Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - My Neighbor is an Alien w/ Kippy& Foley

Episode Date: April 14, 2022

Kippy and Foley are back with a good old fashioned family ep! Love youse guys. Thanks for the support. See you at a live show!  Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ https://www.MintMobile.com/GARBAGE https://www.LadderLife.com/GARBAGE https://www.adameve.com Code: GARBAGE

gang quick update in the middle class famous tour we're going to be coming to the moon tower comedy festival that's austin baby taeha April 22nd and 23rd April 22nd we're going to be doing an evening with r u garbage that's our stand-up show and then we play a little a yg with the crowd yes best news is it's open to the public get your tickets links will be in the description you get them on the moon tower comedy festival website find the link get the tickets and the next night we're doing a live r u garbage podcast recording with a guest to be determined it's going to be good get your tickets that austin let's go barcos welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute

trash now here are your hosts kevin ryan and h foley hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast this is r u garbage tool show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out that you have to be classy yeah there's the bagel piece of trash trash trash i'm your hostage foley coming at you on a beautiful day we're down here in an tutti's basement she has filed her first cease and desist order i like this judge judy who we talking against you whoa for buying any more of those dumbass jackets a little shot at the boss right after payday ladies and gentlemen my co-host is coming at you from across the table he's the new night writer coming out the cbs this fall yeah very powerful man in show business sure get a table

in any restaurant in this city any mickey d below 14 so i'm just letting gallicars on on a wednesday at seven he couldn't pull that off could you kevin james ryan you're still upset about that see we've been fighting for the pain i'm over there eating at frankie and johnny's like a fucking jerk off they're fucking stuck you're celebrating anything what yeah my gd dickhead you should be maybe a fucking martini you should be celebrating that we're here because we're the only goddamn table at dinner time what the fuck's going on that seafood wasn't fresh i think man youtube you're like i'll take the seafood tower i was like i grumba this is this here dude that shit ain't fresh let's get out of the trash we'll be right back gang thanks for tuning in as always

please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on itunes full of video available on youtube as you know those numbers are true the root true the fucking roof cooking and then patreon.com we are closing in on our next goal it's in the sights the ten thousand dollar roulette one spin that i'm still quite upset about it's coming up at a real bad time oh the big man see a big man's behind the eight ball oh we got a new variant coming out shut this thing down for a couple months get my head on straight calling a bomb threat the fucking the Taj Mahal or whatever wherever we go guys join patreon.com you get a shit ton there's a there's over a hundred bonus episodes between hard feelings a yg we do live streams it's a fucking good time also do make a low jacket there you

check it good time over there on a patreon we're having fun over there yeah it is gonna be skit scatting around the country a little bit too yeah we're gonna be doing a lot we're gonna be doing some more uh hard feelings in the car stuff like that stuff from the road stuff from the airbnb just you know kind of really take i mean we really let it all hang out like see me pool side yeah we give you the inside look as is but we're really dropping all the uh dropping trial i'm offering full frontal nudity on the patreon oh god dude it's literally only a matter of time can't see nothing anyway what's the matter tell you try i'm wearing a baton suit that don't have to spend any money on pixelization my little guy stays in the pool house you know what i mean how about a nice quick

shout out to our producer extraordinaire the magic man makes us all look good graduate of the stellar adler academy of fine arts give it up for the bone Mcscruff and Toby mcbutton i see foley's over this oh dude dude he's good at all check out the patreon if you want to know what the backstory on ad is how you feeling big guy i'm feeling great it's great to sit down with a head coach of iceland from the mighty ducks too that's pretty good villain vibes by the way that's pretty good you're both gonna be very upset with me so the younger demographics out there your bozo uh generation i don't know why you're attacking me so much this episode because i don't like you i don't like your face all right finally i took 287 episodes for it to come out your hair is growing at an

incredible rate too it looked you had like a fresh haircut like a couple days ago and now you look like a weekend how do you sold your soul to the door did you get any illuminati or something like that chewing up endochrome to get to get the fade back yeah chewing on umbilical cords and get those fucking stem cells he's in me i go right to the source hey doc hook me up let me get two for 20 out the back chasing moils around the city that's for skin whatever i'll take it uh it's the grossest but most effective every once in a while why i'll say i hate something uh-huh toby'll say uh movies tv shows well let's let's pull back a half you hate everything you don't know right away you hate it i don't like pluto's got a real problem i hate this person i and

then you meet the part that guy's fucking fantastic she's the best that shows good that movie's good sure vegetables aren't that bad what do you go fuck i must have what do you got now not in this case unfortunately and i apologize i went into it with an open heart um i'm 10 years older than you guys when mighty ducks came out i was in high school 92 the grunge was big i was you know what i mean i was chasing the tail around yeah getting shoved in lockers it's fucking jerking off menachristic yeah um so i didn't like it you guys are big fans of it i sat down i watch mighty ducks i mean okay i didn't like it you're fucking 50 years old it was made in the 90s for eight year olds of course you're not gonna like it thought the acting was suspect the script was okay

i don't know what was going on with the production design but amelio pulled through i guess bomb babe you're gonna sit here and disrespect g bombay what was his name gordon the other coach wasn't even that big of a dick he was he was all right he was just trying to teach him teach him right from wrong hey he's the fucking one that choked not the coach he's just fucking trying to help the youth out of that shithole it's gotta be all time worst take ever he wasn't that bad of a guy when i was a kid the bad guys in those the goonies the fratellis don't kill you compare it to one movie also i'm pretty sure it was a disney movie i know it was so what i mean was what's you're gonna fucking take him in the locker room and beat the shit out of him what to shove a fucking goalie

stick up his ass it's a fucking disney movie their kids god damn it we gotta win this game that coach murdered my entire family yeah listen yeah listen dude if you don't make this shoot out i'm gonna fucking kill your dad where's and then the old man who fucking sharpens your skates he's gonna haunt us i didn't like him at all i think his name's haunts that was the bad guy from fucking lethal up in two yeah now i wasn't buying that didn't trust him yeah that nazi fuck you know he was on a you boat to argentina trust his skate shop innocent old man yeah then the messiah hit squad rolls in no thank you wasn't a fan made it made about three quarters of the way through it i tell you who's good though that little josh jackson from my main kid yeah from dawson's creek yeah obviously

breakout star he was great he was great goldberg was all you watch that was don't goldberg was the second one the first one now goldberg's in this one goldberg's in this one yeah he's all three yeah he had a run oh they in their 30s by the third one i think they even know well they they the one and then the usa team i think was the second then d3 ducks quack together or something let me just say that might have been in 3d didn't they do a 3d at one point that knuckle puck came at you at a different fucking angle shout out to the nucky puck every fucking every fat kid who couldn't skate he was trying to rip off the knuckle puck and roller hockey he catches a dui a dui drinking heinikens by the way i'm driving around like a z6 500 some piece of shit he gets community

your mom's jeep my jeep it's my jeep he gets a dui and that's what he gets he has to go coach a hockey team they don't even say that when they set it up just all of a sudden he drives out on the ice yeah it sounds like you went into this the real open mind i did i know man talk about a hate watch and a handful eddies yeah i don't know what was going on i didn't even watch the goddamn thing i don't know any who he got to use at the roller skating palace like what the fuck mighty duck stretch okay i mean i i sure i don't know why yeah i mean i wasn't one of the producers on it or anything i don't know why why you're thrown i saw special thanks at the end you're thrown it you're thrown it in my face 20 years later i'm not thrown at anybody's face i'm just telling toby

unfortunately usually his recommendations turned me around this time it didn't work i'd be willing to take a second look at it it was mainly for the cultural significance of the sure the zeitgeist you know it's a it's a very popular movie so i understand okay more of a slap shot kind of guy that's a film sure completely different move yeah i mean that'd be like talking yeah mystery alaska it's all right who mystery alaska who's mystery alaska so what's the name of the movie with russell crow when they played the rangers pretty sure it was mystery alaska i first i thought you said mr e alaska and i was like who the fuck is mr e alaska so i get my mr edward alaska so i get my eddies from

yeah that's why i score my northern lights i don't know that's pretty good smoking my doobies yeah i don't get that one people are clamoring for us to go up to alaska no you wouldn't go not in fucking anywhere near the winter how are we getting there you gotta take one of those real small planes okay talk to you later a couple people hit us up and like i tell you what you guys i would go just for the for the fucking trip to alaska i'm not fucking eating your butt cheek fucking on some hillside somewhere but this fucking cherry freaking out we're not even we're not we're not even even take off yet you're eating my arm the airport yeah i'm like foley with taxing and what are we doing it foley would you bring a foreman grill yeah i don't know about those little

johns i mean they don't they cry you know whatever it is how long do you think we'd make it out there in the tundra in the bush and the we're in a motel six and anchorage yeah i mean yeah it's like i mean we're not taking a wagon up there we're fucking we're flying into a city not if the skim boat goes down or something like that the skim boat whatever we got to take to get i want to land i want to take one of those planes of lands in the water that's out of here that's fucking crazy i probably could you know who does that george cloney in italy lands right on the water like coma house yeah really i seen one of them take off there for you it's like home over really all right let's get ugly came in here with an open mind just like i did mighty ducks

yeah you've been in his shit mood since i got here uh happy to be here great seems it fucking come in fucking trash in a class you look like the world's worst bouncer right now by the way yeah i'm about to kick you out dude i'm about to kick you out because you're ruining the vibe in here dude the mighty ducks became an actual team correct yeah the anaheim ducks mighty ducks yeah i don't know if that was like ink i don't know in that is estivez gonna nickel it out what's the deal what's what z wet and his beak on it i don't think so it's fucked up yeah that was a it was a good movie it just not for you sure definitely not for you now i just why i watch moana i watch all the car moana was made now with but it's still for kids i'm yeah but the movies now have to

are for kids and adults i just watched castle blank i loved it that wasn't for me it was made in the 40s yeah but that's a classic film what are you talking to you admit you know i i mean get out of here it's a classic child film from the 90s yes okay i'll take another look at it i'll do your favor no please don't i don't want to have this conversation ever again i'll take a look you can do a live viewing together on the patreon i'll watch movies pop corn eddies no snuggle up no okay hans almost came in today i didn't want to really if you don't know hans folks he is our recent hire here at uh are you garbage i technically he's more of a shareholder than you that's true in some sort of will if the if shit were to go down yeah he's the fucking boss's son

fucking must be nice fucking what's it called yeah why don't you yeah optimism nepotism yeah yeah what were you gonna say it wasn't right no you said optimism and i was just gonna make fun of you for a minute and then you finally got the right answer what privatism what private schools you're gonna be going to probably getting the fucking poor kids kicked out of school for some shit he did yeah i see it right now running for congress if everything goes his plan you know what i mean a little dirt bag he doesn't kill a hooker in a couple of years short get a hold of his laptop get a kid keep a clean record he could do whatever he wants why was he gonna come in i to introduce him to the team ah the boys starts bossing me around you're sniffing his ass

all right good stuff gang this is a family episode bam damn we're here we're circling the wagons we're here together we're going to be answering your questions yes from the old patreon there yes also by the way get some fucking tickets to the live show i'm not exactly sure what they this is dropping but chicago might already be sold out so get those tickets right now and rosemont picked a slack up rosemont tickets are moving there uh just get your fucking tickets we're coming everywhere we're going to be adding new dates the whole nine yards can't wait to see is be over there a portilloish see chicago got doing a dinner out there we got it we'll have then we'll have a night off in town it'll be nice we'll not a night off we'll have a night in town be nice we're not

traveling maybe go to a cubby's game cubs will be playing by then yeah i don't think so yeah all right i mean he wants to go to a four hour fucking game in the sun and then go do comedy all night okay but you barely make it to the shows as it is you're gonna be walking around a stadium complaining every 10 now i love baseball what are you gonna do but you don't love go beat up some socials you don't love walking yeah what are the walking to be i'm not playing i'd say i want to play right field do you think you could what are the chances could i play in a professional baseball game yeah in right field right tracking down a ball 100 i could handle that you couldn't play t-ball i didn't say i would be good yeah i mean i could stand there as well i'm talking about

i'm talking about being you know making a play maybe maybe maybe get something going what do you think i don't know i can be out there in your sweatpants you're gonna wear a uniform what are we doing here full filly fanatic here keep it real i got the hotdog launcher you're shooting yourself in the face no i'd wear the uniform now you'd be out in right field getting chased by bees yeah coach there's a hornet's nest out here i think it's a wasp is that poison ivy sumac i could handle that i'd be a real bitch in the box i'll tell you that i'd be batting about 12 feet away from that i don't want to add smoke you're having the hotdog guy three for three hotdogs onto the field let me get to having the beer guy stand them down the hot let me get to

trade all my equipment for nachos people in the front row foley where's your bat look over you got a huge thing and not just i don't know coach keep bozo you are if i but if i was going to attempt to play one game of a major league sport it would have to be right field it would have to be baseball i'm not mixing up in the paint with fucking those dudes i'll tell you i'm not playing the mba i sure as shit oh you're not oh god t-bone write that down in case he ever does join i want to i want to hold him do his word that he's never gonna play in the mba i'm sure as shit not fucking mixing it up on the fucking front lines of an nfl game jesus christ what about you be punner or something

do the extra point what you just gotta get your foot on a ball no i'm scared that that was always that petrified i get so much anxiety every time they kick a punt your fucking legs are kicked open your nuts are hanging down that's a vulnerable position your i wouldn't do that yeah it would have to be or you know maybe like water polo or something you get the fuck out of here what do you mean that's hard as shit you could just be the goalie no plus those guys get a nice set of swimmies or something kick a nice kickboard no those guys are elbowing and they're grabbing your jala mucking under the water your jala oh your jala what some of my mom used to call it your dick she used to call it a jala mucking your little jala mucking wow that's weird yeah

hopefully that's not some reason some racist term from the 50s get get that a peek on the goo before you post this t-bone i'm gonna have to do a little snippy snippy yeah your jala mucking i don't know what that is i thought that's what it was called so that i was told i the three sports i think you could legitimately not be competitive but but but but do you could of course not be competitive i'm not an idiot yes you are i still wouldn't be competitive uh number one sumo wrestling obviously i don't think so i think those guys would run me over yeah he's not he's big but he's not athletic but those guys are strong they work out even though they're fat they work out you know i think you would really dominate in legitimately skeleton what's that it's like the bobsledding

where you were just one guy on the sled face first down the hill gravity does all the work yeah i'll fuck that i know you're talking about what about the thing oh the luge man yeah right you have you you have to have like four skis on there yeah four of those sleds that's just a flatbed and curling now curling would be all right you can be the show why not i'm not doing that it's fucking the major league that's what i want baseball okay philly's right field tell harper to fucking take take five the big dogs coming in you're the only guy who proposes a hypothetical question and then when phone answers come out you go no it's the one i want yeah he's a fun guy everybody i don't know what to tell you hey talk to my agent toby i don't know what to tell you hey my agent does all the

numbers okay his name's hans supposed to be in here today all right guys so as you as you know when you join a patreon we will answer your garbage question on here and i gotta tell you there's been some hum dangers some home runs some grand slams some deep fly balls to right field where the guy can't get it a couple of errors i'd be your nickname uh errors the next uh this one is from ed eddy eddy shout out to ed where are you or did you know a kid that could flip his eyelids inside out oh yeah you could do it i could do it well let's say give it a whirl now i got contacts and should i can't do it now yeah that's the excuse i poured my hamstring when i was in it's like taking an asthma attack when in a game i've done that all right i couldn't do it but we see i knew

it i you would have thrown that in my face when i the day i met you hey it was eight fully flip my eyelids like if i could do that i would just have them up all the time you kidding me freaking people out even more hey ladies i'd wear sunglasses and take them off they was uh what was it oh you stink hey gang let's talk about ladder ladder ladder with the rising cost of living the world is a topsy-turvy place right now you got student debt you're trying to buy a house you don't want to leave your kids or partner with a huge financial burden that's why ladder is the best ladder is 100 digital no doctors no needles no paperwork when you apply for three million in coverage or less all you need is a few minutes a phone a laptop to apply online ladder smart

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a month at mint mobile dot com slash garbage do it uh i couldn't do it my buddy mac could do it i think the listener growing up he could do that he could make himself fart that's awesome that's you know anybody with webtoes we had a kid with webtoes yeah his name was mike real weird i wasn't friends with the x-men in high school oh my boys went full term i don't know what the day did you got a couple of soft cookies in your back it was a little under cooked yay put this one back in the oven throw the microwave for a minute i i try i'm in the broiler the eyelid flipping thing was obviously fucking huge at a certain time i doubt all that

stuff hit when you were like 12 when it was just like being weird double join it the glee king we've talked about that all that kind of stuff the spit down it almost touches and it comes back up i tried to do the eyelid thing once i really wanted to be that guy you know like the kid that that would just do all that shit and like a bar mitzvah or a party and just kill yeah i tried it once and i did it and i fucking freaked out because i couldn't get it to flip back there rain upstairs mom mom she saw oh my god almost ended up in the emergency room my mom being a nerd my mom tells the story her uh my uncle my uncle then got in a fight at like the playground they were like kids or whatever you know in the city and uh he got beat up or hit

really hard and his eye was all fucked up like swallowing you know whatever he got socked in the eye or something and uh just in the middle of the night or they were like going to bed and he sneezed and it popped out of its socket and he he grabbed my mom i was like is everything all right my mom's like ah i don't rush into the hospital but it's ideal juice what the fuck oh i'm talking about scarring you for a lot dude every sneeze would scare me for the rest of your life fucking your eye pops out one sneeze when you're 11 no way out yeah i i i never i never had any of those weird uh could you weren't you weren't that kid you couldn't do anything i i got nothing no not double-jointed what about this thing never farts never never i can't could you could

you make the water come out of your thing like that a little bit but not cool nothing you know nothing nothing to draw a crowd nothing to write home about you know what i mean when i pass in the bucket around there uh-huh um i couldn't do i can't whistle i can't wink my left eye i can only do how to wink your left eye it's bad go ahead you're gonna think i'm fucking with you yeah go ahead my wife i did all right that's that one uh-huh i swear to god that's me trying ready holy colombo what the fuck is this yo no no you're fucking with us i swear to god dude that's me trying to wink my left eye

yeah do it again i right eye the aliens taking over kevin's body go ahead wash over water not ready hey gleeplor welcome to earth dude i don't even know what you're doing i genuine i lean into it like that's like the momentum's gonna give it something i can't do it i can't whistle i can't do shit man Jesus Christ that is what your eyes keep crossing is your mouth turning to jerry louis lady what the fuck was that uh no no

my wife will just well she'll like make me do it and just laugh in my face for an hour i genuinely can't do it what boy all right ready yeah really really really focus really try to go if you're listening to this i'd recommend getting over to the old youtube and check out this little piece of it all right ready don't move your mouth don't move your mouth this is like papa having a stroke don't move your mouth i'd really look like you're nothing for the first time show her my hoping t-bone steak in a shirt off hey no close-ups on this either t-bone all right it's all close-ups

i want this in the wide shot like in bell's palsy yeah maybe they left a fan on when i was a baby or something i can't do it i can do left eye and right eye boom boom that's it that's like the face a baby makes when you put a thermometer in its ass have you been doing that a lot the fuck's going on he queens when would you have seen that yeah you even have kids you didn't have any nieces or nephews or any kind of tick tocks are you watching for research purposes yikes yeah i got nothing man i got no no no nothing like that who the fuck had web feet this kid mike good swimmer not really i was the big joke no at least i saw him at the pool we're like it was just between his big toe and his middle you know the pointer finger

toe and it was just like you know maybe it didn't go all the way up like it wasn't like we would have burned him in bluebell i think he said he cut it and it grew like it like reconnected oh that's even weirder yeah have salamander hey power line Pete relax will you dude get out of you you're putting cookie up at the stake for that yeah that's true to defeat i mean if he was born like 30 years earlier they might have fucking thrown him off a cliff or something right in the dumpster yes it's like fucking 300 toss them in the recyclables we're going to lunch funny yikes good question great question eddie loved it uh this is from craig and we've talked about this first time long time ever go magnet fishing no i just wrote that down as a question oh

shit god damn it real trashy yeah i love it though i love those instagram videos fucking sign me up usually it's a wrench it is then you find some gun that killed fucking johnny button eyes or something like that they found them they found them yeah they find guns yeah they just could call the cops or nice all i just saw one i wouldn't go doing that fucking over the guanis or anything out in brooklyn for anybody out there listening let's sleep in dogs lie yeah don't do that no i hate to break it to you kept they fake a lot of those videos sons of bitches is anything real what about those pranks and walmart and shit like that they're not fake right a lot of uh it's it depends you like anytime there's like a guy

anytime a hot chicks involved it's fake there should be a rule against that you the ufo videos too i could sometimes go down a you know a ufo video rabbit hole on uh instagram and you know it's fake it's like why are people such fucking nerds they're clouding it up with the real ones if there may be some yeah i'm not an alien this is what you guys talk about at your fucking monthly meetups ufo anonymous or whatever why would it be anonymous i don't know they don't you know what girl's knowing so the government doesn't come and get you like randy quaid yeah i hate that shit drives me nuts um fake videos yeah uh all right this one's from diane ten dollar home ten dollar home it that's a new one homies and home it's really nice

what not i must object homie is universal okay homie's gender uh no non-gender all gender includes it covers every anything and anyone okay all right ten dollar ten dollar homie florida's really rubbing off one of my Jesus grace um no opposite opposite inclusive inclusive hey i'm one of the good guys i like the home mats just got a nice ring to it that's all i'm saying listen you want to call yourself a home mat you can call yourself a home car yourself anything you want yeah just don't call me looking for money uh this is from diane never had a question read um despite multiple attempts coming at the whoa don't a little don't a little fucking flare at me that's right dude you don't

take any shit off his bow zone uh i was too busy buying cool jackets is it garbage to wave at a car exactly like yours that's the jeep thing yes but i would do it i would do it in my lumina as a kid for fun like i know it's like 16 17 yeah sure you know having fun with the buddies sure everybody's all high or whatever couple in you couple in a couple of heaters you know i got you see an old i think it's cool if you're doing it with it you can't be doing it with a corolla or something but like at the time it had a 96 Chevy Lumina and not many of them in the road not many of them on the road and if there was Mandalorians you gotta say hi they were all they they were all old folk you know what i mean they were all like blue hairs where it's just like two you just see

you know a puff of hair and they wave back no they didn't know off the road baldy get out of my way a little dick they didn't know what was happening i well documented about the jeep thing the jeep wave but that's only wrong man yeah grown men that's fucking lame i uh roll around in the latitude with the attitude it happened to pull up to captain chuckies maybe like a month ago or two months ago when i was home and a girl pulled in with the exact same car as me salt ladies is that in your mom's name made a fool of myself um because she thought i was like yelling at her because like she was parking too close to me or something like that well why did she think she you were yelling at her was there were you i was i was going like oh shit and she's like

what and she got out i was like we have the same car oh my god gooberville we got the same car just picking up four pounds of shrimp don't tell my mom this isn't making it home holy picking up some captain chuckies are you my dad i love you buddy man that was this bad remember in the remember in the you complimented that lady's purse that one time and fucking remember in the elevator in like indianapolis or something right i like your purse i was like holy shit we're gonna have to fucking this is that was weird whole town dried up yeah i was just being nice i know but you're weird also at times i was standing behind you're in an elevator at the time with two other goons anyway around me i hate your purse i did is that genuine leather

i believe you said genuine genuine leather yeah i got a couple of those made a fool myself a timer too not gonna lie yeah yeah never with the cars again that was he had never again yeah that's probably why i don't like it because i tried it once and it backfired yeah it's not for me my captain shut up the captain chuckies makes the hell of a key line pie that sounds i i get you i'm not saying it's not i'm not saying it's not good i never had i don't know you you you know you know fresh seafood you know your food and you crab cakes lobster bis okay plus they have a wide variety of frozen selections it sounds so trashy captain chuckies it's just like sounds like oh it's not captain it's captain oh it's captain yeah captain chuckies yeah because he likes to party

he's not formal also the other the nearest ocean is about 158 miles away captain of the skookle river maybe love a good shrimp cocktail he's out there magnificent for the fucking claims yeah magnet fishing take a hike with that once you find a safe with some cash in it yeah i just saw them when they found a safe pulled it up and then it was empty inside there yeah who's throwing away a full safe i don't know is that what you're saying it's fake t-bone yeah dude what would they throw in the safe over then pulling it i mean because they're really pulling it out yeah yeah dude no they're not make sense as a guy who makes videos for the internet that does make sense what are you how would you get all the barnacle and stuff on it your channel is based on

you finding random cool shit in a river you find cool shit in a river yeah you might need to keep yeah dude i mean come on i gotta remember me dude this is my 37th video where i ain't found shit thanks for subscribing yeah i'll be out i'm gonna you know hopefully we get some tomorrow seven views yeah well there's that one couple that does it and it funds their travel around the around the world they're living in a van or something like that that sounds like it's going great for them well it's like a young adventurous couple rolling with that you fucking they're nice people yeah so they gotta be catching something but here's my thing with that nice adventurous couples in vans travel in the country always know how that ends they're during europe though european they

go down like uh malta and all that shit the mall thieves now not the mall thieves it's where the bozos go um you thought it was lettuce last week by the way i still think it is uh let me ask you this i'm here is it wrong yes is it immoral maybe if you're one of those guys that goes around with your metal detector on the beach finding people's like old engagement rings and all that kind of stuff isn't a little fucked up to keep that stuff i mean what are you gonna like what are you gonna what are you gonna well if it says to tammy love johnny i mean yeah i think you post it i think they try yeah me i'm sure a little bit but like i mean how many times does jewelry say to tammy from tammy you know all right this one's from ducky don't know if that's his government name that's a

fucking sweet name i told you i my neighbor was ducky ducky weird guys weird a duck as you know growing yeah cousin cousin patrick cousin duck cousin duck yeah the duck was the duck flow eddie mugabe and ziggy whoa they're the four brothers jesus yeah great nick eddie mugabe eddie mugabe yeah he's going running to him in a fucking dark alley eddie mugabe eddie mugabe and his day would tune you that guy can't run fast but he does shoot straight he's got a steady steady itchy trigger finger but ducky's great i knew yeah ducky was my neighbor real he worked for like nasa but didn't make sense because at least that's he called me peeking you know how you have like those windows the theory in the neighborhood was he was building a spaceship in his basement

that was now that's a disney movie i'd watch that was the running theory and i was always thinking how the fuck's he gonna get it out of there you know what i mean you built a full-size spaceship in a basement hey you fat idiot that's fucking awesome but that's what the kids were always clamoring that you know ducky was building a spaceship he worked in like aeronautics or something but i don't know where he's just working on some sex wing she's upside down in that he must be testing the g-force or something must be anti-gravity in that basement because other four guys must all be scientists you take their clothes off for aerodynamics hey you can't wear clothes in space we know and everybody knows that yeah he was building a spaceship in his basement

i mean we you know he was a weird his car talked to him like night rider esque i swear to god it was a blue he was really into cancer radio dummy no it was really i'm telling you man it was like a blue fucking trans am look but it wasn't a trans am but like one of those like you know it like firebird like boxy fucking delorean delorean type fucking looking cars okay you just named five different models and cars i know but you know what i mean like one of those like fucking like firebird wasn't boxy it was sleek and sexy not the older one i feel like the other ones had that like fucking the night rider car that wasn't boxy that wasn't around it was aerodynamic it was sleek yeah but i'm not i'm saying like what the you're taking boxy wrong it wasn't like a

buick i'm not saying that okay the fucking yeah like aerodynamic but that was all like angles that they the cars weren't rounded off back then how they are now you know what i mean yeah it was like you see what i'm saying no i can tell you're no ducky i could pay it out i'm not i the i doubt his car talked it's probably his alarming i'm telling you man he would turn it on it would go hello ducky like he wanted to be fucking night rider or what are you sure one of his buddies wasn't some nerd wasn't sitting in the passenger seat i mean me yeah maybe if he was trying to fool the eight-year-old in the neighborhood sure he got me i don't know his car talked to him that's all i fucking know he tried everything with you and he was building his big ship yeah let's talk

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what you buy all will be packaged and sent discreetly for free go to adam and eve.com select any one item it could be adventurous new toy or anything you desire just enter offer code garbage at checkout and you'll get 50 off almost any item when you do this you'll also get free shipping off your entire order when you enter the code garbage that's garbage at garybage at adam and eve.com this is exclusive offer specific for this podcast so be sure to use the code garbage to get you not just the discount but also a hundred percent free shipping do it code garbage and he caught you what wait was he an adult yeah he was a man did he have kids no kids him and his wife no kids and they would have volleyball parties in the in the fucking summer they'd set up like a

net and play in their backyard against each other like there'd be like five or six couples come over now as I'm saying it that's a swinger's party you got them right they didn't even realize that yeah yeah we remember we'd be like who the fuck plays volleyball in their backyard shoot some hoops you know is that what would they write next to you yeah so isn't that weird because we have a fence in our backyard but you don't have a fence no so isn't it weird when you're just out there on some shit Saturday no pool fucking sitting outside and the neighbors are having like a party right next to you I mean I was eight but like didn't you want to go over there and hang out are they leaving with the weirdos who were building spaceships and playing volleyball nah I'm good guys are getting

laid though yeah I mean no as an eight-year-old who the fuck wants to go play with like 35-year-olds because you're right that used to strange like right next to you as a party yeah I mean I see what you're saying but like I also just wouldn't stand like if I didn't have a pool if there was nothing going on in my backyard I wasn't just fucking standing out there like a fucking goober I was working on my winking um but he caught me peeking in his windows you know how they have those what the fuck where you know how they have like the kind of the small windows in the basement yeah the basement windows well me and a couple of the neighborhood guys got together like down on down on the ground by where the hose is yeah yeah yeah he's just sneaking in that thing

like yeah of course fucking stelog 13 excuse me sir I'm with the CIA the children investigation association I'm gonna need to see some permits for this for this spaceship if I have to come back here it's your ass ducky how was mrs ducky looking back tight bot like you know fit woman the poof like kind of like uh where was there a where was there a nasa compound that's what I'm saying that bucks county there clearly wasn't there was a Lockheed Martin maybe worked there as I put that together start keeping my mouth shut yeah could be working for skunk works that's kelly johnson's outfit I'm still on kippies a little kippies a detective well of course bluebell Pennsylvania is a puppy place to hide no one you want to be an alien you want to go

with no one's I love my lisp in this reality ducky one more thing he's away for war by any chance drinking apple juice out of a coffee mug I'm smoking I'm gonna like that he walks he he walks down the basement I'm in there one of you bums got a light what are you doing in here you're right back to where was open but he caught me and one more thing you're at a peanut butter he caught me peeking at me and a couple other kids peeking in the window we were trying to get to the bottom of this fucking spaceship you know I was saying there's clearly no spaceship but you know was there no I never saw one but there wasn't a lot of what did he say when he caught you nothing he just put up like tin foil so you couldn't see in the basement anymore

what yeah oh that was like cone heads had just hit you know that was we were like big into like what the fuck's cooking down there let me know if I gotta you know if I gotta if I gotta defend the cul-de-sac I'm ready and willing and able you know it's calm he's building a rocket I know um he didn't come out and say hey what are you guys doing no he didn't how do you know he saw you because we were like oh fuck did he we rolled what we rolled outside of the field of vision and we're like oh fuck did he see us and then the next day there was fuck the window was covered a tin foil something along those lines something real nasty man like that's fucking shade yeah that's what I'm saying probably put a chip in you like your head's so big

fuck because they were bigger back then like computers so they had they had to make my head bigger to fit the big chip yeah okay no things it's I mean you got me dead the rights on the login ducky's probably working your controls in his basement right now I am ducky um we did that same thing one time at a how did this come up how did what come up that question how did we get there ducky you activated the chip in your head abort abort abort we um we went over we snuck over to somebody's some girls house in the middle of the night and he was she was supposed to come out when we got there and we were like waiting by that basement window and her dad was downstairs drinking right okay and we're sitting there and we're just sitting there watching

this grown man just get hammered in his basement at like two o'clock in the morning on a Friday goes over to the humidifier and just peas in the humidifier I don't in the humidifier in the was it on I don't know I was couldn't hear weird if he was fucking getting high on his own supply but he peed into the tank of the humidifier yeah I would assume it was the dehumidifier I guess in the basement yeah dehumidifier yeah dehumidifier we got one cooking now that you just gotta we have to have a we have to run a dehumidifier in the basement at all times really take so much water out of the air take just to you know so it's more similar to your alien atmosphere wait I'm an alien now yeah kind of okay still playing around with the tree still working out the plot twist in this one

are they still your neighbor no no no no they left the rocket ship yeah of course yeah left in the middle of the night roof came right off what did he move to um I don't know we never I mean we dude do you think I'm do you think Denise is keeping in touch with a guy named ducky who's you know playing volleyball in the backyard she threw him a going away party buddy get the fuck out she's in the window staring blessing herself I know it's got to yeah I know yeah looking at them knowingly they're all gonna go inside and have an orgy fucking dirtbags yeah she's stuck over there dealing with you fucking Play-Doh in your hair dog shit on the carpet fucking thumb up your ass man I can't believe he didn't die me out he didn't yeah they weren't

they never listen we grew we we we grew up all uh all like there was like 10 houses were built my street and everybody moved in at the same time they then moved in once the first person moved out so they and they never ingratiated themselves you know like these 10 families all moved into the the street at the same time so everybody knew each other sure you know like the kids were all the same age we're all it was just like you know one big community little jaunts right and then they moved in and fucking never ingratiated themselves in the fucking thing so everybody was like good riddance you know man maybe he did work for NASA that's all adding up did he have a was his car his or was it like a government car the one that talked to him was his that was ducky's personal car

what did he take day to day though did he take like a late model Plymouth I don't remember what it was but that was part of the guys in ET yeah dude kippy this guy's good yeah the spaceship wasn't in the house the car was the spaceship you fucking idiot talking yeah now he's probably over there in Russia with Putin why would you take a spaceship to Russia why don't commercial flights go daily yeah but he can't take the car there what he's working for the other side they pulled the wool right over your eyes we're gonna let your country down baldy they're gonna have your badge and your gun over there god damn it put your roll in your cheese sticks on the table get out of my sight

fat little fuck gonna use your uh butter roll in your cap gun kippy you're on death's duty two weeks no waffles man love the fucking frozen waffles don't get me started I would come back from school when there was nothing real and I would make waffles just no syrup just waffles and probably a can of coke or something just dry waffles eat dry egos and a can of coke maybe a little peanut butter or something on them watch it a little judge duty now drl was big at that time so I would call in try to talk to cars oh man I'm kidding dude I'm kidding yeah you know you weren't you know you got three phones going

it's like a hot oh hold on one second I'm just requesting Britney Spears videos trying to get my wank on the whale on myself I'd like to see lucky one more time can you play it back to back before 415 if possible how about toxic by followed with a lucky in slow motion and then bye bye bye if you don't mind those in sync boys had tight little bonds and they did 275 calls finally got through couldn't speak mouth full of dry waffles excuse me sir what do you say my neighbors will call me

did we go to trl dude I had my family has been in New York twice have you ever been in a not the time that you guys went to wherever the fuck you went to up here when you went to the view or whatever you did but as a kid a studio audience yeah yeah because I was I was in dollars and double there which I mentioned yeah my boy Steve Pyle won the whole thing won the race car told us many no it was an old radio show yeah you fucking pinhead it was televised was the first season to double there well we should be able to find it if you probably weren't even born yet maybe it was around 86 87

yeah then maybe I was born tough guy yeah you were a year old I was sitting I was sitting there making fat shit I went back in time and killed you I was probably 18 months making fat jokes hey look at that fat little shit in the second row no I wasn't thinking and eating his nose I was in the back I couldn't afford the two couldn't afford the nice seats back there in the cheap seats who's I'll take two scouts standing out front yeah standing out front of some fucking warehouse no but I didn't get picked to be on the show and it hurt me deeply would it fit down the slide what we're talking I guess I didn't think I had what it takes to be on TV you don't let's not start okay I'm sorry I didn't okay I was just disagree with you apparently I don't

I can take it for comedy purposes yeah they think I had it they lined us all up and they went one two three pick I knew what was going on too and I really really wanted it that's why it was gonna be my big break and sense it on you have like a suit on and everything everyone's making fun of me sunglasses ordering a double fucking macchiato yelling at somebody I brought my own slime just boogers I've been saving up for months slime was huge you were too old when Gack dropped remember Gack Gack and Floam Floam was all right I don't think we're talking about the same thing yeah plenty of Gack no Gack was like the wet like mushy and then Floam was like a bunch of little

beads stuck together with yeah color why were you playing with it but my cousin's playing with it I have younger cousins I know what Gack is doesn't check out the beady stuff no that's Floam I just damn I'm cool I swear I love Mighty Ducks slime the original slime was all right you can get it in the little uh things in front of the grocery store for a nickel and then you ruin the interior of your dad's Jeep in there that you know what you get thrown out of a sizzler you know what I was fucking surgical with too no hold on stop mm-hmm the long sticky hand that you would throw I had an orange one that was like my sniper rifle dude I'm good oh he's dead okay kids pop quiz you looking for this yeah I could take an eyelash off you bam real quick

you didn't see it coming I was hitting my dog and shit I was fucking I was tight that thing was something else all you had to do was wash it with a little soap and water it was like brand new same thing with those little octopuses that walk down the wall we never had those you don't remember them they came in uh cereal boxes like cocoa puffs and stuff you throw it up against the wall and it would slowly walk down love that shit I used to love looking through the cereal box for a little toy before school they used to give out legit shit like they used to give out actual like cars like that would be at the bottom of those things do you bit one crack a tooth yeah now it's all bullshit I never really got into it seemed real cracker jacky to me I would love to take one

of those things right before I'm telling you I was good I had an orange one or yellow like gold yeah those things were all right yeah I was feeling like a mob boss all my friends are fucking you want a fresh one hey you're from across the room I don't even need to be next to you oh man that's good stuff um stop me if we talked about this we talked about something similar I think we talked about the pepper in the beer yes one episode like yes we did recently people put pepper in the beer to keep the head this one this is from Quinn you or anyone you know sprinkle salt on the napkin at a restaurant before setting your drink down why so the napkin doesn't stick yes I think those little I did some research into this because I didn't get it

those little like thin bar napkins like so you go up to a vault like a dive bar and then you know I don't give you a closer get they throw the napkin sure put your beer on that that starts sweating it like that gets wet and becomes like fucking you know wet paper at the bottom uh-huh apparently if you sprinkle some salt on it it's kind of gentleman-esque you sit it on that and that stays the salt absorbs the water rather than the thing have you done that or do you know people that have done I've never seen anybody done that's real bar fly shit I like it though I've been in a few saloons with some rough customers through a little salt down yeah I like that that's cool to me but it gets all over the bar he's got to wait you know who has salt on the bar do you have to

say excuse me can I have some salt that's unless you bring your own you know what I mean that's weird that's weird that's a conversation starter some bars will have the like the setups with like the catch up in the yeah that'll be in like the thing like every like four seats or whatever I don't know I'm just saying these are old time bar seems like a lot I always like when the when the napkin sticks because it's like a little ready-made thing you don't got to worry about it just put it down okay I don't care if it I have a I guess some people are a little more particular than you you know maybe Kevin maybe sure this one's a home run Sam ever had joint bank accounts with your girlfriend no that's bad you're getting in financial girlfriend yeah not a wife not a

fiance me and my wife don't even have joint accounts nice yeah yeah you're dead weight to her I know she wouldn't allow it she's like I'm not letting the fucking IRS get their fingers you know whatever mess you've gotten into come back and bite me in the ass no thank you yeah t-bone never no way I had relationships I've ever been in that that level of serious it was it was like it was like holy shit it was like you don't ask I don't ask we don't ask nobody knows yeah yeah yeah I don't know what you got you don't know what I got a bowl over there yeah we're chilling yeah I um I knew what they got I knew what they had never much sure but I'm sure you were tap dancing about what you got uh no I was always pretty open and honest about that takes a village to raise a foley

yeah uh I fuck someone in my family would ever take that out someone in my family I had someone in my family who you know might have dabbled in some extracurricular activities like maritaly no okay substance wise okay partaking or distributing mucho partaking partaking to the point where it was okay way past weekend well that's more charming that's innocent um hey honey we had five grand in the account on Friday now there's a dead hooker what's the deal sure no but it was that so they were talking she she was in a relationship with a guy uh-huh who was also you know suffering or struggling with addiction or no

that's a broad party and too much yeah and uh I remember that we were at Christmas or something she was like yeah things are going well we're gonna move to Florida and I was like that's not fucking good that is never a good doing that and it's like I grew up with a lot of drug addict couples sure like a lot of my friends and like you know people like acquaintances all like exclusively they all became like you know they were in couples and then they were spending so much time together because they were drug addict couples a tough look the toughest and she goes yeah things are going we're gonna move to you know and my mom doesn't know my mom didn't know that how bad it was but I'm looking I'm going oh you guys are fucking you're barely keeping this

closer to South America that's never a good sign but my mom was just like oh yeah maybe you know maybe they smoke weed or do Adderall or something like my mom doesn't I remember the one time you hit her with the orange thing I'm broad you don't run so fucked up you're going through your purse right now which she did she stole TD gift cards out of my mom's purse you catch your hand going in it's my brothers oh man I like this thing we gotta get one of these we gotta get one I do for hard feelings which is bad I get a real long one snipe Toby maybe they're smoking my mom said that to me one time about a family acquaintance or whatever she was like smoking smoking weed she got more track marks in the eastern railroad what are you talking

about dude this this girl I was in college and so was she and dude her teeth are falling out of her face is like a full blown in the throes of proper drug addiction and my mom goes I was like did you see plug in did you see Heather goddamn my mom's like I think she's doing Adderall oh my god Adderall Adderall get you fuck you take Adderall to study for the test the dog's doing Adderall when I'm like this girl's fucking boof this girl's fucking main lining in here hey honey shape behind on our finals it's ain't CBD we're talking about she's blowing for tricks down at the box what are you talking about I hope to okay but tip your mic up a little bit yep yeah sorry um how do we gotta remember how we got there oh no the bank account and she was like well we're

gonna move to Florida we're like oh good you know cool like you know and she was like we just gotta get a bank account and she took the turkey bones she was like we just gotta get a bank account and I was like oh my god how old are you I'm in college so we're all the same age there's only 20s we just gotta get a bank I'm like there's no way you got two forms of ID you know you don't know where your social security card is and I guess I'm gonna put money on it you ain't got a goddamn passport either good piece of business yeah how's she doing now okay yeah I'm not I'm not sure there's certain sections of my family it's obviously very extended family and you know we don't always cross paths and see her at the Florida shows she didn't come to Tampa

I honestly I wouldn't even recognize her if I saw her really yeah we had very little interaction when we were younger that's it okay and then like you know kids or whatever and then my mom would stay in touch with that side of the family and stuff like that I don't mean to make light of it on no of course I mean you know like I said I had a lot of friends who struggle with addiction still do it's very tough sure I just don't sit across from you I'm very true and one sitting over there in the car Jesus Christ oh that's right you guys gotta learn how to handle your shit a couple of bubble gummers a couple of weekenders buddy you want to go pro get a jacket all right Devo so mad right now oh no no no I was just thinking that's the thing about real pros

is that you pull your knees that you gotta retire early dog yeah bo Jackson ran so hard he pulled his hips out of his socket yeah yeah me too bo Jackson also pulled my hips out of my socket beat him on a bag I got drunk I just I tried to sell him point eight he wasn't buying it he had drunk and ran my mouth on an after party good stuff great good stuff great Q so far kip I gotta say I don't know if it's the jacket or what the jacket's nice this is the best one by far got it tailored to came real big really got it tailored tailored uh-huh they must have laughed at you now it's just his boy Taylor hooks up jacket I cut her right down the middle for you dude no the lady was like oh this is nice jab very old jacket very nice yeah so they're

vintage but they're buying them all vintage there's a couple of new ones but they're all vintage so the sizes are all wonky they're like oh this is an XL and then it's like fucking huge or it's really small vintage might be a strong word do you concur Mr. McMillan no it looks like it smells like a dart league hey yes it smells like a bullseye all right that's the jacket talking now throw rocks tonight kippy look out kj's here kip he did the first half kj's gonna close her out also I've been posting all the pictures of the jackets on instagram going like can't stop won't stop like whatever through the comments from the fucking bozos and the homies are so fucking funny it's a good time it's great um all right let's see here so a couple more then we gotta repeat up

this one has the big man written all over it this is from sous chef boyardy home run of a name fantastic uh ever use a hairbrush as a back scratcher have I I've used a hair brush as a fucking ball scratcher and let me tell you something you want to talk about entering the gates of Valhalla yeah a fucking one of the kind of brush I go like you know the wooden ones that have the that they have the the thing with the little white tips on them or whatever sure yeah they're mine are black and you know compresses a little bit yeah they tell you something I can you sit maternity style on the couch buck naked with your legs up like you're about to deliver a baby and you just get in there whose brush is this is your your lady's brush it's my brush it was my

brush this is years ago you burn that thing okay it's my brush it's the brush that I have now it wasn't that long and you use it on your head obviously yeah I rinse it off sure but I've recently discovered the joys of scratching the taint it's almost orgasmic what do you mean scratching in between the gooch I know what the taint is but what do you mean scratch like you're saying when you have an itch or you're just like I'm going to get my daily scratches it gets started yeah get started before there's an itch or it is kind of a little itching and you get down there and then everything starts hitting you just that's pretty good to do and you take a big whiff after that sure you know you do a fly by you buzz the tower sample the

vintage but the best is in the shower by shower brush that I have fucking go in there there your eyes roll in the back of your head feels so good it almost feels like you're about to uh what it feels like it's a family show we do here this is like mighty duck seven we're doing you're talking about using a fucking shower well you're asking me the hard-hitting questions clean your gooch it started off as a back scratcher you immediately took it to your no nose I like a fork on my back but I now have a brush that we got from Sephora that exfoliates so I get scratched down I'm trying to exfoliate you know what I mean yeah where do you uh pretty cute that was Kevin not the jacket don't blame the jacket on that one

jacket's going to have a word with you when you get out of here does you ever know anybody that had those things they were like square things the metal and you could put your hand in it and it would leave an impression only if Spencer's had those yeah one to one kid we were never allowed to buy them no I think I think of a buddy might have had one I think Pat might have one maybe what about the spaceship that like those things that you put on your desk like the balls that would go back and forth or like the thing that would like that was all stuff that like no that was like stuff lawyers would have or doctors or something that's not the lions aren't buying that stuff the brain teasers and shit no way spending fucking burning money on fucking

brain teasers those both things are pretty cool though they snap take a bit back yeah that was like what a judge would have or something small claims court obviously he's not hanging on the big all right let's wrap it up we gotta wrap up all right gang listen we fucking love you to death love you come see a live show see you on the road see you on the road support the patreon support the patreon guys I know also there's obviously then we're gaining new listeners and stuff every every week every month every episode whatever we appreciate it we love we appreciate all the support I I can't express the amount of high quality content that's on the patreon honestly I mean there's almost a year and a half or you know 15 months a weekly episodes of hard feelings

that's just me and the big man and t-bone you know no gas but just real fucking you'll laugh you'll cry we we really pull the curtain we get an argument it's like an hr meeting for the team they were pieces shit here wait are you seeing a patreon yeah thank you so much for everything if you've ever just watched the show shared the show anything we fucking love you love your death and we'll see you next week peace