Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Neal Brennan!

Episode Date: November 14, 2022

Kippy and Foley are with the hilarious Neal Brennan! It's a fun one. Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. FINAL RUN! Buy the Are You Garbage Card Game: https://areyougarbage.bigcartel.com/ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Butcher Box: https://www.ButcherBox.com/AYG Promo Code: AYG Kamikoto: kamikoto.com/garbage Ladder Life: https://www.LadderLife.com/GARBAGE Established Titles: https://www.establishedtitles.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans

Stop the show gang. Let's talk about that middle-class famous store, baby. Oh, baby coming up to the fourth quarter on that Down to the finish on only a few times to see us Gang, it's a good time come on out and see the live show to mix the stand-up comedy Plus we played a little a yg with the crowd It's a great way to introduce new people to the show so bring this squad with ya Philadelphia sold out you snooze you lose We got some tickets left for the second show in Providence, Rhode Island in December We got some a few tickets left for our second show in Boston in December get those tickets

Let's party gang this episode is brought to you by our good pals over there to establish titles with established titles You can purchase little as one square foot of land and you can call yourself a lord or a lady good lord That's a lady. It's not only fun, but it helps reserve the Scottish woodlands over there Which is really nice established titles plants a tree and works with global charities to support global reforestation With every order couple of good peeps guys title packs give you at least one square foot of dedicated private land on an estate in Edelston, Scotland, and you get the official certificate with a crest boom right there We got it on camera right your boss's face. Yeah. Hey, I ain't working Saturday. Take it. I'm a lord It makes an amazing last-minute gift the sabers titles is running a black Friday sale right now

Plus if you use the code garbage you get an additional 10% off They go to establish titles comm slash garbage you get your gifts now and help support the channel support the people who support us Baby, we love it. We appreciate it, and it's not like a don't name you It's not like naming a star after somebody do it right be make them a lord or a lady Establish titles comm slash garbage do it welcome to another exciting edition of are you? Garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or Absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is our you garbage

It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that after you have to be classy There's just a big old piece of trash. I'm your hostage Foley coming at you on a beautiful day We're down here at Anthony's basement. She's out doing a smash and grab job over at the pharmacy Good for her. So what I'm gonna worry about the odor for a couple of weeks My co-host is coming at you from right next to me unamused this week. What are you gonna do? He is the CEO of our you garbage He is an international businessman. He's the Prince of Park Avenue, but always the king of the boards, baby Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan. Hey gang. Thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you're a view subscribe on itunes Full video available on YouTube as you know those numbers are

Over a hundred thousand kids are doing all right over here and then the greatest website of all time www.patreon.com You garbage love that money check it the fuck out gang. Yes, sir And how about a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire the magic man makes us all look good works to ones and twos crosses The T's that's the eyes give it up for T-Bone McMuffin Toby McMullin everybody. What's up, dude? What's up T-Bone? Oh, it's gonna be fun. I'm use a lot of big words. So this guy Got me nervous. I'm not gonna lie. I hate that. I hate I hate that people think I'm smart It's the fucking one you think we're idiots. Let's be honest

It's the fucking worst you I'm from fucking outside Just as I eat it fucking Wawa you think I don't understand the life of Wawa yesterday. You're wearing pink That's like a tailored suit. I really fucked up. Yeah Gang we couldn't be more excited that way I see that's a picture you guys see a tuxedo. Yeah We got a wedding after this meal We could be more excited that were incredibly special guests here with us today for the first time He is a very funny very successful stand-up comedian writer actor producer and director You might have seen him in but not limited to get her into the Greek inside Amy Schumer the female brain Capone opening act

He also directed the goods totally awesome. Michelle Wolf special nice lady Seth Meyer special lobby, baby He co-wrote half-baked wrote 16 episodes at a daily show co-wrote the female brain He's got two episodes of SNL under his belt He also executive produced Chris rocks tambourine and total blackout. He has multiple stand-up specials including 2017's groundbreaking three mics. He co-created the Chappelle show. Holy shit. Look at that And he has a brand-new special out right now Which was released globally on Netflix that you can watch as we speak called blocks But the big question was mine today. Is he garbage not financially? I can tell you that right now

All right, give it up for Neil Brennan everybody. Let's go Hey, well, hey, you guys need money What's the patreon address again? Patriot that yet, but I can never open a patreon. That's what sucks. Yeah. No, we yeah, we started when we were poor and now It's you know, yeah now, but you'll always be poor to people and I'll always be rich to people Exactly met me. They're like this fucking guy even though they don't know. Yeah, he's boy. Well, you're walking around wearing pink I'm wearing pink shirts are right there. All right there. What do you got on you like two three grand? What do you carry? I usually like to carry a lot of cash. Really?

You want to be a hero make a move let's go. I'm afraid to get these Yeah to quote Brian Count. I'll keep you busy But Yeah, I don't have a like I have like 50 bucks. Okay said fair enough. I'm no more than no more than 80 I feel anything more than out of business. I mean, it's like people are weird about it now It jams you up with the tips and shit like that though with the guys at the parking garage hate my guts I never had a fight with me. You take Venmo. Yeah. Can we scan? Yeah, but yeah, sorry What is the give us the backstory give us the origin story Neil Brennan laid on some PA roots?

Fuck guys Front I grew up in Born in Philly in Brenmar Hospital. Okay line. No one and then Move to Chicago When I was like five Then move back to Philly when I was 12 till 17. Okay, and then jobs or what was a family? What was the yeah? I got it I was in the Marine yeah, it was well, and I got for a transfer. I got transferred you fucking jerk off

When did two undercover cops get a podcast? look You've been saying it in my chest. Yeah, it's a drink. Nice. Hey guys. Is it weird not to be wearing jets jackets right now? It's gonna be a long hour That you come at me I come at you That's what you take offense. You are a Philly dirtbag Yeah, my dad works don't worry about it. Don't worry about no show job. Yeah, exactly. I'm saving this parking spot by the way I got my chair there

Yeah, my dad got jobs and then and then So And then 17 I came here for film school My one I was in high school my brother's comedian Kevin Brennan So I started like coming up here and hanging out right and then came Boston comedy. Yeah, Boston comic club Shout out and then shout it to it and the seller and the improv and then was going to NYU in 91 started working the door at the Boston Only other guys my age were like red Johnny and the round guy remember them. They've only heard the story. Yeah

John de Maggio does a ton of he does the voice for a Futurama. Yeah. Oh Yeah Holy shit, he's a killer voice over. Yeah, and a great dude and and Jaymore and Chappelle where we were the only like young people under 21, so it's pretty crazy so me and Dave super close and then I Started getting writing jobs in LA Wrote for singled out one. It's on list out to sing

Listed singled out unless it all that on Nickelodeon unlisted Keenan and Kell Fucking and then what age is this early? I'm like 20. Yeah, it's crazy. So you didn't go to college I went to NYU for a year. You went to NYU for you. We're gonna high school down there Carol. You did. Yeah You Carol And you fucking J. Oh, how'd you start getting the writing gigs? I I just started to make well, I would give guys tags at the comedy club Like I gave Dave some jokes here and there and not even jokes like maybe like a

Tech like maybe a way you could go in that premise or whatever right and then and Then I would tell people I was like, you know, yeah, you know So then I got a beef up the resume. Yeah. Yeah, and then I was working for a casting director We first singled out all the writers quit So then they were like, you're right. Come on. That was the pilot that got picked up and then Nick all that shared an office With singled out. So I started talking to this guy Dan Schneider

Who's Google and we said some yeah, that's it, right? Okay. All right And Never heard that name casually dropped in conversation like oh that one. All right. Yep, and and So submitted to all that didn't get the job. They ended up stealing an idea from me I didn't know that then they hired him for the second season that PRS cargo thing that Keenan and about yeah, I Pitched it. They didn't hire me used it. Then I was like, well, they hired me the next season Yeah, keep your mouth shut. Yeah, exactly. I just dropped down

30 years later, I just I just crossed the street I'm ready to come inside guys Kids wearing a wire And then and then like wrote a movie Script not good, but I was kind of it was kind of had a spirit to it met with the producer Then like a week later Dave met with the same producer and they were like, you got any ideas and he's like, yeah I'm me and a buddy of mine are writing a weed movie now meanwhile. We'd never discussed that

And they go who and he's like, you've never heard of him. Trust me. Have you ever seen all that tell it tell us Who I think he goes Neil Brennan and they're like Neil was just here. We love Neil So then we pitched the movie we pitched half baked right 30 days later Or we'd never we went to train spotting the movie and then he was like you know weed one of those and was like Yeah, just like I didn't it wasn't like you crank this out a couple of weeks. Yeah. Yeah, you got a typewriter He didn't mean he wouldn't even like you it's like a person could do And then you back a heroin. No, yeah, like all right So so then we we had 30 days to pitch it

We'd 30 days to get it together and then we took like 29 The night before cranked it out cranked it out and it ended up being a lot of the movie It's it's got some flaws But the first movies in a VHS that me and my boys would like There's like Sequences in it that are really funny like that's what I was great I like like there's shit in it that you go. Oh, they would do so then it didn't do good me They've kind of like like stop fucking with each other a little bit and then I was writing movies with this guy

Mike sure who's gone on to do a bunch of great shit and then Dave was like we should do it He wanted to play boy after dark That you have to show mm-hmm. I there's a much funnier version of this monologue on the Dave Chappelle Mark Twain price. Okay. I've seen yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and So then we did we did did spell show Did good and then we I guess the other cops are here Yeah, he was even see what that is that is this the all that police

Dance later So So then did Chappelle show He leaves I'm like what the fuck am I gonna do And I just was like I'll just let me just just stand up because it's like I've always been flirting with that I would order in a while. I would like I was around it and then and then for the last 15 years So that's what you've been doing. Yeah quite the fucking reason You know like I still will direct people special. Yeah, I like how you do. Yeah, I'll still direct Chris rocks back

Chris I didn't bow direct bow burn directed by produce whatever like I was involved Michelle's sets almadrigal couple of it. So like people I like because it's not I don't like Doing shit that takes a long time because I made this movie called the goods and it was like it takes a fucking year Yeah, and then it and then start to finish it's a dud and you're like wow Fucking Although I did see that in theaters as well. Thank you. Yeah, it's a funny movie, but it's like just didn't it was a dud so So now I just like doing shit that's shorter and shit that I can absolutely control like that's what I like What these stand-up specials is like it just you may you can tinker you can fix it you can rewrite you can like you can

Make it I did a reshoot on the new one like I just you can do You can keep improving it and I do commercials. So it's like that's super short-term. There you go. Yeah, take me back to I'll figure it out. Tell you back to high school going to Carol. What'd you guys live in? Do you guys live in a single family home? Was it an apartment? Well, yeah, I was single family home single family home in Villanova. Yeah, what'd your pop to he was a Tax lawyer, okay, I was gonna say you got a little cash out to be I got down a main line. Yeah. Yeah That's pretty good, but we had also ten kids. So like even if you got a guy had a dick habit What the fuck I mean this guy love fucking

Hey, who don't I can't blame a guy. I mean you want to pull out every garbage pullout game Yeah, how separated is everybody? How this one is 16 years older than me. Oh, it's okay. So when you were in kids in 16 years So what when I was you know, you're a freshman in high school. Who's who's around you and okay? Nora, uh-huh Peter a little bit and everybody else is gone Danny's at Fordham Nora's at University of Illinois, man, you are as Irish Catholic. Oh, yeah, that's all you can't believe if it wasn't in the Bible We don't want

Joey Heaven Tommy Mary no Dylan's are Spencer's in the final house. Tell you that right now fucking play polo. We're not gonna fucking name Mary and Peter Nora Danny may they don't still live there now, right? So do my mom just sold the house like a month ago. What was in what was what was the name of that street that you guys grew up on? Parks run lane Yeah, you guys have a garage Yeah, we didn't use it though. It's got a garden attached or uh Detached because out of the main line they can be detached attack. It wasn't you had to get there wasn't outside

It was a corridor to get there. Yeah, that's pretty classy. That's pretty good. That's garage is nice You guys couldn't park a car in there. We I think we would ever want someone we didn't know what was the family whip What were you guys cruising around then we had a? school bus a colony park station wagon the one with the wood panel Throw you in the back you in the back Yeah, I mean given the finger to the truck drivers behind you where yeah, and we had then when I think we got a white Not Bronco, but one of them like SUV type things pretty good. Yeah, what was the do you guys have a fridge in the garage?

You have a second fridge out there. We had a freezer Somewhere we had a freezer in the basement ice pops No, look There was that shit was contraband. There was no really you ran a tight ship like that There was no we would get dessert. We had to sneak candy in We couldn't have candy in the house. There's a part of the new show where I go over my mom's rules Like the rules of the house. What about Halloween? Halloween, yeah, there was like a special dispensation. You're allowed to get as much you could I don't know what dispensation

It's what the Pope Yeah, you that was like legally that was legally gotten but you couldn't have you we'd have to sneak candy in Was it like a dental thing or sugar? It was just a show it was like I think it was partially like joy Cuz my parents what you having fun my parents were born in 1930 and 1933 my dad was one of 13 How holy shit, how was he when you were born? 43 damn. That's an older. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah church every Sunday. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah, boy altar boy Yeah, you do good on the weddings and stuff like that. That wasn't a bad taste. I'll give you a taste what your beak a little

What you're big catch a high-profile funeral you'd be a nice funeral Local business man Prime of his life Family shocked They what do you they don't know what they don't know what to pay an altar boy. They accidentally give you a hunt Yeah, a couple of hundies coming your way. He was in charge. Yeah, let's go Who was making the lunches for you for in school in the show? Frozen we'd make them on the weekend

What make the sandwiches on there's at one point? There's literally eight of us all over every day Frozen sandwiches stacked up in the freezer. Take one stick in your bag Now take a 7-11. Oh, they're not even 7-11. They thought how this is going. Yeah, they don't always Especially in those cold winter months out there on the main line Billy Billy January You got a cold PB and J. Yeah, you think yeah, and then we would eat around the edges of the sandwich like rats Holy shit, dude. Yeah, huh, so it's not garbage Like oh you were in the lap of luxury. Yeah started a caddy in one of those 11. What course in

Chicago it was Indian Hill where the Murray's caddy caddy shacks based on that sure okay, and then in Philly it was based it was a Club place called St. David's Yeah, it's in Ritz and Radner. Okay. I did by Valley Forge military Academy Yeah, I did we I used to caddy at the film on country club a couple of times sure when I didn't work one for you now Now the hills killed me. Yeah, I did it over at the at the Jewish club where I grew up in Bluebell And it was fucking brutal it was the Jews. Yeah I didn't mean it like that. Well, that's why I came off Uh

Family program Jesus. It is funny where they get in Philly. They're still like, yeah, they got a Jewish I remember hearing a Jewish club. Yeah, there was a Jewish club And there was a wash people's issue with juice. I just don't sure. I'm like, what do you need there? I'm all for what are you painting me a picture? I mean, please Some of the best people I know Just white unless they tell you but here's the thing they always tell you don't they yeah They do make it known. All right, this guy's speaking my language All right, so you caddied hmm frozen sandwiches, what was your mom's best dish? What would she throw at you for dinner?

Stroganoff next question My mom is great cook. Yeah, she'd heat the plates up what wait so whoa Yeah, on their own or with the food on it We made my dad put it beat it into or you be heat plates up Yeah, she would put them in the put them in the oven for ten minutes before dinner. Whoa, that's pretty cool It is weirdly clad there's something they're both Irish so it's like some Irish folky shit Sure, you know, I mean like a thatched roof and a fire going. Yeah stove Mormon fuzzy a little bit So far, you know, you guys have a fireplace

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That's free ribbides for a year plus ten bucks off at butcher box comm slash a yg with Cody That's pretty good. What was the name of the grocery store that you guys went to fucking acne shout out to the act What are we talking about? God damn gentlemen? That's what I like Ma still my mom still shops at the acne. Why wouldn't she so does mine? Mm-hmm. Where's she gonna go? Shout out to all foods, please Yeah, no, my mom's not when I hear what I want to those pansies Whole food hippies kick rock traitor who beat it fucking get lost get me a rotisserie chicken Turkey and a pound of Kobe Jack. Let's go. Okay, okay, Harry Callas hasn't said it During a picture of Travolta place, I'm walking

Did you have a swing set in the yard growing up? No, we used to play regular In a woods sports because there were a lot there were six there were six boys in the Right there. Yeah, basketball net basketball net a lot of sports That we would call each other the f words so much. It sounded like I hate crime. Yeah Yeah, in the 80s filly in the 80s in the 80s two years ago. It's still a little rough around the edges Yeah, filly this afternoon Shout out to fight real a real like yeah, you're you that was our solution Everyone was yeah, was that yeah, of course a hundred percent. That's what we did a hundred percent

We didn't even know about Gabe. It had nothing to do with gay people. I know it's just you do it as an insult It's just a pejorative thing The basketball net was it pejorative mark. That's for you. Well, you want to Google that real quick. Yes Yeah, I have permission to yeah, I got two homework work use my dictionary comm account This guy's got a primo member Have one of those Did you guys have a set of encyclopedias at the house growing up? Not that I remember. Were there any pictures on the wall of the Pope Jack Kennedy or anybody like that

Lou holds a lot of pictures of there. I think there was no hope and of course led the Pope Lenny Dykstra There were a lot of pictures of There was a Pope when he came to Chicago and Hope John Paul. Yeah old-school second back to the basketball net was it we called him deuce. Yeah The best one that was in ground or portable of your sermon Deuce has been watching some of your sermons. He don't like what you do. It's over to the couch. You're in trouble. You're in real trouble The best one that was a portable or in ground in ground Classy so right there

Septic we weren't on sewers Whoa, yeah, those are older houses out there. Yeah, so septic tank So we had a river of shit water. It went running underneath the in-ground hoop So it's a mixed where they kept us hungry. You know, yeah Now in the I assume the best one that was in the driveway. Yeah, did you have a line marked for where like the foul shot was Please what do we okay? Just ask him. Did you guys keep the butter on the counter and the fridge? Fridge kept it in the fridge. Yeah, huh? Irish mom. I'm surprised with that. Where'd you keep the ketchup? You just lost a lot of money

I Just went belly up Call fendle. Tell him I'm good for it What was the next question Any pets growing up? No, no, no pets. Nothing. Nothing fish tank. It was a lot. It was yeah. It was a lovelace house Irish catholic filly. It's lovely. I'm from the same thing. Here's the story. This is worse than garbage What's below garbage

That's again, I don't know. We don't need to categorize us. Let me just tell the story a septic tank so We go to someone was giving their dog up a local family and we'd had a dog at one point And we go to look at I guess I was too young to remember this but they go look at the dog And they're doing they're like hey and then uh, one of my sisters goes. Hey mom. Do you think Daddy will kick this dog down the steps like he did chipper Chipper didn't long story short didn't get the dog. Yeah I'm glad for that dog's benefit. They pulled out last minute. Jesus. So yeah, like a weird

Yeah, I don't know what you call it. I I feel like I've hit that's animal abuse. Yeah, Jesus. We should probably stop tape on this one You gotta go this is going out on patreon by the way You're gonna have to see a therapist poor chipper wherever Uh, what about the vacations? Where would you guys go? We did once they started shedding people Some of the kids sure got tighter. Yeah. Once the crew got tighter Uh, they we went to Epcot one year. All right, okay

I got to bring a friend. That's what you're the youngest right? So that's what I'm saying like it's a big bag Yeah, that's not bad. Uh, we went to uh, Hilton head couple times. My brother was a caddy on the pga tour. There you go So we'd go to the golf tournament down there make a week out of it. There you go Uh, and then uh, but there'd be nine, you know, push gardens or uh, no no No, we went to williamsburg for a family reunion. Oh

And I believe in the 1700s My brother, this is uncle blacksmith. We my either I punched my brother or he punched me One of the other very tense nothing like a fight on a family vacation on a golf course You're fighting on the golf course. Yeah, you got a fight with the caddy, brother You're pushing fuzzy zeller out of the way to get to your brother pussy. We were Yeah, use You using never fought on a golf course you pussies. You's never been thrown out of the pga event. What are you a pussy? It's funny caddying at that the philmont country club

It was like a celebrity event and chris carter the wide receiver was in our group and me and my cousin were doing it We were fighting over the one bag We got into a fist fight on like the ninth day chris carter had to break it up. Did he really? The caddies were fighting. Yeah, we were fighting my cousin over Over who gets to carry chris carter's bag? We were basically splitting the third bag and it was like are you carry it now you carry it now and they were huge It was like something had a caddy shack. Yeah, and we were like 14 years old We were just bitching at each other and it was a hundred degrees. We were walking up and down these hills and you know

One thing led to another one thing led to another. Yeah. Yeah. All right, great Real problem. I've been one or old bobby moine enhancement up. Yeah, it's great to see he gained 400 pounds He landed on his feet At my lowest in new york city um I was walking to do like an open mic in the east village like maybe like seven years ago and People won't always say, oh, but you look at bobby moine hand. Look at bobby moine hand And fucking people walk by me and the guy's like, oh, wow, what's up bobby moine hand

And I used to drive me crazy, but I was in such a bad mood and just in such a low place. I just turned out I was like, hey, thanks, man. Good to see you Tune in this saturday Thanks, buddy. Yeah Good stuff. All right, um mayonnaise in the house growing up. Yeah, miracle whip helmets helmets Okay, all right, uh milk with thinner growing up had to yeah a lot of milk whole Uh, yeah, I can't see you as a skin family No, that may be your family. You're thinking of look

Um enough that how many how many I get I made a career. We were all heavy cream. Yeah, you got a hundred. Yeah, go ahead. Uh The Yeah, we had there was no jute. We couldn't eat drink juice at restaurants. Did you guys have that? Why when you go to ihop or whatever? Well, that's not really a restaurant. But yeah, all right. So yeah, you're right. It's a lifestyle Pussy We went out to eat there was no shoes off at the mcdonald's. Yeah, I was getting married. What are you doing? Um, so we yeah, we had to drink juice before We had to like pre game. Why is that juice costing expensive? Yeah too expensive

Also, think about do 10 fresh squeeze arms. No, you're gonna. That's a lot of fucking Yeah, I know once you're 80 bucks and drinks alone. I assume one soda After if you went out to dinner one soda. So what is this soda? No, no soda. They're doing no soda. We're doing juice in house There's no way we're doing how we're doing shots of juice in the station wagon How much of that has translated over into your adult life? Do you mess with candy or soda? I Have a program that I'm running right now. Okay I eat sugar once a week Because I was eating ice cream every night after dinner and it wasn't making me fat

It was just gross. It was just gross What it was doing to my like blood sugar. I was like this can't be good So I I feel like the best way to do it is have a cheat day But it's sometimes a sunday. Sometimes tuesday. I eat dessert all day There's no go. Yeah, I just go. I know on that day. Yeah, like french toast, but french toast is dessert sure So You're doing it, right? Uh, so I do have a I have weird Discipline things. Okay, like I talked about in the show blocks on Netflix

Where like at one point I was wearing a watch on stage that would shock me So I would smile more those guys to remind me to smile more It's a longer story. But yeah, it's like I'm now that sums it up for me very like Disciplined about it's like OCD or something it no It's not I just know that like if I have a blocker on my phone for certain shit like I will indulge myself till like Wait past it like I'll just be on the internet for 17 hours unless you discipline yourself. So it's good How are you with booze and stuff? I I barely drink

I just don't like booze like it doesn't the way I don't like the way it makes you feel like I They don't make me feel bad, but it's not better. It's not yeah, it's not height It's not yeah, it doesn't I'm not I know people that like are euphoric from it. I'm just never euphoric from it. Okay All right, man dog collar shock of yourself special episode. Are you a psychopath? I like it. Yeah, that's good. Do you have human emotions? I gotta say you're the most charming robot They really make them look real nowadays Give them a whole backstory and everything Holy shit, what about pizza? Do you guys have a favorite pizza spot that you only in the basement once a month?

No, I contact when pizza was like a treat pizza was a treat yourself Yeah, we got it. You need five pies to feed. Yeah, I was gonna say how many pies would it take to Satisfy the Brennan's there. We do frozen. So we wouldn't rarely brand we talking. This is big I want to say tostina. Is that a thing? Okay stone tostina's tostina's pizza rolls Yeah, tostina's also they're also in the frozen pizza. Maybe tombstone tombstone. Yeah, they were they were big back in the 80s and 90s. What about ellio's you any stranger to the ellio's pizza? Don't know it. What is that philly? Ooh, but it's this guy might be working deep cover. I don't feel like it doesn't know about ellio's This guy's a russian

Where are you from sicklandville that cherry hill you fucking nothing on that It looks familiar officer Also, you said when dude you saying when did two undercover cops get a podcast in a home run? Yeah, it's all right, huh? Let's talk about now a little bit All right, um Do you want a tux? Yeah, I got a tux In all right, but here's some dirtbag shit

Got a tux in 2004. Hold on his wallet Oh Give me money I don't know how it gets dirty. It starts. Is my eye rubbing against the inside maybe. I don't know. I'm not a glasses guy I don't mind mine does the same thing. It's like I don't know what happened I use my shirt though using the classy handkerchief. That's clack goes in the classy Used to blow their nose. Oh Do I into the pocket? Yeah, wait my face with it. Oh, yeah, you're damn right with with a clean corner

Yeah, yeah, that hit me with a root beer barrel. Keep it moving I Got a tux in 2004 It's coming back to me now. I got it at the armani outlet out let jersey In jersey that's where the armani outlet should be is in jersey and then held it and then wore it again They wanted chappelle to do best sketch show at the emmy's I got it for the emmy's in 04 uh, and then

and then uh I got shut out if you're wondering Went home went home empty um and then uh The and then they were they wanted Dave to do Best sketch show so it was like come do it with me. So I wore Tux got it more like fitted modern, but somebody said I look like a

Belman You wore an outlet Tux to the emmy's twice. That's all right over 15 years. What about suits? What's the suit situation? I got a couple suits. I just picked up a couple in thailand like three four years ago. Really? I'm real cheap, but that's that's the go-to thing everybody gets some custom made Out there for like two 300 bucks. Yeah, and I got another gory one Bert did it you did it already did it I got another free one John legend had wears a lot of uh

Some label it's a guy's name paul smith and so they did some dinner honoring john And then they john made a guest list and all of us got free suits Afterwards you're to wear to the thing to wear Really? Yeah. Oh to go and I'm such a dirtbag. I had to go like So i'm not gonna have to pay for this. I don't have to pay taxes on us or nothing This isn't a gift technically. I I this is a name good story about cheapness

So if you're a nike athlete you get A hundred thousand dollars a year in free shit. Yeah, my cousin was one. Yeah. Yeah, so what did he play soccer? Yeah, so they uh, so like Blake Irvin's a buddy of mine basketball player and um, it's not like he uh, he's very funny dude. She's on mine next to him right now, uh, and um he So he would he gives it to me, right? He'll give me he'll give me like hey go run around

Uh, you gotta wear his sizes though I know it's kind of sucky. Yeah, it's kind of sucky giant blankets, uh warm-ups Um The uh, anyway, so I was taught I did a commercial with Giannis onto to cupo recently and I was asking him about it He goes, I don't use it because they tax you on it Oh, yeah, you probably have to be like thirty three thousand that guys are real I like it nice and tight that kid keeps I saw him spend the hundred grand because they'll tax you on the hundred grand

He moved the Gatorade bottle out of a way in an interview one time because he wasn't sponsored by them. He was like, nope Yep, that's like At one time flu goes are they paying are they paying are they paying are we like now? Right off the table when jordan put the american flag around the he the The 92 dream team had the revoc logo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, put the american flag Um, because he's an animal Yeah, he's a fucking monster that guy. Yeah, I heard he used to wear a bracelet to shock himself So we knew when to smile door. He's not he he's not that hard. I heard he gave himself the flu

Let's talk about thailand, uh, well travel Let's cut the shit and talk about those dudes, huh? I got two words for you lady boy. Let's go. Um, how well traveled are you? I'm uh, I've gone to Bunch of europe and a bunch of asia bunch of europe is that for work or for Like what's a new? What's a new?

Christmas i'm gonna go to thailand and i'm gonna do a show in bangkok nice and chang mai I've done shows in singapore Tokyo, hong kong It's so fun, dude. Yeah, because they can't believe you're there Yeah, and you don't have to like my acts like fine. We love right now because I just released something. So it's like it'll be decent in well, it's also It's like you land in that country. You were just by default the funniest guy in the country. You know what I mean? It's just yeah, you could be like an open mic or here and go to you know, wherever and it's like

Oh, you're the most proficient at the skill. Did you have you seen this guy and he's like fine. Yeah, um, he has like two good jokes Uh, so I go I do shows and then walk around Nice attacks right off that way too. Yeah. No, you're right. Your dog goddamn right. Yeah, I can't want to talk to you about ladder, baby Love that ladder. Yeah, we love that ladder gang. There's a lot of things in life That you don't feel like doing me cleaning my room making my bed brushing my teeth Some things you can put off some things you can't let me know in the morning Some days you just want to stay in bed for two weeks But gang term life insurance is something you can't push off do yourself a favor

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It's all I need put on 300 pounds. Is it difference? Believe me. No, no, thanks I'll take your word for it. Thubsie Look, I appreciate the offer I have I have a shocker on me to make sure what I eat. Yeah This is what happens when you're a lot of drink juice at the i-hop. Yeah, this is yeah, this is the You got both those two better than any of us gave it credit for sure They were kind of the bone added in posts um

Yeah, no that makes sense business class business class, but I like a little bit more space. I like points I like to fly with American I made executive platinum again this year. You're welcome. There you go. God damn patriot over. I'm uh, I'm also there's a thing called concierge key That it's like they don't talk about it. Mm-hmm. It's a wink wink nudge nudge situation. They got to invite you. There's no Is that just with american? Yeah qualifications kind of vague I made it one year Really? And then and then what's that like 500,000 miles or something you gotta fly? I don't know. I I don't know It's that vague because I've flown two. I've done on 28 americans this year

american flights so Damn, I don't I mean i'll probably I feel like i'm gonna make concierge. You flew american out here from the coast, right? Yeah, I was in austin. Yeah, you're not you were not you live in la. Yeah live in la. Okay. La la la. All right Ever worn a fedora? No But I'll I look decent in them really but I don't wear them For you Where for yourself? Because I don't want you guys to have to look at a guy in a fedora. Gotcha

But I look cute. I look like surprisingly like it wouldn't be but it's just awful. How about a kengal? Do you have a Which board of kengal? No, I'm pretty light on the on the I've never really done a black scent Okay, never done like a kengal Which? But uh You hurt um Yeah, I've never really done much with black scent never wore a kengal never wrapped never freestyle wrapped never one

There was never like a we never ever ever Never thinking about it Shappell show 2004 you're a young guy So you were in the what about like ed hardy or anything. Were you wearing ed hardy shirts? I would have had like a pant leg. Yeah a visor on upside down. What's the ski guy? It was more of like the but it was more of like the supreme skateboard. All right I would have been riding an atv through new york Live for rough riders

Dear rough riders just videos. Have you ridin doing stunts in your backyard? DMX is right and you down, bro The video is on love kicking it What? No, so no ed hardy. Okay. No ed hardy. No, it's pretty good. Was there a first? Um Because even though your dad was a lawyer you had a lot of kids It's humble beginnings to a degree humble and it's like both. I have the same thing But was there when you got like your first big check for whatever that was was there?

Um are an irresponsible purchase Did you buy anything stupid you got a jet ski? I bought an apartment and I bought a big-ass big screen Really and I had a massage chair which they somebody got me which of sharp rematch. I mean it was pretty great Where'd you buy the apartment in new york? Yeah, where? 58th and 6th and I'm one and I lost money on it really Very hard to do. Yeah, it's right there crazy. I lost money. How many bedrooms? Two two bedrooms right you were living in that

Why the why the show was going on? I bought it after the second season young kid new york city 30 living in Manhattan Yeah, killin it. That's all right crushing ass Are you crushing ass? Um, that's what I like to hear pieces on punk. You must have been getting a real piece. That's that's pretty responsible though Yeah, I bought an apartment and a big ass. Oh, I got a car. I got a lake alexis So looking back Yeah, you know they have rims on it Come on. No now no rims

What color was it? Purple canary yellow It was uh, no, it's black It was it's custom. I mean it was like, you know off the rack cocaine white motherfucker Yeah, no it was nothing wild. What are you driving in nowadays? What do you went through right now? I got that tesla I got that tesla because uh You guys know how I don't experience human emotions, right? Sure, right?

So anyway, you want to have someone to talk to so we have the same charging. So yeah, like me and the robot hit it off Uh, I got a uh, I test drove it I had like a I had the I had a I had a Prius and then I had the chevy bolt or the vault the one real not you're a real understated guy I try to be I mean you're rocking a Prius. I yeah, and then and then I respect that and then I don't I test drove a tesla Have you guys driven one? I've been in the back. I got an uber one time. They're so fucking I hit the gas pedal and laughed out loud

And I was like I have to get like nothing makes me laugh out loud So I got one and uh, I got you a couple times on the step So I point that out look and I'm gonna buy you at the end of this. It needs to be rebooted. Come on. It's what's your price? Um, I'll let them go for 15,000 Um, you take no candy bullshit. I'll tell you that it's like a horse. It's real expensive to feed them You know what I mean? It sees anybody can buy it. It's the maintenance. It's the ink That's where they get. Yeah, uh, so I got a tesla. Okay, and uh

But and I had a Rolex And even though you didn't ask no, but I didn't I was like, what am I getting at? I made someone get it for me Okay on a job You put that in like your rider or whatever. It was I wrote for ellen's Last eight netflix ellen's degenerates last netflix. Okay. I'd never said anything about money and then our agents like what money you want I was like, just get me rolling

That's just big in the Rolex game. Okay. I didn't want to really. I wanted ellen's fucking She's like sharp, huh? She's sharp as fuck and funny as shit You had them pick it out. Just give me give me something. It's a longer story. But yeah, um, but uh, Yes, she's funny as fuck and like of constantly flipping fucking out Constantly flipping real estate Smart like written. She likes the action. Are you doing any of that? You got any investment properties floating around I'm an nft. I put it all in crypto, bro. Did you know? No, I put none of it. What'd you do with the Rolex? You sold it got rid of it. Yeah, I just sold it

Really? Yeah, because they appreciate. No, I know That's pretty trashy. You took a gift That's not a gift. Yeah, but it was a payment. Yeah, it's like yeah, but that's how did you make money off of the deal Yeah, what how much was the watch worth not how much but you made more than what they bought the watch for you for Yeah, for sure Does it say like too neal love ellen or anything? It says the name of the special relatable If you're out there and you have the Well, I'll buy it and put it on set

Goddamn rich person jokes of like Rolex relatable wink. Get it. Uh-huh. It's not relatable You poor motherfucker. That's like John Voigt's labyrinth. I like that. What is that? Rolex from Seinfeld. Oh he ever heard of it? George was driving around in the car. He thought oh, that's really yeah, but it was the Periodontist John Voigt not the actor that's very funny every time I watch very little Seinfeld whenever I hear about I'm like very funny. Yeah, he knows they know what they were doing those two. You got a pool out at the house I just got a pool. Well, you said you you put a pool in now. I got I moved and got a place for the pool yet Nice never had a pool sold the old place

Nope This guy's like owns multiple properties. I like it. I hate to have to go public with any of this Well, you worked hard. What are you talking about people? Nobody thinks that worked hard. That's crazy No, but first of all, nobody thinks that worked I'm doing all right. All right, of course. Yeah, jacuzzi in the pool Yeah, right now on the side of it. Now, by the way, it's it's not a big pool. When we have rich guys on it's in ground, right? Yeah, okay

Is it salt water or regular regular and do you walk in or is it steps? Do you have like the beach entry? Steps I don't like the beach entry. Do you have any kind of filtration system in the house with the water? Like soft water. I have uh, I have a burky A burky which is like that's reverse osmosis, right? No, it's like it's uh, it's like a thing. It's like a crab It's like a silver thing. Oh, is it have like the spring on the top? You take it off and then you have to put my wife has it. Yeah, that's pretty good. It does some chemistry Some process you don't got it. No, my wife does. Are you not married anymore? Uh, no, I am married, but I don't why the Poland spring, man

Yeah, I got the five gallon jug that was uh, I got like the I do the job like the that one Yeah, well now they go in from the bottom, but yeah, do they really don't a lot of technology over there What you open at the bottom it slides in you put the thing on Oh, wow, like it's not like a used car dealership or anything good good for them. Yeah I do I do use the cone cups though. Just like three ounces. Yeah. Yeah. You got two sinks in the bathroom One second and then yeah No, you know what I have though that to speak to my electric shock, you know the airport thing where it's the sensor You got a sensor in your bathroom. Yeah the soap too

No, just the just the water. Oh, really? I don't waste it. Holy shit. Yeah, it's like a fancy restaurant No, it's there. They're on amazon you can that's the thing if you just want you got one of those you go on amazon They're like not expensive I just got a pizza cutter like for the first time like a fucking like a fucking king of england I just it was like that's for rich people and I looked on heaven. I was like 999 you saw it on the crown and you're like, what the hell is that? These brits know what they're doing. Let's go fucking a they deserve to be in charge Been cutting this pizza with a spoon my whole life Uh, what's in the shower brain fall? What do we got?

I have Rainfalls I like the I want to fucking spray my ass. Oh, you like to handle. Yeah handle. Yeah glass not it's not a curtain, right? Glass. Yeah. Oh, here you go Toto toilet today Okay, the photos are nice I'll give it to you Japanese. I believe Japanese. Yeah. Um family owns a plumbing cot. Is that real big deal No big n bd. You have a bath mat or is it just a towel on the floor? I got a fucking relatable bath mat from melon

Really? Yeah, that's kind of trash. How about the monogram house? You do It's her previous owner, but it's Ellen's initials. I'm kidding I was part of the deal. Yeah, you just sort of the don't forget about me Uh, no, it's my initials any heated floors Now that seems like a That seems like a waste la you wouldn't need that. I would exactly yeah Any fruit trees in your backyard lemon orange? Good. Good question. Just planted an orange Okay, have front did we redo in the front yard redo in the front yard? Yeah, that's what I'm talking about

Now when you throw up christmas decorations in a house like that. No, no you do the tree inside No, no tree. I'm not I don't robots don't have religion Yeah, I don't know christmas decorations. That's an add on it to purchase No, because then you got to store them and you got you know what I mean Real you know, I know rich people that'll have a company come and just put them all up themselves and then come down They take them all off. There's no stores to go. This is the package. I want apply that to my house break it down when we're done Interesting. I want to look into that. I don't I'm not interested though. And I'm also going to be in thailand Do you host any dinner parties or no? I don't even have a table, but

I have a table. I left the fucking furniture at the old place. I'm written it out Rich guy shit Gary v always be clumsy. I'm screwing them on the rent too. That's what I like to say Not gave the fucking guy a break No gave him a break because the day he moved in The day he moved in they started Destroying the the land behind the apartment. It's a townhouse slack So obviously he was like I want to move and I was like I'll just I don't want to be an asshole

Because I've had really shitty landlords. Yeah, wait the old house was a townhouse. Yeah. Okay. All right. Yeah This one's single family. This one's a single family. All right. There you go Yeah, how long were you living in that in a town 11 years? Really? Yeah, huh? Bumps me out a little bit. How come a townhouse? Do you want more from me? Yeah a little bit. I expect a little bit more from you, mr. I mean I try to keep a low profile. I like it. I mean, he's got a Prius, you know Prius townhouse He's got the reverse osmosis or whatever. He's doing it. There's no joy

To me. I don't it feels like rubbing it in people's faces. Okay. That's part of the fun I know I don't I but people it's pretty class people don't want me to do that Do you know what I mean? Sure people assume all this shit about me like pink shirt stuff And you think you're better than me So I don't want to be like yeah, if I wore that at Christmas, I'd be getting you think you're better than me Yeah, uh, so yeah, so I that makes sense. And I also am like Catholic and from Philly. So like Just it's like So this might be too open in it, but then what does what does bring you joy?

Where is your joy coming in your life? I think that's an underlying issue. You guys ever had pussy before? Hey fat ass you ever get laid? You ever kiss a girl? Let me ask you this Uh joy. No, I get joy like I'm very happy about I'm making these specials. I like my life's great For you the action is the is the juice you like I like doing the I like making I like making it. Yeah, like I like that's really fun I like the relationships Uh, and I like being

In common I just like it. How about cologne you rock any cologne? I got uh, you know, what's the under underrated fragrance to car? And Very good Very classy very cowboy um I the amber that's that's amber the scent amber Is very good. Hmm. So I got an amber. Is that is that a brand name? No, it's just a scent

If you get amber the rock the mineral rock. Yeah, whatever it is. We don't know what it is And what do you do probably a flower you do a little they gave me a roller. Okay. This guy smells like a dinosaur I like the new t-rex. Yeah Uh, so yeah the roller. Yeah, so it's like an essential oil ish type thing. You flossin every day I keep a floss on me a stick or the string break it out. Let's see. Really are they the blinds? I mean this is on this this baby's been going a week. You can see some wearing Whoa, that's crazy. Get them out of here kneel kneel. Come on dude. That's dirty. That's crazy It's wearing tear, huh?

I don't care how many pink shirts you own. That's fucking crazy likes Uh, what about deodorant? What are you using? Uh, arm and hammer you do that's the clear stuff. That's good. Toothpaste aluminum free toothpaste. I'm going sencidine All right. Yep. All right. You brush your teeth in the shower Huh? No, no you brush my teeth in the shower a lot of people do really? Yeah 50% of the people I would say Are you peeing in there you pee in the shower? Come on, of course. Okay. All right. That's Don't insult me. Have you ever been to a renaissance fair? No

Where you shopping now? Where you do the grocery shop a night? Just get it delivered. I got uh Whole foods and walking distance Walk up there bring my own bag. That's why LA is so cool, man. Fuckin you're in like a suburban bike. Wow I'll ride that thing. Suburban neighborhood and you're right out right out into the action. Yeah, it's suburban LA is really suburban honestly I would say it's like king of pressure in pennsylvania Big fan sure For real like whenever the first time I went to LA. I was like, oh, this is just like king of pressure Yeah, I worked at the king of pressure mall for a little while appreciate it fragrance. That was the old

That was the rich mall. Yeah, was it really? We were oxer valley. We were bucks county. Was that a shitty mall? Yeah, I mean shittier. Yeah once a year We went to the king of pressure mall around christmas That was it once a year to a smashing grab Ha ha ha ha. Come on. Get the purses. Let's go. Is it you know, what's interesting about the modern smashing grabs? They're all wearing the nike hoodie. Yeah. Yeah with the tight with the tight. Yeah I have that hoodie that I had to stop where we all do. Yeah, and uh And the other thing I love seeing is whenever there's a

Looting situation Someone always comes out and slips. Yeah Every time the other day a kid ran into the glass door knocked himself out. Yeah, I saw that. Yeah, great. Yeah, it was all right Fantastic. Um anyone in your family ever owned a pt cruiser No, we had the station wagon ever been in a helicopter No, I'm not dying to be in a helicopter. I'm with you on that Float private before though. Yeah, never on my own dime though. Gotcha. Even better. Yeah, you know, what's interesting about private jets It's like a it's uh, it's like what it's like people are so broken

That we're all so hooked on like betterment and shit. Sure every not every time but 90 of the time I've been on a private jet you land And uh, the person who got the private jet will go that was the jet. I wanted to get there's always a bigger better jet They couldn't get that they wasn't available every like every time they bring up like oh, that's why we could have been in that Private jet. Yeah, set it down here. We're getting I heard the turbo rush is brutal sometimes too. I wouldn't like that Uh, I haven't experienced that buddy. Okay, we bought you can pay enough Hey god This has been 15 grand

That's good. The other here's the other downside of uh, uh private jets. It's you have to be social Ah, which you don't think about as like a thing on planes the fun is you just go in your little thing. Yeah When you're on a private jet, it's like a cocktail party. It's somebody else paid. He got Fuck it. I got your nose. You're doing that. Hey doing bits of fucking. Hey break dance. I'm gonna go down. I'm gonna go downstairs Can't put on your headphones and watch training. No, yeah, and you gotta piss in a jug on a lot of them a lot of them don't have bathrooms Uh, I feel like I have a good story about that Really? I've never heard. I didn't see it, but I heard the story Before 9 11

There was the at the aspen comedy festival. There was a like a little puddle jumper It wasn't even a private jet. It was like a 10 seater from denver to aspen That tracy morgan was on and there was no bathroom And tracy had to piss so bad. He ended up going into the cockpit and pissing In a bottle in front of the captain Jesus And it was fine. That's all right. Before 9 11. They were they were they welcomed it You could go up there and check in with the pilots

Pull the rudder Um, if you're home at the house, do you ever eat in front of the tv? You're I only in front of the tv Really? And here's a cheap story so I Need furniture for my place. Uh-huh a friend of mine brought a friend of hers to the taping of my netflix special blog And uh, I always look to the monitor for some reason available on that available on that flex globally globally um, and uh So she works for some design furniture firms. Okay. You got me 50 off nice. I fucking cleaned up. There you go

Yeah, you do walk in both worlds. Yeah cheap and and cheap and luxury. Do you have name brand luggage? Somebody again, here you go. Here's a cheap store cheap story. Somebody was throwing out a You got the randy jackson collection like my the last suitcase I bought was at raw stress for less It was a nautica nautica Uh nautica after that You're shopping at raw stress for less. I i'm wearing raw socks as we speak my friend I get they got nba socks at raw right now. There you go On lincoln and la like riffin would not approve. No, I well, but so I told him I went to ross and he goes

I got I got so many bags. Ask me. I'm like I'm gonna ask you for Hey, you got a seal. Hey, man. You got a suitcase They get those guys get New luggage every season. Yeah from the team I always wanted to ask an athlete that because I think about how I would operate like if I was a baseball player I'm like when I want to when I want a brand new uniform every time But I want a new glove what I want new cleats this that

Well, they get because they all their luggage is handled for them. Uh-huh. So his the luck he gave me I think it was the clippers like 32 it's his says 32. It's all bro. It's all like so they can ID it for Travel that's awesome. Yeah, uh and And then somebody bought me Roller bag my the guy who ad's the commercials. I don't does it roll straight up or is it the drag? I think it's all I think it was everything. Yeah. Do you have a charger in it phone? No, I had that one with the I got that one made someone buy me the scooter

Who do you making you buy stuff? Wait, did you write you're not going through jfk? I put on that thing I never had the heart to use it. No By the way, the thing's like fucking half charger. Yeah, that's what they don't tell you. There's a car battery Yeah, it weighs like six pounds. It's half charger Yeah, uh, so So, yeah, so I never used that but now I have a uh One of those like north face or one of them. Okay Anybody in your family ever claimed to have seen a UFO?

No My family's super square like that. Okay. I've recently in the last two years Been drinking ayahuasca and this is the longest I've gone on a podcast without bringing it up. Okay. Um, and I've recently entered the world of fucking Wow wild shit. Okay. Wild Uh, how much you charge for that ayahuasca? I don't I don't charge for it. It's it's uh 700 bucks for a weekend. Oh, yeah All right. Okay. When you do an ayahuasca

Are you like doing it in like a shack by a ymca because I have a lot of homies who did that said it wasn't great No, I'm doing it in a circle Yeah, it's like a journey. We call it a journey. Uh, that's how it's a circle It's like a more or less like a church. Oh, you're not just taking it at the house. No, I know people that are doing it and putting on the wall I don't know. I don't know that I was doing that. I was like, what are you doing? He's like, yeah, the guy sent it to me. I would just drink it and lay in bed. I was like You're fucking with real Spirit so you go on like spiritual retreats

Yeah, in essence did one two weeks ago. What really what do they give you to vomit into? a Ace hardware clear plastic bucket That stack the stack ones compare that to like the effect like a like mushrooms like a mushrooms are like a fun party This is ayahuasca is not A party and it's entirely unpredictable. I've had Some of the worst experiences of my life sounds great. You got to do it I've had it like really helped me and I've also had

I've been thrust into outer space by myself and the universe died And my brain was I'd think what my brain would go And I was like, oh, I'm gonna be fucking Roger. Well, I'm gonna be I'm gonna be pink Floyd like I And then I did DMT which I talk about in my new special blocks Um, I always look not even in the camera. I'm looking at a like the compute. I'm looking at the power outlet Um, he's looking at the sun god. I didn't see it. It was to my TMT was fucked me up way past anything I would suggest I Had the thought not only is this the worst day of my life. This may be the worst day of any life ever

It was this guy's a real party. Yeah, it's gonna see a kid likes to party. I'm all right wild Oh wild. Hey, did you ever go to space and hate your life? No, I love the whole universe is being murdered We're shut it down babies Saturn I don't even share in an elevator black holes. You're crazy done. It's we're shut it. We're pulling the lever It's over, but I was an atheist when I started and now I believe in God So like again, there's like it's there's plus and minus That's pretty DMT was

Not ayahuasca. Ayahuasca is great. People always get confused. Ayahuasca is great. It's it's uh, Natural it's well, they're both natural technically Um, but It's Way gentler than five meo bufo is what it's called the the toad the thing Mike Tyson talked about where I'm like He's done it like 50 times. I did it once and I was fucked up for five months Uh, where I couldn't do drugs kids. I couldn't look at sunsets. I couldn't look at the apple screensaver on the monitor Jesus because it was too like I understood

how old earth just shit that like No human being should Go like I I would go ahead. Just get some weed, dude. What are you doing? We don't work for me You got a bag on me right now. Straighten me out. No, I like that. That's awesome. No, it's for dude. It's walking wild Yikes, I know this guy was a nerd this dude fucking Or whatever you call I'll do whatever it's like I did I used to acid and fucking shrooms all the time This guy's looking inside the universe. I like it. Is this happening right now? I'm back

No, yeah, it's fucking wild. Have you ever worn pants that zip into shorts No, I don't even know what that is ever been on a yacht Uh, I feel like must the answer must be yeah, okay, but I can't think of when In this dimension Well, have you had Nate Bargazzi on here? Not yet. Not yet. Well, he's had like He talked like Paul Allen who died but he like sure crow Created microsoft. Yeah. Yeah, um, and he's the neil brand of microsoft And uh, he but he would have he'd had like he had a yacht

And it would be like jimmy buffet He would just invite people on the yacht and then he had Nate come and do comedy for him Oh, that's awesome. Like he had to go to Thailand to get on the yacht. That's pretty sweet. Yeah When was the last time you were on a boat? Do you know? Uh, where have I been? I can't think I can't think well, I mean, I know that there's a river in Thailand Um

I don't love boat. I get seasick got wet brain. You get seasick. Yeah, okay. Yeah, all right, which actually doesn't help me with ayahuasca Like it hits me pretty hard. Oh, yeah, you think you'd be yeah. Yeah. Do you have a travel agent? No, I don't think they exist anymore. Do they they do my mom just booked us to try a trip to disney On with a travel agent. Let me know when you're coming. I got the travel agents got all the information. This is in 1988 You're going to disney now. This is 2022. We're going next week. Epcot coming soon. Uh, the travel agent I had I used to travel agent like three tours at three three four years ago. I used to but I gave him the wrong TSA number

So ever I didn't get TSA pre check for like 12 airports in a row and I yelled at them and it was sweet It was a miscommunication. You're pre-checked now, right? Yeah global entry Come on clear clears a fucking waste of money Okay, I might do the clear because what kind of credit cards you got amix platinum and it's free on amix platinum Yeah, that's what But it's never long enough. I saw that it's free now On amix

Yeah, but then I went on the website the website's bunk. It doesn't work. I don't know. I think if you're in line They grab you and no, no, no, I even to apply. Oh really for amix Is that your only card you're rocking? What else you got? You got a capital one. You got to discover a visa You got a visa. I do commercials for chase. Okay With kevin heart what they give you a card No, oh, you just throw it in our face. I just want people to know I do commercials for chase I'm supposed to like I'm like I feel like if I'm gonna endorse it. I should it's gotta be one of your push

Send them a card. What are we doing here? Oh, I think I'm pretty I'm pretty good. Well, what do you think the verdict is? I don't know It's very rare, but I I would say it's a coin flip. Let me ask you this. It's a 50 50 It's tough. Give me just a couple more cues here to figure this out um At a restaurant, will you when you're done eating will you stack the plates and get them ready for the waiter to take them away or no? Only if it helps me If it gets out of me, yeah, if it's like if it's but I'm not gonna do it

If you're doing the word search or something like I'm not gonna do it like I worked I was I was a waiter for 11 years. I know what yeah, like what's the splitting of the check situation You picking up the check, um You and Nate Barghetti. You and Nate Barghetti go out to go out to lunch. I I we'd probably split Really? There's a Generally speaking if I feel like I have more money than the person I'll pay without question I'm not even thinking about like not a question. Okay But the thing is that happens like that's the world Nate lives in also

Or like Blake or rock like somebody that I'm eating with So We will split because that it feels that's a gentleman. Gotcha. It just feels nice to like Not have to work like sure but worry about it. Are you getting still water or sparkling water tap? You're doing tap. Yeah Appetizers for the table to share or just for you Are you sharing? We'll share but here's the thing one of 10 kids There was not a lot of sharing sure there was not I'd never seen someone

Do the thing where they got I'm going to the kitchen. You need anything till I was like in my 20s I just I was like, what do you mean? You'll you would do something? Yeah Yeah, I took him to the kitchen and he was was ever in the pot. You're a big fatty Hey, you're not wrong. You may be crazy, but you're not wrong. Um cardiologist is the same thing to me Um, he calls you a big fatty Everybody does that's kind of rude. I mean, I don't he's not I maybe it's in the in the medical books No, but I saw him the other day and he was like, uh, I was like, can I drop dead at any moment? He's like, yeah, you could walk out of here and you know a lot of things that I'd be

You could walk out of here. You could get hit by a car or in your case You could be a shake shack and not have your credit card That's a direct quote for my card. Not bad. It's a fucking good time. This guy's got a real like This guy's got a real got a real essence I don't know what it is, but he's got it. Uh, yeah, so not a lot of uh You know, not a lot of sharing not a lot of sharing. Okay, but I but I do I have snapped at people about grabbing my dessert Every once in a while. What do you mean? Who grab like if someone like goes for us like a

Elon gold the comedian a couple years ago We were eating and he went and I was like I got like pissy with him Because it's not a club or are you out to dinner together? We're out to dinner. He didn't say anything. Can I try a bite of that? I would have done the same thing. That's kind of on him. Yeah, that's rude. Thank you. That's kind of Did he have a dessert as well? I don't know if he did So I know what you're at. Was it reciprocal? Yeah, I don't think he did was it discussed as order and like, hey I'm going to get this and you know, I didn't announce it in any way. Oh, yeah, he's wrong. Yeah, that's wrong. Yeah

I gotta give you that. Thank you. Have you ever changed asked to change a table at a restaurant? I mean No, not because it's well if it's like there's a There it's a there's a breeze. I have one right now that I'm thinking about So you guys stay in hotels pretty often, right? Yeah, so you know the thing when you that thing that like The foldy thing I have no idea. You put your luggage on luggage. Oh, yeah, I'll stand the little stand. So It's in the closet, right?

The so I open it and put my thing on it. The door won't close The stand is too wide to be open in the closet to be opened in the closet It's supposed to be put out in the room. It's not supposed to be opened in the closet It's the first time here and anybody try to keep it. I don't know if that's true though. Really? I don't I mean if they You I ended up putting it out in the room, but it takes a lot of space up and there's a There's enough room in the closet except for that much of the thing That does make sense. I'm getting ready to put in a call to the manager. He wasn't available The manager not the front desk. Well, whatever. Yeah, the front desk. It ain't gonna go anywhere. You got to get you got to speak

You got to talk to talk to her. You got to talk. You got to talk to her. So what I'm gonna it's like just shape They're shavable They're because the I like measure it's like you can they get a buzz saw and some black paint And the whole they changed the complexion of the whole hotel Do you you know you don't expect him to do that at this visit? Do you Were you like hey get up here and you know fix this all's all whack this up for me. I brought a sawn I got a sawn

No, you don't no No, but they it's one of these things where I'm like, this is an easy solve and it's like a big to flaw It's like a very obvious Unforced error that like guys, you know, no one can close this. I think you might be the only person trying that I never thought about you called down just to let them know called down shot over the bow Is there a manager available? And I'm not a big like calling the front desk guy. I hate it. Um, but this felt like I'm paying a good amount for this room fucking

Like yeah, let's spruce it up a little bit. I think you might just be thinking this might be the ayahuasca You've broken the paradigm of the thought because I don't think anybody's ever no one's ever mentioned that But I would say a A trashy person wouldn't think to do that a classy gentleman. I know but that's the thing See, I'm classy for wanting to do it, but I'm trashy for wanting to call the manager Do you know what I mean? Yeah, and like thinking about buzz saws and and how much paint it's gonna take The last thing that I got um

We go to a wedding, uh-huh um A friend a close friend. Yeah, what do you what do you what do you put in the envelope drop it in the envelope there Kind of casually looking at I'm doing a joke about this now Where I got my buddy a gift that was 950 They got divorced a year and a half later. I sued him for fraud Really? I'm kidding. Oh Jesus christ. I was like, I don't know Right

I'm a real Karen Call him down there. Hey, what do you got? Were you gonna be there? Um, Got a leaf blower at the same time. I'm thinking of my uh, my The last three people my niece just got married. Okay example Go ahead I'll write it down. Yeah Time anybody's done this Segura did it with how much he spent on his birthday dinner

That's funny. And then we framed it Did you read it? Of course 52,000. Wow, we don't have to read this one though. Yeah, but we're gonna Soon as you leave it's not like it's not even 52,000. Where did he go? I forget I don't think he gave us the name of it because it was like a relatively yeah with some restaurant in Chicago Yeah, some joint in Chicago. He said it was a group of people there. It was an audience crazy stuff like that That's good. That's good. That is such an odd number though. Why wasn't it right? You know the five below. I don't know that the fact that you landed on that number How did you deliver that was that in that wasn't in cash, right? No, uh, yeah

Yeah, I had them center check. Yeah, you center a check or brought it to the wedding with you. No, I didn't bring it And you just said you had them send a check so you're like whoever handles it. You're like yeah, yeah, yeah your business people Yeah Yeah, that kind of tipped it over for me. I'm gonna go out first. I Neil you're classy I'm we're gonna it's gonna be a hung jewelry here. I can't I think you're classy. I can't give it to you. He's using fucking Bath mats and did you recommend to the front desk how they should fix the thing? I'm gonna he's got these He's got an architect you're gonna say shave off a little bit. Yeah, because I did I know how much room

It's out. I mean, it's like a fucking quarter of an it. It's not it's like nothing and they could fix it All right, you're garbage. Yeah, what are we talking about here? Yeah, I don't think you're wrong. I think I am. Yeah. No, no. Yeah. Yeah, you yeah, you can walk in both worlds It's I can walk in both. I was pulling for you though, but I'm more I didn't want to be Classy. Okay. You know what I mean? You hand me down luggage from NBA players. That's trashy. That's really trashy I want here's a trashy story for you. So that was Rolex. I know A monogram gift. I fenced it. Yeah. You did you fenced it? I fenced the goddamn watch

I'm here's a very trashy story I was flying business to london business class and um It was like I was in England for a second Everyone's deboarding and

Actually, I think it was first class. It was somebody paid for it And you know what they called on british airways upper class, which is like fuck you. That makes you feel wealthy Wow, anybody can get bumped up to first class. Well, the first one in the upper class I got they having a masseuse on the fucking thing going around nice offering people Massages, I'm in there and then I got it. They give you like a comforter I got hot fudge on the comfort on a white comforter They should be giving you a white comforter. That's their fault. Not great. And then so this time second time Oh, I got a real good trashy story

About saying at the mandarin oriental in hong kong roll keep rolling tape keep rolling tape Um, that's a nice joint. Yeah. Oh, yeah, uh, you know what they do in these nice hotels They they pump fragrance into the lobby Really? Yeah, real nice And then they sell the closets are too small. Yeah, but yeah, you got to talk to the manager Um, try to find a loaves in hong kong forget it. Um, that's actually where they make all the tools So go into the source Yeah, I know you got it

Minglo, I didn't know how like You know what I mean? I don't want to get I don't I'm not gonna do an accent. I'm not fucking Shane Gellis. Yeah, please One of my an idiot. Uh, what am I gonna be one of the most popular comedians in the country? Shout out to shame. We were with them last week. Shout out to the young bull Uh, his special was fucking great. Um, he's the best the, uh Where am I? The mandarin man. No, I had a better. I had a good I had a good I was telling the dirtbags. Oh the upper class upper class

All right, so everyone you're back there. I'm back We sold this thing Set mr. Brennan, uh big fanny program, right? Little australian. We're all Deboarding south african. Someone was reading don rickles Autobiography. Yeah called like I'm kidding or whatever life is rickles left it on the seat But everyone deboarded. So I just fucking you stole the book stole somebody's book what they call prison. Cheeked it cheat

Huh Yeah, you're stealing stuff from upper class. You want to you want to shut the gentleman's rule You want to shut this thing down once and for all? Let's do it mandarin or an oh hong kong six years ago Uh Go to a vegan restaurant in hong kong Anyhow, uh That night I You think it's a fart, right? Oh, you really did shit yourself

Right, we all agree. Sure. Yeah. What do you mean? And uh, you're right a hundred percent of the time can't tell Uh, the lie detector Said that it was not a fart. It was not a fart and uh, you are the father straight up. Shat the bed the bed Yep, and But it was one of these things I was tired and I was like I could check it Went into the sheet the under sheet and the mattress They I just like crumpled them up put them off to the side

and then uh But I got a bare mattress with shit. Well, you know, yeah You just put the comforter back over it. Neck link. You don't know how I got around it. Anyhow long story short I call the front desk. I would shit in my bed in this closet. It's too small I want to refund to me. You know, it's 2020 hindsight. You know, it's easy to say Quarterback. Yeah, somebody snuck into my room and shit my underwear. This is ridiculous. Um, yay. It was Chinese Chinese as they come and

Long story short did the same thing the next night the next night. Yeah, learn nothing Did they say anything to you at the hotel when you checked out? What do you say? Probably hidden? They probably got rid of dead hookers and stuff. Yeah. No, yeah for real. Like, what do you say? There's nothing you could say but I haven't I somehow they're no reservations are available to me Around the world. Holy shit. Yeah, you're trash for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, mr. Neil Brennan Amazing brand new special out on netflix called blocks streaming globally. You got to check it out Absolutely amazing anything else you want the folks that don't know neil. I'm going on the road. There you go

Yeah, go to my website. Where can we get some text? neilbrennan.com slash shows By the way, side note Edgar Elmpo very terrifying writer. Mm-hmm a lot less terrifying when you read it in a baltimore accent Baltimore affiliate accent are right there. They're right. All right. It's at mid-atlantic. Yeah, they're fucking they got a row home together I would love to get a row home boldermore. Yo, this cry won't shut the fuck up Yeah, I'm sleeping dude. What's up, neil? Thank you so much for coming Congratulations on the special again blocks on netflix check it the fuck out pick up some ticks go see neil We love you to death kippy. What do you got for him? We're on the road as well

Boston road island, uh, those second shows are sold selling out. So get those grab tickets gang We love you and we'll see you next week. Peace