Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - McDonald‘s Bathroom w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: December 9, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back with a fun one! Its a family episode baby. Circling the wagons! We have a Youtube special dropping soon - so go SUBSRIBE! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys.  Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://www.MintMobile.com/GARBAGE https://www.HelixSleep.com/Garbage https://www.Stamps.com PROMO CODE: GARBAGE https://www.DADGRASS.COM/GARBAGE  Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Gang, you only got three more chances to see RU Garbage live. Yeah, guys, December 14th, 15th, and 16th. We're going to be in Hartford, Connecticut at the Funny Bone. We're going to be in Albany, New York at the Funny Bone, then we're going to be in Syracuse, New York at the Funny Bone as well. Hey, Richmond. Guys, this is a great way to introduce your friends to the show. If you're coming, bring a couple of pals.

Bring the squad. It's a good time. It's stand up. We're hanging out. We play AYG. You seen the clips. What are you doing? Come out. We'll see you there. Let's go. Welcome to another exciting edition of RU Garbage.

The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is RU Garbage. Uh-huh. It's a little show.

We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out they're good to be classy. Yeah. They're just a big old piece of shit. Oh, boy. I'm your host H. Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here in Aunt Doody's basement. She's a little upset.

Why is that? Breathalyzer's going in the car tomorrow. Wow. Yeah. That's how they get you. That was ain't cheap either. And she's driving Uber now. So it's fucking real nice.

That's going to be real fucking dicey. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. So, you know, it's a family episode. We're circling the wagons. We're doing the Patreon questions. Just a homies and the bozos this week, baby. Yeah. Just the way we like it.

Give it up for Kevin James Ryan. Hey, gang. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available over there on YouTube. And as you know, those numbers are true to real. Just at $29K.

Thank you. Thank you very much. As of this morning, we broke over $29,000. And, gang, you're going to want to subscribe. There's going to be some stuff dropping on there later on. You want to be a part of. It's funny when it rains at pores. Because when we hit a certain mark on the old Patreon there,

that thing started fucking fucking. Guns out. Man, I had two new waitresses. Where? People couldn't get onwards at the table. They're cooking over there. Kidding me? I had the bus boy taking orders.

Yeah. Hot. Also, as my co-host has alluded to it, at patreon.com slash rugarber, you can sign up. You get a shit ton of bonus content. I'm talking Epsa-AYG, Epsa-Hard Feelings, which is the fan favorite. I got to be honest.

Everybody loves hard feelings. We pull back the curtain a little bit. We open up a little bit. It's like a little bit of an HR type thing, too. The airing of grievances. The airing of the grievances. Yeah, you really get to see our fucking demented relationship. We truly have that we've pulled Toby into.

He's crazy now, too. Yeah, he's crazy. And he also plays like the son. I can see the role he used to play in your family of like peacemaker a little bit. Because sometimes with me and the big man are going at it. And he goes, hey, guys, we're all having fun, right? Hey, look over here.

Just in the backseat of the Honda Civic again. Just throw out a line, save it. I'm like, he thinks I'm falling for this? He's like, yeah, I don't fucking turn my sights on him. Check it out, gang. We're having a lot of fun over here on a Patreon. Get in the cabinet of the kitchen sink and stay there. Yeah, fucking.

Till you stop hearing the sound of dishes smashing. The adults are communicating. Because we get after it on air. Did you ever have that? You ever see proper dishes getting smashed? No. There was, I used to sit at my, when I would be at my dad's house and we would sit in the,

I'd be upstairs in my bedroom watching TV, right? You know, probably some wrestling or something, you know? And you would hear like, maybe that shelling, and then I would hit mute, and I'm like, oh, that's there. It's toe-to-toe down there. They're going at it. Nothing like catching the show at the top of the steps. You know what I mean?

Creep out, they're like, what the fuck's happening? This is normal, all right, I go back. This is just normal, normal yelling. Your dad's plates, he's just throwing paper plates and solo cups. We had to find China over there. He was doing well. It was Waterford Crystal.

That's good stuff. Did we talk about T-Bone McMuffin? Did you mention the kid? That's your job. Why am I doing your job? T-Bone McMuffin. I'm the Patriot. I'm the Patriot guy.

Good to see you, buddy. What's up, dudes? Hey, T-Boneus. We're chilling. We're cold chilling. I thought it's something. Cold chilling. You mentioned one of my favorite words, mayonnaise,

a couple of minutes ago before we started broadcasting here. But I noticed something at the airport when we were flying down to Houston. You asked for mayo at breakfast. I like mayo with my fries and or home fries. Wow. I went over to the UK. I saw how they did it original style.

I was like, that is disgusting. And then I tried it and I was like, ketchup is out for life. Mayo with the fries. Maybe a pinch of ketchup, but it is unbelievable. Mayo and fries is fucking fantastic. A little too tangy for my taste. Really? On paper, it is disgusting.

In practice, you're like, this is the way. This is why I did it back in the day in Belgium. As you know, I'm an international man of mystery and business and sexual proclivity. Kid likes it weird. When he walks through the red light district, they turn them all off. Kippies in town.

Shh. Fucking tumbleweed flies by. The big headed American has returned. We eat it anyway. They call it, we call it remulad. We call it remulad. A remulad. Sure.

That's mayonnaise based. Sure. It's the same shit. I'm just saying it's not for me. Pull all bayonetes. Americans will eat it. I've had it up shit ton. That's what they do in Germany over there.

I'm over there and I'm over there in Europe a whole bunch. And that's what they do. That's a go to ketchup and mayo. Can I say that, even though I joke about it, I am looking forward to actually having a French fry. OK. Trying French fries in France. And the toast, I hear is good.

Yeah. I was curious about that, though. Yeah, that was why I heard that that's how they did it originally in Belgium. I saw them doing it in the UK. And I was like, I'll try. I don't think this were a walk. I thought for a minute you were putting it on your eggs.

That's, I would have had a fucking call for separate checks if that was the case. That ain't happening in my neck of the woods. That's boncos. I did want to bring up another thing, believe it or not. Food related. So it's not coming. Listen, you know what?

Yeah, sorry. I feel like you do this. Trying to make not as many fat jokes. Sorry. No, that's OK. Please, let him fly. I'm in therapy. I can take it.

Yeah, I can tell. Our pre-show conversation was real cool. This guy's fucked. Fucking hopping a jet out of here as soon as he's brought gas. Shit. I'm like, literally, I'm like, why the fuck did I tell him to get into therapy? Oh, man.

Talk about worms. I just go the next five years and my life is going to suck. It's broad, but it's not fixing me. This is a little specific. What? So. And you think I do it? Nowadays, sour cream, hummus is a big one.

Yogurts, dips, whatever. They have the cellophane on top that's stuck to it. Sure. Now, here's my question. May I ask you a question? I know what this. I know where you're going. Do you take it all the way off and throw it out?

And that's it, once you open the container. What do you fucking leave it halfway hanging on there, like a goddamn dirt bag? Listen, it's disgusting. It depends who's around. Really? Yeah. What do you mean?

If I'm a lazy man by nature as well, well, I'm a go-getter. But you need the, I don't want that cramming up to. I don't even like it when it's on there. Typically, yes. But I feel like I for sure have with hummus where I have it. It's also, too, it depends where I'm at. If I get it and I'm out, say I'm sitting on the couch, right? And then join some Stacey's pita chips and some Sabra.

Those Stacey's pita chips. I'm a mean brand, man. You've got to have your fucking dental playing up with those things. No fucking crack of tooth. Dude, they tear the roof of your mouth. Oh, my god. Up.

Cut them in half. It's like chewing firecrackers. Stace, what are you doing? Cut them in half. Oh, I love it. But I do not go, this is going to fuck me, and I love every second of it. Good stuff.

Those Parmesan, those garlic Parmesan ones. Yeah, they're all right. Woo, doggy. They're all right. I got a follow up for you. When you peel that cellophane layer off. Do you lick it? Do you lick it?

That's what I thought you were going with. I do not. I can't bring myself to do that. But it depends where I'm at. If I'm in the kitchen, I'll open it and throw it out. But if I go, say I'm sitting on a couch or something, I go, I don't want this just. It gets on your knuckles and shit.

I understand it's not ideal. My girl does it. It drives me fucking crazy. She won't take it off. Won't take it off. Yeah, it drives me nuts. Even the yogurt, too, in the fridge. It has that paper on it when you get the good shit.

So get rid of that crap. I will say a yogurt cup, little individual, John. That lid, that's a guaranteed lick. That's getting licked. Oh, yeah, I get that. I understand that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm putting that up my ass.

I fucking love that. Fucking boofing it. Especially a pudding. I get a pudding with a nice clump on top. Hello. Yeah. Good time. Are you licking the top of your meal plan,

cellophane, because that stuff ain't easy to get off. Have you noticed that? They're fucking impossible to get off. Oh my god, you got to have that thing. I'm putting that thing in a full Nelson to get that off. And it's impossible. I can't have any of that on there. It drives me crazy.

Yeah. It drives me fucking nuts. I haven't really had anything to lick on there. OK. I don't know what you're doing. Mine's all hummus. Yeah. But was that all you had?

That was it. Yeah, I was curious about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm curious what your thoughts were on it, because I think. I'll go in a optimal situation. I throw it out if a trash can's near me. But say I'm in one of my comfy spots, and I don't want to put it on the couch, or I'll leave it,

and then I'll do it later. And here's my thing. I'm prolonging it. Here's my thing, too. What's your thing? I'm a child of the 80s. All right? Ronald Reagan, just as much as the next American.

I'm rigging. I know there was issues back then with fucking some psycho putting this and that, or poison in this, or poison that. But we've really overcorrected it. I don't think so. Do you need all that? You're trying to get that thing off there? You feel like you're like fucking Larry David

trying to fucking pull that shit off. It's fucking brutal. I get it. It's too much. But, dude, tell me if you just. You got nine taps. Yeah, you need it, though, man. Why?

There's some fucking twisted people out there. Really? Dude, if you could just go open up hummus. Just like this, pull one of these things. You don't see Mountain Dew doing that shit. What do you mean? They just have a regular twisty. There's not a foil on top of the Mountain Dew.

When I take a cap off, and there's another thing there, it's like, what is this? Yeah, that's. Fucking Ocean's Eleven? That's what, like you're talking like Tropicana or something? Don't even get me started with that thing. You got to open that thing up and then pull it off. That's.

Drives me nuts. That's the. And the cotton and the pills. What are we doing with the cotton and the pills? So it's not as loud. Packs them in there. Oh, really? Yeah.

I don't know. That's my theory. I kind of, for sure, might have just made that up. Because I would just picture, like if I was working in one of those factories, I'd be like, this is so loud. Fucking pack that thing a little bit. Put a little fucking styrofoam in there. Give me a headache.

That's how I would feel. But yeah. All right, so as you know, this is a family. Yes, it is. Episode. Yes, it is. And we're going to get into some of your garbage questions, because we love you so goddamn much out there.

All the bozos and the homies. We got a couple of heaters here. So guys, as you know, when you sign up for Patreon, we will answer your question on the air. I think we had a big backlog. I've worked through a bunch. We're relatively relevant. And also, not everybody likes to ask questions.

People just hanging up back, you know? This one's called From Dirty Horse House. I don't know. Yeah. Thank you, Mom. This one's fucking. I've never thought of this. When you go to a public bathroom,

is it garbage to sit on someone else's toilet seat bed? Oh my god. Like they've left the toilet seat protection. Which is a fucking dirtbag move. Like if the line. I know what you're talking about. That's insane. That's crazy.

That I would never do. I'd rather sit on the toilet with the lid up. Lid up. Yeah. You know what I mean? No, of course. Of course. I've done that in the middle of the night.

Lid up, sit. No, go to take a deuce in the middle of the night and the fucking lid's up. You sit down on the porcelain. You've never done that? That's crazy to me. We're not turning the light on? Sometimes.

Take a boom, boom? Sometimes. Pooping the dark? No, I'll pee in the dark. And I got to be honest. If I'm peeing in the dark, it's a fucking. I'm just, I'm aiming. I'm going north, south, east, or west.

I'm not getting any tighter than that. I guess it's. I'm in the direction. I guess it's the weight. I don't know. But I'm, man, I am terrible. It's the weight. I've shared a lot of Airbnb's.

I'm peeing. I pee all over the place. There's dribbles. It's not even, not even dribbles. They start in the living room, man. The stream will just fucking go sideways. You guys throwing curveballs down here. I know, yeah.

Yeah. Can't get a radar lock on that. That's it's. And it's a lot. It's like, you know. Do you have at your current bathroom, do you have a rug under it right there? No, we have, we have a rug that goes next to the tub,

which in the middle of the night, I'll take my foot, put my foot on that rug, slide it over, clean it up, and then put it back. I think it never happened. So I do it. You need a backup camera for your dumps. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. On Star, how can I help?

Yeah, try to take a shit over here. Yeah, that's. It's getting bad. Or it got bad. Now we're going the other way. We're working on it. Sure, of course. Which app you can check out FatCourt on Patreon.

This one's not just from Blaine Smith. Have you ever used Armor All to shine your shoes? Which I guess if they're black shoes, that makes sense. But I can't. That's insane. We use Windex. We'd have to shine my dad's navy shoes. With Windex?

Windex. Is that like the one with the patent leather? No, they were like shiny. They were like touchy. That's patent leather. Yeah, yeah, yeah, patent leather. That's patent leather. Is it?

Yeah, yeah. Really? Yeah, patent leather. Crazy. Windex. Armor All sucks, kind of. You cannot get that off you. I know.

You literally, and it doesn't clean that well. It does. Nah, I'm more of a Rainex guy. That product blows my mind. On the windshield? Oh, man. I don't think I've ever used it. Oh, you can tell such a difference.

Unbe-get Rainex. Put it on your forehead. I'm the new spokesman. It even works on your forehead. Little white face. Hi, I'm Kipi from Harvey Garvey. Your eyebrows just start going up. Do you have a huge forehead?

Who's the guy that does Flex Seal? It was Billy Mays, but he yacked out. Now it's some other bozo. Looks just like him. Yeah, I don't know. You know who I liked? I liked that British guy, Sully or whatever. He's a good shit.

I would love to get one of those guys on the show. Oh, man, come on. Who's the British guy? Sully, I think, his name is. Does he have glasses? No. Is that the guy with the question marks? Or he might be Australian.

No, I think he's British. He's like a big tall drink of water. Real regular, everyday kind of guy. Real everyday kind of bloke, you know what I mean? I miss those. I miss those infomercials like that. I think they're still airing, probably more than ever now. Yeah?

Yeah. I used to love watching Ron Popeal fucking do stuff. Man, I would. With that ditzy blonde he used to roll around. Oh, yeah. That broad couldn't do anything. She didn't know what to do. What the fuck, lady?

It's chicken, relax. Do you ever see the guy who sells knives who continuously cuts himself? It's like, he's cut himself 45. It's a real low. It's an acroding sketch. It is. It's bad.

It's real low budget. And he consistently, consistently bleeds on the show. It's every figure that has bad intentions. Oh, dude. And he goes, ah, god. It's real fucking. It's a whole thing. There's a montage of it on YouTube, I believe.

It's really funny. Or did you ever see that, you know, whatever, the perfect ladder or whatever? And it's supposed to make like a QVC. And it collapses. That guy fucking, that guy folds in half, dude. Shout out to guys getting hurt on TV. It's good stuff.

Nothing's better. It's good times, man. Good. That was one of the first real viral videos way back in the day was the newscaster squashing grapes. Oh, yeah. Man, that chubby broad went head over heels, dude. Oh, man.

That was some good shit. Good stuff. You know, what really gets you going, especially when we're on the road. And I know you like the guy. It was one of the old original ones, the news reporter who was there for the death at the school and the bug flies in his mouth.

That will get the big man going. How's that guy doing just a fake voice? They're newscasters. They're all fake. They're all fucking. Ah, thanks. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Dude, he turns on it.

He gets real hood real quick. God damn bees. Pow. Oh, that's one of them. That's a home run. Oh, good stuff. This one, this happens a lot. All right, this is from Bozone, I guess.

Oh, Bozo, but it's B-E-A-U. Z-O-E. Bo. Zo. Like, yeah, that's my Bo. Bozo, that's real. Or his name's Bo. Maybe.

Maybe. Maybe. Long time homie here, never had a question read. And this is a couple, we'll run through them. Because they're all in that same room. Do you or does anyone in your family use the phrase blessing in the skies, which is really bad? It's a blessing in the skies, really.

In the skies, though. How about escape goat, irregardless and nip it in the butt? I still, I know it's bud, which I learned about a year ago, but I'll still say bud. It's nip it in the bud. I picture a little kid wearing going to nip them in the bud type thing, I don't know. Shut them up, what do you mean?

Yeah, just like, hey, fucking, you know, like a smack, I thought, to stop whatever he was doing. That was my logic, it's not good. Also, too, my sister thought it was played by year. Really? Yeah. I thought it was, what is it, flesh it out? Well, this, I think, can go either.

We've talked about, this is like a big fucking writing, let's flush it out or flush it out. I thought it was flesh it out, let's flush it out. Yeah, it's flesh it out, I think. Yeah, like, put some meat on it. Yeah, exactly, beef it up. Beef it up. Right, T-bone, what do you say?

Flesh it out. Flesh, like, flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood. Yeah, like, add, add, man. I'm about to baptize these motherfuckers over here. I came up with one the other day, I was telling Kippy, instead of saying allegedly, from now on, I'm going to say allegedly, like it's a legend. Who knows?

It's a legend. A legend. That's all trash. That's all fucking things your aunts would say, you know, or a dirtball cousin. Yeah, for sure. It's a blessing in disguise. You got to get up by a car, what are you talking about?

No, but they're saying blessing in the skies. Oh my god. Yeah, we know the term blessing in disguise. Which is trashy. To begin with. Yeah, that's somebody who's real hemmed up. Yeah. Well, I lost my fit, my fucking arm fell off.

It's a blessing in disguise. Like, no. The queen's not saying. Yeah, you're tanking over here is what's happening. You're trying to fucking put a positive spin on it. So they fired me and they threw me out. She left and took the kids, but really, it's a blessing in disguise.

Shout out to all the mommies out there. Otherwise, I wouldn't have found these good fellows at Buffalo Wild Wings. The other divorce dads, yeah. Can't be, let's talk about the good people at Mint Mobile. Mint Mobile. Yeah, don't act like you don't know them, love you. Don't act like you're not already a customer.

I'm a big Mint Mobile family over here. Huge Mint Mobile family over there at the Ryan household. 15 bucks a month, how do they do it? There's got to be a catch. Here's the thing, you're a bozo. There is no catch. Nope. They go right to you so they can pass the savings onto you.

Yeah, Mint Mobile's best offer of the year is here for a limited time by any three month plan and get three months for free. What? By going online, eliminating the traditional costs of retail, Mint Mobile passes significant savings onto you. Three months? That's bonkers.

How are we paying for this? Stop the show. Cutting out the middle man, like the big man said, my wife uses Mint Mobile has been for years, so it's just, it only makes it right that they are a sponsor. It's easy peasy. There's no contract. 15 bucks a month.

It's signed up. And it is. There's no hidden fees. It is legit $15 a month. So for a limited time by any three month Mint Mobile plan and get three months free by going to mintmobile.com slash garbage, that's mintmobile.com slash garbage. Cut your wireless, build a 15 bucks a month,

mintmobile.com slash garbage, do it. Helix mattresses, Helix mattresses, Helix mattresses. Yeah. You want to know what's great about them? What? You're not walking around some mattress store like an idiot. Nope. Tripping over things, not knowing what you're getting,

some shyster trying to lock you into some twin bed with probably, nope, bones in it or something. Sure. All right. You go to helix.com. You take the quiz. Two minutes. Two minutes you take the quiz, whether you sleep heavy,

you sleep light, you sleep hot, you sleep cold. Or if you sleep like a big fat pig like me, they still got you covered. Yeah, the good folks that over there at Helix were nice enough to send me and my lady one. We took the two minute quiz. We're a twilight. Twilight mattress family.

And we loved it so much, we just upgraded it to the king. Look at that. King size. Look at that. And so I used our promo code. I used our, to save a couple of bucks, plus we went our beaks on the back end. Sweet.

So just go to helixsleep.com. Just take the two minutes quiz. They'll match you with a customized mattress. Give you the best sleep of your life. I'm telling you guys, I love it. It was a game changer. 10-year warranty. Plus you get to try it out for 100 nights risk-free.

They'll even pick it up if you don't love it, but I'm telling you, you're going to love it. Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep.com slash garbage. One more time. Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners

at helixsleep.com slash garbage. Do it. This one's in the same realm. There's two. The same guy? No, different guy. But it's within sayings, right? This is from McBee.

When something doesn't scan at the grocery store, will you say, well, I guess it's free, huh? That's trash. We're in the trustee here. I'm going to be honest. I found myself doing that. I don't know why. It's like a dad joke.

As you get older, I don't know why. Do you steal it? What do you mean? Do you just put it in a thing? No, I'm saying when they're scanning it, and they're like, oh, it's not ringing up. I thought you meant I'm sticking self-check out. No, no, no.

Just kippy throws it in the bag. No, no. I'm an honest man. No, I don't. I give a hey, how are you? Good to see you. Thank you for everything. I'm not making small talk.

I try not to. They don't want to small talk with you. I know. And someone that's been on the other side of that, you know. You fucking hate people. Yeah. Shut up. It's the same thing with when there's an empty plate,

and you got to clear it from a table. I hated it. That did you? I know. This is from Will Campbell, a little projection there, I think. This is from Will Campbell. When you eat at a restaurant, will you say things like?

No. When the waiter comes over and asks for anything else, will you or any of your family members go, well, how about a million dollars? Oh, god. Here's a check. Here's a check. You can keep that.

OK. Oh, we got to pay for this? Fucking smash your head open. Fucking loser. If I got a couple in me, I'll have fun. Really? Who the fuck are you? You're not even paying.

Yes, I am. Now. Yeah, now. You paid for three dinners with your family. Oh, with my family. Was they involved in the? They have. I'm not paying for my family.

Really? You took the piece out to that Wildwood dump you took her to? When? You threw a couple of cheesesteak egg rolls and some Neesey wines in her. I don't think I did. You did. I remember you telling me you took.

And I paid? You bought the apps or something like that. No. No? No. They keep your fucking mouth shut. When a working man comes over to the table. Oh.

Fucking hear you. That just offended me so much. As someone who does all the work around here, as someone who's made your money, that's why I keep my mouth shut so much. What do you say? No, I don't have. I'm not like, I don't have, like, go two bits.

I don't have a, I don't have a closer for the fucking check. I walked up to the table one time. The apps are coming out. You're checking your notes. Yeah. I'm like, oh, you got to work on some new stuff early on in the meal. The main course hit it with the goods.

I do the sex stuff after dessert. I need a good bit for a Moscow mule, huh? Somebody. Hey, comrade. I had a fucking dickhead one. Two more. Yo, shout out to Benny down at Snakefest, who came up to me and goes, DeMarco?

Yeah, he's great. He's nuts. He comes up to me and goes, yo, you got any snake bits? And I was like, what? And I was like, no, dude. And he was like, we've been calling it Snakefest for the past two days, and I'm only doing snake material. And I've done about 20, and I'm all dry.

That's awesome. I'm gassed. He's a good hang. He's a great hang. He's a good ship. I had this one guy, the confidence when it's always an uncle or like, you know, a cousin. It's not the guy paying.

The guy paying, it's the mom, the dad, the kids, and like another couple. And you can just tell when you walk up, you know, this fucking jerk off isn't paying, and he's going to be a fucking asshole. I walked up to a table and he goes, I bet you know what's good here, fucking pussy. No, that guy's great.

Was it me? No, that guy's a good shit. He goes in there throwing heat. I said your wife. That dumb brood you're with. Brutal. Yeah, I know it is tough. I try not to do it, but it is a thing as I get older.

I don't know why. It's like that corny dad joke thing happens. I don't want to, but I guess like, are you a small talk guy, Kippy? I am not. Are you a small talk guy? I'm not. I hate it.

So if we don't get stuck in here in the elevator. No. I do have a couple of good elevator bits, so if you want to get into it. Penthouse, please. Not only is Kippy not a small talk guy, he knows how to weaponize it, because we were in Raleigh, North Carolina.

I'm getting into an Uber to go to the club, and Kippy's closed in the door, and the guy goes, what do you do? And Kippy goes, he's a comedian. You better not get fucking lippy with me. I'll make your ride a living hell, dude. He's a comedian, and he loves to chat. He loves talking to people.

Have at it. Hey, how are you? Thank you very much. Appreciate you keeping moving. Yeah, I don't like the small talk at all. I wish that, you know, I like barbers that don't really speak a whole bunch of English, because they don't ask you questions.

Shut up. It's like, dude, I didn't come here to fucking. If I would get it, if I'd been going to the same guy for fucking 30 years, I'd get that. You got your balls rubbing on my elbow, fucking. I kind of like that, of course. There's one dude where I go. I go to this place on 57th Street.

Thick piece? No, he's a new guy. Feels like he had a python wrapping around you. There's a snake bit. I shouldn't be able to tell he's on circumcised. From a fucking standard cut. From a standard cut. From a blowout, you know what I mean?

I'm not even getting my hair washed, you know what I mean? I shouldn't be able to tell you he's. How do you feel about that? Still got the hooded monk. How do I feel about what? How do you feel? Have you ever gotten your hair washed when you got a haircut?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, you do it. Well, there was this place with, I used to go on the Upper East Side when I worked over there. If you go to a salon. This was, yeah, so listen. It's nice. Barbershop.

Oh, I would never know. I would only do it if it was an attractive lady. OK. But I'm not having some fucking, I'm not having Charlie wash my hair, you know what I mean? Get the fuck out of here. Fucking sick breath blowing in my face. No fucking way.

Is Jane hanging down? That was a great King of Queens. Fuck, I can taste your cross. Get out of here. Did you ever see that King of Queens? They all go get their hair washed and it's a woman who's well endowed in a low cut shirt. And they all like it.

And then they got to, she was sick or whatever. And it's a guy with his chain. He's like, oh, so how long you've been working for IPS or whatever. But I used to go to this place on the Upper East Side when I worked over there. It was like 40 something bucks for a cut, which is pricey. Pricey.

45. But there you know you're getting a shampoo. Getting a shampoo, you would go in. It was these two Russian broads who were busted, but very nice. So it wasn't like an attractive thing. It wasn't like I was going to like ogle them or ogle them or whatever it is.

Did you choose that word specifically because they were Russian? What? Oogle or ogle? No. What's that word? That word is like you were ogling at them. Ogling at them.

I don't think that's right. It's ogling. Now I don't know. Either way, I don't like it because it sounds real Russian. Listen here, you red motherfucker. Ed Bozo is trying to start up some trouble. I would go and they would give me, they would pour you whiskey.

They're like, oh, you want a whiskey? I'm like, I sure do. Cup two tree Jamos on the rocks. Getting your hair cut. Well, what are you going to bed afterwards? Who's drinking whiskey when you're getting a haircut? I don't know. It was great.

It was like these two ladies ran a fine establishment. They would wash your hair. And then I would get my hair. They'd be like, oh, you want to wash your hair? And I'm like, no. Because I'm also very like, I don't want to put anybody out. Just give me the standard fucking. She's like, wash your hair.

It's dumb that they wash it before. Wash it after. Right. Get all that shit out of there. I know. But that's a shower. That way I can hit the club. I know.

I don't like doing that at all. I've done it a hand full of time. I need one now. We've discussed this in depth. It's the worst trash. You can do it right, though, if you fucking, you got to take a change of a shirt. Like if I was going to come here, get my hair cut.

I'm saying there's ways to mitigate the disgustiness of it. When they say to me, do you want a little product in there? I'm like, what am I, a fucking animal? No, I'm going to take a fucking shower. Every time I say, no, I'm going to go home and shower. I don't want your fucking barbershop gel from fucking 1983. I will take some of that. They hit it with a little depth.

I will take some of that Blue Gator ad you got sitting there with. Take the edge off a little bit. I'm a little dehydrated. Take a riptide rush in a fucking mustache comb. You brought that up those combs somewhere. And somebody commented on them. They said, my dad.

They know what I was talking about. It's like an oval. It's for your palm. Yeah. And it's got like a little, I don't know if it goes over your finger or something. Yeah. Yeah, back in the 80s, those things did not sell.

Yeah, they were always, they were always just sitting there. But it goes back to the place I go now. The guy, I got a revolving. There's like, it's a big spot. At any given time, there's about five or six guys in there, probably six. And I'll go to like three of them. All give me decent cuts.

And it's kind of whoever's available. Man, in this one time, not too long ago, a couple times ago, I went and it was a new guy. And he's got the full leather fucking apron. Like he's like a butcher. Dude, he's got like leather wristbands. All of his gear is gold. I see bartenders wearing that shit.

I'm like, this guy's going to fucking stink. And sure as shit, dude. He's got me all fucked up, like midway through. It's a dicey situation over there. Listen, when you walk in, you specifically, you need a guy with game seven face. Yeah, who'd be like, this is, this is, I'm here. This is what we play for.

I've got my 10,000 hours. I'm ready to paint my master piece. How are you feeling, any trouble at home? Yeah. You feel hydrated, you're focused. I know, I know. Take some of the Gatorade. Because one misstep.

I feel like every time I go, it's going to be the last one. Ruined you for a couple of weeks. I go, I might just, I might, he might be like, I'm done. I might have to go take it all off, dude. I've been thinking about that every day for like three years. But it's looking better the past couple of weeks. Oh, the money makes you more attractive. Come on.

That's the wallet stuff. I've seen you go real, when they go real high over the years on you. That's happened once or twice. Yeah. I was thinking about that today, because I was trimming up around my ears and I was going, oh, I need a haircut. But I was like, I'll go early.

But I'm like, I'm not going to shower. I don't want that. So I was going to go today. But at Jevresy 2, it's a bad look. It's usually a fat guy thing. Like if you would look very normal with it now, where they just go straight, like no sideburns, just like from the ear line over, and you're like, dude,

did your wife do this? What is happening? Couple of dads back in the 90s used to rock that, because there was a couple of baseball players that went no sideburns. Which is cool, though. They're young athletes. You look like a psycho.

You've got to have a little something. And you can always tell when you try to tighten it up at home, because the rest is heavy. I do that all the time. It's too clean around the ears. You're like, dude, it doesn't look the same. I haven't gotten a haircut in like six months. I never go anymore.

I just do a little trim over the years, and I said, keep it moved. Yeah. Well, you've got to want your long hair. Yeah. But like the no haircut haircut. Like if I just let this grow out, it would be like, you've got to fucking do something. I'm debating, since I start with the trainer December 1st,

buzzing it off, going full wrestling mode. Don't. Buzzing it all off. You don't look great. Well, what's OK? But here's the thing. I'm baking a cake. Why would I put the icing on the cake when the cake's not done?

Buzz it until I get out of fucking training camp. Listen, the math for you should not be dessert. Love it. Let's go. Shaved head fully. We'll get you to turn you into a bandana guy, headband guy. Let's fire it up. Well, like the car king on the fucking History Channel.

No, like Rambo, son. Ooh, OK. Rambo didn't have a shaved head. He had long hair. It was curly. It was gorgeous. I mean, what are we talking about? He was known for his hair.

That guy was kind of like Paul Pierce then. Who gives a fuck? I like a bandana on a guy, but I don't like when they use it when they when you cover. Double flap back. Oh, yeah. What are you, Peyton? What are you doing?

Yeah. Look, I got a beard. That's a tough one. Bad haircuts. Where'd this question start? I forget. Who wasn't? I don't even remember.

Oh, no. You asked if I was a small. Hey, the winning lottery numbers are a million dollars. The small talk. Oh, small talk. Ask me no waiter for stuff. And I would say, and then I said, I would pay. I would pay an extra $10 to be like, don't speak to me.

The whole Uber ride, the whole haircut, the whole nothing. That's a little dickheadish. You just, you know. No, I'm saying, don't do that because that's rude. But I'm saying if that was an option, hey, an extra $10, and you get the silent experience, I would sign up for that every time. The silent experience.

Yeah, real fun. Where's my father called at marriage? Because like they always. No. I have a feeling it wasn't always so silent over there at the household, to be honest with you. Dairy. Dairy.

God damn it, Patty. This one's bananas. This is from Christopher. Ever use a red or other colored cloth to cover a lampshade to set ambiance? It's dangerous. They can catch on fire. I know.

Trying to get your fuck on, no, yeah. Back in the day, you used to do that all the time. Never. I've never even thought of it. Plus, I like to keep the lighting at a certain degree. Dory. When the red dragon comes out. Pitch black or blacker.

Like the blue man group. Keep it dark in there. Spotlight only. Hey, what mood are you going for in the bedroom? Chilean mind, please. One of a hunt for a red October man myself. Keep it dark. Don't say a word.

They can hear you. No, I don't fuck with it. That's changed. Right? What? I remember in my 20s that when you would have sex, there would be music on. And there'd be light.

Yeah, there would be some kind of lighting. It'd be nice. Now the news is on. I mean, I don't. You make it sound like you're at someone else's house and they're watching the news. Like, now I don't have a choice. You're just in the Johnson's living room.

Do you make it romantic? No. What? Romantic. Put a little product in my hair. I'll do it before I put the Rogaine in. Don't touch me. I got my stuff in.

Not to hear. Kibbie pays extra for the silent experience. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I mean, mood. What mood? What am I doing, like rose petals? What the guy's talking about, putting a little thing

over the lampshade, getting a night, getting a sexy in there? No. No? Do you? Not now. I just told you no. But back in the day, I did. Yeah, but I think that's a younger thing.

Yeah? That's not a thing now. Although this one hotel I was staying in, they put it on Luther Vandra. And you could just like, for like three hours, they were playing like the greatest hits. In the room? But next to me.

And I was just like laying in bed while somebody was getting fucking first class tickets to Pound Town. They were going after it. Old school, too. Slow jams, Luther. Fully in the 90s, ready to go to Pound Town. And he was like, hey, let me hit the boom box. I get knocked out.

I was lying in the grass on Sunday morning of last week indulging in my doubt in me. It was good in the 90s, too, because there were quick songs. Now that's what I call fucking volume 11. 220, baby. 220. Play the hits. Let's go.

Hold on. I got to flip the tape. No, there was no flipping the tape. There was no flipping the tape. You got a Led Zeppelin song, fucking shit out of luck. I'm out before the intro. I make it before the post. KepiStamps.com, Stamps.com, Stamps.com.

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Eh. Kippy, you like a little dad grass? I like to dab on a little dad grass. Yeah, I like a little dad grass too. Remember when I was a kid, used to smoke so much weed. I was a kid. I was a kid.

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My belt is digging into my stomach right now. So fucking bad. It's fucking brutal. Why are you wearing a belt? I'm back on belts. I can, I can, I believe it or not? Well, it seems painful. So I'm saying, why don't you, you know,

just because you can doesn't mean you have to. Well, yeah, it's cause my fat gut hangs over, but I'm back in pants. I saw you're wearing jeans. Oh, you want to talk about how, how nice of a friend I am. Give me a pound. As much fucking shit as I catch. This is something.

For being mean to you. That you would never do. I couldn't believe you did it. I love you to death. I appreciate it. He was out of pure embarrassment. Ah, well, okay. I was trying to save myself.

We're about to go perform at a theater. We're backstage at the Gramercy Theater, KFC radio, doing a live podcast, KFC and Fidelberg. Fucking they murdered it. Fucking awesome place was packed. Unbelievable. These guys are the fucking best. But we were doing a little thing on there

and I just started wearing, I fit in in my lucky jeans that I bought at DXL, maybe like six months ago. I bought them and I didn't fit in them. But it's not like anything dramatic, but they fit. Sure. They get that button and it's fucking stuck. But they're long.

They're too long. So I rolled them up like Kippy does, but mine were looking terrible. What's up I can crush for in the comments last week. And I actually, don't listen to them. I'm not listening to these bozos. I mean, I was on the Patreon show or not YouTube bozos. From your knees down, you're pretty attractive.

I'm not gonna lie. Especially when you got the foot in the ankle. Your eyebrows up, you're doing okay. That's my bet. But they look stupid and there was no way. This is literally how big the cuff was. It was that big, but also like two inches fat. And I was just like, dude, I'm like, hey man.

He goes, how did these look gonna go? I gotta be honest with you. Not great. You know what I mean? But we're in triage mode here. We're about to go out. There's not much, we can't get you new pair of pants. They don't look good.

He's like, you gotta fix them. I can't. Yeah, he couldn't. And I was like, would you? Physically fix them. And he got down on his knees and fucking fixed my pants. I'm about to start crying. I love you, buddy.

It's the belt, I think. It's really cutting me. Take it off. I can't. What do you mean you can't? It's a pain in the ass. It's a fact I belt. And you have to like bend it a certain way.

It's fucking. There's lasers involved. Union rules. I need a couple of stage hands up here. Give me a couple of team stairs. Let's see. Those guys back on the job yet? Or what?

Do you find Hoffa yet? I need three good guys. Hey, I heard you paint belts. I heard you buckle belts. Oh God. Kid hit me up. Josh. He's got Josh hit me up.

Sure. Started out 600. He hit me up. I told him. 20 pounds. To hit you up. Dude, he hit me up. I said, buddy, I'm trying my best.

He shred it. Yeah. Shred it. I know. I couldn't believe it was the same guy. Yeah. Pretty good. Shout out to Josh.

You getting Chipotle? What are we doing? Send me a nice message. It was awesome. 620. That last. That last. That also gave me the idea that I got a little wiggle.

I knew that's what you. This guy's six. I got two more. I got two more bills to go. What a ride that would be. I would quit, I think. You would quit? Yeah.

That's discrimination against fat people. That wasn't a word. Discrimination. This guy's discriminating against it. You and your mean ending a ditch. Irrigation, anybody? All right. Back to the cues.

No, hold on. What was I going to say? Oh, that last Fat Court phase two on Patreon that just dropped, or at this point probably two a week or two ago, really hit a lot of people. Yeah. A lot of messages. And I said, send them to the big man.

Go to the big man. Yeah. Let him, though. December 1st, we're starting. Back in training. McRib's coming back. God damn it, it is back. Got a real good vibe from the trainer, too.

Good looking kid. I know. I saw the pics. Yeah. I'm going to see if maybe I'm going to talk to him. Maybe we could do a little something. This is all Patreon stuff. What are we doing?

Just talking about it. Yeah, I don't have a good time. It's just all Patreon stuff. Luckily, we don't teach, you know, whatever. All right. This one's from TJ, while we're talking about the McRib. Love it, TJ. Ever pooping at McDonald's.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. They have the private quarters. McDonald's bathroom ain't nothing to shake us. Depends where you're at. They got corporate rules. Every 20 minutes, they got to send somebody in there.

Yeah, but they're not always fucking up to snuff. And usually, the person that they have on that detail, that's their only detail. But same guy moves the bags and stuff. I understand. But also, New York ones depends on what neighborhood you're in. Sure. If you go to one and like fucking around here,

there's one over there on fucking. The West 4th Street one. It was unbelievable. Good? Terrible. Yeah. There was one in the East Village that like, it was one of my proper low, like a low point in my life

was we were fucking super struggling. You're changing? Seven years ago, I was changing at the East, the one on the East Village on like 14th and 1st or whatever. And that place was a war zone. Yeah, I remember shaving in a Chipotle in the East Village in between auditions. 31 extra meter or not.

You were in line. But I was changing and I had to shit at the same time. And there was like people banging on the door. They don't care. It was like that scene from a pursuit and happiness where they were fucking pursuit of happiness where they were going after them. Ball pits are trash.

I've never been in one. Ever? Ever. As a kid? No. That doesn't make sense. It hadn't taken yet. It hadn't taken by the time I was growing up.

You've never been in a ball pit. I've never been in a ball pit. Oh, I know what we're doing for our next Patreon goal. Turning this place into a ball pit. I'm not going in one. Ooh, all right. Yeah, you can buy those balls. That I'd be interested in.

I don't know. I mean, sure. Put sand in here. It's got to be tough to ship those things, right? Fucking Bezos will send them. You can buy them. I know you can buy them because my cousin had like a recessed living room.

He bought this old house and had like a recessed like little conversation pit or something. And his kids were literally like, I'm just going to fill it with fucking ball. He didn't, but he had sourced it. Yeah, I'm like, that's pretty fucking cool. That's cool. That's a cool dad.

Cool dad of the year right there. It's nice. 200 ball pit balls at 27 bucks a clip. We can fill this thing up for like couple hundred bucks. Per ball? No, for 200 balls, but that's not a lot. That's probably like the table. If that, it will cost thousands of dollars to fill this room.

Or we'd have to build a pin and then do that. Maybe we just put like a fence up around here and put the table in one. That's what we're doing. No, if we ever. We're broadcasting from the ball pit. If we were ever spending money, the one thing I would want in here, dunk tank.

That would be fun. Have Toby in a dunk tank every time. Every time he bombs, we get to throw a ball at him. Whoa. Now we're talking. Are you guys familiar with the milkshake of death? Were you poisoning us in a couple of weeks? Yeah, right?

No, no, it's like it's like a. It's always skater die with this kid. I know. It's like a, it's like a bit where, you know, you have a bunch of gross stuff and you put it in a blender and then you have like a competition. Loser has to drink the gross stuff, right? I did that.

I didn't know that's what it was called. But we did it as kids. Yeah. Like sleepovers and stuff. Did you? As like, if you lost in a video games, you had to drink the concoction that somebody did. Fuck that.

I've always wanted to do ball pit or dunk tank of death, where you just. Piranhas? We're talking. Yeah. Well, you just filled up with the nastiest shit you can find tuna, mayo, whatever. And then loser gets dunked in the dunk tank of death.

This guy's so extreme. Hey, lay off the mountain dew, will you, T-bone? Fun kid in high school, I bet, though. Yeah. So if there's any rad podcast out there that are trying to. That are looking to hang 10. You got to make your kids a tuna later, and you go. Get out of here.

Both of them. Dunk tank of death. Those are for like fundraisers and stuff like that. Pull it back a little bit, kid. Have a piece of funnel cake, will you? I'm from the internet generation. I'm here to get bonked, dude. Duby Dobrik.

What's his real name? Dewey. No. Dewey. David Dobrik. David Dewey Dobrik. We're going to throw my buddy off a bulldozer. Hey, I'm going to meme somebody.

That dude got fucked off, dude. All right, let's see here. What else do we got? This is when Christian haven't had one red on the air yet. Do you or anyone in your family have wild plants or weeds growing in the gutter from lack of cleaning? The gutter on the house? That happens a lot.

What? Yeah, because it's all water. It's like old castles when the king dies. Don't forget, clean my gutter. And the Vikings take over. As he's getting stabbed. That's like gray garden shit. What?

No, never. No, for sure. Patty Foley? No, she invests in her property. What have I? No, but I've seen it a bunch where if there's like a tree over like the garot that hangs over, all that, like the seeds and all the dirt and everything,

it just like it fucking. Especially if you don't. I'm not saying. They would have my fat ass up on that ladder on a Sunday quicker than I can shake a stick. You collapse like the guy on the perfect. Ah! Ah!

How do you guys feel about the gutter guards? We were talking about that with Chrissy D. Yeah. Yeah, you got to do, you got to do, I used to sell them. And they're all pretty much bullshit, right? Like the self cleaning or whatever. It's like, they're all going to get clogged. And they're fucking.

You got to clean your gutters. That's it. And they're fucking expensive. Pay someone to come over twice a year or whatever. Get up. You shouldn't be out there climbing on a fucking ladder. You shouldn't be doing it yourself unless you're handy. And if you've got a chimney, make sure you get that cleaned

out every year. If you're like a construction worker or whatever and you know what you're doing, sure. If you're a real man. Yeah, but you shouldn't be fucking climbing up like hanging on the side of a house to say 400 bucks or whatever. Pay a handyman to come do that. Drop the keys.

I'm not a big ladder guy either. Really? No. Don't like it. Don't like heights. Don't like sharks. You don't like weight limits either. Yeah.

I didn't want to go up on that ladder anyway. Yeah. Keep your shirt on when you'd go on a ladder. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. All right, this one's for a Misty. Misty. Never had a question yet, Red. And this one is a, I read it as a thinker.

How many Facebook accounts do you have or have you had? Oh my god. If you have more than one, you're crazy. That's what I'm saying. It's either. Well, as a comedian or like an artist. To have a page or whatever. Yeah.

Of course. But I'm saying just a straight Facebook profile. Because my mom's had a couple. Because of stalking purposes? Well, this is what I'm saying. There's a couple of reasons. It's either stalking purposes, which means you're a fucking hardcore creepo.

Or. Hardcore magnapropaganda. You're posting some things that you're getting booted and you're starting another one. Either way, it's not a fantastic look. Dude. My mom looks like a serial killer on Facebook. No picture.

And the worst English you would ever see. Looks great. No period. Space, space, space, space, love you. Space, space, space. Yeah. There was one not that long ago. Looks great.

Beautiful children. She was going to eat them. I cannot wait to have them for dinner. Yeah. It's tough. Then no picture. Denise is on there. It's all kids.

It's all kids look great. Couple of misspellings here and there. Whatever. Not great punctuation. Same thing. These broads are getting old. Cookie. You know what I mean?

They're losing it. And they don't give a shit. They don't know what's happening. I'm not going to give a fuck. I don't care. Yeah. My dad is the greatest Instagram of all time. The caption is just exactly what the photo is.

It'll be like a rainbow over a building, and it'll be like a nice rainbow over a building. They just don't get social media. They just don't get it. They don't. My mom shares everything. Everything. Things that have been shared 10,000 times.

Shares it. She get caught up in the, if you share this, the money will come in your hands. I think we've talked about this recently. Yeah. She's big chain letter, bro. Really? Yeah.

Damn. Yeah. That, and I'll pray for you. It's like the same thing to her. You know what I mean? She thinks if you're, you know, I also don't think she knows what Facebook is. Remember for a while, they did the thing.

Like, if this doesn't get, it'd be like some veteran from World War I. Yeah. Like sitting in a wheelchair. His fucking face is half falling off. Glasses are on sideways. And there'd be some attention seeking fucking asshole standing next to him and they got him holding up a sign.

If this gets a million likes, I'll, you know, whatever. Yeah. Yeah, that's bad. But one Facebook account, that's it. Unless you get locked out or something, maybe a glitch, but you shouldn't be operating where you need multiple. Either you're super fucking creepy or, you know, pull it back with the political stuff.

Now my space on the other hand, that was the Wild West. Yeah. I mean, that was international waters. We came to, I mean, Facebook got big when my freshman year of college. The kids were all doing it. That's when it hit. Like that was when you were like,

I didn't know what it was till I got the freshman year of college. And they were like, I'll find you on Facebook. That's when it was just kids on there. It was just college kids. It was just, you had to have .edu and it wasn't even all schools. It was just like most schools.

And then they allowed community colleges. I remember we were being like, what the fuck is this? Talk about the beginning and the end. And I remember this kid joined who like had no, who didn't even apply to go to school. You know what I mean? I was like, this guy's guy. I'm like, I'm out.

We've jumped the shark type thing. There used to be a cool little club. You know what I mean? You were like, oh, this is a thing. You never went to community college, right? What? No, did you? Yeah.

Fuck yeah. Monco? Oh yeah. And look at you, you're a business owner. I am a businessman. Get yourself a kippy. Almost international, no shit. You'll be an international businessman.

That was my major, finally a kippy. If I text you to tell you to retweet the link while you're in France. Yeah? International businessman. There you go. Conducting business, two different continents. Right there, like that, boom, baguette, now.

On your MySpace page, did you have a song that would auto play? Didn't have MySpace, never did. I heard some kid, a guy talking about it when I was in senior year. And I'm like, that sounds wildly fucking corny, kick rocks. I heard you had animated gifs of like dollar signs and shit. No, that was my music platform.

It was MySpace, my songs are up there. Find it, T-Bone, it's still there. I would put them up. It's still there. On a regular basis. I remember this girl from high school hit me up. It was all new to us. This girl from high school hit me up.

And I was like, yeah, the record label did that, put it together, real fucking douchebag. You said the record label did that. Why did she hit you up? Hey, it looks good or like... Yeah, and like, you know, we would go... Are you used it as an out of? Like, I don't know what they're doing.

Yeah, exactly. That was the team. Yeah, exactly. Try to look cool, try to look cool. Try to fucking bang this broad. What do you want from me? Fucking young kid. Put a napkin over the lamp.

He got you something for him. So you're gonna do the promo things that I did on the iMac. Did you find it? Toby found it. I don't think the songs will play. Yeah. You love the glory days. I thought I was doing it.

My space as a little, you know, community back and forth. Did you get any, anything pop from there, you know? What happened? Did you make any good connections? Oh, they won't play. Yeah, they won't play. Yeah, they won't play. Copyright infringement, Toby.

I don't want you downloading it. Put it on your tic-tac old school. I don't know, senior class trip is pretty bumping. 181 plays. Woo, 15 years. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Holy shit. You'll be on the charts in no time.

I thought Timberlake was bringing that back. I could have a whole new career. What, my space? Yeah, wasn't he? I don't know. Wasn't he doing that? One of those nerds was. Man.

You also do, you used to do some really wonky shit on YouTube too when I first met you. Oh, yeah. Man. I was trying. What do you want from me? I know. You had the biggest door care cut.

I remember. It was like a mullet. I thought it looked cool. I know. You think a lot of things look cool? Yeah. That's kind of your, you know. Yeah.

That's your cross to bear. That's my thing. But I remember genuinely thinking, I thought you were cool when I met you. And then I saw your YouTube page and I was like, this is that? I was like, oh, I got to rethink it. Where are you? You're locked in with me now, dickhead.

Tough break, bozo. Now I'm bringing him back. What do you got? You got some play? No, it's not going to play. Spin the record, kid. I won't play. It's all there, but it's like you don't have any profile

pictures or anything. It seems like it was deleted, but it's still up somehow. Yeah, there's no picks up there. There was one. There was like a picture of me going like that. You thought you were, yeah. That I like characterized it H-foli on it. Yeah, I was a fucking loser.

I don't know. What do you want from me? Pretty cool now. In my medical belt. Yeah, in my prescription belt I have on. My orthopedic reversible belt. Oh my god. It's fat on both sides.

Now that's a good piece of business right there. We're tanking. That's great. Let's do one at two morning. Get up out of here. Let's do it, baby. This one's just. That question's just epic, I tell you, give out questions.

We've covered this a bunch. This one, the way, it's just funny. So from Kyle, homie hasn't had a question answer, question read. What's the most garbage vehicle you can take to, hold on. Let me start over. What is the most garbage vehicle you can take to prom and why is it the short bus that I took?

That is a bad look. Did they rent it? I don't know. Oh my god. Either, if you rented it, it's bad. Any school provided transportation is terrible. But you guys shit on me. You and Reggie shit on me for driving myself.

I took my mom's car. Yeah. We cleaned it and all. So it was a white Nissan Maxim. It was hot. Took it to prom. It was on acid at the time, but still. That's not cool.

No, that's what limousines are for, are for prom. Dude, you get, it's like 30 bucks. You win 38 kids all pile into a fucking navigator that has bad shocks. A bus is a tough look. A school, a yellow school, a party bus is all right. You know what I always thought was pretty trashy in a weird way?

You're going to disagree with me on it because I guarantee I would say 99.9% of your family that's gotten married, especially our generation, definitely had one of these. I know what you're saying. Because I know every single person in Philly is big, got them, the trolley, trash. I don't think so.

Over it. Absolute trash. Party trolley? What? The driver was always a weirdo. Sure. And it was always like my cousins, like the groom's buddies from college.

They were like a little, these guys are fucking asshole. Dude, you genuinely don't like anybody. It's crazy. Is that true? Thanks for having fun. I don't like the driver of the fucking trolley. How many of you have been on? One.

OK, the drivers were always this. This is the age, holy fucking. I've done one thing once and I now hate every. And look, it's always your cousin's buddies from college who are probably good guys. They're cool. And they're always hanging out, having drinks. I get it.

What's the other way? I was into my music back then. I'm sorry. Yeah. Hey, guys, have you heard of what my record label made for me on MySpace? You should check it out. I got something calling.

I got a new something brewing called Senior Skip Day. It's a real doozy. It's about Lisa. Lisa J broke my heart. Jever meter. Bitch! Dumb broad. Anyway, this driver seems like a dork, huh?

Meanwhile, I have a mullet and I'm 33 and I think it's cool. I remember I got drunk at a wedding one time when I was in that phase and I thought I was going to be like a rock star. Drunk at a wedding. Is there any rock star fantasy left? Dude, the goddamn comedy jam. That's all I think about.

I know what I'm saying. Do you think? When I'm listening to a song, I pick, dude, I fucking love those guys. But that's proper fantasy. I get that. But I'm saying that's fantasy. Is there anything of you being like,

I'm going to dust off the guitar and get back at it? And sunny day my way out of here? No, it's not sunny day. I still think I should maybe do something within to the night. Me and Tommy were talking about me making a music video. But we're going to see what kind of funding we can get. We're going to have a pitch meeting with you. Well, I'll save everybody 12 seconds.

No. I'll get it. I'll save everybody 12 seconds. Wait, I will admit one of the doucheiest things I've ever done in my life. Oh, god. I want to know what you think it is. Because I got about 44 yet.

I was at a wedding. I think I was living in North Carolina at the time. And I came up for a wedding or something like that. I was dancing with my aunt. I was fucking drunk as shit. And I was like, I don't want you to worry about anything. I'm going to put all the kids through college. Oh, my god.

My husband was like a vice president at the time. Her husband. Yeah. Yeah. It was probably worth about two tree miles. Yeah. At the wedding, did not have a gift and got so drunk that I started crying in the car on the way home.

It had to be one of my dad's lowest points. Was watching you. Oh, dude. What set you off? Who knows? I don't know. Fucking 19 fucking yinglings. I don't know.

This next one goes out to Lisa. It's called Pizza Day. It's called fucking. It's called Sack Lunch. Shut up, the Sack Lunch. Brilliant movie. Yeah. Yeah, I sucked.

I don't even tell you. You didn't suck. You were a dork, for sure. You always had delusions of grandeur. Sure. I'm going to put. That's what amazes me most about you. I meant it, though.

And that was something that I was going to do. I'm not discreet. This isn't shitting on you by any means. Well, I mean, I'm publicly making fun of you, for sure. Hey, let's get this clear. I want to go on record. I'm making fun of you. But it's more of an analyzation that I see.

You've always, you want it to be the hero, always. Listen, not even that. When, in fact, you're a born villain. Does the Joker know he's a bad guy? No, I always had. No. No, I always had. I always, like, I'm going to put all the grandkids

through college. No one thinks like that, dude. Nobody. Nobody thinks like that except you. I always had a sense of family pride. I want to be the one who's going to do it. Meanwhile, your brother hates you. Who was killing it on Wall Street.

Yeah, me. He was dragging me around. Yeah, meanwhile, you were doing a fucking student film in North Carolina. Listen, he's closing deals on the exchange. Kid was hot back then. Wait till senior class trip. It's 182 plays.

I'm really going to cash in. That poor kid. My brother dealing with me. Same with my brother dealing with me. No. Singer, singer, songwriter, New York City. Oh, dude, my brother was like, what the fuck is this kid doing?

I've seen. I can see it. Yeah, he's just he's spent on you. Oh, yeah. Yeah, just because I'm getting there as well. Oh, you're getting there with him. I'm going to be in like in six. Listen, if we weren't about to go on vacation,

I'd be your brother in about four days. Just cold and dead to you. Yeah, hey. Everybody a good time. But I got T-Bone. I think I got a couple of weeks with him. You probably got about three years left in T-Bone. Yeah, T-Bone's good.

Everybody else you've gone to the well on. Yeah, I can sense when he gives me what I want. T-Bone. Yeah, when I get to open up my, me and him are a little side chats. Sure. You know what I mean? I get to open up a little crazy on him.

So it's nice. Yeah, it's good. We got a very dysfunctional family working here. But it's working. That's the way we like it. And we love you guys. And we appreciate you. And I'll tell you what?

What? We'll see you next week. Poo! Peace.