Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Nathan Macintosh: Canadian Strip Club

Episode Date: November 1, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back with old pal Nathan Macintosh! Its a fun one! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys!  Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

NYC. The Big Apple. New York City, ever heard of it? Gang, the boys are going to be here. Gotham Comedy Club, November 9th on the Isle of Manhattan. We're coming back. We're storming the beaches. Get some tickets and come see us. It's the New York Comedy Festival, our first time in it. You don't want to miss it. The show's going to sell out. Also, the boys are going to be in Hartford, Connecticut on December 14th and we're going to go to Albany, New York on December 15th and then where are we going after that big man? We're going to be in Syracuse December 16th. Get those tickets. Yeah. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash.

Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage. Sure is. It's a little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out they're good to be classy or just a big old piece of trash. You know it. I'm your host H. Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here at Aunt Tooty's Basement. She's a little anxious. Why? Well, she knows that our very special guest that's here with this good friend of ours is Canadian. All right. She wants to see some papers or something. She's worried that we're going to become Canadian. She thinks you can catch it. Yeah. I told her it's not how it works. They're good people. You don't say. Yeah. So she said,

let me know when he's gone. She'll come out about it. She comes out in a mask. She's spraying lights all at him. I don't want to get you that Canadian on there. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He's the CEO of Are You Garbage. He's an international businessman. He turns heads in boardrooms all across this great nation. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan. Hey, gang. Happy to be here. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube as you know those numbers are true to roof cooking. And then I'm contractually obligated by the YAM family and the Jack Conti family to mention the greatest website of all time,

www.patreon.com slash Are You Garbage. You can sign up, get a bunch of content, different podcasts, videos, live streams, the whole nine yards. Get it. It's all on there. Get on it. We love them. Thank you. And have a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire, the magic man. He's our own little YAM family right here. Yeah. T-Bone McMuffin, Toby McMullen. What's up, dudes? Hey, T-Bone. We got a canuck in the house. Hockey fight time. Let's go. Pull the sweater over his head. Get him. I feel like five for fighting. I don't know about you guys. Gang, we could not be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean, incredibly special guests back with us again today. It has been a while. He was one of our original guests.

Second episode, I think. Second episode. We're talking pre-pandemic. Pre-panty. He's one of our... I was gonna say pre-patreon. I was gonna be like, 100% right. This used to be on the hood of a car. Remember what we were doing there? Talking into old fucking, uh, the cigarette lighters. Are You Garbage? We're all garbage. I mean, look at this. We're in the back of a fucking grocery store. We're in a hatchback. Yeah. Gang, he is one of our oldest friends on the New York comedy scene. One of our best pals. He is a very funny and I mean... Absolutely murder, murderer. Stand-up comedian and actor. Been

on the late show with Stephen Colbert, been on the tonight show. Stand-up with John Dorey. He's been on Conan and he's got a brand new show that he's the star and creator of that's coming out. We couldn't be more excited to have him. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Nathan McIntosh. Yeah. Yeah. Guys, thanks for having me. This is a great day. You know what I mean? Every time somebody asks me about you guys, I say these are some of the greatest people that I know. Both of them. Foley, Kip, Alon, my names, my middle name is also James. And also I just met, you're a hero buddy. You're a good man. Thank you. This guy's got great energy. Yeah. Wait till it turns sour, then it's not so good. He turns quick and you're like,

no, no, that is not true. I'll stop picking this up. It's his first time wearing headphones. Look, I don't want to put the... Again. Look, before we even start this thing. You look like a baby in a NASCAR race. I will say yet again. You look like a Muppet DJ. I will say one more time. These fucking headphones are from the 80s. Don't come at me with the... What do you want? Your pieces? There's no way these are from 2012. These look like fucking Michael Keaton would have worn them in Batman. We're broadcasting here.

The guy in the Mr. Gordon is like, what's the Joker doing today? He puts these on and listens to the city just on a big sonar machine. You do look like you heard a sub right now. Man in the radar. You have a green light on your face. Well, this is a basement, right? I mean, dude. It's here. Why you on to that? Dude, dude. He's in the kitchen. He's in the kitchen. Foley comes by. It's just a whale. Relax. Dive, dive, dive. Look, this is how I want to wear the headphones. I want to say whatever you want to say.

Everybody and people at home. I appreciate you guys for having me. Yeah, I don't... It is what it is. Let's go back. I'm an adult man. I pay tax. I'm sorry. Go ahead. Let's go back. I can't remember if you were garbage or not, but you're definitely not garbage now. You like to take care of yourself. You're always very well-dressed. Hair always looks good. Well, when did we do this before? 1994? How long ago was this? No, we're saying you grew up, I think if I remember, a single mom.

Oh, that's what you mean. I think you meant from the last time I was on the podcast. You guys really got this shit together in the last year. Jesus Christ. You're eating better. No, yes, yes. Did I grow up as garbage 100%? You grew up kind of garbage, but I remember your mom went above and beyond to make things better. I feel like her situation, if I remember. I remember she was trying to keep it together. That's what I remember. She was trying to keep it together. Yeah, the best she can. My dad was out there. He drove a Trans Am all the way to Alberta to punch the fucking

ground for oil as you do when you're from out where I'm from, Nova Scotia. I said this before. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You drive out there, blast Metallica. I mean, this was the 80s. You know what I mean? It was wide open. Yeah, Blair and Metallica enter Sandman as you fucking speed across Canada to just punch the ground for oil. And my mom, yeah, me and my brother, my mom were out there. What does that mean? Punch the ground for oil. Looking for oil. Thank you.

Is that what your dad went and did? That's what everybody, from where I'm from, not everybody, but a lot of people from the Maritimes go out west. The hell's a Maritime? The Maritimes is a collection of provinces that we, they're provinces. This guy's from Narnia. Dude, what are you talking? Dude, dude.

Live from Middle Earth. I'm from where King Kong goes to get that sword to fight Godzilla. If you look hard enough in that scene, you can see my mother in the background screaming at my dad on the phone. Come home. The redheader one's annoying. They're in their thirties now. Wait, did your dad hit oil? Do you know? He's oil.

Like by himself? No, he's not. Beverly Hillbilly, no. It wasn't shooting at the ground. That's what I thought you meant. He went out like prospect and got a, got a pot. No, he was, he was probably on a curve. He was an oil worker. Yes. On the oil rigs.

Sure. On the oil rigs, people, people from where I'm from, a lot of people from where I'm from go out to Alberta to work on the oil rigs. You make a couple bucks. You buy a few trucks. You fucking get some leather jackets. This is what I know about people that people buy cocaine, hookers, trucks, two weeks on, two weeks off. I didn't know you were an oil man.

It's Canada. Don't sound too bad. I'm telling you that. What's your dad? She did these strike oil. Just picture him out. They were like at the Walt drill, just like in pickaxe. They will be blood.

That's what I thought you meant. Like he went, like he left to go. No, that's where the work was. Try to find his own prospect. This is the 21st century. I mean, you know what I mean? The good God. Canada's not that fucking far behind.

It's not the dark ages. But yeah, so, yeah, so. Okay, yeah, I'm a single parent. Right, growing up. Yeah. Yeah, I remember, what kind of car did she have? There was something I remember. My mom, she had a couple of them.

She did, she drove my like a trans am for a minute. She had a lady in a trans am. Yeah, with the fucking fire on it. But that was when my, my dad was still kind of a. She drove a trans with kids. I think it was his trans am. That's not planning for the future. That's crazy.

There's no back seat in there. Yeah. Dude. The two kids in the front seat. My brother one time was in the, was in the, the back and the. My brother was in the back. Is there a back to a trans am? There's like a little, as you just said,

there's like a little, these headphones are good. Look, save it if you want. He was sitting in the back. The little, it's a little like. Oh yeah. The seat came forward. Remember that? I never got back there.

I don't remember. I was in the front a little bit and then we didn't have this car for long. Also kids in the front back in the 90s was wide open. No seat belt. Dude, no seat. I remember like if you got in your buddy's car and you had to put your seat belt on, I'm like fucking dorks. What am I doing?

I'm going to have to just do this. I hate it. I hate it all. I hate these headphones so much. I'm so happy that I can hear myself. Well, what, what, what podcasts do you go to where they have fucking Bluetooth in the airport? I never listen.

I never use the headphones in any podcast. Every single podcast I go to, I have to wear these and I go, no, why would you? And I go, thank you. This is the only one where you guys are like, look, man, there's a goddamn, we're in a basement. You can answer some fucking questions. I don't even need to.

We're just being strong on here. This is the, I love it. I plugged in. You can't let me just come in here and do whatever I want. I appreciate it. My brother want, no, this story doesn't even matter anymore. Trans Am and then she also had, remember that fucking, I think it's a Dodge celebrity.

Remember though? Was that what it is? No celebrity ever drove one. I don't even know what that is. James Woods sponsored it for a little while. That's 100% false. It's like, it looked like Oldsmobile, but I think it was like a little bit less shine.

It was a little, it was boxy too, if I remember. It was like, back in the heyday of like boxy sedans. There's a question for you that I'd be curious. You mentioned James Woods. Now we know that sometimes American actors and celebrities, they'll go overseas and endorse products that they don't endorse here. Do you remember having anything like that

when you were in Canada? Like was Johnny Depp doing like orange juice commercials or anything like that up there? Man, let me go back and think. I think Brad Pitt did a whole run of maple syrup ads. Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was called Aunt Jemima and Louise.

Two, three hour run of these maple syrup. No. Yeah. It's not like a Japanese energy drink. Also, I love Canada. It is either in the 1800s or the Far East, which it couldn't be. We're so close to this place that dude, no. Everything that we, just what everything we get is from here.

There'd be some Canadian people who would do things, but you guys wouldn't get it at all. How old were you when you came here for the first time when you visited? Oh my God, 21st time in your 20s? Yeah, 22, 22. How old were you? Is that the first time you traveled internationally?

Well, you left Nova Scotia, you left the country for the first time to come to the US. At 22. Where'd you go, Niagara Falls? Yeah, but on the Canadian side. I'm going to go fucking. No, where'd you come when you came here for it in 22? New York.

How you did? Yeah, yeah, right over here. Right over here. Right over here in this basement. There was, no, me and the guy, whatever. I was in this competition at the time, okay? Dance? Arm wrestling?

What are we talking? Over the top. That was another ad. Stallone did this whole thing with Beavers. He arm wrestled a Beaver and the whole thing was like, hey, the Beavers are people too or whatever. You're going to wrestle a Beaver. You wouldn't take us in my movie.

Not a bad Stallone. It actually wasn't. I wasn't expecting it though, I gotta be honest with it. It really wasn't that bad. Thank you. From nowhere? Have you worked on this? No.

But you're also from Philly. So I feel that everybody from Philly knows a little bit. Like, you know what I mean? You're also of, you remember the, you went to see Rocky movies and theaters. I did. I saw Rocky movies and theaters. Rocky 4, I saw in a theater.

It's coming back. I know. An extended cut, director's cut. Yeah, we're going to go see it. I've talked about this. I've met him before. Where? Stallone?

Yeah. What? I never told you this. I didn't know you were famous. International business man. Are you kidding me? There was, it was, what was the one that came out, I guess five?

It was five. What was the one where there was the huge, his like, the re, the comeback? Rocky Balboa? No, Balboa 6. No, Rocky Balboa. Balboa, then what was the next one? That's the last one.

So yeah, it was Rocky Balboa. Yeah, so it was Balboa. Yeah. Well, it was five, Tommy? Yes. Guns, yeah. Yes. It was Balboa.

And it was in Philly and he did this big premiere and I somehow got tickets to like my aunt or something and we went and it was like the VIP tent and there was like a ring and you could stand in the ring and get your picture taken with him. Uh-huh. Like you both like stand like this or whatever. Wow.

Dude, he's about. Yeah, he goes all out. He's about five, two, not exaggerating. Like he's like the tiny, shortest man, but front to back, dude, chest to back, like three feet wide, all HGH. This dude's just sweating out hormones. I was going to say in 06 when he did Balboa. It was 06.

Yeah. But I think he got charged. He got knocked in Australia or something. That's what it was. Yeah, he was trying to fly back with a bag full of HGH. No shirts, no T-shirts, no pants, nothing. Just bags of drawings. No toiletries, bat and sunglasses.

He was jacked in that fucking movie. Yeah, he was fucking just sweaty all the time. Yeah, no, I came here at 22s the first time. I was just trying to think of that now. Yeah, the first time I ever came to America period was when I was 22. Yeah. A long time. Scammed in the street.

Did you? Oh, they saw you coming from Nova Scotia, mile away. Let's get this hayseed. Look at this guy with his headphones. They are. Hiya fellas. I got as many tourists in this fucking city do, I got dinged with comedy club tickets.

Dominated. Absolutely dominated. Me and a guy I was with, we were in this competition in Canada. For comedy. Comedy competition, not dance, not Rocky impersonations. You won this competition. They flew to you to New York. You got to perform at Gotham and they gave you tickets to see

Sarah Silverman at Carnegie Hall and I think Dennis Leary at Carnegie Hall. I think it was for New York Comedy Fest at the time. That's fucked. Make a wish for open micers. Make a wish for Canadian open micers. Do you want to look like a star? Was the competition televised? No, it was on the radio.

But wait, so we had to get up at 6 a.m. You had to do it on the radio. You did a radio competition? Yeah, at the Hard Rock Cafe, dude. The first time you came to America, you came as a contest winner. I lost. Dude, I lost. My buddy got a companion.

He took me with him. Yes. What? Because here's the thing, I thought I was going to win. Hey, listen, let's make a pact now. What if it's when we kick each other? No, this is exactly what, dude. I used to be pretty, when I was younger, I was like, I got this.

I know what I'm doing. So I took the time off of work. Anticipating. Well, who are you, won? Absolutely. Anticipating that I would win. I lost. And this guy, the guy who won, he was another comedian that I knew.

And he was like, hey, man, my boyfriend can't go. Do you want to come? I go, yeah, I already got this time off work. So then me and this man, he's like at the time, he's like a 40-something-year-old, six-foot-five giant fucking man. Yeah. Walking around the streets, just yelling at people and shit. I had to kind of like stand behind him because I was like, man,

this guy's just like, he's losing his mind at everything. But anyways, I got screwed in the, in the, in Times Square. Dude, the confidence, hold on. The confidence to take off the time because you've entered a radio contest. And you're short. And you're assuming you're going to win the trip. Yep. Is all time crazy.

Man, winning a trip is real fucking. Had I have won, and I, what am I going to, I can't call in sick then. What am I going to do? I don't know. And also I did it with other competitions. I used to win some competitions. That's all there was at the time. You weren't going back to work if you would have won that.

That was it. You're coming here, New York City. I won five grand one time. What was the job? What was, what job, Starbucks? The one that you called out of. Starbucks. You were a Starbucks guy.

Oh yeah, for a long time. Okay, real quick, let me tell this ticket story. They got coffee up in Canada? Yeah, well, you make it. You make it in an old boot on an open flame in the fucking wild tundra. You stare with a hockey stick. After your friend dies from malaria, not malaria.

Scurvy. Scurvy. Pirate. There's another one. What's the other? Like all the old time. Dysentery. Tuberculosis was big back then too.

Dysentery. That was the one I was looking for. No wonder you lost that competition. All right, punchline. Something, something, something. Somebody give me an occupation. So what are we doing? I came to Canada.

All of this is happening in Canada, though. That's crazy. It was like nine people. We got a couple of real hosers on the line here. Hang on. Do a comedy competition. Yeah, we're carried for them punchlines, you know. Put down your snow shovel.

I also heard the, I, so I, when I came down here, okay. I forgot all of this was happening in Canada. That's great. All of this was happening in Canada. Well, I was, this was in Toronto, but I am originally from Nova Scotia. I moved to, whatever. So when I came down here.

We got him on his heels. None of this even. He's flustered. He doesn't know what to do. Whatever. We're having a good time. Yeah, of course. I take back the classiness.

Radio, the radio contest. But that's for the occupation. I get that. We've done a lot of shitty stuff in comedy. You gotta do what you gotta do, you know. You also said you won $5,000. Yeah. At another competition, yeah.

What? Comedy. Yeah. Are you guys paying attention? Say, I don't know what's going on over here. Yes, comedy competition. I was trying. I was only saying that because you were saying

that I should have quit for the other thing. When I won the $5,000, a guy said to me, because you're going to quit your job, right? I go, you're fucking mine. It's fine. I'm not quitting my job for $5,000. Yeah, that's pretty clear. After tax, before taxes.

Dude, that's trash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, that's a level of, that's smart. Yeah. That, yes. That's smart. It's trash to be like, I won $5,000 pre-tax. Later nerds.

I quit a job that I didn't even have anything going on, but I said I was going out on a tour with my band, and just to quit the job. Did you have a band? No. Have you ever walked out of a job? Yeah, I walked out of that one. Yeah, but you had a story.

You ever just straight up falls to the wall? We did too, dude. We tried to unionize. Really? We were, we were valets. OK. And I was like, hey man, they were giving us like, unionize.

$10 an hour or something, but we weren't allowed to take tips. And then someone hit us with tips. I gave Kippy Hoffa over here. Well, hard work, baby. Fuck you know about a fish. That's a deep cut. Shout out to the Irishman.

Fuck you know about a fish. It ain't that big. Fuck you know about a fish. I love the Irishman. I'll fight anybody. Yes. You want to run from a knife? Charge a gun.

Charge a gun, run from a knife. Look at my son. My ice cream. No, because they gave us, I got a tip, and we would take them or whatever, like if you were trying to, you would have to deny it if they saw you taking a tip. But every now and then, somebody would be like, oh, here's $5,000, oh, thanks.

And one of us got caught. It was me and two buddies. I thought you meant like a tip, like they tipped you off. They were coming to rough you's up. No, no, no. One of us got caught taking a tip. Who is roughing up valets?

Yeah, right. What the fuck? It's the scabs. I don't know. The scabs. Scabs are standing outside waiting to park cars. Yeah, we're not pushing. A guy's willing to hit this man with a pipe to park a Jetta.

What do you fuck? A bunch of guys in red jackets fighting in the middle of the streets. That's Christ. Like the end of Anchorman? So a guy gives you a tip. Kippy killed a guy. With a trident.

I saw him. He was isolated quickly. No. And we were like, hey, just let us, you know, I'd rather you pay me $2. Like take, give me like the tip wage. When was this? When were you?

I was in college and it was my two real bozo buddies. That was like their career. They had not gone to college and they were like, oh, we're going to, you know, they were working at this car dealership and they were valets at the car dealership. And it was like their job at the time. And I was like, yo, just give us like the $250 an hour

and let us take a dollar from every fucking car. Parking like 100 cars a day or whatever. Making a little bit of cash, you know? Yeah. And then they were like, no. And then we're like, well, we'll give us $15 an hour or something. They said, no. And I'm like, well, then we're going to walk out.

And then we walked out my, I was like, well, I'm going back to school in a month anyway. And my two buddies were like, shit, I got to, I don't have a job now. You started a revolution and went back to dorm C. Yeah. And my two, do my one buddy, shout out to Ryan who listens.

He had to dress up. He had to dress up for. We're going to make him pay for this. Oh, my cafeteria is on. Oh, the meal plan activated again? I'll see you guys at fourth meal. I got to go stuff my book bag with chicken sandwiches for my dorm.

Kip, let's talk about bespoke post. Bespoke post. And that box of awesome that they got cooking over there. Absolutely fantastic. Now it's the fall. Yes. So they got all cool stuff for the fall. New category.

You could do some outdoor stuff. You could do some home bar stuff. Even grooming stuff. Clothes too. Unbelievable. Oh, it's right. They're doing clothes. Get some nice threads.

Oh, man. You got to check out the box of awesome from bespoke post. Yeah. To get started, just take the box of awesome. Just take the quiz at boxofawesome.com. Your answers will help them pick the right box for you. Like we said a bunch of times, it's cool guy's shit. It's shit where you're out of your buddy's house

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So cool. I have like this leather book knife. This book knife and like a leather thing. I use it to open all my boxes. I feel like crocodile dundee or something. Flash it on the subway. They released new boxes. Now that's annoying.

They release new boxes every month across a ton of different categories. It's free to sign up. You skip a month at any time or cancel. Each box only costs 45 bucks and has over $70 worth of gear inside. You're losing money. I don't know how that math works out,

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Switch to Mint Mobile and get premium wireless serving, starting just 15 bucks a month to get your new wireless plan shipped to your door for free. Go to mintmobile.com slash garbage. That's mintmobile.com slash garbage. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month, mintmobile.com slash garbage. My buddy had to dress up like he was,

because he was still living at home. So he would dress up and leave for work in the morning because his mom was there, and he couldn't tell her he quit. So he would dress up and then like go see Henry Hill. Exactly like Henry Hill. To park cars. To park cars, yeah.

All the way back to another fucking Scorsese movie. 100%. You never walked out of a job. I've walked out of four jobs. What are they? I've walked out of one job. My anxiety wouldn't let me do that. I've quit.

Have I quit? I've been fired most. Yeah, he's a big fire guy. I walk out, man. Well, grocery store, restaurant. What was the name of the restaurant? Oh, man. Guys, look.

Do you want to keep making fun of Canada? Yeah. Because here we go. This place is called Boston Pizza. Oh. They only have these in Canada. Of course. Because there's nothing.

There's nothing about Boston. But Boston's not even known for pizza. Look, we know that. They know that. Whatever, man. Is it a chain or one place? It's a chain. I wonder if Canadians go to Boston thinking

they're going to get good pizza. They don't. Probably compare them. They're probably good pizza in Boston. Yeah, but it's not known for it. They're not known for it. All right. It was like Boston lobsters.

Yeah, Canada it is. Where else? A Best Buy, basically, and a call center. Those jobs I walked out of. They were all shitty jobs. That's their trash guide. Call centers, I've done. Walked out of that.

You walked out of a call center? Yeah. How great is that feeling? It's pretty good. The day you leave that, were you in like a little cubicle? Sure was. Dude, the day you pushed back. The feds were closing in.

We had to get out of there. Oh, that's hilarious. This place was going to be open for a while, but I bailed. I had to fucking, in the guy at the end, did you have to do an exiting interview? No. I've never had to do one of those.

I think of one of my jobs. Like one of my law firm jobs I had. I tell you, Sid, you just walked out. Walking. There's a thing. There's a thing. As I was there the whole day, I kept, I was just fucking around.

I was just hanging up on people. I was taking calls and telling people I was at home with my wife. You knew you were leaving. Oh my God. What was the call center for? Nextel. Remember Nextel, the little beep?

When you chirp, shorty chirp back. So you were customer service for Nextel? Yes. And nobody called in for a good time. Everybody called in. The last thing I did. Nobody wanted to call to tell you guys we're doing a great job.

Nobody. Now one person was like, if I could suck you guys, I would. Everybody was like, oh fuck it. One woman called up one time. She goes, if you don't fix my fucking bill, I'm going to drive into traffic. And I just put it on hold.

I was like, holy fuck. That's where she started. You're driving in traffic. We don't got to fix your bill. So I hung up a whole bunch of times. The last guy I talked to, I just erased his bill. I was like, I'm out of here. I gave this guy 700 bucks.

Bailed. As I'm leaving. You had the power to do that? Yes. Just to fucking delete a bill? The power I had was this. Dude, I could check anybody's Nextel phones and plans.

One day a guy, this is how long ago it was. One guy comes over to me. He goes, do you want to see how many phones the dog the bounty hunter has? What? I go, yeah. So I walk around this thing and he goes, look, all of these signed to dog.

Just like nine fucking Nextel phones. Got us. No, you're chasing them. You got to get off the ice. Tough to get off that ice. You need a lot of chirps. Chirps, shorty chirps, bang, shit. But when I walked out, the guy goes, hey,

he goes, people walk out of here all the time. So he goes, would you do an egg zoom interview? And I was like, of course I will. But then as I, when I sat down- I'll tell you how bad you suck. That's exactly what it was. The guy goes, he goes, why are you leaving? I go, dude, this place sucks.

And I watched this guy run down this place sucks. Then he's like, what would make you come back here? He wrote down this place sucks. Yes. And then he goes, what would make you come back here? I go, dude, if you guys bulldoze this building and build a McDonald's, he goes, he goes, the guy literally-

I would maybe stop by if I had to go to the bathroom. You're a young kid at this time. 19, I'll give a fuck. Is this post contest winner? Oh, pre, pre. My dad had just fucking rustled up some Texas crew. Well, I just got off a horse. The guy puts the pen down, he goes, come on, man.

I go, write it down. And I watched this guy go, bulldoze this building, build a McDonald's. And I walked out. That's pretty good. Walking out of a job is one day, right? I feel like they're going to follow me. I'm like, I got to make it like two or three blocks.

And I go, ooh, okay, I'm out. My anxiety would get to me too much. You know what? This guy's making a lot of sense. Fuck you guys, actually. That's what I was going to say to Foley. Do the bit, it would be fantastic. But ultimately-

But knock shit over, too. Camera falls. The fucking, the speakers go all fuck. We shoot the rest of it Blair Witch style. I'm crying into the camera. I don't know, I can't for a good time. He was here a minute ago, I don't know, man. We find little sticks in the shape of him.

Little headphone sticks. I'm in the corner. The whole story of Blair Witch. That's great. That's great. The 700. So you knew you were leaving. So you were like, fuck it.

Did you clear anybody else's? Did you hook anybody else? No, just that guy, just that guy. Cause he, he called, he was so fucking. Like everybody would call up freaking out. 700 dollar phone bill. And this was at, this was at the time. Remember when phone, every phone bill was like 700 bucks.

If you called anybody at any time, you were fucked. This guy called me and he was like almost in tears. And he was like, dude, I can't pay this bill. I don't know what to do. I go, dude, you're good. I go, it's gone. I took care of it. He freaked the fuck out.

He was like, man, you got to give me your number. This is amazing. Thank you. I go, honestly, it's my last day. You're lucky as fuck. I'm out. Yeah. And then great.

If there's a chance that you're out there, that Nate may- Oh, I would love, where is this? I would love to know what happened to this man. You saved 700 dollars. He could have been, he could be a governor for fuck's sake. If you had a next telephone. He could have his own province. What year was it?

That would have been like 2000, five, four, three, listen, that'd be honest. Why? Because you don't forget that. Oh, no. Whether you became a billionaire, you're not going to forget the time that somebody took seven Hyundai off the next level.

Listen, if this guy needed 700 taken off his bill back then, he's probably not around right now. Let's be honest. I could have spent a young kid starting out. I say opposite. I say this guy's now a fucking scholar. I say that's 700 dollars. No way.

That's 700 dollars. Turn his life around? Switched it all. It's like, it's like- It's probably six months ran up there. He was calling from America. The call center was in Canada. You were a outsource scab.

Get him out of here. Wow. You know what we had to say, because I'm from Halifax, Nova Scotia, and they would say, just say, if anybody really asks, because people were pissed that the call center was in Canada.

Sure. Yes. Why? Because they're taking our jobs. They're fucking taking our jobs. So they would say that on the phone. Ah, you're up there in Canada taking our jobs. Robin is blind with your $700 phone bill.

They would say, if somebody asks you where you are, say the northeast. And then they said, if they push it farther, say Halifax, because there's a Halifax in Virginia. But also, I'm from Halifax, Nova Scotia. They'd be like, you're not lying, but you know. Wow.

But nobody ever asked me that. I like how Canadians are such good people. Yeah, technically, you're not lying. If they push you harder, tell them everything they want to know. Meanwhile, the call center I worked at, we had to vaguely act like a cop. And I'm not even lying.

For what? Donations for the police commissioners, something. Yeah. You were a call center. You were taking donations. He was doing pump and dump scams. I've talked about this a couple of times. He was doing.

When you call it, when you know the fraternal order of police. The Wolf of Main Street. We're going to do that. I'll take it. I got two sandwiches here. Yeah, I got, I supersized it. Yeah, it was the fraternal order of police type thing. And you call, it's fundraisers for cops.

Cops aren't allowed to call and say, hey, we're having a fundraiser because you'll feel obligated or threatened to give them the money. Okay. So you called. Which is exactly what he's doing. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. No, we wouldn't say we were a cop.

We say, hey, I'm calling here from like the commissioners off, whatever we were representing. But intimidation and guilt were your two main powers. No, we would say, don't you want to keep the streets safe? Yeah. Do you have the sirens on a low hum in the back? Hold on. Wait, wait a second.

We're getting a call right now. But we had to change our name to like scanner in the back. We would change our name to something more Irish prisoners. Rattling. What do you mean? Like I would be like, instead of being like, Hey, this is Kevin Ryan, you know, calling for the whatever. I'd be like, Hey, this is, uh, you know, this is, uh, O'Malley from,

and I'm calling O'Malley, O'Malley. Yeah. Sergeant O'Malley, O'Malley reporting for duty. So I don't want a gun. Just give me a Billy club. I'm old school. I'll walk the beat. Give me a Billy club and a whistle.

I'll clean these shoes. Wait a minute. Get my ass kicked. O'Malley, O'Malley. All the beef stew every day. That's all I need. I've had sex with my wife once. I wasn't in any position.

I shake my kid's hands. Sergeant O'Malley, O'Malley. You shake my kid. Good night. Good night. Too bad. I got the flattest feet on the north side of Philadelphia. That won't stop me from walking my beat.

Yeah, I wear orthopedic shoes. Sliding. Yeah, just shuffling. Like one of those wind-up toys? Officer O'Malley, O'Malley here. O'Malley, O'Malley. Reporting for duty. I get sunburn in the dark.

My hands so red you can't see it. Never touched a drop of gin. Those are tough looks. Ever see that when someone has a gin blossom on their nose? I didn't know what that was. My step uncle, somebody had one where the first time I saw him and I was like, oh my God. You're talking like their nose is all red.

The nose is all blown up and red. I feel like they're out of fashion now. Right? Not heard. Yeah, they'll come back. Chanel. Get your gin blossom. Kendall Jenner's got one.

No, yeah. I don't feel like people get them any. Yeah, yeah. But maybe they do. I just don't see it. Somebody somewhere is for sure. Yeah, yeah. They're probably less.

But when you see them, it looks like it hurts. All the pores and stuff, you could like scoop it. Ah, it's not good. Damn. Man, that's funny. That's funny. O'Malley, O'Malley. All right.

Can I tell you what happened with these tickets? What tickets? I got screwed in Times Square. Oh, yeah, yeah. I apologize. Also, hold on. So for the listener, if you're not aware, there's schemers, scammers all over Times Square

trying to sell you tickets to comedy shows and they lie about the lineup. Some are legit and some aren't. Yes. But most of them will be like, hey, Jerry Seinfeld, Will Ferrell. Jerry's not coming. No, Eddie Murphy's there. I've heard Jim Carrey.

Somebody told somebody Jim Carrey one time. Yeah. They were like, Jim Carrey's going to be there. Jim Carrey hasn't done stand-ups since like 1983. Joe Nathan's performing the link. But it's trash. They don't work, which I respect the scam. I respect the good scam.

They don't work for the company. It's like a third party thing. And it's just typically not the most savory characters you're buying the tickets from. This is the only reason I brought it up because of this podcast. Are you garbage? These are garbage.

This is garbage. So I'm walking down the street and somebody yells. They go, hey, man, do you want to see a show? And I go, I already have tickets to something. Listen, I'm a contest winner. I'm adjacent to a contest winner. I won five grand. You piece of shit.

I'm the companion to the real winner. Give me four in case I meet some friends. See that guy 10 feet ahead of me? That guy won. I'm with him. This guy goes, he goes, yeah, man, we got a good show at the club tonight. I go, who's there?

Hold on. Did you tell him you were a comic as well? I don't think so. I'm a comic as well. But here's where I fucked up because I'm an idiot. I mean, I'm a goddamn 22-year-old little bumpkin. Nova Scotia. So he goes, who are some of your favorite comedians?

I don't even want to talk to this guy. Really? Now that I think about it, but it's because you're in New York. They get you. You like stand up. They're doing, you know what I mean? Of course. So I go, he's industry.

This guy wearing sweatpants. This guy's from dirtbag Inc. He's got one Puma, one Adidas on. He's industry. This guy can fuck it. He's got, he half the Spider-Man pants. Top is Superman. He's got the sign for stand up tickets.

As soon as I leave, he's going to go back and take pictures with children. Yeah, charge for pictures. But he goes, he's like, who do you like? I go, I don't know, Chris Rock? And he goes, Chris Rock's going to be there. Oh man, they saw you coming from fucking America. Okay, in New York City, where everything comes true.

I go, don't lie to me, man. I go, that's the only guy I'd really like to see in the city. No shit, he's going to be there. Salma Hayek's giving out blowjobs at the top of the hill. I see you wearing a Superman t-shirt. You like Superman? Believe it or not. He's closing.

He's doing 10. He's doing 10. He turns around, takes his glasses off, comes back. He's right in your face. Starts playing a fucking little mini-disc player with the theme, ba-ba-ba-ba. So I go, come on, man. He goes, yep.

I go, fuck. So I bought tickets. And I said to my friend who had the tickets to see the other people. How much do you remember? 40 bucks. Like something insane, too. Like I got, I got robbed.

I got robbed. Just like 15 years ago, too. So a long time ago. Yo, no, you could buy a fucking, you could buy a mule in Canada for 40 dollars. By two mules. Ride yourself to California. He, so I told my friend we had tickets to see,

I forget who it was that night, but I was like, I'm going to go to this man. I'm sorry. He goes, fuck it. I'll scalp these tickets. Who cares? So I went and sat at a club. That's pretty good.

I like that move. He did scalp the tickets, make a couple of bucks. Because they were freebies anyway. Exactly. So now he's all, he's all in the black. He's up. I'm down. Oh, you scalped a Sarah Silverman ticket.

You paid 40 tickets. That guy then turns around, sells the ticket that he bought, that he won. Yes. For cash. Yes. Oh, you're the bozo. I know.

I told you. He didn't go with you? No. Was it off S'mroadway? Yes. Okay. So was it by S'mroadway? Is there the one I'm thinking of?

Broadway comedy club. It wasn't that one. It wasn't? No, uptown. More uptown. But the other one that's off of Broadway, uptown, it's up in the 70s. It's up there.

Oh, okay. Staying up in New York. But this is years ago. So anyways, I sit in the club. They don't book me anyway. I would stand up in New York. I think you're the guy that sold me the ticket. So I sit in the club.

And not only is Chris Rock not there. There is no Chris Rock. Oh, wait. He didn't show no way. Nope. Nope. I left this place. He thought he was going to be sitting at the bar

eating a sandwich. That Marshall's that's up there right now. That used to be a pizza place. Fantastic pizza place, by the way. So check this out. Yes. After I go to the show. They still do bringers there.

And they still don't book me. After I go to the show, I sit there for hours. Also, I buy $40 tickets. Crazy pizza place. So they like drinks. I bought a hot chocolate for $18. It's like just fucking stupid. I walk out to go to the pizza place.

Who got a hot chocolate? You're so Canadian. Man, I don't really drink that much. I'll take a hot cocoa, please. Do you have marshmallows? Can I have a hot cocoa and a candy cane, please? Fucking elf sitting in the front row. No, I guess.

Do you want marshmallows? I brought my own today, sir. Thank you. Do you have a knife and a cutting board? Shop it up for the fucking. Buddy, I don't really drink that much anymore. Whatever. So I leave that place.

I go to the pizza place. And I ask the guy for pizza. Do you have any halibut? What's your fresh catch today? I'm a cod man myself. I got a big fucking tub of whale blubber just sitting there. You got a seal I can club? Now, where do I park my snowshoes?

I see people order hot chocolate places. And I'm like, what the fuck? Dude, I don't really drink that much anymore. I think we talked about it the last time I was on the podcast. I drank hard from 13 to 18. I had an ulcer. I've seen rumnate in the past couple of years. One rumnate.

I don't drink that much. I got a hot chocolate. You think I'm an idiot? I'd paid $18. I could have gotten 90 fucking hot chocolates for the rest of time for $18. You could have got your dick sucked somewhere for $18. Let's hope not.

And if you can, don't do it. Save the $18. Blow yourself. Don't listen to this, man, kids. When you're on dick in your mouth, $18 that woman. No, with the tickets, you got $40 for the tickets. Oh, you're talking about the whole thing. Yeah.

So like, go to the pizza place. He just broke those down out of the mall and circled them. That's not even a number, that middle one. So I go to the pizza place. That's just a boob. I order the pizza. The guy turns around. And who do I see on the wall?

Chris Rock with this pizza guy. Oh, there he is. I ate pizza. I walked because I was scared of the train. I walked from 78th to 42nd in the rain, eating pizza. I got robbed. So anyways, the only reason I bring those tickets up are you garbage.

Some of these people are garbage. Watch yourself. Very true. Very. That's a fucking. Talk about getting fleeced in New York. That's a flim plan. Listen, folks, when you're coming,

next time you're visiting New York, don't do the Nathan Macintosh. Nope. Did you guys fly in or did you take a bus? Took a sled. A dog sled. No, I thought we flew. We flew, yeah.

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These people are nuts. These people are bonkers. I'm going to re-sign up. What the? Dude, this keeps going there because there's going to be a cow outside my house. They're handing out turkeys like Frank Lucas. Look at this.

Butcherbox.com slash AYG to sign up. Butcherbox.com slash AYG to receive a free turkey in your first box. Now back to the show. Is that guy still doing comedy? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he is. Yeah.

OK. But I believe so. Yeah. I didn't want to make any declarative statements, but I believe so, yes. That's great. All right, fantastic catching up. My god.

As you know, guys, when you join the Patreon, we will read your garbage question on air. It's just the best way to do it. We get so many submissions via email, DMs, everything. But the patrons, the homies, as some would say, get first crack at it. This one's from Mike. Let's see, this one's from Roman Joe.

This is, I've seen this. Have you ever used anything other than a regulation mailbox as a mailbox? I've seen a two liter cut on a pole. What? How? Is that allowed? No, I mean, no, it's got to be sanctioned by the.

What kind of soda was it? It matters. It was yellow, so it was either green, so it was ginger ale or sprite. We're seven up. Let's hope it was ginger ale. So far, I'm not putting an IRS letter in a fucking Mountain Dew bottle.

Yeah, that's crazy. That's not certified mail. Could be club soda. And what's the big deal? It's a lot of return to sender in that, dude. You got to be in a real, real small place to be doing that, right? Like, you can't.

You got to be that. It was more country-esque. Yes, absolutely. That's like a dirt road where it's like, you know, road one is your road. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? No, I've never, never in my life.

We have our apartments, too, so you probably had like the. We jammed the bottle in the door to keep it open when you went to run for something, you know? When somebody wouldn't give me keys, you fucking jam in the door and leave it and run real quick. Love prop on a door open. That's always real trashy, too, because when you're smoking, especially like out back of a club or something,

and you're like, if someone else comes out, you're like, don't watch it rock, prop it up, prop it up. Don't move the rug. You got to move the rug in the thing. God forbid I walk halfway around the building, you know what I mean? I always thought that that's insane to me, because I always thought it was even trashy when people would

have the mailbox and then have the mailbox from the whatever newspaper they read. That was big around us. A little side job. It'd be like yellow or whatever. You know what I'm talking about? Oh, it's for this newspaper. Just the newspaper.

When you sign up for a subscription for the newspaper, you'd get a little mailbox that went on the side. Under it or whatever, yeah. For dog shit in there. Oh, yeah. It was always, I hated people that had to teach them. They would throw a little piece of dog shit. You got to walk around with a bag of dog shit.

Anything he's teaching people or something? Hey, I just walk around with dog shit on me. Let me teach these well-read, learned people a lesson. Hey, Foley, stop living under the bridge with your bag of dog shit. I got to stop these readers. Anytime there was also like, I remember there's somebody in my neighborhood, it was a cow.

Like a cow, their mailbox was like decorated. A cowl? Yeah, like the farm animal, a cow. Oh, what? You were saying cowl, like Batman's cowl. Wait, what are you talking about? What do you mean what? Are you saying cowl?

Cowl. Cowl. Cowl. You just said cowl. Okay, I apologize. You keep saying cowl, like Batman. Like cowl, like he has a cowl. Hold on, hold on.

Okay. Stop the show. Kevin. Well, now I'm thinking about it too much. What kind of, what animal does milk come from? What does what come from? A milk comes from a cowl. Milk.

Cowl. From what? Cowl. You're saying cowl, dude. You're saying cowl. Like vowel. Can I buy a cowl? Then you say it.

Cowl. Call 911, I can't let it happen to this guy. Wait, you say it. Cowl. Did somebody spill water on you? I ate after midnight. People take this guy to the apples through it. Hey, somebody threw a hard reset.

Kippy, Kippy's on the fritz. Squeeze the volume button in his butt hole, will you? I'm thinking about it too much now. The double button, the hard, the hard reset. Put a paper clip in my belly button. What NFL team plays in Dallas? Cowboys. The who?

Cow. I'm thinking about it too much. Holy fuck, this is crazy. Wait, you say it? Cow. Cow. Cow. Yeah, cow.

You're really hitting it though. Cow. You're really coming in hard. Yeah, I don't know. Now I'm analyzing it too much. I'm not gonna get a fresh run at it. This is cow, man. But anyway, somebody made their mailbox a cowl slash cowl.

I thought it was a Batman mailbox or something like that. That's exactly what I meant. What's cowl from the Batman? His eyes, the thing is like. Cowl is the thing you put over your head. Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. He wears a cowl.

Yeah, cowl. Did you know that? Yeah, big nerd. Oh, wow. Yeah, of course. That is cowl. I don't know why they should call him the cowl crusader, really.

I mean, he's got a cape too. Wait. All right, let me, I'll get out of here. I'm walking out of this too. But you want me to do an exit interview? Nate, why'd you leave the podcast? Can you tell me that? They made me wear headphones.

What would make you come back? No headphones. Pull those that turn into a cowl. But anyway, somebody turned their mailbox into a cowl. Yeah, which I always thought was insane. To have a decorative mailbox. People want to beat it up. Like something other than a mailbox?

Yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy. I grew up in apartments. It was just a fucking silver door for life. Yeah. Did you ever have the slot? No, did you ever have the mailbox outside of the building? Where like sometimes now they're in like,

they'll be like in the parking lot, and they'll be like a big thing. I've had one of those. Yeah. Yeah. They know. I never did. No, that's a, from where I'm from,

that's a pretty small town deal as well. OK. Like in a rural area, they have just a fucking stack of mailboxes over there. Yeah. Oh, OK. Yeah. And everybody goes there to get the mail.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. That's real rural shit. Yes. Yeah. Rural. Rural.

Yeah. Rural. Chippies on the fritz again. This one's funny. This is from Brandon. Can you ride a bike with no hands? Dude. Is that a personal question?

Can you personally? Or can you? It's so cool. It's so garbage. And only a certain kind of kid could do that shit when you were a kid. You couldn't ride a bike with no hands as a kid? Fuck no.

Could you? No, not at all. Really? Dude, I had to. Oh, dude. Yeah. I had no hands texting all through Chicago. Yeah.

I think I said, no hands, no feet. I didn't have a seat. Just a head. How are you head on a bike? How are you steering? What? With the hips, baby. Yeah, you lean.

It's all really, really hips. Even when you make a turn, you don't use your fucking hands. Oh, yeah. How? I lived on a bicycle for like nine years in Chicago. OK. I worked on a bike. He doesn't have a license.

I was going to say, I lived. I was like, I don't need more of this story. No, I never could do that. I fell off. No, I fell off bikes. Yeah, I crashed bikes. I can bike, but I mean, I also, do you ever have one of those bikes that folded in half?

Oh, absolutely not. Because if you do, we're not friends anymore, Nathan. Are you kidding me? A friend of mine had one. Wait, are you a kid? Yeah, I'm a kid. I was a kid. I was a kid.

My friend of mine had one of those I went to make a turn. That's for accountants who want to keep their heart rate out. The cocksuckin' thing opened, closed up my leg, and I fucking ate it. I just ate it. What, it folded up on you? Folded on my leg. Like a Murphy bed?

Yes. He's in the bike. Dude, that's nuts. Yeah, it was brutal. That's why businessmen try not to pay the fucking tunnel or the bridge toll. Yeah, man. Oh, my god.

I'll be home tonight, honey, as the guys just biking through. That poor kid, how did he have that bike? His family got him that bike. I don't know. We got him one of those fucking folding bikes. But either way, long story short, I never ever biked without my hands, not one goddamn time. I do it now when I go down the shore or ride bikes.

And I feel it's trashy because I feel like I'm showing off when I ride with no hands. I'm like, look at this. Like, I hope somebody catches a good look at me. Can I tell you something? I'm always hoping those guys won't fucking wreck. Sure, of course. Serves you right.

Rightfully so. Yeah. But when I was a kid, it would be an older kid, tight body, 10 speed. Tight body? Yeah, like some kid that was like jacked when he was like 15. Were you killing people when he was like tight body? Just zipping that.

He was a guy that didn't wear a shirt that smoked. I keep my shirt on just for the record. When I do it, I'm sure. It was always somebody really cool that did that when I was a kid. Yeah. I never even tried it. Not everybody could do that.

No, really, I found it. Yeah, it's crazy. You were an athletic boy. Now, you could probably do it now. Your center of gravity is fucking top-notch. Really? Yeah. Get me a bike.

To the bikes! So we were yelling at Moontower. To the bikes! Because we were riding those motorized bikes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's sweet. They're good to us. Good time.

The fold-up bike. The toughest of all looks. Man, that's crazy. Walking to the office, you're fucking suit pants tucked in your sock like a fucking Guber. Yeah, you're in a business suit with a school bag on. It's a bad look. I remember there was a, I saw a news story.

There's a guy that lives in Jersey that kayaks to the city to save money. Oh my god. So I'm hoping that guy drowns me. I hope an oil tanker just fucking takes that dick out. Holy shit. You're canoeing across the Hudson, really? Come on, man.

One of those big tankers that's just out there. I'm sure he's beating them all with a stick, that guy. Well, actually, yeah, with an oar. Fuck, that's the tip. You're in the lobby of the Bank of America building with an oar. You're trying to wedge the canoe in the elevator to go up to your, oh man.

We still on for happy hour later? That's real bozo shit. You can also do that back to the future move, where he hangs on to the ferry. Oh, you just sketching across. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Power of love's playing. I was going to say that.

There you go. All right, this one's from Liam. I've never done this, but is it garbage to ask a stripper for change? Yes. Yeah. 180 times out of 180 times. Yes, you cannot ask a stripper for change.

Strip club's already are international waters. Whatever money leaves your fucking pockets or it's not your money anymore. Even if it's, even if you pull it out to counting, that's up for the grass. That's up for grabs. Yes, gone. You cannot ask a stripper for change.

I would be way too intimidated. Oh my. I'm always scared. They're going to get the bouncer, throw me out, anything. It'd be one thing, I guess, if she was came up, if you got a lap dance and you, let's just say, I could maybe see that then to be like,

hey, do you have a 10? But whatever, give it to them. But especially if they're dancing all, if they're on the stage and you throw a five, you can't be like, throw me back, do ones. You can't do that. You can't do a lap dance either, dude. I'm not saying it'd be more understandable.

First of all, you know the woman does not have, like most of the time a stripper goes back there with a, she doesn't have the money on, where's she keeping it? She's got this, she's got this much. They got the crown royal bag. Typically. Where are you going to?

Okay. At least the places I frequent. I was going to say, I've never seen a stripper holding money. Oh no, they typically have a bag. They typically have a crown royal bag. Canada don't do this, but also we don't throw money really on the stage.

They don't take their overalls off. Ah, come out in full fur. Hey, you got mud on me. What the hell, lady? Clean your boots before you come in the champagne room. Full, full fisherman's fucking gear. Got a South Western in those big boots up to her waist. It's not the champagne room.

It's the milk jug room. Get in here in the jug room. Come in the bag of milk room. Canada's premier strip club, the Carthrobs. That's hilarious. The riverbed. Give it up for tonight's dancer, Gladys. No, these women are gorgeous and they're naked.

Yeah, Canadian strip clubs are like top shelf, right? We're not throwing money on the stage as all I'm saying. So when you go into the back with a woman for a lap dance, they don't have fucking, they don't have money on them. Sure, sure, sure. So anyways, if you go, do you have, even if they had money on them,

if you said you have change, a bouncer should absolutely come in, grab you by your fucking and throw you right out a goddamn window. You're flipping a loony at her? I got through that in Alberta. They flip a loony at them. People are monsters, yeah.

I got thrown out of a strip club one time because we were sitting there and like a couple of strippers like, you said it was all you could eat. He brings a tray of shrimp to a staple. This guy had a whole jar of maraschino cherries. Get him out of here. We don't do that down here at the river bed.

No, we were sitting there and like a couple like really kind of walking towards us. And I just, and they like looked at me and I looked over and I just went like, I went like that. Like, hey. You waved to a stripper? Like, Dotson? Dotson?

We got Dotson over here. Jesus Christ, you're a goober. I did. I waved like that and she got pissed because she thought I went like, hey, get away from me. Oh wow. So then the bouncer comes over and he's like, is there a problem?

You know, the girl, and then she was like, get this fucking loser out of here. Dude, fucking pick me up and threw me out. I was just fucking tripping. How big was he? I was tripping my face off. That's why. He's a massive man.

I was all goofed up on Molly. A massive dude. Yeah, those strip club bouncers are fucking, yeah. Those strip club bouncers are another breed of people. Yeah. Like another size of human. It literally is international waters. And they take, no, they're not up for,

there's no negotiation. Yes. If you're like, hey, no, it was this. No. Everybody's gone. Yeah, some other bouncers you can maybe talk to, strip club bouncers are not those people. They'll throw you right through the fucking hole.

Yeah. You're done, so. So don't ask for change. They don't look when you bring drugs in there either. So I've heard. Don't ask for change. No, you can't do it. You can't do it.

That's crazy. You're paying for the experience. I'm pretty good with that. I'll have to throw out experience, please. I'm a huge dirtball experience. No, things like that, I never worry about spending too much money because it's like, it is what it is. You know what I mean?

Sure. You can't nickel and diamond those situations. No, of course. I mean, I am. Look, man, a woman has her goddamn pussy in your face. You can't ask for change. Hey, I agree. I don't even ask you in a waiter for change.

I'm just like, hey, if it's an extra seven bucks, you're getting that. Whatever. Yeah, and if her tits are on your head, you also don't ask for change. Of course. Of course, of course. Thank you for your service.

Things might as well go farther. What if I get a prostitute? Do I ask for it? No. Yeah, no, no, no. Whatever you got on you, you're getting, for sure. And no checks. Everything's all a cart.

Yeah. Shit, can I write you a check? Take travel checks. Do you have Dogecoin? What's your crypto wallet you're using? Can I give you this NFT? All right, this one's funny. This is from Chef Teff.

Did you drink diet soda as a child? Because if you did, your parents weren't great. If you were taking some form of ADA, ADHD medication, if you were drinking diet cut, why can't I have sugar? Yeah. I give my three liter of diet cola. You weren't a cola fam growing up, right? We were, no, but no diet, no sugar, no sugar,

no, none of that, yeah. I would fuck it, maybe. And I mean, maybe. If I was out playing with the boys and I came in and I had to fucking go to the garage and there was no soda or Snapple or juice or whatever, and I had to drink a fucking Diet Coke, I would do it to quench my thirst.

But that broad's gonna hear about it when she gets home from work. I can tell you that right fucking now. That's gonna be a problem. That mom, the second she walks through the door. Oh, now Crystal Light on the other hand. She walks straight in, she's like, you believe these fucking guys asked me for change

while I'm stripping on top of them? You got a bigger problem, lady. Diet fucking Coke in the fridge. What the fuck is this? Well, they like something about getting any better there. I was rubbing this scenario as she's working the day shift. Somebody's got to. She wouldn't be.

My mom would be working Friday, Saturday nights. Prime time. And she has. She got the goods. Love you, Patty. Patty Foley? Yeah, Patty Foley. Crystal Light Diet all day.

Fine, boom, boom, boom. Diet ice tea, short diet soda. Come on. I love it now. What are we doing? Big fan hooked on this. Oh yeah, of course now. Forget about it.

Yeah, it's working for you too. Yeah. Club soda, diet soda is good as a kid. Except there's a time where I would dabble and diet root beer. That ain't too bad. What was that time? What was going on? My dad, when my dad was like, when my dad was like making

a push to like lose weight or, you know, something he couldn't have caffeine or something like that anymore. He was drinking a lot of diet root beer. I would drink it with him. You know, diet root beer together. So it's a real fond memory here. Two coal miners saddled up at the bar. Two diet root beers, please.

He asked me. Yeah, I know, but the way you painted it, sit there and drink it with them. You just stare at each other and drink diet root beer together. Shake each other's hands and walk away. Mom, it'll work again. Yeah, it's Friday. See you back here tomorrow night.

Primetime, huh? Primetime, Patty, they call it. 10 to 4 AM. 10. She ain't getting it till after midnight. She doesn't do the champagne room either, all right? No. That's fucking great.

This was a big one for me, which was always thoroughly embarrassing. Have you ever put plastic shopping bag over your socks and your shoes to keep your feet dry in the winter? Yeah. That was my, yeah. We would do it with Ziploc sometimes as a kid. Grocery bags over just shoes, period.

Really? When it's raining. I had these suede shoes and I put bags over the whole deal. Recently? No. OK. Where were you going? I was in Quebec City walking from somewhere to somewhere.

I don't remember where. So you took her off when you got into the police? Yeah. OK. Yeah, I was at the place. He's not standing at the bar with plastic bags on his shoes. I think it was from a strip club, tell you the truth. Probably was.

Two back to the hotel. And I thought you meant the bags were from a strip club. No. So it must have been a bar. I don't remember, but I do remember putting on strip. I get that. I'll give you that. Yeah, that's it.

But that's all. Will I do that now? No. I would just look ahead and be like, I can't wear these today. OK, yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense, of course. But as a kid, especially when you were going playing in the snow, it was plastic bags with either tied or a rubber band on it

or something, so your socks wouldn't get wet. Yeah. That's a regular thing. No, we had snow boots. So did we. But I guess if whatever, it was a whole. They didn't do the job all the time. They got fucking.

Especially after a couple hours. You see the laces, man. Everything comes through that shit. Yeah. You'd stay out here. I hate some candy. I know. You stay out there until you got wet and then you go inside.

Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. The shoes, the bags, buy another hour. Yeah. Chicago stayed out. You guys stayed out. Yeah, because it is what it is. It's fucking crazy snow. Yeah, we'd stay out, man.

You're just soaked. You can't do that. My mom showed me that. She's like, put a plastic bag in my mind fucking blue. I was like, Jesus Christ, you've been holding out on me this whole fucking time? What else are you telling me? What else do you know?

Show me the tricks, please. Show me how to garbage, man. All right, let's do a couple more and then we'll wrap her up here. This one's I never even thought about this from Jordan. Ever go to a car dealership with no intent on buying anything? No. I guess you're just looking for the free coffee and donuts, maybe, or you've got a lot of time on your hands.

My parents went. They went to Peru. To Peru's, there might have been a purchase coming down the pike five, six months later. Kicking some tides, that's what they call it. They're in the market, though. This man is saying, yes, you've never even been in the market and you show up.

I remember being in a lot of car dealerships and we never got a car that year. Well, you're in the market, though. People wait years to buy things. Maybe. This guy's saying, no market. You just pull up to a Lexus dealership and walk in and go, what's going on in here?

What are you guys doing? And I would say, no. Personally, I've never done this with grocery bags on my feet or without. I would never. I know. But I guess you can. You said they give you a coffee?

That sounds like a pretty good coffee donut. I'm looking. I'm not so you just, I don't know, man. It's not something I would do. But I get people do it for sure. Let me ask you this. Did you ever drive around with your family and look at other houses?

No. The apartment's my whole life. No, just to drive or not. Oh, like just to look at how? Not to buy a house. You're talking about just drive through a neighborhood and look at it. I guess sometimes for like, what?

Christmas lights. And Halloween sometimes, because people do it with their fucking houses. It's pretty crazy. Yeah, that makes sense. So that's standard. Well, you used to just do that a lot for no reason. Case in the joint.

July. Looks like they're going to be on vacation next week. I bet they got a lot of diet cokes in there. The fat bandits. They only took the snacks. They left all the jewelry. They left all the diet coke. Only took the good stuff.

All the crystal lights gone. Fat bandits. That's great. All right, this one, I've talked about a good amount. And I know you've done it. This is from Michael, haven't had a question right yet. Ever throw a shirt straight in the dryer for five minutes to make it good enough to wear again?

Fuck yeah. So the shirt's dirty. It's called the fluff. The fluff up, we would say. Fluff it up. The trick is, you take a wet sock or a wet rag, throw that in there, and the moisture steams it. What's what?

If the shirt's dirty, and you're jammed up, and you want to wear the shirt. This is where his class comes in, because he's a sharp guy. Yeah, you're very welcome to get it. You're not going to get any of that. You're not going to connect. So listen, when you don't have a shirt to wear, or you want to wear a specific shirt to a thing,

and it's dirty, say. You put it in the dryer with a dirty wet sock? No, with a clean sock. You get a clean sock wet. A clean wet piece. In a plastic bag. Diet Coke. And you throw it in there, and turn it on, and it'll.

The heat and the water creates a steam effect, and gives it some more life. So you don't wear anything. Yeah, like a steamer. Freshens it up a little bit. This would be another one of those apartment deals. I'm not spending $1.50 to put one fucking shirt. That's true.

If you got your own washer and dryer in your house, do whatever the fuck you want. You can put anything in there. So you've never had your own washer and dryer? Probably now, not in New York. In my own unit? No. Wow.

Holy fuck. Yeah, no. Holy hell. No. I bet you a laundry day. Did you have to do your laundry when you were a kid? No. Your mom did it.

When I was like a kid kid? Yeah. What age did you start? Because I was like 13, my mom. About 13. Yeah, she threw it on. Man, talk about it. No mistakes.

And I put a fucking, put a jean jacket in the goddamn, washer, wet the dryer. Oh, I did both. But I mean, first of all, it ruined everything. It ruined all the other clothes. Everything was blue. And then in the dryer, and in the dryer, all the buttons and shit.

I thought it was going to blow the goddamn place up. Everybody's taking cover. Holy shit. So no, I get, look, so I don't know anything about this world, is all I'm saying. One shirt, one shirt in the dryer? For $1.50. You don't do that in an apartment.

You're not doing that in an apartment. What do you do now? Do you drop it off and pick it up or do you do it yourself? I never drop it off and pick it up. I like doing laundry. You do your laundry. I do my laundry. Do you get anything dry cleaned?

Sometimes, like a suit, shirts. Do you iron anything? I got a steamer. You do. That shirt's fresh, steamed. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Is it?

Yeah, it looks really good. It looks ironed. That's what it looks sharp. OK. My thanks, guys. You're sharp, trust me. Which reminds me, before we let you out of here, we have a couple of questions that have kind of been brewing

lately since you've been here that we'd like to feel you out a little bit. Please. Number one. On the podcast? Yeah. Great, yeah, please. Do you brush your teeth in the shower?

No. Never, right? Never, not one time. I don't know if milk with dinner. We definitely ask the milk with dinner, yeah. Milk with dinner probably happened at some point in time. OK, but not like it. OK.

Did you ever, can I just say that? Did you ever brush your teeth in the shower? That seems like an 80s movie. I just started doing it. Like fucking, you know, Michael Keaton has to fix something. It's like a montage or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of people do it.

You pee in the shower? I have. Yeah. I have. I have. I'll admit it right here, folks. But do I? I was like, no, God, Jesus Christ.

I do every day. Here's the hot button. Here's the hot button issue. You're a poor wife. I know. You don't. Yeah, I do. Every day.

I mean, yeah. Sometimes I'll just do it in the shower. Nobody knows. You just swing. You're not even showering. You swing it open. Just go in there. I do that.

I'm in jeans. And then just water it down. You're saving water. That's disgusting. Yeah, that's disgusting. Because you're pissing into an open tub that you're not even bathing. Yes, the one thing is soap, there's no anything.

I give it a squirt with the hose. That doesn't matter. That's not enough. That's just squirts from soap. You're not getting any. You just added that part. You added that part when we pushed you. You don't put any soap on there.

I buy a new tub every time. Bath fitters. 1,800 bath fitters. They come in and throw it on the tub. Bath fitters. His tub is this fucking high. They don't even take the old one out. He's getting smaller and smaller.

Just a sink. Now it's just a toilet. With the cups. No, I don't brush my teeth in the shower. Listen, here's the hot button issue that's tearing this country apart right now. You're getting dressed. What's the order?

You're a naked man out of the shower. Boxers. OK. Shirt. Pants. Socks. Uptown. Heavy.

I knew you were a gentleman. Socks first. Before. Well, no. So when I go shower. It should be underwear, sock shirt. Underwear, socks. But here's the thing.

When I go shower, I just take underwear and a shirt with me. I put those on in there, and then I come out and do everything else. What? I think that's why I do it too, because I used to do that too. I don't do it anymore. I live with my lady. I can walk in the fucking house with my god damn.

You know what I mean? I don't got to worry about. I don't got to bring all my shit in there. No, the fact that you bring anything in there. Oh, I'm not coming out straight. No, I don't like just walking. I don't like wearing my, I don't wear headphones correctly. You think I'm coming out of the bathroom?

This guy's a little cuckoo. With a towel wrapped around me? What am I fucking? Wait, but hold on. Leonardo DiCaprio? No. Isn't everything all steamy in the bathroom? You're putting on like.

I take cold showers. Damn. This guy keeps you guessing. All the time? Yeah, yeah, for the last few months. Yeah, yeah, since the last time I was here. The last time I was here, I felt I was a little too garbage. So I was like, how can I change some things?

Yeah, this guy's not. Hot water. You would take cold showers? Not like freezing cold shower. Not like the guy in the fucking kayak to work. Yeah, there's not way to. But yeah, no, yeah, yeah, I take cold showers. So there is no steam.

That's one of the perks of taking a colder shower. There's no god damn steam. But aren't you still kind of wet your skin when you put those underwear? I dry off. Yeah, I'm a little wet when I still put stuff on. This guy rolls out of the shower. He doesn't even grab a towel.

You need, listen, I don't care how good you are with the towel. You need about five minutes to let the air really dry your skin. I think that's. You need about nine guys with squeegees. Yeah. That's a you thing, I feel. And that's, I understand what you're saying. My personal life is not your business.

I mean, the royal us. He doesn't know what that means. I don't know what that means. Yeah. I think it means everybody. Yeah. And I've been using it. Sure.

And lately to look smart, I've been telling people my favorite actors, Lori Metcalf. OK. Pretty sharp. It's good. I know that. You know what's funny? I'll go with you here.

I know that name. I couldn't picture that person. Right. Yeah. Couldn't picture it. But if we were to party. I feel bad about that. If we were to party.

She was from Horsesn. Of course, she's from Horsesn. Holy shit. Yes. The sister of Frisian Scream 2. Yeah. Great. Yep.

Great. But if we were to party, you'd be like, oh, yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. When it's everybody's say, yeah, somebody you kind of heard of, they know what to talk about. It's really Denzel. But yeah, I go boxers shirt.

That's what I understand. And I come out of the bathroom and figure the rest of it out. Yeah. I understand that. Question. When does the odorant get applied? After I put on the shirt. Yeah, you always go after shirt.

Otherwise, it gets on it. Yeah. You always go after shirt. You have to. Yeah, you make that mistake one time. I do it naked. I thought you were going to say I don't do it at all. What do you do, T-Bone?

After shirt. Yeah. Otherwise, it gets on. Why would you go under and stretch your shirt out? You stretch your shirt out. What the fuck is going on with these guys? Dude, you do it because if you put your shirt on. Are you guys all Canadian?

If you put your shirt on, it gets on your fucking shirt. I don't use antiperspirant like a weirdo. You use the white stuff? No. But it still gets on you. Residue gets on there for sure. What are you talking about, man? Yeah, plus, once you put the shirt on,

it gets a little of the odorant on the shirt, which I like, makes it a little more fragrant on the shirt. Yeah. There's a little bit of a barrier. Hmm. Oh, smell me. No, moisturizer. What do you do?

Do you go straight? You start at socks? You go up, don't you? I'll tell you my whole process. You go socks, boxers, fedora, pants. That's to get in the shower. I got my shower shoes on. I get out of the shower.

You die, Coke. I get out of the shower. I dry off. I open the door. I let all the steam out. I go out. I let the cold there. You take a hot shower.

Yeah. I feel, I'm looking at you, baked. You could cook salmon in your shower. Oh, my god. It's just all in tin foil. The only thing you're missing is the old bag. Garlic bread's ready. Ooh, I love that garlic bread.

Got the grocery store. But yours is hot as fuck. Like hot shower. I'm a hot shower guy. I get out. I get outside. I either stand in front of the fan. All right.

Fans going in your house 24 hours a day, regardless of what season it is. A little bit. Yeah, we got that going on. I'll stay in front of the fan, let everything, or I'll flap the towel. Coldest day of the year. Fans blowing in this man's house, yeah.

That might go back in. I use a hairdryer. Go back in. I got to go back. Just when I think I'm out. Like nom. Yeah, I'm going back. It's my second tour in a bathroom today.

I go back. Things got a little messy the first one. I got some unfinished business I have to take care of. Fortunate suns blaring over the questions. I see a red door and I wanted that. Helicopter noises. I go back in. I use my hairdryer to dry my hair and my nether regions.

I like everything nice and dry. All right. Got to apply my gold bond spray cream, which I'm talking about. New gold bond spray cream. Spray cream sounds like something you'd insulate a house with. They still make that? Oh, that swells up.

Do they still make that? Or do you have stuff left over from like 94? No, it's fucking spray. Wow, OK, OK, OK. So I use my spray on asbestos. Really seal it in there. You also put a hairdryer, just a hairdryer on your bald business. 100%.

Wow. Is that not cooking yet? That's hot. It's hot air. Flap it around. Is it doing this? I like it though. You're never going to be able to have kids.

That's too hot down there. Do you think? OK, you're nuking them. You're literally microwaving your bag every day. Yeah. Twice. That's not good. I get it all fresh.

Put my stuff on. Fan the four, too. Fan on the balls and then the fucking pure hot flames. You're nuts. I have to do this. And just the maintenance I got to do, fucking deodorant. And then I go out and I'll put. Dirty shirt on.

I'll put my socks on because I usually don't go on these. You're naked. I'm naked. OK. I'm naked in the house. OK. All the time I'm naked in there. I have poor sofa.

Oh. Poor, poor sofa. Man. OK, so socks. Sorry, you start. So you're absolutely naked. Dried off now. You start with socks.

Start with socks and then pants. OK. But if I had underwear. Boxers are always. You don't do boxers? I usually don't do underwear. Are you kidding me? But if I do, it's boxers and I'll go boxers and underwear.

Why don't you do underwear? I don't know. I still like it. Is this not garbage? Is this not one of the most? Listen, there's a lot of. Have you met me? There's a lot of things we've had to just accept when

it comes to him and his hygiene. We're labeling that as garbage. My hygiene is good. All I'm saying is we're labeling no underwear unless you're at fucking Burning Man. Sure, it's garbage. Garbage. For sure.

For sure. Yeah, but that's. Like every day of your life, no underwear. If you've got a ranch hand. Listen. No, he's got ranch on his hand. Right now, I'm wearing cargo pants. Good.

Great. It's fantastic. Do you have underwear on now? No, right now I don't. I can smell it. We're doing a show today. We're doing a big show. We're getting a man reelected.

And you're showing up fucking swinging in the wind. With a thin veil. Yeah, it's a hard roll. Now, if I'm wearing shorts, I'll put underwear on. Thank God. Yes, or sweatpants, because sometimes they can be a little too revealing, especially those thin ones. So how many pants?

You just don't do boxers or anything? Nothing. Interesting. OK, so you got your pants on. That's a fit thing, though. If you had the, I know you, if you had them fit, you would wear them. No, because I do have a pair that fits.

Sometimes they don't show. That's what I'm saying. You have all pair that fits. It's a fat thing. Yes, that's what I'm saying. It's a fit thing. You just had all pair of underwear that fits. No, no, no, I have pairs that fit.

I just don't like them. Are there no underwear for bigger men? There are. It's just not comfortable. His clothing thing is bananas. He's been wearing this shirt every day for I'm not even joking, three months. And he keeps making excuses of the stew.

You know what took me seven minutes to leave my house? I'm not even fucking around, because the shirt I wanted to wear, this is so stupid. I mean, I go, I wore this the last time I was on this show. Sure. So I put it back. This guy's been wearing this on this for weeks. Months.

I guess whatever. Whatever dude, they don't make underwear for big people. They do, he just doesn't buy it. I don't like the way it feels again to my body. Tight, tight, that's what it is. No, it's not, I'm telling you it's not that. Were you a naked kid? Were you one of those kids who kicked the diaper off?

You ran around all the time? Because when you are not this fat, you wore underwear. Yeah. Yeah, so it's just. I was telling him for a while. I slept, well, I slept when he was a pooh style. I would sleep in just a t-shirt and nothing on my bottom. It's an exact t-shirt.

Dick wrapped up in it. I couldn't sleep naked at all, feel way too vulnerable. Yeah, no, especially with my lady. I feel like she's peeking at me. I got to be chubbed up with her. What are you sleeping? Jeans in a winter jacket? When you take off your clothes, do you say sorry?

I'm sorry. I got a toke winter boots. A toke? That's what someone asked. Hold on, this is another question. A toke is a beanie. It's a winter hat. We know the color toke or winter hat.

Yeah. And I only dropped that reference solely because we're making the Canada joke. We called them stockin' hats. Get your stockin' hat on. That sounds like you're about to knock over a thing. Yes, exactly. You're about to crack a safe.

Exactly. 100%. My mom was a real good second floor man. Yeah, we got to wrap it up. All right, listen. Gang, we love you. Nameac, we love you to death. Anything you got coming up, people want to folks check it out?

Vlog any shows, Twitter, Instagram. Twitter and Instagram, at Nathan McIntosh. Podcast, Positive Anger. I got some albums on iTunes. And also, I'll be doing shows at Dr. Grins. Check it out. In Grand Rapids in December. And I'm also doing a New Year's Eve show in St. Paul,

a New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. Yeah, you can check my website for these, as well, NathanMcTosh.com. I forgot about Positive Anger. I apologize. Oh, that's fine. It's a fantastic podcast. You gotta listen to it.

And I'm telling you right now, we say this a lot on this show. This man is one of the funniest guys who could possibly see live. If you have a chance to see him, go see NathanMcIntosh. We love you. Kippy, you got anything for him? I have a rank comment on all social media. Get the tickets for New York, like we said.

Come see us in the city. And then Upstate New York and Connecticut will be get those tickets to the funny bones. Yes, sir. We love you guys. And we'll see you next week. A pahit. Peace.