Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Mike Cannon Answers Your Garbage Questions!

Episode Date: June 28, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back with old pal Mike Cannon to answer your garbage questions. We got a hot one baby! Thanks for listening, love youse guys!  Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://www.breathefum.com/garbage https://www.Stamps.com Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Hey gang, welcome to the R.U. Garbage Comedy Padcast. Please make sure you subscribe that way you get the episodes as they come out. Welcome to another exciting edition of R.U. Garbage. The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is R.U. Garbage. Sure is. It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they grew up to be classy or if they're just a big old piece of shit. I'm your host H. Foley coming at you on a beautiful day down here in Antutti's basement. She is driving around the city

of Philadelphia with some of her friends and some baseball bats trying to find out where Ben Simmons lives. That's good. And that's just I'm not leaning one way or another on that. I don't think it's right but that you want to know what she's doing. That's what she's doing. It's weird that they waited a week to go after Ben Simmons. She said they wanted to give him a head start. Yeah. All right. They were mad but they're still sportsmen. My co is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of R.U. Garbage. He's really an international businessman. He's the head bozo around here. So show him a little fucking respect will you. Give it up for Kevin. Hey gang. Happy to be here as always. Please make sure you rate you subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube. And as

you know those numbers are true to roof true to roof. Those are cooking. Patreon.com just past 1700 patrons today. Kids are cooking. It's gonna be a good summer. You can sign up. You get bonus episodes of A.Y.G. You get episodes of hard feelings which is a whole different other podcast with me and Foley. You get live streams and you make it sound like we speak French in it or so. It's just us being idiots. It's just us being mean to each other for the most part. That's it. Come to a come to a show on the road. Come to a show. I'm not sure when this is coming out by the way. Speaking of shows. How about a nice shout out to our producer extraordinaire. Who that little kid we call the magic man. Part of the Chicago comedy scene. New New York City

transplant living out there in Queens. Part of it. T-Bone McMuffin. What's up dudes. What's up bro. Dude when I hit the true roof Canada gave me the most approving nod. He was like you've arrived in New York. You did the intro bit well. Well nobody that has ever produced any of my podcast has been that on the ball with anything. That was like the quickest response call to action response. It was incredible. I just have never seen that before. That's funny that impressed you. I'll also never ruin a show with drops. Yes. Just stories about myself. I'll ruin a show with drops gang. That can either be here nor there. Forget about all this business

talk. We got an incredibly special guest back with us here today. I won't stand for it. I don't know what's going on. We got a little company in the house. He's back. If you haven't seen this guest. He's like our first guest. Our first episode ever. Yeah. From Jump Street. From Jump Street. Back at some podcast studios. One angle. Toby bleep that. All right. Don't give him a plug. Can't be going to that fucking toe to toe with the competition. Back in the day. You know G. Oh the oldest of the gist. All right. He is one of the hosts of the incredible podcast. The Irish Goodbye podcast on the gas digital network. And he also has an amazing special out right now that I fucking tell you. You got to go and watch. It's called life

begins. You know him. You love him. He's a good looking kid. Oh. All right. He is the perfect combination of being in the zone and losing it all to see. This kid's been way too many firefights. Yeah. But he's the guy you want watching your six when you're going through the A Shaw Valley. Give it up for Mike Cannon. Oh my God. That was unreal. I've never been summed up that accurately. Yeah. Great. I was on the nose. So perfect. And I am classic first guest on every popular podcast. They got an idea. Who's funny but nobody listens to. Who's funny but gettable. We don't want to show off. We just want to break in the I'm always I always get when it comes like live shows. I'm always the second month the second

installment of a monthly show. It always sucks. They do the first one. They're like this is great. They invite all their friends or family whoever it sells out the next month to get two people. That's exactly right. Last month was great. I don't know what's going on. That and they forgot to hire a photographer like everything. Everything is falling apart. Yeah. Even though you dressed up for it. It's a bar show but you wear your cool jacket. I know you want to get the cool black and white pick up picture day baby comedy picture day. I feel like a lot of that's just great photography. You think so. All those shows. Yes. Yes. Because you can tell by how they crop them. How many people are in. They can make two audience members look at like a sold

out show. It's packed out here and you know there's dry cleaners at Brooklyn. There's a couple that covers your kneecaps on stage. What's hot. Pretty good. Mike Cannon also I said this before is a little inside baseball. My favorite. My number one person to bomb in front of you've done it a lot by that. I've been around the block a couple of turns. We've all humiliated ourselves. Of course. But you are. You are one of those people that if you're in the back of the room and I'm bombing and I say something about me bombing you give me a laugh that makes me feel like everything's going to be OK. Well I mean you are so funny and so full of energy that the idea of a room full of people looking at you and being

like not for us is instantly funny to me. And then add the element of your Gallagher esque sweat piling on the front fucking. Don't forget to spit that comes out of his mouth ladies and gentlemen. I'm saying when I when I bomb I'm really I look like you are the dog from Beethoven. It is insane. Jowls are gone. I just pictured me running through the yards. Jumping over that. Charles Groden. Yeah. My favorite. I wanted what happened. There was one in particular like a kind of a classic. We didn't really know each other that well. That's right. All right. It was one of the ways we became friends. So at New York Comedy Club there is a there's a door on the side that leads into the office and then into the green room.

So you know when comics come on stage and off stage usually they used to we used to go through there. Yeah. We don't need more but you used to go through there and you were in the green room. There's a bunch of people in there. It was a fucking like it was it was a fucking busy show was packed. I think I had just been hosting there a couple of months and I thought I really had it figured out. You know what I mean. I had like I had my I had my fucking you know my opening crowd work bits. I had all that fucking bullshit. Where are you from? What do you do? Oh yeah. And they were coded in a shield that it could not penetrate. It was almost like they they they weren't really there. They were in another dimension watching me from some space command center.

Listen that's that's an elaborate way to say you bomb. It was like in Deadpool 2 when he was trying to reach his wife. Yes. Through that. Exactly. He just couldn't. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. And I I thought I put this I don't take that kind of stuff well. I have a good facade but deep down I really crumble like I like you know I know kind of like I don't give a shit or I don't give you I need I stink at that. I'm just like and I fucking as soon as I started bombing the sweat just starts pouring and I fucking walked off stage and you were in mid conversation and I opened that door and I was coated in sweat and I was like Jesus Christ. I just fucking bomb so bad and he just looks at me and goes

I just started laughing in my face but laughing with me. Well it was it was the best because you're also like dressed like you're manning the barbecue. Yeah. At an outdoor party. So you come like spilling through the door and shoving people out of the way and you're like it would the whole brother to run the story and hot dog buns quick. Yeah. It was it was a beautiful site. Oh man. Good stuff. Good stuff. Mikey thank you so much for being here with us. We appreciate it. I'm happy for you guys too. I know I haven't been here for a while. I was in that old studio that will remain. Yes. Yeah. But this is a this is a legit space. Yeah. It's great. Thank you. You guys really carved out a nice little nice corner for

yourself. We're down here at Toddy's. We're trying man. We're trying. I'm feeling it. We like it. Let me ask you this. The other podcast that you do on the Patreon is that one of the failed incarnations? Yes. Yes. Yes. Hell yeah. Good for you guys. Good for you guys. I'm dusted it off and fucking sewn it on a Patreon and dollar level. That's perfect. Fucking rebranded that a little bit. It's kind of funny because everybody's got like especially on the Patreon they're like this is better than AYG. They're like this is my now favorite podcast. It just didn't have the hook. The hook of AYG. Yeah. Nobody is so perfect. Yeah. It works. It works. It's all the yellow. It's the yellow that everybody likes. Yellow pops. Yellow pops. Kippy knew it. He said go yellow.

You'll never go back. That's what I did. And here we are. You make it sound like I was in a board room. Like what you need here. Hawaiian shirts and yellow print. I got two words. Fat guy. Yeah. It works. And make sure you sound like he's being a serial bowl full of razor blades. What is going on with your voice? Is my voice bad? It's bad. Have you been screaming at traffic for 40 minutes? Have you been joining the other homeless at the holiday in a half a block away? Yeah. What is that? This is the neighborhood where de Blasio put all the homeless. But what's going on at that how do they live there? They're getting out in like a week apparently. But that just dawned on me while I was walking out here and I was called. I never put two and two together. Yes. Good

evening, gentlemen. I was literally walk. I walked by that holiday in a thousand times. I'm going, man, they must have really low rates here. I'm like, how are they okay with these crack heads coming in and out? Yeah. And it smells of old feet. Man. The moment you walk out. Now, are they going to, are they going to take that holiday in, clean it out and then start renting it to, selling it to other people? They, they have to demolish it. It's a bad scene. I didn't, at one point, I didn't even think it was open. It was like boarded up. Yeah. And people right this way, homeless people. We don't want curtains. We'd like boards, please. Something to remind you of home. Now, would you like a sheet or a trash bag over your window?

Sir, what would you prefer? Man, because what if you were in there and you found that, oh, yeah, by the way, this was the death star for homeless people. I would, I would turn it out. I don't even like going to that 7-Eleven. It's just crack smoke and aces. There's a 7-Eleven around here. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, 7-Eleven's in general are just a breeding ground in New York. It's horrible. Yeah. It stinks. In the burbs, it's fucking, it's the Simpsons. It's clean living. Yeah. It's nice. But do you know why? It's because they accept any and all cards. So it's, it's like bodegas are cash places, obviously. And you got a limit and whatever. It's like here, you could take an EBT card, debit card, credit card, whatever,

slide it through for a 37-cent purchase. Yeah, it's true. Like, yeah, there's a minimum at a bodega. It's not going to let you scan for 50 cents or if you're buying a beer for $1.50, you're not going to be able to scan. It's a good, good homeless insight. I just, it seems like you were homeless before. I was embedded back in 82 for CNN. What's the, what's the least amount of money you've ever put on a debit card? Oh, under a dollar. Oh, yeah. Like, I think like 56 cents. Yeah. And when, and I may have overdrawn. Like, I used to, I used to play it that time. I was real. I could get a razor thin. Just give me three jaw rancors. And a bouncy ball. And do you take American Express?

Diners club? Nothing? Diners club. Oh my God. Diners club's trash. I remember the dad that pulled that out. Like, I'll pay for myself. All right. And once you need it, once take a trident, you're like, I need the miles. Do you sell cash back? Do you sell funstripe gum and Lucy's? Oh dude, me and my friend Tim compared each other, this to each other the other day, because both of our fathers would like outfit us in things they bought with Marbro points. So like my friend had like an absolute vodka, like all that shit. Like my friend Tim had an absolute Letterman's jacket, which then was like, what the fuck are you wearing? You're 10, you know, whatever. But now it's probably selling for 800 on eBay. Oh, yeah. It's one of those.

I had a Marbro tent. Like everything that I had was Marbro. He was like a NASCAR driver. And my buddy Vinny showed up to our first sleepover with a Marbro sleeping bag and we were all like, Oh, shoot. Like, dude, you got money, son. God damn. He's like coughing up blood from his second hand smoke. His eyeballs are bleeding. But I'll tell you what, that thing packed with down. He's got the MJ eyeballs where you're like, why are those tan? Why are they? How long did it take to get those back then? Oh, the Marbro points? Ordering something out of the from the mail for the Foley's back then might as well have been interstellar spacecraft. In my head, it seemed like everything was like six weeks, I feel.

That I was just going to say. Six weeks. But it felt like a year. They get it, they process it, sip it out. Six weeks, I think, was back in the day. Well, in six weeks, because of your small amount of time on Earth, it was a higher percentage of your existence. Yeah. So it's like, it's a bigger percentage of your life. Jesus Christ. I never thought about it that way, dude. Really? Yeah, it's all time work. You just blew my mind. No. So like, when I was a little kid, since I'd only been around for like five years, a week seemed longer. Sure. Really? Dude, remember? Dude, remember summer as like a nine-year-old? Yeah.

It seemed like six years. Yeah. A summer now is like, we're already halfway done. I can't believe it. Oh, he's, he's done. I'll see you guys later. This guy's got act outs on the podcast. It's pretty good. YouTube. Hey, YouTube. Oh my God. Uh, how are things? Good, you know? Hang in there. He's not at the holiday end, so he's doing all right. Well, I met my in-laws holiday end. You said, you said that like you were on the roof of a Ramada. Yeah, pretty good. There's days. There's days, you know, like last night, for instance, was Father's Day, obviously. Oh yeah, happy Father's Day. Thank you very much. Happy Father's Day, buddy. Yeah, you know, I, I,

I texted you. You did. No, this was a week after Father's Day. Last week was Father's Day. And uh, we just broke the delusion of time, so it doesn't matter. That's exactly right. Mike just shattered all space and time. And my father-in-law, for those of you who know me, you may know a thing I filmed called, uh, Frank Rigatone, which was a guy with guns who, you know, I did him like last April and it was all about opening up gyms, basically the moment they all closed down because it was, and it was based on my father-in-law because he's that last night, yesterday for Father's Day, he, uh, he rose his American flag up there and then right underneath it was a nice flag of an AR-15 that said, come and get it. So it made all family feel real comfortable.

He wasn't talking about dinner either. So hamburger helpers ready. So in front of the house? Yeah. Oh yeah. Like with, with beaming spotlights, like on it when it gets dark, just in case any cucks want to look through. Mikey, Mikey's you're up there in that country. Yeah. I mean, it's in Rockland. So it's like, it's weird because it took me 35 minutes to get here, which from Brooklyn, where I was living, probably would have taken me even a little bit longer. Yeah. By subway. So it's an easy ride, but I grew up there as well. So Rockland County is kind of this interesting place where people take great pride in how close it is to New York City and they will never go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's the same. What, what 32 minutes? Yeah. Yeah. I haven't

been in six years, but it's 32 minutes. The West Village looks a little dangerous. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, yeah, they might suck your dick. My friend actually, while he, you know. Automatic weapon. Yeah. Exactly. My friend walked around with like, you know, he wears like a $30,000 watch or whatever because he's secure. And we're going for my buddy. Who's this guy? He's a good buddy of mine. Yeah. Makes a little, makes a little ghee, makes a little butter. You're really pushing ghee, by the way. Is ghee like a karate outfit? No, ghee is a, ghee is a high in a high in butter. It's clarified butter, clarified butter. Oh, okay. So for money, I've been saying butter, but he's been switching it to ghee. I like that. Thank you. Not as much as he's shoving it into conversation.

It's too much. Yeah. No one's going to remember that. You're at the bodega, like how much ghee I got on there. No one's going to remember that. They're only going to remember when it sinks into the zeitgeist. Well, that's why you got to get a t-shirt with like a stack of cash with just clarified butter dripping. Got ghee? Yeah. Got ghee, got butter, a little bit of cash. Not bad. My dad was calling it, uh, geech the other day. Oh yeah, I've heard that. You've heard geech? Yeah. Money called geech. Yeah. How about bones? You ever called bones? I know. And my father did. I was a big guy. I mean, it's 20 bones. Yeah. 50 bones. 50 bones that Jack, it cost me. I remember the first time I heard that we were in Caldor and uh, what the fuck is that? You don't know Caldor? It's like a

TJ max value city. It sounds like it's out of business. It's out of business. Sounds like a lotion. Yeah. Put a little Caldor on it. You'd be all right. Dude, and I was a leash kid. So my mom had me on this like red leash that looked like almost high school. I was 16, but I was four because I'd just be like, peace, bitch. And then run into the highway, you know, for fun. This kid's got energy. Yeah. And my dad bought me one of those, uh, Super Soaker fifties at the time that went 50 feet. It was yellow and green. The hundred was blue and yellow. So that was like the real one that was big that could shoot a lot of power. The 50 was for like, you know, kids that were just barely scraping by and their parents were like, yeah, I guess. And my dad was like, it's 25 fucking bones.

I remember him saying that specifically in Caldor. And then he, we had to get a rain check. I've never, it's never happened to me since, but we got a rain check where we bought it because they promised the last gun to somebody else and they didn't take it off the shelf. So we had to like go back in two weeks when they were in stock. Yeah. Wow. That's a real dirtbag thing. And they used to do it at the grocery store. Like it'd be like, Hey, soups 10 for a, you know, 10 for 10, but they were out of it. They give you a handwritten coupon for like, okay, you get 10 for 10 soups on the 13th. If you come back here because we ran out of soups. Like Allen Iverson's shoe contract. Yes, exactly. Hey, we'll give you $30 million worth of soup in 15 years. When you're 45 and

hopefully alive because we don't want you to be a 30 more million. We don't want you blowing all this chunky in one day. You know what I mean? Holy shit. Sounded like the super soakers, man. Oh man. They still sell them. I know. It's really difficult for me not to just green light every single purchase for my son, for my son. Well, you're literally about to come into that. You said he's two years old. Yeah. You're about, I mean, you're in it now. I'm already doing it, but you're a bit, it's about to get real fun. Yeah. Oh, I mean, he's playing hoops already. Like he's super into it. I bought him the small ass outdoor hoop that is like also for me and the pool like all this stuff. You know, everything that I get him, it looks very childish, but I buy, you know,

like Styrofoam planes that you could throw gliders and shit. He's not old enough for it. And I'm like, perfect. Yeah. Yeah. I'll get six months of fun out of it before I buy something new. The mini bike might have been a little bit premature. Sure. But I'm killing in the hood. Hey, Mr. Cannon, shut up, loser. You might have invented a new classification of like the best dad to have, which is like responsible potted. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I think you're right. You gotta, you gotta have a little trash in the dad. Yeah. He's got to want to play because my dad used to play, you know, like guns with us and stuff like that. He was reliving now. He was doing barrel rolls off the roof. You're also talking to that. He was spilling the bullets onto the table, picking

up one spinning and be like, let's have a game. I'll admit him pulling my fingernails out was a little harsh for a Wednesday night. But no, like even with like my nieces and nephews, you get one for them, but I get one for me too. Yes. Like if I buy, if I buy Nerf guns for my niece and nephew, I'm getting three. Right. Because I'm like, I shoot you. Yeah. Yeah. I can't do the gun you turn on me. Yeah. Right. No, thank you. It's all like, and I, because I don't, I know, I know the certain things that made me like damaged mentally and emotionally. You know what I mean? So I'm steering clear of those things, but there are stuff, things that my parents did well and withheld from me, that like made me into a well rounded person that doesn't necessarily feel entitled to things and

stuff like that. And I'm just like giving my son everything right now. So I don't know when I need to stop that. It's fun to give him everything. Did they have fun like that? Yeah. Right. I mean, you know, and I'm not like, I don't plan on just allowing him to run a buck. Yeah. Sure. You're not just like, oh, yeah, you're having this. Yeah. So at this point, I just want to show that. Yeah, when they're little, exactly that kind of stuff. Yeah. I think around like 11 or 12, you're going to start cracking down, straightening them out a little bit. I don't know. I had, I kind of had free work because my parents were divorced and my dad was like, if I could get them in the store, if I could get them on the lot, we were buying your dad, my dad, same with my mom.

If I could get my dad to pull into a kiddie city or toys or us, it was fucking game over. Oh, really? Yeah. Mom said I couldn't have the Super Soakers go. Really? Where the fuck is kiddie city in the Vatican? Oh, man. I missed it. What do you say? The Vatican. Why are you asking me? Like, he's not here. What the fuck? I sound like Uncle Junior. What do you say? What do you say? Let's talk about our good friends over there at stamps.com. I tell you, it's the middle of the summer. The last thing I wanted to do was wait around in the post office and now I ain't got it. Nah, stand in there like a bozo. Stand in there like a bozo. Stamps.com, you can mail and ship directly from your office, your home, wherever. They save businesses thousands. They've saved

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or the link will be in the description of this episode. Make sure you let them know we sent you by using our promo code for 10% off your order today. Head to breathfume.com. That's breathfumefum.com. Click on the link in the description. Use promo code garbage 10% off. Now back to the show. That's pretty good. Kitty City was a toy store. I guess it might have been a more regional, like, I don't know. You know KB? Yes. KB, Toys R Us. It was a Toys R Us. To get my mom to do something like that, like on a whim, unless there was like a reason it was my birthday or something like that, I would have had to grab the wheel on the highway to get her to turn in us. Oh, yeah. No, your birthday's coming up. No. I was also, but then she'd hook it up.

What'd your parents do? I could like leverage a birthday, like my birthday was in August. Yeah. But if I, if I was good, if I was smooth enough at making the deal, I could get my birthday present in like January. Yeah. I hope she would forget that she bought me the roller blades or whatever in January and I doubled down on my birthday again. Thank you little f***ing little friendship. That's patreon.com folks. My parents were always the ones that knew what I wanted and got me a worse version. Really? Always. Every single time. I remember when I was, roller blades reminded me, and this is still one of the moments I'm like most embarrassed about as a kid. Like I think back to my behavior

and I legitimately get uncomfortable because the one gift I wanted, and I had no idea my parents were going through like financial problems, probably, you know. Sure, they hated each other. And I had no idea, but you know, my dad was losing his shirt in the market. No clue. And I remember one Christmas I get down and we've had great Christmases filled with boxes, all this stuff, like real spectacle. And I get down and there's like six envelopes on a carpet. And I'm like, what the f***? I was like, all I wanted was roller blades and new pieces of shit couldn't even get me roller blades. I'm like screaming at them. We're cutting a wrestling promo. I feel so awful about it now. And my mom was like, actually, we got you a gift certificate so you could pick

them out yourself. All right. That's good. But of course, they got me a gift certificate for $50 less than the ones that I like. And the ones that I wanted were base level because I knew what they would spend. Sure. And it was $50 less than the base level. So I had to get like some old ass mom in line. You still got your shoes on. They're strapped over your shoes. Exactly. And my mom was like, yeah, just make sure you have enough leftover for wrist guards. Make sure you weigh your cup, Mikey. Yeah, my parents would do that too. But I'll tell you what, as a kid, it was such a tough look, though. Like, I remember like, I asked for a skateboard one year and they got me like, do you remember the Nash company?

Nash Plastics. Yeah. Yeah. It was garbage. I mean, the f***ing trucks. It was like this. They were all plastic. That was no way. That was Caldor skateboards. Yeah. No way. It was a toy. It wasn't a skateboard. It was a toy. Yes. Yeah. They got it for them. It was just like, yeah, that's great. I think I might even said this on your first episode. The first episode, I didn't know anything about. I wanted to be a skateboarder, so I got a Nash board. Yeah. And I was like, talking to this kid who knew in school, who knew about skateboard. He's like, what kind of trucks do you have? And I'm like, I don't know, man. He's like, you got to get

venture trucks or what? Like he was like saying brands. I didn't know. I was f***ing independent. Yeah. I didn't know what he was talking about. I hadn't had a CCS magazine yet. And, uh, I don't remember those roadhouse. Wasn't that a guy? He was like, he was like, he was a big or was that a company birdhouse was a company. I know, but there was a kid that you still, he was like a 16 year old phenom when CCS was out and I think his name was roadhouse or something like that. Those old school small circulation magazines, whatever it was about, they were f***ing awesome. They were the best. They were so cool. Yeah. But I went into the local skate shop that was called G spot and it was a purple building on the side of the highway called

G had no idea. A bunch of kids marching into the G spot. Dude, no idea. My mom's like, my mom, looking back, she refused to say the name of the store. She would call it the purple store. Oh, wouldn't it be uncomfortable if they beckoned you in like this? Right this way. I'm looking at our wheels, bearings and more. Dads don't believe it exists. My dad never took me. Dads keep missing the door at the wall. Coming in through the upstairs. I'm sorry. But I was like, yeah, I'm looking for trucks. He's like, well, what do you have now? And I'm like, I'm not sure. And he's like, you got ventures, independence, crux. What do you got? I'm like,

I don't know. And then I saw the guy behind the counter realized I don't know what the he's like, you have a Nash. And I go, yeah, that's what I have. He goes, yeah, none of these work on that. That's like a toy. And I was like, I will be leaving now. Dude, I was like, it was a quiet ride home. Oh, thanks. I appreciate that. And good luck to community college. Fucking loser. Every single mean thing you've ever said about a skateboarder is stems from you getting a shitty skateboard as a kid. Just put that together and it's incredible. 100%. Yeah, whatever, hippie. I'll give my parents credit on this. When I was four years old, I got a 1989 M1

Mongoose BMX because my favorite movie was rad. It has shaped his life from that. From that moment on. It legitimately like gave me an appreciation for BMX, for that movie, for everything. Like I was an outdoor cat. Turned you around. And that like they really fucking hit a home run with that one. A nice win. Like when you, there's kids that get that shit handed to them and they don't really appreciate it. But when you catch a win like that and like you realize what not having, I mean, it's silly, you know, it's materialistic, but you realize you could see the difference in not having confidence to all of a sudden having confidence. Then you realize what confidence is feels really good. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Yeah. That's a hundred percent right. You put dudes on your pegs. I was thinking about that to the day is that do you remember getting, do you remember falling off your bike when you were a kid and like thinking that like you, this was it. You were dying. Do you ever have a situation like that? I mean, I've had, I've had a couple situations where I've gotten in horrific accidents, but I think like I just had entitlement to life. Like I didn't think I didn't think my little white heart didn't break until I was like in college and out. That's when my parents got a divorce. That's when a bunch of my friends died. That's when my dog died. My grandpa died. Like shit fell apart and life

got real. And before that, I was kind of like, no, you just get injured and bounce back up. Yeah, breaking arm or something. Yeah. I hadn't crossed that bridge. And one time I got hurt. Like I didn't, I didn't break anything. I didn't, wasn't a concussion. I just fell and it hurt real but I got fell over my handlebars and like the fear, it scares you. And I remember laying there like telling the guys, like, I'm not going to make it, man. I'm not going to make it. I can see the big McDonald's in the sky. They drive through her just wide open. There's no cars. Grimace is white instead of purple. Come on, Henry. We're going to heaven. Oh man. Good stuff. All right. Let's get into some patriotic questions here on our little podcast episode, company episode.

I messed up and I'm trying to cover it up. Sure. I can tell. Thanks for having me out the drive. You got weird vibes. I love friend, like, you know, friends that you know outside of their business and then you have to watch them in their business. Like interact. Yeah. You have to be like, be professional. It's hilarious because I know the friend in you was just like, what are you doing? But you're like, to keep the show moving. It's called a segue. A terrible one. That is funny. Well, the man who created the segue also died out. Who calls it here on our little podcast. I don't know why you have this kind of energy going on because I'd lost my words. I'm fucking flying without a net here. I don't know what I'm doing.

I could have saved it with some editing, but you were real dick earlier. And we're back. So the hippie comment didn't go over well. Let's see. Now we'll watch you burn. I've ever seen my parents at work for the first time and that was like an eye-opener. Yeah. Like my mom deal with a customer and stuff like that. Yeah. Where did she work? Never mind. She was a whore. You left me like, I decided not to make a joke. I was going to say like a hooker, stripper or something. Then you were saying, where a customer was involved. I had to choose like four different times not to call your mom a whore. She was watched her clean off the corner

of her mouth with her tip. I love you, Patty. You're watching. Okay. You like to skate? Sorry, Pat. That's so funny. Yeah. She, this is referring when she was the manager at the Gap. Oh, okay. At the Wyoming Valley Mall. We're talking circa 1983. Before it was the big letters. Oh, it was little letters. The lowercase gap. The lowercase gap. Nice. Old school. Holy shit. Yeah. I went to my father's work when I was younger and like a couple times and he was in, he was a stockbroker and what I didn't realize. Was he down the floor down here? No. So he was down here, but he was, he did not work on the floor. He was in midtown or something. He was in the Chrysler building at the end. Nice. But then he, I think he was down there at some

point, but he was in the pump and dump shit. So he was like, that's how like everybody broke in. You pass your series seven, you get into that, you make an other worldly amount of money before you get caught. And then whatever happens, happens. I don't know if I created this memory from them retelling me or if I was there for this, but I have a vivid image in my head of my father's work partner being carted out by the FBI while I was like sitting on his desk and my legs were really kicking back. Mikey shred these papers. What's sitting there like an asshole? Get to the shredder. I couldn't say anything. He's had a bunch of receipt stuff to my mouth. There's an ink all over my face. Quick, Mikey, sign these papers. You own his place.

Officer, it's him. It's my boy. I'm sorry. Kids can't testify against your parents. Kids can't testify against your parents. Good stuff. Yeah, guys. So as you know, when you join the Patreon, we will answer your questions on a air. It's just the best way to do it. Get so many submissions. So we got a couple of heated. This one, I talked, I rarely go over the questions with anybody, but it was me and T-Bones in there. This was a deep cut that you might not get. You're a little older, but this is from Ian. Ever play a CD on your PlayStation 2? Oh, wow. Remember that? That was a bad look. If you guys were all sitting around the TV, watching a blue screen, listening to like the food fighters or something.

So two things. Yes, at a party, for the party and no, because my parents wouldn't let me get video game system. Really? So I was not a video game kid. Really? To the point where even still, like I bought myself again, a PlayStation 4, because I deserve it. Not even. So you don't know. What would you put? You guys are the same age. What do you guys have? I didn't have Sega. Sega was the big one for like my like Nintendo. When you were like Super. Are you 85? 86. Okay. I'm 85. So yeah. So Sega was like, when I was like 8, 9, 10 was Sega and then N64 came on the fucking scene and that blew everything out of the water. Yeah. Then PlayStation 1, then PlayStation 1 kind of took a run with it. And then PlayStation 1, PlayStation 2 came out and

then Xbox. Yeah. Nothing. I did Dreamcast. Like I, my friend had a Dreamcast and he let me borrow it and my parents found it and they like threw it away. So I had to pay. I'm holding it for a friend. Yeah. I didn't care. They threw it away. It was insane. But even now, like that's why I don't scream. Are they religious or something? No, they just thought it like wasn't good for me. So they had really foresight into the virtual job future. So it's okay to fleece a male man out of his life savings. Dude, my Barber. But the kid can't play Donkey Kong? My Barber, it became like town news. And I think my dad like actually tried to help. Are you not nervous without a PlayStation? He tried to get him to invest in the stock market, but my dad ended up I think losing

my Barber's life savings. And this guy was like 65, 70 years old, old dude, life savings. And I didn't know why everybody didn't like me in that Barber shop after that. But it was because of that. I only found out like five years ago. I always got a shitty haircut. Hey Rob, why do you always fuck the back of my neck up? He's like, you know, let's get a piece of shit That's a tough look. Tough. Anything on the TV is tough because for a while when, when cable, you know, when cable has the music channels? Yes. Yeah. When you're pumping those at a party. My mom's big on that. Oh, music choice. Cheesy. Put on 804. It's the country music or whatever. Yeah. It's bad. Well, and it doesn't even have like a lava lamp screen saver or

anything fun. It just has the flat ass name or whatever. Just as like country music or what it just says the type, the genre of music. What was the thing that you said you guys fucked with party box or something where you would call in the box? Do you remember the box? No. So the box was like, and it was, remember when MTV two was just music? It was like MTV is going to be like the show is MTV two was just music. It was before that and it was, it was the box and you would call up a number and you could request like each video had its own code. So like a Britney Spears was 3201. So you call up and now looking back. It's the most insane single. But at any given time, there was probably 4,000 people requesting hit me baby one more time and you're like, oh, they

played mine. 30,000 kids on the East Coast being like, oh, we just took a dollar from each of you. And it was a dollar each time. And that's yeah, it was the box. And that's what you would do. Did you have to mail them cash? No, I think it just like charged your phone or something or something like your phone bill. I don't know what we know. First of all, let me go on the record. We didn't have the channel at my house and I was definitely not allowed to. We only did it in a friend's house. We did it at the kid who was like real new money who like you were sitting in his house. You're like, this is going to come crumbling down at any given time. And it did. I remember my Aunt Mary. She came to visit and like they never came over. But she was the mother of two of my

favorite cousins because they were the older boys. They taught me all, you know, everything, beat the shit out of me playing basketball, all that stuff. And so it was always great to have her over. And I remember she brought a VHS tape of the right said Fred up video. I'm too sexy. And I remember walking in while they were watching it and they're like, get out. You can't watch this. What are you doing? But I heard the song and I was like kind of like dancing. And then I spent the rest of the weekend there going through their luggage looking for that tape to try to play it. Wait, who had the tape? The boys or the mom? The mom. She had the VHS. She had the VHS of the video and she was showing people like, like it was viral. Like you gotta

see this. You gotta see this. Yeah. That's what you had to do back. It was hand to hand combat. I don't remember buying it. There was no copy of links in forwarded. She definitely taped it. Oh, taped it over. I thought you meant she bought it. She bought a music video VHS. That's what I thought. Oh my God. No. You want the truth? Yeah, that is what I thought. All right. This one's from Johnny. Ever been to a wedding with no open bar? Cash bar at a wedding? Tough look. I have never been. I feel it's pretty... Cash bar at a funeral. Yes, I have. Yeah, I have. I've also had cash bar at a funeral, which fucking sucks. Yeah. That makes you feel really bad for everybody involved.

Yeah. Yeah. The dead person is luckiest of everybody. You sleep through this shit. You get to miss it. But yeah, some wedding I went to, which of course, it's always the one that you aren't even looking forward to. Yeah. It's the one you're forced or dragged to. Do they have to say cash bar? What do you mean? Like, would it say like reception at 300, 3rd Street, you know, East 3rd Street? I think... And then parentheses, you say cash bar, right? Usually they do. Yeah, okay. I'm asking. On the invite. I would want a heads up of, hey, when you get here, it's a cash bar.

Yeah. I'd be like, thanks for the invite. I'm busy. I will drink cheaper in my living room. What would I come to see what you're going to fail at in two years? I've never been alone. Just don't have a wedding. Right. That's the case. No. I mean, I've had like, I've been to every shape and size wedding there is. I did Coke and acid at like a... It was acid at a wedding. Well, and it was a... What is the word I'm looking for? Because very Jewish is not correct. Orthodox. Yeah. So it wasn't Hasidic. It was like the notch below where, you know, everybody's still in all the garb, but it was just for that special occasion.

They're fantastic weddings though. Oh my God. It was so fun. The food was incredible. That I could taste from all the drip going down my esophagus. But I took such a little bit of acid that it just made me into the greatest dancer of all time. You're doing acid and Coke at the same time? Yeah. I wouldn't recommend it, but it was fun. Fun little sliver of acid. And then a couple picked me up throughout the evening. You know what I mean? I thought I could see. Yeah. And then I lost like the kids Coke. Like at some point, he was like, Hey, you went to the bathroom with it. Can I get it back? I was like, Yeah. Sorry, pal. Pat me down. I have no idea what happened to it.

Yeah. I've told that story. I have an idea what happened to it. The cops came in, man. You didn't see him leaving? Lodge that bullet for you. Good stuff. All right. This one's from Gary. Has your TV ever been too big for your living room? Yes. Have you ever? Yeah. We had my first apartment, my first townhouse to me and my buddy after college. I'm like, this is what we're doing. We spent, I don't know, like $2,700 on a flat screen at a time that we didn't have the money. Oh, so it was flat? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. And it was like, I mean, it was like a fucking 170 inch TV or something in a 10 by 10 room.

What did you think it was a regular TV? So I had a, mine was at my wife's first apartment, but it was our TV and we were going to bring it into wherever we moved in after, but it was a flat screen, but not a flat back. The big box. Yeah. Deep as shit and the stand was forever soldered on. So it was like a fire place. 375 pounds. It took me in like six of my gorilla friends to fucking even shimmy it in this place. Those things were so heavy. Was it wood? It was, no, it was, it was gray plastic, but it was so wood. What the fuck? You don't remember those? Of course I do, but not with flat screens. No, they were, well, it was the big, the huge big screens. Yes. Instead of being plastic before they were plastic when wood was still in. Oh,

it's not fucking, it's not a two by four or something. It's like, I know you're talking about. A big flat screen TV. We called them flat screens. We call them big screens. To us, that was a big screen. Right. And it was one of those apartments where like you had to create the second room, you know, like, so it was a fake wall. And so, and I think like we got it in and smashed through the fake wall instantly. They had to pay 1,800 bucks to get it repaired. It was just an insane inconvenience for everybody. Oh, that's garbage. We moved in here. They're like, yeah, you can put a wall in here. I'm like, yeah, that's what I want to do. Make it smaller. You fucking asshole. He's like, we can split this up any way you want. I'm like, yeah, okay.

I want to ask you, did they ever leave you anywhere when you were a kid? You ever get forgotten anywhere? Yeah. Yeah. I think it may have happened at CalTor to be perfectly honest. Well, I'm just, I'm just. Took a rain check on Mikey, huh? Well, they, so I got lost in a store like that where I remember my parents, I remember seeing my mother sprinting like the whole store. Like I, so I was in an aisle and I saw her just like she was in the firm. Dude, full Tom cruise sprint, like no facial expression. And I screamed mom and you could like hear her tires screech on the floor and she came back, grab me. It was like, you know, half mad, half appreciative, half everything. But I, uh, one of this happened with my cousin.

She was like a soda in your hand. Like, Mom, where are you going? What's the hurry? Staring at a pair of rollerblades you can't afford. One day. I don't know what I want for Christmas. Stuck in the face. My cousin Renee, who is now a radicalized Islamist. Yeah, it's not her name anymore. So try to find her. But, um, Judy, isn't that weird? No, it sounds, her name is, is clearing your throat. That's what it is. But, um, so she, uh, she convinced my older sister and I to hide from my mom in like the gap or something where they had those circular, I was just going to say under the

clothes. So you hide, you go into the rack and you're in another one. That's white, that's white trash, Narnia right there. That is what that is. Dude, that is exactly right. You're the king of your castle. And that you call the shots in there. Taxes for no one. Yeah. You decide when to come and go. And yeah, I think I, I heard my mom's voice trembling, screaming, trying to find her kids running out into the mall and my cousin being like, not yet. Yeah. Hold it. Hold it. I don't really panic. Yeah. So we got out and she was like, look, she's pumped. You're still alive. Like you are just, just built for evil. Yeah. Cause we were, I was in a bowling alley with my

nephew and, uh, one of my cousins and his son. We took him, took the kids bowling out around like eight o'clock on a Saturday night. I presumed a couple of weeks ago. I didn't think you were waiting to pick up chicks. We're at the bowling alley. We were actually bowling that Saturday night. This guy's little, but he's 18. But they had an arcade and all that kind of stuff. We were smoking leftover cigarette butts. We hit the arcade and it was pretty crowded, but I was just curious. Like they were, they were playing like a Jurassic Park game. And I was like, no, not a curiosity. Would you, if it was just you by themselves with them, would you like go and like grab a table and

wait for them like to come over? He's like, absolutely not. He's like, I wouldn't be more than 15 feet from them. Cause that's how kids disappear. So yeah, your mom's probably like, but when you're a little kid, you don't realize she's worried. They're chopping me up. Dude, even when I'm alone with my son, dark turn, but he's right. Even when I'm alone with my son at like the park, right? And we're, we're playing the bad, we're playing basketball or whatever, running around and there is nobody there. I always walk backwards to get the ball and not turn around and leave him unattended. Yeah. I think that's because it's just too much, man. I like the, my, my imagination is probably

more capable than any of the evil of this world. But so I'm just picturing somebody out of nowhere, yonking this kid up, throwing them in the back of a dodge neon and I never see him again. Yeah. I do that. I run all those scenarios too. Cause I'm like, well, if I was going to adopt a kid, this is how I would do it. I would wait until the dad turned around and I would just, yeah, I'd see the only idiots in the park and that guy just kind of go get a rogue ball and this two year old sitting there picking his asshole and you know, yoke him up. Wrong. Yeah. Get him taken real quick. Let's go kidnapping after this guys.

All right. This one's from Sean. First time question, long time listener. How frequently does your family use Craigslist for anything? We're all going to hook her together. So I think I talked about this on the last part of my last, last appearance here, but there is a very specific faction of my family. So my family is very white trash. Like, you know, my dad's from Levittown, Long Island. My mother is from Jersey and I grew up in Rockland County, which up until recently I thought was like kind of well to do. That's a dirtbag trifecta right there. I know, but Rockland, like it's trashy Westchester pretty much. And the guy Lucas who comes around with me and films my shit is from like the most insane part of Westchester, really wealthy

and kind of exposed how they feel about us. And I've never felt lower about myself in my entire life. And I just, I was like, okay, so it hits the trifecta. I have three trash things in a row, but my family tries very hard to act elitist. Like we were, we're the well to do cannons. We go to That's a big thing we found out within like Gar. It's like, I'm not you. Like you try to separate yourself of what you already recognize yourself. Like, oh, I would never do that. I'm wearing a collared shirt today. It's that, it's that great Seinfeld line when he goes back to, he performs in Governor's. Yeah, he's just like, it's, it's everything you hate about yourself, staring back at you down inside. You are, you know, that's what it is. So my uncle Johnny, who is no longer with

us, he, uh, his yard was Craigslist. Like he got everything from Craigslist and also other places stuff in the yard. That's a tough look. It's a real if you got like just anything, if you're picking up stuff, I'll fix this. I can resell that. The guy never fixes or resells the stuff. And it's the classics. It's a TV. It's the flamingo, the errant flamingo, a car on cinder blocks, a tractor furniture, like all that shit. And then you go in that, like he furnished my first Elmhurst Queens apartment with stuff he found, you know, wherever and quiet. Yeah. But my family's always like, like that's, that's them. So we are, we're Amazon people. Be nice. Not prime, but we're Amazon people. Fully. Fully's on the other hand. We knew we were trash. Yeah. We knew the deal.

It's a better way to embrace it, embrace it and keep it moving. And I'll say this, I have never used Craigslist for anything other than nefarious purposes. No shit. I won't say what they are, but I've never bought anything off of Craigslist. I have. Well, I have, but not in the sense that you're thinking of. You've rented things off Craigslist. I had a three week jaunt on Craigslist romantic encounters when I first got off of college and I was like trying to find day work while pursuing stand up. Sure. And there was a couple of girls that I was going to meet up with, but each one had like just something that didn't smell right. You know what I mean? Like, and I talked to this girl, she sent me pictures, all this stuff, beautiful, like light skin black

chick. And we were going to meet in Manhattan and like see a movie, like, you know, neutral zone. And last minute, she's like, I can't come out. I got a dick. Yeah. She's like, well, you come out to Jamaica, Queens. And I was like, nope. Yeah. No, I very much will not. And she's like, it's not bad here. I was like, Oh yeah, I have the get rich or die trying album. That's actually my favorite. Yeah. I'm going to go ahead and just go by what I've learned from that. I can come out to Jamaica, Queens. But the question is, well, I ever leave. That's right. That's the problem. Yeah. Hot chick. Come to my house. I once posted on the Craigslist free section, I'm poor, buy me a pizza and two people sent

me free pizzas. No shit. Oh yeah. Recently. No. Not as interesting as sex with strangers, but I like a good pizza. Be honest with you. That's the most stunning thing I've ever heard out of your mouth. The pizza is not as exciting. I remember the first time I found out what Miss Connections was. Yeah. Dude, that was, you know, Miss Connections? Miss Connections? Missed Connections on Craigslist. Do you know what T-Bone? Oh, Missed. Missed. Missed. Yeah. I've posted it once or twice. You posted? Not in Miss Connections. Hey, you bought me pizza two weeks ago. I need some wings. I like cheese fries, Chicago deep dish, Zany's, Old Town Rosemann. Dave forgot the pepperoni. Johnny O'Hallagans, the best comedian. When I was like 20, I posted.

You really gave it all the time you're right there. You went off topic a little bit. T-Bone, I apologize. When I was like 20, I posted. T-Bone had a fight before you guys got here. Did you? No, no, no, no, no, no. You and Toblerone? No, no, no. It turns out we both have very aggressive negotiation styles. T-Bone was up for a raise and I played hardball in the boardroom. It wasn't a raise. What do you want? We have no money. What do you want? It's all things to shambles. Money? You have 150 actual patrons and then everything else is reinvested. See, the money's in the licenses, Toby. You find 10 more patrons, they find 10 more patrons. You got the steak knives, quit bitching. We have 20 Patreon members and 1,600 email addresses.

I'm just Kevin Ryan one at Gmail, Kevin Ryan two at Gmail, Kevin Ryan three at Gmail. That's too good. I posted in the men's seeking women, my 20-year-old then-current head shot. Nice. How to do. Hey, wait, and misconnections? I thought misconnections was like, hey, I saw you in the bus. I thought you were beautiful. You were wearing a green sweater. I was wearing a blue hat. We made eye contact. Yeah, I got really into that for a little while. Like just reading them? Yeah, reading them. It was sultry. Did anybody ever get back to each other? Did you think anybody ever? I think that stuff is fair use. You should make a coffee table book. Yeah, I really, I got into it. More like a bathroom book, if you know what I mean, man.

I used to. My brow, please. I remember. I told the gentleman in Rockland County. I remember the only time that I've written an ad on Craigslist. Oh, this isn't true, but a personal ad. I used to write ads for comedy shows or whatever. Sure. But I remember when Ghana beat United States in the World Cup. Might have been like, oh, wait, vaguely like that or maybe even 2010, whatever it was. I just remember that I was so pissed off about it. I wrote an advertisement on Craigslist, challenging any random Guyanese person to a one-on-one soccer match in the park of their choice. Do you play soccer? Yeah, I was just never picked up a moment like this. I'm taking it back. I even have a camera. Like,

it's not like I was doing it for content. I was doing it for American pride. Yeah. That's a nerd alert. A soccer game. I sold I sold my snowboard when I was in college. I needed cash and I was like, you know, it was like, I don't know, $300 snow or whatever. Like, it was like, I was like, oh, I don't go anymore. If I go, I can just rent again or whatever. And so I sold it to this dude. I met, he was from South Philly, like stereotypically. He pulls up white Escalade, it gets out like wife beater, talk to it like the black jeans or whatever, chain, watch. And I'm like, oh, this dude is just like, he's either in the mob or want you to think he's in the mob. Either way, it's like, he's pitting all of the notes he's trying to hit them. And he's

like, dude, fucking juice head, like fucking jacked. And he's like, I'm this short fat kid. And I like open up the trunk. He's like, yeah, I'm like, oh, 200, right? He's like, yeah, 150. And I'm like, nah, it's 200. And he's like, ah, it's 150. I go, all right, we'll do 150. I'll see you later. See you later, sir. You give him the board and the money. Hey, why don't I drive you up the mountains? Let's go. You look like you'll enjoy this more than me. Good. Yeah, I really bitched out. I believe it. The fuck is that supposed to mean? What were you doing on a fucking snowboard? Anyway, a little fat kid with a dumb haircut. I was a good snowboarder. No kidding. Yeah.

Do you still know how you still go? Yeah. Well, I, uh, I shattered my, uh, wrist quite bad. And then I had like the erectors. Do you ever see like the halo you get? Yeah. I had that. I had that coming out of my arm. Oh shit. Yeah. But you didn't do it snowboarding, right? Yeah, I did. I thought you fell off the couch or something. That's what you told me. You two don't know each other at all. This is all bullshit. I thought you got pushed out of a treehouse. No, that Italian guy from South Philly beat me up. Yeah. And then I just never went. I'm like, I just, it was like, I was like, I'm too old to be fault like, I'm just, oh dude, I went this winter with Sagalone Fini and we filmed a thing for it. And

I try, I'm not like, I saw the video. Yeah. I'm not like a real snowboarder, but I am an athlete. So I like try to grab off of a box for some reason and I, the video makes it look like I got eight inches off the ground. I felt like I was flying. Sure. I felt like a pure goose. Like just in the air and I landed directly on my coccyx. Like every inch of force hit the tailbone of my ass. And it just like lightning shot up my spine and I couldn't like walk right for a few, for like a week and a half. Yeah. I've been there. You get to a point where you're just priceless again. You get to a point where you're just too old to be following. Yeah. Talk about a misconnection. All right. So I like that. Jesus Christ.

Toby, don't look over me for help. I ain't saving you. I was looking over if you're disapproval. Oh, I got that for dates. The toe was going. All right. Let's do one or two more here. Yes, please. Hmm. This one's just, I mean, fully you'll have to weigh on this. This is from Eric. Probably an exercise question. Yeah. Does your family eat something so weird that everyone thinks it's nuts, but you love it? We do a cinnamon bread mayo and Oscar Meyer baloney sandwich. Wow. That's just nothing about that seems. That's too much. Relatively okay. But you think that. But I completely understand what she's talking about. I love that you are, you're like the John Nash of food because I watched you put together the

algorithm in front of your eyes and you just tasted cinnamon on the right part of your tongue. You got a little mayo here and then a dollop of cinnamon. A break popped up and then baloney. I think you're talking about the Nets coach. I was like, where's he going with this? Steve Nash. Oh my God. I do a pretty good jumper. He's H Foley from a beautiful stomach. We're back ladies and gentlemen. I used to do just mayo sandwiches. It makes my blood run cold, dude. On a, on like a hamburger bun, like a white hamburger bun. You throw a slice of tomato in there and a little salt and pepper. It's clean living.

That's class. That to me is a nice little. Why just mayo? That's all that was in there? I just like though. But the thing, but the odd thing that I really think is normal and everybody that has watched me do it is like kind of disgusted, but it doesn't make sense. I pour milk in my ice cream. So every time that I have ice cream, I put it in a tall pint glass and then I, you know, stack it to the top and then pour milk in it. And it like kind of freezes the ice cream in an interesting way. And it turns it into a half, half milkshake, half like almost crystallized ice cream. That's insane. Have you ever met anybody else who does that? No, I am so lactose intolerant also. So I just bazooka blood out of my ass right after every

serving. Talking about doubling down on the dairy, this guy. Yeah, I am lactose intolerant. Let's kick it up a notch. I was going to start shitting on you, but then the way you describe that, doesn't sound too bad. I get it. I get it. But it's like, that's a, that's intense. It's like a white trash bloody Mary. I also, to put a polio string cheese as garnish. You got a Twizzler straw. Hot wheels, garnish on it. I'll do that with try it. I implore everybody before, before you judge, try it out. I'll do that with soda. It's legitimately fuck soda. I'm talking milk. All right. Do milk in ice cream. I'm telling you it's great. Okay. I like it. You wouldn't do it. No, no shot. That's insane. Yeah. I mean, I like ice cream made of milk.

It's nice. He's not pouring mustard on it. It makes sense. It's not that far to say no shot. You can give it a whirl. Yeah. Kick the orange juice and cereal. I refuse. I will not drink milk. I refuse. Oh, you're not a milk guy. Oh, really? No shot. Really? No shot. Now, why is that? Do we know that story? Were you breastfed? What's up? Were you breastfed? Yeah. Your mom was great. That's rude. Toblerone. Shout out to Toblerone. It's Toblerone. Toblerone goes back to like high school. He's called that. Nice. I can't call you that. What's with the milk weirdo? It's just gross. Milk is disgusting. It's no good. It tastes like shit. Well, that's crazy talk. That's cookie talk. Even in cereal? Almond milk, dude. Oh, almond milk. Oh, yeah. Oh, Toby, I don't like

your tongue. Man. What? Your tongue tastes things weird. Gentlemen's making great points. I've never heard something so straightforward and blunt. Tongue tastes things weird. Almond milk in cereal, that sounds real commie to me. Yeah, that sounds like some real defund the police breakfast. Hey, where's your demilitarized zone, T-bone? Yeah, I have almond milk in my cereal, then I go fight Canon's friends. That's so funny. A real defund the police breakfast. Well, you gotta start today with the healthy breakfast before you go defund. Before you get maced. Reach for almond milk. Reach for almond milk. It's strawberry special cake. Some girl in the box, her eyes are all burned out from the bear spray. It's delicious.

She's just got one bruise from a billy club right across her forehead. Dude, you know, look, those rubber bullets, they hurt like a mother fucker. Yeah, I think they've been known to kill a person or two. They're also called bullets, I mean. Yeah, you know what they called them back in the 1700s? Bullets, musket balls. I like that your take from all of that. All the riots, all the news, man, those rubber bullets look like they're not fun. Looks like they stink. They probably leave a welt or something. Those water cannons, and they sold water or fresh water. Now, is that distilled or what are we talking? Hanks, what's going on here? Dude, now that,

that is like scored. It would sell, sir. I get a little long. I get to hit a lime over here. That's what the French police use. Belly green. All right, wrap it up. Gag, we love you, Mikey. Thank you so much for coming and sitting with us. Please check out the Irish Goodbye podcast. What else you have is coming up with the folks now. Oh yeah. I got here's the scenario is our other podcast. That's me, Feeny and Sagalow. We got a Patreon as well, patreon.com slash scenario pod. We do a ton of bonus footage as well. I just put a heads up poker match between me and Robert Kelly up on there. And I do a web series called Mike takes edibles, where I take edibles and check in with the audience over the course of the experience.

Pretty fun. You know, if you guys like to do edibles on camera, I would love to have you both on as guests. I do love to do edibles. Yeah. Hell yeah. Oh yeah. You do love edibles. I do love edibles. I don't care about on camera. I gave you a healthy dose and you just jumped it down with no problem. He's a, he was smoking a joint upstairs at the penthouse and we were doing a show and it was like right after COVID. And I was like, are you feel comfortable sharing that? I'll take a little hit and he's like, nah, he's like, I'm taking it to my head, but I have a, so put it, I told you this story four times, but we have a piece. I have a piece of an edible up this a piece of an edible is what he said. I have a piece of an edible downstairs that you can have.

Okay. Thanks. Go downstairs. He hands me this little brick like that. It's halfway I'm out. He goes, Oh, be careful. That's a hundred milligrams. A hundred. What do you mean? What's for milligrams? I feel like I'm in Caldor. Keppy, what do you got? As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube, patreon.com and guys, the live shows will be coming to a city near you. Mikey, was that it? I didn't cut you off today.

No, yeah. Patreon, Patreon, the YouTube, Mike Cannon Comedy, it's got all that shit. And then my tour dates are at MikeCannonComedy.com coming to Chicago in October. Fantastic. Yeah. I'm doing a, doing a whole run. I mean, there's going to be a lot more dates coming in. So check it out, Mike Cannon Comedy. I'm sure most of you know Mikey because, you know, you know us, but if you don't, you got to check him out. He's fucking one of the best. We appreciate you. Keppy. We just did this. We just did this. Tebow. Man, this guy's on goofballs today.

Mikey, Kevin. Oh man. Goodbye everybody. Peace.