Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Parents vs. Teachers! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: January 19, 2026

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Acorns: Join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion dollars with Acorns. Head to https://acorns.com/GARBAGE or download the Acorns app to get started. Ultra: Don’t sleep on Ultra Pouches! New customers get 15% Off with code GARBAGE at https://takeultra.com Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, baby, hey Texas, hey Florida. The boys are coming down to see you. So grab your tickets. They're the only shows we're going to be doing in Texas and Florida. So grab some ticks and come see us. Yeah, this March, we're going to be at the Creek in the Cave in Austin, Texas. Tickets are going fast as well as side splitters in people of Florida, baby. Listen, Tampa and Austin, two great comedy towns.

Get those tickets. We'll see you there. Yeah. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage, the show where you. You find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R.U. Garbage.

It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that after you go to be classy. Yeah. Look at just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful. Beautiful day. We're out back here with Toadie's in a new edition. She just got herself a sweet new pellet gun.

Okay. Copperhead bullets, baby. Look out. Those were for the bad kids. There was two different types of kids growing up when I was banging. Baby guns and pellet guns. Bebegun guys, which I was. You know, like a little dirt under the fingernail.

Sure. A little of a raw, you know, a little bit of a cowboy spirit. Then pellet gun kids. And those kids, well, that was a single parent household. Man, always. A buddy of mine put one in somebody's ankle That was always a thing You had to dig it out

You gotta dig it out Oh my god Turns into a fucking field dressing At Gettysburg Trying to get that out My co-os is coming at you From across the table This is what we call the family episode

Just the boys to bozos and the homies He's a little sleepy Little Gumpy But always King of the Burbs Not at all King of the insults King of the slams

Kevin James Brian, everybody. He's called me Brian. What's up, everybody? Shout out, oh, man, you're needling me today. And you know it. What's up, gang? Shout out to you as always please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube. Also, full video available over there on Spotify.

Top 100 all podcasts across the board. Take that, Golden Globes. Yeah. Suckers. And obviously, does the Golden Globes do the best podcast on Patreon? Because the boys are going to win over there. Patreon.com slash y' garbage over 15,000 strong on air. We're talking boots on the frigging ground.

Shout out to the homies. A lot of product over there. Five years of product. A lot of gear. A lot of gear. You go over here and talk about the wrong side of the tracks. That's Patreon. Start blowing up our boats.

Mm-hmm. It's usually a non-political show. Bunk man's been watching a little bit too much news. What? Since it is a family episode, we are... We got the Nike track outfit on it. The big fan. This is a family episode where you're obligated to take a cruise by the old corner office and say hi to the boss's son, Mr. Luke Dempsey.

Your obligations are waived. Do not worry, Mr. Foley. No? Thank you. I don't know why you continue to go to him. He's never said anything. He's funny as a sniper from outside. You kick it to him.

He panic. He's not a showman. What's going on, Luke? I thought the obligations are waiting. It was pretty good. Yeah, now you went back to him. Get me out of him. Not with a decent line you go back to him.

Let me live. What are you doing this weekend? I got something for both of you. All right. Trash behavior. Not the good kind either. Okay. Okay.

I'm in a coffee shop this morning in the city. You know what I mean? I just get my coffee. You know what I'm saying? Company card. I figured. You don't really like using your personal card for much. They're writing it off.

Uh-huh. you are appreciate it me and my four friends I just got a text of a distant cousin asking for my number my mom goes Whoa What's he up to I don't know but it did Somebody wants something I know that much Put a bunch of dollar signs behind it

Just sends me a Venmo request I hope you're doing well too Okay All right So very small place Hold on, you know it's bad when a family member eight, you also get the last name. Yeah, it's not just like Sean's asking for. Sean Delancey.

Yeah. Who? What the fight? You know, my cousin, Jimbo's nephew? What the fuck out of here? Jamming me up. My mother is the king of that. Talking to, like, the third generation of our family, acting like they would know who, like, you know,

uh, Doreen Karecki is. Uh-huh. You remember Doreen Karecki? Talking about it. I know. It's always, it's always names out of like a fucking. They all sound like, I mean, it's a joke, they all sound like they're all the last names of the first guy who died in Nam.

You know what I mean? You know, to Kligots? Who? They're all names you've never heard outside of your mother and your aunt referencing them. My mom just did that with a picture from somewhere. One of my cousins ran into a guy that my dad grew up with. And she shows this. I don't think I've ever seen the guy.

If I did, I was a little kid. Sure. You know what I mean? I think I was trying to run. to his house when I got ran when I almost got ran over around across Kidder Street when I was a young boy up there, Wilkesbury.

I feel like they might have pushed me. Listen. I'm trying to get rid of me. I get it. I'm trying to bump you at. Listen, how much time were they spend them with you? Because it crosses everybody.

You have a threshold of how much time you can spend with somebody until they go, it'll be a lot better if this guy wasn't around asking a lot of stupid fucking questions. My cousin Joe always tells me that I showed my uh my aunt mary ellen's house one time and i took their phone and threw it in the fish tank you're a dick dude you're a born dickhead ah cool phones cordless click fucking shock all the fish

not only did you ruin a phone you probably nuked the fish had it coming yeah i don't remember any of that stuff i just remember being a sweet you have a you have a very selective memory anyway she goes to my my nephew she's like do you know who this is and we're like who to fuck is this guy uh-huh and she's that's bobby how's your dad's friend i gotta got him to go to nom because he got hurt um

that's we we do uh we do a we do a very what do you want yeah what the fuck i'm killing over here this whole thing on my back yeah right wait till you play your little segment that you and luke just took three hours to produce

it's not going to go anyway i don't know to send that shit we did um you got to put it to a drive then you got to send it an email I was with my mom and my aunt when they got news of someone they knew passed, right? Recently? Yeah, a couple weeks ago. I'm sorry for your loss. I mean, whatever.

They're in their 70s. That's kind of it, right? What? It's like everybody's cool with 70s now. I mean, I think that's pretty cool. That's still young. Yeah, your whole life ahead of you 70s, the golden years. 70s are only 20 years away from me, man.

I ain't going to make it It's a lot further than 20 years Some would say Unattain him No I'll never make it You're going to take a lot of zip bound To get you to the 7th

I might have had a little heart attack this morning I'll be honest with you There's a couple of things now that I'm creeping on 50 That like I've never felt Just weird sharp pains will just pop up in places That's great That's what I'm here And I was doing my pushups on my kitchen sink

What? I have a real routine in the morning. I do a whole routine. Put the music on. I do my face. I do my, do my cold face. Take my face. Yeah, let's do the stuff that matters. Let's focus on that. I'm doing the steady stretch out. And I do the Asian slaps. Alucin up the lymph nodes. Like your fucking bam, bam, big a lot. Like, yeah, I do it all the spots. A couple of slap jobs. Like you're telling a runner to round third. Throw my catty conservative I bounced back crowbarum

And I banged them out And then I was taking my pills And I got like a real sharp It shot right through me And I felt like a pain of my back for him Yeah Marble countertop you're doing Or for Micah

You got to be careful with whatever it was Because that's not No, it's granite Okay I think so Hard rock It's up against the wall It's not going anywhere

Just saying The guy I'm gonna push the building over Well, I mean, with the cheap labor these, with the cheap building materials these days. But no, they got news of someone passing, and that's a very dirtbag thing that I watched them do for about 45 minutes,

is go through the whole family tree of, no, Marianne was Patty's sister. Patty was two years ahead of me at Little Flower. And then, no, she was the good basketball player, right? Yeah. Oh, did she marry, did she marry Joe's brothers? She could have married the guy that ran the supermarket, though, but didn't go for it. He's got like four locations.

They're sitting there. And you're just like, what the fuck? It sounds like something out of a movie. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah, he passed. Oh, that's a sin. A lot of that's a sin.

It's a sin. Well, she got diagnosed early. He caught it in an anyway. Came back. Always comes back. Yeah, came back. That's on the top. But they sat there and chopped it up.

I heard the whole of the, it's crazy your mom don't smoke. Yeah. Heaters would really stretch out her combos. Got her a nice 100? Sure. Get her smoking. Now, she, we were talking about how we all quit. My brother quit and I quit.

And we were talking. We're telling my name. We're like, yeah, we quit. And she goes, I didn't really know you smoked. I was like, well, fucking lady, I showed up every Christmas. It's smelling a goddamn ashtray. I think you're more of a drinker. Well, hey.

Just glad you got off the dinner rolls. Faddy! I do my pushing-ups on my kitchen sink. I do. I'm sure the landlord loves that. What you're a landlord? Superintendent. Fucking pipes are all kinked up behind that wall.

Who I still owe a grease to. You. Yeah, I haven't done my Christmas grease yet. The way you operate. Way deep in the year. You operate like a pure. For somebody who thinks they're an operator, you operate like a pure bozo. Yeah.

You really do. Not good. No. Bad. Good at all. I got to grease him. But I figured, you know, you spent all that money on a holiday, and they got a little something from Uncle Hank. Remember me?

You know, Valentine's Day's coming up. That's a real good way to spin it. Hey, remember when you needed cash? Well, better luck, you got it three months later. I didn't say it for what I was going to give it. That's money in the bank. Mm-hmm. I'm investing it for him.

Give them the dividends. You know what dividends are? Money in the bank. That's right. Sure. what you drank. All right, so I'm at a coffee shop this morning. Mind in my own business.

Now, there's nobody in there. Now, how is that a company purchase? Does it my own way to work? That doesn't mind. You're not at work. You're by yourself. I was talking to somebody about a podcast. I use my car, dickhead.

The Luke cuts. I got to break into this fucking coffee shop tonight. Switch the tapes and steal their receipts. steal the POS system. Luke, do you know how to hack a toast machine by any chance? I do. I was one of the first guys that used toast. So you know how to hack one?

Huh? I just watched you try to shut your computer it you were real unsure about. I had to make a hell of a BLT. You'll damn it. What? Dickhead. What? So there's nobody, so there's one table in a coffee shop.

It's like six, seven people. Six seven. And they are fucking. Do you probably don't even know what that is? Huh? I don't know it, but 6, 7? I know, the kids are doing.

You want to know something really trashy? I was holding back for a while. What were you holding back? You listened to anthrax? Pantara. I'm going a lot of plozo this year, too. I remember thinking Dimebag Darrell was the coolest name I ever heard.

I remember being, I was like seventh eighth grade when you heard. Brain exploded. I'm like, oh, you mean. the coolest dude in the world. Not a dime bag, Darrow. Dying bags. That's when you're getting into weed.

It's a dime bag. I know, but, like, yeah, it's the age. I'm in seventh grade you're getting into weeds when you're finding music. So I can't name you one Pantara song. How about how long you can make a dime bag last? Not really. We did that thing where we smoked it all really quick. We didn't know.

That was also the weed we were buying was very bad. Yeah. Fucking popping in. Shit, you were pushing. That brick weed. I ate good weed I know you didn't What do you know

What'd you have If you did I would have known about it That would have came over and moved on you Had you working for me Yeah Corner buoying it up Your pockets out One sweat pan up

A stick out probably That's how you like it Do you get to my segment here? Yeah I'm trying You keep And there you're burying the lead You're building it up I'm not doing anything

So I'm over at this coffee shop. Uh-huh. Now. Spending company money. No, it was my card. At an empty coffee shop. Okay. It's so weird with that.

An empty coffee shop. Oh, that's my card. People come in and they're just, dude, they're talking. They play the tape. This is what I walked into. I'm talking about the size of this table, small joint. If this is someone recognizing you, that would be hilarious. Sorry about that, folks.

Buddy. Luke, play to take, please. There's nobody in the place. There's just six people. I don't know who I'm listening to. Nobody. You're listening to the people talking real loud across the table. Sitting over there.

Yeah, I got to be honest. I got to be honest. That just sounded like a normal New York coffee shop. No. Maybe you wouldn't capture it great. It's my phone, man. The microphone does know. I can't talk to people on FaceTime.

I have to use my headphones because it sounds like I'm on the submarine. Fuck. I really wanted that to work. Throw that in your face. He showed up late. Real deep throat. I had work done.

I had that ready. I didn't show. First of all, I know. You're guest bailed. You're your collar. You lost your criminal. Oh, so then you just stroll in.

I told you I was having some, you know. The baby. It's all about the baby. You're very jealous. And I respect it as a crazy guy. He's got cash. He's also.

going through a phase where their brains develop and so to stay sleep so am I are you sure about that that's what the pains are I'm just getting smarter did you ever go through growing pains I don't I mean I thought I was having a heart attack watching the great outdoors the movie I was in there on a date with this brood about sixth grade or something like that six seven oh and I wanted to tell you my mom wore a six seven t-shirt on Christmas Eve who about that life bring her pellic gun

third ball yeah I was just like she did it for the kids it was like a six Did she know what it meant? I think she knows it's a thing I think

It doesn't mean anything It's just what the kids are doing It's stupid It says the guy Not involved in it I mean we're like So far away from it Being relevant

End or cool But yeah It's like the ice bucket challenge I know about it for months Ice Puckett challenge Yeah We never get nominated for that Later

I mean I just girl I nominate Kevin and I'm like, you think I'm flat. First of all, lady, I'm sleeping on a couch in Washington nights. I do the ace bucket challenge every morning when I shave it at Dunkin' Donuts. I don't even own a bucket, lady. Where the fuck you think I'm getting a five-gallon bucket at ice? Dumping a bottle of water on your head.

I'll give myself a swearly, pop back up. So nothing on that? That was an impactful? That's a new segment here on the show. What's that sound? And it ain't about me. music. That's loud.

Is it who? I don't know who I'm trying to listen to. I told you six times. I'm in a small coffee shop. There's a table of six people sitting over there. And they're loud as shit. Uh-huh. Yeah, it's garbage behavior.

Play it again. Turn it up. Oh, my God. He started doing the police. You're sandbagging me here because you had to do a little extra work. That's not loud. Stop it again. Turn it up.

It's correct, man. No, it's not. That sounds just like, I'm not like, I'm, I'm, I'm, I really wanted this to work out for you. I think you get a great, I think you got a great future in producing. But I just sound. A field piece. And that's why I put the coffees on the company car because I was working. This is all just, you're trying to think of something real quick.

You're asking, hey, you guys like podcasts? No, no, no, no. Fuck, okay. Hey, talk a little louder, will you? Feele- screaming in there. Okay. Somebody else walks in, you would have been yelling at me if it was me. Why would I, why do you bring me into it?

Because I would have been loud. I would have yelled at you too. Well, why didn't you say that? Why is it me yelling at you? That makes you look like an asshole. Fair enough. Contractually complicated. Yes, I hate that behavior.

I hate, we talk about this a lot that there's, you know, I don't want anybody ever knowing what I'm saying. No. Right? I don't know if that's just like the who, how we were raised, whatever. You don't want anybody knowing nothing. Yeah. Who's sitting around you?

Yeah. Buddy of mine was saying that he was at the dinner with somebody and the table next to them were talking shop. And they knew who they were talking about. I don't know. Buddies? Huh? You got buddies? Yeah.

This was me. That was funny. I didn't want to rat you out. All right. I keep my mouth shut. Okay. We got to talk about acorns, baby. Acorns, Acorns, Acorns.

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We love you. I love you. I ever tell you that time, the pandemic, it was in the pandemic. Places had just opened up at like very limited seating. And we went into Pennsylvania. patties. And this is the first time that comics are back inside having beers. The hot dogs.

That was still outside. The hot dogs were out. You had to order food in order to sit, so they started selling hot dogs. Man, I did not mind that at shitty bars. Because they had to give out food. They had to become a restaurant. Steam dogs. Man, I would get your hot dog.

They're like, legally, I got to drop the hot dogs on the table. I go. Not legally. We can do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Start calling. But I'm sitting and doing We're in the back of Paddy's at the table.

There's like two tables in Patty, so we're back there and there's, and we're doing like an all-time trashing session on comics, on me, you, everyone. Everyone, you're just, what we're doing. We're having beers inside. We're back, baby. And the table sitting next across from us the whole time. And then I get up to leave.

They're like, big fan of the show, by the way. What the fuck? Give me that talk. I was like, oh, man, you just heard inside the vault. everybody was getting it yeah that's really like to do our trashing in the vault sure secret yeah never let anybody outside the family know what you're thinking uh-huh veto cordione actually mario puzzo because he wrote the film book too um listen yeah that's a you know i don't but they were the only ones in the in the thing until i got in there i kind of give it to them then a little bit i'm a nobody you tone it down when

other people come in. I couldn't even think. I couldn't enjoy my drink that my friend had purchased. Sure. Talking about you. I know. I picked up on that. No, I listen, yeah. I, I, that's shitty behavior. No manners. No manners. We went back to sir. I do think there's also a thing too of like on the bus, on a subway in, in public, there's rules to like spatial awareness. If you're sitting somewhere. Blasting your shit No, not even that If you're just standing I don't come and stand right here

If it's like you And then someone's over here Like you cut the distance in half You know what I mean And then does that make sense? Yeah, I'm not 100% You don't get in my personal space You split the distance between the two people

It's like if you're at a urinal You don't go to the urinal right next to the guy You give a buffer if there is a buffer I do in the next one You get a little peek A little dabble do you My pants now too They tend to just drop

when I'm peeing. Uh-huh. Somebody caught a shot of that. Tommy C or something. They just come down because my belt's so heavy. My belt is so heavy. Yeah. It's like one of those diving belts.

You got the lead on it. That's what they do, right? And they like, that's like, keeps them hovering. I'd be so scared to put one of those on. You get a cramp or something? You're dead. But can you just take it off? It is.

If you're fucking bugging out. So you're afraid of fucking turtles are biting at you and shit. Oh, ew. You're swimming with turtles. You don't swim with turtles? I swim with turtles. Oh, do they butt yet? What the?

You're crazy. A sea turtle? Take your finger off. Yeah. Okay. Things are aggressive. Sure. How big did they get?

Big. Okay. 400 pounds. Right? Big. Sea turtles. I touched one once in Hawaii. Yeah, it's bad news, man.

A guy got really mad of it. Yeah, you don't do that shit. Hey, what are we doing? You don't. It's illegal. What? It's illegal. A legal.

That's illegal. Listen. What? Your bad production pieces aside, we got a goddamn family episode on our hands. We have business to get to. Yep. Okay. Okay.

Speaking of family, this is from Cameron, is it garbage for your mom to yell at a teacher at a parent-teacher conference. Mom asked me to go wait in the hallway. Whoa. Next thing I know she's screaming. That's wild. I respect the, you know, the gentleman's move. Why don't you go in the hallway, check out the car? Yeah, let the adults talk.

Yeah. This was, I, we have a very, we had a very, your teacher's. Oh, I was never getting. I think one a lifetime, one in our 12 years, you got. Your parents defended you? Or just that teacher just doesn't like you. No, I never got that. But it was, that teacher just doesn't like you.

Do you figure it out? You don't get to, we're not switching classes. I'm not fucking going to defend. Switching class. People would do that, yeah. Never. I think if, I think, what'd you do? You did something.

She doesn't like you. Sure. Which was the original thought. Yeah, probably in there being fat and rude. Which you were. Were. Yeah. But it was like a life lesson of like that teacher just does not like you for whatever reason.

Mostly my reasoning, you know. My fourth grade teacher didn't like me because of my snacks, the snacks that I brought. She thought they were too indulgent. That's a very astute observation by that. Do you have that teacher's number by any chance? I'd like to give him a lady. What were you eating a fucking meatball sub? Tomahawk.

No. a long time hostess did these pies and they had Eclare pies. I haven't told you this. I don't know. And I had just, I had just moved. You talk about food in the past. I had just moved to that school. We had just moved down.

And it was my first time in a public school. You know what I mean? I was used to. I was a sheltered Catholic school before that. Nobody, nobody took shots at you. Gentlemen's rules. And we all sat in this big-ass circle and you got to to have your snack at snack time and I had one of these

hostess pies and she went ooh that's not a snack that's a lunch so fuck bitch was the rest of your family come to split that thing with you stung this shit out of me yeah I get that fuck man little fat air I'd be drawing attention to me look I'm not eating this in the coat room privacy I like to do my business

and they go through other people's belongings What's the private dining options in here? Miss Cooper? You guys have like a banquet room or something? I can go to there. She was actually cool as shit, but that one stung. Yeah, that's... We got to have a big party at the end of the year, a big cookout.

If we got enough marbles in the jar. I don't know what that was about. Did you get enough marbles? Wait, was it Burr, kid? Miss Cooper, I ate my marbles again. You're like Ralph Wiggum, dude. How have we never put that together? Your fingers stuck up your nose and shit.

And I'm Bart Simpson, obviously. I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you? Yeah, we had a cookout. Big bash. For the class? For the old class. Uh-huh.

Yeah. Wings and shit, it was nice. Wings and that's wild. Yeah, it was cool. Chicken wings in an elementary school birthday. Like the fuck. Is it a Bill's tailgate? A fish fry?

I, 10 bucks a plate, y'all. You're there we just a Stacy Adams. Shee. I'm working with grimm. You're an old black. Your mama coming? Tell her I was asking for. Tell her he was asking about her.

I just rewatch Friday the other day. That plate that he brings back to Lawrence Fishburn at the cookout looks so good. Right before he cuts his hair. Did I tell you my brother was just telling me about the, I think I might have off air, was telling me about he's got the apron with the big hog on it. And he was like, dude, look what I, like, I was just like, man, funniest thing I've ever seen. Sure. Oh, God.

Yeah, I know teachers now. It's different. It's crazy. Yeah. It's absolute fucking bananas. It's got to be brutal. To be a teacher or a coach now, brutal. Uh, yeah, it's a lot of like you need to apologize to the student, to the parents, to, it's like actually.

The kid sucks. I know multiple teachers who are, have looked outward for other employment. Different industries. Yeah, I think while it's changed. It's not to mention. half of them got to have a moonlighting gig. I think it's obviously... Their bartendingcy.

And a lot of them pay for a lot of the stuff in the, you know, in their classrooms. That's crazy. Yeah. But like, I think it's obviously like every generation it changes. Back in my day, like my mom tells you like the nuns would fucking beat the shit out of here and stuff like that. But I think it's changed so drastically in the last 20 years that it's like it's really jumped the shark. And a lot of people are like, I know multiple teachers who have. like I'm done teaching.

I'm going to go just get a fucking job doing whatever. Fuck these kids. Yeah, it's just too much. I'm like, hey, I have to write a letter to parents. That's crazy. To apologize for like asking the student where their hall pass was or whatever. It's fucked up. My mom would have never backed me up.

Never. No, I never got it. I got. And there was a lot of, sorry to cut you off, there was a lot of, there was a lot of questions, a lot of friction. because I was stupid. No. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Sure. Undiagnosed a couple of things. ADHD, my glasses, all that shit. Diabetes. Miss Cooper, I can't feel my toes. Miss Cooper, do you smoke burning grass or burning toast? Having a stroke.

You don't fuck that up? Burning grass. That's why I did my first place, Cybatron Oz. We did it. a play. Pibetron Oz. Yeah, we were able to, like, put a play together. So we combined Transformers and Wizard of Oz.

And you've been swinging out from an early, you've been striking out from an early age. I had to play the uncle. I got killed, like, the first two minutes. Megatron. He kept trying to come back to life and steal this show. Zombie. I am a zombie robot. Get them off.

Follie. Lay down. Back in the bag of eating Chris. services Chances. Chattano. Yeah, Cybertriano.

I was. Mm-hmm. You gotta had some legs on it. I thought about taking to the West End. But, yeah, it wasn't to be.

West End, Wilkesbury? West End of London, dick, Ed. He's what to do all the cool place. Yeah. Brobe's dead.

Go over to West End. That's where you do it. Okay. Sure. If you wanted to walk the boards. Yeah, I never was never was never

defended. I remember that was a life lesson. It was in high school. My mom was just going like, you just have to deal with this. Like, if he doesn't like you, you need to modify your behavior to make this work, because this is what it is. And none of it. If that shit made it to my dad, it was like, I feel like he would maybe defend you.

No. Oh, no. It was also, he was just like, this, he was a very big proponent of like, this does not fucking matter. Like, I mean, he had bigger problems than a fucking Mr. Jacobs breaking my bowls. Fatter fish to fry. You know what I mean? No pun intended.

Sure. So he was like, what the fuck? He was just like, just figure it out. Can't handle some fucking social studies teacher? Yeah. You're going to act on a job site? How are you going to act when the state comes after you? Hey, you know, when the Fed start closing it.

Change your grade and you shut up. Yeah, it was very, very much like just. You're not going to sign my name by now? Figure it out. Yeah. Which I wish I could show it, but his handwriting was so bad. Dude. My dad's was bad, too.

I'll have to show you where me and my brother at an early age started getting called down to the office for forging his signature. His, dude, his cursive was like a second grader. Like, but perfectly bad, if that makes sense. I got you. Like, huge, and they would be like, what is this? Every new school. Like junior high, they'd be like, what the fuck is this?

He's in class with you next week? You'd have to go, hey, I know. A blue-collar guy, lady You can call them You can do whatever But like that's They would have it on file Because then the teacher would call the office

And go we have forged Like he's forging his dad's signature on something Jesus And they'd go no Rats That's his But then once that happened I learned this from Danny

Once that once the whole Everybody knew it was bad Then you could forge the shit out of it Because they go Oh this is bad Kevin's dad's got a bad signature Yeah So that's how you

that's a hankering for butter too it's all over this best paper hey we were a margarine family yes you were with crumbs in it ooh a little extra crunchies man i hate when it does that in the eggs it's the only time it bugs me out oh not on a pan yeah because i was up my mom's and her butter dish is uh gurus i think the clinical term is a nasty dude i don't know what she's doing in there looks like wolves got at it and yeah i'm trying to do a couple of couple eggs. Fucking, there's a bunch of little, like a, I thought it was mouse shit. There's a little rye seed.

Flavor. Savor to flavor, baby. Because it sure as well, it won't happen again. I used to clean it off. I used to, like, take a knife, clean it so I can get some fresh. What? Slapped that on, he, throw it out. No, I don't want to eat other people's wrong.

If it's on toast, I'm okay with it. Yeah. Really? I didn't fuck with that. Also, too, if there was jelly. the peanut butter, there was hell to pay. Mom! I walk up, I open her bedroom door.

The fuck you call this. You're sticking in her eye like in this boy's leg. Yeah. I respect the mom for putting them outside. I respect the mom for standing up for a kid. 100%. That only goes so far. I think that it's a good life lesson to learn.

Listen, if the mom should. You get to get the kids out of the room. Yeah, one, that's true. Also, too, like stand up for yourself. if she thinks the kid's being treated wrong to an extent. Not that it happens, listen, if this is, if your mom is, if you have a problem with every teacher or your mom's yelling at every teacher, you guys are a fucking problem. But I think once where it's like, yeah, hey, listen, there is a time of, you know, where justice needs to prevail, put my fucking foot down. Listen, you don't talk to me like that.

You know, whatever, whatever the transgression was is sometimes you got a fucking choke a bitch. Sure. Shout out my buddy Piggy said that one time. You got to choke a bit. Kemp, let's talk about Chime. Chime, Chime is changing the way people bank. Fee-free and smarter banking built for you. Not like old school banks to charge your overdraft fees and monthly fees.

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Take control of your well-being and book an assessment today. Medcan. Live well for life. Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. Yeah, there was a lot of, they couldn't, I mean, I think in their hearts, they knew what was, that I was just dumb. But, you know, my reading comprehension, acting out in class, overabundance of snacks at snack time. So they were, they wasn't just cutting dry.

Like, my parent-teacher things, I'd be in there until like 10 o'clock. Everybody's gone. I'm still sitting out there fucking in the long. hallway and they're getting an earful yeah mine were always tense too if both of my pick because that was sometimes the only time those two were in the same room well they went why'd you need both of them to go I don't know if my dad ever went yeah they would go oh man and that was like fuck you'd be on eggshells waiting to see what the fucking report was when they came home you just being like man or dude I hope this so you caused your parents divorce huh for everybody's

fucking sake. Man, would they gang up on you? Oh, at times, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. I mean, also, I was a piece of shit to an extent, you know what I mean? I wasn't fucking preaching to the class. I know what I mean? Like, but you're, you lack, I'm assuming then for sure, you lack the awareness that you are being a problem. No, I knew a little bit. Yeah, not enough. I also, because you don't know, you don't know enough now. You didn't have any charm. I had charm. What are you talking about? I'd do a song in a day. I get people laughing. Adults loved me. What?

Adults love... I would sit there and chop it up with my... The parent, they would all go, Kevin? No way, Kevin does that. I'm in there doing fucking PR. I still hang out with Pat's dad. That's true. Were you guys friends when you were that little?

Yeah, me and Pat have been friends since you're like, I don't know, second grade or something like that? No kidding. Seven, eight, ten, nine, something. Hmm. Yeah. Old school. Old school.

You got any boys like that? Yeah, that's like... Jared Mander. He was also like 10 years ago. High school, it's like you played it to the teachers. You found the cool ones. I was tight with the guidance counselor, Mr. Monroe. I never got that to people who were tight with the guidance counselors.

They were narcs to me. It's like, you're not a kid, but you're not a teacher. I don't fucking trust you. I never like that. I remember to graduate, like the last week I had to go talk to, like, she's like, you haven't talked to me in four years ago. What the fuck I but talk to you for, lady? I got enough.

I got my fucking parents. breathing down my net. Not to mention Mr. Jacobs fucking stammering around, breaking my fucking balls. You think I need to come down here once a month and talk to you? Entertain you, huh?

How are things at home? What do you want from me? I never... Did you get this jelly out of my peanut butter? One of the bigger things was I was getting parking tickets because I could drop... What? Where?

At school. Parking tickets? They would write you $10 parking tickets. If I didn't have a parking... How fat were you? He's taking up two spots. Hey, Lorde. Double parked in the...

hallway? Well, you could draw, you weren't allowed to drive in 10th grade. Parking, didn't you have a parking lot? We did. I'm not, fuck it. I'm not a meter parking. Hey, keep it up front, will you? I'm going to go hit this badminton game and fucking roll out.

So how would you get a parking ticket? You had to have a parking permit to park at school. Oh, we didn't have any of that shit. Yeah, that shit, probably after the, you know, yeah, after your January, more people were probably driving and stuff like that. Senior year I had my spot too.

Everybody knew and I'd touch it. Yeah, it's because the car was broken down in it. My mom's sleeping in it. Fucking Corolla on cinder blocks.

Yeah, everybody wanted to steer clear. Hey, don't scratch your paint. You're missing a door, buddy. So your mom asking for a jump when she dropped you off? So, no. I was

I could drive in high school in 10th grade, I guess, towards the end of 10th grade. I was 16 and able to drive. But I didn't have a parking permit, but I would drive anyway. I wanted to catch my heaters in the morning. Understandable. And so I would park, and they would write your tickets. Like, they would check once a week. And I would, so I'd get parking tickets.

And they were $10 parking tickets. I had like, like, fucking 14 of them or something. And they called me in. Sat me down. Community service. And they're like, you've had the. most parking tickets of anybody ever. Thank you very much.

And we were big into cards at this point, like gambling. So I had a couple of shekels on me. Okay. Probably two hunge on me. What do you need? I make this go away. I did that. And the look.

Jack of Spades falls out of your pocket. Mr. Greenland, I think. The look on his face was like, like I just bought off the guards. He was like, what the fuck? I pulled out a lot of 20s. Yeah, you saw some lunch. There you go. What is it?

140. He does. I'm good for you. Take care of Mrs. Secretary Week coming up, you know. Oh. If you don't mind. It's nice. She was telling me she wants a scarf, huh?

I'm going to go hit my second lunch. See what you guys got cooking in the teacher's lounge. Don't be able to say talent at the volleyball game, too, huh? Yeah, that was a behavioral issue. Mine was never really great. It was behavior. It was like me being a dick. Broken home.

Sure. That's key kid. All right, let's see here. Rock and roll music. I'm Mori Povich. Plus, you were all jacked up on carbohydrates and simple sugars. Really, wah-wa-sizzlies and French vanilla and cappuccino. Man.

I did not know. High fructose corn syrup pumping through them veins. Man. A lot of dino nuggets and fucking dunkerooz. I would crush that bed. My dad would take me to walla every morning. I'd crush a bagel with butter. And at one point I remember he goes,

I didn't do half the bagel. What are you, nuts guy? I didn't know that there was a cause and effect of the amount of carbs and margarine I was eating. That was the first time I seen with butter. Hey, what did you get your wife back, huh? Hey, next parent's teacher conference. Why don't you fucking dress up a little bit,

make a move on a lady. These two Christmases are bullshit. I know you guys are just fucking buying the same amount of president and splitting them up over two houses. Oh, God. All right, let's see here. This one's from Packrat, $10 homie. Was it a gentleman's move when you come upon a freshly mopped floor?

I feel like you should stay as close to the walls as possible and use as few steps as necessary. Man, I'm on my tiptoes, too. Great. Especially if the guy's there. Sorry, sorry, sir. Sorry about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Respect.

Fresh, clean floor. Not to mention you take a fucking header on one of those. Pooh! I remember my mom would be doing the... We'd be like out playing hockey or something in the summer. My mom would... She would mop? Yeah.

We'd maybe get that shitty one. I don't remember my mom mopping a lot. Your place is a sty. Peanut chills. Your mom had to be mopping. I guess. Something. I mean, my mom was a mopping fucking weekly.

Two, three. She would, you know, whatever we did a clean, she would mop. Hmm. And I remember having, which he, it was just, I guess I was young, so it was my perception of time. She'd mop the kitchen, and we had to feel, I feel like we had to stay outside for three days. Like you key, the floor's wet. I'm like, well, I got to fucking, I got to go to a bath, too. I'll tie your pecker and not, you just fucking jammed up in the garage.

Out of shit. Looking for air conditioning, middle of August. Fucking jammed up. One of them diet iced teas. Brutal. Wow. Yeah. Respecting the mop.

The school floors were always nice. They're a nice fresh mop. Had that smell to them. I told you I used to work to Zamboni at the acne. Not better than that. That fucking man-powered fucking. Get a nice, good clean. Work the edges.

Throughs by the frozen food section. Get lost in there. You have frostbite on you. I got to tell you, I went back to the acne I worked at recently. when I was back home for the holidays. Nice. That you worked at as a plumber or as you worked at as a grocery person.

Customer service. Customer service representative. And one hour photo, tech nish. You see anything spicy? No, I wanted. I told you, I wanted to. I called the manager over and it was a... Fingernail.

No, it was bodies. It was like blood and bodies. I thought it was a crime scene. I thought I blew the case. Wow. open, independent film. Ah. They would have killed you in two seconds.

But the first couple I was like, what the fuck? And I saw the cameras and I don't think they're, you know. What are you shooting on? Stick your head shot in there. The urge in me to tell people I worked there was overwhelming. Was so overwhelming to grab a high school kid that I was the high school kid. They'd do produce? Yeah.

Yeah, did produce. Back when I was here. Band-Aids were in Isle 14. A clear ones. You believe that clear band-aids? I was here when they put the self-checkout in. That was a day to remember. I wanted to fucking...

They still got that robot rolling around? I had a tasty relationship with her for a little while. At one point, that was me. I was the robot. But yeah, there was just something in me to be like, I used to have back when I was banging here. Something. Something in me.

Yeah. That dirt bag. It's funny. I had that instinct this morning because it was busy at the coffee shop. And when I worked at Snack de Verna, it was basically a coffee shop in the morning. And it was for fucking the who's who with a West Village. So pressure. And I was almost, you know, I know what it's like.

Yeah. You still do that. Do I? Who do I do that to? I feel like you did that at that restaurant in L.A. I used to, I used to. No. What, those guys at Marvin?

Yeah. Fuck those guys. But like we said, you want them to know. the language you use and your behaviors. You don't come out and say you were in the shit, but you... You got your purple heart on. Strike this?

Yeah. 86 me. Hey, is this 86? Yeah. No, I don't do that. Maybe it sounds like an asshole. That was those guys. Plus a couple other factors.

Sure. Okay, and we're back. All right, this one's from Brian. Fucking real trashy spelling. B-R-Y-O-N. Oh, Byron. Brian. B-R-Y-O-N.

Brian. Brian. I think it's just Brian. Brian. That was a robot's name. Brian. Are you garbage if you leave your trash cans at the end of the driveway all week and then take your trash out from the house down there on trash day?

That's brutal. That's as the king of the burbs. Yeah, people don't like that. It's funny what neighbors don't like and don't. say anything about. They don't like that. I don't know why they don't like that. It's a little, I feel it right now that, you know, when I, when I'm in the burbs, you notice it. You're as a homeowner, you're more aware of, it's like the keeping up with the Joneses. You don't want to be the only guy with your trash cans blowing around because they're

lawn all fucked up. Yeah. That's got to be you. No. It's got to be. Why? Crab grass and dandelions everywhere. Fucking dog shit all over the place. That hunk of shit car sitting there. Okay. Your dumbass coming out. Uh-huh. That's all I got.

Anything else? Big head comes. Oh, dog going nuts. Um, I did it as a kid, and we would catch a fucking ration of shit of leaving them. I'd walk by them home from the bus. Dang, I ain't fucking bringing it up. You work here. What?

You walked right by the trash kids? Yeah. I come home from all day fucking work, and this is what I want to see. Fucking student athlete, lady. Get out on my face. I bust out a lot of 20. What's just going to cost me? Clean this thing up a little bit.

It's about money, huh? Yeah, that was, that was, and I never understood it as a kid. But you got to get them that day. Overnight is bad because they start blowing the fucking, the raccoons get in there and stuff like that. I mean, we've talked about this, but I look back on that stuff. It's like, why was I such a lazy piece? of shit. Doing that stuff now is, you don't want to take some load of dishwasher

about three seconds. Grab the trash. He liked doing it. Not in my house. I do it for the old bro when I'm down there. You know? You're a good guy. Just could have done that shit. I would have saved so many arguments

and stress for them. But that stuff that it led to and then the fights and the yelling and the... I remember on trash, we'd have to go... Why? We'd have to go collect the trash from like the bathrooms upstairs. That might as well been in India to me. You'd all be watching TV.

A bunch of Q-tips stuck to the bottom. Cotton balls with God knows what on them. What the fuck is it? Feminine hygiene napkins? They were mine. But yeah, you're just like, I remember like dumping something be stuck on the bottom and you're like, well, that's fucking tomorrow's. I'll get yelled at tomorrow for that.

I remember being scared of my parents' room, too, going there. There was like a turn, and you couldn't see the hallway from the bathroom. I, crumba. I remember those maxie pads when I was a kid. They were, he was like a helix. Gave you a rash. I couldn't figure out what the fuck that one. I still don't know.

That was just applicated. Applicated. Applicated. And these things taste funny. Take him over snack time, Miss Cooper. I've told you about Ms. Cooper before. Sure. Shout out to her.

She's a lovely woman. All right. See, this is a home run of a name. Talk to me. This is from the chicken pharmaceuticals. Ooh, chicken pharmaceuticals. That's an all-time, all-time name. $10 blue collar.

Are you garbage if you were almost run over by the ice cream man and were given a free soft pretzel in order to buy my silence? I would have cost you way more than that with me. I don't know. No, come on. There was a step. There were steps to that. The ice cream man.

They'd be a pretzel and a soda. I don't think our guy had pretzels. I don't think so. You didn't have a kitchen back there. We had pretzels, I think. We just had the standard. It was like the van with the top on it, with the small window.

Yeah. But then they went. Then they went, yeah, they went rogue at some point. They were all fucking. It's like the mob lost control of them or something like that. It was every man for himself. Uh-huh. Needy fucking.

order. They never came to my neighborhood. When they got Bumpy Johnson in Harlem. Every man for himself. Sure. Chaos out there on the streets, Frank. Not to mention, they're chopping up the ice cream at the police station and it's on it back to us.

I know you watched this week. What? Watch King of Comedy. Jerry Lewis. I look. No more, there's only like two or three more dramatic Jerry Lewis performances. One is something called him as a clown in concentration camps

that they held for like 73 years or something. He's so good in dramatic roles. Yeah, that's all I got. Okay. But yeah, I did watch American Gangster. Okay. Sorry. All right. All good.

You didn't see the jar, Kippey? I saw the jar, bud. I had a friend get run over when we were kids. Fucked his ankle up pretty bad. I think he got like 250 or 300 grand. that he had to wait until he was 18. Soft pretzel. I mean, I think if it didn't,

if you weren't that injured, if I wasn't, like, hurt to the point where you're like, because listen, this is what used to happen. From growing up with an older brother where you'd fight, if you didn't have any proof, it's not what you know, it's what you can prove. I watch Training Day. Nice.

It's not what you know, it's what you can prove. So if I, yeah, say I got nicked by the car. Yeah, man, well, let me see it. And if there's nothing to show, There's no blood. There's no bruise. There's no, I got to go get x-rays. Kiss that pastry shrewdell goodbye.

Yeah, so at that point, unless I'm bleeding, I'm really hurt. A fucking foot's going the wrong way or something. I got to get what I can get. And everybody knows I like a nice, soft pretzzy. Yeah. Maybe I'd get like a... I need a screwball to back down. Yeah, firecracker kicker or something like that.

Something sweet and fruity to wash that down with. Which, a popsicle and a soft pretzel did go very well to... Sure. Similar to a soft pretzel and a slurp. Coca-Cola. That's the only reason. The only time I liked going to 7-Eleven over Wawa was to get that Coca-Cola and their warm pretzels. Because Wawa didn't have warm pretzels.

They still don't. Fucking crazy, right? It's crazy. Wild. And they could throw in a fucking slushy machine. Sheets has a flushing machine. They had the icy machine. Oh, they do?

I don't know if they still do, but for a while they had the red and blue just a red and blue icy. Icey's dad. Where's 7-11 had slurpy. I don't know if Wawa has it anymore, though. Icees have that, like, bubbly. I loved this. I loved both for different reasons.

Truly, that blue raspberry was kick your dick in good. When blue raspberry dropped, that really changed. Open up a lot of doors for people. What do you got? Still got the icy machines. I'm kidding. I haven't done an icy and so long. Let's go.

I wanted to tell you this, which I might have told you, but I'd had my brother dead to rights one time. Talk about evidence. I was the same way. If I didn't have something to pin it on him, they wouldn't believe me. Then I'd get it worse for my parents. They're lying about him. But usually, he had a comment.

Yeah, it usually ended, ours usually ended in, you're five years older than him. What are you doing? Yeah. Yeah, this was over. We were at the same size, if not. I had him, I had to wait advantage for a couple of years. You were giving him your old clothes? pack of razzles

get you every time my best cases ice cream guy pulls up the only day my mom was off from work I don't know why it was this summer she was off from work we were just talking about it's over the holidays my brother got something

I got a pack of razzles and me and Rodney my buddy Roddy we went down to the creek over a town line over whatever and there was a bridge that went over the creek my brother was like give me a pack of them give me some of them razzles you know what razzles are no candy

Gums. Sarts-ass candy turns out of the gum. So gimmicky. That's great. What? That's never good candy or it's never good gum. You're idiots. Right. Anyway.

Figure out what you are. My brother throws a mud pie at me. You know what a mud pie is? A whoopey pie. No, like a mud ball. Never had a whoopee pie. Shout out to Jolten Joe List. One of my all-time favorite lines.

Hits me with a mud pie or a mud ball, which had a rock in it. You always got to make it food? I don't know if he realized it. Hit me with a handbone. Hit me with a mud, penny olivost. Stains all over me That's not going to come out He hit me in the head and there was a big rock in it

Fucking split my head open I was gushing blood Man I first of all I thought I was dying This kid Kurt Rikowski Who was with my brother Accomplaced at a crime Was very nice I was like I was freaking out

I was like Kurt am I gonna die He's like nah you're not gonna die You need some stature to be gonna be all right Once I hear once I took Give me some brasles My last wishes Once I heard that I switched operations To fucking how can I

victim mode fucking screw my brother i went into the house fucking oh my lord fucking blood everywhere my mom freaked out yeah watch whatever i wanted on tv that night the news operation desert storm throwing that tom broke off for a half an hour wait and we find out what that that's going on in the world my parents used to say uh all right let's see here this one's from Tom, are you garbage if you put a 20 into the tip jar at an open bar for your first drink? Then you remind the bartender you already tipped heavy every time you get a refill. You're almost there? You're almost there.

I agree. You have to give it to them. You say, here you go, that's for you. Tip, fuck the tip jar. I'm a little bit off up. I don't think you need to give it to them. I think it's a little tacky to give it to them. You want them to know.

I know, but you can make them know with the tip jar. Here you go. That's for you. Slow windmill Dominic Wilkins dunk Snap at it You give him a half There's another half one next on the sack And he's got stay back there

I agree with that If you hit him heavy enough You need a little bit of confidence That he remembers you Of course And he does So you just got And I know it's weird

To go to not remind him And you want to remind him Because you don't want to feel like a cheap Like you're stiffing him That's why you hand it to him And you know he's going to remember you It's a transactional relationship, Kevin.

Sure. You pulled the move I loved. What's that? Kippie said. I'm good at what? He said, where's the tip jar? Oh. And then.

Where were you? It was at your wedding. And we're back. Yeah, where's the tip jar? Yeah. There was no tip jar. I still give it. I set that up and greased everybody after.

Stift. One. for you one for you no okay guy who's getting way through the event's gentleman's move um i would probably push back on they probably would have made more money if they were getting tipped by the general public for sure i can guarantee you that and you could take that to the bank don't you still owe your tip to your super at the moment so you can take that to the lying department um somebody get them on zelle he's hell i think um i think um i think um i think um Yeah, just make sure they see it and then live in it for a while.

And then you got to, it depends on how many times you're going up, the complexity of your order. And then you give them a little bit of reinforcement. Doesn't have to be a 20 again, obviously. But maybe a 5, a 10, just something to go, let's say you go, you hit them with a 20, you go get five drink, five rounds, two couple hours later, tip them again to know, hey, I'm still here. We're still boys.

I'm still talking to you. You know what I mean? that's what you do. Then he asks him if he knows anybody in the air. Do you know a guy who can be here? Does he work on credit? I'm kind of light on cash at the moment. Can you break a 50?

Yeah, but I get that. That is the gentleman's move to tip heavy up front. And then, you know, they're always, they always remember you a little bit more. But sometimes, like the teachers, a bartender can sometimes just be a dick. A hundred percent. And they're still drag.

with the 20 in the cup and you got to be yo treat me like a fucking dick kid over here you got a button in there and a 20 I gave you to 20 you know what they do as well uh we we we have uh ours at a hall our Christmas party at a hall and I've always shocked by this behavior that's right you would not let me come to that remember to my family only Christmas party yeah I invited you Christmas day to your house To my aunt's house. Yeah. I don't want to go to that. I want to go to the one I can't go to. Yeah, no, there's nobody but family members there. Family? Uncle Hank.

I'm pushing in front of a car. They already tried that. He better kill me. Better have a soft rental. That's all stupid. Get out of it. They take... Screw ball and a Superman Band-aid, please.

I respect the move because you'll get tipped more. They take cash out. And keep the tip jar like a quarter full. Everybody does that. I know, yeah. I'm saying I respect that. Keep appearances up like you're a starving artist. Yes.

Homeless guys do that too. Of course. Can't be sitting there with a fucking shaking a cup of 15 grand in there going, yo, times are tough. Okay, speaking of open bars and weddings, this one's from the head intern. A little bit of a situation they got here. I wrote a check for a wedding gift but forgot to sign it. Nice.

Like to move. Me too, big guy. Wink, wink. The bride reached out a couple of weeks later and said the bank wouldn't let them deposit it because it wasn't signed. How do you feel about that? That sounds like a year prop money. The chicken was overcooked. Just sign my name.

Go to a different teller. That's what I would say. But I don't love the reaching out is. And it's a, it's a me personally thing. I feel like I'm asking for money now. And I've done that a lot and I don't. I feel like I'm coming from a position of I need this. And I get that the person gave you a gift and it means a lot to them.

Like I understand the gift giving aspect of it. But for me to ask is that's something my wife and maybe this guy had his wife do it. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. The wife definitely wasn't connected to this guy. It was the husband's friend or whatever. Sure. She don't mind, yeah.

She's, you know, they're nesting, whatever. Because it says the bride. It didn't say my friend reached out. This dumb, broad. Hit me up on my day off. I'm trying to relax, enjoy myself. You didn't fucking cash that yet? Caused me a dead bee.

Oh, freeze. I got to freeze my account. I got a couple of things in the air. Fraud, fraud. Calling Sandantare right now. My money got tied up and a gold. deal that went south. I'm not really liquid.

Lehman Brothers check. Nothing on it? You've been quoting a lot of financial crimes recently. Yeah. So it says, okay, would it be because it wasn't signed? So we had to zell them the gift instead. Which I'm on record as saying

finding a checkbook, a card, sign it. We should be able to just zell. The non-emotionalist thing, I get that. It's not the best, but it's for convenience. Yeah. I would have wanted, I'd need a copy of that check being ripped up, though. He says the problem was I forgot how much we gave is a gift.

Ooh. This guy must have a couple of bucks. And I know how much everybody's gotten. Is it garbage to ask them how much the check was for so I don't accidentally send less than the original check amount? Nice. Or do I play it safe and overstate? Shoot it. This guy is a gentleman.

This guy is a gentleman. He's got a couple of bucks because if you can just blindly overshoot it. Who's this fella here? This is the head intern. Get this guy in here working or I was working for him. Yeah, something. I mean, writing checks and not knowing how much they're for. I can tell you the amount of every check.

I mean, I haven't written that many checks, but. 100%. Huh. Yeah. I guarantee I know what he did. I overshadow. I send you. I think the way to do one, classy, two, I think the way to do it is go, oh, I'm sorry, my wife Monica wrote that.

How much was it for I'll send you the Zell right now? You know what, and give yourself a little bit of a distance? Yeah. Because if you overshoot it and you overshoot it, I don't know. That's probably what I would do. This guy's all right, though. Yeah, that's a fucking mover and shaker. By the way, Monica sounds pretty hot too.

You know you got typeies. We got to wrap it up, though, gang. What a fun one. What a fun one. Gang, we love you. Tour starting up very soon. Do yourself a favor. Grab them tickets.

Doing a lot of weekends going quick. Yes. The room, we're doing more shows, but they're comedy clubs. So get those tickies. We're going to have a fun time. What are we post it up for a little bit? Listen, the shows that will sell out well before the shows are Tampa, Austin, and Chicago. Get those tickets.

Or you're going to snooze you lose. We'll see you next week. We love you. Peace.