Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Milk Bread w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: May 5, 2022

We got a hot family episode baby! Thanks for listening. We love youse guys. Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Subscribe on iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/are-you-garbage-comedy-podcast/id1499140700 Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

gang let's talk about that middle-class famous tour baby coming to a town near you the hottest thing on a road right now We've been zipping all over the country. We're coming to a town near you kippy straighten them out First of all, we got a second show out in Chicago. So the first one out as we did Zany's Yeah, still some tickets left for the late show and we're over there in Rosemont Moving for that. So get them guys get on that Then we're also going to be in Pittsburgh Buffalo in Detroit get them now before they're gone Yep stand-up show we play a YG with the crowd. You've seen the clips. What are we doing come see us bring the homies bring the bozos bring the squad Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage?

The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or Absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley Hey Everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is our you Girby's hey, yeah, it's a little show We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they go to be classy. Yeah, or if they're just a big Piece of trash. I'm your hostage Foley coming at you on a beautiful day down here at Antote's basement She's outside in the backyard getting a little sun. Okay. Yeah bottomless. Oh, which is a strange choice

And she could use a trim I could pay you that much Michael who's coming at you from across the table unamused this week. I failed them yet again. It was a family episode Yeah, just got back from Tejas. Yeah, we're hanging out. Uh-huh. We're back here at Tutty sure are you're looking good You got a new Jackie. Thanks down there in Texas feeling pretty good ladies and gentlemen My best pal the guy that forehead magazine called number one in their book Kevin James Ryan You just tell me I'm feeling good. Hey, this is KJ. He's feeling good. What's up, everybody? Thanks for tuning in as always, please make sure you rate you subscribe on ithuns All video about all your top and as you know, those numbers are

you choose And then obviously www.patreon.com so sorry garbage come on I mean aside from the bonus episode you get every week. Yeah, aside from the AYG bonus From the fucking hard feelings aside from the monthly live streams I mean we just booked Disney taking a big man down to Disney for the first time that video is going to be up there We got the $10,000 on Blackspin and AC coming pretty fucking soon by the way schedule on that We got a just bonus videos from the shore or a cribs car video everything check it the fuck out gang But that hard feelings. That's the money maker man. That's what people tune in for

Up and down you're smoking cigarettes. You're watching it. What's gonna happen? Is he gonna get fatter? Is he gonna get skinny? Oh fact or by the way, we're in the middle of fucking fat court season This time I put the system on trial Have a nice quick shout out to our producer short in there the magic man. He's got the Midas touch She's got long flowing locks of hair and a beard and a cock like a big old Susie It's T-Bone McMuffin. I saw that thing poking out of the underwear about at the NBA man I god damn the rumors are true a little anteater popping out my reputation precedes me gentlemen T-Bone McMuffin Toby McMullan god damn and chum some respect baby. What's up dudes? My mom listens to the show

She's the one to give it to you dude speaking of that $10,000 bet. Yeah, I met Akash one Akash sings wife Yeah, and watch who's double in it by the way and watch how she's matching not the Mrs. What? His wife's not double and he's doubled it correct Akash is doubling it and I watched him tell her that for the first time Twenty seconds after meeting me. I am her least favorite person on her. That's okay. That is no blame. Oh Yes, 20k. We're throwing down See they're gonna be a great night or a really bad year sure To be one of the other but we're doing it. We're doing it. We're new money We're doing it. We're getting states are no more health insurance

What are the other always gonna walk out of the Bellagio straight into the citizen one bank looking for a loon now if we lose I'm gonna go outside shoot my somebody Somebody hit me in the head with a baseball bat I'm gonna deny the whole thing and actually I don't know what you guys are talking about Grand that's another guy's 410 pounds at the blackjack table. Probably the same guy's smoking over in LA Any who gang it's a family episode. It's just us. We're back We want to have a nice quiet evening just us and the bozos and the homies sure hanging out Um, I might have asked you this before I'm listening, but I've been dealing with it a little bit more lately

What's your belly button Routine what do you have one? No, I Know what I treat my belly button like I treat my feet Gravit is safety cleaned itself. They're self-cleaning. You don't scrub your feet. I know you don't wash your feet No, wow, that's weird. I can't even reach my feet and I use my brush Same thing I do with my grundle Scrub it all out that poor brush

Best of the best the best part of that that brushes day is your feet That's bad news. I'll even hang it in the shower. Oh, no, it's asshole day It's always asshole day Do uh, yeah, no clean it it cleans itself Water gets in there. I mean, I Think our belly buttons live very different when we talked about this. You smelled my belly button on an episode. Yeah, it was horrific Yeah, thank you. Don't don't get me wrong. Mine will get ripe if I'm like if it's sweaty or whatever I get cheesy Yeah, well, it's the difference between a kiddie pool on kippy and an Olympic-sized swimming pool

There's not a whole bunch that can go on there. You got a trench I got a bunch of kids hanging out there like they're at the quarry. Yeah getting trench foot and shit I got two subs down there Wrecked on the bottom of the floor. That's coral reef growing in that bad boy They go to your belly button to sink ships the manufacturer coral reefs Tiger couple of subway cars in there, too tiger shark breeding ground down there giant squid megalodon fight in there, too Well, the reason I asked is because I have a nice little routine now when I get out of the shower Okay, I take it out you do it. Huh?

That'd be a pre that seems like shaving to me if you have a routine. No, I just put I get out of the shower I'd learn a chill just ran through my spine, dude. I swear to God I Get out of the shower. Uh-huh, okay, which I started doing your thing by the way What's my thing by don't be stealing my thing don't though the wiping yourself off with with your hand before you actually get Yeah, like of civilized human never did it before a lot of water does come off It all comes on listen. This is what you like a sham. Wow It's like a squeegee. You got to take care of the head first. That's where most of the moisture is held

Your hair, it's like cutting a snake. Oh, you got a fucking if you dry your hair first and then work your way That you do a slurp a couple of days. It's like you're telling them to steal home. You know what I mean? You do a couple of them down to that, you know, whatever. Yeah, try to all the what you know I do a couple of cups of water come off you then I get out and I do my ears Do my ears every day q-tips. I Use one q-tip one side one side throw that out and then I get another q-tip put it in alcohol And I just go in there and you What are we doing? What kind of alcohol we talking captain Jack? What are we doing?

You you use rubbing alcohol in your belly button every day. Yeah, why is that bad? It seems like overkill No, I want to keep it clean. I'm trying to take care of myself. I mean, I was also an open wound. Is it it bleeds sometimes Is that bad it ain't good Belt in his mouth Do it doc do it. Yeah, well, what's with this Civil War fucking health care you got going on? I clean out my belly button like a gentleman, so it doesn't smell anymore. I'm trying to improve myself Also struck oil down there too a couple of Derek's got like their clampets That's I mean, I know I'm just shocked that you're cleaning your belly button with alcohol

I'm good good on you if it helps the my belly button with alcohol and I find my floss Those are the two things. I'm really good at everything else. I really got to pick up in Life, yeah, those just seem like, you know Very minor details when it comes to your your health and happiness is flossing and Alcohol in the belly button. I'm sure Toby and I were talking in the in the vehicle on our way on our way over I just I just cut the lawn down there your pubes. Did you clean it up? Did you do it? She's a good woman tell you that Couples do that kind of shit for each other. Yeah weirdos

Let's shave it me my wife don't shave each other really what? That's crazy. What are you guys barbers? It's like going to the vet or something no trim me up Because here's my problem Can I get real for a second? No, no man between the belly button and your weird sexual proclivities Sexual proclivities though, I do have them ladies gentlemen if you ever get the opportunity to throw eights fully under the bus You got to give it a whirl. It's a good time Told you that confidence you piece of shit

You riding the back from now on at least tell me use the lawnmower 4.0, of course. I did I'm not a fucking I don't know if that's this week. Maybe we bleep it Just says Naroko Well, here's my stitch he's national leading brand Here's my sick what I Can pick up. It's probably not easy for you. No, yeah, of course. I mean that's a given It's not easy and my brush won't do it Nothing on that. All right

But the Things build up down there like what it's a it's a it's an almond cheese. It's an odd yet appealing aroma I believe Armanda cheese. I believe it's a little urine probably some semen in the hair in the hair Because when you put it back What when you tinkle and then you put it back there's still a dribbler to it gets in the hair and where pubes smell weird They don't smell great. Well, not now now they do put it back Yeah, it sounds like it's detachable like it's a cat stick What do you?

Don't think our corkscrews or something. I'm out Yeah, that's why I don't do cats. No, I'd never give me a red rocket something I know and trust, you know, dude I remember staring at my dog's dick for like for like two weeks when I was a kid. That's the name of your memoir Staring at my I understand it that they be like what the fuck is that? That's one of the most foulest things in nature is the dick of a dog For something so cute and adorable. He really got shafted on coming out of the assembly line on that one Anyway, okay, yeah, it gets I don't know it gets like a like a uriny smell

Because when I put my my my wee wee back, how long are your pubes are they were bad? That's what I'm saying like what studio 54 Like give me like that. They were like draft Dodger Rock-and-roll bass player. That's what we're talking here. Yeah, like Toby's I Keep my shit tight son. There was a couple of them that outstretched the the unit of the hill thank you My dear old Tinky Winky That little Lincoln a little guy But all scrub that clean that all up use my brush scrub that clean fresh as a whistle plus I started using We have to talk about this

Prior to the recording. You can't just throw this stuff out at me. It's no good It's not I'm not saying it's bad. It's just a lot to take in you have to realize that We're not all walking around as you so what's normal for you? Uh-huh might be a little startling to those around you I know the big guys out there. No, I'm talking about I'm not as I'm tapping it head-on I'm going straight at it tighten it everything up. I use a little not bad What's the feminine high-gene spray what? You know I'm talking about Yeah, it's I think it is vagicel they use you know they spray it down there to keep everything dry summer's Eve something like that

Are you back to ten actin? I use that yesterday? Normally? I use gold bond spray after I get everything all cleaned up. I do my hair dryer often. Are you doing that? Why are we talking about? The trim I do as needed but the scrubbing doesn't sound like you do it as needed When I realize oh fuck yeah, that's not has something smells It's like a dead body in an old apartment. You got smelly pubes your ball sack. I get a workout I really a long day at the factory a long day running around. I get that I really have to scrub but your pubes smell Just get caught. I'm sure your pubes smell right now If you scratch out of the shower in our if you scratch your pubes and smell that there would be a little bit

Maybe a little bleach a little something my pubes don't I do I would a hint of raspberry something I would be on my pubes notes of vanilla. I just got out of the shower. Are your pubes long Right now. I don't think so. I keep it pretty tight when you when you when you trim down Do you go all the way I get a little wacky down there? It depends I like logo sometimes you go, you know it depends I try to keep an even you know try to keep a fair and balanced down there on the left and the right You know I call balls and strikes is not urine by the way It's not my urine

I'm not a weirdo Yeah, I use you know, I kind of just give it a quick once over I go shorter than I intend to when I start out Put it that way, you know what I mean? I should go for like a four or whatever. I don't know I go long I go short. I mean, okay. I really you know keep an eye and tight down. Yeah, I used to use a blade and cream for a long time That's The most insane I've ever heard of my life. Oh, is it drinks his own urine and has smelly pubes I am not drinking my own urine. It's Gatorade. It's red sugar-free Red Bull with water The diluted a little bit can't have the caffeine vanilla something to keep it all goes in the same place though

You know that what's that? You're still consuming the same amount of caffeine. I understand. Okay, so then why'd you just lie a second ago? I don't know Old habits die hard. I guess man. We are descending into the bill of fully. I Can't we use a blade and cream? I don't do it no more straight razor. Yeah, like a Bic. No straight razor. No I'm not an old fucking barber In your bathroom with a clown mask on I

Yanked my ween out getting that getting the sideburn. Yeah, you gotta pull it out That's what I do. I pull it out why she's I get hard before I do it. Are you kidding me? Well, that would make it easier. Of course plus it shows you what the performance is gonna look like not dresser Yeah, yeah, cuz sometimes you go it and then you know It's time to perform and you realize you got a bad do go You know, it looks like you're joining the army Put a hat on that kid way Jesus Christ. Yeah, you got to go dark for a couple of days Shut it down shut down production. I'm closing the studio

Tell me insurance and come through or something. I don't know can't find a grip. We're out for a little while. Yeah, yeah Okay, but yeah, I was a blade and cream for a long time wild It's a real smooth down there. I know but doesn't it get eggs. Well, yeah, I'd cut myself like eggs It's a weird comparison. It's a chappel bed No, but when it grows back then you get a lot of ingrown hairs and like it really itches as it's coming through Maybe I haven't done it in forever Hmm, but yeah, maybe settle on down you would do it in the shower I would do it in the shower and then that's when you're like, oh, I've gone too far

You know what I mean? I would go in for a little trim around like, you know, the thighs are you tighten it up tighten the ship up They see you know, you're knuckled deep. Yeah A couple of dead bodies and I'm thinking in the cellar. Yeah, it's real real real. It escalates quickly. Yeah, okay But I've shaved my butthole before you ever shave your muzzle. I'll get in the gooch Get in the gooch. Yeah, see that's a little bit. That's a dangerous area I also use this. I use the same trimmer on my face and on my balls Yeah, and you're sitting there judging me. Yeah, but clean Toby how do you feel about that super gross super gross it is what it is

What kind of equipment to use use the little one oh, no, I'll use the lomo for that You don't use that you use the lawnmower on your face sometimes really neck Okay, I'll trim I'll tighten it up with the lawnmower. It's not just for balls. No, it's not This is like a YG after dark. What are we doing here? It's a family program your mother's listen. Yes. She is Yes, she does. She knows she used to do it for me before when I was in high school My get down here. I gotta trim my pew. I got prominent hour. Let's go Tighten them up a little bit I'm on oven mitts

Get the big extension cord The outdoor one the orange one Terry Terry any who we got a goddamn family episode going on right now. Yes, we do where we answer your questions From what was our website again? Patron.com back so sorry garage It's not about Jack Conte and Sam Yam guys when you sign up for patreon. We will answer your question on the air It's just the best way to do it the patreon to get the first crank 80. Yeah, I mean, we know, you know, I'm telling him I know you know, I know you know that I know that you know

That I know sure what how much was that jacket too much $200 no more less Thanks for fully in this game 150 149 45 something like that. I was drunk when they got me Mmm, and it was one of those things like the the extra large was too big the medium was too small He's like, oh, we might have one black large one. I'm like, let me came down. I was just like it fit I'm like, I'll take it and I didn't even look I swiped the car It's like a cheap much. Yeah, but it's not about helix helix helix helix kippy You know them you love them you sleep on one every single night. I was in one this morning. Yes, you were

So was I Gang helix, let me tell you something You don't want to be going to the mattress store like a bozo and dealing with some dirt ball You can go on helix you could take the quiz you can find out how you sleep and they can get a mattress that matches Exactly how you like to sleep. Yeah, what what sounds easy this quiz is probably what half hour 45 minutes to three minutes Two minutes. I took it myself minute and a half if you cheat me If you look at if you got a nosy neighbor me and my wife took it we were matched with the twilight Mattress it's fantastic. We loved it. We loved it so much. We even upgraded to a king size now

We're in there and we use the promo code garbage. There you go. You save a couple of bucks It's easy peasy if you're looking for a mattress just take the quiz or the mattress match to you and it comes right to your door Ship for you don't ever have to go to the mattress store again Just go to helix sleep calm take the two-minute sleep quiz and they'll match you with a customized mattress Give you the best sleep of your life ten-year warranty You get to try it out for a hundred nights free risk-free believe and pick it up if you don't love it But I'm telling you you got the KJ stamp of approval. You will love it even got financing options flexible payment plans So a good night's sleep is not that far away

Helix is offering up to two hundred dollars off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helix sleep comm Slash garbage one more time. He looks sleep comm slash garbage do it gang This podcast is sponsored by better help online therapy as you know The most important relationship that you have is the one you have with yourself. You ain't lying big man Which I found out the hard way And if we need to talk to somebody better help can actually help you yes It's easy PZ better help is online therapy that offers video phone and even live chat sessions with your set therapist So you don't have to see anyone camera if you don't want to but I recommend it get the eye contact. They pick up

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Are you garbage listeners get a 10% off their first month at better help comm slash garbage? That's better help be E-t-t-e-r-h-e-l-p.com slash garbage do it. Yeah All right, let's get right into it speaking a daily cleaning hygiene. Look at that That was not planned. That's how it always works out. Well, it wasn't the first one. I had pulled I wove it in nice Like a pro you go and then bragged about it. This one's from Kevin James Ryan Gosling love the name buddy, right? Never had one read ever use dish soap in lieu of body wash or a bar of soap Yeah, we've we've we've we've touched on this. I think a little bit for in

The summers when I was landscaping, uh-huh, you'd be around poison ivy all the time. Oh, yeah that so you got it It was palm olive. Oh, yeah, let me take something. I palm olive. That was a lot. I got a lot of uses It's cleaning up your regular palm olive smells so fucking good It's unbelievable the blue stuff or the green the green the green the green get that go around the top of that When you would run out, I would rub my fingers on that We shit, you know, we would if we'd the last house of the day We'd fucking stripped down into our our jean shorts or whatever we had on and you stand at the hose and you'd fucking Yeah wash off with that. It's terrible for the skin

Drives out whatever. Oh my god, but I got used to it and I started using it in a shower for a little while I don't there's no shame in it It's what you gotta do. That's what you got to do But like take me my average day-to-day as you would call it sure be bopping around a city a couple of spots in the house Dog for a walk come in record whatever nothing too strenuous. You know what I mean, okay? I'm not a whole bunch of shmitty, but like I would just clean with water if I didn't have soap until Like just that one time that I would buy soap

Wait, what do you mean? You would take a shower without using soap if I didn't have soap before I use like palm olive or whatever Yeah, just fucking scrub the pitties unless I would use some conditioner or champ. I mean shampoo is That's the same thing shit buddy I use shampoo when I have soap. Oh me too. Sometimes I just want to smell. Oh, yeah You get like a suave cool breeze or something take me right to give me a pina colada and put my toes in it Yeah, sometimes I just go for it. She has a really good expensive shampoo in there. Well, that stuff I don't touch the cold press grab that Yeah, no, I use bar soap as a lot of you know

Still strict bar man, but if I did run out I would just water up because I'm not like That's yeah, yeah, that's that's cookie talk What's the point of dead just Man, all right, but it's also I can't I can't I'm not judging your lifestyle, but I can't connect to that Is that is that the thing you refer to as rinsing off? Because you've used the phrase rinsing off sometimes I jump in and just rinse off. Is that what you call I always use soap If I'm in the shower I use soap, but here's the also the thing

I'm not getting in the fucking shower knowingly. I don't have soap. I get in the shower. I'm soaked I realize I don't have soap. I'm not gonna get out of the shower Walk into the kitchen wet as shit a little Hansie, you know, trying to lick my noodle or whatever and get the fucking palm olive Whatever we use you walk around the house naked at all. Not really No No, I'm rolling around that bitch. Yeah, like a nude beach in Paraguay, uh-uh now. I'll be boxers You know skiffs in a t-shirt is typically like what I snooze in so I'll get up

I'll make some eggies like that or whatever, you know But that's about it But yeah, no, I I would just go like Well, this is what I'm this is you're in that situation But then also I'm in that situation of I don't have soap. I don't have conditioner I don't have shampoo like that can't conditioners off the table. What are you talking about? Nah, you just need something whatever a little Conditioner, I'm not choose by the you're acting like I'm telling you to do this, but you're making these decisions Conditioner, I'm not gonna run to the store real quick. I mean I got to shower

Conditioner Man, this kid's like an onion. I'm just saying if I'm in a shower and there's no soap. There's no shampoo Mm-hmm. There's just one bottle of conditioner. You're gonna get out and go to the kitchen to get palm olive for sure. That's That's crazy For fucking get a little lather go and get the smell get a little coconut whatever you're cooking There's no suds with conditioner. Yeah, I real hey, I'm operating. This is wartime. What are you talking of course? This is not ideal I'd get out of the shower with some soap. That's insane to me. You know a patty did the other day

What no your laundry. I disagree what you know, he's not gonna walk and get so no you just sit here and lie And we're just supposed to believe it. There's no way you would walk to the kitchen to get so I wouldn't I wouldn't use conditioner I know that having been on the road with you. I know exactly what you would do What's that? You would turn the water off you'd slide the curtain to the side and you'd yell until someone brought it to you Yeah, that's pretty good I That's what it's like on the road with Foley in an Airbnb. What'd you say? That's exactly what I would and I'd be real pissed if nobody heeded to my to my nobody heard my cries

Yes, yes, you stink on every level That toilet paper I like my toilet paper brought to me. Oh man my wife Bought toilet paper at the bodega Mm-hmm because we ran out and like you can't leave Hans is still like she don't want to leave Hans outside You know what I mean? Oh, what like I'll like wrap them around like a pole or whatever never I would do it. He's like a full-grown dog. Not a puppy. It's it's you know get scooped up too sweet But so the only thing like in our neighborhood to let you go in with a dog is the bodega

So she was like, all right, I'll walk. She just like you know, but dude This toilet paper smells like chicken fingers French for it smells like it was in the deep fryer, dude I went to blow my nose with it yesterday. I'm like you buy this at the bodega. She's like, yeah How'd you know I'm like I got falafel in my nose. What do you mean? There's white sauce everywhere. Oh Dude, it was like Dale. What's what these fucking bodegas have no ventilation the money the dollar bills smell like grease They're like, what's going on cranking out fucking bacon egg and cheeses all day, bro Open a window do something get a fan going. It's either that or it's fucking a vile

Smell of cat litter, which is a tough. Well, those typically don't have grills Those typically don't have like the griddles cooking. Yeah, when you can smell the cat litter Anyway, we're patty to just put a button on sure let's button it up She went to do the dishes in a dishwasher grab palm olive that'll ruin the floor. It was a Five not lying. I've done this. It was a five-day process. Yeah of her constantly running the dishwasher Get the suds out then the guy had to come out. Anyway guy from Sears came out. Look at it. Yeah Wild I know it was a lot. I I caught my wife Did that down a shore at the house? We were out of fucking

She not realize They don't she I don't know. She just didn't know she was like, oh, it's soap, you know, whatever Tree living on top of it over there in Europe Yeah, I don't know and I was just like, what are you doing? I'm like, yeah, it's not the same show I mean, that was one we did it back. We had a baby Said a sitter do it back in the 90s. That's awesome And she didn't know she was trying to be like I'll clean up for I'll do the dishes for when the parents get home Whatever and I mean, I remember I remember turning that we were in the family were watching a movie and I walked out to like get ice cream or

So and you know, it's something real sweet wasn't to do chin ups It was to get my medicine ball It's that kettlebell I think it's in the pain dude. I turn the corner and oh Oh, dude, it was like a Sud monster coming It was fucking all over the floor it was a she I was like, yo touch we got an issue out here Ma's gonna be pretty me and I'm like, I did I was like I told my mom Yo, I had nothing to do with this. You know, I don't clean. You know, is it is this pre-pizza or post-pizza?

This is late night. This is like, you know, she ran the dishwasher at 9. They'll be home at 10 or whatever It was late using your dirtbag tendencies to justify a not fuck up. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you know, I didn't do it I'll touch that fucking. Well, it's also like I just get blame. I've always gotten blamed for everything just sure. I'm the idiot the whatever So I didn't even talk I guess I was gonna save this for our feelings But whatever last whatever two weeks ago, I went down the shore, right and I told you I talked about it on AYG I took dirty clothes down to my mom's house to do and I wasn't staying there. I was staying across the street So I do the laundry Pick it up

That night take it back to the house. Whatever Come over in the morning ten o'clock, whatever early eight o'clock. I walk over in the morning and There's a leak in the drive. There's a leak in the garage My stepdad's got the ceiling opened up. There's water And he's got to cut the drywall out. Yeah to find the leak He doesn't know where the leaks coming from so you got a trace you got to cut you got to open up the ceiling trace the leak back I know We're sitting up there and he's going

Someone do laundry last night and I'm like, there's no way this was my fucking what cycle you put just trying to pin this on me What's like what the fuck like dude am I I just you gotta use gentle. I'm like, I'll be the guy I broke I I flooded the fucking whatever this guy mr. Fucking permanent press over here Yeah, blew out the pipes and half a wild woods going to shower here And he was just it was real it was real trying to pin it on man I got my own place across the street to the wash and dryer Also, that's your fault. If you can't handle a fucking super load, you know These pipes think you can't fucking be

Somebody for I literally was like dude. It's ain't my fault. You have a glass of water up there. Yeah Who did you make ice or something like that? Who's brushing their teeth? I know I'm like sorry. Yeah, and I don't even know I Something a drain issue. I massage that real quick aware. It's kind of didn't make sense where it was coming from, huh? To piggyback onto that one this one's from grandpa Steve long time listening never a question read thanks Gramps ever evict a family member Which I gotta say I was closely almost evicted by said stepdad When I was about 25 he had a he owned a townhouse rental property sure convinced them to let me Me and my knucklehead friend, right? We know the story. Yeah, I didn't know we tried to evict you The lease wasn't up for renewal. Let's put it that way. We're late on payments

There might have been like, you know on the sixth or seventh type thing sixth or seventh waiting for you What do you mean? I'm just saying yeah, this guy doesn't play ball. This guy's also he kept the security deposit I want that out there. Wow. Yeah, he kept the $1,200 security deposit and I moved back Into his house Which was a awkward breakfast to say the way? Why didn't he let you renew the lease? Because you don't want to deal with anymore. Yeah, I think that was it. There's more to this story There's not really come on one. I probably couldn't afford it Okay, I mean if I'm paying if I'm paying the rent payments late, I couldn't afford it

Dude two days is not late. I understand there. I'm telling you. I know you're poking for a deeper story There's not it was just my roommate was moving out Did anyone anyone playing along at home catch what a dirt ball foley is what he said two days is not late Because I'm on his side with that 100% this place is the 10th by the way I remember somebody telling me that when I was maybe like 19 or 18 It was like discovering the fountain of youth Yeah, it's got to be the fifth because of the social security checks

I had no idea what a social security check was still not not really. Yeah, but I was a big fan Love that back when back when I was banging in my old apartment even this one person this new one back before we started Making a couple of bucks. I'm still doing the fifth I'm on autopay now Yeah, it's pretty good. I got everything on autopay, but then what happens is I lose that credit card. I forget to re Put in my new one for all my stuff and then it gets shut off my cell phone get shut off has gotten shut off on the past Two fast-to-road dates we went on I got back. I got remember I got to the airport after Georgia or something yes, I get to the airport. I'm trying to call an Uber. I'm like this goddamn wife

I just take I might go to make a call. I'm like be badoop. We're redirected. You just written payment services Oh, man. Yeah, real and they send you right over there Yeah, it's freezing. I got the credit card. I'm trying to put it in they left me high and dry T bone and Tommy They send you over there. You're in trouble. Oh, yeah, straight to the payment center for you And a little trick if you do get shut down You can still receive calls. I think for a little bit then they shut that down after a day or so So get your pager out get your pager out Hey, you got to restart your phone and wait 15 minutes

You don't just throw it on airplane mode throw it off real quick rebuts the system that would set those jackets You've been rocking off dude. What clip a pager. Oh, yeah, I'd be tight I had a pager growing up. No one ever paged me at not once. I was really upset My dad would call. I'd be at my friend Liam's house. I'd like hey dad page me when you need me You know what I mean like page me when you're coming. I'll be ready when that shit Oh, we called Liam's house and I'm like your dad's on the phone. What do you do it page me nobody's pressing pound Never got one. I don't even know enough to the number way. My dad probably gave it to me. It wasn't even Yeah, yeah, play with this one. I don't ever paged one person poke dealer

Hmm You have a landline This one alright, this is from Eddie Lee First time brand new have you ever rolled up a box like it's a bag of chips to close it ie a box of ulios Like yes, you see what I'm like you curl it off I took me a minute to understand it in and then you like crunch it Yeah, a box of egos would do the same. Yes. That is a trash move Yeah, it's trash. It would be a flimsy box that opens from the end typically a longer skinnier box

I learned Toby still can't wrap his head around you need coal miner's hands to pull that move off No, it's thinned. It's like fucking it's somebody who maybe worked for a living. Oh Not behind a keyboard all day. It's like construction board and doing Ali's It's like it's like Laminate playing wiffle ball, whatever you and your buddies are you don't even know what goes on here He buns right Fully there's no clue what we do in this room He's just got to show up and be funny and he delivers We're having a good time

You can do it, but it's real trash. Oh, did you open if I open up your freezer? I see a curled up fucking ellio's box. I'm leaving. I ain't sticking around for breakfast What do you live in? Whoville? Hooverville, no no whoville because it's curled everything in who will that was a deep cut deep cut You're Jim Carrey hit me. Yeah, I realize you were so cerebral um, I Learned through many years of trial and error how delicate the situation is in the freezer What do you mean?

You really got to take care of your shit in the freezer because that freezer burn ain't no joke No, no, and it really ruined shit. Oh, yeah It'll fuck up a potstick or a pierogi before you can even fucking bat it. Yeah, so the rolling It doesn't help. It doesn't it might buy you 20 minutes or something. It's not The the freezer burns gonna get through your roll. You need hard plastic seal on the food item and then you need the box Mm-hmm close nice. Yes. Whoa. Let's talk about put your box, baby Love that butcher box. Yes. We do. I got a I got a freezer full of meat to prove it I'm telling you that right now gang if you like top quality meat delivered right to your door

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Now he's taking his a g1 feel frisky Baby, I started taking it because I started working out. I needed something to help me power through my workouts It's unbelievable. I bring my little shaker with me. I drink it throughout my workout bartender Take an a g1 shake and not stirred, you know what I mean the best stuff ever Yeah, it's good one stop shop. It tastes good I like it gets my gut health going keeps me feeling good all natural tastes great. I can't say enough about it I swear to God. Mm-hmm. I take it all the time. It's like a sue if you're it if you're new It's like a super fucking multi vitamin. It's got everything you need in the shade

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That's athletic greens comm slash garbage to take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance now back that is Yeah, I could a show makes you really want an elios right now though. What's the last time you had one? Probably them I would say I had one I didn't have I was doing the signature selects from ACME during the pandemic That's right crushing them things. I would fucking I Would feel I would cook a foot the four cheese and Italian sausage. I know cook that Do three off the rip three slices off the rip. It was like cutting of a four-banger three off the rip I let one set hard enough a bit start boozing typically white

What was it whitetail wine yellow tail wine the purple label think it was a cab yellow tail and a redneck Start start crushing that stuff about a half a bottle of that half the big bottle. What glass are you using for the wine coffee cup? Wow Call that my afternoon coffee. There's no shot. It was a wine glass I think it was one of those I Guess it would be a white wine but the short little stubbers like the ones without the stem on it a goblet a goblet Be one of those they're or or just a rocks glass But the goblets we had down the shore plastic. So I think I would use a rocks class

I thought my money was for sure on a triple H commemorative cup from 711. No, no, no No, it was a little rocks glass which I tend to like drinking my wine and even when I do get a wine at the house Or what I will do a rocks. I don't know this is gonna be perceived And this is strictly my but I would get drunk and then have a slice of that with the red wine hours later Cooled down a little bit ice-cold Croc crust you could fucking bounce a quarter off of to the press with it. Not to shabarita five grand on me Pay you bums off and go have a pizza somewhere

Those first couple months of the pandemic the two months was not too bad It was all right, okay, I know that's fucked up, but it was but it was The world didn't we were also palling around a lot because everybody was stuck at home We started podcasting every day We do hard feelings at 10 o'clock every morning or 9 o'clock. We'd have our fucking morning coffee Me and you would zoom for about a half hour make front of the birds get some chuckles going five hundred dollar grocery order in the fridge Then order out Booze stock to the rafters

Yeah, I know it was a time. It was a bad time bad time for a lot of people bad time for a lot of people. We understand Here's something you made me think of when you when you asked about a cup Do you have a cup in your bathroom? Do you have like a one of those cups to rinse whatever you do with it? No, some people put their toothbrushes in it We have one for the toothbrushes you do a holder for the toothbrush a holder or a cup a cup But I think it's a bathroom cup. It's like a it's like a rubber hard rubber Could you drink out of it? Sure?

We don't because the bottom the inside's probably a little That smells that's a tough smell The old toothpaste we keep our toothbrushes in there Yeah, I don't really brought I typically always have a bottle of water so I'll Brush my teeth and then like I use the wall I use I kind of use it as a spoon a little bit I know I do I do the I don't like doing I love that So I'll like I'll then rinse that way and then I hit a what a nice bowl Nice bottle of pollen spring or something in the bathroom. No, I'll walk out and okay

Rehydrate brushing my teeth dries my mouth out heavy bike It's like fucking spackle in there something I Don't know. What do you want his nails this kid My tongue's dry Yeah, okay, okay Let's see here go ahead go ahead Um guy for Maine is your middle name and nickname my middle name is Eddie instead of Edward dude that stinks

That's bad dude, what's your middle name William? Even though yeah HW Henry William follow the second we've gone over this you're not the second. I am the second dickhead I'm named after my grandfather. Hey, this is a comedy podcast dude. What the fuck? Jesus Christ dude called your mama whore 20 minutes ago. You get mad at you. You be in the second. She had it coming Put them off in a dishwasher fatty. What are you doing? That was like a cat was like a fifth grade fight. I like to hang on her butt snitcher This guy's ratting out all the butts You but not real berry dinger shout out to the berry dingers shout out to him

minor league baseball team what I'm asking a question on your birth certificate. Hold on. I'm asking a question Can you be the second if it's not in order? Yes? Hey, this is a fun. This is a fun line of order. You would be a junior If you named Hans Kevin James Ryan, he would be Kevin junior if you skip that it's the second called them Hans Okay, that makes sense. But then Hans had kids. This is he was human Okay, or some type of half dog half human hybrid, which I'm interested in what did you

To be quite what did your grandfather do for a living? Here's a truck driver. He's a teamster. I hit it that legacy needs to live on Works for Friedman's Express Hauling, uh-huh. That's how we did it. It's great and to honor him. You turned yourself into a truck Yeah, I'm gonna be the size of a Mack truck to live to so my grandfather's name lives on We're doing the next way in at a buck is yeah Do they have those a buckies? Really has everything Wait, there's a guy sitting there guessing

Pull right up pull right in I look at about 18,000 pounds 1805 now we didn't go to bucks Yeah, a middle name a Hub a nickname as the middle name is a tough lock I don't understand how that would even happen. What do you mean? Well, your parents would they want to call you Eddie or your nicknames Eddie I understand that but you would think that the notary or wherever the fuck you get your birth certificate Where do you get that done Sears? What do you get the notary who does birth certificate the hospital? Oh?

Really see yeah They print them out there. Hey, you don't go to like the auto tag place You renew your fucking yeah, that's crazy Yeah, they fill them out those places always seem like a scam to me any Saturday I went with my dad. We were a big do something with the tags that we were a big auto tags place You are bitching. We're a big auto tags family. What do you mean? We get a lot of stuff done at the auto tag place instead of going to the DMV because they're on their big thing is we're online with the State I need a new set of parking permits. Can you name my kid?

This is a junior I think can you stamp his feet? Can you do the ink? Yeah, they do it at the hospital, okay, so you would take the weird to go to a second location to get that done CVS getting your passport photos and your kid Dave. I don't know if you had to go to like City Hall or something like that What do you think happens in the city hall? Night court It's just night court people getting married You are a great a bezo Anyway, you would think that the hospital workers or the administrators or whoever wouldn't allow you to do that

You need you need a real name. I do. Yeah, but these people are clearly dirt bags. I mean, yeah, sure Eddie Yeah, I love the name Eddie. That's a tough one That's tough. This is another phone. This is from Jordan first time long time Is it garbage if I'm a if I'm 22 and fully is older than my parents Yeah, you're a dirt ball. Yeah, you're 22. That means you're not your parents their parents in 23 22 Yeah, I think that's exactly what my parents were when they had me. Yeah, but times have changed I feel a lot, but you can still do it times have changed in the regard of you can get married and have kids later I don't think there's any shame and oh, no, not at all people still getting you know

People falling in love finding the right person and getting married and living their lives Didn't happen for me I This one's from Taylor ever install a rollout awning on your house a Rollout awning. Uh-huh. This is a deep cut. They used to promo these heavy on like not infomercials But infomercial type commercials where it's like 600 bucks or 299 there one size fits all you get like a they can get a nine by nine if I can 12 by 12 a bit Whatever, it's real janky. It was the same commercial for about 20 years. Yes. Yeah, it's an old family sit

They just so it's really instead of like building a deck or something You just set up a couple of lawn chairs and then just like roll out the awning so you're in the shade Imagine the side of a camper that was the that was the selling point was in the backyard the boiling sun, right? Down on you the dad the jerk off was sitting out there all cooking couldn't read And then he has that thing and he's yeah, yeah now we're living Yeah, I mean I get it. They're good, but I do think it's I never thought about it until this question And I just remember seeing that commercial 5,000 times They were never put on the side of like fucking Buckingham Palace or anything

You know and if you could put it on your house and also an RV It's probably a tough look and I've said this before and I know it's a little snobby and refreshing If you can't have all that shit outside if you don't have a pool But what are you doing? You have one of those and just some lawn chairs? I just don't get it There's got to be a pool. What are you doing? What are you looking at you're just sitting there looking at the grass? I kind of see what you're saying, but like what I'm saying if you put the awning out the lawn chairs and listen that something somebody I don't care if it's a kiddie pole, but I think you're looking at like all

August in Philadelphia When it's a hundred degrees out if it's a nice spring night or like, you know, not everybody has the same climate So like it might not get as hot or whatever But like or even for those days where it's like hey, it's 78 Sitting in the back watching the fucking whatever watching the fireflies. Yeah something, you know That's relax as I get older sit back there a couple of beers couple of buddies couple of heaters call it a fucking day Yeah, we're living somewhere like Massachusetts where it's freezing most of the year and you get like too hot Yeah, I'm a pool out there. Yeah, you're right. Also, not everybody's got pool money. I understand clearly

Mr. Olympic size in ground pool above ground pool. Yeah, we don't really have pool money We got a leak in the pool too right now. Yeah, the place is going to shit down here, huh? stuff look It's like Yellowstone You hire a couple more hands Random I'll start working for you. Really ran me with the HWF Okay, I'll kill for you bury a couple of bodies How about a creek?

This one all right, so this is this is rare that I do this this was a bit of a longer Question or so But then also there was a response to it because we have like a discretion thread every week that we post and people a discord We do have a discord. Yeah But this is on patreon. There's a discussion there people chime in blah blah blah whatever that was called a discord Continue All right My dad didn't know how to cook growing up

So when mom was gone we ate a piece of bread topped with a layer of sugar and then we poured milk over it He cleverly called it milk bread felt normal growing up But I've come to understand this may in fact be garbage Let me know gentlemen and then someone commented talk about starting from the back of the pack Yeah, man milk bread is a tough luck a piece of bread let me see if I get this recipe right It's just milk bread and sugar on a plate or a bowl. What are you doing this in? Yeah, I don't know how that would work. I'm assuming a deeper plate and you would like like a salt like and just That's not even a meat like how do you not figure out macaroni and cheese or some eggs or something

Something milk bread is Sam Rizzi Yeah, you got bread peanut butter and jelly toast I'd rather toast over fucking dude if my dad or stepdad try to serve me milk bread at one point I'd fucking emancipate myself Get the fuck out of here take my chances of the streets. Yeah, dude. I Know I'm in behind the dry cleaners. I know of an old world Eat hangers I Know of an old world stomach remedy where you chop will you pull apart white bread put it in a glass with milk and eat it

Coats the stomach and like I think if you have like heartburn or indigestion milk and magnesium types yet. Yeah It's a base that's got a function. This is just milk sugar and bread brown sugar some cinnamon. Maybe I could see I don't know The craziest thing is the milk and the bread is not the most bizarre concept to me I can see that The sugar see a plate with a loaf with a slice of white bread on it With milk poured over it. Well, I've just I've just I've started to pour milk on more things or I was pouring milk on more things I don't believe that either way like if you have a piece of cake

You put a piece of cake in a bowl and fill it halfway with milk. What are we doing? It's fun. It's awesome. It's awesome Yeah, there's all yeah, okay I'm just for fat court. I'm just saying dude in in my old ways. That's something that I would do so to me That doesn't seem too crazy The sugar but those things go together a slice of chocolate cake and milk go together I didn't say a slice of chocolate whatever a slice. It was a slice of Bread and milk don't go together You see what I'm saying? That's not it. It's not a peanut butter and jelly cookies and milk. That's not the it's not the case

Wait, let me ask you this. Have you ever had a peanut butter and jelly and dunked it in your milk and taken a bite of it? Sure, okay But that's the peanut butter and jelly you're leading the surge on that not the white bread. I understand It's playing its part Sure, but it's not the part. It's that's not playing the part That's serving as a vehicle for the peanut butter and fucking jelly and milk Did you not say there was a response in there or something like that? Yeah, he said start about talk about starting from the back. That was it. Okay

There was no more follow-up as far as no I'm shocked that you're so thrown by this. Would you want it to be savory? What? You're saying the sugar is you're jammed up on the sugar. Would you want that? I'm just jammed up on the white sugar part of it. I could like I said, I could see some cinnamon some brown sugar maybe I'd have to know how it's constructed. Is it in a bowl? Is there more than one piece of bread? How much sugar are you putting who gives her first of all none of this matters?

It is an absolute piece of trash because they're kids that for dinner That's why hillbilly is redneck Those poor kids had to eat in the dark while they were hiding from social services too. No, it's two Everybody hit the deck. Mm-hmm. There's definitely been times when that's happened. I'm sure Kind of lights out hit the deck bill collector. Somebody's showing up Have we ever done that? I think we've done something like that, but I think it was more to avoid somebody We were a big no phone call my I'm not here. My dad was we've talked about my dad was never there all through the 90s. You answer the front door

If someone knocks yeah, yeah, you scope you probably peek out the window see what kind of car we're looking at You know are you expecting anybody who's that? Yeah, also my dad would like I'm not here Usually the front door was the what was the screener Somebody went to the front door. We knew they weren't company. Yeah, it wasn't it wasn't a friendly No, friendly's come around back to the same ours were coming through the garage or around back. Yeah It's fucking front door. I think it was deadbolt to shut. Yeah with boards going across it. Mm-hmm tough Yeah, um this one's from zek

Have you ever have you or anyone you sorry? Have you or anyone you know ever had a trampoline in your backyard for more than four consecutive seasons? Which I'm confused about I think this guy insinuates That you take it down In the winter what that's crazy dog crazy and by seasons he means years I think he means the summer season as Kevin has alluded to yeah, I think he means like If you leave it up for four seasons this had multiple likes on it too meaning that like oh, that's a good question

Hmm. I get is that a I mean we like we had it had one up for four years straight in the backyard Yeah, you would take it. Can you take them down? Don't they get set in a place with the springs and stuff You can just undo it. I guess I don't know Does it make sense? I might we never had a trampoline my sister's got one of that thing's been up for fucking Three four years. Yeah, it just stays up. You go out there in the winter I think you're a real hoity-toity if you're breaking down and putting it back up every spring. That's wild That's class Yeah, that's pretty good. I mean who's got the room to store that anyway. I know

It's insane. Are you gonna park the snow blower? You know what I mean? Oh shit got weed in here, bro Um, Adam H ever used your mouth to get a good vacuum on a ziploc bag Never thought of it. Yeah, you got what like tomato sauce in your lungs or something I just I never even thought of that. It's like a vacuum sealer. Yeah, I get that I try to you feel about those vacuum sealers. We dabbled in them for a minute Oh, yeah, you and patty pushing weight A little bit. Yeah, like putting the blankets away or whatever to fuck

Oh, you're talking about the one you actually attached the vacuum to Oh, that's trash, dude. Oh, yeah, sure. We got one trash. Really my wife moved here with one Or no, she did she bought one or used hers or bought the bags To suck it out. So because she had to move all of her clothes here when she moved they work great So it's fucking compressed like a whole wardrobe down to like a fucking size of a t-shirt Yeah, it was about the bag was about 18,000 pounds. But still yeah, those things are all right Madmart do that fucking infomercial blew my mind They would dip it in water pour ink on it everything then cut it open and like

Oh cashmere. I was like, wow, we got to get this. They also had it for for the kitchen We have one of those as well never worked My step dad would be like you can marinate Montreal chicken in here. I'm like, no Hit the fucking scene like a goddamn Michael Jackson song Oh, man, hey, I ain't never been to my it's that no one's still using that right? The first time I had it. I was like, what the fuck is this? This has got everything That's not fair

Everything I I've I remember the first we were My step dad was making chicken It was like a fall night or something. We had to go pick my brother up real He was going to be grilling it. Yeah uh and then Something happened where my brother was supposed to get picked up from soccer practice down in Philly, but he couldn't So he got a call like from the other mom. Hey, we can't get him

Can you get the kids or surprise my aunt actually because they were on the same team? My brother and my aunt she was cold Shout out to pat shout out to him patty hell of a keeper She was a big flopper and I remember So we had it marinated for like the two and a half out. We had to drive down and get hit and came back And dude, um, I remember I remember cutting this piece of chicken and being like, what in the fuck is this? He's like, that's Montreal chicken. I'm like, holy shnikey and then that was great But then they changed her he got like buying off brands or something. Well, that was McCormick's was the proper one

I think proper labeled Montreal chicken Then he started getting you know Trying to pinch pennies and going that you never doused everything in that shit for about three straight years Yeah burgers steaks. God damn it. That don't a fucking piece of steak Yeah trashola um But the vacuum seal I respect to move trust me when it comes for the greenery you know what I mean, look

um Nice keep a weed fresh. This one we this one's about My smoking smoking weed um Smoking doobies, you know, like an Edward Norton every once in a while Nice eddy and eddy falco Nice eddy falco

All right, this one's from pete peppers. Uh, it's about radar detectors, which obviously we've talked about but this one Did you or did you have a radar detector installed in your car? I had one that claimed they would pay my ticket And guarantee it, but it only went off when I drove by supermarkets That's great, dude I mean I could picture him figure in that app you like Slopping like hey, it's in front of the fucking genorties every time. What's going on here? Oh, man, that's true good

All right police scanner family. We got to do it. Uh, we were cb my dad my stuff that had a cb in the Ford ranger man driving down the shore I was sitting middle seat on that with my brother to my right my stepdad crank and bernie's Man having fun on that cb radio fucking shit. Oh, yeah people get off this channel Break or break or suck my balls break or break or suck my balls over It was a good time. We had a guy come looking for us one time. That's what they always say. That's never they don't know Where the fuck you are They can't triangulate it. What I don't know. No

No No, that's a radar detector Pick up your forehead Um, all right, this one's from honey baked rum ham. Oh, I like that. Um Filtered she have you ever filtered cheap buckets were a bit brita pitcher multiple times to make it better vodka Also, then you have a nice cold pitcher of vodka in the fridge. I didn't know you could do that I think it's Pretty genius that had that dropped when we were in college

You would buy the fucking and you were on a budget you would buy the pop-off the what were the other ones Pop-off was the big one we would get was like, you know, of course nine bucks for the the jug the handle Wolfer schmidt or something like that. I don't remember that one. There was a bunch pop off and Anything big and plastic big and plastic. Yeah at the bottom. They rose on the bottom shelf. You know what I mean? Get one of those cooking vodka Hey, you guys making penny The girls would run it through the brita so they could make like fucking Vodka tonics or whatever, you know, because we were just ripping shooters. It didn't matter to us

You know what I mean Pour that in a trash can chop up some fucking oranges and ice some kool-aid packets and some fucking lemon Yeah, let's make some fucking bad decisions. But yeah, it's it's trash, but at the same time you gotta do what you gotta do pretty classy That's trash trying to be class. That's not classy That's not open up. Dude if I went to someone's house and If I went to a friend's house and I today and I opened up their refrigerator And they had a brita full of fucking cheap vodka. You'd be like, what the fuck are we doing here?

You wouldn't be like, all right. It's pretty classy. You like you have fucking problems. You'd have a drink though, wouldn't you? Yeah, we don't we discuss it over a cocktail like gentlemen All right, we gotta wrap it up gang. We fucking love you. We'll see you next week Come see us out on the road on a road on the road. Yeah second show at it in Chicago Second show out of Chicago Denver, Utah, Phoenix gang come out and see us at a live show Yes, we love you and we'll see you next week. Peace