Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Naming Your Car! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: May 25, 2026

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come t...o a live show! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4P Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: HexClad: Find your forever cookware @hexclad and get 10% off at https://hexclad.com/GARBAGE! Shopify: Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/garbage Chubbies: For a limited time, Chubbies is giving our viewers 20% off your order with our code garbage at https://chubbiesshorts.com Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 It's a summertime gang and the boys are coming to your hometown. We're talking about Portland, Maine, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Cleveland, Ohio. Grab the squad. Let's all hang out. Play little AIG. Some stand-up comedy. It's going to be a fun, fun time. Yeah, then the boys are headed to Atlantic City, baby.
Starting point is 00:00:18 Down there on a board wall, King of Boards returns the South Jersey. Philadelphia people, Jersey people get your tickets to Atlantic City. Also, Denver, Colorado. Those tickets are selling very fast. Those will sell out. Get them. We'll be there in July. Love you.
Starting point is 00:00:30 mean it. Bye. Let's go. Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R.U. Garbage. Oh, yeah. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it to be classy. Yeah. Look to just a big old piece of trash.
Starting point is 00:00:46 Garbage. I'm your host, Atsin' Trulley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in the new edition. Summertime. Maybe not officially. Okay. But it's summertime. All right. You know, I know that. Why? Because the nair has been brought. out okay been all cleaned up on you or her what I don't know how do you know that it's
Starting point is 00:01:05 all been cleaned up she told me okay plus the hair all over the bathroom I don't know what you guys are talking about when it looks like Sasquatch got caught in there I caught in a glue trap in the bathroom and she's out back uh-huh and that leopard bikini she got in 1983 I got to be honestly it sounds you got a bit of a thing for aunt to do you're talking I don't know you're I'm painting a picture for the audience yeah you think she's slipping out of your seat over I'm not saying she wasn't something back in the day. Bounce a quarter off that thing. Man, you catch her at limelight back in the 80s?
Starting point is 00:01:35 I think you like her. What are you talking about? You got a bit of a thing for it. Anyway, she's sunbathinging outside. Great. Topless. My coves is coming from across the tables. We call the family episode, ladies and gentlemen.
Starting point is 00:01:45 Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. Just the way we like it. Yes. He is my best pal in the whole wide world. What? Bit of an international businessman. Huh? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:56 CEO of Are you Garbage? I know. CFO? I don't know if we... I think that my thing, on the documents, my title's president. Is it?
Starting point is 00:02:06 I think so. Wait, really? What? What am I? VP? I don't think you have a title. I don't have a title? You're a partner.
Starting point is 00:02:13 Partner? That's pretty good. Yeah, you like that, don't you? I can only take pictures back to back. Come up. Kevin Ryan is here, ladies of gentlemen. What up, gang.
Starting point is 00:02:24 Shout out to you, as always. Please make sure you rate review, subscribe on iTunes. video available on YouTube, full video available over there on Spotify and a boys are climbing to charge. Wait, let me check that. Yes, we are. Woo. And then obviously the greatest
Starting point is 00:02:38 website of all time, www. www. patreon.com slash all your garbage. Go over there. You get all that freaking bonus content gang, you might be sitting there. I don't know what bonus content is. Get over there and freaking find out. And you get the camaraderie of 15,000 homies. Like, minded dirtballs
Starting point is 00:02:54 just like yourself. You've been looking for a family, looking for people. Like yourself, your whole life. You'll find it over there on a Patreon at the RU Garbage page. I just said this. You were in the bathroom. I was, uh... That's the second time you said that today.
Starting point is 00:03:07 What? Before you were like, you were in the bathroom or something. I wasn't in the bathroom that time. You were talking earlier. Now you're saying I don't even know what we're referencing. What do you mean? You said last... What?
Starting point is 00:03:17 You said last night you were having a conversation with somebody and you were like, you were in the bathroom. I said you might have left or maybe you were in the bathroom. Yeah. Why do you take offense to that? You put me in the bathroom. First of all... I was in the bathroom.
Starting point is 00:03:28 him here now. For how long? I'm getting over being sick. Okay, so last night you couldn't have been in the bathroom as well? Not fair. Why? You get real defensive over whether or not. No, I've never heard anybody draw line. I'm flunking off somewhere.
Starting point is 00:03:39 You were getting cotton candy or something. I was probably doing push-ups. Sounds like a bit of a guilty conscience if we're being honest with you. I got, yeah. I don't know. You weren't there. Right. Who knows what the fuck you were.
Starting point is 00:03:51 The best thing is you were probably taking a deuce. That's the best thing I can hope for. Who knows what you do? And I don't have an eye on you. Man. I'd like to know what you think I do I've honestly I've had to stop thinking about what I think you do
Starting point is 00:04:06 I've had to I've had to you know what does Trump say I wish him the best all right what is it I wish him well yeah I wish him well and then I go watch this drive yeah um yeah I don't know you know who knows what in the past sure I understand I don't know what Luke does when I leave here I have a pretty good picture
Starting point is 00:04:25 you I'm not sure Diesel, I know, Mark the shark. Diesel makes sausages at the house. Luke pulls tubes at the house. Ripping bingers. All that aside, though, we said like-minded people. I'm very shocked. Let me take a minute to address the Army of Garbage right here.
Starting point is 00:04:42 I said this while you were taking a Duke in the bathroom. Who's not? Yes, you were. Why are you denying this? I made a big mistake. I tried to make my own Manhattan special with orange-flavored La Croy and coffee. It stinks. What's a Manhattan special?
Starting point is 00:04:54 Like a soda coffee sauce. Soda. Is that a thing? Yeah. Okay. I'm popular. Okay. I've never heard of it.
Starting point is 00:05:00 Among the Italium. Ah, okay. This is bad. I feel like I've made arsenic. One can only hope. I like that, wouldn't you? But I was saying while you were in the bathroom, you were doing something. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:05:16 Yeah, I don't like this. I see a pattern forming. Is you in the bathroom a lot? No, you're going to be starting telling me that I think Foley was in the bathroom. You're going to start making me look like a Dunskey in front of people. Every time something important. happens I'm in the bathroom 9-11 in the bathroom. JFK in a
Starting point is 00:05:31 bad thing. I'm missing everything. That's like you're like to Faris Gump. You miss all like the huge moments of history because you're in the bed. You walk out while. What happened? What I miss? Feds are running by and shit like that. It's black and white. Hey, you're out of telet paper in there. I had a pressing issue. Go ahead.
Starting point is 00:05:53 What do you got? Address. The floor is yours. Thank you. up dirt balls i am shocked uh and this is i mean also this is coming out uh we had the uh yg and friends a few nights ago uh how about that um yes luke how about that how about that very now about that um something else i'm and obviously this is a manhattan uh we're in manhattan a little more swanky a little upper echelon a little bit of class i was shocked at the amount of classy people who i mean at least a piece of people who i mean at least a piece of Classy that are fans of the show.
Starting point is 00:06:29 I just walk, as I'm walking here, parked a car, I'm walking here with Hansi Ponzi. Beautiful girl gets walking out of a cool coffee place. What'd you say? Beautiful girl. A beautiful girl. I was quoting you. Thank you. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:06:43 An attractive young lady. An attractive young lady. Younger than, you know, me or you. Sure. Probably Luke's age. Young, somebody Luke would hang out with. Huh. walks out dressed well, going to her job or something.
Starting point is 00:06:57 Something, you know, meanwhile, Hodd's just pooping. I don't have a fucking, I don't have a poop bag. That's where I'm at. You have one sneaker on. She puts change in my coffee cup. And she goes, huge fan of the pod. And it's like nice to see the garbage that I don't think people are garbage. You just let the leash go start following her?
Starting point is 00:07:18 Oh, there you go. My friends in a bathroom. Yeah, I'm following some of the bathroom. I get a fool of himself. Yeah, no, it's just very, I'm always shocked when you see some people. Obviously, people are better than themselves. You don't know what she came from. You don't know what she is, really.
Starting point is 00:07:34 But it's just, you were mentioning the 15,000 strong in the community. The community is deeper and stronger than I've ever anticipated or really thought about. And diverse. And multicultural. But with one commonality, we are all garbage. This is nice. Yes. It's very nice.
Starting point is 00:07:51 It's a very popular program, as you say. It is. You know? Kids, jocks. I don't think kids. I got the demographics back. Not kids. I don't mean kids.
Starting point is 00:07:59 Yeah. Younger. Yeah. What? What? I can use the bathroom. Okay. But all that being said, if you're new to the pro-
Starting point is 00:08:08 They're all high school kids that watch us, though. I'm sure. I just seen a couple at the bagel shop. A couple of kids that were cut in school trying to go out to Long Beach to go surfing, but they can't because the L-I double R is down. Yeah. As they go to Coney Island. I'm like, I can't surf out there.
Starting point is 00:08:25 I was like, yeah, you're telling me, bro. Did you have, what, okay. What? I don't know. See, you start this shit. I didn't say, what do I do? I don't know. I'm sorry, it's not every day you tell me you're talking to surfing teenagers.
Starting point is 00:08:36 You got to get me. You got to, you got to let me pry a little bit. Wasn't the beach boys? Well, I mean, I don't bump into surfing teenagers that often, right? I didn't have, like, their boards on them and shit like that. Okay. There's a couple, if there were kids hanging out, there were three high school kids. Cut in school.
Starting point is 00:08:51 Cut in class. That's right. I respect that. Me too. You see that in New York, and it makes you think, you go, good a fucker, where are your parents? What are you doing? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:01 Bad-ass little kids running around. You never cut class? Smoking dope. I tried one time when I wrapped my car around a telephone pole. You never cut school? Never again. Wait, really? I tried in 10th grade.
Starting point is 00:09:14 I was 16. We were going to, we were cutting school. We had beers and we were going to get drunk and go to Rices at the flea market. Shout out Rises every Tuesday. and Saturday, I think. You're going to go, you know, we had heaters. You're going to go get like a... Oh, your Chinese star needs.
Starting point is 00:09:28 Yeah, butterfly knife, whatever. Cool. Chucks. Yeah, probably a bowl or something. Titty pens. Cool, good shit. And I skipped school and I was, uh, I wrapped my, I wrapped my first lumen around a telephone pole in my neighborhood.
Starting point is 00:09:43 Hmm. And, uh... Are you drunk? No. No. No. Speeding? Sneased.
Starting point is 00:09:51 Really? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I was turning. Right? I was whipping work, as the kid said. Now, I'm driving the bus. I'm turning.
Starting point is 00:10:00 And I, I sneezed. And when I came up, I hadn't gone all the way back. And that pot pole was staring down the barrel. And you really wrapped it around it? Or is it just? I could have touched it. Like, I, it fucking crunched right up the middle. That airbag went off.
Starting point is 00:10:16 Those old school airbags? Hit you. Like, I suddenly let off a fucking bottle rocket in that thing. Damn, you never cut school. Cut school all the time. I was, I also, my, I mean, you know, a little bit of a broken home. My mom would go to work and I would just go, hey, she would be at work a lot when I left. When I was supposed to go to school, I'm not going.
Starting point is 00:10:34 I'm sick. I'm not going today. Okay, whatever. That's cutting school. Yeah. But the one, yeah, when I tried to like. Twelve bowls of cereal later. That and my dad, I mean, like, I, dad, I'm sick or whatever, you know.
Starting point is 00:10:45 But never like. I tried at 16 and it fucking ended terribly. I had the fucking Irish. Catholic, you know, I was God telling me go to class. And I listened to our mighty father. You had to come out of the fucking Wuhan
Starting point is 00:11:01 lab to get out of fucking going to school with Patty. No, nobody cared. Vicious. Nobody cared. Vicious. Ah, scah. My nieces and nephews, they're like, oh, like, we talk about, like, oh, it's going on vacation. Like, well, the kids have school.
Starting point is 00:11:15 I'm like, fucking who, what are we told with school? Yeah, he can't do that. I always hate it. That shit don't fucking matter. I always hate it those kids. It's not the 20s, dude. They're learning on... I disagree.
Starting point is 00:11:26 I hate it those kids. You know who I bet did that? Who? Yeah, Luke went to fucking a chateau or something. Get more experience that way. Sure, I get it. What the fuck? What are they going to read a fucking dingy textbook?
Starting point is 00:11:38 Get fuck out of here. Get out there, be, go to Poconos. And you would be able to collect your studies and get all your work done before you left or whatever? Got to learn how to drink around the world somehow. Yeah. Yeah, that's an experience. My parents would, I mean, we do a vacation. Maybe they should have a little bit.
Starting point is 00:11:55 It'll be a little more culture. Wouldn't be in a bathroom so much. I don't know what I can do about it now. You can go back to school. I should go back to school. I said that. We should enroll you in, I mean, we tried to enroll you in college, and you said it was Julia order nothing, I believe, was what it was.
Starting point is 00:12:09 Yeah. You guys were supposed to do a creative writing course. Yeah. Okay, we're going to move on from that. Bit tiffing a little bit. You and most people. But all that's neither here nor there, gang. We got a gosh darn family episode on our hand.
Starting point is 00:12:24 As you guys know, when you join the old Patreon, we will answer your garbage question on the air. That's right. And we got one, two tree humdangers around here. I like that. This is just a good one. This is from Marty. Also, great trashy name.
Starting point is 00:12:38 Shout out, Marty. Marty. I always think of Big Marty's carpet in Philadelphia, which I think you said you didn't know, but Big Marty's carpet was big. Yeah, Marty's a good guy. Just Marty in general. You know Marty?
Starting point is 00:12:49 Obviously, Marty McFly. I don't think I ever. knew a Marty. Never knew a Marty. My first, my second car was named Martin because I got it from Martin, Honda. I don't think that's a person. Yeah, it is. Your car wasn't named. I mean, I said, I never knew a Marty and you're, you said my car was, I knew Martin, you're, yeah. Martin. Okay. Yeah, it's not the guy I know. I don't know. I didn't know. No, I'm saying there's a guy named Martin that ran the dealership, not fucking the car's a person. I thought you did. A spider.
Starting point is 00:13:24 Did you name the car Marty? No, I thought of Martin. It was formal. Mr. That's a mister. Yeah, I never knew a marty. It's an older name, I feel. It was just a little.
Starting point is 00:13:37 Sure. You ever know a Henry? No. Huh. Plenty of Kevin's around. Yeah. This place is lousy with Kevins. Like mosquitoes on a hot summer night.
Starting point is 00:13:50 No, Henry. Henry's coming back now. Henry's a big name. Yeah, I know. we were looking for the baby, Henry's a big name. Does that bother you or does that make you proud? It's flattering, I would say. You know?
Starting point is 00:14:01 Uh-huh. Appreciate it. Flattering how so, but you go by H. No one knows your name's Henry. I know. People think it's Herman. Could it be? It could be.
Starting point is 00:14:12 It's not. I've never seen anything to prove other. Name one Irishman you know named Herman. I don't know one Irishman name H either. That's right. Ain't. You tell you. in you.
Starting point is 00:14:25 No, I get it. Things are cyclical like that. Families are always rising falling in America. Yeah. Yeah. Same fucking rats that used to make fun of me in fucking elementary school. And I were calling their kids, Henry. Bitch.
Starting point is 00:14:40 You should talk that therapist about letting go. I was talking to him today. I know. You fucking dropped a bomb on me right before we pressed record. I just thought I said something nice to you. I can't win with these guys. Oh, here we go. The guy who always says I can't win
Starting point is 00:14:56 Is typically at fault I can't fucking win with these guys Never catch a fucking break Sounds like something to step that I can't fucking win with these kids My dad was the king I can't catch a fucking break I remember saying it at like 16
Starting point is 00:15:14 And someone looking at me like what I can't catch a fucking break Pointing at the windshield I can't catch a fucking break I said chili fries I remember I was getting I remember one time I screamed it the most and my buddy was in the car next to me
Starting point is 00:15:34 and my I was getting ready to move to New York I was selling me I was getting the Montego ready to sell classed out of it up Vinnie with the skin he was going to sell that for me he had a prime piece of real estate was going to park it there put it for sale sign it never happened but I was getting ready to sell it because that was like in my head that was going to be like eight grand Eight grand you thought you were going to get for that.
Starting point is 00:15:54 At the time, maybe. Huh. Six? I take five. Negotiating against me. What do you got on you? No. I was trying, that was going to be my big cash windfall.
Starting point is 00:16:08 Right. You know what I mean? Of course. That'd still be pretty good. You'd be still floating off that. Uh-huh. And, man, imagine how quick I would have blown that when I moved to New York. We've been a cool couple of months, though.
Starting point is 00:16:19 Oh, the meatballsy, I can see. Doggy, you ain't lying. You'd have been taking cabs and shit. Everything. Eventually it would have evened itself out. Sure. But there was no way. I was telling my cousin this.
Starting point is 00:16:34 I was like, listen, stop like trying to prepare for this. I'm like, if you want to take a step into this, accept the fact that you were going to be fucking poor. Yeah. And it is going to fucking suck. That's a guy still talking to himself. Even if you get money, you're going to blow.
Starting point is 00:16:53 Has I'm taking money out of his wallet. That way, you're a good kid. Yeah, you got to just live in the sense of like, it's never going to work out. But you have to believe it's going to work out at the same time. It's kind of weird. You really got to be crazy to make it. You really got to be dumb as rocks and fucking young, dumb and full of gum. What?
Starting point is 00:17:14 But my windshields cracked like two days before I was getting ready to pop. I can't win. I can't catch a fucking break. I literally remember I was like, who are you? Yeah. I was just like, you ain't going to catch a break with that attitude, putting that out in the universe. You ever get called?
Starting point is 00:17:31 You ever can call with that somebody else? What the fuck of you? What? Catch a break. You're fucking. Yeah. You're healthy. I've tried to say this.
Starting point is 00:17:40 The only thing I know about how to be a dad is to like come home and complain about construction work. You've been doing that? That's all I know. That's like what a dad. That'd be pretty crazy. What a dad does is. comes home, like the electrician of fucking permits,
Starting point is 00:17:51 breaking my bolt, like, you know. That's all I know what it had, that is comes home and you go, how is work, and they dump all of the job site politics on you. And, you know, and or what GCs aren't paying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, fuck, I submitted my invoice in fucking January. Still wait on January. I had a little glass of scotch or something. Nah, Mickalob, Coors Light, yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:13 They were both of my parental, they were beer drinkers. Kevin's talking about Hexclad. Shout out to Hexclad. You don't know Hexclad, do you? Best best Pans in the world? I bought Hexclad before they were a sponsor. That's how much I like Hexclad. State of the art technology, am I right?
Starting point is 00:18:28 I believe so. You know what makes me think of? What's that? It's springtime. Going into the summer. Yeah. A lot of people, they change the storm windows. They put the screens in.
Starting point is 00:18:38 They clean out the closets. They clean out this. They clean up that. You know what? You don't do enough. Get rid of the old pans. Get rid of those old. Aethlon, bad for you, scratched up pans,
Starting point is 00:18:52 and get yourself a set of hexclads. Get fresh, get ready. You feel good cooking with them. Do yourself a favor. We don't lie. Hexclad, maybe. Yeah, this is a great thing. If your pan makes cooking harder instead of easier,
Starting point is 00:19:05 so many pans I had before I got hexclad, I would just go all the eggs are sticking this, that that, it's messy, it makes cleaning up. Dude, you couldn't get super glue to stick to this stuff, saying that jokingly, obviously. They have over 1 million customers in over 50,000 five-star reviews. The Secret is out, baby. There's a reason Gordon Ramsey uses HexClad at home and in his restaurants.
Starting point is 00:19:27 They are, and he's the toughest critic on the planet. Don't go through another spring using the same busted-ass pans. You should have thrown out years ago. I added ass. For a limited time only, our listeners, get 10% off your order with our exclusive link. Just head to Hexclad.com slash garbage. Support the show and check out Hexclad.com. H-E-X-C-L-A-D.com
Starting point is 00:19:47 forward slash garbage. Make sure to let them know the boy sent you spring clean your kitchen a smart way with Hicks. Do it. Kip, I want to tell them about Shopify. Shopify, Shopify, Shopify. Now, you know, I don't handle much of the business
Starting point is 00:19:58 ends of stuff. What? But I got to tell you, I love that Shopify. I understand that it's easy for me. Gang, you want to accelerate your efficiency, do yourself if you're ever to get Shopify. Whether you're uploading new products or trying to improve existing ones,
Starting point is 00:20:14 Shopify is packed with helpful AI tools that write product descriptions, page headlines, and even enhance your product for doggard. I mean, even if Foley could do it. Yeah. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e-commerce in the U.S., which is crazy. From household names, from household names like are you garbage.com. You go over there with a gosh darn Shopify, baby. We're not only the sponsors
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Starting point is 00:21:00 at Shopify.com slash garbage. Just go to Shopify. com slash garbage. I'm going to say it one more time. Get a pen, get a pencil. Shopify.com slash garbage. Do it. Do it.
Starting point is 00:21:10 If I got your briefcase, would you use it? No, I kind of have one. Luke kind of made fun of it, so I didn't really... Have I ever seen it? Is that like your... Attachet? Yeah. What?
Starting point is 00:21:22 I've never seen this. I used it once. I took it to Soul Joles. And Luke was like, yeah. I arrived separately at Soul. I recall. What does it look like? It's just like a satch.
Starting point is 00:21:35 It's like a, like a laptop bat. Remember like the old like... It's like an over-the-shoulder lap. Like in the postman with Kevin Costner? He got a laptop? Well, you get a satchel. Not a satchel. Like, well, you would put a, imagine like a laptop.
Starting point is 00:21:49 Like a soft briefcase. Like my army bag that I used to have? Uh-huh. Like that? No, it's like a fucking... Kept my grenades in there. I'm talking like an old-school briefcase. I don't want to carry a briefcase.
Starting point is 00:22:04 I don't want to have to carry a bag. You can throw it down. Foil. Looting your tie. Give the wife a kiss, smack on the butt. Uh-huh. We're smote of beans. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:22:15 Is that how you think life is? That's crazy. It's not what happy people do. Yeah. That's, yeah, it's, um, I do have a little bit of a version of that. I come home from the old fucking content factory here. Fight fucking traffic. Breaking my bulls.
Starting point is 00:22:33 I get in. She's like, can you stop and get diapers? I said, I just bought. Really? Yeah. You get that? What? On the way home?
Starting point is 00:22:42 Can I stop and get, diapers? I said, yeah, it doesn't bother me. Would that bother you? I think it see, there's a thing. No, not my, not diapers. I mean, your first reaction seemed like you bother. What the fuck she's been doing all day? Oh, that's crazy. You are such a piece of shit, dude. It's crazy. It's wild. I don't need fucking diapers. There's also a thing you want to help. No, I understand. I don't think you do. I think you understand that I'm talking to you. I don't think you're fucking.
Starting point is 00:23:15 Yeah. No, diapers, of course. Yeah, but I'm happy if I get out of the car, I go, hey, do you know, do we need anything? I've gotten hit with, like,
Starting point is 00:23:23 can you grab a laundry detergent or something? What? You are. Yeah, I'm the problem. For sure. You're not the solution. Yeah, that's something you do. Right?
Starting point is 00:23:38 You got to give me a little backup. Obviously. Yeah, right? I mean, if somebody goes, hey, can you stop at this store? You're out. What if he was like, nah, fuck that shit, dog. No, you know what I'll get?
Starting point is 00:23:48 Fabric softener, I got you. Why? Bullshit. It's all parapens or whatever they're called. Is that the stuff that goes in? What's the liquid fabric softener? I don't fuck with that. I mean, there's liquid fabric.
Starting point is 00:24:02 I only know it as liquid. That goes in the washer. Really? Yeah, that goes in the washer next to the dishwasher. No. That's in the dryer. That's fabric softener. No, it's not.
Starting point is 00:24:12 It's anti-wrink. technically, but... No, no, no. I think it's called fabric softener. It's fabric, yeah. What's fabric softener? The dryer sheets. Yeah, that's a fabric softener.
Starting point is 00:24:20 I think you can do either one. I don't fuck with that shit in the... In the washing machine. Looks like milk. Wool light or whatever the fuck that shit was? No, wool lights different. It's a gentle cleanser for your unmentionables. Your panties, your negligence.
Starting point is 00:24:35 Okay, I got you. All right. The hot chicks will put it in the... They soak it in their bathroom sink. The dryer sheets are fabric softener. Yeah. Thank you. I never knew
Starting point is 00:24:44 Like cottonette was no What's the one with the snuggly bear In cottonell right? No that's toilet paper Snuggles Snuggles? Yeah but that wasn't the name Was it Snuggles? Yeah
Starting point is 00:24:53 That was the guy's name No, fat Fabbergs softener yeah Yeah that's fat Was it snuggles? Yeah yeah I never had that No I don't use drivers
Starting point is 00:25:00 Never had Mr. Bubbles either You ever get Mr. Bubbles The bubble bath Maybe like We would like soap You know put some dial in there You gotta fucking really Wish your hand around
Starting point is 00:25:10 We never got that We never got Magic Shell I was one at Magic Shell. I don't know what that is. We had Magic Shell. Oh, is that the thing that Hardens? No, you'd have to fucking. I don't know what you'd have to do for Denise to shell over the extra five-night-day.
Starting point is 00:25:23 That shit blew my fucking mind. Or hot fudge. Never got hot fudge. Get Hershey syrup, which I appreciate. But, you know. My nana had a hot fudge recipe. Really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:36 Kind of strange. Yeah. My mom would put it in the mason jars and we'd always have it on deck. That's wild, dude. You gotta be from old money for shit like that. Dude, Mason jar? I didn't know what a, I didn't know what a mason jar was for like the long. That was for Bloody Marys.
Starting point is 00:25:56 I didn't know. I didn't know what the fuck. No shit. I love hot fudge. I love my Nana's recipe. Wow. Can we get some? Your mom make it?
Starting point is 00:26:05 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll bring some home. Hit me up, Mrs. Demps? He done. Pretty good. What did your friends call your mom growing up? Mrs. Dempsey. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:14 So I hated the friend who pushed, like, you can use their first name. We've never. No, I don't have anybody. I still, even like my girlfriend's parents, they're like, call me by my first name. I'm like, no. Mr. Mrs. Yeah, I don't, I don't call my in-laws.
Starting point is 00:26:29 Yeah. Good kid. You don't call your in-laws what? By their first name. What do you say, Mr. and Mrs. whatever? I don't know what I say. Why you call them Grandma and Grandpa or something? Now, yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:41 Or mommy. and dad, that's psycho shit. Hey mom, dad. You know what else I don't like? You don't do, but like I feel like I'd be with like my uncle and he would bump into a friend of his from the neighborhood or something and they'd be like, yeah, well, you know, we put pop in a home, like, they really feel like not, we had to put my dad in it. Like, they just refer to them at, there's no, no assignment of, what's that?
Starting point is 00:27:05 Yeah, but if you're married to somebody for like 45 years, you know? I don't know. Still the in-laws. They call my, my brother-in-law, for the longest time, didn't know what to call my mom up until, like, very recent. Hey, Chief. So he would wait until, like, to make eye contact with her.
Starting point is 00:27:26 He's like, Denise didn't feel right. Mom doesn't feel right. No. So they call her niecey mom. Nisi mom. Yeah. My wife's mom, I called her mama, her name. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:27:37 But that was more of like a cutie kind of thing. Sure. But never growing up. now. No, even like now, like Pat's dad, I don't call it. It's like... Call Mr. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:47 Mr. and Mrs. whatever. Yeah, nobody. Kids now, they don't do that. No. Hi, Belinda. That's fucking nuts. Slap the shit out of you. I was telling you, these kids are drinking at a very young age now, and it's like very...
Starting point is 00:28:03 I think? I know it is. Most of them are all bitched up. It's very, and it's very, like... It's European almost. The parents are like, okay. I'll get you a six pack of white claw or whatever. And it's like...
Starting point is 00:28:13 They also all talked about too much shit in front of their kids. Well, it's like, think about it's like, it's a way significantly different generation of people. It's like us. You know what I mean? Like, think about like when fucking little Kiparino grows up. Even at like seven, he's going to be able to see hundreds of hours of content of me being a dickhead. You know? If you let them.
Starting point is 00:28:34 They'll find it. My nieces and nephews find it. They do. Yeah. They start asking questions. Um, you know, how much does he weigh? Uh-uh. Where is, wearer his teeth?
Starting point is 00:28:47 Uh-uh. A little brats. See you next time. Let's see you next time. No, the one did say he does always play a fat guy and stuff. The one has seen you in a couple of things. I think he was watching Manifest or Gotham. Are you fucking with me?
Starting point is 00:29:02 No, I swear to God. That's always nice to me. I'm fat. Of course I'm going to play a fat guy. I'm a fucking game to lose weight for a fucking day player. roll. That's not how show business works. You get back to school, all right?
Starting point is 00:29:16 Stop fucking watching his old day's TV shows. What fuck? You got Netflix or something? You got six months and a trainer to get ready for that kind of stuff. I could do that shit. Be fucking the next iron man. No, but they're drinking at a young eight, like, and they're like, oh, yeah, hey, can, you know, we're going. So, like, drop me a fucking wild shit.
Starting point is 00:29:39 I'm seeing this from my perriff. you know, my peripheral. Like, hey, drop me off in the woods. And the, like, parents will drop their kids off with, like, six packs and shit. I've heard that too. Which, like, does not fly, did not fly when we were. And my, I was talking to my brother about my brother's like, now you've got to fucking sneak. There has to be some sort of fuck.
Starting point is 00:29:58 I don't, he's like, I don't care if you're drinking. But, like, you're not going to fucking, you still have to fucking try and hide it from me. And if I, if I catch you, I'm going to be upset. But, like, you're not just fucking. Your brother seems like the kind of guy that would be pretty hard to sneak that by. I mean, how does he not know every choice? That's what I do. I always thought I'd be such a good cop.
Starting point is 00:30:23 I'd be like, I'd be fucking. I'd be sniping every. I've broken every law in the book. What, everybody's specialty underage kids? Just anything. I also don't understand. How are you doing over there? Dude, we'll be at like the fucking pub and it'll be fucking 2 a.m. last call.
Starting point is 00:30:37 There'll be 25 cars out front. I'm like, how are the cops just not pulling? I never got that either. I go, what do you think? They're all in there in front of wings? It's too wet kitchen closed at midnight, dick. What do we do? I just don't understand.
Starting point is 00:30:51 You don't get it. You ever pull out of a bar and there's the one cop across the street? All the dude, you talk about nervous pervis. I would be, oh, dude, I let so many people go ahead of me. Fucking hey, hey. Send them to the gopher, dude. Get out of here. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:06 One pulls out this out. Yeah, you're going left to heart. I'm fucking. I call in a fucking tip on them too. Hey, Stevie and the Buick's. I had a two, three spritzers. No, yeah, I didn't, that was never, I never understood.
Starting point is 00:31:20 I thought I'd be, that's why I thought it'd be such a good cop. Fucking little Caparino's gonna have to get up pretty early in the morning to try to fool me. I guess you just stop caring at some point. I don't fucking know. Yeah. That's too much. They're creating like a generation of marks.
Starting point is 00:31:32 It was kind of changing with my generation, but now it's like the parents are buying the fake IDs for kids. They're taking the picture. It's like, Really? Yeah, it's crazy. crazy now. I had Denise take my picture for my fake idea. I was 20.
Starting point is 00:31:44 I was in cut. We were a very big. Did she know what you were doing? I told her Vinnie. I told her Vinnie. Wasn't for a dating website. I told her Vinny was making an end of the school year PowerPoint in front of a whiteback. She knew. My sister's like, this is for a fake idea. We were a very big, get to college.
Starting point is 00:32:04 If you could get to college, it was all like you could start drinking at a family party or whatever you know what I mean that was that was what it was the laws were looser when we were kids when we were kids you know if you got caught at a party underage drinking unless the cop was a real fucking dickhead or you know there was fucking I don't know weed or something like that there or something harder you know they give you a misdemeanor and then it got like things got real strict like maybe like around your grades or whatever and now if the parents are loosened up Isn't that a good thing?
Starting point is 00:32:43 Like, what do you mean they're making marks? They don't have to work for it? Yeah, like, no one understands, like, how to buy weed anymore. No one, it's like, oh, I could steal my parents' edibles. Like, yeah, it's just like everything. They're going to buy the white clause for you. So you don't get in trouble at the liquor store figuring it out on your own. But then there's going to be a correction of that.
Starting point is 00:33:04 Because then, I mean, the next generation, screwed. Why? I mean, the parents never had to learn how to sneak around anything. I mean buying their kids H Yeah You know what I mean I think we're gonna need that in future generations Oh that's what we're gonna need
Starting point is 00:33:19 Yeah Nah I need operators You're gonna need guerrilla tactics At a certain point I believe Yeah I mean I don't think it's a kid having their mom By white calls for them That kid ain't a fucking operator I go old pansie is bitch
Starting point is 00:33:29 Slapped that kid around No Yeah But we'd be more on that speed What Operators Yeah We're gonna have a geriatric delta force
Starting point is 00:33:39 Which is a whole old operator I want to rat you out to the Chinese I don't even go for it I can take you zone I'm a goddamn patriot Give him my address The Kanzi Ponzi on them Uh bullies we gotta get a new family episode on our hands
Starting point is 00:33:52 All this fucking beat up and the middle of the question Was I? Yeah I don't even think I got there You did No we got to Marty and then we fucking Marty Hey I never got to the question
Starting point is 00:34:02 Remember Marty? Yeah fucking shout out to big Marty's carpet Thank you shout out to Martin My Honda Accord Wait is the I don't know What do you want for me? That is the car
Starting point is 00:34:11 name Martin the car's name was Martin okay we used to name our cars and sometimes the name would come from wherever we got it like Martin gotcha and if it had the had the thing on it I'd be like oh Martin that's a cool or Murray Murray Murray yeah Murray Ford Mary Dodge Murray Dodge yeah I had a Dodge uh Dodge 600 turbo mm-hmm it whistled when you drove in a front one up it's weird sounds like a speed boat 600 turbo I put the bow of a boat down. It was. You get on the highway, you turbo.
Starting point is 00:34:46 It was a sedan, too. It was a two-door sedan. What? No, it was. Isn't that an oxymoron? Yeah, because I thought a two-door was a coop, no? No, it was like a box car. Like, it looked like a Cadillac.
Starting point is 00:35:04 I don't think it did. It was a two-door. It did. Like a crisis 300. It looked like a Bentley. Google it. Dodge 600 turbo. It's a real term.
Starting point is 00:35:11 1986 what that two-door sedan is a two-door passenger car built on the same chassis chassis and interior proportions as a four-door and i was reaching on that oh i got you can i see it yeah i got you yeah that's that's murray i think stinks oh it's rough bought it for like 600 bucks of mr o'donnell it was his dad's car why you name it mr o'donnell then could have called it buddy oh mr o'donnell i don't know murray it seemed like a murray as his personality Okay. Yeah. But no, I never called Martin Marty. There's always Martin.
Starting point is 00:35:46 Gotcha. Whenever that close. So yeah, I never knew a Marty. Okay. Okay, fair enough. This one's from Marty, ironically enough. Have you ever referred to someone's actions as wheeling and dealing? That is a no one.
Starting point is 00:36:03 That is, wheeling and dealing is, to say someone is wheeling and dealing, trashy. And whatever they're doing is trashy, you're operating in the fringes if someone's wheeling and dealing. Yeah. You know what I mean? No one calls like an accountant. Ah, that guy's wheeling and dee. If they are, it's, he's a skim and he's, you know. He's a fucking wheeler and dealer.
Starting point is 00:36:26 That's one step away from Robin Peter to pay Paul. Sure. Hey, he's wheeling. Wheeling and dealing is a little bit of a gray area. Yes. Not everybody's getting a truth. Yeah. That's a great one.
Starting point is 00:36:37 Wheeling and dealing. You remember the first time that you heard your, like, you heard your, like, you heard your. your dad call out another adult for being like a little shifty. No. I do. It's just like, eh, that guy, he's a little, you know, he's a wheeler and dealer. Sure. I was full of shit that guy.
Starting point is 00:36:54 We're a wheeling dealer. I remember early on someone got accused of stealing money. My dad accused the guy who's stealing money from the CYO. He's like, that guy's got, he did not do his face. He just didn't trust him, I guess. Who the fuck wants to run a CYO taking the cash? Where's the fuck? Oh, that guy's like,
Starting point is 00:37:12 he always needs cash. He's always like, oh, we need another $30 for the tournament. Another $20 for the uniform. My dad's a dirt bag. He starts doing a math and probably how he would operate. Like, I'd be skimming.
Starting point is 00:37:23 Like, that guy's got fucking coffee canes buried in his backyard we cash. I remember we drive by his house. I remember being like, really? Wow, good for him. Yeah. Six kids on the team.
Starting point is 00:37:35 Yeah, I don't know if that's the truth, but it was, you know, that was the allegation. That was grown-up talk. Yeah. And I remember, it was just me and my dad in the car, and I want to be like, why do you think I need this information at this age? You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:37:51 Like, I was like young. To make you crazy. Yeah. But I do have to say that helped my, now I know a skit. You know what I mean? I think it goes back to fucking. Not being a mark. Not being a mark.
Starting point is 00:38:03 You got to know. You got to sell a little weed. You got to fucking, you got to do a little something. You got to fucking know how to move. Sure. Yeah. Looks on to something with that. Everybody should weigh tables.
Starting point is 00:38:14 I agree with that. And should do some sort of manual labor. They're going to do. Everybody's got to do something. You know what I mean? One summer. You got to fucking dig a ditch. You got to learn something.
Starting point is 00:38:23 Sure. Get up early. Kibby, can tell you something? Yeah. I love Chubbies. Chubbies. Chubby, shubbies. I love Chubby.
Starting point is 00:38:29 Who don't? You know, can I say this? Hit me. Chubby's been a sponsor for a little bit. Mm-hmm. While ago, Chubby sent me some stuff I couldn't fit into yet. Yeah. I can now fit into them.
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Starting point is 00:38:57 Shout out two chubbies. Yes. Not only that, they got their original shorts, which I like rocking, baby. They got a better fit. They got extra pockets. And that worn in from the, from the feel the moment you throw them on.
Starting point is 00:39:07 Not like, that was my problem with shorts. I buy them. I feel like my dad, a brand new set of Bermudas or whatever. You're like, what do you, I feel like everything's starch. Not with Chubbies.
Starting point is 00:39:18 They come in, nice, clean. You're on a golf course. You're out on a dock. You're doing. You're fishing. You're hitting no shower happy hour. Whatever you got,
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Starting point is 00:39:37 with the code garbage. At Chubby's shorts. That's code garbage chubby shorts.com. Support the show and tell them we sent you. Don't blend in with the crowd. Stand out with chubbies. That was awesome. I really hit that.
Starting point is 00:39:53 Yeah. Stand out with chubbies. Kid to say about Chime. Chim, chime, chime, chime. Chime is changing the way people banked. They offer the most rewarding fee-free banking. This is fee-free banking built for you. And not like traditional old banks that charge overdraft fees and monthly fees.
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Starting point is 00:41:44 Advertised annual percentage yield with chime plus status only. Otherwise, 1.00% APY applies. No men balance required. Chime card on time payment history may have a positive impact on your credit score. Results may vary. See chime.com for details and applicable terms. This one's from Chris, $20 homie. What was your mom's home workout setup?
Starting point is 00:41:58 I'd say the more home workout videotapes you had the trashier. Buns of Steel and 8 minute abs, abs the name a few. Denise was big on the, step aerobics step aerobics we had the step that was I mean that much step we hear oh like that little thing it was like the box
Starting point is 00:42:17 looks like a squatty potty kind of a bigger it was probably like three feet long it had like two stackable like you can make it low or high it had like rubber on the top and you would do like we had to do it in the element it was big in the 80s that was all like the jazzercise and shit
Starting point is 00:42:33 we had to do it in gym class that was like we had to do it in We all had our own thing and we were, you know, left and right. She had the little leotard on? No, but our teacher did. Really? Shout out to Mr. Jenkins. No.
Starting point is 00:42:48 Shout out. Her name was Ms. Zumble. Look at an Amazon package. She was like a gymnast and she showed up. And I think she, I, my mom used to take her classes, like, outside of school. Uh-huh. My mom wasn't showing up at gym class. Hibbing them.
Starting point is 00:43:03 And she, I remember her, she was, that was like. What the heck is even this? That was something else. I remember I remember me like, we were in like seventh, eighth grade. You cannot wear this in school. If the kids can't wear it, you shouldn't be able to wear it. You pull her aside after a clue. Ew.
Starting point is 00:43:23 I got to eat lunch after this with a hard on. You got 35 fucking kids in a locker room all hot and a fucking stiffy. What are you doing to us, lady? You got doors on the stalls in the bathroom. You're fucking drive me. nuts. They were huge back. And they were so, dude, that Tybo.
Starting point is 00:43:41 That's where our family drew the line. I thought that was karate. I thought he could fight. It kind of is. Billy Blanks. He could fight? Oh, I don't know. I probably whip my ass.
Starting point is 00:43:51 I know that much. All that cardio is doing. He fucking take me into deep waters. Fucking ends me. See how many, see how much money they made. Dude, Tybo? Was that the height of fucking. That was VHS and DVD sales, infomercials?
Starting point is 00:44:07 infomercials. That was moving hard copy units. That was probably $9, $10 a clip he made. Yeah. That's like record sales. That was like Metallica. You know what I mean? It was doing Numbie.
Starting point is 00:44:20 Yeah. He probably sold. What do you got there, Lucas? What's the Bowflex? Let me get the Bowflex. I got Tybo right now. Yeah, Tybo. That's what we're looking for.
Starting point is 00:44:32 I think that's Bowflex. All the shit Chuck Norris moved, too. That was the total gym, right? He had shit before that. Remember the skis? Yeah. Nordic track. Nordic track.
Starting point is 00:44:44 I remember my buddy having somebody, my aunt, I don't even remember. I honestly have no idea who had a wooden version of that. I remember being like, what is this the fucking... Who are you Jack Klompus with this? Jack Klumpus. You know who Jack Klumpus? Jack Klumpus. Jack Klumpus.
Starting point is 00:45:00 Bowflex in its peak was making $860 million a year. What was time? What? How many videos of Tybo did they sell? 860 million a year? Dude, that's like cartel money. That's like 1995 money. That's like a bejillion.
Starting point is 00:45:16 That was, they had a resurgence during the pandemic. Who did? Bo Flex. No shit. Tybo sold over 500 million home videos. That's in studio. Even if he made a dollar per video. That's crazy.
Starting point is 00:45:31 That's awesome. That's crazy money. 500 million videos. It's fucking insane. That blows everybody away. That's like Beatles. I mean, how many records have the Beatles sold? That's like Beatles.
Starting point is 00:45:45 I bet that's more than the Beatles. No way the Beatles sold over. Now it's like with streams and stuff, it's wildly different. Forget about the streams. Fucking hard copies. We were a big P90X family. P90X. Wasn't that the powder to fuck the up before you went that?
Starting point is 00:46:00 No, that was Tony Horton's videos. Yeah. Power 90X. P90X. Who did that? That was like family, dude. Me and my boys in like middle. school would be ripping the videos.
Starting point is 00:46:09 That dude, that used to say fucking throat chopping each other. That was like if you can do it for two weeks I remember that guy's abs. Oh, I know that guy. Shizzle. Yeah. And the rest of them look, you look like Captain Planet a little bit.
Starting point is 00:46:24 Yeah, I forgot about that. P90X was huge. Brutal. I remember my buddy's dad. I was a fucking Richard Simmons, man. Sure. God damn gentleman. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:46:36 Who's coming out with that, right? Didn't have an ounce of definition on him. He was the best. His morning show was great. Who was the old guy? I remember watching that. Jack something. Jack Lillane.
Starting point is 00:46:46 Jack Lillane? Yeah, he'd fucking beat your ass. I know. I remember him pulling like, fucking three Cadillacs with his dick or something. And they were like, look at him. He was always doing stunts like that. On the Today show.
Starting point is 00:46:55 Yeah, he was. They'd be like, Jack Lillane towing 50 boats with his mouth. And you're like, what? Brian Cumbering. Buddy retired. He was the first guy. He was really the first guy to start with the juicing and shit. He'd pounded.
Starting point is 00:47:08 like a fucking celery juice or something Mm-hmm. Isn't it crazy we didn't know that? I mean, well, we didn't. No. I mean, my family were a sherbert. I do that. I hate you with a strawberry now and then if the chocolate and vanilla and the
Starting point is 00:47:23 Neapolitan were out, I do a strawberry. Yeah. I hate it strawberry. I know. Now I like it. Isn't that crazy? I hated strawberry ice cream as a kid. Why did we like it?
Starting point is 00:47:32 Not that crazy. I'm not being honest with you. I've seen you do a lot crazy or shit that like fucking ice cream. That was wild, huh? I didn't like beer when I was three either. I liked the stuff now. Yeah, I hated mayo when I was a kid. It wasn't as long as I was at my cousin's house
Starting point is 00:47:48 in the middle of the night of my first mayo. Ham and cheese. In the middle of the night? Yeah. That is a fattest story you've ever told. It was tangy. He said an alarm and went up. No, we got up to sneak upstairs and make sandwiches.
Starting point is 00:48:00 I have a couple of rock stars. Why? We go upstairs. It was ham, mayo, on wheat bread. And these were against everything. It's fucking wheat bread, uh-uh. Or mayo? Uh-uh.
Starting point is 00:48:16 Ham? Yeah. That was the time for you. Because if that was noon, you probably wouldn't be eating it. No. But in the middle of the night snacking, you'll take whatever your fat is. Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:27 Hungy. Yeah. It was so gross. Then you like it the next time. Sure. How many albums did the be you sell? I thought you'd love. looked it up. Don't worry about it.
Starting point is 00:48:38 500 million's crazy. Yeah, that's, I mean, that's wild. See if you can get his net worth. Billy Blanks's network. Would you have to sit and watch your mom work out in front of the TV? That always bugged me out. I mean, I would see her. And then like my sister also did it as well.
Starting point is 00:48:52 Maybe they did it together. Like, it wasn't like sit down and watch me. Like if she was doing that. Because that was like an hour or whatever. And that might as well been when I was like six, an hour is like three years. I'm going to dads. I'll see you later. Start walking or whatever.
Starting point is 00:49:05 This net worth has got to be wrong. 20 to 30 million. No chance. Unless he got screwed. He might have sold it early. Yeah. Like sold the rights for, you know, hey, we'll give you $5 million right now and he did it. Could be a Ronco company.
Starting point is 00:49:20 Beatles estimated over 600 million units. So yeah. Billy Blanks and the Beatles. Same, same, same. Pretty good. Some of those are downloads. Yeah. All right.
Starting point is 00:49:31 Let's see here. This one's from Phil A. Are you garbage if you hit the Little League field for the snack? My kid doesn't have a game. I just want cheese fries, a hot dog, and some water ice. I respect it. I would also never, I can picture the one I grew up driving by it. It would never occur to me to pull in and get something.
Starting point is 00:49:56 Never occur to me. That's a great idea. I get it's kitschy. It's fun. Just my brain doesn't work like that. Yeah. I have a very strong nostalgic attachment. Do the Little League field in northeastern Pennsylvania.
Starting point is 00:50:12 North End. Not North North, North, North and Wilkesbury. Okay. Sorry. Which the last time I was up there seemed all run down. But they had the two-level booth with the announcers up top. They had the snack bar on the outside, good bleachers. They had the fence with the sponsorship and all that stuff.
Starting point is 00:50:33 Uh-huh. Solid. Gummy bears. Pizza. hot dogs french fries with the first time i smelled malt vinegar they had like that's not for me you don't like malt vinegar on your french fries sometimes i would be very upset if someone did that to me didn't tell me
Starting point is 00:50:53 you can't just go doing that no you don't do it it's there for you if you want it no you don't like that i don't think i've ever seen it i don't know what it is Luke i mean in europe i've seen it hello you don't do it nah so what is then that's comie shit shit, dude. No, it's not. That's fucking British. They might as well be fucking commies to me.
Starting point is 00:51:13 No, the Irish do it, too. Didn't we fight for our freedom? Ain't American. It's good. It ain't America. It's like fish and chips with a mold vinegar. It's delicious. It gives a little added zing.
Starting point is 00:51:21 Do ketchup, too. No. But. Cheese whiz. And only cheese whiz. I love me some cheese whiz. I need a frig. Store brand ketchup.
Starting point is 00:51:31 I'm a hunts man. Woo! And a Hunt's family was hanging on on by a thin thread. Yeah, so I'm all about that. I love that. Yeah, I just, like, I think it's awesome. I just like, I have like a barrier in my head of like, I can't get that.
Starting point is 00:51:48 My kid's not playing, you know, I am sure. Yeah. It's like getting snacks at the movies when you're not at the movies. Yeah. I just like, I would never just do, yeah. But I respect. There's a game going on. But, right.
Starting point is 00:51:59 I'm taking an inning or two. Sure, but you're a nostalgia guy. Like, obviously it's not and you're, it's not great food. It's good. Yeah, this is where I lost Jeff. You didn't lose me. But it's not like, if you want a hot dog and you're in a car, you can get a better version of a hot dog.
Starting point is 00:52:17 Not to say it's not fantastic and the combination of everything together. To me, it's like the experience. You know what I mean? It's like going to a ball game and getting the cracker jacks or whatever. It's like the location. If you just pull up, eat it, and then eat it in your car like a fucking psychopath and then get out of there. So it's like, for me, it's got to be the game. I'm going to get movies next
Starting point is 00:52:38 It's got to be the movies You know First I remember I read gummy bears Was it was there Hmm Yeah I was like I was like me away
Starting point is 00:52:46 Gummy bears Yeah I was like wow What is this I knew something was happening Things were changing And nerds came out It was a very interesting time
Starting point is 00:52:58 Yeah Wacky Wacky wild time Be a rat when you were born It's weird Gummy bears came out when I was born? No, when I first came across my right. Probably like 1983, 1984.
Starting point is 00:53:09 So a couple of years where you were born. I'm not that much. We're not that far apart. Buddy. You were born in 1980. You were born in 1986. I was 10 years old. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:21 I mean, for sure. I was driving. Times of waxing thick. I was having sex, but. You know, Uncle Steve. Marty. Yeah, but I mean, yeah. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:53:33 40 and 50s. jump still and that's like the closest we've ever been you know 26 and 36 is a jump 26 26 year old hanging out with 36 year old you might as well be 382 that's crazy weird yeah i don't know i mean i would say maturity level you're younger than me and not that i'm mature you think so you think i'm less mature than you uh i think so uh i think so Are you do you have evidence to I believe that's because you're ugly Nana nana no boo boo-boo you can't I'm rubber your glow All right whatever
Starting point is 00:54:17 All right let's see this one's from I lost the game is it garbage to have your dad pick you off from kindergarten in his bread truck every day There was no passenger seat so I sat on an old bread box I dig it That's great that would have made me feel so I would have been Slightly embarrassed smell it a bread who doesn't let the bread guy But also, if it was one of those trucks that didn't have the doors, like a fucking UPS, like a chip truck or whatever, like a delivery truck, that was a coolest thing to me. Riding around, fucking foot hanging out, wind in your hair.
Starting point is 00:54:49 Yeah. As a kid, I was saying this to somebody, I always loved going and doing stuff that the general public couldn't do. Yes. So to get in that truck, I'd look at everybody else, be like, check out. I'd be like proud. I'd be like, you guys are all getting your fucking shitty-ass minivanes. Whatever.
Starting point is 00:55:05 I got to go to work. For sure. They need me. They're calling me in. That's like when you would ride in the middle of a, when you'd ride bitch in a pickup truck. Ooh. Awesome. Great.
Starting point is 00:55:18 My stepdad's Ford Ranger. You'd be shifting and fucking, you know, you'd have a beer, a golf east. Smelled like gas for some reason. Yeah, it was awesome. Dude, dad, I remember being, you got a CB radio. We'd be driving on the shore. CB radio. Danny on my right, him on my left.
Starting point is 00:55:34 That's fat as shit. to a fat little kid. I remember being like, put Danny in the middle. Fucking, I'm getting elbowed this whole time. Fucking huge thing of sunflower seeds.
Starting point is 00:55:46 Right between my legs like in the little like console or whatever. Like, you know. CB and Danny on a CB radio. I'm just mulching. We're all three of us. Moulchings.
Starting point is 00:55:56 It was the most bonding we've ever had. And me and Danny are just dicking around on the CB radio. Where were you spitting your sunflower seed shells? Uh, you have a couple of. Probably a cup. I'll eat the shell.
Starting point is 00:56:08 I'm a shell guy. I'll eat the shells. What? Yeah. I used to eat the shells. Yeah. What are you, a crow? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:20 Eat the shells. I like them. That's what a flavor is, baby. No, it's worse. Luke's playing hardball today. Wow. And I remember a time in high school where I was constantly eating sunflower seed.
Starting point is 00:56:36 We were just walking around. I think in high school speaking, that's like something, you're trying, you're trying to have an identity. You're like, dipping. Yeah, I'm the fucking, I just always got them. Same thing with like smoking. That's why you smoke at a young age.
Starting point is 00:56:50 You're looking for. It was a big lacrosse thing, too. Yeah, you're trying, you're like, oh, this is a lacrosse thing. This is what lacrosse players do. I'm part of the team. It's like, same thing with like, fucking baseball players and the chew and the gum and the seeds. It's like part of the, it.
Starting point is 00:57:03 I love that. You're looking. You're trying to be somebody. I love that. What? Just to fucking what they got in the dugout. I'm fascinated by shit on the sidelines. The different kinds of gatorade.
Starting point is 00:57:14 There's been a lot of time there. You should know. Yeah. The different guy, even Division III, the different kinds of gatorade that we had, it was all ice cold, all the shit that we had. So awesome.
Starting point is 00:57:25 Yeah. Yeah. You still got some years of eligibility left. We were talking. You go back. That's true. All right. Let's hear.
Starting point is 00:57:33 This one's from Uncle Cousin. And $10 Kentucky gentleman never had one rent. Shout out to you, good sir. Shout out to him. Fine, southern gentleman. Ever seen a fight at a funeral? A group of my cousins beat up another cousin who was the dad of the deceased. Jesus.
Starting point is 00:57:48 That's fucked up. He must have been a real piece of shit. Yeah, I mean, that guy is probably- You fucking show up now after he's gone? Yeah, but what the fuck were you? Wow. That's, yeah, listen, tensions are high. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:02 People are drinking. Emotions are up and down. You know what I mean? I remember the first time Funerals suck Yeah, they're not great I remember learning the first time The family takes like Xanax
Starting point is 00:58:16 Like the In the process, in the line So they're not just bawling their eyes out all day Who gives them that? Nobody gave me that For what? My dad Oh yeah
Starting point is 00:58:29 I mean, you know, something Maybe a little more tragic The 73-year-old man passing God, not saying it's not... I understand what you're saying. Yeah, just something like, you know, I attended a lot of drug overdoses. Sure. Stuff like that.
Starting point is 00:58:42 Yeah. Yeah. Fucking 25, gone too soon kind of thing. You know what I mean? They had a fucking, uh, uh, something the mother. What's it called? What? Sedate the mother.
Starting point is 00:58:52 Yeah, just that of like, I, you know, you're going to, also too, you're standing next to the body all fucking day. I get you. Mm-hmm. I had to do a little nip of something, you know what I mean? You. just driving by yeah that's a tough I mean I get that that's tough
Starting point is 00:59:10 you know funerals are fucking that's where you have it out though yeah that's always a big thing you'll never be in my funeral you're not even say that
Starting point is 00:59:20 some family members really you're never gonna be at his funeral I'll see a yeah I'll see at your funeral Jesus come from a dicey family see it's your funeral
Starting point is 00:59:32 huh Yeah There's Yeah I mean we're just fucking Dirtbags There's just like Lines of
Starting point is 00:59:43 Delineation You know Who so and so Talk don't talk I mean there's a whole section Of my family I don't talk to Yeah See them
Starting point is 00:59:51 See them from time to time Bambendo them I ignore you Now some of them are obviously Very sweet Some also You know It's beefs that I don't even
Starting point is 01:00:01 Fucking know You know And I'm done done fighting other people's, I got to a certain age dealing with all that shit where I'm like, I'm done fighting other people's fucking beefs. You want to be mad, you can fucking be mad, I ain't got time for all that. Miss me with all that shit, you know? I mean?
Starting point is 01:00:15 I'm pretty good at squash in that when I'm not involved. What? I never could any, like, beef like that. Like, where it's like, what do you tell? You don't, you two aren't talking? What the fuck is that about? You're dumb broad. You fucking give you a fresh one. No, yeah, I don't know. I mean, I'm saying other people,
Starting point is 01:00:33 So and so. You're not getting involved in it. I'm not getting dragged into someone else. You'll say hi to both parties. Yeah, I'll give a fight. Or I won't say hi to anybody. I don't care. You say how to anybody?
Starting point is 01:00:42 I don't fucking say I don't know. I don't fucking use it to me. I'll see it. I said that one time. I answered this funeral. I'm done. I've said that before. You have?
Starting point is 01:00:52 Yeah. Who are you fucking Leo? That's fucking cranking. You need some money? I was cranking a heater. I remember fucking 34th of Broadway in Astoria. See, I was on the phone with Dan. or somebody. I said, I'm done.
Starting point is 01:01:06 He said, what? I said, can I have 40 bucks to get home? I need a train ticket. I got to catch the Chinatown. I used to say, hey, he'd be like, yeah, I get you, you know, I used to ask for money for something, flate the price and then take the China time, the megabas or something. Yeah. You know, hey, it cost me 50 bucks to get home. Buy a $10 ticket.
Starting point is 01:01:24 I got 40 bucks walking around money. I always spend it so stupidly. Oh, yeah. I go like, Sabaroos or something. A pack of the eaters and sabarras would be blown. fucking dickhead eating a fucking Penn Station Two sizes of pizza at Penn Station
Starting point is 01:01:39 For $18 On your way to a catered lunch Such a fucking idiot This one's From Shell's $10 $10 make you holler homie here First time never have one red Is it garbage to hold a sig
Starting point is 01:01:54 Like a joint when you smoke? Yes Oh wait hold on You mean like this? No Jimmy Conway style? No No, that's fucking classy.
Starting point is 01:02:06 What, would you fucking say? Not at all. I don't think if you're going, what'd you fucking say? I'm not saying it's not bad ass. Yeah. It's not classy. But that's what you're talking about.
Starting point is 01:02:15 Again, that's a choice to me. I mean, we've smoked a very little. No one's like natural. Smoking is a choice. Sure. To look cool. That's what I'm saying. And that's also a choice.
Starting point is 01:02:27 Like, naturally you smoke. Mm-hmm. You know. I prefer like this. So I do it. And look down the bar. That's how Luke hits his joints, dude. This is Luke.
Starting point is 01:02:37 I catch, I was out. We were out in LA called New Cool, cool guy Luke. He looks at it. Him and Tommy really, when they're together. And then, yeah, they both stand. They don't sit. They stand. Luke's got his hand on his ball.
Starting point is 01:02:51 Right? He's claiming he's sick all fucking week. Meanwhile, he's fucking high as a kite. Right? He's getting fucking back home smoking legal. LA Luke. And then Tommy. Tommy, you all a dirt, a pure dirt.
Starting point is 01:03:04 bag smoking a joint or a blunt always has a half a bottle of water in their hand always and they're holding it right they're holding it by the top you know what i mean like that and do tommy's like fucking saying a noz lyricers they're freestyling you never know when you're gonna need it but you're gonna need it that water i got cotton man you too like you two like dance around each other you're both like giggling and doing like stupid shit you two get real fucking girly twirley when you're together smoking doobies. It's cute. I respect it.
Starting point is 01:03:38 Smoking the... There is a cool way to smoke a joint, though. Yeah. Look, a lot of Sisha. Oh, yeah, cool guy, look. Talking about ideas. Yeah, fuck yeah. That's the problem with the industry, though.
Starting point is 01:03:51 I heard Iceman's not even that good. Man, you and Tommy... Don't you say that? Don't you say that? Iceman is good. All right, we gotta wrap it up, gang. What a fun one. Yes, sir.
Starting point is 01:04:01 Gang? We love you to death. Come see us in the road. Yeah, we all over the road. We got tickets. Portland, Maine. You got Pittsburgh. Portland might be sold out.
Starting point is 01:04:09 Is that right? Pittsburgh selling out. Cleveland. Listen, the boys are moving. Tickeys, get them and come see us. Come see the boys. We love you. We'll see you next week.
Starting point is 01:04:17 Peace.

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