Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Naming Your Car! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Episode Date: May 25, 2026Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come t...o a live show! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4P Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: HexClad: Find your forever cookware @hexclad and get 10% off at https://hexclad.com/GARBAGE! Shopify: Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/garbage Chubbies: For a limited time, Chubbies is giving our viewers 20% off your order with our code garbage at https://chubbiesshorts.com Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
It's a summertime gang and the boys are coming to your hometown.
We're talking about Portland, Maine, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Cleveland, Ohio.
Grab the squad.
Let's all hang out.
Play little AIG.
Some stand-up comedy.
It's going to be a fun, fun time.
Yeah, then the boys are headed to Atlantic City, baby.
Down there on a board wall, King of Boards returns the South Jersey.
Philadelphia people, Jersey people get your tickets to Atlantic City.
Also, Denver, Colorado.
Those tickets are selling very fast.
Those will sell out.
Get them.
We'll be there in July.
Love you.
mean it. Bye. Let's go.
Hey, everybody out there
and welcome back to everybody's favorite
podcast. This is R.U.
Garbage. Oh, yeah. It's that little show we
sit down with your favorite comedians and we find
that it to be classy. Yeah.
Look to just a big old piece of trash.
Garbage. I'm your host, Atsin'
Trulley, coming at you on a beautiful
day. We're out back here at Tootie's in the
new edition. Summertime.
Maybe not officially. Okay.
But it's summertime. All right. You know, I know that.
Why? Because the nair has been brought.
out okay been all cleaned up on you or her what I don't know how do you know that it's
all been cleaned up she told me okay plus the hair all over the bathroom I don't know what
you guys are talking about when it looks like Sasquatch got caught in there I caught in a glue
trap in the bathroom and she's out back uh-huh and that leopard bikini she got in 1983 I got to be
honestly it sounds you got a bit of a thing for aunt to do you're talking I don't know you're
I'm painting a picture for the audience yeah you think she's slipping out of your seat over
I'm not saying she wasn't something back in the day.
Bounce a quarter off that thing.
Man, you catch her at limelight back in the 80s?
I think you like her.
What are you talking about?
You got a bit of a thing for it.
Anyway, she's sunbathinging outside.
Great.
Topless.
My coves is coming from across the tables.
We call the family episode, ladies and gentlemen.
Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies.
Just the way we like it.
Yes.
He is my best pal in the whole wide world.
What?
Bit of an international businessman.
Huh?
Yeah.
CEO of Are you Garbage?
I know.
CFO?
I don't know if we...
I think that my thing,
on the documents,
my title's president.
Is it?
I think so.
Wait, really?
What?
What am I?
VP?
I don't think you have a title.
I don't have a title?
You're a partner.
Partner?
That's pretty good.
Yeah, you like that, don't you?
I can only take pictures back to back.
Come up.
Kevin Ryan is here,
ladies of gentlemen.
What up, gang.
Shout out to you, as always.
Please make sure you rate review,
subscribe on iTunes.
video available on YouTube, full video available
over there on Spotify and a boys
are climbing to charge. Wait, let me check that.
Yes, we are.
Woo. And then obviously the greatest
website of all time, www.
www. patreon.com slash all your garbage.
Go over there. You get all that freaking bonus content
gang, you might be sitting there. I don't know what bonus content
is. Get over there and freaking find out.
And you get the camaraderie of
15,000 homies.
Like, minded dirtballs
just like yourself. You've been looking for
a family, looking for people.
Like yourself, your whole life.
You'll find it over there on a Patreon at the RU Garbage page.
I just said this.
You were in the bathroom.
I was, uh...
That's the second time you said that today.
What?
Before you were like, you were in the bathroom or something.
I wasn't in the bathroom that time.
You were talking earlier.
Now you're saying I don't even know what we're referencing.
What do you mean?
You said last...
What?
You said last night you were having a conversation with somebody and you were like,
you were in the bathroom.
I said you might have left or maybe you were in the bathroom.
Yeah.
Why do you take offense to that?
You put me in the bathroom.
First of all...
I was in the bathroom.
him here now.
For how long?
I'm getting over being sick.
Okay, so last night you couldn't have been in the bathroom as well?
Not fair.
Why? You get real defensive over whether or not.
No, I've never heard anybody draw line.
I'm flunking off somewhere.
You were getting cotton candy or something.
I was probably doing push-ups.
Sounds like a bit of a guilty conscience if we're being honest with you.
I got, yeah.
I don't know.
You weren't there.
Right.
Who knows what the fuck you were.
The best thing is you were probably taking a deuce.
That's the best thing I can hope for.
Who knows what you do?
And I don't have an eye on you.
Man.
I'd like to know what you think I do
I've honestly
I've had to stop thinking about what I think you do
I've had to I've had to
you know what does Trump say
I wish him the best
all right what is it I wish him well yeah
I wish him well and then I go watch this drive
yeah um yeah I don't know you know who knows what
in the past sure I understand I don't know what Luke does
when I leave here I have a pretty good picture
you I'm not sure
Diesel, I know, Mark the shark.
Diesel makes sausages at the house.
Luke pulls tubes at the house.
Ripping bingers.
All that aside, though, we said like-minded people.
I'm very shocked.
Let me take a minute to address the Army of Garbage right here.
I said this while you were taking a Duke in the bathroom.
Who's not?
Yes, you were.
Why are you denying this?
I made a big mistake.
I tried to make my own Manhattan special with orange-flavored La Croy and coffee.
It stinks.
What's a Manhattan special?
Like a soda coffee sauce.
Soda.
Is that a thing?
Yeah.
Okay.
I'm popular.
Okay.
I've never heard of it.
Among the Italium.
Ah, okay.
This is bad.
I feel like I've made arsenic.
One can only hope.
I like that, wouldn't you?
But I was saying while you were in the bathroom, you were doing something.
I don't know.
Yeah, I don't like this.
I see a pattern forming.
Is you in the bathroom a lot?
No, you're going to be starting telling me that I think Foley was in the bathroom.
You're going to start making me look like a Dunskey in front of people.
Every time something important.
happens I'm in the bathroom 9-11 in the bathroom.
JFK in a
bad thing. I'm missing everything. That's like
you're like to Faris Gump. You miss all like the huge
moments of history because you're in the bed. You walk out
while. What happened?
What I miss?
Feds are running by and shit like that. It's black and white.
Hey, you're out of telet paper in there.
I had a pressing issue. Go ahead.
What do you got? Address. The floor is yours.
Thank you.
up dirt balls i am shocked uh and this is i mean also this is coming out uh we had the uh yg and
friends a few nights ago uh how about that um yes luke how about that how about that
very now about that um something else i'm and obviously this is a manhattan uh we're in manhattan
a little more swanky a little upper echelon a little bit of class i was shocked at the amount
of classy people who i mean at least a piece of people who i mean at least a piece of
Classy that are fans of the show.
I just walk, as I'm walking here, parked a car, I'm walking here with Hansi Ponzi.
Beautiful girl gets walking out of a cool coffee place.
What'd you say?
Beautiful girl.
A beautiful girl.
I was quoting you.
Thank you.
Uh-huh.
An attractive young lady.
An attractive young lady.
Younger than, you know, me or you.
Sure.
Probably Luke's age.
Young, somebody Luke would hang out with.
Huh.
walks out dressed well, going to her job or something.
Something, you know, meanwhile, Hodd's just pooping.
I don't have a fucking, I don't have a poop bag.
That's where I'm at.
You have one sneaker on.
She puts change in my coffee cup.
And she goes, huge fan of the pod.
And it's like nice to see the garbage that I don't think people are garbage.
You just let the leash go start following her?
Oh, there you go.
My friends in a bathroom.
Yeah, I'm following some of the bathroom.
I get a fool of himself.
Yeah, no, it's just very, I'm always shocked when you see some people.
Obviously, people are better than themselves.
You don't know what she came from.
You don't know what she is, really.
But it's just, you were mentioning the 15,000 strong in the community.
The community is deeper and stronger than I've ever anticipated or really thought about.
And diverse.
And multicultural.
But with one commonality, we are all garbage.
This is nice.
Yes.
It's very nice.
It's a very popular program, as you say.
It is.
You know?
Kids, jocks.
I don't think kids.
I got the demographics back.
Not kids.
I don't mean kids.
Yeah.
Younger.
Yeah.
What?
What?
I can use the bathroom.
Okay.
But all that being said, if you're new to the pro-
They're all high school kids that watch us, though.
I'm sure.
I just seen a couple at the bagel shop.
A couple of kids that were cut in school trying to go out to Long Beach to go surfing,
but they can't because the L-I double R is down.
Yeah.
As they go to Coney Island.
I'm like, I can't surf out there.
I was like, yeah, you're telling me, bro.
Did you have, what, okay.
What?
I don't know.
See, you start this shit.
I didn't say, what do I do?
I don't know.
I'm sorry, it's not every day you tell me you're talking to surfing teenagers.
You got to get me.
You got to, you got to let me pry a little bit.
Wasn't the beach boys?
Well, I mean, I don't bump into surfing teenagers that often, right?
I didn't have, like, their boards on them and shit like that.
Okay.
There's a couple, if there were kids hanging out, there were three high school kids.
Cut in school.
Cut in class.
That's right.
I respect that.
Me too.
You see that in New York, and it makes you think,
you go, good a fucker, where are your parents?
What are you doing?
Yeah.
Bad-ass little kids running around.
You never cut class?
Smoking dope.
I tried one time when I wrapped my car around a telephone pole.
You never cut school?
Never again.
Wait, really?
I tried in 10th grade.
I was 16.
We were going to, we were cutting school.
We had beers and we were going to get drunk and go to Rices at the flea market.
Shout out Rises every Tuesday.
and Saturday, I think.
You're going to go, you know, we had heaters.
You're going to go get like a...
Oh, your Chinese star needs.
Yeah, butterfly knife, whatever.
Cool.
Chucks.
Yeah, probably a bowl or something.
Titty pens.
Cool, good shit.
And I skipped school and I was, uh, I wrapped my, I wrapped my first lumen around
a telephone pole in my neighborhood.
Hmm.
And, uh...
Are you drunk?
No.
No.
No.
Speeding?
Sneased.
Really?
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah, I was turning.
Right?
I was whipping work, as the kid said.
Now, I'm driving the bus.
I'm turning.
And I, I sneezed.
And when I came up, I hadn't gone all the way back.
And that pot pole was staring down the barrel.
And you really wrapped it around it?
Or is it just?
I could have touched it.
Like, I, it fucking crunched right up the middle.
That airbag went off.
Those old school airbags?
Hit you.
Like, I suddenly let off a fucking bottle rocket in that thing.
Damn, you never cut school.
Cut school all the time.
I was, I also, my, I mean, you know, a little bit of a broken home.
My mom would go to work and I would just go, hey, she would be at work a lot when I left.
When I was supposed to go to school, I'm not going.
I'm sick.
I'm not going today.
Okay, whatever.
That's cutting school.
Yeah.
But the one, yeah, when I tried to like.
Twelve bowls of cereal later.
That and my dad, I mean, like, I, dad, I'm sick or whatever, you know.
But never like.
I tried at 16 and it fucking ended terribly.
I had the fucking Irish.
Catholic, you know,
I was God telling me
go to class.
And I listened to our mighty
father. You had to come out of the fucking Wuhan
lab to get out of fucking going to school
with Patty.
No, nobody cared. Vicious.
Nobody cared.
Vicious.
Ah, scah.
My nieces and nephews, they're like, oh, like, we talk about, like,
oh, it's going on vacation. Like, well, the kids have school.
I'm like, fucking who, what are we told with school?
Yeah, he can't do that.
I always hate it.
That shit don't fucking matter.
I always hate it those kids.
It's not the 20s, dude.
They're learning on...
I disagree.
I hate it those kids.
You know who I bet did that?
Who?
Yeah, Luke went to fucking a chateau or something.
Get more experience that way.
Sure, I get it.
What the fuck?
What are they going to read a fucking dingy textbook?
Get fuck out of here.
Get out there, be, go to Poconos.
And you would be able to collect your studies and get all your work done before you left or whatever?
Got to learn how to drink around the world somehow.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's an experience.
My parents would, I mean, we do a vacation.
Maybe they should have a little bit.
It'll be a little more culture.
Wouldn't be in a bathroom so much.
I don't know what I can do about it now.
You can go back to school.
I should go back to school.
I said that.
We should enroll you in, I mean, we tried to enroll you in college,
and you said it was Julia order nothing, I believe, was what it was.
Yeah.
You guys were supposed to do a creative writing course.
Yeah.
Okay, we're going to move on from that.
Bit tiffing a little bit.
You and most people.
But all that's neither here nor there, gang.
We got a gosh darn family episode on our hand.
As you guys know, when you join the old Patreon,
we will answer your garbage question on the air.
That's right.
And we got one, two tree humdangers around here.
I like that.
This is just a good one.
This is from Marty.
Also, great trashy name.
Shout out, Marty.
Marty.
I always think of Big Marty's carpet in Philadelphia,
which I think you said you didn't know,
but Big Marty's carpet was big.
Yeah, Marty's a good guy.
Just Marty in general.
You know Marty?
Obviously, Marty McFly.
I don't think I ever.
knew a Marty. Never knew a Marty. My first, my second car was named Martin because I got it from
Martin, Honda. I don't think that's a person. Yeah, it is. Your car wasn't named. I mean,
I said, I never knew a Marty and you're, you said my car was, I knew Martin, you're, yeah. Martin.
Okay. Yeah, it's not the guy I know. I don't know. I didn't know. No, I'm saying there's a guy
named Martin that ran the dealership, not fucking the car's a person. I thought you did.
A spider.
Did you name the car Marty?
No, I thought of Martin.
It was formal.
Mr.
That's a mister.
Yeah, I never knew a marty.
It's an older name, I feel.
It was just a little.
Sure.
You ever know a Henry?
No.
Huh.
Plenty of Kevin's around.
Yeah.
This place is lousy with Kevins.
Like mosquitoes on a hot summer night.
No, Henry.
Henry's coming back now.
Henry's a big name.
Yeah, I know.
we were looking for the baby, Henry's a big name.
Does that bother you or does that make you proud?
It's flattering, I would say.
You know?
Uh-huh.
Appreciate it.
Flattering how so, but you go by H.
No one knows your name's Henry.
I know.
People think it's Herman.
Could it be?
It could be.
It's not.
I've never seen anything to prove other.
Name one Irishman you know named Herman.
I don't know one Irishman name H either.
That's right.
Ain't.
You tell you.
in you.
No, I get it.
Things are cyclical like that.
Families are always rising falling in America.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Same fucking rats that used to make fun of me in fucking elementary school.
And I were calling their kids, Henry.
Bitch.
You should talk that therapist about letting go.
I was talking to him today.
I know.
You fucking dropped a bomb on me right before we pressed record.
I just thought I said something nice to you.
I can't win with these guys.
Oh, here we go.
The guy who always says I can't win
Is typically at fault
I can't fucking win with these guys
Never catch a fucking break
Sounds like something to step that
I can't fucking win with these kids
My dad was the king
I can't catch a fucking break
I remember saying it at like 16
And someone looking at me like what
I can't catch a fucking break
Pointing at the windshield
I can't catch a fucking break
I said chili fries
I remember I was getting
I remember one time I screamed it the most
and my buddy was in the car next to me
and my I was getting ready to move to New York
I was selling me I was getting the Montego ready to sell
classed out of it up Vinnie with the skin he was going to sell that for me
he had a prime piece of real estate was going to park it there
put it for sale sign it never happened
but I was getting ready to sell it
because that was like in my head that was going to be like eight grand
Eight grand you thought you were going to get for that.
At the time, maybe.
Huh.
Six?
I take five.
Negotiating against me.
What do you got on you?
No.
I was trying, that was going to be my big cash windfall.
Right.
You know what I mean?
Of course.
That'd still be pretty good.
You'd be still floating off that.
Uh-huh.
And, man, imagine how quick I would have blown that when I moved to New York.
We've been a cool couple of months, though.
Oh, the meatballsy, I can see.
Doggy, you ain't lying.
You'd have been taking cabs and shit.
Everything.
Eventually it would have evened itself out.
Sure.
But there was no way.
I was telling my cousin this.
I was like, listen, stop like
trying to prepare for this.
I'm like, if you want to take a step into this,
accept the fact that you were going to be fucking poor.
Yeah.
And it is going to fucking suck.
That's a guy still talking to himself.
Even if you get money, you're going to blow.
Has I'm taking money out of his wallet.
That way, you're a good kid.
Yeah, you got to just live in the sense of like, it's never going to work out.
But you have to believe it's going to work out at the same time.
It's kind of weird.
You really got to be crazy to make it.
You really got to be dumb as rocks and fucking young, dumb and full of gum.
What?
But my windshields cracked like two days before I was getting ready to pop.
I can't win.
I can't catch a fucking break.
I literally remember I was like, who are you?
Yeah.
I was just like, you ain't going to catch a break with that attitude,
putting that out in the universe.
You ever get called?
You ever can call with that somebody else?
What the fuck of you?
What?
Catch a break.
You're fucking.
Yeah.
You're healthy.
I've tried to say this.
The only thing I know about how to be a dad is to like come home and complain about
construction work.
You've been doing that?
That's all I know.
That's like what a dad.
That'd be pretty crazy.
What a dad does is.
comes home, like the electrician of fucking permits,
breaking my bolt, like, you know.
That's all I know what it had, that is comes home and you go,
how is work, and they dump all of the job site politics on you.
And, you know, and or what GCs aren't paying.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, fuck, I submitted my invoice in fucking January.
Still wait on January.
I had a little glass of scotch or something.
Nah, Mickalob, Coors Light, yeah.
They were both of my parental, they were beer drinkers.
Kevin's talking about Hexclad.
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Yeah.
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Kip, I want to tell them about Shopify.
Shopify, Shopify, Shopify.
Now, you know, I don't handle much of the business
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What?
But I got to tell you, I love that Shopify.
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Yeah.
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I'm going to say it one more time.
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Do it.
Do it.
If I got your briefcase, would you use it?
No, I kind of have one.
Luke kind of made fun of it, so I didn't really...
Have I ever seen it?
Is that like your...
Attachet?
Yeah.
What?
I've never seen this.
I used it once.
I took it to Soul Joles.
And Luke was like, yeah.
I arrived separately at Soul.
I recall.
What does it look like?
It's just like a satch.
It's like a, like a laptop bat.
Remember like the old like...
It's like an over-the-shoulder lap.
Like in the postman with Kevin Costner?
He got a laptop?
Well, you get a satchel.
Not a satchel.
Like, well, you would put a, imagine like a laptop.
Like a soft briefcase.
Like my army bag that I used to have?
Uh-huh.
Like that?
No, it's like a fucking...
Kept my grenades in there.
I'm talking like an old-school briefcase.
I don't want to carry a briefcase.
I don't want to have to carry a bag.
You can throw it down.
Foil.
Looting your tie.
Give the wife a kiss, smack on the butt.
Uh-huh.
We're smote of beans.
Uh-huh.
Is that how you think life is?
That's crazy.
It's not what happy people do.
Yeah.
That's, yeah, it's, um, I do have a little bit of a version of that.
I come home from the old fucking content factory here.
Fight fucking traffic.
Breaking my bulls.
I get in.
She's like, can you stop and get diapers?
I said, I just bought.
Really?
Yeah.
You get that?
What?
On the way home?
Can I stop and get,
diapers? I said, yeah, it doesn't bother me. Would that bother you? I think it
see, there's a thing. No, not my, not diapers. I mean, your first reaction seemed like
you bother. What the fuck she's been doing all day? Oh, that's crazy. You are such a
piece of shit, dude. It's crazy. It's wild. I don't need fucking diapers. There's also a thing
you want to help. No, I understand. I don't think you do. I think you understand that I'm talking to
you.
I don't think you're fucking.
Yeah.
No,
diapers, of course.
Yeah,
but I'm happy if I get out of the car,
I go, hey, do you know,
do we need anything?
I've gotten hit with, like,
can you grab a laundry detergent or something?
What?
You are.
Yeah, I'm the problem.
For sure.
You're not the solution.
Yeah, that's something you do.
Right?
You got to give me a little backup.
Obviously.
Yeah, right?
I mean, if somebody goes,
hey, can you stop at this store?
You're out.
What if he was like, nah, fuck that shit, dog.
No, you know what I'll get?
Fabric softener, I got you.
Why?
Bullshit.
It's all parapens or whatever they're called.
Is that the stuff that goes in?
What's the liquid fabric softener?
I don't fuck with that.
I mean, there's liquid fabric.
I only know it as liquid.
That goes in the washer.
Really?
Yeah, that goes in the washer next to the dishwasher.
No.
That's in the dryer.
That's fabric softener.
No, it's not.
It's anti-wrink.
technically, but...
No, no, no.
I think it's called fabric softener.
It's fabric, yeah.
What's fabric softener?
The dryer sheets.
Yeah, that's a fabric softener.
I think you can do either one.
I don't fuck with that shit in the...
In the washing machine.
Looks like milk.
Wool light or whatever the fuck that shit was?
No, wool lights different.
It's a gentle cleanser for your unmentionables.
Your panties, your negligence.
Okay, I got you.
All right.
The hot chicks will put it in the...
They soak it in their bathroom sink.
The dryer sheets are fabric softener.
Yeah.
Thank you.
I never knew
Like cottonette was no
What's the one with the snuggly bear
In cottonell right?
No that's toilet paper
Snuggles
Snuggles? Yeah but that wasn't the name
Was it Snuggles?
Yeah
That was the guy's name
No, fat
Fabbergs softener yeah
Yeah that's fat
Was it snuggles?
Yeah yeah
I never had that
No I don't use drivers
Never had Mr. Bubbles either
You ever get Mr. Bubbles
The bubble bath
Maybe like
We would like soap
You know put some dial in there
You gotta fucking really
Wish your hand around
We never got that
We never got Magic Shell
I was one at Magic Shell.
I don't know what that is.
We had Magic Shell.
Oh, is that the thing that Hardens?
No, you'd have to fucking.
I don't know what you'd have to do for Denise to shell over the extra five-night-day.
That shit blew my fucking mind.
Or hot fudge.
Never got hot fudge.
Get Hershey syrup, which I appreciate.
But, you know.
My nana had a hot fudge recipe.
Really?
Yeah.
Kind of strange.
Yeah.
My mom would put it in the mason jars and we'd always have it on deck.
That's wild, dude.
You gotta be from old money for shit like that.
Dude, Mason jar?
I didn't know what a, I didn't know what a mason jar was for like the long.
That was for Bloody Marys.
I didn't know.
I didn't know what the fuck.
No shit.
I love hot fudge.
I love my Nana's recipe.
Wow.
Can we get some?
Your mom make it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll bring some home.
Hit me up, Mrs. Demps?
He done.
Pretty good.
What did your friends call your mom growing up?
Mrs. Dempsey.
Yeah.
So I hated the friend who pushed, like, you can use their first name.
We've never.
No, I don't have anybody.
I still, even like my girlfriend's parents, they're like, call me by my first name.
I'm like, no.
Mr.
Mrs.
Yeah, I don't, I don't call my in-laws.
Yeah.
Good kid.
You don't call your in-laws what?
By their first name.
What do you say, Mr. and Mrs. whatever?
I don't know what I say.
Why you call them Grandma and Grandpa or something?
Now, yeah.
Or mommy.
and dad, that's psycho shit.
Hey mom, dad.
You know what else I don't like?
You don't do, but like I feel like I'd be with like my uncle and he would bump into
a friend of his from the neighborhood or something and they'd be like, yeah, well, you know,
we put pop in a home, like, they really feel like not, we had to put my dad in it.
Like, they just refer to them at, there's no, no assignment of, what's that?
Yeah, but if you're married to somebody for like 45 years, you know?
I don't know.
Still the in-laws.
They call my, my brother-in-law,
for the longest time,
didn't know what to call my mom up until, like, very recent.
Hey, Chief.
So he would wait until, like, to make eye contact with her.
He's like, Denise didn't feel right.
Mom doesn't feel right.
No.
So they call her niecey mom.
Nisi mom.
Yeah.
My wife's mom, I called her mama, her name.
Uh-huh.
But that was more of like a cutie kind of thing.
Sure.
But never growing up.
now.
No, even like now, like Pat's dad, I don't call it.
It's like...
Call Mr.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mr. and Mrs. whatever.
Yeah, nobody.
Kids now, they don't do that.
No.
Hi, Belinda.
That's fucking nuts.
Slap the shit out of you.
I was telling you, these kids are drinking at a very young age now, and it's like very...
I think?
I know it is.
Most of them are all bitched up.
It's very, and it's very, like...
It's European almost.
The parents are like, okay.
I'll get you a six pack of white claw or whatever.
And it's like...
They also all talked about too much shit in front of their kids.
Well, it's like, think about it's like, it's a way significantly different generation of people.
It's like us.
You know what I mean?
Like, think about like when fucking little Kiparino grows up.
Even at like seven, he's going to be able to see hundreds of hours of content of me being a dickhead.
You know?
If you let them.
They'll find it.
My nieces and nephews find it.
They do.
Yeah.
They start asking questions.
Um, you know, how much does he weigh?
Uh-uh.
Where is, wearer his teeth?
Uh-uh.
A little brats.
See you next time.
Let's see you next time.
No, the one did say he does always play a fat guy and stuff.
The one has seen you in a couple of things.
I think he was watching Manifest or Gotham.
Are you fucking with me?
No, I swear to God.
That's always nice to me.
I'm fat.
Of course I'm going to play a fat guy.
I'm a fucking game to lose weight for a fucking day player.
roll.
That's not how show business works.
You get back to school, all right?
Stop fucking watching his old day's TV shows.
What fuck?
You got Netflix or something?
You got six months and a trainer to get ready for that kind of stuff.
I could do that shit.
Be fucking the next iron man.
No, but they're drinking at a young eight, like, and they're like, oh, yeah, hey, can, you know, we're going.
So, like, drop me a fucking wild shit.
I'm seeing this from my perriff.
you know, my peripheral.
Like, hey, drop me off in the woods.
And the, like, parents will drop their kids off with, like, six packs and shit.
I've heard that too.
Which, like, does not fly, did not fly when we were.
And my, I was talking to my brother about my brother's like, now you've got to fucking sneak.
There has to be some sort of fuck.
I don't, he's like, I don't care if you're drinking.
But, like, you're not going to fucking, you still have to fucking try and hide it from me.
And if I, if I catch you, I'm going to be upset.
But, like, you're not just fucking.
Your brother seems like the kind of guy that would be pretty hard to sneak that by.
I mean, how does he not know every choice?
That's what I do.
I always thought I'd be such a good cop.
I'd be like, I'd be fucking.
I'd be sniping every.
I've broken every law in the book.
What, everybody's specialty underage kids?
Just anything.
I also don't understand.
How are you doing over there?
Dude, we'll be at like the fucking pub and it'll be fucking 2 a.m. last call.
There'll be 25 cars out front.
I'm like, how are the cops just not pulling?
I never got that either.
I go, what do you think?
They're all in there in front of wings?
It's too wet kitchen closed at midnight, dick.
What do we do?
I just don't understand.
You don't get it.
You ever pull out of a bar and there's the one cop across the street?
All the dude, you talk about nervous pervis.
I would be, oh, dude, I let so many people go ahead of me.
Fucking hey, hey.
Send them to the gopher, dude.
Get out of here.
Yeah.
One pulls out this out.
Yeah, you're going left to heart.
I'm fucking.
I call in a fucking tip on them too.
Hey, Stevie and the Buick's.
I had a two, three spritzers.
No, yeah, I didn't, that was never,
I never understood.
I thought I'd be, that's why I thought it'd be such a good cop.
Fucking little Caparino's gonna have to get up
pretty early in the morning to try to fool me.
I guess you just stop caring at some point.
I don't fucking know.
Yeah.
That's too much.
They're creating like a generation of marks.
It was kind of changing with my generation,
but now it's like the parents are buying the fake IDs for kids.
They're taking the picture.
It's like,
Really?
Yeah, it's crazy.
crazy now. I had Denise take my
picture for my fake idea. I was 20.
I was in cut.
We were a very big. Did she know what you were doing?
I told her Vinnie. I told her Vinnie.
Wasn't for a dating website.
I told her Vinny was making an end of the school year
PowerPoint in front of a whiteback.
She knew. My sister's like, this is for a fake idea.
We were a very big, get to college.
If you could get to college,
it was all like you could start drinking at a family party or
whatever you know what I mean that was that was what it was the laws were looser when we were kids
when we were kids you know if you got caught at a party underage drinking unless the cop was a real
fucking dickhead or you know there was fucking I don't know weed or something like that there
or something harder you know they give you a misdemeanor and then it got like things got real
strict like maybe like around your grades or whatever and now if the parents are loosened up
Isn't that a good thing?
Like, what do you mean they're making marks?
They don't have to work for it?
Yeah, like, no one understands, like, how to buy weed anymore.
No one, it's like, oh, I could steal my parents' edibles.
Like, yeah, it's just like everything.
They're going to buy the white clause for you.
So you don't get in trouble at the liquor store figuring it out on your own.
But then there's going to be a correction of that.
Because then, I mean, the next generation, screwed.
Why?
I mean, the parents never had to learn how to sneak around anything.
I mean buying their kids H
Yeah
You know what I mean
I think we're gonna need that in future generations
Oh that's what we're gonna need
Yeah
Nah I need operators
You're gonna need guerrilla tactics
At a certain point I believe
Yeah I mean I don't think it's a kid having their mom
By white calls for them
That kid ain't a fucking operator
I go old pansie is bitch
Slapped that kid around
No
Yeah
But we'd be more on that speed
What
Operators
Yeah
We're gonna have a geriatric delta force
Which is a whole old operator
I want to rat you out to the Chinese
I don't even go for it
I can take you zone
I'm a goddamn patriot
Give him my address
The Kanzi Ponzi on them
Uh bullies we gotta get a new family episode on our hands
All this fucking beat up and the middle of the question
Was I?
Yeah
I don't even think I got there
You did
No we got to Marty and then we fucking
Marty
Hey I never got to the question
Remember Marty?
Yeah fucking shout out to big Marty's carpet
Thank you shout out to Martin
My Honda Accord
Wait is the
I don't know
What do you want for me?
That is the car
name Martin the car's name was Martin okay we used to name our cars and sometimes the
name would come from wherever we got it like Martin gotcha and if it had the had the
thing on it I'd be like oh Martin that's a cool or Murray Murray Murray yeah Murray
Ford Mary Dodge Murray Dodge yeah I had a Dodge uh Dodge 600 turbo mm-hmm it whistled
when you drove in a front one up it's weird sounds like a speed boat 600 turbo
I put the bow of a boat down.
It was.
You get on the highway, you turbo.
It was a sedan, too.
It was a two-door sedan.
What?
No, it was.
Isn't that an oxymoron?
Yeah, because I thought a two-door was a coop, no?
No, it was like a box car.
Like, it looked like a Cadillac.
I don't think it did.
It was a two-door.
It did.
Like a crisis 300.
It looked like a Bentley.
Google it.
Dodge 600 turbo.
It's a real term.
1986 what that two-door sedan is a two-door passenger car built on the same chassis chassis and interior proportions as a four-door
and i was reaching on that oh i got you can i see it yeah i got you yeah that's that's murray i think stinks
oh it's rough bought it for like 600 bucks of mr o'donnell it was his dad's car why you name it mr o'donnell then
could have called it buddy oh mr o'donnell i don't know murray it seemed like a murray as his personality
Okay.
Yeah.
But no, I never called Martin Marty.
There's always Martin.
Gotcha.
Whenever that close.
So yeah, I never knew a Marty.
Okay.
Okay, fair enough.
This one's from Marty, ironically enough.
Have you ever referred to someone's actions as wheeling and dealing?
That is a no one.
That is, wheeling and dealing is, to say someone is wheeling and dealing, trashy.
And whatever they're doing is trashy, you're operating in the fringes if someone's wheeling and dealing.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
No one calls like an accountant.
Ah, that guy's wheeling and dee.
If they are, it's, he's a skim and he's, you know.
He's a fucking wheeler and dealer.
That's one step away from Robin Peter to pay Paul.
Sure.
Hey, he's wheeling.
Wheeling and dealing is a little bit of a gray area.
Yes.
Not everybody's getting a truth.
Yeah.
That's a great one.
Wheeling and dealing.
You remember the first time that you heard your, like, you heard your, like, you heard your.
your dad call out another adult for being like a little shifty.
No.
I do.
It's just like, eh, that guy, he's a little, you know, he's a wheeler and dealer.
Sure.
I was full of shit that guy.
We're a wheeling dealer.
I remember early on someone got accused of stealing money.
My dad accused the guy who's stealing money from the CYO.
He's like, that guy's got, he did not do his face.
He just didn't trust him, I guess.
Who the fuck wants to run a CYO taking the cash?
Where's the fuck?
Oh, that guy's like,
he always needs cash.
He's always like,
oh, we need another $30 for the tournament.
Another $20 for the uniform.
My dad's a dirt bag.
He starts doing a math
and probably how he would operate.
Like, I'd be skimming.
Like, that guy's got fucking coffee canes
buried in his backyard we cash.
I remember we drive by his house.
I remember being like,
really?
Wow, good for him.
Yeah.
Six kids on the team.
Yeah, I don't know if that's the truth,
but it was, you know,
that was the allegation.
That was grown-up talk.
Yeah.
And I remember, it was just me and my dad in the car, and I want to be like,
why do you think I need this information at this age?
You know what I mean?
Like, I was like young.
To make you crazy.
Yeah.
But I do have to say that helped my, now I know a skit.
You know what I mean?
I think it goes back to fucking.
Not being a mark.
Not being a mark.
You got to know.
You got to sell a little weed.
You got to fucking, you got to do a little something.
You got to fucking know how to move.
Sure.
Yeah.
Looks on to something with that.
Everybody should weigh tables.
I agree with that.
And should do some sort of manual labor.
They're going to do.
Everybody's got to do something.
You know what I mean?
One summer.
You got to fucking dig a ditch.
You got to learn something.
Sure.
Get up early.
Kibby, can tell you something?
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Mm-hmm.
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This one's from Chris, $20 homie.
What was your mom's home workout setup?
I'd say the more home workout videotapes you had the trashier.
Buns of Steel and 8 minute abs, abs the name a few.
Denise was big on the,
step aerobics
step aerobics
we had the step that was
I mean that much step we hear
oh like that little thing it was like the box
looks like a
squatty potty
kind of a bigger it was probably like
three feet long it had like two
stackable like you can make it low or high
it had like rubber on the top and you would
do like we had to do it in the element it was big
in the 80s that was all like the jazzercise and shit
we had to do it in
gym class that was like we had to do it in
We all had our own thing and we were, you know, left and right.
She had the little leotard on?
No, but our teacher did.
Really?
Shout out to Mr. Jenkins.
No.
Shout out.
Her name was Ms. Zumble.
Look at an Amazon package.
She was like a gymnast and she showed up.
And I think she, I, my mom used to take her classes, like, outside of school.
Uh-huh.
My mom wasn't showing up at gym class.
Hibbing them.
And she, I remember her, she was, that was like.
What the heck is even this?
That was something else.
I remember I remember me like, we were in like seventh, eighth grade.
You cannot wear this in school.
If the kids can't wear it, you shouldn't be able to wear it.
You pull her aside after a clue.
Ew.
I got to eat lunch after this with a hard on.
You got 35 fucking kids in a locker room all hot and a fucking stiffy.
What are you doing to us, lady?
You got doors on the stalls in the bathroom.
You're fucking drive me.
nuts.
They were huge back.
And they were so, dude, that Tybo.
That's where our family drew the line.
I thought that was karate.
I thought he could fight.
It kind of is.
Billy Blanks.
He could fight?
Oh, I don't know.
I probably whip my ass.
I know that much.
All that cardio is doing.
He fucking take me into deep waters.
Fucking ends me.
See how many, see how much money they made.
Dude, Tybo?
Was that the height of fucking.
That was VHS and DVD sales, infomercials?
infomercials.
That was moving hard copy units.
That was probably $9, $10 a clip he made.
Yeah.
That's like record sales.
That was like Metallica.
You know what I mean?
It was doing Numbie.
Yeah.
He probably sold.
What do you got there, Lucas?
What's the Bowflex?
Let me get the Bowflex.
I got Tybo right now.
Yeah, Tybo.
That's what we're looking for.
I think that's Bowflex.
All the shit Chuck Norris moved, too.
That was the total gym, right?
He had shit before that.
Remember the skis?
Yeah.
Nordic track.
Nordic track.
I remember my buddy having somebody, my aunt, I don't even remember.
I honestly have no idea who had a wooden version of that.
I remember being like, what is this the fucking...
Who are you Jack Klompus with this?
Jack Klumpus.
You know who Jack Klumpus?
Jack Klumpus.
Jack Klumpus.
Bowflex in its peak was making $860 million a year.
What was time?
What?
How many videos of Tybo did they sell?
860 million a year?
Dude, that's like cartel money.
That's like 1995 money.
That's like a bejillion.
That was, they had a resurgence during the pandemic.
Who did?
Bo Flex.
No shit.
Tybo sold over 500 million home videos.
That's in studio.
Even if he made a dollar per video.
That's crazy.
That's awesome.
That's crazy money.
500 million videos.
It's fucking insane.
That blows everybody away.
That's like Beatles.
I mean, how many records have the Beatles sold?
That's like Beatles.
I bet that's more than the Beatles.
No way the Beatles sold over.
Now it's like with streams and stuff, it's wildly different.
Forget about the streams.
Fucking hard copies.
We were a big P90X family.
P90X.
Wasn't that the powder to fuck the up before you went that?
No, that was Tony Horton's videos.
Yeah.
Power 90X.
P90X.
Who did that?
That was like family, dude.
Me and my boys in like middle.
school would be ripping the videos.
That dude, that used to say
fucking throat chopping each other.
That was like if you can do it for two weeks
I remember that guy's abs.
Oh, I know that guy.
Shizzle.
Yeah.
And the rest of them look, you look like Captain Planet a little bit.
Yeah, I forgot about that.
P90X was huge.
Brutal.
I remember my buddy's dad.
I was a fucking Richard Simmons, man.
Sure.
God damn gentleman.
Uh-huh.
Who's coming out with that, right?
Didn't have an ounce of definition on him.
He was the best.
His morning show was great.
Who was the old guy?
I remember watching that.
Jack something.
Jack Lillane.
Jack Lillane?
Yeah, he'd fucking beat your ass.
I know.
I remember him pulling like,
fucking three Cadillacs with his dick or something.
And they were like, look at him.
He was always doing stunts like that.
On the Today show.
Yeah, he was.
They'd be like, Jack Lillane towing 50 boats with his mouth.
And you're like, what?
Brian Cumbering.
Buddy retired.
He was the first guy.
He was really the first guy to start with the juicing and shit.
He'd pounded.
like a fucking celery juice or something
Mm-hmm.
Isn't it crazy we didn't know that?
I mean, well, we didn't.
No.
I mean, my family were a sherbert.
I do that.
I hate you with a strawberry now and then if the chocolate and vanilla and the
Neapolitan were out, I do a strawberry.
Yeah.
I hate it strawberry.
I know.
Now I like it.
Isn't that crazy?
I hated strawberry ice cream as a kid.
Why did we like it?
Not that crazy.
I'm not being honest with you.
I've seen you do a lot crazy or shit that like fucking ice cream.
That was wild, huh?
I didn't like beer when I was three either.
I liked the stuff now.
Yeah, I hated mayo when I was a kid.
It wasn't as long as I was at my cousin's house
in the middle of the night of my first mayo.
Ham and cheese.
In the middle of the night?
Yeah.
That is a fattest story you've ever told.
It was tangy.
He said an alarm and went up.
No, we got up to sneak upstairs and make sandwiches.
I have a couple of rock stars.
Why?
We go upstairs.
It was ham, mayo, on wheat bread.
And these were against everything.
It's fucking wheat bread, uh-uh.
Or mayo?
Uh-uh.
Ham?
Yeah.
That was the time for you.
Because if that was noon, you probably wouldn't be eating it.
No.
But in the middle of the night snacking, you'll take whatever your fat is.
Oh, fuck yeah.
Yeah.
Hungy.
Yeah.
It was so gross.
Then you like it the next time.
Sure.
How many albums did the be you sell?
I thought you'd love.
looked it up. Don't worry about it.
500 million's crazy.
Yeah, that's, I mean, that's wild.
See if you can get his net worth.
Billy Blanks's network.
Would you have to sit and watch your mom work out in front of the TV?
That always bugged me out.
I mean, I would see her.
And then like my sister also did it as well.
Maybe they did it together.
Like, it wasn't like sit down and watch me.
Like if she was doing that.
Because that was like an hour or whatever.
And that might as well been when I was like six, an hour is like three years.
I'm going to dads.
I'll see you later.
Start walking or whatever.
This net worth has got to be wrong.
20 to 30 million.
No chance.
Unless he got screwed.
He might have sold it early.
Yeah.
Like sold the rights for, you know, hey, we'll give you $5 million right now and he did it.
Could be a Ronco company.
Beatles estimated over 600 million units.
So yeah.
Billy Blanks and the Beatles.
Same, same, same.
Pretty good.
Some of those are downloads.
Yeah.
All right.
Let's see here.
This one's from Phil A.
Are you garbage if you hit the Little League field for the snack?
My kid doesn't have a game.
I just want cheese fries, a hot dog, and some water ice.
I respect it.
I would also never, I can picture the one I grew up driving by it.
It would never occur to me to pull in and get something.
Never occur to me.
That's a great idea.
I get it's kitschy.
It's fun.
Just my brain doesn't work like that.
Yeah.
I have a very strong nostalgic attachment.
Do the Little League field in northeastern Pennsylvania.
North End.
Not North North, North, North and Wilkesbury.
Okay.
Sorry.
Which the last time I was up there seemed all run down.
But they had the two-level booth with the announcers up top.
They had the snack bar on the outside, good bleachers.
They had the fence with the sponsorship and all that stuff.
Uh-huh.
Solid.
Gummy bears.
Pizza.
hot dogs french fries with the first time i smelled malt vinegar
they had like that's not for me
you don't like malt vinegar on your french fries sometimes
i would be very upset if someone did that to me didn't tell me
you can't just go doing that no you don't do it it's there for you if you want it
no you don't like that i don't think i've ever seen it i don't know what it is
Luke i mean in europe i've seen it hello you don't do it nah
so what is then that's comie shit
shit, dude.
No, it's not.
That's fucking British.
They might as well be fucking commies to me.
No, the Irish do it, too.
Didn't we fight for our freedom?
Ain't American.
It's good.
It ain't America.
It's like fish and chips with a mold vinegar.
It's delicious.
It gives a little added zing.
Do ketchup, too.
No.
But.
Cheese whiz.
And only cheese whiz.
I love me some cheese whiz.
I need a frig.
Store brand ketchup.
I'm a hunts man.
Woo!
And a Hunt's family was hanging on
on by a thin thread.
Yeah, so I'm all about that.
I love that.
Yeah, I just, like, I think it's awesome.
I just like, I have like a barrier in my head of like, I can't get that.
My kid's not playing, you know, I am sure.
Yeah.
It's like getting snacks at the movies when you're not at the movies.
Yeah.
I just like, I would never just do, yeah.
But I respect.
There's a game going on.
But, right.
I'm taking an inning or two.
Sure, but you're a nostalgia guy.
Like, obviously it's not and you're, it's not great food.
It's good.
Yeah, this is where I lost Jeff.
You didn't lose me.
But it's not like, if you want a hot dog and you're in a car,
you can get a better version of a hot dog.
Not to say it's not fantastic and the combination of everything together.
To me, it's like the experience.
You know what I mean?
It's like going to a ball game and getting the cracker jacks or whatever.
It's like the location.
If you just pull up, eat it, and then eat it in your car like a fucking psychopath and then get out of there.
So it's like, for me, it's got to be the game.
I'm going to get movies next
It's got to be the movies
You know
First I remember I read gummy bears
Was it was there
Hmm
Yeah
I was like
I was like me away
Gummy bears
Yeah
I was like wow
What is this
I knew something was happening
Things were changing
And nerds came out
It was a very interesting time
Yeah
Wacky Wacky wild time
Be a rat when you were born
It's weird
Gummy bears came out
when I was born?
No, when I first came across my right.
Probably like 1983, 1984.
So a couple of years where you were born.
I'm not that much.
We're not that far apart.
Buddy.
You were born in 1980.
You were born in 1986.
I was 10 years old.
Yeah.
I mean, for sure.
I was driving.
Times of waxing thick.
I was having sex, but.
You know, Uncle Steve.
Marty.
Yeah, but I mean, yeah.
I don't know.
40 and 50s.
jump still and that's like the closest we've ever been you know 26 and 36 is a jump 26 26 year old
hanging out with 36 year old you might as well be 382 that's crazy weird yeah i don't know
i mean i would say maturity level you're younger than me and not that i'm mature
you think so you think i'm less mature than you uh i think so uh i think so
Are you do you have evidence to I believe that's because you're ugly
Nana nana no boo boo-boo you can't I'm rubber your glow
All right whatever
All right let's see this one's from I lost the game is it garbage to have your dad pick you off from kindergarten in his bread truck every day
There was no passenger seat so I sat on an old bread box I dig it
That's great that would have made me feel so I would have been
Slightly embarrassed smell it a bread who doesn't let the bread guy
But also, if it was one of those trucks that didn't have the doors,
like a fucking UPS, like a chip truck or whatever,
like a delivery truck, that was a coolest thing to me.
Riding around, fucking foot hanging out, wind in your hair.
Yeah.
As a kid, I was saying this to somebody,
I always loved going and doing stuff that the general public couldn't do.
Yes.
So to get in that truck, I'd look at everybody else, be like, check out.
I'd be like proud.
I'd be like, you guys are all getting your fucking shitty-ass minivanes.
Whatever.
I got to go to work.
For sure.
They need me.
They're calling me in.
That's like when you would ride in the middle of a, when you'd ride bitch in a pickup truck.
Ooh.
Awesome.
Great.
My stepdad's Ford Ranger.
You'd be shifting and fucking, you know, you'd have a beer, a golf east.
Smelled like gas for some reason.
Yeah, it was awesome.
Dude, dad, I remember being, you got a CB radio.
We'd be driving on the shore.
CB radio.
Danny on my right, him on my left.
That's fat as shit.
to a fat little kid.
I remember being like,
put Danny in the middle.
Fucking,
I'm getting elbowed this whole time.
Fucking huge thing of
sunflower seeds.
Right between my legs
like in the little like console
or whatever.
Like, you know.
CB and Danny on a CB radio.
I'm just mulching.
We're all three of us.
Moulchings.
It was the most bonding we've ever had.
And me and Danny are just dicking around
on the CB radio.
Where were you spitting your sunflower seed shells?
Uh,
you have a couple of.
Probably a cup.
I'll eat the shell.
I'm a shell guy.
I'll eat the shells.
What?
Yeah.
I used to eat the shells.
Yeah.
What are you, a crow?
Yeah.
Eat the shells.
I like them.
That's what a flavor is, baby.
No, it's worse.
Luke's playing hardball today.
Wow.
And I remember a time in high school where I was
constantly eating sunflower seed.
We were just walking around.
I think in high school
speaking, that's like something,
you're trying, you're trying to have an identity.
You're like, dipping.
Yeah, I'm the fucking, I just always got them.
Same thing with like smoking.
That's why you smoke at a young age.
You're looking for.
It was a big lacrosse thing, too.
Yeah, you're trying, you're like, oh, this is a lacrosse thing.
This is what lacrosse players do.
I'm part of the team.
It's like, same thing with like,
fucking baseball players and the chew and the gum and the seeds.
It's like part of the, it.
I love that.
You're looking.
You're trying to be somebody.
I love that.
What?
Just to fucking what they got in the dugout.
I'm fascinated by shit on the sidelines.
The different kinds of gatorade.
There's been a lot of time there.
You should know.
Yeah.
The different guy, even Division III,
the different kinds of gatorade that we had,
it was all ice cold,
all the shit that we had.
So awesome.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You still got some years of eligibility left.
We were talking.
You go back.
That's true.
All right.
Let's hear.
This one's from Uncle Cousin.
And $10 Kentucky gentleman never had one rent.
Shout out to you, good sir.
Shout out to him.
Fine, southern gentleman.
Ever seen a fight at a funeral?
A group of my cousins beat up another cousin who was the dad of the deceased.
Jesus.
That's fucked up.
He must have been a real piece of shit.
Yeah, I mean, that guy is probably-
You fucking show up now after he's gone?
Yeah, but what the fuck were you?
Wow.
That's, yeah, listen, tensions are high.
Yeah.
People are drinking.
Emotions are up and down.
You know what I mean?
I remember the first time
Funerals suck
Yeah, they're not great
I remember learning the first time
The family takes like Xanax
Like the
In the process, in the line
So they're not just bawling their eyes out all day
Who gives them that?
Nobody gave me that
For what?
My dad
Oh yeah
I mean, you know, something
Maybe a little more tragic
The 73-year-old man passing
God, not saying it's not...
I understand what you're saying.
Yeah, just something like, you know, I attended a lot of drug overdoses.
Sure.
Stuff like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Fucking 25, gone too soon kind of thing.
You know what I mean?
They had a fucking, uh, uh, something the mother.
What's it called?
What?
Sedate the mother.
Yeah, just that of like, I, you know, you're going to, also too, you're standing next to the body all fucking day.
I get you.
Mm-hmm.
I had to do a little nip of something, you know what I mean?
You.
just driving by
yeah that's a tough
I mean I get that that's tough
you know
funerals are fucking
that's where you have it out though
yeah
that's always a big thing
you'll never be in my funeral
you're not even
say that
some family members
really you're never gonna be
at his funeral
I'll see a yeah
I'll see at your funeral
Jesus
come from a dicey family
see it's your funeral
huh
Yeah
There's
Yeah
I mean we're just fucking
Dirtbags
There's just like
Lines of
Delineation
You know
Who so and so
Talk don't talk
I mean there's a whole section
Of my family I don't talk to
Yeah
See them
See them from time to time
Bambendo them
I ignore you
Now some of them are obviously
Very sweet
Some also
You know
It's beefs that I don't even
Fucking know
You know
And I'm done
done fighting other people's, I got to a certain age
dealing with all that shit where I'm like, I'm done
fighting other people's fucking beefs. You want to be mad, you can
fucking be mad, I ain't got time for all that.
Miss me with all that shit, you know? I mean?
I'm pretty good at squash in that when I'm not involved.
What?
I never could any, like, beef like that.
Like, where it's like, what do you tell? You don't,
you two aren't talking? What the fuck is that about?
You're dumb broad.
You fucking give you a fresh one.
No, yeah, I don't know. I mean, I'm saying other people,
So and so.
You're not getting involved in it.
I'm not getting dragged into someone else.
You'll say hi to both parties.
Yeah, I'll give a fight.
Or I won't say hi to anybody.
I don't care.
You say how to anybody?
I don't fucking say I don't know.
I don't fucking use it to me.
I'll see it.
I said that one time.
I answered this funeral.
I'm done.
I've said that before.
You have?
Yeah.
Who are you fucking Leo?
That's fucking cranking.
You need some money?
I was cranking a heater.
I remember fucking 34th of Broadway in Astoria.
See, I was on the phone with Dan.
or somebody. I said, I'm done.
He said, what? I said, can I have 40 bucks to get home?
I need a train ticket.
I got to catch the Chinatown.
I used to say, hey, he'd be like, yeah, I get you, you know, I used to ask for money for
something, flate the price and then take the China time, the megabas or something.
Yeah.
You know, hey, it cost me 50 bucks to get home.
Buy a $10 ticket.
I got 40 bucks walking around money.
I always spend it so stupidly.
Oh, yeah.
I go like, Sabaroos or something.
A pack of the eaters and sabarras would be blown.
fucking dickhead eating
a fucking Penn Station
Two sizes of pizza at Penn Station
For $18
On your way to a catered lunch
Such a fucking idiot
This one's
From Shell's $10
$10 make you holler homie here
First time never have one red
Is it garbage to hold a sig
Like a joint when you smoke?
Yes
Oh wait hold on
You mean like this?
No
Jimmy Conway style?
No
No, that's fucking classy.
What, would you fucking say?
Not at all.
I don't think if you're going,
what'd you fucking say?
I'm not saying it's not bad ass.
Yeah.
It's not classy.
But that's what you're talking about.
Again, that's a choice to me.
I mean, we've smoked a very little.
No one's like natural.
Smoking is a choice.
Sure.
To look cool.
That's what I'm saying.
And that's also a choice.
Like, naturally you smoke.
Mm-hmm.
You know.
I prefer like this.
So I do it.
And look down the bar.
That's how Luke hits his joints, dude.
This is Luke.
I catch, I was out.
We were out in LA called New Cool, cool guy Luke.
He looks at it.
Him and Tommy really, when they're together.
And then, yeah, they both stand.
They don't sit.
They stand.
Luke's got his hand on his ball.
Right?
He's claiming he's sick all fucking week.
Meanwhile, he's fucking high as a kite.
Right?
He's getting fucking back home smoking legal.
LA Luke.
And then Tommy.
Tommy, you all a dirt, a pure dirt.
bag smoking a joint or a blunt always has a half a bottle of water in their hand always
and they're holding it right they're holding it by the top you know what i mean like that and do
tommy's like fucking saying a noz lyricers they're freestyling you never know when you're gonna need
it but you're gonna need it that water i got cotton man you too like you two like dance around
each other you're both like giggling and doing like stupid shit you two get real fucking girly twirley
when you're together smoking doobies.
It's cute.
I respect it.
Smoking the...
There is a cool way to smoke a joint, though.
Yeah.
Look, a lot of Sisha.
Oh, yeah, cool guy, look.
Talking about ideas.
Yeah, fuck yeah.
That's the problem with the industry, though.
I heard Iceman's not even that good.
Man, you and Tommy...
Don't you say that?
Don't you say that?
Iceman is good.
All right, we gotta wrap it up, gang.
What a fun one.
Yes, sir.
Gang?
We love you to death.
Come see us in the road.
Yeah, we all over the road.
We got tickets.
Portland, Maine.
You got Pittsburgh.
Portland might be sold out.
Is that right?
Pittsburgh selling out.
Cleveland.
Listen, the boys are moving.
Tickeys, get them and come see us.
Come see the boys.
We love you.
We'll see you next week.
Peace.
