Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Patreon Episode: Finding Foley a Hobby

Episode Date: August 29, 2025

Here is a full episode from the Are You Garbage Patreon where Kippy & Foley talk about hobbies! Join the AYG Patreon for weekly Hard Feelings and bonus episodes of Are You Garbage. Join the Army of Garbage. Thanks for watching. Love youse guys! Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R.U. Garbage. You sure about that? It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that if they grow up to be close, See? Uh-huh.

Or if they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's an into addition. But I'm got to tell you folks that. You're the motherfucking homies, baby. Talking like the Hindenberg just went down. Let's hear for the boys.

Let's get a little fucking homie appreciation all around. Trab, hit me. Boom. Gang, we fucking love you. We're here for a bonus episode on the old Patreon. Uh-huh. Can't take you guys enough. We absolutely love you.

My coes is coming at you from across the table. He's the guy behind the guy. He put this whole thing together, baby, and he don't let you forget it. Give it up for KJ. Kevin, James, Ryan. He has. Thank you very much, guy actively trying to sabotage it. Shout to the motherfucking homies, baby.

We love you. The fucking boots on the ground to sleep or sell. Oh, yeah. The fucking men inside the men. The hooties. The hooties. The hooties. The who the hell is that?

The hooties. You know what the hooties are? The rebel group. A rebel group. Oh, no. none of that maybe a couple of patriots that's about it no fucking whatever the hell you were talking about yeah remember the patriot missile system when that thing came out was that the big like yeah that never was ever that crossed my radar that was big in the first

gulf war yeah i was fucking that was six i remember we went in what did you get on the wrong boss that hell is it now we had a wrestling match that night fucking we went in iraq You did it for the country. Yeah, you're standing. Buck naked. It's just for her. I remember I was on a JV team and we were working out

whether varsity match was going on. And I like ran out in the hallway and told everybody and my coach yelled at me as to get back in the wait room. God damn war. Fucking went in. Sent the patch. You came in like Paul Revere. Yeah, telling everybody that we just went in Iraq.

And where did you? Would you have your transistor radio on you? Yeah, what did somebody's, what did you intercept a fucking message? The Enigma machine or whatever it's going. Decoated a couple Iraq. What did you catch a homing pigeon? What are you talking about? A couple of boys at 7-Eleven filled me in it.

What's going on? The Houthi there's coming. The Houthis are coming. Woo, two of by land. Three of K-putts. How are you doing? Hey, tomorrow's buy one, get one free slurpy. Don't tell anybody, buddy.

Okay. Yeah. Went in first with the Apaches. How did you know? Stop and stay. You weren't there, okay? That's what we did. They went in low and slow off the ground.

Tree top level came in, took out auto radar systems, the fucking missile defense, and they sent in the fucking stealth fighters. Rolled over them like fucking Sherman through Atlanta. Uh-huh. Nothing but sunglasses and walkmen. left fucking smoked them all couldn't find a Toyota anywhere took them out

went in stopped them butt cold I was there dog once you fully lose it you're gonna be sitting in a wheelchair at some state run facility I want to show up on Saturday you're going to be in full fatigues and then you're going to be telling me battle stories like you were

yeah no for sure Henry if I don't have kids man that's I'm gonna end meanwhile I got you doing cameos Just say happy birthday to Megan. I got 60 bucks right on this. Pay for the bus fare out of here. I got to stop at the gift shop. Yeah, man, I'm going to be in some fucking nursing homes,

some state-run nursing home, getting fucking beat up out of your orderlies. No one's going to take care of me. I will. You will? If you lose a little weight, you ain't getting your fat ass out of bed and into the shower. Would you wipe my butt?

No. All right. I'll get an orderly. He'll do that. You're aggressive. What? They won't do it nice. Well, you're a little bitch.

I was on my prop. A couple of dude wipes. Uh, yeah, well, I mean, we'll put you in a shed or something. Have Hans run beers out to you. Bunch of dog slobber. Yeah. He's got, he eats raw food. He could make a burger out of this thing.

A chicken burger. eats raw food yeah what like hamburger meat that's ground up uh he's on the farmer's dog yeah it's better than that it's Viva it's expensive really yeah you ever try it no icky there's bones in there I think they I think they throw in everything everything that ain't they don't pass burger quality gets fucking mold you ever see that's videos where they give the dog all that shit they put like a quail leg on top it's like the fucking pigeon wing fucking the beak of a duck. You do like food, huh?

That's your algorithm. Any kind of species food you're getting? I am always jealous when I see a hippo crush a whole watermelon. That looks so refreshing. Oh, I bet it's delicious. The breath on those things must be brutal. The breath of a hippo?

Oh, my God. He's the bait one in it. Anywho, what are we doing here? Let's talk a little business Yeah So as you know You're The summer of my discontent

What Huh Uncle Hank's jammed up kids Coming out of a bit of a slump Right A couple of slump busters So he used to call fat chicks back in the day A couple of slump busters

Also my nickname Everybody loves a comeback, huh? You've always said that And you've never come back You've always go Everybody loves a comeback because you're fucking taking a two-by-four in the head. Getting hit by, Coral! Everyone loves a comeback. He's got to get my feet under me.

I'll be all right. Just give me a couple minutes. You're a guy who always needs to, just give me the summer. You always need a season. I'm going to take the winner. I'm going to shut it down and not do shit. Fucking lion's sake of shit. That's what I need, though.

I need to, just give me a couple months to get my head on straight. Get some good night's sleep. You don't got it. What? Time. I think you need a hobby. which I think You've mentioned this before

We've mentioned it before Yes to homies A couple of weeks ago Here's my thing You got to find You got to get the You got to do something positive Right

You're in here A good amount Depending on you're working We're doing it You got some spots at night You're doing that You're working the club circuit Sick of spots

I know it's tough Listen But you know You need something To fill that time you know you don't have kids you got a limp noodle you got a limp noodle

a big tits you got to do just sat on his nutsack you got to do you got a lot of time to fill and it's not just staring at your phone and watching The Sopranos I haven't fucking watched

the Sopranos in months in months Okay All right Seinfeld Different story Yeah okay whatever you're watching the same thing I think you get out

On your days off Your afternoon's off, and you do a little something. So I've come up with some list of hobbies. What about that softball league they got? What? Clooney's been playing in it. Sure. Go over there and hang out with him.

Hey, why don't you do that? By the way, I've been, you know what? You know what I've come with the conclusion on? And I've flip-flopped on this a bunch of times. But this is my official statement on this. You know what really just sucks? What? Like, it sucks.

It sucks so bad is tequila and soda. It's not good. And it's taken me a long time to really get that. It tastes like it's been sitting there forever. Yes. It's watered down. It tastes like loose leaf. It's not good.

Tequila hasn't been. I haven't had tequila. No, tequila by, good tequila by itself. 1942 tequila is fantastic. One of those in an IPA is delicious. A margarita is delicious. Yeah, margaritas. Yeah.

You know. But tequila. and soda. Soda sticks to mix with any vodka soda, tequila soda. It's so bad. And I'll tell you something else. There's no fucking way that that Casamigos was their, like, select thing. That sucks.

They have to change the recipe for mass consumption. There's no way those guys with the refined pallets and money that they got, all the cash they got, fucking nice dinners and shit like that, Lake Como, hanging out. out, hot broads, all that kind of stuff. There's no fucking way that they were sitting around drinking Casamigo saying, oh, this is premium, this is delicious. That shit sucks. No offense to Mr. Clooney personally.

He's fucking one of my favorites. Now, he's definitely not doing a show. Sitting there trashing him and his boy. He's not going to see this. Chicken sandwiches. He'll be a homie. The recipe did change after Diego acquired it. Of course it did.

Of course it did. There's something in there. It stinks. I'm done drinking anyway. I'm over it. I'm over all of it. I want to be sober. I want to focus on this.

Focus on my health and move forward. Eat right, exercise. Get you a hobby. Some green juice. All right, hobby. I got one. Go and blow. Barthores.

All right. Here, I got a list of indoor hobbies for seniors. All right. 50 and over crowd. Okay. You're not a young Sprite chicken anymore. I am 50 and over pretty much. You could move, they would probably move the goalpost to get you in a 55

an older community, which I wouldn't hate for you. They got the pool. They got the rec center. What's a 60-year-old broad look like? I can be dating a 60-year-old... I mean, you're 50? I know, isn't that crazy? 55 and older, you go into?

They got kids? You're fucking... I had to fight the son, though. Why? A little bastard. Be like me. He doesn't want me sniffing around mom's money. All right, so I got a list.

I got a list for seniors. Sure. Number one, leather working. What, like chaps and shit? Getting freak? Talking S&M? There can be used to create many attractive and durable items that make wonderful gifts and personal items.

With a few specialized tool and adoption of some new skills, you can learn to make things like belts, wallets, bags, too hard. And more. A beginner's kit can be a great introduction to the craft with everything you need and a step-by-step and suction instruction to create a simple project. Now, I knew a chick that work with leather.

It's tough. You really got to dig in there. You got to, like, really smooth it over. She made belts and shit. What do you mean? I don't know. I knew what chick did. She did.

She sold leather goods on the side. We were waiting tables together. Was she a Native American in the fucking 1700s? Now she was Czech. She was cute as shit. I can't remember her name, Carolinko or something like that. I was in O'Halla, I know that. You do it?

What are he typing over there? Finding her. You're right. Stay away from my little angel. Oh, check baby. Mama. All right. Leather's out.

What else? We're having a good time. Scrapbooking. Scrapbooking? What does that mean? Smartphones and digital tools make snapping and sharing photos easier than ever. Yet all too often those treasured memories are never displayed. Unless you got an old.

more frame. Scrapbooking allows you to preserve mementos and photos together telling the beautiful story with images. The finished result makes a great beautiful gift that can be passed down through generations. Nah, my one aunt started doing that. She got cancer right after she started doing it. She was single. She was on her way out.

No, I'm not doing that shit. That's the kiss of death right there. You start scrapbooking next thing you know, they're having a fucking beef and beer for you. Okay. What else? What about sex stuff Go to a swingers club or something Better be a strong swing

All right Dog sitting If you're a dog lover This is a great way to help others Who are outliving their life While indulging your passion for pups Many people work during the day And are reluctant to put their adored pooch in kennels

I got 15 dogs in here They're all in here I got hang out with them Okay That's a possibility Charlie make some bucks on a side What about fostering? I could foster

Foster I know people that have done that It's great Fills your time Gives you a purpose You're like Dogs You're kind of like

Dogs keep those homeless people alive You know what I mean It keeps on the lake What about big brother Big sister? Really big brother Oh god damn some young black kid shitting on you i'm in what about that what is what is that exactly big

brother big sister uh i had a couple friends do it actually yeah yeah he's me with my dad's doing it actually is me with a kid can maybe your dad could do it with me you know what i need how old is your dad he's 60 62 i need a mentor yeah what he's what am i dickhead The bitch. Ugly. Why don't you mentor somebody? You need a protege. A protege.

I kind of have one right now. Okay. Who would that be? I don't want to say. They might listen. Who is it? It's just somebody that's, you know, somebody in my family. Oh, okay.

The cousin that I'm, you know, mentoring a little bit in the business. And what business? show business show business uh-huh i'm in show business i'm an entertainer right right am i have these lights on see the one you had v talk to too yeah what do you what do what do you what what do you what kind of knowledge do you pass down on them you know how to put no i don't know that's why i'm asking you know what to you know what to you know what to you know how to do you know an audition tape and have your reel and all that kind of stuff the things you want to look out for different production things i've been in a business i've been in this i've been

fucking yeah i've been acted almost 10 years but i i could use a mentor i think i yeah tell your old man the kid to ditch this kid from the bronx or wherever you got apply to the big brother program you get to my 22 year old to mentor you teach you out of tie your shoes and shit no i could use If I wanted to become a big brother Yeah Would I play basketball and shit with him? You could do it I mean you could take him to a show

You could like you know You could show him what you do for work You could find out the application process I have it right here This is something else he can't do What do you got? What do they ask? You got a background

You got pass a drug test Okay Get involved Can you poo for me? I pass a drug test I'm kidding Can I help you Wheat and a drug

Smoked that herb They're perka-doodles They're only asking for money on the website I need to find I could do that A little cash All right I got another one for you

This is big In the elders world Okay elders Elders I'm not doing fucking crossword puzzles I think No this is You try to beat a world record

All right A little notoriety That's pretty good A little good. That's positive press for us. Could it be sitting there? Fatest man in the one. How do you think so many people break world?

They often start his hobbies and become a little more competitive to become the best. You could do the same. Do you have an interesting or odd skill, like limbo dancing or walking like a crab? I could take my nuts and cover my dick completely. I'd call it the tarp. Called the batwing. I can't. I can cover my whole penis with it.

And then the eyes stick out. It looks like a frog's head. What eyes? The testicles. They kind of like poke out the side. I could do that. Nobody's doing that. I'll do that right now.

I got to be honest with it. I kind of want to see it. You want to see it? I don't, I'll never be able to look you the same again. Stretch it out. Looks like silly putty. I like how I said how easy when I've been doing this a lot.

Pull my sack over my cock. I have been doing it a lot. Lay there and bed and fucking stretch it out. It looks like I'm making pizza. Should I add that as one of these your skills for the Big Brother application? I would have put that on the application. Oh, God. I'm crying.

You fucking whack out. Call it the pool cover. Call it the solar cover. Call it making the bed, huh? You know what I mean? Throwing the duvet on. The fitted sheet. That might black out.

That is fucking crazy, dude. You never did that before? Stretch it out. If I can pull it over. Anybody Has me My list of hobbies It wouldn't be

Oh, you gotta stop I'm gonna die Hold on What was the one you recommend it I think they said like baking a big cake or something No Crab wall walking like a crab I hate that

You know what else I hate walking backwards Oh I try to take a picture for the other guy was walking down my street backwards. I don't know. Dude, the rewind button. Hans was looking at me like,

do I fucking get this guy or what? Why? Faceless man's coming after me. Why? I guess for his ankles or something? He's just, you know, I don't know.

He used to make us do that. Brutal. Oh, fuck me, dude. I make you go up to stairs backwards. Sure. All right, some outdoor ones. Get you out there walking around. Some fresh air?

Um, nature for top. Yeah, photography. I see a lot in the park I live by up there. I'm pretty good with pictures, too. And the cloisters, it's like a big bird sanctuary, and there's always old people in there. You can, you can hit him with the fidgette. Hey, guys want to see me make this pigeon disappear? The old butterfly net.

Step back, lady. You don't want to get caught up in there, can't be? That thing got Zoom on it? You're going to want to get it real tight on it. Kids, don't try this at home. You got a heat. Call this the dog catcher. You got a heater going and you're digging in your pants.

No, I need two hands. Just stretch the dough. Talk about a garlic. Like, not. All right, bird watching. Bird photography. Penis puppetry. That's pretty good.

Metal detecting. That's not bad. Go out to, like, rock away. Every day. You got a car. Wake up early morning. Get a cup of coffee. I go, I love doing it.

I got a kid. I can't be doing that, though. There's nothing out there, though. I find some ladies engage during I got to give it back to her No No Modern day trailer metal detector is a perfect tool for you and your

outdoor hobby explore parks, benches Beach's backyard to find hidden treasures Just beneath the soil surface You can on earth coins, jewelry, lost treasures Even historical artifacts to collect shared display And reunited owners with their lost items I saw a video the other day It was about 10 grown men

And they were looking for arrowheads And this one guy found this huge arrowhead and you would have thought that these guys saw a pair of titties for the first time they were oh my god hit it with the batwing hey boy yeah

uh that'd be kind of cool or like the guys that that hammer the um the petrified snails they look like rocks what are they called just fossils yeah but they're called something schmick of smells or something

I don't think it's that schmikishmills the place I grew up near Churchville Nature Center we'd go arrow hunting arrowhead hunting and you'd find it to think really yeah it was like the whatever was the linnopies or whatever man it sucks yeah you'd a shot a little straighter huh oh miss me yeah it's crazy to think about that stuff how old that shit is all there 8000 years ago is that when they were banging probably i mean but like what yeah 8000

i don't know the ice age was 10 000 years ago you figure everybody rolled over on that but indians were banging in the fucking 1700s, 1800s. Yeah, they were around for thousands of years. I live peacefully on this land. Why are you throwing fucking shade at me? Like, I'm the one who came and fucked the party up. Like a masa just as much as the next guy.

Okay. So bird watching. Metal detecting. Dance? Nah. Okay. Pickleball? Hate it.

Cycling. Okay, we get you a nice tripped-out bike. No, I hate those guys. No, no, no, you don't have to do that. Two, this is perfect for you. We'll get you the one with the two-back wheels and the basket in the back. We can put an iPad there so you can watch your YouTube shorts, and you can, you know, find you a nice, but not on the streets or anything. Find you a nice bike trail.

I got one out in the burbs. Big tray. You just go. I'm not riding a trike. Like some fat kid. I'll do a sidecar. that in a gimlet what about model building

I like models I'm just not good at it snap models I used to like you're snapping together no glue required I can't do the glue okay fucks me up my brother got all jacked up on glue

one time we were doing a model started acting silly you can take a class do like a paint and sip or something like that no but class would be a class would be all right you know what i always wanted to learn i saw bradley cooper on a french television show talking french and he did it so beautifully you learn french i would like to learn french i honestly would

i'm pretty good at it boss ma'm sure part of your ain't great at english borsomishu part of english si vous plee merci i'm good with the accent spanish is you know whatever spanish is too many bad memories for me what about woodworking whittling sitting there get you a nice knife nice piece I've never been great at it, though. My shit always came out bunk. I know, but you've got to get better. That's the part of it. Listen, there's no rush.

You're in the back half of your career. Slow it down. Whittle. Whittle. It's not bad. You're on a rocking chair. You should let me cut a couple demos. What do you mean?

Cut some music. You should get me with the producer. Why would I let you cut music? Do it under the flag of AYG. Get into the music business. You're the only guy. who I know who like we have this and you want to do like nine different side projects like you're Kevin Bacon do this one this has been going on for three and a half years we've been

relatively successful you want to do side projects you should get me writing for a young artist I put a couple hits together for some people nobody's stopping you no one's stop I want everybody to get involved you got to find me a talent get me a producer you don't get involved in anything I do I you want everybody I try to get involved they won't let me over what I you I invited you over, say, come on down. Nah, man, I can't do we go. Listen, where this is about, you want us to now do stuff. You got to find the hobby.

You got to do something. All right. They're getting the music business. Cut us a track. I'll cut you a track. Please. On what? I need an engineer.

I got a guy for you. You do? I do. Listen, you don't need an engineer. Do you think he could put a, like a, if I, if I hummed something out or whatever, could he put, you know, a melody together? Aren't you supposed to be doing this? No, he wants other people to do it for him. He wrote a poem that's probably fucking gay shit,

and he's going to fucking, you know, to be or not to be, shut up, all right? Woodwork and cycling, learn French. You've had, how long you've been trying to be a musician? I've really been trying. How long? I was in the music business before. How long?

20 years. Maybe. 20 years. And you're asking Luke, a guy who's fucking. a quarter of your age. Do you know a guy that I can hum to and he can make the music? I need to link up with a young engineer, young producer. Do it.

Me? Yeah. Do something. I don't got a laptop. You do. Film yourself in a guitar. It's all ZB needed. Yeah.

Go looking kid. You're no ZB. I am not. Go antiquing. That's nice. You like old shit? I don't like the smell. How you got to get over it?

Y' also listen. You don't smell great either, all right? I doubt the store is told me. I do like yard sales. Okay. They make me think when I was a kid and Patty would take me yard sailing. Go around looking for stuff. Is there anything you're looking for?

Maybe flipping it. In particular? Toys. Just like toys for you? Yeah. I like glass stuff too, like ashtrays. Okay. Things like that.

That's pretty good. Like what do they call book? Not bookshelves. Book things that hold the books together? Bookends. Yes. Like decorative bookends. Yeah.

We actually have two nice ones. Huh? You have any books? I have a bunch of books at my house and a box. I don't know who they are. You don't know whose they are? No. Where did they come from?

I don't know. My wife had them or something. I might have one or two in there. But I like bookends, you know, just like as collectibles. Okay. That's not bad. It's not bad, right? Yeah.

You could do that. Go out on Saturday and Sunday. You got to get up early. The hot ticket item You got to go out there Season's changing This is the perfect time for it To spring cleaning

Go get a couple of good buckets I like gardening a little bit That's a good one My dad can teach you that I've got some shit growing up At the thing I got strawberries Raspberries are growing

Coming out of your underwear too A couple of mouchies in there A couple of dung beetles And a lions man I like bugs too No you don't Well I like like lady bugs and butterflies.

Okay. What do you want to do with them? Make them fight. No, I don't know. Like, you know, over at the museum, they have, like, the butterfly cage. Yeah. Feed them or something.

No, you just go in there. My wife's been there a bunch. Just stand there. I guess. I never go with her. It was getting your ear. Fuck that lace of larvae in there. Next thing you know, I'm fucking mothman number two.

No, thank you. Caterpillar coming out of my asshole All right This is not bad This is pretty good, right? I started a landscaping company You don't know how to do that Yes, I do

No, you don't I know how to cut I fucking landscape for five years A hundred years ago What do you think the technology has changed? A hundred percent What's this guy talking about? You don't think so no technology

There's been zero technological advances in 20 years I'll go get a lawnmower Okay Where you're going to keep that? Garage Who's going to get to go get the garage? Huh? I'll keep it in my car.

There's going to be a pushmower. Yeah, you start small. I like the pushmower anyway. I used to always love doing... I understand. I like to love doing the front of the house. Let's put a pin on that. Put a pin on the thing that's never going to happen.

Sorry. Horseback riding. We'll take that off the list. No. I'm always scared. I love them, but I'm scared of them. Pottery. I could do that.

Sexy. It is sexy. My wife did it I had this girl in my pottery class In high school Yeah Colleen Riley She was like this hippie chick She had strawberry curly blonde hair

She used to call me roly poly folly I had such a crush on her She smelled so good She was so hot She'd do her pottery I'd just sit there Well okay That's good

Oogling Mm-hmm Well you do like You like you know Why don't you get to, like, records or something like that? You're into music. I don't like records. I'm not that in the music, to be honest with you.

You just said you want to be a musician. I like hits. I like hits. I write hits. You write hits. I write hits. I write hits. Okay.

That's what I do. Um. Right? Yeah. What else? This is good. Dron flying or racing? that's pretty cool

those guys Japanese kids though they're probably smoking you smoke me yeah whoop you be all over me like butterflies put a whooping on you yeah that ain't no good

something naturey photography bird watching okay this is what about like you get start a podcast what about like fostering like a squirrel

or something like that or like a you know a baby rabbit cat would probably get it you get your private pilots license for those kids to reach new heights of adventures and hobbies, getting your private pilot's license is easier than you think.

As a private pilot, you can fly virtually any aircraft operate in visual flight rules, VFR conditions, an additional rating such as the multi-engine or instrument ratings. What about Minecraft? Do I get into Minecraft? I'll play with you. What I understand it? It would probably take a minute.

What do you do? Build stuff? Is it like Fortnite? Nah, you can do whatever you want, basically. but you start in a world and you just build stuff. Like what? Like a house? Yeah, and you can like fight zombies and there's a game to be beat in the,

you have to go kill this Ender Dragon. I don't like that. This is what you can grow your own food. I don't know how you grow Doritos. Grow yourself a hoagie. Off the hoagie tree. My oggy tree. Hey, get your hands off my hoagie plant.

My cheese steak shrubs It says although it's a naturally slow process You'd be fucking eating your arm Fucking losing your mind I wouldn't mind growing tomatoes and scallions I like tomatoes and scallions together Like on a piece of white bread with some mayo And a little salt and pepper like a tomato sandwich

My grandfather used to grow them up in Wilkesbury and they use the coal, the cinders from the brewery as fertilizer. It's really good for it. Okay, that's good. We have Nordic walking. It's a specific pole walking technique that harnesses the upper body's power to turn walking into a workout. It can be adapted for anybody and done anywhere. And you've likely seen a group pass you in your local community.

With ski poles. Yeah, there are many Nordic walking groups for... All activity levels, from beginners to the more experience to the lardasses. It's a great activity to meet friends and get the exercise you want and develop your fitness. That's pretty good. There's also foraging. Another way to enjoy outdoors, foraging where you source wild food for free. Save a couple of bucks.

I wouldn't mind that. It would just be fun to do that, to go out with somebody. They do it in Central Park. My wife wants to do it. I said, I ain't going. A lot of ticks and shit And rats Hopefully, yeah

A couple of fucking And raccoon You ever see the raccoons In Central Park? Yeah Like the Kelsey brothers I can get you What?

They're big Um Fat They're huge man They're scary Plus they got those eyes That light up Uh huh

And the hands Yikes I ain't fucking with nothing With thumbs They're worse than teenagers Those guys A couple of them come at you Hit you with a high ya

Yeah, they're scary Didn't we see some Or there was a video There was like 10 of them together Oh they're all they all pop out of the parks They start fucking Ping ping ping Start taking use that

But I do like a baby I wouldn't mind Hello I wouldn't mind This guy stinks I wouldn't mind You know Nurturing like a baby raccoon back to health

That'd be cute I could do that Okay Or like birds I like birds I like little birdies Maybe I'll get a bird For the house

Drive hit me No A bird Why? We get like a little Travel a lot Why I got the wife Okay

She'll look out for them Okay Sure I'm just cute little bird I'm like cute little bird I don't like them Do I ever tell you about the bird That I saved in upstate New York

When I was driving Yeah I fell down a A storm drain And I went in dropped the lady off and he was down there crying and I used a long branch and a surgical mask and I made a little basket and I pulled him out My buddy had a two can and it bit me on the air

It took me like 30 seconds to get it off I freaked the fog that I'm ruined fruit Forever What the fuck How old were you? Dude I was 22 Holy shit

Oh I would not like that They would hurt Oh so it was bleeding. They let him just go around the house. It's so scary. I would have never stepped foot in that house. Yeah, what the fuck? My buddy. The goddamn Amazon like day one. Jesus.

And we just come up behind you? Dude, he put it on my shoulder and then it crawled onto my head and then got my ear. No. I would have fucking strangle. The second it got on my head. I would have fucking throw it A-makers up there. Fucking smash that thing against the TV.

Fuck that. Yeah, that's how you fuck around And kill your boy's bird Yeah I got one for you That might be pretty good Okay It's very much

And I appreciate you guys doing this Sure You're gonna say it I'm just saying You're like I appreciate you doing this You're thinking this And you try to make us record producers Uh

Pretty good And it's like good You can research You can devote some time to it and tinkering with stuff fishing I was a fisherman at one time in my life you build you build out a tackle box I'll go with you I like fit we take the boy fishing

fucking put them on here a little fishing a little guy yeah go I love fishing we pick a name yet no okay what do you mean we is there a chance he's going to be named Henry no not at all I no no couldn't happen What if I died right before he was born?

Treve? Hit me. Uh, no. No? Then I have to hate him. I want to hate him. Be mean to him. That's up you bad fun.

Fishing's all right. Fishing's good. I like light fishing, though. What do you mean light fishing? Like, you know, for small fish. Fresh water. Yeah. Going for sunnies, bass.

Where would I get through that around here? What do you mean? You're not on Mars, dude. Where am I going to go? You do that Coney Island Go up fucking Long Island Queens There's got to be ponds and streams

A couple of cricks We'll go up to Westchester Once a month Make a date out of it What about golf? I've seen I would love I would love nothing but

For you to pick up golf Me, you Luke and Diesel All go out in golf But From what I've seen from you Maybe I could get some classes That is

It's physically impossible that you'd pick up golf you think so yeah huh do with my small hands that's what it is

could you teach me golf no I'm not good enough to teach you golf well you'll get somebody okay we got Rory McElroy yeah call him what do you think he would cost

for a couple of sessions a million dollars at least you think so just won the master's an hour for an hour session yeah two million dollars you think so you'd have to get them on a plane yeah he don't want to what hey row you want to go fishing this is a freebie I ain't paying you this is we're best friends um kidding I think fishing would be great fishing's not bad we can go like it wants

a Sunday go get out we'll scout out some spots uh this is good that's good you know what a pack a sandwich hit your hoagie tree you know what I really like what and they're around here I like to eat them, and I also, I like them, is lobster. Where would I lobster? Can you lobster off the coast or do you have to go out in the water? I don't think you like, those are like traps. Yeah. Yeah.

That's not, I don't, I don't know. I don't think that's like a past, that's like, I think you throw the traps in and get out. I don't think it's like crabbing with the handle. I think it's only also in like southern water that you like do the tickle in and catching them. I don't know none of that. Tickling? Yeah. I mean, Dustin, Tom Dustin was talking about it.

But no, I'm not talking about those Caribbean I'm talking about fucking That's all traps That's all trap But I could still do that right Or is that commercial only I mean you need a license I'm sure But you can get I think you can catch in Maine

I like lobsters You buy a lot Yeah I guess so Oh what about a fish tank Huh The wife doesn't like them though She can't eat in front of them for some reason It makes her sick

I don't know why Okay But a nice fish tank would be all right I've always wanted one Me too I had a couple. I like the idea of it. Yeah.

My brother had one that kind of got there. Kind of got there. It's a good thing to go to sleep. Decent light, too. Oh, my cousin Liam. Fucking, I loved it. It was a row home in Port Richmond. We'd always stay there.

And so I'd sleep in his room and his bed. Fucking, he had this. It was the size of this table. He worked at a pet shop. He loved pets. I mean, this thing. He had the little diver. He had the treasure chest.

he had the tree he had to everything bubbling up yeah of all the cool fish that came in that month probably smelled like a fucking bum's nut saccharino but okay our neighbor had one of those it was like so expensive sandy hit wiped the block

all the fish were dead it was like 200k and fish in the tank wait it was inside yeah but then sandy hit and the block and all the power went out oh man that sucks had an octopus in there was crazy oh the octopus died

fuck figure if something like that was coming you'd take it and take him throw him back in the water give him a shot Sandy I'm saying you go out of the beach and throw the octopus in there let him go

I think it was like a it's like a Caribbean Caribbean tank yeah I wonder if there's octopus out in the like off the coast of New York I'm sure or is they only in warm waters I don't know

You ever seen an octopus live? Probably. Well, Calamari. I've seen them dead. I know that much. Yeah, there are octopuses off the coast of Long Island. No kidding. Yeah.

Huh. I like octopus. Grilled. With a little bit of lemon and olive oil. It's so good. I just feel bad eating them. Okay. Hmm, let's see.

So what's leading at the moment, do you think? uh i like the metal detecting i like the bird watching um i think you know i think maybe me doing something for somebody else other than me would be good okay you know like the big brother program would be all right you know are you fluent in cantonese spanish that's got to help or any or mandarin korean no it's on the application process really yeah but out in queens Maybe there's like a, you know, like a Boys and Girls Club or something like that. Briefly describe your motivation for applying to become a big brother. Bored.

My friends are making me get off the couch. My wife doesn't like me. Trying to get a little distance from the misses. This is a pretty good one. Letter writing. Dear mother. Like that? I will never forgive you for what you've done to me.

You are crazy as the day is long. Patty is nuts You got crazy about a day I will have my vengeance In this life or another Huh All right You could paint

Painting's good Coloring Keep your brain sharp I like to paint I gotta tell you When that pandemic hit You were coloring We were painting

Paint by I loved it I get a Paint by numbers Yeah Like they were like It was like real intricate And deep Like crazy detail

Like a speck here A dot there A big thing Maybe I could take an art class Yeah I'd get a bottle of wine And I'd fucking sit there And get fucking torched

Did you have an easel No I just did it on the Kitchen table? Yeah just sitting there fucking You hyperfocus for an hour Whatever passes the time You feel accomplished You want to do it

To finish it I got a couple of nice Pish and bring them in here And hang them up A couple of nice pieces You should I think I trashed them Probably a couple of honeys in the art classes too

I'll bring the wife Sure Get me on board Um Got you six sessions For 325 art classes We're at Oil painting

West Side Sevent 2nd Street Oil painting Yeah Nah I don't like oil paints All right I'm a watercolor man Or acrylic

It's good to know Yeah Ah watercoling class Hmm You know what you need to do You live in Queens I live in Queens You gotta go to like

Every morning you get up go hit to Duncan and hang out with the other old timers It's not a bad idea Go sit in the park, talk shit Yeah You know

Find your Charlie And your fucking Bobby And you know They all speak Greek though They're all Greek guys I only been there once I don't know Greek politics That's what they sit and talk about

Maybe not those guys There's got to be Guys speak in English Maybe A lot of Russians out there too What about neighborhood watch Get a fucking taser and a flashlight Go around

Dishing out my own brand to street justice Listen Listen I think if you fucking You link up with the guys You're hanging out there two, three days a week You go get your coffee I could use some friends outside of comedy I think you could

I think that'd be really good And stop look You're hanging out with all younger guys Hang out with guys your age 50 year olds What about gambling? I like gambling. That's probably not great.

Is there a casino in Queens? There is. I think so, yeah. Luke? Resorts World, New York City. Hello. Play the tables. Um...

I really like that social one. You go to the Y or whatever. You know? Go to the YMCA? Yeah. meet other old other you know elder elderly people what about like uh um reading to vets or something like that old vets at like a nursing home take them out the one volunteer at the nursing home pick out what room you want that's not bad could take up chess i hate chess playing in the park

nah okay too many bugs all right trying but i do like uh you know if i you know maybe like went and helped read or something like that to old vets or set and talk to them it seems like the new york public library has a service doing that oh all right fuck me though i guess i'll get no you can what about like what about look up like volunteering for old people to hang out with them or something you know like companion type stuff yeah i'm not escorting What about an only fan? Is there only fans for fat guys? Yeah.

Let's fucking make a couple of bars. Show my butthole? You don't have to do that. He's shit him with the bird. With the batwing. You ain't got to show nothing just like, we'll, like, put you in, like... Laundreie? I mean, if that's what you're looking at, sure.

You know, scantily clad, but, like, positions. We can make a couple of fucking bucks. Butthole out? No, I mean, it sounds like you want to. Toys? If you want Listen It's Adam and Eve, baby

Not Adam and Steve What about swimming? Swim once a week Get up, get into the pool Little water aerobics That's what Denise does It's not bad And get you up

You join the Y Find out where there's a Y And Astoria With a pool It's like eight Dude, the Y is like 14 bucks for the year Hmm

You go Jump in a pool once Once a week Just go I go every Freshing up Every Tuesday morning every Tuesday and Thursday Whatever you get up

I should get more involved in the community Long Island City's got one Long Island City yeah What about running for something Comptroller or something out there in Queens Take over the streets You don't have it man Run for Congress

AOC did it God damn bartender Okay Why don't you join your community at first That's what I'm saying Take over My knee hurts um listen

get your affairs in order get a will going is that what this says that say that it does i don't have any affairs pay rent i got the broad patty it's all theirs lucky them huh

leave my fucking handgun in a bullet kind of skyrocketing a american express You could do geo-catching. What's that? Hold on. Geo-cat. What are you laughing at? What, like cloud-seeding?

What? Cloud-seating. That's geo-something. What's cloud-seating? Well, they seed the clouds and make it rain. Oh, no. For those detail-oriented, which you are not, you use global positioning system receiver or mobile device

and other navigational techniques to hide and seek containers called geocaches. Like the Pokemon game. Yeah. A little bit, yeah. Huh. What's in there? It's just like a list that you kind of write your name on and then you put it back and

then you hide it again. Yeah, the typical cache is. If I hide it, wouldn't I know where it is? Yeah, but then you go look for another one. Yeah. You leave it there for other people to find. A small, it's a small waterproof container containing a log book and a pen or pencil. The geocasher signs the log with their code name and date to prove they found the

cash. After signing the log, the cache must be put back exactly where the person found it larger containers such as plastic food containers can also contain items for trading such as small toys but plugs or drink it put some lasagna in there I left some of my salmon I had over I had from lung should be good it's cold out um okay yeah all right if you had to pick your top three out of that I like the the cloisters and the bird photography come up well i'll meet you you got to get a camera well i'll give you one right now yeah we're fucking looking at seven k why don't why don't we send you home you can take homework is 10

pictures by the time we come back listen this is good one day this week nice maybe next week we're at the end of the week next week we'll pick a nice day come up to the coasters we'll take me you and hans go for a walk go bird watching go bird watching what's up There's up there. What do you mean? Hawks. You ever been up there? Hawks.

Yeah. No. Like fucking... Pigeons, I've seen them. No. There's a bunch of birds. Listen, I'm not looking at the birds. I'm looking at the birds.

These old bags are always taking pictures. More of an ass, man. Look at the gazongas on that, too, can. That's illegal, right? Well, taking pictures of him. Not at the Republic. I don't know what to tell you. It is if you're looking through their window.

That's not that's a hard way. Serve with a nickel. Okay. I think that'd be nice. Come up. We'll go. We'll go for a walk. Drive up.

I like the metal detecting thing. What about like to like a battleground or something? They fight any battles around here? Gettysburg. No. Yeah. That place is haunted. You know I ain't going near that.

I'm talking about up here. Yeah. I mean, it's all. I live right next to Fort Washington. they got steamrolled in like 15 minutes by the brits seriously proper steam roll was Washington there yeah is that how he got to cross the river what you know he crossed the river in bucks county oh yeah

Washington's crossing what was he doing up there in the heights used to run this shit look up for Washington believe it yeah uh no uh what's it called what do they call it corbin park for Washington that's in Philly what that's in Philly they're ambler Isn't that Fort Washington? What the fuck am I thinking of? There's no Fort Washington in New York.

I live next to it. I live on Fort Washington Avenue. Oh, you do? I used to. Well, Park. Oh, that's Bennett Park. Bennett Park was Fort Washington. Probably find some sweet shit up there.

It's the highest point in Manhattan is Bennett Park, which used to be, was Fort Washington. He had the high ground and he still got his ass. kicked. It's like literally the plaque even says, it was like eight, they're like they, the man stood tall and firm. Eight and a half minutes, the fucking red coats came, fucking, came in like a patch couple of arrowheads. Captured 2,838 American prisoners.

Jesus, how many redcoats were there? Four. Guys are trained assassins. Really? 2000? That sucks. Yeah, they had 8,000 dudes. Oh, why you get, though. 8,000.

Yeah. That's a lot. They still got a cannon in there. Canon from the part of Fort Washington Memorials. I take that. I don't think so. I think it's heavy. I like the metal detecting on the beach.

Some expensive detectors. That's the only thing. That means you got to get up. You got to put your shoes on. Maybe I could just do it in the neighborhood. You're in bed. Rubbing your toes with it. Find and use needles.

Oh, look, another car bumper. Wow. That's a Tesla? I found another yellow cap. All right. Well, we'll see what we put into practice here. Okay. Yeah.

All right. Very fun. Wrap it up. What the fuck? Gang? Hey, why don't you try hosting the show? Gang, like we say every weekend, we love you. Hit me up if you got more suggestions.

I know a few weeks ago, people hit me up with a couple of suggestions when we were lightly talking about this, but now that we flush it out, let me know. Or if you want to hang, I'm looking for friends. Love you. See you next weekend. Peace.