Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Patreon Episode: Hotel Philadelphia - Are You Garbage (FULL)

Episode Date: July 25, 2025

Here is a full episode from the Are You Garbage Patreon where Kippy & Foley talk about hotels! Join the AYG Patreon for weekly Hard Feelings and bonus episodes of Are You Garbage. Join the Army of Garbage. Thanks for watching. Love youse guys! Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up everybody? Welcome back to those hoooard motherfucking feelings baby! I'm your host this week coming at ya, Kevin James Ryan. Aliiiiiive from the icebox baby! Where it is fucking freezing in this goddamn joint. I'm sitting here in my brand new flannel. Uh, my co-host coming at ya with a sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss the the the the

the the Always the lifeblood of the organization is shareholders the fucking stem cell researchers the fucking peptide pussies special Shout out to all the Philly homies that showed up for that hot one That was a fucking something else a YG and French show at helium comedy club in Philly might have been the best one yet Yes, sir Fucking in that was a fun time Philly's always a fucking you go back there, and it is a you know There's a different vibe in the air when the boys go home fucking the trashman have returned to the dumpster You know what I mean the scene of the crime. I do have stains on my shirt. We know let's

I'll get him out though. You know when here's something funny real quick Now I'm good breaking news This was in my closet since last fall it had a big stain on it I took that dawn power wash you know the one that's got the gun on it. Yeah, I think Fucking blind you sure put a little white vinegar in there shook it up blew my hand off Put it in there squirted it Guy on what yeah fucking Dodgers one dumbass god damn that was fucking Rough Tucker T. Always told me yeah, I'm best around with fireworks you blow your hand up that and drinking and driving

Don't do either one of them sure Yeah, I'll be fucked up and play with fireworks, but I'll set them off not in my car. Yeah I I had a pretty nice Weekend Did you? Imprompt to golf with my boys. Really? Man. Look at you. Mini? Chippin' putt. Little pitchin' putt. There you go. Not a good golfer obviously. No, you're pretty good. Thanks. A fisherman for compa. Pretty good fisherman too.

Crabbin'. You had a little cash growing up. You know what you're doing. I worked at a golf course. That was the extent of my learning. Hard girl. He sugared this. You were nailed.

I got my polo tied in a knot around my belly button. You were nailed in orthodontist at the time? Sure. Home wrecker I called you? Mm-hmm. Man, I gotta tell you it is one of my favorite past times that I don't do that often. Last time I played was probably 18 months ago. So give or take, it was last year. Easy last year. Last summer probably. You like to go out with your buddies, have some beers, but we didn't really start drinking till later in the day second hole you dress up What you dress up? Yeah, you kind of got oh, that's like you gotta you got I had to go to Dick's Sporting Goods and cop Some gear you're in a suit Look like Lex Friedman out there

black suit black tie. Four. I think you're a little overdressed. I thought there was going to be Pes d'Orderves here. No, man, the weather's been unseasonably warm, so it was a nice day. The boys in the group text lined it up. Not a lot of rain. Canceled my spots I had. You did.

I was like, I'm going out with the boys. No shit. Um Man, I gotta tell you It's a proper Meditative you put the phone down You're thinking about something else. You're lit. You're hanging with the boys. You're shitting on each other. They're shitting on you It's just a good fuck. You're out there in nature. That's the only time you're really in fucking nature like that You're out there. nature. That's the only time you're really in fucking nature like that. You're out there.

You're just I mean, somebody had fucking died. The course was I'm not even a guy who knows dude. Someone is some guy in an ATV had went on all the greens and yeah, I think it's some local competition ticket to the man. Sure. Which is kind of fucked up because you know. What did the players suffer the most of course but I'll be a lie as they call it right yeah

guess look at you playing golf must be nice I must have smoked a pack and a half a heaters man. Walking or you get a cart? Walking! I was in a quad. I was in my ATV dude. Had to turn a razor. Fucking whip and work but I did have a birdie on the day really Yeah, Ernie a bird a couple two tree Bernie birdie which Ernie one under par one under par Yeah, oh for a hole. Yeah, so if it was par four you got a three exactly what happened Wow

Sunk about a 40 foot putt no kidding. Oh man. I 40 foot putt. No kidding. Oh man. I knew that was the most genuine happy I've been in probably five years. You just cause you feel good. Your boys. Oh, everybody's hooting and what number hole that matter. Yeah, they harder.

Do they get harder as they go? Yeah. What do you know about Contra? Get to fight the big boss Well, they get harder when you get to the clown. Yeah, that's a tough. Yeah, they get harder in mini golf None necessarily just the last one. I think is significantly the last one's like the you know you call me a fucking liar I mean not specifically no I thought harder. I don't say I mean not that now where were you playing Philmont? Philadelphia cricket club. No, uh

Middletown Country Club, it was not the nice part. I mean This ID that is no this place was a ghost town crab cakes and tuna fish. The bar wasn't even open I walked in to get a couple fuck. It's called it. It's called hackers pub, which is pretty good. I like that. I wasn't even open I'm trying to get in there get a sandwich or something. I had two dogs at the snack shack Sure, put them down. I was tough cuz I'm like you guys want any hot dogs or anything like now And I'm like I'll do truth be told I had dogs by myself. I had a couple of sizzlies this week I had a couple a couple more Couple sizzlies this This close is a Sunday. We're in here Sunday getting some EPS done. The boys got a wonky schedule coming up

Join here Sunday knocking out some epi's and As coming in from the burbs, I stopped at a wah-wah sure get my big black coffee Okay, tacky heaters sure got a lighter and a sizzling But croissant sizzling not bagel. What am I fucking ass really? You got to go there croissants are great They're not croissants, but they're great. They're oily. That's I don't like that. I like I like a dry It's like a teenager's forehead greasy, but what's the etiquette here? I mean, I'm in line at Wawa. It's a girl woman a woman Let's call it 35 okay, right 30 to 40 somewhere in there a woman, let's call it 35. Okay. Right?

30 to 40 somewhere in there. Could have been a rough 35 year old or a pretty good 40 year old. Not sure. Wawa workers. You never tell. No, this is a woman in line. Oh, right. She's in front of it.

So it went her. She's at the cash register. Right. Uh, an older gent who may or may not have shit his pants. He was walking like that. Nice. Nice little w like that. Nice. Nice little waddle on ice. Then me respectable gentleman.

You know what I mean? Podcast or stand up comedy. Sure. A little bit of star power in there. Pro golfer. Got a birdie. A lot of eights though. A lot of snow.

A lot of picking up, picking up. I'm done on this one. Winter. Dude, the last one I sent over the green into a neighbor into someone's front yard. I said that's a wrap The kids get it. I'll meet you at Duffers What stuff? I don't know I love the names though another one was a divots Divot is a good one the bar in the in the clubhouse always has like they have multiple bars in there No, it's other courses. Yeah a country clubs golf. They're golf courses. Okay. I don't think there's you know, it's not like

You're hanging out at country clubs No, this is a golf course. I mean there was a guy with an ATV ripping up the greens That's not like you know, we don't have a fence around anybody get on there, but She's buying what's okay? What is the Curtis? What is the? proper community etiquette When someone's card gets declined in front of you Is there like at what point you go? Oh, let me get it for would you get what? Relax, I mean if it's like baby formula or something you got to get it you know

what I mean or diapers your wife I guess quick ocular pat down what's on the what's on the wall wasn't with that change yeah what would you buy in wah wah if someone in front of his card got the client it was shit for another dude she's on her own a bunch of Magnumoms shit. I want you get the big shot out in the car to come get it Fucking whore dick like that. You know he's got a couple of bucks What would have to be on the menu like on the For me in a wah-wah. Yeah, I'm a giving man as you know actually I am I'm a giving man as you know actually

I'm a giver Bit of a creep over bit of a voyeur if you catch my drift or Older person like give me an eight like give me like it's gotta be like a pop-up pop-up for sure. Okay. He's like, I don't know something Maybe the car whatever it is. You're going hey old-timer. I got I got your daily news your coffee and your Your swisher sweets or whatever. He's sure a mom with the kid For sure. Okay. Yeah, you know, he's getting him a fucking classic hoagie or something Yeah, it also depends on the situation what unfold. Oh fuck. Hey, it's the only I have and I guess I'll have to put we're not put we're not putting anything back All right. We're a community at Wawa. I got you. Okay

This I mean, let me wet my beak on those Funyuns or something Hey, buddy, make good with them bugles. Let the big man eat. How are those? Wow? Why I'm panadas? Yeah, gotta eat. Okay sure or under 18 under 18 Oh, I don't know about that if it's not like energy drinks and cigarettes. Yeah But I'm not buying it. Yeah, that's no good. Did I ever tell you that fucking story? I try to make it a bit at one time never worked not good. It's not good at comedy, but this fucking broad I feel like I was on the road somewhere Little girl in front of me trying to buy something

Snacks or something at a gas station is super cute like six-year-old whatever eight-year-old girl And she's like in the store by herself. Yeah, and I'm like she's like oh and the guys like oh that's she had cash she had three dollars and she wanted something that was fucking eight dollars or what she wanted two things I think I remember the guy being like oh you can only either have one or the other you can't get both and I'm like you know we're like not a great part of town and I'm like I'll fuck yeah you know fucking I could be that could be the spark that turns this kid's life around you know what I mean? I could change the trajectory of this little dirty kids fucking day. You know life you know She's looking for a ride and uh I buy it she turns like thank you

But not like not what I wanted out of it of course you know what I mean like not like oh My god needle before me. Yeah, I will fucking I have bestowed I Go outside this fucking girl gets into a BMW with your mom and I was like hey you fucking bitch You don't fuck fill up your tank and gas for you to you dumb whore suck it pony later Thanks for the Clark bar dickhead. Yeah, I remember being like what the fuck well this broad today I'm gonna go. They got a lot. How's she looking? Okay, and I don't ask that in a creepy way. I do I Ask it in a sexual way. I ask it in the way like the like you at the at the hoat at the

Airport bar when you tried to buy that chick dinner. I Wouldn't oh man. That made me come off like a real creep. Yeah, if she's I Wouldn't oh man that made me come off like a real creep. Yeah, if she's I Don't want to look like I'm hitting on her when you're just trying to be nice sure that makes sense sure there has to be Like a look back for help almost She did Okay, so um I thought I just remembered another insane story that I have forgotten Okay, um not I just remembered another insane story that I have forgotten. OK, it's not a golf story, is it?

I'm sorry. What do you have? I got something. You got nothing. Oh, I got big stuff. And a dragon came to start making up a story. And then I went to Afghanistan and I was time traveling. OK, Henry. Yes, you don't want to hear about my new race car. But go ahead. I'm an airline pilot now. So she's buying jewel pods.

If you catch my slut, she's she's got real and not I'm not talking down about she's got real hairdresser vibes if that if that gives you a hard on If that gets you She's got the long like Sweater kind like the open sweater with the long sleeve. It's like a kind of like a robe, but not a roll Yeah, that's it. That's it. That's not one of those inside ones like the snuggie type things no no this is like I feel like an outdoor like long open car again kind of I

Didn't clock the pants not an ass man. I clocked it clocked a deep cut shirt on her though now get it But she goes how much are the jewel pods people are still using those not a good look it's a it's a bad look I'd rather have her buying five years ago that was fine mango jewel pods I get buying a bat but dude she should have been buying a box of blunts I would have fucking respect they only sell menthol and tobacco Virginia tobacco jewel pods anymore. She didn't you tobacco? It's a tough look. So I'm fucking So she goes, uh, she's she asked how much they are

But wants them to ring it up to see what the final Cuz I think she's got I respect he's got Maybe 28 bucks in her account. Excuse me, sorry, coffin. Let's call it, she has $28 in her account. She knows these come in at about half of that. I've been there, dog. She wants to see if she can get two out of it.

Don't tell me how much it is. Tell me what. Show me, I want the real feel, motherfucker. Give me the windchill on this fucking thing. Taxes and fees. Ship in handling, whatever it is, give it to me. So then like, I guess she miscalculated what it was going to be. So she got rung up for two and it got denied and she looked back at the line to be like, what are we going

to do about this? And I was like, Toots, my fucking hash brown's getting cold over here. Get outta here. But. That ruins it a little bit. Yeah. That's the move. She looked like, it was,

cause like, that's happened to me. Maybe. Are you sure it wasn't a look back like, I'm sorry? No, I. Yeah, you gonna step in here or what? It was more like, to me it was like, anybody wanna jump on this grenade for me? Geez. like to me it was like anybody You want to jump on this grenade for me?

Because to me I've had that happen to happen specifically a while off not even joking probably 40 times my cards gotten declined at a while over my lifetime and You never look back at the audience you Look down and get to the door go he's fucking You look down and get to the door and go, he's fucking ATM machine. So yell about the bank or something. I put the screen mask on and pull out the fucking nickel. Come back with the toast on him.

And yeah, and I was just like, what in? I don't know if she was addicty of like. That's added up. What? The jewel pods, the short on the card. Yeah, just like maybe she's like an addict. She's got something in her bloodstream. She didn't seem like... that looked back to me wasn't like,

oh, I'm totally fucking locked in on the norms of society at the moment. And I was just like, but it got me thinking of like... Did you get it? No. Got her number. Called 911. Got my haircut scheduled for next week. I'm paying in Juul pods. But that also remind you said hotel that reminded me. So last Wednesday or whatever, like with the Philly show,

she aforementioned Philly show. Oh, that's right. You stayed in town and got yourself a room. It got little. It got a little late. I'm hanging with the boys. Got a little late. I didn't want to make the drive home. So I got a I went on hotels and I got a hotel. Right. OK. So fatale, where'd you know there was there was two available. One came in at like two hundred and twelve dollars a a night which I thought was good. I thought was expensive

For a fucking I got I got it like 930 10 o'clock on a fucking Wednesday night in Philly I was thinking you were gonna get jammed up with that But the other one was 800 bucks at like the layers or something like that fuck. It's it's it's So we see it's supply and demand at that point, you know sucker So I get the one at I point, you know? Sucker. So I get the one at, I don't even know what it was. It was at Fourth and Arch. See if you can find it.

It's like a W, like a Winchester Tinville or something like that. I don't know what it was. Big, it's like the size of a block. It's huge. What do you got? It's like a W, it wasn't like a Marriott. It was like a something by somebody.

A Winchester? A Wyndham, but it was like a Wynd It's like it wasn't like a Marriott. It was like a something by somebody Winchester Windham, but it's like a Windham. Windham courts. I don't know what it was. Oh, yeah. Windham, Philadelphia, historic district. Yeah, that's three star hotel. Geez. Well, wait till I get my review in here. It's going down to one. So I get there. Not crazy late. Hung out with the boys. But, you know, whatever.

Nothing nuts. Man, it's called midnight. That's the cutoff. For what? That's a no show. No, no, not if you book it at nine. You sure? No, you had just never checked in.

You tried checking in like two days later. Yeah, I've done that a couple of times. No. I caught up. So I get there, about midnight, nothing crazy. Cold night too. Cold, windy night. Whippin'. Oh. So I get there about midnight nothing crazy cold night to cold windy night weapon, ha

So I get in there I check in okay, you're all set and there's some There's some people milling around like waiting to check in there's bag, which is like odd for midnight There's too many out at the wind them. That's where I'm time booking, baby There's too many. Not at the Wyndham. That's prime time booking baby. There's too many people lingering around. You know what I mean? Okay. But I'm half cocked. Of what ilk? Fine ilk. Business? No just like. Or casual. No just people. People staying at the hotel nothing like. Okay. Not hookers or nothing. They're like you know drug dealers. Sure. Just normal people. My kind of people. Um, there was a Mexican family like an older guy like a guy probably like our age, you know, and then his parents. Um, I

Love seeing like a rich guy from another country. They there are the days the back. Yeah He had like a just like Carrie had a nice V black v-neck sweater on pretty good Why I don't know nothing about what but like sharp sharp put the good nice rich guy luggage I like it. You know what I mean? He was taking care of his parents Oh, all right, you can tell he had the money his parents really didn't so your car got declined and you know I get declined I wank I turn around give him the eyes so she goes. Okay, you're all set takes about ten minutes for me to get Her get me set up. Okay. And for the homies out there, Kippy don't like hanging around at the check-in. What's that mean? You don't like it. I do it a lot. Sure. I do. I have to check all five

of you bums in every time we go somewhere. While you guys are out having heaters and raiding the snack bar, Kippy's in there doing all the admin. Make sure I got my candy. Yeah. Hey, Kippy, what rumor we can we add these to the room already? I'm not even fucking checked in. Um, hey, what room can my friend shit in the bed? The big ones got to go boom boom on the rug. Hey, lady, where's the gym?

And they are dumping a locker room. Okay, I get my key. I go up into my room, proper dirty room. Like a guy was just in it made me think someone was still in the room. You know, that? Smelled like dudes, sunk like sex in there. They had, there was beer bottles in the trash can. Whoa. Like, fucking, some of you, they'd be fucking in there. All right. So I go, fuck, I gotta go downstairs.

And that's like one of those things where like, you just wanna call and be like, can you come up and fix it? Like, I gotta come all the way back down, you're gonna not believe me. It's just like, well like when you get up to your room on like the 11th floor, you make nine turns down the long hallway. And the key don't work. You wanna be like, hey, it happens all the time. Yeah, it happens. It happens like one out of ten times that

happens. Yeah. Especially when you're checking in five rooms, they give you the, you know, like they rekey it for a different room or whatever. Right. A lady this week that was frazzled. Sure. Frazzled. So I go down, not being polite, but this this this rich Mexican guy's still down there and I'm like that ain't he's something's not right. And I didn't know they had a problem prior to me getting there. Okay. So I go, hey, the room's dirty. Can I call it over him? They're talking, but I think he might have stepped away, and she gave me like the Fuck do you something's like what can I help you with I got this fat ass back down here? Sure, I go hey. I already have my snacks. I got a Gatorade. I got a bottle. That's getting warm and a bottle of water

Maybe some gummy I don't think I did though because when I was in there someone else was in there And it felt really judged when I was in this little snack There's a guy like there's a guy going through like the fruit and stuff And I don't want to start I don't want to start doing kippie just grab some toothpaste real quick It's a hold me over It's don't take the edge off. It'll get me through the night any papayas You know if this is organic you know what never mind just order Domino's

Let's get the pretzel bites You know what's the saddest and I've been there Getting something microwavable from one of those places on it and going upstairs Those fucking microwave de jour knows man those things. Are you doing it in the room or down there when you sometimes? I'm going down there. That's crazy breakroom shit fuck that I'm too fat for that uh-huh I know, but it's so they're heating up a lean cuisine. There's three of them

How to put them in one big bowl out of the teriyaki chicken Yeah, no in the room. I'm running a marathon in the morning up carbo load if they taste like nothing and it's just sad so I am So I get down there She fucking I'll hey my room's dirty she goes okay Just give me give me a couple of minutes. She's the only one there hours. I gotta wrap my head around this She got a bad sheet from housekeeping. I guess you know they get like or whatever. She's gonna wrap my eye I'm gonna get smoking a drink think this over. I'll be down at ohala hands if you need

Lock up when you're done. It's not like alright, so I fucking I'm chillin. Now this point, you know, I get it. She's a working gal. She's she got dealt a bad customer service hand from the day shift. Fucked her. From the staff from the staff that was working the day shift. I get it. I'm not gonna ruffle any feathers by any means. I'm like I'm chillin. You know it is. I'm like I was looking for a fucking pretty decent night's sleep. This is feathers by any means. I'm like, I'm chilling. You know, it is. I'm like, I was looking for a fucking pretty decent night's sleep. This is getting drug out. I've been there probably about 30 something minutes

at this point. By the time I got in there, got checked in, got up to my room, came back down, waited a few minutes to tell her, told her. Now I'm sitting, just sitting in the lobby like a fucking sitting duck. That's how you get clipped. Yeah, no shit.

And I gotta tell you, that part of Philly. Ain't great. It's how you get clipped. Yeah, no **** and I gotta tell you that part of Philly ain't great. It's quiet like two quads. So like there's like people are coming up on the window and looking at it. It's just like a it's it's kind of got like a hospital vibes a little bit. You know, there's just people lingering and walking a couple of empty gurneys. Yeah, looking for people looking for light. You got a light. Really **** dude. Dirty couch. I'm sitting on. Pop it into a hotel lobby and asking for a

light. Well then it's like the doors locked and people are trying to open the door if they don't and she's gone now the front desk lady's buzzed and she's out. She's like she's running up. She's got to go check the rooms to see if they're clean. So she's going up to the 8th floor going around the eye in the office. But this time dude, they're pulling on the door being like you let me in and

I'm like I ain't fine. No, I'm staying here. I don't gotta care like the fuck you are staying here. There ain't no rooms, no vacancy. Whoa. So then like the Mexican guys looking at me is like, do you want to? I'm like, I'm not

fucking going anywhere near this. So she's gone for, at this point, she's gone for about 20 minutes. She's running around the hotel looking for it and all the rooms are dirty, I guess. So she comes down after, I'm waiting down there. There's a-

What circumstances would you just be like, fuck it, I'll just take that room? No, well, not that room no well not that one Not no, it was like a boom boom room. Give it about ten minutes Go in fucking hard. I am send the girl back up. Are you checking ubers back to the burbs not just yet? Okay, are you on Grubhub at all? We had gone to Cavanaugh's. Oh got the wings No, I didn't get wings

The boys everybody was fine orders something tells me it wasn't a fitness medal It's not okay. Um Cavanaugh's those good wings then they do good food was cotton spot. They do good food open late They did the whole wing shot to Johnny Delcalo. He's a guy. We're going down here. He was trying to get me out boozing heavy Yeah, he's like I'm like dude. I'm done. I gotta get the fuck out of here freezing cold night fucking calf in the bag Fucking Wednesday night. I gotta get out of here, man. He's like, you don't want to go He's like, well, they got a shuffle boys like throwing out all the guys go play shuffleboard You want a fucking Caribbean cruise? No the bar one? Oh, that's a good time sure um get that sawdust in your nose, so

Something else up there at this point She's really trying to solve the the Mexican guy the rich Mexican guys problem, and I was his deal I don't know at this point. I just know there's something not right and now I'm going it ain't his fault. This is for sure Flustered Fanny's fault, you know what I mean? So I go up to the counter just to be like I'm here Like also try to start she back. She's back now at this point. Okay She's like, okay, hold on So now I'm at the count I'm leaning on the counter like drunk guy on the counter like fucking hand on my face Just like Gatorade

Gatorade's open at this point. Okay, gotta do something. You know what I mean? Gotta get my electrolytes in me She goes into the back room she's like hold on got to talk to my mat this whole process is close to an hour Pro at this point after your 30 minutes or with the 30 minutes? Total, like I walk in, it's an hour, I don't have a room. So we're pushing, it's after 1 a.m. at this point. I got in there around midnight, after 1 a.m. She comes back out and goes, we don't have any rooms.

Whoa. She goes, we don't have any clean rooms available, I don't know what's going on. I just got off the phone with my boss. We're going to get you other hotel room. We're going to get you hotel rooms at another hotel. OK. So I went, all right. But now I got uber queued up back to Denise's house because I'm like,

I got to fucking fuck this. I might have to get out of fucking dodge sure like what's okay? It's gonna be it's gonna fucking cost me more than the fucking hotel room, but I got a good night's sleep here What the fuck's going on? And I'm thinking they're like hacked into some main friends of the hotel mainframe where they can be like hey We're gonna transfer these three rooms to our other Windham our sister our sister hotel our stepsister hotel to our other Wyndham our sister our sister hotel our stepsister hotel. This broad goes on fucking she googles and just

starts calling hotels going Hey, do you have any rooms available? You know, there's one available. Where over at Leves for eight Hyundai a clip. I'm not steam. Oh, I didn't even think you wouldn't have to pay for that. No, yeah But I'd also don't trust this broad to lock in a reservation That's when like American Airlines goes out. We got you on a fucking United flight. You gotta be night You know, I never fucking hurt you American who yeah, we don't take fucking transfers like that So she's just starts calling she goes. Do you have any rooms available? This is Megan over anything for the the rich guy

Well, she's handling the rich guy first. And she calls five hotels and they all say no. So I'm like. Yo, fuck. I'm like, I'm going back to the fucking burst, but the car to get me back to my mom's is 20 minutes away. It's the middle of fucking night. I was sound asleep.

You pussy. So I ordered I ordered the car. Right? 20. Now I'm waiting on it. The car is about two minutes away. It's a regular ass car to regular ass car. This is like I'm getting into some guy's car in the just getting into a guy's car right in Philly in the middle of the grease in his hair. Yeah, this is a little different than like. This guy was sleeping 15 minutes ago. Yeah, he got his alarm went off. Yeah.

Fuck, that's good money. I'm like, motherfucker, dude. Now I'm like, I gotta get into Denise's. I didn't tell her I'm coming fucking home. She might fucking call the cops on me. She might have the, yeah, I might have hit a trip wire fucking, you know. Catch two to the chest. Claymore goes off off or something I don't know what this bro's

doing hit the middle of the forehead with a BB gun so now I'm like dreading that and I'm like do I just I don't I don't have any fucking options I'm texting my all my fucking boys that live in Philly they're fucking I was just doing shots of Pat like an hour ago he's sound he's got fucking whiskey brain he's sound asleep I got Noah. It's also like my friends that live in the that still live in the burbs. They got like families and shit I can't fucking roll in on them. Fuck an uncle bucking it middle of the night I'm like thinking Airbnb, but I'm like I can't get no one's an Airbnb. I can't get access at 2 a.m

Also, that sounds like a fucking hooker thing. You know what I mean? Hey, buddy, can I come in? Just me and two of my two of my two of my sisters. I need it for an hour. So. A heat, so then I go, all right, I go, my car is like two minutes out. I'm going to pop out, catch a heater, get in the car and just go back to Denise's, right? And roll the dice of waking sure that you know You can get in though. You don't got a knock on the front door. No, but unexpectedly. I mean that might be

Fuck around give her a heart attack or something. You know what I mean the big fat drunk guy coming in Gummy bears falling I got Gatorade Here beats a government I got Gatorade. I got pizza coming too. Okay. So I go, I'm going to run to the bathroom, pop outside, catch a heater, get in this car, maybe even call Denise, see if I can wake her up and tell her I'm fucking, you know. What's wrong? Yeah, some, she, oh Jesus Christ, she answers the phone at fucking 2 in the morning. Assuming I'm dead. Somebody is.

Yeah. I knew this would happen. He's fine. Did you diversify? Christ she answers the phone at fucking 2 in the morning assuming. I'm dead somebody is yeah, I Knew this would happen. He's fine. Did you diversify? Okay, that's all right. I got Ian for him the price um The Mexican guy comes up to me as I got Isaac you know what cancel refund everything? I'm out. I'm fucking out of here. I'm walking sure sleeping your dirty fucking room I'm walking so I go to the bathroom. Can I ask you this please was there two beds in the room you walked into or?

just one I Don't know think just one what if there was two and the other one was untouched No one what if there was two and the other one was untouched no no the empty beer cans that's a no that was like a it was like a va no it's a type no that's a type of person and they're doing type multiple be multi they were beer Bob multiple beer bottles domestic or important I believe they were Miller lights I didn't turn the lights on I clocked them right away cuz the trash can was moved they were like it wasn't was... you know you walk into a room

you're like something... the vibes in here aren't great. Sure. And that's what it was. Okay. Stinking like booed doesy juice. I like... I like when the vibes are off. That's when I do my best work. So I'm leaving pretty just... not upset with her by any means I was like hey I understand this is not your problem I totally get it you gotta fucking you got a bad deal here Does the rich guy have a wife with him? It's him and his wife and his parents. Okay. So he has two rooms.

Okay. So I'm walking out and he goes I have a proposition for you. Yes. You're kidding me. I said you have my curiosity now you have my attention I said I'm listening. What do you know about fat bald guy fighting? Another guy who looks like me walks out cracks his neck. I gotta wrestle him The TV's were working on the plane, and I'm in need of something to do.

Can you handle yourself? Can you fight? You're fighting three chickens. I'll get my ass kicked. Go ahead. So he goes, I have a, are you leaving? I said, yeah, I just caused a big stink, I'm leaving. You didn't hear me, toes brought off, I'm walking outta here.

I'm walking, I'm fucking, I'm in. Fucking need this. Yeah, I'm kicking rocks. Meanwhile, I got my school bag, I got a big fucking doll, and I'm just like, you got it around, you're all, I'm a nomad out in the middle of the streets of Philadelphia, nowhere to go. Yeah, I'm probably gonna take off. I sold out helium, and They're like, what?

Drunk. Wasn't that fucked up. But, he goes, I have, listen, do you want one of my rooms? And I'm like, what the fuck do you get yourself into? I'm talking about hitting a birdie. Alcohol, man. Yikes.

It's a hell of a drug. So he goes, do you want one of my rooms? I got two rooms. He don't got anything. What do you mean? I thought he's waiting for a room, too. Let me school you on old Javier Bardem here. Is that his name?

Some cool, rich, hot, sexy. Good looking dude? Yeah, good looking dude. Nice dude. Really? Like-looking dude nice, dude Really like one of those people that like I only I mean I was pretty drunk. I only talked to him for a minute But nice guy, what's the wife looking like hot really? But has a strange fetish You have a small peepee

Let me ask you I look at you. You have a small peepee. Can I smell your breath? American beer is that a hint of tater tots? It was. With pickle juice on them or something I did not like. I don't know if they had a pickle on top of it or what. I wanted to fucking flip the table. Ah! I moved the table.

Stop making out. Okay. He goes. the table okay he goes fuck this guy I'm now Max is I'm in he goes I got I got two rooms right one of mine was dirty right the other one perfectly fine he kept saying perfectly fine perfectly fine perfectly fine okay and I'm like so he goes for a man of yours a fat pig like you would never know the difference so he goes I I appreciate a finer thread count than the Then the hotel can offer me You have to do is have sex with my father Papa Mama It's one of those things you're like what tough how the fuck did I get here So he goes perfectly fine. He was like make out with me and my wife and you could have the room would you?

at this point I'll let you brush your teeth and get a Listerine in after her before after before What do you think I'm trying to impress him you think I care what my breath smells like at that point you want to keep the numbers Up, you know what I mean? Go ahead so he He got two rooms one room was, the other room wasn't.

Perfectly fine. Perfectly fine, he kept saying. Perfectly fine. So they didn't have another room for, let's say that room was his parents, they weren't going to have another room for him. He's fucked. So they were going to send him somewhere else. To Denise's. I understand, you know, the piece. OK, so he goes, I'll give you. My perfectly fine room. But his the rest of his family at this point is in the room.

Their luggage is all up like they're in the room. Okay, and it's just me and him down there cutting the businessmen are talking, you know what I mean? I'm quite I'm an international businessman myself. Aviary you guys go over to the business center to get something on making copies. My family is dumping one out. The diary in the sink was already there when we arrived.

Como se dice irritable bowel syndrome. It has a slight smell to it other than that perfectly fine. With your deviated septum. Once you hook up to your CPAP machine how did you know? He's like Jason Bourne but for dirt bags. He can just read me completely you probably have bad adnoits I'm sure you want to get out of those shitty underwear as soon as possible by now your gout is probably excruciating on your big toe am I right Am I right? I assume your McDonald's will be here in less than 20 minutes if I'm not mistaken. So you're in a bit of a quandary.

That could be a big problem for everybody involved. You're very close to shitting your pants, yes? I can see it. I can see the sweat on your brow. The blood vessels in your eyes are telling me you have an excruciating fart building up inside of you. The way you stand on your tippy toes and have unbuckled your belt. It feels your heart rate. Time is of the essence. Okay.

Get to the sex. Get to the deal. He goes, they're just up there. I'll get them down. And the room's yours perfectly fine. So for how much? What do you mean? Nothing. Okay. I just get that room. Where's he going? He's going to get two new hotel rooms, but at this rate, there ain't no fucking hotels

in the city. Does he know that? He watched her make the first five calls for him and get denied. I don't think he was doing the math that like, I picked up on that it's a little This time no bueno in his terms sure you know what I mean, and I had already known there was only two did you Did you volunteer that information like a gentleman what say hey just so you know? I'm in the middle of negotiations. No, but I'm not showing on my fucking cards Oh, did these that he's trying to help you out you can't say oh, thanks, and then take the room then all of a sudden he finds out

He can't get no room well He can get the lows or like put him by the airport Marriott or got it You got a you rich motherfucker see that fake tits on your wife and your father Okay, so I agreed to it, but now I gotta, you know, they all gotta get out of there. I cannot believe you agreed to this. I know, it's crazy, right? Okay.

So they all come down. You have to involve the hotel in any of this at all. Yeah, they have to switch the keys over, like, because he has already keyed. So now I gotta get, and I don't- And that's four keys, I would want those counted. I don't think she, I think, I don't that's four keys I would want those count I don't think she I think I don't think she did a pure swap swap I think she was just like okay I hear just like handing me the keys or something went underneath the table it didn't feel it didn't feel I think this woman's in the

weeds she's just got a pretty good solution to solving half of her fucking problems. Mm-hmm. I Don't know I just I got keys at this point I canceled the uber the ubers outside. Oh You son of a bitch You fucking ruin that guy's night He was all perked up and she looked that guy out a bed at one o'clock in the morning. I didn't drag him out of bed. He gets his fee. He gets his 15 bucks or whatever. You're in there cutting deals with the cartel. Oh, there's another...

Okay, so now there's a whole other set of problems. Heights are going. Rich Mexican guy, hot wife, huge set of cans. Now I'm in his hotel room. This thing's gonna blow up any minute. The fucking... The cartel's gonna come in to fucking whack this guy. I'm the Patsy sitting there I'm gonna get fucking killed in the middle of the night. Who knows how many keys are out there?

Maybe he's from a maybe from a competitive podcast. They called him into whack me. It's all things a setup I just pictured three sicarios standing over your bed as you're sleeping like he doesn't look like El Diablo at all more like a Ryan his head's bigger in person they're all smoky I get a heater I wake up hey fellas she has a smoking room uh so I get in there now it's all kind of hold on what do you say to this guy? Hey? Thank you very much enjoy your welcome to America enjoy your stay you're both jammed up in the military He's on vacation because we're in town doing something something then we're going here That's not a nice guy Beautifully nice man like

Super fucking shake his hand. Yes. How about the wife? Game on. Hey, get over here. Family hugs. You get the right pair of panties and air. I'm in there sniffing the sheep. Just out of curiosity, which corner of the bed did you sit on? They were sitting on the bed.

How do you know? Because I got in there, there was prints of them on the bed. He didn't walk you upstairs. No, what the fuck? That's whack job, dude. That's fucking, that's not, that's dirt nap shit. Don't mind the plastic. Only one bed, I'm assuming? Two beds.

Okay. I picked the one with the least amount of ruffledness. What does the family say when they come down? Does the wife say to the husband, what are you doing? Who is this man? This is your new husband. This is Gip. International businessman. It's called, are you gonna watch? Wow. So. You got it all straightened out. Got it all straightened out got it all straightened out you see the uber driver outside by the way I don't think so man. That's a lot of stuff happening moving real quick. This guy's give me deals I can't say no to that's the guy who got the short end of the stick in this story. I apologize

I'm not I'm not a guy to do him So let's fucking zoom this out a little bit uber ain't no I understand It's the drivers, but those fucking guy. We just had a guy can't they Also, let's fucking zoom this out a little bit. Uber ain't no, I understand it's the drivers, but those fucking guys, we just had a guy, they canceling you all the fucking time. Sure. I'm not doing, I've had a guy just fucking, and then they don't wanna cancel,

so then they just don't show up. Sure. There's even a thing when you go, I wanna cancel this ride, they go, the driver's not getting any closer. They just decide they don't wanna fucking do it. But he got the short end of the stick. I understand. Dude, driving 1 a.m. in Philly that's your problem

hey man made that decision I got the short end of the stick you made that better short and I get to see the wife so yes I think I got in there I had like I mean there wasn't enough deadbolts to fucking and that's a scary sleep someone was just in the room. A family? I know, but... Attractive rich people. You don't have any keys around. That's not my room though. You got nothing that he needs or wants.

Maybe he's into fucking, maybe they're organ traffickers or something. I don't know. You think somebody wants your kidney? They need my black lungs and bad liver. I don't know, dude. Yeah, it was a fucking now hypothetically Your best pal Henry was at a hotel. Oh, yeah

What would it have taken for you to call it? Let's say he wakes up somehow What would it take for you to say? How I was in a hotel you were in a hotel I was in a hotel that Wednesday night yeah be like far away from you yeah I would I would have just went back or I would have just been like I would have got to the burbs and went to a Ramada or something on Street Rude down there by parks yikes fucking drain a body out in the tubers hit the Lincoln Motel oh man that was where man there's a couple hotels on the going getting on the turnpike in Fort Washington that look like

Murderers, oh, yeah Are you don't know the Lincoln Motel? Oh wait no Lincoln Motel Ben Salem. Oh my god That's where we used to party after it looks pretty good now two-star hotel Get good shit out there three point seven reviews. This was three point seven stars oh They meant three reviews no One out of five first let me say how unsafe we felt They're running a liquor store in front where you check in so the guests come second when you're trying to check in.

Second, the sign out front reads, newly renovated. Not the place. 170 something for a full size bed. Don't go to this hotel. Jesus. Uh huh. Yeah, that was like, that was like people say used to like, like I was like you can like rent by the hour and stuff That was a guy Gotcha down there in the shamini the shamini. I wouldn't let you stay right by pork's I would let you stay with me I had two beds, too I could have just got a hotel room there like you I understand that it's just the he asked you the question Would you have come out and stayed with me? No. Why would I? That doesn't make any sense.

I could have introduced you to some people. I get out there and I have to be punished and sleep in a room with you? Foley, how many beds did your room have? Six. Six queen size beds. No, that too. Which I usually don't like, but. It's a bed for Kipi.

I didn't make the real. It would have been nice for Kipi. Yeah, I mean, but you were like an hour away. what's it take for you to sleep in the same bed with me? A king size bed? What? We jammed up. All right, hold on.

Let's say this. Okay, let's say. I'm also in that hotel. All right. With the rich family. I had just banged the wife I Had hit the gym in a hot tub Afterwards took down it took down at 12 inch from fucking subway

I came in from how the air How do you say I'm cool with it in Spanish, uh, I go up to my room this all unfolds you hit me up Yeah, come up and stay you have a second bed. No, which one I got a king size, and I'm on my side I've I know what you do very where would you let's do this in like Tulsa also It's not in Philly you'd rather stay on the street then share a bed with me make love with me your best pal um I would sleep one way you could sleep the other okay okay what do you want for me yes I would do it however I do sleep alfresco and hard I have a weird tick where I'm constantly hard when I'm in bed for another. And my gas for some reason is worse at night. It's like a little kid's cough gets bad at night. I don't know what it is. I don't think, I

mean, what are we doing? Do we have a show the next day? Like we're on the road? Sure. Yeah, we're on the road. I'd spend the 800. Business is paying for it. Okay. No, that's full too. Go get a nice. That's the only place you can stay. Either my room or down in the hotel. Down in the what? The lobby? Yeah. I'll tell you what I do. I get a cot. This is offensive I get a cot. No cots. I don't got it. I'll sleep on the floor in my room Sure, I cool. So don't sleep over get some nice pillows. They'll give me pillows and blankets, right? They got them. It's a goddamn hotel I know I watch your shower. I maybe I'll post up in that I Do you have a I take a chair and like, you know make a little bed out of a desk or I'd figure something out

Yeah, okay What's the last time we stayed in the same room together? Was it the beginning of this when we know no did we ever share a room not on the not on that since ayg has been happening me you cotton not since you put the weight on me you cotton and chevonne share what do we share the room right what with the four of us in that one room that's scary room right yeah that haunted house the four of us were in that room one bed I think me and cotton slept in the bed Yeah, I slept on the floor snored talk about fucking rattle in the cages

Sound like two bears going Couple of Wookiees this place haunted by Star Wars characters Jesus Christ Wow so it all worked out shout out to that guy being that guy was great. I also think like He was I was on a little bit of a tight schedule I had to get up I had shit to do the next day So I think he was more like oh We just need it. We need to get in and stay so charge you for the room. I Think so. Yeah, probably he didn't eat it. What he didn't eat the he didn't pay for the room No, I think they've refunded him. Okay, just a bit of room. He got a second He did he refund they refunded him and I got my

208 dollar room or sure which they should have I should have been on the fucking arm Let's go half off or a fucking she goes. We'll give you a free continental breakfast I go ladies free anyway, you fucking dumb getting the fuck out of this place in the morning save it. Yeah, yeah um Place that I was staying at they thought that I was checking out a day early, and I got a call in the middle of the day Hey, you left all your you left your CPAP machine and all this stuff and dude. I just man I was You must have freaked out freaked out. I need that. Oh, that's a medical device Like cutting the tag off like that's fine. We just we just figured you didn't check out You must have been a nightmare whoever you were around just like anxious questions

First I want to go into your room? And what if they did, did they go to see my underwear? And I mean, I didn't leave the- I don't care if they see my underwear. You see that from the street. Like the curtains hanging. And then I spent 24 hours at headquarters. The Bureau of Crazy.

Of the Bureau of Crazy. Of the Bureau of Crazy. And she did not disappoint. Caught the last couple of minutes of my cousin's swim meet. Okay. Uh. The Cannonball. The Cherry Bomb. Went back to the house. Got busted. Full busted a full disclosure So I went to get a hoagie Okay, I'm home. We got hoagie. All right, it's gonna be my dinner About four o'clock a lot of bread. Yeah My one cousin works work by one young cousin, okay high school kid, okay worked at the spot this spot Okay, and then our normal spot then he stopped working there works that he didn't got a job at another one

So I'm not even thinking Alright, and the words on the street. I'm not supposed to be eating hoagies Family knows that so you okay. Let me so let's just say you're your nephew. You said her cousin I'm sorry cousin your cousin works at Angelo's sure Stops working at Angelo's goes works at Del Sandro's not that high whatever goes works it goes works at Albuquerque Shut up do it go yeah go works at Nicky's Frank's Frank's So you go I can go to Angelo's

Cuz there's no witnesses there cuz patties at the still at the fucking swim meet and she's hitting four o'clock mass So I got at least till 430 She'll go on eat this and I was exhausted. I had a fucking long week. I hadn't eaten breakfast Yeah I'm grabbing a fucking hoagie and going back to the house and fucking knocking that down and watching the Notre Dignity after school Henry after school Henry latchkey kid That is extraordinary. So I call up I pull out of the fucking Where the swim meet well, okay, you're at the swim meet. What time is this? What time do you get to the swim meet?

And what time is it when you pull up the Angelo's? Or do you call hold on? What time do you get to the swim meet? Take this nice and slow. I'll take it slow. I think I got to the swim meet at one. At what point in the day? I knew you knew you were going to Hoagie Town? The night before. The night before. Yeah. Okay.

The night before. So you go... Because I had kept it pretty tight. No one believed you. But okay, I'm just saying, your whole thing is pretty tight and then Hoagie's. Sure. Also multiple sizzlies, you've said. Multiple sizzlies.

I would argue that's not keeping it pretty tight. My morning eating was not good this week. So not pretty tight. Pretty tight for the remainder of the day. Yeah, well hoagie was included in that But early I didn't eat dinner You have aware I know but just go maybe it wasn't but I'm not breaking your balls But you go I kept it pretty tight and you've named multiples. You've only thought I'm though I'm no expert but the sound I hear sounds like my bowl's getting broke. No, you go.

You go. I've kept it pretty tight when you've only mentioned eating multiple different kinds of sandwiches. Do you see what I'm saying there? I see how that could be misconstrued. Not misconstrued. The truth. You're saying your early morning eating habits were bad and then you're like,

but I got the hoagie early. Early. I got the hoagie at one. No, okay. Let me clarify take it slow my early morning eating habits that week Okay for the for the few days that I was down. Yeah, he's too boring. I'm great a day Okay, I got a sizzly and a cup of coffee a cold brew at Wawa Three out of the four days that I was down there every hour on the but I didn't get one the last day that I was down there. I hadn't eaten at all. Okay, that was the only thing that I'd eaten that day. All right, hold on. What's that? I will fuck put a pin in

this. You're breaking my butt. You're telling me like you're breaking my balls. I'm sorry, but breakfast sandwiches every day. And the one day you don't do it, you get a fucking 12 foot hoagie. That's not keeping it tight. So don't fucking say I'm sorry, but breakfast sandwiches every day, and the one day you don't do it, you get a fucking 12 foot hoagie, that's not keeping it tight. So don't fucking say I'm breaking your balls and make me look like a bad guy. You're just lying. Our big boy needs a reward.

Yeah, like what the fuck, I'm keeping it tight. You've had breakfast sandwiches every day. Thank you. One a week would be like, I've been- You can stay in my room anytime. I've been keeping it tight. I had one Saturday, I was bad bad and I had a cheat day. I'm just saying, but you can't go on keeping it pretty tight

when the facts you've told us thus far are not true. I'm just trying to be honest. And so am I. That's not pretty tight. I don't think anybody would call that pretty tight. So you knew the night before, so you were keeping it tight so you deferred to Sizzley. I'll give you that

Yes, okay Yes common ground So I call it a turducken It's mostly protein so I call all right, so I know I'm doing this okay Which I respect then when I find out she's got mass all that stuff fucking late So, you know, it's out. Okay, and do you pop in or do you call for a fucking in-and-out smash-and-grab job? Oh the second that I pulled out of the fucking which how far is that drive about 20 minutes? Whoa, okay About 20 that thing's gonna be sitting there waiting for you. They said about 20. Okay, the girl on the phone said this Henry

They said about 20. OK, the girl on the phone said this, Henry. However, now I'm not even thinking that my cousin even still works there. OK. I think he took the call. Young kid. What? Yeah, he got the calls from coming from inside the family. He got the order. Oh, what's the last name to you? So you talked to your cousin didn't realize it no way

He's a young kid so he kind of sounds like and I wasn't thinking I'm thinking it's always a girl that oh my god Hold on. He doesn't say nothing put a bit of a hank. It's me pause this for a second Did not say nothing I mean second I mean Trying to do this fucking smashing grab Orchestrated strike and you get your family member picking up the phone is worse is an all-time foley thing Yeah, it gets worse so

drive over there I Opened the door. it's a family reunion. Hey, they said in the lane, but this is the lane, Brian anymore. I thought this was a crunch fitness. You guys know where orange theory is? I'll take this ogie and get the fuck out of here. The good scene, everybody.

We still good for Thanksgiving Okay, so I walk in and he looks up and he's got a big smile on his face I'm I what the fuck are you doing here? I thought you fucking got fired He's like I didn't get fired today enough hours. I was over there now. I'm over here So he was there he was at Angelo's went to Nikki or Frank's back to Angelo's you don't you didn't get the memo now Would you if you knew there was a chance not a shot you know fucking no I would went back to wallow I got a sizzling they were by to get one to fuck keeping it Right so we make our transaction

So we make our transaction. I leave him. I think it was, I don't know, 15 bucks or something. I left him five grand. Call it. Okay. All right. I want the real story. I'll give you a story.

All right. So I got a hoagie and some onion rings. I get in there. I see he's there. We do the back and forth I Imply that I am splitting this with my mother Picking up lunch for me and Patty man. You are a fucking lion set You will move and twist and rat I go up in I go over to the fucking The the soda cooler I reach in I get a Kutztown

cream soda For me, and then I grab a diet cake. Oh, which is still sitting at my mom's fridge. I had to make a lie fucking But two drinks It was Patty likes a diet coke. He would have said something. I need to get a soda for your mom I know she likes diet coke. She wouldn't have said something You went you went from fat ass to reasonable man exactly Which ended up which ended up happening at breakfast Go my fucking back. He didn't say anything

Which ended up happening anyway? not by design. So fucking hogtied in your trunk right now. I close out with them. Okay, it's 20 bucks. Give him he gets a 20 kind of you know, buying the silence a little bit. I was never here. You're telling me about this? I'll fucking kill you. Which I thought was understood.

Be cool man. But big celebrity like you back in small town, local boy makes good. Hey, I know, but Henry, I saw Henry, you're gonna bump into your mom at fucking McCafferty's or whatever. Hey, fucking, how was the half of the hoagie? Here's the worst part. You're gonna bump in you're bumping your mom and fucking McCafferty's or whatever. Hey fucking How was the half of the hoagie? Here's the worst part. It was for oh I got football team coming over I get back to the house Patty bails on

Church no worse worse than getting caught whole church groups there. So you're expecting now, so this is what you leave You're expecting no one at the house. What time do you get home? It's probably around 2 32 something like you're expecting Patty's somewhere and then I got two and a half hours Patty's doing mass worst-case scenario shot it quick homily She's out of there for 35 when she does get her quick. She gets a red the communion She can't go that long without a heater Church of Winston's I get home Dogs freaking out

Go in Pull out fucking I'm looking I'm looking for some something now is there Nervousness of but getting caught no it's not like that She's not compatible now, okay, mean, I would have took some heat but no, I'm not like I'm not like worried fucking TMZ is going to show up. Okay. It hasn't been the vibes you've been leading in the story thus far. I'm sorry. I mean, I would rather don't make me an asshole and I'm like, are you worried? No, not at all. I would rather bribing a kid. I

would rather keep this between Myself and him Sure, those I'm asking those you are you worried about what kind of hoagie was it? Are you worried about the odor of a hoagie? Cuz that'll stick in a couch or a couple two three hours sure so you are worried Maybe if you're worried about the smell of the food you're're worried about getting caught. Right. Okay. Why do you make me do this? It looks like an answer to you. If I worried about just go. Oh, you got me. What kind of hoagie is a

cheesesteak hoagie? Okay, which is a kind of hoagie. It's not a light one. No, which it is also a cheesesteak. Which he had. He had doubled up on a Sammy's. I got a cheesesteak which he had no you doubled up on a Sammy's I got a cheesesteak in a You mean a chahogi And he had he had known it was me so he hooked it up it was yeah, but calling person there It's still fucking ratting me out What do you do I mean I'm a fat man myself and I'm not I own there I'm coming from a fat brain here Do you don't look at me like that?

Do you do anything for the smell crack a window light a candle little for breeze? Maybe keep the door open a way where you catch a heater. No, I had enough time I really wasn't thinking about the odor because you know what an easy one is popcorn Throws them off this and shit in the kitchen. Uh-huh. Okay. So here's what happened. So I go in, take my shit off. I like to eat... Naked. Over at the counter and watch the thing. Plus you can't sit down on the couch. The dogs, they'll, they'll rip it out of your fucking hands. They're foley. They're like a nice chubby.

I take it. Now, I know that they're, I'm playing defense. On the dogs? On the dogs. Okay. I mean, they are crazy. Uh huh. And the fucking older one has taught the little one It's like a fucking Jedi and an apprentice So I gotta be

Whatever. I had my socks off. My feet were killing me the coldness of the kitchen floor. You're standing It just felt so good. Well, no, there's a little like long chair that you can slide over Which one is once I got in a position and got my sauces in my ice cup I saw that stuff got rid of that diet coke. I was gonna do that I Fucking how deep are you in the onion rings at this point cuz that's a dabble listen just fucking listen Take my shit off I'm getting comfy fucking bags say hi to the dogs put the bag up on top of the thing Say hi to the dogs blah blah blah blah

Come over unwrap my hoagie wrapper dump my Onion rings on the wrap on the wrap on the paper Little one get a little they then they give you a sauce. It's almost like a Thousand Island dressing Dip I get one onion really a thousand calories. I get one onion ring in me The sauce was okay we could do better

Okay, I Pivot and I push the sandwich back like I took all precautions I go over to the fridge I'm looking through shit like just cleaned out the fridge there's nothing in there I'm fucking looking blue cheese ranch give me something I see a fucking horse radish cream in there all right that's what we're looking for not and as I fucking turn around these fucking rats he gets the fucking edge of the paper edge of the paper and Yanks it on the fucking floor and they're going at it and I'm fucking freaking out. What the fuck? Goddamnit Daisy. So now I'm fighting them

I'm not giving this up So the one half of the hoagie had hit I grabbed that I take it and they fucking took everything else Just fucking I mean not that they ate I couldn't eat it There's dog slobber all over it the cheesesteak had opened up and fell out and look dude those dogs Like you know like you know the meat in a cheesesteak is kind of all stuck together with the cheese It's like a log kind of yeah the whole fucking thing That's good eating to them So I ended up with a half a fucking and two dead dogs

We got a rabbit Resident bees boys You go for the king you best not miss. Gang, shout out to you. We fucking love you and we'll see you tomorrow baby. Peace. Peace.