Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Massage in Jeans! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: February 12, 2026

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Lucy Goods: http://lucy.co/garbage Promo Code: Garbage Helix Sleep: Go to https://helixsleep.com/garbage for 27% Off Sitewide. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage. You ain't lines. It's a little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that I think you have to be classy. Yeah. They're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash.

I'm your host, Tadry, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Toadies in a new edition. She just got picked up at a CVS. Okay. Stealing deodorant. Hey. Which I imagine would have been available for resale. And we would have got a friends and family discount.

That's not going to be. happen now because it's all in evidence. Got pinched. He got pinched. Uh-huh. Thanks for rolling with that one. I think that joke needs to be arrested. My co-os is coming at you from across the tables. We call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos and the homies.

Give it up for my pal. Kevin James Ryan, everybody. Hey, what up, gang? Shout out to you. As always, thanks for tuning in. Audio listeners, video listeners over there on YouTube. Spotify. Climbing the charts. Doing well.

The boys. Doing good. Listen, there's an army of people, the army of garbage that listens to this goddamn program. We appreciate you. And then listen. Listen, we're about in the top 100.

About. Of all podcasts on Spotify. Fluxuate. Comedy, we're in a top 50. So suck my dick. Right? Sure. Tell them down.

You go downtown and you tell them that. Downtown. Yeah. Go all the way downtown. You go downtown and you tell them that. I know we got a lot of problems with the guys downtown. And then obviously, you know,

For the real true homies and dirtbags out there. You go over to patreon.com. Listen, you might not know what Patreon is. It might be scary. The big bad patrons is in an app. Is it a website? What do I do? This is where I watch.

This is where I listen. Listen, get a little loose. Join the over 15,000 people on Patreon. 15,000. Get a lot of content over there. You get an extra two episodes a week if you want them. Plus, the last four years of content are sitting there. You can consume that as you wish or just move forward.

Whatever you want to do. Tell them, Kippy. They got you. And also the tour. There's a lot of fucking plugs up front. But the tour, baby. Listen, the shows are fucking selling out. You're going to end up out in a fucking cold.

Waiting in the line trying to get a take. Stand by taking like a bozo. In some markets, not all of them. Some of them need some help. Some of them get your fucking friends. Standing out of the cold. Such a salesman thing. You want to be standing out there in a cult, man?

Thanks for picking up on a joke. It's the middle of August. Thank you for rolling with that toadie a little bit, as best as you could. You tried to get in there. I try. I listen. A little bit. You also try to tank them a little bit.

Those are hard work. First of all. And I try to make them a little bit more creative when it's just you and me. I get that. More like a jumping off point. Discuss a much of yourself. Listen, I come in the reaction to it. I tag it in there.

Sometimes you get me. What was your reaction there? Oh, yeah, did she? That joke should have been arrested. That guy, that got a chuckle from the whole room. That was after. That's when that. That's where I, that's where the fuck.

Money comes from. That was dead. Yeah, and I bring it back to life. Call me Dr. Kipparito. I use a smoothie on my shirt, by the way. That stink? I got smoothie on my shirt. I think it's pronounced milkshake. Well, you know, you can't get the last couple of sips of that because of the nanner, the banana,

thickens it up. And big man wants everything. Yeah. Big man don't like leaving a little floater. My friend's not paying $20 for a smoothie, and I'm not going to finish it. All right? Jamba juice Or where'd you get

What you stink? No I put Because you do stink sometimes I know and I was stinking the other day Like a fat kid in Jim Christ You're smelling like a fat guy podcast A pubering teenager You smell like so

Huggies No I don't get that that bad Which I told somebody that to the day They're like what do you mean I'm like B O Also you have something in between your eyes No I don't It's probably juice

No I don't In between my eyes That's right where the top of the cup hit you. No. Yeah. Shit. I think, let me say you got it. Yeah, you got most of it.

I got most of it. It might be a unibrow. Cut! I'm not doing this shit. God damn broadcasting here. Shark, leave it in. Don't leave it in, shark. Shark, it's in.

I can't see that my camera's not there anymore. I did a real dirtbag move of I was sweating the other day. I guess I didn't put on the odor or whatever. What's that about? Things are frantic in the morning. I'm trying to get out of a fucking house. I'm sorry some of us have other responsibilities and showing up and having a third breakfast.

Um, excuse me. You guys saw that? That's a lot of eggs. I did four the other day. I do four. Oh, God, I got to pull it back. I do four eggs.

Four eggs in the morning. Scramies. A little bit of fed, a little of mushroom. I think if you say with a better inflection, it'll be healthier. Yeah, no potatoes or nothing. Uh-huh. Straight protein. Gary Brecker.

Go get me. Real dirtbag thing is I leave this in here, and I throw it on from time to time. I'm a little chilly or, you know, just I put it on. What are you, a therapist at a community college? They wear dental. That's a big community. Yeah, they're not. Yeah, they always have an office jacket.

Yeah, like a cardigan over the back of the chair. Loser. Chalking. Also, like, why are you giving me shit? We all keep clothes here. Why are you packing me? Like, I'm going to explain this to you, and you don't know it. You have more clothes.

I have one thing. I have this. You have like half of your wardrobe's at, you know. I have a shacket because it's too hot in here and I have my Eagles jacket. They're shit in my pants. You got a couple of Hawaiians, too. I got a couple of Hawaiians. They're good guys.

A couple of Samoers. There's T-shirts over there, too. Nuh. Yeah, there is. They're not mine. Oh, okay. What did butter bean move in? There's a Hawaiian guy.

They got to have Samoans. I wish we did have a couple Samoan dudes just out there chilling. Sure. That's what we should get Samoan security. Maybe if we keep more pineapple around, we'll start showing up. I have mango. I was sweating a little bit, and I guess it got on the shirt, and I put the deodorant right on the shirt down to mask up what I had.

It is a different brand than I have here, and it's like a men's, like a dendons, like a dove men's or something like that where it's like a little too man like trying to be manly. You put it on the inside? I put this on the inside. Because yours is white. You have white deodorant. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I put it on the inside. I do a powder-based deal.

Yeah. So it stains the shirt. But then doesn't that get on the other shirt? Doesn't that get on the other shirt? Yeah, but I have an over shirt over that. You're not going to take that off. What? I mean, when I leave here, I'll take it off.

But I don't have like, I'm not going to a catered affair or anything. I'm going home. You got spots? Not tonight. Nothing's 10 around for you. You got shots tonight? I got one. Where?

Downtown. Some mowing guys, please. We get security, you get some mowing guys. Okay. Good with the nickel. Uh-huh. Two. Are they known for that?

I don't know. Make with the pineapple. What's going on with this screen? By the way. There is. You guys can't see it, but Luke's fucking around. I got a thing, so, as you know, a bit of a dirt bag I am. Yeah.

And it really, I, you know, when, so I got the, I got the house in the burbs, a bit of a fixer-upper. Mm-hmm. Did some work to it. Still needs some work. Things go wrong. I got a fix. I don't got a fix.

I got to get them fixed. And I think the true mark of, this one really hit me. do you think you've dumped into this rat trap since you bought it? I don't know. Let's be honest. 50 grand, something like that? I got a loan for a couple of things. Shout out to the TD Fit Loan.

Paying that baby on. How many steps you got to do a day? I always think it says Fitbit, too. TD Fit loan. I told you that when I had the mold or something. What's the fit stand for? That's just like what they call. I had fits your budget or something.

I don't know. They're ripping you off. It should be called the Rip Loan. We got you by the bold. I don't know. Enough. Enough. Enough.

But at the same time, I got it. Long story. I got it for, I got a good deal on it than what they used. The house? Yeah. Uh-huh. What? Talking about the loan.

No, no. That's not a good deal. That is not a good deal. That is not a good deal. That hit me. I needed to take the loan out because I was right. after taxis and I got walloped and I needed my I needed my I needed my I needed my walking around my I didn't want to empty out everything I don't want to be fucking sure

which has happened to me multiple times while this show has been successful I've crashed out I want to have to cash in change again I was like I need to get better with money get the fuck out of here yeah probably 20 what years it's 20 26 so probably 20 20 well that makes you feel a little bit better I told you this probably 2023 it's probably 2023 taxes I don't know we so We now have a business manager and an accountant who handle everything. You've met Luke? At one point, I was in charge of the faucet. I like that.

Yeah, which we, there was, it was, there was no financial plan. You get two, three drinks in this guy. By the way, I put a little extra in there. If he wanted to, if Kevin Lake's, here's the thing. It's why it's a real daddy mentality. If he wants to spend it, he'll chop it up. You're nuts. He don't want to spend it.

Ah, no, no, no, no. He thinks it's me. All of a sudden, that mold in the studio. You're crazy. All of a sudden, I'm on a, I need a fit loan. I would not qualify. I didn't qualify for multiple pre-approvalued loans. You wouldn't qualify for third grade.

What are you talking about? I mean, he'd be getting held back, no. Still eating glue? But we weren't setting any side, any money for tax purposes. Well, we, no. Yeah, we were. No, we weren't. I mean, we weren't setting it aside.

We'd leave it in the, we would have it in our accounts, which was very dangerous. And we talked about, I don't know what we're talking about this, but we talked about it the other day how, my God. Thank God that, like, a stupid, like, I am so bad with that shit. How did we, how did we not blow that? Well, we were. We didn't keep it. All that. So then at some point.

At the end of the year, we just had to give everything that we had in our savings. We had to give every, yeah, so I had to empty out all of my. But do you realize there's a reality where I would have spent that? Oh, I'm surprised. Well, no, also, hold on. That was the most. We were doing it. We were doing it wrong because, like, we should have been using the money from

2023 to pay 20203's taxes. Oh, I understand. We were using 2024, the money we were making in 2024 to pay 2023's debt, which is a slippery slope. Which is where I operate. the best. I like a gun to my head. But the business manager comes in.

And they handle, they, they, but because it was that when I said, I, well, I've watched everybody in my family become, at some point I have a good year or whatever. Then you fuck up. I've watched everybody fuck up and get jammed the fuck up. So that's, and I had to cash in change. I was fucking, I was, I was.

A lot of change. I was cooked. Must have been hungry, huh? I, I put that I ripped like 83 bucks. And I was like, It's a last till the first. It'll keep me going to go floating to the first. I know you got a slice with that off the rip.

Love a good thing. It's always the first thing you do when you cash and your change. That and a pack of heaters back in the day. Oh, yeah, the heaters. Don't forget about that. Well, I've mentioned this, but I'd go to the Super Fresh, which is now an Acme, and I would get the printout and go to the customer service desk. Say the printout was $24.

Like you're at the casino. I go, I give it to him and go, let me get a pack on Marble Lights, and they give me to change. Oh, babble do you? Fuck at you. Like a fucking gentleman. Paying with your chips. Yeah, here you go.

As for you. Bing! You guys do the free breakfast around here? I'm fucking tossing darts on everybody. So what do you got for me? So this is a thing that as you... Something else broken is in this joint? Sure.

Sure. You know, the house stands for a bust out another thousand. That's what boat stands for. Oh, boat. You said house. Are you three going to be living with me at some point? What? Who?

Me, my wife and my kids. Yeah. You're blowing it. I mean, we're jammed up if I'm moving in with you. No, I'm not blowing it. There's things. So I need to fix the thing. And we were unsure of how to fix the thing.

Because then the problem with the house is, all right. So my fireplace is in. Is it legal? It's not street legal. No. You got to get the, you need it cleaned. No. You can't clean it because it'll fall down.

No. There's cracks in it. Sure. And the foundation, in the thing, it's not. So my options were either to like completely redo it. Which would be nice. Or they put a tube, like a stainless steel tube down the middle. And then you can, that's fine as well.

A little hot potter. But my, you know how you have like the, the, stone that comes out onto the floor, that's got to be a certain length that mine's not. You know what I mean? Who's checking that? Can you just put a little extra around it or some Legos or something? Yeah, because they're not flammable. And then like the clean out or something, the guy came, I had to get it looked at before

because there were some questions during the sale. These guys, can I say this? Who? The guys out there on the burbs that do that stuff. That guy that comes, the exterminator comes. A lot of guys. A lot of guys. Making everything up.

I mean, killing it. Sure. But making their own rules. Sure. Now, you can tell you smell a good guy when you got them. You can clock them right away. It's how they operate. They're not smooth talking or not, you know.

I had a lot of guys come out. And they go, ah, does this sound good? How about this? And you go, yeah, that sounds good. I got a sitch with Patty with her crawl space. She had the whole thing sealed from weather and rodents and stuff. but didn't the guy didn't do a corner of it for some reason she paid for the wait she had it sealed off not crucifix on the Al Pacino's fucking vault

wasn't that no no Al Capone whoa who are you dirty rat because that was Capone's thing did Geraldo opened up on live TV Haraldo not Geraldo Haraldo Herraldo Rivera Yeah, he opened up Al Capone. They found Al Capone's basement or something, crawl space. And it hadn't been opened since then. No, I think it was his mausoleum. No.

Yeah, his body was in there. And he's missing. Oh. Be Back Monday. Oh. And he did a big thing. He bleed up to it, and they opened it up. There's nothing in there.

And he had it like really. I remember that. Yeah. You sure wasn't, was it Geraldo? Who was the guy that did? Ricky Lake. No, Celebrity Tales on E. I don't know

It was like celebrity dark side Fuck J.J. Benza That's not a guy J.J. Benza? That guy's all right, actually, if he he's real. You know what I'm talking about? He was on Stern for a little bit. He got into a fight with

Stuttering John. J.J. Menza. Menzies? No. Turn out to the mensinger. Whatever. He would do shit like that. Be like the dark side of celebrity. Somebody getting stabbed at a club or something like that. Anywho What's just got to do with Al Pacino? You brought it up

So the guy didn't do the one corner of the thing Now they come back out and they say it's going to be another three grand I got worms She's got mice That's normal though I know You're crazy The sooner they came out

It's cold as shit Where are they going to go? You know? I keep them outside Well she put the bird feeder too close to the house There's a lot of crack corn downstairs I got a crow brothel goddamn parakeet.

Heter the exterminator said, You know, I'll crack corn in here. And I don't care. No, but all he did was set traps. Don't you start a little better than that? Where's the spray? Where's the juice? Where's the smoke?

You're setting traps? I could have had this dumb bitch do that. Yeah. Here, call up DuPont and get the chemis out. Yeah, what are we talking about? Let's nuke these pussies. Hit him with a little agent orange. I want to see phosphorus.

What do you got, Luke? Nothing on Tales from the Dark Side. The Mystery of Al Capone's Volt was a two-hour American television special hosted by Geraldo. Geraldo. I knew you were going to say Geraldo. Hosted by Riviera. Rivera. I think from now on, when we go to you, it should always be, I got nothing.

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Do it. Back to the show. Back to the show. So the fireplace became a bit of an issue. And then I guess at some point, we were going to get it fixed. And then I was like, I just want to close it. I think I might have to close it. Why?

As I just said, it's a lot to get. I got to like redo the fucking hold John. But why would you have to close it? Why can you just leave it as it is? I can, but then it's just a useless. Good bets? No, well, one, it's in a weird spot in the, if we're getting it, we're really going to, you ain't get in the nitty grid of it.

It's in a really weird spot. in the room and... It's in the kitchen. That'd be nice. That would be nice. I know. No, whatever. So we need to redo that room to begin with.

And so it's like we're going to, if we redo it, if we redo it, you're going to do it right and get rid of the thing and, you know, whatever. But then let's just show this is the carrot, hold on. And for the last seven months, seven, eight months, this has been what my fireplace looks like. This is, so that's what the picture. You walk in a house right now. This is what you're, this is, this is, this is what you're, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is what you're seeing. Luke played it.

Talk about sealed off. Ain't no money's getting in that. Ain't no money in there. That is a couple of husky contractor black trash bags. The best on the market. Uh-huh. Why though? What are you worried about?

Why can't it just be open? Cold? It was for a long time. And then when we had the construction guy, when they were, the last thing we had the, was, the, was, the, the, was We had the leak, right? Then we had to do the bathroom. So the construction guys, they had a cleaning service. They're like, hey, for an extra $150.

bucks, they can come in and clean the whole house because it was, like, everything was trons through with fucking construction order, guys. So the cleaning people cleaned the fireplace as well. But that on earth, like, 70 years of smell. So you walked in and it smelled like a campfire. Which, yeah, it didn't seem safe for a newborn. baby.

I understand. And it just smelled so much that I, and then like the wind would blow and fucking come in, and it would just like, you'd just get a whiff of like heavy bike fucking campfire. You got a handker for some cornbread. So I sealed it off with the professional jobs. Sealed it off. That's sealed off. That's sealed off.

Can I say this? Sure. It's nice looking fireplace. I don't love it. Is that TV sitting or mounted? Is that sitting or? on top of the mantle? That's not what we're talking about here.

That's not what we're talking about. Because I think I see legs on that thing. No. As far as all your trophies aren't up there. There you go. Wait, look. That's, no, that's mounted. No, it's not.

That's feet right there. Look at that. That's landing feet. Kid me? That's a duck. A little penguin feet on her. Yeah. Yeah, that's a small TV.

All right. Dude, that TV's slow as shit. It's like dial up. I don't know what the fuck's happening. Listen, you got to slab of a slate that slate's not deep enough so i'm gonna have to if i ever want to you that's nothing you dig that out you could dig that out yourself you weren't such a bitch and then have somebody come in and put it put a wider one and you got a stew going you'd have to fix the other so you're

missing a piece on the other side i got to go you got to go i got to there's a lot of work that's got to get done so that's what i'm talking about what do those things do by the way no that what are you what are you talking about piece i'm missing that's not that there's that was we were looking to get if we were going to redo it, it would have been that color stone. That's like a loose stone. Oh. That's sitting there to like. Look at you with your samples.

That is my wife. That ain't me. You know, they charge you for them fucking samples sometimes? That's goddamn grok. A rock. A rock. Fitloan. Fucking new fireplace.

Look at you. No, I'm doing no fireplace. I'm cobs sealing it off. I'm turning out into fucking Al Pacino's vault, baby. I'm putting a wall right over that. I'm getting rid of everything, wall over that. I'm not going to light fire. We have a fucking, I have a, I have a,

seven-month-old kid. You can't have a lit fire with a kid. If you put a fence around it, he's not an idiot. Yes, babies? Why are you talking about? You put a fence around it. You know, the fireplace fence. It's a nice fire.

I look a nice fireplace when I come over. You're sealing it off, huh? I think so. Yeah, it's just not, okay, I'm not saying you can't have a fireplace with a baby. It is not the best thing. I mean, then I have, what, three fires a year? Can I give you something fun you can do? That's why I brought it up to you.

You're a fun guy? Fun guy. Good ideas. Write a real creepy note and stick it in there before you seal it up. A lot of those have been getting unearthed lately. Something real cryptic? Whatever. That once was a patch man.

A tail from the dark side. Something. A lot of people have been finding them in their houses. You know what I mean? Contractors. you know, you stick something in the back. Just screwing around. You know, just having fun.

Having fun. Something like that. Yeah. Yeah. But that's, that's, I realized as I was, because like, now it's been there so long. And a lot of dirt bags who have shitty projects or ongoing projects around their house, it sucks because it comes normal a lot. When I did that, my intention was, we're going to have this solved in two weeks.

That's fixed as far as I'm coming out. I know. But then it sits and then you forget and you're like, next time, now you got to make that call. I'm waiting on a number. And it's just, that's so. I don't even notice it now. A very, very unsymmetrical, odd tape job. I mean, you're dealing.

Crazy. Yeah. Why is there a piece going down? Look at your drawing. It's two bags. One bag doesn't fit. That's a double bag, double bag. And you didn't have any electrical tape.

You had to go with the blue painter's tape. What am I? In the international brotherhood of electrical workers? We've always had electrical tape. We had the same role of electrical tape. for about 25. Yeah, because you don't use it. No.

I don't need it. It was still cool. You needed it. Stretch it. Yeah. We had all that stuff because my stepdad was in construction, so was my dad.

So all of that stuff, it was always at the house. I'm now having to buy stuff that a real man would have. So shout out to everybody for the tips on the snowblower. It is weird because... Some of you said battery,

a lot of people saying battery operated. Snowblower. Stuck out there in a cold. What are you nuts. Well, they got batteries like the DeWalt batteries. That don't, I don't, that don't feel. feel like that's the kind of heavy artillery.

I'm looking for it. You want some two-stroke in there. Uh-huh. Prime it. Pull it. It is strange that you, for more or less, come from a construction background. Oh, I would be working for a construction company right now if it was. But you don't know how to do anything.

Now. Now, stink at this. Uh, one I don't, sure, 100%. Not. I don't know if I trust you to. hang a picture. Now, that's the, I mean, that stuff I can do.

I can do it great as long as me and my wife. My dad's dear. I don't talk to him anymore. As long as I'm just sitting in the page and just eating wah-wah. I was a great, as we would call extra set of hands. Not any an extra set of hand. I was a great extra set of hands. I was a great at a fucking Solzol.

Great with a Bosch gunned. Fucking the hammer drill. All that kind of shit. I was great fucking mixing concrete. Great pour and concrete. Not a good finish. You know, good at like, I was good with hand tools if it was all, if it was like a piece of equipment. I wasn't good at building something.

Like a sandwich. No, but if it was like, hey, these units, they got to take this apart, whatever, put it back there. I was good at that. If there was a set thing, if I had to like make something, I'm not going to make it any. I got bust the fuck out of that. I'd take that right out. But then my wife's going to be breaking my balls. I'm fucking pulling in.

That's a lot of trash, man. I have to take out another fit loan. That's a lot of trash bags. Yeah. So I was good at that kind of stuff. I'm not good at, like, building stuff or doing, like, making something from nothing. I'm not good at any of that shit. I like to procrastinate, ladies and gentlemen.

Hence, a trash. And my wife's like, what are we doing with this? I'm like, ah, next week. Isn't it crazy they just decide one day? You weren't bitching about it fucking for the last three weeks. No, listen, I can't throw my wife. I can't trash her on this. That is a completely fair.

I have their wives in general. I can't. I'm going to have to push back on it. That's a completely fair assessment. It'd be one thing if it was a good tape job like you said. A pair of the tape job. Just fix the tape. I could have turned a bags inside out. The warnings on the bags still.

Get a Sharpie and black it out the tape. See if she'd notice this. Put the TV in front of that. Put a fake picture of it like if I draw a fire on it or something. That's not bad. I got to step, Mike. I got to fix that. I got to get the TV.

Oh, you know what you could get. You could get one of those Amish fireplaces or a guy. gas stove in there. I don't want, I don't need, I never lit a fire. I'm not, you know, I give, I mean, listen, if I was a different, if I was a completely different guy, for sure I'd be like, I don't want to tell you how to live. I got the one outside that we do in a summer. Oh, smokeless, John, it ain't smokeless.

Hmm. Sit there with a bottle of white wine. Shout out to cavit, peanut grease, yeah, pack of heaters. Is that what you're doing? I've done that all. White wine and heaters. Well, Nisi wine. I don't keep beer at the house.

And I keep a bottle of wine for when Denise comes. But you'll get into it. Oh, get into it. Like the mice. Can't get out of it. And that crack corn. Uh-huh. But listen, my shitty house and or alcoholic issues are neither here nor there.

We got a gosh darn family episode on our hands, gang. And we got to friggin' get into it, dog. This one's just funny. This is from out of shape, shift. Are you aware of how long you can hold your breath? Two minutes. No way. Great podcasting.

No, it is. I got the timer up right here. Closing in on about... Six seconds. Your face is getting red. I can see it in you... I think I'll give you... Yeah, 20, let's say, now.

What? What? You fucking rat? That's at least a minute. No way. That's it. Holy shit. He starts bleeding.

Holy shit. You're bleeding from your ears and shit. I can't say. see. I could do about a minute. I don't think so. What are you supposed to do? I'm, dude, I'm not even fucking around.

I might be 14 seconds. You get scared probably. I'm asthmatic. I was, I was, I remember. Magmatic? Everybody was doing it in the pool one time, dude. And like, the thing was like, because you would float to the top.

So they'd be like, hey, like, just put, like, I'm going to go down to the bottom. Put your foot on my bed. Not like hold you, but just so I don't. Dude, so I don't float up. You know what I mean? Uh-huh. A buoyant guy.

Ladies. Grab on to me. And you would just like tap, you know what I mean? I'm coming up. And like, you know, it was just to like keep you down so you didn't float to the top. Dude. I started freaking out. I'm biting them and shit.

Bighting it. Ah! Kippy bit me. Bleeding in the pool. Got a shock it. I might be 14. All right. Are you ready?

Good to go. Are we doing it? All right. This is Kevin Ryan wanting to hold his breath. We're at 15 seconds right now. 15 seconds. Now, I was five times as long as that. You are in.

The fuck I wasn't. I got the 20. I'll give you 40. It wasn't a minute. Maybe, I mean, it didn't feel like a minute, I should say. I had the time. It was not a minute. What is the daily recommended dose?

How long are you supposed to hold your breath? I don't think the doctors are a record. Hey. Well, I do. I do that sometimes to test to see how my lungs are doing from all the heaters that I've had. He knew like a heater. Mm-hmm. I did.

No more. Okay. As of when? Yesterday, about 11 a.m. It was more about 10.30. Okay. The average untrained adult can safely hold their breath for approximately 30 to 90 seconds. I'm not that far.

I could have got to 30. I'm willing to die for it. I'll lay it all in the line. There's people in, I don't know if it's Polynesia or whatever, but they have evolved to where they can hold their breath even longer because they do like spear fishing and shit. Not like on a weekend. They do it for like to feed their family.

They've evolved into something else. Yeah, they go down and they're like, you know, they carry the rocks and stuff to like walking on the ground under there. No. Ain't that. No, they'll go down there and like, do ever see the people that? That's seal training. They do that.

They take the weights down in the pool and they walk. I got you. That's not what I'm talking about. These are fishermen. I've seen the ticca. The bajou people of Southeast Asia. Ooh, the bajou. I'm about the taiga, basjou.

All right. They hate them. All right. What's he saying? Who? The kid. Oh, is it? That was it?

About what? Just is it good? The trash? No, how long you can look at that? Yeah, I think if you're an adult going, I can hold my breath for 37 seconds. Endor bragging about it is probably not the classiest thing. You know, my moving the pools of that? The handstand.

You guys want to see me do a handstand? Who are you talking to, though? I don't know. Anybody then? Who's ever hanging? The other people on vacation. Yeah, who's ever hanging? Excuse me, sir.

I can see your taint. Well, I have to cut the drawstring out of the... You're like giving here. I got to cut the netting out of the thing because it rubs against my thighs. Big thighs and she's full of surprise. That's how... That's what that would sound like. But I'd still do the handstand for them.

I'm sure they'd be thrilled. I'd do a real good handstand in the pool. Yeah, that's not, everybody can. Nah. Babies can't. Bay the bazoo people can do a wicked one. Stayed in there for a long time. Very garbage.

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Do it. I just went from our boy Fritz. Shout out Fritz. He does a lot of the artwork that's hanging around the studio. Um, you ever use a sauce pot to fry something? I just used a five gallon pot to fry up some diesels. That's jammed up. A sauce pot.

You're using a pot as a pan. Oh. He wasn't like deep frying it. No, he's like just turned, puts an empty pot. I've done it. Yeah, for sure. I mean, if you're making, he can't make eggs in there. You can't get in there.

I guess you can get some scrambies. Probably make some pretty good scrambies in there. That's not a bad idea. You know what else I noticed, too? When you're doing eggies in the morning, the smaller pans better. Uh-huh. My wife does that. Because if you do three, if you do three over easy in a small pan, it fills the circle perfectly.

And you get a good flip. Flip it back over on the toast. You're out the door. So you're doing no carbs. I didn't say that. When did I say I'm doing no carbs? You said you do four eggs, all protein. When?

at the beginning of this episode. Oh, yeah. No more than, I don't know, 18 minutes. I'm just saying in general, you know, hey, you're like a police dog. Second I say something doesn't line up. I just meant to royal you when you're making breakfast. Put it right on your toast.

All right, I apologize. I have that toast before. Yeah, I have, man. Have you? Sure. Okay. What the fuck's a big deal? There's a piece of toast in there.

A couple of breadsticks fall out of that. Oh, I love a breadstick. Uh-huh. I love a breadstick. You know, it's pretty classy? Bread sticks on a table at the restaurant. Sure, but they've become more... I don't know if you're pee in or...

Not those weird sticks. The hard bread sticks? The thin ones? Any of them. They look like flowers that are dead. You're talking about the thin one. Yeah. Sticking on the table.

I like that. Hit me with a fucking basket roll. I'm not saying, listen, I'm not saying it's better than that. I'm just saying it makes me feel classy while I consume my carbohydrates. Sometimes I'll even give you butter. Gallagher's don't do that and you can fucking butter

things that aren't really supposed to be buttered. Now we're tall. Buttering things you're not supposed to butter. Thank you. Let's talk about a couple of those things real quick, if we could. Things that like to butter that aren't supposed to be buttered by

H. Foley. Forward by H. Foley. By Kevin Ryan. Conceptual idea. Created by Kevin Ryan. Muffins. I like to put a lump of butter. Is that a real?

I'm not a big muffin guy. I'm not a muffin man. But I feel like that's probably people are doing that, right? I feel like there's a picture of a muffin box, like batter box. And it's got a muffin with a pat of butter on it. Yeah, it might do that. I don't know you're talking about that blueberry mix. Yeah, maybe unless I'm making that up or something.

Jiffy, I think it's called. Something like that. It's blue writing. Why do you have a keyboard on your laptop? What do you mean? What do you mean? What you play? Are you writing beats?

Oh, it's for the audio configuration. Gotcha. Thought he was back in the lab. You got jealous. A little bit? You think he collabed with Uncle Hank? Do a little, you know, do a little like a Beezer kind of thing? Mm-hmm.

But just take a bunch of pills. No, he'd do his house music over some... I got you. Some riffs. I was joking. As they call them. Okay. Butter on muffins, normal thing.

The box, though, it's a little bit of the Berenstein Bears effect, I believe. Really? Yeah. Mendele effect. The pat-of-butter effect. That's not what I'm talking about. Yeah, that's how he's talking about. It's called Jiff.

Type Jiffy. Jiffy cornbread mix. Oh, maybe it's cornbread. There it is Yeah That's a pad of butter That's a corn muffin man That's a muffin

Man I would kill for a tray of those right now What else do you What else do you like butter on Bobca I put it on Bobca It's good I know that's fucked up

I don't even Really sure what Bobca is But okay It's a Jewish delicacy I mean I know that yes Dessert chocolate Cinnamon sometime I like a Bobca

A lesser Bobca Possibly Is that it? What do you? Yeah, I guess so. Okay. Potatoes. Yes.

Big potato. Uh-huh. To toast. I know you so well. Um. Big potato tote. Like a honey bun. Uh-huh.

Do it on a honey bun. My dad always did it on like banana bread or pumpkin bread. Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. That's bread. That's bread. That's bread as far as I'm concerned. Sure.

That's not weird to put butter on bread. Mm-mm. I told you I had unsalted butter not that long ago. Yeah. Heated it. Had to put salt on it. Okay. Sucks.

Mm-hmm. In Germany, I'm a big fan is they'll slice the pretzel in the head, like, lengthwise, like a sandwich. Slather that with butter. Close it back up. Munching on that. Oh. Seal it on. Right.

Not bad. We haven't talked about these Wetzler's pretzlers. Wetzel pretzels. Mm-hmm. Wetzler pretz. Wetzel? Wetzel. Wetzels.

pretzels, pretzels, which I saw for the first time on 57th Street. Yes, doing my research out of town. Didn't it wasn't aware of this operation? Because it looks like it ain't Annie's rip-off. Or trying to muscle it on the Philly Soft Pretzel, which don't you fucking air. I think they're significantly bigger than Philly Soft Pretzels. Really? Really?

There's probably, I'm making, you know, they're only in the region. So there's 50 of them. That would be a lot. I didn't know the rest of the country was doing soft pretzels like that. Who are these wetsils? They have more than 370 locations. Pretty good. Yeah.

Yeah, I think it's like West Coast or Midwest. They're never around us. Mm-mm. I don't like it. No, I mean, he can't move into Philadelphia region with Wetzler's pretzels. Jewish guy's selling pretzels. Not without paying out the right people, huh? It ain't no Boy Scouts.

Nah. Wetzels has about 35% of the market share, it seems like. Whoa. 35% of the pretzel. That's got to be a trillion-dollar industry. It's a lot of, it's a lot of, a lot of, It's a lot of pretzel. It's a lot of...

35's a huge... Hey, that's a lot of Bell. That's pretty good. 35 is a huge percentage of market share. Did 266 million in sales as of 2023? Wait till Foley knows. Now Foley knows about them. 206 million a year or total?

266 million. I believe total. But yeah, it seems like it would be more. Lose more than that, runner for the bus. What are you talking about? 260? Get out of here. Your concept is.

of large numbers. What's Philly Saw Pretzel doing? That's probably not publicly reported. You catch my drift. When you're selling... When you're selling presses out of a shopping cart on fucking Woodhaven Boulevard, they don't really... You're not really reporting that to the fucking SEC. You know what I mean?

You're not ringing the bell. Anybody is for not doing well? Mm-hmm. Luke? What's that? I got nothing. That's such a... I wonder...

I wonder... I wonder... I enjoy my wetsils pretzels. If that's still happening. Because that was a big fundraiser thing in the Philadelphia area at schools, games. I'm sure, but like was the- We did it in college. The soft pretzel, because you can go by, I'm making up a number, 100 soft pretzels for 10 cents a piece. You sell three for a, they used to be three for a dollar.

Six in the, six in the morning you go down there and get them. You go down, pick them, you get the big wooden box, the big cardboard box. Right out of the oven. And you break them up, but you give you a bag, you sell your bags, too, brown paper bags. Two in a bag, three and whatever it was. We would, that was, as a fat kid who spent a lot of time in the car with his dad driving around to construction sites. He knew he could buy me for another two hours by getting me a three pack. He knew it.

Pull right up. Oh, we were huge buying presents. We would get the money before we left the house. Like if we were going down the shore or something with my mom, we would make sure we had, you got cash. We're going to stop and get pretzels from the pretzel guy. I would have him bull of them. By Bear, Woodhaven and Byberry. Right before you get on I-95.

I told you she also hit that same guy. And if he wasn't there one day, I bet you were a real nightmare to be around in the car. I fucking hopped. I rolled out. Chewing on the seatbelt. Yeah, that was definitely stopping at a Wawa, if that was the case. Gentlemen. But that was huge.

So then you would, that was like a fundraiser. The school would do it. Yeah, we did it at college. It was an easy way. I wonder if that still really happened as much because now I feel fundraisers, like the things I've gotten from my nieces and nephews and other people. They're all legit. It's like a link.

It's like here. Venmo this. It's like the fuck. There's no hand-to-hand transaction. You gotta work to skim, you idiots. You don't put that shit online like that. Cash. That way you can take care of everybody.

Grease everybody. People at the top. Then you get the money to whoever it's going to. Uh-huh. At 30% less. But you don't know what happened to that. I also, I had the idea of, I didn't run this by either one of you,

I had the idea to do some sort of, like 50 charity scam yes not scam me i mean obviously we'd be paid we'd be compensated for administrative fees 99% of the income uh no to do i don't know what the legal gambling ramifications are of doing some sort of 50 50 with all of the homies and the bozos right the idea would be due to like it'd be like a lottery essentially like a small lottery that obviously who does the numbers what do you mean we do i'd have to look at into this. No, you would do, it would be like ticket.

You would buy a, like a 50-50. You would buy a ticket. And then all that, why are you looking at me? Like, I'm a fucking, this sounds highly illegal. And I'm into it. Well, then how do they do 50-50s? You do it at a stadium. I don't think you do it online.

I'm just saying, I'm saying that there's probably some legal caveats, but there's online gambling. You say, yeah, they're all Native Americans, though. They got the resorts and all that shit. The reservations. We got to go up there and talk to them. Got to go upstate. Is Draft Kings a sponsor on this episode if they are?

is getting cut. A national 50-50 raffle is technically challenging due to varying state laws. Some states prohibit raffles entirely or restrict online. Move it offshore on a website. Okay. Now, see? Put it on a little. Put it on a cruise.

Oh, that's not a bad idea. Wait, so you're saying have like an e-ticket, put it out there. Everybody buys. And that's just like there. We do the wheel here? I mean, I'm not that fun. I haven't reached the broadcasting aspect. I want to pick the numbers.

The idea is I want to do it to help out the, it's like, you know, hey, I buy $5 in tickets. You might win, I mean, you might win $1,800. Help you cover your rent. You know what I mean? Like that kind of thing. A self-sustaining economy. But they get half of it. They'd probably get most of it.

I mean, I'm not doing this to wet our beaks. I would. What's the charity? This is what I'm saying. I think 50-50 works because it's charity. We'd have to make a charity, which we can then take the money, put it in the charity and donate that money for sure after we take our board director fees lunches travel meetings run it through the charity that's how those rich guys get

caught right somebody like recently got caught like that running it through the charity put it through to charity buying like fucking you know mazorati's and fucking helicopters and shit also I realized there's a difference because uh I come down the west side highway most days, and that's where a lot of the helipads are right there. And that's, you see, that's real rich people. That's like, they're coming in. They're either coming in.

Connecticut. And there's a driver. Yeah, there's a drive. They're coming from upstate. I don't know where the fuck they are. There's a driver in like a big black escalade waiting for them. They land. They don't even get their bag.

The driver runs up. The pilot hands, the driver the bag. The pilot. Or somebody. Not these rich motherfuckers. It's just like a, we go. And I'm, you know, I'm sitting there on a city bike freezing my dick off going. That must be, that must be the luck.

Got fucking plastic bags on my sock. You guys see the pretzel guy? He used to be three for a dollar back when I was banging. There's two different kinds of helicopters. Sure. And I assume there's two different classes. There's the one, the standard A-Team helicopter with the legs out like a fucking, you know, like a military type thing. You're a bum.

And then there's the one with the wheels That fucking The landing gear The Sikorskis And they fly They're like flat bottomed You see them guys You see

A little bit of cage Yeah those nice seats back there too Yeah that's like that Genuine leather folks Genuine catchers mitt level They're chilling back there Real nice Yeah

Who those dickheads I don't know They had some hot broad assistant With them How much kind of cash you got To be like Let me fly to you out It's crazy to come into the city

Also, I like getting in a car with the boys. I like throwing on some tunes. What are you taking the car down with? What do you mean? Oh, you mean in general. Yeah. Like, I've got two hours. You know, two hour drive, whatever?

Get hopping with the boys. Throw the tunes on. Start trashing people. These guys are probably going to work. Probably live in Connecticut. We drive to work together. No, we don't. Go all over the country.

Oh, sure. I don't think you meant to the city. No. Drive with you. Never catch you on an e-blank. They're dangerous. Sure. Yeah, well, it's all for charity, so what are you going to do?

Damn it, I'm out of coffee. Yeah, I would like to figure out some way to give, you know, a localized lottery. I'm sure it'd be highly, highly illegal. But you start saying localized lottery, localized lottery, people down a little lit of it. Little, literally might take a little offense to that. So why don't you shut up? Talk about this off camera. Trying to get us all pinched.

and bring cash. Mail a dollar to a P.O. We'll mail it back to you. We won't mail it back to him. Oh. Because that reminds me, I think it's... Get your fireplace fixed before you start doing charitable.

How do you think I'm trying to get the money? That's the fit loan? The kid... The 50-50 loan, dog. Because I think it's pretty prominent in... Latin American or Hispanic cultures is they used to do it at my job. I know what you're talking about. Everybody takes $100 a paycheck or something, puts it in and like you get it one,

say there's 10 people and you get it one every 10 weeks or whatever. So like you get a bit, you only take $100 out of your account, but then in 10 weeks you get like a thousand or like the big lump sum. Does that work? It's the same amount of money, but the idea is an influx. You losing $100 isn't as detrimental to, the benefit of an influx of however many people are in it.

Right. Like, hey, once I get this, we can pay, we can book the, it's like a savings account essentially that you get access to however many weeks there are. Filipinos do that too.

They're into that racket. That's something I was just saying. Something we can get into. Everybody else. Do you want to do that? What? Not with you. I'd be getting fucking screwed left and right.

What are you nuts? You never gave it to me that. It'd be your week every week. Look at that. Everything's coming up fully. Talk about 50. Fluicry. That's poor people shit.

Yeah. The Dempsey's don't go for that. No, just invest it. We're so different. Dude, he's going to invest it. And I'm going, let's start a lot of fake lottery. Let a ride. We are just differing guys.

We are from different places. Invect it. I don't think anyone. Blow it. I don't think anyone in my family has ever invested anything. I remember my dad. This is, this was a,

this was the big, the big investment I remember ever, the only investment I remember ever hearing of was my dad's cut, the construction company did like the refrigeration at a lab, like a medical lab. It was like they were building a new medical lab in like a warehouse or something. These guys are on to something here. And they were doing like HIV,

HIV medication or something like that. The old man heard that, got in. So it was Sunday there was about to be a break. It was something. And there was rumblings of like, get in where you can't, something or I don't even. Left out in a cold.

I don't even remember, but I remember they, you know, that was like, I were going to get in. And then it plummet. It didn't pass FDA regulation or something like that. It just fucking. I was talking to a guy not that long ago

that was talking about, He is a, I don't know, he has an investment firm. It's most... I don't know, I wasn't listening. It's mostly for pharmaceutical companies. And I'm like, what are they making? And he's like, well, it's usually, you know, HIV or cancer vaccines. And I'm like, what kind of fucking scam is this?

What do you mean? They're probably nothing works. But a bunch of you put money into it and they take a shot at it. And if it works, they all get rich. Sure, yeah. It's the same shit, Luke. Hey, man, can you give me Percocet or not? Hey, man, I'm withdrawing here.

And for that reason, I'm out. But if that's the same shit as fucking... How's a home run, Luke? About time you woke up. I don't know. That's the same shit as putting a hundred bucks in. It's on a different level. This guy goes around telling...

He's probably doing a new one every week. Oh, the cancer vaccine. How much money does he do you do? take from you. It sounds like you got ripped off. No, I was just thinking. I was like, oh, man, this is the ride. It's a racket.

Yeah, investing. Yeah, but. I mean, I think that people invest. You say cancer. Everybody, oh, yeah. Yeah, they're on a breakthrough thing for cancer. No, they're not. I know, but the people, they're not saying that to, like, Patty and Patty's getting

her checkbook out for fucking $1,800. They're saying that to people, like, millionaires. 1800. Don't cash that. She's on a fixed income. Don't cash that. until next week. They're not saying that to people who are like...

No, they get hedge funds and shit. Yeah, like people, yeah. And it's like they do that with like 15 different pharmaceutical companies and one fucking hits the fucking thing and pop goes to the weasel, don't? That's what we got to get into. Listen. Pharmaceutical sales? I agree.

We kind of talked to, I'm pulling a lot of rogue business opportunities here. Have you? What? I would love that. No. If you were doing some shit on your own and it worked out and you surprised me at the end of it, Check. Oh, I got to pay you.

Of course. Well, not if I'm using my personal phone. No. Company funds. If you... Gambo at Luke's pay. He's got it. We were talking about investing in a homie or a bozo's company who makes something cool that we can get in on.

If you have a brewery, maybe not a brewery. If you sell beers or something, something we can get in and have fun with. Shark tank this thing. One of these could be the next scrub daddy out there. Yes. Submit all of you. We're doing this? Why not? Submit all of your ideas to AYG.

Submission fee. $1,000. Mail $1. Submit it to AYG Live Show at gmail.com. AYG Live Show at gmail.com. Is that a picture and, you know, don't hit me. Your latest invention. They may not invent, I mean, an established product of something.

Some sort. Are friends and family allowed to try it? Oh, my. Patty sends her Dill double-sided, quad-sided Dilda. I got a guitar that I made with bass and drums on it. It's called the Wichamacall. Do you remember Wichamacallet? So you're too young for that.

The candy? The candy. Yeah. I mean, I've heard you talk about them every week for five fucking years. I mean, yeah, not. They used to really have something back in the day. they changed the formula. That wasn't that.

That wasn't our kind. That wasn't my kind of candy when I was banging. What was your candy? That was your next question? No, it wasn't. Your warheads guy? Not asking you about your candy selections. Okay, fair enough.

Candy companies would definitely probably be at the top of that list. For you. Sure. I think selling candies is pretty tough. Selling candies? How are you going to sell candies? You got to do it. Shacks doing it.

Shacks making a move on the market. What? He is with Shaqlicious He's got some gummies out there That ain't too bad And he's got them all over the place You're buying Shaq candy That's crazy

Three time champion Damn MVP That the fuck If you're not buying from Shaq Who you're buying from? He has so much money It's crazy He's a businessman

They say he's in vet Like he owns like Pull up Shaqlicious Gummy Bears Gummy candies Send me some He's got a few Genres

I call I keep seeing him everywhere. But in a lot of bad bodegas. A lot of rap snacks. Look at this. Whole line. That looks pretty good.

Wait, their his head? That's weird. That don't even look like him. Look, Shaq. It should be basketballs. That's a good idea. That's not bad. That's not bad.

I should be running Shaqalicious. What are the Shacks? Oh, there you go. Wait, those look. Those look. Dopey. Yeah. No.

X-L Gummies. Shack gummies. Yeah, I think those ones are. Oh, those are hoops and basketballs. That's cool. Hoops and basketballs. I dig that. Shackalicious.

Listen, he's not letting us get in. I don't care how many times you plug it. Guy like that. He's a shark letting us get in. This is pretty funny. Speaking of money, I've kind of fucked this up. I'm not 100% positive who this is from. I believe it's half carpet.

$10 home. He never had one read. Are you garbage at the first time you ever saw real money was after an insurance payout? for your car accident and that real money was a grand total 2,843 dollars. That's some real. That's some real fucking cash. If you're jammed up, that's real cash.

I remember the first time I saw a $100 bill. It was the coolest thing. Well, back in the day, they weren't that. I would say in like the late 90s, early 2000s, they became like... This was mid-80s. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Old ones. Yeah.

My mom-monds were so cool. My mom was going either won it down at the casino or they were going down to the casino. showed me a $100 bill. Oh, boy. 100. There was a time when my dad would roll. He was a guy trying to be rich. He would have a couple on him in the pocket at all time.

And he always, you know, everybody saw them whenever, you know what I mean. It's funny. You do the same thing. I take it from him, yeah. I do it. I'd do it to make you mad and it's working. No. Not at all.

I always look at you a little b. And then you look away. You're like usually eating or whatever. Not that's not anything in a fat joke, but I usually do it when we're eating lunch and you're just like, look away. I can't cash on me too. What do you got?

A bunch of shacklishes thing. Fuck. That's my jokes. Suicide note. You got nothing? Yeah. They get gripped up. That was always,

I don't know about you guys, but we, I think our families were a bit different in this. We never did anything through insurance. Ever. What do you mean? Like if you got to a car accident? Never.

What? Never. What if you hit somebody? I don't think anybody ever hit anybody. I don't know. What if they did you? You were the dirt bag, let's give me 600 now. That was you, wasn't it?

Otherwise, the fat kid will say you broke his neck. Kevin, plate that. I look like Chrissy. Kevin. Kevin, nosebleed now. I got the neck brace of black glasses and a seat going. That's the best That's my favorite Chrissy

I know I don't know I just we never That was like Paper I was like Red tape and paperwork And they know you

And then you're They raise your rates And it was We hated the idea of That was not where we went And I remember my one buddy Got his parents

Got their car was fucked up or something And they didn't get it fixed and like somebody like was able to give them a new fender you know some they did like you know hey we got 2,800 for the car I had Billy fix it for oh 90 bucks and I remember being like what the that was market share that was crazy to me that was like printing money I was like that is just fucking free that's crazy and then I remember I rear-ended this lady this girl and she did the same thing she goes I it was she had already been rear-ended a couple of weeks before, whatever, then I rear-ended her.

Did you? And she's like, I'm like, I got out, I'm like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. And her and her dad were looking at it. That was in the driver's, she was driving. They were like, it was a, it was a maroon Mustang. Girl lived in my neighborhood. I followed her out of the neighborhood all the way, and then we get to the first. Did you know her?

Yeah. Not like, I mean, yeah, yeah, for sure, know her. Okay. Went to another, she went to, like, the Catholic school, so we didn't really cross paths. But we knew, like, from, like, growing up, yeah. I'm like, I followed you here. all the way. She's like, yeah, I'm like, I'm sorry. And then she's like, I got hit three weeks ago there.

They're cutting the insurance check. Just forget about it. Wow. That's a homie right there. Not too shabby. I'm already getting paid for this. Get out of it. You have to do something about this missing finger, though. That fixes your car. What are you going to do about mine? I'm all fucked up.

You're just laid on the hood. All right, let's see. We got time for one more. A little bit of a story. This one's from Corbyn, a $10 little Kip college fund supporter. I appreciate your service. Are you garbage if you got a massage in blue jeans? I was in...

Relax, will you? That's crazy. But those things are tense. Let's hear it out. I was in Chicago with my wife for New Year's and she booked us a nice massage. Nice massage is tough. The lady was... English wasn't her first language and had to have a translator.

She said this robe and I asked to... how far she would like me to take, and she said, take your shirt off, which I guess she then came back. I don't know. She said the first half was fine, but then she was trying to stretch out my legs

and my not so movable jeans. That's fucking crazy. And it felt weird. This is my first massage, and I didn't. No shit. Oh, that's crazy. I made sure to tip heavy,

big man style to make sure for the strangeness. Love you guys. Man, love you too, buddy. That's, um... I wonder what does wife say. You'll what, your jeans? You know, he's faithful. What?

He's not fishing for a hand job. A nice massage. They're not doing hand jobs. It's just got his weaners sticking through the little flyhole. Trolling. Trolling with a night crawler. We got to wrap it up, though. Gang, we love you to death.

Come see us out there on the road. Kibby, you got anything? No, what the fuck you just took this? See you next week.