Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Mark Normand part 3!

Episode Date: July 26, 2021

AYG comedy podcast presents stand up comedian and podcast host Mark Normand! You know Mark Normand from Joe Rogan Podcast, Tuesdays with stories, We Might be Drunk Podcast, Stand up Special Out to Lunch, Tigerbelly Podcast, 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura. Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Subscribe on iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/are-you-garbage-comedy-podcast/id1499140700 Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Hang on a second there gang before we get the show started to keep it moving 2021 tour is in full swing as you know Yeah, we have some additions. Sure. We have some announcements kippy straighten them out guys We're coming to providence road island august 11th Uh, we're gonna be in boston, massachusetts august 12th shall in kid. We're gonna be in new brunswick new jersey august 25th Jersey stress factory. We're gonna be in kimonio maryland outside baltimore at magoobies on august 26th Then the big thing moon tower comedy festival We're gonna be there at the fest at the fest couple of festy boys There you go. Uh, that's gonna be at the end of september on september 23rd 24 25th

It's gonna be boncos get some tickets. It's gonna be a good time. I can't wait to see it air Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash Now here are your hosts kevin ryan and h foley Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is are you garbage? Sure is a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that out They grew up to be classy or just a big old piece of trash I'm your host h foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here at antoady's basement

She's feeling good feeling fine. Yeah keeping an eye on her. She sleeps a lot Yeah, you know what I mean? I don't know what it is. I think it's the perk is that could be the perk is set You got to watch out my co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He's the ceo of are you garbage? He's really an international businessman Kind of the head bozo around here kind of my boss. So do me a favor make me look good show him a little respect Give it up for kevin james ryan. Hey gang happy to be here as always. Thanks for tuning in Please make sure you rate view subscribe on itunes full video available on youtube And as you know, those numbers are true to roof cook and baby and then patreon.com

God damn. Well, that's I mean, that's the real fucking that's the real money maker love that money Love that money talk about new money patreon.com You get a bunch of bonus content the whole nine yards and also t-bone gelling at me check out Are you garbage on instagram? We're almost at 10,000. We need that fucking swipe up Yeah, I need that swipe up move some tiki wikis and how about a nice shout out to our producer extraordinaire the magic man Makes us all look good. He was the pride of the chicago comedy scene now New york city, canadian. He's out there in queens keeping everybody in line t-bone mcmuffin It's toby mcmuffin everybody. Come on. What's up dudes? What's up t-bone?

Nothing get a lot of love from chicago watching new boys lunch it with the malort shots. Yeah, that's that shit stunk You look like tweens drinking vodka for the first time. Oh, man Like my first newport gang. We could not be more excited to have our incredibly scheduled guests back Back with us today third time on the show You haven't seen his first episode. You got to go check it out If you haven't seen his last episode, you got to go check it out We are super pumped to have him back Of course, you know him from we might be drunk Tuesdays with stories and the smash hit special

Out to lunch. I've heard about it ladies and gentlemen. He's a good-looking kid tight little body About to go off the market. We love him. You love him. Give it up for the one the only mr. Mark norman Yeah, look at you. Look at him. Thank you. Thank you. Good to be back in the basement It smells like cigarettes Right on brand It's our potpourri order. It's special. What is that mall, bro? Our American spirit. It's a combination. All right More of a parliament family to be honest with you. I got you buddy. First off. Congratulations. Oh, thanks

Congratulations on the engagement. I'm a lucky guy. He's a good-looking man It's getting married to Anderson cooper, huh? That guy's got a tight body. Oh, man tight body. Nice place downtown. Oh, yeah nice, uh, salt and pepper that kid silver fox Yeah, uh, we got you a little present. We did. We're trying to we're trying to you know We're a little new money over here. You know what I mean? We're happy for you We thought we'd get you something that you might enjoy I'm nervous and uh, behalf of the the r.u. Garbage squad and an tody corporation tody, of course Oh

Wow, this is beautiful. I know you're uh, I know you're a whiskey guy. Yeah. Well, I just quit And we only took a couple of sips out of it Don't put it in the freezer. It might freeze. I'm gonna drink this on the pot on the we might be drunk Oh, there you go. I'll look like a cool guy. It's really it's my favorite. Uh, it's my favorite whiskey. It's really good You've never heard writer's tears. Yeah, so let's uh, it's a little secret a little little hidden gem Did I hear correctly that you guys are gonna make your own? That's true. You got it fatty. I mean, we're going We're making so much fun here when he calls you fatty

Yeah, yeah, he says it perfectly. I save it for non-fets, but uh, you fluctuate like oprah over there But yeah, I uh like mason lane Yeah, we we we're making our own rye. So uh, that's crazy. We're just shooting for it I love it. We know a guy in the business and we said why the hell not he said let's try it. Scotty pippins is failing Drake's is failing. I feel like you guys are on the road every weekend. You're basically doing a campaign Every club in the city. So uh, let's do it. Dude. It's like avion fucking vinny chase shit. That's awesome. Yeah Yeah, exactly the next george cloney. That could make you millionaires. It could it's a shot It might make us nothing. Hopefully we break even but we'll give it a whirl mark Cuban buys you out. That's it right there

That's the goal picture you two on shark tank Uh, both hammer drunk chewy Oh, yeah, shout out to Barbara. I called damin the n word and they're like, and that's why I'm out I like your older stuff better Now gang, this is a uh, this is a company episode We're gonna be answering some patreon questions here Uh, but before we get to that, we wanted to kind of continue a little bit now that you're taking this step into adulthood It's a big jump. Yeah, very jump. We wanted we wanted to talk to you a little bit that follow up with some questions about that stuff

Um, you know, you're a wacky crazy guy, but you know, this guy's bonkers This kid's bonkers, but when you pull that away, I mean you're extremely organized extremely hard working You are an adult you own your own place. Sure. Where do you feel that you're at as far as like like are you? You have your shit pretty much together. Do you feel like an adult? Yeah, I see I'm of course you never do my this the penis of a child, but You know, obviously I'd love to Drink every night and and you got to get it together. I wouldn't mind having a little little norman Oh

That'd be cute, you know a little dingaling flipping around that had the residents there and running around doing material Yeah, what's the deal with formula? It's got a little moped Yeah, exactly So that'd be fun and all that so I figure hey you got a work card and play hard and that's really what life's all about Is that balance like we all want to just eat chimichangas and uh do crank But if you go all one way, you're not if you do the the hard work and then you earn the fun I feel like it means more. Yeah, it's way. Yeah. Yeah for sure the payoff is way better. Right, right So that that's what it's all about and well, where am I going? I'm not going anywhere. So yeah, I'll tie the knot and

Do you guys live together now? Yes, and will you do so she lives with with you at your place? Yeah, and that you guys will stay there Yeah, I mean, I'd hope to go bigger one day. I mean, she's gotten much bigger. So we have to no, I'm joking But I hope to get a bigger place has it become more of a couple's apartment than it was when you were there by yourself Well, you guys move no you guys move together. Oh, yeah, you're not. Yeah, he's not in uh We were in a shoebox a little pandemic and it was we were button heads You own that place though. I do and I sold it. I rented I rented out to an old asian lady. She's the best tenant of all time

She sits in there and knits and uh does tai chi all night. She's quiet The windows are broken the locks don't work that roaches and she doesn't notice It's great. I think she's on opium or something but uh her and tony hingecliffe are doing a podcast I can't wait to hear that. Yeah Wait, so did you buy a new place or are you guys renting this one? But I hate renting. I feel like the city's got a hold on me. That's what new york is It's a video game You show up and you're on the most difficult level and you get your ass kicked and you get a place

Then you you live in bushwick, then you live in crown heights. Then you get to maybe Sure get closer and closer and closer and less and less roommates as exactly Do I remember the first time I got my own place? No cosigner I was like I literally felt like like I got elected president Yes, the greatest my crowning achievement exactly then you get a hot pod and then a better studio It just keeps it's incremental and that's what life's all about is pushing that boulder up the goddamn hill What's his name syphilis syphilis? Yeah So yeah, that's what it's all about

You lose in la or austin or whatever. It's too comfortable and I need to keep pushing That's the only way I can stay sane and feel alive and irrelevant. Yeah, you need the gun to your head to keep fucking pushing It's funny because we're you know, we're you know, the pods this pod starting to fucking pick up and cook and like We're financially stable from where you you wear is like a fucking road feature or like, you know running around New york doing bars sure bar shows been there and now i'm like I'm like, oh great. I can finally let my foot off the gas and relax a little bit But then I go, oh no, no, I'm not I don't like that that feeling of comfort. I mean, I need no Let's let's do more fucking patreon. Yeah, let's fucking book more shows on the road

Right and I think we're in the same boat where I feel like for a guy Hair loss is our Biological clock. Yes, you know, you're hanging in there. You got a beautiful head of hair Charlie's got by the way. You got a lot of hair and a lot of cholesterol But uh, you do t-bone. Look, that's a mane and a half. I mean, that's like sampson over there But uh, he's got a piece on him, too. I saw the hulge Yeah, he's on circumcised you can tell he was checking the mics. I almost started talking into his crush To a chick

Hey, you guys using a boom mic. Oh, that's good. It's a longboard Yeah Hair is going and I'm on the propitian I feel like I got to get married get some wedding pics have a kid get some tv spots With this this hair and then then I do I felt the same thing it was like because like obviously I call him fat He calls me bald. That's the crock. You think yours is going. It's going. It's thin. You're thin in a bit But you're slow. I gotta I got five years left. But uh, I'm aware of it weeks left You're not like uh

Right Hey, buddy. Sorry. Yeah, what are you? What are you irish irish? Yeah, the irish go it goes But it's also like I just got married to a hot hot lady. I'm happy about that I'm pretty successful. You know, we're getting successful. I go. I'm not gonna. I don't need I'm not gonna be a leading man Good-looking bird. Yeah. Yeah I got a nice lady way out of his league. Oh, she's foreign. She's foreign You're a what's going on? She paid for the studio. Wow foreign boy anything, but german is really hot

I'm sure you fact-checking everything over here. Jesus christ put the dictionary away. What a sedative. I didn't know That would have been a hell of a gamble. Yeah, what a pull All right, I mean, dude, you so you own a property in new york city that you're renting out. You're a fucking landlord Basically, you're an adult. It's a headache. I need an assistant. I'm in way over my head here But you take it one day at a time Assistant really? I would like one really? I mean, I just can't keep up. I miss flights and I come the wrong day I mean, I had to reschedule with you 16 times. I just uh, I'm all over the road Then my parents show up and I'm a mess. Oh, okay. I get it together. That's what I'm talking about. Maybe you can assist for like 15

bucks an hour Yeah, yeah, I gotta do it. What do you do anything t-bone? Oh, like you don't want me as an assistant. Oh, yeah, I don't want that hog all over the spreadsheets Your girl's gonna be taking a peek at that thing I'll be like norman the rent's late, but she's just good for it. I'm proud. She's a good lady Uh, yeah, you don't want t-bone in charge of your affairs. Yeah, you can we got it. We got an intern you could have Yeah, we got an intern the bud light intern Bud light interns not going anywhere

All right, keep my eye on him So you got you got You kind of backed your way into an investment property a little bit Yes, you know what? I mean, you have you know, you have the opportunity do how are you setting up? Are you do you have like a 401k? Are you doing any any retirement stuff? Or do you have something to do like I do? I'm a money guy Yeah, so he's doing all that and you you lose a lot. It's scary to be using we're gonna need 20 grand for this just to open it That just gave me chills

That's what I made last year I'm talking about a couple of savings bonds. Yeah So it's all scary But it's all adulty and I just kind of closed my eyes and looked at my fingers and and I'll look at it in 50 years And hopefully it won't hopefully it's there. Yeah. Yeah, there we go. That said you gave you gave me a good idea So we know agent manager Business manager. Yep. You got a lawyer too. No, I know a guy was a lawyer and I'll call that goonies guy Everybody uses no, there's one of the guys from goonies. Oh chunk

It is chunk chunk from goonies is a entertainment lawyer, right? He does the the this shuffle I remember that. Yeah, he's good. I think but people use him a lot of people do like everybody You have an accountant because I think I use the same guy as you altman. Yeah Yeah, we all share a therapist. We share an accountant. No. Yeah, it's bad. We share a butt plug It's a it's a messy community. We're in here. Yeah, it's funny to talk to that guy because he's so ingrained in comedy He's like the page around cooking It's so crazy. It's like talking to a comic. I know I'm like, you know more than my dad About my life. That's awesome. Yeah, he's coming to my netflix. Like he's an animal. He likes comedy. He's a comedy fan. Yeah

That's awesome. Well, that's pretty good. That's pretty it's pretty sharp. That's pretty adult Credit cards. You have multiple credit cards, right? I got a bunch and I don't use them and altman yells at me He's like gotta build credit. You got no credit. We do this with everybody with when every good Do you know your credit limit? I don't I don't I don't know anything. I could barely add anything with numbers. I'm out I'm a word guy. You don't know what how much you can put on each credit card. No idea No, I mean we can swipe it right now and figure it out. I don't know. I don't know how that works That's actually the next question. Tell me get the credit card machine This kid's wide open. He don't know what he's doing. I don't we got a whale here. Oh, yeah, I'm a mess

Uh, do you have an amix card? I wish because I want to get in that lounge That's big one day. I'll get in that lounge. Who do you what uh, what what airline do you take points to yet? Delta delta big delta guy. Delta's good delta variants. Shabby. Yeah. Are you first class for the most part? I get bumped up quite a bit because I've got so many miles. Will you buy first class or no? No No, what are you crazy? Come on. So you won't buy your if they if somebody's sending you somewhere Yes, of course, of course. You're not laying out yourself. I will never buy myself anything nice Louis gave us all Rolexes for the tour I would never I just keep it in a closet and I keep clothes on like winter coats on top

But I've never looked at it never really. I don't know what time that thing's got on it. I just What am I gonna wear that around? Yeah, why don't you wear it? I can't be that's very it is out of character for him Yeah, I don't know. I mean you can't be jumping the turnstile wearing a fucking Rolex. Good point people I mean, that's a good point. You can't be jumping the turnstile. No, they're uh cops are gone He still steals a lot too big thief I want to be getting tased at a 7-eleven on TMZ. Hey, that's a good credit That would be a viral video, baby. Fuck an hour on Netflix. Yeah two seconds later. True tv's on the phone Exactly you want to do a prank show?

But yeah, so uh, yeah big airport thief that's crazy. I won't steal from you or your grandma Or or house party. Yeah, well, she won't notice. She's uh, see nile, but yeah, I'll steal from a Hudson news all day long And you rack that shit up. You I get a hard-boiled egg. I get a cliff bar. I get a bottle of water and uh, like a Reese's pieces That's $18. Yeah. Yeah, I think for summer I don't know what kind of oxygen they're pumping in the gaseous or the airport But I forget I'm like, oh, whatever. I'll just pay $9 for a boat. I don't like you just fucking fleeced me You have you have this old school you get this from your parents, right? Well, they don't steal He went there in the supermarket with a fucking ham under

Everybody be cool. Yeah Nobody be a hero, right, right Um, you don't you don't buy things in yourself. There's no splurge. No, like I'll When I was a single guy, I would go out with these girls and just lavish Restaurants and drink cocktailed $18. Whatever you want because it wasn't for me. Yeah, it's for me. It's like you can't do it Water and crackers. Yeah. Yeah, you can't wear. Are you can wear a Rolex? I look at this. I got a time max This is made for a retarded kid. Look at this thing This is like a special needs boy. I did catch. I noticed that one the other day or when you put when you got in

Oh, yeah, this is what like your grandma wears, you know, but it was cheap and it works and it you know Keeps ticking. I think you should wear the Rolex. I can't do that. What is that? That's nice This is a citizen. That's a movement. That is a movement watch ladies and gentlemen mt movement watch Stamps.com if you won't want everybody What about for your what what about for your fiance? Will you I got a huge ring because it's hers So I can do that. Yeah, but if it's for me, it ain't happening. You laid it out. You'd drop a couple of bucks Yeah, yeah to know that number

Whatever you're thinking go up really. Yeah It's crazy. Hey, they get I mean they say what is it a quarter or three month salary, right? So they yeah There's two Oh, maybe it is too. I think it's too. Can you pull that rule up? Yeah. Yeah. I think it's it's one or two I think it's yeah, what's like play shit. It might be that's fucking nuts. But who know everybody's got a different salary That's why it's such a shitty little uh Standard thing we do here. You know if you're a mcdonald's guy and then if you're uh Elon musk

Yeah, at least two months salary on the engagement ring two months salary Nice, I did that but I was making about 14 grand a year or so. It really fucking really worked in my favor That's good. Three spots at the pier They passed the bucket around I made eight bucks But that's the other thing you give the ring and she goes we got to play on the engagement party We got to think about where I'm like, oh, I thought it was done. No, buddy. You just got started Are you guys going to swing this yourself? Yeah, well, we'll have some parental help monetarily, but we're going to go to new orleans do it up where she's fun

She's a great gal and she's not insane where she's like we're doing the rainbow room on the empire stable 700 people four different costume changes. Yeah. No. No. Yeah. She's just gonna we're gonna rent a big house party liquor band Well, that's because it's about the for you. It's about that. I don't yeah all the other shit I find these people who go big with the fucking white horse coming out and they're all pageantry and flamethrowers They're getting a divorce in a week. Yeah, it's just so weird imagine if you like I remember It's like, why would you be on a horse that day? Like you're not doing that ever all the other time Like why go so big for one day? It doesn't make any fucking sense. I always hated the uh, the bridal party's

Introduction to the to the receptions when they come in fucking dancing some fucking jerk off Football throw or something. Yeah, some jerk off thinks he's still in shape from college tries to do a split fucking like blows out his ACL yeah, yeah, I mean falls into somebody's aunt. Yeah knocks over the chocolate fountain. How about the oh, sorry? No, that was it. How about the He got distracted at chocolate. I ran out of shitty tags That wasn't bad the chocolate fountain. I stepped on that was good But the uh, how about the the weird uncle or our brother-in-law who gave who gives the awkward speech? Oh, man, those are getting big on instagram and I can't the anxiety of watching somebody fumble through a fucking best man

Speech is the worst. I got a bulletproof one. Oh, he gave it to me. It's really good I've given it to several people if you're if your boy needs to get straightened out have him get in touch with me Wait, I'll tell you exactly what you do. I guess we could do this. I don't want to blow your thing I've given it to my friends. Yeah, who are then are like, that's a perfect way to wrap it up to wrap up a toast Here's the here's the here's the rules on it. All right First rule is you make sure as the best man you make sure you go you go last Don't let the don't let the maid of honor fucking show you up. Yeah. All right here here Everybody do that you make sure you go last you keep it three four minutes tops

Sure, right number the second rule Don't fucking cry Nobody wants to see that our dudes crying though. Like I wouldn't cry at my brother's wedding Just saying just in case that's great if you're quick Fucking cry, but you know what is some people cry because they got no closer. So they got to go big That's a hack. Give me a hack move. It's props Busted out the guitar for the other way they got shot. Ah That one say something nice about her family something nice about about your family

Something nice about the couple. Maybe a little bit of humor, but don't make fun of anybody. Keep it real classy Really the zing is always big. No the zing. Come on. What is this caddy shack? What are we doing here? Especially especially if the person's a comic, you know what I mean? Stay away from me. Do a class and do it nice Then you close it out. All right. Say close it out. You want me to do it? I'll do it I mean, it seems like you're already doing it. I don't know what you're looking at me Like what do you want me to give you a fucking applause to start? You would say you say guys raise a toast just a toast and you say to the bride and groom you say, um

Uh Here's to the beginning the middle and all things never here's to the beginning to the middle and all things never ending Ooh classy May everything that you want in life wait for you quietly on your doorstep and the love that you feel for one another I pray that it lasts you a lifetime. Boom. Just like that. What fortune What fortune cookies you get that on? Yeah, it was way better how I remembered it before this. I know I was on the spot I fucked it up. Wow. That was a hallmark

I'm telling you it was out with that. It'll bring the fucking house down. How did you memorize that? I'll get you a hand job. I wrote it. You wrote that. I wrote it for my brother's wedding. Well, comedy's out. You're going all in on this Get some e-cards on the phone That was beautiful. I got misty. I'm telling you I'm dude. I was fucking yacked out of my mind fucking I was he's saying three minutes of speech was 45 minutes. He's gonna start a business with everybody at the wedding I gotta start a bar Let's go camping in the morning, huh? Gang this podcast is brought to you by our good friends at better help

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In fact, so many people have been using better help that they're now adding additional recruiter Recruiting additional counselors in all 50 states. Nice. I ain't talking two three states. I'm talking all 50 stretching out growing a little bit I mean, there's a demand for it. There's a good stuff I like to see a special offer for all you garbage listeners You get 10% off your first month at better help comm slash garbage one more time better help comm slash garbage Kip, let's talk about our good friends over there at manscaped. Yep. Love them. You got a ball bag Gotta take care of it. You gotta take care of it. I know a lot of people might be a little nervous about that You know, I don't want to start to start doing it man. Trim up the bushes. She'll appreciate it or hey

And let me tell you something with the new lawnmower 4.0. It couldn't be easier quieter safer Fantastic. Yeah guys, uh And join over two million men worldwide who have trusted manscape with this exclusive offer two million 20 off and free that's a platinum album free world. That's two platinum albums two platinum albums even better 20 off and free worldwide shipping with promo code garbage at manscaped.com the link will be in the description Um, gotta do it. It's fantastic. When I started doing I'm taking it on the road. I do it in a hotel There's no there's no mess. You know what I mean? I get in the shower. Yeah have the shower on because you could use it while it's wet Yeah, it's got the light. I got the mirror. You can see

Quiet. Yep. Ceramic. No, no scrapes. No cuts. No nothing right there I cut the lawn let it fall down to the drain pick it up. Throw it out by the boom by the bing lather up I'm out. I sometimes I'm fresh and clean. Sometimes I turn it on and put it on my nightstand. Just as like it's like white And I'm fucking out baby. It does actually have it nice. It does a nice hum to nice little rumble to it Um, now it's time to get your own ball and your ball hair and body trimmer with manscape Uh, to makes the me time the best time enhance your confidence with some nice smooth boys down there Good times smooth as eggs. Uh, you got 20 off for free shipping with promo code garbage manscape.com Astrid's eggs in my case one more time. That's 20 off and free shipping at manscape.com promo code garbage

Um, I'm one of the first people to try the new 4.0. They sent them to us. They're fantastic They're great blown away by the performance. Uh, the craftsmanship detail 4.0. Go check it out. Grab one man. Honestly, they're fantastic Yeah, I was the dirt ball of the family 300 people walked out there hit that Murdered brought that outs down and from that point on I was like if any of my friends fucking need that they're getting it Man, that's heavy stuff. I mean, so are you I love it 845 crab cakes and cold at night I do love a good way people shit. I'm well, I gotta go to a wedding, but I love I love getting hammered in a tux

Oh, dude's getting dressed up to get drunk I love like even saint anything where I'm like, I put on a t-shirt and we go get drunk together You want to move to get laid single guy to wedding Get a couple pops in you Dance with grandma. That's big. I'm talking a slow shimmy with that old bag of bones. Oh every gal there's slipping on her own squirt Works every time that's good. Yeah, this broad's better than nightcrawlers, you know what I mean? They come jumping into the boat Oh, yeah Yeah, that's my little tip. I ain't got nothing on uh, may all your prayers be answered

on the doorstep with the uh, you can try to be sensitive say Or you can get out of the dance floor and close some ass. Yeah Yeah, I'm trying to find a soulmate. I'm trying to get my dick wet. Let's go exactly and of all those fills, you know bagnana I once feel myself after that speech in my brother's wedding and tried to make a move on uh, one of my sister and lost friends Yeah, shot down Impenetrable. Yeah, good stuff All right, I got a couple more here Oh, we I didn't know we were going. Ah, yeah, we're just whatever man. You guys are casual

With it, you know, are your bills on autopay? Uh, I'm trying to get there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you do it like you like call? Or you go online and pay con at every month or or you like you still doing all this shit yourself Or does the business guy take care of doing it? You're doing it. I'm doing it and I I tried autopay But I'm so bad with that shit that I uh, I fucked it up and I get a call Like when are you gonna pay then it goes into late fees collections and stuff Yeah, so I'm kind of fucked on that but I I want to do autopay. I know I just can't bring myself to do it for some reason I'm like, I don't want you touching my money. I'll give it to you when I feel you're ready for it

It feels taking it feels weird. It does. Yeah, I've set it up in the past and then It good laughs me for like a month or two and then I shut it down Oh, really in panic mode because things are coming out and I'll be calling the bank. Hey, don't let them take this out Right, I know like this fucking loser I know did you guys I remember getting my first ticket in high school for driving or parking or whatever and my dad was like Just pay it. It's 25. I was just fucking pay it right now. And I was like, I got it dad Get off my back you fucking greaseball and then Didn't pay it now. It's at 50s like told you just fucking pay it. Yeah, all right. I'll pay it

I I didn't get around to it. You know, I mean, well, I'm just getting you know blow every night so then It went up to like 150 and I finally paid it and it was quite a lesson. Yeah, it stinks I have I mean, I have like a fucking glove box full of them at this point. Yeah You got a month. You got to take care of it. I know but I got jammed up. They get you. I got yeah I've gotten the boot. I've gotten what you got a boot. Yeah. I got a boot. Oh, you got a boot. I got a boot. Holy The wave of panic when I came out and saw my car Wow

Sweating on the inside cold sweats freaking out. No money. No way to handle it man. This is also Yeah, this was like zero. This was like zero dollars. Oh, this is when we were like, you know, this was like two years ago Yeah, we were like proper broke the proper struggling comedian No more of a wake-up call than a boot because you know other shit I'll get to it. I'll skirt the system. The boot is like I gotta handle this Right here right now. You need to get on the phone and deal with somebody. Exactly There's something very emotional about like there's my somebody's not letting me drive my car. I can't use my thing Physical now. Yes. This ain't an email or a letter in the mail or a phone call. This is this is you're fucking me

In my face in my ass and the new york the clock's ticking because they boot You know the next step is 48 hours. You're on the fucking list the fucking sand man's coming around That's the worst thing about this city. I got mugged once and they took my wallet So and my phone so you're like, all right Now I got to get back home and get to my bank or whatever But getting home requires a cab or a metro car or a cash or a car to get a metro car And you got nothing So you got to find a way to get money to get your money

There should be a gentleman's rule. Let me let me get my license of my a license of my metro card That's good. That's I think that's reasonable if you're a gunpoint What's like having your mugger money like 20 bucks to give them? I got here you go Yeah, who told us how long I was gonna call and Quinn thing. Uh, let's just told us to her Keep some money in your pocket I don't have a wallet. That's good. Because that's what I wouldn't want to lose. Right. You want to take my credit card It's got a thousand dollar limit. Have fucking fun. Sure. You know what I mean? My bank. There's nothing in there So good luck. Yeah, you got my sag after card. Good

Tell everybody you're a bozo leave my license in my fucking metro card That's where profiling goes wrong. They go. Hey, look at this white guy full head of hair eats Well, this guy's gonna be doing all right. And then you're like, I got a boot on my car A thousand dollar cap. I got herpes. Like good luck Somebody did steal my identity uh in 2011 To try they went to jail Yeah, right to try and uh get a tax return and they filed in my name. They ended up oh and like 600 Like I owe money and I'm a sex offender

Gotta go door to door. Wow. That's hilarious. Um As far as coupling things Can you see in the future what kind of couple you and you and your wife are going to be would you guys uh Just hearing wife is will you will you be the couple that works out together? Do you guys work out together? What are you kidding me? No, no, no, I we laugh at those people. That's what's great about her Is we watch those videos and laugh and then we jerk off anything his and hers. No Joint bank account. No, thanks. She already agreed to a really she agreed to a prenup. Yo I know I know she's a great gal a great gal. You're doing a prenup. She her she brought it up

My man, I know not too shabby. I was like, uh, I never loved you more Wow, which is so funny because women are like a prenup. I'm like, oh, so you want the money Yeah, what the fuck who's the weirdo here? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Damn Yeah, that's awesome on her part. What a fucking girl. That's a great classy lady. Yeah Does she have a little bit of coin? No, she's broke Dumb broad you're lost. No, she's got a real job and she's doing all right But she just actually likes me which is one of the first of all wrapping your head around someone liking you is insane Yeah, but then you're like, uh, I think she's really in for the real right reasons

Well, that's good too because like in her she's ran a scenario of like He might be thinking this. Let me get out in front of it. That's a good healthy thing to do of like Hey, I don't want you to be worried about this or you put you in a weird position. I'll give you anxiety. So like I'm fine with it. That's fucking fantastic. She gets list in the divorce You co-hosted two seasons That's funny. Yeah, but any lady out there for the two fans that you have that are women, I'm sure like Go prenup just because he's thinking it the whole time. He's gonna resent you forever because you're not gonna sign one Sign one put your money where your mouth is you like this guy or not

I can just think of georgia. You gotta have a little bit of coin to be asking for a prenup though It can't be just some bozo asking for a prenup. Yeah, right? You gotta be able to protect something I can't I can't pull that off. I can't ask for a prenup. Where's feminism? You know live your life I thought you were empowering and all that shit. So prove it But I think in some states prenups don't mean any even if you have a prenup. I think like california is still a 50 50 split I think new york might be too stay at LA kid We gotta look into that toast All right, I'm going to Vermont

I gotta get to texas quick Oh, shit. Um, what about would you ever have a painting done of the two of you? You ever walk into a couples house and they have a terrible painting That's yeah, hilarious. I would do it as a goof. She would be I think it'd be funny bear skin rug Yeah, yeah, double-sided dildo Now we're talking Something I can get behind that would be fun. We would do that, but no no nothing sincere I mean, that's crazy people do that. I want to get to I want to get one of me and him in like

Suits like, you know, like in a bit like you go into like a business or like this Staring off to the left right right Ryan Foley and Toby That would be fun Foley Ryan and Toby Worst law firm no credit. Yeah Let's see. Do you currently have renters insurance? I don't think so. Yeah, that seems like a scam to me. Yeah, I don't get insurance on anything a rental car I just got a moped and Martha's vineyard. No insurance. The guy's like, you sure? I'm like, no, what am I?

I got a moped. I'm not gonna give you fucking 20 bucks. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't wear the helmet flow me Take that dork. Yeah I like how Norman's like kind of cheap but not really like very cheap. I think you're notoriously frugal I guess I guess I'm frugal. My parents are frugal. I'm a frugal family But I mean cheap would be like you don't buy a nice engagement ring. You cheap You don't cheap out on stuff like no no and dinners. I blow big and uh Boos I go I go hard on. What's the most you ever dropped on a dinner? Oh, man. Yeah Well, I've been out with some, you know, you know, when you go out with like eight guys in vegas

And you're like, what have we done all these fucking shots? Felt like you killed a hooker. You're like, what do we do? You come to you're like, what the fuck? I know who got the swordfish You're like, why is the waiter being so nice because he knows we're paying his mortgage with this meal So then you know, there's like a like an 1800 dollar meal and you got to divvy it up So everybody's paying 600 or whatever but I guess that's not the end of the world you and the lady though What's the will you enjoy the the finer thing like if you guys are going out to dinner You're like, let me get a bottle of wine or like are you like still being like I'm not paying

$44 for a steak type chicken breast and mashed potatoes. I've done it, but I don't like doing it I think the most I've spent with the lady is probably like 350. Okay, that's up. That's good. I guess All right. All right, Norman. You ready to start sweating, dude Ah, if you earn significantly more than your spouse before the marriage You can add a provision that limits spousal support later Keep in mind that all pre-numpturable clauses are subject to a judge's review So if your agreement isn't fair or seems retaliatory, the court can eliminate the provision. Ah, I gotta get a male judge All right, holy shit

I don't think that's a Judy, man. Start signing up to Joe Brown now A Wattner guy. Yeah. By the way, judge Judy from Brooklyn. Highest paid woman on tv. Bananas. I know Bananas money. I had a friend of her a friend. I think I don't want to talk about this on the pod Uh, a friend of mine grew up with her grandson and every uh, a I think he got in in school He would get $10,000 Damn Yeah, I know I'm such a dirtbag. I'd be like, I would just get one and be like, all right I don't need to try so hard. Just try and gym or what? Get one freshman here and ride it out

Ride it out. Yeah That's what's for the next four years. We're a kid, 10 grand. That's an ATV, a big screen and a playstation. Yeah You're good to go. I remember hearing that fucking bothered the shit out of me. Oh, yeah, that's great 10 g I you got a B plus like come on. Give me a Yeah, come on lady. I'd go to the teacher. I'm like, yo, there's 2k in it for you if you Yeah Or give me three grand for a C. Let's go Right

Take it easy That's all I got as far as the relationship stuff. All right. Good question. I love it. I love it. Sorry I feel like I uh, I should have answered longer. No, no, no, no, no. We have we have some other ones I I do subscribe to any magazines or periodicals. No What am I crazy? Come on too much commitment I don't read I would get them even the netflix when they were the male ones I I wouldn't even get to all of them because I'm like, I'll get to it And then you then I feel like I view it as like an obligation. Yes, you're giving me responsibility every month

I don't yeah, I worked at blockbuster and I you know, I love movies I went to film school I was like, this is gonna be the best job in the world and you get all the free movies you want I thought I thought it was gonna be like Tarantino taking 10 movies home and watching slasher films alone and all that I didn't watch it. Yeah, that's what it is that job stunk I work at a west coast. What's that west coast video? It was a more regional It was like it was like a shitty blockbuster, but they had the uh the back room At your disposal. Oh boy. Those you watched those we didn't get around to the other ones

Oh, you could take those you could take those on the low with the right manager I told you we caught this kid that I went to high school with his mom worked there And we caught her one time taking a porno home. It was called time for an ass fucking Never I'll never forget it. I've had to have mentioned this on the podcast Time for an ass fucking. I love it. It was a back to the future parody You're out of my ass, Marty. Don't hit 88. Marty, I'm coming Einstein look away Oh, man, hey, mrs. Miller. Why are you taking home a shaving ribbons riots?

Shaving Ryan's privates. Sorry. I couldn't get it out. Yeah I remember there was a Seinfeld one back there. Yeah, it was called Heinfeld. Oh, dude. It was so even good Oh, dude, it was so funny. They had like the guy like Cramer in the back And like Jerry peeking through up dude. It was awesome. Oh, man. That's hot. The porn parodies are hot to me They don't do that anymore. Really? The internet's got them. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah They got like a family guy and Seinfeld family. Yeah, it's animated pull it up It's just Lois getting reeled by Brian or whatever. She's got a tight body on her lowest. Oh, yeah

She got the very maternal uh figure to her, you know, sure. Sure. Why are you looking at me, dude? I don't know. Pull it up. T-bone Maternal figure. It's just it's just got her. She's curvy curvy mom. What am I on trial here? What the fuck? maternal figure what the fuck You like a mill thing I like a mill. I mean, yeah, who doesn't hips and bosoms over here. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm friends with you Spit think I'll take it put that in a bank t-bone With that the IRA I think I even might have said it on your last episode a kid

owned into a kid owned a chain of Movie rental stores and when they went under when like blockbuster moved and they sold all the videos And but his dad kept all the porn From like three locations in the basement all the vhs. Yeah, that's a big stash. Oh, dude. It was craig Kazanga's the arc of the cover the first one we took. Yeah Shit it's because that made his way around the group real quick. Were they colored? Yeah, they were vhs's they but were they sometimes they were orange or blue No, they were black one of those. It was it was like it was over. Yeah, and you knew something was on. Yeah, you knew something

That ain't plain strength in automobiles I'll tell you that Yeah, those are the ones you had to rewind yourself because they've been spooled so many times and came off the rim That's one thing that we we used to talk about growing up. Did you have the individual vhs? Rewinder I didn't my friend had it. I was jealous Oh, man, that thing was fantastic. I know remember remember recording show off tv and you had to The double hit two of them. Yeah, that was fun. It was like turning two keys for a torpedo. We never had I yeah I never understood that

People's parents would do that. I'm like, what do you work for the cia? What do you do? That's insane to me like bill gates. How do you know about that? I remember the first time I saw a kid with a cd burner He showed up with music on a blank cd and was like put this in and I'm like Where did you get this? What sorcery? Yeah, I'm like, he's like, oh my dad took me. I remember thinking like your dad taught you how to burn See who the fuck is your dad? I know right? My dad is still still to this day. He probably doesn't know what a cd player is Like his dad was burning them in like 92. There's comics out there still doing the dvd sales after shows. I'm like, wow

You're still going, huh? You think people buy them? I think they watch as a dvd They buy them as a like a just a tip Here we go. I feel bad for you. Hmm. Like at my shirt. I sell shirts on there. I don't think anybody's wearing that thing They jizz in it once they clean the gutters, you know Yeah, what have you ever sold any shitty merch where you were like what like back in the day where you're like I'm trying to get this cooking. I made a coo beer koozies. Oh beer koozies aren't bad sold about one of them I'll be coming back for a yg in the fall. Don't worry. Yeah

We're gonna do some yg ones. They're cheap. They're cheap and they can put yeah, that was in your suitcase They're not the ones that we're getting. They're very expensive. Which is why the price is so high top quality merchandise So that's what we're all about. Yeah, damn lighting and cheap fabric That's how you move merchandise. Nice pull. Nice pull. Harry Altman, right? Wasn't that who the guy was? Oh, yeah I worked for Harry Altman I sold raincoats for 20 years The executive yeah first belt I got he catches himself in the mirror. That's the best I went to take my belt off of the scan. I caught myself in the mirror to hit jerry

George, yeah Oh, you gotta love it. I love it. Good show. Um, all right Just sold it to took it off a hulu sold it to netflix that guy has made more money with the same shit Than anybody on the planet. It's crazy because I was I got hulu for Seinfeld Obviously at like the 599 level or the 499 like just whatever the basic packages and then Like two weeks ago. I went to watch it and it was like you have to upgrade to 64 99 64 well in order I guess it was the last the last couple of weeks Uh, the last couple of weeks that was on there

They bumped it up to I guess there's like a price gouge to be like anybody that will sign up Let's fucking take their money for the next couple of how much did he sell to netflix for? I'm sure hundreds of millions. I mean he sold a hundred you sold it Hulu how many years ago for 150 million? I thought that was forever. I thought so too. Jesus Six years or something so that means he got the nbc money Then he got the syndication money when it goes to tbs. Oh, that's like that's like that that that ended up being like billions billions and then it's hulu now netflix and then he what has he done two specials where he does his old material Yeah, so that's uh

40 million right. I mean it's just bananas The same stuff is making more money packaging it I'm right. He has a business manager. He's probably got a business man. I don't think he's selling kooz. He's on the road. No, no I wonder what he does he how does he feel about the merch? Do you think he was like He's against it. No, but even for like a straw like a guy who's going on the road is like I gotta do it Yeah, he probably gets that I think he gets it. He he's still got like a that's why he sells so much shit Because he still has that mentality much like us. He's a long island trash. You know, you like baseball and cars but uh

Dana ghoul had a great point. He said uh, do you they go do you sell merch? He goes? Nah, I can't sell merch because I heard george carlin once say Uh, oh, he goes. I never saw george carlin make change and he's like that was my hero Yeah, if he doesn't do it, I'm not gonna do it. Yeah, but carlin was you know A legend Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think it was in the works when he was fucking Merch is just black jeans and a black black sweater. Yeah, exactly in a weird pony tail. Yeah long rant I just found the number for then I've explained for Seinfeld, right? Let's do it over. Let's do a guess. Okay

I'm saying 250 million. Okay, foley 300. I'll say a hundred Oh Shut up. I got a prop act over here. What? 500 million a billion, dude I am correct me a good show correct me if I'm wrong It's not that good. Oh, you're not it's it's worth every penny. It's the best. I paid 64.99 to watch an episode I can't even really watch the the When I if I'm going through it like over like a court's time

I'll start at like season three and I'll go through when I get to like the early episodes of season nine I get like depressed. Well, Larry's gone. Yeah, they do get a little I get just depressed because I know it's a I only have a few episodes. Oh, I see. I see a couple of good ones on it. It was fun. It was fun I got a little cartoony, but yeah, it was fun Still a good show, but uh, the early ones are really tough sometimes the really early early. We have a pilot Yeah, it just doesn't click for something like there's certain things really what the hell is this the only reason it popped was because It was cheers and then wings and cheers was the biggest show on tv Wings got good play because it was after cheers

You know wings was like a half ass whatever show that nobody watched But once wings got kicked they put Seinfeld there and then people caught it So that just that You know weird progression of it happening happenstance got them on and they started finding their footing But what show gets three years to find their footing now? Yeah, nothing. Well, they said they were they did really well with the high level advertisers like the lexus They said yeah, so that's what Keppelmau had to know that low and brow beer Interesting legs remember the legs? He looks mattresses. He looks mattresses. I don't know if that's this week, but maybe next week

Chantix Now we're a lucy company around here Shout out to him. That was before we started recording. Oh, yeah, that's right. I was Um, what do you got right? Uh, let's see we have uh So these are the patreon questions when you sign up for patreon, we'll ask your questions on the air Uh with a guest of further family episode this one a good porn segue. Uh, this is from maddie mcb You ever walk in on your pops whacking it? Jesus Christ. Oh, wow You gotta lose respect for your if your dad's jerking off. You said your own man has a hog on you

Really? She's got a piano leg I mean it's bananas. Yeah And maybe I was little so you know, it's like yeah, it looked bigger, you know like uh, You know, what do they say things may appear larger in the rear view mirror. Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, He had a huge swing and balls too. Just wow bag of potatoes over there. But uh, I think that's perception I had the same thing too. I was just a man really that's the thing that looks like a fucking bean bag Yeah, and then I really kind of look at this thing. Oh, I I could draw it But uh, I wonder too if women see dicks is bigger because they don't have one. So they're just seeing it

Really Really got my fingers crossed on that. Yeah, and they don't really watch a lot of porn ladies. So I think your dick is One of the few dicks aside from the guy on the train Is the one they're seeing. I don't know. I think maybe now that's that's a good point. Yeah, we're in a tough spot Those days are talking about like big dick energy and stuff like that. I ain't got it. No, no There's there's there's a lot of vision. There's a lot of comparisons out there. I think yeah more women are watching porn and stuff like that Yeah, I'm in a tight spot It's out. I think this is just your way of telling us your girlfriend watches porn

She does not she's a classy lady But uh, yeah, so uh, never caught him jerking it but I've caught him plowing mom a few times. Wow What's the oldest age? Was that like where you was 16 or was it like an eight type thing? A little of both I caught well probably when I was when I was little I would wet the bed And every now and then my bed was so soaked I couldn't sleep on it. So I had to go sleep with them You know, I was probably like 31 But I would go sleep with them and I went to go sleep with them one night

I got my my teddy bear and my jammy or what do you call the blanket and I walk in and my dad is on top really Really jack hammering and my mom's doing some moaning. I was like Did I I remember thinking should I stop this because it looks bad? Yeah, like it looks painful and she's kind of unhappy It sounded like Something in me made me turn around lights on or lights off off. So it just was figures TV on no tonight shows playing No, no that would scar me with it tonight Get off my mother. Yeah, you son of a bitch Holy shit. You were there that long

I've I've cracked a door and like oh really barely. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't get a fucking the free show you got No, no, no, it should be charging for that mattress on the floor Delapidated mansion, you know light on the like hanging Back in the day. Yeah, so it was still like sage bed. Yeah, young parent fucking wait. That was their bedroom the mattress Yeah, I'll tell you we grew up in squalor. It was a weird home Holy shit. Yeah, yeah, I fucking in though, huh? Yeah, fucking's free But yeah, that's crazy man. That was I don't know five years old and I guess I'm probably again 10 years later

at a In the middle of the day. Wow. Yeah, a little afternoon delight. Yeah That was back. The light was you know, the light was on it was still daytime. And so the room was fully illuminated Yeah, so I saw too much and I now is there a convo afterwards. No So they didn't know but you didn't they didn't stop the second time I went Holy shit. Yeah All right This guy's twisted your parents are in town right now. I know I wonder what they're doing. I just caught him fucking

Poor Norman. I'm sorry, man. No, it's fine. It's a better to know. They're in love. You ever see your that's one good thing Your parents uh together. Yeah. Oh separated, but we married for like 20 years at this point Wait, they got no they separated in my mom. I got remarried. Yeah. Yeah. That's the ultimate trash move Yeah Divorced I get but then the second second wedding get married again. Right garbage Trash, what is that with the uh, like Yeah, you've seen your parents go at it like fight. Yeah, that that hurts as a kid. See I mean, that's why I'm a comedian I would say I'd say so. Yeah, that's heavy. Yeah, you're the clown. I'm like, hey, everybody relax. Nobody yelling at each other

Yes, yes, put the frying pans down All right, and the knife I'm her chappelle one say uh The as a kid in a weird home. You're the icebreaker and and the comedian is the ice man. It's so true I was the youngest just kind of like hey, everybody. We're living in a weird situation. You guys hate each other. My brother's gay. Let's hang out Let's fuck around. Let's do juggling or something. Did they fight? I caught him a few times really just I should have left eight all that shit

But they're still banging. There's still sexual attraction there. That's sure that is great. Maybe there's a passion, you know It's a fine line fighting and fucking Nothing wrong with it. No, no, no, I remember my dad my step mom going at I was upstairs They were going at I just turned the volume up on the TV. I was probably watching the sign but I'm like, well, this is gonna bother me later I Wow, it's like fighting. You mean yeah, you're screaming like, you know, and I'm like, oh boy Every time you're not going downstairs. No, no every time you're the nightcore theme you start balling your eyes out I haven't watched coached in a decade

That was a good show. Dabber shout out to it Craig t. Nelson nothing wrong with it. No, he's a dill. I had that show in the background my whole childhood I'd never actually watched it. It would just be on the background. Yeah, that was weird I it's like that talked about but I felt like it was on forever. I know cheers. Yes. Yeah, it's it's not in syndication anywhere There's so many shows from the 80s and 90s that had like serious runs like four or five six seven years Yeah, we're like staples. Yeah, and then Nowhere nowhere nowhere. Willing Grace They brought that back. Yeah, that's a bad example. By the way, you've heard Norm McDonald's got the greatest point

He's like this show is supposed to be so progressive and like open-minded, but will would come and be like I had sex with a man the crowd's like They're laughing at you for fucking. Yeah, this is progressive. That's crazy. It was a different time. It was that was what 90s? Yeah, late 90s. Yeah, Debra messing Not a fan. Ah, it's got the boy body. Yeah, great in uh Uh Long came Pauly Pauly Pauly Pauly Pauly Pauly Pauly what that's a soprano. Yeah Along came Pauly Pauly Pauly Pauly want a cracker. Sounds weird

Pauly wants a turkey, oh Um, all right, let's do a couple more and then we got a skedaddle here. Um Um This is from jack everywhere a neck pillow anywhere other than a plane. Uh, yeah, I tried to write a bit about this really Yeah, I mean, why why is it just for the plane? It doesn't make sense. Bring it to the dmv. Bring it to a movie. Bring it to a movie. I get no a trainer or bus Or why is that though? Why does that be transportation? I don't just agree with this. It's a neck, but it's comfort Where are you gonna lean it on? You're like it props up a little, you know

Huh, do you take one on a plane? Do you travel? I do I do. Yeah, I and this here's trash I found it at the airport 10 years ago. Oh my god. It adds, you know, jerry curl juice and gray hairs on it a couple Ticks and lice. I flicked those puppies right off. I still have the same one at things fall on the floor It's got Ebola. It went through a Wuhan and I still use it Dude, that's kid's cheap. That's yeah, that's cheap. That's not frugal. That's cheap. I can't buy one. They're like The 999 already says he steals them all the time steal that I could do you just like hook it on your back Yeah, or whatever and then you just walk right out. He's gonna question. Yeah, are you in the more serious crimes here? Hey, listen, he chose this life not me

Yeah, the life chose me. He's a soldier. Yeah, you know, what's really I think is insane But you see with the one that like blows up and you sleep like you lay down in front. Have you seen that? Yeah, it's a bit much too much. I think that's crazy because him on the plane was doing that He was sleeping on his on his on his tray table. That's not a bad look. Yeah, that's the tension sleeping. Yeah That's how you sleep in class. I was next to foley. I didn't have a lot of room to work. Oh, you got to go forward He's taking all the back room. I get that. Um, play me. Are you with delta com? Do you like delta comfort? I do. I love delta comfort and these bozos said it was they're like, ah, it's the same I didn't have a foot rest

Foot rest. Yeah, they're supposed to have a foot rest like we Well, not a man I've never heard of a foot rest on a plane Right. I thought that's what she said, but she uh, uh bar the uh, rea maria from barstool That might be for like longer flights or so. I don't know foot rest. It didn't seem much different than a regular They're bigger. There's a little bit more space. Yeah seats are better a little more leg room But here's the clinker back before uh, the pandem Delta comfort you got all the snacks and the goodies and the booze

And now that's over. Yeah, because they're not doing that shit now with the with the covid. So It is not as good. You still get a little more arm room and leg room, but not with fully next to you Yeah, sure. Oh, yeah. All right. That's twice. God damn it Well nine iron, huh? You're fired I paid for the whole seat. What the fuck man It's got a point Excuse me. What'd you say? Excuse me miss. I paid for my whole seat, please Excuse me. How come he gets two seatbelts? What the fuck? I do have two seatbelts. Yeah, that's the one thing

I've been stealing. I've been stealing seatbelt extenders. Oh, so I have them from each different kind of airplane. He looks like a fighter jet He's got him coming down the front. Even they call you to be like let him have it. Yeah, he needs it. He needs it And I have a great system. I don't wait till I sit down. I ask right when I get on the plane Because if you say because if you ask when you're at your seat, they tell another flight attendant and then all of a sudden Some dudes walking around going who need to see And they know I'm right here. You can take a look. Good point. Yeah, open your eyes. I'm sweating here Yeah, the guy dripping out of his comfort seat Uh, man, all right, this one's from paul ever used something that wasn't a toothpick as a toothpick

Oh, of course. What do you have a go-to? I like a business card. Very good. Matchbook is nice, too Oh, yeah, anything with that good corner. Yeah, my dad was he would just keep ripping it Yeah, it's a good feeling. What do I one time in class? I got yelled up on my teeth. I used the uh, the compass got that Needle. Yeah, really good. I looked like a tough guy Here you go nerd take that back and use it picking your teeth with a protractor protractor. There it is Is that what it is the which one's that that's the protract okay the compass has like the spike in the circle That is insane if that was given to children like every kid had one I mean you could kill a guy. I didn't know what they were for. I never made it to make a circle. Yeah, nobody did it

No, no, that seemed like something from the 50s to me. Yeah, you know, I just never made sense all that shit just that that fucking paper cutter Clean off somebody in like the 90s had the bit of like we have like the plastic scissors that don't cut anything We have the fucking decapitator in the back. Yeah, it's like an ISIS thing. I think that was gullman I think it was yes, it was it was exactly and then he had to talk about the brown tissue that Yeah, now I have a nosebleed right right. Yeah, he's good. Oh, man. Did you guys have a bunsen burners? I always see those in movies. I never I never had that we had that we had the big science tables that had a gas line going into it Yeah, yeah, just the yeah, we had there's always colder in there

It was those those tail you always wanted to fall asleep when you got the science class. Did you take a uh pig apart? No, a pig. Yeah, we did. Yeah, we did the we did the pig the baby Yeah, baby pig. Yeah a pig. We did a frog like normal people. We did a frog too What you did a frog and a pig we did a baby once Got it right out of uh Susie. She was pregnant. It's not a clinic, but yeah, it did a pig the baby pig Everybody had one everybody a little little oinker What it was it comes in like a vacuum sealed bag you open it up and it's all bloody It's got hair. It looks like baby like fresh direct pig in the city. Yeah, that's gotta be expensive

Every gets a baby pig public school for me. I think what's up? What's a baby pig? Toby? Couple of bucks. Look it up. Give it a go. What's a baby pig did I sacked? Oh, I say If you're buying in bulk, they're buying in bulk. They're not paying retail. No Wait, wait, you want you want prices? Yeah, and they're government issued. You know, this is for schools Yeah, it's for a school. You're getting at a bottom line pricing, right? This ain't no uh Retails for suck belly. They kill baby pigs. Just so fucking idiots in science class can take them apart Which are not going to become scientists anyway. I know dude. This picture is so fucked up. Yeah, welcome my childhood Yeah, imagine eating lunch after that. Yeah, right baby pigs and huge hogs

All right, 33 95 not too bad for one That's not that's a lot check inflation go to the 80s or the early 90s at least they had to be a couple of bucks This is this is at home though. This is a single pig. You're not buying them We were getting them by the palette back in the day 700 bucks a class if you got 20 kids in the student No, that's what's that math. What is that? Where'd you get that? All right? If you go to carolina.com you can get them Two for 25 Those pictures are so brutal It's not good to find the heart the intestine and find the kidney. This is what this looks like. Yeah

Anybody not do it because we were we were allowed to say no got a couple muslims. They didn't want to touch it But yeah, yeah, it's uh try fingering a girl after that by the way Don't use the line. I hate the second pig. I'm in today. All right That's it there we go Ladies and gentlemen back again. Mr. Mark Norman buddy. You got anything coming up that you want the folks to know when's this come out? I'm talking about you Next monday. All right come to houston, baby. I mean, uh, philly philly. I've been feeling look out. I got a big Go check them out helium helium, but we sold out much most of it, but we're adding shows

So, uh, let's let's pack it in baby best in the biz guys go go check normand out new hour What are my favorite clubs? I'm all over the road mark normand comedy.com. Check me out. I'm coming to your town fantastic, buddy We love you. Congratulations again. Thank you guys. Thanks for coming in. Thank you What do you got for him? He's always playing, you know rate review subscribe everywhere youtube patreon at kevin rand comedy on social media Then check out the r u garbage pace get us up over 10k at r u garbage on instagram and come see us in Providence on august 11th and laugh boston on august 12 That's gonna sell out quick those there's not a lot of tickets left for that get those more dates coming up

We're gonna be cruising and bruising all over this country all through the fall and winter We couldn't be more excited. We love you and we'll see you next time