Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Patreon Episode: Foley's Fashion Show! | Are You Garbage (FULL)

Episode Date: January 9, 2026

Here is a full episode from the Are You Garbage Patreon where Kippy & Foley have a fashion show! Join the AYG Patreon for weekly Hard Feelings and bonus episodes of Are You Garbage. Join the Army of Garbage. Thanks for watching. Love youse guys! Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Best of AYG: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZL8bt-D-ZN4&list=PLCJp1IfokN9Cy1Hi79LSGAykCKfRDM_y9 PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R.U. Garbage. It's that little show we sit down to your favorite comedians, and we find that it's a good to be classic. See? Yeah. Just a big old piece of trash.

Trash, I'm your host, H Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Toadies in a new edition. But I'm going to tell you folks that. Why is that my good pal, Kevin? Because they're the motherfucking homies. Because they're the motherfucking homies. Right here on the old Patreone for a little. Bubba, bu, ba, bu, ba, bonus episode.

Yeah. Yes, sir. The boys and the homies were hanging out. My co-host, my four-mentioned co-hos, stand-up gentlemen good guy, good kid ride or die bitch Let me tell you that right now

Shotgun man Bottom bitch You always come on with my bread His guy is sticking eight ball up his ass For just about anybody Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan We ain't talking to drugs I'm talking bull balls thing

Party tricked Shout out everybody Welcome welcome what am I doing I'm all flustered here Shout to the motherfucking homies Maybe the lifeblooded the organization the goddamn boots on the ground, the fucking undercover brothers, the sleeper cells that we friggin' love you, the ladies, man.

Love you, gang, so much. And we also love our good pal producer. Lucas Patukas. Hello, everyone. Corner office for the for the homies out there. It's a Friday. Just happy to be here. Just happy to be here.

Getting out of here. We got you a nice lunch. Got a nice weekend plan. Big weekend. Yeah, you love it. Is that Thursday? Well, it's Friday to us, man. What's up, dude?

Later. Working on a weekends like usual. Working on a Wednesday like usual. Now this is a mystery episode, ladies and gentlemen. You're not going to like it. You know? Just can you have fun? Been a very busy, busy couple of weeks.

Very close to going out on the road. Can't wait for that. I'm obviously in pre-production for my film that I'm doing. That explains the mustache. No one's asked about it. It's completely just a beard now. trimming up the physique a little bit, you know, working on my lines, working on the script, thinking of the direction of my character, how I'm going to play it and all that kind of stuff.

Yeah. It's great. But what's going on with you? Nothing. This was, it's kind of funny. What is? How a bunch of a jerk off I am? 100%.

A hundred and ten percent. And I appreciate you guys loving me. I can't thank you enough. No, it's okay. It's great. I was talking to the homies. Not you. Stabbing at my eyeballs.

Dragging me down. Dude, I'm trying to get you into, like, clinical help. I'm trying to get you into fucking programs. I am. Still waiting on to get back to me. You got to give these doctors some time. What the fuck's out? What if I was fucking get ready to fucking waste myself?

Fingers crossed. I just mean to have a couple of beers. Everybody relax. I did send her a very thought-out message. What's up, bitch? You. You, girl. Them Tiddy certified.

I got a doctorate in B-holes. Call me back. You'll leave them voicemails. What's your fucking problem? Yes. Yeah. We're trying to get the big man. Big man's doing great.

Bugman's back. Big man's great. You know, we just baby steps, a little guidance from old Caparino, new guy Luke, you know. Keep you on a short leash. Yeah. You know, it's back to school season. You're a big season guy, you know.

Must be the season of the kippy. It's very much, you know, you're, you know, it's a new us. We're going back out on tour. You know, you're your circle in the wagons. We're tightening it up. We're doing this. We're doing that. I could feel the crisp breeze of a Sunday on my face as the gold.

and son is sitting behind the neighborhood in Bluebell, Pennsylvania. I can smell the meatloaf cooking in my moms. I can smell the grass on my knees from playing football with the... Football. Playing pocket pool with the neighborhood. Playing football with the guys coming back with my brother. You know what I mean? High school, maybe a sophomore,

hanging out my brother and his friends discovering new music. Did I ever tell you about the time that... Sorry, my sleep apnea kicked in. kind of crazy. I'm drinking a lot of coffee and you were still able to put me to sleep. That's crazy. We did a pickup game of lacrosse right before the season started. And I was a freshman and this senior at the time, Eric Pocorney, great guy defenseman, who was friends with my brother, who was a sophomore at the time. Or no, he was a junior at the time.

It doesn't matter. Pick this up and drove his home and it was like a beautiful Sunday. Exactly what we're talking about. And he played Superman by R.E.M. for the first time. And in the back of my head, I was like, everything's going to be all right. It's going to be fun. Well, he was that wrong. Bits in pieces.

Yeah, half of it was a dream, half it was a nightmare. Oh, my God. You know? Sure. I know, yeah, totally. So what about the seasons? You know, seasons change. Haircuts change.

Fucking, you know, wardrobe changes. Yeah. Uh-huh. Bugman never changes. Bugman doesn't change. We're trying to get Bugman to change. Bugman resistance. to change.

I've never really changed my style, have I? Nope, and that's what we're doing today. We went out and got you gear. You're a pretty little woman. Let's go. Ryan hit it. No. Then then, then, then little pretty woman.

Little pretty woman. I got to try on clothes. We're getting you ready for the ball, little lady. Oh, come on. What? I got to like take my shoes and stuff off. I don't have any underwear on either. That's their problem.

I don't. I'm not wearing socks or underwear. You're not wearing underwear. Uh-uh. What are you doing? I'm a freak. All right. Well, I guess we own these pants now.

What do you got? You got you some stuff. Okay. It's so funny. I mean, we've planned this completely under your nose, like not even really trying to hide it. Talking about it in plain sight in front of you, and you had no idea. Man, it's Friday. That's going to be fucking phone it in for a couple of minutes and get out.

I'm going to get up and change. Gear for the weekend. Gear for the weekend. Yeah, you're saying. Let's hang out. Let's hang out. I'm not going to do any of that shit. Right, right.

Get in here. What do you mean? I'm home alone. Not anymore, baby. We're out. I'm going to shut the phone off and disappear for a while. No, no, no. That's what old bug man does.

New bug man back. Fresh gear. I don't know what he got you. He was getting some pictures. Wait, you let this moron kick you out. That's how you produce a comedy show. I'm like the fattest seven-year-old. I don't know.

This could all be prosciutto in here. I don't know. You don't know what size I am. Yes. Yes, we do. If you go to a local DXL, you give them your phone number. All your stuff is saved in there. Those fucking rats. Apparently. Isn't there a hippo law against that?

Hippo law. They can't say that. Apparently you're a fucking... That's like when you tell a doctor... Twelve inch submarine sandwich kind of guy. That's when you tell a doctor that you've done drugs. They can't say none anybody. They try to put it in your fucking chart.

I say, ew, that's between us. Like, well, you could have a heart attack with a medication. I'll take the heart attack. Don't fucking rat me out. You know what I'm saying? What do you got? They're very sweeties. What?

Very sweetie's. Listen, you need, you got an active something staying on your pants. That was unplanned. We already had this plan before I saw, like. I don't need new jeans. These are great. All right, let's go. You might need more than one pair of jeans in life.

All right. Maybe. You know what I mean? Are you familiar with Solvage to? Oh, my God. I'm wrapped up like a mummy. Give me! I guess eight, you got me trying on clothes?

When I go into DXR, I go in with a light pair of shorts and flip-flops so I can get out easy. All right, well, not everything's fucking... I'm going to have to put my pants on like six times. Did you get pants? Son of a bitch. Let's do it. They look real stiff. Fuck.

They look real itchy. And I'm sure you bought me small sizes just so you can all have... No, no, no. We want what's best for you. You don't. I think in your head you think we don't. What are you a loser? A fucking pee brain like you would.

All right, let's see what you got. These clothes are heavy. Heavy, dog. It's crazy. There should be like 400 pairs of shoes in here at that weight. There's three t-shirts. And some construction material. This is nice.

69-50. Dollars or size? $69x. True Nation, you know true nation? Do I? I'm living in a dog. That's where my jean jackets are all true nation. The bags do look like contractor bags.

Whoa, that's pretty sharp. High quality shit we're talking there. Very nice. That's a, we've got to see it on. 5XL. That's in the wheelhouse. It's in the wheelhouse. You can change over.

Yeah, you don't have to change on cameras. I just think a step off. Who you're paying for. Blur them out. That's a lot of pixels. What's the blur trap? What's the blur budget on this? Not bad.

I would go open. Oh, whoa. That new style. Big man back. Don't want to like a white tee under that? That's nice. That's, dude, from the back, you look like a fucking snack. That looks good.

You look like a linebacker kind of. You look good. You look like a football player that you claim to be. That dude, that's, you look good. I can maybe. I think, yeah. Maybe a little short it and then we'll take it to the tail. We'll just zip it up in the front a little bit.

But that's viving. That's better than anything you got. Okay. That's some good gear. We got you some, we got you some staples, some fall classics. I think of them in like lunch meat, cheese, bread, milk. Just have stuff in case someone comes over it, case it rains. Hold on.

Whoa. I got spruce you up a little bit. Off-brand polo? Can we see you in a poll? Yeah, at least one. You don't have to try everything on, but one of everything. I'm big on a polo's ride guy did. What are I work in a fucking car rental place?

I'm not going to wear these. I don't wear it. That's not my style. You don't have a style. I definitely don't wear fucking off-brand stuff. Polo, Gucci, East Saint-LaRong. It could be big for you. You'd be hanging out with Luke and his cool guy friends.

Yeah. Luke's dad, you think Luke's dad wants to hang out with a guy in a fucking snow camo shirt or whatever it is that you wear that looks 500 years old. That looks nice. What are we doing here? You're killing it. That looks great. What? You're a new guy.

A fresh coat of paint. I'm shocked. I'll do the button. Stay a little bit, will you? What's that? Am I, is my parents going to come in here or something like that? What the fuck? I just see it's being too nice.

There's not an intervention. I swear to God if I go on the other side of that door. It's not fucking crazy. I'll fucking lose it. I'll kill myself right in front of all. First of all, bad news. Your dad's not coming. What?

Your dad's not coming. What? Son of a bitch. He never loves me. You look great. It's really good. Come on. Let let the runway model see it.

He hates this. I'm a loving every minute of it. All right. You can take a break from trying stuff on for a second. That's if it's nice. Got you a stable full of fucking fresh teas. Nice. You can burn through those.

What's with the pockets? The pockets look nice on you. It adds some dimension to you. Just saying. Yeah? Yeah. It's a little fucking cuts the eye off a little bit. There's my shirts.

Thank you, Diesel. All in your colors, I feel a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You look great in the collared shirt. I know, yeah. I look like I work here or something. You do work. No, but I mean like a, like, you know, I look like, you know, like I work like a car rental.

No, you look like an adult. No, you look like an adult who owned, who at one point had $2,99 to buy a 5XL shirt with a collar. That's what you look like. You look great. Well, I thought I looked good today when I came in. No. That, what? That's bad.

Why is this bad? Why, how's it good? Because it fits me nice. I look cool. That fits. you nice and you look cool. When I put my sunglasses on on my chains coming out, it looked like, you know, what's this guy doing? No one thinks that. No one thinks that.

What's this guy? That's your whole wardrobe. You want people to go, what's this guy doing? Hey, what's this guy all about? Okay. Ryan, did you get any underwear? What's in there? That's what I'm wearing there? Oh, yeah? Well, you took a couple of swings it looks like. Oh, God. I mean, you are a fucking guido. Look at this thing. Who is he? Vinny Ponzerini?

What the fuck? That's crazy. Oh, my gosh. I kind of like it, though, if I'm being honest. That might have to get that on. That's Robert Graham. Teddy Graham's brother. It's an offshoot.

That's all right, though. Like a wedding or something? Like a nice dinner? Good jeans? Show to watch off the chain? That's flashy. Oh, man. That's a little too...

I can't wear it. Obviously not like on stage or nothing. You look like you're doing a Vegas show. Henry Houdini. When did you start opening for Sebastian? Listen. What's your... You look at a fat kid going to church.

Not happy. Watch me make this. Ogy train. Why should you make this guy's penis? Now you see it? Now you know. Isn't it crazy? I'm still talking and you can't see it.

It's in my ass. That's, that's, that's, listen, hold on, but like, you're going out to a nice dinner or something, something nice? I'm trying to make it work. This is too, like, yeah, it's too guidoy. That's a big swing. How much is that?

What's the price tag say on that? $155. Are you fucking kidding? What was this total haul? I'm adding this up. Let's see how good you are. Probably about $6,700. Yeah.

What was it? Whoa, you're good. I shop there. I'm a magician. What do you want? Is this your shirt? Yeah, I mean, this looks like I'm getting a haircut. Yeah, she's doing pretty good.

It's just a little. off the top. All right. I respect this wing, though. Yeah. I respect this wing. He tried. Man, you are a ginso.

Oh, that's so funny. Were you eating a cutlet when you picked this out? Dude, that's like, that's something my dad was like that. I want something I can get sauce on like four or five days in a row. I give me something. I'm naked over here. I'm my tits out. Nobody told you to take you.

Well, I don't know. You want to give it to him. God damn showman. I know they've been all itching to see this. I told you. I'm a gross it really is. I'm a magician off the strip. I know.

something about show business. All right. This is not. You're gonna need to put a T on for this, though. Why? That's... At Timmy Dito. No, no, no, that's a showstopper.

Oh, that's a nice. No, that's it. I wonder why your traps are so big. That shit is heavy. It's like you're doing deadlifts all day. What are my traps? Are they big? Yeah, I mean, because you're carrying around

fucking 18 pounds of sheet metal on you. that's like wearing chain mail this looks great but timmy d wears the pole no he doesn't do the full zip doesn't matter it does first of all more than step on timid

oh you're not stepping on tiffany that's great that's great yeah what up girls nice that's really good that one's nice I know this wasn't fucking I don't know check a little

I'm going there and shop like a fucking Westchester Houseman, don't you? That much was it? Nuh. What's the rest of this 18 cents? 168. It's all right. Polo, Ralph Lereney knows what he's doing. There you go. I bet you $669.

We never see any of this on him ever again. It's going to go in a bag and sit in that fucking closet. It looks good. Pair trousers for you. Levi's. They're athletic. No, uh-uh. I don't like the ankle.

What's wrong with them? They're too big. Can we see them for comedy purposes? Come on, bug man. They're 52s. They're not going to fit. What size are you? Not 50s.

Hunter and 8. Come on. What? All the bullshit you've given me over the past fucking three months for comedy, we can't get a fat guy in a new pair of jeans. The Robert Graham shirts are so funny. They're like, they do like Superman styles. like it's all like Robert Graham shirts?

Yeah, like that magician shirt. Oh. Are that that then? What are we talking about? You look great. What's wrong with the ankles? I like a tape. I got a couple complaints about them toenail.

But those 5X things too, yikes. You look, that looks good. How do they feel? They look a little tight. No, they're great. Oh, yeah? They feel good, and they're thin. The ankles look normal.

I mean, I can't wear this. Why not? Okay, Jay Leno. He's got a career. Now, that guy's got some good material. I got material. Keep stealing and doing my bits in front of other people. When?

I don't know. Somebody told me something. I'm light-headed. What's next? I got one more shirt for you. Okay. Button up. Uh-huh.

Ah. They said you were. He said he talked to the, what did they? What did they say? Get on the mic. Give us a little bit of... Bought me a short-slee button up. What do you think the Hawaiian is?

I know, but... I thought it was... Got to hook me up now. But cool. This is cooler than anything you got. I'm going to catch a rash and a shit. At the end it is. Oh, why?

Very nice. I hope you guys can hear me out there. And I hope you're not eating. If you are, save me some. Very nice. Have you ever been one of those guys that puts it on... That is you? Yeah.

Keep it buttoned. That slipped right on like a glove. Oh my God. That looks good. Looks like Luke Combs. Yeah? Yeah, it's that vibe. Yeah.

A little big, but gets the job done. Sitting down at the table, you look nice. Nice shirt. How's it feel? Great. I can tell when he's lying with it, great. That's good.

What's that? Uh-huh. I can eat. Now, did we spray any of these with, like, ether or anything to prevent stains? Put that shoe stuff on them? Very sweet, man. Awesome. Yeah.

We can keep the guido on as a joke or something. I don't want to keep away from the table. Uh-huh. Now, I'm only going to meet me is for a couple of months because I'm going down. It's allowed to do this again in a couple of months. That's okay. Not DXL. Where do you thinking?

What's bigger than that? DXXL Athletic taper Good job For the former athlete For the former athlete In all of us In the Waffle House

Awesome Love it Fucking awesome Can't thank you enough Look don't his shit out for me It's all the stuff that I get I mean You're a little upset about the non-name brand

Which hey No I'm joking These are my brand These are the t-shirts that I wear other than true classic, how you doing? I just, I never really fuck with polos because I look like I work somewhere. You know what I mean?

I mean, sure, I get the, but not everybody that wears the polo looks like fucking Jake from State Farm, you know what they mean? He looks like he works there. That's the bit. It's also a red polo. I mean, a light blue polo, yeah,

or like the royal blue polo, you look like you're working at Best Buy. Yeah. There's no other connection to a black polo. black polo though okay I home run of a job great job love you guys what did uh what were the vibes in the dxel when you got there who who two took care you was it angel it was not angel i asked for angel he's off today okay skinny black guy no elizabeth older woman oh yeah she's nice showed her a picture you shouldn't remember you really really huh bitch she had remember

that commission did you give something to st jude no what that's bad luck man you're gonna get me fucking jacked up i already got the ladybug hanging over me from a couple of weeks ago sure do you let go of that well what what what was were you in and out of there pretty quick no they were slow they were walkie talking to each other from across the room it's probably lunchtime they're not fat in there the xel's always lunchtime i mean that's probably a pretty good gig for someone who's like a little heavier because then you're not you know you're the fattest guy in the room i could work there what do you have you have a job. I know. I'm just saying I could.

Sure. You can work anywhere. I get a job during the weekends, keep myself busy. I don't hate that and probably see what the employee discount is over there at DXL. That's true. I save a couple hundred bucks a year doing that. That's not bad person. I mean, who's not going to listen to me? You got to dress fresh, though, not that fucking rags you've been walking around them. I've got to close from there.

Plus, there's a pizza place across the street that'll fucking blow you. Keep them in business. How you done? Get a 30% discount. What? Really? What's the hourly rate? And do they offer health insurance in a 401k?

You have health insurance. They don't know that. Double dip. Pick a card, any card. About 15 per hour. And then if you get to management, you can do 18 to 28 per hour. Management. See, that's pretty fucked up.

To only pay manager $3 more an hour and deal with all that shit. Because if I find out you're only making $3 more to me, I ain't fucking listening to you. I'll tell you that fucking much. You would sell you. Fucking say, $3. That's my D. You ain't better to me.

That was always tough for the fucking guy who got bumped up, the guy or girl who got bumped up to happen at the fucking grocery store all the time. They bumped someone up a couple, you know? They were a cashier. Nobody respects you. No, unless they're new people. Because then you come in as the manager. I was like, you were just fucking Jenny and Kobe.

Smoking weed with me 10 minutes ago. Yeah, that's my deal. Yeah. Yeah, it's always tough. You see that stuff. You're like, yeah, you got to. What the fuck? Oh, dude, that was.

You just freaked out. You put your little tutsy on the sticker over there. I got to get better at trimming my nails. Look at those things. It's crazy. Would you touch my foot? After all, I just did all that. I got my shirt off the shit.

I just did all that for you. Show my asshole. No one made, first of all. Showed it. Showed the new guy. Hello. That's a fucking lawsuit coming in. What?

I'm surprised. You played along very, it's kind of funny. It was very nice. I appreciate it. We planned this under your nose. I did some new gear, too. Under my nose. What are you talking about?

Like, I didn't know about it. Yeah. I knew about it. I was at DXO with him. I picked all this stuff out. I was working there. My first kid. How do you think I got the discount?

It's what it cost him a thousand dollars easy. Yeah. You know, I'm glad. He hit the nail on the head. Some of the stuff, a little, you know. No, it's all, I mean, all perfect. Except for one shirt. I told him to get a couple of shackets.

You're a big shacket guy. You chatt. Shacket season. That's what I said. I guess. This is a shacket. Yeah. But not.

The only problem is, here's the thing. What's the thing, bud? Except for the T-shirts, if you wash any of this, it's over. They can get dry clean. Yeah. Yeah. I should start dry cleaning more. Definitely.

Working there. That shirt is a little big now that you're. just sitting in it. Drowning in it. I know. But it feels comfortable. And I don't give a fuck. As long as it look good.

Trying to represent the business well and meetings and stuff like that. You know what I mean? It's a pretty powerful people these days. I don't want to embarrass you. Who are the powerful people were meeting? I think we in today. I talk about, can we talk about that for a second? I screwed the fucking pooch on that.

Yeah, I thought you were screwing out of the deal. I had a feeling that. Can be trying to screw me out of some cheese at money. I had a feeling. Got the pepper it's farm people on the phone. So we, uh, I had a call with a potential sponsor, but I thought it was for potential paid

partnership. Yes. Uh, which I thought was for, uh, I thought was that, talking about mid rolls. We're talking about company men. Sure. You know, good. You wear a shirt. It looks like you work here now. It's the Saudis. Out.

Yeah. Uh, I thought the call was at noon. Hey, what are we fucking boring you? A little prick Draft cut the Luke Get him You cut the Luke Where the fuck are you

Yeah what the fuck He's probably in the jitney Out to the Hamptons Getting one more weekend in It's the goddamn fall You're weeks away It's over Pack it up

Um What Real rap Just you with me anyway What is your excuse Not to take this stuff home today Because I get it Leaving here with stuff

Don't lie Oh, it's great, I love it You give me the real feel I know leaving here with bags This stuff sucks Well, I put What is you? What's spinning right now with

I got to deal with this? I put the jeans on So they're coming home What's happened with the other pair of jeans? They got something while I thought it was dog vomit There was something on them jeans I don't have a dog

I know Uh It could be seaman It was a little red You're dancing with the devil What the fuck you go? I had to pee really bad. I'm sorry. I'm professional. Very. Chav got you. Caught you sleeping at work. I'm back.

What's the, what's the, you're going to take a couple tea? So here's, I don't think laundry at the house is fully done at the moment. So part of me might think, I'll take one or two tea. You're like really by yourself 24 hours. I'm going to wear this probably. No shoes. I don't know if I'm putting my shoes back on Because I'm putting shoes back on Without socks After they've already been on Yeah

And my my things came out The insults Oh yeah They healed up So I might just walk to the car In my bare feet No you're not I can't

No I can't No We have standards here You work here now You got standards Oh am I hired You got to sure Yeah $15 an hour

Be manager in a couple of years 18 Um, yeah. If it was, yeah. What's the bottom? You can't take it home? I can't take it home. Why?

I can't. Why? I have other stuff here. I know. You don't take anything home. You have a very leave here with nothing policy. Yeah. You like being free.

Yeah. But you're just getting a car and go home. Yeah. So what's the, uh, I do it. I don't like. I don't know. Our Christmas presents take a long time to get home. Yeah.

Just like. You know, it's a long day. I mean, we're in here for sometimes 10 hours. I'm just lazy. I know. I just don't want to do it. You know, I don't know what it is. I don't feel like, I always want to push it off, whatever it is.

Everything. Reminds me, I got to call American Express. I need to have. Hello, that was not me. No, no, no, no, no. I got to talk to him. About what? A couple of things.

That's not good. Number one, paying the bill. Work out. a little deal. Uh-huh. So we might be getting them on the... She's brought to you by American Express. I have to leave home without it.

I'm legally obligated to leave home without it. They shut my shit down. Okay. Hey, dude, they shut you down. I don't know. I've always paid. You can't shut me down. Doing business with them.

Big cash cap for them. It's a good business. For you. Solid. For them. Yeah, it's all the interest charges. Sure. I don't fucking around with that shit either.

They like charge and interest. Capital One. It's like a drunk game at Christmas. Smack them around a little bit. Pay them in gift cards if you want to. I'll cut the card up. Yeah. No, this was awesome.

This was cool as shit. Very sweet. And all, everything that I would have bought. What's your favorite thing? I mean, the nice polo. You like that. The polo zip up. Polo zip up.

That's nice. That's like, that's something you can't. I get, you, Timmy D stepping on his toe. just because he wears so much polo, but it's like so many people wear polo zip-ups. I know. You know? Both bigger guys.

It's kind of his kind of thing. But you guys also do have the same orange hoodie. That was an accident. I know what I'm saying. A black zip-up is, I got one of them. Do you?

I don't wear them at the same time. Do-op. We should be wearing the same shit, like the Ramones. Okay. All right. I'm not in that shirt. You should try this.

How about you try to? Why don't you go shopping for me? Whoa. Let's see. You talk all this shit. Cool guy stuff. What size of you? Large extra.

That's the problem. I fluctuate a little bit. All right. I think if you hit the jeans around at 36. You got the jeans covered. You just need some tops. Something with the hair. I got bad hair.

There's not much there. And get you some moisturizer for the eyes and the face. Buddy, I got a fucking newborn at home. You're breaking. of my stones. Stop fucking leaning on the kid. The kid's skin looks great. You don't hear him complaining?

It's fucking eight weeks old. It hasn't been fucking riddle bite tobacco, booze and loose women. Let me go down there, whispering his ear for a couple hours. Yeah, turn him to stone. Dad, get this guy away from me. Is he saying anything yet?

A lot of, like, he's trying. Like, obviously, there's like, ah, but he'll be like, ha! but it's like No, no Google guy yet.

It's funny because they cry. Yeah. So their vocal cords work. Yeah, I don't think they have that their brain isn't developed to like, just to go,

your brain's barely developed to fucking put words together. Is not? Glovely flobbing. Yeah, I don't think their brains are, uh, I don't know how it all works,

but they don't have fully formed human brains yet. So it was, listen, I fucked up. Juicy. gang juicy. I can't relax.

Dude, this is how you screw things. How do I screw it? Not you, how the universe. Right before the email comes in, you're fucking going public. We're locked in! You're like when Tyrese went public and almost blew the Apple deal with beats. Tyrese? Yeah.

Gibson? Isn't that his name? Yeah, Tyrese. He was with Dre when they made the fucking Apple deal where he became a billionaire. They're drunk celebrating. He gets on fucking Instagram live. and he's like, yeah, we billionaires out. He almost fucking fumbled the deal.

Was Tyrese invested in it? No, he was just big up and his boy all fucked up. Wait, Tyrese Gibson from Baby Boy? Yeah. Wait, is that what he did? Who? No, he's an R&B singer. Who is?

Tyree. And he was in the Fast and Furious franchise. Oh, I thought he was an actor, straight up. I think he was an actor model. He was like everything. Yeah, triple threat. Wait a minute. Jay Z sold beats to

Apple? Dr. Dre. Oh, Dr. Dre. And Jimmy Iveen. Beets by Dre, it was called. Right. But they stunk. They were not the best.

They were just the most popular. They were good. They were fine. So they were more popular than like the Apple headphones? No. Apple or Beets had a really big streaming platform that Apple kind of just, they start buying up. That's kind of what those people do, like those like apples and the Googles and the Facebook. Like Facebook bought Instagram because it's like you already, you're.

You're already got it off the ground and figured out this proprietary technology that we, you know, we're not going to come up with better technology than you've already discovered. And you took, you took whatever it was, 10 years to figure it out or something. They just fucking buy the company. It's now, now it's fucking apples. What was the beat, what was Beach streaming service? I don't remember that. Uh, yeah, I don't, I don't even think it was, I don't think it was ever fucking anything.

But they had, they owned, beats owned some sort of, my understanding of it, I think they explained in that documentary, that beats owned had better technology, like one piece of code or something. Yeah. And Apple just goes, their streaming service then became, it helped launch the Apple music that we have today. I thought we already had Apple music back then.

No. Yeah, we did? Not where, not the streaming Apple music that was for like $3.99 or whatever. I think so. Yeah, whatever it is. Yeah, not streaming. There was Apple music where like you put the fucking CD in,

can like put songs on your iTunes. Yeah. iTunes doesn't exist anymore? It still exists, yeah. But that's more of their storefront now. Storefront? Yeah, like you can go buy an album or buy a fucking movie or buy... But I music, you can stream for $3.99 a month.

It's like they're Spotify, yeah. Listen, I don't work in a fucking industry. I've never worked for the company. The loose idea was they bought them due to some technology. Does Apple still own beats? Yes. Yeah. Wow.

I don't, they probably dissolve. I mean, you know, they're not dissolved it, but they're not dissolved it, but they're They still do the headphones and everything. No shit. Yeah. They weren't buying the headphones. They didn't buy the headphones? No, they did because they bought the company.

Right. But like Apple doesn't need to sell you cool headphones. Why not? I like cool headphones. Sure. I'm saying that's not where they make their money, I would argue. It's in the technology and the streaming service. Yeah, it was in a bigger investment play.

They do make a lot of money on their products because it's all proprietary. Yeah. No, I know. What does that mean proprietary? They're specific. Like there's a reason you buy the Apple earbuds. Right. Because they're the best.

And they work best with those. What did Beats doing sales last year? Feel smart with his clothes on. What did Kraft Singles clothes at today? Beets is not publicly traded because it's Apple. It's owned by Apple. So you don't know. You don't know what their sales are?

No. Huh. A couple hundred grand, a couple billion, a couple billion. No, million. No, million. Probably tens of millions. Definitely. And how much did he sell it for?

They made them billionaires, right? Yes. Yeah, it made him and Jimmy Ivee billionaires. Damn. They each made hundreds of millions of dollars from it. Damn. But they go back to you screwing the pooch. That's what he did.

And they almost fucking, because they couldn't go public yet. Why? That's how those fucking billion dollar deals go through. They don't just fucking start tweeting it. They have to do their due diligence, the lawyers, the sign, all this shit can go wrong. So it was like, here. the deal sign it shut up till the fucking ink's dry and we can move forward

dr dr dr dr dray and tyrese went public on like instagram live or something bragging mm-hmm and then fucking yeah he had to go tail between his legs to apple and was like i'm sorry it was we got to fix it like it was like he's got to fucking kill him damn what they would cancel the deal because of that yeah wouldn't they be excited that are you getting people excited about the launch of this product no no No. No. It's bigger than, that's what I'm saying. It's bigger than a product.

They're going, because now people are going, well, they don't, Apple doesn't need to buy beats headphones. They have great headphones. So what other, what other strategic reason? I also don't know. I'm just saying this is how this business stuff works. What other reason would they be buying beats for their streaming site that they've developed that's doing pretty well? Or whatever the fucking idea is. Now the competitors go, fuck, they're making a move.

It wasn't to go, hey, all this. sudden we were now selling beats it was to then like build out take years build out their streaming thing now they don't know what's going on now everybody knows what the fuck's going on that's right okay i'm with it turning me into fucking business insider i'm with it all right um who great documentary the defiant ones yes yeah i'd like to go back and get more eyes on that i'm gonna go i'm gonna watch it tonight my new clothes have you never seen that i don't know great yeah so good i like sopranos Same streaming service. What do you mean?

I believe it's on Max. Out of my old man. Yeah. I watch Tooby. Pornh. But that's what you're doing. A big, juicy deal. And then it's not going to,

you're going to fucking goch us and it's not going to go through. Also, we don't even know Foley's Foley in this. Could be for 50 bucks. Two in the bird, one in the bush. Two birds. in your dush.

What the fuck was he? So let's tell the whole tale. Here's the fucking, here's what happened. Here's the turkey of it all. I, we had a call originally set for a couple weeks ago for noon. The time was noon, right? We then had to reschedule it last minute. They had to reschedule it for last minute to this week, to today.

And so, so. I tell me and you, you have an appointment at fucking, you gotta go get your driver's license or something. I didn't get my real ID so I could travel the country, not with my passport like a loser. You got a cool shirt like that. Well, I heard they take you in a room and check you out. Really?

I don't want you looking too hard. I thought if it starts even coming apart at the seams. Yeah. I start freaking out talking to the fuzz. Gippie's ID. Gimby's got weed, get him. Like, how you're planning on me? He was training on Cessna all week

Oh, by the way, I was going to fucking I was driving up here the other day It was like, I don't know what kind of plane But way too small to be landed in Newark Airport On the fucking, like Or might have been four people in the way It looked like a, it didn't look like a It was owned by a company

You know what it could have been? Oregon donor Oh No Yeah, but aren't they like jets typically? Usually. Maybe. What kind of plane was it?

Like a Cessna. Maybe it was a black market organ daughter. I was like, I remember I was looking up like, what in the fuck? That guy's getting yelled at over the intercom for sure. What the fuck are you doing? Fucking big Delta flight. A lot of tons of flight coming in over top of them. Heavy bike.

Yeah, it was just so funny because sometimes those are the land and they come right over and you're like, oh, that's a huge fucking, you see how big the 747s are in shit. But then this little guy's like fucking, you see him like shifting and stuff. I'm like, buddy, fucking yoke that thing up. So, whatever. So I'm driving. So I got to drive into the city for a call at noon.

You're, Ryan D. Laced you today, too. In a good way. Oh, great. Give me what happened? Huh? What happened? Um,

I had to get, I had to get my, I had to get my real ID. Um, I'm an idiot. But you dragged your feet on for a long time. I did drag my feet on for it. That's kind of what I do. That's why these clothes will sit here until the spring.

No. I'm telling them home with you. Carrier? Ryan, I'll take them down for you. No, you can carry your fucking clothes down. Fuck who am I doing? I just keep bending the rules for this fucking idiot. Lunch?

I just get a dinner. I can't take my clothes. I'm going out to dinner. I'll get them tomorrow. I know that, me. I just keep getting you. Mm-hmm. I want to go get beers

I'll get beers I'm gonna leave these clothes here I don't problem Can't be a fucking Can't get no chicks With a bag full of clothes Looking like a goddamn fucking tourist No thank you

How did they start with Ryan Day Does he set the appointment for you Set the appointment Did the paperwork Told me what to bring All that kind of stuff And he's waiting down there for me What a fucking

He meets you He meets me there with egg bites in a fucking cold brew. Good guy. However. You thought you were off the bites. Yeah, it was different today.

Why? I don't know. My stomach was empty. I was starving. Yeah, I really did. I didn't eat it all yesterday. I didn't eat all yesterday because I was sick

because I took my shot the day before and then didn't eat great that day. And then that morning and day here, I had egg bites and then I had a chicken Caesar wrap. And I went home that night and was fucking, felt gross. So I didn't eat all that day. And then, you know, now I feel somewhat reset.

Um, sure. But he's always got a motive. He did. You know what's going on. I don't know. Yeah, you do. What? You two were talking about it.

You were talking about it. You were talking about it. Oh. Certain time. Yeah. Six. Sure. Which.

He's a smart kid. Is that what, Ry, is that what you were angling for? Hey, I love it You're just trashing a fucking guy publicly I'm not trashing them You're not big up in him Yes, I am I big up You said he was doing it with fucking

You know I don't trust nobody No, I'm kidding of course Get down there, he's got the egg bites Okay, air it out, what do you got? You know what? Henry comes to the appointment 20 minutes late Had me signed in

I'm forged signatures You said a piece of shit You signed in for him And the numbers are going We're 94 and they're at 42. He calls me. He wants to chat.

Show up. I agree. They call our number. He's not there. Really? So I'm waving people ahead. This is my morning. We should talk.

What did you say? We should talk. Wow. Wait, go back. Go back. Go back. You're the best, buddy. Who's better than you?

You fucking sandbagging. You did. And I would keep my mouth shut. But you had to bed. He would have. See that? that he's a loyal soldier in the H-Foli Army, I don't know why, because he's got

a dickhead for a general, but he's a loyal fucking foot soldier in the H-Foli Army, and then you publicly get on here and go, and the only reason he's working hard is because he's due for a race. Knowingly, he's got this ammo on you that you fucking show

up late. Hey, baby. I've got to keep the plate spinning. Meanwhile, he also knows he's leaving that to then go pick, to to be your personal shopper. I didn't know that. I thought you went to pick up the computer.

Yeah, we lied to you. What do you mean right under my nose? Oh, that's why I didn't get a laptop. No, you're not getting a laptop. All right. You have to. But you weren't going to get a laptop. He didn't go and get a laptop today.

I don't think so. It's getting shipped. It's getting shipped. Wow. He's good at his job. 42. It's a call number. I will tell you, Henry, the amount of instruction you require, it's like,

You fill out the form, but I need the social security. You got to point at it on the form. He's writing it in the date part. I felt like a real celebrity. He's writing first name where the last name is shit. I didn't put my middle name. I fucked everything up. I feel like that lady was into me.

Swing him. Hey, you like that guys, you fill out the form. I said, what do you normally do for lunch around here? They started talking about Tonga wonger someplace down here. So, because you said, what do you do for lunch around here? you thought she was into you? I don't know. Talking about lunch.

I know. It'd be one thing if she said to you, hey, you should try this new lunch place that just opened up down here. You look like you know your way around a truck. Showed up late. Walk up a little late. Got in the car. It said I'd be there at 10.05.

Okay. but I had put 11 Greenwich Street. I put 11 Greenwich Avenue and not Greenwich Street. But there's only five minutes away. Uber driver was on point. So I get there. Diesel's waiting in there. Awesome.

A cup of coffee. A couple egg bites. We sit. We talk. We have a great conversation. Go up through the first thing. Take a picture. I got a new picture coming.

Did that. Sat down for a little bit. We talked for a while. Went over. Fill out the stuff. It was easy peasy. $12. 50 it cost me.

which I don't know $12 in $50? I don't know where I get that from Yeah You get it from the fucking $669 worth of clothes Who just bought you That's different This is only for the show too

He's not allowed to wear this There's wardrobe For this is wardrobe For live performances And actually you know what It stays in here This doesn't go home Really?

For legal tax purposes It stays in here I like it Put it on a hanger And you can Also yeah I'm fine with it Staying in here I didn't have to $1250

So Ryan had to spot me on that You didn't have the $1,250? I didn't have cash on me. It was only cash? What the fuck? This is, the $1,400? I didn't have my wallet with me. Yeah, but you...

You went down to get a new ID without your wallet? What the fuck is wrong with you? I don't know. Oh, my God. Now, I had my wallet. I'm in between checks. I'm in between jobs. No, I paid the $12.

And then that was it. Saw a homie on the way out. Hey, man, what's up, big fan? Big shake-up. What you do for lunch around here? Cool guy. Yeah. Got in the car, drove up here.

Uber driver was real chatty. Oh, yeah. This was, I've never heard this. And then he had to take a leak. So we stopped somewhere in Tribeca and he went out and took a piss in some Schwama place. Got back in the car left. You know, he did a pro move, though. First of all, I've taken 10,000 Ubers all over the world at this point.

I've never had the driver say, let me get out and take a piss. I know. That's crazy. But he's double parked on a... Verrick Street or something. I can't remember what we... That's also crazy. Now you're holding a hoppin.

You're holding a hopper. Open the trunk. He's like, watch, I open the trunk. Nobody fucks with you. Yeah, but that's still rolling the die. Cop comes, hey, you got to get the fuck out of here. I'm my car. Not my car.

I'm drunk. Brad is drunk. It's going from getting my license. I'm ossified. Twice illegal minute? What's that from? Drunk guy that's like you're twice a legal limit. He's funny.

Um, okay. So I'm scheduled to get here at... Now, we got a call. We have a call. I'm scheduled at noon. I'm scheduled to get in here around 11. I then at 10.50, I get a Google alert. What's that?

Like, you know, it adds it to my calendar to call. What do you mean? I don't know how to else to explain that. adds a call. Oh, that you have a call. Yeah, it says you have a call in 10 minutes. What's a Google alert? What does it sound like?

No, it's like all my phone pops up. You got 10 minutes or calling 10 minutes. Huh. If you ever have an appointment, that will happen. You'll get that. Really? Yeah. Have anybody ever emailed you or anything?

I don't get Google alerts. When was the last time you had a Zoom? Like, then someone sent you like the thing ahead of time. Does that come up on my phone? Or it comes up in my email? I don't know what you, I don't know what system you're working off of. I don't know. I don't know if you got like Windows 95 or whatever.

But if they send it and you're, you're attending the, thing, it adds it to your Google calendar and then remind you of it. Okay. Maybe I do. Like it pops up like a text message. Yeah, like an alert. Oh, I thought it made. I think it made a sound.

I mean, it could make a sound if that's what your settings are set to, I guess. I don't know. I'm sure it's Google. I'm sure they figured out how to ding your phone. As you're doing video communication, I don't think the ding has alluded them. I'd turn it off. Yeah, me too. But yeah, they have a ding.

Okay. You want a ding? Yeah, I want a ding. A little ding. Google Alert. You should have a special sound. Woo, woo, woo, woo. They might.

But bloop. That'd be a good one. Are you shit in your pants? I need a swarm of place. Some guy sleeping in the bathroom in there, though. But me and Dee had a great morning. Probably, I'd say one of the best mornings him and I've had in a while. Not that we've had bad ones.

Sure. But I felt good Yeah I felt really good for the first time That's good Yeah So I

Might have been all the poppers I was on Kidding Whatever So I'm taking an Uber into the city Mm-hmm I get a ding in the fucking Midtown tunnel You got a call in 10 minutes I go

Fuck You fucked up There's a sponsor call I'm going to drop the ball I should have given this to the fucking suits. I didn't. I don't want them wetting their beaks on it. I'm going to handle it.

Love you, boys. So I'm like, you know what? Well, it was also just like a, you know, figuring out like it was like a meeting, you know, like a call. Friendly. Discovery calls, they say. Is that what it's called? Maybe, I don't know. I heard someone say.

Soft pitch. No, just like a, hey, meet these people. You meet these people. Like a sit down and a chat. Sure. It's a chat. Chit chat. It's okay for a chat and I'm not okay for a sit down.

Sure. Jackie Jr. Um, so I get, and I go, fuck, I text you. Now I'm texting you. You're icing me. Oh, yeah. Why? Because you screwed me out of the meeting.

So I'm going, you fuck, I messed up. The calls in 10 minutes. You're not going to be back from the DMV because you showed up late, 20 minutes. I wouldn't have been there. It would have been there anyway. I know. Uh, so I'm like, shit. Now I am, I don't know why an all time fucking bozo moved by me.

I go, guys, can we do 11.05? I should have said 1150. I only bought myself five minutes. Can we do 10.55? So now I'm like, fuck. Open up my computer. It's dead. I'm thinking maybe I can take it in the back of the Uber or something.

Computer's dead. I got my little travel cup of coffee you've been making fun of me for. Empty. Right? What's in there? It's empty. I finished my coffee. Oh.

So I throw that in my bag. I get out of the, now it's traffic, gridlock traffic. I got to get out and start cooking. Good thing. Whoa. Good thing Kippey's down about 40 pounds because I get out of the car. We're walking or running? I start walking.

And it's so funny, how much ground you cover running than walking in the time. And they're not even, they shouldn't even be done with the same legs. It's like being in a car versus being in a plane. I start walking. I'm like, I got this. I was just trying to do the math on that. Like a beautiful mind. Runnings when you've

Okay So I go I stop it I just trashed over here Looks like Christmas morning Yeah So I'm like Fuck

I start walking And then like I don't make it an avenue And like three minutes It's gone by I'm like It's like 10. 55

I got I had under 10 minutes And I am A long way away To be at the pace I'm at So I walk, I like speedwalk half an avenue from like 10th to 9th, something like that, whatever that is. And I go, I got to start. I'm booking.

I got to start cooking. Well, I start fucking running. And I'm going, what the fuck kind of life? I'm running through the city and jeans and a backpack. It looks like you're hustling in New York City. I know, it looks like you just knocked over a jewelry store. The fuck out of it away. I know a bunch of people behind me

Well coincidentally enough He calls me Busting my balls That they're calling my number I'm about a four minute walk away And to me He might as well be on Krypton So it's gridlock traffic as well

And I'm like hey I gotta get out I get out As soon as I get out The light changes I try to get back into the Uber Nuh Fuck yeah That's crazy

Get the door halfway open. The lane changes again. Quick light. Fucking slam the door walked up. So I got out and houffed it too. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. So I'm coming down here.

I'm getting to like this avenue, 6th Avenue, whatever. New York's big enough. I get to 6th Avenue. And I'm between 7th and 6th. And it starts the light at 6th. I have the light at 6th. I'm walking. at this point. I'm taking a breather.

Got an egg bite. Getting a swarm. I'm taking a breather. And that light starts clinking down from 15. And I know at my current rate, I'm half an avenue away. I'm not. I'm not going to make that light. I'm not going to make

to the light in 13 seconds walking. And then that's going to be three, four minutes. You're not tiptoeing through the intersection? That's six avenues. tough because they because they fucking cross six have yeah you're fucked crossing a street

forget about it yeah crossing that avenue because they get that green lights and they come they're coming in hot yeah so I'm like oh fuck so I'm like you gotta this is you making this call or not I'm only call myself more minutes yeah now I can't go back with your headphones four more minutes yeah oh sorry I can't go I apologize

I can't go back if I need three more minutes so I fucking turn the boosters on I'm the last gas I got. Get across the street. Get upstairs. Get here. Open up my computer. Got to plug it in. There's a little bit of juice that it turns on. I open up my email. I click the link. I get in. It says join. It says lunch to call. Lose the deal. Waiting for a host to let you in. Then it starts spinning host letting you in. My computer turns off. I look over the coffee from my travel mug, the drops, have spilled out, landed in the

charging ports, and this is now all soaked. Now it won't the computer won't charge. I'm panicking. Look, and then he's texting me, I was just letting you in and you disappeared. Playing hardball. Man, this kid is an international businessman. I got to take it on Luke's computer. I got to call in his fucking Lewis Dempsey over here. Oh, my. Huffin and puffing.

Dude, just making the Dempsey group look better and better, huh? Looks like catch your breath. Yeah, we love to do business with you. I'm like, look, order me some egg bites. Anyway, you set it up all long, didn't you? Wow. Screwed me. But it all worked out. Hopefully. We'll see. But yeah, what a fucking, uh,

what a wild turn of events. New guy got some gear. Might have a new deal coming in. Can't thank you guys enough. This was, this was so much fun and I appreciate it. And Ryan, you're the absolute best. I'm going to get it from him. Gang, we love you. We'll see you next weekend.

Peace.