Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Most Embarrassing Stain w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: January 12, 2023

Are You Garbage is back with a Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! NYC! Get Tickets to the Gramercy Show, Access Code: GARBAGE https://www.livenation.com/event/k7vGF99hSu4jM/are-you-garbage-podcast Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Helix Sleep: https://www.helixsleep.com/Garbage Mint Mobile: https://www.MintMobile.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans

Beep beep beep, blow ticket alert gang get your tickets to the Gramercy Theater and come out and see the boys February 3rd Yeah gang, it's our third show. We added the army garbage came out strong sold out the first two We added a third. Let's sell this last one out. We love you. Let's do it Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or Absolute trash Now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is are you garbage?

You ain't lying. It's a little show We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that if they grew up to be classy Yeah, they're just a big old piece of trash trash. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day We're down here at Anthony's basement. She's upstairs watching that Yellowstone prequel. What is it 1823? I think so topless. Okay, little strange. What are you gonna do? My coach is coming at you from across the table. He is the CEO of are you garbage? He is an international businessman of my best pal give it up for KJ. Kevin J. Brian What's up gang?

Thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you rate review subscribe over there and iTunes full video available YouTube as you know those numbers are And obviously the greatest website of all time WWW.patreon.com such a YG slash are you garbage? Sorry? I sign up you get bonus episodes a YG you get episodes of hard feelings and we got a ton of Bad behind-the-scenes footage from the tour us travel a new guy Luke just threw one up the other day It's us cooking breakfast up there on Rhode Island. I mean you go to a stopping shop kid. It's a good time Some sausage some bacon we do it up. It's a good time over there having a party stop being a bozo be a homie

Somebody comment we do have a good time out on the road. It's fun to be together. We do. Yeah It's fun to be out there meeting the folks getting around going town to town Huh couple of bears couple of burning couple of bears couple of laggies couple of bowls of chili for the big man Big man likey chili Nothing but all that how about a nice quick shout out to our producer short and as a magic man makes us all look good Work shows ones and twos crosses them teas and dots to my eyes. I think he's responsible this ice-cold a diet mountain Do I got my hand? God damn. It's so would you get that for me an article? T-Ball Mcmuffin Toby Mcmullin everybody. What's up dudes? What's up T-Bow?

Oh, that I'm also responsible for kippies lukewarm water. Oh, man He teased me with a we tease me with a screamer. I chugged it and then needed one for the episode Jesus Christ those things were on fucking Mars that fucking college boy over there. That's the that's the employee the month right there Yeah, she's working overtime She needs a raise the iceberg up top though. Oh, yeah, she'll freeze or you can barely put a candy bar Freezers just getting smaller and smaller by this. That's the way I want it though Yeah, but where you can't put nothing in there, and I don't know how to what do you chisel it out deep all it We're gonna have a goddamn leak in here. You have to unplug it let it sit for a little while

Yeah, then it's all that it melts though, right? You put a bucket underneath it or a tarp Tarp put a tarp who's got a tarp? I got a tarp. Where? Was it tarp in that closet over there? Okay, we're just making stuff up. Welcome back to the make stuff up show folks Next to my squirrel suit You never had that as a kid, right squirrel suit. No, I never had one. No, I always wanted one though your fridge Never did that right you weren't we had a leaky fridge not a leaky fridge, but you never had to defrost the freezer That's college. That's maybe grandparents house kind of that's like older Appliances I feel though. That's an ice box. Yeah, that's a nice. You gotta do that to the ice box

We never had I don't think our first of all our freezer got that cold for that to be a problem Are they go off? We're about room 10 No butter right on them. Yeah, my grandmother had an old fridge like that. Yeah, the Melter You had a taller out spring time. Yeah, the Melter out come around spring time and it's funny The we were kind of talking about this the other day the refrigerator at your parents house gets to a certain point Where it's you know, it's a number one show on TV. It's fantastic, but then it starts going down the hill again It's like a piece of fruit. It's good for it's good for a little while And she gets bad one of them goes or whatever, but then when it gets the worst is

The grandma Fridge is a real tough look my grandmother. I know but that's your mom now No, no, but it's not that bad it is back in the day. It was worse. My mom's is cuckoo, but that I was just down there Sure, do you trust a goddamn thing? I know we were talking about that But the lights and I'm talking the light doesn't work that when you were a little kid And you would open like your great aunt or like, you know You're your your grandmother's refrigerator and you were scared to put your hands Rattler jump out

Funny coleslaw smell coming out. Yeah We have for the longest time our Refrigerator because the house was new when we moved in but then that's when like, you know The divorce happened things got tight the whole night and they just Replaced all the appliances made a couple of years ago so they lasted like 30 something years But through all of high school I would say junior high and high school the light didn't work No, the fridge door had like oh, yeah fell Up and sure like it back in there was a note to for guests, you know what I mean like hey

You got a lifter and twister. All right, I'll go ruining the bulk Start throwing a macarena to close this goddamn thing That's like going to your homies place He's got the note on the toilet like you just got lift the top got a jiggle ever understood that lift in the top of a tank And I would try to like yeah, you just got a jiggle. I don't know what I was jiggling you did sticking your I know It's clean water and a family's from plumbing, but a stick in my hand in a tank irks me you're trying to catch the flap It doesn't make sure it lifts up. I know but it never just stops there. I don't know I don't sometimes the flap didn't close and we got hung up on some you one of those families had a brick in there

We had a couple of bucks. We had a two tree bucks. We had a brick in there What can that save you a old Toby Google? What can a brick in a toilet save you a year? It's got to be $13 we also had a paperclip that was hooked on to the thing my guy Take a dookie Cut the red wire Yeah, there was something wrong with about blowing up the bed There was something wrong with it. Yeah, she just booked a paperclip it like came up came apart It saves you zero point two five gallons for flush

So quarter gal a quarter gal go That's all right. Yeah, but then you hop in a shower. You take a 25 minute shower. It's all I mean, what are we doing here? Stretch it out. Yeah, my wife does that. She's like use too much water when you're doing the dishes And she'll jump in a shower for about three four days Worried about worried about me doing a doing the pots and pans here. How do you have bigger problems? How do you feel about sleeping with the lights on is that trashy? Feel like that's a garbage. I sleep You don't get as good a good night's sleep

I have my soul my wife's been my wife's my wife's way visiting friends in down there flow ride scared, huh? No in the burbs, dude. I'm I I'd have to get like a tank if I move out to the burbs I'd have to have like an outpost of people watching and shit. Why you're safer out there than the quieter There's a lot more ways to get in the house With my apartment. There's one way in one way out, baby And plus I got Hansie Ponsy Shyamalan, you know called the gauntlet, baby. Yeah, dude one way in trying to do any I mean like you do the burbs. It's wide open down. It's a lot of ground to cover

It's a lot of ground to cut especially if you're in that house by yourself talking about keeping your head on us Thank God damn exorcist in nothing scares me more than the sliding glass door, baby. Look out. That's where the lopper comes in I Was sleeping on the couch at my mom's last week and my brother-in-law came over And he was coming on the back in the morning. No, it was like Seven or whatever And it was like in the morning seven in the morning. You had to come over to drop something all for pigs He was doing hold on. I know this house. Were you again? I'm on the couch in the living room. Yeah. Oh, you're a direct shot man a lot of windows in there to get

so Obviously all the door you turn your back to the sliding glass door and go into the Sliding glass door, but they look like they're all windows. Yeah, okay door. Yeah, yeah, okay But I see feet like cuz like the they're like big window and they're drawn like you know Three you sleepin under the couch. No, like three quarters of the way down fucking Kevin McAllister over here Dude, so I just see feet on the deck and that noise like a deck rattling You're all you're a dude. You're fucking you're up and you're I jumped up and then Hans got scared I've got more scare. We're both barking

It's a scene you're going at it with a butter knife with jelly on it. Yeah Son of a bitch. Well, get me a lender's bagel while you're at it. Uh, yeah I'm not I always say I want to move to the burbs, but I don't know if I'm cut out for I'm a big pussy It's just not what I'm used to I'm used to give me a crack head. Give me a crazy guy on the subway I can navigate that But I'm in the burbs and it's quiet and it's you know, or even down the shore off-season Anywhere where there's not a lot of people Can't be fighting skin walkers

Some demon No way the Jersey devil. I don't like that. I Can't I can't I can't I can't get bloody Mary and uppercut Go right through her Yeah, no, I don't but so I was away my wife's my wife's been away So I've been slept I slept on the couch for the past like three days. No good for you, dude I know but I like the TV. You got I thought you didn't have a TV He's got the frame baby going over this all the time. Oh, that's right. You got to that was like three years ago

I keep forgetting. Yeah, I got him out there. We hang we watch sign fell together leave the lights on No, but I leave that TV on all night and it's bright, dude It's like that and just I like it even last night you wake up to some old 80s actors selling you gold I'm trying to get me term life insurance or Sam Waterston trying to give me a reverse mortgage Tom selling trying to take your house no, so The perfect and I found out last night. I got up to got up to tinkle Maybe call like two tree o'clock in the morning. Sure get up to tanky and

Netflix asked me am I still watching so the screen's darker But that's the perfect amount of why I need some light So it's like, you know blacked out a little bit and you have enough to illuminate the room But then it's still enough that it's gonna let you get a get some good shut-eye. You know, let me ask you this Ask me bud. What the fuck did a care? How about Netflix? How about your mind your own fucking business? You're still getting the seven bucks a month. Aren't you then play it? Yeah, if I'm still paying I'm still one I want to play. I don't need you. You're still working. Yeah, fucking watching it. Uh-huh Keep it going. I understand but it's gonna be some sort of metric. They're working with what's in it for them

Fuck today. Can find out how it things perform. I don't hey listen. It's Seinfeld. We like it. All right Just keep it cooking. I want to mean Hans quick crush and Seinfeld I do it. I shit drives me crazy. Are you still watching yet dickhead pull the check bounces? I'm still fucking watching. Yeah, now. Let's go. I I have a question for you fellas. I'm listening, please I got a new phone and I got no new case for it. Shit. That's right. So I'm walking around I feel like an astronaut with no case. Yeah, but it you need a case because I'm gonna destroy it But what do you think is the class you think case is classier or no case? What are you nuts? What are you nuts? That's a jihad you got in your hand there. Get a case dumbass. Oh, I got the plus

theft and loss Let me see that fucking case. You lost it Okay Insurance fraud T-Bone. Oh, I gotta teach this goddamn guy everything be a cool guy without a case That's what I would do any CVS is by your apartment. Huh? Oh, yeah There you go. Go in there you take a header over some cheese balls or something like that fawn of the pharmacy You know, you know, you got to get one of those otter boxes Oh get the heavy bite that comes with spackle on your jeans right away. Those guys

Dude, you ever see a guy a guy that's got real hot for who hands you an otter box has paint on his hands when they come when it comes There it's just like it's like ever to here use my phone to signs of a textbook Yeah, exactly. It's got like the hard plastic on the phone this screen. It's like plexiglass Yeah, yeah, what are you doing? It's like an old ATM trying to fucking put the numbers Let me see the phone hold it up. It's the same one you got. Oh That's it. Oh, well, no, I got upgrade one way the fucking bozo. Yeah, no kidding Why didn't you buy a case when you bought the phone? I never understand people because I want a wallet that's built into the case Okay, they don't have that at the fucking Verizon store in New York City

No, they want you to have the fucking mugger special. It's just magnetized Things that fall off. I don't trust it. Yeah, they just got a regular case for for for the time being did you order a case? I'm I've been poking around but they all suck Dude anything you roll dog. Yeah, yeah, no shit. You just want to protect it in case you fucking drop I do I do pull it out and it feels like I'm gonna get pregnant and the insurance and of this and of that and the stolen Whatever. Yeah, that's great But that don't help you in the moment when you drop that shit fucking walking down the street and your hemdop What are you gonna do then?

Fucking broken-ass phone. I would love to hear in the I'd love to hear in the YouTube comments How many people have a crack screen right now? I feel like that's a thing of the past a little bit though, right? 100% I feel like they've gotten better either the technology is better. They're better at fixing them after 1.98% iPhone screens were cracked sure my I used to mine was so bad a glass would go in my ear. Yeah, call people slice you up Yeah, fucking swipe and slice you up slice up your finger I've done a lot of research in the real world with our fans working the merch table at the live shows a lot of Venmo's from Crack screens crack straight. Yeah, yeah, I want you upgrade though. You're good cuz they give those Fuck what are the ass on it? Yes, remember that dude when that technology came out? It was like I remember bragging

Something or not. I was somebody was bragging to me. What's that called or something? It's called something Toby. What's that called? The guy was my I think it was screen on the screen screen protector. Yes Hey Elon yikes I Almost seems too easy, huh? My brother's like show he's like notice. There's tiny layer of glass on top of the screen We were like, what are you talking about guys from the goddamn future? Even if it breaks? Yeah Yeah, I love peeling that off too

Man when you get some new electronic equipment and you peel you leave it on at all for a little bit Yeah, you got a first couple days we would have given them whatever the furl a little bit now I got a rip it off at some of the best parts. I do like that, but then you feel like it's ruined right away Sure, you know break the hymen. It's over. Oh, there she goes now. She's worthless In pornography I Got one for you. What do you got? I'm a weird guy. Obviously we're gonna start off Um, I let uh, I go the other night

I went and got a roto Rotisserie chicken. Yeah shout out to the roto Um But there was so much juice in it like at the bottom, you know what I mean? It was like a suspicious amount of liquid. Hmm. The player has like that. Whatever had it. It's fine But then like I said I've been alone for Four days or whatever it's been. Mm-hmm. I Just let that I closed it. I've ate, you know, I ate it and also sharing a you do you I feel like a real man

I shared it. I was just sat in the kitchen eating it share it with the dog. Oh, just throw one for me one for him We were a couple of road dogs, dude. I was my best goddamn pal in the world Yeah, just like it is good isn't it buddy hitting with some skin I ain't whole squad eats a little buddy exactly Yeah, you gotta chop up the you gotta chop up the take you know what I mean like a Christian Bale movie spin this cut son Let's go some loner Were you cleaning your gun while you were doing that? That's how like I like I finally understand like when like Mark Wolburn's

You don't like the bad when the bad guys kill the superheroes dog or whatever not super here like the you know It happened like John Wick. It happened in shooter. You don't understand. They killed my dog Killed the guy rotos. Come on. I was a guy supposed to eat a roto. He killed a goddamn dog. It's my boy Just straight roto Anything on the side. Yeah, I did the place next to me has like some pre-made green beans took them they're like Garlic and whatever. Are you eating this? Did you portion this or are you eating this out of the little plastic thing? It comes in Obviously, I mean enough. Well, and you didn't eat the whole thing in one sitting. Did you yeah, I did you did yeah You ain't a whole chicken. Yeah in one shot. First of all, they're barely chickens

This is day for a man alone with his dog, dude, all that's wrong. I've never put away a roto by myself. I Mean listen in here. Yes me to be on the bug and you lie to me. I never have that's insane I've never eaten a rotisserie chicken by myself. That's probably one of the reasons why I Not that much chicken like all all jokes aside. It is not that much chicken Like if you break the two so he gives you two chicken breast. They're like Half the size of a chicken breast you would get at a And it's juicy. Let's keep you coming back That little meat that's like in the in the juice on the bottom you catch like the underbelly. I don't fuck with that

That's like a coral reef I'm above board Mostly white meat and I don't go I don't go digging. Oh, I love that underneath there. Take that soft skin off get in there Oh Looks water leave the skin looks waterlogged down there. It looks like a body Yeah, you need it to be an insurance adjuster to go down there Really? No, I don't fuck with it. I'm a ball Pick it up with your pen like a detective

well Let's say she flew the coop I like that chicken cross the road My girl my girl one time made we had a roto and took The rotisserie chicken to make chicken salad out of it, which would have been awesome, but she left his skin on it by the accident And dude when that chicken's cold it turns in a pure fact. Oh, yeah, turn yellow like yellow Man took a bite into that sandwich

But I've never taken that a little bit of skin off try it takes 10 seconds to eat a rotisserie chicken You could are you sitting down you could not even joking around I mean I could probably eat Two or three of those there's there's something weird about eating a whole chicken though It's very What's the word animalistic sure like you ain't a hot you're like a coyote Running up on some some guys farm You and Hans is Fighting over it. Yeah, but let's talk about that. He looks mattress, baby. Oh look at here. Let's talk about 14

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Mobile dot com slash garbage Harry cuz that all friends January 15. Do it now back to the show back to the show Yeah, but my trash. Yeah, I got jammed up and my trash can was full. I didn't want to take that It was like that thing like I just kept so I started to put it in the fridge I know but I didn't for some reason you just left a roto out. I'll just let it was sealed let that grease firm up Damn for a 40 until I just threw it out on the way here Was that like pigeons because my wife's coming home like in like 20 minutes, so I'm like I got a fucking I walked in this morning after taking the dog out. I was like K plus dude. It was tight in there And then I forgot I was cleaning around it like I would like lift I would like what I cleaned the kitchen

It was just moving around a rotisserie chicken around How much how long did it take you to clean up the evidence of what you did at the apartment in four days? All day today a lot. It was really it was a lot yeah, I Yeah, I don't think I went in the bedroom because I didn't go anywhere. I didn't change I would need guys in forensic suits To come through yeah, how was the eating other than that pretty good. It was good. I mean it was good Yeah, I haven't eaten shitty. I would I would say I've had no bread or okay, so car like you know She's been going for how many days carbs or whatever. She's been going for how many days

four days So that's how many hours is that? 72 96 so 96 hours. How many of those 96 hours? Did you spend in your underwear? Well, I've talked about this a lot I'm in my underwear most of the time because I don't like wearing outside pants or we're talking about that with Ricky Glassman Yeah, so mostly if I'm in the house. I'm in underwear. Okay, so I don't know 95 Shiver the five minutes is a committee get to roto. I had to take the dog out. I mean, what do you want for me? Yeah, I didn't do much the only thing I did was I took him to the I

Take him down to the water to the tennis courts and we play you know That was that was like the height and that was like an hour total. Okay, the rest of it was rotisserie chicken inside It was rotisserie chicken frozen cauliflower pizzas and a lot of diet dr. Pepper I I Gotta tell you as far as the bird being away that ain't too shabby man. You're really told the line I'm proud of it off of a heavy sure coming off of a heavy sure drinking fucking six months I'll tell you what I was like I'd kill for a cauliflower pizza that died dr. Pepper right now

And I had to put two of the pizzas yesterday, so it wasn't eating well, but I was not eating super who's your brain, California? Collie power oh collie power That and I was messing around with some pre-sliced chorizo as well I fire up one of those cauliflower pizzas that I'm eating. I'm just going lie to me, baby. Tell me I'm doing all right They're good though great But there's a crunchiness on the bottom. Yeah, it's the collie power. That's the power of the collie, baby Let me stop by the grocery store fan. They're either. I just think calorie-wise. I think they're like 1500 calories or something like that Jesus 900 or something like that. They're not yeah, it's good for you. It's not a diet. Yeah, it's not good

But it wasn't too great. It wasn't to no booze. That's good. I had a Bernie here in there Okay, with you. Okay, that's it. All right, you know did all right Hey, my back when I was you know gangbanging. I'd be blacked out drunken patties every god damn gangbanging All right, let's get in the shoes here Gang as you know when you sign up for the old patreon You can have your question read on the air and that's what we will do right here right now on Are you garbage? All right? Let's start off with Justin here $10 homie first time long time Is it garbage you use your passport out of Dave and Buster's as ID because your license is suspended?

Can't get the go-kart Can't play can't play cruising USA as a dirtbag who's rocked exclusively the passport because I lost our ID It doesn't make a great wallet. I'll say that yeah, it's like a billfold Put your what I've done it as well. It's we're going international not going to fucking patties. Yeah. Yeah Okay, there's a reason you're using it hasn't been because your behavior has been up to par You know what I mean? You've made some bad choices if you're shopping, dude If you're in Ohio using a passport to get in David Buster, that's a tough one. All right That is bad

You're if it sure if it sure has no stamps on it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He had to get it because he couldn't get a license probably yeah All right, this one's from Jeremy never have one read. Do you have any dirty dishes in your car? That's a tough look and my wife does it and I fuck I find like a spoon a fork a mug It makes you feel How do I put this I got a comforting feeling When like my dad would drive me to school and he would go out with his coffee cup that I It also made for hilarity when he left it on the dashboard and then hit the gas If you're driving with it like a what do you mean like a cough like a mug coffee mug from the hat when you bring your stuff from the house

It wasn't like a travel. It wasn't a travel mug. No. Yeah, it was just a mug But example that is like homey that is like Francis Ellis does that remember he told us yeah And I get that and that is nice, but you hit it a pothole or something sure, you know, um, can I admit this? please okay, if it is the winter and I'm in the car one day if it's not too if it's not too warm out All right, doesn't have to be like freezing, but if it's you know the fall winter sure I go on my travels I end up getting a coffee

Okay, I don't finish the coffee. Okay The next day I get back in the car and that coffee is there. What temperature we talking I'll pound it ice cold Is it cold enough? It's cuz it can't be like it can't be balmy It's gotta be cold enough to fend off the bacteria cold enough. Yeah, I'll give you that I'll do that with a black coffee and in the winter. I don't know if you remember that big-ass fucking It's trash, but I've done it remember that big pole in spring. You got me. I left that in there and over Christmas that thing froze And then you do really high hanging owes a couple of days ago. I fucking found it in there And it was still a little bit fucking icy

Like I was drinking out of the pole in spring myself Delicious, I'll do that. Yeah, I get it. I have I don't do that in the summer though I Once I heard I once I heard you can't do it in the summer I just stopped doing it all together the phenol phenols or whatever they're called Yeah, it's too much plastic the cold the hot the bottom. I just want that just in the summer Sure, but I'm going well if it's in the summer. I'm sure whatever's happened. It ain't great for you. Hmm Just leaving, you know

And if there's a soda or something like that in there, I'll have that the next day, too I'll crush that real quick. Mm-hmm mix with the ice sure. Why not? I love how we're living in a rowdy where you're not finishing a soda either. Haha. I've never had a rotisserie chicken or soda People are coming and leaving this stuff in your car. I've never had a whole rotisserie chicken by myself till tonight Said you the video Dead carcass when you guys were kids and it was super cold out. Did you ever make an igloo? Did you get enough snow and filly to do that? I've done that as an adult to go smoke weed and drink it when we were like 20

It's a fun time. It's a lot of construction. How do you really make an igloo? You just let's say you take a huge mound of snow. Yep, and then I pack it down and then just dig out the middle It's not that much construction at all. I never could pull it off Dude, I did it at 20 to like just to smoke bombs. Fuck yeah, it's the greatest I heard the crazy there's a there's a company in Russia Who's trying to resurrect the woolly mammoth because because their whole plan is that we need something real big to pack The snow down to try and help with climate change, which seems like the craziest idea No, yeah, I don't I don't fully understand it to be honest with you. What are you getting your name from dark web?

Yeah, Jesus Christ Isn't that not as a part dot net this fucking guy? It seems like the most backwards plan ever to me Yeah, we need to bring back woolly mammoth so they can be our Zamboni boom dino DNA. Is that is that a real thing? Yes, dude, where did you read Russians or kooky man? What did you read something like that? Hey, I'll tell you I'll tell you Well, you're doing that while you're over in fucking crazyville. We'll keep moving on. Yeah, I this one's from Peter ever cried a concert Yeah

The Mentinger's concert ball in my eyes out. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Oh, right, right, right Anna. Yeah Got me good You ran out of Bud lights Okay, yeah, I gotta tell you the first website isn't great. It's the intercept which that doesn't sound real That is yeah, but then the NPR at New York Times. It's just real dude the CIA investigate invested in it, too Invested it's a real cold. I guess if you're gonna bring back a fucking woolly mammoth We got to be you know, we have to have eyes on it You just can't be letting other people bring it back

Then the US has to be like a little bit of oversight of bring back our woolly mammoth We'll fucking know where we're gonna have a mammoth all for something give them passports and send them over That makes sense. I'll give you that they want to bring back the woolly mammoth so it can walk around and pat down the snow Yes fucking dumbass Russians Hey, what do oh, hey? Well, hey, what are you getting a shit kick daddy you fucking idiots leave that all right? Listen, they're gonna get bored in Ukraine and fucking turn the sights of thuddies. I don't need that I don't need to be fighting a land war. All right at the IRS breathing down my neck. I'll take that smoke

All right, let's see here This is from Austin never have on red. Are you garbage if you order around a fireball shots for the table at a fancy steakhouse? Pebs went in the meal. I think No, all right listen shots at a restaurant are typically a bad look although That's that I say that I don't I'm sure table. No, that's shots of fireball Do you ever have Zambuca? That's different. No, it's not that's recipient not for shooting. Yeah, and it's an after-dinner liquor fireball is not an after-dinner liquor It could be the three jail liquor

Get out of here you're wrong. I love fireball right before you jump on to a folding table at a bill's game I love it But is in no way is it class but it could be That's all marketing dude wasn't fireball. Yeah, that's all marketing. That's all marketing If you put that in some cool Italian bottle and brought that out of the Somalia brought that over imported He's not imported in like those little mini sniffing. It wasn't it's thing. It would be something else Yeah, I just understand that if I wasn't your dad, I'd be your sister and it's hard though. Whatever that this saying Shut up. What's that saying if my mom if my mom wasn't my mom she'd be my aunt or something like that

You're a hillbilly. What is it if my aunt had a dick she'd be my uncle Tell her call me back to dinner If after the meal when the espresso and the desserts going around I think a fireball shot would mix in there with the cinnamon flavor. I can I kind of see You're making up but it's not it is one of as a guy who look down my barrel I love it fireball got me through like a decade. It's fantastic But you should it's there's a time and a place and that is not at a steakhouse It's not a dinner unless you're a friendlies or something like that Apple

I wonder if steak is some steak has even have that I Guarantee if you go into Gallagher's and order it you're you think Gallagher says fireball only one way to find out boys Yeah, there's no way There's no way I don't think also I don't think shots shots at dinner shots aren't for dinner shots are for a bar It's shots at dinner. You're not supposed to do that and any season pro would know that you get a whiskey on the rocks That's like two shots because they're gonna charge it the shots aren't they're gonna be expensive shots to begin with And I've done it at like bachelor parties. You go out whatever And you're at like a steak house you do like shots of you know around the shots or whatever that's a little different because that's like a

Celebrate it's like you're supposed to be an idiot at a fucking bachelor party type thing. Hmm. All right, let's see here Staying in restaurants. This is from Pat is a garbage to bring an outside cake to a restaurant for a birthday Especially if they have cake on the menu at the restaurant, wait a minute. I'll defer to you. Yes, okay No, not at all. That's actually the classier of the move unless you're calling ahead and Having the pastry. This is a real nice joint. If we're not we're not I mean, you know We're not gonna call ahead. We're not talking real nice joints. Not a place. It's gonna make you a cake. Okay. All right Hold on. Let me understand because I Assume they don't have like full like a whole full cake to give you it's like this pre slice shit

They do they do but they would bang you over the head and probably charge you by the slice That's what I'm saying. Like you're getting like a $7 slice for 12 people. Yeah, you're getting a $70 cheesecake Yeah, which is which they tried to do that to us one time for my brother's 30th birthday party We forgot about the cake and we're like you guys have a cake here. She's like some Irish fucking broad She's not up to charge you for this nice. It's like a hundred twenty dollar cheesecake. You fucking bitch Yeah, she told you though. She gave you the heads up. I can't get mad at her But no, we've done that a bunch. We'll do that you call ahead because if it's a big group, too It's like we're gonna bring a cake for 30 people call ahead

We're gonna bring in the cake after don't they charge like a cutting fee maybe Box and a little plating feet I never mind it as a server because you got to play real nice with the family and they tip heavy Yeah, you bring it out. I will take it back. We'll cut it. Do you guys want to cut it here? We can bring you some plates. We can bring it for this We do some coffees or anything like that if they want you to think maybe a fireball shot some Zambuca I had a really pushing that You girls 21

Plus it was always good for a fat kid Most times they didn't take that shit with them. Oh, no, you're not only you're not taking a quarter of a cake Oh, we take that in the back and chop that up with the bus boys Like you're at like you just like you just robbed the plug eating in the walk-in I won't do it man that regular fucking birthday cake icing catch that around the corner. Whoo. Call me crazy All right, let's keep her move in here All right, this is from suit guy. Do you take videos on your phone during a drive-thru car wash? You can't say it ain't a good time

That's one of those things when you're experiencing it you go everybody needs to feel this Everybody's got to see what I'm saying because it is a unique thing to be a part of that Especially now because they they go real colorful with the lights and stuff with the lights But also the the the things that they put on the car. It looks like silly string getting put on the windshield I mean I used to when I was a kid I used to love that shit You could be the hardest man on the planet and you'll giggle like a schoolgirl if you go through a car wash with a dog In the car I know what I'm doing later losing it. I fucking love it. Dude. I

Reminds me. I went to I went to one of those like self-clean Johns where you like, you know clean out hair and blood from your drunk after you've killed somebody What the power wash is you went? Why I had to I needed a vacuum because fucking the dog's hair is all over the back of the seat Uh Then we went at this like it was we got off the highway somewhere. There's a place out by you up up that way up towards Bucks County Carls or something where it's free vacuuming and it's like five bucks to get the wash Check it out. Do your windows while someone changes the plates on their car I

Someone steals your hubcaps the fuck not driving that part of town fucking doing hot swaps and self-watched, dude And we'll scrape the vent off for seven dollars extra Take my car to get clean to the chop shop dude Did you want our complimentary hair bleaching and fake passport service are you gonna need an alibi or not sir? What the fuck crazy as in catalytic converter fell right off Now you didn't have a catalytic converter when you brought that in here. Did you sir? Mr. Ryan? This is Dave. He was with you all night As far as anybody knows

Here's your two fake Here's your two fake movie tickets It's good stuff, but yeah, it's just like in that that place Man, it's just like a different set of characters at one of those self-clean shorts How are you using the gun? What how were you using the gun? I just was vacuuming. Okay. I just went for the vacuum I wasn't letting them fucking Wasn't getting I was gonna get vulnerable in that place and get caught. You know what I mean I like when you got that gun in your hand on that power washer. Yeah, you feel pretty close some of these brains

But I did find it weird they were selling like you go and they have like a crazy set of fucking Like wall vending machines not like snack vending machines, but like the ones on the walls You know what I mean? You can get like air fresheners. You can get like armor all wipes. It was like a huge selection They also had condoms. I'm like, what the fuck is going on here getting laid. What do you mean? I gotta spell this out for you. Those guys washing our own cars that close deals Fucking men there to clean all the seam at all. Have you ever used a pressure washer outside of that? Yeah Yeah, yeah, I've ruined a bunch of decks because I didn't know the I didn't know like I was like nine My dad's like power wash the deck. I'm like, all right

Fucking man. I almost took my brother's toe. He came home upset. I Rewind I've ruined they just got the pool, too Like a day and he was like power washers was like muddy because like the construction and he's like power wash it again I was like nine. We just got a power washer and I Ruined it. It was like too Fine. Yeah, too fine. It just takes the finish off. I was like writing my name and stuff You don't give a nine-year-old a power wash From a different claw my neighbor had one and I was like that things that things crazy. He's like, oh crazy

Earlier today blew a hole in a rat It's pretty good It's pretty good. That's a good time. We're gonna cross blew a whole clean through How are washers power washers no blowers weed whackers all pretty fun times I'll be honest with you. Oh, yeah sit down lawnmower Not good with any of them. Really long. Oh, I mean long dude. I'm a fucking surgeon with a fucking trimmer I just never cared Because it was always like every time I we had to cut I had to cut the grass every week growing up and it was like

All my friends were already doing something so I'm like fuck and I had put it off So they're like we're going to the movies at seven and I'm like it's like 615 I got to get the whole yard done and trim them bag. I'm cutting some fucking corners I gotta go strike out with some chicks at the mall. Oh, dude Landscaping in the summer High school and college it would just be like me and the two owners and they would be on like the riding ones And they'd send me a head like a four caddy into the neighborhood just fucking Edging fucking then I'd loop back around with the blower

Man put my 10,000 hours in on that motherfucker. I'll tell you that Real good. I had a kind of huge field for my stepdad's dad We're like I'll give you a hundred bucks or something. I'm probably told this and I just wore it was like June or July or something I just wore a basketball jersey like no undershirt because I was like, oh good thing. I was going down the shore 10 hours on that thing in an open field not a tree in sight I'm gonna come to go ahead and ruin the next two weeks of my life. You have no idea, dude. I was crying Cry I had blisters like this big all over my shoulders. Oh

It was not worth the hundred pull 50 on or something awesome little copper tone after that That's why like I mean like it is a go at the bar peeling. Oh Haha We used to do it with our shirt off all summer with no fucking Sun sunscreen. Yeah, there's a hole in a goddamn. Oh, so you can't do that no more crazy back when kids could be kids Crazy, it's all the hairspray your generation All that aqua net as a dude who's never died his hair. What's the plan? Are you gonna as it's currently some of it still died Yeah, but are you just gonna let it grow out till it's just tips. Yeah, I'm not gonna die it back

Okay, summer's almost here, bro Have to double down. I said my first dying Mountain Dew this summer Tighten up this body a little bit and hit the boards. You got the tightest flow on the show, bro All right, let's see here This is from cam never have one read is a garbage to always wear a pair of basketball shorts under any pair of pants Jesus, I I've done it in a pinch for sure. You got to be skinny to pull that off or Ready to go. Yeah, we're ready to Headed to the Rucker or something. You got to be ready to fucking run game, dude

These are the bread and butter long basketball shorts like the knee Jones like any basketball shorts under pants I Could never do that I'm sure you've done it at some point, but I you got to explain this to me underwear You are missing certain things that I don't understand that underwear basketball shorts and then like jeans maybe just basketball Yeah, or maybe just basketball shorts as underwear. I don't know I'm reading the sentence I have the same information you have and most people's pants have the structural integrity to handle some basketball shorts

Which I don't think you do I couldn't they couldn't get in there You have to be a cat-barglar to get in there Yeah, I've done it Yeah, we I mean we have we've talked about it cuz remember there's that picture. I just saw the picture It's in my fucking garage for some of the umbrows. Yeah I almost took a picture of it, dude. There's a white string hanging straight down my black cords And my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary Those are soccer shorts, so that's different. I'm thinking basketball shorts. I'm thinking like heavy thick

basketball shorts Sure, but they make I think mesh shorts are also just basketball shorts and not all my shorts are that are that thick I would be in good shape. I would argue you got to be Gonna be tight-bodied for that one. Yeah for athletic wear Yeah, that and those joggers like the the thin joggers like the Like actual like you wear like khaki joggers talking about the gun show what talking about the gun shows What do you mean some thin joggers? Yeah, they're meat just hanging out. You got to be in shape to pull those off Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, that's why I go khaki. Yeah, some are respectable. Yeah, I can't just wear sweatpants

I know they're joggers on an in-shape person. There's web pants on a fat guy or Long underwear depends depends how tight they are Some of those just turned into spandex real quick man. I used to hate long underwear as a kid long John's Getting fucking putting that shit on I feel like I worked in a panning. I know man eat that shit I felt like I'm putting them on was like so like it went back in time People today aren't still wedged. There has to be better technology than these fucking waffle pants You got the butt flap

The crotch was so low. It's like it was meant to have a load of shit in it It was so low. It like started at the knees. Yeah, you can't fucking have that The khakis are good, but they rat you out about a pee dribble real quick. Oh sure. Oh sure. I got one buddy. I'm not gonna name them But it may or may not have been on the patreon May or may not be in this room right now Dude every he he wears khakis all the time and just constant He goes, I'll go to the bathroom. I'll be right and he comes out. He's like AFP'd himself Every single it ends up in pictures

His girl's tagging them in pics and shit and we just we just screenshot it and zoom in on it Tough look. Yeah As you get older it drips a tough look for me Well, if you got it if you got a decent piece It's okay because that's good advertisement. It lets you know where the end is. Yeah Yeah, mine's above my belt buckle. That's no bueno. Are you lactating? You see that guy over there. He's got a deep dribble It's down by his knees

Fucking pee stains on my shirt My little noodle Poor little guy tough. Oh is a tough look It's where the jig is up, you know, they mean when they catch you with a pee stain high up top I know. Yeah, there's no there's no coming back. There's no coming back from that. Uh, all right This one's from chris. No more lies to be told That's physics got you dead to rice Talk about all the cards on the table smoking mirrors has all gone. The stains don't lie. This I don't know. I doubled up

Yeah, that's just water. I was splashing it. I gotta cool them off a little bit Some other little dick guy was wearing my pants. I swear He stole them. I made him take them off. He went to the battle. No, just you know Uh, man. All right. Uh, this one's from chris is a garbage to watch the free youtube apps at 1.25 playback speed, but to pay patreon ones at normal because I want to get my money Dude when people listen to the podcast on one and a half speeds, it's wild. It's like Crazy. Yeah, it's like tron to me. Dude. I don't know how you do it. I uh, uh, whatever you gotta do to get it in you You know what I'm saying? I got a fucking mainline in it

Dude Buddy try a cup of dekat Try to meditate something dude. Oh if you're crushing times to Anything That's too much information at one time. This is a quick moving show to begin with. Sure. We're b bopping and scatting b bopping and scatting So that's like Man, this guy's gonna that hurts my head thinking about it. That's a lot, man Um, all right. Let's see here. This one's from shamir. $10 euro homie. There we go

Uh Uh, never have one read it. How many crimes have you witnessed from your bedroom window? I've seen some things From a guy getting one punch ko pretty cool to a guy getting dragged out of his car and stabbed. That's cool. Yikes I don't think I've ever seen anything get on zillo. Are you a couple of spots around? Never but that's what you I look out my window or you're like a hotel or anything You always want to see you want to see something juicy. I'd spring an action I can't fucking I couldn't just let that go down

What would you do? So right now you're on the what floor of your building? Say i'm on the eighth floor. Okay. I parkour down to the parking I do a half gainer out the window You're holy shit I run out to the hallway. I yank the fire hose out. I tie that up spin that around Yeah I'd be right there if it wasn't a walk-up You're lucky you didn't try this in an elevator building. I'm gonna call the cops in a couple minutes

Just waiting on free nights It depends what it was I'd definitely go down there and helped them after the bad guys were gone. I wouldn't just sit there Yeah, of course. I'm also a pussy Dude, I'd spring it I'd film it on my phone Yeah, dude, I'd make sure we'd have documented video for the authorities Yeah, no, I wouldn't film it. I go down there. Yeah Straight somebody out. I don't think I've ever

I don't think I've ever witnessed anything. No, especially I saw a boob one time from my old apartment. That was pretty cool I've seen that Yeah Seeing people boning Really? Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen any I thought we saw people boning when we were in la for across the street from the store that apartment complex What are people banging in the window upstairs? Oh Was that yeah, unless we kind of a dream or something. Maybe

Or maybe somebody filmed it, but we were actually we were standing there at one point I forget but that does sound familiar. All right. I do remember seeing legs. There was legs up in the air Hey, some guys are sad. I bet you he had a low low pee stain You know, you watch this is his own car I Saw the world's slowest fight outside of a bar in Chicago one time Three o'clock in the afternoon two 60 year old men blind drunk chasing each other around a car at about half a mile an hour, dude Tell you get hurt

I forget what they called it, but uh A relative of mine will just loosely say that is an older gentleman and he went he got big on not big He got in a fight with another old guy The tumble in the something if it was on bar stool it was on world star. You know him. Yeah, he's related to me He's in my family. It was down in wild He went uh, if you talk to him, he did See it's called like wildwood fight or wildwood. It's too old guys fighting it outside of a car I don't know. It was on bars. It was everywhere. You're done pulling things up. Don't worry. Don't hurt yourself

I kicked it to him and I was like, I maybe or not just find anything type in Mike Tyson something Just find any fight ever to happen. There's a lot of fights in wildwood. Nothing rolled guys. Yeah, there is Yeah Also, I want to thought we should do a week a week down the shore. I think a week Yeah, let's do a week down the shore. It'll be like tooties vacation You know how they do like spring break and everything like the spring break house We'll have tooties house down the shore for a week. Okay. We'll go down So down we'll just do the beach. We'll do a bunch of apps. We'll have some homies come down

Cool film it a little bit of this a little bit of that a lot of tullies. We gotta do wildwood, right? Snooki Uh, snooki can come sure. No, what do you have? Of course, we're doing wildwood. We're gonna go to fucking avalanche I don't think we can afford avalanches don't harbor kid Laugh us out of town get beat up by a bunch of lacrosse guys The last thing I need to get beat up with people with crabs on their pants Some Some dickhead and a duck belt I'll fight a guy to tap out shirt for sure It's media wildwood some guy in a salmon polo

Kicking the shit out of here some guy didn't ask I kick in the shit out of me. Of course. I won nothing terrible's never happened in my life That's good. Um, all right, let's do uh, one more here Hit me, um All right, this one's from jerry new homie never had one read is a garbage to attend an edm festival at the local Wilkes-bear ski resort slash water park those mountain people give me the heebie-jeebies Shout out to wilkes-bear in pennsylvania. Yeah, you're a mountain person a place of my birth my friend. Yeah Yeah, it was a home birth, right? Dude at the general store. Where'd you do that? It was outside, but

Right there in the driveway Um, no born in mountaintop pennsylvania born in wilkes-bear. I think first house mountaintop pa. Um I mean, I think if you're going to an edm Edm is what electric dance music. Okay. I get that in dbt confused or whatever. It's called dmt One's a wrestling moves one the hard drug Oh, dbt is Is the dbt is diamond dallas page and he would do the dbt. I believe no diamond cutter Well, I'm an asshole the dbt was another move. I believe but I believe his move was the diamond cutter

Dbt was also some kind of pesticide or something like that, too I don't know what you country folk were doing up. Yeah, there was a there was a pesticide dbt. Don't have him looking up He's still looking up this will be easy Oh my god, a dbt was a wrestling. What do you mean? He's typing that's how the internet works. Oh my god Nose is running uh Oh Daiklo prefitted lictor octane. Yeah commonly known as dbt is colorless tasteless and the most odorless crystalline chemical compound and

Organic chloride god, I'm dumb Uh, yeah, it's an exception side. Yeah I get those mixed up and then dmt's the stuff you take and it really fucked up the environment Yeah, dmt's the stuff you take you get all fucked up. Yeah, I don't know. I'm pretty sure if you take some dbt I don't fuck you up too. I don't have I don't have I don't have the research on it Clean the weeds out if you need some I know a guy So he goes to he goes to an edm concert Yeah

And what at a ski resort slash water park up there? Okay off season at a ski resort is a tough look. Yeah Dry hills. He's probably like camel beach or something. Okay Camel back camel back, but in the summer it's camel beach. Is that really? Yeah, what are they they have something up there? Yeah, they have a water park. Really? I didn't know that. I believe yeah Huh, Toby don't look it up. I want to check that out. That great wolf lodge too. Yeah looks pretty legit Go in there and get all fucked up. Yeah, that's wild. Um, yeah, that's a bad This stuff also, I don't think skrillex and fucking you know And diplo are going to the are going to the great wolf lodge in Wilkes Bear, Pennsylvania

We got to be getting like the new guys. You got a couple of tickets to a visa, dude. What are you doing? Get out of there. That's a tough look. Can't listen to that shit in a fucking go-kart. You're on the ski lift We got to wrap it up gang gang. We love you to death. Love you. We will see you next week a piece