Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Matt McCusker Returns!

Episode Date: March 16, 2026

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Matt McCusker! You know Matt McCusker from Stand Up Comedy, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, The Joe Rogan Experience, Kill Tony, This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von, Whiskey Ginger, Flagrant, Sunday Conversations, We Might be Drunk and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Factor: Head to https://factormeals.com/garbage50off and use code garbage50off to get 50 percent off and free breakfast for a year. Rocket Money: Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at https://RocketMoney.com/GARBAGE Chubbies: Chubbies is here to keep you comfy and looking good year-round. Get 20% off with code garbage at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/garbage! Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage. Oh, yeah. It's a little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find it after group to be classy. Yeah. Just a big old piece of trash. Trash, drag.

I'm your host, Tage, Philly coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here in Austin, Texas. And Tudy, unfortunately, we left at the house in Philly. And it's a bit of a problem. Uh-huh. Neighbors are calling. There's stuff on the front lawn. There's fireworks going off.

It's going to be all scene when we get back. It's going to be grinding for about two weeks when we get on. Okay. All right. My coase is coming out of you from right next to me. He is the CEO of RU Garbage International businessman. Real big shot. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.

What up, gang? Shout out of you as always. Make sure you rate you, subscribe on iTunes, full video of Albaugh on YouTube, full video of album on Spotify. And obviously the greatest website of all time. Don't have to tell anybody in this room. www. www.

Patreon.com. You go over there. You get all that bonus content, gang. Love that money. And, gang, we could be more excited. of our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest. He's back with us again today. He did one of our earliest episodes over Zoom,

one of our oldest friends in comedy, Netflix special, the other half of Matt and Shane's secret podcast, also known as the Shaman and a hell of a hell of a talent on the recorder. Give it up for Mr. Matt McCusker, everybody. Man, thank you. Thank you, bro. Thanks for coming, buddy. That was great.

That was during the pandemic when I did the episode. Yeah. I was in my basement. Uh-huh. And you were dubbed the, you were very early on dubbed the Prince of Trash. I appreciate that. And I, you know, there's very few people who have yet to like really overcome that like fucking stelco suburban Philadelphia area trash.

My oldest memory of you and I don't know why it always sticks out of my head. I think it sticks out of my head because of the way your shadow was on this building. But me and Cotton dropped you off one night at home. And I don't know where the fuck you lived. But you walk through like a vacant lot. that had like a light on it. And as you walked into the darkness, your shadow was on the other building

and then you just disappeared. That was the only time we ever took you home. Do you remember that? Yeah, I was just talking about you guys recently just like when I started out. It was some burned out neighborhood. It was 30, my house on 37th of Mellon Street. It was in West Philly.

And there was only like, it was all, all the Roe Homes had been demolished. Sounds like a nice part of them. There's three stand-alone row homes sitting on the street. I feel it's a very Philly thing. where it's like the block will be completely vacant. Like that doesn't happen in New York where like there's just one blown. It's like an old, it's like the only two left in the mouth.

That's exactly what it was. There was two people on my side of the street and two people on the other side of the street. And there was an old lady across from me. There was an active prostitute to my right. And then her daughter eventually. Oh, she was old enough to enter the trade as well. So they were like kind of. Yeah.

Well, there was like a white Ford Explorer, the box style parked in that vacant lot. And her daughter when she moved in, set up shop in the Ford Explorer. So lady would be blowing dudes out the backdoor and her daughter would be working the Ford Explorer and just be rocked. It was crazy. Kind of like a food truck. Which my brother had a food truck, which we parked right there.

Yeah. What kind of food truck? Yeah. What kind of food truck? It was honest Tom's taco shop. So he just did like breakfast tacos. That's the brother that's Billy. No, it's Tom.

Billy's my younger brother. Tom is one of my two older brothers. That's what I can never figure out. Yeah. I couldn't put Billy's face in a taco truck. No. He's not. No.

That was like my, when I graduated from college, me and my brother bought that house off of an Irish immigrant who handshake deal. He goes, guys, I want, I think it was, he has 27,000 bucks. Zero percent interest. You can pay me 500 bucks a month. Once it's paid, I'll give you the deed and be just shook on it. And he was, you know, he did. He did his end of the deal. You always have pretty sharp with that kind of stuff.

Like instead of renting, you bought it. Yeah. I know, but that doesn't seem very sharp. I'm just going to blindly give this guy cash every month. It was a gentleman's deal. It's in the underworld, but sure. Yeah. He can walk in both.

Right in the darkness. Yeah. That wasn't signing contracts. So that was just, that was all. We do a firm handshake. Did you guys eventually get the deed on that stuff? Yeah, we got it. You guys then sell that place?

We sold it to two New York investors. There was a tree growing in through the basement. And I was just like, they were like, yeah, we're thinking of this and that. And I was like, yeah, man, for sure. And then they, uh, I was like, as is. You know, I was like, I don't know shit about this stuff. And then they, uh, they bought it for like 55 grand. No shit.

So you made, made a problem. Off it off of it. Yep. And then they... Kids good with money. Then they came in later. We doubled up. And then they came in later and just section...

The whole thing's all section 8. Nice. So, yeah. So those New York investors are like, perfect. Perfect. So it was so long ago that we had you on. Obviously, you're trash. We're all trash here.

There's all murderers in this room. But we... No, that makes sense. Yeah, it does make sense. So we wanted to run back through some of the questions that we didn't get to that we didn't have yet. Just about to childhood. Then we'll find out how you're living today, obviously. For sure.

What was the first job, your first actual job? Oh, like working for like a company. Yeah. I assume you worked for some sort of institution. One of your family members running. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So the first job. You applied for a job. I think it was Brewster's ice cream. Brewster's. Bruster's ice cream. I think I'm almost. I think that was the first one. Where's that?

Where's Brewsters? It was on 202. It was on like Route 202. Right near where like Pennsylvania hits Delaware. Okay. So like, you know, back, it was like the Concord Mall was right there. And if you keep going up from Delaware into Pennsylvania, there was just like right on the side of a two lane highway. Oh, I think I know what you're talking.

Is there a hot dog thing, a hot dog place on the right side of the street? That's his north star. No, no. There was there's a wawa and then you keep going and it's just like there's a nail salon called A nails sort of makes me laugh every time. A nails. And then there's a birds and the bees was like a classic like lingerie kind of short adult and then it was just ice cream. My mom used to run a laundry shop called the butterfly. What? Slet. You seem to be over it. I, but yeah, that was a first, I had a lot of like weird odd jobs where I would like work, but that was the first job levelcation. Did you get the

gig? Did you get the job? Oh yeah. I got the job. How old are you when you got it? I think I was, I was old enough to drive. So it's probably like 16. Okay. Summer. job yeah no it was during the school year really yeah i'll work at night time selling ice cream selling ice cream had to be slow in the winter dude so this was the very they the year i worked here the year i worked there was the year they're like we're going to stay open all winter it was like we got mousker on board it was a cousin kid seems like he's got moxie he can do it dude it was global warming's real man it was it was unheard of and they and they were like i remember them like they took all the employees in they're like we're going to do something crazy they try to act like they're founding facebook they're like

We're about to disrupt the ice cream industry. We're going to do something nuts. Hot ice cream. I think of just crazy enough to do it. But yeah, no, I actually, so I never filled out a W-9 when I worked at that place. It's because I was just stealing money from the cash register the entire time. Again, the underworld. Because you get to drift.

If you hit, well, my thing with teenage jobs was, if the boss was nice, I wouldn't steal. If the boss was not nice, I was like, this is my enemy. I'm going to try to destroy your business. You got a code. I had a code. And they, I mean, dude, it was on them because, like, the way they did it was. is on their cash register. If there was a baby,

you could do free baby cone and hit it and would zero the order out. Or like zero out. Like it wouldn't do anything, but you could pop the drawer by hitting free baby cone. Gotcha. So if anything fell on an even number,

no change, like exactly 20, exactly 10, I would get that 20, hit free baby cone. So it would look like on a camera, it looked like I was ringing it up and the thing would pop out

and I would act like I was putting it in, crumple the bill in my hand and then put it in my pocket later. Damn. I did that. That's pretty advanced. What are we talking about you're walking out of there with?

Is it like 50 bucks? I had like gas money. Yeah, I had, maybe I might make like a hundred and, you know, 100 and something a week. Off of that. Yeah. Okay. That's pretty. That's a nice little grift.

It wasn't bad. You're not getting greedy. That wasn't, it wasn't. I wasn't crazy. And it was, you know, it was like when the opportunity would strike. I would go, nice. Because I didn't like the manager. Right.

Because the manager came in. It was actually, she was completely right. But she was like, I got. You're stealing from us. I got hired. I got hired a day before her. So she came in and started bossing me around. And I was like, yo, technically I've been here longer than you.

I don't have to listen to you. So we were at odds the entire time. So, but yeah, I don't know why I didn't like that place. But I definitely, I mean, I feel bad now, but I definitely as a child. And then I finally filled out the W9 and got my paychecks. It was like, fuck yeah. But you weren't collecting paycheck. No, I worked there for like a month and a half and didn't collect a paycheck.

I think much to know that you were stealing. Hey, do you need that W9. Now I'm cool. Keep them baby cones coming. I remember my mom brought to my attention. She's like, you've got to fill this out. You're not going to get paid. I will.

And she was just kind of like, okay. Like, Mom, I'm getting paid. That's like every dirtbag figures that out early on of like, how it takes them like four days to go to find the. What the angle is? The cracks in the long ago. I got this place dead. No, I had a candy. I worked at a candy stand in the Concord Mall.

Same thing. You had to manually put in the price. I just started taxing everything like 50% basically. If it was 10 bucks worth of candy, I rang up five pocketed the other half. Tariffs got him bad. I was bad. I was tariff. hard. So I was a bad

employee as a child. And again, it was all the boss. If I liked the boss, straight as an arrow. If the boss gave me an attitude, I was like, all right, man. Well, let's, let's see what's up then. I remember Devin they were doing. They had some card that was, uh, it was like a gift card. But you could, you had it to swipe, but you were able to give people like if it was their birthday, give some, give them something off. Man, that got through the fucking the perka den.

Oh. Holy shit. My, my cousin might have had the all time. So he worked at Wawa, and I won't say which cousin, but one of them worked at Wawa, and he got that, you know the Hogi, when you get a Hogi, you know, the paid stamp? He took the stamp. So he was giving it out to us. We could stamp our own Hogi things.

Dude, that was, that was huge. I don't think I paid for lunch once in the whole summer. That would, dude, when it was, when it was just analog like that, it was like, I don't even show you the slip. Half the time they didn't check. Yeah. But the paid stamp, you were bulletproof. But here you go.

Let's get that. Because you would order it. They would make it. You would pay supposedly. And yeah, just come back and there would be your sandwich. You'd be like, sweet.

In the realm of the Philadelphia underworld, that has to be a hot. Come on. Dude, that's like a stolen gun. That's like a gun with that. A serial number. That thing is fucking.

It's hard to even explain the significance, but it was pretty much like a counterfeit money machine for food. I'm going to go home and be like, my friends, Matt, his cousin stole one and I want. Like, I want to be telling that story that I know a guy who knows a guy

who had a paid sticker. Dude, what was the first concert that you? went to first concert i went to was i think oh it was it was red hot chili peppers whoa that's not bad red hot chili peppers huh very at the tweeter center who'd you go with just like two of my friends okay so you were you were of age you were 16 yeah yeah yeah he had the brewster's money on you right but i might have that brusers change on me i forget exactly when that was but we definitely that was the first one that's pretty good that's a great red hot chili peppers yeah not bad what was the

first car first car first car was so my dad collected classic cars like old muscle cars so the first car i drove is a 72 lamans no shit i don't know why he let me it wasn't even fuel injected i just sat out in the morning and like punched the gas to get the like to turn over and then i would go and pick my cousin up and we would head to school together and i like crashed into my my uncle's car like early in the morning so i didn't defrost the windshield and i was kind of like doing the dumb and dumber how well they see you're rolling around in a muscle car dude it was so you're rolling around in a muscle car dude it was So fast.

That's pretty sick. It was pretty awesome. It was an old muscle. And I could like at a green light hit the gas and it would just be like, I don't know why he gave it. I don't know. That's insane. He was like, you can drive this. And I was like, all right, sick.

So I just like. You can drive one of the sickest cars ever. It was pretty tight. It was like a tan 72 Levons. Pretty sick, but also pretty trashy. You ever see the kid that the muscle car that pulled into the park. Yeah. Man.

The average. I wasn't even a gear head like that. I was just like, okay, cool. Thanks, man. Kids that were into cars like before they had cars. I'm like, dude, your dad hit you at some point. Yeah. Yeah. The gearheads, it was usually like gearhead slash the speaker hit.

The guys would have the big 12s and tens in the back. And they would sweat the Lamons. And I always be like, whatever, man. Yeah, whatever. This is just my beater. Yes, this is what I'm pushing around. I'm going to go hit Wawa later. This is my point A to point B.

It is funny, though, to like have an ice cream shop. And you see like a six year old kids roll up. Put out a $90,000 car. This kid's definitely stealing from here. No W-Nine. I haven't collected a paycheck yet. Some hot chicken of some 23-year-old and a flight attendant costume gets in your car.

You pull away. What's up, babe? I literally pulled up like a meth dealer. They're probably like, who the fuck is this guy? 16-year-old getting a muscle car. Pulled up to his ice cream job. He's crazy. That's crazy work.

I used to not wash. They were like, you got to wash your, I had a white sweatsuit for Brewster. So you got to wash it every day. And I was like, dude, we're not even like working that hard. I don't need to wash this. But the ice cream would like spoil. So I fucking stunk.

So bad. Man. Because I said ice cream drops. I would just sit there in my car for like a week. I was bad with the washing of the uniform as well. Yeah. Horrible. That's my, my favorite and least favorite kind of waiter is the guy who comes up to your table with like four weeks of stains on.

What can I get for you? You're like, dude. Just go fucking. Just go get a second shirt, bro. Hair's all greasy. Iser bloodshot. What can we get for you? Yeah, it was first, first job, first car.

Do you remember what you got on your SATs? Yeah, pretty sharp guy. 1130. No shit. Very good. Oh, the old SATs. Yeah. Now that's like, well, it's back to that.

Is it really? Went to 2400 and then back. Now it's they've abandoned that. It's back at 1600. That's good. That new stuff was crazy. It was like completely. And they had the, yeah, they had the essay portion, which.

How do you write that? Sorry, is that what happened? There was an essay portion. Yeah, they try to like equalize. it. We're like, well, if you write a nice letter, we'll give you fucking 900 points. But the, my math was like abysmal. Hmm. Like, Forrest Gump level, like, bad.

And, uh, put it nicely in the, but my verbal was super high. So my SATs were like crazy lopsided. Damn. But I got the 1130. I never would have got. Took them once too. Yeah, me too. It was 1140.

I was like, it was like dead on. It was like 610 and 5.30 or something like that was like, like, fucking. Yep. Mine were like seven something and like four. It was so bad. If I would have had to write out an essay, it would have been brutal. I literally just sped through it. We had a football game that night, and I took acid that night. I was hurting.

What'd you get? 870. Talk about gump, huh? Just gumping. I don't know. After a night of acid all night, I think in 870, if you should explain that, if you ever had a job in your business, actually. Just be like, I had 870, but I was on acid all night. I'd be like, damn, that's crazy, bro.

Gumpin's all right. dude's gumping hard crashing the boat into the dock You jump off the boat Holy shit All right You guys have a slipping slide growing up Yeah we had to have had one at some point

You guys are kind of in the woods a little bit Out in the country You got a compound of them Yeah, we did a con with me and all my cousins There were six of us and ten of my cousins They used to do a thing where they'd put me in a giant truck tire And roll me down the septic mountain So you would just kind of get in there

Like a little homunculus you would just sit in there and they would just kick you down and put up another tire and you'd hit it and ramp off that one. That was the first time I had the wind knocked out of me because I landed upside down and just was like, I thought I was dying. I was like a little boy. I was just like, I thought I was going to die. I was like, I think I broke my neck and I'm dying. I can literally kill you. That's crazy.

Did any of you guys get severely injured in any of your? Yeah. Two of my cousins went to the hospital on the same day for dirt bike accidents on the same dirt bike. Really? Yeah. How many old... Like James Dean's car or whatever Like multiple people die in the same one

No literally one one went in the morning My one cousin went in the morning Because it fell on him and it burned his thigh And then the my other cousin later on that day Try to ramp like a like a little hill And the brake caught his mouth As he was coming down and just ripped his lip open Jesus I had that with a buddy

He was like trying like a bar spin on a bike or something And fell The whole handle went through his cheek Still like a fucking sweet scar now That is kind of sick Yeah it looks like that night swoosh. Oh, fuck.

I twisted my knee across camp once. Whoa. Yeah, that was on acid. How many cousins were there on the compound? 16, including myself. 16 kids.

There was 10 kids in my cousin's family and six in my family. And no one did. No one died? No. I think about it. I was like, no. That's wild.

Not all boys, right? No, it was like, I would say 60, 40. So, but you guys all were somewhat around. around the same age. Let's see within a 10-year age difference. Yeah, and we all had corresponding cousins. So, like, my brother, Kevin, had a cousin Jack, who was his age. My brother, Tom, had Steve, his age. I'm Matt. My cousin Pat was my age. And there's a couple oddballs that were like a year or so off.

Kepp, let's talk about Factor. Factor, Factor, Factor. Kevin, I said I want to talk about Factor. Factor. Now, we all know Factor is fantastic, but isn't it the perfect time of year for Factor? Spring's coming. Your social schedule is getting busier. It's going to get lighter longer. You You want to be moving, you want to be shaking, but you want to stay healthy because summer's right around the corn. You want to look good in the bathing suit. Summer bod. Right? Uh-huh.

So do yourself a favor. You get factor nutritious, delicious, never frozen, and absolutely fan-tastic. Yeah, I fell in love with their shredded chicken Taco Bell way, chocolate bowl way before they were a sponsor. I found them online. They're way past that. They got breakfast. They got all this stuff. They got everything, baby.

They got 100 rotating weekly meals to keep things fresh and delicious through whatever season you're in. They have options that include high protein, calcium. Smart, Mediterranean diet, GLP1 support, that's what I'm doing, and ready to eat salads. Plus, they got new muscle pro collection that supports strength and recovery. Perfect if you're getting back into the workout routine and you're trying to get jacked. Always fresh, never frozen, ready in two minutes, no prep, no stretch. So you can actually stick to your goals. It takes the demon choices away from you.

You know what? I'm not going to stop and get pizza. I got a factor at home. Boom. One easy decision. I'm not going to do this because I got this at home. Boom. good decision. It's, you stack one brick at a time, baby. Right now head to factormeals.com

slash garbage 50 off and use the code garbage 50 off to get 50% off and free breakfast for a year. Offer only valid for new factor customers with the code and qualifying auto-renewing subscription purchase. Make healthier eating easy with factor. Do it. Yeah. Kip, what do you know about rocket money? Oh, I know everything about rocket money. I love rocket money. Well, let me tell the good people that rocket money is a personal finance app that helps you find that cancel your unwanted subscriptions monitors your spending. It helps lower your, your bills so you can grow your savings. Grow your savings.

You got some subscription that you don't know about. Bang, Rocket takes care of it. They'll let you know what you're spending, where you're spending it to give you a good, good grasp on where your money's going. Yeah, I can show you how you can set budgets and goals. You get personalized insights and regular reports and you receive real-time alerts, which I do. I get everything now all, I use Rocket Money.

It's like my dashboard. I go there. I go, what's coming up this week? What went out last week? What do we got going on? Oh, shit. I forgot about that. I got to move a little two tree.

You can stay over here, pay for that bill. It's fantastic. It lets you, one, obviously it lets you cancel your unwanted subscriptions. It can even help you in the app if that's the case. I had that where I signed up for some stupid streaming thing that was like for a fight in Ukraine or something like that. And they were able to bing bop boom, bing, skated all. But on top of that, it tells you, you get the email, hey, you spent this much last week. You spent this much last month.

You got these coming up and let you just let you quarterback. When it's in front of you. Listen. We all make bad monetary decisions. With the more information, you can make better decisions, and that's what Rocket Money does for me. That's all I can say. That's what it does for me.

So you let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join RocketMoney.com slash garbage. That's RocketMoney.com slash garbage. RocketMoney.com slash garbage. Do it. So that was every day in the summer when you were a kid. Everybody was it. That was probably pretty fucking awesome.

It was so fun. Yeah. And then they built like a new, because we were like, it was kind of rural when we moved out there. And then they built all these new, like, neighborhoods and developments. So we would just go through those houses. That's one of my favorites. Awesome.

Just fucked them up. Finding a toll brother's fucking. Yeah, he's literally exactly what it was. Just like smashing shit. I remember we went to the model home. They had like a little realtor lady sitting in there. We're like, you know, we're like 15. We're like, we like to look at the model.

I don't know why. They're like, yeah, come on in. That's crazy. My cousin's shit in the toilet, but they didn't have water in there. Wait, there was an actual woman or a cardboard. That was a real, a realtor sat in there, like, waiting for open houses. You know what a thing? Was it an actual woman or cardboard?

I thought like you were working. You are gumping hard, dude. That's a real lady. They probably could get away with the cardboard cutouts now. Holy shit. She let you in? Yeah, I don't know why. That's nuts.

I don't know why. She was like, yeah, guys, come on in. My cousin's shit in the thing. And he was like, dude, there wasn't any water in the toilet. Oh, fuck. She had a deal with that poor lady. I know. Fucking little heathes trying to sell these houses.

We would sit there. As they were setting windows, there's one. one kid from our neighborhood that was like the real bad kid we'd be like you know you won't go throw a rock right at that window and we'd watch carpenters setting giant fucking like bay windows yeah he would just come out of the woods like ah

we'd hope like holy fuck he did it he's jumping off like a dirt mouth it was so bad dude we used to do the same thing we would wait up on a tree line right because they dug all the basements and made a huge mountain of fucking dirt So we would stand up there on our bikes and look down in the valley and just like we were away for him to wrap up for the day and we would just fucking bomb down this hill and fuck shit up dude like fuck shit up we had no idea as a kid you're like also be so funny but like that must have fucked them up so bad so bad we found a case of caulk and just smashed it all over a basement wall and then just started caulking things to the wall like people's toolbox did it we were just like looking back it's so Such an dick.

It's so bad. Dude, we caulked all the keyholes closed to the bulldozers and stuff. Oh, my God. And they fucking

cocked everything. That guy coming in the next day was so bad. It's so funny as a guy doing the bulldozer definitely blamed

some minority in his head. He was like, he's goddamn Puerto Ricans. I saw them earlier. Meanwhile, he was just four fat white kids.

He's in the kids we saw at Home Depot. He's dead. He saw a Puerto Rican guy like nine miles away. He's like I know was him. It's probably that guy.

Oh, that's so fucked up. Just did the cock and the bulldozers are so funny. If he stole the keys to them one time, it was just a good time. And the days like that where you guys were all together with like one mom make lunch for everybody or nobody go home for lunch. No, my mom would like wake us up at 8 a.m. and like get out. And that would be it.

Yeah. We were like walk along the side of 2002. So we were just like literally walk along. 16 of you? We were just walk. Well, we like broke up. My older brothers were just kind of like, you like I would go out and try to find my cousin my age because all the older brothers or cousins if they saw you, they would just beat your ass. Wow.

So like you were kind of like looking around like he was. who's out here. They would play games with us where they'd be like, all right, me and my cousin Matt and Pat, they're like, you guys, it was kind of like, you know, run the bases

where you're like this, you run. They would play that, but our older cousins were just stand there with a gauntlet of like footballs, basketballs, tennis balls and just fucking peg us

with shit while we ran back. Dude, it was wild, but somebody four years older than you could convince you to do. It was crazy. And why they wanted to hurt you so bad. No, dude,

we used to play capture, like, you know, kick the can. but it was like they would walk around with a little bat and if they found you there was beat the shit out of you for riffle ball bat yeah so we would avoid them a lot so it was like me and my cousin would kind of find

our friends and we were just like hoof it up and down two oh two and it's like going to like local businesses and like taking shit we would ride bikes in the dick's boarding goods as fast as we could all right it was fun like the bikes that were in there that's awesome you get them and just fucking fly down the aisle as fast as you could

I just met I just picture all like the local proprietors seeing them a Huskers rolling into town and like boarding up the windows closing the storm doors. We were trying to get jobs too. Like I was walking to an office building like, we have a job and they'd be like, fuck out of here. No, you can't have a job. What do you guys do here?

Are you hiring? You get dirt on your face. That was the thing. We would roam 202 and try to get jobs. That's crazy. Two of my cousins got in at Wawa. That was like, damn. That's crazy.

My cousin sliced himself on the meat slice. and they had a thing like accident free for like you know a 9,000 days and he like severely cut his hand and he shot blood everywhere scrap that I've talked to us before but like he was an older cousin of ours when he got this shit he was like had it to Wawa to apply for a job

and he was like dressed in his finest so he had a tucked in metallic a t-shirt we had a bucket of water and we threw water all over room. As he was heading out, he had like a ride to lightning t-shirt. Dude, tucking in a ride to lightning t-shirt. His fucking top-tier insanity.

What the fuck, man? I got an interview. He's going to a court hearing. He picked up a metal baseball bat and fucking threw it. He tried to, like, hit us with it. We were ducking to me. Like, holy fuck. I forgot.

That makes me laugh every time I'm thinking about it. I love it. decision. I'm like, well, you know, I don't want to, I don't want to seem like like I'm too overqualified for the job. I don't want to appear desperate,

my name. Big brown belt. And I want to know that I like to party. If I show up in his suit, they're going to, they're not going to hire me. That was just his best shit. He was like,

I love Metallica. It's my favorite shirt. I'm going to tuck it in. They fucking rock, dude. I want to go land the job. From whom the belt holes. He's yown at the guy interview him because the shirt's inappropriate.

It's fucking Metallica pussy. What he's talking? talking about this is very appropriate yeah I was that was so fun I always say like that growing up was genuinely so fun there's a good time yeah that's fucking sick yeah it was pretty much anybody in these are just we someone got to check off the body anybody in your family into taxidermy no okay pretty good uh anyone in your family ever sink a boat I'd have to I don't know I don't think so they were big boaters they did love boats very nice I don't I don't know nice boats are like you know what we're at a

greaty white for a while very nice Yeah. What'd you guys run it out of? I think right out of like, what was it? Not tinic. Right around like that Wood, Ridley Marina, wherever that was. Okay. So they would go there.

No. One of my, so early, early on, like before my dad was born, like his mom or grandmother dropped the baby in this Google. I swear to God. Dead. What? Yeah. Oh, drowned.

Like fell off the boat. Like died. So I don't have, I don't have any boat sinkings. But McCusker is the bottom. I was a McCusker sank. McCusker is down in Davey Joe's locker down to me. Down this Google. It was in like the 50s or not even the 50s.

It would have been like the 30s or 40s. There's McCusker baby down there in this Google. Oh, that's brutal. Sorry for your loss. Yeah. I didn't know him, but yeah, it was crazy. I know. I heard about that story when you were growing up.

No, I didn't hear about that as adult. I was like, what the fuck? Who told you? I feel like either like one of my aunts told me maybe, I think. They were like, oh, yeah, because you got a real into like the genealogy stuff. And like she was, you know, big. going on one someone from everyone's family gets big and ancestry dot com yeah that's when they tell you that shit like like you know it like you know

oh that's when that's when baby mary died you're like wait what baby mary what you're talking about but i found that out later it was like damn that's fucked up damn that's real fucked up in the skuk there's always two sections of the someone will get into it and be like oh we want to test and then like the old guard is like does not take well to the findings oh yeah and they were like oh we're 100% iris and they came back there's like some french canadian and my they're like No, they're fucking not. Yeah, yeah. They're like, okay.

Well, Thanksgiving is now ruined. Old school people, no, not to fuck with that stuff. No. Let's sleeping dogs lie. It can mess up your whole thing. Yeah. My dad and his brothers were messing with one of their brothers and they told him they got it done. They were telling them they're Jewish.

And he was like, I don't got that shit in me. Maybe you three pussies, but not me. I ain't not comprehend. I don't got that shit in me. I got tested. That's bullshit. He was acting like he was like, I don't have that shit. I don't have that.

have that. He starts handing out money. Yeah. See, I'm cool. Anybody on the local news at all? Yeah. So they did an article. My dad was in some article for tearing down.

He tore down a building near where I was living in Mantra in West Philly. And my, so they all had, you know, we talked about before. They all had trash company. Yeah. My little cousin got on the news one time, like early 90s. He was like a little kid. And it was around Christmas time. And they were like.

Dude, I'm a cusker on the news. Yeah, it was one on my mom's side. And they were like, they're like, what is something that, you know, like, what is something that you like that your parents do around Christmas time? And he was like, my dad gets me toys out of the trash all the time because they would, they would go to like take best buy. Like, they just throw away merchandise. It was actually, you weren't allowed to do it, but you could go through like radio shacks

trash back then and just take like all kinds of cool shit. And he was like, I love my dad gets me toys out of the trash. And everyone's like, oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, hey, thanks, kid. We'll be right back. That was a big joke. Everett was laughing in my family. One cousin got on the news and said that.

That's great. It's not a good look. We're here with local little dirtball. Is it, you're not, it's supposed to be illegal to take stuff out of those dumpsters, right? But they would, they had a dumpster company. So they would be like, oh, we're going to get Best Buy's trash. So they would kind of be like, let's go. Yeah.

Pick up Best Buy and kind of, they were just rifle through it. I never quit under, like, food and shit like that I get. But why they throw out some shit like that. I have no idea. Plus hospital trash. Hospital trash. Apparently, like, dudes will, if they're going in, their trash yard was in Chester.

So, like, a guy would get, like, shot. But then he would dump his guns and shit in the trash. They would get the dumpsters in the hospital. There would be guns and shit. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. So they'd get, like, the hospital trash was good trash. Get some guns out of the trash.

Some guns with bodies on the out of the trash. Get some, like, yeah, shaved down guns. So, yeah, there was a lot of good trash floating around. That's crazy. That makes sense. Yeah. Damn. What was the pet situation growing up?

German Shepherd. One? Yeah, we always had one German Shepherd at all times. Nice. Gotta protect the compound. Yeah. Going back as far as I can remember. Was he on, were they off leashes like allowed to roam around the whole property?

Our first art, when I was like really little and we lived in Havertown, we had like a pure, almost outside dog that like his name was Sharkey. And if she would hop, if like she got off the leash, she was just tethered all day long, like a pole. Gotcha. And if she got off the leash, she would hop the fence and bite somebody. No shit. So she bit her mailman, she bit a jogger She was biting, she was biting people That's 90 shit

Yeah, an outdoor dog on a rope And you're like, yeah, that's sharky, just don't get Like throwing fucking food at it and shit like that Did it have a dog, you have a dog house in the back Where she was connected to? I don't remember, honestly I left there when I was like five But then all the ones, once we moved

All of our other dogs Would kind of just get to roam around Got you just walk in the house No, they'll go outside They would go, they were like go inside outside And they slept in the house at night Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure Because I remember our first dog

We had a, he had a dog house in the back. He was an outside dog. And he just felt like you don't, you don't ever see that. No. I feel like Sharky probably came in sometimes. She had puppies eventually. I do remember that. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, it was cool. She got out of the yard at least once, huh? Yeah. She bit somebody good.

Who was the most famous person you met as a kid? Could it? It could be like a local Oh, dude. It was a fuck. Who was the shortstop for the Phillies back in like the Jimmy Rollins? No, it was like. It would have been like fucking 24 to be Jimmy Robbins. It was like. Not something stocked it. It was like something stocker. I met him at a grocery store and he was signing autographs. And I was like, holy fuck.

I forget his name. I can't think of who it is. That was back then too. Like there would just be like the shortstop to the Phillies adage and already. I met him at Gionardi's. Yeah. It was a short stop at Phillies.

And he was, my mom's like, you get his autograph. And I was like, oh, God. So sick. Yeah. Randomly on a Saturday. Just fucking signed an autographs. Yeah. Like Kevin Stocker or some.

Next to the deli meat. Yeah. Trying to make a couple of bucks. Was that your grocery store? Gianardi's, yeah. Respect it. Charities was it, yeah. I remember they gave my mom a copy of the Titanic for free

because she spent so much money in groceries there. No shit. So we got the double-disc to the Titanic. My older brothers knew there was boobs in it. So I got to watch that. That was huge. Growing boys, she'd probably just spent a couple of bucksies. I remember they were like, here you go, Mrs. McCosker, we'd like to give you.

What were you guys as far as lunch meat? Would you guys do turkey? Turkey? Turkey. Roast beef? It was turkey and cheese pretty much. Turkey and cheese. Yeah.

Respectable? Yeah. I didn't dude Bologna, I still think Bologna, my cousins would eat bologna. I still to this day, I think bologna's disgusting. Really?

I don't think, but I will fuck with pork roll, which is like, pork rolls. Relatively the same thing. Yeah, I think so, but for some reason,

pork roll is acceptable. I blow it. The sound of it was always like, ugh. I love it. Are you a scrapple man? Uh, I don't like it,

no. I remember, like, eating it and thinking it tastes like nothing. Okay. Yeah. Not a scrabble guy.

I didn't, I never liked it. Hmm. I would eat it and be like compared to sausage, bacon, pork bread. Yeah, no, I agree with that. It's crap. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll give you that. It breaks my heart. I'm not going to have you back on the show, but I appreciate you. I'm not going to say it has hurt my feelings. What even is Scrapple? It's all this shit. It's like a hot dog product. Yeah.

Yeah. It's like all this shit and they put like cornmeal or something. Yeah, I remember eating it and being like not impressed being like this is. I will say Tommy Pope made us some that was like kick your dick in. Yes. But he like cracked an egg on top. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. He Tommy Popeify. True, yeah. Tommy doesn't. He was drunk and yelled at us. Yeah, he's. Which is what a love comes from. Anyone in your family ever represent themselves in court?

Yeah, actually. Yeah. I figured. My uncle did. He, uh, is it a big case? You don't have to get into it. It was small. It was, uh, it was making me laugh so hard.

He got, so he was like out of school picking somebody up. A guy backed in, hit him. And then the guy, it was something we're, like I think my dad and uncles or somebody knew like a local judge in that area so like they had all like talked about it and like so my uncle was like you know

thinking like he was my cousin Vinny like it was already kind of decided like bro that this guy hit him you know kind of look out for him and uh and he went and repped himself in court and he beat the guy he beat the like Geico lawyer with a guy who'd hit him like that the insurance company

but he was the guy who was so at fault who backed out hit him and there was I think it was like an open shut thing but he really was like I did that Yeah. And then he started, he like afterwards went out and started talking shit to the Geico lawyer. And he was like, how do you like losing to a truck driver, your little slick back ginnball? Fucking college boy, huh? College boy.

Call the lawyer slicked back ginnball. It's so funny. How do you like losing to a truck driver? Ginnball's great. Gin ball's so slicked back ginnball. So he won and then just like talk shit to him outside. Slash his tires. I don't know about that, huh, pussy?

Fucking grease, that guy was probably like, whatever, man. That's awesome. So yeah, he doesn't, that was his big, that was his big victory.

That's pretty great. It's pretty great. My brother did it. He got caught drinking down the shore at the top, like an open container walking to the bar. He was in a solo cup

and he's like, the cop rolled up on. I was like, what's in that cup? And he just fucking, like, through it. Like, you know,

just dumped it out. Yeah. Nothing. And he's like, there was vodka in there. He can't fucking prove anything. No, yeah. Impossible.

He's like, dude, just, you know, give him a citation for like 150 bucks or something. What? My brother was like, fuck, dad. I'll see you in court, dude. Put the system on trial.

Dude, he walked up. He started like, he was acting like he was jacked me. He got a little confidence. Yeah. Like, he proved a point. And the judge was like, okay, good point. And he started feeling stuff. He was like walking back and like rubbing his hand on the,

on the fucking on the prosecutor's desk. Doing the pause. He was like the OJ trial. Yeah. And then the. finally the judge was just like dude just give them just pay 50 bucks and like let's get the fuck out of here We're not going to do this all this. We're not doing this or three hours,

just pay 50 bucks. It's like catching that one win from the permanent judge and all of a sudden, oh, really? Okay. He was ready for like a three week legal battle. He was like, dude, he was calling recesses and shit. It was fucking.

I have a cousin who also has a personal policy to fight every speeding ticket he gets. I like that. He fights him in court himself. And he did at some, there is like a set of things that you can go like, yeah, check these, like go over this checklist.

And a lot of times are like, ah, you're right. This wasn't. on or this. Yeah, he's, he's pretty good about that stuff. So he, he, that's, I forgot about him. He also goes and fights all his own. Yeah. If you want to wait it out, get the, get the thing, get the summons and then go take, yeah. If the cop doesn't show up, I think he's, they wipe it a lot. Yeah. The cop does show up. He's a fucking dickhead. Yeah. But they sell them, though. Also, it sounds like he's getting a lot of fucking speeding ticket. Well, it's also it's overtime for the cops. So they'll, a lot of them will kind of come because they get overtime for going to court. And they get the like, chill. Yeah, they don't have to be outside chasing people. Huh. So.

Chubby, chubby chubby chubby chubby, everybody loves chubbies. And I ain't talking about us either. No, we're talking about chubbies. Absolutely fantastic. The kids love chubbies. Everybody love chubbies. Chubbies, you always hear people say, oh, my go-to shorts are always chubbies. Chubbies are always my go-to.

Chubbies are my go-to. Talking about chubbies, classic line swim trunks on vacation? Perfect. Got to be doing chubbies. What are we doing here? Yeah, listen, this is one of those things that really separates, you know, the dirtbags from the Gentlemen. People in the know.

This is an easy way to look put together. Go to Chubbies, get a bathing suit. If you're going to it, you're going to an all-inclusive, trashy thing. Luke does Chubbies. You got to, yeah, everyone does it. I'm on it. It makes me, like, I feel like I'm one of the cool guy. I put my Chubbies.

You stop being when a guy swimming in his underwear and basketball shorts. What? Which was me for a very long time. Get yourself some Chubbies. They're fan frigatastic. For a limited time, Chubbies is giving our listeners 20% off with the code garbage at chubbies. That's 20% off with your order at code garbage. Give your thighs, the VIP treatment they deserve with Chubby.

Support our show and tell them the boys you be saying you one more time. Chubby Shorts.com. promo code garbage, 20% off. Do it. We love you. Yes, we love you. Keb, let's talk about Cigars International. Cigars International.

I love a nice cigar every once in a great while. I like to enjoy myself. Sit back. Have a nice stogie, as they say. Cigars International is the go-to retail for all things, cigars. With the biggest selection of premium and made cigars available, absolutely anywhere. Cigars International offers unbeatable deals and discounts, making it easy to stock up on your favorites or try something new without breaking a bank.

Let you do a little bit of discovery. You know what I mean? They got fast shipping and their 100% satisfaction guarantee. You can shop with confidence knowing it Cigars International stands behind every order. They have a good relationship with the vendors to help you get low, low prices. Cigars International offers free, everyday shipping, no minimums, no limits, just shop. Check out, enjoy the free delivery on every order. baby, free to live.

That's what we're talking about. Right now you get 20% off your order of $50 or more plus free shipping on your entire order. Some exclusions apply. Use the code garbage at checkout for 20% off your order of $50 or more plus free shipping or visit www. www.cigarsinternational.com slash garbage and the discount will automatically apply. Do it. All right.

All right. Let's transfer to now a little bit. Yeah. How many suits do you own? dude my suits have increased but I saw you what the SB's yeah where'd you get that's good

I have no idea my wife does all that shit did you pick it up fresh for that or was the one that you had honestly my my all of my suit stuff because I have a tuxedo now too so I also I lose them like if I have a tuxedo I had one tuxedo

and all those little cufflinks I just like they started falling out so I was like threw them out by the end of night um so I think I have like three or four and a tuxedo. Very good. It's pretty good.

Yeah. So, and I don't know. My, every time we have like a wedding or a suit thing, my wife is like, have you tried on your suit like a month before? And I'm like, fuck no. And then I tried on. I'm always like either too big for it or it's like somehow short or something. So she kind of like quarterback's a suit. No shit.

She'll take care of it. Yeah. She figures it out. That's pretty good. And then or have to like go with her one day. Usually like two days before. She's like, we're going to Nordstrom's now. You must mind.

That's my. I have to go like. She's dragging it. Like she's your mom? Yeah. You're complaining. Literally. So yeah, she would know more than me, but I don't know.

I have a couple. I would say at least four. Respectable. Do you know how to tie a tie? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I went to an all-boys high school. So we had to tie the tie.

You sneak snacks into the movie theater. I used to a lot. Now I really don't. I'll just watch. But that was my, that was my big thing, hitting the right aid, then going to the movie. Yeah. What snacks do you do?

I know you keep it really tight with what you eat. Yeah, keep it. I mean, I mean, I mean, I don't really eat, I don't really eat a lot of snacks anymore, honestly. If anything, I'll eat like a little bit of dark chocolate. That's like a machine, man. Kind of dark chocolate. You have a brand of the dark chocolate you like?

Yeah, what is it called? Like, human. I always read the name of it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I'm talking about? Oh, really? You or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That shit's expensive. Oh, yeah. Yeah, look at you. Yep, yep. Where are you guys shopping? He's got seven bucks. Yeah, we go to Whole Foods and Sprout. I go to Whole Foods and Sprout.

I go to Sprouts a lot, but I like whole foods. It sprouts is closer. And you do, you'll do the shopping sometimes for the week? I love going to the grocery store. Hmm. So it's like, I don't, I don't do it all the time, but I, I really enjoy food shopping. Are you stealing anything? No, I've completely.

Retired. Yeah, the self-checkouts came out and I went like ham on those things. When they first came out, like didn't pay for meat for a while. And how you have like sections. They're like, I'm not paying for meat. Well, it's the easiest. It's the most that's bag for buck. Yeah, it's bag for buck.

And then I just got to the point where like the pay, the podcast was was like doing well too and i just for some reason was like i got to steal from these stuff checkouts allegedly i'm obviously kidding but like this is all for comedy purposes it's all for comedy but yeah i got to this point one day where i was like dude this is such an like like the stress of it and the adrenaline you know what i might or may not got kind of stopped and almost caught it at walmart one time so i was like yeah i was like hang it up yeah that's the my biggest fear is getting caught oh i did i you got caught i mean i had a giant i like five back bags and my receipt was like that big.

And I just say on the walk out. Dude, do you, the thing at Walmart was like, the person checking those receipts is so mentally checked out. Because I kind of clocked that early on. I was like, they're not looking for this. So the,

and I just got greedier and greedier. I would do like full duvet, like bed spread shit. And the one day, there was just lady there the one time who just was like, hold a second. And I was like, what really? But then luckily with those things is like,

and I would argue this in court. It's like, I haven't been trained to operate this piece of machinery. So it's like, Oh, that was that was my fallback. I was like, you're assuming I know how to work this. Whoa. You're not paying me.

I don't know. I wasn't trained. I wasn't briefed. Like, I made a mistake. That's fucking. That's what I had going. Damn, that's really good. I've never,

of like, I didn't. Does it beep? Does it not beep? I'm trying to do the job. What I have to say is how do you know, I don't know how to fucking use that thing. Wow. And you didn't, haven't technically left the store if they stop you.

so you haven't stolen anything. So you just go and I just went like, wait, what? And lady was like, and she went through line. This wasn't on. This wasn't on. I was just went, what the hell? That's crazy.

And then we rang it all up and I was like, this is freaking me out right now. Guys, I'm real scared right now. So that was always in my head. I was like they can't legally assume that you know how to operate their equipment and basically do a job. That's fucking nuts.

Wow, that's really, you are on camera. I don't know if I can continue to pot. That just, I didn't think a nap. That just changed. my perspective on life. Wow. I can see it in there in your tuxedo and court.

Hey. No cuff links. Your honor, I was not trained on this equipment. I don't work for the Walmart corporate. Nor does every American out there working hard to feed their family. Mr. McCussey, you're absolutely right.

Case dismissed. And I'm nominating you for mail. But that was, I just got to a point where I'm like, why am I, this is ridiculous. And then I had to like, no more ever ever I go on the thing of like

I want to do it and then I'm afraid if I get caught how embarrassing it would be also being like a quasi public figure but then I go but then I go it's so on brand if I get arrested at acme for stealing fucking pork roll like it would only help the podcast

stock yeah there's also like a weird social game about it where it's kind of like how much are people paying attention you almost feel like it was like a game too where you're kind of like are people really looking and like how much it was it was just kind of fun it was like a weird some of our boys that do very well they do it just for like to like get back at the you know norm they don't yeah he's very public about stealing from every hudson news well well the problem is is yeah those things are like insane you can literally

take anything the airport it's like steal a plane who cares there's times at the airport where i've done it just out of convenience where it's not working and they're and i'm like you know what man i'm not waiting unless this is ridiculous but the uh the problem is is what i've heard is now with the camera they can track you over time with the facial recognition what way to you tally up over a thousand dollars in theft larcen at the airport or anywhere not anywhere that's i've heard i don't know you know anyone that's happened but i've heard in the long game i've heard that's what they do to people now where they just track you and then once you hit that thousand dollar mark they are here's a felony huh so if you don't have the item on you but you're on camera i guess sounds like a case for

matt mccas does i know i i i don't know i i i i don't know i i don't you don't have the item on you I think you could argue that for sure. For sure. That's what I've heard. You're talking about. I don't know your computer's work. That's a, yeah. I wasn't even here that day.

Sure, that is a deep fake. What's being cooked at the house? Who's doing the cooking? You were the misses. We go back and forth. We had a thing where we were getting meals for a while. Okay. Yeah.

So when we had someone come, they'll cook meals sometime. Oh, really? Yeah, we're high on the hog right now. I like it. Yeah. I've done that to try to eat and get some of the day meal. Yeah. Yeah. And I like to cook, but it is nice to have not have to do it every single day.

So that was the one. That was the, I'm a big get my time back kind of guy with money purchases. Did you guys buy a house down here? Or you just bought. We bought a house. You bought a house. Who's cutting the grass? I had the whole mower set up for a while and then I did it like twice and called a long guy. What kind of ride you have? Right. It wasn't it's such a small lawn. It was a Ryobi fucking push mower. I did it twice. Plug in? Battery. Battery. Battery. I had pushed bad. I had weed whacker, but I have a whole battery powered Ryobie set. Yeah.

Lower, uh, fucking pole saw. I, I have the whole. A pole saw. Yeah, I don't know why. I forget what I even had. I think I had it in Philly actually because our neighbors, trees were coming over to our thing and I would stand over and drop their branches off. So I just wanted to use it.

And throw it in there. Yeah. Yeah. There was always beef. No shit. Then you got to then you got to. So we have a lot. Yeah.

Long guy. We don't, we don't, we don't, we don't do any. Yeah. No. Our, our backyard's too small. but if we get a house, I would probably I would get a pool for sure. Especially here. You can use it like seven, eight months out of the year.

Yeah. You showed up with your fancy your hoity-to-oity water, which I respect. If we went to your house and we asked for water, is that you, is that from home or did you stop and get that? I have these in my house. I get cases off of Uber Eats. So I get cases of this and sprouts. I offer them people, people seem almost like, oh,

they get like flustered almost sometimes or they're like, I don't. It's a big obligation. You're a drink down a lot of water. True, true. So that's what now I've started to like fill people up a glass from the fridge because this is it's I don't know Maybe it represents too much or it is a big obligation a leader of water. I drink like six of these a day no shit Yeah, I crush water. That's pretty good. I'm my bad dude. Sorry bro. I got to iterate No, hey man do you think

Okay, that's fucking great. I don't know you're all like that. Sorry, but so I don't know how I was bragging about how much water I drink I do love drinking water, though. I drink all day. What's a McCusker family vacation look like? So we'll either, so in spring break, we're actually going back to Philly. So either we'll like visit family. Okay. Or if I have a say, we'll go to the beach somewhere.

So like we went to Mexico. We went to Mexico. It was nice. I might buy some trips now while they're cheap. Oh, because. Buy some port of a year. Yeah. Just get them.

for like 2027 now just book up buy low sell high dog let's go the smoke's cleared by then if not I'll just go myself but the uh kids standing around a burning tire you're pretty good at get your spores out

but yeah I I'll I push for the beach pretty much that's like my favorite thing to do so we'll do like uh where do we go that we did a house I did a show at Atlantic City last summer and I just like took the money and got a house and bringing team for like a week.

That's nice. It was really, it was awesome. Yeah. When you fly, get into this, you fly in up front, I assume when you fly for work, obviously. Yeah. Take your shoes off on the plane? No.

No? No, I don't know. I mean, I have anything against it. I just don't understand, like, why. Well, you bring food on the plane with you. Oh, yeah. What are we talking about? I did it this weekend.

I'll bring, like, grilled chicken in a plastic bag. Kevin? Just munch that out. That's pretty crazy. Real chicken plastic bag. There's going to be an initial pop of odor when that comes out of that bag. Heavily seasoned, too.

Yeah. I was talking Montreal chicken season. Really? Yeah. You'll pop that out. Yeah. Are you eating just hang it like? I'll just pick it out.

Pick the pieces out and eat them. Talking breast or a little chicken bag. Like the breasts. It'll be like chicken breasts or thighs and I'll just, I'll bring a big bag of. Doing chicken thighs on the thighs? Thighs? There's much.

Well, the old boneless skinless. Oh, okay. So, yeah. Not skinning and bone to be crazy. That's fucking diabolical, dude. But I just open the bag Because the food fucking sucks on the plane Sure

I argue with my wife about all the time She's like well I'm gonna order something I'm like it's fucking sucks It gives you a stomach egg every time And then I'll bring out my plastic bag of chicken She's like you are a piece of shit She gets like deeply embarrassed I love chicken thighs are probably my favorite

But only with the bone on I can't do the without the skinless No it's too weird Yeah I hear you The bone of the skin and bone are delicious But a boneless man They cook in two seconds They're so easy to cook

They're delicious You're doing on a pan, air fryer, oven, what are you doing? Everything. I'll grill them, oven, air fryer. You can do whatever. You're really selling us on consuming water and boneless, skinless chicken. You said it and forget it. It's right up to door.

Two minutes. There's no bone. You can eat on an airplane. That's so easy. Yeah, I do a bag of chicken on the airplane. That's pretty nuts. You dropped to see. I'm sorry.

I've said this with Stavi. I find it insane to have your food x-ray and then eat it. Like, just eat it before you get. No, I bring like enough for like a day and a half. So I pack I like refrigerated it And throw like the refrigerator thing Put on a plastic bag

Put it on my suitcase And it's just like It travels on there And then I just kind of Is it in a refrigerated bag or no No it's in a plastic bag With an ice pack And then I'll

In your school bag or whatever Yeah it's like above my suitcase Gotcha And then I'll just bring that on the plane Throw it in the hotel once I get there And try to have at least Because I only go away for two days Can you bring an ice pack on a plane?

Yeah I brought one this I brought two this week It was frozen so I don't think it registered It was liquid So that's what you It was a sign It was a problem. You got a liquid ass fucking ice bag.

It was solid state. So I could argue the solid state. They tried to get me with it. Argue with it. Gordon. Your honor, and you didn't I explain solids to you. So this isn't just for the plane.

This is because you have a specific diet. Exactly. Right. Yeah. I don't like what I'm traveling. I try to like not eat out the whole time. Especially if I start ordering off Uber Eats. It's just the wheels come off so fast.

It's hard to be something like that. What would be cutting loose for you? For me? Yeah. It's just pizza. Honestly, Pizas. Gluten free,

obviously, but yeah, gluten-free pizza. Really? Yeah. Damn, and your wheels are, even when your wheels are off.

We're trying to get him on gluten free. No, it's just burgers. I do burgers and pizza. When I'm flying, it's just burgers and pizza pretty much. With no bun. A lot of places now have like a bun.

A gluten-frey. If I have to, I mean, if the places that are like, you can have a lettuce wrap. I'm like, dude, I'm just going to go somewhere else.

Like, you don't dig the lettuce wrap. Not really. Like, I've eaten them before, but it's like, You'd rather a gluten-free bun. Yeah, or just give me the patty. Like, don't wrap it in lettuce and act like you're doing me.

A favor. Call it a lettuce bun. It's like, man, get the fuck out of here. Just give me the patty. Pretty good. You open your eyes underwater in the pool? Yeah. Yeah.

Big time. You have to, yeah. Big time. Well, you put the seat back on the plane. Put the seat back on the plane. I don't really recline that much on a plane. Okay. I'm on my laptop the whole time.

What if someone comes back on you? Fair. I don't get bent out of shape about it. I've done the same way. Yeah. It's kind of like it's, that's your right to do that. If I want to lay back, I'll lay back. But if someone puts their seat back, I don't care. I literally sit on airplanes on my laptop the entire time. And it's like my little work time.

You ever asked for the hotel room to be switched? Yeah. I smell mold. I'm out. Really? If you smell mold. It's moldy. I'll go and be like sweat.

Last weekend it was mildewy and I just dealt with it. But usually I'll be like, dude, if it's like really bad. You feel the, the barometric pressure. Yeah. I was in one recently and it was like, oh. And I was like, and they were like, the whole floor smelled like mold. They were like, really? It's like, dude, come on, man.

You motherfathers know. They're like, we had no idea. It's like, okay. You know what you did. Swap it up. But yeah. Do you have a preference on what hotel you're at or do you just take like wherever you get booked? I, it's funny.

It's because you travel. Yeah, I just talked to my wife recently because we were doing bonvoys, just like regular Marriott. Sure. They were nice. But I caught a couple rough ones in a row. And I told her, I was like, bump it up a little bit, man. It was, yeah.

It's the pillows, dude. When you get in there and it's a paper thin pillow, it's like, hate that. Fucking bothers the shit out of me. It's a 50-50. If you have a nicer hotel, usually the pillows are good. And you can request memory phone? People don't know this.

At a hotel, you can be, can I have a memory phone pillow? They keep them there. Damn, most times they'll be like, yeah, here you go. They'll keep some of the good pillows. That's very much like, if you're a cop, you got to tell me. Like, you know, it's actually your legal right, that memory phone. Sometimes they'll ask and they're like, what the fuck you talk? No, you don't have a memory phone.

Some of them have memory phone pillows You can ask Really? Or just even like a better More stuffed pillow I assume you won't eat the breakfast At a hotel in the morning right? No,

I'll do it every now and again But I always regret it Every time I do it I'm like powdered eggs All that shit Yeah I'll do it If I'm in a pinch

I'll eat it And I every time I'm like Fuck Yeah Why I do that It never sits well No never Um

What's on the rider Anything Water That's it Mountain valleys Mountain Valley I just get water So I have like

You know Yeah it's just water which is sweet because then like when I go to theater sometimes they'll be like well here's your catering budget since you didn't spend it and they'll give me like 400 bucks in cash give me cash and I'm like fuck yeah it's like that happened to us the first time in because we don't really have anything like you know like a bottle of jamison and then we didn't like it was stuff like the management somebody put on and I'm like yeah I don't need we're doing three one-nighters I don't need a bottle of Jameson every night like this is crazy um but then like the first time they handed us back they're like oh here's like 380 bucks and we're like I'm like should this have been happening and everywhere for the past fucking three years. There's no rhyme of reason. Every now and again, they're just like, here's four or $500 and you're like, okay. I think a lot of that gets pocketed, honestly.

Of course. Yeah. So. Yeah. I've been asking lately. Do they have a, like, a catering thing? Just see if I can smoke somebody out. They go and get you like a bunch of

gas station sandwiches to come back and it's like, yeah, it was 600 bucks. And the advertising fee? Oh, yeah, it had to advertise. It's like, don't get the fuck out of it. Yeah, that's spend $6,000. On advertising, yeah. What's the, dude? What's the advertising?

what's the soap in the bathroom that you're using? I imagine like a Dr. Bromers kind of guy. I do like Dr. Brunner. I don't have it right now, but I do like Dr. Brunner. I had my own concoction where I had sea salt and I threw it in with Dr. Bronner. So it was like a kind of a brine that I was using there for a while. It's kind of nice.

What are you, a shrimp? I sort of breaking out on my stomach for some reason. And sea salt helps that? I tried. I would just cover myself in salt. He's marinated himself like the chicken. And it would work? I thought it did.

then it came back. My wife uses dove, so I, like, use her soap a lot. And then I'll go and get a soap. I'll get, like, Dr. Bronner's, then I'll run out. Right now I'm between soaps. So I'm, like, kind of pilfering her soap.

Deodorant? No. No deodorant. Never wear it. Really? Yeah. If it's in the summertime and I'm really stinking, I got to go to like a wedding, I might.

But I wear it like, if I'm, like, really going somewhere nice. I never wear deodorant. But you, you like a cologne? No. I say he wears it like a clone. I wear deodorant like a clone. Big events.

Wedding. I'll just rock until like with my wife's like, dude, you stink. I'm like, all right. But I don't really smell that much. I mean, it's, yeah, I guess if no one's saying it's an issue. You know, probably let us to do with your diet. They eat so clean. Could be.

No, it really could be. Because I can, if I'm out sweating all day and like doing stuff, I can stink. But like, I typically don't really smell. If I'm just buzzing around, I don't really smell like that. Hmm. Yeah. Who's cutting the hair? Uh, I go to a place right near my house.

Okay. Yeah. Barber? Uh, yeah. I prefer to have a lady cut my hair. I'm with you. I'm used to. With, uh, with the, what, what's,

what's it without the tip? 40 bucks. What do you tip? 40 bucks. I do. I do the 50% or the 100% tip. Yeah. That's pretty good.

Yeah. I got to set my game up. Yeah. I do the 40. Yeah. I do it even 20. I do a $20. I make sure I have, that's fair.

I make sure I have $20 to give whatever it is. Yeah. 30, 40, whatever. And then it's all my policies. Like, girls who cut my hair get way more. Guys get probably like a dub. Oh, really? you get that. Why not?

Gotta close out that pay gap. I'm doing my part, thong. You go, baby, girl. That's all right. I like it. Just that's the policy. Waiters, male waiters. You get it all tippy for sure, but not like a

sweet lady. Really? Yeah. Damn. There's like a hot lady tax. I feel like that needs to be paid. I'll give you. I'll give it to you.

You know? I don't like it. Just pay him a little action. Man, you're really changing my fucking worldview over here. A shaman. I know. Just open my third eye.

No shit. Are you taking leftovers home from a restaurant? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I'll take them back. Pretty good. Well,

you send something back in a restaurant. No, I try not to. If it's like, yeah, I really won't. If something's like undercooked, I'll be like,

hey, you just cook this a little more, but I wouldn't like send something back and be like, can you just redo this whole thing? Unless I, there's been places where I go to breakfast and I'm like,

I don't want toast. It's not going to like kill me if I take it. off the plate and eat it. But like if they like my breakfast is just smothered and like toast and breadcrumbs, I'm always like, yo man, can you just get me another one? So yeah, to answer your question, sometimes I will, but it has to be a pretty egregious mistake. I get that. We talked about weddings. If you go to a wet, say you're going to a wedding, right? So you're coming to our wedding, but you know, we're not married. Sure. But you're going to his wedding. Yeah. If we were,

would you come? Just to see us kiss once. I think it's a bit. I don't think they're really going to go through. Live stream the whole thing. This is all just for content. We don't really love each other. What is the gift going to be? How much cash are you going to give?

What do you give it a wedding? Again, my wife does that, but usually it's a thousand bucks. Good. It's a good, solid end. That's pretty good. Like if one of your cousins' kids got married. A thousand bucks. $1,000.

Yeah. Cash, check. What are you? you think uh sometimes if we if we're on the ball we can get cash out for sure if a lot of times you just find them you yell me vamo you just demo that's trashy yeah yeah yeah can i get you hit me with your cash app dude yeah venmo request me a thousand bucks so i know it's you you put it on them because i'm not double sending it but your wife handles all that stuff yeah i like that yeah oh she does literally i have no idea she could like completely i have no idea she could like completely

completely pack up and leave and I would have no idea I don't know any of the passwords no shit I don't know any of that stuff I like that I don't deal with a single financial and apparently I didn't know it was a rarity a lot of a lot of men tend to use the finances when did you guys come when did you come to that like when you come to that agreement like when you guys were dating and you're like listen I don't want to we were dating I was always a big cash guy so I like I never like had you know so she was not and then she had all for bills organized perfectly so I would just be like here I'll just give you money to pay every pay all the bills so we just and we just stuck with that. I like that. Yeah. And our first house was in her name. So that from the get it's been all just kind of. There's something attractive and comforting about that when a woman can handle all that stuff. It's awesome. I heard also a long time ago that the Samarize used to do that were like Samarize didn't touch money in the household or even think about it. So I'm, I'm kind of. I'm into that. That's how you're. I heard that when I was little and I still do. You're out there with the Ryobie saw spit it in the backyard. But yeah, apparently everyone I talked to, they're like, that's insane.

But I like, well, the funny thing is too is like I I'm also now though, like I have, how do I say this? All of my accounts are monitored to a T. So it's like I can't if I were to like if I say I went to a strip club, I'd be busted instantly. So in a way it's good for me. Oh, by her. It keeps me. It keeps me high. Keeps you honest. Keeps me.

It's literally like I'm like a Chinese citizen dude. I'm like, I'm like everything's. everything surveilled. So it's good. I need that. So I'm like, I'm happy about that. I'm with you.

Have you had to explain anything in the last couple of months? Not at all. So yeah, everything's, everything's good. Rock solid. Yeah.

Catering cash. I have to give it. That stuff burns a hole in my pocket. The what? Lonely on the road with $800. You go, I don't know what I could do with this. Burning a hole, baby.

So yeah, I just, I just, I just, I'm like here. I can't have this either take this. No kidding. Wow. Damn.

That's a good little look at you govern yourself because you know, trust yourself exactly I'm such a weasel that I would keep that 800 but you know oh yeah I mean you know it was cool when I had it and I was just like I gave it I'm I'm gonna just give this back or like you know take my kids out and get some stuff for them there you go I don't need cash it's like what do I need this for this is not nothing's going to good come out of this sure we dance at a wedding uh sometimes it all depends sometimes I less and less I used to like I used to dance like non-stop at weddings and now I don't know something about getting older I just feel ridiculous when I dance

It's like silly sometimes. Just like this is like this is so unnatural. I feel crazy. And my wife loves a dance. That's a big, you know. That's a kind of we gotta balance that out somehow. So dancing with, like when you're dancing with a couple,

that's one thing. But I just sit in the corner with a cup of coffee with the uncles. Just watching everybody hang out. Yeah. I've also tried to go to a wedding and like, you know, I'll be like dancing with my wife and she'll like walk off or something. And I'm like,

I'm just going to dance by myself. I'll make like, I'm like, man, I'm getting the fuck out of it. This is crazy. I'm like, everyone's looking at me.

This is weird. Yeah, I gotta get the fuck out of here, dude Look like a fucking weird No, I can't do it anymore Do you have a go-to karaoke song? Yeah, I'll go unchained melody By the righteous brothers Yeah

Respectable, yeah Are you doing karaoke a lot enough? No, if it comes up, it's like a 50-50 But if I do it, I'll really go all out Kind of send it, so Yeah, I actually like to sing Are you solid? Do you think?

I'm pretty good, I can rip Unchained Melody you know it's pretty plays the guitar good too I play guitar fucking shred thank you guys yeah but no I don't I don't mind

it it is a weird thing to do but I kind of enjoy it how do you feel and I'm taking this from like the karaoke Japanese kind of thing a community table at a restaurant

where you don't have really of your own table it's like almost like like Benny Hana what's it called hibachi I know talking about like you're eating with other people

yeah how do you feel about that actually I like going to really And there's like a couple different groups and everyone kind of, you know, opens up. Okay. Interesting. I don't mind that at all, actually.

Depends who it is, though. You know, usually, worst comes the worst. You just like, don't talk to the people. Sure. I haven't happened before. But usually it can be kind of fun. Okay. What's the day to day cars?

What you pulled up in today? CRV. Yeah. CRV. We both, me and my wife both have CRVs. I respect it. Bottom right before, right before slash during the pandemic. So.

And what's the plane? Just going to ride that out until it. put 200,000 miles on it. Yeah. Bought them released them. Huh? Bought them released them. But nice.

Yeah, we bought them. We got the, her interest rate on hers was we got it like, you know, we walked into a Honda dealership. People had masks on. The doors were open. It's like middle of the pandemic. She got hers for like, we got it for like nothing.

And then once all that microchip stuff happened, I went to go buy a car. I was like, yeah, run that deal back. And they were like, get the fuck out of here. I got cooked on mine. But, but yeah, she wants a bigger car because now. She wants to be able to, like, carpool or, like, our kids' friends and all that stuff. So she might get a bigger car, like, next year or so. But I'm going to, I'm going to keep rocking.

I keep telling her, I'm going to deck the CRV out and make it basically into a Jeep. I'm going to, like, get the top. I'm going to do, like, I told her, I'm going to do a ton of work to it. She was like, please. That's crazy. Don't do that. Like, Matt paint it. Do you like those spray, the spray floors and, like, make it a completely, like, almost like amphibious vehicle.

Yeah, you can put the big smoke on, like, intake on it. Take the doors off. Get the cobra symbol on the back of it. I don't know. probably get a different car eventually like i think i would get a pickup truck honestly there you go yeah i just i just drove texas yeah i just rented the dodge rebel to drive from uh do you ever do you drive the dodge rebel dude my i was like telling my brothers he loves trucks i'm like i's got the rebel he's like oh dude that's like the kids on the weekend mobile it's like a sporty dodge

that like looks it has like rebel written all where were you driving to i had a drive from cincinnati to cleveland because you got a pickup truck for that yeah it says rebel on the side of the It says Rebel. Oh, that's so trashy. So gaudy. But, dude, it flies. I was going like 100. The whole, just zoomed out the whole way.

It was awesome. That's awesome. I mean, you know, I got a couple little more. Well, you swim at a hotel pool if you're at the hotel. I'll swim in a hotel pool. Okay. Respect that. Do you mind if you're swimming not in a bathing suit?

Oh, I'll do basketball short. Cool. Okay. If you're at the gas station, we'll use the squeegee to clean anything at, like, the rest of the car. I'll do. I'll do, no, I'll do the windshield. You mean like the windshield or like, yeah, well, you like, can you hit the tires?

Like, maybe if they're, no, I, I've never done that. Never thought about that. But I do like doing a little windshield. Yeah, it's fun. Feels like you worked there a little bit. It feels like you were cracking. How are your skills with the windshield? Pretty good.

Not good, honestly. I wish they were better. I do it. And then my wife complains about the streaks and I get really resentful. And I'm like, I try to do something nice for you. Yeah, it's better than it was. That's what I try to say. Yeah.

So that's actually a touchy stuff. All that does you just. Can we cut that actually? I don't want this in there. Guys, it's been nice. All that does is just show you how bad you need your car washed. Yeah, I know. It shows you that difference.

This thing is great. Yeah, I suck at that. When I do it, I'm like, fuck, man. I want to get, like, you know, the guy on the street corners, like, real quick. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I love. I love those videos of the guy fucking cleaning the windows.

I can watch that for fucking years. They have competitions for that shit. Do they really? Yeah. I like convention centers. I used to work for a builder. They would give me like a squirt bottle with water. and vinegar and I would clean all the, like the drywall dust off the houses before they're going to get sold.

And I would sit there all day long with just like newspaper and like vinegar solution. It was most gratifying thing. Well, they say like one of the hacks for windows is newspaper. Yeah. It doesn't leave streets or like the fibers that like a paper towel. No, you do. Yeah, he would do like new. You give me newspaper and like a vinegar solution.

I would just wash every single window in the house. It's awesome. That's funny. The last restaurant that I worked at, uh, that's how we clean the tables was a vinegar solution. Yeah. They were big on that. Yeah. Uh, I mean, I

Got one more. Have you ever moved a mattress on top of your car? Yeah. I've answered that way too quick. For sure. I've done one, no rope. Hand on it. Just hand in it? Yeah. Not by yourself.

By myself. It was in Philly. So I drove really slow and I just had the hand on. Holy shit. My arm was burning, dude. That was burning. Yeah. What size mattress?

I think it was like a full maybe. Ooh. Yeah. I mean, any mattress. Yeah. That'll kill you. Yeah, I just kept it on there. What was the car?

My CRV. Oh, that? Yeah. Yeah, it's tossing on there. This is like recent. This is pretty recent. This is. Holy shit.

I thought this was like when you were living in that fucking $27,000 inchee, Cal's. This is like, you were Matt McCusker of comedy podcast royalty and you're, I mean, here's the thing. It might have been my head of Civic. Maybe it was then, but I definitely at one point. I think it was my CRV. I remember being a little higher up and just kind of holding that thing.

I remember it would start. Surprisingly, like, at like 20 miles an hour that thing starts flapping yeah yeah that's why you see like that's why you see them on the side of the fucking highways because people don't realize you hit 45 and that yeah it was it was scary here's the thing he's 100% trash yeah but he's striving at the mountain valley six of those a day that's not gonna fucking pull him six of those a day what do you mean he's right he's not he's not he's not he's not stealing he gives the money to his wife so he's not tempted to do anything uh-huh you know collar that uh that uh that uh that uh

gluten-free pizza. Hey, yeah, cauliflower crust. How about that? Yeah. Pretty good. Uh-huh.

I think you just want to borrow money off him or something. And you're really fucking, you're really trying to chum up to them. I think there's some truth in what you're saying. No, I think you're definitely strives. Yes, of course. The murder.

The murder. Not CRV. Sure. All right. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Matt McCusker, our good pal, 100% trash.

Thank you. What are you got coming up? be one anybody to know yeah let me say this week you know it's going to be big uh the celebrity theater in Phoenix nice Arizona that's that that's like the famous around in the round very yeah yeah yeah so that's the big one I'm trying to sell some tickets for that fantastic oh check it out buddy we love you check out Matt and Shane secret podcast which I'm sure you already do um yeah thanks for coming to see what thanks for me guys we love you buddy kippee what do you got for him uh guys guys we're all over the road tickets available at are you garbage dot com yep we'll see you next week

peace thank you guys