Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Mike Cannon: Shot in the Gut

Episode Date: February 24, 2020

Comedian Mike Cannon is put to the test this week on Are You Garbage?! Mike and shares a WILD story about a shooting involving his family members. He also shares hilarious ones about his Irish Catholic family, his love for JNCO jeans, and being the token white dude during Junior College Basketball days.  You may know Mike from his appearances on MTV, Legion of Skanks podcast, and History Hyenas.  Have submissions for AYG? Email: [e-mail] Please SUBSCRIBE and leave a 5 STAR REVIEW!

welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley hey everybody out there welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast it's are you garbage yeah I'm your host H Foley sitting directly across from me self-appointed piece of trash from northeast Philadelphia Kevin Ryan everybody hey guys happy to be here real quick to the listeners please leave a rate and review real quick jump on that that's important to get this puppy off the ground you know what I mean cannon

five stars algorithm kid rate and review even if you don't like it rate and review it you know what I mean just get them numbers up let me tell you pieces of shit something fucking subscribe to this goddamn thing rate and review and share it cuz we're faking over here five years tell the Fred that put the fucking money in the basket oh are you considering all the podcast to be one joint podcast five years I'm considering seven years he doesn't really understand what a podcast is to be honest with you this is new right yeah this is brand new right now you're like Creed Bratton of podcast I don't know what

it is but I can get you on somebody opened up a word doc and said god get your thoughts out this is going to nobody rent studio time for nothing it ends up on a thumb drive somewhere there's just a very team of doctors on the other side of the way they're studying everything that I say you guys are actually both psychiatrists ladies and gentlemen that voice you hear is our very special guest this week on are you garbage is our good friend he has a brand new special out on YouTube right now it's called life begins ladies and gentlemen mr. Mike Cannon oh my goodness

self-appointed piece of trash as well yeah that's why we got that's why we got early I'm like garbage Mike Cannon you know who stinks we did three we did three pretty one pretty we did three pretty close to home gas for the first three episodes okay well we knew wasn't be too much of a mystery got you did he in finance yeah uncut he's like the cocaine they made in the beginning of test a hundred percent blue absolute trash he's such garbage that you could get hit you could get him yourself cut him up and oh yeah yeah yeah you could add baking soda yeah you could step on him and sell more garbage yeah he's

generate generations after him for probably the next four four or five hundred years he's blue magic garbage yeah yeah he's trash and then we had a little Canadian garbage oh and who's that so you can guess is it Nathan yeah Nathan yeah my first guess would have been Alex Pavone you think so he's trash yeah Alex is good friend of ours but Alex like Alex has this weird thing where he is trash right clearly very clearly trash but outside of that he's also Italian but like Italy Italian or yes it's a little different there's there's also a thing between like trash and like all my parents are immigrants you

know exactly it's the same thing it's the same thing because it's just like different customs and now it's a delicate subject yeah not exactly you know homage to whatever horsesheet he believes sure for sure for sure do you think you're you think you're garbage you think this is my thing you grew up garbage my dad's from Levittown long and my mother I think we wrap right here about it my mother's from Jersey so I you know you're in yeah yeah I grew up outside of like do you know where Highland Falls or West Point yeah it's beautiful up there so West Point is beautiful Highland in the slums yeah

well the town it's so funny because you drive to West Point and West Point is this like magnificent natural like on like cliffs and shit it's unbelievable everybody is like the you know as as sure discipline didn't beautiful as possible then the town to drive through it that's Highland Falls yeah which is like almost eight mile dude it's like hardcore and there's the cannons of the front porch the best selling fireworks with like one fucking one strap over in our overall yeah it was like you know there was the fucking hardcore urban people slinging crack that shit near the school and then outside of that was you

know straight-up trailer park really I didn't realize you were from that far up yeah yeah well I was born in Manhattan okay and then my parents lived in the West Village and then that was the first place that I lived got my dad was still commuting into the city every day so he was driving an hour yeah it's like no wonder he was pissed yeah yeah not at one point in that community was he like can I move closer to this yeah yeah I couldn't afford it at the time so he was a bartender still I think trying to be an actor but he had no like work ethic or anything like that so he just kind of sat on his ass while doing a

way to work bartender yeah yeah and then he became a stockbroker just keep doing cocaine but in a suit sure nice was that in like the 80s or 90s when I was in the 90s pumping dump yeah like junk bonds and stuff was like hey if you have a tie in a white-colored shirt you can be a stockbroker I can see the suits now the suits were nice oh and they three button and they went after actors because they were like you guys talk yeah you must have a little bit you're free during the day you know I'll just do it for a couple of weeks to get on my feet you know I went there too with my dad when I was like nine ten years old I would go

with him to work and what did he work did he work on the floor no he worked in like the East Village so yeah you know that financial powerhouse in the grocery store I mean it was boiler room it was right next to a short order cook or something yeah it's not buying anything you got to get out of here get out of here that's funny oh yeah but I you know it's like cunt this fuck that all that stuff and I'm just like young and being like this is it pretty sure I watched like I have this memory but you never know if it's made up I have so many of those but I my father's co-worker I know this happened and

I'm pretty sure I was there I watched a guy get cuffed by the FBI wow well I feel anytime fucking awesome yeah yeah I did that a lot anytime you go to work with your parents that's like a pretty good indicator that you're trash oh yeah cuz it's like there's one there's no babysitter or like they have these weird hours dude you know many times I just sat in an office and just like just like wander around cigarettes dude I would do my dad he was the owner of like a HVAC company and I was like like pure garlic blue collar and then he got a little bit of money he's like we're doing it and then ended up being like a whole house of

cards new money's all right new money in cars getting repo the night and new money like new money and I would just go to work with I'm going through people's desks and shit and I was just like yeah I was fucking I didn't know anything you know hands were smaller though it could fit into tighter space yeah exactly so dude I was just eating people so it's like a fat kid rum rummaging through everybody's desks on Saturdays when I was a little kid my dad we used station at that a naval base called a voca in Wilkesbury there was no where that big naval that naval no we're near any water Wilkesbury I was born that's

man I was my sister used to go to the music camp during the summer so Wilkesbury music camp at I think the college and it's actually like a procedure there's some nice colleges up there I think yeah there's some nice colleges up there but again it's like the people that live by the college are fucking trash right right and I've performed in Mohegan Sun so who knows I got a weird sliver of what's out there straight up Chernobyl USA oh yeah mutants fucking sucking down six and with oxygen tank back which crazy thing is back in the day in the 50s and 60s the 40s whatever it was a powerhouse it

was a fucking huge bottling industry huge train industry huge trucking industry coal was huge up there it was all nice it bragging you sound like a narrator of a documentary for Wilkesbury and a certain element it was a bastion of americana bottles as far as the eye can see white faces everywhere and then these hormones development yeah then it all just went downhill fucking PVC god damn Asians and their better products the whole US PVC pipe so crazy that we literally bombed the competition the Germans and the Japanese back into the stone age during World War two it took them like 20 years 15 years to come back

and my god thanks for that speed but they gave us a tough time rebuilding what the 80s were alright it was all worth it it was all worth it just for the fucking in every capacity I mean it looked cool in the movies I didn't get to experience it but it looked like wide open it looked like a while while it was fucking nice sleeping good under the watch the line Ronald Reagan little fat kid Uncle Hank in his crib vice president Bush that's great yes Wilkesbury is trash but my dad he was stationed at the Voka for a long time and they had like things there you know

what I mean like they had like trucks and stuff like that and I remember him taking us to work and me and my brother literally playing around like munitions crates yeah like just like they twisted the things and turning them and all itself climbing over things it was awesome that's fun when you realize the things that you considered normal in your childhood yeah you know we get a chance to bounce everything that's got that's happened to us off of people yeah and that helps I don't know about you but it helps me kind of you know under a way what's normal and what's fucked up of course that's well that's kind of

where this came from so there's like a game there's like a 20 question we'll play at the end it's but that's kind of where this came from like we realized like oh we're all fucking trash yeah you know what I mean like you think I'm like I'm alright and I took back I'm like I grew up driving a forklift as a kid right for fun I'm like I'm fucking garbage you ever spent an extended amount of time on a high reach or a forklift you're fucking trash didn't everybody go to a with that when they were for didn't they what did you start working was your first job 15 I think or maybe a little early 15 I think I bus

boy bus boys always they go to go to yeah and then I also did that's the gateway in the garbage you see you see like as you've never been behind the scenes at a restaurant before then all of a sudden you got the slop plates and all you fucking you see how people really you make coleslaw you want to fuck that you recognize exactly what a restaurant is yeah it is barely a kitchen oh yeah yeah yeah folks you've never made coleslaw you're fucking garbage yeah yeah you just massage mayonnaise and char or carved lettuce that you remember this week he slicer remember the sweet waitress that you

thought was so nice when you're a little kid and you get a job at the place and you see what she's really like scratch off lottery tickets change you realize the owner has been putting out cigars in her pussy for the last two and a half yeah cranking Marlboro five thousands out back just like you want one sweet hot I'm like I'm 12 I guess yeah pass it over I remember working with older waitresses like that and they would just come in in a bed like career waitresses yeah there's a there's the attitude of a career waitress that will never ever I might answer career bartender and you get it yeah oh for sure I mean as a

career comedian oh yeah yeah yeah you see where this could go of course and like being a career waitress at a place where you're about to like maybe clear a hundred on a good night if you do that like that's that's a mindset of a comedian that is doing a hundred dollar road of course yeah yeah yeah it's the same thing well there's also there's like a there's like the big bubble or it's like the the career waitresses is the tail end of that is tough you know what I mean because it's typically a good-looking chick in her 20s there and she's just like yeah dude they're man looks like the lady that did the

cigarettes in the commercial some of her fingers are full length most of them aren't yeah by the end of it yeah but in the beginning do they're making like I'm doing a Tartuffo they're making like you know they're making like twelve hundred bucks a weekend cash and they're like this it's like stripper money you know what I mean all of a sudden they like it lasts a little longer than a stripper because they're like in your 30s and 40s but then at some point you're just this 50 year old person trying to make a hundred bucks like I'm like you know

Wingnight or something like that it's tough and their advice is unforgiving they don't hold any punches just like yeah you know so whatever you're thinking right now that's not it they're like just know like it's gonna be a life of her yeah for life of hell they're like like you know how people in movies they show you falling down a cliff and it's hot yeah and then you're at the bottom life is there's no bottom yeah exactly there's no bottom you're just tumbling forever falling and hitting every rock just like you know fucking conhead bill fucking car insurance bill just fucking whacking

you on the head Michael don't ever get lured by a man with journey tickets I'm telling you that right now okay he's not worth it some chick they got banged in a truck in a six-sticks concert or something like that but dude I had no idea you know my aunt and Sally what up girl I mean probably I have enough ants that it's my mom's one of nine oh no my mom's so it's like dude we are like ticks in Philadelphia it's like Irish Irish people can't love up because otherwise yes it's sacrilege yeah so my grandmother my dad's mother she almost died during her seventh pregnancy and birth and right

after that like during the thing she you know gave birth and they're like if you if you get pregnant again you'll die you know you you can't get pregnant sure so my grandfather fucking tell me what yeah well this is how this is how guilt ridden and deep this shit runs she goes to her priest and is like can I or has the priest come into her hospital bed is like can I get my fucking tubes tied so like so yes I don't have to fucking do this I don't go through this to save my life basically and the priest they are such yeah it's God's will it's whatever will be if you die you fucking bullshit excuse I'm like I have you die that's I'm

good yeah you know also will be totally fine with when she is die you know when she does die not to take any of those kids in sure oh yeah and father's struggle just struggle for the rest of his life yeah yeah both having to watch them here drown for the next 20 years yeah it's fucking it's ridiculous yeah real pieces of shit dude one time we were they really probably finger in one kid when he's oh yeah yeah we're such fucking guard like my fan there's so many of us but I wanted to ask you because don't you have an aunt that has like a name that's not a real name I got a couple and anytime you have an ant

with like a nickname yeah she's from Texas no I got an aunt soupy yeah like that I got an aunt quinny that's not her name's a Kathleen there's a couple of that I can't think of whistles that's like a real Boston Philadelphia oh yeah it's fucking real trashy fucking yeah and soupy and quinny and cook yeah if you got an aunt cookie she was a fucking what's quinny because I don't assume she just threw hot I threw shepherds pie in a man's face that's how I got me named soupy but one time we were out of bars like me is like me my brother and we were all like fucked up shout out to mad river old city Philadelphia real

fucking trashy like put on your best button up all those of my fucking light denim jeans and just like go to town you know Jersey Shore was fucking hot on MTV yeah a bunch of like Red Bull and Vakas and we were just fucking a lot of hair Joe oh yeah a lot of blowouts a lot of fucking cheap change oh for sure fights you're not fucking your fight for sure so we were we were we were there and this there was a bachelorette party like as well and they were like oh we need somebody to dance on or whatever you know we need the bachelorette has to give somebody a lap dance like to mark it off her fucking bullshit list or whatever

whatever game they play you know the game where they try to get the woman to cheat on her sure that game yeah that game that's a great game yeah so yeah the night before you said a hair take it easy Ted but the whole is your all pain I'm sorry what are you talking about back to back to your family Kevin I know shit yeah yeah but uh so then they were like all right so like they're like they like grad me and I'm like sitting there and then they're like the the bachelorette comes out of the bathroom and she's like give me trying to give you like a terrible lap dance or whatever attractive absolutely not cut to

we find out I hear so one of the girls like she was in the bathroom or something another one of the girls that wasn't there when they chose me to give me the lap dance comes up she goes Kevin what are you doing and I'm like oh this isn't like you know and I'm like who's that it was my cousin here the girl like related to me all right here we go let's get the fuck out of here she's like that's uncle Dennis's nephew's kids so I'm like all right here we are no no no no she wasn't like that it was like it was like you know it was like you know it was my aunt potato I've recently read I've recently read it's not that bad to have

sex with like your second or third you hear that porn hub what the fuck who told you that one a couple of your cousin a periodical subscribe to some literature fucking pamphlet fucking cousins quarterly yeah exit and vogue do you think that's bad having sex with your third cousin do what you got to do you know it's not something I'd aim for I'd try I'd try my best to clear the family as you know we aim for a first cousin if you fall in a third cousin that said I would be going against my entire family's heritage because in Ireland both my mom's side and my dad's side are from like very similar areas and

just Irish in general we are a product of hundreds of years of inbreeding yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that explains a huge head look at us look at us like you know we we consider this head was pulled from two different gene pools yeah you're fucking no way it's our sunken eyes yeah no way I don't know that we were what are we fucking bulldogs it was just like clans like you know like towns next to each other and it was just like overlapping you know you do what you got to do it's fucking raining hey they got potatoes you know what I mean yeah I never realized how garbage the Irish were I mean it's everybody's garbage

yeah I mean the last few weeks I've been like trying I've been just talking to people about my rage and I'm like blaming it on being Irish and all this stuff yeah yeah you know I got similar rage issues because I'm Turkish but everybody blames their heritage yeah it's a human that's like a human thing of like oh we're all fucking trash and I see the Russian rage a lot that really makes a lot of sense to me yeah it's understated yeah I feel like a lot of yeah it's quiet range we don't have things to bitch about like I was talking to somebody about classic Irish thing to say yeah we don't have real things to

bitch Russian everybody else is valid could you imagine being born in a small town in Russia the same year you were born in fucking Wilkesbury PA what are you talking about yeah we had candy and TV and shit like that you lived on the iron curtain I would freedom could you imagine no TV barely no decent juice boxes yeah I feel like you grew up in the movie October sky I didn't see that oh it's a great thing I'm gonna go home and watch a young Jake Gyllenhaal isn't a Gyllenhaal a Jill I thought it was a Gyllenhaal long Jay long Jay I thought it was Gyllenhaal too all right you sound like a pretentious cunt yeah yeah

you know especially after I said it I know yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah real fucking talking about the thespian jake you know Jacques egg you know good stuff too good too funny too good we're having a good time Mike cannon ladies stop cursing is our guest I'm trying to stop cursing the new special is out right now it's on YouTube called life begins I like I like the plug but you're also acting like people just tuned in mid mid show yeah we plug that yeah I'm gonna reset the show on the eights you know we got weather coming up

free does that on his podcast really does it's pretty cool I think because for sure he's a classy kid people don't listen live but sometimes they skip ahead yeah a little jump ahead especially in the beginning and stuff especially if you're Jared's show where he has segments and I think he times out the segments in his description oh he does I've seen it so it's like at 16 minutes you can go here yeah Bill Simmons does it too it's a smart technique but just my intensive yeah my podcast Irish goodbye podcast available on itunes today that is also more free for flowing typically and so we have no I saw the

clip you just posted today of were you two are you incredibly high oh yeah yeah yeah that's it was an editing trick right no no no in the moment like so it's such a yeah explain so we were I forget what we're talking about but we talked about Fini just like you know expressing love and coming rainbows sure and I just agreed with him saying that that's the closest it's like a rainbow shooting out of your asshole and Fini like it he just goes I like dick but there's the perfect length of pause in between you go it's like rainbows out of your ass hole and it pauses for like a half a second too long you're a fuck

someone on here and they goes I like dick yeah it's great cuts back to you and you're just like kind of like blanket like that you know I let him I let it lay because I knew I wanted that isolated and I didn't process why he said it and he tried to just move on yeah and I turned to the producer I was like can we cut that and just have that as a drop at all times something like cuz that was so and Fini's like what and then I just jumped in and said something about like how I like everything he also likes yeah yeah yeah yeah that's great too funny my candy ladies gentlemen my cannon life begins as the special which

is kill me yeah Jacob on the traffic I said we get into the game let's play a little are you getting into the game buddy let's take a look let's find out about this dirt bag over here Rockland County can I ask why you want to stop cursing I want to stop cursing on stage no kidding yeah I'm leaning into it what's the point oh dude why it's what I am off-stage I curse a lot I'm fucking you know not to fall on it but it's like I'm a fucking trash like I grew up with all like fucking steamfitters and plumbers I grew up on job sites so it's like at this point hey you fucking cocksucker like that's all that's what I grew up

you're you're a potential NBC sitcom person yeah you can still be the name Kevin and I have no you fit a you fit a role you fit like you're very you're a good actor you're funny and gregarious in that setting Kevin and I are I feel like just you know we got to hopefully sell our personality sure thanks for tuning into are you garbage ladies and gentlemen I'll share something with you when I was a little kid this is how trashy I was I always wanted to live on the set of one of those Disney shows that's because your family that was like paradise as an adult you be that producer what's his name I feel like

those pretty easy hunting yeah I feel like those chips were pretty hot and probably pretty dope it's like living on it in a preservation you're going to form grown baby I shoot fishing a barrel come on now no just like that reality just looks so appeasing I think that's why I do like you know want to be on sitcoms yeah when I was young all I wanted to do was be famous like I didn't know what I wanted to be good at yeah like that that's pretty yeah I was cuz I took hip-hop dance classes I wanted to be an insane I would have taken the opportunity be you just answered one of the questions on

not like not but you were called up by some middle-aged white woman likes named Sally no it was a black woman was ain't soupy actually but I would have taken getting molested by Lou Perlman in a heartbeat yeah I have my you seem like pretty good days when he went the Perlman had all those guys seem like pretty good for them I'd be an outtown I mean yeah they didn't get any money but get plunged he make a grab at some of those kids yeah I think so there was like there was a lot well they not all of them were kids like somewhere like at 19 or 21 or 22 heaven from Backstreet Boys was like 48 yeah and he would

jerk all like he would like make passes at him or like you know there was like naked pictures he'd be like oh can you you know hit my computer or something in the screensaver was like you know his dick outer it was like weird vague passes I'm sure it was fucking some of those kids cuz he had like a group of them yeah yeah he had multiple groups that he was then like pinning against each other yeah like a real skirmish of the days the 90s the 90s those are our yeah less blows depends yeah depends if you were working finance of financial services in the East Village real barnburner the coke was better than the 80s and 90s

too probably was better in the 80s yeah probably yeah of course yeah nobody knew what it was no and people are like I can make more money off this I've done pure cocaine once and like you know pure is sure it was like 40% but it was like fish scale straight off of a boat in my like from Miami yeah my buddy had driven from Miami to New York and I have so many friends like that it just it was like watching the thing go up the the piping in a mail sure yeah in a mail in a post office it just shut up your nose and you're just like well I'm good for I will never see you guys tomorrow yeah you don't even have to do more yeah

wow it's pretty awesome yeah this has been cocaine this has been are you cocaine let's talk business I got one right off the bat all right it's a little personal yeah ask you a question do you remember your family have an Audi we did we did when we had money my dad had an A4 quattro no you meant an Audi belly button oh that's weird I thought you meant the car too yeah yeah yeah no but Audi Audi's kind of a car that it's like I got a little bit of cash and this is how I think rich people spend their money real rich people don't have Audi that didn't even occur to me that's how my dad had a BMW he had

an Audi he over extended himself yeah yeah yeah it all came crashing down in the crash of 03 right when I was heading off to college I'm talking I was a superstar I'm talking belly buttons no you got an Audi your fuck I don't even know how that happens no one in my family my doctor was good he is that is it a dot it's like a cut thing I don't know my son doesn't have an Audi because my wife has like a surface belly button yes I'm not an Audi yeah it's not in any it's almost like you know when it's an Audi yeah yeah yeah when you're a little kid you see that kid at the swim club or fucking yeah a belly clip yeah

you're like see garbage yeah just happened here have you ever been in the strip club with a family member no that's trash no no so is so this this could be counteracted by how Irish and like sure yes well that's yeah I know I was the same way but then that's what made me think of it I went out with a bunch of cousins and like my brother and stuff I was like this is oh this is cousin this is strange maybe I've gone with my cousin yeah but I don't know I've gotten into fistfights with family members yeah I may have gone to a strip club with my one cousin I don't think so no because I think the Irish discomfort

with sexuality that it's like you don't even like yeah that's how it always was for me and then like I did I went to them I'm like this is yeah my brain my the two sides of my brain were like this this is my family especially man I'm trying to like talk about it on stage and I don't know if I can get fully get across the potency of the discomfort whenever anything sex would be brought up it just like it felt like a molestation yeah I remember like anytime like there would be like a sex scene on TV or something I'd be like oh like change a channel or like oh dude you feel the tension in my sister's bra and

came and freaked out she was wearing it I don't ever remember like I know that being Catholic fucked me up I know it you know what I mean and being Irish but I can't really pinpoint where like I don't remember and that that is the most Irish Catholic thing you saying you don't remember like I don't remember a priest saying sex is wrong I don't remember it's all the like you know kind of like how they say like microaggressions it's all these little things over top subconscious all over time we're like your parents have never been like I've never mentioned sex and anytime they did or like something came

up they would all look away or change the subject so it's like all these little things where that you know just kind of reinforce that that meant even even if it's even if it's presented as like a secret thing like like you know whatever like we can talk about even if they should talk about it but like you know out of public view that's a that's like a subconscious shaming that it shouldn't be spoken about yeah yeah yeah taboo yeah of course and I think I'm more fucked up than I realized yeah you totally are dude what the fuck you think you're even close to normal is crazy the only thing specific I remember and this

this did like fuck me up was when I was getting confirmed the teacher that we had that would teach us the lessons to her confirmation she told us point blank who's we were learning she's like if you don't say the forget you know not the act of contrition something father or not the other not to our father but it was something it was you know like it was like now you lay me down to sleep but in a more serious way for you myself fucking Metallica yeah no but she said if we didn't say that that prayer before we went to bed and we died in the middle of the night that we would go to hell that's true that's true that's like I

mean that I don't think it happens but in the Catholic by their rules yeah it's that's all I was like in fucking fifth grade yeah that like literally yeah man that'll fuck you up yeah yeah you know it's a religion and all religions are this way but religion is based on control sure so that type of shit it's it's intentional they're trying to fuck you up so now they have the answer like oh well you got the answer I'm looking at you I'm looking to you well and also they want to keep you scared of course yeah then you behave yeah pretty smart welcome to hell welcome to hell all right kippy what do you got have you ever

worn Janko jeans yes I didn't even get the co-out on that one so this is this is how brutal I am also have a follow-up has ever been a chain while connected yes oh yeah there's been several different variations of chain waltz I also your style when you were a kid what kind of kid were you can you did hip-hop dance classes yeah I mean I was just a kid that's been searching for an identity my whole life yeah I was kind of the same guy was like a skateboarder at one point I was like I wanted to play golf and I went through the skateboarding phase like everybody else but I mostly like kind of I wore basketball jerseys

and stuff like that once that went out of style then I wore Janko's but I only had what age was the Janko's like eighth grade I guess seventh eighth grade probably maybe six through eighth eighth ending it a little bit then I kind of got back into my sporty yeah but uh Janko's I my family was such a piece of shit like pieces of shit but like everything I wanted they always got me like the diet version I know I had Lee pipes which I was really upset about I wanted Janko's and I got Lee pipes so I didn't even get those I just got jeans like they just got me jeans that kind of had a little like big jeans weren't

even really big and then like I'd get like you know I was into rollerblading sure I was pretty good fruit bootin but the aggressive rollerblades they were 150 bucks so my parents would only spend a hundred yeah I get like shithole skates and you couldn't do what you wanted to take out the two middle mind on them like like that so I had one pair of Janko's that my buddy ended up borrowing and then he cut the bottoms of them because they were too long for him I was like yeah my pants and they're supposed to be big pants to begin with the first $50 pair of pants I have yeah if the bottom of your Janko's aren't

muddy you're not wearing you're not cool dude for sure so you had like you know the flood water Janko's yeah but I had I think you know what now that I'm remembering I'm like ashamed no we're getting out to an insane clown posse no no never but I tried on limp biscuit for size I tried on corn for a little bit my buddy Rob actually carved corn into his arm corn was a big one with the R that are yeah so I had I didn't even have Janko jeans I had Janko khaki pants toward a mess yeah you know what I mean your Sunday's best for them for the douchebag and the J was not the crown yeah with the crown that looked like

graffiti it was a so cool as an eight-year-old or eighth grader I was so cool it was a bubble letter J rainbow oh man yeah they were just the worst on every level yeah you were failing at a lot of things right there yeah but I think I they're like also available for 20 bucks in a sale rack sure and that's why that's why that's what you got of course yeah I was up my that was the same way we got the knockoffs to our winners I want to skateboarder do remember you guys were too young to remember this the company Nash yeah Nash plastics yeah like the trucks were plastic yeah yeah I had a Nash locals

only skateboard it was really it was literally like this fucking high off the ground I had one to fucking impossible dude want to sound like a real fucking door I didn't really I wanted to get into skateboard it was like I did get in skateboarding but this like I got one of those that like toys are us or whatever plastic trucks and the plastic wheels you know so I was like oh whatever so then I started talking to kids in school and they were like oh you what kind of trucks do you have and I'm right I don't know but I fucking need new trucks like for sure I'm going home to get fucking trucks right now so we went to the cool

skateboard shop was called G spot yeah that's it was a big purple building called G spot I went in and like the guys like everybody's like I was like a fucking skateboard shop out of a movie in the night in like early 2000s and I walk in I'm like how he is okay he's like what kind of deck you got I'm like oh I didn't have I don't have any of these answers I really didn't know I'm like I don't know just a regular deck we barbecue out there it doesn't have an awning or anything we're gonna get a hot tub of my dad got laid off so now we just have this big hole in it

fucking trash I don't know and he's like do you have like a you know a world industries I'm like I don't think so he's like going to do all these I'm like I don't think he's and then finally he realized this guy is not as this kid is what the fuck is he's like do you have a Nash I'm like yeah that's what I got he's like yeah these don't work from your board I'm like all right I'll see you what a jerk yeah I was into BMX my favorite movie was rad never seen it but somebody was talking about it the other day well it's probably me I made my son after the fucking lead character so I pegs on him too I had a mongoose with

pegs yeah time I was four into my you know whatever and then I had like I had a dino dino's were big dino GT or something nice and then when I played when I was playing poker and winning a lot of money I bought a bunch of harrows how old are you playing poker late 1819 really yeah I played in like all these underground clubs yeah I did the same I did the same thing yeah we had underground clubs yeah really trash yeah yeah you know how you know you're really fucking pure garbage when you make a lot of money in underground poker and then buy bicycle build a ramp in your backyard come over right the

quarter pipe yeah dude I couldn't build a quarter pipe I did this like out of spare wood from my dad's shed I've done that so many times made the thing too abrupt like that's like hitting a wall I live so I raced down my dad was watching look at the ramp this kid's gonna fucking eat it and I'm like 19 I got 10 the kid eats it he's bad with his buddies dude it's like I drove face first into a wall and my front tire popped up the whole bike popped up I ditched the bike in the air and then I landed on a peg sliced my ankle on the peg and was just like that hurts so much my dad's I doubled over laughing that sounds like a

gray guy we used to steal wood from construction that was big yeah the new neighborhood that was getting built behind your neighborhood dude the one this is we would so my buddy moved into like the new neighborhood right so like he was like one of the first streets done so we went in they had to build the rest of it so one time we went we're in the basement and somebody took like a big five gallon bucket of caulk like took the top off and just throw it on the wall like the house was it was like a concrete wall and just threw it on the wall and then we just went around and just started sticking stuff in it for

the next day we were fucking oh no we would caulk the the keyholes to like the bobcats closed and stuff we were just fucking dickheads that is right now in the winter I got one for you I got a question cue it up did you all right or any member of your family ever own a remote control car good one good one like I got like a trick one yeah we had a big work on it and like you had to tinker with it yeah a few times like it would get up to like 35 if you can quote the speed of your remote control car you're fucking trash it was from sharper image though I think

teetering on this is also around our money it was not howdy remote control car I've been talking about the whole time yeah my dad had an Audi that was yeah my dad had an Audi a beamer oh that was an actual vehicle for the family no I meant oh that's here what about ATVs your family I loved ATVs as a kid so we didn't own one as a kid but my dad owns one now wow yeah post-divorce that's that's a garbage pale kid made good right there yeah right exactly that is a Levittown shanty who finally had his dream come true but I've never ridden it I've never seen it I've never been

invited to see it that's very Irish Catholic we were always scared of them because in the 80s they were like real dangerous they didn't have a lot of this still dangerous yeah this one kid got paralyzed some riding once so that was like the big story yeah you know like you go near those things look what happened to the kids gliding around with a straw in his mouth another tool of fear I guess you know yeah yeah crazy do any of your family members still smoke cigs inside yeah yeah I think I think like people in my dad's side yeah still cranking cigs on like a fucking green couch in their car with the

windows up that type of shit I mean my uncle Johnny did all that stuff but he died like before he could continue to rest in peace Johnny all right P Johnny but he's like he was ridiculous like I mean he was this guy so this is this is this is the two-way street two Irish kids can go right sure my my uncle Johnny and my uncle Billy are in their way on that is a pure indicate if you have uncles with it well you could have just called him Uncle John and Uncle Bill Billy John yeah my uncle Tommy's coming over Tommy was gonna do the cabinets in my mom's kitchen yeah yeah so it steals her percussets so my uncle Johnny and

an uncle Tommy and Jimmy yes it's such a garbage and it's an Irish that's an Irish and Italian thing then my dad Joe Nicky yeah it's the worst yeah heavens are the worst yeah they are never on comedy.com everybody so Billy and Johnny were in the West Village apartment right this is like in the 80s I think and so it's kind of rough rough neighborhood still to this day they're a fuck it was like downtown Bay Root yeah so they're taking the elevator on their Barrow Street apartment which is now like unbelievable right Barrow Street apartment they take the elevator down to the first floor and they notice that a woman and a guy

are standing there and the woman looks a little in distress like she just looks uncomfortable and the guy is kind of like you know looks like a sketchball almost homeless type looking sure so my uncles are like oh shit I forgot my keys upstairs I'm gonna head back upstairs and so they stay in the elevator and the guy and the woman get in the elevator and the dude pulls a gun on both of them pulls a gun gets all of them into this apartment right makes my uncle makes my uncle Billy tie up my uncle Johnny Jesus and then the guy ties up my uncle Billy my uncle Billy tied up my uncle Johnny loose though the porn I

watch brothers trashy trashy brothers the woman doesn't even get involved yeah the dude with the gun so so my uncle it gets tied up loose right and then the guy is about to rape the woman in front of both so he like starts to try to rape them or rape her my uncle fucking Johnny gets out bursts out yeah here we go here we go runs up to the guy hits him the dude shoots him in the stomach what shoots him in the stomach

my uncle Johnny keeps punching the shit out of him so that Irish the guy the guy loses the gun my uncle grabs it he puts it in the guy's fucking mouth and my uncle Billy is like Johnny don't do it don't fucking kill him I don't know such a trashy brothers that you say Johnny don't do it and they worked it man don't do it take it to kids take him a read a kid don't don't Johnny

we got the communion next week don't do it Johnny so so he like I think a little Mikey you know he's gonna love him he's gonna need some Johnny come on Johnny come on we'll just take turns in the broad and get out of here don't go Johnny

why is it always like like he didn't have every right to shoot the guy yeah yeah but he didn't he ended up not like it took some coaxing Johnny's got a conscious on him so my my uncle is him he's got the conscious Billy Johnny Johnny's ready to fucking cut loose so they only Bobby Tommy Johnny you're like fucking good will hunting they get written up in the paper it's like this big thing right my uncle Billy they're heroes yeah my uncle Billy becomes a cop the guy who didn't get shot yeah he watched it coaxed it talked him out like he's like I'll never be

that hopeless that that hopeless again wow I'm gonna become a cop my uncle Johnny became a drug addict fucking he started he started holding people up and yeah I smoked weed with him before he died I also he scarred from yeah he was scarred I mean he has trauma he had trauma you know we got a fucking treatment in our hands we're even releasing this I want to waste do it I like that J Dylan Hall for Johnny yeah yeah okay yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's good great what a story yeah it's crazy right oh it's wild that's fucking awesome yeah one guy

he coming I can see him like looking in the mirror and now he's a comedian I can see him looking at his wife or is like Debbie I gotta do it I gotta become a cop it's my duty well that's like another trash thing is like two of them so since I started doing comedy and doing okay two of my uncle Lee John like I can do comedy and one of my dad's and my dad went back to acting which is the classic this city can do it yeah yeah there's one way out of this loser can do this I think that's the same with Brian Regan he's got like two brothers that do comedy as well as guys doing it I got you know it makes sense I'm funny is

your pop working is he working now I mean he's a he's back selling stocks in East Village he does a commercial he's on a commercial right now for like old Tinder I don't know what it's called but it's yeah it's just his dusty hair like I can try to get pussy now I got this one out of the house I can get laid here I can stick my Irish knuckles in a lady snatch.com check it out do you have any any lottery winners in your family not my family but my wife's family really is she trash seeing area she's Italian yeah but just like just normal Italian trash yeah yeah nothing too crazy and her

family is has it's not trash it's just like it's like weird Italian stuff it's just funny sure yeah we're cultural Italians it gets very murky yeah it's very murky I got a couple that you kind of already answered or fun the stories already I probably know the answer has an uncle ever been shot with this thing a rape in a West Village apartment and as I said uncle ever go on to be a drug addict any other uncle want to be a cop my Canon yes or no anyone in your family have ever been involved in a pyramid scheme yeah yeah just I'm sure I don't know you probably don't even know but yeah those answers

you've already given I'm pretty sure everybody yeah oh yeah including the cop the Canon family own a timeshare that's a good question yes at some point my uncle Jimmy he became a stockbroker and he just like made a shit lot of money instantly like instantly was really good on the wide open back he's also like he's one of the Nat he's like he's like a naturally funny dude one of the funniest people I've ever met he didn't stand up twice killed and was like I think you told me about that like why would I keep doing this you guys are fucking idiots I don't need this so when he got rich he bought like a boat

immediately yeah time shares up the ass all that's that's always the kids of death that's why I asked you about the lottery thing because there was like one or two really big lottery winners in Wilkes-Berry that like our family knew yeah and one was the demiliars this kid Bobby the millier that's a trash name right there he went through like 2.5 million dollars in the 80s and we all kind of hit the lottery cuz we're white yeah I recognize my privilege yeah has anyone in your family ever applied to be on a reality TV show I have okay which one I mean probably real world I think yeah what's up this is Mike I

wanted I'm wacky I'll be in the house I want to see that day yeah I wanted to be like good-looking and funny so bad and I just didn't know that my mom and my everybody in my family was like just telling me how attractive yeah I'm not Zach Morris sure not like you know you're not like I'm not yakei Hill and you are you're not gonna get cast as the hot guy yeah of course I'll be one D or you know I'll be his friend that like kind of gets pushy or yeah yeah I disagree I could see you getting cast as the hot guy I appreciate it my little movie you will be called Hank he's watching all right I got another kind of I know the

answer to this for sure I think have you ever wanted to be a rapper and follow up have you ever bleached your hair yes yes yeah so I don't know a rapper kind of like I'm super into hip-hop sure when you said I took you took a hip-hop dance class I'm like yeah yeah it's but I also like like when I went what I played basketball my first two years of junior sure and I was one of two white junior college that's a overachiever right yeah well that's because my dad lost all his money in the o3 collapse so my sister got to go to Indiana University and I got to go to Rockland community I didn't okay it actually is a good school for

those who use it correctly it really is because it's one of they pay you to say that yes it's what is community college for a semester it's not too shabby but it's one of those couple weeks ago just smoke cigs yeah yeah yeah so it's high school with cigs that's exactly so funny a lot of good-looking girls went to community college I remember yeah and they're dulls yeah his career waitresses they all drove Shirakos and fucking like the fucks a shirako it's like a shitty hatchback car long story short I was I was one of two white kids I had an identity crisis sure I wanted to be as urban as human of course well that's

what you're surrounded by like if you're like oh this is my you know I wore Pelle Pelle jeans with patches rock that Pelle Pelle I had white on white Air Force ones and I for a little while I had a tape up with the with the shape up yeah I thought I was Puerto Rican because I could dance you didn't correct them and then I the next year I'm gonna carry my dad's from San Juan they are my cannon is the Irish boy that's great we never see nobody dance like that Johnny no that's pretty good kid who defied the well can you come with me to my next pitch yeah right I need help harnessing the stuff God and you

bleach when do you bleach your hair that was probably eminem all that was like M&M M&M really did that dude like we were like when he dropped you went into school the next day and everybody had bleached hair yeah but my you know slim shady yeah but first my mom did do like we always did the diet thing like oh you're not bleaching your hair we started with Sunn and I'm like I look awesome I look like a fucking loser lady let's get the plus I got this plastic skateboard this ain't going well for me Sunn and always made me want to have a glass of lemonade cuz that little lemon on the cover I'm like you're spraying

like yeah you're spraying your hair that I'm hanging out outside for nine hours as a pale Irish kid they didn't really turn out I guess it might have been a conspiracy to just get kids outside I could have been maybe that's what Michelle Obama's campaign was missing Sunn and yeah yeah but I get these wiggers don't want to be rappers outside I would bleach my hair and then jump in the pool and it would turn green like that yeah I remember that that was a thing where it would turn green I'd have to shave my head and then restart yeah the green wasn't cool it just look it doesn't look yeah turn it's like a

yellow algae pool yes exactly exactly it's not a good look especially if you want to be M&M yeah fair enough I think I got nobody likes green M&M's you got one fully like I'm on yeah did you did you have braces when you were a kid I did yeah on your legs run Michael run you got braces I did yeah the name of oh I don't know but he was on dude there was a thing about 90s orthodontist where mine is fast and loose dude mine was in his house you just like parking his driveway there like a dog it was a lot of that it was wide open back yeah what the fun like is anybody

watching these not even Dennis to yeah just doing it's so weird my guy was sucking so much gas like he was an alter always 65 between 65 and 70 like an older guy too old anybody he wore it like he was fine sure I was with it and he seemed sharp and all that shit and then one day like I showed up and he just had jet black hair yeah and just never addressed it and was high as a kite and was taking off my rubber bands and putting on new ones and was so fucking blazed he put he took a rubber band and it came through my mouth so he looked he hooked you and it went through like he was piercing my lip what took it

out and just was like oh and mopped it up and told his assistant to finish and I just didn't get anything that was nothing happened that would not that would never happen now through like the bottom of my lip it went through all the way through it was so he like yanked it so violently it pierced that much fucking he was on fucking Pluto at the end he was yeah he was on yeah just a wild guy yeah yeah yeah I feel like with jet black hair orthodontist in the 80s out of nowhere and it's like Lee's wedding I think orthodontist in the 80s and 90s were like they were just playing it fast and I don't think it was like it was

because it wasn't like that was a lot of cash being a lot of cash and it was like not checked in because it was like kind of like elective if you want to be an orthodontist like you didn't always have to go to an orthodontist I was like yeah I do this in the garage you know what I mean it was like very fucking yeah well and what a like under the racket because since then you know then it was an elective thing that you know if you wanted to look better sure what you do and now they're like if you don't have your heads gonna fall off yeah yeah yeah of course all right cool yeah yeah you got one last question kippy I got one

more let's see what do we want to do I'm still in the fence I'm not sure if Mike is garbage or not well then I got I got two quick ones for you have you ever celebrated a birthday to an applebee's not with David Buster's recently while doing coke all right that was our spot in the afternoon it's just in he's fucking trash in the Palisade Center oh buddy we're levity live is yeah we used to go there Monday nights and just get two for once play video games and just be like dude we got to holy jacked out for one drinks drinks they're bowling out it would do that too was like dollar beers and we would all just go get like

fucking plots I don't know if your coke dealer had a happy hour or something come on down to four ones eight balls two for one key bumps let's do it paid price probably extra yeah good ladies and gentlemen this has been all your garbage with our good friend Mike Cannon just one more time you can hear him every week on the Irish Goodbye podcast and he has a special out right now on YouTube called life begins Mikey have anything else that you want to plug maybe long-term the album's coming out also this Friday I don't know when this is wait this will be out on Monday so a week from today perfect so the album is

out now life begins what I'll buy it on YouTube that's free it's got about 30 minutes to stand up and then the album has about 25 27 more minutes by that support stream it whatever the fuck you got to do and thank you yeah I am Mike Cannon so I watch the special it's really cool you did it in a fucking awesome way you first of all you did it yourself so if you do support comedy I'm you a lot of you probably already know Mike but if you do support comedy go check it out it's really he did it himself it's really funny and the way you did it is really cool with like the internet with like the other interstitials like the

big Colin Quinn Jim Norton Bobby Kelly Rich Foss Keith Robinson it's fucking Brennan Sacklow Brennan Sacklow yeah it really drops off that's why I left him out of it I started with him yeah that's good I thought Sacks was great in the beginning it was so good it's just that one little face that he makes when you tell the story yeah his milky eyes are all footing but yeah it's really funny check it out support on me it's it's really good and I was why I watched it was great thank you very much hippie guys Kevin Ryan comedy calm Kevin Ryan comedy on all social media and as well as guys please rate and review this

podcast on iTunes Spotify Stitcher wherever you listen to the podcast it's important that we do it in the first week and tell tell a fucking friend share with somebody you know god damn it yeah H Foley comm you can also follow me at instagrams on Foley grams and on Twitter and H Foley on ice there's nothing on that on that website Foley key bumps I googled it doesn't even come up as he doesn't come up first if you google it that's how fucking who made that for you Tyler Trish listen guys please they could be said shut up on cast rate and review and subscribe we love you Mike thank you so much thank you bye see you