Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - No Step Sisters w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: June 7, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back with a fun one! Its a family ep where we get into Foley's money problems and answer garbage questions from the listeners! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys.  Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://www.sheathunderwear.com  PROMO CODE: GARBAGE Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Hey gang real quick before we get the old show started. Let's talk about these live days we got coming up It's to keep it moving 2021 tour and we're coming to a town near you We're going to be in Atlantic City, New Jersey June 18th. Oh, yeah, and then we're going to be in chicago for our fourth and final show On june 22nd Then we're heading over to indianapolis indiana at the helium over there on june 23rd get some tickets And then we're coming back thursday night Back to the windy city for two sold out shows

So if you heard a date on there that wasn't sold out buy some tickets and come see us It's gonna be a great time. Yeah guys the live show is awesome It's stand up and then we play a yg with the audience. We answer your questions. It's a good fucking time get involved See you there. Oh, baby. Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash Now here are your hosts kevin ryan and h foley Hey

Everybody out there And welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is are you garbage sure is baby It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they grew up to be classy Well, there's the big old piece of trash. Yep. I'm your host h foley coming at you on a beautiful day Down here in antoody's basement. She's up to her old tricks again. Yeah, dog medication. Really? Yeah, she's booping it selling it Yeah, I gotta get cats or a bitcoin She's into crypto and sleepies Uh, my co's is coming at you

This guy's saying sleepies I was thinking dog trying a special k or something gang. He is the ceo of are you garbage? He's international business man. He's not to be taken lightly in the boardroom And in negotiations I'm a beast in the boardroom and a bull in the bedroom. He's a stiff negotiator I just found out the hard way this guy's got me upside down in a vfw show in a couple of months That's so funny. I can't walk away. I already took the deposit and I ain't got it Yeah, give it up for kevin james ryan. Come on now. Hey gang happy to be here. Thanks for tuning in as always

Oh, yeah, please make sure you rate review subscribe on itunes. Be nice Uh, we're we're we're we're constantly at top 1200 We're gonna top on a charts, which I love if you're listening to this and you haven't dropped a review Go drop a fucking review that helps us out in the charts. Uh, and then youtube.com Full hd video available there three camera shoot. We're doing hd quality hd quality and as you know, those numbers are true to roof True to roof. All right. I can care. I can care with the gentleman Uh, and then patreon.com. Baby those numbers are cooking daddy out patreon.com. So charlie garbage You get bonus episodes at a yg the people

They're never coming out on the free feed. They just live on patreon.com. Some people get a hit me up like, uh, you know They just stay on patreon.com. So you sign up there. You get fucking from when we started back in november or something You get all the backlog of all the episodes of hard feelings a yg We do a live stream with the top tier, uh members every month, which is a good fucking time There's a library over there. Yeah catalog. I call it a catalog catalog You sign up today for five bucks. You get all the a ygs from the past fucking Six months or whatever. Sure. Or you play the smart money. You drop a tenski

You get the hard feeling that's just smart play We have more 10 dollar members than five dollar members because our people are after value You know what? I mean, they're not you know, they're not they're looking for more bang for their buck I feel like we're on qvc right now. I've only three memberships remaining Toby put a number and it just drops it. I like it. Um, yeah gang. So check it out Yes, check it out. And how about a nice shout out to our producer extraordinaire the magic man t-bone mcmuffin Toby mcmullen. What's up dudes? Yo t-bone notice that fully no longer says pride of chicago comedy scene after meeting some of my friends from chicago Well, I can't say you're the pride of chicago comedy scene because you're no longer on the chicago comedy scene as of june

first Okay t-bone lives in queens new york city Comedian wow, huh comedians debatable. I haven't seen it yet. Call up. He's a new yorker call up Call up my t-bone down there in north carolina tell her if I can your kid your son's made it Yeah, I got a shitty little apartment being my kitty cat thin walls good for the neighbors hearing me cry I like a good cry from noon to one every day Cat scratching trying to get away from you happy happy for you t-bone happy for your t-bone Settling fucking queens new york my fucking next door neighbor. Yeah, how close are you guys real close?

Uh Real close I could be like what's close? I could be there give me a block like blocks. I could be there walking in 15 minutes So it's probably two blocks from Just the next apartment over as long as it's not a mcdonald's I could be there 15 minutes. Oh I'm just not talking about mcdonald's. Oh god stuff's all behind me the way by the way I'm sure they'll check out the weight loss challenge on the other that that they're patreon over there

I'm off the junk, baby. I'm clean good. Happy to hear. Oh my god speaking of junk walk it over Dude fully booting up right on our block. Yeah, it's a tough here in the city. Tough neighborhood. Oh, they're partying down here Yeah, they're getting where we are. They're getting a man. That's fucking Right put it day drinking with arm beers Wow heroin referred as arm beers i'm a fan Everybody knows a good nose beer from time to time A couple of arm beers maybe a tow beer or in between your tow beers when your parents are hassling you I didn't want to see any tracks. Did I ever tell you that my buddy?

Buddy's family had a I'm sure I mentioned it maybe at some point my buddy's family had a party like your parents only I had this fucking So we show up and his family dealt with some nefarious characters, right? They were real new money And we went over the next day my parents had gone and were there for like 20 minutes and they were like, yo We're getting the fuck out of this ain't our scene and uh We saw we found a spoon the next day with in the bathroom with like yellow residue on it I was like these dudes fucking party. Love jello pudding

Somebody forgot their yogurt Yeah, I was like I caramba, you know, it's always embarrassing when you go into the ice cream so hard that it bends the spoon That's a real fucking what happened to uncle ted. He got a hot shot of furolio At this barbecue for 50 year olds Little too much euro tart for uncle ted, huh? Couldn't handle the berries at the bottom Holy Yeah, that's trash. Yeah, I remember that was a signal. I was just like we're different

I'm trying. I'm like we're different people. We come from different claws me and you don't shoot heroin My family doesn't associate with known drug addicts in their 50s Ah, man, I had a we had a little get together this weekend at the folies Little uh, little club foley down there club foley. Yeah problem is Even isn't a bluebell Fucking swinger party with a bunch of oxen All right, when you see the red light on on the porch Come on in back. Make sure you're walking backwards though

I Don't know make a little more kinky, you know what I mean. Let you know what you're working with Flip flops and blown out couches as far as the eye can see every climbers that don't close That's where it gets weird all the springs are fucking shot out Ah, no club foley was only half open and it was a disappointment to the crowd How was it only half open no pool? What yeah, all that patreon money flying around ain't those bozos couldn't motor went your pool as a motor This is what a fucking john dear

Your pool's got a motor. Yeah, every pool has a motor. How do you think the water gets circulated in there a pump Whatever it's not a mobile motor's different. I did I did it's a motor a lot of pool No one's ever been like hey start this puppy up the gentlemen start your engines We got to get the pool cooking its memorial day. You got to prime it before you get in the deep end But did you did you do the right mix of gas and oil? It's electric boogie woogie woogie You can't but um, yeah the motor didn't run motor Uh, so it's coming in this week

So we're a week behind but that was motor still people there Would have fucking with a couple hot dogs and some sweat on their brow and not even hot dogs And then on a non open of above ground pool barbecue. Yeah, I would have rather had it in a Kids go look at a pool again. I would have rather had in a walmart parking lot That's a tough look and let me tell you something the whole time you're eating and hanging out You're about 20 20 steps away from pure death because there's enough shock and chlorine in that pool The fucking you guys are all fucking high as that make dr. Manhattan in there Cook it. Oh damn tough. That's a sad sad

You also sent me a picture of a makeshift umbrella That looked like you see you robbed a hang glider that thing was fucking heavy duty You know how you can you know, uh The umbrella was supposed to go in through the table which yours didn't it didn't fit So was it a heavy duty? It's a heavy duty Umbrella, so it's a different prong umbrella. So it's an aftermarket umbrella you got Yes, where'd you that was a discount buy? I had to be amazon prime This thing's rough. Yeah, she should be sitting in a big blue Hawaiian. Oh

So okay, and it didn't fit in the table. She had it next to the table. So I came up with the idea How about we do this? It's bad when you're the fucking head engineer on all the job site At least you wanted plus she's gonna let me do a couple of armbears and I'll figure this out She skipped about three or four of the safety steps. I don't need OSHA poking around in there. Let me tell you that That thing didn't come with instructions. That was that box. That was an open box purchase Now that's four drywall screws straight to the deck Um, so we couldn't get it to go above So my dad likes to go in there in the evenings watch the Phillies game and do his little exercises and stuff like that

What's in where it's to go in a pool. Okay goes in a pool watching so it hangs So you have an umbrella that I saw you bump the table right up next to the pool Yeah, so we got it where it covers a little bit of the pool so you can hang out You can hang out in the pool on the thing while everyone's talking and you're watching the fills And then also one half of the table is is also shaded too now But on the other side of that table and a hot day. Oh, let me tell you it hurts I don't have the Webster dictionary for white trash But I'm pretty sure you checked a couple of the boxes there big man

Is there an extent where's the tv that you're watching? It's it hangs on that we we bring it inside in the in the winter because it'll crack the screen It's up in my room. We bring it down and we hang it to watch Phillies games Hang it on what we have a fucking like a thing like is there an extension cord a thing like what it's all Like ours like an arm that comes out it's Man like I'm giving you shit. You just said you make you got an umbrella hanging over your pool and a picnic table All of a sudden I ask one question on the electronic aspect of it and you're you're acting like I'm I'm the jerk off Man

Yeah, we hang that up So good for you. That's rough. Yeah got a little almost got a little rougher too If I don't mind telling you gentlemen and why Well, you know, I had some uh Let's say counting errors towards the end of the month I I saw a screenshot of said bank statement over there at navy federal and I gotta tell you it was fucking red lights Fucking all the way down the avenue. Man. It's fucking hollywood chewed me up and spit me out Fucking right back to zero. Yeah. No, it was uh, you weren't even at zero

Yeah, you were on those negative four digits. So we were waiting on a couple of things To fall we were getting jerked around by a couple of suppliers. Yeah Um, so they didn't make the fucking payment. So I had this all mapped out. This is my master. I was I this was hopefully My last my last month of spinning plates This was gonna be the weekend. This this was it. I was like I was gonna change my name to the weekend That's how pumped I was for this weekend and then You just said weekend like 15 times in a sentence

We got them like gear it up from Memorial Day thinking you're going to Costco and then showing up at the Aldi Oh, dude, I was it was Well, this is what happened to me. I was jammed up. Oh, I was Jammed up and those rug rats down there. I might have had to take a personal your personal marker out from uh, From said foreign investor. I had to sign over personally on a couple of things and a bald guy's here with his nose wide open Man, I uh So, okay, so I woke up Saturday morning and Hawaiian cartoons After my cartoons in my in my in my cereal

Um, I looked at my bank account Hawaiian airlines have gotten cheeky and fucking charged me twice for something Which I don't get it. There's not enough of the checking account. Why does the bank let it go through just reject it? No, fucking Navy Federal. It's like they're working together. They fucking put me in a hole Now i'm upside down on my own checking account So you're upside down in the house So I get on the phone I start talking to fucking uh, Hawaiian airlines start working and that's about an hour process

I do this while i'm driving down. Sure. Okay. Do you speak Hawaiian? No, okay before I get before I get in the car though It wasn't that good. I'm sorry. I know he answered me like fucking like you're on a fucking deficit No, I don't not anymore. I mean I get ordered a restaurant, but I'm not fluid So Now I had a couple of bucks in my savings had about one fitting in there clean So before anybody starts getting you're the only person two percent on that annually. That's like three four dollars

Yeah, the only person I ever heard refer to is 150 as clean. Yeah, I own that straight out. I own that 150 There's no note on that. That's me. That's a my that's all that's all that's all meat, baby That's all that's all icing. So I didn't want fucking you got 150 and you're in your savings account Okay, a lot of times a lot of times you got to read the fucking fine print on the new savings I mean, we're just in between a couple of paid days. You know, I got him up I got jammed up But a lot of times in them savings account you got a fucking you got to keep like a at least a hundo in there Oh, no, maybe you leave your keys in there. Maybe they don't give a shit. They don't care. Yarr take your money

As hard as we know it belongs to you anyway Take what yours No, you don't see right now. I got I got zeros right up. I got snake eyes right up to I don't got a cherry cherry Hoping for a seven Man, we're jammed up a little bit. So a little yeah, I didn't take out two markers this weekend For me alone. I was like, hey, I need this just to get by And then I get a couple of bucks. I start spending. I'm doing we stink the money

I'm taking uppers again. Thank god. We learned this a little less Well, I see that patreon number of I guess I'll clean things up by the end of the month Then they do they they first of all patreon. What's their beat man? You start fucking unpacking that thing It's like a russian nesting doll Fees and overhead plus toady needs that. You gotta pay the rent on toady You gotta keep fucking a roof over toady's head. Jesus those dog pills thinking to fucking save us no money No problems as big as that Toby's like, hey, if you need a couple of bucks to get through the week, you know, I should be lending you money

I know toby mcmoan the richest man. I know Meanwhile, I had to make a fact to make a big fucking letter of employment for this guy Oh, yeah, I'm like, yeah, he makes a hundred eighty seven thousand dollars a year. Give him the apartment Yeah, a little a little life tip for you for anyone listening Work for your friend because they can It was pretty funny. You want it like I mean This is where I shot and all toby's like, hey, listen, would you be okay with like maybe, you know Saying I make a little bit more than I actually do

I've been and I'm like, I'm like, I'll go one step further. You Venmo me money I'll deposit into toady's and make it look like paychecks. He goes, oh, that's pretty good. I go buddy You're welcome to the deep end because that's where I that's where I maneuver I've I've been the assistant regional manager of many a restaurant for my friends by the way, uh The landlord was like, so I was looking into the tutty llc. Do you guys make desks? And I was like, yeah, that's what we do What a heck

That's how much cash you got on you I believe the correct the direct quote was we do a little bit of everything We got our hands in a lot of pots, you know, we're a venture venture capitalist firm You ever have oat milk before? Yeah, I have I signed it. I signed an H. Shmoly by the way President and CEO H. Shmoly Ah, man. Well, the first thing I did your answer in a dead man's phone Oh Yeah, try to try to trace that letter back. It's just ringing at the bottom of the Hudson

Yeah, no way you gotta try by the fucking I put a fake number The address was in fucking you're in there now. That's all that may can't do anything when you got the keys It's real hard to get to get squatters out of there. Yeah So thank god that worked out where you seen ain't gotta pick I'll lift the way this is going. You're not gonna have money to pay No, we're doing great everybody So I didn't want just very bad with money. I didn't want navy federal

Fucking coming in and fucking swooping in fucking cleaning house because they what they'll do is if if the checking's negative for too long They'll fucking yank it from from the savings Stealing from peter to pay for fatty, you know what I mean? So I grabbed that quick 150 and I just have a little cash in my hand. Would you go to the atm? What right to the atm like nope Fucking yank that right out Foley's banking at international waters. There are no rules out there dude Had to put a couple of bucks in the car get some fucking gas couple of odds and ends

Almost get jammed up. All right. I got enough gas to fucking get me out of there. All right Fucking sitting on a couple of shekels in my pocket Now there's no pool so the kids are a little bummed out. You know what I mean spraying with the hose call it a night I offered that they didn't want Set up a chair. I'll sit down spray with a hose. Give me a couple of pops. They didn't want to do it Um, but then all of a sudden we hear a familiar tune coming through the trees in the neighborhood Who is it ice cream man the ice cream man? Now we're all out like that foley's back to zero. I've been running my mouth down there about how good we're doing

Okay, I got about what 30 40 clams on you. Listen. I'm sitting there. Okay. The wallet was put away When I got this is more of a hard feelings, but okay, we got to get into questions. I know this is trash. Um Yeah, everything you do is I mean like You could have just said what you did yesterday and what would have been a trashy story Well, I'm sitting there the ice cream man starts ringing for some reason Everyone starts saying all the ice cream. Oh, that's a great. That's a great job for uncle hank. That's an uncle thing uncle hank Uncle hank

Give him money to go get the ice cream Fuck and I tell my nephew to go get my wallet pulls out my last 20 you only got 120 on you man And they take off down the street pick something from the bottom and let me tell you the bottom Don't ever underestimate or don't ever Don't ever look down upon poor genetics because I guess these kids couldn't catch the ice cream man And they came back jokes on you little fatties They came back with the 20. Yeah

Live to fight another day. Yeah Finished my grilled chicken and I said good night to everyone like a gentleman. Oh, man But that's neither here nor there of course. This is a family episode Of course. Yeah, you know, I was yeah, I'm just saying save some meat on the bone We gotta we got to do a hard feelings as well. This that's prime hard feelings Going toe to toe with financial institution. That's what hard feelings started about three years ago Fucking toe to toe with big banks. Oh, I just felt pretty garbage only have a 20 bucks in there Yeah, needing the ice cream money back from my thank god. He doesn't take fucking credit card

But I only got 20 on me. I only got 20 on me. I couldn't have said that I would have been they would have known something was up. What if you only had 20 on you? Yeah I got 20 on me. Did I take a car? I should have said I had no things Take my credit card, right? What if they did then you're really fed up? You have no idea Those kids would be faces of charges. Good humor hit the gas. Will you? Yeah, my credit card was stolen. Yeah, I can describe all of them. Yeah, there's three of them. I heard my front yard right now Suck it down Chaco tacos I only I only authorized. I only authorized the firecracker pop and that was for me

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Uh, as you know, this is a fucking family episode. We answer your fucking garbage questions Uh, so when you sign up for the patreon, we'll answer your garbage question and we got some heaters You got some heaters. We always do fun stuff I think we got the funniest listeners out there too. Some of them. They're fucking They know how to write a fucking garbage question. I'll tell you that much good people um Let's see, you know what they say you got to write what you know You got to write what you know and these we're starting you said I think like two episodes ago

I think the last family episode you were like, I think we're just starting to scratch the surface on some levels of garbage That were not like, you know Super me and you aren't accustomed to you know, there's there's obviously a deeper darker world than what? than the worlds I operate in We're gentlemen to a degree. Of course. Um, this one is just uh Fucking homerun funny This is from gibson ever play with a foam nerf football with a human bike taken out of it Buddy for some reason nerf just wanted you to fucking

That was like a why was that thing looked like a fucking whopper dude. That was good eating Yeah, just take a fucking I would always put teeth one Right on the corner for some reason that and getting them wet getting them wet You were like fascinating and then ringing out the water yet taking that thing under water Be like a brick I felt like flipper. I think would drown a baby down there diffusing a bomb or whatever he did saving the day Holy shit, that's track nerf was fucking nerf come on. Okay, but you were still your generation was still solid nerf because you You guys had

You guys started to have those things that look like mortars the missiles with the vortex What was that all about? I think that might have been nerf originally as well nerf vortex Yeah, well, yeah, if I can hurt somebody not the one with just the spinnies on it. I know that one the the orange and blue one I'm talking about no it had to tail Yeah, it was like a bottle rocket Yeah, I think had a whistler tip on it too. Yeah, how much help did you guys need? I have a glass of milk Get the bones up In that in that commercial they had the fucking I forget who it was. It was some uh

It was some quarterback and he threw it like dude He literally threw it out of the stadium like over the fuck over the nose, please. Yeah, those things Cooked they stung dude. You got a big sixth grader with one of them He could fucking throw with three yards down if he wanted to they hurt really bad as well. Oh, yeah Right in the ear It's like you're getting shot going over the wall I grew up on the whistler tip and it was a harsh awakening when I first played with a real football. Oh, yeah I was like, you think regulation what's going on is a couple of Susie's flying around

Yeah, it's like you're throwing left-handed Ah Excuse me, sir. Would there be apple slices? Can I get a can I get a football with a tail on it, please? This is a regulation Uh, the original nerf was a tough look those things didn't last they got ripped up Oh, yeah, the dog got a piece of it. Yeah, it's shitting out. He was shitting out nerf fucking colors Uh, my dog ate dental floss one time. It's still coming out

That was like the magician pulling the ribbon out of it. So we're sitting there looking sit there fucking What was he doing in the medicine cabinet? Looking for perks If there's if there's if the follies have a dog he's looking for painkillers Rooting through how these how these are old I did find I did find a bottle of CBD for dogs at my parents house What's the old man getting into Trying to keep her quiet No, she went to the trash it was cinnamon

Cinnamon dental floss and was just hanging out out of her butt my mom just went Yo, I just my butt just puckered when you did that dude like the natural reactions Fucking anal beads Yeah, that I remember my dog had a hold of the crayons before Man, it was like a fucking pasquiat. It was like a fucking fish concert dude. It was fucking tied. I shit all over the neighborhood Big grateful dead fan Had a no rusty was it dead head Guys we're having fun. I mean this is

Good times Oh Excuse us Pardon me. Um, where were we this one? I don't know. I thought this was classy I knew a guy that had this and they were the epitome of clash out the duggy. He's a listener and a patreon Um, his dad his he had it ever. This is from frank ever make your own goth hole in your yard Which I feel would be classy. No, it depends What are we talking about the astroturf?

No, no The one the guy I knew that you're talking about going out and getting the specific kind of grass for greens and having like somebody Like level it and make it nice. Yeah, I don't know if you had fucking Kentucky bluegrass Or if you just set the John Deere to the lowest setting and gave it a box seeds from st. Andrews. Yeah, he fucking It was good though He had the pin the cop and like they kept it real tight real well It wasn't and they would chip and like, you know pot, I guess sure It was just the same guy who we went over to see the fucking ceramic stove

He worked for whirlpool. Oh, so he got a little bit of cat. He was an executive. He was an executive Oh, yeah, then that's so he did it right. Yeah. Yeah, that's classy. Yeah Yeah, most my dad ever had was like that little golf thing that you put on your desk where you just Where you walk on the desk or like it's like a little tiny one I'm like, here's he like the little pools Like the little tiny pool tables that you that you have you put on your desk That was the kind of shit we were talking about real big spenders over there Like that in the backyard. You know what I think trashy too

the The long strip with the ramp the yastroturf garbage. Yeah, I never got that and I'll tell you what from time to time I'm starting to like it a lot. I'll tell you what I wasn't so I lost all my money But I'll tell you this The video games where you hit it into the screen That's pretty trashy too like a top golf type thing. No the things you can like you hang the thing in your Garage. Yeah, I think that's pretty nice though. Is it? Either no, I don't Toby shaking his head. No, I'm also not looking at you for what's classy when it comes to golf though

Toby true I guarantee you I can hit a ball farther than anyone in this room. Who said anything about that? That's also 100 false What's with the 100? She's got a sweet stroke dude. It's as do I I got for a very long time I didn't and I will and I will embarrass you This guy's guy in front of who? Yeah, who's coming at us? We got cameras also shout out to the people We got a a lot of people hit us up for a dirt track. No shit. Really at least like six people Hit us up. Yo come out another guy hit us up. He's friends with the family that owns grave. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah

Said I'm pretty sure I can get you because I'm pretty sure I can get you in there He goes, I know the guy there's one parked across. There's one in the park to cross the street from me I bowl with them or whatever Yeah, but there's dude. I mean people in like Ohio. I wouldn't imagine grave. They were like We don't I own a dirt track come fucking, you know, you can drive to whatever. I don't know what's happening. We're in Get a cooler some hot dogs There's also a demolition derby in pa coming up. I think like July 10th or something. Let's go like truckzilla. He like let's do it. It's a car or something

I'm gonna put this out here. What do you got? We are cooking on something that's gonna be sick and it's gonna involve a lot of footage of traveling So if you have if we're coming to your city and you have any sort of dope activity that you would think we would enjoy It us the fuck. Yeah, that includes chicago june 22nd still some tickets left for the late show Uh indy june 23rd. Oh, yeah, those tickets are fucking moving not really And then Atlantic city I by the time this comes out It might be sold out. There's about 15 tickets left in a land. Do it sell out a c come on Go get those fucking tickets. We can hit a bubba bubba bubba bubba bonus. Yeah

Couple of bucks in the kids pockets, you know what I mean? Plus i'm gonna be hanging out afterwards I'll pull a pops in the in the in the casino No, I gotta I got a bar that I like to go to down there. Oh, that's right. Yeah real oldies real real old school Would you would you go skydiving? Absolutely not. No, what? Well, it wasn't asking you they would have to use some sort of u.n Parachutes that they use to drop supplies on fucking africans because of my weight

No, because of your Yeah, your great head of hair I want to mess up to do uh Let's see how this weight loss challenge goes. Maybe he'll be down to 220 Yeah, what do we gotta do? Oh, we're not going skydiving. Yeah, you gotta jet skiing. You got to be like 215 or something 215. Yeah Shit, I'll be up 10 grand by then that's um

I would say if you got a hole if you got a if you got a golf hole In your yard, it's got to be done right. That's the thing you can go south quick That's the problem with a lot of stuff that you do around the house. Like it's the upkeep. You let it go You let it go let it go and then it looks bad bad Not good a swing set and I put together a gazebo. That's half done. Yeah. Yeah, like I said, we have a jam But we had a shed pool motor blows Well, that's just maintenance. Yeah pump. Yeah pump. Um, we had a fucking we had an incomplete shed for a decade And then my mom finally just got it removed and planted trees or something. They got that guy living in a backyard

You there's a whole thing you do have a guy living right now. There's a whole thing Yeah, so it's not directly in our bed. So There's this guy who's It's not not directly in your backyard. It's one. It's not at the bus station. No, it's behind you To the left back into the left It's a nice car though. Is it only a bmw? I don't know what he's got going on. So he was living in his house. So his dad His dad owns two houses down

That's weird too, right? And then so his dad owns Two houses you own more than one house in your neighborhood, but then there's a plot. There's an empty plot of land He owns a house a lot. The dad threw him out. He's like 50 He's not let the dad's like a hundred Something I asked my mom like what's that guy doing? My mom's like, I don't know. They're like trying to get because it's a very Upscale tail ship they're trying to like hey, he can't be just fucking live. It's a thing I was gonna ask you everybody's raising the fences around them. He's like living in the penitentiary

Dude, everybody's putting up barrier trees Boxing them in and they're boxing them in real good I don't know what's going on. He was he lived in the house. I think he's like drinks or something. I don't fucking you think I don't think he's working but he's not a couple in the new york times crossword puzzle I can tell you that he's got a couple of cars. All right, so we just put up a bunch of trees to block them out That's trashy man. That's pretty our neighbor raised his fence like two feet I just imagine him like hammer in the nails just so the guy couldn't see him anymore like as he put the last piece of What I I see you later timmy think think think think just like a pizza box up there. Yeah starts running out of wood

Um, well, you know, no matter what no matter how nice your house is That's bringing you down. There's nobody living in their car in my neighborhood Yeah, I I understand my my it's like They're trying but it's also like they're being compassionate. It's like they don't want to fucking Uh They don't want to kick the guy. He has got nowhere to go. I don't fucking got a house right there They've called like the zoning board, but the dad won't let them in so they've called the zoning board They're trying to but like it's like what are they gonna fucking arrest the guy? I don't know what's going on

I stay out of it. I just know we're fucking we're built in the redwood forest to keep this fucking guy out The backyard looks like the pacific northwest now It's a fucking scene fucking humboldt county back. She's gonna be pissed. We talked about this. Oh, man Um That being said this was from clayton new member here Do you or any family members have a burnout car or home appliance in the yard burnout car? Holy shit We had a washing machine, baby. Really? No, but there could have been

And our one house that we lived in Was down there. It was up the hill from a junkyard Not good. Could you see it? Oh, yeah, it's always bad when you say up the hill Yeah, we were up the hill now. We are up the hill up the hills Anything around the hill ain't good. I sure in the fucking Beverly Hills live right down the hill there Oh, does he lose down a hill on you know what my step that says up the road apiece. I'm going up I'm going up the road apiece. What is this highway to heaven?

I don't know dude traveling down there up the road apiece. I'm like, all right, man. Whatever you say Yeah, he's he's got he's full of fucking hillbilly it blue collar idioms Man, but yeah, right up the hill from the from the junkyard I think it'd be worse if you were down the hill you get the rust runoff and stuff when it rained Get all the fucking water looks like orange juice. Yeah, lead paint and shit coming down. That ain't good. No, it was it was all right A couple of times I think some people were in there poking around and they came up the hill Looking for trouble Down the hill people got three eyes and shit and come up looking at the up the hill people

Yeah, no, but just a fucking old washing machine just sitting there No, we had a couple of cars that were like I had my car was in my mom's driveway for the longest time to montego For years you can you can Depending on how your house is set up you can get away with that like if nobody can see your house Or in the cul-de-sac so it's not a lot of people it was pulled up kind of no not like your house I mean you need to be separated. Oh, yeah, of course But then when you're like that there's usually more cars like my one neighbor has like nine cars I don't know what those car people doing

It's like none of them work. There's one working headlight within three cars. Yeah, I don't yeah We're gonna read that's like it's always like a shitty old like not like one of the good mustangs But like in the 80s when they made them real cheesy Oh, it's like, what are you doing? Yeah, they think that's the thing they think Oh, I'm gonna get this car and I'm gonna get the fucking glory days back to get the motor fixed Yeah, but they know you don't do it right. They don't do it right and then someone comes along I was like, I got this 82 whatever. It's a great deal 700 bucks. I gotta take it The bucket of bolts is what you got hit the brick. It's like my pool right now. It's up on cinders

Someone stole the hubcaps off your pool Pool ain't running. Oh that being said there's a fuck in my neighborhood now There's this guy fixing this expedition and it's up on block. He's got the wheels off it in the street Up on block. It's like, what are you doing? Are you new here? We don't do this around here Car maintenance is designated to your garage your driveway or if you're in the city Pulled off to the side in a parking spot He's on he's on an alternate side parking fucking no wheels on this thing for like a week and a half now Wait, you're talking about up in the heights or down by your mom up in the heights. Oh, man

Yeah, I'm like, how you moving this thing for when the street sweeper Go Give me a minute gotta get the wheels back. You got vocal tires. What's going on, buddy? I don't know what he's doing Fucking fuck it up scene though Jesus um Since this was we were talking about finances before uh, this is from eric. Hey guys still haven't had one read yet Have you ever had to split a transaction between two different methods of payment because you only had so much on one card

I don't think I've ever had to do it I've My old grocery store, uh, the one that I lived in before the one I go to before I just moved last year But for some I don't know what the hell what what fucking CIA Processing credit card machine they had but whatever you had in your account That's exactly what they would take out. It wouldn't get declined

So if I was buying 36 dollars worth of shit, I don't had 20 dollars on my card It would take the 20 out and go you owe 16. Oh, that is garbage. Yeah So you can't even you can't even lie be like I was traveling today. They might have shut it down They just took whatever cash you had so you look like a real fucking bazook. What is that sunny delight bank? It was whatever it wasn't debate. It was the fucking Processing it could can't be legal. They know what you got. They know right away. And I'm like, oh, no I'm like, like you still have 1150. I'm like you just processed it. Like you only had 22 in there I'm like, you how fuck you know what I got?

Who you've been talking to? You've been talking to Regis. I got touchdown bank over here. D. D. All right, run it again You never done the move uh cash or the rest on the card? Sure 100 I've done that At like a restaurant, maybe if we're like, hey take the if it's like a big bill You know what I mean? If it's like if there's a bunch of people out And like half the people got cash half the people got card and it's like, oh, here's say the bill's like 400 I'm making a bit of say the bill's 400. You're like here take 200 off and then put the rest on the card and screw the waiter with that though

Because then people don't aren't thinking and no you all I mean come on. I'm a fucking gentleman. I always tip well Of course a gentleman such as yourself Um Yeah, but I don't think I've ever had to fucking done that a 7-11 Julasco dominix all over the city of chicago. That was the move for what are you buying anything? You got fucking 30 bucks in your bank account. You got 60 bucks cash. You got to get a case of beer Bottle of banking Booze he's talking about. Yeah, I would still split it into two. I've done that when I wasn't sure how much I had

So I go like, oh, I'll take this and then I'm like if I knew I had 50 bucks And then that came to 40, you know that came to 40 And I go, oh, I'll also get this for eight bucks like afterwards Have you ever been in a line with edge my bet so I don't get fucking declined and look got egg on my face True. Have you ever been in a line with your girlfriend? I'm like, I'll get this and you get that and the put two users in line together Making different transactions. Oh, my buddy was the king of that. It's like I'll get I'll get these three things You get the pizza. I hate that shit. I put it all together. I'm fucking. I don't put it all together Yeah, it's nuts to me. Yeah, put it all together and she's paying. All right

She got I'll be over at the super ball machine He's got some scratchers Uh One time she I was she came here Uh to visit one time and remember those days when she would come for like two weeks I would check out and I'd have to like save all of my money up to fucking To like five take a couple of days off of work. You missed that. I was like, yeah, dude. Yeah, whatever. All right Yes, you your comment on my wife. That's my wife now

You would get hemmed up. You hear that Nadine. She watches. She listened. Love you, buddy Happy birthday. You would get hemmed. Happy birthday. Happy birthday to the first First of all, I posted a picture. I was like, hey, happy birthday to my wife and everybody Was like couldn't have been more kind of like thank you so much for the foreign investor For helping the podcast. It was like the sweetest thing ever. A lot of people called me ugly. Whatever Jokes on you suckers. I got a hot-ass wife at least for now No, I remember in between those trips is what you're referring to is she'd be here You tripped the lights fantastic for a couple of weeks. I would be hemmed up

Yeah, and trying to fucking spin plates when she got in the next time to show to show to show to broad a good time Yeah, well, I was used to living, you know, we would just do shows every fucking night in the village and Drinking for free or cheap there at the village lantern Fucking dollar slices. Maybe a cab ride. Maybe if you were all banged up Yeah, if you're all banged up and I was gonna fall asleep on the subway like I use I used to sleep on the subway Everybody dude, just wake up. I'd dude. I'd lived all the way up town. I'd wake up like out at the airport I should have been murdered a hundred times. Yeah the one time I count I slept like nine hours on the subway

I got like I don't even do that in my apartment. This is just a bit now And the coffee is great um But the one the one time I saw I was like, uh, and I would be like, I got it. That's an ego thing too I got I got it. I got I got meanwhile. She got fucking more money. I got nothing. She especially with a new girl Yes, you're a peon too. I got a compressor. So I'm like, I got it. I got it in the one time We were at this deal. You don't got it. I don't have it. We're at this deli and uh Deli really pulling on all the stuff

No, we were getting like demon check out mr. Romance over. Oh, I know that move. No, we'll go somewhere authentic Yeah, that's how you spin that Real new york. This is real new york pumpkin donuts fucking burger king I heard a king lives around here Is he really the king of all the burgers in america? No, you are Nothing on it. It was good Um

But I remember I was like, all right It was and those so the huge now it's the weekend charges are coming You don't know what's hitting what's in there because that's a fake number That's like being in the desert and seeing fucking a waterfall. That's all that's a facade that whatever numbers reflected on On a sunday ain't the real number that ain't the real feel Add the windshield of that thing daddy. You know, it's getting cold out You better put your hat and gloves on because Monday's gonna be a fucking blizzard So I knew I was hemmed up

And I'm like, all right. I'm like, I got it and I worked I'm thinking I'm being sly and I check I pull out the td app and I fucking checked that and I remember I had 52 bucks in or something Um So I bought they was we were just getting like a drink or whatever at the at the deli and we were like going somewhere And the next purchase was like 38 dollars. I don't know about you, but that cranberry juice really filled me up I Germans eat three meals a day. We only do one over here. Hmm. Nice filling coconut water. Well, guess I'm gonna head in Let me say we mosey. I'm back to the plate. It's 2 p.m.

Getting sleepy. It must be the jet lag. You didn't go anywhere No shit, dude 38 beans so the next thing was like 38 beans and I'm like Oh god, I'm like, I'm gonna be left with like fucking 11 bucks or something. I got it I got and she goes she literally goes. What are you doing? You don't have it and I'm like, yeah I'm like, what are you talking about? She's like, I saw your fucking bank statement when you She goes when you check your account at the deli. She's like, you got eight bucks. The jig's over. I'm not enough Clearly not with you for the money bozo

Oh Man embarrassed The rest of the trip was on her What also was tough was she would come here and not have uber and lift because you know, it's like a Oh, put you in a tight spot puts me in a touchdown taking these $40 ubers everywhere So I'd have to put her card in my in my uber account I'd be sitting somewhere on like third avenue like typing her credit card and I'm a Here for Nadine

Your big head gets in the car. Yeah, that's me Holy shit, that's trash. Yeah, it's tough tough. I did that same move. I did it this weekend. These are on you, right? Lyft was doing a promo and I just got in a new a new card So I re-signed up and changed my name. So every time I get in a car, they'd be like for Jerry. I'd be like, yeah Talk about trying to scam the system The talented mr. McMullen Rip off the mustache. All right. Oh, man, we got a fucking barn burner here today folks This was from Braxton ever been to an uncle cracker concert

No, but he's got that one hit I like that guy from jump street. What's that hit he's got It's not sweet home Alabama. That's what you ain't that kid rocks on that's a that's a He's done so bad that he ruined kid rock. That's how bad he was. He brought this bozo down with him Nah, he was all right I he's had that one song was like this. It was like the slow song was like a ballad kind of follow me Follow me. No, there was something else to get something a little something with a little more dirt on it drift away I don't know. It was all right. I think you're thinking of the everlasting What it's like

No, I'm not uncle cracker didn't have any deep songs. You were too old at this point. Uh, uh, I'm probably same age as he is That's your uncle cracker 45. Look, I'm up Probably 52. He's old there probably. Yeah, um, whatever They make pretty decent trash music. Have you been to an uncle cracker check? No, we would have known by now My stepdad went to a kid rock concert like a few years ago You're stepped at yeah A few years ago like recent Jesus

I think it was somebody's like, oh, I got these things like I'll go and I'm like you what? What big ball with the ball That's a hot track. Oh, oh, dude. I was in like seventh grade when that dropped good fucking night That was like my first like that was like way how you learned to mash Kimmy can you do the can you do the joe sievers you still got it in the chamber started I probably can My name is joe to the sea hoe No, I can't call me joe sie got more game than galico. Come on No, no for some reason that didn't stick

It must have not been the radio version. I didn't have the album I was but it was more of a clean etiquette guy Mother didn't like curses Ah Trash uncle cracker Nah, no I'll stand by it. Whatever barrel that we're talking cracker barrel. That's got to be something on the road We got to go to a cracker my dad got bed milk a cracker bowler one time

Who orders milk at cracker barrel my dad likes milk with breakfast. I too Breakfast, I didn't know they did I didn't know it was a breakfast establishment. Oh, it's one of their specialties kevin Come on. Hi. You're back there. Stop at the country store on your way out. Um That kid rock song where he took sweet home alabama. That's a pretty good. You're nuts. That's a pretty good lick That's a pretty good lick. Oh, it's so lame taking another song. I hate that Oh, yeah, I'm sorry sunny day sunny day original material though That's the average between you and kibby kibby's an american badass. Well, yeah My name is

Shout out to kid rock I don't know. I don't know. I don't align with all his political stances, but here's something pretty garbage Do you know what he did when he he started a beer company? This is I this was 15 years ago I'm not saying about the man. No, I know but this is I really he started a beer company and would only hire Employees that lost their job at the car factories. That's all I was like that was fucking that's really cool. Detroit the beer stinks Tastes like motor oil. He's fucking it is don't know the way around an IPA Hey bozo that ain't a carburetor Joking I don't I've never had it but did you ever make a music video when you were a kid with your friends?

Got you dead the rights Yeah, dude, man that is fucking trash We tried to film the 18 begin you made one when you were 38, dude. What are you talking about? You had your mom in yours. What is a voiceover? I was I was 12 with a camcorder Bingo, Toby, I know you did No, but I did choreograph a dance with a friend to an in sync song when it first dropped that literally started That literally started with us bursting out of a closet Talk about foreshadowing

Ironically you're in one man. I like it. I this I don't know if I ever I don't know if I this is On the board we did one of those things on the we made one on the boardwalk Me and my boy Pat to like the men in black song remember the men when that men in black song dropped that was fucking Here comes the man in black. Yeah No, the other men in blacks I didn't know it was a song from one or two But we made one it was like on the boardwalk and it was just like there was like a dinosaur float behind It was a green screen. That was like the only package he had

It was the 90s So we were like we were like I had to go to see him and then like in Jurassic park We were just put as a run of a green. Oh, you had a professionally made I wouldn't call the guy a professional He wasn't Would you go USC? I'm a filmmaker you look more like a tish drama kind of guy here. I do boardwalk green screen in snuff films Yeah

It's working on my thesis back in front of a dinosaur Yeah, it was like, do you know the man like we were like We were probably eight or something 10 Dancing and like the only graphics he had was like the stock footage on you know, microsoft word or whatever That was like all clip art. It was a bad any horse in there Oh man, that was fucking I thought I literally thought I was shooting late. It was I thought I was shooting something That was going to be I'm like wait till if he gets a load of this. I'm gonna be on tRL and fucking

No time Oh, we're back on tRL with one of the most amazing artists of a generation He was discovered on the wildwood new jersey boardwalk Dude for a long time standing in the crowd in time square outside of tRL might it be the trashiest thing you could Yeah, and the people still were doing it like up for like good day america with a sign like hey It's johnny's birthday wish him and then fucking al roker. Hey Happy birthday to you if I ever looked up and I know my mother has tried to do it. Really she just couldn't get close Yeah, her and the girls came up here a few years ago

Doing all that doing all that dingbat shit fucking here there Seraphina the m&m store, you know all that stuff Man if I ever flicked on the news trying to catch up on the world's events So my fucking mom back there Waving a lot changed a lot I My mom does the they come up. They used to come up once a year. They bring like the Not the nieces so it would be the nieces kids like the second generation of

Girls they go to like to see the Rockettes and stuff like that But then they would always go to that diner that has the Broadway singers. You should see them. They're great They they're all Broadway stars. They're just like haven't been discovered yet You know kind of like you with your comedy career, whatever Oh, yeah, they're great until they forget the mayo. Yeah Hey lisa Enough with the jazz hands. Where's my side of fries? I need a chipotle ranch over here. Oh, yeah

Damn, holy schnikeys trash very very trash This is I mean the question's pretty good the name. I don't think we've said it yet Uh, this is this question comes from I smell a bernie I mean, come on, dude. That is a fucking home run of a name. I smell a bernie and it's the small eye like apple You remember when I popped in here right in the winter? I just had a smoke That is sticks on fat guys worse. I don't know why surface area and the cold stuff Yeah, man Coming in after ripping one in a cold night trying to fucking blend back into a fucking christmas party

What the fuck Fucking crab puff in your mouth This is from I where are you I smell a bernie Uh, this just says collection of shitty bicycles that don't work under the deck question mark Question of shitty bikes because you have a big deck. You got a lot of fucking surface area You could put stuff on it. No, there's nothing under there. Just fucking couple of raccoons though from time to time. Yeah Some ground hogs. Yeah, there's some there's some there's some shit goes down under there That backyard some shit happens because there's a there's a thicket of wood back there that a couple of fox run

And there's some ground hogs and some other some other animals back there I don't like it. No, but there's no bikes. The only underneath that porch is or that deck is uh Old tinfoil bowls that I folded up and slid under there in high school to rid of the evidence a little bit of crack um Cigarette butts couple. Oh, yeah down there. Yeah about 25 years worth of fucking bernie's in there And that's it. Yeah, it's a bottle caps Yeah, we have one we always we had like lat we put we had a low it was a low guy, you know, it was maybe a foot or so We just shoved

Shit went under there for sure a lot of bernie's too put them out and flick them down to At high school parties. Well, I could raccoon in a barber at wild jacket I got these other he's got the canoe kipay the groundhog groundhog in the in the Wrangler I recently had to fuck with the little shed we have on the side Of the house for the first time probably 25 years. I had to go get the umbrella stands out of there Cobb web city Yeah, that's something to hold your breath. Whoop the air is colder in there. You're like, what the fuck walking into the Dracula's Yeah, I don't fuck with that

Did you just pluralize Dracula? Yeah, Dracula's Dracula's his place Oh, okay, because that's it. Yeah, that's it. There you go This one this is from Jesse. Have you ever ordered a sub at subway and told the clerk to drag it through the garden? Which I like but it's trashy drag it through the garden I don't think the wow employee appreciated it either. Yeah subway lettuce tomato onions to give it the whole give it peppers Whatever take it through whatever sticks. Yeah, I would say give me everything But I can't get everything at subway

A couple of weird things in there. I don't know what they are I used to be a big fan of the chicken porn there Which is crazy. They do I tell you what they did a meatball parm in the 90s The meatball was all right the chicken wasn't bad. They did breaded chicken for a while And we would have to call me and my buddy love them We would have to be call subway like hey, you got the breaded chicken and we'd have to like fine We'd call a couple to go to A couple of fat mouth breathers coming in for the chicken. Is it you and Jonah Hill?

Yeah, I've called a subway. That's a bad look if you're calling. I don't even know they had a phone where Calling a subway is tough. They were trying to get dominoes on the phone. Jesus christ It's like you're calling a fucking cia safe house. Well, I was like all the menus and stuff never get through. Yeah I didn't get that. I tried to go along with it. I feel like they would answer the phone. I mean, it's a pizza place. Yeah Maybe they would I mean you should never try to get a jiffy lube on the phone something Dominoes is all online now. You can't get a hold of anybody. Okay. I didn't know you don't even know what store you're ordering from Yeah, you do. No, you don't you just go into the website and fucking says they pair you up

Sure, they tell you but it's not the same one. You don't know what's going on Well, I'm not going to give you one and fucking Tallahassee They're going to give you the one closest but you got to figure it out And then you got to call them and then they don't answer I stand by my joke Whatever. Yeah, um, this one is for you. Uh This is from alex first time question just joined when eating a snack example little debbie swiss rolls Do you pick the chocolate off the wrapper of the cardboard and eat it?

What a great question I can't for you know, I can't really see you throwing out anything with chocolate still on it. No, of course not I thought I I I interpreted the question as do I do it for sport? Not at a necessity like if it sticks you ever open up a crimp it or a cupcake and it sticks to the top That was yeah that back in the day ruin my life. Yeah, I liked it though. You're going on it. Yeah You're fucking jolt pep in your stuff. I would oh, yeah, I just I'm not leaving anything Yeah, you got to take of course if it's necessity. It's not really the way I wanted to go down to be honest with you There's there's easier ways we could have done. Yeah, you could have done in the hard way

Yeah, you went with the messy the starburst will jack you up like that every once in a while You get a starburst on a hot day trying to get that out of the wrapper. Yeah, it's like already chewed gum. Yeah, they'll screw you Yeah, um, all right. This was from Jess. Uh, have you ever seen your dad shoot an animal with a BB gun? I have we bought a BB gun I think for we had a groundhog And it was like my soul mission in fourth grade to fucking get this thing He was a big man with jamma too about the size of you This thing would come out fucking rooting through everything a rabbit. No, uh, groundhog. Oh

Yeah, you should have groundhog. Come on. They're so cute. What face There's a whole fucking great movie based upon killing the groundhog. Which one? Caddyshack. Oh, yeah, that's right Interesting foreign film Uh, yeah, my dad we were big we keep his out of the front log. Yeah, is it deputy out here? She'll I say decision, um We got the red rider BB. I got the red rider BB gun the actual red rider. That was a real thing Yeah, it was bounce I can have enough power to kill a fucking groundhog. No, you just scare him away

Send him to the neighbors scare him away and he comes back with more groundhogs We gotta finish the job. They're knocking on the door. Where's the fat one at? Never bring it. I'm doing the men in black dance Never bring a BB gun to a fucking gun fight. We were just crazy. Graham. Um, scram him. He was under the deck Oh, that's good. We rented a house. That was always a tough one. We were always renting houses My father had a pellet gun for a little while those were like those were like the you know, the The pellet gun it was a handgun to the pellet gun was the trike to a quad Do you remember the trike the three-wheeled that those things pellet guns and trikes were illegal in the 90s when that was coming up

Yeah, when somebody finally had a pellet It's like a hollow point. Yeah. Yeah, that thing didn't fuck around take a bike tire right off. Um We had to shoot at some varmints. My dad would fucking varmints whatever like groundhogs. That's a varmit Or whatever. I didn't know you were in the biz He would have to scare a couple of things away from the from the dog because we had a german shepherd at the time Who was an outside dog and she had a little house back there. Yeah, well, that's what I thought that's what the German shepherd can't handle himself with a fucking critter if the dog was back there barking and yelling He'd go up onto the he'd go up onto the top deck

So he's lying on the roof. He's got a scope out Henry put your cigarette down he's gonna make us Tell my tell my wife. Take this shot. Take this shot He's breathing heavy. It's getting hairy. It's getting hairy. I got more I got three more coming in three clicks out gotta make we're gonna make a move make a move now It's like the beginning of shooter dad Dad they're right behind us What's that red dot on your head? Oh shit, you got a red dot on your head

Polly's dad's like, yeah, check out this photo of my girl back home. It's like, yeah, it's my mom Just fine piece of ass back home. Yeah, she's making dinner dad Uh, shout out to the follies. I love you. I'm waiting on my invite once you get the fucking once you get new Spark plugs in the pool or whatever. I'm gonna come down with the broad Oh, shit. Yo, so remember what you guys are you guys told me about a whirlpool in in the above-ground pool We were at when all the my homies were in town for the service Uh, we went to the pool at their hotel and my one buddy goes you think we get a was like eight of us It was like I think we get a whirlpool going and my buddy pops out of the water

It goes whirlpool. We need about eight more hands and pull this size Knowing Knowing how many people are gonna take to make a whirlpool And eight more people are two follies Try to do the same thing at a labor day party back in 85 tore my rotator cuff Uh That's the set of keys and two

Um, all right. Let's uh, let's fire through. Let's do two or three more here. Um, of course That's This is from Jonah. Have you ever stolen one of those huge rolls of toilet paper at a public restroom to use at home? Now I gotta say I think about it every that's the garbage in me. I still look and go I could use that at the house But then what are you gonna do with it? Yeah, what are you gonna chain it to the wall like how you're gonna hook it up? Well, you know what I've realized that I've been doing lately Is I'm not gonna like whatever this is. I feel I take the toilet paper off told you off the roll

And I undo it like that and then when I'm done I put it back on the thing I don't know why so I could see having that big thing in my hand and just setting it on the side by captain america shield Uh, yeah, I mean go for it. I don't that's uh, there's a lady I know people that still regular rolls from work all the time Yeah, yeah, I mean I know restaurant shops and shit. Yeah, there's a woman that goes into the shoe before the pandemic She would go into the uh Cafe in my neighborhood every week or every couple of days and steal all because they had like

A top shelf like a hundred rolls or whatever She would go old lady would go in and steal and just fill up her purse And they were they would catch her every time she'd get off of me and leave and then come in fucking three days later Really? It was like a scene every time they were like marie get out of there. We know what you would they be like banging on the door Yeah, it's like she was just like that's like one of those people that have just been in new york too long And she's just like this crazy old lady who's just doesn't give a just doesn't know or it's just like ian That's right. You got us the other newt. You got it. She's probably a fucking millionaire too

Pour like soup on you fucking if you were standing below or things pour hot water on get you something. Yeah, exactly Thanks All right, this is from dylan trash Oh, wow. I don't even think I saw this one. All right. This is from dylan First time asking ever fooled around with a step sibling or parents significant others kid Mom's boyfriend caught me with his daughter when we were like 15 and went and got my mom talk about an awkward morning

Talk about talk about the what talk about the videos I watch online The outings are getting steamy As long as you got her hands stuck in the garbage. I suppose a lot. I'm listening Do you speak russian by any chance? Wait a minute. Give me that question again slowly. I just want to hear sure the the the the the the sub Yeah, whatever. Yeah, this is from dylan Ever fooled around ever fooled around with a step sibling step sibling or parents significant others kids or mom's boyfriend's daughter or son So almost step sibling

Mom's boyfriend Caught me with his daughter when we were like 15 and went and got my mom talk about an awkward morning My mom's boyfriend. Yeah caught me with his daughter, which there's technically that's not that it's not they're just strangers I ain't got nothing wrong with that small town As long as everybody's underage or overage Etc. Etc. Everybody's consenting. Yes, of course. Yeah, I don't know why you went that way with it. I'm just saying Yeah, of course. I mean, I just thought that was implied Well

At these days, I'm not with not with our listeners. I'm kidding. Uh, yeah, I you know It's not something I would dabble in Did you ever have any kind of whether whether ever any females on that side of the family? No stepmom situation I had a stepmom. Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah, but in two she didn't have any kids of her own though with my dad Yeah, I don't think my brother would like me taking a run at him Shout out to mike. Yeah, it doesn't count. Get over here Don't break Mikey. Uh, yeah, no, no, we never had any extended. There was never no brady bunch moment of families Okay, just stepmom stepdad

Yeah, that's uh, I mean kids will be kids, but that's that's all but i'm mom's boyfriend The step sibling gets a little over because you're Probably in the same house at certain points Did they continue to stay together though? Because he said it was my mom's boyfriend I think at the time I don't at the time. I don't let me ask you this. Let's say you were that dad and you Were involved with this woman whose son

Was hooking up with your daughter. Sure. All you know both teenagers everything above board everything above board Welcome to a yg after dark folks Would you Can sit like you caught them You know coitus Sure Or heavy petting Either way, I'm listening continue

Do you continue with the relationship? Depends on you know the size of the cans the mom has I'm sorry. Glad us your son's got too much game. Yeah How to get out of here I mean, honestly, could you would you be able to deal with that knowing that like if you know you guys move in together? There's a good possibility spray to spraying with the hose get out of here Uh, I don't know. It would have to depend how serious I am with the mom It would have to depend you know a lot of factors. I can't just make a You know, I don't know that seems

Seems like a no-brainer. Well, I'm I'm also not letting the fucking you know my daughter ruin a good piece of ass for me This mom sounds like she probably looks pretty good in the back of a motorcycle too, by the way, and in this fantasy I got a Harley You saying I can be whoever I want in this situation, you know, if it's honest with a ponytail A color rubber band you want Um, all right, let's do two more then we'll get out of here. Uh, this is from sassy pans Do you avoid going to the mailbox? Just to let the mail pile up if so, how long until it's garbage 100%

Buddy, you could I you could kramer pull the kramer weld mine shut put bricks in there. I don't want nothing in it I don't want it. I don't want it. I don't I'll find out I'll find when they shut it off. I'll realize I gotta pay it. Okay. They would email me Don't stop you even at stop emailing me spectrum cable weighs so much money on these bills. They send me Crazy, I know It's nuts and I ain't even paying them Listen, you don't need to you don't need to mail me more shit. I know it's do okay I I wait at least like a week or two and I just got a text saying

Hey, we're gonna fucking shut you down. What at time one might at home. Oh, I thought you made your mailbox No, they can they can fucking my wife took care of my wife goes I'm taking I go. Yeah, you go now. She just brings up the mail. I got these 17 things are for you I'm like, yeah, I'm not rip them up throw them in the trash. I don't all I get is fucking Credit card offers that I can't afford and I'm not going to get qualified for anyway And the magazine of the boys life A highlights. I wouldn't mind that I would do a what a boys life Sure, whatever just that ticket a monthly magazine or a weekly magazine to be excited to something in the mail

You know, who's getting that? You get any publications delivered to your residence? Sorry, what was the question? I was still reeling from that egregious bomb. I just had what was up. Do you I blacked it out? Still I'm still the denial phase of grief on that one. We've done a lot of that today Yeah, we've breezed over a couple of things a couple of which I think is a gentlemanly thing to do Yeah, it's been a while since we've seen each other. We're not fucking really at each other's throat. Yeah Do you get any publications at your house? No way? No, huh? Yeah, I don't get shit. Okay

um My bank still thinks I live in Chicago That's good. So does mine. I think no, they know I'm here They got me So does my wife and kid. Oh All right, um, this will be the last one and we got to wrap it up This is from greg first time asking have you ever thrown or attended a themed watch party? For example this past sunday a friend of mine threw a uh mayor of east town watch party with philly cheesesteaks rolling rock beers

Another philly centric food or drinks. Let me tell you something first of all that sounds like a good time though It does sound like a couple of roll a couple of ponies, but here's the thing I've lived in the Philadelphia area my entire life I don't who the fuck's drinking rolling rock my dad shout out to a little trope. Yeah, dude 1399 for a 30 rack We're talking rolling rocks huge. Hey, whoa Lex, I don't know anybody in the Philadelphia area that drinks rolling rock a lot of yeah a lot of people really Yeah, it's a it's a pennsylvania beer. I'm aware of that. Okay But I don't know I'm not saying it's the best one. I'm a yingling man

I was surprised when I saw on the show that they were pushing the rolling rocks. Yeah, not yinglings You know probably pay to play. I'm sure it is. Yeah, I've never been to a watch party. I remember like game of thrones People would fucking do that shit or fucking walter or breaking bad People would do my head. Yeah Nope, that's garbaggio. Yeah, that's I mean, I guess if you're having fun with it in the sense of that You're not dressing up like that's like more of like, hey, we're gonna have food and beers

That's okay. I'm relatively okay with that. Hey come over for the Thing we're gonna have cheesesteaks. Sure, but you're not fucking putting affiliates. You're not dressing up like the fanatic Yeah, you're not dressing up like a like a like a cop walker Yeah, the outfits are Yeah, no boy any theme party like that is garbage Yeah, even when people have like a costume party when it's not halloween. I've done a murder mystery Oh my god, you have yeah, where? Uh recently no

No, uh, it was probably over a decade ago. You were single at the time Oh my god Well in my defense it really was kevin beat this beat alone in the foyer It was if I met this party they're solving a murder and they got a suicide on their ass Guys toby hung himself in the bathroom too Uh, no, it was uh, we got to wrap this up. It was uh, that's it folks. Thanks for tuning in everybody Still cool guy kippy. Yeah What the fuck I felt like I organized it it was early 20s

College maybe it was probably still in college. It's even worse with the no So it was a friend a friend, you know very well Him and his friends put it on and It literally nobody played the game It everybody just ended up the fucking party with like a hundred people. That's all it ended up There was like four people who were like, hey I uh, you know, I have this if you're like get out like once the fucking yeah, you started flying everybody was like

Hey fucking Hey surelock hit the fucking bricks trying to play beer pong over here and do some nose beers Yeah Man, yeah, yeah, yeah I don't know. Yeah, I'm so I'm being honest. Did you have did you have an outfit on? Did you have like suspenders and like a Sherlock Holmes hat on? Did you No, it wasn't that

Locked the doors. No one leaves someone fought This has been a bit. He's been pushing. He's been writing that joke for fucking 18 years Um, and finally what was it Sherlock Holmes, but the fart edition. It was a sketch idea I had for uh Fartlock shitlock Holmes And he would he He would do the line He would go to like, you know, like real highfalutin like parties and stuff like that And if somebody farted he would figure out who it was so they could all ridicule them for being un uncouth uncouth. Yeah

Locked the doors. No one leaves someone fought it That's it folks I wrap it up. It's an eventually my dear Watson actually so it was the beans Yeah, double down on it. I mean the fucking the punchline's done. You thought the tag was gonna say that I thought I was gonna get the kid over here. No, no, he's too fucking tuned out the guys in grief mode over here icing me Gang, that's the episode. We fucking love you guys. We love our family episodes. Um, make sure you get those tickets for uh For ac June 18th. There's probably a couple of tickets left. Make sure you do it in Indianapolis show the fuck up Let's go. Yeah, and Chicago sell out for our fourth show. Yeah, check it out. Links are in the description. Check it out. Also

While we're at it, we have fucking Baltimore's on sale stress factory in New Jersey is on sale Uh providence, Rhode Island's on sale Boston Boston on sale and that's gonna fucking sell out. That's a Boston those tickets are already fucking moving and that's not until late August so get those fucking tickets We're gonna be everywhere this summer. See you there. It's gonna be a good summer. Peace