Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Ms. Pat!

Episode Date: November 9, 2023

Are You Garbage presents comedian and podcast host Ms. Pat! You know Ms. Pat from the Joe Rogan Experience, The Ms. Pat Show, Bertcast w/ Bert Kreischer, Good For You w/ Whitney Cummings, This is Not Happening, The Breakfast Club, Stand up comedy, and so much more! Make sure to check out her new show "Ms. Pat Settles It"! Thanks for watching the Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast! LIVE SHOWS: https://areyougarbage.com/ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/ Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Merch: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sheath: https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Displate: https://www.displate.com Promo Code: Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Chicago, Illinois, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo and in the year big, in the Philmore and Philadelphia two shows limited tickets there. Peace. Yeah. Welcome to another exciting edition of, Are You Gobbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals, or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's new favorite podcast. This is our you garbage. Oh yeah. So at little show we sit there with your favorite comedians and we find that after you're

to be classy. Yeah. After just a big old piece of trash. Trash Trash Trash Trash Trash Trash. I'm your host dates Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tuddy's in the new edition. She's upstairs raking leaves. Oh good for her. Drunk. But she's upstairs raking leaves. Oh good for her drunk

But she's still raking the leaves getting the housework done All right, my telleros is coming at you from right next to me He is the CEO of are you garbage? She is an international business man. He's my best pal in the whole wide world Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan. What's up gang. Thanks for tuning in He's making sure you're right for you subscribe on iTunes full video about you two as you know Those numbers are true to rev cooking and then obviously the greatest website of all time W.W.W. That patreon.com

Sashore you garbage gang check it out. It's a frickin party over there and have a nice quick shout out to our producer Extraordinary the magic man makes us all look good works the ones the twos and threes and the fours He crosses the teeth and he dots the eyes give it up for, Patibo and McScruffins, Toby McMollan, everybody. What a boys, hey pal. We got such a good vibe. Yeah. She comes in, makes you feel like family, nice and cozy. One of the best, we got a killer in the studio.

You're lying. Gang, the long hair, ain't lying, because we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guests. Here with us today, for the first time, she is a very funny, very successful Stand-up comedian actor podcast her author and producer and you might have seen her in but not limited to we got BET's comic view we have got them comedy live we have laughs

This is not happening last comic standing the church of what's happening now WTF with Mark Marin Dish nation the Joe Rogan experience the the cabin, Wendy Williams, Kelly Clarkson, the daily show, the talk, Jennifer Hudson, Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Myers, Big City Greens, Zoe 102, the degenerates, she's on tour right now, and of course she is the star of the Miss Pat Show, 33 episodes of that, about to have a fourth season baby, look out, she has her own Netflix, Netflix special, wanna hear something crazy, an amazing podcast to pat down. She's also the author of her own autobiography, Rabbit, and she has a brand new show on BET that is absolutely killing it. Miss Pat Settles it. Give it up for

Miss Pat everybody. There we go. Look at that. Girls are workers. Oh, laundry list. Man, you should do this for a living. You can sell some people. You make me want to know who the hell is this man. I was just waiting on you to give out an air. I almost ran out of company. I was like, shouldn't he be saying all this shit? Ain't you too big to be running out of that oven? You need to start reading. You two think for all that without taking

I was concerned, I was going to get you CPR over that. Toby, get my inhaler. I was tidal, listen to you. And I'm big too. I was like, brother, take a breath. I'm sweating. My doubt three times. I know. Congratulations on the new show. Thank you. Miss Pat settles it. Yeah, I'm a judge. How the hell did that happen? I've been a jailer. No, I know my rights got damn it. I have to borrow Georgia. Let's go. I didn't need no bar Bint of the bar to drink and eat Thank you so much for coming in give us the backstory. Give us the origin story of miss Pat

I'm just a little lady a little girl from the inner seat of a letter got, you know, I used to travel cocaine, got shot. I got dumped truck. Had two baby by married man, had a couple STDs and I turned my life on. Now you're a judge. Look at that. Oh, fucking judge.

At least crazy is thing. I think I heard you got hit by a dump truck, is that right? I'm chasing a man. Wait, what? I'm chasing a man. You, what? For chasing a man. You were chasing the guy across the street and you got hit by a dumb truck? No, I jumped out for a little over-path

until his car won't turn, because I was in love with him. Okay. And he drugged me. Jesus Christ. Let me tell you something, when you get a good black man that can't read in the sexist delicious,

you'll do some crazy Everybody was wondering what was wrong with me. I know what was wrong with me You got that ghetto piping and I got no turn-off Shed out the Bobby Brown Okay, all right, so who was in the house when you were growing up? Mom, dad, brother, sister, give me the scoop. There's a mom, three brothers and a sister. Okay, your mom, three brothers and a sister.

All right. And was this an apartment or a house? Uh, fish, you see, one time we just lived where it was a living room and a kitchen and a mat, the room and then a apartment. We were poor as fuck. We got evicted all the time, but we never got side-out side on the street,

but come on, my mom and new. She knew the system, so she'd be like, pack your shit, they'd be here in 29, hey. It was so cool. We, when I was in, yeah. When we moved in, we really never unpacked. We just lived out of the pack shit. So we just put tape on it, put it in our car,

and get the fuck out. I respect the hustle baby. Damn, I'm step ahead. All right. And this was all in inner city Atlanta. All the city Atlanta, yeah. And that's who you live now. You live in Atlanta now.

I live in Georgia. I live where I grew up at. No, I know. I know. I can't afford it. They don't fucking jitify it. when you bring a Starbucks and white people walking They dogs ain't no black folks shit going down over there Maybe it's so much money to live in the West in now. I call when they they was like

What they said 55 hundred all I say but you ain't got rid of the crack Not paying 50 back on a hundred dollars But you know one thing about white America y y'all can see some shit happen, y'all walk with y'all head up there. You know, pay a titch, but I feel like y'all don't see this shit going there. We see it. We're like a horse with blinders on it.

I just got to get to that store box, get my Machiado and call the truck. Try to get that property value up. So it's still $5,500 sometime to live in the West End, but I want a roof raffling home. And what did your mom do when you were a kid? What was she doing for her job? Watching soap poppers.

Oh, okay. She literally watched the young and the restless. We lived off government assisted. Oh, okay. And we just moved from place to place. Damn. And, God, no, please. No, were you in school all that time, same school?

Were you moving around? We moved, you know what, the good part about my mom? We would get evicted in the community. So we never had to change school. All right, we changed after We never changed school. You're mine and I'll figure it out Still make the bus in the morning. Oh, they check they did Credit checks where you the moving to a place. Oh, you got the money move the fucking How are your grades growing up? Will you a good student? Oh?

Think How are your grades growing up? Were you a good student? I don't think so. I was high, I tried. One time, back in the day, and they can't do this year today, but on 51, they will separate you from the A, B, student, the CD student and just the dumbass to share. So I was in the CD of the dumbass through the category but I always wanted to be number one and anything I do. So I said, please teach her. Please let me read out the book we call Impression. And so she was like, I just love your willpower,

but church, I got up in that group and I tried to read. I was so hard. The smart suit was like, you don't get this bitch at this group you try baby you try any sports growing up did you play any sports now I was pregnant too quick okay I tried my teacher my teacher thought cuz I was so big and developed you know cuz I had titties and booties in the 60 grade he was like you should throw the disc but I was so big and developed, you know, because I had titties and booties in the 60s. He was like, you should throw the disc, but I was like seven gracious though the disc, but I was getting dick in real life.

And it was not the same type of throw. So I don't know that heavy ass metal. Too busy getting played down back here. Oh, okay. So what age did you get pregnant? I got pregnant at 13. Okay. And 14 14 13 and 14 no, I got pregnant at 13 gay birth at 14 Okay, I pray to that 14 and gay birth at 15 and did you stay?

Did you stay in did you get your high school diploma? Did you start? GD I got I jumped out and started selling drugs, okay? Cracking just hit the black community and it was implored never body my community Well start up action, right? Get it on the ground floor. I like it. I got in on the ground floor. Okay.

Well, you're making good money, don't you? I'm making a lot of fucking money. And will you still live in it home with your mom? No, my mom was off on her own doing her thing. I'd moved into a fucking nice as a part man. I faked my ID and I always had big titties and a nice shape and I always act old. Or so I walked in there, forged me some check stubs

and got my friend askin' a phone at the phone booth and say I worked there and I got an apartment. Yeah. Yeah. Man, that's all right. Talk about workin' the system baby. Yeah.

Damn, okay. All right, all right. So, so you have the baby, you're about 15, you get your own place. I got two babies at five. Two babies. Two babies at 15, you got your own place and you're moving, you're moving a little action.

I'm moving a little action. What would you say you were bringing in a week, roughly? I love 15, 20,000 dollars. I'm like, that made a lot of fun. A week? Yeah, I had a part. Jesus Christ. We made a shit ton of money. Yeah, this had a part Jesus Christ. We made a shit ton of

Wait guys forget Basher, I'm gonna get into crack. Yeah, all right. Oh, it's no I break it. I'm all right. All right. No, I smoked that shit anymore. It's like Bitcoin. Yeah You miss the gold rush on it. Yeah, all right. So you're making 15 20 Gs a week You're doing you're doing well. What kind of car were you driving back? I was driving a 19 I want to say a 1986 Fleetwood Cali and that's back with drug dealers first came out we had the big gold chain and everybody had that Cali and miles pearl white with flakes in it with burgundy material with the soft I don't know what they call that top the soft top. Yeah, the rag top. Oh shit, you're beating those, you're beating somewhere.

You know I don't forget about you. Can you used to be a pimple, if you're not? I used to sell crack back in my day too, miss. When a white man can tell you it's a rag top on a golf, what the fuck, I supposed to know that. So that's what I drove. Okay. Oh, shit. That's what I drove. Okay. Oh, that's a nice car.

Yeah. So you assume that jump was pretty crazy. You went from nothing to Cadillac in the two years, or were you putting any of that money away? Were you saving any of it? They didn't teach you how to, they didn't teach, they don't teach you no savings in a, they teach you to just be flashy, Michael Jordan,

it just came to the NBA. Everybody wanted to join you. You're at the press office. And every big thing happened in the black community. Crack Michael Jordan. Drought the link. Thriller just dropped. Michael Jordan just dropped his first pair. Well, Fubu was a shit.

Then Fubu at the Fubu Fuzz by us. Sure. That was like the first big black designer that we can remember. Then we ease on into Michael Jordan. I remember by my first pair of Michael Jordan, you can tell me shit. It was 59 99. The shit y'all pay for them shoes a day y'all are ridiculous. Yeah. Damn. Holy shit. All right. So you got a nice place. Did you get a house or do you get another apartment? I just got a apartment.

I was who was living in that apartment with you. It was me and then I had my two kids and then my sister-in-law, my baby, they were real on my sister's life with somebody else's husband, but my baby daddy's sister. I was on drugs so I took a her three girls. Okay. Yeah, so that's my first set of crack babies that I raised. Alright. Yeah. You sound like they're puppies or something. No. Did you have any pets? Did you have any pets in the house? I couldn't afford no pets with no fucking children. That shit don't go together. Sure.

And how long did that last that you were selling? I sold for about 10, maybe 10 to 12 years. Damn. I sold a while. This is all pre-comedy. Oh yeah, this is way pre-comedy. Okay. I was always been able to make people laugh, but I was just, I'm just outspoken.

So I just say crazy shit. Uh huh. But I didn't think I was funny. I thought I was a way better drug dealer. You might have been, I mean, it sounds like you were doing pretty well. You know, geez a week. That's 80s of money, dude. That's crazy.

Yeah, I had, I mean, I was living a life. I didn't, I didn't do drugs. I just party. I mean, I had, I mean, I was living a life. I didn't do drugs, I just party. I mean, I wasn't even 21. So I was getting in the club under age. I was buying clothes. I was having a apartment. We was just living a life. Were you, do you guys go on our vacations?

Or anything like that? Then nobody tell me people going vacation. No, nothing. I wish like hell I had with somewhere. I had, I think the closest vacation was dry down the floor than you out of Atlanta. You doing it? Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. And where was the cash? Would you put it in a banker would it be like in the house of the walls? No, so you can't put them up in case. Sure. Bank.

All right. We were hided in my friend house. I kind of had a partner when I started to really rise. So we were hided at his house. Hided at my house. Okay. You know, I love that.

That's crazy. You can't walk in the bank, so I got 80,000 dollars and you black, we're going around your neck. You going to fucking jail. At 17. At damn right. I think I was 16.

And you never got pinched. You got out clean, right? No, I went to prison, but I, you. I asked you about vacation. I didn't know fucking vacation. But I gotta tell you how this I've told this to her a hundred times, this is my favorite story

cause I couldn't drive. But I wanted a car and I had the money to buy a car. And so I really at this point on raising myself. So the crack hit was like I teach you how to drive. So he would come pick me up in a jettel or stick at night. And he would take me around 285 and put my two kids in the back and they'd be cheering me on. And he'd be in the passenger seat smoking crack out

of a pipe. And he would, that's how I learn how to drive. That's a fucking shit. He. And my kids, tell him to put his cigarette. I put the guy down. Crack pipe down in front of my kids. I want to put his cigarette. I put the guy down. Crack pipe down in front of my key. I put his cigarette. My kids didn't know he was smoking crash.

I'm blowing it out the wonder. My kid is going bad. Cracking his sister. Jesus. You tell my unfit. But I love my kids, but I was unfit. It did you? Very young, yeah, of course.

When you got pinched, you get to keep some of the money. Did you have some of the money, like did you have some of the money when you started in comedy? No. It all went away. Oh, it all went away. You spend it all on lawyers and dumb shit.

That must have stopped coming in at that point. It stopped coming in, so I did a year for selling drugs. Actually, I violated my probation. Like, I got caught with my cousin kissing the mother fucking the car So they pinned the dope on me it really was my dope people laying up on the hill watching the whole time with pictures So I ended up going to prison for a year. I mean I got a year I got five years probation I was like oh fuck you I'm on top of the world and that bitch came and got me why was that the welfare office? I'm applying for my welfare cheat

Damn wait, so you were under surveillance they they got you with pictures got me while I was at the welfare office. I'm applying for my welfare check. Geez. Damn. Wait, so you were under surveillance? They got you with pictures. Yeah, that's pretty cool. So when I violated my probation, I had to do a year after five years. Okay. And so I did a year in jail.

In Atlanta. Yeah, in a prison. And then so when you, so you started over, so you're starting over yet again. Well, my baby daddy kind of kept the trap going, so when I got out, I knew enough bigger drug dealers that were for, it's called front you. Okay, I give you this half a key,

you give me this much money. Miss Patty, you're talking to yourself. I mean, we don't know what front drugs are. Oh, you know what, rag topic. So let me stop talking like you don't know what you're talking about. Check this guy for a wire. So I would get front of and get back on my feet. Okay, so you got out and some soul drugs again.

Hell yeah. I'm sorry. Just trying to pin this timeline down. Do you think people get out and just stop? I don't know. Do people just, just cause you like a crack head up, don't mean they ain't gonna smoke again. Sure, go ahead.

You're right. Were there ever any straight jobs? Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's a no. You said yes and backpedaled real quick, straight jobs. Yeah. I met a, no, uh, not, I met a, uh, that's a metal. No, you said yes and backpedaled real quick.

Well, I met a, I met a guy, uh, my husband who I'm still with after 31 years and he, he didn't grow up like that guy. Yeah, we met him. He didn't grow up like that. He grew up in the church. My mom and daddy met a class house. So he went in the drug. So he's like, look, you need to give all this shit up and then I ended up working at McDonald's but I always had a

hustling spirit so I figured out how to go into the register and steal shit I was making notes that you making four dollars an hour that I don't know fucking money when you come from making all this money as a drug so I was like McDonald's ain't gonna miss none of these happy meals. I'm not, they're not getting the money for. So if you order something, I could, now what the heck I could do back in the day, add really quick, I add that shit.

It's gonna be this, if it was cash, I hit promo, open that register, go in there, take the money and give them the change. What were you pulling down a week to with that? A couple hundred bucks. Did you ever get knocked doing that? No, there you go. Damn. Now I had that shit No, there you go. Damn.

Now, I had that shit down, but because when you don't just steal from a corporation like Maddon, you get other people to steal with you. So everybody make a little bit of shit, man. You know, somebody in the residence still in the burglars, the cheese, the lettuce, I was in the residence in the cash residence. You go, hey, you guys can keep the price.

I got food stamps. I could buy that crap. That crow girl. Yeah, I think roger. That's all right. The crow girl was your grocery store growing up. Yeah, the crow girl pigly wiggly, you know, I'm from the south. Okay. And where are you shopping nowadays? Where are you food shopping now? Uh, Publix.

Okay. Nice. I still like Walmart. Okay. I'm not anywhere. And are you going to like Walmart. Okay. I'm going anywhere. And are you going to do it yourself? I do. And people be shocked. They was like, you in the store. Yeah, bitch, you in the store. I gotta eat too. Maybe shocked. Like, you shop for your set. Why am I'm going to pay somebody to come up here?

I don't know how to do this. Of course, you're not wrong. Yeah, you can't, you know, people think because you got money. You know, money do make you lazy. It do, because people are waiting on your hand and foot if you can afford it. But I don't want all of them peeping my house. Then they be on a guy to hold to my husband. I can't be falling to young girls.

I got vertigo. You don't want young girls around the house? No, they didn't set up straight. They stopped trying to live. I can't compete with that stuff. I respect it. Yeah. Start playing defense. Yeah, I can't. I don't need no nanny. My kid and take it a damn safe.

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applied to your cart. Do it. Who's living with you now? Do you and your husband? No, me and my husband and I have custody of my niece kids, so I have four nukes, my last set of Craig babies. Okay. And how old are they? 11, I mean, I'm sorry, 15, 12, 11, and I think 9. And then I have my 24 year old daughter who writes on the show, she lives there.

Okay. My son, Junba, who y'all saw get drunk at the thing. Sure. Yeah. Him. He lives there too. Okay. Okay. Is it a big house?

I just built it. 17,000 square feet. Woo. Woo. Wee. That's a big house. Where you go? You live in New York, or anything.

We all live here. It's a way to live here. She and her 10 is bigger than some of you. 17,000 square feet. And I did it. You know, I didn't hire a contractor. My husband was like, you're crazy. I saved the cash. I did the budget.

And I said, this is what I want. And I said, well, if I go out and get a contractor, I'm going to have to give him 20% of the budget. That could be a nice and fussy for me. And so I'm a DIYer. So that's what I do. I love to DIY before all of this, my career really took off.

So I was like, I said, my husband said, I said, we did the first season of Miss Peshaw. I said, I'm not coming back to Indiana. I can't take no most, no, I can't take no, I gotta be around. That's where you were in Indiana. 15 years when my husband worked for General Motors. Okay. And so we moved.

I came and shot the first season of the Miss Paschua in Atlanta. I called my husband like, remember that move at Harlem Nights? He said, I ain't coming back sunshine, put your show good. So I said, I ain't coming back. I said, I'm not, I said, you can pack up. You can retire and leave. I said, but I'm not coming back. And so I said, what are you, what can I do

to get you to retire early and come to Atlanta? He said, well, I don't want to live in the city. I want some land. I found seven acres for 400 and some thousand dollars. It was a house set now 3500 square feet. I knocked that bitch down. I had enough of that. That's a boss shit.

And I hired an architect and I went forward. Crazy. It's up now, we should be moving in next month. Yeah, there you go. There you go. Look at it. Telling it, what's your, oh, sorry. What about that, you're custom designed the house, right?

I did, I custom it. What's your favorite thing in the house? So you're like, I have to have this. Got a new money, shit. Oh, new my soul. Yeah, something's in there. You don't have a 17,000 square foot house without some new money, shit in there, Miss Pat.

So I bought this faucet and it's called, I think it's called, I don't know, let me show it to you. So the faucet is $5,500. A faucet. A faucet. A faucet. In the kitchen and the bathroom. In the kitchen, okay.

So I have to get the name, I don't remember the name of it, but it's a custom faucet. And I was going on TikTok when I said, oh my god, I gotta have that. So I didn't buy name but it's a custom faucet and I've just I was going on TikTok when I said oh my god I gotta have that so I didn't buy one I bought two I think but where are they both in the kitchen? Well, so I have a kitchen is two islands two big old gigantic islands nice and so I have one on one island and I have one on the island that the kids said that guys dude two I double islands I got double islands. So when you started comedy, were you in Indiana? I was in Atlanta. I'm gonna raise in my husband job,

General Motors closed in Atlanta, and transferred us to Indiana. We didn't have the money family to take the bow. So then you started touring and everything from out of Indiana. Yeah. And so you're grinding it out the whole time. Yeah, I get on a Bob and Tom show and get a whole new audience.

Okay. After the Bob and Tom show. Got it. And then you get the Miss Pat Show and that's when everything started to change. That's when everything changed. Got you. That's when I never went back to Indiana. What year's this?

Five years ago. What is five years ago? Right. Yeah. 2018, 17, 17, 17. Yeah. So I started pitching the show around 2015. I did Joe Rogan podcast in Mark Marry Hollywood immediately call and say, we want to give

you a TV show. So I had all these studio means, you know, I'm just a little girl from the West. I don't want to hear this crop of crap. You know what I'm saying? Don't be up there wasting my time. So, you know, I don't know how like all these big wigs you're rolling out throwing everything at you like, don't be wasted my time. So, you know, I don't know how to like, all these big wigs you're rolling out. Throwing everything at you like, don't be waste of my time now. Yeah, so I go and I go to, I go to run house studio.

And one of his Azette hurt me tell my story on Joe Rogan Park as he say, I couldn't get out of the car. He immediately called me, his name is John Rattler, we family now. And I hated him. I, because you know what, I'm from the South, and you know, my mama did raise us somewhat decent. And he put his foot on the table, and I wanted to fucking choke him out.

How dare you put your feet on my own furniture? That is so disrespectful. Wait, was this at your house? Or, it was at their office. Still saving that their office? I wanted to kill him. You know, my son used to when I moved to Indiana, my son released, I don't care who you date. I don't I'm not gonna say I don't see color. I do. We're fucking culturally different. Let's be on this. You know, you two not being you with the same. Okay. You date a black woman. It's totally different from dating a white woman.

Of course. My son bring home these white girls in Indiana because we live in an all-white neighborhood. And I don't have a problem with white women. But white kids ain't raised like black kids. Like I come home from Taco Bell because I think, you know, I'm working at Taco Bell trying to make it as a comedian.

I walk in here at this beautiful blind little white girl feet laid in this lap and she don't even fucking speak to me. So I walk in I say white bitch go home. You got no manners. Don't fuck home I walk in you speak to me. Sure, hello. Hello, I'm gonna. And get your feet off my fucking couch.

You white bitch. So I told myself if you're gonna date white women you need to give them OJ book on how to date I'm sorry, that's a wrong word Okay, I'm black person you can add it. We have to believe it for you two purposes, but sure I understand the sense how to date a black person you'll just not speak to some black mama sure walking in from a long day I say yeah Get a white girl that know how to say hello to your black mother

Well, you're still working at Taco Bell when when you got these meetings when you were getting these meetings Oh, yes, yeah, so up. Well, so that's amazing What happened was I'm at the comedy club in Indiana called more more these at the time And so one of the comedians like you know, um, I cannot think, I always cannot think of this guy name and I hate it. This one podcast is first stop white boys with popping off a podcast. Shut up. I'm doing it.

You said it sister. Let's go. Dang it. I cannot think of his name and I hate it. I can't think of his name. It was a podcast. He was a podcast. So he was with Eddie, Eddie Elf.

Yeah, Eddie Elf. That's the first podcast I ever done. And so one of the comedies said, Eddie Elf is looking for somebody with some real stories. I told him, he should interview you. I said, to do what? He said, podcast, what the fuck is the podcast? I'm sorry.

What the hell? You girl out the curse. What the hell is the podcast? He was like, you gotta go do it, Miss Pat. I'm telling you a takeoff. So I did it and I killed it. And I thought it was weird, because it was doing something crazy stuff go do it Miss Pat. I'm telling you a takeoff so I did it and I killed it. And I thought it was weird cause it was doing

some crazy stuff for Eddie and Paul K. And I was out of place but I did it and it was funny. Immediately all the white boys started calling me. So the guy who ran the club he said, if Joe Rogan called you, you're gonna make it. So I said, who is Joe Rogan? So when he showed me the picture, I said, is Joe Rogan? So when he showed me the pitch I said the guy from up

Factor what happened to his hair? It's cuz I didn't know the comedy world, you know sure that yeah that kind of you know the white part of the comedy Sure, so you can say yeah, so I started doing all these punk as it and so Mark Marin called before Joe Rogan called. Okay. And no, Joe Rogan called first. I can't remember either one. And we ended up shooting Eddie, we ended up shooting, what's that show that stand up show about stories?

Ari. Ari Shafir. I met Ari Shafir, we said in the park and I said the weirdest crap to him. I was like, I didn't know it was a lot of Jews I thought it was only Jesus because we only had that one on the wall And so we said in the park and all of these people walking up with a little curly fries on their face Okay, and so he out there explaining to me they're different from him and I'm like I'm confused

Uh-huh sure, I didn't know I just I My mama told me was just one and it was Jesus Christ So I was blown away. You were told Jesus Christ was the only Jewish guy Jewish and then you see then you see all these aesthetics walking around with Ari and you have to okay All right, yeah, so I go back I said to child knows a lot of Jewish people in this Jewish people in this world All right, taking a lot better than y'all I'll say to be shocked there's more than one Jewish guy I was like, how you reported back to all your black family?

You know, there's more than one Jewish guy. I don't know nothing about entertainers. Sure. So I hit him up. We shoot this show in my do an episode of Martin Mar and Joe Rogan. And Joe Rogan had just did it. Martin Mar was telling Joe,, you gotta have a home. So just so happen, they kinda dropped around the same time

and I got a book deal off of Mark Marrow. And Hollywood just came knocking and I didn't know what to say to Hollywood. So I said, I'm just gonna be myself. And that's what they purchase, what's mean? That's amazing. Well, I should say purchase. But, yeah, sure. Yeah. That's what they purchase was mean. That's amazing. Well, I shouldn't say purchase. But, yeah, sure.

Yeah. That's what they invested in. They invested in. They invested in Miss Pat. Yeah, and then they allowed me to be who I am. That's amazing. And it took off. I love those stories where it's like you were probably killing

for, I mean, you're so, you're so naturally funny. So you were probably killing for, you know, for a long time and security and then all of a sudden, it's like you're so ready and all these, you know, all these things start happening. Well, you know, I'm the good part about I was a touring comedian. Sure. I was out there working on my hour or two hours and I was, I was really ready.

Of course, yeah. And then you get to call, you know, I get to call and, and I knew what I wanted to show the beat and we ended up going through two, two writers and we found that third writer, the great. You know, the blessing part about the Miss Pat Show, that show got dropped three times by Fox. Fox picked that show up three times. We went through three writers. And the third writer said, listen, Fox,

you got something here. 22 year old kid, Jordan Cooper, he said, y'all need to let her be her. And this is how this show is gonna be successful. So Fox agreed to sell it to streaming platforms and Hulu bought it. Great. Hulu bought and the first thing come on my word is the inward

and that man said, hell no, not over here. He tried to get dropped the gear. Oh my head hurt. They dropped it. I think I scared the Zek over at Hulu so bad with the content but it was so funny. Of course. I'm a black mama. I'm a mama that a lot of people know. I said he don't understand me and he's not going to pick up the show and I knew it in

my heart. He was not going to pick up the show but I never not believe that the show would get picked up somewhere. And so BT Plus came knocking. And I love telling this story. I had no idea that it was a BT Plus because I don't watch BT. At the time I didn't. And I was like, what did he get a plus from?

And so my co-create who's into TV, he said, hey, they have less than a million subscribers. We're going to die. And I said, we're not going to die. I said, one thing I know about crack, two things you ain't never seen in the commercial for. It's crack in Waffer House. And they outsells everything. Yeah, they're killing it.

I said, if we create crack in Waffer House, we got them. I mean, you should be running a Fortune 500 company. It's crazy. And they love it. We created Crackin' Waffles. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Oh, dude, my head's shitting out. And so, we in our fourth season,

we've been nominated for Emmy twice, BET, first Emmy nomination. That's amazing. Let's go. Congratulations. And we got nominated last year and this year. That's great. And you know, we didn't win and it wasn't even about the win for me. It was me sitting at the Emmy a little old black girl from the University of Atlanta with an eighth grade education up with her. My name is miss Pat.

Sure. See me up against Ted Lasson. Um, um, uh, so many other great shows. And I was like, I don't even need to admit yeah He'd been working at Taco Bell four years ago. We three years ago. I'm in the game I'm crazy you cannot deny that I'm a part of this situation I might be on a smaller platform, but I'm here to wrestle baby I'll roll your sleeves up and let's get to it. Yeah, we got cracked the bag Yeah, it's a 10, 10 last so one, but I didn't even care because I was in the mix. Yeah, that's amazing. And I got to go to the Emmy, the fool was good.

I wasn't smacking some of her first. Did you? Yeah, I ate my ass off that night. What was the food at the, what's the food at the Emmys? Fancy shit. But it was, it was an unseasoned fancy. You know, I you can go place play you like who the hell eat this It wasn't that time it was good. We would have ate good

The M.E.C. in trim cocktail telling Jason today gets to take his shoes off a chair I don't like shrimp cocktail. I don't like that raw and then raw. But that's some state strip sandwich that's got for it. And I didn't want to seem too greedy. So I was telling the people who didn't want to eat, who just wanted to drink. I was like, go get another sandwich. Go get another sandwich.

It was good. Okay. What is your favorite restaurant? What's a, yeah, a nice restaurant you're going to, you're going out to dinner, you're celebrating, it's a birthday, where you going? If I'm here, if I'm in LA is a crustacean. crustacean.

Yeah, if you want to be fancy, but semi-fans is chick for late. I talk about that's my fans. Well, I do love a good chick for late. Let's give it to some cues. Sure. You've already turned the game upside down, which I love. We love it. What a calm up story. That's it's unbelievable. I have one. I was still kind of in the vein. You talked about the house. The faucet. Has there was there any other big dumb purchase you made when you got your first big check?

Like from comedy. Uh, dumb? Yeah, or that you were like, look back at the guy I didn't need. Like a jet ski, crazy vacation, anything like that. Oh, I took the family to Hawaii. I think the big, I took like 20 some people to Hawaii, but you roll deep by the way.

Oh, I wrote you were with you on the cruise you said you're brought 20 22 22 people you 22 black people To cruise a 3000 white people we had to put the flavor in the bill You think I'm gonna listen to John Mellon camp every day Are you crazy? I say, say for sale, can you blacken it up? Next thing I know, we were like, wait, serve. Your family came up and took over the stage at one point. Yeah, that's great.

I think, I think, I ain't gonna say it's dumb, but I just wanted it, because, you know, I like walking in the stoke with no bra on, right? Okay, I mean, hey, who does that? Madden up. I don't like, I just, when I go shopping, I want you to treat me like you would treat somebody who's rich. So you don't know me.

You don't recognize me. So I walk in Chanel one day. And, you know, I like Chanel. I do. And I said, I want that band right there. Immediately secure the store scrambling. Ready, go, right, go. You know, I can't fault them because people are running out of stores with high end

bags. But I didn't care. I just pulled out my American Express card and I said, I take that, they said, do you do notice it's $12,000 without taxes? I said, yeah, and be sure to put the taxes on that because I like our president. So I've been a little bit over $13,000 for a pocketbook. Okay. How long ago was this?

I have a couple of them now. Yeah. There you go. See you like Chanel. I like high, but I've always like high in bags and when I couldn't afford them, of course I got the best knockoff. Sure. But now that I sell tickets, I know I should nail in Gucci Sure. But I'm not. Nah, that I sell tickets.

I know I should nail and Gucci and Lou Vuitton feel. You know, I don't want nobody knocking off my tickets. So I don't knock off these stuff here. Okay, everything you respect the game, I get it. I like it. I like it. Okay. All right.

But why are you, why we're on bags? What kind of luggage do you have? You travel a lot. You got nice, you go nice luggage? I have a few Lou Vuitton luggage, but you know, that's like vacations. You got the Louis Vuitton luggage? Yeah, but that's only for vacations.

Like when I'm doing gigs and I'm taking my merch with me, I just buy bags, cuz more, that's what don't care how they break the wheels off. Yeah, yeah, they get all that on them. But I'm petty, you break my luggage, I call in a claim. They give me $130 all the time. You tell my stuff up, you gonna get me the money to replace it.

And sometimes my sister be looking at me like, you can, I don't care. I can afford it too. Yeah, and I be like, it was $300. And I make me a receipt and I send it to Delta. Is that how you fly Delta? You're Delta. I'm a Delta.

I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta.

I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta.

I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta. I'm a Delta. I don't know what I'm doing the bad yeah or the same way we're blowing all the money on first class tickets what it feels like I can't I haven't been in the back in so long

and I tell you how I became first class because after I started the pitching the show everybody will fly me on Delta and the next thing I know that was always first class I was like wait a minute this is nice you ain't got no fat dude is in the middle that can't fit yeah I read between us yeah I present that This is nice you ain't got no fat dude is in the middle that can't fit

Yeah, I Mean I haven't been a person in the middle me in a long time. So I like I'm I'm Spawned in myself. I feel like I work hard. Yeah, and I'm I'm gonna that's what I'm gonna do I love that That's that's great. What kind of perfume do you like you use perfume? Yeah, but I can't never pronounce the name of By Rocky or something like that. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, huh X my sister was the name of the perfume I buy okay somebody gave it to me for a gift Uh-huh, and then our Google it was $300 a bottle. So I love it. You got a nice you do have a nice Aroma to you. Thank you. I watched this morning fragrance fragrance is the Yeah, shower at night or shower in the morning. Oh, no, I can't I take no shower at night. No shower at night shower in the morning

Yeah, I have to sleep on it dirty because if I don't I wait I I'll over sleep Okay, okay, I'll sleep when I'm clean. Okay I was telling when I'm clean. Okay. You know, I was telling somebody that I was like, what's the greatest? He's never heard that sentence. Well, I kind of get it. I get what you're saying. You're too comfortable, you'll over sleep.

Yeah, I don't like shawling it. If my hub was gonna do some, I shawling it. But if we, they're gonna break y'all's piece. Yeah. Ain't no sense of wasting no water. If you ain't gonna do nothing. You might want to sleep on today's and then watch it all off tomorrow. Sure.

Sure. How's the shower at the new house? You had the custom built that you assume? Yes. It's our two shower heads, four shower heads, it's sprayers. It's got heated floors. Heated floors and it's got a st-sustainter. Wow. That's all right. Isn't her sinks in the bathroom?

Two sinks or one sink no two sinks and two toilets two toilets. Yeah, I don't know. I don't smell that mess No, I want to be in peace is the toilet in like another sack like well He's on one side and I'm on the other side I have my closet. He's closet is down the other hole. Walking closet, tell you some. My closet is probably half of this room. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. This patch doing it. I love it. How about the bed? King size bed? King size bed. Yeah. Okay. I he I've a room with my husband. And then when I don't like him, I go up to my own bedroom. So I have another bedroom. You got two bedrooms?

Well, I have three masters on the main. So I have another bedroom. You got two bedrooms. Well, I have three masters on the main. So I made one of the masters of mine when I don't want him snoring. And my husband is on a zippin' field like you. Okay. And he, you burp. He passed gas and he burp. And that mess was lighter. That was tellin' to be for a house. Yeah. Oh my god. And I'm like, dude, I think I just rather had you fat in the smith. Cause it's like a toxic. It smells like sewage. Yeah, it's worse than sewage. It's bad.

And then it's silent. I don't know why I was zimpy making silence. Yeah. But he's lost like 50 pounds. I'm like, where do you get off this? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. And then he get mad at you. And I'm telling you, the afresh

you don't want even killing. For breeze don't stand a chance. No, I'm black. So I burn incense, right? it. Haha for breeze don't stand a chance. No, I'm black so I burn incense, right? You know they got some incense called black pussy. So I can you never seen those? I haven't seen Google it. I'm not lying to you. It's just gonna take me to porn hot.

No, no, it's not. No, it's not. I can't believe it. Put it in since. Black pussy in son. I'm telling you. So I burn them and it still don't kill his older. Yeah. Yeah. I'm telling you. So I burned them and it still don't kill his older.

Yeah. Yeah. See what's on my depot. Yeah. You can get it on home. You can get it on Amazon. You should buy some. I don't think my wife might get upset about it, but all right.

Well, they might have something for the white tooth. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Hey, gee, you could change the name on the label. Hey, pussy's pussy right go from it. You know, peek on his ass. And it all gonna piss on you. I don't know what you talk about. You know, right, got babies.

No. Wait a second, baby, she gonna leak in the front and the bad Jesus? Oh My god Also one of the things you do Google black pussy incense. It's in your you you want something from you pops up So you're ready to your reddit. I swear to god. This is the second thing the first. Yeah black pussy incense I think I don't know that story, but yeah, I've heard them all the time you can buy them on the street I think I tell somebody else that story, but yeah, I've heard them all the time. You can buy them on the street. What's your life?

You can't buy that wallmark. And this is, this is some who is the, uh, sure. All right. How many, how many, how many pillows you keep on the bed? Probably six to eight. And how many do you sleep with? You sleep on your side and your back on your stomach? Well, I'm top heavy. So I take my broth and get my broth, I'm gonna get my top up. Okay. And then I put one, two, my legs and up on the my head.

All right. One between your legs. I like that. A fan on when you sleep. No, my husband do. I hate cold air. I like to be hot. Okay. And my husband with but had a cellophane on the air condition on and another fact I said dude if you dead, how you might be by the blow up He'd be sweating in his sleep You sleep with the TV on He don't he liked the dark, but I'm a I've been robbed a cup of time I think you had a TV on so somebody said get up and you open up your eye you're gonna at least identify sure if the dark you don't know who raw

Okay, I've never heard of for security purposes. Do you keep anything by the bed for security purposes? No, he do he keep a shotgun I'm gonna compete the failure if I should somebody I'm going to jail even yourself defense. I usually keep water snacks, you know if I roll over I keep stuff to eat why you shooting them? I'm gonna eat it. Why see you do you guys eating bed? You know we ladies know we got that bed to let you head up so you can burp and eat and when you die Just lay it back down. You haven't you have a fridge in the bedroom and my new one. Yes, you do you do size I have a four-size mini-bomb No, no, it's like the delta lounging there. It's what's going to look like

I have three refrigerators in my kitchen cause I have a pantry. There's almost the same size of the refrigerator. I mean, all the kitchen. So I have three dish watches and three refrigerators. Three dish watches. Mm-hmm, man. You host all the family functions, I assume. Thanks for giving all that, sir. They're not coming in my house, feel my stuff.

Yeah, but I'm gonna cook for friends. You cook for friends, so no family is allowed over. Not much, not much. Like my sister just, my sister just, she, my sister's a cracky. So she was in a rehab, she got put out. Cause she said they put me out for cause I smoked a little crack.

Generally for other bond. It's a little crack between friends. But you supposed to be in rehab. Right. So I just don't let my family come home. Sure, smart, smart. Okay, all right. At New House be a rehab. So I just don't let my family come home. Sure, smart, smart. Okay, all right. All right, new house have a pool.

It do have a pool. They have a pool, they have an in-ground trampoline, in-ground trampoline. Really? Yes, they have a hot tub. As a hot tub, okay. And it has two sunshifts in the pool. In-ground pool, I used to.

In-ground, oh yeah, I ain't doing that white trash, but it's full of deck around on top of the grass pool. Yeah, about a float down the pool. In-ground pool, I used to. In-ground, oh yeah, I ain't doing that white trash, man. It's pulling the deck around on top of the grass pool. Yeah, about to float down the street. I ain't doing that. That white trash, that one up on the grass. That one up on the grass. See, I can't get to my breath. Oh, okay, is that freshwater or saltwater pool?

Saltwater. Yeah, so I just want it. What are you driving around it that fresh water or salt water salt water? What are you driving around in now? What kind of car you got? Go ahead. It's something nice. I have a 2023 G wagon Talk to your count and you can write that whole thing off And miss pass playing checkers out or chest out here. Housekeeper at the house. I do have a housekeeper, but they had the house. She's just coming clean.

She's not staying there. Uh-huh. Okay. All right. But we clean most of the time. My husband is military, so you know. Keeps the tight. Yeah, he keeps it pretty tight.

You open your eyes under water in the pool. For what? I ain't no damn fish. Can you open your eyes up under water? Who would do that? I do it. What is that? I want to know what's happening down there. Is that why your eyes are great? Your bunch of pupils out. You nosey, boy white people showing a nose. I'm not opening my damn up.

You're gonna salt water, you're gonna clothe me. You're dead nosey. No. I don't know anybody. I might have been my favorite response ever. Dude, my my sides honestly hurt How do you like your steak cook? I don't like steak

Okay How do you get a few about the rotisserie chicken? I like rotisserie chicken How do you get your eggs cooked? Scramble with cheese I hate a fried egg Fry egg remind me of being poor Okay

Come on mama used to fry eggs I'm like hey just scramble them like they do on a young and restless I hate a fried egg. Fried egg remind me of being poor. Okay. Come on, mom used to fry eggs. I'm like, hey, just scramble them like they do on a young and restless. I don't want no damn fried egg. I hate a fried egg. I hate stuff that remind me of being really poor. Like if I go down the aisle and they're spam and polished me,

it upsets me. I can't eat some being white bread because I ate it as a key. And it stick to the roof of your mouth. So, makin' it, it will make you choke. So, I don't eat white bread. Okay. What do you like now, multi grain?

Yeah, wheat, no grain. Okay. All right. What kind of toothpaste are you rocking at the house? Something with a white nannin. I am allergic to off-brand stuff because I grew up so poor. I'm a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more

like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more with no labor because they being a little basket at the grocery store. Guess what this is? And I'm like, if you got one more time to bring that crap to my house and give me flashback, I'm

killing everybody. Wait, so hold just buy a random can and not him. You don't care. You don't care. I mean, he's he used to be really bad. Like off-brand potatoes or off-brand green beans. I cannot eat off-brand food. It bothers me. You don't go for any of that. If we were, if we came over to the house and you offered us a glass of water,

what would it be? Would it be out of the tap? Would it be a brita? Would it be a bottle? It would be a bottle. It would be a bottle. You got sparkling? I love sparkling.

You put crystal light in is banging. Yeah. Whoa. You're doing crystal light in is banging. Yeah. You're doing crystal light and like, pillow green or something. That's pretty good. That is the duality of class and trash right now. That's fucking nuts. When you go to a restaurant and they say,

what kind of water do you want? You're getting bottle of pillow green. I would drink tap water. You won't drink tap water. Let me tell you why I want to drink tap water. So when I was a little girl, they didn't care anything about the poor. And poor don't have to be no color. Just poor. So they just take you on a feet, free, free, free, or trips. And I wanted a free,

field trips in Atlanta, well, to the Atlanta waterworks. And they take, hey, black kids, polkies. This is how water made. And you just see turrs soak. And I was like, what the hell did they take? Come on over here and they take you a fresh glass of water. I was like, what the hell didn't they take? Come on over here and they take you a fresh glass of water. I was like, but we were just over there. So that... I hate tap water because they tug me on that field trip every year to show me that we drink and laugh over tubs. Yeah, I can't know that.

Yes, and so I was like, why would you do that to us? So I can't know that. Yes, and so I was like, why would you do that to us? So I can't drink tap water. Will you eat in the car? Do you guys eat in the car now? Will you eat in the due way? Yes I do. Favorite fast food? Chick-fil-A.

Chick-fil-A. Do the drive-thru? Do you go in? Oh, it's too many Christians on this side. Chick-fil-A. My son used to, I love Chick-fil-A so much. I made my son work at Chick-fil-A in Indiana. And when he quit, because I had a 30% discount.

So when he quit, when he quit. He quit. 30%. When he quit, I was so, I wanted to beat him. And I said, why did you quit my favorite job? He said, cause it was no longer my pleasure. Cause that's been their pleasure. It's been my pleasure. And he had worked that through all through high school. When you get cash back, when you go and you make a purchase with your debit card, pleasure. It's been my pleasure. And he had worked out through all through high school. Hmm.

When you get cash back when you go and you make a purchase with your debit card, but you get cash back from the register. No, no. Okay. None of my cards you can get cash on. I don't have a pen number. You don't have a debit card. I got one, but I don't have a pen number to it. Never said one. So if you rob me, you take me to the pen. I'm like, you want to take me to your house? You want to take me inside the bank? I don't know no pin number. So no ATMs, use all credit cards or your debit card? Well, yeah, I just use American Express.

Play with them if you want to. I know exactly what you mean. Yeah, American Express will figure it the fuck out. They are not the one, they're not Visa, they're not Master Club. They're American Express. And they ask not visa, they're not master cut. They're American Express. And they ask you for all their money within 30 days. Yeah, they do. And they don't want it.

You don't know here nobody. They hacked my American Express card. You got one. Sure, that's so true. No one's American Express card gets hacked. You can go somewhere and not be satisfied and they will give you your money. Money back, yeah. Yes.

All big purchases make on an American Express card. I make everything on American America's press don't play with me. Don't play with me play with Jesus because he came in die for you. Okay. Is that what you're so the American Express platinum? The I'm platinum. Yeah, it's over one. Yeah. What kind of mayo with the house? You use America Whippity use helmets. We're black. Okay. What does that mean? You don't make a man. Not a lot. That's a white thing. That's a white thing. But if I'm making potato salad, it's miracle will.

Okay. Yeah, but we don't do no male. My husband hates male. And you just don't, black people doesn't male is not our thing. I mean, we cook with it or we, you know, my husband makes some vomit. Okay. Is the potato salad always homemade or will you have potato salad from the store?

We try always homemade. Okay. So much better. Can you cook? Are you a good cook? No, I'm not. But I have a hell of a stall, I just bought. Yeah.

I have all of a, I have all of a plunge. Wolf. That's real nice. What about the cookware? What's the cookware wolf the cookware is wolf through the pants? Damn miss pads don't miss. No, no fucking cash shoes off in the house shoes on The new house off shoes are off Hmm, and is that in is that enforced like if somebody came over and did yeah, I have Middens and stuff at the door for you whatever what

Holy we came over you'd say shoes off put on a shoe off up. Yeah, I'll either put some booties on over the shoes. Yeah, because I have a hardwood floors What about bare feet if I came in and had your feet don't Are they real hardwood floors? They're real. I didn't do any Um, I don't I'm old school. I didn't do any um, I don't I'm old school So I didn't do any of that vinyl stuff. I did it in the basement But I definitely didn't do it upstairs up the first two levels is all it's all hard wood Is there a third level? Yes

17,000 square feet if it wasn't we decided to be the fucking white house Yes, it's all do you have an elevator? I do What? fucking white house. Do you have an elevator? I do. Shut up. No you don't. What? Holy shit. A home elevator is not that expensive. It's not that cheap either.

Holy shit. Okay. You're the first person to have an elevator on the show. I'm okay. So I'm 51 and I don't like stairs because I'm fat, my hub and fat, my keys, fat. Yeah, fat. So, I figured I don't ever say fat.

I've never heard someone call their kids fat. Not me before. Oh, everything I ever mouse funny. It's crazy. It's crazy. So I don't try, you know, I'm just gonna keep it right. I don't say my forever home because, hey, I might get too big to live in that little neighborhood.

I live around 12 white people and it's not gay, it's just a regular little community. What a Texas was great and I got seven acres. So I think you're living in a world where there's even more sex that way you're like, I could level up from this house. Oh, yes. I live in a regular neighborhood. I live in Indiana, I lived in a home on a social

station. I fucking hated them people. Home on the day. They don't want you to paint your house. They don't want you to put a gate out. Who the, you can't tell me what to do at my house. So I just said I'm going to a regular community and I did. And I just told a house down.

And that was the most action those little 12 white people had in over 30 years. I can tell you this, have nothing has ever been stolen from my property unless a contract took it. No, if you pull up on my property, my little lady, Belinda Cross Street, me Pat, somebody out here, do they supposed to be out here? Baby, my neighbors don't play.

My neighbors do not play. They're old, they're nose and they ain't got nothing to do but call the police I've had thousands of dollars laying out down the ground never got told it away But I do have a lot of cameras to there you go. You got to have the cans of 26 cameras on my house Cuz I have three cancors old dogs, so they their own house. Those are yeah, those are those things are Bigs big dogs. Yeah, they bought a hundred and some pounds of pee So they have their own house. I built them a 600 square foot house. It's bigger than my apartment. Yeah What's in the dogs and I'm not elevator

Three refrigerators they have a And I'm not an elevator. No. Three refrigerators. They have a, that's who she should have. They have a wash and dry. They have a four-kits. What a refrigerator, because my husband feed them raw. So everything's done out there.

Pretty much dead now. Because if they have, yeah. Yeah, they caged in on the outside and come out and chill. And they can go back, they have heating in there and they have cable, Wi-Fi and TV. Oh, what shows they like? They can't. They love it.Fi and TV. Oh, what show's they like? They like the... Young and the restless.

The Miss Patch out. Holy shit. That's crazy. That's crazy. They have their own TV and everybody coming, they be like, what is the dog house? And it's fully brick. It looks just like the main house.

I love that. That's adorable. That's cute. They cage a custom. If they had tried to pitch that on an episode of Crib's, people were like, no one's gonna book no one's gonna buy the sweet cake. We can't use this.

What are the dog's names? A Zeus, Shiba and Kang. Zeus, Shiba and Kang. Kang, okay. Classy. Yeah. Do you know how to use chopsticks? No.

I'm black. I'm a Ford. Okay. I'm black. How do you even fart? Okay. I've never left a bad Yelp review. Now, I don't write reviews, but I get my assistant to go. I don't be spelling too fast. It takes me a minute, Thomas, that time I'm all I've stayed. My mind will click that quick.

You brush your teeth in the shower? Who do that? A lot of people. Do you pee in the shower? Yeah, pee in the shower, but who'd brush their teeth in the shower? A lot of people. Some people.

Yeah. I ain't never heard of that. I pee a lot that day. So I get, so I get shout-out when you use washcloths either. No. I do. We use washcloths. I grew up, I grew up using washcloths.. No, I do. We use washcloths.

I grew up using washcloths. Is that what you use now, washcloths? Well, how you not gonna get the crust at your booty hole? If you don't use, you gonna stick your head, you be, oh my God. You back there, they're making a crap sandwich. Well, you use the soap, the shampoo, and the condition that's in the hotel sometimes in the shower?

And the, you know, if they have it in there. I still it too, like they got high in. You can't. Sure. Oh, I'm saying the ones that are like, they have the pumps in the shower. Yeah, so the part, the, the perfume, what's the name of the perfume she told you? Oh, I have it right here. So the perfume that I use, we was just in Miami, right?

And so I noticed it was the lotion to the perfume and the lotion cost like 70 dollars I was like what day this hotel bowling that's not what that's not a red roof in where were you staying I was staying at the I don't know it was I.e.g. property okay so it was really nice was nice. And I'm at the one here in New York now. But when I realized it, do you all realize it's a perfume that I wear? And I ain't on a lot. A few people in my group.

Now I was gonna just pump it out. That was, you know, I was gonna unscrew it and pull it in the water bottle. Just be still in the lotion. But I didn't do it, but my friend, they took like eight water bottles of that lotion. Going room the room. Burrito.

Burrito. So it's like $300 for the perfume. It's like $80 for about 120 for the body watch and 80 for the lotion. Man. I didn't do it. I was like, I can afford this but you know, I was going to talk about it. Well, I was going to just pour it over in the water bottle. Pumping it was too much work for me. Did you get it though? Like, did you, did you receive it?

No, I didn't want to. Okay. So they weren't doing it at your behest. No, but you know what I used to do before I made a lot of money. My thing was when I would go on tour like with big beer comedians, they would put me in a nice hotel. I would always steal the towels. Oh my God. The hell to the towels, Maryots. You get fancy, they thick as hell. And I stole so many towels that I supplied my,

this girl who did my hair, beauty salon, my friend house, my son house. Every week, I would take an empty suitcase and I would just steal the towels. It's insane. They're really nice. I would just steal the towels. They're really nice. I don't do it anymore. Wait, so there's a beauty salon that's just all held in towels?

Yeah. Did the girl who used to do my hair just all held in towels? What are the towels like now? Are they monogram? No, they are all regular now. I don't steal them anymore. No, no, I mean whatever. You're a. No, you're at, so you're at. Oh, no, I just bought regular towels.

I like to shop at Rose. I'm a very discounted type person. You like a deal? Yeah, I like a deal. I like a deal. Now, I hit, go on some expensive stuff sometime. But, you like a deal. How many times will you use a towel?

Oh, once. Once that's it, and it goes in the hamper. Yeah. Okay. Some people use it for a whole week Oh, once. Once that's it and it goes in the hamper. Yeah. Okay. Some people use it for a whole week. I can't do that. One shot and it's done. Same thing with the washcloth

or with the washcloth stay in the shower. Yeah, I, I, no, I, one time. One time. Wow. You like a robe? You do robes? I'm too fat for a robe. Should I ever make it on my side?

Kippy, when's the last time you wash your towel? We're gonna move on. Let's show this. We're talking a miss-pack. You reuse your towel. Oh, I mean, this. We're talking about this pack. You reuse your talent. Oh, I mean, well, you're gonna never go. A week. Hey, a week.

That is disgusting. You put an audit, skin back on you. It's my skin. But it's nasty. It's my skin and I want to say. So you go, so you go to the bathroom and you use the toilet. Said now you don't leave all that flake on the toilet because you got a whole week of flakes.

Yeah. I, yes. Oh, wait. So you can't see the danger that you need. I'll give you that. I'll give you that. That's nasty. A week's not crazy.

Google, when a towel should be replaced. Once a day, if you got a towel, that is higher. Out of every shower. Just throw it in the washer. That means I gotta have seven towels. How many do you have? Two, three. We have about four, I think.

How many do you have? You gotta have 48. I have a lot of towels. I'd say in every three days. Every three days. I'm over that if we're being honest. I've never even come close. Because you know, you never wash your body completely clean. So sometimes you get out and you wipe your butt and you still get excess stuff.

Sure. And that is on that towel. So you flip it over and you put it back on you. I know. Yeah. So I'm not, you're not wrong, Miss Pat. I'm picking up what you're putting down. Okay. You still sneak a snack into the movies? I know yeah, so I'm not you're not wrong miss Pat. I'm picking up where you're putting down. Okay

You still sneak a snack into the movies hell yeah, that stuff is expensive And I tell the kids don't pop the soda until action park What you go to movie snack will you get the popcorn there? I love the nachos What you go to movie snack will you get the popcorn there? I love the nachos Hard I love the nacho. Okay, I mean I'm pretty I mean have you ever seen a UFO Black people don't I get so tired of white people asking me that it ain't real y'. Stop trying to make the people real, they're not real. Because if they were real, the government

will be making them pay taxes. Yeah, intergalactic bucks. Thank you. It ain't real. I mean, damn, I've never heard of it. Only white people see you, you will foes. Have you ever been ghost hunting? Or have you ever seen a ghost?

Why I don't even go to the graveyard to visit the dead don't nobody want to hear your lively problems When I see people at the graveyard, I'm like why you messing with them dead people sure let them rest the most I ever went to the graveyard as back in the day with my baby daddy because he was married and he didn't have no money So you take me to the graveyard and we were having sex out there. But I figured at that time, the ghosts was getting it on too. Sure. Sex and the graveyard. Oh, the time I got pregnant with my second son in the graveyard.

Jesus. Did he know that? Yeah, he got a dead eye. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, I Bring to I feel like I passed out at some point. I sure did good My hand hurts dude. Oh, how old were you when I got like one or two more? How old were you? The first time you had lobster and how old were you the first time you had you got your passport? Oh The first time I got my passport my friend took me to

Oh, the first time I got my passport, my friend took me to Stuhgard, Germany. Fuck. So I had to be maybe about 27, 28. Okay. Because I'm a convicted family, so I thought I couldn't get a passport. Right. And in funn it, because after I did the Thursdays and the Miss Pass show, he pulled up the contract. I went all the way to Stuhgard, Germany, for $500.

Damn. Who was the first time you had the tele? What the hell is the tele? the stoo guard Germany for $500. Who was the first time you had the teller? Well, the hell is Nutella? That booze your peanut butter. Oh, he's that man. It's my daughter, the dad. I don't eat Nutella. She give me jiffy.

I like the little man with the little shorts on. You're a peanut butter. Peanut butter. And I don't like nut centimeter. Cause I ain't got no back teeth. So I don't like nuts in my peanut butter. or panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty panty pant some stuff they don't create it. Yeah, that's not, that's like grown in a lab or something. I, when we, before we got on the cruise, I decided to treat everybody to a dinner in Miami because they came on the cruise with me. So I treated everybody to,

to prime, Yeah. Oh, they still talking about it. They's like, can we just go back to prime? It's expensive, that's it. I mean, what was that, that bill's up there? It was, that was, It was, that was,

It was, that was, It was, that was, It was, that was, that was, It was, that was, that was, that was, that was, That was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was mean that what was that that bills up there? It was that was 22 of 23 of you at ocean primer. What how much you think I spent four grand? Yeah, exactly what I spent that wasn't expensive to me What was funny because I didn't tell them that I was picking up the bill It was just hey, we going on a crew appreciate. So everybody's side out and they was like we We're not gonna eat yeah About to do tell on the right here. They was like we're just gonna go to street after this is though I said I'll pay oh my god. She flew away from everywhere. Yeah, yeah, time is so good. Oh damn. I mean What do you think hippie? She I mean she broke the game. She stone cold trash, but I fucking love who trades

I mean, she broke the game. She's stone-cold trash, but I fucking love her. Who trash? You a damn lie. I got blue-craw-blue sheet. I ain't no Medicaid, no more. This vagina's got good health care. I've never had someone drop their health care as a flak. I ain't got two health care.

One from sag and one from Odyssey. I ain't no two health care. One from sag and one from Odyssey. I ain't no trash. I'm doing good. My vagina gets sick. I can get it seen three times a one day. Baby. There's a big person on the planet, baby. Call me trash.

You got me mixed up with McDonald's. Yeah, pussy. I say you're all class, baby. Thank you, baby. I'm a champion. I'm a trash. And I'm sitting there with two healthcare. You're on low show day in mind. And I got American this press gold.

I won trash when I was po, because I used to steal good stuff. Dude, my nose is running. My head hurts. Oh, okay. Thank you, I saw it. Ladies and gentlemen, the new show on BET, Miss Pat Settles, that you got to check it out. It's absolutely killing it.

Yeah. Every Wednesday night at 10 o'clock, come on, help me break. It is funny. If you, hey, this was funny, podcast. But y'all need to see me rip people apart. Yeah. Welcome my courtroom all that crap. Ah, Kimmy. What do you got for him? Hi guys. We are, uh, we're all over the road. Uh, shows are selling out. We're adding shows.

Uh, it's probably I think 10 more left for the for the rest of the year. Get those tickets now. Uh, thank you so much. Uh, Miss Pat. This was, uh, unbelievable. Yeah. You got Miss Pat settles that you got the Miss Pat show about to do your fourth season. You're on tour. You got the podcast. You got the special congratulations. Just go to miss Pat Comedy.com for all tour dates. But I'm out here.

She's a, the, the, maybe the hardest killer of all time. It's crazy. I honestly can't do this straight. Miss Pat, thank you so much. We love it. Thank you all for having me. Gang, we love you and we'll see you next week. this is the best of these

drape. Miss Pat, thank you so much. We love it. Thank you all for having me. Gang, we love you and we'll see you next week.