Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Neal Brennan Returns!

Episode Date: April 11, 2024

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast presents stand up comedian Neal Brennan! You know Neal Brennan from his podcast Blocks, the Joe Rogan Experience, The Chappelle Show, Tigerbelly w/ Bobby Lee, Stand up Comedy and his new special "Crazy Good" OUT NOW! Thanks for watching Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast. Come to a live show! Through the Roof Tour Tickets: https://areyougarbage.com/ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Fum: https://www.tryfum.com/garbage Promo Code: garbage True Classic: https://www.trueclassic.com/garbage Code: Garbage Mando: https://shopmando.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Hachi Maci, the 2024 Through the Roof Tour is about to launch, baby. Come out and see the boys at the stand-up comedy show, and then we answer your garbage questions. You've seen the clips, you know it's a good time. Grab the squad and come see the boys, baby. Yeah, it starts April 17th in Charlotte, North Carolina. Then April 18th, we're going to Nashville, Tennessee. April 19th in Tampa, Florida at the Tampa Theater.

April 20th at the Center Stage Theater in Atlanta, Georgia. Get all those tickets and tickets for all the other cities on the Through the Roof Tour at rugarbage.com. Welcome to another exciting edition of RU Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R.U.

Garbage. Oh, yeah. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a good to be classy. Yeah. Or to just a big old piece of trash I'm your host H fully coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition She's upstairs putting silverware on the microwave. Okay, she likes the way it looks. Okay broads on medicine

Oh, all right. My co's is coming at you from right next to me slightly amused this week. He is the CEO of are you garbage? He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan everybody What up gang? Thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you rate you subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube I just know those numbers are true to Roof cooking Obviously the greatest website of all time www.patreon.com Slash are you garbage you go over there you get up to a bajillion hours worth of content gang. It's a good time How about a shout out to our producer extraordinaire the magic band makes us all look good works to ones twos threes and fours

He crosses these any dots the eyes. It's T bone McCruffin's Toby McMullen everybody. What up boys? I'm stoked. I love this dude good energy. I mean call the shaman grab your barf bucket Call the shaman. Grab your barf bucket. We got the Emperor Ayahuasca in here, dude. Where's that ketamine drip? Gang along here in line. We couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly and I mean, incredibly special guest back with us again today. You can hear him every week on his amazing podcast blocks.

And he's got a brand new Netflix special out right now called Crazy Good. Give it up for Mr. Neil Brennan, everybody. There he is. There he is. The legend. I can feel him coming up with notes during the intro I can feel I feel his fucking brain just being like dork heck too long that's probably too mean to say yes yeah that's the right amount of mean last time I was here. There was only one fat one. I don't know what's going on No No, there were two Fellas I just want to say that all the guys back at the halfway house for you

Thank you, you're not theacker Jack, by the way, tell any we said hello. Give him my regards. Buddy, you look fantastic. Thanks for. Yeah, thank you. I feel like orange. I wore an eyes odd. That's a pretty that's a little cost.

The cost cost. Yeah. Alligator. Is this with this be classy? It is. You look. You also have very rich guy classy glasses That have a slight pink tint to them. Thank you. And when he cleans them, I feel like he's gonna tell you how you're wrong Yeah, I mean I did clean him. Hey busted out this I was like, oh, yeah, you took a sham. Wow out of your wallet No, I do carry it. I don't know if that's an old man thing or that's a no

Oh young cool kids are doing that great When you went into your wallet, I thought you were going to take a $100 bill out and just rip it real slow in front of us. Hey, you guys don't need to keep doing this. Look, podcast is over. Whatever point you thought you were making. Foley, there's a picture of you on the back wall, and you look like a high school offensive lineman who died in a driving accident.

If you can please do a cut away to that. Sure. Two of those things are true. Because you know, high school linemen aren't big, but they're just bigger than a normal guy. So let me explain the joke more. Alright, very good. He's even giving himself votes.

I know. He's even giving himself He's a stickler for a good boy. It's good If he's got a thought you're gonna hear it. That's my senior class portrait. You're referring to Stats real quick I played both sides of the line Tackle and offensive tackle and a little punt return Really? No like but you were on the, you weren't like returning kids. No, I'm joking. I did a defensive tackle and offensive tackle and then D tackle. It was a small school. He was homeschools. It was four on four. Did

you go to East Stroudsburg? No, no, I couldn't get into East Stroudsburg. All right. Yeah. That's a sort of, that's a, that's a very Ph yeah I did. Oh, yeah, I was about to go there in Kutztown where my one and I didn't get into East Brownsburg or Kutztown Oh or Kings College, so I went to Widener University. I Yeah, that was a temple man. Oh, all right. You guys weren't you guys didn't have the class for Towson State You guys weren't you guys didn't have the class for Towson State I don't even know what that is. I think Schumer went to towns and states. Ah nice in Baltimore No, yeah something we were I was a very you're going within an hour driving distance. Yeah, we weren't Shippensburg material Where did you go? You didn't go to college. NYU for a year. Oh,

explains the glasses. and the Saratoga water. Why don't you get why don't you get the big one? Listen to me. Pretty boy. I wanted you to know this is alright. So, I you shop at Whole Foods. We get it. Okay. No, I've seen sparkling water

before. You asked me what hotel I'm staying at. Yes. It's either good Yeah, staying around the corner Alright at the Ritz. Whoo. Oh, there we go. Couple things about the Ritz They don't know I'm there Well first they Netflix did a thing where they would only pay for so much of it Oh, yes, is it you're on a Netflix? Yeah Trip at the now last week. they paid for the whole thing, the whole Ritz.

And then this time they're like, we're not fucking doing this again. So they did the thing where they're like, well, we'll only pay for part of it. Then I have to do the thing where they kind of call my bluff. And then I go, fine, put me in the Marriott. But I'm like, oh, no, let's I'm I'm staying here. So what do you have one? You'll reimburse me. Are you split? I was going to say you split. No, you're going to put

that on two cards and Netflix. No, I kind of I don't know how it's going to work, but it's not that bad. I don't get lost in the shuffle of a. Yeah, guys, I need views. Yeah, it sounds like somebody check the numbers real quick. Yeah, it's either

that or going to take they're going to take his pillows tonight. Yeah, it sounds like somebody checked the numbers real quick. Yeah. It's either that or they're going to take his pillows tonight. Yeah. Huh. OK. Wow. Nice.

And the water was in the room. And then I drank. I killed it yesterday and then went to the gym and refilled it. Ah. See, I don't know if you remember. Last time, your verdict was garbage. But it was very much you could walk in both worlds. Yes, real day walk.

So you're staying at the Four Seasons, but you're refilling the bottle out of the toilet. Yeah, from the gym. Yeah, yeah, that's correct. You dip into the snacks up there in the room? I never dip into the snacks. Because of financial reasons or? Yeah, in fact, this is up here, Allie.

My girlfriend, we met in Thailand, shut up, in Thailand shut up I said shut up I didn't say anything her English was getting there We gotta do it. We're gonna lose our license if we don't make these jokes. Listen, big comedy's gonna come down on me. We got board members to answer to. We got shareholders in this operation. Our caseworker's gonna come by any minute. Man, what a life. If you would've told me at some point, I would've told Neal Brennan his girlfriend had a dick. So, but she pointed out that she knew I wasn't an asshole because I had laundry and I took it to a

Laundromat in Chiang Mai Thailand, and she's like we don't like go to like a back house when you could have just done at the place Yeah, but I'm not gonna pay for it. I'm probably you gotta like sign it out Like it's like it's like like you're like it's your commissary or something. You gotta sign in each two socks, four shirts. Then they make you do the addition yourself. They go like $8 a shirt, how many shirts? And then you have to do it and add it up. It's like I'm just going to laundromat.

But you've done that. You've been doing this for a long time. You've been in a Rich Carlton. This is not my first time here. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Am I an ambassador in Marriott Bonvoy? I am We walked into a three-star hotel in Ireland and fucking thought we were in Disney World. I was stealing everything. Yeah fantastic How's that shower curtain? I'm wearing it now

Nice nice. Thank you. Yeah. Little mix of uh little mix of class and trash in there. We had a couple of things we wanted to hit you with. You know what I mean? Just. Alright, here's another one. Go ahead. World's. IZOD, Lacoste,

whatever you want to call it. Uh bought it at an outlet mall 17 years ago. Still wear it. Really? You got clothes that are 17 years old? Yeah. Yeah. Do you wash it or do you dry clean it? Ah. I think I wash it. Yeah.

No kidding. Yeah. Do you have like a weekly dry cleaning thing? No, I don't do dry. Dry cleaning seems like you're renting the sweater from the dry cleaner. That's a very Seinfeldian thing. You know what I mean?

You're not. It's not even your shirt. You go, hey, I dropped it off You'll steam it and then I'll pay you $13 and then I'll come get it in two days and then I can wear it once and bring it back It's like a fucking bowling alley. Yeah, we send a sports coat. Yeah, you're leasing a sports coat from from some Asians up the street I wanted to point this out just a little dich dichotomy. Plus all the upfront cause guy. Go on. Go on. Class and trash.

You weren't a T-shirt underneath that. Yeah. What's the verdict on that? Yeah. What do you guys think? I think they should. I color T-shirt. It is a colored T-shirt. Yeah. Not a great look. I mean, as I listen, I'm trash, so it's not. But I can go. It's a trashy cut to. What do you why? You want to see it? Yeah?

This is like I So bad things are we a Star Wars t-shirt you could probably end the show when I see I don't show you this guy's an enigma We're gonna end. Yeah, that should be worn by itself. I think with the second button open showing a little chest This leaf can I stand up? Yeah. Yeah, what do you mean? Holy shit you got straight ball after this You got cut out of an n1 mixtape Hey if you're down at the West 4th Street courts look out the kids coming down holy shit you look like a racquetball coach What is that

Thumbnail Duncan on granny's at pickleball dude Jesus! Duncan on grannies at pickleball dude. Just smashing them. Wow. When you- when you- the layers of you. When you worked the Gravitron at the carnival. Holy shit man. That's got real Joe Dirt Vibes. You got carny vibes written all over you. Wow. They won't give me no **** overtime. Oh god. Oh my god. My water just tried to leave. It's diet soda. My water couldn't take it no more. Wow. Okay. Wild. Yeah. You do the laundry at your house? You're doing your laundry. You don't you got you got a lady that comes. I got a lady. You got a lady. But here's what's great and funny about my lady. you know how some of some like cleaning people will act like meek and shy and like I am sorry sure she

makes it very clear like you're not better than me and I'm and she's like I'm going away for a month what do you want to do like she does a mop asshole yeah she goes you got one of your shirts? Put it on, get to mopping. That's like where I am with it. Like she, so I, she does You're cleaning her house. She's there, but she's, she takes

like a lot of time off. Okay. Does she do, is she doing the laundry? Is she doing the sheets and stuff? Like she'll come and redo the whole thing. Making you dinner? Putting something out for you? No, no, I would like that. That'd be cool. But, you know.

There's a nice plate of something when you come home. It seems like, I don't know, that's too much. It's so many, you get too many servants, it makes you insane. It's a very LA thing though, the private chefs. You're always good for whatever. How's any of your verdom is servants? Servants, no, you have to.

It's not the 1800s. No, they like it. They like it if you them as servants. Servants, no, you have to. It's not the 1800s. No, they like it. They like it if you call them servants. No, you get too many people working for you. It's just, it makes you, it's not good for you. And they all hate your guts. Sure. That's the thing that people-

Can't stand this guy. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, look at him with the fake laughing. Genuine laugh! Me and Toby gotta clean the bathrooms after you leave. Yeah, so if you just got to be careful, or not, you don't got to be careful. Just assume they hate your guts.

Yeah, I don't have anybody that work. I mean, I don't have any servants as you refer to them as. Please like and subscribe. Very commercial sip right there. I like that. Thank you. Head side down to this side. You're damn right. Oh Okay. Yeah, so we want it. We want to we want to dig a little bit We're gonna find a couple of things. This is a new one on the show. Do you say Wikipedia or Wikipedia?

Wicca Wicca Wicca that's classy Wikipedia sound I'm sure sounds like you were dropped on your head or something. But I think it is Wikipedia. Wikipedia. It's Wikipedia. I know, but it's WikiLeaks. Different pronunciations. Why? I don't know. Alright.

Well, whatever. He says it the right way. Did this last week. You're dumb. This is all because he's on WikiFeet. Alright, let's be honest. No, I'm not. I don't like this narrative. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, I thought you were playing. Don't do someone. Hey, listen, Mr. Thailand. Don't tell me you don't know.

Wiki feet. Look, I paid good money for her. What would you when's the first time you had Nutella as a kid? Nutella. Yes. Again, this is, I had it in Italy. Not yet, not in your- No, when I was like 30-some. Yeah, that was never in the Brennan House. I never even heard of it.

Yeah. All right, that's good, that's trashy. Yeah. I like it. If you're playing Monopoly, what was your go-to piece? Who did you want to be? There is a right and wrong answer to this. I mean, the hat was good.

Hat's poor people shit. Really? Yeah, because you want to be a rich guy. Yeah, I guess so. The hat... Wow, that you just cut through and made. He goes, that's poor people shit because you want to be a rich guy. Yeah, you want to wear a top hat.

Yeah, I was over here like top hat, obviously. Yeah, it's the classiest answer. I can only remember the dog and the top hat. I like the ones that like one of them goes flush to the board. The race car. The iron. The iron. Yes.

That's servant shit. Yeah, servant shit. Wasn't there a lead pipe? No, that's clue. That's clue. OK. A lead pipe? No, that's clue. That's clue. I was the noose. Man, can't be scared. Can't be getting that money anyway.

You can. The only two, the classy answers are either the guy on the horse or the thimble. Those are the two classy answers. Everything else is trash. Yes. Thimble. Not yet. The dog's whack is it just schnauzer? Nothing against the schnauzer,

but it's no good. But not for nothing. But not for nothing. That dog's whack. It feels like a retriever or German Shepherd or something like that. There's never been somebody who understands us from a distance so much more than Neil Brennan. I really I really do. I got the You called me or texted me once and you're like, have you seen this HBO documentary about scam artists?

It would be right up your alley. I mean, do they do? I worked at one of those. Yeah, did you guys do the Patreon where you watched it live? We did it. No, we talked about it though. Yeah, god damn it. He's looking for his cut this guy. Give me my god damn money. I got servants and wives to pay for.

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Classic comm slash garbage and save up to 25% on your first order That's true classic comm slash garbage to save 25% on your first order. That's true classic dot com slash garbage to save 25 percent on your first order. Support the show and tell them we sent you no matter how you move. Make twenty twenty four your most comfortable year yet with true classic. Oh, it may go. Oh, do you remember any of your AOL screen names? Or early email addresses? I still have my Yahoo.

And you use it in circuit? Like, you're gonna go, hey, what's up? I'm Neil Brennan. Hey, everyone. You know what I'm saying? You wouldn't give that out. It's linked to my real one. Huh. The funny thing about email addresses

is they're so like famous people's emails are basically just their name at Gmail. I know, it really is. You get one that's just like. Almost every one is just like their dot name. The funny, there was some mass email that went out a long time ago.

The Illuminati's gonna kill you for saying this. There was one. Zip it, will ya? There was one that went out like 10 years ago or something. It was like a mass email from funny or die and it was John Hammett gmail.com And then someone made a hat that said John male at gmail.com Yeah, so so I don't I don't have any like I don't know I don't have any I don't really remember

You guys were like how old are you? I'm 37. Okay, so you you guys were yeah Yeah, junior high elementary school through yes, so grad school you guys were like, how old are you? I'm 37. Okay, so you were in high school. Screen names were, yeah, like that was you. Yeah, at junior high, yeah, elementary school through, yeah, so. Grad school, you guys are old? I forget how in the mix you were with all, like, how many sidekicks did you have? You must have been a sidekick, man. I had at least one, I mean, I was a sidekick, let's face it. And B, I had at least, I have one that I remember. Yeah.

Like the, oh fucking. Me too, it was hot. And a razor, you did a razor? I had the first, I mean, I had a razor for a long time. Did you ever have a pager? I had it all. I'm explaining to you. I had everything.

Fubu sweatsuits, the whole nine yards. Did you ever have any MP3 players that were in iPods? I Had more than one I remember when I I had one that had they could hold a hundred and five songs And you couldn't tell me shit I'm a goddamn radio station couldn't tell me fuck. I didn't want to hear it. I would pick up the phone go fuck yourself Yeah, I don't yeah, I had I had I had the original iPod I've had every iteration because the other thing is I did I've never had a wife or kid so sure so I could you have to slow money on dumb shit huh I like it yeah I was there any technology you're into now I had a I had

a massage chair can we end this again I let me take my shirt off say I had a massage chair. Can we end this again? Let me take my shirt off, say I had a massage chair, and then we all go home. He magically has a tattoo on his butt somehow. That's some hell. Those chairs, they're better than you think. They're good. They're better than you think once. I'll give you that. I've only been in one in a green room and I was like this. I tried to get them one in a green room and I was like this We have to get him one for Christmas Yeah, I mean it's it's and what happened it didn't it was too it was too heavy to get from it's not yeah It's like I had to get people to do it's just like moving a telephone booth Yeah, no, it really is and it's and it's about five grand too. And also women hate them

Like if you have a massage chair in your house, it just, it says nothing good about you. That's the thing that like uncultured dudes think is cool. They're like, wait till she sees the massage chair. When she says, when she sees my Scarface poster, my massage chair and my Super Bowl Shuffle poster. Yeah, it's the panty dropper. Okay.

Okay, all right. You taking pics of your food. I can't remember if we asked you that last time. We never know. I don't even he was doing it. It's so you what you were snapping pics of food recently. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You like the sauce play? Yeah, I was not. Yes, Toby like a drizzle. I'm a food picture taker, so I Hey a nice a nice dish. It's like art guys come on trash come on What do you do with it?

The picture I send it to like sometimes my mom my mom was a good dish I'll be like mom we're an island a very good look at this delicious thing. We're eating and she enjoys that how do you feel about that mr.. Brennan? I'm thinking if I would I Just think it's I think it's rude to hungry people yeah So good. Oh, it's 1,500 miles away. Yeah, yeah, and and and also like every hey everyone's starving, but fuck them They'll never know about I just got whipped ricotta Yeah, but go ahead and do it. It's good for you. Yeah, no With this is one that's been on the show recently who was the most famous person you met before You started doing cop like was there somebody before you might have been like a newscaster

Gotta be a a local something I Well or like someone's a good one mm-hmm I Met I'm so old I I like met Michael Jordan no shit and but this is how old I am a Little white girl mistook him for someone else no which is like God and he was like no I'm Michael Jordan she goes are you Orlando Woolridge who was a guy who played for the Bulls and he was like no was this like it was 1985 ain't you mo cheeks yeah and he was like I remember like the

disappointment yeah like no like no Michael Jordan Wow So that's I'm pretty old. That's probably the biggest one. Yeah, that's probably the biggest Celebrity I met any love me. That's top five of my life any local Philly celebrities Back in the day Jaworski Jim Garner. I mean, this is a classic Brennan Ready for a classic Brennan ready for a classic Brennan please classy The owner of the Eagles lived across the street from us what I know this guy What was his name Leonard toast? Yeah, there was like 40 of you in that house. That's crazy Yeah, we and he lived across the street. He had like a shit, but there were again. We were get tickets

You don't get with pick. I think you know he was he was a weird dude, and he also he sued a casino for For for he got drunk lost money, and then tried to sue them being like you nice Sue them for being a casino These guys gave me alcohol and took my money. Yeah. Literally. He was known for his lavish lifestyle, but he eventually lost it all due to gambling addiction

and alcoholism. And had to move across the street from the Brennan's. Man, this guy's awesome. Yeah. That was actually the ruling in court. He knew. You have to move across the street from the Brennan's. Good luck.

And are you a good speller, do you feel? I'm decent, although I misspelled cannon last night. Cannon? C-A-N-N-O-N? I did 1N, yeah. Huh. What a mistake. One that I looked it up and, um, so have I asked, I can't remember the last time I asked.

I'd rather, I think maybe too much pride for that. Okay, all right. Have you ever been the guy in the dunk tank? I mean literally? Yeah. Or on Twitter. The hell does that mean? When people are dunking on you.

Oh. I know it's bashful. Have I been in the dunk tank? And this guy's hip. Ha, ha, ha, ha. What? Metaphor, I only do one level of metaphor. Hey buddy, I don't even know what that is. We're a stinkin' move company.

Uh, I've been in the dunk tank. Welcome to the dunk tank. I don't think I have. Okay. I think it would hurt my feelings so badly. What, to be in there? To get dunked? I want to, that's all I want to...

Unless it was warm water? That guy's a celebrity in my home. If you were like, so-and-so's in the dunk want to that's a warm water guys a celebrity in my home If you were like so and so is in the dunk tank that that's a moment where he comes up and he's like Water's like freezing and dirty they struggling and nipples and like hair in his face I've been I've been in there as a kid at like our local like fair would I yeah put the fat kid in there always Yeah, they this guy plays both sides of the ball today did they did you a volunteer it was like yeah yeah I was like we need one fat kid it wasn't a dunk day you just broke a diving board somebody throw a ball at him real quick yeah that was like that was a

public pool dumbass that's where my parents are so mad at me. Can't go back to the YMCA ever again. Remember that time I was in that dunk tank and they're like, they don't have the hard to tell you. Jesus, that was the ocean fatty. Yeah. It was Wildwood, New Jersey, dumbass. Shout out to the Wildwood, baby. Have you had raisins in the last three hundred sixty five days? I've had I've I had raisins in the last 365 days? I've had raisins.

I put raisins in my salad every day. Gentlemen, I think the classy- You're doing that at home? Yeah, because they used to have raisins at Sweetgreen, place you guys will never go. Buddy, we order once a week. What? Oh, once a week.

They have pretzels on Friday. I think. But they used to have raisins. They discontinued it. So now I have to get my own raisins. And you put them in there. Yeah. And then I sprinkle them when I get home.

And I also, while we're on the subject, CVS has a dynamite rewards program. And I get my raisins at CVS. Hey, you're buying discount raisins. They're only discounted because I love a rewards program. How many rewards programs do you think you're buying discount raisin. I they're not there only discounted cuz I love a rewards program How many rewards programs do you think you're in? Well, I'm like how many apps do you check for points every day if you think I didn't already check my American Your American a for the flight last night. Mm-hmm. You got another thing coming And I checked my Marriott for my hotel yesterday in Austin.

OK, I'm I'm all I like it's I maybe it's like OCD or autism. We'll see. And and I just like the points. Well, you go through because Dxl, the fact I store that I get my clothes that they send me rewards things in email. The fact I warehouse. Go ahead. I warehouse. Yeah. Well The fact I warehouse. Yeah. Well, they it's not a store. Well, you go when you go through your emails and be like,

Oh, did they send me anything? Did they send me an online coupon? I do. There was a point where I did that for Old Navy. I mean, Old Navy, you could actually make a living. You're shopping at one point. You saw the shirt. I'm wearing. Yeah. I'm shopping at Old Navy. I mean, Old Navy was hot for a minute.

Let's in fact, look at the label on this shirt says old Navy Amazon three dollars. Yeah, Wayne Coof Andy You're racist Fendi one of those one of those Amazon you're wearing drop shipping clothes. Basically, yeah. That guy's the warlord from Haiti. Are you staying at the Ritz because it's a Marriott hotel and you still get points? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That is the trashiest way to go about staying at a classy hotel. I'm walking in both big feet in both worlds. Clomp, clomp, clomp, clomp.

You're really something else. I'm about that. I really am the best of both worlds. Clomp, clomp, clomp, clomp. You're really something else. I'm about that. I really am the best of both worlds. Wow. So your rewards points at CVS is just put in your phone number and you get the stuff back. Yeah. And how often are you going to CVS? You make like your weekly? How many raisins are you buying? More than once a week. And are you going like, oh, I can get this stuff at just guess that'll bulk up my points Yeah, like I'm not gonna buy that here when I can go to CVS and get my and get my precious points Wow Yeah, do you have any Coles cash? At one point I did I returned something. I don't remember how I got it

Okay, I might it was some fucked up way though, but I had Coles cash Are you TJ Maxx Marshall's kind of Absolutely in fact I was in Many I was in Milwaukee doing a commercial directing a commercial and I'm getting a buck 25 a day per diem When I'm on the road taking a hundred you get a hundred and twenty five dollars. Yeah, I purred diem when I'm on the road. You're taking a hundred you get a hundred and twenty five dollars per diem. Yeah per day. I'm there four or five days.

We're talking seven hunks. It's a lot of raisins. You're going to lay that off at TJ Maxx? Yeah I went to I went to I believe it was a TJ Maxx on a Sunday and I got a parka because I forgot to bring a jacket and it was a third. It was a New Balance winter coat The only one they ever made And it cost 29 bucks Imagine being in a TJ Maxx in Milwaukee and see him rooting around and I'm about to drop down on myself I bought an iPad the other day

Marshall's bid on the street street that was a dud. Don't worry about it. You'll never see it. You'll never see it. And when I get back to LA, I'm probably gonna return it either Friday or Saturday. That I can respect. Sure. Thank you.

I'll give you that. That's an expensive piece of equipment. I've worn clothes on TV that I then returned. Really? Yeah. You're leaving the tags on them? Yeah. Jesus? Yeah. Jesus. Yeah, I'm keeping this fucking money.

You got your outfit picked out for tonight? You said you'd done a little TV tonight. I'm doing Seth, I gotta figure it out. He's got a New Balance jacket, and North Face sneakers. No, I thought about it. I was thinking about it. And an iPad.

Yeah, cause you could do the show and return it before it airs You can say this is all still I'm returning this is consumer fraud. I Have a I have a good story. So I'm gonna fold in sure I have a story so good. I can't tell it on the air Patreon only Man Patreon only Man Huh, that's crazy. Okay. I just imagine some guy folding clothes in a Marshall's looking up at the TV Seeing you wearing the shirt. He's putting back

Than I thought What are you talking about that's Hollywood memorabilia, yeah, it's probably selling it on Facebook marketplace I can guess on Seth Meyers on a Wednesday fucking Right there Jesus going back to the raisins I am surprised classy gentlemen such as yourself You're not doing dried cranberries Hey Hey Dude you are by the way the you the code wasn't working at CVS for like you got a man by the way

for the For the CVS brand of raisins the code didn't work So then I'd have to go up to raisin may or whatever the fuck son made Which is a dollar? I don't want to spend. Sure. And so I don't like crazen, I don't like cranberries, and I definitely don't like crazens. Because I don't like the pun, and I also don't like, I don't like the pun. That's a joke, Smith.

He's a joke snob. It depends me two different ways. I don't like the pun as a comedian and I don't like the intermingling of the races. Cranberry and raisins don't belong together. Our fathers were right. You're right. Keep them separate. But there are no raisins in there it's just a catchy name. Yeah and cra craisins is low hanging fruit. I thought it was cranberries and raisins intermingling. How the hell would they do that? I don't know when you when you're at a restaurant if you're at a restaurant. Yeah. And you have it you have it you have a drink

of a soda you have a water or whatever and you're done and you're leaving. First of all tap. Okay. Will you put your dirty napkin in the glass? How do you find that? Do you think that's an acceptable thing to do, or is that a garbage thing to do? I think it's garbage. I think it's garbage. I also, having, I don't think I've ever waited tables, but it seems like just, I'll do it. It seems like, no, let me help you, and I'm going to put the glass on the plate, and it's

like everyone's got their own stacking system. Okay. They can figure it out. All right, you're not a stacker either Okay, good to know that's pretty I'll put the knife and fork on the plate How do you put it? I'm gonna go you put it at five o'clock where it's supposed to be Lined up together. I put a signal that shows that you're done crucifix next upside down yeah yeah what okay all right do you currently own any two dollar bills no okay when you're putting deodorant on do you put your shirt on

first and then the deodorant or deodorant this shirt well I mean but I mean you're very versatile today what What do you think? I don't know This one you're only you're going one shirt. You're going like a t-shirt. I Put it on well, it does streak though if you don't pull it over right of course These guys they came prepared They got up their own podcast, it's not an accident The I think I put on before. OK, and sometimes it backfires.

It does jammed up. We didn't get to ask you this. I am sure a man of your stature now has a nice shower in his bathroom. But when you were banging with a regular tub shower. OK, you know, what's a tub? Turn the water on. Do you get into the shower in the front where the water's coming coming at you Or do you get in from the back and enter the water? Well, I? Get away from the water the issue with have you guys ever fallen in the shower? I've gotten very close

And you're it's closer Yes, you go you're it's closer. I believe you Yes, you go you're really how close you are yeah going that could have been it Yeah, yeah, and like how awful your dick would have looked when they found you bad Bad brutal get a cutaway yourself He's got a mondo hog, so he's all right Good yeah, what do you how's it? What how do you think your life would be different if you didn't? He's got a Mondo hog, so he's alright. Is that true? He's doing alright. Great. How do you think your life would be different if you didn't? So he got the job.

What do you mean? Compared to my girlfriend's, how do you, where are you, how has it affected your life? Firmer handshakes, for sure. General confidence. Hot eye contact. Yeah. Oh, that explains it. All right.

That explains why he's, you know, he got his own camera for himself. I think I should probably have my own camera. Yeah. Okay, Mr. Big Dick Producer. Whatever you need. I had a big hug and I'm doing Santa Claus. Just don't take your dick out.

My dick's so bad they blur me on the camera on the show That's my second bomb of the week the week in a week Kevin suck about Mando. What up man? Don't talk about whole body deodorant. I'm a big big Advocate uh-huh for that deodorant needs to go in other places where somebody should invent something where you're not putting speed stick underneath your, uh, your grundle. Uh huh. Yeah. Mando's got you covered gang. Warm weather means you're going to be sweating below the belt.

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wherever you have odor, and I got it everywhere. Yeah, I've been using it on when we have longer flights. Because you get fresh, it gets hot down there. I've noticed that. There's not, what the hell are you doing down there? What are you, sniffing my undies? Take a little sniff. Just because I'm a bigger guy, I'm in a seat, everything's crammed in, it's hot,

there's not a lot of air flow. You're disgusting. Stop it, you gotta keep it fresh down there. Baking soda free, Parabin free, I'm sorry, I don't know, a pH balance. Parabin's no good for you. Yeah, so it's paraben free. pH balance for safe use below the belt,

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Your partner will thank you. Okay, putz. Let's go. If you're over someone's house and you're going to the bathroom, will you have you ever not well, I would be weird if you made it a habit But have you answer how we got in the shower? I get far away. We got off on that deep far away, which I was That dick talk I was in a hoed dick. I was in a hotel yesterday morning and This is the first time I saw this the knob was on the back And this is the first time I saw this. The knob was on the back.

What do you mean? The turn on was on the back. So you didn't have to do it in the front. The back of what? The back of the shower. So you walk in, let's say the shower head's on your right. The knob's on the left hand side. That's real nice.

Was it confusing? It was the first time I've ever seen it, which made me reiterate it. I think you should be entering from the back. He thought it was the light. Well, no, but if you're staying in a nice hotel, it's the knobs. This was a courtyard Marriott next to the airport, so it was pretty good.

Don't worry about it. I would assume that was probably the only room that had that. You only get like 800 points at a courtyard. Well, how does it bother you as much as you know we travel that we don't have a hotel? We have no rewards program. You're just better off with it. Just become a part of a membership program. There's no downside.

I'm in the, what is it, Bonvoy? I'm in that. Yeah, I'm in that. I've never gave and all the hotels we stayed at. It's never been the same company. We're all over the world. Well, what was for the longest time was what was cheapest. I thought we use points to stay at the we used a MX points. Yeah. Oh, MX. Gentlemen. Good for you. Are you not an Amex man? No only since the 90s. I Was gonna say he's probably discovered man. Who knows what this guy we got a diners club. Yeah

Yeah, well, it depends on what for If I buy my craze in yeah, huh? I don't know if you eat them, but I know you have I'm sure in your life the English muffin. Mm-hmm All right. There's two sides doing English muffin What is the better one the bottom or the top? This is like a montage of a guy doing too many podcasts and then cut you like I don't know But the English muffin and just cut to me like it is We are a character a cartoon of ourselves a montage of too many podcasts. What you

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, what's the top part that's smaller but gets a little crispy Oh, this is a you guys are flat part. That's a good. It's a good observation No bagels even a goal is even Steven. There's a bottom of the day when you get a lenders like you that's frozen Yeah, sure. It's different. You always go with the bottom. I'm aware of that, but he probably gets nice bagels. I don't do I don't I don't I don't I'm aware of that but he probably gets nice bagels. I don't do I don't I'm I don't I don't I'm not a breakfast person and uh. That's crazy. There's no reward system. No unfortunately you gotta you got a lot of them have a free breakfast a lot of places do. And I in fact I emailed one recently how much

would you charge me if I didn't want breakfast? I'm a real dirt. What I'm trying. I don't want to pay For a free breakfast when I'm I it it I don't if if I'm in a foreign country I don't want to eat breakfast at the hotel. I want to be hungry to eat What was the reason the local they took They took like $1,100. They took like a good amount of money off of it. What? It worked?

Yeah. So. You must have good phone voice or something. No, it's email. You know what I did do though? In the emails, I was like, hearing great things about your hotel, I was like. Man, you're a dirt bag.

You're doing this yourself? You don't have an assistant doing that or something? I'm American Psycho, but for awards programs. I'm Patrick Bateman. You understand? How much are you charging for no towels? I don't want any towels in the room. I don't use that much light.

I sleep. I stay. I'm a candle man. I stay in the parking lot. I'll cut you a deal. Here you go. Let me just use the restroom. I'm part of the hurts rewards program.

I yeah, I don't I I try to not I don't want to pay for shit. I'm not going to use. Are you renting cars when you go play? I know. Never. No, you'll take cars all over. Yeah. OK. Even when you go, if you go to like another country, you're you're. Yeah, I'm not going to rent because I don't want to kill someone to save 80 bucks All right, huh back to the English muffin. Oh Which side is the best? Mm-hmm The the fat side the chubbier side. Yeah, so the top. Yeah. Okay. That's the right answer

It's like your closer versus like your favorite joke. Sure. You know what I mean? It's very well put. The bottom's OK. Yeah, I like that it doesn't do as well. The bottom's the closer. You know what I mean? I'm with it. And on the English muffin tip, how do you

split your English muffin? What utensil are you using? If you get like a Thomas's, you have to split it yourself. You don't want the regular butter knife, and you don't want any sort of actual knife you want like the soft you want that knife I guess it's it's the one that's got like a sure the old thing yeah the oval the butter spoon the butter spoon that what it's called I don't think it is a knife would ever be the classy way to do it is with a fork Is that true you pry it open so it doesn't flatten out a little lamb exactly so it doesn't flatten out all the spots

So it keeps all the crags and stuff for the crisp and I would argue and what we do with the Foley household And obviously we're only talking still in this leave. I already know you're wrong We're only talking about Thomas's here because there really is no substitute Already know you're wrong. We're only talking about Thomas's here because there really is no substitute You break it with your hands and that way that way there's more there's more uneven ends that get nice and crispy you know what about the junk at the bottom of the At the bottom of the toaster oven If you're gonna put it on there, well, that's what I'm I this is another, again, another one of my point system. I got solar energy at my house.

Really? Yeah. This dude's off the grid. Heavy installation, like a lot of, like money. It costs real money to get it, to buy the thing. Should you do the panels or the PV? I did the panel and the battery. Is it the Elon Musk? Yes, the Elon Musk one.

No shit, you have those tiles? They're guaranteed for life, I life I think. Rewards program. I mean, no, but so now I know what it cost up front, so I'm trying to get my money back. So basically- You're like trying to beat the bars. Yeah, basically, so from basically 8 a.m. to about 6 30 p.m. I'm getting energy right it saves in the battery and then after once the batteries fall I sell it back to the city back on the grid so if you're wondering did you check today already you already checked what you made today it's and I already checked I'm sick you sell it back to the city they buy it back they buy it back you make if you don't store it on a battery goes just back into the grid yeah and they just they just give you credit so you get I'm gonna make I'm on track I believe to make to sell back 2500 electricity this year this year

yeah per year so and then you know subs so I'm it's gonna take a while But I'm getting this fucking she walking around your house at night with night vision goggles on Well the reason I brought it up is because what I didn't know is toaster ovens take a lot of energy How do you find that out cuz I'll you're running scenario? He's crazy cuz I'll take my leftovers. I'll I'll heat them up in the In the toaster oven they're not insulated and then I'll be like leftovers. I'll heat them up in the in the toaster oven They're not insulin and then I'll be like why is the battery? Why is this taking? 2.1 wait so hold on let me just get this so you put this in you'll put it in and then you pull your app out

Is it just I'll probably have it out anyway? So just cuz I got nothing cuz I have OCD or something something's for the pick up golf or something This is a cry for help and and so yeah, but I respect it no you gotta Your test yeah, you can make fun of me, but you'll respect your testing whether the toaster oven or the microwave I'm not gonna stop using it. I just surprise me how much energy it's a year It's like I like washer and dryer level You're fucking crazy crazy. I find it fascinating. I think it's great. You're driving. Are you driving a Tesla? Yeah, is that not a huge power suck on your solar?

No, cuz if I can charge it during the day When it's when I'm getting I can charge it during the day when I'm getting. But I've considered it, because there also is a thing. I have free charging on my Tesla, so I could go to a charging station. How'd you get free charging? Because I got it six years ago. With that solar engine, do they charge?

Do you get a monthly bill, too, or you just pay that stuff upfront and you're gold? Yeah, but they basically, once you're selling it back, the bill becomes like nothing. Wow. Like the bill's like $ with like the bills like 10 bucks can we have a number of the installation with the upfront cost where I think it was 25 grand okay crazy for a life I mean like a whole house for like a

lifetime all right then it was 40 regular it's Sebastian's joke about the two prices, the one that it costs, and the one you tell your dad it costs. Sure, that's funny. That's basically what I just did with you guys. I think it was 40. I love it. I mean, what a... did not know any of that. Yeah. I feel like we just... So now, hold on, yeah, will you... have you ever in the past, now that you're making an habitual? I'm just not gonna get ripped off. I guess my thing I get that member. I'm not gonna pay a lot for this. I'm not yeah. I'm not gonna pay a lot for this muffler

I'm just I refuse So have you decided to at some point to not even if it was once to not use the toaster no I know I'm not insane. But I've had to like make some like, all right, well, should I go to the free charging thing? And then I get into like, what's worse for the environment? And I'm like, well, if I take my solar, put it in the car, then it's all solar and none of it's carbon based electricity.

So it's a- Sorry, I don't know if we asked you this last time, who's cutting your hair? Are you going to get, you don't- Well, if you're wondering about the, this, the- No, the R&B. Who's giving you a haircut? 40 bucks, 39 plus tip. Okay.

Shorties in LA. Not like I don't go to a party. I was thinking about this here, I'm not gonna go to a party. You get nothing. I thought there might be a chance you do it yourself. I Mean did I during kovat and get a perverse kick out of it? Yeah Yeah, I did cuz I love the same thing is there like a punch card at Sporty's or what's it shorty short

Is there a punch card? No, you have any punch cards? For the place I get my dog washed? Of course I do. Okay. And Yeah, I'm not about certain. I'm staying at the Ritz, but I want my points. I'll give him the money. Give him my points. I feel like they're paying you to stay there. Well, after all the rewards. After all this fucking, like very expensive promo.

Very lucrative. Hey, goodness guys, I'm wiping with my shirt. I'm real regular. Yeah, he's trying to show he's going with the glasses on his shirt. I'm wiping with my shirt. I'm real regular. Yeah, Shennishow is a man of the people. I'm just a regular guy. And are those expensive glasses? These were expensive to the point where I'm pissed at how expensive they were. These were a thing happened where I was in the store I'm I'm like you know get

they recognize me then they tell me how much it's gonna be with lenses and I got tight did you get the eye exam too no but with lenses are the expensive part which I always forget it's like ink with printers. So they ended up being- That's how to get you. I think they were 1,500. Okay. I don't know. They might've been 24. If that doesn't shock you guys.

Yeah, if you guys can take 1,500. If you can swallow 24, they were 24. That's the tip. Let me just stick the tip in. That's 1,500 and I think they were 2,400. And I hate that they were $ tip let me just stick the tip and that's 1500 and I think they were 2400 and I hate that they were $2400 because I'd rather get yeah, they look I was like technology though Why do they have the tint that I think it's just the they do the blue light or so

Transition transition there you go wait you have trans just don't turn into sunglasses Yeah, bro. Oh It's good. Yeah The trash you get in your wallet 500 yeah, what kind of wall you got a name-brand wallet? No, I got this from I got this to CVS Amazon no points Fucking now will you do something? and

Fucking now will you do something? Not this I don't I would I hope not like what's that your CVS? I'm gonna go showing your number you're gonna be reaping all your free raises 75 million points on a third town Where my dog gets clean and he does we got five I got five I have any money need I forgot to get one last time. Well, you go and say, hey, listen. I might go back and go, hey, look, is the manager around? It's me, famous comedian and television producer,

Neil Britton. Yeah, so I'm about that life, guys. Now, will you do anything, I would hope it's not this, but in the world of going to listen to a timeshare sales pitch for a free vacation. Great question. No. Did I, did in the year?

This guy's. There's no way, there's no way. This guy stinks. Thank you so much for asking. Did I go to a timeshare, not really knowing what it was, I was like 26. I go to a place at like a Florida golf thing. This is back when I golfed.

And I was, I golfed, I was on the high school team and I caddied. I think we talked about this last time I caddied. So there was a timeshare thing at this place, but you could go, it was cheap to stay at one of their like villas or townhouse or whatever and I do the the one compulsory thing and

And on the tour, it's me and probably five or six other people and the guy goes is there any reason? Besides money why you wouldn't want to put some... Buy today. To buy today. Let's close ya. And I said, is there any reason besides money why you would want me to buy today? Heckling the guy during the thing.

He's pissed. It ends, we go back to buy today. Heckling the guy during the thing, he's pissed. It ends, we go back to our villa. We've done the one compulsory thing. That you have to do. Then they start calling us on their landline. Finally we take the phone off the hook. And then they start. They don't know that salesman met his boss.

Like the final boss of cheapness. Buddy, buddy. He was going up against the cheapest man in the world. I live for this. Finish him. And then they start banging on the door. Play dead, play dead. Yeah, for us to go on another seminar

and we needless to say, they didn't get the sale. Really? But I'm a nightmare. Is what I'm trying to say. Jesus. I feel like I'm like, this is like worse than you guys wanted for this show. Like this is like. It's supposed to be lighthearted.

Yeah, it's supposed to be like this is not fun. It's not about mental illness. Yeah, Jesus. Holy shit. No, I'm just shocked. I respect it. I do. You gotta. I wish I had a Fraction of that. I'm an idiot when it comes to money. I never I never

Get any type of rebates. I'm well Good news on my house is a fucking money pit if that helps that makes you feel any better Every I bought I paid way too much. Okay, I and now every I'm re I have to redo almost everything roof done Forty if you can take it you got to get the roof before you get the solar Yeah, but I got how to get you I got two in fact You're not gonna put a 20-year solar system on top of roof. No, that's what I'm saying Yeah, but you did and I use the solar and you got to take that stuff up to put the I got no yet. So I got two inspectors before I bought the house

Inspectors are total fucking liars. They just wanted to give you the thumbs up They I got 10 grand Credit for them. I was gonna need a new roof eventually. Eventually was like six months later And then I'm replacing all the windows there were termites just fucking nightmare shit I have I have one I bought a house in the suburbs recently and They had taken if you moved out today, would you take your microwave? Guess yeah, Take everything. It's me.

But it's different. I wouldn't take the fridge. I thought I would say it's California. If you take the toaster, that thing's an energy sun. Good luck with that. No. Yeah, no, keep it. She's a good one.

She's a good one. I thought the thing in California was you do take your fridge. My fridge was, no. That hasn't been my experience. I my frit the house I bought the fridge was there. And by the way, it's not flush, which I I'm so dumb I didn't even notice sticks out. Yeah. Yeah. Come on.

I mean, I'm. You're upset. I mean, that's upsetting. Me. This guy's exhaust. Yeah. you wouldn't last in here for a fucking hour No way, I thought I was crazy you're topped here a lot of words, but I heard a great one a cheap Miss story, so there's a thing if you're an athlete is like this is like who I look up to a lot of people love Yana SantaCupo for his basketball and his story of perseverance in the face of, you know, he's an immigrant, etc.

There's a thing for Nike athletes called Nike Elite where they get, depending on who it is, $100,000 worth of credit every year to Nike to get for their friends and family. And I asked Yannis Santacumpo if he does it and he said no, because I don't want to be taxed on that $100,000. He also steals water from the Bucks facility and brings it home in a in a bat. That's your that's your here. That's my Yonis onto the cup.

Oh, but not for I've never even seen him play basketball guys. Hell of a cheapness is what does it for me. You're an athlete. What I mean you were big, but I didn't know. Jesus. Wow. Fascinating. Fascinating.

Fascinating guy, Mr. Brown. I blow, but I like, you know, I'll blow it on food or whatever. Like, I don't know. Yeah, of course fascinating. Fascinating stuff. You're a fascinating guy, Mr. Brown. And I'll blow, but I, you know, I'll blow it on food or whatever, like, I don't know. Oh yeah, of course. Or like nice vacations. I'll buy, fly business. So I'm not, it's just, I don't like feeling,

I won't buy expensive clothes. Just certain shit I don't care about. Sure. I just am like, you're not gonna rip me off with a $400 shirt. I would just feel like a sucker. I don't need the sleeves. Yeah, just give me the center part Yeah, like I'm just never gonna do that. Uh-huh. I mean I respect it. I think it's a a little bit of a mental illness, but it's it's pretty It's respectable. Yeah, it's one of the respectable one check in the toaster oven after

Look, it is a crazy person thing to do, but I didn't adjust my behavior. I just noticed that. If that toaster oven breaks, are you gonna replace it? What's an air fryer? Probably works, right? I don't know. I don't even wanna know.

I don't know, but don't try to get a tuna melt at the Brennan's house, I'll tell you that we don't got to to melt energy I mean, yeah, I think um, I think I think we you were I mean you still can walk in both worlds But yeah, you got a it used to be one foot and one foot now. It's the shoes are a little muddier Yeah, yeah, which I think they're for Marshalls muddier now. Yeah, which I think they're for Marshalls. And they're mismatched. Gang, the special is crazy good. It is out on Netflix right now.

Do yourself a favor. One of the greats. One of my favorite people. One of the greats. Thanks, boys. Check out the special. Hilarious podcast. We love you so much. Anything else you want the folks out there to know? Other than check. I got a podcast blocks.

Of course. And then I got my Netflix. This is so enjoy the man. Kippy, what do you got for him guys our tour starts next week? We're in Nashville which is sold out Charlotte which is sold out Tampa and Atlanta still have tickets get them at our you garbage.com gang We love you crazy good Neil Brennan Netflix. See you next week. Peace