Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Mark Normand Returns!

Episode Date: July 27, 2023

Kippy and Foley are joined by the hilarious cousin, Mark Normand! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NEW LIVE SHOWS: https://areyougarbage.com/ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ This Show is sponsored by BetterHelp Better Help: https://www.BetterHelp.com/GARBAGE Pretty Litter: https://www.prettylitter.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Gang the stage trashy tour is coming to a city near you. Stand up comedy plus we play the Liy G with the crowd. Shows are selling out and you can get your tickets at RUGARBAGE.com. See you there. Welcome to another exciting edition of... Are You Gobbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals? Or absolute trash? Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there welcome back to everybody's new favorite podcast. This is R U Garbage. Oh yeah. It's that little show

we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they're good to be classy. Yeah. They're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, H. Foli, coming at you on a rainy day out back here in Tuddy's in the new edition. She's over at the chiropractor, getting her back blown out. Okay, for her. Okay, my co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of R.U. Garbage, heading down into shore in a couple of days to reclaim the title of Mr. Neptune 2005.

Look for him on the boardwalk. Be the guy with a Sam's pizza in his mouth. Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan. Let's up gang. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe, and I tune full video available and YouTube as you know those numbers are.

Shoot a real cooking, baby. And obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patrion.com. So I show you garbage again. It's a fucking party over there. We just hit 10,000 patrons. Check it the fuck out fuck that can't get enough gang we love you to death and speaking of loving you to death happen a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire the magic man makes us all look good give it up for Toby T-bone McMuffin over there Toby McMuffin

everybody hey what a voice what up T-bone hey we got a guy in here at the top of his game came in here sweat looking real nice dude you got a little poof going on there. I wouldn't be throwing shade. I want throw a sh** You got a little bird's nest up there. Well, you got to give people the real feel that hair looks like it's attached to your headphones Need a little trussing a over there for this fucking humidity Icaramba oh Frisze gang we couldn't be more excited that were incredibly And I mean incredibly special guest here with us again today. He's fucking family at this point Yeah, a lot of million times you know him. You love him. Got a brand new special coming out on a major streaming platform Out right now soup to nuts give it up from Mark Norman everybody

Normando I was here that was amazing And can we call this garbage anymore? This place is sweet. It's new. This is new money, baby. Yeah, this is crib. This is all a rena center. They're gonna come and take it so shortly. This is what happens when dirt bags hit the lottery,

is they get a full-size night in a farmer. Yeah, you get an R2D2 bar and a total top opens up. I tried. They wouldn't let me do it. Remember when our arcade game was the the peak ah What are you talking that's not see that I didn't even see that's my dude that is my claim to fame I cannot believe I actually own an arcade machine. Oh that's fine five grand to fix it I'm gonna get our age level the movie big was the pinnacle of luxury. Oh trampoline the words. Was there anything better than that bunk bed skateboard on the hardwood?

Uh-huh. Fuck it a weird lady. Coke machine. Yeah. It was all right. That was my name in college. Yeah, the only thing about that apartment in big, I would be scared you'd fall out the window with that trampoline those big windows.

Yeah, the more that joints going for these days. Holy holy shit that's got to be so ho or try back yeah I was like a huge loft right huge loft oh yeah that had that now that's got to be about 80 grand a month easy easy talk about a real come up that first night he was in that fucking shit hole and they were shooting each other outside oh yeah for the four to got the job right yeah shout out the big nose and all right movie great movie I like back when you could get laid like because now that would be a big old big old controversy Oh sure the 14 year old fucking the lady that was hot though as a kid who was like eight

I was like I got a chance he didn't bang her though members. She stayed on the top of that fuck do they I thought yeah later on when he stays at her place. I feel like she was a real cool. I think she took control. Do they bang and big? Yeah. Oh, it's all big bang stuff. Yeah. A great show as well.

There you go. Buddy, good to see you. Yeah, ma'am. Hey, good to be here. You're right down the road. You were doing the old, uh, you're all over the place. You're running the gun.

I'm hurting, man. We did fully loaded. I did some gigs in Boston. Then I flew to Theo's place. You're running the gun. I'm hurting man. We did fully loaded. I did some gigs in Boston. Then I flew to Theos pod. Then I did Zany's in Nashville. Then I got back yesterday and did four shows of the seller. Are you ever gonna throw it in low gear? Not even neutral. Are you ever gonna just be like, I don't need to be in nine states and one. That's a kick off a European tour. What are you talking about? Yeah, I can't stop. I mean, why stop now?

We're young, we're gay, we're running around, we got all the energy. This guy's amping me up. I'm in. Yeah, let's go through a show. Do you do anything cultural when you're over there in Europe? Oh, yeah, I'm gonna bring the lady and we're gonna really find all the American restaurants.

You know, see if they're different. Hit the KFC, hit the McDonald's. I gotta tell you, you lose weight in Europe. They don't have the preservatives and the the the the quaves the portions are different it's not like five plates it's very small and modest yeah yeah you can have fun you can eat a bunch and still drink but you come back I'm like I didn't put on 50 pounds I feel all right I know I was lame the mail got a lot of poise and the poison makes it good but it ain't bad ain't good for you well you try to order in the language of the country you're in or what you you will.

Yeah that's funny do the weird accent you're saying English words but with a banjo. Sure a little bit of fire on them. Yeah exactly. Can you speak anything? Can you get a little French in you? I grew up I'm from New Orleans which is like you know everybody's a little French there it's like being Jewish in New York, you know.

But, uh, Mazzle. Yeah. But I got a little bit of, it's fading, it's fading fast. My parents put me in French immersion, which is where you learn math and French science. Is it Dippian mail? Where is that? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha learning French no shit you went to a French elementary school have French have

Urban noir Holy shit, that's a fucking yeah, yeah, yeah, you got a wild. Did you have kickball and shit like that? Yeah, we had everything I mean recess it went back to you know you were in New Orleans. Yeah, you weren't in Paris Yeah, it was a mix we all all mixed together. Wait, tennis on grass, courts, or anything like that. Yeah, yeah. Drinking mint, jualips, sear sucker, the whole thing, but I had to get out. I had to get out.

It was too French. Okay. No, they sat into a regular elementary school. No, I just went to the black side. What do you mean? In the school itself was half and half. Yeah, you could do French immersion, you could just do regular. Oh, really?

Yeah, whoa. So I went to regular. No kiddin'. Yeah, it sucked. Man, those French kids mostly been tortured. Oh, man. But the girls were real horrors. Early.

I mean, they aren't pretty hair sucked, but they were like, you know, six years old, smoking. We wanted to ask you, you got the house now. Yeah. Right? You kind of. Kind of. Sure.

You said the lady was really taking charge as far as putting the guy, are you living in there now? No, no, not there. It's a money pit. It's all demo. All these cum guzzlinatis coming there. They got an engineer. Everybody's got a goddamn clipboard. There's 15 guys. Yeah. Yeah.

You think you're higher than one guy. That guy needs a guy. Everybody's got a guy. You got to have some scumbag from the DOB with a phone on his belt. You know, he's got to come in and go, oh, oh, this is all I got to go. This is all unsafe. We got to tear all this shit down. You're like, come on man. And luckily my contract is like this. I was guy from Queens. He's like, oh, fuck this pussy. We're gonna do it how we do it you know and then he went to Italian emergency thank you very much

but yeah so he's like don't worry we'll just work around him we'll just tell him it's gonna be fine what do you play this place is gonna fall down a couple of weeks no no doubt about do you have anything that you're putting in that's like special are you excited about it. Do you have anything that you're putting in? That's like special. Are you excited about like, hey, listen babe, you can decorate the whole thing. I just want this one.

Yes, I have this. There's a seller in this thing. I'm talking medieval shit, you know, with the arched brick cement floor, dead rat cobweb. And she's like, I'm never coming down here. And I said, good, I'm gonna take it. And I'm gonna put a fucking twister, the mat down there.

I'm gonna get a couple of weights, pull up our, I'm going full commando. Really? Are you gonna make it nice? Are you gonna leave it as is and just kind of real bare bones kind of, that's your dojo type thing. No, I'm gonna make it nice. I'm gonna try to make it like, you know,

get a couple of neon bar signs and a cool rug. I love how that's nice for him. Mikalo bolt true, what do you think? Yeah. Okay. Maybe a little bit of a man cave for lack of a corny or word. Yeah, a little bit. I try not to use that term, but yeah, that's my, it's gonna be my spot.

I'll put some mics down there, you know. One of those weird blow up balls that you can do sit ups on, You know, you're not guy. You gotta have your space. How about a section on a big screen TV? Oh, we'll get that too. What about what about in the kitchen? You said she was handling, but are you doing like you're doing the nice stuff?

You're doing Vikings stainless steel stuff because it's all like your big purchase. Big house. This is where you're landing probably forever knowing you probably live in house couple of rug rats, but she's going all in with the the color swatches and she's working on handles, door knobs, light pictures, sconces, what the fuck's the scotch? That's what he started getting you when you started talking about what the hardware yellow what color the screws are. I like I'm terrified. The island does it have a wine cooler or not? Oh my god, it's just chaching, chaching, chaching.

That's gotta be a couple of bucks. All right, over there. But yeah, yeah, this is gonna be tough. But that's why it's taken so long. It's been a year and a half, which wasn't the end. Is there a deadline? Is there a finish line in sight? What they're kicking around?

It keeps moving back. It keeps saying, hey, by August, then that's not gonna happen, hey? By Thanksgiving, so now we're at Christmas. So I'd love to get a tree in that bitch. Ooh, that would be nice. Could you sleep in there now or no? No, no, so plumbing.

GM, stop. Yeah, yeah, there's already a squatter in there. You know, it's like not done. Please, are really a squatter in there? There was. No shit. Yeah, the guy called me, he's like not done. Huh, is there really a squadron there? There was no shit Yeah, the guy called me's like I just kicked out of dude. He was doing heroin in the cellar. I said that's my man See if he wants to hang out It all right. I'm bald. He's in the neighborhood. Look at you. Right, right You go ever go over there and just stay at like walk through and like, oh, this is mine. This is crazy completely all the time

I really like fuck. I finally achieve this. That's why and there's something something anything. Are you walking around like fuck fuck? What's this called? No, that's 10 G's. That's 5 G. It's kind of nice. No, and it's not done because it's all up. You know, it's all hope right now. So I like this part. It's like the vacation.

Once you're at the vacate, you're in Hawaii going, I still hate me. You know, I'm in Hawaii, but I still have hope. You still have, oh my God, what it could be. Exactly. Yeah. So I'm dreaming, I'm walking around in there. You think you'll be a different you once that's done.

But I'll be the guy in my, you know, who has sconces and does ab workouts in his man cave, or what? Right, right. You're gonna get to paper delivered, you're gonna start getting the times. Praying in the times, I'm gonna give girls' scouts money. I can't wait to be part of a neighborhood.

Really? Yeah! I'm gonna join the neighborhood watch, you know. Steal from the bodegas? Yeah! You name it. In the bathroom, are you getting his and her sinks? Well, we got this.

The place is pretty big, so she's gonna have her own bathroom, which I love. Really? She uses my toothpaste. This is my lady for you. I don't wanna make this, we don't have to turn this into a view, but she does the thing where she'll like, use all the toothpaste and then I have hidden toothpaste

because she won't go out and buy it. So I'll go buy the toothpaste and then she just uses all mine. Is this weird? No, I gotta do the same thing. Okay. I had to do it today. I was out of what's at the sink, right? And it's my stuff.

I have my stuff at the sink that I use. And then I have to, I start once that's low. It doesn't get replaced. So I'll start using the stuff I take on the road. Like I don't want to take the road. So I go to that and I go, all right, here's my little headstash that no one knows about. Now she finds a stash.

Oh yeah. She's in your dub kit going through all the shit. She's like, what's the Bluetooth for? And you go, don't worry about that. But, by, I got her trouble. Yeah. I got to thin my blood. But my ankles are swollen up on the flights.

But yeah, so I can't wait to have my own bathroom, but I'm gonna lock her out. I'm kind of very this much the same. I like my own stuff very kind of just the way I like it. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. What did what so that but that was really your only towel at the house? I had what tell I'm minimalist Jesus Guys bare bones man, and it was black too, so who knows was on that thing, you know, because the white towel You can see you'll see the smudges. I figured when you guys got married and she and you guys moved in That she would have went and got like, you know, bought a set of towels and stuff I thought women just had that program, but she's different this year And I was gonna ask you you don't you're not taking your toothbrush out of your shaving kit, your travel bag. There's a travel toothbrush and your regular toothbrush, right?

Yeah, yeah, but I still have the regular one hidden because she'll use it when she loses hers. The toothbrush. The tooth brush. The tooth brush. Wait, you have a toothbrush with a road in the house? No, I only have one. Really?

Really? That's great. How do you do a toothbrush with a road in the house? No, I only have one. Really? Yeah. That's great. How do you do that? What do you mean? So you have to keep alternating it. You're packing like a dickhead? No, I do it.

I got that can walk out that door five seconds. Same. So can I. Yeah. Yeah, grow. You know what I mean? You're acting like it's a rifle or something. It's a fucking toothbrush.

You got two toothbrushes, right Toby? No. Well, you don't do the road really. Yeah, he comes out of the house. Come with us. Who's all the time? Yeah, I open the road really. Yeah, he comes out. Come with us. He's on a tie. Yeah, I open all the shows. You only got one.

There's nuts. I don't bring it because I just get one from the lobby of the hotel. Oh, that's what? Those toothbrushes stink. Yeah, but they're right there. You can't clean a shoe with that thing. He also brushes his teeth in the kitchen sink most of it.

Oh, you're that guy, huh? Yeah. We're at Airbnb's a lot and there's five or six of it. We travel heavy on the road. We take a crew out and a lot of times before the show, the bathrooms are occupied with six people getting ready to go to the show. But not at home.

No, no, no, no. It's bitten on the dishes. No, no, no, no, no, no, not at home. But when you're in there taking your Jurassic Park shits, I gotta go somewhere. I'm on the ozepics. What do you want? Oh, wait, you're on a zem?

He's on ozepics. I don't know, I'm confused. You're on the ozep? He was born in a past wall. Just took my, I took my, I took my sick shot today. Rocky road. Oh, yeah, got my new pen ready to go right here in the thigh. You go thigh, stomach, arm, three a day. No, or man, a head size. Yeah. I need a bigger boat. I need

an elephant gun. Go through like a boxer. I've never seen a man take four barrels. I'm still eating. You got to hit him with the one. One of those. You rig a tony in me. Wow, man. Man, money goes empties. Good for you, man. That's great.

He's doing great. Yeah, it feels good. I mean, I don't want to make this sad, but you feel a little shame. You know, in the 80s, you had to just lose the weight. Now, we can just take one of these needles to the right. No, it feels shame about it. No. I was, I started to feel bad.

Like I started to like not, like physically not feel well. Yeah, yeah, like make sure nauseous. No, no, no, no, I'm saying before that. Of course. Before I was taking the OZ, I was getting so fat and so bloated that I was just starting to not feel well. And that's the first time that really ever happened. Oh, really?

In my career as a fat pig. Wow, because we've been talking about it. We have a monthly meeting with everybody. Everybody airs their grievances. Now you just like, it started to bend over in this and that and everything hurts. So now that the weight's starting to go down a little bit, I feel 100% better.

You look better. Thank you. He's down, he's down, he's down a good clip. I'm, yeah. Thank you. What about the SIGs? Not that many heaters. I feel 100% better. You look better. God, he's down. He's down. He's down a good clip. I'm, yeah. Thank you. What about the SIGs? Not that many heaters.

Okay. That much. And we're not drinking that much. Yeah, we're kind of all this all over. The endocrineologist said that it kind of takes, you know, the want to booze away a little bit. The roads tough. Obviously, you know, the food and, you know, the food and the booze.

Yeah. Especially that we do the road night, night, night, night. We do three nights, cities. Oh, wow. Really running in gun and so it's like you're not even at a hotel for the weekend of like I can try to make a better. Wait, I should feel guilty like I'm cheating. Am I cheating? I don't say I'm juicing your juice. There's an extra next to your name. Sure. What's I'm happy about because you're at least you're alive.

It's a good thing. Sure. I'll tell you what does suck about it is I love to eat. Just say, I know. What? No, that's all the things. That's all those impic pen. I hope you self-taught what you want with. Sit down with like a rigatoni alivaca, some garlic bread, mozzarella sticks, french fries, the whole little thing.

Sure. It's sitting and watching sign felt for like four hours. That's the luxury. You can't do it. Start feeling sick after like half a dish. Wow. Yeah. Have you thought about pushing through and just eating through the sit?

I tried. I was trying not shifting gears. I burned it out. I tried for like the, and like like I think like after the first week I like tried to like really like eat like a full thing and I couldn't do it. Oh wow. So it works. Oh, yeah It works really works side effects. I've been having real bad heartburn. Oh, no. I don't know if that's a thing I'm a bit of an attitude That's a thing. And a bit of an attitude. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Get your headphones cut off. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Mm-hmm.

Gang! I've been losing it. Guys going bonkers. Yeah, even more than ever. More than ever. I'll be honest with you. More than ever. I'm losing it right now. He was just next to us before we started recording Google and... It's not good stuff.

Yeah. I'm falling apart. But you know what I did? What? I told you. A couple weeks ago, reached out BetterHelp. I know. Back and forth a little bit. weeks ago reached out better help. I know. Back and forth a little bit. You got to jump in, baby. Talk to somebody and even just that,

it started to feel better. It started to help. Gang, if you're dealing with something, reach out to better help. Talk therapy is very important. You could do it from the privacy around home. You don't got to go to an office. You can do text, you can do chat,

you could do anything. They got you covered. And if you don't have a specialist in do chat, you can do anything. They got you covered. And if you don't have a specialist in your area, they could set you up with a license therapist. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Gang, if you get the pressures building up, hit that release valve a little bit.

Just just reach out to him, say what's a hit me up. Let there be be your map with better help, baby. Visit betterhelp.com slash garbage today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help HLP dotcom slash garbage today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help HLP.com slash garbage baby do it the links in the description click it and take control your life Oh, it can't but talk about pretty litter. Oh, baby not only spokesman Client player president over here buddy got it in the litter box right now the birds away I've been having to use it and deal with it.

It's fantastic. It gives you a little flexibility. Yeah. Because it's real, real good stuff. It's not the crap that they use to throw on the school floor when Kevin hurls in the lunchroom. It was chilly day. This is high tech stuff.

Here's the cool thing. If there's anything going on with the cat, the crystals turn different colors. They give you the heads up. To let you know, I tried it out. Mm-hmm. Rainbow. With different color crystals,

like the big man said, pointing out, pointing to problems like UTI's kidney issues and more, you can easily keep track of your cat's health and act at the very first sign of illness. Of course. With the pet, you don't know, you can't ask them. You can't be like, hey, he's your Tommy here. You got a headache, you hung over, whatever. You got to just fucking, you got to be s you can't ask him, you can't be like, hey, he's your Tommy here, you gotta head, you hung over, whatever.

You gotta just fucking, you gotta be sitting through her poop and stuff. This, this can't let you be hands free a little bit. That actually happened to us, her pee was a funny color and we- Pasted weird. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha and I was concerning, we took her to the vet, turns out she has a little thing in her inner urine. Okay. So we had a put her on special food, little urinary tract situation.

Okay. Special food and some supplements. Okay, that's great. There you go, you get ahead of it. Pretty litter has the best litter you can use. You'll probably save me two tree green. I know, go to pretty litter.com slash garbage and use the code garbage to save 20% off your first order gang.

That's pretty litter.com slash garbage. Code garbage to save 20% off your first order gang. That's pretty litter.com slash garbage code garbage to save 20% off your first order pretty litter.com slash garbage code garbage terms and conditions apply C-Sy for details. Do it. All right, let's do some cues here. Yeah, let's get into some questions, guys. As you know, when you join the old Patreon over there, we will answer your garbage question on the air.

It's just the best way to do it. We get a lot of requests, emails, DMs, the whole nine yards, but patreon gets first crack at it because of their dummies This one I've never even fucking thought of and all the years we've been doing the show and it's rightfully so you just got married as well This is from Thomas. How much tongue was in your wedding kiss? Oh That's great fucking question. Did you go for it? Did you go heavy? I did. I should say, I don't know how bad this is. I was on shrooms at the altar.

Because that's an awkward moment. You're married. Yes. Yeah. There's a bunch of comics there. I felt weird. So I popped a couple of caps. Takes the edge off.

Exactly. Just a little micro, though. Just a micro. You weren't blasting off an outer space. No, I mean, at one point, she looked like already laying, you know, but I just, yeah, I took the edge off and I think I did a couple of spears. The little, yeah, just to get in there, cracked the door.

Yeah. You breached the entry. Exactly, exactly. I basically rimmed your mouth. Okay. Just a couple of dill spears. I think I did a little, I've been to a couple, yeah, I definitely did a little. I've been to a couple.

Yeah, I definitely did a little, you know, nice, respectable amount of tongue. I've been to somewhere like they fucking. Oh, yeah. You're at like an Elks Lodge or something and they just go at it. Yeah. What the fuck?

That's wild. Sometimes it's an ass grab. Yeah, they've been down in an ass grab. Yeah. I don't know if we asked it the last time you were here. Well, I think it was before you got married. It was right before you got married, yeah. Did you do the,

did you do any like the old things that they used to do at weddings? Like did you do the Garter belt where the best man takes the Garter belt? Did she throw the bouquet? I never got that one. I always thought it was creepy. She threw the bouquet. She threw the bouquet.

That's normal. But the dad pulling that shit down. Who did it? The dad. Yeah, the best man. No, the best man. It's like the best man or something which is like perverse Isn't it? Yeah, and then somebody throws that over something like that. Yeah, I remember I think my stepdad had one hanging from his Dude's every one of my older cousins had one of them hanging from an iraq z in the 80s

So wedding they were at the big deal a big deal. You got to sniff it. I would touch it when I was by myself. What do you got on that T-bone? The groom will remove the garter from underneath the bride's gown with hands or teeth, gross. Whoa. And toss it into the crowd. The garter is similar to the bouquet toss,

the batch of the caches, the garter is believed to be married next. That's what it is for the guy. Yeah, I remember. I remember other dudes doing it. Yeah, other dudes doing it. Or putting it back on or something. At a wedding where the bride had a tongue ring maybe. He's right.

You know, it's a bad sign of the wedding is Kegs. What the fuck? I was at a wedding once in Louisiana. I'd been there like Kegs. Yeah. I went to one of Philly. Yeah, it was real, and it was so, it was August, and it was outside, it was so hot.

And through the, you were just like, I just wanna cold beer. I know. And you get in there and it's just sitting and it's like lukewarm water and shit because the ice is melted. Yeah. I'm hot, dude.

I haven't seen a KG beer in 25 years. That's crazy. KG is a good, normally you show up somewhere, you see a KG, like this is gonna be a good time. Totally normally you show up somewhere, you see a keg, you're like, this is gonna be a good time. Totally. I love a keg. But at a wedding, you're like, this won't last.

This marriage is doomed. Or when you gotta make your own, it's like the plastic vodka handle with like, coax. Oh yeah. They're all flat. Oh yeah. That's a, that's gonna wide open bar.

Yeah. There's a squirt back there. Yeah. Squirt. Yeah, exactly. It's all flat. There's a squirt back there. Yeah. Squirty, yeah, exactly. It's all flat. Ooh, a little fresca. Mm-hmm.

That's tough. Did you do the open bar? You did the open bar, isn't it? Wide open, very fun. And we just asked you. Top to bottom, we had like eight bar stations, so you couldn't miss. That's like, you didn't have anybody wait. No wait, and we had a raw bar.

If you want to talk bars, so we had the oyster shut guy, you know, it's Louisiana, so we're gonna dig into the seafood. No wait, and we had a raw bar. You want to talk bars? So we had the oyster shut guy. You know, it's Louisiana. So we got to dig into the seafood. Down home, baby. Shrimp, the oyster, the crawdads. We had it all. No kidding.

Everybody's fingers smelled. Yeah. You got to love when a booze bag throws a party because they're like, everybody's got to be able to get a drink at all times. Yes, I don't want any jam up. You go to, because sometimes you go to a wedding where that's not important to the people,

and you're like, it's like an afterthought. We're only here to get fucked up. Yeah, exactly. I don't really care that you got married. Yeah. Give me the boots. When there's that one or two bars and the line is fucking out the board.

Oh, the words. It's like a Walmart the Friday after Thanksgiving. It's a tough look. It's black Friday. Yeah, you're waiting fucking an hour to get a fucking drink. Yeah, because I don't want to. And then they start busing your balls like you can only get one.

Yes, fuck out of here. You know, you got to drop that finsky in there. I hate him heavy. Yeah, yeah. Woohoo, first time. I make sure you got to be rude with it the first time. Of course. Focus Danza.

Paper buddy. Yeah. Did you do a brunch the next day? Yeah, I didn't make it. Really? I mean, I didn't make it. Really? I mean, I was so banged up, the mushrooms, the booze, the dancing.

And was that cool? Hey, listen, I'm not gonna make it. Yeah, it was, it went, it's okay. It was a lady thing and then, you know, I hit him for lunch, I met him for lunch. Nice. But the brunch was at like nine. Come on.

Was everybody there? Was it just the girls? It was mostly the gals and a couple of gaze nice well That's good. Yeah, it was that so she's cool Yeah, she was super cool. She got it. We didn't even bang the wedding night cuz I was so wrecked Yeah, me too really I called my wife a bitch So get your hands off me you bitch Can only go up from there.

You know what I mean? That's true. That's true. You know what you're calling me. Yeah. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I hit her, man.

Holy shit. That's a great question right there. I'll tell you. Yeah, I never thought of that. All right. This one's from our boy Alex Tonello out there in bean town. Shout out to you. Shout out to him.

Have you ever ordered food at a strip club? Yes. I have once. It was during the day, which is never good. I had a meeting at a strip club. A meeting. Yeah. Me and Cotton had a meeting we were going to do a show.

I remember that. I remember that. Come by, we'll have lunch. Wow, that's like a mob move. Yeah. Well, I did a, you ever been to eggs and legs? No. And Foxy Ladies a mob move. Yeah. Well, I did a, you ever been to eggs and legs? No. And Foxy Ladies in Rhode Island?

No. They do a big breakfast buffet with the ladies. That's all right. I could get behind eggs and legs. It's great. Is it a buffet? Yeah. But it feels a little off.

Those eggs are a little funky. Yeah. Get out of here. Don't put those under a black light. No. Some smoke and a pub You're that the all you can quiefe? But I did a gig in Springfield, Missouri the blue room. Yes, we've done it sure so the guy who owns it a bit of a He's a cool guy, but he's a cook sure and he goes I'm gonna take it the best steak

We gotta get the best steak and I go great. Let's get a steak. It's like three in the afternoon strip club Okay, so he thought this was hilarious, right, let's get a steak. It's like three in the afternoon strip club. Okay. So he thought this was hilarious, but the steak was like a fucking fire stone. You know, it was a good year. It was brutal. And he was like, how funny, right steak and whores? And I'm like, this sucks.

It's four in the afternoon. The women look like this guy and the steak's horrible. You go look a kid, T-Bound. Don't go different. But as in a, in a guarder belt and a Gep string, that ain't, that ain't what you're looking for. You've got a big ol' log on them too. That's true. I've heard the heard stories. I've read blogs. Yeah. We were just actually talking, I forget we were talking about you have the infamous story of, uh, get the lobster or the get the fucking flame in y'all or whatever

and then the guy charged you for oh Yeah, we were just talking about funny farm and youngstown Ohio. I'll never forget it like I worked me I got bamboozled if there's a guy who doesn't like a surprise check it's you If it wouldn't happen to me, I'm gonna be alright. We'll figure it out. I'm not happy about it But you probably was also I was an open-micre or dead broke. Just getting out there, I was breaking even barely. Remember those days. Yeah, so I don't know if I told it before, but I got there and the guy's like,

hey, you gotta get the swordfish and this wine pairs well. He kept up charging me and I was like, hey, I'm living like a king, this is great. I live in Bushwick, you know, I'm finally out here on the road, showbiz. And as a young comic like that, a free meal, you know, this is the coolest thing in the world. You think you're working the, you're in Vegas.

You know what I mean? You were featuring. No, I was headlining. You were headlining. But you started headlining. It was a C club. Yeah, that was a, I'm kidding. D, you know, I got the, the napkin in my shirt.

I got the fork and knife out. I'm putting corn in the cob in my pocket. You know, I'm really going in for this meal. Uh-huh. I got the fish and the, the appetizer, you know, I'm really going in for this meal. I got the fish and the appetizer, the bread, dessert, wine. I think it was like 280. Shit the fuck. And my check was 500.

So, man, brutal. That fucking stinks, dude. That's such a piece. I think what you say to the guy. I go, what? I thought it was on the house. I thought it was grottis. He goes, what are you kiddin we need the money?

All right smart move We were we did it somewhere recently I think that's made of where it came up. We got hit with the Comics get to drink seat or something That's crazy and we were like, you know, there's like four or five us in the green room and it's like door We're like all right. We're going fucking heavy. It was one place that we went to and the big, when we first started touring. And the green room had a hundred dollar limit. That's what it was.

And we hit that in about 10 seconds. Yeah. Wow. Well, that was integral help. But it's always one comic who fucks it up. They go, hey, we had smoke over. Yeah. He ran that thing up and he had an entourage.

So thanks a lot Stan Hope. We were out. I think we were talking about this and Cleveland and hilarities because they roll out the red carpet for you. That's a great club. Hilarities and great club. Beautiful club. Beautiful.

Yeah. Delicious. You can go there for breakfast. They're like, come on in. Really? Yeah. I don't know if everybody knows that, but I did it. Sure.

Places are right. That's also like kind of like old school, like they should, you're at that big bar. They locked the door. Yeah. Like cranking sigs in there. But he's hanging. It's like a, feels like the shining a little bit. Right. Right. No murder. Yeah. But good time. That's a great club. Yeah. All right. Let's see here. This one's from Cole, $10 homie. Never had a question. Red is a garbage ago to McDonald's for just fries because you're cooking burgers at home. Yeah, it's crazy. Wait, wait, can you translate that? They're cooking. He's cooking burgers at the house. Okay.

Like for dinner. Yeah, but once McDonald's fries, so goes just gets fries from McDonald's as the side. That seems nuts to I like this guy. That's slightly up there with with Roy Wood Wood Roy Wood said if he had like a Burger King McDonald's and something else and a Wendy's close together He like on his way home. He would hit McDonald's for the fries Burger King for the burger and Wendy's Wendy's for And then go home and have his meal. That's amazing. Yeah, that's amazing like too much for me Well now you got Uber Eats and go home and have his meal. That's amazing. Yeah, that seems like too much for me. Well, now you got Uber Eats. You can just get all that shit coming to your house.

You don't have to do the stops. Yeah, I have a thing against getting that fast food. I don't do it either. I'm with you. I'll do food, like regular food, that whatever, especially on the road, but fast food Uber Eats is just,

it's a new low. So are you okay with it? Oh, I do it all the time. Really? All the time. It's because everything's a ghost kitchen now. So it you okay with it? Oh, I do it all the time. Really? All the time. It's because everything's a ghost kitchen now. So it's the only thing you can get consistent and then you can really hate yourself.

What's a ghost kitchen? So in New York, they make, like if you go on like Uber Eats or whatever and it says like TJ's Pizza Rear or TJ's, you know, Wingstop, that place doesn't exist. It's just a kit, you can't go to TJ's. It's just a kitchen. Whoa can't go to TJs. It's just a kitchen. Whoa. Or it might be just a, it might be like some diner that agreed to sell whatever

these people's things are. It's just all branding. There's no real, a lot of them. There's no real, or and the kitchen is like seven, the kitchen's TJ's wings and then it's TJ's pizza, then it's Gary's parrogue. Right. So we're getting catfished. Yes. 100%. You know where it's coming from or what where it's going. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Where you order it in from? I'm a diner. I do the diner because you can get a little everything. Love a good diner. That's how you do it. Yeah. It's all in so hard though, the diners. I know. The diner, you go, the diner experience stinks. Yeah. Are you cooking? Are you in the she cooking at the house? She cooks a lot, which is great.

So like you go home, you have dinner, sit at the table? Uh, are you sitting on the couch? Little little table, little couch. Sometimes I'll light a candle, we'll do it up, little footsie. But it's usually the couch, like, hey, let's put on, you know, the last of us, or some, some, what is that one? He abducted. What's abducted in plain sight.

I was watching what you're eating. So now I'm eating. Is that a documentary? Yeah, but they just made it into a series. And it's hard. Really? Yeah, that's right. I rent a wheelhouse.

He rent through the whole family. Is that your show? Yes, that was, that's a crazy. Crazy. Crazy. He gets a hand job from the dad. Yes, that's a crazy story. Yeah, so when job from the dead. Oh, that guy. Yeah. Yeah. So when you're eating a you know a little ribeye It's pretty good living

You guys have shows that you watch together. Oh, yeah, like not her shows not your show shows that you both want totally She goes off with the bachelor and 90 day Ain't a lot of her and then I go with my scary YouTube shit. Are you watching comedy world videos? I hate all of it, but I have to keep up. It's so funny too, because it's a lot of like our friends. Of course. And we're all just stage numbers. Like, oh, there's that guy I know, and there's something about.

I'll take a peek at it. You got a peek, because you want to know what's up with your friend, but it's like watching soap operas with people you know. Yeah. It's a lot of drama. I hate the drama, but if it's on there, I'm gonna watch it keeps you coming back Well, it's also weird because YouTube knows you so well and if you're on YouTube TV or whatever It's like oh, it's like I mean I get once for normal like Mark Norman does so and so and I'm like I'm one click away from just peeping this for I get you guys should all day Joe list was on so that pops up

It's Sarah, you know, and so we're all we're all they're twined I know it's a family that algorithms got our number baby. They say the algo knows your gay before you do Yeah, pretty wild cuz like if you hang on like looking at a like thumbnail with a guy without a shirt on or whatever long Right all that like fucking minuscule data. He was doing push up Trying to get my technique down. This is ridiculous. Stupid algorithm. Got them raps.

Sometimes you throw a couple like a scapegoats in. You're like, oh, let me get this puppy a click. Yeah. And then it'll even yell a little bit. And I'll massage it back to normal. Yeah, it's less gay now. Trying to shake him off the set. Yeah.

All right, let's see this This one's from Don Julio 10 buck cut here. Is it garbage to take a blue chew before you go into a job interview to have a little confidence before you go in? It depends on the gig, you know, if you're going into gay porn, yeah, take the blue chew. Something you can swing from. Yeah. I work. That's a good, I've never taken blue chew, but I assume it puts a little pep in your step, right? You feel a little more. Yeah, but you got to tell people you're eating lollipops. Oh, because you're mouth blue. Yeah, dude. Yeah, that's true. Do you get hard immediately? No, no, wait, wait until it's activated until it knows. Yeah. Tell you watch those push-up

videos. Yeah. Yeah.'t do it. It's active, baby. Got damn algorithm. It's like Verizon. They reset in this signal. Yeah, so it works, but it's so well made. It knows when you're ready to go. Right, right, when you're all, when you're right about there. It does hit you on a vibrate, like if you're on a flight

and it's got a little bump. I mean, I'll get one on a plane anyway. Oh, all day. The fuck in the home, it'll get Oh, that's why I don't sit next to you anymore. I need no virgin air Jet blue tube. Ah, there it is. Yeah, we should be linking up It's a big fuck plane That's a big fuck plane This one's from Ned Gaganski shout out to you Well big one Fame fully came up with

We have obviously I would assume you pee in the shower. That's a big topic on the show. I shart in the shower, are you kidding me? All right. Now this one, this is a caveat to it. Cavia to the peeing in the shower question, do you aim for the drain while peeing in the shower like a gentleman or do you just let it fly? I, I, I never hit the walls.

I'll say that. It's all bottom. Okay. It's all floor. Hmm. I'll hit a wall and then I'll splash water on it to cascade down to clean the clean it off. Yeah. I'm not an animal at the end of the day.

Right. I'm with you. I stand sideways. I'm the shower. So I'm up against the wall. And there's something about putting your hands on the wall. Wait, where are you facing? Like you're getting frisked.

Yeah, I'm facing the wall in my shower. Your move officer. I've been a bed boy. My shower's up against the wall. So I'll put my hands on the shower. Oh. And the water will be running over me and I'll just let go, baby.

On like the handle, where's the handles? What handles? The knobs. What the knobs? Is that, are you like, is your knob like the handle, where's the handles? What handles? What the knobs? What the knobs? Is that, are you like, is your knob higher? No, the knobs are in front of me. So you dicks on the faucet. No.

So it's coming this way. Hold on, ready? Oh, it's not a bath. Yeah, it is a bath. Oh, it is. So this is the bath. Here's the, Only you can confuse a room full of people.

Here's your shower. I'm, I'm, Wait, where's the, the knobs? The shower comes this way. Okay. And the nozzles are there. You, you people. Here's your shower. I'm, I'm, wait, where's the, the nozzle? The shower comes this way. Okay. And the nozzles are there. You, you know, that's facing forward. I turned sideways.

Ah, and I, I'm up against the wall. And then you pee on the wall. And I just kind of let go. Whoa. It's a fantastic feeling. Feels like you're flying. Wow. What?

I'm from a guy who's clearly never been flying. It does. It's like the, the, like the waters rushing over you, the waters coming at you. I feel like you're one with the universe. That's nice. It's not telling you, try it out, it's nice. It's all one flow, so the urine goes with the water.

Yes, I like it. Yeah, and then I'll, yeah, then I'll make sure it gets off. Man, you're like Ray Leotard. Yeah! Jimmy! Jimmy! Jimmy! It's the fun size. I told him, I'll tell you, I did get in trouble a couple months ago, where I kind of

started getting, see I was getting my chops busted for peeing on the, for getting pee on the floor. So but now we have like this little swiffer thing that I just do if it happens. But I kind of got into the mode of just going into the bathroom to pee and just peeing in the tub. Oh, wow. Not in the shower.

Not in the shower. But if I'm in the water? Yeah, afterwards. That's a, that's a lie. That's a lie. That's a no, that's he has done it before, but he doesn't get to it. That's how I got caught.

I got caught because it's kind of smell like fucking Yankee Stadium. No, it's not there started to be little stains. Oh yellow Yeah, oh We just gonna gloss over the piss whiffer dude. Yeah, I mean We need one in here dude every day. There's about four ounces of pee on that in that first bathroom Are you doing the seat up at least? Yeah, of course. I don't do that. I got aim. Yeah, I know to the seat. It's an ego thing. I'm like I got it What about when you stop it doesn't give a little bit? It's pretty good pretty good flow. You got to be over it. You can't stand back otherwise just physics

You'll you'll get on it. Yeah, I'm going to be at it. Exactly. You got to be real up on her. And then you got a jiggle, but jiggle to not a too much. Yes. What about a sink piss? I've done it. I've done it like a party college fucked up or whatever. I'm not going to, you know, I've done kitchen sink before me too. Yeah. When somebody was in there and I really had to go. Same man. That's like, that's like a fucking bank robbery. Oh, the clock is ticking. Yeah, you got that right.

If anybody ever saw it, what the fuck are you doing? Oh, yeah. They would freak out. Yeah, you can't pinch it either. Nobody wants to pinch. Oh, no, that's too painful. Yeah, I can't do that. Oh, that's the worst thing ever.

No. Trying to stop peeing halfway through peeing. The worst. Oh my God. So that's too painful. Yeah, I can't do that. Oh, that's the worst thing ever now trying to stop peeing halfway through peeing the worst. Oh my god So that's our Kelly. Well, what about the the Gatorade bottle? Yeah, have you used okay of course, but I don't have to skill to do it while I'm driving and that's tough to because that angle in great because you can only fill up because if the bottle's like Sideway like if you're sitting're sitting, it's like that. So it gets starts, you can only fill it up like. It starts creeping back.

You can only fill it up halfway until you, so that's a very, especially if you're driving. It's a tight. And let me tell you something, if that starts to fucking go, you're in a lot of trouble. Yeah, the anxiety is going up. Woo. I remember why I wasn't feeling, it was late at night,

you know, whatever, and I had to pee on the way home from the Raven lounge. And I made it like, fuck yeah, I was like 15 minutes from home, it was pouring rain. I'm like, I'm just gonna pee in this wall wall parking lot, cause it wouldn't let me use the bathroom. And it was that happened.

Yeah. And it spilled all over my, all over my front seat, all over my pants. I had about two, three, 18 beers in me too. Yeah. I guess tomorrow morning's problem. Well, you pull over on the side of the highway

and take a leak all the time. I find ping outdoors just liberating the best. The best. Yeah. I'll go. I got a backyard in Brooklyn. I'm excited to piss all over. It's the best.

I do it on my mom's all the time. Well, you guys add on a above ground pool. He's got one. Oh yeah? Yeah? They're quite trashy, although I also just bought a, I just purchased a property myself. And we're talking pool.

Above ground? Money, why, you know? I'm telling you, man. Listen, because it's not gonna be, it's not gonna be like, I'm not moving there. It's in Pennsylvania. So it'll be a place like we use like when, you know, know for whatever just to get out of the city and stuff like that and It's like do I

Don't play shit. Don't I do I take a loan out to put a fucking in ground pool in and then you got a you got to have the pH balance Or do I just spend about six G's at Walmart and get a fucking above ground pool, right? Be fucking party it. We have a solid one that we've had. We've had it. I've never seen anything like it. What? It's huge. It's like, it's like,

you're taking a above ground pool like one that has like the PVC pipe. Yeah, the big blue just slap one up. Okay, but some guys have been a deck and shit. His whole backyard is a deck. It's the, it's the biggest, it's the biggest in-ground pool I've ever seen. It's a photo later. I will than most pools. It's a real it's a real pool. It's not one of the ones that you just get at Walmart throwing up. Oh really? No, but I'll say something about this. This is my thought on the above ground pool. Please. Well, first of all, is it is an in ground pool and option at your house in Brooklyn? Now that

would be crazy. Crazy. Yeah, they probably let you. Yeah you yeah it's not that big of a backyard you be hanging the probably go down to the fucking subway or something and up on the train that's true yeah but on hot days it's much cooler to get into the above ground pool than it is an in-ground pool they get hot as shit in the summer. That's true. And that cement around it too. The ingrown pools. No, you're wrong. I'm, you're wrong. I am telling you. Above ground pools get warmer. No, yes they do.

They don't have the good, they're much more refreshing. This is, but this is fucking white trash, fucking I have an above ground pool and I'm insecure of it. So you've done this a bunch. We got a little shade You have a little tree back there and in real pool is better That things out of direct sunlight

You need the cold plunge how's the maintenance on that thing? I don't know He doesn't that's nothing to nothing to bed. Yeah pool guy. Yeah, I don't want him fucking my wife All right, this is all good stuff, but I think I might just- She's the pull thing she's got a shot. Yeah, it's not a huge back yard. So I might just get the big blue inflatable. Just as like a waiting pool. I, hey, in the summer. Yeah.

Pull yourself off. Just a dip. You slapping a grill out there? Oh, you better believe it. What do you know? Do you have one in mind or you're just gonna get, like, whatever? Send me links, folks.

Blit them up. Now, when you get in there and get situated and settled is all the Pick out all that stuff gonna all go away Take out, you know the order and out and stuff like that Well, I don't do it that much to me. It's a real treat because you know I know guys who do it every meal and I think that's gluttonous. That's too much. You can't live like that You got to go hunt a little. Okay. Sure. So yeah, she'll be cooking up a storm and I'm a big grocery guy. Are you?

Yeah. Wearing camo and key foods. Yeah. For dudes who aren't. I hunt for my steel cut oats. Okay. Are nibbling the grocery store? Oh yeah. That's what the whole produce is for.

Yeah, he's a known thief. Not to mention the hot bar. That hot bar. That hot bar doesn't stand a chance with these sticky fingers. I got it. You can just put like chicken and pasta in the bowl. You just, you're just eating and shopping.

Yeah, no, you're not. You're not wrong. That's what Whole Foods is. I go in there, I eat a cup of soup, I leave. I thought everybody did that. Uh, you and other homeless people, I'm sure, yeah. All right, well, they keep the eye on the hobos, and I'm sitting pretty.

I guess we're a nice shirt, that what he says is big. I got a mouthful of chicken noodle. I'm over the hot bar in the cities. I used to go to the ones in the delis a lot. Yeah, surprise, you're still rolling the dice on them. Dude, the pandemic really shook me on those. And I, because I was... Dacey.

They're like open air, they're like open air Moroccan fucking. Yeah, the Zars. There's a couple of flies on them, but if you go after four, they lie, they knock half the price off. Yeah, because there's double the bacteria. Exactly, I mean, those veggies are hurting. Yeah, they're like, they're dead.

I saw the guy, a homeless guy one time. Let's get that film on the meatloaf. Yes mean those veggies are hurting. They're like they're dead. I saw the guy a homeless guy one time Get that film on the meatloaf. Yes, I love that skill singles That film is flavor Oh, they should tell that I saw the guy I should meet love skin a homeless guy He takes me to put them in his pocket get yelled at and then put them back And I was like I am I never thought I thought I was like, I'm done. That's has to be happening 10 times a day at every hot.

We talk about it a lot, but the, the bodega ones, yeah, pre pandemic, a good fucking well run tight run. That was alive. We're really something else, but that way it adds up. Of course, they bang out. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they know going into it like this. Hey, it's three meatballs and a two strings of green beans.

They were strict as shit too. Oh really? Yeah, what do you mean those guys ran in pirates? That's true, but I feel like you go, I think they give you some buybacks. Like you put three meatballs on the thing and eat one. You can do it a little give and take. All right, I'll let you have it.

He's always looking for an edge this guy Which I respect you got to survive. It's in the it's in the wiring. I know cement is dry French immersion This one's from code. This is funny. Have you ever interrupted a live broadcast the yell hi mom into the camera? No, but that's a very Bob-Bob buoy type thing too. Wasn't that it? Y'all Bob-Bob-Booie. but that's a very Bob-Bob-Booey type thing too. Wasn't that it? Y'all Bob-Bob-Booey. Yeah, y'all Bob-Bob-Booey.

Oh yeah. I could see you doing that local news. Yeah, as a kid. Just skateboarding up. Yeah, you see the guy that's a dead body, there's the lady reporting and you go, hey, Bob! I thought everybody did that. You know what does another big one,

is back in the 80s, is there was like a, what do you call it? Like a radio shack and they had a TV in the front of the store, like in the window with a camera on the sidewalk. You're walking by, holy shit, on the big screen. I tap dancing and doing things. But you're trying to catch yourself at the camera. Yeah, it's good.

You're trying to see yourself on TV, but you're looking at the camera. Exactly. You think you'll catch it real quick? Yeah, you get whiplash. Yeah, those are all right, man That was before you know pre-follow now everybody's on tiktok and shit filming themselves sure I like when they had like the old karaoke machine or radio shakia belt out a couple of tunes. Oh, yeah Play the electronic drums a little bit hit the keyboard get the hell out of it Oh, you know, it was big you know went to like a Best Buy or whatever circuit city

and they had the video game out. And if you were good at that video game, you wanted people to be like, I want you to step right in. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. They fucked those up, though. They always broke the,

some kid always broke the controller. Every time. Did you ever play when they had the Xbox at McDonald's? What? I would have been your guy, Sarah. Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is, it's like a speed ball. Yeah. McDonald's and What? I would have been your guy. I would have been your guy, Sarah. Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is worse like a speedball. Yeah.

McDonald's and video games. Yeah, they had a, they had like a tower and they had the control was sticking out and it was behind like a two inches of glass. I don't remember that. People, you know what I'm talking about? No, give it a go. They for sure.

And unless there was some fever dream I had. I think you got like a McDonald's membership or something. I think you have to go into the pool. Right, Mr. Foley. Yeah. You go into the lounge. The velvet rope opens up.

Grimus is guarding the door. It's got a piece on him. N64. Bingo. There you go. I still say is my favorite. Maybe my favorite. I can't believe you guys don't know about this.

I had no idea. No, I did love it. N64 dude, wave rays, cruising world USA golden I Mario Kart donkey crash band or no some sli-fox or something was on there was a bunch of star Fox yeah I was all right that was my cup of tea cruising USA was the best the best man I can't tell that guy nothing that also hit blonde convertible just zipping around uh-huh not a care in the world uh-huh care blow on the wind would it write my ass played is she played where does she is damn we got weird heroes he like muscles and like a tight chair probably a real good job that game

would be very different today. Cruisin USA. And 64 hit for me at like that age. Pre real booze in smoking like and like sleepovers. We would just stay up and play Cruisin USA or Golden I. Oh, yeah. For like fucking 10 hours. You know what I mean? Of course.

Before you were like into fucking trying to get late or drinking or smoking or anything. Yeah. You know, we just play video games. We did a big thing where it was like Pepsi, Doritos, video games, and we would call radio stations and request. So we'd like put on 3-11 and we were like, we got it on and we would high five. That was big entertainment.

Now, do you think that there was probably, that wasn't your actual request, right? There was probably 70 other kids calling to request the most popular 311 song. Probably. That's my take on it. Yeah, but you know, it'd be four in the morning. True. True. Sometimes it'd give you like a,

hey, Dickless Joe says, you know, you give me the shout out. You throw out a nickname, you know. Hey, Coke machine says, put on, put on green day. Uh huh. Let me ask you this, I've been asking people, not a lot of people remember, do you remember DJ Delilah?

No. You don't? Yeah, I don't know what the comment is. Everybody loves you. Everybody knows it, but no guest or myself, know what it is. You call it, she would tell the breakup stories

or like someone's missing somebody. Oh, there you go. It's kind of like a sleepless in Seattle. Exactly. I think, I didn't know her name, but I know what you're talking about. Delilah. Ha.

Yeah, they're the overnight She had the sultry voice. So yeah, I got this There we go finally. Hey, they got one. I got one. I'm pretty sure he's lying to you But they were always kind of sad. You know, it was always some lady and Vermont to lost her husband and she can't you know get hard Yeah, she wants to hear a little air supply. Yeah I get back on the right track. She wants to hear a little air supply. Yeah. Get back on the right track. A little finger popping in the shower.

This one is, first of all, do you have it? Go to karaoke song. Oh, this is how we do it by Montel Jordan. Okay. All right. That's all right. This guy's the KSA from the cable boys. Is it trash to sing the star spangled banner at karaoke? It's a little weird. It It's got a unite to crowd though. I mean depending on where you are in America if you're in like Kansas or something

They did that for the capital Ryan. They went to a bar saying that No, I don't think he's gonna have a hand is a the Chinatown Conner Nothing compares to you. That's a great tune. You belt that out? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Huh. To you. I won't do that. Seems a little sad. Yeah, but you know, sometimes you

got to bring the emotion. Well, sweet home Alabama is more of my alley. Oh, okay. Get everybody going. Something all the kids on a lyric. Something to sing along to. Yeah, I want to feel something. We went to a karaoke place in the Lower East Side

and there were these two kids that were like Giving it their all mm-hmm and man My cousin was drunk and she was like who the fuck put this on Kids up their belt in this hard out it's Norman singing shanado Connor. I don't get the other thing go to these rooms Like these karaoke rooms and you have all your friends in there you sing I'm like this feels like a torture thing. It's why I've only I've only been in that once or twice and it's not fun. No It's like you can hang in there's beers and there's drinking but it's like you gotta show up fucked up to that Yeah, you can you should be doing blow in that room too because the doors close

Like otherwise you just be at a bar Sing along with the music good point. Yeah, they go from started zero in that. The first 45 minutes, especially if it's like, you know, a mixed company. It's a weird house. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like you're nervous. You don't want to blow it. Then somebody gets up and sings one good. You don't want to fucking look again. Idiot. It's a weird work. It's like an eighth grade dance. Exactly. You got to be hammered. Hammered. And then Kathy from accounting is trying to belt out Whitney. He ain't working. Yeah.

Kick rocks with all that. All right, let's do a couple more here. This one's from James, $10 homie. Is it carbs? Have an uncle who drinks rubbing alcohol when he runs out of vodka? Yeah. Whoa.

That's a problem. That's got a good dog. That's good. He's got to get help. I mean, I like a nice cocktail from time to time. I can't believe he has that one. Yeah. Was he at that meeting at the strip club?

Is it needed to be? Oh, he's shit. Yeah, that's, yeah. Tell that guy to get help. That's a lot. Rubbing out. I didn't know we could do that. Oh, you can't.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to cut that. No, that's what Betty Ford did. Betty Ford did that. Of the clinic? Yes. Whoa. Wait, she did it. It was Gerald Ford's wife.

Yeah, but I thought she did. She, Lady Bird Ford, whatever her name was. Was she, was she brought? Was he drunk? No, she was. She was drunk. She, she, she was an alcoholic and then started the Betty Ford clinic when she got straightened up.

Right, Debone? She was for her. But she was slamming alcohol. Yeah, I, I was looking up what happens if you drink rubbing alcohol. I'm sure they get fucked up. Yeah, I mean, all you do is puke blood. All right, not so bad in there. Listerine too.

Whoa. Kids in high school did that. Yeah, getting listed twisted. Oh, that's yeah, you shouldn't do that either. That was dirt fall immersion school. Yeah, right. yeah, you shouldn't do that either. No, dirtball immersion school. Yeah, right. That's not a bit dirtbag. Uh, in a little, in a more fun boozing thing, this is from this poor guy.

This is like brought down the roof. Yeah, Jesus Christ. I got some cuts on my insides. Is he garbage if you're uncle and I just arousis? Jesus. Uh, this one's from Tudoruski and Associates, $10 a time share holder, ever use a pool noodle as a beer bomb.

Oh, that is, which I had. Oh, you've never done that? No, never thought to do it. Man, that's a good fucking time in the pool. I've never been spit on by somebody with a pool noodle. Of course. Obviously the foam after the beer bomb. All right.

Yeah. No, that's a good time because you can kind of do them under water too. You can take it down. It's like, yeah. Yeah, I'd know, yeah, that was in college. My buddy had a pool and that was like, you know, that was when you're like throwing the keg and the pool and stuff.

The pool noodle came out when you guys were kids, I think, because we didn't have that chick. I was a kid. I was a kid. Or the, we didn't have that chick. Or the late 90s probably. Yeah, mid late 90s. Talk about something that hit,

but really has no fucking use. No use, but it was in every goddamn pool. Yeah, good time. You could float on, you could beat the shit out of each other with him, you could spin on each other with them. You could do a lot with those things. It just turned violent whenever I was around. Of course.

Yeah, you just started beating each other, I'll put them. That was it, but to me, the raft was the height of L. Yeah, you just started beating each other, I'll put them. That was it. But to me, the raft was the height of Lugsreg, especially even a cup holder. Of course. That was like, you know, a guy sunglasses, the white nose, sunscreen, beer in the raft, you were made and shit.

It sucked when you got the raft that was the foam, that was the fact for it. Like the thing that they'd come in and get you the lifeguard would come in and get you their direct thing Yeah, yeah, yeah, things Not inflatable. No, yeah, it was almost like a yoga mat. Yes, those things fucking blue and they get scolding hot Yeah, the only thing good about that was flipping the guy on it. Maybe you do a little Good leverage on that buddy. You could be doing all this next summer in your brand new

We get good leverage on that. Buddy, you could be doing all this next summer and you're brand new pool. What the hell? Come on, bye, baby. Well, house warming would be all right. Yeah, wait. There you go. You were at the age two, and you were a skater.

Did you use to skate? Do you ever have like, and someone had a trampoline and put the decks on the trampoline? Of course, yeah, that was big. That was a good fucking time. We would use that trampoline. We put fucking soap on it. Oh, you just lived on it. Yeah, as a 12 year old kid or you We would use that trampoline. All that we put fucking soap on it. Oh, you just lived on it.

Yeah. As a 12 year old kid or you just lived on a trampoline. All that. I hooked up with a girl on a tramp. Yeah. Tramp on a tramp. But yeah, great time. Love a trampoline.

But now they're like illegal. No, you know what? Some people are doing this kind of cool. They're digging them into the ground. Whoa. So you just step on to it. That's genius. So you don't fall off.

So it's an in-ground trampoline. An in-ground trampoline, the classiest of the trampoline. And above-grounding, Graham. And above-grounding, Graham. And what the opposite of the pool? I'm gonna put the net on it. You have the net, but the net doesn't work. I have my three nieces and nephews

that all have broken their arms or legs on their trampoline that hasn't. No kidding. Oh, yeah? Yeah, they just get fucked up. I think the net gives you a false sense of safety. Yeah, you're like, I can do whatever. Right.

You could do that instead of the pool. Just call it big trampoline. And you got the big situation though. You can look up with the girl out there. Yeah, that's not bad. Kind of helps the hump too if you're on top. Go big trampoline. You get the double jump.

We really get the thrust going. Yeah. Put a bounce house out there. Oh, I'm gonna come to creep in a neighborhood. I'm not gonna get the bell. Come on in, kids. I swear I'm not weird. Shit, I have fun.

That's funny. But you get a hose on a bounce house. That's a good time. Oh, that's fun. Have you been in a bounce house as an adult recently? Not recently, no. I wish. You did the slipping slide on a full loaded.

You getting hit in the nuts. I'm sorry, but was a great video did it catch it? Did it really catch it? It somehow missed my dick and hit all sack The first stop roast guys all stack the least athletic guy I've ever met my life just humbles I pull a fucking perfect Tom Brady spin deflate gate right into my cons fucking perfect Tom Brady spin deflate gate right into my cons. So you got the feeling I was out. I was out and just laying there. The water is running over me.

I could taste the dish soap. It was bad. Yeah. I was out for a good 30, but it was worth it for the video. I hit a million views on like a day. No shit. Yeah. Well, you can't beat a nut shot.

I watched it. He go time. Yeah. We can write for days and days. You'll never come up with any funny than a nut shot. I watched it a long time. Yeah. We can write for days and days. You'll never come up with any funny than a nut shot. That in a fart are all right. And I got burnt, doused me with the ice cold water, it was out of the ice bag, and I was like,

God damn, that was cool. So I was kind of all jared up from that, so I didn't see it coming. So it was full no protection. Brutal. Straight to the nuts. Super to nuts. Super to nuts.

Name at a special. That's it, let's wrap it up. On a very popular streaming network gang, you gotta check it out, it's out right now. Mr. Mark Norman, buddy, we love you to death. Yeah, man, thank you. What else you got coming up? You want to let the folks out there know the tour?

What else? Big tour, coming to Europe, going all over Copenhaagen, Amsterdam, Dublin, Germany. You name it Berlin and it's all in the website, Mark Norman comedy.com coming to your town as well. So get a shirt, get a beer and get a laugh. Buddy, we love you. Thank you so much for coming and see us. Kippy, what do you got for me?

I know we had it. Second shows in Toronto. Second show in Toronto. Third show in Chicago. Get those tickets. LA show in Denver.. Showin' Denver. L.A. Second showin' Denver, hands pamphlet tickets left in L.A. Philly is gonna go, we're doing the film more there.

That's fuckin' like 90% sold out get those tickets. We're all over the road, get those tickets out for the goon gang. Love you gang, see you next week. Peace.