Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Memory Lane with Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: January 3, 2022

Go watch the special: https://youtu.be/jStGYCXXHXA Kippy and Foley take a stroll down memory lane. Thanks for listening & happy new year. Love youse guys.  2022 Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://www.DADGRASS.COM/GARBAGE https://www.BlackBuffalo.com Promo Code: GARBAGE  Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Gang, Christmas came early this year because the Are You Garbage Special is on YouTube right now. Yeah guys, go share with your friends, hit them up in the group chat, tell people who aren't familiar with the show, this is a perfect way to introduce them, check it out, it's a good time, a lot of laughs, thanks for watching! Love ya. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast, this is Are You Garbage. Sure is.

It's a little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they're going to be classy or just a big old piece of shit. Yep. I'm your host H. Foley coming at you on a beautiful day down here in Aunt Toody's basement. She is off to Florida. Oh really? Spring training. Okay. Pitchers and catchers.

She wants to get there early, beat the other broads out. Reports early. Yeah. She gets knocked up. There you go. Then we got some fucking MLB money coming in. Not to share. Yeah, you're keeping that.

Staying at right now. Closer cash. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. So you know what that means? It's a family episode. We're going to be answering your questions. He is an international businessman. He is Abraham Lincoln to me as far as I am concerned.

I love him. You're a vampire. That's KJ. Hey gang. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe over there in the iTunes even though it don't matter. Trapper review.

Tell them we should. Tell them can't be sent yet. Full video available on YouTube. As you know those numbers are. True to rave. Cooking daddy. And why are they cooking? Why or why are they cooking?

I have sir. Who? Anybody from the audience want to? Anybody in the back? I'm right here. I'm right here. Are you garbage special? The fat gentleman in the front.

Ken bones in the front. Are you garbage comedy special? Out there on YouTube. Yeah. Cooking. Cooking. Doing good nonbies. Happy with the nonbies.

Streaming now. Streaming now streaming. It's nice. That's pretty good. Put that in the little clip, the little trailer. Streaming now. Now streaming. Pretty good.

Yeah. And obviously patreon.com. Of course. I don't know. Some of you. I mean obviously not everybody's well versed on Patreon. I would say if you're not. My parents looking at me like I'm an alien.

My Patreon. I would say if you're not. Just check out the landing page. Pop over there. Start seeing. Pop over there. The episodes. How many nonbies that we're doing.

It's a good product they got. There's a lot of good content over there. Hundreds of hours of content. Millions. Millions. Trillions. Millions. Yeah.

So much. You'd never get through it. Yeah. You'll never. If you watch it all. No you will get through it. How about a nice quick shout out to our producer. Shortener than magic man.

Talking about the smash. Makes us all look good. Very talented individuals. We're in sweatpants and dress shoes right now. T-Bone McScroffins. Toby. McMullen. No brother.

Tensions in the studio running high after a little lunch. Our viewing party. Yeah. Watching the old stuff. We watch each other's old sketches. Let me tell you. They all suck ass. It wasn't good.

That kippy is wild. It wasn't as bad as that lunch you recommended. That's the last time you get to recommend lunch. You won't pick lunch. Jesus Christ. I crumb. What the Jersey mikes. Will you knock it off.

I know. I picked one place. That's nine places. So I don't feel like I'm playing here. That's weird. That's lame. That's futuristic shit. Yeah.

They opened up like a. There's no Buffalo Wild Wings over there. I'll tell you that right now. Where the TV's. Huh. The TV's. What do you mean? There's no Buffalo Wild Wings over there.

Jesus. I'm still doing it for a bit. Yes. Oh I don't understand. These are why the sketches weren't good back in the day. Yeah. You were acting at them. I can't stop.

It's just that I'm doing everything in a British accent. If we do that on Patreon maybe release those old eps those old sketches. Maybe. Listen. Some of them. I would. They're all very, very bad. We look.

Not good. We were trying. We tried. We were trying. I mean this is also we're one two years into comedy. One two years. You were about four or five. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just had a grad school. It was. It was a. Some of them are tough. The ones that I completely even forgot we ever spent like weeks on. Weeks, months, arguments, fighting, screaming, thinking that this was going to get us over

the top. That was the saddest thing. Every detail. Was it the saddest thing or is that the mentality that you need? Looking back the saddest thing to me was like we did you know we did a video for a blog around Philly and I remember I was we were thinking like man it just goes well. You came in and pitched that to me. What's that?

I pitched it to you. You would flip. You would flip. There we go. You would flip. Ask for a sit down with me and Cotton at the Raven before the Raven was like five, six o'clock and you guys pitched us the idea. I'm not.

Listen, I'm not going to say a conversation didn't happen back at my dad, Kippy Ryan pitching me. Believe this. Now I work for this fucking guy. What the fuck? He's going to be my backup dancer, belly side of my checks. Yeah. You only got 5% bozo.

Welcome to chess records, idiot. Sure, Mr. H. I thought I was running things all this time. Hey. Turns out the computer wouldn't even plugged in. Toby punching on me in perpetuity. All right. Those little words will save your life. Big man's out.

Listen, I wouldn't say I pitched you. It wasn't like we were out front like going over our lines. It wasn't fucking Shark Tank. Okay. This is the best I'm going to do for you. I'm going to put about $10 off you now. Retainer. For 400% of the company.

You're out front looking at flip. Don't fuck me in there. All right. We want to go with Cuban, but we'll take Foley if we get him. Obviously we want to deal with Cuban, but you got matching shirts on. Hey, sharks. I'm sweating. Hey, whales.

No, we shouldn't post the sketches whale tank. It's Foley's bedroom. We shouldn't post the sketches on Patreon. What we should do is like a director's commentary. We sit down and watch them and we put them up on the screen so that people can watch along with you guys and then you guys break down how they were done. Oh, tell you about the madness behind it. I don't mind that.

That's pretty good. That would be major chicken sandwiches though. That would be the same. That would have to be, we'd have to change names and shit like that. That wouldn't be every level either. That would be reserved for. Really? Do it as an episode of Heart Feelings.

Maybe 10 or 20. It would be at least the, I mean, dude, we have such a small percentage of the people are $5 patrons. So it's like, I mean, 90% of the patrons are the $10 level. I don't know. There's just a lot of scouts. Could play a fun game was fully yacked up the night before filming. Oh man, you, the fact that you think I pitched you really bothers me.

That's, we're going to talk about that all fair for sure. You can't be rewriting history. I'm not rewriting history. The revisionist history you got over there. I make it sound like the Japanese surrendering flip right in. If that happened, I had a corn cob pipe in my mouth. I wouldn't say we, we didn't pin. You guys came in before you guys, you, you said, Hey, we want to talk to you this week

when you guys have time. We made some time. You have time. How busy were you? I was running a show. It was an open mic that you would bomb on. We had a DJ. Yeah.

It was cotton. What are you talking about? A lot of Wale. I like Wale. I like Wale. Big man did love Wale. I loved him. But that, man, that's probably, that's probably hidden, right?

What? I think I lost the pan. I lost the password to access all of those videos, I think. Yeah. And the only person that could get them was cotton. Like I needed his number, like to authenticate it was him. I think with down with your aunt's biscuit recipe, ain't nobody getting that. So, I don't think we, I don't know.

I can get some of them, I think. Flip worked for the, for the place. Flip worked for this blog. And he said, Hey, I'm in charge of making this commercial. Like, yeah, like making, like he was in charge of the website of like getting people to the website. But he only made one video. I didn't think that was going to drive traffic.

Just set it and forget it. One video, one video with three absolute nobodies, like that, like they were going to break the internet or something. I knew what the company thought when they watched that. Well, like the thing, if I remember correctly, and what the company, the blog was just like a thing. And it like, it wasn't like a front for Budweiser or something like that. I mean, that's everybody relaxed.

Chicken fucking sandwich. What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? Toby, Clippy, Clippy.

Clippy, Clippy. Yeah. Toby. What are you doing? What are you doing? Shut up to our good pal, Collie T. That was a specific choice you made in that scene. Let me do it again.

This time, Scottish. Yeah. And the idea was like, we'll make a video. And the video was around Philly. Like it was like Philly, not Jersey. This is hyper specific. In Jersey. Oh my God.

How the fuck was anybody supposed to get that? I never realized that. It was for like nine people. So Philly. Jersey, you can't pump your own gas. It's all full-serve. But at that time, Jersey sure was hitting hard and was like the fist pumping. Right.

Go to the club, you fist pump. So the premise of the sketch was these two guys from Jersey made you pull up to a gas station. Honk the horn. Honk the horn. We got disco music playing or whatever it was. Yes. Techno.

Techno. You're so old, dude. So there we go. That bellbottom's on. I'm all yacked up. I'm yacked up for sure. We were on our way to see a talkie. We got disco on.

Whatever it was. And we were all guidoed up. Yeah. And we started beeping the horn like, where's the service? They don't cotton points to the self-service. And then I go and I put the gas in like the trunk. No, we can't figure out where to put the gas. And it's like we're putting it like, I'm like looking in the trunk.

I'm looking under the hood. I'm under the seat. We can't find it. Then we find out where it goes. We think we do. And it's the muffler. I put it in the muffler. And like the thing is like I put gas up the muffler.

The latest smoke and the place blows up. And the whole place blows up. Yeah. And it's like we, Philly, we pump our gas, not our fists. What was the writing process on this four or five years? It was in rewrites for a while. I got to be honest with you. Yeah.

We won Sundance, though. Sorkin did the original draft. It was a little wordy, for my taste, but he did take a run at it. Zemeckis turned it down. But that's, and we like the, that was the first thing we worked on together. Yeah. We weren't even friends, really. I mean, no, I mean, we weren't.

Asked me to be your best man that day. Philly, can I have any last name? That fully was your first name. Well, you're going to have to pitch me on this thing. We're going to talk about that for sure. Listen here. I've never pitched you for anything. Get it out there.

The answer for my help. You said you want to collaborate as equal partners. Okay. Collaborate. Fine. Collaborate. You pitched me the idea. Here's, here's sitting down.

You're going to the sit down bullies eating chicken tenders from another table. You've always come into my business. Excuse me, man. I'm holding like a cigarette. This is a write-off, right? It was a fun day. But that was probably. It's funny because that's where like the stress and the, all that stuff.

We cared so much. So much. And like that's, that's what I'm saying. When you guys were, when we were watching those videos just now, it really took me back to a place in my stomach. That's why I wasn't really partaking with you. Cause I literally got trans planted back to a place that wasn't like scared. Like I didn't feel that in my stomach of like, this is going to be big.

This gas pump video is going to be big for us. So like that thinking of the next thing, and maybe if we do this one, it'll lead to that one. And then this thing and that. And it was just like. Which theoretically. Once I lost all creative control, it seemed to work out.

I think that feeling in your stomach was the party sub game. Porky. Yeah, I was the fat one. It's crazy. Me and Cotton were fat. He was doing all right back then. Yeah. He was all right as a good kid.

His hair. I like your hair better now. Way better than back then. It was too long and there was too much of it. I went from having too much. It's not enough. You know, weird ways. There was one thing you would have ripped up teddy bear on your head.

Now you have like, I told you it's kind of sexy. Bruce Willis kind of vibe. I'm listening. What are you pitching me on? I'm about to pitch a tent. But like you keep it. You weren't cutting it like that. No.

Plus your head was like in different shape. I don't know if the plates had set yet. I was still in a soft spot. His head was like the pain. Don't touch him at the top of the head. His head was like the pangea. Still shifting and cooling. Before the meteor that killed the dinosaurs.

Every time he has a thought. That's how old my head is. My bottom up from the neck down. I'm 35. Paleolithic period. What? No, my hair. I've always not obviously my hairline's thinning.

That's not that. But my hair, I've said this, my hair is very thick. It's like doll's hair. My buddy, it's like really thin. It was too weird back then. It was long and thick. There was a lot of it. I didn't have a receding hairline.

And I didn't, product wasn't a thing. You had real crooked cop vibes. Yeah, I'm listening. Yeah. But like low level. Like you shake that like a falafel stand. Like a donut shop or something. Yeah.

I want three glazed now. Every month on the 31st. Deliver it to this address. Yeah, my hair was bad. My hair was tough. I was very overweight. Yeah, that was it. That was about it.

A lot of burnies. I was, I think if I stayed in Philly, I would have. I wouldn't want to see my, I mean, I moved to New York. I moved to New York. I ended up losing a bunch of weight. Got a nice dame, locked it down, quit burnies for a long time. You know, I got my shit together.

If I was in Philly, I would be just like, I'd be, I would be the size of you if I was in Philly. I would be this, I would be the size of a house. So what if I was still in Philly? You would probably be small. Maybe cutting you out of a window. Yeah. Fire department would have to come.

I don't know. But you were, you were doing all right in Philly. Yeah. Size what? Like, you know, you were just like regular chubby. Yeah. Was it? Husky boy.

Husky. You're a husky boy. Sure. Confused, lost, scared, worried. Man, they were dire times. Dark times. Years, years of misery. Self-imposed.

Uh-huh. I also, too, remember like, this is, well, trip down memory lane. But then when we were in New York, we were just talking about, we were doing shows at the Village Lantern. Uh-huh. Those days of like, those days were wild to me

because success was like, it sounds so corny, but it was so close. Like, tangible. Like, you were like, doing shows with people and like, We weren't close to success, but it was around us. Yes. And you're like, oh, there's fucking whatever. Dan Soder.

So like, it's something or, you know, Yanni or somebody like. This age is this manager, this owner. This owner. Ba, ba, ba. But so, I remember being like, there's no way. I remember sitting there like, doing the math. I'm like, okay, cool.

I made $500 this year doing comedy or something. I bet. Grossed. You know what I mean? Not even net. And I'm like, how am I going to turn this into a viable living? Like, because I was getting serious with the lady, you know, and we were flying back and forth and stuff.

I had a good day job that was paying all the bills. I'm like, for like the- But you were miserable. Oh, God. And just being like, how the fuck am I going to make the turn? How am I going to make as much as I make now ever in comedy? Like, I'm like, it's at that rate, pre-pandemic, it was impossible to wrap my head around that.

Impossible. Just start making fun of a fat guy. Two years ago, my goal was to figure out how to make $18,000 in comedy. That's pretty good. I don't know if I ever said this on- Two more years, maybe you will. I wanted two more specials. Let's see what happens.

And now you're making nine. Halfway there, buddy. I'm rooting for you. We're fighting the good fight. I got that bonus. My friend was like, you got to put that in the bank. I was like, the bank! We're talking about keys!

I mean, for legal purposes, I'm going to report that to the IRS. The bank? When am I going back to school? This is pocket cash. How do I report that to the IRS? No one's coming at you for a jihad. It's on camera. It's on camera.

It's tenor over. Live streaming. It's a scripted show. That was prop money. Prove me wrong. Picture a shack on those bills. Those are Dave and Buster bucks. Self-sustaining economy.

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Put your box. Put your box. Does this have anything to do with the truckload of meat that I got in my freezer? I mean, it's wild. Fresh ground beef. Fresh ground beef. Whole chicken. Whole chicken.

I got a whole family's of chickens. Wild caught sockeye salmon. Or if you're from my household, salmon. Salmon. Couple of salmons in a freezer. Really? It depends who you're talking to. You call it poop too or pork?

Pork. We call it pork and they sent us some boneless pork chops. Dude, cooked up the lish. Yeah, it's great. They make meal prepping easy. Take the difficultness out of it. Put your box to the description service that takes the guesswork out of finding high quality meat.

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This deal includes ground beef, chicken thighs, pork butt. That's more than 7 pounds of meat added to your first box for free. Pork butt's all right. New year's bundle before it's gone by going to butcherbox.com slash AYG. Do it. Do it. And when I started, when we started, the idea of starting the podcast and the Patreon, the Patreon was within like, if we were like hanging a couple of years or like two years,

imagine if the Patreon made $1,000. I remember saying that to you. I'm like, if we each made $500, that would be like, I would be a pig in shit. I would be like, I'd be able to stop. I don't know if I was working part time. Yeah, I was probably just started working part time from full time. So poor, so fucking dirt, dirt poor. God damn.

Holy shit. There's a real bummer this episode. I'll have it, bud. How about this loser's talking about? I was flush with cash. You're still poor. What are you talking about? But I'm spending.

I'm stimulating the economy is what I'm fucking doing. Stimulating your clitoris. I don't know what that means. I put it back into the business. You got to spend money to make money. The business would be an awesome. Yeah. It was just wild, wild turn of events.

Insane. Thank you to the fucking army of garbage, baby. Fantastic. We'd still be making shitty fucking sketches. Would we? We'd be doing something. I don't know. I don't let the pandemic change things.

If the pandemic never happened, I don't know what, I don't think I would come back to knowingly the landscape now. What would you be doing? What are you talking about? If we never started, if the pandemic never happened, I mean, we started already garbage. If the pandemic never happened, we would.

No, I'm saying it happened, but I'm saying AYG didn't happen. Am I me or am I somebody else? You're you. Have a mustache? You can have whatever you want. Milk mustache? It's like the metaverse. I'm just saying, if the pandemic happened, right?

Right. But AYG didn't happen. Okay. So the pandemic. So you're coming back now and you're like, still waiting for spots, fighting for, like, that's what I'm saying. I'm way ahead of you. So what you're saying is we started,

we started already garbage right before the pandemic. If at the pandemic, you were like, you know, I don't know what I'm going to die. I might just go home for a little while just to wait to, if we didn't fucking charge ahead, start doing two episodes a week, an episode of heart feelings every day. I'm just saying, imagine coming back from the pain.

Obviously, the New York landscape has changed. So there's less shows. There's less spots going around. I wouldn't, I would have probably dipped that to Hawaii. Oh, that's pretty good. You always had, in your head, that's a parachute you're pulling? No, not at all. Not at all.

But I'm saying looking back on it back then. But I'm saying now, if we packed it in, it's, I don't know, I'm not saying you packed it in. I'm saying we just never attempted to start are you garbage, right? Uh-huh. The pandemic happens. You were age fully, pre-AYG. Uh-huh.

Pandemic happens. Everybody's off stage for six months, a year, whatever. Things slowly, like, I'm saying imagine like fighting for spots or like waiting around with no road work. That's what I'm saying. Maybe I would've never came back from Hawaii. Yeah. I would've went out for one last wave.

The big one. Like she's- Point break? Damn. Another place we used to record our clients. Something like that, but cooler. There's a guy riding you. Just me and Swayzey making out on the beach.

Caught a meme fully. I'm going to ride this one in the distance. I don't fucking know, man. Thanks for playing along. Yeah. And it wouldn't have happened because we would've, we'd be different people if we packed it in. I remember the fucking conversation.

You were like, we're not fucking letting this go. It's a fucking good idea. I love you. You love me. Okay. Hold on. I did not pitch you on this. I know that much.

Yeah. We had that conversation. We were like, fuck it. Let's go. And I was like, fuck it. Let's go. That's what we did. Now we're here.

The army of garbage. The fucking best in the world. And T-Bone McScruffins on the team. Never liked the guy. Good kid. Me either. Not a fan. Like when Bruce brought in the big man to the band,

Clarence Clemens, playing the sax. I'm the sax guy. Clarence Clemens was a big part of that sound. Cool dude too. Not around anymore, but still. What are you going to do? Just talking about hooting the blowfish. What's going on?

What's happening? Offence made me cry. Speaking of Philly, do you remember the Hooters at all? And we danced by the wave on the ocean romance. They were a huge Philly band and they became like an actual band in the 80s. Oh, no. Oh, that was always the Hooters. Hooters.

Yeah. Where would they play? Regional? They became like an actual band. You know what I mean? I'm going to go with the blew up. Choose your words wisely. Because it became an actual band and blew up are two different things.

The Hooters had a big hit. A big worldwide hit. You said like a double D. How big was it? A T-bone on the Hooters. Worldwide hit. And we danced was a big hit. I think it might have been a number one hit.

And we holy shit. They have millions and millions of streams on Spotify. See 18 and a half million, 20 and a half million, 20, 28 million. Shout out to the Hooters. Oh my God. These guys look like vampires, dude. They're old now. What do you want from them?

Yeah. Still kick your ass. I don't know. Maybe I know some of their tracks, some of their licks. Some of their, some of, yeah. Anyway, what would we have done? Would have done this way. Would have worked out a million times out of a million.

What? Never tie or never back down. We would have muscled through. Yeah. Crime probably. Yeah. At this point. I would be a white collar criminal.

100%. I would be skimming someone's books for sure. I'd be pinching out of their savings account, making dummy statements, giving them to somebody. Meanwhile, I'm out in the Cayman somewhere. I'm not going to say I never thought about that. Right in two jet skis. Like water skis.

Yeah. I don't know. It's just weird to think. Was it all, you know, I don't know. I've never really looked up from it all, if that makes sense. I'm like just starting to now a little bit. We're just starting to.

I'm like looking up and being like, oh shit. It's very strange. Yeah. Very strange feeling. I still say that to like my wife. I'm like, this is wild. This is like my life. Very grateful.

I still can't comprehend. Like the other night, we dropped the special, right? Dropped the special. I took my lady out to dinner. Nice steak dinner. Took the boy out to dinner. Nice steak dinner through a T-bone down her throat. That was a weird choice of words.

Sirloin. New York strip. Out to dinner. I'm sitting there texting with Schultz at dinner. Schultz! And I'm like, this is a wild life. The fact that I'm not worried about this bill being dropped. It's the first time in 35 years.

You know what I mean? Your wife was panicking. She was paying too. But I'm just saying I'm so conditioned to like worry about. It was always finances. Of course, man. Always worried about finances. They think I'm talking to this Italian brought in therapy.

Fucking losing it over here. I need a gun to the back of my head. All right. Can't come any other way. Can we get any candle wax? Oh my God. We know exactly what you mean. We all have that fucking mentality.

Dude, on the drive-in today, Foley called the hotel in France and the desperation in his voice when he tried to ask her in French if she spoke English is one of the best things I have ever heard. I'm trying to fucking be polite, man. All right. International relations.

Trying to look, you know what I mean? Big star. Go over there. Ca cause an international incident. I don't want to offend anybody. Let alone the queen. Yeah. Ready?

Bonjour mademoiselle. Parle vous-inglais. Si vous plaît. Free your Mamie Marmelade. Fine. You got that. You got that. Who like who can add to that.

Someone got cold like EW. No, no, no. That was good. But in the car it was parlez vous-inglais merci. Do you speak English? Thank you. D'ondes hayes à los servicios, por favor.

Me permit to hear those service. Toffee a bit of off's clove. He's putting a stabbing on the subway every year. Mr. Big plugins. Yeah. Mr. Big plugins. Yeah. I've heard about enough out of you.

The peanut gallery. That was a private call by the way. Which I told you. No, you did good. Yeah. Got the room all set up. It's great. Yeah.

Why don't you leave? Tomorrow? That's western. That's deaster. Tomorrow? I think right now if you're hearing this. I'm already gone. Yeah.

Like a night train guane in the summertime. Some of my wrestling coaches always say it meant like 10 different things. Foley, get off your back. Foley, put your clothes back on. Foley, don't look at the guys in the shower. Foley, get out of there. Hey, wee.

What'd I tell you about having an erection? What'd I tell you about poppin' woods? God damn you little creep. What'd I tell you about poppin' woods during drills? Yeah, right now you're fighting an interpole agent with a magazine. Leaving the gas running in a flat. Right now I'm playing hardball in an interrogation room.

Every time we talk about France, it ends up in fucking. It ends up born identity. Because it's all we know. Someone commented while we were sitting there. They were like, it only takes five seconds before someone makes a born ultimatum reference. It's just so good.

It's just so good. Fat Damon. The beer battered supremacy. We have 24 hours to change our identity, dye our hair, and get to Czechoslovakia. First, let's grab a croissant. Fat Damon. It's just you doing food challenges while you're over there.

How many snails do they eat, huh? So we're in the park. You're eating wild bugs. These goddamn snails are disgusting. It's the zoo, dickhead. But you're in a swamp right now. Dude, fat Damon. Like I'm fresh.

Fat Damon's all right. Holy hell, boys. You usually don't get that nostalgic. What? I don't. Did it begin in the beginning? I know. But watching those videos, watching the videos,

seeing those comics that were in the videos that I haven't seen or thought of in a fucking decade. And thinking. Man, we shot that vodka thing. I thought that was like a movie set. Really? Yeah, there was lights. And I think a guy with a boom mic.

I mean, I just listened. It sounded horrible. It sounded like shit. You know who directed those? You had a scar phone, and it still bothers me to this day. This fucking jerk off showed up to shoot a comedy sketch in a scar. All right, look lively.

Yeah. I swear to God. Short-sleeve shirt. Short-sleeve shirt? No, I had a cardigan on or something like that. Yeah. I had my pants tucked into my boots like the old days, too. It looked like David O'selsnik.

And Louis Vuitton. Yeah, showed up enough. Showed up. Yeah. I had glasses on. All right, can't be a little more. What do you think? Yeah.

Yikes. Meanwhile, I'm like nine people are going to see this thing. Maybe. Maybe nine people will watch this. I mean, we have like 15 extras. We ordered a fake glass bottle. This is the- The Cassidy fucking broke it.

This is the- Idiot. This is the crux. Almost shut us down. Somebody brought live rounds on set, too. I think it opened it and it was broken. Whatever. He blamed Cassidy, though, for sure.

Of course. Yeah. That wasn't my contract back then. Three hours berating Cassidy. Hey, after lunch, I need to take three hours and just talk shit to Cassidy. Make him want to fucking shoot himself. All right, let me, Tommy.

Yeah, I think it came broken. And I was like, oh, we're just doomed to be failures forever. Yes, we were. We got our money, like the budget on the same- And you don't think I fucking knew that on the inside? I knew we were all dead. He showed up in his car, if you jerk off. I got to keep up appearances, rally the fucking troops.

I knew it was a lost cause. I was, like, 48 at the time. The fuck, man. You were on the back nine already. Yeah, I was chasing demons, trying to fucking get some ghosts away from me. Yeah. What was the name of that bar? Smiths.

Smiths. Yeah, because I did a show there called Comedy on the Rocks. Let me tell you, it saw. How many people showed up to that bar? Were that sold out? Comedy on the Rocks. It straight up sucks. That's where all you bartenders out there.

That was brutal. Because I don't even remember that. I remember- They wouldn't let me- You made a YouTube commercial for it, though. The most interesting man in the world. The commercial. I don't think funny was one of his attributes.

The funniest man in the world. Who's there? No one's at this comedy show. They wouldn't let me start running the Raven, which was an open mic and Philly, until I had, like, proved myself by running my own show for a little while. Yeah. You guys randomly, it was a Fortune 500 company. Meanwhile, you guys were getting $25 a show.

They kept disappearing. Yeah. I stuck in there underage with my own beer and no one said shit. It was a mess. Got that. Why? See, he's still got to keep up some sort of appearance. I tried, I did.

Still a stock one. I don't need the board members coming in. What are we going to say at the shareholders meeting? Still waters run deep. I don't know what that means. Still waters run deep. What does that mean? There's so much in that sentence right there.

Really? Yeah. Still waters run deep. Why is there so much in that sentence? The fact that you go, I don't know what still waters runs deep. What does that mean? Still waters runs deep is typically, you know, if in the actual meaning of it is still waters, like if you're looking at a creek or a pond or something, right?

Not a pond because there's not a current. It's still at the top, but down deep, there's movement. It means what's on the surface isn't always what's down below. Still waters, they run deep. So if you're talking to like when it comes to a person, a quiet person, kind of an idiot. Yeah, he's quiet, but he's smart or in depth and has meaning to him. There's more than meets the eye. With you, it's all on the surface and it ain't great.

Used to say that people who are quiet or shy are often very intelligent and interesting. Very nice. I see myself like that a little bit. Oh, really? I'll be my director. Are you quiet, though? I have the scarf to prove it. When you were at fashion choice in the morning, you were like, I'm hitting it like.

No, I was a self conscious, low self esteem fucking mess who didn't know who he was. I was trying to figure myself out through my art and my music and stepped on cocaine. I never did a lot of stuff like cocaine in my life. Take that back. Take that back, you piece of shit. Hi guys, we're good guys. We're kidding. About those guys being good guys.

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I agree with that statement, but I did not say that. I mean, you did lead us to nine views. I'll give you that. Nine more than we would have had. What? I don't know. Let's take it. Patty, the piece.

My mom doesn't know what you tube is. Yet Dub, use tube. I remember the, we're going to drop it. It's dropping tomorrow at noon. And then we would, we would drop it and literally the ticker would not move. And you'd be called. I remember you called me the one. Is it frozen or something?

What's happened? I'm like, no, these are, this is a live look at the numbers here. And they ain't going nowhere. Was it algorithms and keywords and shit back then too? No, I think YouTube was like a definitely different landscape back then. I didn't, I didn't really. So we just stunk. Yeah.

And I remember knowingly we stunk. Oh, I started. I knew. Really? Of course. I'm a human being and an idiot. Yeah, dude. And there was no competition on YouTube back then.

It was wide open. It was like Jamaican cartoons and shit. We could have done our right for ourselves. I remember the first time a kid showed me YouTube. It was in college and he showed me, uh, unforgivable. Remember that dude? I went to get a chicken plate. I went to get a chicken sandwich.

I went on a date someplace in the mall. The dude in the was so funny. One of the first viral videos, he pulled up YouTube on my computer. And then like two days later, I got a virus. And I called. I'm like, dude, what the fuck did you do? Like I didn't, I was like, don't, don't ever put YouTube on my computer ever again. Meanwhile, now my career's on it.

Talk about being out of touch with technology. Oh shit. No idea what YouTube was. I was playing snood though. Heavy. I thought it was a tire place. Come on. It's pretty good.

Not bad. Come on. That's comedy on the rocks, folks. You mean that we give me that one for old time's sake? What types of show start on comedy on the rocks? I remember we were running the sound system out of an actual stereo. I swear to God. It's got to be on AM, I said.

The ball game kept cutting in. We got to do the show at nine because that's when they do their commercial free blog. So we don't get commercials during the walk. And we packed the place and we kept the thing, the speakers kept blowing out. I remember getting in the foley gale. We have to add the sound on. She was like, shut the fuck up. We took ourselves way too seriously.

We took ourselves very seriously. For such a... Because that's what it goes back to. We thought these opportunities, this show, this open mic, this stupid sketch. We were like, this is going to be a thing that leads this or does something. What they never were. Tough luck. Constant rejection.

Those sketches that I showed you, we had a meeting with someone from NBC about it. And when they sat down, they said, which is like insane. But when they sat down, the lady... Corporate stooge. The lady goes, to be honest with you guys, I'm a junior executive. I have no power and I work in the drama department. So if you guys had any questions about like law and order, I can answer those. Is Jerry Orbach real?

Or is he a robot? I would want to get a job just writing Orbach's zingers. That would be... Yeah, she got ahead of herself. It was like a school on Sunday, no class. Nobody dropped a zinger over a dead body like Jerry Orbach. I loved, loved, loved. Those, that's the prime law and order.

Come on, of course. Of course. They were great. Which one you could bend the rules a little bit back then. Yeah. Fucking beat up a perp a little bit. Take it to him. Well, he still had a couple left in him.

Yeah, he wanted to try them. Why did he definitely beat a couple of confessions out of a couple of guys? Yeah, they even showed that a little bit. Especially like, because he was dry, but he used to be a drunk. Oh, yeah. And they, there was a couple of things. A bad drunk from what the old guys would tell me in the, in the station house. Yeah.

They had a couple of things in case like, what do you want from me? I was drinking back then. If they opened up a case or something or like something got tossed out. They like went back to his history. Well, that's how it should be. I'm not a proud man. I'm not a proud man either. I tell you, I was, I was wearing scarf back then.

What do you want from me? First of all, I'm pretty sure it was like August. Show up in his scarf. I had to keep my throat warm. I got you lunched at night. I don't think so. Yes, I did. And then do you remember, I was just thinking about this the other day.

Here we go. What? I'm such a bad guy. I feel like Nick Nolte at the end of the world. I won't tell the story. No, no. I don't want to paint you out there. We're having fun.

You do not seem to be having fun. I'm having a great time. Please tell me. I don't want to paint you out there. Come on. Stop it. All right. I guess.

Toby, that was a light. That was good. I catch me on the two. Can you do that on that camera again? That was really good. You're not the only lesbian here. Thespia, my apologies. I shot.

The first thing I did on my own was. Transformers one. The hashtag, the hash out. That was up here. Yeah. That was the first thing I did where I was like, this is my eye. I'm keeping your barbecue fingers off of it. Not off of it, but you aren't making the decisions.

No, you would set it up with an associate of ours in Philadelphia. Yes. It was up here at the time. It was up here at the time. We went and pitched him. Remember when we went to him? Yes. We went to his house and we sat outside.

He gave us scotches. He gave us whiskey. Yeah. I was just, he just texted me the other day. That was like the front. That was like, I don't think we had had like nice whiskey. That was the first time I might have had just, that was the first time I think I had whiskey not in a shot glass.

Yeah. That was like when Frank Lucas brought those two guys up to test the H out on. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. He had to touch them blue magic. We were both naked for some reason, but we weren't pinching. Yeah.

It was like a nice house. Like, man, you live here? Upper West. Oh dude, we were, he had that roof deck. I think I was wearing two different shoes at the time. I swear to God. That was the minute where I had two slightly different shoes. Yeah.

This man. And it's classic foley. And then like, he's got a nice apartment on the Upper West side, not like insanely. And I put it, you know, New York Upper West side apartment. Nice little like roof, terrace, balcony thing. Then his wife comes home and then we go, you know, we have the meeting. We walk outside and he goes, man, what do you think he makes a year? Just like that.

I think that's what you did. What do you think he's a millionaire? I'm like, I don't think he's a millionaire. Um, but it was the hash out. Maybe it was like Twitter jokes kind of like a talking head show. It was when like, what were the MTV shows? Like guy code and stuff like that. It was like a talking head.

Real head of the curve. It had just been done. At least I was forward thinking. Yeah. How for what? About what? My drama. You just showed me a sketch where you're supposed to be on a boat and there was a chalkboard behind you.

That said boat. All right. I don't think, I don't think you're that ahead of your time. It's a think piece. Shut up. Yeah. I think it's a piece of shit. I think this stinks.

And so I had everybody come into my apartment and you had work. You couldn't get, you couldn't be there for it. Or you were coming way later or something. Something like that. Something or like the next day or something happened. You weren't there at the time. And I had, it was like me, Reggie, Rosebud. Cotton.

Cotton, Cassidy. Couple other people I think, you know, Reggie, whatever floating around. And I got everybody, I spent like 80 bucks or whatever and got everybody to launch some wings and everything. And you, you got so missed. Somebody posted a picture of me with headphones in behind the camera. And you texted me like, who the fuck do you think you are? You get the fuck out of here. I didn't text you.

Yeah. I do. In a mean way. And I'm going to say this as you were, yeah, it was like a, I was peanut butter and jelly. Yeah. It was like a, who do you think you got wings without me? Yeah.

It was just funny. And I was like, this, this is the tides turning big man's out new young bucks coming in. We had the old bull. Now we want the young calf. Believe me, I'm glad you're at the wheel. I'll be asleep in the back, buddy. I've been dragging you the past two years. Let me know when we get to Denver.

Let me know when weed's legal, will you? Somebody bring some eddies to the show. But I love you, buddy. What a wild fucking, I don't know how we just went all the way down this memory lane. I love you, pal. But it was a good, I wouldn't want it any other way. It's been a hell of a ride. And with that being said, this will be our last episode.

You shoot me. Same thing. I always wanted to watch you die. They committed take me away. Get him, boy. You take over like Boba Fett. Nothing. Oh God, that's funny.

Good. There's some business to attend. Yeah, we got to knock out some questions here. I believe so. The good people, the bozos and the homies. Yeah, I think we had about 10 minutes left. We can run through some kids. I want to hear about our troubles and tribunals.

But a lot of people, a lot of people having us up like, I want to know the origin story and like stuff like that, because this is a very tough in New York City punk. Let me tell you the story of another guy with a hard life. His name was H 40. Okay. I'm listening. That's it.

Yeah. We'll leave it there for now. Two partner. We all had a tough. Sure. Now we're eating Jersey Mike's for lunch. We're doing all right. I had Winkstop.

Never again. That boy need a 10 piece. Never again. Yeah. That was the last time you picked lunch. All right. Thunk. Still love you.

How did it ever work out with NBC? What do you got? Yeah. I don't know if it was NBC. It had to be like local news affiliate. What do you mean with the weather guy? Yeah. John Jenkins was sports.

Here I had this local comedian bozo. There's no way it was proper NBC. It wasn't Jack Donaghy. I know that much. It was it was through the New York television festival. We had they set up meetings for us with legit NBC. Funny or die. Fucking IFC.

All those fucking people who were trying to make shit fucking five ten how 2005. Did you wear suits? No. Twenty twenty fifteen twenty fifteen. Set up meetings. Now who would handle the meetings? Would it be you?

No. Really. So you weren't you weren't even the major player in this operation. I was just a Ponzi poem. No I was I was the problem. Patsy. I was the problem solver of the group when it came to like the

right. Why you stink. Hi guys we stink. What's going on here. I think it's me. I'm not going to lie. I think we all kind of stink. You guys all agree.

Yes. Okay. Cool. We got tired of the way. What do you want to do for lunch? I say Jersey. By the way I got Jersey bikes. My sandwich was a little bit delicious.

Kippy got wigs up and stunk and you got some Cuban sandwich from some office to my stomach right now. All right. Let's do a couple of questions and then we got to get out of here. This one is from Nicholas ever freeze milk. I guess to preserve it. Is that the thing.

No. But when I was a kid I thought that's how you made ice cream. Boy was I pissed at the end. Eight hours later. I'll tell you that. That's a tough popsicle. Oh suck. That's what I thought ice cream was.

It was just frozen milk. Yeah. No. I don't we never froze that. That's insane. I told you I think I told you so we made I had we made ice cream one time. If we had a babysitter it was like we'll make our own ice cream

and a Folgers can fuck you. Never doing that again. I fall for that shit. That's fucking stuff from Lancaster. Trying to save a buck. I guess she thought it was going to be like a fun activity but frozen milk. No.

My mother does freeze some questionable things. Well she freezes bread a lot. My mom will do that. She would do that when we were kids. She would do like if they're like you get like a couple things to strome and throw one in the freezer. And now you know you taste it. You got to toast it.

You have to toast it. And even then you can still taste it. Yeah. It's tough. Tough. But she would do a throw the money thing if they were like two for four and they were like King size. You got to do that.

I get that. Those King size babies when you were a kid and they were great. Yeah. They were just eating up just a piece. Just I used to ball up a piece of bread. Ball it up. Make. A couple of fatties.

Cheers and bread balls. Yeah. Big fan of the bread. Yeah. Big fan of bread. What can I say. Yeah. But she'll do it now from time to time because they don't eat

them. There's no one in the house. They don't eat that much. So it's like I will say it like for her to eat a loaf of bread and you know or she'll buy it for like the kids or something. And then what I like so I'll go home. She's like there's some bread in the freezer. I'm like I'll go to a while.

You mean the Haas system. Yeah. Thanks. Yeah. Get the fuck out of here. Never froze that. Hmm. Never froze milk.

I don't free shit meat. That's all I'll freeze now. Oh. Oh by the way. I wanted to talk about this. My aunt hits me up. Really. You got a little bit of cash.

Right. Right. One. One that was successful. Got you. Not that they're not all successful. Yeah. No.

Yeah. We love you. She was a yeah. She was a you know corporate exec. Yes. Say no more. She hit me up. Hey you got a package coming your way.

Just an FYI. What's it called. Douglas steaks. What is it. Omaha Steaks. Wow. Yeah. Wow.

I go. All right. I don't know. I should say just the heads up supposed to be there tomorrow. I don't know your schedule. I know you're running around whatever. Like I'll be here. That's the door.

That white cooler from heaven baby. That is. Yeah. Got some burgers got the whole fucking nine. And now I got a new cooler for tailgating. There you go. Or fishing. I felt.

Not wrong. I felt like rich trash. Not wrong. Demo Omaha Stakes. Yeah. All right. My my girl was like oh we can keep this as a cooler like she's like all about saving it.

Use it as a coffee table. A little Ottoman. Put a towel over it. Fucking gentleman. Great question. This one is a direct shot at my co-host which I do not approve of. I've never taken a shot at you. I think you're a great guy.

Thank you. I appreciate that. And I would agree you've never taken a shot at me once. Okay. This is from Andrew. As an adult do people still call you by your last name instead of your first name. Hmm. Which for some reason I agree with this guy.

Names as you get old nicknames as you get older can be tough. A T.J. An R.J. You got to lose that. That's in the white collar world though in the blue collar world. Guys that do the living and dying out there. You know you got Chicky. Go talk to Chicky.

Chicky is straight. Yeah. That's not good. It could be a union guy. Hardworking guy. I'm just saying. Nicknames. I'm saying last name.

You pull it off for some reason. I don't know why. I'm age fully. Let me see you with a scarf. Let me see how. Tobi get my scarf. Let's go with the red one. Tobi.

For some reason it works. I don't know why. Like you couldn't. He couldn't be McMullen. Yeah. I think you and you embody a foley. There's certain guys. There's certain people that have certain last names that just work as a last name.

That's always the way. Yeah. Mine never doesn't people push it. Yo Ryan and I'm like what do you do? Who? Kevin. He's McMullen. Cassidy is a Cassidy though.

Cassidy works. Cotton was a cotton. Cotton worked. You know. Reggie doesn't conquest. I don't know why it's got to be Reggie. Reggie. Yeah.

Reggie. Yeah. Reggie works for Reggie. Ian works for Ian. Tommy Pope works for Pope. Yeah. Donnelly works for Donnelly. Donnelly works for Donnelly.

Gillis works for Shane. I guess Irish names it seems. Gillis is good. Yeah. Where's Gillis? Where's McMullen at? He wouldn't say that. Where's Tobi?

He's getting my scarf. That's where he is. He's getting a wedgie somewhere. I think he's in a meeting with NBC right now. That legitimately bothers you so much. No. I'm happy for you. Glad it all worked out there.

Yeah. It was your first look at the Doppler system. It bothers me that you and your Bozo friends somehow weaseled your way into NBC. But we had brilliant sketches that weren't getting any love from the industry. Like that time I was on an imaginary boat with three of my friends. How do you know it's a boat? Read the chalkboard. I didn't find I spent all the money on the chalkboard for nothing.

Yeah. Mr. Michaels, I have to explain everything to you. Was it in a city? Yeah. It was in New York. 30 Rock? No. It was in a...

Oh, Boken? Where was it? One of their satellite campuses. Yeah. I think it was in a... It was in some sort of like convention space or like a hotel. Oh, this was a timeshare pitch. What are you talking about?

Literally, it was like industry speed dating. It was like each company had their own table and you would go from whatever... Hi, I'm Toby. No, thanks. Hi, I'm Toby. No, thanks. Thanks for your time. Basically.

Hi, I'm Toby. We love you, T-Bone. Maybe. All worked out for a reason. All right. This one's from Bernie Sanders. Have you ever smoked a SIG inside recently? Recently, I don't think I've had a SIG inside.

No, not in a SIG inside. Tough. I don't think I associate with SIG inside people anymore. No. Or who? Because like when I would go to my friend's house who smoked, they would say, yeah, you can smoke a SIG inside. No one's smoking inside.

Yeah, but I'm sure... Of course, I'm trying to say the last time I would smoke inside is like a buddy's house was like him and two other guys who smoked. Yeah. My old apartment, we smoked with Bernie's. Heavy Bernie's in there. They weren't great. They cracked the window.

They burned your eyes. It was too easy. How did they do that in the 80s? And how did we not remember that? How would they smoke in right in front of us? In a car, in the winter, windows rolled up, heat on. I'm strapped into a fucking car seat. Just getting crushed with Bernie.

You were 12 too. It was weird. It was on the roof. Yeah. All right, let's... Speaking of Bernie's, it's from Dylan. You ever sell cigarettes like single SIGs to make a buck? What the...

What is this? We did that when like you... When you couldn't get your hands on SIGs and money was kind of tough. Like, I'm talking like junior high, like early high school a little bit. When you weren't like, hey, I smoke 20 SIGs a day type thing. You know what I mean? If... Yeah, I would have a pack sometimes and people would be like, yeah, like I'll buy...

You would sell like three for a dollar or something. To like you, if you're like, I don't want to buy a pack or whatever. So you do that like two or, you know, once or twice and you make a couple bucks. Like if the packs were five bucks at that, like four something at that time. So you get half a pack of SIGs for free, you know? You little get rich, quit schemes in high school really bothered me. That your bookmaking operation. What else did you sell?

What are you talking about? T-Bone cut that. It wasn't always a legitimate business man. Now I'm on the up and up, you know? Yeah, we ought to do something, cut some corners, okay? Yeah, I own five laundromats that are very successful. What the fuck? That's what I'm saying.

He's giving me shit for my earlier work. The fuck? Legitimately bothered you so much. I was trying. I was fucking trying. Hey, listen, we all stunk, but you chose to wear a scarf, okay? I thought that's what I was supposed to do. I don't think I'd be able to direct without it.

All of your life decisions were based on cartoons you saw when you were six. Big fan of dynamite. Did you have one of those cheerleader megaphones too? Those old timey directors. There's one of those cranes zipping around. Cut, cut, cut. Fell in love with my star. It's Cassidy.

All right, let's see. Let's do one of two more and then we got a rapper up. We've talked about this, but it's his first question. Your first time, long time. Have you ever been called out for your browsing history on a computer, which we've talked about before? Like if someone sees something, you were visiting websites that you should have been visiting.

Someone's been like, what's xxx.redhamster.org or whatever. I believe I was. Yeah. Well, I've been- Put it off. Yeah. I don't know, pop. Back in the day, you could always say pop-ups.

Listen, here's the thing. Even now, you don't know what's going on. Who has your Wi-Fi signal? Who can tap- IP address. IP address. You don't know. Yeah.

There's also- Don't be cut this. Plausible deniability as well. I've been hacked. Cut this and kill Kevin. Take his computer. This one's from Bonermic Asshole. I just love how trashy the thought process of our listeners is.

If we buy stuff with your promo code, then return it. Do you guys still get to keep your cut? That's fucking awesome. That's great. That guy's playing chess. I wonder if that does work. We don't get paid per percentage. Okay.

But what if I ordered 30 t-shirts, waited three months, and then returned them? We have to give the money back? Because that's not happening. No, no, no. All sales are final over here at Kippy Industries. I don't know. Disappeared in the night. I'll vanish right now.

I just turned to dust. He vaporized the rock. What a fun time. Yeah, guys. We got to wrap it up. We got to get out of here. We love you guys very much. What a trip down memory lane.

That was nice. Let's never do that again. All right. We'll move on from here. We love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.