Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Mark Normand - Dine & Dash

Episode Date: October 31, 2022

Kippy and Foley are joined by pal Mark Normand! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! FINAL RUN! Buy the Are You Garbage Card Game: https://areyougarbage.bigcartel.com/ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Butcher Box: https://www.ButcherBox.com/AYG Promo Code: AYG Helix Sleep: https://www.helixsleep.com/Garbage Established Titles: https://www.establishedtitles.com/garbage Honey: https://www.joinhoney.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans

Attention attention bozos and homies. We got the card game for sale, which is running out And we also got some live dates that just keep on trucking gang. The card game is running out We're running out of supplies do yourself a favor act now pick up the card never making it again It's the last time we're making this edition. So do yourself a favor pick up a pack. Let's go. Yeah guys We also This month in November We have two shows in Atlanta one sold out early tickets to left for the early show and then we're going to Charlotte North Carolina get those tickets Philadelphia two shows are sold out

We got some tickets left in Providence on the second show get those tickets and Boston's about to sell out if you're in If you're in bean town, let's go let's party do it gang We love you gang this episode is brought to you by our good friends at established titles with established titles You can buy as little as one square foot of dedicated land and you yourself can be a lord or a lady It's a fun way to preserve the Scottish woodlands with every order established Plants a tree and works with global charities to support global reforestation efforts. That's all well and good But be fucking cool become a lord. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I mean the tree cool That's gravy on top, but you can become a lord gives you at least like you said one square foot of dedicated land on a private estate in

Edelston, Scotland official certificate with a crest peep this one hit him with the close up Makes an amazing last-minute gift established. I was actually running an early black Friday sale Plus if you use code garbage you'll get an additional 10% off go to established titles comm slash garbage get your gifts now and help support the channel do it Yeah, welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or Absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley Hey Everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is are you garbage? Oh, yeah

It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find it out to grow to be classy Mm-hmm. They're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your hostage fully coming at you on a beautiful day It's Halloween down here in Antutti's basement. You ain't lyin. She's upstairs loading up the cooler giving away four loco's this year She's not by Tony's early kids because the watermown ones are gonna go quick my co-host is coming at you from right next to me He is the CEO of are you garbage? She dressed like Sam Elliott for Halloween give it up for KJ What's up gang, I knew I was gonna shit on this I bought it in Europe. All right, I'm trying to stay in my horizons You got the dickies in Europe. Yeah, it was it was discount, too I got my car hard from Milan

I only cost the pre-cruiser your thought is I went all the way to Europe and where high-fashion is in my butt tickets Guys make sure you're ready to subscribe on itunes full video available on YouTube as you know those numbers are 100,000 and the greatest website of all time www.patreon.com Are you garbage check at the fuck out gang? It's a party over there Yeah, do us a solid gang have a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinary the magic man Makes us all look good works to ones and twos crosses the T's and dots the eyes give it up for T bone McScroffins Toby McMullen everybody. What's up, dude?

Speaking of bone you got a unit. I can see it from here. Yeah Legendary I cannot look at it. Well, I don't need to say anything else Got that big old saws each. Oh, yeah bone in Fucking Tomahawk Jones over here All right, yeah, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly special There was a comic in the 70s who was a native American now you go. Hi. How are you? There's a good bit then it's a good bit now still works sorry. I'll be silly ladies and gentlemen called the Guardian We could now people are excited to have our incredibly special guest back with us again today's family at this point

Five maybe four or five You know from we might be drunk, you know from Tuesday's which stories He's all over the place got a theater tour kicking off, baby They're doing theaters pick up a couple of ticks mark Norman comedy calm ladies and gentlemen give it up Mark Norman everybody Came in look looking tight when you came in too. Thank you. I did a pull-up on a scaffolding like a real MOOC I Made one of those pants you're wearing they're like

They seem expensive. No, they were a gift. I got them in Europe They were a gift from Chubby's Chubby's will throw me some clothes Leisurewear, I believe it's called thank Salva Kano put us on to that Really? Notice like the guys who would work the least to wear the most like leisurey shit. Yeah, you know, it's track suits It's a bathrobe These guys aren't doing shit. I know I that's why like I had some mental thing for me Like if I don't put on a pair of jeans and something I feel like I'm not working right

I'm like I gotta be a little bit uncomfortable in a pair of jeans if I'm too comfortable in sweatpants I feel like the biggest piece of shit. You know, you see these queefs in the airport. They're With a crocs on they got the hood up and a pillow you're sitting next to one Paradenom Currently wearing Shorts short pajama sleepers. It's bad with crocs with no shoes. Look at those crocs with no socks Got some gams over here. Oh some ham rocks, baby. This is a Penn station outfit Also needs a pair of alligator shoes to go with it

Don't it sandwich out of the bag Oh Here's I got no spots tonight, and I'm going back to clean my apartment So I wanted to stay in the so you showed up to work like a homeless Plus I have no clothes your dress for a call for help Man, I do look like a jumper. Don't I Like a ten o'clock jump on top of it on the GW bridge. I heard you're on the weight loss game game now Trying I heard you try. I don't know. I am trying mark. Thank you very much

Not check out that patreon.com for updates. Oh, oh, sorry I didn't mean to bring I went I went dropped about 30 and then I went up about 20 That was yesterday Damn you talk about weight like a casino They switch dealers I got screwed Pit boss give me the eye It's a barbecue pit I

Got a eater already playing with rib bones. He loves chips That's good Halloween. Yes, you got that right no candy corn, please you That's crazy talk yuck chalky Waxy gross. I don't mind it in very small a hand like I have one handful in the season that'll be a lot of your I love it. I like the pumpkins to the candy corn pumpkins. Those are better the whole nine yards I'm all about it. What did you what? What did you do as a kid for how you have like a traditional house-to-house? Wasn't a great neighborhood, right? No, we lived in a rough area So we'd go to my friend's house in the suburb and the parents would kind of lag ten feet behind

Sure, we would all skip to the loo with our little land jack-o-lanterns, although I did a Shweigman's bag, which is our grosser Plastic bag or yeah grocery bag double bagged and You know, you you dress I'd always did the I dressed up too late and just would put something on One time I put on a vest and my friends like what are you? I'm like, I'm a spy I'm a gay spy. Yeah, yeah I could see you phoned in it with the costume big phone big phone Did you ever have like a proper? What was your bet?

Do you remember your best one of like you maybe your mom hit it out of the park or for whatever reason your spurs Splurs a couple of bucks. Well, remember this is the late 80s early 90s So I did a couple a couple native of mares. That was big back. You could buy that at the store at the time No, that's not your fault totally with the full feather and everything scalp The bow and arrow to yeah, that was a little dart So but then the the big one was the the ghost with the sheet, but you're so close to clan Especially in the south that's a bad look. Yeah, the wrong turn. Yeah, but it was fun I mean Halloween was huge just the free the idea of anything free giving away to children was huge

Yeah, and also down there, too. Don't they really you know that shit the real the Yeah, and and also pre-internet we had a couple houses on on our route to school that would really go hard Someone really went heavy. Yeah, heavy. I'm talking skeletons in the front yard and they would name the one Here lies Jenkins or whatever. No, but it would be puns. I'm trying to think of a good one like Shit hold on would you give me give me a celebrity Al Trebek. All right Give me a location and Joan Rivers Joan Rivers. Joe. It'd be Bone Rivers. I Kind of painting in a corner with Mozart Henry Kissinger

Whatever happened to him Yeah, we are I was sad about the guy Leslie, you know Leslie a little guy. Yeah. No, I didn't know I think it was last name The gay guy he was in a willing grace or something grace And then he got big on like tick-tock or started cooking on Instagram and stuff over the pandemic doing little voices. Yeah Yeah, I think I know you're talking about Norm McDonald had that the great point about He's like it's weird that willing grace is like this progressive show But every time they talk about being gay the crowd laughs, you know So I hooked up with a man last night

How is that not offensive yeah, they're laughing at the wrong thing yeah The norm yeah, the Halloween we we do appreciate the ladies with the Horry outfits in college that was Fucking best dude a freshman in college. I really fucking blew your head off Halloween party you went to you're like what the fuck when it was fresh to I feel like they didn't really Unless it's just you know The way I see it that that didn't really start until we were getting of age that really blew up But I don't remember as a kid seeing like I don't think in the 60s and 70s. They were dressing up as like Horry nurse Maybe they were I don't know some there was probably one girl

He was the Jackie Robbins Right Good for her and it just started to move because other girls go when she can now she's looking hotter than me I got a beat It was have to do like the baseball outfit. It was like literally just every that was like the big joke It was like whatever the Horry version of anything and they made it work. It was oh, yeah, it's sexy Zombie or the Washington whatever. Yeah, sexy vampire. The biggest I got fired once off a gig This is a whole side story, but I'll make it quick now make it long

I got a Halloween gig somebody's like we saw it the comedy seller We like your irreverent edgy attitude, whatever the fuck and it's some exec and he hired me to host the Halloween Cost costume contest on AOL. It was a big deal They're gonna stream it back when streaming was like a big thing AOL AOL is five grand was most money ever seen in my life They want you to judge the Halloween costume contest and I go you got it full audience and they go be edgy I go great. So This African Queen comes on. Oh boy Sexy and whatever and then as she's walking off Catwoman walks on you know hot lady with the tight skin

And she's whipping and I go hey watch that whip around the African. I mean the camera I got fired immediately I can't remember True story, but you know you think be edgy when what they're are edgy is way different than an AOL edgy Exactly, you know, did you do a mischief night when you were a kid? Would you get in trouble? Oh, yeah? Big time we always got caught to we we egged a house and we ran home and they just saw the house We went in ding dong. Yeah mom yelled at us. What did you call? We've talked about this I don't know we haven't done in a while

What did you call when you wouldn't knock on the door and run away? We called it a ding dong and run or something like that There was ding dong ditch ding dong ditch. Yeah, there was a really bad one Worst Asian porn star by the way Knock knock zoom zoom people would say as a kid and it's that's pussy shit Stupid knock knock zoom zoom. No. Yeah, which sounds it doesn't make any sense. No What would you guys call a dine and dash dine and dash? Wasn't there another? There's another one. There's a never did it Eat and run or there was there is another one. You're right. He's gonna big dick

Bd. He's using his penis on the computer. By the way, we had the hot guy in our group He was ripped and he would go as a baby every year and that Got a pacifier a diaper and that's when the pecs when you were older like college you're talking about. Yeah. Yeah Weird if he was doing it like second grade Got the teachers all over Great a David tell line Halloween or as I call it the Super Bowl for pedophiles Man, he's good. He's pretty good that guy dude. Some of these are fucking terrible. Oh, yeah Chew and skadoo That's fun. No, that's gotta be Canadian. That's

It's Chew and skadoo Ah Tipping dip that ain't bad tipping dips. All right, that's not great cuz you're still tipping. Yeah This one's just a shot at what Penn State style. I don't know. Wow Krampus shaker high school. Yeah, I thought that was a famous one for getting I think dining dash is the most thing Did you do that? I never did it? I did it like twice and felt horrible about it You know one time I left my jacket. So I felt like that was a sign. Did you have to go back? You did put on blackface

My body tried it one time he's drunk and he like went in by himself and like sat down eight had a beer or two It was like, all right, I'm gonna I'm gonna I know where the back doors are gonna make a run out of the back door But in his drunken stupidness, he made a right instead of a left and ended up in the kitchen. Oh So he was just cornered and he was like, all right, I'll pay. I'm sorry. That's a great I would just pick up a dish. Hey, you got me. I was one of my one of my greatest victories in life was I was I Was waiting tables at this place in Murray Hill This is before I did comedy when I lived up here the first time I was at a real low point a lot of drugs fucking by myself It was bad situation. Yeah

Working there St. Patrick's Day. Oh, there's two fucking douchebags in there. One of them's wearing a kilt. Oh boy They sit down they eat they're drinking they're getting up They're going to the bar this and that starting to fill in at night for the fucking St. Patrick's Day, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah They asked for the check the one guy goes to the bathroom and this one fucking dick head That was that was wearing the kilt Just bolts out the door and he bolts out the this is so I'm on the corner of 30th between second and first So he bolts out the door and he goes around down 2nd Avenue towards 29th Street. So I'm like fuck this I just I was fucking so mad. Yeah, I go out and I go the other way and fucking just hoping

I was like, I'll be back in fucking five minutes fucking run out run the other way Fucking catch him running down the street and just fucking close life. I love a good clothes I can grab them and this guy should have been able to kick my ass. He was like fucking sick something Sure, I think just the fucking anger and the fucking whatever. Wow Clothes lined them grabbed them fucking drug them back to the fucking bar made a pay. Yeah, somebody's like these guys beating up that trans woman What's that that kid do it Felt great. Well, two two things there one if you're gonna get away the kilt you're fucked because that's not a spot

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's not even Irish. That's got a Scottish. So he's all you've got the wrong holiday fucking douchebag You were his William Wallace, baby I Tried it once went me and my buddy were day drinking early and then it's in New York went to like a nice place I always wanted to find it was like a hotel I think it's called like the Marlton hotel down in the West Village like Maybe like 9th Street or something like that. Oh, I know this but it might be the Marlton hotel You walk it's like real cozy. I'm gonna dash there

No, we I had gone there on a date before and I was like, I know this nice. I know this real fancy place I cased the joint it's like heat So I got the blueprints don't worry We'll be alright sitting in there on the bartender was being a fucking jerk off And me it was just me and my buddy in there and he was like making us we were the only two at the bar He was making us wait for drinks and just being rude. So I texted my buddy like yo, let's fucking I Was we were wasted. I'm like, let's you know, let's fucking get out of here, dude Let's just run not don't pay this guy really. Yeah, and he's like, all right. So I was like this is recently

Yeah, I mean a couple of years ago. Holy shit. I didn't know about this. Yeah, but this is more about sticking it to the douche Than it is about no pay. Yeah, this is fuck this guy This guy was being the biggest dickhead and you know I'm typically very good to servers and everything like that But I was like fuck this guy and I was like, all right, let's get out of here I guess he heard us planning and he turns he's like you guys are gonna think about running out. Are you? We're like, no, sir. I swear to God. Here's a million dollars. Have a nice night. Wow That's pretty hard. You pussy. Damn. I probably pussed out real quick. What about the cab ditch?

Funny I did that once that's too scary to me not that long I don't dude. They got the could have a gun or not. You dude. They're they're crazy What do you call that thing that it extends that? But on yeah, oh those things Scorpion from Mortal Kombat Like the blackjack type. Yes. Oh man. One of those will take your knees. Oh shit. Take a tooth out real quick Yeah, I did it. I think right before the pandemic. Do you remember? Yeah, your card got declined I was fucking fucked up broke in a cab about a block away from my apartment in Queens and

I think I I think I mentioned this on a patreon episode and I really fluffed it up that like I didn't know and I Knew exactly what was going on. Yeah, I had my kilt on and everything Boogie and I was in one of those square ones the square cabs that have the sliding door Yeah, and Well, I had him stop on a block away from my apartment and I like put the card in and I try to get out He's like he's I got a card didn't go through. I'm like, no, no, I went through man And then I just fucking bolted now at the time. I'm about 425 pounds. Oh my lord This guy I was really it's bolted in you know in context. He wasn't he wasn't breaking any records

I did a couple of quick zigzags. You know what I mean little fucking I went in a beast mode real quick and This guy I'm running up the street and this guy is going backwards in the car Right next to me fucking had me dead with with the back door open laughing his ass. Oh neck and no neck He's like what a fuck do you think you're gonna I thought I was really doing it man Wow He was right there with me and then it's got to a certain point where I think he didn't give a shit and just just pulled away You got out of it. I got out of it. Whoa, and then I I literally Ran in guy got into my door of my apartment and I collapsed in the lobby

Like literally cut like all over $14. I could not move. I had exerted that much energy Damn, he did a cheeseburger or something to bring me back up But then the next morning remember I woke up and I tried to find the guy I tried to look at my receipt and the cab and all that stuff and I was never able to find him It's tough. Yeah, Gary Veter say what you will he's four-foot. Why I say what you know the Jews Yeah, there you go We were in a cab once and he accidentally tipped on his car $100. It was like a $10 ride He actually tip sure a hundred and so now it's a hundred ten dollars and he's like whoa

Whoa, it was I meant to give you like two bucks. I fucked up and the guy's like well, you know What can you do? This is like a whole language barrier and he's like I can't that don't know how you know He was bullshitting and Gary's like I'm not getting out of this car Till you give me my money and he's like I can't the computer or whatever and I was we both had a spot We're at New York County go right outside and he's like I'm not getting out. I'm like you're gonna miss your spot I'm out of the car at this point like in the window like dude. You're on. Yeah, I did his time Came out. He's still there. I leave Text him like an hour later still in the car. I was like all right get out. Here's here's all I'll erase it

Yeah, that point your cost and he's losing money. I can't I could go make this money. I got to get going here Exactly Guy who's in that booster seat for an hour Nobody unhook him Yeah, let's talk about Helix baby Helix baby. I masturbated and won earlier today Let's talk about getting a good night's sleep not naughty stuff gang You don't want to be getting your mattress at a mattress store with some bozo with bad breath All right, doesn't talk to your wife short sleep button-up looking like a bozo kids don't look him in the eye

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You want a top quality turkey from butcher box and I'll tell you this right now. This is off script. I just Just got a shipment coming to me. Yeah I got the 50 pound turkey coming when we showing up every bike to Thanksgiving. They sent me everything I was not even joking my wife's making a goulash right now with this with a rib eye They sent over I can't wait to get home. It's a good time over there at that butcher box And it's turkey season and you want to get the best top quality turkey that you possibly can and I promise you You're only gonna get that at butcher box Guys are the main course for Thanksgiving dinner can sometimes be a main source of stress not anymore

Thanks to the good folks at B box put your boxes offering our listeners free turkey with their first order, baby Sign up today at butcher box.com slash a yg use code a yg to get one 10 to 14 pound turkey free in your first box You're covered what I would do I would join get it have the turkey now then get another turkey later Turkey that's butcher box comm such a yg and use the code a yg to claim this deal doing it does all even out a little bit I did I felt like a piece of shit for doing that. I usually never do stuff like that I think I was just hemmed up at the time. Yeah, but it does even out I had one one time where I would go I'd go to this this place all the time

I was working in Philly at a macy's and dorm at lunch break. I'd go to this There was like this sports part I would go get like, you know a sandwich and a diet coke or whatever got chicken fingers and fries life in the fast Really bad in the way with us He must have been peeling them off. Yeah, where are my dad's suit to it was bad Real bad wait, what was the occasion? No, I was I was working at macy's. I don't wear a suit He was a loser

It was a loser day at Hooters But so I ordered whatever it was like say it was 12 bucks I tip like, you know, whatever four bucks or whatever and I left and the fucking waiter I left the blank receipt. You know how they give you one for you and one for them. Yeah, I left the blank one and He filled in I forgot the number me like 500 bucks or something what instead of $5 you made a 500 So I'm woke up accounts overdrawn by a million dollars. They hate you with the Right, so I wake up like panicked and suits gone. I go to fuck it I'm like fuck this. I'm going in. Yeah, it was like champs sports grill or whatever and I go in

They closed that day that was their last day in business What he knew and like I walked up boarded up closed up out of business. I was like fuck you you got me I was intentional. I can't yeah, I kind of respect Chess of it all of hey, man. Fuck you got to be a real piece of shit as a server to do that Yeah, I what I waited tables for so long and I always wanted to do it because some people were fucking real dicks But never did you always got to take that other receipt or crumple it. I always I haven't never I still take it with me I've never never thought about that and make sure that your dollar signs fill up the rest of the line And leave it and that you put your own dollar sign in right

Holy yeah, I'm a cash guy. I'm all cash. You do cash for the tip. You have the meals on the card Yep, really yeah, you can write off the meal, but you just tip and cash, huh? I think they like it, too Yeah, that's a very that's a very old school. Yeah, it's a very old mom thing to do. Oh, is that mom? Oh, my mom does I'll give it. They want it in case Give it to him in case see my mom's opposite. She was the checkbook cunt She would go to the grocery door hang on Man this I was a cashier to at a supermarket for a long time and people would break out the fucking chair It's all credit and debit so credit debit fairly any cash all credit debit

This is 2004 or five or whatever and somebody would come with a checkbook. Yeah take like nine minutes I know nine minutes to find any forms of ID. Yeah, this whole thing kick rocks crazy that they do that You could also cash your checks at the bank. Can you or at the grocery store does check cashing? Yeah You want to talk trash? She would do the coupon. She was a coupon whore too. She was be clipping all morning. Really. Oh, yeah Yeah, go in there and load up, huh? Yeah, and she'd be like, look at that. I saved 11 cents. You're like, that was that was two hours And you bought something because only because you had the coupon you didn't necessarily I wasn't on the list to begin with Right. Yeah, you got four gallons of olive oil. Yeah, we're not going to use lemon lime pine salt. What are you doing? I hated that man people come in with I get it if you're you know, if you're trying to

Trying to save a buck. I get it out. You know What are you gonna do of course, but some people also like the juice they like they like Yeah, yeah, and bring it back to Halloween we used to get a free icy Coupon that's pretty good. You guys have icies. Yeah What are you mean? I see the the polar bear. Yeah You got a free that was a coupon so the lady would throw it in and you're kind of like, oh, what's this an IOU for a Snickers But no, it was uh, that's I like that. Oh, they would give that to you Yeah, then you go to the the 7-eleven and they were like, all right. Go nuts. That's not bad

My mom one year really killed it for a couple years. She gave away Kansas soda. She got a huge fucking fattest shit I've ever heard. She got a huge cooler iced it down cherry coax coax pepsis I'm telling you man the kids loved it because they would hit that house if it was a seasonably warm right Halloween You hit that house. You got a screaming Mimi cherry coke waiting for you. That's all right That is good. Yeah, not the patty. There's no beverages on Halloween never you're dying Good point. Speaking of that my dad was my dad and all the other dads would drive behind like, you know How like slowly behind they'd be like, oh, we're a couple houses. Yeah John everybody

Five or six dads and an SUV or minivan. Yeah, slugging beers Well, can we say that what Patton told us? Oh, yeah, it wasn't a bit or anything was it? No No, I was talking to Sean Patton at skankfest his family. They wouldn't give him a bag He would just they had to eat the candy in between houses Wow, you get diabetes by the end of the night It's insane because you don't want to waste it. I like it. Yeah, you know what? I like the idea, but I was too much of a little fat kid hoarder that I wanted to have the candy Yes, and I wanted to we talked about break everything out

Savings account checking account split it off. Start making start cutting deals Get rid of that peanut candy. What was that thing the shape of the peanut? It's like a packing Circus peanuts What would your what would be your parents big my mom was my mom would dip it I get all the crunch Snickers is what they would take my mom would say my dad was a chocolate douche So he would just pop over the the Reese's Pete Reese's was my number one the one the cup crazy with the gold wrapping Oh, that was my little little one. I think it's a better ratio to chocolate peanut butter. That's crazy talk

Oh, yeah, I'm telling you a fresh single a fresh single a fresh single is solid Where the one side is a little more chocolate than the other and has that bite. No, no, I want equality. I want an interracial commercial Commercial when they put the hole in the middle of the single, but it was like yes It might have been like my colleague all it was like a famous actor I feel that was doing the commercial I could be wrong will our net does them now, but really try to get the circle was like Every kid tried to like knock out the six. Yeah, he's a fucking licking buttholes But I feel like on the mini ones the ridges were a little crunchier. I'll give you that was a crunchier bite I'm for sure for sure crunchier. There was a crunchy one for a minute wasn't there

Potato chip in it now, buddy. Yeah. Yeah. What do you don't try to get him hard? I Already came across it about eight months ago I came across it about eight months ago, and it's not just in our it's in a big one It's in the big cup. Okay, you're wild. That's a lot. That's like a speedball You know when they put the greases bees in a cup, holy shit killed Baluchin Yeah, the chip is is wild. Yeah, the salty the salty and the sweet man. I really missed a boat on that Yeah, as far as my fat ten year, right? You're making up for it. So we're all good here. Everything checks out

All right, what about the wedding talk tell us about that you're getting hitched Congratulations getting hitched and the lady, of course started out with the old Hey, we're gonna keep it light keep it simple keep it small and now it's just full-blown all out ticker tape Forever how many references to the ticker tape I use but it's just all in we got a second line We got a huge band. We got crazy food. It's gonna be nuts. Where are you doing it? If you can say what state New Orleans all doing it you're doing it Is she from down there, too? No, but she's from Boston. So we figured it's a little more fun. Gotcha. Okay We're gonna fighty too. Maybe not actually

You got the full you got the full band full, but we got the Saints band the band who plays opens for the Saints Our tune now, you know what I mean? Yeah, that's true. That's true We got some big big hitters Who's the biggest going if you don't mind me asking? Well, I asked to tell and he was incredibly touched, but I'm at the funny bone Imagine he would take off for Ian's is plus one You got me a pack of Marlboro's F smoked he would show up with like two suit jackets on right right yeah from like

What is it toys for tell what's the the cars for kids know the homeless coats the coat drives Yeah, there's a woman for coats But I'm telling you there's a hobo coat drive a one-warm coat Maybe not your cares coat drive. Ah forget it. I think they're just called coach. I don't know maybe Burlington Coat Factory. There you go Well cut all this make us all look good Got it Cut it print it. All right, so it's you don't think it tells gonna show no And then I threw it at it Rogan

But I don't want I feel bad asking these big guys because I don't want them to think I just want their star power Sure, I like them as people. Sure, but I didn't ask Jerry Yeah, I mean come on that would just be like a really you was I would like you I would I would like a nice gift from Jerry That would be sure that's pretty good. He's probably the classy kind of guy. That's gonna send the gift anyway I'm not going to that but here Send a gift. That's what rich guys do they send you send a gift in my apps You got to get I can't make it but you got the get you go actual invitation to a tell or verbal invite verbal What about Rogan actual and it's invitation. Yeah, cuz then you got to ask for his address and all that

That the invitation stuff was a nightmare and comics are so hard to pin down. That's also That's what I wanted to talk. It's because we're a shifty bunch by nature. Yes, right? We're not good at planning We're you know, has anybody been like Has anybody tried to bring an extra person to that? Hey, I'm seeing his come trying to like I'm trying to bang this broad. Yeah, I bring her and really wower. Yes, Davros But we had a guy do that I had a bachelor party in Florida We went all out I saw one guy brought an extra guy just like randomly He shows up. He does this movie shows up with the guy and he goes you guys mind is it cool of Steve's here

He's standing right there. Oh, holy shit, but he eventually was it Bert by the way. No, no, no He the other guy did so much blow. He went to the hospital. So we lost him anyway But he's he went to the hospital like night two so that kind of took care of itself You bring an extra guy and top of that you bring a fucking bubblegummer But yeah, so the wedding is gonna be it's gonna be nuts nice and doing tux or you doing suit I'm gonna go fashionable. Yeah, you got now. You're right. You do. Okay. Okay, you do you play it down But you do you're good-looking kid. You got tight body. You dress nice. We This is all free this is a burger joint my friend zone

Yeah, I love a good freebie, but yeah, you do like pinching the first wedding to be sponsored by sheath underwear Yeah, the veil is pink camo Everybody gets a man's skate How many grammy groomsmen how many bridesmaids keeping it easy? She's doing the traditional idol I think marriage is silly. I think it's antiquated. I'm doing that. So that's nice to say the week of your wedding Yeah, we've had a long talk about it. I don't even get what the gays want to do with it But she she's going she understands and she's got her friends and sister and I just got my brother his best man She's gonna have a raw and it's just you too. Exactly. I feel a lot of people are doing that now because the guys are going like I don't fucking

Yeah, and it gets competition. He people are like, why didn't he pick me and I and you know comics are we're all fickle and insecure so just going with the brother and No speeches, no nothing no speech No speeches no religion. Yeah, who's marrying you Sean Patton. Nice. Yeah, he's officiating He'll he'll do his thing. But so there's no best man's speech at the at the dinner The rehearsal not the rehearsal. Oh at the reception typically there are speeches at like a standard normal rehearsal People do give speeches the rehearsal dinner. Yeah rehearsal dinner. Yeah, really when I go to like below the weddings of my non-comic normal Career friends. There's always people give speeches at are you having a rehearsal dinner the night before we are but it's just a it's a fish fry

That's fun. It's a crab boil It's New Orleans, you know, we're gonna have a boil the families know each other they like each other They get along all that stuff. We got the parents to meet up It was a scariest thing a month ago, and it was it went well, but it was boy. It was awkward That was the first time they yeah, well, it's you know Boston, New Orleans, and they're old So they're not really doing a lot of traveling. Yeah But it was awkward, but they they went well, and they they all shit on Trump and that like brought him that brought some kind of bonding

Find a common enemy. Yeah. Is he invited? Trump got Don Jr. There. Well, we might be more blow Bring the yacarino with you What's going on with president's sons and then I mean you gotta think about it. They grew up super rich kids rich kids have no responsibility You know, right? They just get to do whatever they want party the whole nine yards Yeah, I remember these videos of Hunter Biden doing crack with the hookers and I some of those are wild wild wild And I remember thinking like first I'd love to hang with this guy

Looks like a real good time I know that wasn't that was a crazy amount of cocaine a lot of coke so much coke the camera was even blurry It was like, you know, it was like that it was like we're going back to like 15 years ago Heavy rocks dude. Yeah, heavy rock in the scale. That's what you got a problem. I know and But the whole time I'm like, why is he filming this? There you go to jerk off to jerk off to it later Yeah, that's what I would assume probably. Yeah. Yeah, we we filmed the bachelor party quickly deleted that. Yeah I saw man's was there. Yeah, he was filming everything

Everything he holds like world records. He's it's like crazy. He's the man. I mean, he's a he's a known pedophile We love you man's cash bar. You doing cash bar. No I would have kicked him out of here if you said yeah, we got a keg Five bucks a cup Have you thought about a honeymoon? Yeah, you're not gonna like it. Hold on. Let's see if we can guess You'll never guess in a million years. We're going to Wu Han Here the markets are nice Guy like you. Hmm. Now you got you guys saying it will never guess so

He's out Hawaii's out all the travel a lot. Yes, I see you on vacation you guys go Europe's out I would assume Say it's San Francisco. No the US. I would say the US Hack nothing hack. No Paris. No Hawaii. All that's out Puerto Rico. Come on. That's still the US Yeah, Ukraine you going to Kiev? I Frontlines baby. Not bad. Oh, is it Europe? No, Thailand. No, did you get some like crazy baller suite in New York? So like some top house not the US. It's not Europe. No, you're not taking a cruise. Are you dude? No?

Come on. I don't want to do one. You're going to space South it's not South America. Nope Antarctica. No, no, that would be Finland. No, Sweden. No, Africa Oh Going to Cape Town Cape Town now, how about this Tanzania Cape Town? We're going to South Africa Cape Town at Johannesburg one of those and then we're gonna do it up beaches restaurants the whole thing zip up To Kenya whoo for the safari. Oh, hey, here's my thinking my buddy. We were

That that's gonna be our next patreon goal. Well, I swear if we when we hit 10,000 We're going on. No way. Can't wait. Whoa. We were scared Here you hear you Let's talk about established titles once again my friends one square foot of Scottish land You can be called a lord or a lady Pretty sweet guys and let's be neighbors, baby The first 200 people purchased the title pack using our link will effectively be next to our plots within a few walking distance We can start a small army of garbage out there in Scotland a takeover. Let's do it

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Dang today's episode is sponsored by our good friends at honey It's the easy way to save when shopping on your iPhone or computer save a little ghee, baby There you go. We love online shopping, but it happened to all of us. You shop it online the carts fool you go to hit buy Then they ask you to have a promo code. You got nothing Tony it's looking at like a bozo But thanks to honey searcher for coupon codes is a thing of the past Honey is the free shopping tool that scours the internet for promo codes and applies to the best ones that fit your card guys It's fantastic. I would I fought it for a long time because I'm not a tech guy and then they became a sponsor

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You're doing yourself a solid and supporting the podcast. We never recommend something that we don't use true So go get honey for free at join honey comm slash garbage at join honey comm slash garbage do it Yeah, I think this is fantastic. Also. It's like you've been I don't know what the form all over the world Exactly, you know, so it's like you've done Europe. It's like well. Yeah, you're China done Mexico done Puerto Rico I've performed everywhere Hawaii Kentucky Yeah, of course still think about same friend though Sidewalks what's the what's the what's the beach scene like in Cape Town in Yeah, there's a lot of money down there, too

Oh, yeah, yeah, and it's a little dicey There's a lot of pickpocket and the apartheid stuff was awkward But it's everybody raves about how pretty it is and how developed it is and then you can fly right up to Fucking real nature and then see giraffe. We were talking about it. Where are we doing 10 Tunisia? No, thank you Tanzania. Hey I love it. That's that's out there baby do it man. There's you two guys on a safari. I mean They're gonna be riding this guy There's there's people from like Norway taking pictures of him

Put down the elephant gun No, no, no, it's my partner. That's fully No, that's gonna be awesome. That's awesome. That's really fucking cool. Is that right after the wedding you go? No, no, we're gonna I'm such a cunt. I booked all these gigs. Yeah, he doesn't like taking off Yeah, so how long is this because that's a that's a long way to do like a weekend You know, you don't you don't fly 18 hours going on president's day for Well, I got off Monday technically is a bank holiday. What uh, what do you think it? We're thinking, you know 1312 days something like that which is gonna I'm gonna be twitching on the third day three

But you know finding the monkeys. Hey, have you ever heard? Will you do any spots over there? Well, Monroe Martin told me about a hot Also from a business standpoint, you do a little dance over there. She's a write-off You got that right baby. We're taking GoPro film some stuff put it up on something. Well, yeah, you can write that all off, baby That's yeah, so that'll be fun. He's gonna write it off. Anyway. Yeah, I'll find something I'll write one bit out there and I'll tweet it All right, that's great man. Congratulations. It's thanks appreciate a lot of guys are giving me shit about it You know you tell comics anything and they're like, oh

Can't get the fuck out of here. I'm like, when else would I go of course? That's a fucking awesome fucking honeymoon. I know well, you know, cuz they're like you got to go There's a great bar in Cincinnati. I'm like, what the fuck is I do think there's a thing I think it comes with age a little bit too like as we get older and like I mean, you've been fucking doing comedy in New York for how long 15 years? Yeah, so it's like you've earned it. You know what? I mean, it's like you've traveled all over the world You fucking busted your ass. It's like yeah take 11 days with your wife when your honeymoon. Yeah doing theaters, baby What do you mean?

Save a couple of bucks, right? That's great. That's good stuff. Congratulations. Thank you. We're very happy for you. We're happy about the tour Oh, yeah Hot tamale, thanks guy. Wait, you're married. I'm married. Yeah, any advice. It's a lot I mean you've been together for a while living together, right? Sure. Yeah, same shit, right? I talked to a comic last time. I'm not gonna say who he's like once I got married it all changed like think she got weirder She got more insistent on this and that and I was like, oh, no, so I had a I had a moment with my lady Go change it. Yeah, I went straight to the house and I was like we got a talk and I told her everything and she was like No, don't worry. So no it is it is

It is it's the same Ran right home. Yeah, I did It was scary. There is a little thing or two of like it just kind of sets in like the you know, forever-ness of it Oh This you know, we have to figure this out now because It's not like you just like walk away. I mean essentially Ken, you know, he's don't want to get divorced now. No, she's a great gal I'm very lucky and of course, of course, we're very happy for you. Yes. Yes Nice. All right. Well, this is let's see we gotta get we're we gotta get to a couple of questions

Oh, I would just mark sorry. I've been yapping. Yeah, that's great. It's awesome All right, let's see here guys. So as you know, when you sign up for patreon, we will answer your garbage question on the air It's just the best way to do it. We get a lot of submissions, but this is the best way So stop hitting us up on Instagram because they ain't gonna make it This one's from Joseph Smith's wife number 12 is having your house and property back against a local country clover golf course classy or trashy Feel it can go either way. It's usually those people are they get their their members No, it depends if the house is like also on the property. Yeah condos and stuff like that

I am yeah, my aunt has a condo in South Carolina. That's on a golf course That's different than just living next to a golf like where Daniro lived in a casino. They were up against a golf course That's classy. That's classy. Yeah, but it also depends. Are you rivaling them? Like, oh, they won't let me in so we're getting an above ground Well, yeah, I've been on golf I used to work at a golf course and you know, there was some Properties where you're like, oh, you there hasn't been a guy back here with a weed wacker and you know That was the house that was there before the golf course That's what I would say is probably

Tract on the trash here could be on the track if you were smart you would take that shit and run them I never understand when fucking That people give pushback on shit like that if you fucking take care of your backyard That's gonna raise your fucking property. I completely agree right front yard, too You might catch a title this while you're fucking And I'm sure the country group went to him and said hey, we're building can we have this and some old guy was like This is I've been here 28 years. Yeah, yeah, the hold off. So that's Sometimes they go fuck that and they just like build around them or whatever

Yeah, just kind of screwed, you know, right living in the middle of hole 17 or whatever Yeah, there's a white trash temple right in the middle of the golf course Golf course isn't that trashy the the biggest one is and I had a I had my cousins live there for a while next to a cemetery It was the backyard than a cemetery Talk about I'm out of there early from dinner Bye, I'm not a big ghost guy like you know, whatever but like doesn't matter the he be GV is a little bit That's not a positive energy of like walking by dead people. It's always a chain link fence to it's never a nice fence chain link fence A bad look though put some ivy on that shit cover that up

So you guys you guys are PA. Yeah. Yeah, so did you guys grow up with woods? Yeah, it's like not in my name, but like Yeah, close like we would go into the woods like you and you know, that's where you smoke cigs. It's where you find porn That's where you fucking build a tree house not like for us, but like they were kind of cool I mean my neighborhood neighborhoods between neighborhood like patches of you wouldn't get lost in there But you could get you can hide in there disappear in there. Whoa, that's that's a nice treat for a kid It would be like a 10 15 minute walk through the woods into another neighborhood or like a creek or whatever Or they might lead into like bigger woods and shit like that. That's fast

I was such a city kid. I didn't I was scared of the woods. Yeah, but you guys are looking at porn in there We had to go find weird basements or something. Well, there was always like the the you know The neighborhood urban legends to have like there's some sort of say panic devil worshipers that meet there My buddy's older brother's all over whatever that kind of shit. There was some weird shit They'd be like a hot they were like a half-burned-down house back there They'd be like a weird like rock formation with like satanic shit But they were just probably high teenagers in there Fucking Pink Floyd kids right smoking up back there

There was so there was this set of woods next to my buddy's house where we were probably like 12 or 13 12 or whatever we'd go back and like we built like a tree for it and we would jump into the water Like it was like over like a what freak or whatever. This is unreal. It was great. It was really cool I still can't wrap my head around what your neighborhood looked like. I know what it looks like from Miller's crossing. Yeah, that's that's my house I know that looks like a suburban neighborhood to me now I mean, they were big. It's a row of bigger houses, but it was all they were all like kind of dilapidated like LA So if I walked out of that neighborhood, it would be more urban. It'd be city

Yeah, for sure. Really? I mean I lived eight Six blocks from the French Quarter. Oh, so you walk six blocks and you're in it. Yeah. Oh shit. Yeah, there's no woods there There's no no having some woods was all right. I bet I'm born stash Yeah, we had an old black guy named Forrest. That was like the closest we got Porn was pretty good though, but we did find the one time It was it wasn't six feet deep, but it was the size of a coffin With like the fresh dirt on the side of it and we walked by it We were cutting through this way to get to a buddy's house or whatever and we stumbled upon like what

Exactly looked like an open grave What the we all like panic. Yeah, we stood there for like a minute and we're like, what do we do? Do we come back? We just kind of like shut that area of the woods off forever? Wow I don't want to go over there and find it buried like find it covered up and then I got to go to the cops or Staying out of it. Let's go find some sigs or something. Yeah, you can't go a cops Could have been a mob hit or something like that. Maybe they didn't kill him in Bucks County, Pennsylvania Maybe maybe you don't know so they buried Maury the watch Maury had no idea close the game to get whack

We had a house Like a half-burned-down house at one and one of the woods very Blair witch and it was fucking frightening Also, that shit dropped when I was that age I was like 13 or whatever so that shit the woods at that point you go fuck that I was in my 20s and that scared the shit out. Oh, yeah, I hate that shit paranormal activity all that I love those movies, but they scare me. Yeah, you fuck with the Conjuring at all. No, that's too much I don't want to be scared. I don't like horror movies. No, I don't get it Fucking Matt Damon somebody somebody give me a guy. Yes

Too scary for you. Yeah, that I can do it midnight run Just rewatch that the other night. That's all that holds up. Oh, yeah, it does shut up the Charles Groudon. Hmm Never happened on that guy. I think he passed away All right, this one's from Howie is it full name is how we felt their snatch and it took me a minute to get It took me a minute to put that together Mazzo's off how he got his lawyer Is it garbage to tuck your ears up into your baseball hat? Oh, yes I never got that move man. That's weird. Yes weird. Yeah, that's up there with the sunglasses backwards on that

That's not a great look either which I found myself doing just in Like moments of like I need like sure I don't want to put them down I'm like, all right, I'll do that and I'm like fuck. I'm the guy Yeah, I guess if I'm like doing something I'm like fuck. I'm the guy with them on the back When I was a kid the only one that did that with the ears under the under the baseball hat was the kid that was Managing the team, you know, they mean You know, slow poke. Yeah playing the ball boy. Got it. Got it. You become a thing and you know the hip-hop Seen guys would tell and then when the fittings became cool. They would wear big ones and tuck their ears in. Yeah, yeah

No good. I'm not crazy about the flat beak either. I like the beak bent down. I completely agree. I think that's the honky in this Like the curve back in the day We would do like it was like you buy a hat and you go well How are you gonna do you take like a Snapple bottle and wrap like rubber bands? Really fucking it was like my brother was good at him. Yeah, do mine, please, you know It was almost like a catcher's mitt where you had to fuck really working the edges. Yeah We were kids when the member of the college Yes, I can't think of the way hats. Yeah

Oh Yeah, I can't think of the name of the fucking company, but yeah one of those all worn in See, I'm from Louisiana So we had a guy with a fish hook he'd put that on the bill and that was cool. These things it was just like the generic text Yes, those are how they were fucking huge all the guys are getting laid and in New Orleans were wearing those The game they were called. Yeah, that's look at that one the river makes those these. Yeah, they're called the game I think Peckers. Yeah, yeah, men's the game white. Yeah, the game cocks was huge. I got cleaned up for five years Whatever it was those were big. Yeah, fish hook and then there was a thing with lighters when you're sure it was big

Fish hook was big. What fish hooks in there. Yeah, just on the bill most we see people come to the shows It's still have oh really? Well, like if you're on the south or whatever They'll have there, you know a little more Hickey spot. I have they have the fish hook on. Yeah. Yeah, huh? I never noticed that in a lighter sticking a lighter Once a lighter is done, you can take the metal off and clank it right onto the bill that was big too like the Kate the outside case like you can take off exactly and clamp that man. I think I've seen that that makes sense never seen that All right, let's see this one's from Dave Smith You wouldn't see a yarmulke with a fish hook

Maybe a white fish Yeah Everybody hits So Dave Smith, you know any woman who says suck my dick. Yeah, that's a tough look for a girl and Philly Yeah, I like that suck my dick. It is a little It's nice when a girl hits you with that or it calls you a bitch Right when a woman calls you a bitch man, that really steals the soul out of you I got a I got a lady on the road. I couldn't get it up and she called me the old

F a I was like It comes immediately Still couldn't get hard but k. No, no, no, I liked it. Holy shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well. Hey look, we can all be toxic It's not just men. Of course, of course Um, all right, let's see here this one's from Steve new $20 homie in the uk. What's up, buddy? Uh, is it garbage to buy sigs from the duty free shop at the airport then sell them for profit to people when you return home? Of course

That's good. I always think of that like if my brain works in the sense I go like what's it normally called? I can get it. I like a good deal. Yes No, this guy's an entrepreneur. Good for him. I think it's even trashier if someone's going. So hey, you want to I'm going to Ohio or I'm going to Delaware. I'm going to whatever you want me to get you to pick you up a carton Right. I'll pick you up a carton. Let me get you a card. I'm getting a carton. You want a carton? I don't like the cartons. No, it's too much. It's too much, man I know I'm going to fucking cross through 20 packs of heaters. Exactly. I used to do when we when we moved to New York I would go home every now and then sigs were at the time like six seven six seven bucks in philadelphia

But here they were $15 like $14 and as a super poor comic you're like, oh, yeah I'm like if you're smoking, you know a couple packs a week I'm like, this is 50 bucks that I don't have on top of what I'm already willing to spend. Do you still smoke? Uh, not I quit. Uh, but skankfest was a tough one I bet skankfest was a couple of beers wide open at the tables. You could smoke inside It's a good time. It's also too those things, you know, a lot of us all have anxiety and stuff like that So it's like you're in the green room. I don't know anybody. I'm like, I'm going to go smoke Like that's what I do with socials. I'm like, I'm going to go smoke and then I'm out there

And I go I'm going to go to the bathroom and then I go I'm going to get a beer I'm just like constantly doing those three things. Did you ever smoke like smoke smoke? No, I tried it once and I didn't I didn't get it Try it once. I just stick I hit the hit the you know the cancer stick one time and I was like, I don't get it Not for me. What about a cigar? We have a cigar. I love you do. Yeah. I mean once a month I'm not one of these guys who's smoking bats every night These guys couple of sticks. Yeah. Yeah, but I do enjoy one every now and then but the sigs I don't know not for me, but I get it. I like it. I like the look of it. I get it's romantic, but yeah No doobies, right? You don't smoke weed. No, no, I do the gums the gummies

Everybody's on the channel. Everybody. I know. Yeah should have had these fucking 20 years ago. I know The role of sig guy. He was cool. He was all right It's a lot though. And then you asked a bum like I'm like, oh, he was sitting there like I'll roll you one Yeah, that got real lame I can't just you can't just hand me something wet. Good point. I have to put in my mouth. I just can't do it Well, the thing is no phone before phones. You needed a cigarette. Yeah, I got outside It was a thing to get away. You know, there was some kind of Conversation thing, you know, you're not just standing there like a dope

Sure, but then it also does open the door of like you go out to smoke a sig and then you're like all these craze Anybody can get you now. It's just you're just whoever's out there. You're like, well, these are my friends for four minutes type thing Yeah, that's worse. That's worse than the cancer Yeah, thanks. Um, let's do a couple more here. This was from jack vandalay From vandalay industries hard vandalay want to be my latex Have you or anyone you know ever hired a private investigator? Which is a home run of a question good one because that's never good. No, no, no It's either like really poor shit or like, you know, very high-end corporate execs like just call cheaters. What do you know?

Unless you get the screen time, right? Have you ever done that? No, but I like the p.i. I relate to them. I respect them Yeah, the pizza boxes the beer cans the Hawaiian shirt. Yeah, I like that guy doesn't start all the time. He's a cop He's a road cop. He's a road cop. Yeah, he lives in a studio. Come on He comes back to you with shitty stuff. He's like so she likes He's got bad bits. Yeah He's bad. He's bouncing premises. Right, right I like that guy though. Mr. Jenkins. Yeah, he's down and out. He's on his own. He's looking for a win Usually an ex cop

Yeah, I ran out off the force for some reason cops look at him like we look at tiktok comics You know, we're like, uh, you're not doing the real thing. Get out of here. You where's your bed? Yeah I was giving him shit. That's funny. That's really good. Um All right, this one's from daniel ten dollar homie here. Uh, is it garbage to haggle with a stripper? Yes, man, stop with that. I mean it's I've done it. I've done it. Sometimes they do open the door. Yes, right? Uh, you know I was recently at an establishment Uh

And they open up the thing and if you say they're like, hey, it's only A hundred dollars. I'm like, you know, I forgot what the number was and you go. No, they go. How about seven? Do you go? Well, now you've opened the door to some negotiation. How about 15? Yeah About six inches Six this guy said, what are you a porn star? But no, I'm I think that is crazy, but I have done it It also like there is not a price tag on it like you know, you know, there is

Things open for interpretation a little bit. It's awkward because you're basically saying she's like, hey 50 bucks and you're like Look at you. Yeah, I know. Come on. You're 50. You're not 50. It's tough. So that's why it's hard But it's about it's gotta be done. I got a coupon lady. What are you talking about? My mom sent it to me I've got a coupon for a free slur. Imagine doing a checkbook with a project I think haggling at a rubbing tug is worse. That that's you should just go like whatever it is. It is Especially they have control of your joystick Beyond just me give you a fucking. Good point. Good point. And she's gonna be greasing her palm

That greased in the shoot a little bit Uh, hmm. All right, let's see here Half off but no loop I just found a private investigator in new york Who seems to spend most of his time yelling at people who give him one star reviews on google. That's fun That's a tv show. That's all right. That's a show That's all right. Now it says here. You gave me one star After I found you dead wife

And michael mckiever is pissed dude But let's be honest in his defect if you could give cops a rating They'd be fucked what you can rank. I think on yelp or whatever like google reviews Like you can go to like the precinct really in the neighborhood I think if you're in just like pull up google maps and it'll say like nypd precinct whatever or whatever other reviews I think people are like I went here because my cat was stuck in a tree That's hilarious. I think jesus really? Well, they have a monopoly, you know, they there's no competition Break it up. Well, you're the police. What do you mean?

It's got our own police force. Hey uber did it cab sucks Check this out one star review from captain jen miller would not accept my offer or locate my old lover Whoa to which mr. Michael mckiever responds. You should be embarrassed captain jim The real issue is you didn't want to pay and you know it This guy's awesome. This guy's all right. Yeah, get him on besides trying to use the doubtful captain claim He's taking shots at his rank plus. He does it plus. He doesn't do uh, he doesn't do creeper jobs Find my ex lover that sounds real suspicious. Yeah, let it go man. She's a whore. Yeah, no shit Uh, who was it? I think it was uh, nathan for you did a

He hired a private investigator to find himself Oh Yeah, he had a bunch of guys look like I'm like leave that that's brilliant. That guy's awesome. That's all right Funny mr. Beast did a similar thing too. It was like if you can catch me I'll give you a million dollars or whatever that guy's crazy. Oh, yeah, he's got the money to burn Oh All right, let's do one more and we got a wrapper up here Uh, this one's from dave. Are you garbage if you still look under the cap of a 20 ounce bottle to see if you want anything?

Oh I remember taking off the little blue the little blue thing to see if you can read the code I would make my blood run cold and my nail would get like under it. It was tough to get out. I need a pair of tweezers Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that was like taking the the nipple. Uh, what do you call those things? Clamps. No Ships cut this, you know the nipple on a stripper. She had a what do you call these pasties pasties. Thank you. Sorry I think I've ever taken a pair of pasties off It's but girls wear those now. They have the little the little suction cups. Oh, yeah, so they can go no bra

I like their you know, their antennas aren't out. Keep the girls free. I think I like an antenna But they don't like they don't like they know that you like the antenna Shut down shop smart. All right. That's a nice restaurant. We need the antenna. Do you know what I mean? Love a popper Couple blueberries that doorbell. Yeah Have you ever won anything like that a contest any sort of uh, give away I've won like a freak another free coke free ticket or whatever. Still that was big, you know But I there was a lawsuit and you can give this a gook there hog But there was a lawsuit about a guy and drank a diet coke threw it away the janitor found it

Had the cap one million dollars and they had to fight over it Really? I think the janitor won Because at that point it's like no longer your I mean But he's it's a chicken and the egg kind of uh, Solomon cut the baby It sounds like a case for the private investigator Get captain jim on it. Get the big guy on it. I would split it at that point. Yeah, offer to split it I don't know man. I guess the janitor You I found this it's like the abortion argument, you know, is it your cap when it you bought it or is it throw it away?

Who's yeah, so who's who's the winner here? I'm not raising that cap. I'll tell you that It's my brother's soda. I can't Ladies and gentlemen, mr. Mark Norman. Thank you theater tour tickets of mark norman comedy dot com Hey, hey, we might be drunk Tuesdays with stories anything else you want the folks out there to know Uh, you know, I got a netflix thingamajiggy. I got a youtube special called out to lunch Let's pop that puppy up to 11 mil 10.9

10.9 million Tell a friend follow me on all the queefs if you're not familiar. I you I mean, I'm assuming of course they are if you're not He's the fucking one of the funniest hardest working com. I mean, it's it's it's wild. Go check them out If you if you've been living under a rock, you both those absolute killer buddy. We love you. Thank you for coming Kippy, what do you got for him guys? We're all over the road as well We have a I think like 10 shows left for the end of the year get tickets to those Boston the second show is probably sold out Philly sold out Rhode Island. There's a few tickets left to the second show I think Atlanta's got a little bit left on the first show

Yeah, come see us gang Show time come see us down in charlotte selling out how do you get those tickets pick up the card game card game? Might still be available. Uh, that was fun. If not, that might be out just you know, everything's in the description. Check it out We love you get bodega cat bodega cat. Let's do it. Sorry Bodega cat spirit yourself in favor tie one on And since bodega cat is tasteless and odorless. Well, it'll be our little secret See you guys