ate it in Czech Republic, I think, or one of those places. What do you eat so much? Yeah, that wasn't like.

It's good over there, though. It wasn't like a McDonald's or something, was it? No, we went to McDonald's. Oh, yeah, in Prague. Yes, in Prague. Beautiful city. I bought about four years ago. OK.

Ever been on a cruise? He goes, I bought. No. You eat the crust on your pizza? Yeah. You drink milk with dinner? No, not you. Ever?

Like as a kid? No. Oh, as a kid? Sure. When's the last time you had meatloaf? Meatloaf. Within the last two years, maybe? That's classy.

Yeah. I got one last one. Do you have those small disposable cups in your bathroom? Small disposable cups. Yeah, like you can drink from and then throw out? No, I keep a real cup in there. What was your first silly purchase when you started making a lot of money back in the day?

That's a good question. First silly purchase. Like something stupid, jet ski, something like that? Hot tub. I mean, I bought a boat. I bought a fucking yacht. Like, you know, I mean, it was like one of those that looks like a sneaker, but it was like a yacht.

You know what I mean? It wasn't sure. The one for comedians and cars. Yeah, yeah, I bought that kind of fast. I bought that in cash. Like, I just bought it. I bought it with one show. That's the way I thought back then.

I bought a Porsche that I still have. It's my one car. I just bought. I still have one car I bought. That's it. You just have upwards. Well, no, I have other. Yeah, I got it.

Land Rover and a Jeep. There you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the Porsche is my primary car, and I still. I bought that with my first show that I sold out. It was like a ton of money. It's great. I just went and bought a Porsche with that one show,

and I bought a yacht with that one show. And you don't have the yacht anymore. Any toys now? No, the one on Jerry, the one I talk about on Jerry, I told you a story. You got stuck in Harlem. Yeah, that one is it. That's the one I bought, like, right away.

And then I, and then that one got lift. When the hurricane was coming, the big one was at. Sandy. Sandy. I had it. I was smart, and I thought and put it up in a parking lot. But then that parking lot was flooded, and it ended up in some guy's front yard.

So I bought another. The boat I was on in convenience cars, that was a real serious grand bank. Yeah, yeah, that thing was fucking sweet. That was a great boat. And that boat was my vacation house for years. I didn't have like a, I would just take the kids, we would live on the boat all summer.

That's awesome. Really? And that's how I discovered Shelter Island, where I have, but now that's where I go for the summer. Nice, Shelter Island's all right. Classy. Near Greenport, right? Exactly, right across the water.

Big fan of Greenport. Greenport's the best. We love it. Shelter Island is between Sag Harbor and Greenport. Like, the two, one ferry goes south to the Hampton Sag Harbor, which is very fancy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And sushi and all that crap.

We started going up there a few years ago. But Greenport is like Italian ice, you know? It's beautiful. It's just, and it's, but it's a working person's port town. It's got real Jaws vibes down by the harbor. Yes, it does. And there's a restaurant there called the Shaky Oyster. That's fantastic.

Very good oysters. Yeah, good stuff. I mean, it's pretty classy. Yay, it's classy. He's Louie. What are you going to say? I know. He walks in both worlds.

He's a classy guy. He's a classy guy. You have a favorite soda? You don't drink soda. Hard to say. Coke is, and nobody beats Coke. Yeah, that's a crazy question. But Orange Crush is pretty great.

Orange Crush. When I was a kid in Mexico City, you can't do that every day. In Mexico City, you go into a store, and there's this metal cooler, and it's filled with ice water, and there's these sodas bobbin' up in it, and they're all different colors. It's orange, gray, it's red.

Yeah, Jarritos, but a bunch of brands that you would, they're just so good. Yeah, they do them nice. And Coca-Cola, when I was a kid, was a big, we drank Coke, my uncle's still, like, if you go to my uncle's house for dinner, he just pours Coke around. It's not, you're not asked.

You're just getting hot. Because it's safer than water, and it's just, and it's warm, there's no ice. I know. He has a big pallet of Coke bottles, two liter Coke, but they're glass. It's a Mexican Coke. Giant Mexican Coke bottles are big Coke bottles.

Yeah, that's classic shit. And he opens it up, pours everybody Coke. I love Coca-Cola. I don't, I can't drink it now. It's too much sugar, and I'm off caffeine now. Okay. But I love Coke. That was a great drink.

Group beer is good, too. And W? Barks, what are you doing? Either one, yeah. Mug? Mug, all those are good. Mug stands up. Mug stands up.

Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Louis C.K., Mr. Joe List. Check out the movie. Come see that movie. Check out the movie. July 6th, go hit, go to AMC, go to Fandango, you can find it near you. Yeah, Fandango.

Just that one night. Don't think you can, oh, it goes to the end. I'll go on the 7th, the 8th, and 9th. July 6th, please. Yeah, get your tickets. Oh, check it out. The trailer looks fucking amazing. Thank you.

Wish you guys the best of luck with Louis. Thank you so much for coming. Thanks for coming. Joe, we absolutely love it. Thanks for having me. Congratulations, star of a fucking new movie. Appreciate it. And you look fucking fantastic.

He did a great job. It looks, I can't wait to watch it. For everybody who's shooting with dinner. He's like, Gregory Peck, this kid. I mean, for real, like he reminds me a little bit of Gregory Peck, the acting. Look at that. Yeah, Peck, baby.

I gotta watch a Peck movie. And then Friday, the Friday, Shuberton, Boston, Saturday, Vic. Yeah, and the fact that you guys are gonna be there. It's so fucking cool. We will be there. We'll introduce it and we'll chat after. Ron Bennington is gonna interview us about the movie.

That's awesome. Congratulations. We appreciate you guys. Thanks guys. Thanks for having us. Gang, we will see you next week. Peace.