Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Mike Feeney Answers Your Garbage Questions!

Episode Date: August 2, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back with stand up and podcast host Mike Feeney. Mike joins us to answer garbage Patreon questions! You know Mike Feeney from Irish Goodbye, Stand Up Comedy, Roast Masters, Real Ass Podcast, Kill Tony Podcast, & Legion of Skanks. Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Subscribe on iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/are-you-garbage-comedy-podcast/id1499140700 Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Follow Toby: https://www.instagram.com/toby.mcmullen   Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Holy boncos kids, look out. The keep it moving tour is adding new dates. We're coming to a city near you. Come and see us, some stand up. And we play AYG at the end of the show with the crowd. We answer your garbage questions. We've got some trash so far, but I know. I know there's deeper garbage out there around the country.

So come on out and see us. Kippy, tell them what they need to know. Oh, baby, we're all over the place. Providence, Rhode Island, August 11th. Boston, Massachusetts, August 12th. New Brunswick, New Jersey, August 25th. Then the tomatoes. Timonium, Maryland, Magoobies, August 26th.

Couple of crabs. Then we're going to Tejas, baby. Uh-oh. September 21st will be in San Antonio, Texas. September 22nd will be in Houston, Texas. September 23rd through the 25th, Austin, Texas for the Moontower Comedy Festival. Look out.

And I ain't done yet. August 26th will be at Dallas, Fort Worth, Texas. What? Then we're bringing it back to Long Island, baby. What? In September 30th. And then we're coming home. The boys are coming.

The chickens are coming home to roost, baby. October 27th, we're going to be in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. And then back down to Tejas, November 5th through the 7th for Skankfest South. Get those tickets. The link will be in the description. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?

The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Sure is. It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians

and we find that they're going to be classy. Or if they're just a big old piece of trash. Sure thing. I'm your host, H Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here at Aunt Tutti's basement. Nice little Saturday. She's out with the girls. Little cheesecake factory.

Yeah. Yep. Enjoying herself. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He's really kind of an international businessman when you really get down to it. You do have some offshore accounts.

You have some interest in Eastern Europe. I'll be over there next week. Checking on your properties. Acquiring some more funding. This guy's got a string of laundry match in Düsseldorf. Give it up for Kevin James Ryan, everybody. Gang happy to be here. This guy's playing slow pitch today.

Thanks for coming. As always, please make sure you subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube and then patreon.com, which is fucking cooking. By the way, I'm sorry. YouTube.com slash Are You Garbage. Those numbers are true to roof. True to roof.

I'm really cutting the bit. What's going on, dude? It's just naturally mature. And I'm thinking about just, you know, it's naturally I'm just missing it by accident. Yeah. I'm really pushing that paycheck on. That's where the rubber hits the road.

Fuck, YouTube. That's patreon.com, folks. Check it out for bonus content the whole nine yards. Oh, fantastic. How about a nice shout out to our producer extraordinaire, the magic man. He makes us all look good. He's out there in Queens doing it,

keeping it on the streets. T-Bone McMuffin, Toby, and Micah Mevin. What's up, dudes? Hey, pal. I got a Greek super who is big into conspiracy theories, boys. English ain't too great, but he's down to chat. Yeah.

He wants to see what's going on with Building 7. Gang, we could not be more excited to have our incredibly special guest back with us again today. He's back on the show for the second time. Got a little company in the building. He was an early adopter. Early, early, early guest, one of the founding fathers. Ooh, I don't like that.

I don't hate that. I don't hate that. All right, good friend of ours. Very funny stand-up comedian. You know him as one half of the amazing Irish Goodbye podcast and one third of Here's the Scenario, which you got to check out. Give it up for our good pal, Mike Feeney, everybody.

Yeah. Hi, everyone. Feendol. Happy to be back. I'm happy to be here. Still doing the stash, too. I like it. Oh, yeah.

And by the way, can I just say, very, very happy for you guys. Thanks, buddy. We did it. Like I said, we were saying, joking around earlier, we did it very early in the over Zoom. And now you guys got a whole, there's a whole studio here. You guys got, I mean, just a hell of a producer who's already on his phone.

I mean, you got so much stuff going on. Hey, check him. We got company over here. Oh, my bad. I was looking up a hypothetical question sent from a listener from the UK to help plug your show. My bad, dude. Toby's hot today.

Yeah, he's hot. He's got a good bit of an edge to him. But my whole thing was, you guys, I love it. Go grind a rail or something like that. Whatever. Go do a gnolly, bro. What the fuck are we doing? Go kick the hacky sack around.

We didn't fucking cool off a little bit. I'm very happy. I saw you guys got the Rogan shout out. And you guys are getting bigger and bigger. And the podcast also seems like it's doing well. So I'm very happy. Fat joke time. But last time I was here, you guys said that I was majority

garbage. Yeah. You said 80. You said something in the 70s or something. But I'm here to make that number even lower. Because I think I have leveled up. I'm sorry. I was going to say that this is the most trashy I've ever

seen. No, bro. This is me going into my final form. Do me a favor. That shows how trashy you really are. You think this is classed up. This is, I mean, listen. Do me a favor.

Open your shirt a little bit. I want to see what you have underneath there. That's a gray wife beater with a $3 necklace. Azos, baby. So what were you saying? I'm the every man. A gray wife beater is on the 2nd floor. Yeah, you can't wear a black wife beater.

What am I supposed to wear? Black? White? A white beater. No, not white. You can't wear a white wife beater ever under any circumstance. And black is just too, especially on a white shirt, it bleeds through.

You've got to get gray. That gray is a tough look. Yeah. If you open that shirt and lay down, and people walk by, they're like, oh, this guy OD'd. I'm sorry, I can't just wear a black boring shirt. I mean, the only difference between you two is you have a V, just to get it over your head.

I got nowhere else to go. That started off as a crew neck. I got to be honest with you. That came as a crew. I mean, come on, this is a gray shirt. The only guy with a D neck. This is Banana Republic, baby. Now.

What is? Garbage. This is. I believe you. That's pretty good. It's pretty nice. I believe you. Pretty nice.

Yeah. But definitely not going in the direction of classy. Let me tell you, plus leg tattoos? I checked out. Leg tattoos are great. They don't work. Do you have a Mets tattoo? No.

You said that last time, and it offended me last time, too. You got a very Mets leg tattoo vibe. I got to be honest with you. I'm surprised you're not going to do Ragnar right now. I had to go to the notes. You got Padres fan vibes. The last time I was here, I did the show, I was in a bad place.

I had a couch that was a motorized rainbow and flanicking couch that was half broken and stuff. That's been replaced by West Elm. Really? West Elm. Pretty nice. New West Elm, or did you get it on Facebook Marketplace? No, I got a new.

I paid. Drop the number. Too much. What's the number on the way? Four Digi's. Four Digi, four. 1, 2, 3,000. Yeah, at least.

Pretty good. Yeah, yeah. Did you pay for it all at once or payment plan? Also, that's not that much for a house. Hold on. They don't offer a payment plan over at the West Elm. Pam, shout out to Wayfair. You got just what I need.

Shout out to Klarna. 79 payments of $14.99. Wayfair is more of a friend. Really, you borrow shit. Layaway. Send me a cup of sugar, will you? They really are one step above Renaissance. I've never gotten a good piece of furniture from Wayfair.

That lasts. You sleep on that couch one time, and it's fucking flattened. You remember that whole conspiracy theory, how they're doing child sex rings and stuff? In the closet. So it would be like you could order people. You could order a Brittany for $16,000, and you're like, this is just as like balsa wood.

You're like, what, what? That was one of the conspiracy theories I didn't really get in. Maybe Toby's landlord won't stop it. Toby, where's your Greek landlord have to say that? Buddy, buddy, Renaissance is no good. Don't trust the Wayfair. I'll tell you it right now, huh?

He told me if you're going to smoke, you have to smoke good cigarettes. I was like, all right, dude. What is a good cigarette to him? Weed. To him, he palm all. Man, that's no good. That's no good.

Palm all. What other, I'm curious, what other, all right, so you got the couch. The couch is upgraded. What other upgrades do you feel over the past year? It's probably been about a year since you've been on. More than a year. More than a year.

What do you think, what other things have you been like, oh, I feel good about this, I feel good about kind of getting this together a little bit. And is the mustache one of them? The mustache just started as a joke, and now it's become an identity, and it's actually taken over me like venom.

I can't, I can't get rid of it. I'm calling people buttercup now. I don't know what's going on. We actually booked a mustache. I mean, it just came with it. We were talking the other day, we're like, we got to get that mustache in here. He's doing numbers.

Yeah, oh, oh, here's another big one. This is the, I got a bidet. What? Holy shit. I got a bidet. I'm fucking, I have the. Would you do a tushy or what is it? It's a tushy, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did you get it free because you do the promos? Ding, ding. Tell him what he's won. I think being, I think it shows how classy I am that I was able to get a classy object for next to nothing. In my next to nothing, I mean, literally nothing. But that also, that shows me your inherent trash because you're going, I, you view that as a level up

that you got a free piece of merchandise. You both went, ooh. I thought you bought it. I thought you went, I got to get my gas hole cleaned. My gas hole gave up. I thought you had construction done in the bathroom and had a real bidet. No.

I did, I did like build it. Build it. You know, you have to put it together. Come on. It's like hooking up a sprinkler. I'll be honest with you. I didn't do that. My super did.

I was super into putting them. Well, here's the thing. It comes with a toilet. No, it's a, it comes with a toilet connector and you have to replace it to a flexible hose. And my super was like, I'll come over. Cause I was like, I don't want to break the toilet and then be responsible for it.

So I was like, all I need you to do is take off the metal hose and I'll put the flexible one on. I'll do the rest of it. And he goes, okay, I'll be back in an hour. He never came. I had to leave for spots. And the second I left is when he showed up. So then I was just on FaceTime with him being like,

yeah, so if you could just do that. And he's, he's a guy from Ecuador. He's never, he's never heard of a bidet. He doesn't know what I'm doing, but he set the whole thing up and it's pretty. It's good. They're nice, right? Hang on a second.

They're a life. They're such a game changer. They are. You've come in here. You don't realize how dirty your asshole is until you really bidet it up. I do. I know how dirty it is.

If nothing else on these hot days, it just feels refreshed. Nice. It's like jumping into a pool, but just your asshole. Like eliminate for your butt. Listen, you come in here, talking about West Elm, talking about West Elm.

The days, here's the true test of whether you're on your way to a little bit more classiness. Hit me. What'd you give the super for putting into bidet? Right. Then, I mean. Oh God.

Oh God. Then I gave him a strong thank you and I appreciate it. I gave him solid eye contact. But I give him. A firm handshake. But I give him a tip every Christmas with a Christmas card. What's that?

We line it. That doesn't count. It depends on how much work you've had done. He's worked, I've done, but I mean the minimum is 50, but sometimes it'll be 150. Depends if there's a lot of work. You gotta go two off the bat, Mike.

No, because he's also, he's not the best. He's not the best super. I get that. Payments on par with the work. He's now figured out how to get around work because if I go, hey man, I need you to come over and fix this. He'll go, you have to email the landlord

and then get it approved by the landlord for him to come over. So it just buys him all this time. But you know, landlords or supers are great at disappearing. When our guy is like waiting on text back for months. My super lives in the building and he has a giant family.

And when you go up to the door, if there's like an emergency, you'll knock on the door. You hear a full family eating dinner or something on the other side of the TV on and you knock on the door and they all just go, they just stop moving. They stop moving, they stop talking

until you leave and you're like, I can hear you. I can hear you going, shh, shh, shh, like that. I can hear you. And they just won't answer the door. Jesus. Yeah. My old one used to just get bombed off by like noon every day.

He lived in a building for like 30 years and he was just like, I remember the guy, I was living with my buddy who owned the apartment and the one day the guy was like, you have to just like wobbling around drunk at like noon. My buddy had to go put him to bed like on the couch. It's like, dude, I don't care if you drink during the day, but like this is fucking obscene.

Nah, you need that. That's the full New York experience right there. The more I'm thinking about it, the more I feel like it's pretty classy to delineate the responsibilities to the super to set up a bidet. That's actually, I'll give you that. But a cool cheddar comes involved today.

You gotta get a little key in the pocket. I mean, I think 100% you gotta give that guy something when he, you gotta give him a hundred when he does it. A hundred? That's more than the touchy cup. You would never give him a hundred dollars. 50, 50 right there.

Boom, there you go. Wow. How long did it take you to ballpark? I think it, no, yeah, not if that 15 minutes. It's not 50 bucks. Huh. All right. We've got some Patreon questions here folks,

as you know that when you sign up for Patreon, you get a question asked on the air. We have our good friend Mike Feeney here with us to field some of those questions. Yeah. Kippy, what are you thinking? We got a couple of fucking barn burners. This one's just funny.

This is from Chris. Fist fighting your dad question Mark. You ever fight your dad, Feeney? Any Pistakuffs in the family? The family, no. I mean, my dad and I have gotten into many fights. Never like, you know. I believe we've touched on this before.

Yeah, there's been stuff where I've been like, you know, I'm running away from like getting hit, you know, kind of a thing, but it's never been a square off against him. Now I will say, it's probably my least proud moment of my life, you know, it's one of my biggest regrets that I'll just share with you. Go ahead, yeah.

There was one time my dad and I, we were on a vacation together. We got in a huge fight. How old were you? I was, when did Titanic come out? Oh man. What the fuck? Believe me, it's wildly relevant in this situation.

It's probably like, I'm probably... He was painting you nude. There was more room on that piece of wood, I tell you. Yeah. This pet I'm looking to slid over. Yeah, yeah. 1997. Okay, so I was, I was probably,

so it was a little bit after that. So I was probably like 12 or 13. So I was in that angst, hate everybody phase or whatever. It's a good phase. Did you have the mustache then? No, I didn't have, I've never had anything. So I was, all I remember is my dad and I got into such a fight that he came like charging at me.

And we had two twin beds in the hotel room and I was like running off, jumping from twin bed to twin bed and then running around. Like it was like a cart, like a Benny Hill. Like he was just chasing me. And then at one point, I don't know. I feel like I was cornered or something. And then I just spit in his face.

I did a rose from Titanic, spit in the face. And it, I mean, it stopped the fight. It neutralized everything, but it's... Jesus Christ. Yeah, I mean, that's one of those things where you're like, once you do it, you're like, there's no coming back from this. And I think he would have been well within his rights

to put me into a coma at that right after that. But I think it just took him by such surprise, as it would with anybody. It takes you by such surprise, just like it did with Rose's husband, because you see, because you never expect that. That's why I had to go. Shout out to Billy Zane.

Billy Zane was just like, what, what? Let me ask you, so where were you on vacation? We were in California. Where's the rest of the family? I think it was one of those things where like, my dad had to go out for maybe like, maybe it was like a business trip. And then he was just like,

we'll go a few days early and we'll go to like, you know, we'll go out to California. Now, isn't that great guys got a fucking business trip. He's like, you know what I'm gonna do? I could go myself. Yeah. I'll bring the boy, I'll bring the kid. I'll bring the family.

And also it'll be a nice trip. It was right towards the end of my parents' marriage. Plus, I mean, it wasn't like, it didn't start off the, he was chasing his fucking 12 year old son around a Ramada. It wasn't the classiest fucking. It didn't start off the classy. But I'm just saying,

But here's the weird part. We had a great rest of a trip after that. After that, we had to each like, go away for like, you know, an hour maybe and then cool off and then come back. And then I'm like, Did you apologize? Of course I did.

I apologize. I feel like every time I see him, I feel terrible about it. Jesus. Yeah. Don't make me feel worse about it. I'm the terms of it, you fucking, you're like, oh God.

I was gonna say, the guy works hard. He brings his family on a vacation. He's chasing his kid around the whole town and we're getting spit on. Yeah. Thanks dad. Yeah. He's gotta go to try to close the deal in California.

He did have one of the most intimidating, like another fight that we had. I forgot what it was, but I was all like, I mean, this is to describe my whole Long Island upbringing. I was blasting my speakers that looked like this. I was blasting corn. And whatever it was,

my dad was either like taking a nap or we were in a fight or whatever the hell it was. And he came in, took the corn CD out of it. And he was like, you like fucking corn? And just went and just exploded it in his hand. Like he just one hand clenched it. And it was like the most badass thing I had ever seen. I was like, yeah, all right.

This guy's a hot man. I'm going on record. This guy's got a bit of a temper. Yeah. He's since cooled down, but at the time he was under stress. And you can't remember what you did to make him chase you around the hotel room.

I'm sure I was just being a piece of shit. You know what I mean? It's like we're your kids, whatever the hell you're getting mad or arguing about it being a brat. I don't know, man. I don't know, man. I'm sure I was in the wrong.

Kippy might be right. Maybe it is him. I'm not saying that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. This guy stinks. Yeah, yeah. Come on guys, let's get him.

He also killed my sister. Yeah, yeah. All right, this one. This one's from Mike, which is very telling, which I also might think it is. I think it's Mike, my brother. Do you have a dumb boulder older brother with bad eyebrows? By the way, my mom, my mom asked me

what was wrong with your eyebrows? Tell that dumb bro to mind your business. Hey, Patty, they would have to cut that. Your eyebrows, I don't know if you've ever had thick eyebrows. She said they look darker. She's like, what's going on with Kippy's eyebrows? They look darker.

They're very flat. They're like underlines. Hey, Patty, this kid writes to checks. Yeah, she's zipping. You want to stay in that fucking necklace he got you. Shut your mouth, Patty. You want to keep watering that above ground pool in your nose?

Close that, yeah. And it's Mr. Ryan to you there. Solar cover. Solar cover. Did you have an above ground pool growing up? I'm sure we've probably talked about it, but yeah. Solar cover pool, that was the only way to warm it up. We have a pretty trashy system.

It's always a bees nest in that thing when you went to fucking open it up. We would jump. We would play this game called The Blob, my friend. It was like, it just looked like blue. That blue thing over? Yeah, the blue, yeah. Yeah, it was like bubble wrap.

We would go and we would jump from the ladder of our above ground pool into the middle of it and then try to get out of it before drowning. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the game. Dude, that literally, that's how people die like that. Many people, sure. Yeah, it was the 90s, dude.

Yeah, yeah. Are you kidding me? Yeah, there was a couple of times where I like things started getting dark. You know what I mean? Like when you're like, I only got about 15 more seconds. When that panic set in. Yeah, when they're like, the fuck is this?

The muscle moving, it's way quicker. You're scratching at it. I can't believe you were doing that. That's insane. You're sometimes alone. It's a real cool kid, huh? I don't care for your judgment so far. He's got a definition.

Welcome to the show. That's how David Karateen died. Did you, I'm sure you've jumped off trampoline into a pool at some point. Absolutely, I have. Really? That was only safe for the first one. The second one, then you're all wet.

Yeah, then your feet fucking slip out. You can take a header. You hit your thigh on the siding and then fucking. I would get fucking. My above ground pool was surrounded by rocks. I don't know why that was like some sort of style choice that it was just like, just white sharp jagged rocks. Jesus man, I never did anything with that.

So I still get nervous when I go near our pool when it's covered. Cause I think about lethal weapon when the guy fucking, when he shot the guy and he fell into the cover and he ended up drowning. That was always instilled in us. Fear, stay away. You're a real cool guy.

But we don't have a solar cover. We have a system of pipes that like lead into other little pipes and the heat's to order and goes into the pool. Oh, it's not pricey. No, it's cheap. Now they made it themselves actually. It's quite the eyesore if you ask me.

Just a couple of. It's all pipes, Jerry. Just a couple old two leaders. Couple of, a little bit of PVC we stole from the neighborhood. Oh, I fuck it up. It says property of Glenn on it. Yeah. They were doing a remodel next door.

All right, this one's from Mike, who I'm pretty sure it's my brother. What was the seatbelt policy growing up as a kid? Did you always have to wear a seatbelt? Yeah. I feel it's a big telltale sign of your trash or not. Yeah, I would wear it, but I would always be the kid who would like, I wouldn't wear this.

I'd like, I'd put it behind me, you know what I mean? Really? And just have the laugh. Yeah, cause when you're kid, it's too high up on your throat. It cuts across your face. Well, how about you sit in a front seat? No, the back seat happens.

Yeah, either seat. Oh, the back seat. Yeah, yeah, I always put it behind me. I remember, I don't know if you guys might be too young around this. I remember when it was just the seatbelt, just the lap. Yeah, you are too old for that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't lump me in with you. I remember when there was no roof on the car. Remember when you just go over the old rotary phone? We didn't have to wear one in the back seat. No, no back seat. Yeah, see, yeah. Oh, that's why I love to be in it. When I first started driving with my friend,

you're like, back seat, no seatbelt? Yeah, it was chaos. It was a fun way to die, I don't know. You get thrown around in there a little bit. No seatbelts in the back, back of the station wagon, sit in the other way, back of the pickup truck, with nothing. Yeah, clean leather. Oh, yeah, we were a big back of the pickup truck.

Oh, we were a back of the pickup truck. Love back of the pickup truck. That was so dangerous. That's crazy. Is it? What? Is it? Yeah.

Well, it's in the back seat with the safety off. Yeah, I don't know if I get that. Safety off what? Pick a gun. I feel like it would just smile and do namesake. Yeah. That was, ah, you got a T-bone? Okay.

Yeah. T-bone's not here right now. Remember the ones that, I think Saturn had them? You would get in and it would be, it would be mechanical? Those things. I never understood that. Hyundai had those too for a while. I felt like I was getting into a coffin.

No fucking way would I do with that. Yeah, buddy, I'll walk, I'll meet you there. They tried to do a lot of shit back then that seemed like, you know, new technology. That was fucking whack. Imagine being impressed by opening the door and like, but that was in the 90s. That was the height of fucking technology.

Holy shit. Great question. I didn't say anything because it makes the edit easier. This one's from Drew. Haven't had one read yet. Haven't had one read yet. Have you or a family member ever had to move

because your house was haunted? No, that one. Holy shit, that's a real question. Yeah. Because I feel like that might be actually classy because if you have such a big mansion with such storied, you know what I mean? That could be perceived as classy.

It's not Scooby-Doo. It's fucking... It's not a mansion. Yeah, what are you picturing, the Amityville horror? I mean, what's happening? All those old paintings, eyes following you around. Chicky's Mike? I mean, that's about, Scooby-Doo is about as real

as haunted houses to me. That's the same level of... I don't know, that just scared the shit out of me. I don't know, I think I told this on here before my sister's house was haunted. Just with, like, there was an old man who died there and he would only speak to kids. And all these kids would come over and be like,

the old man upstairs told us to be quiet. And then we're like, what the fuck? Later. I hate that, I hate that. They had to have someone come say on the place. Now I'm uncomfortable about it. Dude, it was so... They say on the place.

I had to refuse to sleep there still to this day. Like, if I'm in town, she's like, stay in the guest bedroom, which was the old master bedroom. And I'm like, no fuck, this sounds like a setup. Yeah, no fucking way. Getting spooned by the old man in the middle of the night. Wait, this is your sister's house now? Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The guy died there, who they bought... I wouldn't live in a house where somebody died. Don't they have to tell you that shit when you move in? I don't think so. I think they found out after or something. Fuck that, man. They definitely don't have to tell you if they died. They had to tell you, I think,

if they were, like, murdered there. Oh, really? I think there is some sort of rule. Ah, I can't do that, man. But you also can't prove that a ghost is real, you know what I mean? True. But he would only talk to the kids

and multiple kids had come downstairs and been like, the old, at like a party, multiple different times, like throughout like a year, the first year there, they were like, the old man told us to be quiet. You're telling me? They would go upstairs and there would be no fucking old man. Like, obviously there's no old man upstairs.

You're telling me. You're telling me. He's just foley. Your sister's still... Yeah, they got the place saved, you know? They saved it up. Are the meatballs ready? Hey, kids, run downstairs.

Ask your mom to design these almost. Sister's house now. Yes. You go to your sister's house. Yes. Ghost in the house. Yeah, I only go before it gets dark, I leave. Buddy.

Do you really? I mean, no, but I stay downstairs for sure. No, but... And I ain't going in the basement of the crossroads. And he keeps his fucking voice down. I'm not having Jim yell at me. Wow. Yeah, it's pretty...

That's the only... But we stayed at that haunted house, though. Remember that? That haunted hotel. That haunted bed and breakfast. Yeah. Man, that's scary. No, I mean, Jesus Christ.

I mean, we were on the buddy system. What are you talking about? We were sleeping in shifts. There was four of us in that room. It was me and Cotton were in bed. And then you and... Man, rest in peace that bed, huh? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Somebody was on the floor. Me? Me and someone else was on the floor. And you were sleeping in like an armchair. Well, they were going to put us in multiple rooms. And we were like, and we were like, now we'll all stay together. Because we were like...

Back to back. Dude, if there's ever like a hotel where they're like, hey, this is a haunted hotel, come stay here, then it's like, that's just tourism. You know what I mean? But if it's like an old man being like, come, come in, stay in my room. But some guy asked him if he ever had them.

What was the guy's name? I just deleted it, Chris, maybe. Send me a message on Instagram. I want to hear more about your story. I want to find out what he had going on. Okay. I don't like this. It can't be going rogue.

Yeah. What the fuck? Hey, email me after the show, will you? Welcome back to Ghost Garbage Stories. Yeah, this is going to be some sort of fucking spin-off you're trying to cook up. No, I just want to hear if he had to move because of it. That stuff scares me, man.

I don't like that shit. Yeah. Do you want to come over to my sister's house this weekend? No. When I was in theater school, walking the boards, as we said. Listen, you fucking studied acting at a YMCA and like Ridley Bensame, okay?

What are we talking about? I've done playing along with this story. Shakespeare, gentlemen, Shakespeare. It was a community center. It was in a really old neighborhood, really old area in PA. And a bunch of rich people lived in the area and their kids would like come and take classes

at the school and shit like that. And we became friends with a couple of the families. And me and my boy were over having dinner one night at one of the kids' parents' houses. And they were talking about how the house was haunted and they've seen this and they've seen that. And we're like, hey, get the fuck out of here. And as soon as somebody said something,

the chandelier just fucking came off and just smashed in the middle of the kitchen table. Whoa. Yeah, I was out. Yeah, I wouldn't fuck that. Later. I don't even like being in my parents' house by myself. If I'm down the basement and I gotta go,

I turn the lights off and spring up this there. He be a Gibi. Yeah, I don't fuck with that. You don't get scared of that stuff? No, I mean, what freaked me out as a kid was that, I watched that movie, Leprechaun 2 Young, that horror movie, and I always... I never fucked.

I still won't watch it. And that thing, I... Still can't eat Lucky George. Yeah, I hated it because he was short enough to be under your bed and grab your foot or something like that. That was that shit, dude. I had to fucking do a pole vault out of my bed. Oh, what a good...

Fuck that. Oh, man. Poltergeist, too, fucked me up. That clown fucking wrapping his hands around that kid. Anything getting drugged under the bed is not a... That is no good. What was it, Pet Cemetery, where he's waiting under the bed in Pet Cemetery?

Yeah, slices the Achilles tendon. Oh, no way. That little devil thing. Nope, not doing it. Would you rather look up and see like somebody looking in the window at you or something grab you from under the bed? The thing...

If I'm in my head enough, I'll still get scared that something's under the bed. I'm not lying. I'll lay there and just like, dude, you're nuts, it's fine, it's totally okay. There's nothing under there, but I'm for sure thinking something's under there. Yeah, I constantly have that thing

where you hear a noise in your apartment, you open one eye and you're like, you have to do the thing where you go, even if I decide that something's gonna be there, what am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? About it. That happened to my wife.

I was in home and I had a shirt hanging up on top of an open closet door. And she woke up and thought there was a murderer there, but was resolved to die and she's like, what am I gonna do? And just rolled back to bed waiting for impending death. Yeah. Good for her.

I'm gonna die, I'm gonna be comfy as fuck. Yeah, yeah, she's like, hey, I'm going to bed, do what you gotta do, bro. Well, my eyes look good at the funeral. Yeah, yeah, I don't know if I ever, I might've told her like a hard feelings or something. We were in Switzerland and we stayed at this farmhouse and the person was supposed to be there,

it was the Airbnb, they were supposed to be there to check us in, but they were like, hey, I had to leave the places, and we're in the middle of the mountains and we get there, can't figure out the lights. It's like an old wooden fucking log cabin. It's sketchy to begin with. And I'm looking around for like a light switch

and I look under the fucking stairs and there's just a clown mask hanging on a nail under this. And I see it and now I'm freaked off. I'm like, this is it. And it's next to a sickle. And like one of those old soles with like a whole, like there were mountain people. Come on down to jigsaw.

Stay for the weekend. Dude, so I'm freaking the fuck. And I can't tell my wife cause I'm like, this will like show fucking panic. So now I'm nervous and she's like, what's wrong with you? I'm like, listen, bitch, we're fucking, we're about to get fucking clipped here.

This ain't good. And I showed her in the morning. She's like, yeah, thanks. Thank you for not telling me that. Oh my God. No one should own a sickle. Yeah, what's that all about? Where are you staying?

I mean, I wouldn't have stayed there. Kinky sex hotels, you give me a headache. Listen, there was no kinky sex then. I don't tell you that much. Oh God. Family, a family friend of ours, when they were young, they're like my parents' age. They had a house in like Concha Hawkins

or something like that. In Concha Hawkins. In Concha Hawkins. I don't know why I said that. There's a jack knife tractor trailer on a Concha Hawkins. I don't know why I said it. No one knows where Concha Hawkins is.

So for the locals out there, what's up? Shout out to friend zones. Great pizza. Sweet sauce. You like sweet sauce, Mikey? Like when it's a little sweet? Yeah.

Sure, man. You went like seven references deep to now where I'm like in the sunken place of this story. So you got to pull me out with wherever it was going. I got you. But you're back here in Concha Hawkins, OK? Get yourself there mentally. The couple's in bed and they're sleeping, OK?

And his mom, they didn't have kids yet, but his mom was like kind of like tossing and turning. She felt like she heard something or something like that. And she woke up, but she didn't really move. She just kind of like opened her eyes and woke up. And she just heard this really soft voice go, maybe we should tie them up. There's two dudes in the house robbing the place.

What? Yeah, maybe we should tie them up. And she just closed her eyes and just fucking went back to sleep. And they continued robbing? They continued robbing and then left. And then she woke up. Then obviously she rolled her husband up.

How long? How much did they tie? This is the whole show now. How many hit? Wait a minute. How many things did they take? A lot? Was it like, were they out of there in 30 seconds?

I mean, was it like? I think it probably took a few minutes. Wow. See, Mike, where you're going wrong here is you're asking Foley for follow-ups to the heaven. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got the good line. That's it.

Keep it moving. All right. Fuck me, I guess. I'm not even sure that happened, but if we're descending into Foleyville, that might not even be a thing. I might have seen it on Netflix a week ago. But I was like, no, that really happened. Whoa.

That the scary point was is that maybe we should tie them up. Yeah, I mean, I regularly. And then try to pretend like you're asleep after that. Well, I regularly have that nightmare of like getting shot once in like some sort of mass shooting situation. And I'm like clipped, but I'm not like mortally wounded. But I pretend that I'm like actually dead. Trying to cup a decaf.

Got that, Feeney? And then they walk up and then finish the job. I'm not going to lie. Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've had that. I've had that, not, I mean, but the thing where like I am hurt or something,

I realize I'm not going to get away and I go, oh, I'll play dead. I'll hide over here. Yes, play dead. It's got to mean like low self-esteem or something. That's not good. Well, maybe it's also because I'm like, if I ever was killing somebody, I would never just shoot it. You never just shoot them once.

If I ever killed anybody, it's going to be, if I shoot someone, I'm shooting them like nine times. I'm finishing them off. I'm finishing the clip, you know? Yeah, I got to empty it. One in every vital organ area. Fuck that. No chance.

Jesus Christ. I don't know. Real smooth, cool cat. Just saying. This mustache is crazy. I'm just saying, don't cross me. What was the story? Above ground pool, though, huh?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, God. All right, this one's from below. Is it garbage to waddle your way out of the bathroom mid-shit to do something, get something? It's obviously not toilet paper. If you're jammed up, you have to do that again. You got to do what you got to do.

Yeah. Yes, man. If you're like waddling out the gate because you forgot your phone or something. That's a tough one. Answer the door. Because everything smushes. Be all smushed.

No, yeah, you never want to do that. I have had a thing where delivery was buzzing. And they're all going to stay for so long. And I have done like a quick waddle, smash the button, let them into the building, and then run back and finish, and then get to the door in time. It was some of my finest work. That's pretty good.

You've got to be giant. You're a fucking cookin'. You can't make a bad move in that situation. Because everything has to go perfect. You've got to execute perfect. It's got to be like born supremacist style move. We synchronized a watch. He hits nine to let them in.

Yeah, I got 19 seconds. Yeah, that's a quick white. What are you, fucking Aaron Rodgers? Kids got an eyeball. I think I had already started the white process. OK. So it was just more of a. Start the white process.

Give yourself a wipe or two. Yeah, let him get two buzzes before he calls. So you don't have to run after the first buzz. Yeah. To that second buzz. Right. And when he starts dialing, then you're like, you know, you buzz him in.

Yeah, but get in upspin. What's your buzzer sitch? You just got like, it's like the standard. I have a phone. They put a new, I have a phone. Oh, that's very nice. Mine just goes like. This is one of those.

Yeah, me too. I've never once asked to, is it? Really? You just buzz up. If you buzz, if you buzz my apartment, you're getting in the building. How big is the building? Three Amazon packages.

There's like one, two, three. There's like three floors of people and, you know, probably eight or eight to 10 apartments on each floor. That's big enough. Yeah. I mean, that's not your fault. Yeah. Well, it's also too like FedEx where they just

start hitting the buttons to get in the fucking door. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't hate it. I'm with that. I mean, if there's only like four apartments, then it's a little dicey, but sure. Shouldn't let anybody in the building. So packages are getting stolen.

No, they get stolen when you leave the packages out front the door when anyone can get in. You need to get them into the building where they're safe. Yeah. Well, we've been having them getting jacked from inside the building. But then you know it's coming from inside the building. So you know it's somebody in the building. So that's a localized crime.

Or somebody's buzzing in. Or somebody that you buzzed in, he's saying. Yeah, bozo. Oh, not my building. Not my package, not my problem. Hey, tough prank about your Scotch tape. I also don't care about things getting stolen. Really?

I mean, this is. There's cameras everywhere. And they fucking replace it. Yeah, Amazon's like. If you go, hey, I never got my package. I go, OK, it's on its way already. You ever get a thing? This is how much money Amazon's making.

You ever get a thing and you're like, oh, this isn't how I wanted it to be. Or I don't like this. I'm going to return it. And they're like, just keep it. We don't want it back. Don't even send it back. We'll send you something else.

We'll refund you. But you just keep it. And you're like, oh. How many things can I do this with? We don't want to have to pay somebody to field this thing and open it up and put it back. It's not worth it. It's not worth it.

Just fucking keep it. I've done that with like. It costs us $0.09. And we're going to have to pay a guy $12 an hour to open this and file it and do paperwork. I've done that with dog treats a bunch. Like you get different dog treats from my dog. And they're like, you try one.

He's like, hey, he's not a fan. They're like, just keep it. And you're like, oh, now he's a fan because he's anything. He always loved them. That's what you've got to do. You've got to drift. You've got to game the system. You are a little bit of a grifter.

Well, I come from a family of it. Yeah. My mom is a grifter. In what sense? She's like Aladdin, you know what I mean? Where she's good at like the, all right. She's got a good voice. One step.

She's picking up Ponzi schemes. Yeah, she could do the apple off her arm thing. No. What you would do is we would go to concerts a lot. Well, there's two scams she would always run. We would go to concerts a lot. You just, you're talking scams. You tell me.

I think it's like low level grifting. It's more like manipulation, like social manipulation that she's very good at. Sounds like a sweet lady. She's one of the best. But she would. I thought that was going to get all that sorry, Mrs. Feeney. How foley over here.

Hung me up to dry, you fucking piece of shit. She's one of the best. Second story, man. So we go to a, you know, we go to concerts. She would always buy like nosebleed seats, you know? We would go to like Jones Beach or whatever. Nassau-Cosseum. Who do you see in?

What's your mom? Arrowsmith. She was huge out into Arrowsmith. First concert was Hoody and the Blowfish, stuff like that. A lot of rock, right? So whatever. So one time we were going to see Arrowsmith and we had these nosebleed seats.

And this is my mom every single time. 10 minutes after the concert start, she's like, come on. And we just start going down. And this is her move, which is so fucking brilliant. And there's no way it doesn't work still. Anyone could do this. She goes up to a security guard and she goes, who is the, who is the, the old head of security here?

And he goes, you mean Rosie? She's like, Rosie, that's right. Yeah, we remember. All right, have a good night. And then she leaves. Then she goes, we walk over a little further to a different part, to a different security guard. And she goes, hey, Rosie's working here tonight?

And she go, and they go, no, no. Rosie just retired to be here 25 years. And they're like, ah, my God, that sucks. Every time I've known her forever, we went to high school together with Rosie. And she would always let us sneak down to like, you know Rosie, you're cool with Rosie? All right, go ahead, go in there.

And we would literally go like a front row, sometimes backstage. It's just like, you get little pieces of information from each person, and then you just build it up to a bigger and bigger thing. It's a match tick, man. God damn it. Yeah, it is.

What the fuck? It's just full confidence. And then she'd be like, we have pictures with Aerosmith backstage. And Rosie. Yeah, thanks Rosie. I have a feeling that your subconscious has made up Rosie.

There was no Rosie and your mom was just flashing her tits together. That's why I said, she's like a groupie without the blowjobs, man, I don't know. And when we go to, but also here's like a low level one, which people can still do. We would go to McDonald's and she would make up fake coupons in the drive-thru.

She would order, just say, I gotta buy one, get one. Your face got so serious when you were like, what? I didn't know you could do that. Yeah, oh yeah, she would just make them up. She would be like, I gotta buy one, get one free Big Mac meal. And they'd be like, okay. And like 99% of the time, they don't ask.

Until the one time that they did, she would just pretend like she lost the coupon in the drive, in the drive around. She had the big coupon book, so she'd be like filing through. She'd be like, it was just here. I'm so sorry. And then they'll just go, just go.

But because she understood time is money in McDonald's. The longer you stall, people are beeping, people are getting pissed off. They're like, just go, we don't care. We know there's no such thing as a buy none, get three free anything, but just take it, take and go. And that was like the way, yeah, I did all that shit, man. I would do that with Blockbuster.

I would rent a game, if my video game broke, I would go rent that same game, swap them out, and then go back, make a scene. Then they give you a coupon to rent a free game next time. So the next time your thing breaks, that's how I put Blockbuster out of business. Wait, so you have a video game? You have a-

I have a video game that I own. Yeah, NHL hockey. So you go, it breaks. Wayne Gretzky's 3D hockey for Nintendo 64. That was a best hockey game of all time. I could fuck anyone up in that game. Let's get it and play right now. So let's say that game breaks.

I go to Blockbuster, I rent Wayne Gretzky's 3D hockey. I go- Swip swap. I swap them out. I give it. Swip swap. Swip swap. Not a saying.

And then I get it. It is here. It's here. It's a classic slip-swap maneuver right there. What Michael's doing right here. Yeah, the old- Classic slip-swap. The old Blockbuster guys might recognize it

as the old slip-swap. Yeah, the old Blockbuster shuffle. And that's not the Blockbuster shuffle. So I just go back and you gotta make a scene. You can't just return it because then you could get charged for the game. You have to be like, this game was fucking broken. You'd be like, I spent my allowance money.

What's going on? Why are you holding it in the air? 24 going. I spent my allowance money. I still got the trash came for three weeks for this. So here's six fucking loans. I gotta cut for this piece of shit. But this is where the rub is.

This is how it actually, this is how you set yourself up for a lifetime of free rentals at a business that went out of business 25 years ago. Is that you, when you go in, when you say it broke, they will always go, well, just go rent another copy of it and it's fine. But you can't do that because you go,

you know what, this whole experience has soured my entire thing. I don't even want the game anymore. And then they'll go, This is a 13 year, I would have told you to get the fuck out of my store. Because you broke the game and they, Blackbuster can't handle that.

So they give you a coupon to come rent. Next time you want to rent a video game. And then that's like, It seems like a lot of work. No, it's not. It's a $5 commitment for a lifetime of free games. Cause I paid $5. It's not the free games.

You're replacing your game that broke. Yes. No blockbuster is. Yes. But for $5 once. And then every game after that, I have a coupon for a free rental. So I'll just go in next time.

And my next game breaks when the Wayne Gretzky 3D hockey part. What are you doing to these games? I'm winning and my friends are getting mad and breaking the game out of anger. Just Norton. Toby broke the game. Yeah.

Holy shit. I would never break that game cause I would never lose. Damn, I would never think to do that. That's perhaps, that's garbage right there. I like it. Is it garbage? I feel like it's like.

Yes, it's good. Is it? Is it garbage? Yeah. Cause there's a difference between rich and poor, but also in like shrewd. Is shrewd garbage? Do you consider it being shrewd?

I don't really know what shrewd means. Free video games. Yeah. But stealing video games. That's garbage. Yeah. I don't know how you want to spit this. You don't know what shrewd is.

You don't know what an Adirondack chair is. I don't know. I don't know what the Adirondack mountains are. Let's just go to it. Toby, cut that out. Can we edit him out of this whole episode please? Oh God. Damn.

Yeah. That's, I mean, anytime you're doing scams to get like, that's not even like a one step. The coupon thing I get, I lost the coupon. Yeah. Yours is like a seven year con. Yeah. I did it until they went out of business.

And I'm just surprised that you had the confidence as a teenager to act like, you know, like, you know, like an adult in there that this is, this was a terrible experience. Yeah, but the people that work there are also usually like teenagers. Yeah. That's what I'm saying.

My mom taught me everything. I mean, I'm backstage. I have to drop my kids off at school and deal with this. Yeah. My husband will be here. This was a whole thing. Yeah. Now I'm not going to have dinner ready

when my husband gets home. You got a risky game. If you're paying full price for anything, you're a sucker. That's what I always say. What other little scams? Retail is for sale. I'm happy to pay retail.

Yeah. Really? I'm not doing anything. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want you to look at me. You know, I'm not saying you got a barter, but I mean, even like Banana Republic, if you have an email address,

Banana Republic does 40% off everything, like eight times a month. So if you're the one schmuck that's walking in there the first Monday and you're like $77 for a button up, that sounds reasonable. And it's $42 a day later. What are you doing? Yeah.

That's garbage to me. I won't even sign up. That's garbage. I won't sign up for like- Not taking the same. Yeah. Yeah. Even if like you, I go to a website

and I just bought a pair of Adidas and it was like- I like a coupon. I don't like it. I don't like it's too much clicking. I don't do it. I just go, whatever. You got me.

Also, the two things that you have flexed as you leveling up your bidet and your shirt were both bought at a discount, jumping through hoops. Or free. The couch was full price. That I had to pay for. But again, West Elm, what are you gonna do?

Did you try? I'll give you that. I'll give you that. West Elm, of course I tried. He tried to slip and fall in the lobby. Actually, you know what? I did. I sent him a picture of him under the couch.

I did get kind of a discount actually because when I went to West Elm, I bought the couch and they were like, we also got another like a single seat. And I was like, if we get both of them, can you throw in it? Can you throw in a deal for that? And they'll go, we'll knock like 150 bucks off that.

So I did get something on that. Look at you. I spend an incredible amount of money to get to save 200 bucks. Still a win though, huh? 200 bucks. That's a lot of McDonald's, you know? That's a win to a dirt bank.

I love it. Mikey, fucking one step ahead of the law. You gotta think, man. Kids doing it. This guy sticks and moves. I like it. Oh, Jesus Christ. This one, this guy's name is a fucking homerun.

Uncle Hank's Weapons Gray Titanium Tongue Compressor. Full his tongue when he laughs gets insane. This has ever tried to recreate a fast food joint signature menu item at home. That's awesome. Oh, that's a great question. Who hasn't tried to make a Big Mac? I haven't tried to make a Big Mac.

Yeah, me neither. She's telling me that. Oh, that third button, such an unnecessary component. If you're gonna make it at home, you're gonna make it with only two buns, right? You know what's one of the greatest lies in the world? The devil? No.

The fact that there's not another slice of cheese on the second burger on a Big Mac. Is that a lie? No, yeah, it's not there. No, I mean, they don't have one. You sure that's not like a Mandela effect thing where that was something we all... I just told him what that is.

Don't get on top of it. It's a whole, you think the Adirondack care explanation was tough. Fruit of the loom, no cornucopia. No, it's... Wait, what about fruit of the loom? No, come on, tell me, I wanna know. You're killing me, dude.

What's fruit of the loom? No underwear. There, you know, what's the fruit of the loom symbol? What's the logo of fruit of the loom? Grapes, apples. Yeah. Orange and somebody else. And that little cornucopia thing, right?

That little like... Basket. No, there's no basket. All right, well, there you go. Oh, is that what you said? No, I don't see it. Most people think there's a basket. I don't see the basket.

I see the bat. There isn't? There has never been a basket. Whoa, really? Can you look up a Big Mac? There's no cheese on the top burger. It's fucking bullshit. Yes, the middle bun is completely unnecessary.

And also the same thing with the turkey club. You're like, you don't need that thing. I wonder why. Wait, that's not a basket? Yeah, that's not real. Really? Yeah, that's a rip off. Yeah, it's just that one right there.

Yeah, it's just that one. Can you believe it? Oh, my God. Yeah, now you're into it. At Aranda chairs. Let's go. See? Wow, that's pretty good.

There might not even be an Aranda chair. I wouldn't say, I think you would love one, but it would be quite a struggle. Is it one of those ones that have... It looks like a V almost. No, it's like this. I'll just pull one up. Oh, I know what you're talking about.

Of course. It's that. It's every wood chair. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like plastic now. I thought you meant the one with the cloth that goes like that. I don't know what that is.

I don't know what that is. That's what that means. That's a Foley effect. We're now in the depths of Foleyville, and it's tough to get out. I feel like I'm drowning in my solar cover right now. Yeah, I'm just doing this. Scratching a table.

Grab your leg at the bottom of the pool. Yeah. Let me go with my key. Yeah, should we tie him up? I got a question for the three boys. I'm listening. From across the pond, our boy over there in the UK. A manual.

It's a hypothetical in the style of Mike Feeney and friend of the show, Mike Cannon and Brandon Sagless podcast here to the scenario. I'm not friends with them. But yeah. Sorry, just going around. Here's a scenario available everywhere. Check us out on Patreon too.

There you go. If you were a nail technician and you came across someone who had six fingers, would you charge extra for the sixth finger? Absolutely. I don't think that they charge by the finger. Well, it's based on 10 fingers. Yeah.

The price is, they're not going to. I wouldn't be much more. It'd be 5% more. 5%? You gotta think of it, especially like a manicure too, is a lot of work, you know, that's like a lot of filing, cutting, they're painting, they're doing a lot of stuff to it.

Have you ever had a manicure or a pedicure? I've had a manicure and a pedicure. I grew up and my mom worked in salons growing up. So I grew up, she was a nail technician. So I grew up around that. I'm all about the pedis. And I've recently got back into the world of pedis. Sometimes when my wife goes, I'll go get a pedi,

well, she gets a mani pedi and it is delightful. It is one of those things where you're like, I get why women are trying to keep this a secret. It's just like a fun, you're in the massage chair and there's that weird stigma if a guy's in there that it's like an effeminate thing or there's like some question to your manhood or stuff like that.

And I'll see like old leather skinned Italian guy, for sure connected guy sitting in there getting their hands done. You know what I mean? And you're like, it's quite an experience. I get it. It's fantastic. I get pedicures done just for all the dead skin

at the bottom of my skin. Yeah, oh, they get the razor to it to shave it? That cheese looking thing? Yeah. Oh man, that thing. They always feel like they're gonna cut. They always food with you, huh? Little pecorino, huh?

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, back there making a Caesar. You know, and then they put the catch up on my girlfriend's fingernail. Yeah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, yummy. It's just a waiter say when. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Darling, please use Thousand Island today. I did that thing. I was, I was in the Czech Republic and you put your feet in and the fish eat the dead. Oh yeah. The dead skin off your feet. That ticklish? You did?

I would get so ticklish I would like involuntarily like stomp out the fish. You don't really feel, it's like very soft. Does it work? Yeah, I guess. I don't know. Not like the fucking razor. Well, when the woman holds, if she holds my foot

and she's trying to do something there, it'll, I'll like do one of these like, and they always look at you like, ticklish, loser. And I'm like listen, you're tickling the after my foot. You don't get a heel to your nose. I just started getting comfortable with people touching my feet.

Just this year. We know how to play cool man. Yeah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Don't look me in the eye. Yeah. I don't mean when touching my feet. Immediately in a Mexican standover. Oh God, that's pretty fucking good.

Um, this is a pretty good one. This is from Snake with Arms. Uh, don't fully understand that. A terrifying visual. Yeah, when a cashier asks if you would like to donate to a cause when checking out, do you donate and how much? I don't even, I go so far as to purposely go in my head

like lalala, when they're talking about whatever it is. Cause I don't ever believe it's going to them. Yeah, the very small percentage actually gets there and is useful. I don't, I never done, no, never. Never, ever. The only one I donate to is St. Jude's. Shout out to St. Jude's.

Of course. Yeah, what do you get out of it? Yeah. But I mean, would you like to donate? Danny Thomas. They've been really pushing hard like, hey, would you, they've been hitting you with like local families.

Would you like to donate a dollar to local families in need? Makes me think the guy's like out front and I got to walk by him. You know what I mean? He's like, should you give me a dollar? Yeah. Man, sorry buddy.

Yeah, you'll see 32 cents of that in six to eight weeks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all a scam. Everybody's trying to fleece everybody. Remember the UNICEF, the little boxes with the pennies? Halloween. I learned about that later, but yeah, I remember. You didn't get that at Halloween?

We never did it, no. We got them at our teachers gave them to us the night before Halloween when we were going on sugar treat and yeah, we had a fucking do a little shakedown too. Yeah. Yeah. Let me get a Snickers and some pennies.

Yeah, skim some pennies off the top. I think, yeah, I think maybe once or twice we just never turned it in and just kept it. That sweet 17 cent profit. That was my mom's idea. Oh, your mom was like that too, huh? And it comes all the way around. Pull the old Mrs. Feeney.

Yeah. Quick, Mikey, put this neck brace on when we get to the door. Holy shit. All right, this one is from Xander. Is it garbage? You have a kitchen-sized garbage can in your bedroom. Yeah, it's a tough one. Oh, that's garbage.

Yeah, that's too much eating or drinking, whatever you're doing. I don't even think I have a trash can in my bedroom. I don't have a trash can in my bedroom. Yeah, it hit it away. I remember we have a small waste basket in the corner. You really switched on that. Yeah, maybe a small waste basket. Yeah, maybe a small, mid-sized kitchen.

Maybe a tall kitchen. Kitchen receptor. A dumpster. Yeah. A cardboard baler. That was, did you have a trash compactor growing up? No, and we also didn't have the one in the drain. We didn't have either of those.

The garbage disposal. The one in the drain. We didn't have either of those. That's how. Some things you can't griff, buddy. Can't griff class, kid. You can have all the blockbuster video games you want. Can't talk your way into a sunlight.

Did you have a garbage disposal? Garbage disposable, maybe in one of the houses. Garbage disposable? Good garbage disposal. Yeah. Garbage disposable. No, garbage disposal. Garbage disposal.

No, that's not right. Garbage disposal. Garbage disposal. Oh, yeah, that's right. OK. Oh, leave it. What happened? This is what happens when Foley has a couple of pops

the night before he's got a fucking IPA brain over here. You said the same word six times until it sounded right to you? That was a garbage disposal. Wave of the future. Wave of the future. Wave of the future. The end of the aviator? Yeah, Jesus Christ.

I got a little damp brain. Disposal. We had a garbage disposal at. Disposable. I don't know. Disposable garbage disposal. But we never had that. That trash compactor was fucking rich people.

Shit. Yeah, I have a special. I remember a friend of mine had one. They weren't good, or were they good? I mean, I never. Would it make you like a little brick? Yeah, we just fucking keep crushing it down. My aunt has one now.

It's really good, yeah. Somebody had asked either they sent me a message or I saw it on Twitter or Instagram. We might have talked about it before, but the trash can underneath the cabinet. That's clear. If you can't see the sink. I think if you can't see the trash can, that's classy.

I know, but that's a much smaller trash can underneath there. But it doesn't matter. It's not out, but it's not out. It's not visible. That's the fact that you can't see it as the classy aspect. I think the thing that makes a garbage can classy is if you don't have to touch it to open it. If you could either do a wave.

Or the step. Or the step. As long as you're not physically touching the thing. You know what's totally trash but real fun? Wall-mounted can crusher. We've done that early on in the show. That's fucking next level garbage. Right.

Yeah. That or a bottle opener on the wall. Yeah, yeah. That's tough. Yeah. Never had that. Not in the kitchen. We have one on the back of the back deck.

My cousin made one, but it's just a two by four with a bottle opener drilled into it. Just like that regular two by four stain. There's like no, it just was from Home Depot into the earth. Still raw wood. Yeah. That's awesome. Holy fuck.

Good stuff. This one's nuts. Anthony, have you ever Saran wrap someone's car? Oh, of course I have. You have? Yeah. Prank? Prank in high school.

We Saran wrap someone's car when they were getting out of it. They were in a date at the movies. And we found their car. Saran wrapped it up. And then I think we also put food on it. Like tomatoes and shit like that too. Geez. Yeah, yeah.

I saw it once. They really ruined that date. Yeah, yeah. Really cock-blocked that kid. Cock-blocking fuckers. Yeah, I don't even remember why. I don't even know what. Friend of yours or good friend?

Bet one of my best man and my wife. Yeah. Literally. Literally was he? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, we were just, I don't know. I just thought that we just all thought that would be a real fun piece of shit thing to do.

We would have food fights while driving each other's car. Like we would drive multiple cars and we would throw food at each other. From car to car? Yeah, yeah. That seems dangerous. Of course. Surely, yeah.

We never did anything prank-y like that. We would sneak out in the middle of the night and throw golf balls at cars when they were driving by. You know, light-hearted manslaughter. Golf balls. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Vehicular manslaughter. You're like the kid that was,

that was a big thing in Long Island. He threw, they tried to do a prank like that and they threw a turkey over and over. Like a, you know. Yeah, no, it would never do something like that. Frozen turkey over the, over the. Killed somebody. Yeah.

Yeah. No, we never did that. I had a group of friends, they all got caught. It was like 10 guy, they all like met. We were on like junior high. We didn't go. And a couple other kids didn't go for some reason. They all met up in the middle of the night

to like smoke weed or drink or whatever. Nice. And then they started like throwing, it started off with like a hacky sack. They dropped off like an overpass on the car. And then it was like a soccer ball. And the soccer ball hit and flew like, you know, 10,000 feet on it.

Oh, that must have been so far. And then the next was like a rock. Murder. And it would just smash this guy's windshield. And then like, dude, they, they, they call, cause there's nothing going on in like our tiny sleepy town. It's like the SWAT team came. Oh my God.

Just fucking ran up on these kids with like automatic weapons drawn and shit. We used to stay and like shit themself. There was like this woods area that had like, you know, dirt jumps that we all made and stuff like that. Shad off to a dirt jump in the woods. We may at least set it doubles. What up?

Yeah. For some reason it was like cooler in there. Yeah. Table top, for sure. Yeah. So we had that. And there was like a main road right off that. Somebody get my twin predator right now. I had my Harrow, baby.

And, uh- Honey, where did they come from? With the pegs. Somebody had to have some kind of construction equipment to build those things. No, no, that was just, my buddies and I. Oh, just friends in a shovel. Yeah, shovels.

Did you start from scratch? Cause we, there was always one. No, ours were there. Yeah, there was like the kids, the kids that were older than a star. You know, you just kind of add short. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, but it was the, we would also go in there

and we would like throw eggs at cars cause it was like right next to a main road. And there would be a stop sign that would go like a two way stop sign. And we were there in the fall. So all the leaves were on the ground. And they were kind of filling up the jumps. And we were throwing eggs at all my buddies

and he lit up this one car as he stopped. I mean, five of us maybe hit it with eggs and the guy got out of his car and was like, I'm gonna fucking, it was, you know, he's probably like in his mid twenties, Jack's Long Island, he goes, I'm gonna fucking kill you. And starts running towards us,

leaves his car door, car running, car door open and runs towards us in the woods. And I immediately go from like, ha, oh, and I turn and my buddies are already running away. They are so far. So I'm the last one. And I hear dude, it was the scariest moment of my life. I still could hear the swishing through the leaves,

getting louder and closer to me. And I was like, I'm gonna get killed by this dude. You laid out a play dead. Well, very close. I dove into one of the dirt jumps that were covered in leaves. And I swear to God, I must have stayed in there for 45 minutes. I think that they, the guy left probably after two minutes,

but I stayed in there. Hey man, I can eat your free game to blockbuster. Dude, I stayed there so long that my buddies had come back and they were like, Mike, come on, like he's gone. And I still was like, no, no, no, he's just holding a knife to the throat. He's like, call the other guy.

Get him out of here. Call him. Call him. And I'm like, mm, mm, mm. Yeah. Don't do it. It's a setup. It's a setup.

They're dead to you, Mike. Just move on without him. I had a buddy do that. We were throwing, drunk in high school, throwing snowballs at a car. Like we were just sitting out front of my buddy's house, winging snow. It was a blizzard.

One of my favorite things. I still do that. And what? Snowballs at cars. Yeah. I have a little balcony. I throw snowballs at cars every time it snows. It's so much fun.

And then you hide? No, I just go in my house. What are they going to do? Get out of their car? He's like, well, yeah. They can't get into the building unless they buzz, and then I'm like, I'm like, that's 3B. That's 3B.

Hang on, I'm taking the shit. No, well, the same thing. I'm like, joking. And the guy stops. It was a guy in his 20s or whatever, like late 20s. And he was like, yo, just fuck this. He pulls in. And we all run, like whatever.

And then my buddy double backs and steals the guy's car because he left the door. What? What an escalation to this. He's like just jogging away. Like, oh, this guy's never going to catch us. And then my buddy's like, rrrrr. Oh, the Tokyo Drifts are on the corner.

Guys, get in. Fun prank. This is bad. But then the guy ended up coming back to the house. Whatever. And he was just like, yo, I'm not mad. That was fucking insane. And he came in a drink with those and shit.

What? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like he'd be like, you don't let him in your house, because that's one of the guys where he just goes, yeah, no, that was fun, man. That was real fun. Let me get inside.

And just look around and hang out with you guys. Get you drunk and sleepy. Yeah, yeah. No, I think he was. Hey, guys, I'm playing pranks, all right? He was. I like playing pranks, too. Very fun.

Very fun. Congratulations, your mother's dead. I think he thought, because he was like, oh, I'm going to fuck with these kids. Like, so he was like, I'm going to escalate it. And then he got escalated. He got got. Yeah, he got got.

And he was like, oh, whatever, I'm fine with it. Wow, he got escalated. Yeah. It wasn't escalated. Hey, Carpage's disposable zippin. Yeah. The fuck. Sounds like a bad MTV prank show.

Welcome back to Escalated. Yeah. That one in there. I'll work on that pitch for next week. That's not going to make final cut. That's going to be on Tootie's floor. Let's do one more, then we got to get the fuck out of here. 10 bucks, I'll make that disappear.

I would love if Toby started charging us to cut out a banjo. Yeah, otherwise it stays in. The allure of this whole show goes away. People are like, wait, that's what they're like unedited. We record for eight hours. Get an hour out of it. Yeah, it's dark outside now. We never edit anything on the podcast, especially me.

Yeah, Toby cuts his own bombs out, but then it lets me in fully fucking here to die. Have you think that's staying? You got another thing coming. No, we don't do any edits. Well, I wasn't serious until you just said that. Jesus Christ, you're fucking. That was the only thing I think was.

Pull a banjo, but you just blew it. You just gave him everything. Hey, guys, guys, guys. Hold for the edit. No. This is a go on. Let me get out of this. This is from the Facebook group.

This is from Chris Scotch out of that Facebook group. Ever take pictures with you and your significant other in matching outfits? I feel like that might be a you thing. I've never wore a matching outfit with anybody, even like as a Halloween thing, not even a Mario, Louis. What do you say no for? I guarantee there's a picture of you in a Yankees jersey

and your dog in a Yankees jersey. I mean, listen, that's a different story. That's it for us, guys. It's not matching next week. No, no, they're not matching. I was wearing a jersey. It was opening day. I was wearing a jersey.

It was dollar dog, right? He had a manager jacket on. He had the different colors. One was royal blue. One was the pinstripes. Does he have a manager jacket? Yeah, he has a cool little manager jacket, like those little nylon ones.

It's awesome, dude. He looks like his name is Jeter. It's like, come on. He's fucking. He's a Yankee. He sits there on the bench making decisions. Yeah, because I've heard it off. I've heard it off.

Because that's the mound talks of the pitcher? Yeah. He's kicking dirt on the umpire's feet. What do you think? How much more you got? You got some left in you? Can you get this next guy first? I'm thinking more treats from Amazon to be honest.

I like it. Gang, that is the show. Mikey, you got anything you want to know out there? What do you got coming up? Come on, go away, buddy. I'd like to know, first off, if you guys think I've regressed or I've gotten less garbage from the last time. I think it's insane that you think you've.

West Elm. Tushy. You got one thing. Tushy. The Tushy was free promotional products. One thing should be something, you know? You're throwing snowballs at cars. That's, yeah, because I'm a dollop fun.

Like Dennis Domenis. You're buzzing anybody into the building, all right? You're looking for scams left and right, not to be trusted. It's a whole world of people out there just waiting to be taken advantage of. Jesus Christ. That was the mustache talking. Yeah, sorry.

Sorry, buttercup of that affinity. Don't tread on me. You guys can listen to my podcast. Here's a scenario with Mike Cannon, Brendan Sagalow. We also have a Patreon. Please go watch my comedy special, Rage Against the Routine, available on my YouTube channel. Very funny.

And please, thank you, boys, and please follow me on social media at immikefiney. Oh, and if you like watching people play video games, twitch.tv slash nyfreshmake. I feel like watching people play stolen video games. Wayne Gretzky. Kip, what do you got for him? As always, make sure you rate, review, and subscribe on iTunes.

That actually doesn't even really matter anymore. YouTube, those numbers are true to roof. And patreon.com. And I'm at Kevin Ryan Comedy on all social media. Also, Toby's making me say, follow at Are You Garbage on Twitter and Instagram. We just passed 10,000 on Twitter. Twitter.

Or about to pass it on Instagram. We need that swipe up. Let's do it. We need that swipe up, baby gang. We love you. We will see you next week. Peace.