Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Mark Normand Returns! Private Jet Trash

Episode Date: November 19, 2020

Kippy and Foley are back with comedian and podcast host Mark Normand! Mark joins the guys for a few beers and answers fan questions! Its a hot one! You know Mark Normand from Tuesday's with Stories and Joe Rogan Podcast! Bonus Episodes: www.Patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Shirts: www.PodcastMerch.com Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryanco... Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast this is are you garbage the show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and find out they go up classy or if they're absolute trash. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful evening here down here in Aunt Toody's basement trying to keep it down. She had a long day. She took a couple of pills. She's up there sleeping falling asleep to Jeopardy. My

co-host coming at you from right next to me gang. He is the chairman of the board. He's got his name on the lease. He's the boss. He writes the checks. He fucking takes the receipts. Give it up for the one the only he's in a lot of debt. Kevin James Ryan. Hey what's up everybody. Thanks so much for tuning in as always. Please make sure you rate review subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube and www.patreon.com slash are you garbage the moneymaker folks. Check that out. We got a lot of content on there for the first bonus episode we fucking called our mums and found out who was trashier. So tune into that couple of real who is

the answer. It was I did that. I don't do that with that's not the relationship I have with my mom. We're like you know we're like fucking you know employee or employee keep my head down and it's like and as of recently we've gotten closer but he's like I call my mom it's all set up and I waited like 10 minutes before I'm like hey are you available for a quick phone call. It'll take 10 minutes I'm sorry. I love you. My parents are looking for the spot. Fucking camera time. That's even more trash. They're like doing the furniture in the back. By the way I love the board games. We had board games my house every

piece was missing. Monopoly had no hotel. Yeah. Couple trailers gang that voice you here is our incredibly special guest that is here with us today. Now tonight is a family episode gang where we answer your questions. We got to ask this gentleman our questions on his previous fantastic episode. He is an extended member of the garbage family. We have a little company tonight. Ladies gentlemen do me a favor. This kid's done it all. He's seen it all. We love him. Give me a nice big round of applause for Mr. Mark Norman everybody. Hey good to be back. Thanks for coming buddy. Thanks for having me. I was worried because I

mentioned before I blew my load with all my tranny nanny. You know bedwetting and all that but you guys have prepared questions. Well the fans so this one of the big things about we started getting like thousands of submissions of fucking these dirtbags all around the world with their questions that are fantastic. Love it. They're so good and we can't we can't get to all of them. But the thing about is if you join the patreon we automatically answer one of your questions. So you know genius just to drive business a little bit. So these are all patreon questions. These are all patreon questions and if you haven't seen Mark's

episode you got to go back and watch it and I just want to be sentimental for a second and say your episode was really the first episode. It was a it was a turning point where we're like what like an intention that I didn't know we had and a mutual mutual comic friend of ours said it was something that the podcast does and I don't think Kevin and I realized is that it humanizes comedians. Now I only knew you a little bit. You know I watched it from afar. We loved you. I thought you were funny as shit. I had an idea of who I thought you were. And then when you told your story I was like you know it was very I texted

you for like days like dude that's a fucking script that's fucking awesome. It was like extremely endearing. Wow. Yeah. What did you think I was. Can I ask. I mean I saw it. I figured growing up you had a little bit of cash. You know what I mean. You were fucking probably the funny kid the cool guy at school. Wow. Yada yada yada. Yeah. I thought you were cruising through. I thought it was just an avenue of green lights. Man I got a decent penis. I was a bad weather. I horrible dandruff. I had the yellow stains in my high school uniform. Oh yeah. The guy. I was a bad weather too. That dude that's tough. That's built character.

Yeah. It's a lot of similar like trying to like hide a body to like. Totally. It's tough. Totally. And you got plastic down and he's a dead hooker. It's brutal. When your parents get involved that's when it gets. Oh then they think something's wrong with you. Yes. You think there's something wrong with you. My dad's old school. He's like he had all these remedies. You know he's like no more liquids after 6 p.m. that was a big one. Yeah. I mean Doritos in eight like I was so thirsty. My brother's chugging Kool-Aid. I'm like I still wet the bed. It was just orange piss. I was just real yellow. This kid needs some water first.

It's cool ranch. Yeah. Oh man that was the same. The most embarrassing. It was all embarrassing. I did a friend's house on the floor. Like it's embarrassing. It's tough. But my dad even when I'd be like 17 I'd be like I'd call him. We'd be like out drinking or whatever you know. And I'd be like yo I'm staying at Christmas tonight. Yeah. Like all right. Remember to go to the bathroom. I'm like come on. I'm sitting here drinking trying to get laid. And he's like hey don't forget that. Don't don't piss your pants. So you kind of sweet. You didn't. You care. He kind of wishes your dad. He doesn't want to fucking embarrass me. I'm fucking

pissing at the McNulty's house. Sleeping in the tub. Wait so you would pee it as a little kid but then you as when you're drinking. I don't do it as drinking. No. My dad wasn't warning me as drinking. He was warning me as you know you've been doing this for 15 years. When I drank it came back. Yeah. You're kind of numb again. You're in a blackout. You know would you be awake and do it. Do you want one of those guys that comes to when he's in the hamper or whatever. That's weird. That's weird. I hated it so much that I was so against it. But I peed on many a one night stand. Dude that's such a tough look. Yeah. You got to blame them. You're

a squirt. We had one of the dudes from Barstool Fidelberg. Yeah. He was great. And he does it like he's notorious. That's his move. He's like dude I just end up I peed on like every girl ever. He gets up and spills. He spills water and then leaves it in the bed and goes oh you know you must have you know opened up the bottle of water. Yeah. Smart. Smart. Girls are so nice though. Like I'm lucky I'm not a gay guy because I feel like they hit me. But girls are like oh it's okay. They're so understanding because they believe in shit. Yeah. I think just going through that stuff. Yeah. You become more of course more empathetic.

Ladies thank you. I've done it when I've been when I was drunk where I've been awake but I've been so you know when you're like you're so fucked up and you get like the spins. Yeah. I just pissed and gone to sleep. Oh yeah. Like a real dirt ball because you're so out of it. You're like yeah. It feels that warmth going through your legs. But then it gets not only that warmth lasts for about 90 seconds and it gets real chilly down there. Yeah. I fucked a squirter one 10 years ago. And first of all it was it was this lady I met. She was older. She was a Jewish gal from Brooklyn. She had eight kids or whatever. She's like I got to get back to my kids. And I remember I was taking my pants off. We're both getting

naked. It was freezing cold out. I lived in a tiny apartment where there was no central heat and the heat didn't come on. So we're chilly. And she was like first thing she goes you better not have a small dick. And I'm like please. I'm undoing my belt. I'm terrified you know. And then pass that point. Yeah. You bought it how you saw it. You're on the lot. I don't know what to tell you. You break the hymen you bought. So we're going at it and she's squirting like a main and it was hot. It was great. But then you know like you said after five minutes we're both sleeping. It was like two parentheses on the edge of the bed because the middle was freezing and wet. Yeah. And then she's left.

Damn. I just left the bed like that. That was it. Left the bed. I just slept in the corner. Oh. Better not have a small dick. Yeah. Terrible. Ouch. Man. I know. I would have just left. All right. That's been five while left until I see you. Yeah. By the way I love the. I got a porn story to tell that's the trash. Oh yeah. Hit it. Shoot. I can tell you later. No. Get away. I've told us on a pop before so I'm sorry. But my friend you mentioned seeing your friend's parents fucking in a Polaroid. In a pole. They weren't fucking. It was it was tasteful posing. Yeah. You might have added some of that. Oh sorry. And you remember being a threesome with your your nephew's parents.

So me and my friends skateboard. We're all sweaty. We run back upstairs. My friend was I'm going to jump in the shower. You know we're hanging out in his room. And so you know it's the 90s. So there's a stack of VHS tapes. One of them says skate. So we're like put on a skate video. We put it in. It goes you know it's all fuzzy tracking. Yeah. And then it cuts to a bathroom closet door is like cutting off half the frame. And it's his sister naked with the shower running about to get in the shower. And she's like figure out you're figuring it out. Yeah. Feel herself maybe. Feel herself touching. I'm listening. Looking at her butt. You know. And we're just like what the fuck is going on. Oh my god. Holy shit. And then we're just freaking

out. It's like half excited. Half curious. Half confused. And then he comes out. You know he's got the towel like hey what's up. He like tackles the TV. And we're like what the fuck is that. He's like you don't understand. She owed me money. I had to bribe her. And I just think he wanted to see a nude woman. It was pre-internet. And this is what he had. Holy shit. So he hit a fucking camera in the bathroom. And yeah. Got some footage. And we just happened to find it. Christ. Yeah. He's dead now. Sister killed him. But it's weird being a young boy. And this is pre-porn. Like online. It is. It is. I had that fucking nuts. I said I think I've talked about this before my body. We were like looking for weed or something in his parents room. And like they let us heal it.

He just like let us go through. Oh wow. And we all did that though. I know totally. We ransacked everybody's parents bedroom at one point. That's where I've never been. It was like everybody was like getting in the mop. Everybody had to do it. You couldn't hold out. Yeah. Totally. Not at my place. Oh really. My dad had like money hidden and shit. Yeah. What do you think we were looking for? But we went we were looking for weed and like I guess you were also looking for whatever you were hoping for something weird and tinky or whatever. And my buddy not the kid whose house it was. Another friend the third party pulled a plastic bag out from under the bed. It was like whips and chains. Oh wow. A ball gag and shit.

And like he like picked up a dildo and was like look at this. And everybody's like put that down. It was like whoa. Family heirloom. Embarrassing dude. Yeah. Whatever you find that stuff you always the first thing you do is you have to smell it. Oh yeah. You gotta figure it out. Yeah. That was the find the panties. You gotta smell. It's always a smell thing. Little boys fucking teenage boys are fucking third party man. I think I might have even I think I told you this. My buddy's dad owned like three independent movie rental companies like Epic video or whatever. You know. And then Blockbuster came in shut him down and he sold all the movies but kept all the porn. Oh yeah. So we didn't know and we were down the basement and it was just boxes like fucking

floor to ceiling but you all boxes. But we didn't know it was porn. These were just dude the whole basement like Florida like thousands of tens of thousands of tapes. So we're sitting in there and like but it was like it was kind of a movie. It was like Goonies like we're like wrestling and like fell onto the box and it opened up and we're like dude there's all fucking porn in here. He's like these are all porn. Oh wow. And we were like so we're like you go into the speech up there is their time down here down here is our time man. Now I'm watching all these pornos and it was the first one. Yeah. Shout out to my bully Paul who had the balls to take it. You jerk off so many times you're like hey you guys. Oh wow. The Fratelli brothers.

Shout out to Goonies. What a fucking lot of flick. We had one. We had one that passed around and I can I remember the dialogue. I'm telling you right now those tapes are from my house and one of them is police academy. The original police that has a crazy crazy boob scene at a bond. I don't remember. In the middle of it. Was that 80s or 90s. It was 80s boob scene. Oh my God. Which is cut with chicks with the big banana boobs. And they had the tan lines from the bikinis. Oh boy. Pull it up. The 80s because porn is so easy to get out. So it's in your phone. I got to get off. I got to get away from it. It's too much. You got to get off. But yeah it's funny when you see those. It's almost like when you have a song on your iPod or whatever.

It's fine. But when you see when it comes on the radio in your car it's exciting. And it's the same with old boobs. You know when they come on spontaneously like oh shit. Oh boo. But you would never look up boobs. Sure. You don't go boobs. Yeah. But when you see one when you see one kind of in the wild it's a little more unexpected. You know what I mean. Exactly. Yeah. And kids today they'll never have that. And it's funny you related that to the song because I used to be like that. Like a like a song would play. I'd be like oh my God. I love that song. Wouldn't know the name. Wouldn't know who it was. Would be like spend months trying to figure out what it was trying to find it. Then it would come on again. You'd be like oh my God. This is it. Totally. And now it's just

like you know fucking Pandora or whatever you want to hear. It's fucking crazy. You could type in like three lyrics and you'll find it. Yeah. Good stuff. Good old days. The good old days gang. Do you think people did this back because technology is obviously changing at a rapid rate. But do you think back when it was changing slower they were older guys when like the phonograph came out who were like oh remember we had to learn to play the banjo. Sure. Now you guys can do this this and this. These guys in their fancy FM radio. Yeah. We had to paint guys. Now you can just take a flash photography. When I was a kid I'm sure. It's human nature. I even think about that in the 80s like even like the little access we had to like pornography and stuff like that. I still

would like think back to like my dad's generation to be like man that must have fucking sucked. Yeah. Watch a stag film. You had to get I'm 16 millimeter real projector. Yeah. Yeah that must and it was probably terrible. Of course. You know what I mean. They're not taking care of themselves like they own it. It's also weird to think about. I'm sorry. We're riffing around. This is a show baby. Okay. But think about like cars came in obviously. So it was all horses horse and buggy wagons. We're going way back. I know. But you think cars came in service like cars are dangerous. They were hitting everybody because they were still new and nobody knew how to drive them. And there was dead horses everywhere because the horses like one of the jobs like a horse will

just die. You know you have a car forever that you see an old car in a field and it's got shit. There were dead horses all over New York before the car. So that was just the thing. Yeah. There's a dead horse like an abandoned horse. It was like an abandoned car. Yeah. But it's crazy to think about how caps are off of it. Imagine just walking around like is a dead horse on Broadway. It was a dead horse on Wall Street. I think about that. Someone in my neighborhood I live all the way uptown in the Heights. They have a horse. No. But they somebody started posting pictures from like 1922 or maybe even earlier on like just like hey neighbor check this out. This is this intersection and it's fucking wild to see it. Yeah man. It's like the suburbs. I know it was

like instead of being like a house of a building every two two inches it's like and then you think every 200 yards. Everybody in this photo is dead. They were all had a boner. They were all had insecurities. They all had you know diarrhea at some point and they're all gone. Yeah there's a famous quote. I can't remember who it is but they said something like you know New York City is about your experience now. What it's about is the millions that came before you. You know what I mean like exactly what I'm saying like a lot like just even in this fucking building. Yeah and whatever was here before you know just you know hundreds you know 100 years of just lives is going and going and going. Yes. Sowing factory. Right next door.

Over there. My soul sweatshop. Yeah. Yeah. Keeping it real in this city. Girls are working over time. All right. Well let's give this some fucking patreon questions. We got a little company tonight as we said Mr. Mark Norman sitting with us. If you haven't seen his episode it's out there right now. You can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts or on our YouTube page. Go and check it out. Also love him even more. Check out his podcast Tuesdays with stories. Of course. It's a hot one. You got a hot hot pot. Hot pot. There was something too like at a point when you guys were both opening for Louis and it was like it was a wild fucking. You guys are only private jets all you guys had this such a unique. Oh yeah. I remember us. We would talk

about it after we listen to that in the village fucking like standing outside parking the lantern and I'm like you fucking Norman was on a private jet that well speaking of going back we all did that. We were parking. I was parking for the village lantern. Yeah. That's what we are. Yeah. Wow. Look at that. It cycles baby. Yeah. We made it to 30 A Street. Who would have thought. We're on the road. You'll be on a jet. It's fun having garbage on a jet. Yeah. You know. Yeah. Because you had that run open enough for Schumer private jet. Sushi. Sushi. I mean I bought an apartment off of the money and Madison Square Garden Carnegie Hall. You know and people people give her shit like Schumer but I'm like she stayed loyal. She let all these she let me open for Sam

open my list open. Yeah. Everybody was opening and she paid very well and we had a fucking blast. Just the ladies you hooked up with that was when Bumble was new and that was that was a like the Wild West. Oh yeah. Good time. That's like the same thing. People try to get Pete Davidson shit but dude the guy fucking brings all the deserving comics are all fantastic but it's all his crew on the road. Everybody's in the movie helps people with projects. That's what it's all about. It's fucking awesome. Yes. Exactly. Good shit. You want to open for me this weekend. Atlantic City Comedy Club. What's the private jet situation. That's right. Me and Kippy December 3rd December 3rd Atlantic City Theater at the Claridge. The good room. I just did it. Yeah.

It's good stuff. Good time. Shout out to New York Comedy Club. I got heckled for an hour. Seriously. An hour straight and two black ladies walked and said get your clan hood. If you ever come to LA I'm going to beat the shit out of Philly. I'll beat the shit out of you. I'll fuck around with Philly. No. They mean it. But I guess I am racist because the two the black people in the table in front of them loved it and I was like they like it. Like all black people say. What are you talking about. They like it. They're black. Ah. Looking for valid. And the black guy was like you're on your own kid. That's funny. Good shit. What do we got kid. All right. These are all from Patreon as I think I

think I mentioned if when you sign up for Patreon we will read one of your questions. We're going to read everybody's questions but some of them we just can't get to. So this is it. This is the first one and this is one that I have history with. This is from Dan. Have you ever had a life size cut out display of like a movie theater in your home. I had a movie. I had a life size Superman. Like from where. Six foot. You know it was like I stole it from the AMC. Yeah. Yeah. Christopher Reeves and he was like going like this flying pretty awesome. Had to cut out with the little stand behind him in my room. It looked pretty cool. The only problem is you come home after a few but but I put ice and you're like. And then of course you also get the fun part where

he gets into the wheelchair accident so you get to bend the poster. You roll down. Yeah. You put it on like an office chair and and wheel him across the living room. Those things usually either had a dick drawn on a hole with a penis. We were we were older and we stole from like South Philly Sports Bar and Grill or whatever. We were in like our 20s and we stole a thing of Darren Dalton from alpha. He was like a cut out. He was like advertising something and we cut a hole in the dick. Yeah. Like my body would always be pregame and he would just behind it with a dick hanging out. Classic move. Anytime you pull out a dick it's funny. That would be assault now. Yeah. It's funny. We were we were posters. We did. I remember

going to that trashy. We are. We would go to like not it must have been poster conventions or something like that. We did that. We did a poster convention. What were they? It would be it like a convention shops. I didn't go to a convention. This was like. Not a loser. It must have been like a music convention or something like that. But I remember buying like Rolling Stone posters like the huge. They did like them reveal you. Yeah. Before the Internet it was like we'll all get together and everybody will come out to buy these t-shirts. That was eBay CDs and stuff. Exactly. Yeah. That was really trashy coming home. Yeah. I got a I got a Blues Brothers poster. And rips and shitting it. This is what I learned

in college and just a bunch of shots. Expositions or whatever. Oh man. I'm not as think as you drunk. Bob Marley. And looking back I was like this will never not be cool. And like 24 like such a fucking job. The John Belushi the one where he's wearing the college. Yeah. That was in every single fucking even when I went to come younger than you even when I went to college everybody fucking had it. Yeah. One thing I'm glad I never got into is the black light shit. I was a big. I had the stars on the ceiling. Stay away from Thera Hall. Thera Hall room 204 there to shake our real trippy and that fucking joint. Oh yeah. It was on a just day to the dandruff on Billy. It was it was it was detergent. That's what we'd use to write detergent detergents

would show up in a black. Yeah. But your teeth always look fucked up. Every stain is a dog hair got fucking illuminated. You I hated it. There was this one dorm that had like black lights and they'd be like yeah come over. I'm like I'm not getting fucked. I'm not coming in with fucking semen on me. See your face. This shirt. It's all over my mouth. It's me. That's fucking awesome. They call you old cream pie. I don't remember kids that have like a fake tooth. They'd have like an implant and they would smile like everything would glow. But that one is that lead. The fuck is that made of dude. By the way nothing trashier than the Nicarag. Wait. He's got it in here too. He's such a piece of garbage. That's hilarious.

Doc said I got a quick smoke. Yep. So we turned to candy. That's great. Whatever happened to the patch. Is that gone. I feel like that's too. That was big for a man. That was big. Nicoderm. CQ. Yeah. Now it's all chanting. That shit fucks you up though. Fucked up. That's the pill you take. Oh really. I only know it from who does it. Kyle Donegan. Kyle Donegan. Oh my god. It's fucking shit. I tried everything to quit smoking. Hook is up and work. Chantix. He's still smoking. He's one of those guys where you're like you know they always say oh the cream rises the funny people won't make it. Don't worry. And you're like what about Kyle Donegan. He's so great and then

Brogan shouted about and now he's doing well. Unbelievable. His thing is with his mom. Mom what are you doing. So funny. So funny. I'm so envious of people like that to thinking characters in China. So not me. Yeah same. Kardashian's he kills it. Yeah. Totally. Bruce Jenner. Or Caitlyn is it. Oh boy. Caitlyn Jenner. Sorry. What's next. All right. This is from Jeff. Have you ever ordered off the kids menu as an adult. Oh yeah. Yeah. Big chicken fries. If it's if the plan dude if the platter is not on the appetizer I gotta gotta gotta go kids. If I was waiting tables I would make you feel like a piece of shit for doing. If you want to dry up a vagina on a date. Do you still want the juice box. Give me a crayon. Coming out of your tip.

Some Boston guy I wish I knew who was but he is this great joke about how he's so cheap. He's like you ever go to the restaurant. You're like you look at the menu like oh I'll have the additional topping. That's the only thing on there. It's like $4.99. That's pretty good. I wish I knew who that was. Somebody right. Oh yeah. Put that in the car. That's a fucking whole tomato slices and some onions. Yeah. I love the Coleslaw. I will say this when I when I go to McDonald's at my niece and nephew that you know they get happy meals obviously I am real envious of those things. Oh there was something about popping one of those things open in the 80s. It's so colorful and the toy in the bag. The burger smell coming out of that thing. They did

it. They really fucking whoever was behind that new psychology to get the fucking hooks and kids. Totally. Totally. And I feel so bad for my parents because we'd go to remember I don't know this is this is deep deep dive shit but Nickelodeon would have like things like go to McDonald's and say the password or maybe an extra cookie or whatever. And so my dad's like hung over you know he's got a five o'clock slimer or something. He's got a wife and he's like my kids say Nick Jr. Poor dad. He's like 44. He's got to say Nick Jr. out loud. Get your filet of fish. Three filet of fishes and black coffees. My dad was a big milk guy at McDonald's. That's a serial killer. Yeah. That's lunatic. A big one on the shot. I don't know if we did it

with you. We did your episode a while ago. Did you drink milk with dinner growing up. That's lunatic shit. Yeah. It's too heavy. My parents they bought powdered milk. Yeah. We did talk about this. Yeah. So we didn't have milk. He didn't grow up on rikers. Didn't you have powdered eggs too. weren't you a powdered egg family. No we'd have a powdered egg. It was powdered. I remember the powdered milk and that's when I was like I was I felt bad for you. Yeah. It sucked. I just didn't fuck with milk. Dude. No shit. We had ice cold vitamin D. Oh thank you. That's the dream. Oh the best. I love it. Man. That's great. Great question. Great fucking question. I feel like I feel like Norman might fall into this one

because it was a bit of a rabble rouser as a kid. Yeah. This was from Connor True. Have you ever written on the wall of a bathroom or a porta potty. What are you kidding. Come on. Never liked that shit. I don't think I ever did. I see it now. Twitter. That's all that is. You know one guy would say something in the comment guy like this guy's a dude. It's true. Someone would put an arrow to him and with a dick. I mean it was gold. It was always just your mom's a whore this that somebody's number for a good time. That's a classic bit though. I remember I was at a dive bar in the world. I don't know. You know I just spent my whole 20s at dive bars and I was you know half in the bag pissing and

one guy said the hottest girl you've ever seen. Some guys tired of fucking her. I remember being like I heard that like blew my mind. I was like it's better than you are. When you're the first time you hear that you're like holy fuck totally and I'm gonna be like because you know we weren't getting laid and no hot chick was ever gonna talk to me but reading that you know you walk out it felt pretty good. That's awesome. Yeah show me show me a hot girl. I'll show you a guy who's tired of fucking her. That was it. That's good. There's also an old joke that like guys only sleep with girls so they could tell somebody and there was an old joke about a guy who was stuck on a desert island with Brooke Shields. It was an 80s joke and I

have to like a year of being there together. You know I've done everything under the sun. She's like is there anything you want me to do and he's like yeah well you put this face fake mustache on. So she puts it on and he walks up and he goes hey you're not gonna believe what I'm fucking. Wow. See that's that's layered. That's a dad bit right there. Is that a street joke? Or is that a bit? I think it's a street joke. Dude I fucking love street jokes. I do too. They're brilliant and we don't know who we're. It's such a shame because I love a good joke. Some uncle somewhere. Some perfect joke. Somebody doesn't get rid of him. Even the little stuff like when the first guy to go is that clear? Crystal. No credit. Eric I like it good. That's what she

said. Nothing wrong with that. That one guy said that he got 18 high fives and no credit. I used to think about that shit when I was a kid because in the 80s there was a rumor that my one friend's older brother's cousin came up with the saying it's all good. Yeah. So I swear to God. Get the obviously get the fuck out of here. Dude he's been selling me this life for like a decade. Shout out to Andre Klein. They were the cool. They were the coolest kids in the neighborhood man and his cousin was from like Georgia and he would come up in the summer. They'd have the wave caps on. They always had like the newest wrap and all that stuff. They were fucking cool as shit. Easy kid. He's the oldest. He's the always say it's all good and then it then like years later

it started to take off. But like who comes up with those saying even even like calling you know diamonds water or ice or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy. And I think bling bling was Lil Wayne. Yes. That was a New Orleans. And I remember. Yeah. It was. And I think Birdman was like looking back. I should have fucking copyrighted it. And I would have been a billion. Yeah. I remember hearing like Obama said it once or something. So it just it's crazy how it starts in this ghetto or whatever gets into some rap and then five years later old corny guys are saying becomes part of the vernacular zeitgeist zeitgeist. I was just watching the the Seinfeld where they go to Joe Mayo's party. The new housewarming party. I think it was. And I think that's the party.

He's the one that gives everybody the job. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And Jerry goes. Yeah. I got jiggy with it. And it's so cringe worthy. I'm like you're just this old white guy trying to act cool. But was he trying. I think it was ironic. I think so too. But still I think the fact that it even made it in. It was like a year after the song came out. Yeah. Yeah. I got jiggy with it. Yeah. Upper middle class cheesy white people. But somebody to come up with that's lit and that's ratchet. I mean somebody thought of it. One person. Yeah. One person. Damn. That's why I try to make up my own like Seinfeld. They had you know yada yada yada. Nothing wrong with that. They came up with their own man. Yeah. Fucking close talker. All of them. All of them. All

the re-gifter. It's like Jewish Ibonics or Jewish like. Estelle's got the Jimmy leg. Yeah. There are so many. Shout out to Seinfeld. Check it out. Yeah. I haven't already. You haven't caught an episode. They could use. They could use the boost. My favorite street. We've talked about this before is the pedophiles walking a seven year old kid into the woods and the kids crying. He goes what are you crying for. I got to come out of here by myself. That's just fucking great. I think a lot of that shit came out of the military. I think a lot of guys because everybody's in the service back then. You just have to be with eight guys in the woods. You know just fucking

yucking it up yucking it up. No book. No nothing. Just talking. That's a good street joke. Yeah. Good street. It's a spinoff podcast. Street jokes. There you go. That's a great call. Oh cut that out. Don't let anybody hear that. Genius. Genius. Copyright are your garbage. 2020. I'll be on the Patreon. Okay. This is from Joshua Marbury. Has a member in your family ever used plastic bags or garbage bags as luggage? If yes. Have you ever taken it on an airplane? Oh yeah. I did that last weekend. Oh my god dude. You have money Norman. I can one up that. I didn't even use a garbage bag because I couldn't find any. So I used a pillowcase. What? Yeah. Because I had a bunch of merch and I was like I'm not bringing a whole suitcase because I can leave the pillowcase

in Milwaukee or wherever the fuck I was. If you sell the merch. Yeah. Or fold it and put it in your luggage. It was too full. I had more merch in the luggage. Oh my god. This guy is a mover and shaker. Fucking fire sale over here. Yeah. Everything. Oh yeah. Right. Right. So I'm at you know Newark where the fucking luggage thing in my hand. I threw that in the overhead. And you had a pillowcase. Full of whole merch. So you got like you got the roller bag to drag bag. Yep. And then a pillowcase full of fucking. Yeah. Because they let you have a personal. The personal like school bag. Yeah. An overhead compartment bag. What's more personal in a pillowcase. What the. Were you flying coach your first class. I was business. There you go. All right. They must

have been looking at you. Oh yeah. This is a bump up. This guy got bumped up. Yeah. The Scooby Doo didn't help. I'm a big fan of the bump up. You know that. Oh. I'll wait around for fucking six hundred dollars worth of AmEx gift cards. I'll say that. Fuck the wedding. The bump up is better than the buying first class. Like getting the bump. Huge huge. I've only ever feeling full of first class wants and somebody bought me the ticket. It was fucking nice. They guys do. They get you so drunk. We were going out for a party to Miami and they knew we were on a bachelor party. They were just bringing over like four or five of the vodka bottles like the little guys. Yeah. For each of us. I mean it was like a fucking 45 minute flight and we drank them out.

That's too quick. You want it. You want it. You want the fucking transcontinental. Totally. Totally. I flew from one of the few first class from cross country was New York to L.A. Jet Blue Mint. Is that the sleeper. Yes. Jet Blue Jet Blue really stepped their game up. It's unreal. They got the sleeper. All the best movies. You know they give you a menu. You can pick what you want. Everything's like and they tell you about the food. This is actually John Wolfgang Puck's private resume. Yeah. You start dozing off but you got to stay up because you want to get all in. Yeah. He's some coffee over here. Yeah. You came from humble beginnings. What was that like flying private for the first time. Oh it was insane. It was on the tarmac. That's gotta be

getting on the plane on the tarmac. Yeah. That's got to be a good fucking feeling. Well you know you're a piece of shit when they bring it to Teterboro which is where the jets go and they just the hub like what do you call it the terminal. The terminal. Yeah the terminal. It's got free cookies. Free muffins. Free coffee. You're putting them in your bag. I'm stealing all that shit. They're like you're already on the jet you psycho. There's food on the jet. I was like oh I didn't know there was food on the jet but it's just it's weird to go from jet. Did you have jail house mentality. Right. You're like here's resources. Yes. Nobody was eating them. I think we've talked about it. I think we talked about it on your episode but the fact there's

stories of you at well I'm sorry what was the name of your show on the Upper West on the Upper East Side. Hot soup. Hot soup. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I mean comedy is dead but you would go up to you would go but you would act like a bus boy to take people's plate. See that's every time. That's the guy I thought you always were. To go eat the food off the bus off said bus plate and then go up on stage as a comic. But how confident is it. I'm eating the discards of strangers. To walk up to somebody you've done with that. It's never failed. It's fucking foolproof. Oh my God. That's insane. I imagine the Irish Saints had probably put on a pretty decent chicken wing too. Solid. Solid wing. I like the flats. They had a good flat. It's funny man.

All right. This is from TT. TT AK. Have you ever washed an item of clothing in the sink because you're too lazy to do a full load of laundry for the next day. Oh yeah. Of course. Andes or socks or something. Oh yeah. Yeah. I mean I could use a washing machine when I was four with the bedwetting. Yeah. I knew my way around a fucking permanent press. Did you. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. But I've definitely done the sink with the skid marks. That's that's happened a few times. You got a hot date but you can't find any fresh undies. So you got to find the one on the floor. You get the skid marks out. You throw those puppies on. Yeah. That was back when you just had white underwear. I didn't know what I was thinking. Yeah. Not a good look no matter

how in shape your dad was or whoever. You catch him in a pair of tiny white couple of yellow stains on the front. Balls are hanging down real low. Completely. My dad was Rob. No undies guy too. You said that. Oh did I say that. But that's the only thing. Yeah. That's still one of the. So you caught a peek every once in a while. Oh yeah. He was huge. You got a unit on him. Huge. The whole thing was you like he would turn and it would like it would it was just a delay. Huge balls. Hairy brown balls. My dad was enormous. It was jeans. It was like it was just like it's like a lava lamp. You know it's so slow. We got one. Oh hey that thing's fucking broken. Yeah. We don't plug it in. Those guys got to keep the electric low. You know those guys were more

men than we'll ever be. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. For all the reasons that we've talked about just on this podcast. Sure. Military what they had access to. They say I don't know this is like a real scientific fact but kids are fucking way less than people used to fuck. I guess because you got more things to do. You got phones. You got a computer. You got Netflix. So people are fucking his entertainment in a way. So if you have more things to do you're going to fuck less and plus like sexual assault and me too and whatever the fuck. So kids are fucking less but also you got to think like maybe women are turned on less because we've gotten way softer. True. I guess as a you know we're less masculine for sure. Yeah. As compared to previously but we don't I think men are confused

especially I mean I'm almost 40 but I think younger guys are just like do I be take chargey or is that mansplaining or do I be aggressive or is that aggressive or what you know like I don't think guys you know back then you're like all right Britt Reynolds I'll be that guy that's that's my archetype. Yeah. But now I'm like what are my Harry Styles. What do you look to now as a guy. Yeah. It's true. It's true. It's tough. It's tough. Right. Call in if you're 25. I don't know what you go with. But I guess it was because I was a kid but like those guys all had like dad vibes to me. I mean even like when I watched the 18 they were all like my dad's age. Yeah. They were all tough as shit and they were still cool. There was some it was like in the 80s and like early 90s

it was like it was cool to be uncool. Does that make sense. You know what you mean. I don't know. They were cool. They weren't. Yeah. I feel like that's more now. They were like shooting fucking Tommy guns and blowing up. But I mean like you know like like they weren't wearing like the best sneakers. They'd be like like you know if you look at Eddie Murphy in Beverly Hills cop he has a shitty pair of sneakers on a pair of shitty jeans and like a shitty Detroit jacket but he looked fucking cool. He did look cool. Yeah. But now they would be like Jordans. Three hundred But I think I think that was cool at the time. He had like a pair of like Nike running shoes on that was cool. I think you're right. Progress so much to the point where like men's athletic shoes weren't

a fashion statement. Yeah. They were just like that's what you wore. That's what you wore. It's like now the fashion has played such a big role. Also he's supposed to be a Detroit beat cop. Yeah. So I don't think we can go too hard into the fashion world right because it would throw off his character. Yeah. Makes sense. All right. I'll go fuck myself. There you go. Big man. All right. This one's from Ben Zimmer. This is I've definitely fucking have done this. What's the worst. What's the trashiest item you've used as a window blind. My family taped a pillowcase over the window and waited weeks to buy a proper one. Wow. That's a big pillowcase. That's not a that's not a carry on. Well my brother was goth so he had just the full blackout. Yeah. Was it sheets or were they

curtain like proper curtain. I think they were like blankets like black blankets which was just terrifying. Those kids were something else. Yeah. He had the makeup and the fingernails and the fish net whatever. Does he still rock that shit. No. You know he's 42 now but back in the day he was full in God. He had he was kind of troubled. He was one of those kids. He had like the butt cut and one half was black. One half was white. Oh yeah. He was all in. That was big. We grew up in a black neighborhood. We didn't know where to go. We didn't know what we were. And so he went goth and I went full skateboard grunge there. And that was back when like now you talk about progress. I see all these black kids skateboarding. Yeah. And they used to chase us for skateboarding.

They'd be like get a basketball you weirdo. You know but now it's it's a little more fluid. Yeah. Everybody's mixing in. I love it. It's great. But yeah. Curtains. I mean towels up there. I did all the blankets for like a while. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My parents at their side door like let's them like a serious draft. So still every winter there's a St. Joe's like almost like a military blanket that they have like a special bar like almost like it's like a clothesline but it'll go like that and it'll go like that. Yeah. And at night they'll fucking put the blanket over it and then put it on the door so the draft doesn't come in. Oh you know it's also trashy. That's trash. Also trashy was the I don't know what you call those the plasticky kind of nylon

e Venetian blinds the Venetian but the plastic ones were every now and then the side one would be like oh yeah. They were a little bent all over. Yeah. All fucked up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're much peaking. Yeah. The turn rods not there. Yeah. You just had the thing on the side. Yeah. Yeah. Coat hanger in there. Yeah. Fucking guard. Never stuck. You know you're like all right. Then I pull out. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I feel like a sailor when I'm doing. Trying to fucking hoist the joists around it. Right. Right. Tell me the main flag. We're riding in the hell boys. It's fucking garbage. Yeah. That's a great question. I remember my buddy come when it comes to car windows. We drove around for four years of high school with my one buddy's fucking Datsun where his driver's

side door just had a plastic bag like a trash bag where he couldn't see out of the left side of his car. And we would just fucking back and forth to the shore fucking smoking weed just fucking there's no coming back from that. No one goes plastic bag and then fixes it. No. It's just that's a give you giving up. You got a 48 hour. Yeah. If you don't do it and then you don't do it by the weekend. It's a wrap. How about this one. You remember that weird cardboard pullout thing that unfolded for the sun for the sun. I never got a pair of sunglasses on the front. That graphic in again. That is fucking. Wow. The sunglasses was big. That was big because that the club. Yeah. The club. Yeah. I love the club. I didn't ever got the club. I feel like I could

steal this car and get away with it. Turn slowly. Go straight. Get on the highway. You're good. Yeah. Exactly. But the fucking sunglasses thing. I got it because one time I left a cassette tape and that shit warped pretty quick on the dash. So I get a hot car in the summer in the other seats or just fucking burn the bottom of your legs. So brutal. And nowadays people lease cars and shit like that. That wasn't that prevalent back then. So like I remember if something happened to one of our cars like if a back window wouldn't go up or something like that or like if it was stuck. It was just like it wasn't fixed. That was just a thing you had to overcome the process to get into the car or if the door didn't open from the outside or if the remote didn't work or do

or not open it from the outside. You don't like fucking reach back and lock it open or the window would break and you have to open the door and get two hands on it and like fucking jam it up. And then you're you know my dad's like don't do it. Don't put it down. They're all every time you get in and start the car they want you don't touch that fucking we had a garage door like that. If you touch the fucking garage door thing he was going to lose it because it was a 50 50 shot. It was going to get stuck halfway through totally. Speaking of cars this is a good one. This is from Doug Hansen. Do you or any close member have a loved one's birth date and death date decal on your car?

Like you know fucking aunt Toody from white RIP chewy. I feel like that was like a Latino thing. It's definitely more prominent Latino population I feel. I never had I had a body that had it on his like car in high school. Someone else and he had it. You know the white guy version of that is that weird cross on the side of the freeway you know like putting the dirt. Somebody got popped. Yeah exactly. It says like dog on it. Yeah. It's got a couple of wreaths on it. You know. Or if you ever seen a all white bicycle. Yes.

Tape this on. Yeah. Fallen soldier. Somebody went out for milk and then take it back. I don't know if I'd want any of that. I definitely wouldn't want my face on a t-shirt. No fuck that. Yeah. I don't want a death picture. Yeah. Good point. You know because you don't get to pick the picture. No. How do you want your funeral because he's he will you wear very anti beef and beer. Yeah. I don't want a family. Do you know a beef and beer. It's like a very northeast thing like a beef and beer would be like a wake. You know but it's like a fundraiser. It's 50 bucks for trash people.

All you can eat and drink to raise money for his family. The beef would be like a roast beef sandwich. You know like a cerno. You just go. Oh I like that. It's just kind of like you like the sandwich. Yeah. Yeah. Little horseradish on there. Guys are old. Yeah. Who doesn't. Meanwhile there's a picture of you up on a fucking screen like I would love to go out to Irish wake style like add an Irish pub on the pool table with like oh yeah. That would be so cool. Yes. Fucking everybody. I'd be in your body or something. Yeah. I'm just in prop me up. Everybody's hanging out boozing.

Now the thing I was always staunch on is I don't want an open house. He's upset I left. I don't want an open casket. I don't want people looking at me unless you do go old school put the quarters on my eyes. So I got a little cash for the ferry man. You know what I mean. Coming up short. Hey you can't take it with you. Oh that's too good. This is what we've we kind of touched on. This is from Jess La Damirera or Brian just doll on my rara. I don't know. Shout out to Don Myrera. Billy comic. Well all the history he knows make jokes about their names and then they I think they do that.

I love it. Will you turn your underwear inside out to re wear them when laundry is not done. Sure. I do that. I do that normally. I mean you get two right wears out of the undies. You do that every day like on Monday you'll put them on and then Tuesday you flip them. Oh man that's pretty wild. I'll do that with a t-shirt. I'll wear the t-shirt inside. I'll wear a t-shirt but you got the tag going. Doesn't matter. I mean we're not really going for a big donut. We're going for whatever covers them at this point. I don't care if he wears it for a month. That's how I pick. I picture what covers my belly and I gotta do the fact I stretch on the shirt

which it used to be a fucking advertise. We used to advertise with them. She do you can wear those things for a month. I did those like Friday Saturday Sunday Monday totally. Do you do the ball in the whole you go in both pouches in the sheets. I don't ever tried it. I just put them on and walk away. Yeah I go into pouches. There's things you can separate the dick in the ball. Yeah I don't I don't got that kind of poise my guys are watching each other's back like two fucking cherries in Vietnam fucking back to back nobody's getting separated right right now walking around the haunted house by ourselves stay together fellas keep it tight. That's a great question though. Oh man I heard

fucking Mike Cannon said this weekend he's like it's so cold out that he goes about my looks like I have three testicles. So funny. I went to her for a physical at a woman doctor and I was chilling and I was worried she was going to check the fucking piece. Not that she'd be looking but it would still be like I'm not a real man. I had a similar thing. I was running because I was late so I wanted to be on time and you know when you run or when you exercise your dick goes inward. Yeah it's like a survival thing. Mine hangs out on the inside most days anyways. Oh yeah but she's survival. I got a physical and it was it was like an acorn. It was brutal. Femal doctor. Yeah. Attractive. Yeah. Oh man. I know I was like 19 too and you know it's prime

like oh maybe it's like a porn. Yeah. Yeah. She felt that acorn. Brutal. Buried it for the winter time. Candy Olalipop told you to beat it. Yeah. I remember my first one you have to get I think when you're like 13 or 14 like junior high or whatever and I went into the bathroom and like chubbed out like not chubbed up. Yeah. I fucking for a female doctor or a guide doctor. I didn't know who I was getting. Just wanted to show off whoever it was. Whoever it was. I want the black word of mouth. Ruled in the 90s. No but it was just like well it could have either been a guy or a girl. It's kind of whoever like grabs your thought like would next up on docking. Really. Yeah. You would go to like a practice like a barber. No it was like you made an appointment

at Dr. Barbera's office and then there was like three people that you could have got just kind of whoever was working guy. Oh I'm sorry. Either way I was it was a coin flip it was going to be a brawl. I was fucking chubbing up. Yeah. But if it's a guy you know no no harm no no foul. Yeah. Yeah. No for sure. That's funny. All right. We got one we can run through a couple of more. Andrew Miller that have you have you were a family member ever been thrown out of a little league sporting event for arguing a call with the ref for the ump. Oh see once again my parents didn't put me in sports and if they did they wouldn't have come to the game. Really. Yeah. They were distant huh. Very distant. I never I think I did judo once but I think I did it once

and I got the ghee I said hello I met the kids I got kicked on the balls and we never went back so. Your parents didn't sign you up for a little league or nothing like that. Nothing. Nothing. Did you express interest in it. Well I liked fucking around I like playing and stuff but sports never no religion no sports no hugs that was their motto sounds like a warm household. Yeah. It was yikes. It was was it was cold in there like the Cosby's over there. Geez. Yeah yeah well Cosby at least you know put me to bed. I give you a drink. So yeah I went to little league games I went with friends I would go to church with my friends because it was something. Really. Yeah you know you wake up on a sleepover on Sunday the mom's like

we're going to church and I was like I'll go what's church like we were you know big atheists so. Were you jealous not jealous but were you in all of other like completely in all wow especially the suburbs. See that makes me feel so bad. Well it was fine but it was just a new world like I lived in the inner city and so these kids were throwing their bikes on the lawn the mom comes out with orange slices the dad's like working on the carburetor or some shit or he's grilling I was like this is bananas. Yeah they go to church come back have lunch or whatever. Yeah we'd go to water parks and picnics and yeah I learned a lot just from going out with friends like this is normal. This is what normal is. Did you have the house where you would have your friends over or were

you at purely kind of most of the time out at other people's places. See my friends liked my house because we were free it was completely independent there was no supervision and it was a big weird you know haunted house mansion so we were running up and down we'd skateboard in the front parlor and you know we're going under the house with flashlights and shit so it's fun we could drink and stuff but you know going to their house was fun for me because let's say it's a summer me and Kevin come over we're all the same age we're in the backyard with goof around your mom coming out hey do you guys want this you want some lunch you want something like that are these guys staying for dinner do you guys want to sleep over anything like that or no well I mean she was nice they're nice

they're nice people but my mom was you know rubbing one out to John Luke Picard on the next generation and my dad's doing taxes he's got a green visor on he's pulling the lever so we were we camp in the backyard we'd make food we have a little fire going in the backyard that's pretty cool stand by me it was yeah we saw a dead body you know but each of my balls so it went both ways you know like I told my parents I'm doing I'm going to try to go and stand up I'm moved to New York they were like all right so then so there's perks to it too yeah no I got you yeah there was always that one family though that did it a little bit better and of course you know the it was nice yeah sister was hot fucking mom was cool it was a

marijuana yeah I'll tell you what my parents didn't do a great they did a fantastic did your parents fight in front of you in front of me personally or my friends but in front of you or just fight and in general my parents never fucks they were too distant so that I never had I see my friends parents like oh fuck you Pam I'm lucky I'm still here whatever and I was like in front of other kids never yeah we were oppressed Irish but it was a Sunday and shits popped off in the fucking windows were closed right yeah it got it got hot yeah but my dad was always big on never embarrassing the family out in public like that's like that's real poor people we don't have much but we cannot be we cannot be animals like the person next to us right

we can keep up appearances while we're here so many family parties that we would go to with you know there'd be you know five different families there'd be all kids my age and everybody's just running around like animals sure we'd be told don't be fucking running around in here don't be running through these people's houses and then if you forgot about that he'd be sitting there with a fucking you know with a beer in his hand you run by the kitchen table and he'd fucking grab you were running in the house it was all very very quiet yes very quiet argument shut up don't say anything you know what I mean yeah all that and it was scary that scared the shit out of you yeah my uncle was the king of it I remember one time my uncle he was even worse than

my pop but my my cousin was running through the house one time and like he ran around a corner my uncle was standing and he grabbed him he's like you keep running this house I'm gonna beat you to your bleed I remember I put down my Shirley Temple and called a camp thanks for having me I'll be back at the house check my back oh I just love the idea hello United camp I got a real live one here you guys ever run away oh you're like two minutes I tried until I got hungry yeah I tried and uh my dad being the fucking you know ball buster fucking I was like I said I'm fucking out of here and you do the thing where you get your school bag you pack up your fucking yep

hurdle and your G idea and I go I said I'm fucking leaving right I was like seven or something yeah and he goes I don't know where the fuck I was going I don't want to be there I'll tell you that much and I'm like I'm leaving and he uh he goes all right well here you're gonna need a couple of bucks for a cat I'm like pull that like it's funny because here you go called your bluff and he goes I'll get you the phone but I'll get the phone but I'm like really and I'm like I'll leave really so yeah my mom's like stop it then like yeah I did the same packed up a bag put like three cookies in a slingshot and the cookies yeah cookie you get his hands on his face oh yeah three muffins you get outside the gate you see like blackheads popping wheelies you're like all right I'll be back in

that's awesome my brother did that one time and it was one of it was like one of those special moments because there was like a lot of tension they were fighting they were she was my mom was yelling at my brother and like we were fighting and stuff like that and I remember me and my mom just laughing at my brother's face so hard it was something about him and I literally gained the next day and like my mom bluffing that he wasn't going to be able to go because he was being bad and my brother taking his like little league shirt and folding it up and putting it in his little league hat and then putting it on his head yeah and then getting on his bike and he's like I'm leaving and me and my mom just like fucking the two old guys in the muppets just falling over

laughing at him knowing he wasn't fucking going anywhere are you older older brother yeah I'm I'm younger my brother's older two years older oh okay wow yeah and you only brother only brother yeah it was me and my brother good time I got I was the youngest of three and then my parents had divorce my dad had two like significantly younger kids okay so you weren't really attached I like kids not so much as we got sure they were apart but I was one that I'm 10 years older than them one that I'm 16 oh yeah that's another world yeah what was you and your brother he's older they were all youngest are you close to him not really he's a tough nut to crack he's very serious he's he's almost like spectromy kind of I think you know he's a good guy and he's got two great kids and a

nice wife and he's doing fine but it's uh we're so we're light years different different yeah it's crazy we're all you we're all the youngest that's something to be said for that that's that's a comedy that's a comic thing yeah you're fun you're looking for attention approval yeah had a little easier maybe exactly yeah in the words of Dave Chappelle we're the icebreaker yeah we come in and say something stupid we follow everybody's always like oh well you're the baby yes everybody yes you go to the baby nobody cares about the older one no you know now it's got boogers in his nose did you guys have to perform for your family when you were younger yeah I chose to I don't think they liked it okay because that was always the thing so we wasn't a fan any any holiday any get together

with my immediate family at some point it's clicking in and out at some point there was going to be a show yeah my cousin uh Tracy was gonna do Michael Jackson oh wow I was gonna lick your asshole I was gonna come on we're having fun I was gonna open up for with fucking a couple of minutes do a crazy Eddie impersonation do a Robin leech impersonation we just wanted to really encourage that and like everybody in the family were like performers I feel like you know that's where it came from and it's like when you watch the Eddie Murphy's uh yes deliri yes raw in the beginning he talked about that yeah that's right exactly again it was nothing good on you could just put on Netflix so you had to get drunk and make the kids do fucking shit well all the guys my family is huge

I have like 40 cousins or something now they all have kids because I was like the youngest one of them so they all have like kids anywhere from like 20 to you know newborns and what they all do is they still do the same thing but it's all for TikTok now like they all they're all like yeah we're gonna do the dance and everybody watch us do the dance but we're also gonna film the dance and and release the dance that's not oops sorry I feel like it was better back then I got really soft there we were we were going I was I needed we were going for laughs yeah and it was it it was a fucking tough room you might have not got booked at Thanksgiving it was like an eighties comedy club it was like filled with smoke they were drunk you had to get in there you had to get them you had

to fucking tell them you get the fuck off stage quick now it's like you know they're like half singing you're like come on what is this bullshit I know put some fucking effort into it it's different being in the room you know you got to bring it but also these kids probably aren't performed for their families like we did so I just feel like we're moving further and further apart as a species sure it's weird yeah it is weird but I mean maybe that's just the the natural aggression yeah the my grandfather was like looking at me like this like on or like I was I skated too so they're like this fucking idiot's out there on a skateboard like yeah I had a job when I was 12 right good point good point hmm same here my grandfather fucking he was a Korean

vet he had a he was a fighter pilot he hated me yeah oh yeah dude my my grandfather was a Philly cop for like fucking you know 50 years and still I still see him to this day and he's sober now he's like a bad he was a you know alcoholic for a long time yeah so he's been sober for like 40 years or something and every time I see him he goes how much is the train picking up to New York he wants to know that and how much for a beer do they charge you and I play along I'm like 32 dollars a beer oh 32 bucks a game huh every it'll ask me five times a night every day that's great World War II Vietnam those guys are all tough those Korean war guys who are fucking a different breed different his name is Cleveland oh so this guy is like Cleveland Norman this guy

Cleveland Williams and he had what a name I know sounds like a black guy and he uh like he told me like back when he met my grandmother he had to have a chaperone her mom had to come and like he's like you don't know what it was like it was so much work and all this I was like that is insane that he had to wear a suit on the date you know all that shit so it just feels like every inch of discomfort we have we like try to get rid of it and I think that's gonna hurt us at some point they relished in or they had so much discomfort yeah and I think they were happier yeah you know we were like you always hear about they were more distracted maybe that's they were like I got we have everything was harder and more time consuming so yeah I just this is what this is life I don't

have time to worry about right who likes me it doesn't like me I got a perform on Thanksgiving or whatever they're just going yeah this is fucking life I guess so yeah that was a good thing about that generation is they your grandfather or something and was like oh this kid doesn't like me they give us a fuck oh yeah they didn't get my dad they didn't give a fuck who thought what about who I know I know what I'm like I didn't get enough retweets yeah this post is getting nothing that's fun all right let's do one more then we can wrap it up we're coming up on an hour here uh this is uh I'm trying to think a good one to uh to end it on here um this is a pretty good one this is from Kevin I am morbidly obese but I got a cute piece Stevens another

fucking historian is uh have you ever used a tip calculator or a tip card oh wow like how do you well I guess my question is how do you calculate the tip when you go out what do you do check comes how do you do it well I mean if they don't say it on a thing yeah it's not on the bottom of the thing which is a new thing I'll break my phone out and I'll figure out what 20% isn't and I'll do usually do more than that I heard you double the tax that's what I always do oh that's pretty cheap people shit oh yeah that's coming from a waiter yeah uh I waited tables for 10 years but it should be 18 or 20% what's tax though in New York tax is probably 10% it's 10% so I just double yeah what am I Giuliani I don't know what's going on better be a fucking 20 when I come back to get that thing

I'll tell you that I give 20% I mean that's about my default yeah I thought doubling the tip but I think in New York that works it's like nine or 10% is the tax yeah that should that should work out but I have no problem breaking up the phone and you know I just do I do two times the 10 number if it's 40 bucks two times four is it okay that's pretty good oh there you go so it's two bucks for every 10 are you I noticed a lot of some people are old school like uh I would run in the tables where they wouldn't leave anything they didn't want to leave the tip on the card I want to give you uh because I don't know what you're doing that's a brand new mic we just I don't know what to tell you they don't they don't know who I just bought that yesterday they don't know who's gonna get the

money we're gonna make sure you get it oh that's hilarious so they leave it in cash don't pool it yeah this goes for you yeah which I when I was working tip that in mind putting a little in the old hipster back of course of course not making it into the pool trust these fucking scumbags I'm working with by the way you know the game of pool is called pool because you used to pool the money it's called pocket billiards but you it started like it was a gambling game oh let's play pool yeah let's pool the money who came up with that uh-huh that is a trashy piece of knowledge right there that's in the warland kids now yeah break out Lucille remember pool halls those were a thing I don't know what's going to pool I used to never want to fuck with anybody you know no you get beat

up by a man yeah they're holding a weapon I went on to want to like the upper east side is like a hundred and third and fucking second or something I was like oh we're playing pool I went in there I'm fucking one loop in one loop out thank you that was all this dicey that was also the height of luxury as a kid like it's got a fucking pool table so I was like oh I forget about dude that was insane killer killer and if it was a red one it's over oh man that was big feed a red pool table those parents were well then the big right they were into some weird yeah nose can nose beers every once in a while the real money was the one that would collect at the one not stop in the pockets the one that had the system and you would get them at the end of the pool right now

was real my buddy had one of those and it didn't have the you know it just didn't have yeah yeah no of course they were collecting quarters cigarette machine in the corner how about the our guy with the arcade game at his house oh pinball machine come on dude the epitome the epitome of my buddy his dad making new money like they were the fucking trash yeah they made a shit ton of money and he got a urinal installed in the addition on there what they had a urinal dude I've never heard of that and it was like he's like wait till you see this we're gonna have a urinal we're like yeah yeah yeah the big scissors the mayor was there he gave a little speech holy gang what a fucking episode mark norman thank you much for sitting with this thank you so much

we appreciate it of course shout out to our producer extraordinaire the amazing t dog toby mcmullin everybody tobo we will be back next week for another exciting episode of are you garbage you got anything for him listen to tuesdays with stories with me and joe list uh it's on anywhere you can get podcasts and out to lunch on uh youtube fantastic about four mil and counting fuck netflix fuck these queeps these networks can suck my youtube's the future and uh yeah mark norman comedy dot com for merch and anal and jizz yeah guys go check out his stuff he's one of the funniest guys in the country hardest one of the war probably the hardest working comic in new york absolutely fucking killer go check out his special it's free on youtube go check it out as

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