Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Patreon Episode: The Pickup Artist - Are You Garbage (FULL)

Episode Date: June 27, 2025

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Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. Who caught you slippin slipping didn't I nope? Are you garbage is it? No, no keep it going. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is are you Garb? No, it's not little show

We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that good to be classy Yeah, just a big old piece trash or be I'm your host a truly coming at you on a beautiful day here at Aunt Hoodies But I gotta tell you folks man a big man slow haji machi. God damn it Fucking Luke's fault no no no cuz I'm mad at him why cuz that game is lighter back and actually it was nothing I Had it for like two weeks has got them later So you wanted credit cuz you stole something then returned I forgot it, but that's something that just goes away You never see that again. I brought it back to him. Then he left it up and you are a Psycho, but you steal something then you want credit and you're upset that he's not happy that you gave a couple bucks something

You know, they take me out to dinner something like that Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is are you garbage? It's that little show we sit down your favorite comedians, and we find it to be classy Big old piece trash tree. I'm your host Hank Foley coming at you on a beautiful day We're out back here tooties in a new edition, but I'm gonna tell you folks that why is that pinhead? For a little bonus episode right here on the old Patrione you sound like you just got out, but it was actually your voice here on the ol' Patreon-ay. You sounded like you just got out, but it was actually your voice. What?

Right here on the old... Sounds like we're having tech issues. I had a tootsie roll in the back of my throat. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. He is the CEO of RU Garbage, and he can be a crude man before he's had his sweet greens. Give it up for Kevin James Ryan, everybody. That's what I call my blunt rolls My sweet greens. Oh, I can't smoke doobie. You couldn't handle it I mean you couldn't roll with me and my crew first you'd be all fucked up first of all you can't handle it

I've seen you fucking wig out. Yeah, it's fucking dickhead in LA Load me up with moon rocks and it's all in one strange room Hey, definitely fucking load me up with moon rocks and it's all going to a strange room Fucking bug out. What's up everybody? Here's a family program. We're doing talk about your narcotics. What's up? Can't shout out to you We fucking love you is the fucking patrons the homies the sleeper cells the shareholders the members of the board the goddamn boots on The ground the sniffers the side workers. How you doing? Hey Hey Dylan. We're here for a little bonus episode today We're gonna be covering See if he knows

Today we're talking about the pickup artists a popular show in the early 2000s If you remember a couple weeks ago, we did the trashiest TV shows the other 2000s and this one really stuck out with Kevin What just happened? He blacked out that came to you don't remember because he was a fat ass didn't play sports I was a fucking lacrosse back just getting it in this guy was home watching daytime this came out in 2007 drinking slim fast ain't nothing wrong I was working on my figure smoking cools uh yeah so obviously I guess it was last week was fat courts a week before that we did trashy television shows and I don't know this program You know this gentleman. You don't know the program. You don't know the gentleman

It's kind of funny that this was on the list because I never needed any tips on how to pick up broads Why yeah, you do I've watched you a strike back in the day, but I mean well this wasn't last week It's just fucking ten years ago. I rolled into the party with my acoustic guitar. You stunk to flick my hair. Ten years ago. You were no good ten 48 stinking all the way through So if you're never this is a VH1 program that It hits. You know what VH1 stands for?

very hot ones. No video Very hot ones. No video Houses, no video my right. I don't know. I have no idea Look see if you can get what to be each one first of all Luke's got four fucking computers over there. What's God? It's crazy. He's got a chair from the fucking from the other room in there Hey, what that's a goddamn kitchen chair doing in here. Let me live but he's gonna be pissed. So This was so the pic if the show was the pickup art This was during that fucking heyday a trash fucking reality TV shows. What do you got on video hits one video hits one? This is what happened was there was a there was a strike

There was a writer strike and they started doing a couple of reality shows and they realized, hey, we could do these cheap and a lot of people like to watch. Well, it was like human interest or just like here's the craziest guy that this is the pickup artist. This is the fucking whatever guy. So this is the pickup artist was American reality TV show, which a lot of the homies, dating themed game show that aired on VH1. The show was hosted by pickup artists mystery was his name aka Eric von Markovic Fucking I changed my name to mystery to Eric with the K yikes

And his wings his uncle's Dracula his wing dogs his wings They call him way. That's how cool boys who did this was when this is like the height of That's how cool boys who did this was when this is like the height of Entourage when being cool was cool being cool is not cool anymore like bad jeans There's bad like we crew Affliction crew flexing a lot kicked out a lot of accessories a lot of chains finger stuff gloves I tried a little bit of it You must this his. His wingman, J-Dog. What's up, J-Dog?

Was Justin Marks and the Matador, James Matador was. The Matador's pretty good. The Matador, he's a big jacked Indian dude. Fucking yoked, big set of hair on him. That's all right. He's fucking. The Matador's cool. That was, this was the prime time of like wearing a vest that did in button that kind like a tiny

vest t-shirt yeah t-shirt and a tiny leather vest or whatever like the One of those guys called the band Mumford and Sons yes, yeah, but even this that that that's like folksy and like hipstery. This is like These dudes thought they were like the coolest guys in the world my friend and so you look like Brooklyn bartenders They put I mean that that's cool. Then that's an old bit you used to do. No, I didn't ah Looks like someone's off the writers Drake Trying to get my Benny's Fierce he writing you get the old shit

I bet he's... I'll go here and just fursie right in. You get the old shit. What? That port strike came and went by the way. Port strike? The port. They signed a thing they had to get back to work. A Jiminy Taft or something like that. That guy.

That guy's living in a six million dollar house. What? He was living in a six million dollar house in Jersey. And listen, I come from a pro-union family, but... But you fly what he was living in six million dollar house in Jersey and listen I come from a pro-union family, but kibbe had this guy marked for you It's also you shut down the ports the Chinese are gonna have something to say about that What can you what are you nuts? You know who runs that on ain't the Cubs? He ain't no band leaders

Yeah, you want to get your permits done I just like you know yeah There are a lot of people a lot of money at stake that that guy you know again I mean you I come from a union shop myself I'm not throwing shade, but then hit guy would show up to press conferences or make videos and Every time they started could be like out. I just people were like those sunglasses are $1,800 that watch I just people are like those sunglasses are $1,800 that watch I'm all that's whatever all the you know Union the Union strikes aside and your writers strike that's going on

So they brought in Throughout the show so the first feeder eight contestants that have previously been Unsuccessful in love and really he's gonna try to get these guys laid throughout the throughout the show the contestants are tutored in the art of the pickup as taught by mystery and his wings in each episode the men were given challenges that involve picking up women in different situations such as a bridge during the day or a night bridge like you dude it's crazy like under the bridge or on top of the bridge I'm an under the bridge kind of guy. I'm a throw you in my trunk kind of guy. Um. You want to get laid under the bridge? A couple of 20s.

Yeah, they were, they were picked, they were insured to pick up women at varying levels of difficulties, such as the second to last challenge of the first season, met how to pick up a stripper, decided, described by mystery as the ultimate challenge. Really? Uh-huh, because he calls them hired guns, I believe. Strippers and bartenders are paid to engage with you and flirt

and bin down that road a lot. You ever date a stripper? Yeah, one guy. His name was Nick. He worked at the cave. I used to know a guy named Nick who worked at the cave. Dancing? Yeah he was dancing he was my he grew up with my brother and my sister and then good looking dude. Attell went and did Insomniac at Helium and

went to the cave which was the male dance facility. Okay. Look at me acting like I don't know. Wait you don't say the one up on Delaware Rats. I've seen you at the lollipop Rudy. I get Rudy. I get fucked up I like the dance The lollipop is a great name for sure So that's the show it was one of those show It's like hey these guys are nerdy virgins for the most part We're gonna throw them in to talk to hot chicks in LA and put them in a man he's got a bit of a

Chris angel vibe very Chris angel II this guy do good. Does he does he get ladies? I don't I mean So we have so we pulled a couple of videos. We pulled a couple his you know short Instructional videos or have you say so play with this is the play the trailer of the show 8 ordinary men each conquered the most difficult challenges of manhood puberty, driving, shaving but with all their masculine successes

there's one thing they haven't been able to figure out Hits. That's how to close ass. Who's the lightsaber? Where'd you pull this? Why is it in Spanish? Yeah, it's just subtitled. Got this on the top. I'm the first one. That's delightful. You need to be coached. It's like I have a boxing trainer just like I got taught how to break down. I'm the first one. Why is it

Spanish? Yeah, it's just so tight. Oh, got this on the dark. That's got doing. Alright, pause it. That's you, dude. That's holy. I had that shirt. I know you did and those hairy as are. That's that's just don't get me He's don't brother about two serial killers in his cast for sure How did I miss this dude it was I thought it I thought I watched it in high school

I was watching this in college late college looking for tips. He's trying to open up his set That's what he calls a group of broads Set and you had to go open up Get he calls a group of brawls. A set. And you got to go open up the set. You got to crack a flock of pigeons. I can open up some skeezers. This guy's nuts, dude. What so what years was this? This aired in 2007. So probably shot 2005 to 2006.

Little filmmaker, aren't you? 2007 so probably shot 2005 to you know 2006 a little filmmaker I've had stuff in the can My can I better remember it all mom. They'll kind of take turns and they will Wax my eyebrows and make it so I have two eyebrows women tend to think I'm gay the size really matter I I am, uh, I am a virgin. Until now. Meet the world's most successful pickup artist. A man who goes by only one name. Mystery. Look, this guy's a big-

Pause it. This guy has Dungeons & Dragons written all over. I don't get how this guy's mystery- That's how wacky of a time it was. That guy was closing ass. That guy was closing so much as he got a television show. Who else did- who'd you pass on? His whole thing. Oh, you can play it. Play it. Mystery. Born Eric Von Markovic.

Because I live with my mom. Rejected by hundreds of beautiful women. Like a looking guy. Because I live with my mom. Look at that guy! What the fuck is that outfit? book the game and dozens of magazines great thought weekly a certain number of attraction switches and I know what they are now mystery has recruited two former students Jay dog and matador Jay dog and matador look at those that that was the height of this fucking that guy's got a

shark tooth on his neck. There's no way that guy on the left was closing. No. I mean- Come on. I don't know though. I mean, we always heard tales of LA being like, you know, you know, it's just like weird. It's like a different world that we're not used to.

These Hollywood pipes. It's also, this guy says he's on a television show. I'm just sure he can start closing his out in LA True You know what I mean? That hasn't aired yet but Matador and J-Daw Look dude hold on stop pausing that looks like the AYG tour rolling out

That was us on Route 6060 That's a hell of a nice rolling bag you got there sir How long you guys got a trash bag? That's holy hell of a nice rolling bag you got there. How long guys got a trash bag? That's fully dead there brother So these are the guys that Tonight on the season premiere And the education begins this is a lot more than just learning how to pick up a woman It's about learning how to build a life

how to pick up a woman. It's about learning how to build a life. But before they can attain their dreams, they must first find the courage to face their darkest nightmares. You're going to meet women. Lots. I didn't even shower. These are all fucking LA broads trying to get famous Anybody get clothes in there you're already getting jealous It's fucking there's 50 women in there Try doing it all coked up in a fucking bar. You're not making any goddamn sense I do any coked up in your apartment with no broads there then it's pretty hard Hey girls like sweat Yeah, you girls got bed sheets on you I just ran out

These guys look like the German freaks in the big Lebowski kind of they have very Bitch probably a lesbian Fucking set up is this I know this is a me and a bunch of cock blockers. Hey Mysterio Why you give me some loose broad some I can work let me get a couple of couple of wins under my belt Somebody can work. Let me get a couple of couple of wins under my belt This is in the I never really had this in the time of the day to get the did that ask for the phone number Where it's like that's the call you got to get the phone number written down or whatever You know what I mean? They're basic. Oh, we're not it's they don't close close

He doesn't turn into a porn no also But I'm just saying this is that time where it's like, oh, let me get your number I didn't you had that I guess a little bit I mean we always like oh you on Facebook like if I'm at if I'm in college or Philly like there was a time to wear like Techno technology above let me ever happened. Have you ever Take sex with a woman Have you ever approached a lady? Hi, how are you? I'm Kevin. Okay, and then talk to her and then can I get your number? Oh, can I hit you up on?

I don't know whatever you did Facebook messenger or whatever it was or what was it the Orange guy? Talk to me. Yeah, iMessage. What's it called? Instant messenger. instant messenger. Yeah, you ever done that you've never done that Yeah Yeah, no Okay, I'm not saying you haven't gotten sloppy drunk and made out with some chicken So I for sure chicken wing joint in the middle of the night But you weren't picking anybody up Not the broads I was Oh, we picked up a couple of girls that one night. You too? Wait, what?

When? We did. What? At that Irish bar down in the village. GMT. Yeah. Oh, dude. Holy stinks.

Singles eyes. Oh my god. We walked into the bar. Were you? With two nickels on us. Dude, we had no, we were like splitting a beer, I think. We ordered a Miller. Oh, we do.

We ordered a Miller light in two glasses? We're gonna split Cocktail olives, this is mostly foam All right, remember we're pilots Top ladies This K dog What's up, ladies? It's K-Dawg. And I'm the Fadador. I forgot about that. I was wingmaning for you. You were a man I wouldn't wingman for you. Yeah. Was I?

Yeah. Were we in there to look for women. I think that's that's that's I don't think that was the exact Yeah, we're gonna have beers. I don't. Do you know what we're talking about? It's called GMT. It's on the corner of Bleecker and Tom Snow. Bleecker. I'll give away our spot. Giving away our fishing hole.

That's a stocked lake right there Fucking sit out the cop and it closed by the way fucking his dickhead rolling in with his fucking finance buddies Well said my dick looks real small I said my dick looks real small. Oh, God. Man, we weren't those guys. We had no game. You had a Phillies hoodie on. Do you remember that?

A Phillies hoodie. I want to say it was Phillies. It was a real bear. It was like a giveaway. It was a zipper. It was a zip-up hoodie. You wore it all the time. I had my cool Express jacket on that I wouldn't take off. I was

sweating in there. He had no shirt on underneath. Not that was clean. I got it zipped up. It's March. I got it all the way zipped up. You don not have a shirt on under there? Oh, you like that? You buy me a beer? You buy me and my buddies some beers? A couple of chicken wings. Hey, you guys want to split some hot sticks? What do you want to do? Yeah, Foley, we were there.

It was me, him, and another associate of ours. I think Luke died. We were all single guys. Sure. We were all single guys. Sure. Single guys. Yeah, you say young? Well, whatever. You were 42 at the time. No, I was probably You were 37, 38? No, you were older than 38. Yeah, maybe 38, that makes sense. A young 38 though. Sure. And I was a little schveltte back then I was just looking at old pictures

I was the fat one which is crazy. Yeah, I Was maybe 250 that's crazy. You did and I was the fat one you were 250 pork chop Fuck this up for me fat ass now He came over and he's talking to three girl two or three girl you opened up a set you wanted you walked over you opened up I can be a charmer I Could you opened up a set and then you know that it wasn't my kind of clientele or so Not that I was a wieners Guys talking or not not that that it was It was not a That's my scene baby

Whatever Not that I'm a catch but You know No I uh these you know these were a couple of rough Whatever no they weren't they were nice ladies I'm not saying anything they were nice ladies But you could

Yeah you came over and were like Will you leave me fucking stranded over there? I'm jumping on the grenade for you is what you told me I was like god well nobody asked you to and you went up and started talking to that one So don't act like you're doing anybody a favor I'm the grenade you found the easy one Quite a tasty relationship with that young lady did for quite some time Yeah, I remember he would tell me he would tell me tales of his late night late night belly session

Young kid you don't know nothing about that. I think I just had an asthma So taking the fucking bus home from fucking uptown uptown brutal to Queens Taking that q27 or whatever Go with dude if you're going you're going through you're going through toll booths in a bus you're jammed up Yeah, that was That was probably the time we were out mingling. Yeah, and then like throughout we each had our own Liaison liaisisons, you know.

Sure. But that was a couple of real winners. We couldn't string together. I remember I had one pretty good hooded sweater from... That's so pretty good. It was alright. Hold on. A hooded sweater? sweater from Hooded sweater yeah, it was like a knit what but with a hood remember hoods were real big with like the infinity hood Jella whatever his name is

Guy used to be married to What's your name from? Shannon Elizabeth now from the modern family Sophia Vergara Joe Mangi jelly whatever his name is go looking dude. But I remember that shit I went on it I went on a Tinder date one time with this girl at night I would tell you that story when you got jammed up in the Kentucky Derby or something like that you had no money at Minetta Tavern?

No. I pulled that broad off the street. I've heard that strikeout story plenty of times. You witnessed it. That and no, I went on a date and she had something and I had something. It was just like, oh, we're not going to be able to see each other for another couple of weeks.

She's like, unless you want to do brunch in the morning or something like that. Good. And I was like, all right, but I had no cool want to do like brunch in the morning or something like that good and I was Like all right, but I had no cool clothes to wear a slice now. I wore the same outfit Nice tried to change it up a little bit wait. Did you guys do you stay at her place? No, I left and I went back and met her the next day you put the hood on Wait, I told you with the brunch and I got meatballs. I told you I told you

You like breadcrumb breath hey put Parmesan right in the mix What's his truffle oil so what do you say we get out of here yeah he's Benedict or something and I got a I got the meatballs it was all the menu I don't like getting judged for stuff that's on the menu I didn't put it don't put it on there if you don't want anybody to eat all the turkey dinner please now that Thanksgiving did I come on a sandwich is that a possible lady'll have the avocado toast I think I did the meatballs in a cup of coffee hey no but Luke you have to understand Just bring me a bunch of bread. I'll do it. I was doing no carbs at the time

That this was I mean, I don't really get that anymore videos this was a time When we were learning how to be adults at the same time, which is so funny to you was 38 I know but we were figuring it out. We were we had succumb to being super broke and like trying to like Not be bozos within that for the first time in our life We're trying to live a little bit of a like trying to close some ass trying to trying to see some a get back on the horse I just have my heart broken But yeah, it was a very I

Never lived in Manhattan and like gone on a brunch date. I didn't know what that was. Brunch for me was getting black out drunk with Phil X and he would pay for it. I think it's strange that you were out with a girl. Sure. Got nothing. Went home. I think I got a kiss on the subway. Ooh, look at you. Just a homeless guy. a kiss on the subway look at you almost guy but I

kiss on the forehead you pay for brunch I don't I don't remember probably probably if I didn't know me yeah probably ever see this lady again not after that no I only got the meatballs Over the bill Like these coffees are free Freaking out wait a minute I don't I go to brunch with you go to brunch with a lady if you go out with her and things develop No, it wasn't spend the night. Then you take her to brunch. I think I think this was decided the OTB I think this was decided later that night like when we had got home or something. She's like hey

I'd love to see you again or whatever it was She was like studying to be a doctor or something or like something where she had like Elsa or like something back me up on This you got a brunch after sex right we've all looked bad after chasing some heart buddy I'm not I'm not over here bragging say yes Cool, I told you I got the meatballs. I don't think it was cool by any means. I was the meatballs It's cuz she was a very very pretty Indian girl. I got to do with the meatballs Explains the tumor did you kiss? Did you did you kiss after brunch? I't think so I think that was like I think

if I genuinely think it was her being like let me give this guy one more shot meatballs and coffee and then meatballs and coffee and she was like no thanks I just get some eggs man buddy I don't know I had never been on a brunch I had never been on a date before like a date date well you know it's not a Union dinner right you knew that much I'm gonna beep and beer yeah got marinara all over your cool hoodie yeah can I get a side of where this is a show tonight can I get a side of horseradish please I think I was going down for like Phillies funniest or something like that I go back down to Philly for something at helium big. How'd you get down there?

Train or bots? Train, dude, the train didn't hit until well, I had a solid day job. That was the train. But all that. We're not here for what I hear for my shortcomings. OK. Mr. GMT over here. All right. So just finish this out. and failure comes with a price each week? Mystery will choose to send one struggling student guy until only one remains who you are today dies

And mystery that's the nation man social mythic into nightclub Casanova. Oh, yeah, is there a future master among them? So you think this game is tough don't you find out on the pickup artist? Pretty good sizzle for the show. I'm hooked you got this wacky guy coming in And his whole thing is like wear wacky stuff So so you stick out so they go? Oh, that's all that stupid cool hat That's a cool hat. Yeah. Well, you know, the hat or whatever. Like put the hat on the girl. Then you're opening the set. You know what I mean?

You got to open the set. That's not bad, right? He dressed up as the knight. Good morrow. Hey, what's up? I got to take a piss. I'll be back in an hour training animal rusty You can't get back in you suck outside

All right, all right, so This is we have a couple lessons here from maybe the man being you kids. I think rule number one No ground no ground beef at lunch have you guys ever developed a crush on your favorite waitress at a restaurant because these working beauties are what we like to refer to as hired guns Women who are hired for their beauty so here are some tips and tricks and tactics and cognitive tools for But if you pause and pause he's got them dressed like him now. He's got them dressed cool for like cool la 2006 are they they look like extras on entourage yeah like yeah, you got the trucker hat He's got a necklace now. OK.

The other guy's got like a bandana on. All right. This is like his... Johnny drama kind of looks. Yeah, he's mystery-ing them up. A hired gun. If she's working, you should be doing something. Either you are the observed...

He's a good looking guy. That's, I mean, like... Someone shows up in a cowboy hat and he freaks out. That's what I'm saying! We're gonna be one mystery. This guy's got the thousand yard stair. Go back to that guy. What do you mean good looking guy? You should be doing something.

Either you are. I mean, Paul, he's not like... When do we put them in the cooler? I'm just saying... He could get laid if it wasn't his personality. That guy's getting laid. He's not ugly. No, not at all. If he's at the bar with a group of his buddies and his buddy starts

hitting, he could jump on a grenade or two. Sure. You know what I mean? He could end up all the way uptown. Observed or the observing and we all want to be the observed and that's where flash game comes into play. Got flash. You got to have flash, a reason for him to look at you.

Keep this going. This is not big. You gotta be observed. You gotta be the, no, hold on, what is it? There's an observer and an observee. You want to be observed. Mm-hmm. Had the broad staring at you.

Sure. How do you do your peeking, though? Now, the term flash game actually comes from people who take a photograph of you and then others turn to see what's going on. Now, if you are just there going... then you're actually going to lower your social value for the rest of the room because you're flashing negative value. But instead, imagine if you had women with you and you were smiling and laughing and you were taking pictures and you were saying

All right, hands off hands out women women, please that sort of behavior within that flash moment I hope pause it. I don't the chicks to do that I don't think the matador fully buys into this if you he's not making eyes looking down. I think trying not to laugh I he's looking down I think trying not to laugh He's not really he hasn't looked up one show pre-approval and Preselection from women to all the other women in the room and that bartender needs to know that you are pre-selected Right make sure you have specific routines and you know Joe Santa with the hat on the top of the sense of humor Systematically demonstrated with the material that you have accrued over however many months you've been in the game. Dude, the one guy, the creepo, looks like he's sleeping on the right.

He's out to lunch. The one guy in the middle, slack jaw, just like, staring. Dude, that would be me though. He looks like Spider-Man's boy. And over the shoulder, you begin in A3. So what do you got going for you, more than your looks? And that's how you begin in a 3 so what do you got going for your mother-in-law's? And that's how you initiate the chat wait go back. What do you say? What a sorry you look over here taking notes I just want to see what he says a 3 is a code of his game and over the shoulder you begin in a 3

So what do you got going for your mother-in-law's? That's not a three. So what do you got going for your mother-in-law's? That's a neg a neg is so what do you got go for you other than your look and egg is like a negative Here I have a definition of it. It's like it like his definition opening. You got a peacock using flashy and attention grabbing Grabbing so you got to have other guys working with you because you got to have somebody to take the picture. I mean, in this, I think that was an example. Say that like if the three of us went into a bar, I would be there chilling and like you would be like, hey, can I get a picture with you?

I don't know. I don't like this thing that you're saying. And Luke would take the picture. I was like, yeah, what's up? And then I get off. Well, people like you, you know, you have to push me. I'm sorry, but go get me some beers. Hey, man, sorry about this. Ugh.

I think I can close with the bartender. Hey, somebody beat your ass. So you're peacocking using flashing and attention grabbing clothes and features to attract people to see you. Those are the three second rule. You got to approach abroad or a set within three seconds of seeing someone you like or you're gonna talk yourself out of it and lose your chance. A neg is a backhanded compliment or a light insult to lower your target self-esteem and show that you're not impressed. That's a dickhead move. You can't be doing that sure

Fatty whatever you say fat The curtain match of dreams I'm all over you You throw in your hair he said we get out of here get some meat I don't like that a canned opener the pickup artists of the days relied heavily on canned openers and opinion openers. Example, asking about weird stuff. A false... You think this is cancerous? Hey, you like salamanders?

Yeah, you can slice them in half and the tail still moves. Anyway I'm Jay Dog. This is my friend the elephant. Also you give them a false time constraint. Say you can only stay for a bit to avoid coming off as clingy or like you're going to hound them so hey I got to get back to my friends in a minute I just wanted to see your tits for a second and then get out of there this hold on this one's pretty good body rocking you bob back and forth to give people the idea that you might be getting ready to leave soon this fucking dying your shoes real tight shaking your keys Fuck it. You're running from the murderer.

Man, that's something I haven't done in a long time. It's the time I use real time. Did you ever see the guys that have them too touchy? They're like touching? You're like, buddy, what are you doing? Hey, pre-fontaine, zip it. What? You know pre-fontaine is, right Yeah, you never saw that movie Jared Leto

Right, but he's a runner cross-country runner great one that killed the car accident great great pull then though I didn't know it like great reference seriously cross-country for not gonna need I Just seen the movie. Who are you Benedict? What's Roger Clementine? Who's the guy that broke the four-minute mile? Roger Podactor no that's from door Jimmy Neutron Roger wait don't is it our

Dacar yeah, it is our be banister. Yep, Roger Podactor That's why he killed Roger Podactor. Yes, mr. Winky Talk about open up All right, let's go a three bartender Holy is and waitress its game is game, but you want to systematically demonstrate those DHV spikes as opposed to say them. Because we have no time to say them.

But you can get the spike to her or flash her from a distance. If I'm speaking with girls, I'm looking over the shoulders, she's working, okay, I'm telling a couple humorous anecdotesotes getting response from these girls They're about to laugh. I'm looking not yet. Okay I'll just add a little timing here to it and she's turning and they start laughing and then I say alright alright hands off Hands off did you see it? perfect There was he hands off. Who's he talking to the matador so he's got a keys Who's he talking to the matador so he's got a case

Hey buddy grab my dick real quick show her how big it is That's one huge cock this is all a con These two bunch of did it stop do you put your three card Monte? Do you put your best foot forward when you're talking to broads? Hey, I'm Henry. I said something funny. I don't do that. You did it to me when I don't know I'm sure you have it some point. They really left this in will you go ahead give me your credit card. Let me Make it man. Let me order these Now when you're with a girl that you've just met at any public gathering it could be Look at the car to truly build enough comfort and when this happens this guy's now got blind eye Same guys no, it's not yeah, he's random to wait

That's the same fat kid that was sitting there with his mouth open and the trucker had his mouth still open But he's got a fuck- No, it's not. It's not closed. No. Now he's got a shark tooth necklace, a big one. No, that's a Moanu necklace. Here we go. Back to the island you go.

It's a fucking Disney movie. It's the thing that The Rock carries around. He beats the island lady with it. Mm-hmm. Ever seen the movie? No. It's good. But he's got frosted tips in the just the front

Make your move. Let's talk about the actual getting of the phone numbers because there you are you're in field Oh, God now you're thinking to yourself. Okay. I'm now phase shifting. I'm going from my c1 comfort building. I'm now moving forward Into my time bridge I need to exchange numbers here. But rather than, hey, take my card. Card's not enough. Don't give a card. What are you, a vacuum salesman? This is what I'm saying. This is pre... this is 2006. There's no cell phones? 2005.

There's cell phones. Yeah, but not like, I don't think... I think at that point, I'm guessing it was still like, hey, put your number that was like now That's like oh, let me get your number But I feel like if you had a card you had money also that showed like if you had a business card sure but here It didn't because every comic I knew was Philly Remember moving up here and getting them that got the little square the little rectangle ones man I thought I was fucking doing it. I think I probably still have like 500 of them sure

I was fucking doing it. I think I probably still have like 500 of them sure Um, I remember being like these are 149 dollars well spent and they got my bank account for it It's Center City comedy business cards. You're you guys should try to find your all your old promotional material I'm sure I have I remember not wanting to throw them out like well after they were needed cuz I'm like This was money. I spent on these, you know, I mean, what I mean I don't want to throw away a hundred and nineteen dollars business cards that was what today do you have a card you have a card I remember Chris Cotton god bless him gave our boy flip a card it was yeah I guess he had two cards like one with new information or whatever it stapled he stapled two together.

So it was like you could flip it both ways. It was like, Chris, God, don't use a number on the front. Use the number on the back. Goes directly to me. Yeah. The other one's foley's. Give her a pad of paper and a pencil and say to her, are you creative? Show me how creative you are.

Now, keep in mind, I have to leave. So she writes down her phone number when you say that? Well, you presume so. You guys say, wait, what? That don't work. Wait, so she's so she writes down her phone number when you said well you presume so wait wait that don't work wait so she's gonna write down her phone number when you do that hey man not for nothing what's with the glasses you seem a little fucking these ideas seem a little half cocked is your mom gonna pick you up are we getting lunch down you'll say well you're not very creative are you? Here let's do this one last time

Hint dash dash dash Dash dash dash dash I'm leaving now This guy's a dick Write something creative Ha ha ha ha ha That's so money That's so money

That's so money That kid's crazy. Alright, well, let's see the one now. High value body language. I think we did this. No, we didn't do this one yet. I'd like to move forward now to discuss microcalibration. The way a man and a woman exchange information is not just based on verbal exchange.

There's also a subcommunication happening between the two non-verbally through body language. What can I do in order for her to feel she has either done something right and will be rewarded with it without my saying a word or she has done something wrong and she should be briefly penalized okay that's not to get angry at her or say anything even but that's why a roll-off is absolutely acceptable women do it to men all the time now your body language is going to be that

man dude i've been that bad guy in that in that polo shirt I have been that dude being like fuck I should have worn under shirt that is just going to be that of a high value of mail you're going to be non-reactive the person who moves more is more reactive and therefore has lower value. You can still be playful. You can still have energy, right? Equal or a little bit greater. And then you're going to, when you go sit down, you're going

to want to forcefully slow down. Look at Joe W's body posture right beside Pradeep here. He said he did this last night. That was by choice. You feel that? I mean that is an example of... but that's an example of what I think is great body language to a woman who deserves that or perhaps... Wait, hold on. The guy with the legs crossed was the chick and the other dude... No. The body language is leaning in and putting his head on her shoulder I think he was joking per D was making fun of per deep. I think he was also doing that last night They're say they're recapping their recapping that the guy Yeah, that was good comfortable like I'm a man body language. That's what I took from it

What about the shorts in the? Sandals on? I think he's actually saying you should only be giving that body language to women who deserve it So I don't think any women at the bar yet deserve it earned Your interest by being off into her instead you can lean back And you can talk from here, and that's very subtle. You feel a pull away. You know, I feel that he's less engaged. I'm going to want to chase that.

If that happens, then I. He's got a stuffed animal on his shirt behavior. That guy lost every role to Seth Green. And it is fun. It's a new level of game. Game. Body language, you got a level of game. Game. Body language, Betty. You got a lot of it.

Check. Check. You're going, all right. You gotta get more bread over here. Ah, man, this guy. He's got... How many seasons did this get? Two seasons. You watched every one, didn't you? Did you ever?

I applied to be on the second one. They wouldn't take you? Uh. Yeah. Did you ever use any of these tactics? No, this was like a big joke. And this was like, before stuff like this was on the internet, 2006, you know what I mean?

Like all of this clips and stuff weren't being posted anywhere. So like you would see it. This was like a joke. I'm like, did you see the fucking he's got the hat? He's got the glasses. Stutsky wasn't using any of his crap. No, nobody was. Good looking kid.

You on the other hand chapter five meatballs You like that pitcher and major major league different kinds of Vaseline stuff all over your body you need the trick balls You got no heat Long way to get there The writers on strike again the writers on strike again but he's like the goal of the the got C2 build emotional physical connection the goal of this phase is to double down on the emotional connection to start getting more physical by touching her more you

want her to start being comfortable with your touches calibrate your touches if she likes it touch more if she pulls, stop and talk more before going for a touch again. Creep. What that... what that smell like? Talk before you go back in the evolution phase shift routine tell a story of how animals start having sex and kiss her as you tell Her the story starting from the forearm to the neck till you reach her lips What that's fucking crazy? You know don't do that out there. You know sheep do it standing up You ever see three goats go at it

You ever see three goats go at it? Yeah, what the fuck? What? Tell us. That's I assume like you're not at a bar. You're like more you've already have made a connection where you're like that wouldn't be crazy. I've already had your meatballs. You've already had your meatball. Hold on. Let me ask you this. You've already had your meatball.

Hold on. Let me ask you this after that meatball and coffee. I told you this I had to. After the meatballs and coffee what if she was like hey you want to go back to my place? Sure, I gotta take a nap. In a wicked dump. Are your roommates home? Good, cuz I'm gonna blow this place up. I don't know what they put in this coffee. Ground beef and coffee Cables still I find this dumb I think I took a bag with me because I was going straight to Philly. You double up on these.

Like I think I was going right to Philly that next. You got your roller next to the table. You got your roller next to the table on a Sunday. You guys have a good check. I tag my luggage and leave it with you. Seeing people with roller bags in the city and you know they're not traveling as I was traveling

So what if she would have been like hey you want to get back to my place? Would you been able to I would just quit comedy or whatever gig I had to go to But you could have performed with the belly full of meatballs and coffee and I mean I just was at I don't know 11 or noon or something show wasn't till I don't know seven o'clock any of some gum for being honest I was probably doing seven minutes yeah I could you know what I mean I could have wandered on the show I don't know what show it was but I feel like I remember having to get there no my point is oh that's part of the thing. Oh I gave her a false time?

I got a- I showed up with luggage. Hey Liz I got a flight to catch I gotta get the fuck out of here. You want to suck my dick or not? Hey dumbass. Does the air train run by here? I gotta get to JFK. You just take all of them. Hey how are you dumb bitch? I'm a real important guy. All my friends think I'm funny and I gotta be out here in 10 minutes. but you write your number down. So I won't call you after you suck ticket stuck in your thumb. You got a fake airline ticket stuck. It's from the Concorde.

Is that still flying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're cool enough. I keep dropping my passport out. You guys have Lunchables here? No? Okay, I'll have the meatballs. This guy stinks.

This Chris Angel knows tricks and shit like that. Guy's selling out in Vegas. This guy's closing his all over the place. I'd rather be this guy He's not closing ass That shit doesn't work Something's rude frankly. Yeah, no of course Jesus Christ dude. I'm dying All right, so this is So we have one more video left. Yeah, no, you know, there's a less. Okay, Mr. A matador hard at work. So this is this is mystery and and the matador

I think this might be from season two. I don't know but this is them. They're going The guy the guy think that I think I remember this episode I think the boys roll in and try he goes go open up sets or whatever Who? boys roll in and try he goes go open up sets or whatever who matador sends the or the dog and matador no fucking mystery sends the contestants in I'll see what you can do and they're like they come out now he's fucking he's fucking broads oh have sticks up there is I need a good fucking I think they're all that that that that that that that that's it I'm called it and I think I'm gonna go

hit metals I'm gonna grab a shoe My place in a wagon Nothing but a fucking softball team in there. I want to have big dots and roll back to the mansion Let me know if it gets cracking again. But, so then they go in. So then like in Mystery and Matador, or uh... This has got to be all, alright let's see this. The Matador go in. This has got to be all set up. Take a look at Matador and I showing the boys how it's done Mystery and Matador went into the club to show us

Actually was run DMC take a look at Matador and I, showing the boys how it's done. Mystery and Matador went into the club to show us how... Yeah, God. Your aunt's glasses So he consulted my and Trish Watch it on surveillance camera. Go back to that squad. That squad is great. Mystery and Matador went into the club to show us how it's done. Pause it. Pause it. That's a homeless guy on the left.

Dude, the kid in the middle with the V neck and the huge forehead. Wow. With the v-neck and the huge forehead? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Oh Are you right off the bat like The pot this is pop-caller time till Their matter door was talking to another girl. I mean before't know why. So creepy. Dude, you're hug- I just- listen, I don't condone this, it was a different time. You'd be fuckin' pulled out to the town square and shot at me. Even the Where's My Hug Guy is made fun of now.

Where's the hug- where's my hug guy is a thing. I need my huggy. Going for a hug. You give him that, you do that. For God's sake, man! Take this woman from me! Going for a hug you give him that you do that Looks like a Jim Carrey character. I Mean it was flowing Look at him. That looks like something from Nathan for you this guy. The cap tooth that helmet of a head.

Here's the amazing thing is, Mystery talks about stuff that I would never think would work. I mean he was talking about Google Earth. If I talked about Google Earth, nobody would get within a hundred feet of me. Have you ever heard of a program? It's a free program you can get on the internet called Google Earth. The fucking loser. You ever heard of porno? That's where I watch my videos. Those girls would be buying that. It's all set up. Look at the Matador rolled in. Now he's got long hair.

What he does. Well, I'm ready to lock in. Even though I'm talking to everyone else. I have a full assessment right now of every single set. Surrounded by love today. Oh, this guy stinks. of every single set. Surrounded by love today. Oh, this guy stinks. I'm going to come over and hug you. Maddler's got some muscles at least.

Because you need it. I'll come down for it though. Maybe I need it too. No pity, Pammy. Hug tight. Look what I found. This is Kimberly. Hello, hello. This is Michelle. Are they cool? Oh Cool enough are they cool cool enough are they cool enough for my three-foot fairy hat? I'm currently wearing Are they gonna dig my vibes? It goes like World War one goggles

Get out of here. This is all set up, right? I would assume so, yeah. They're fucking mad at Doris Closinaeus! She's a hooker! Maybe he is. So weird. I want to fight you. So weird. I want to fight you. I've been positive. It's like bad dad joke like it's like oh, you know ah look at you can dress her up But you can't hello. We're talking here. It's like we're just jealous Fucking pussy stealing all the hot trim

Cut to me and you at the other side of the bar come on man. There's plenty dudes here. Google Earth is pretty cool Hey, we're waiting on potato skins over here. You know, my dad's on Google Earth. He's cutting the grass in his underwear. Man. It's not even dream. Only one, don't be greedy. I already figured out why you and I are never going to get along.

Oh my god. Now you know what it is? We're too similar. Hello, hello. Who are you working with here? I'm bad with names. What was your first name again? Let's imagine we're brand new to each other. I don't know who the hell you are. Friends of ours have condemned us to have to...

Where's JDog? JDog's got fuckin'... That JDog got replaced in the second season for some broad... ...like, woman's perspective. Right? J-Daw probably wasn't closing enough toon. Was she... hitting on chicks too? Ha! That'd be it, then. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha No! I love you What a slurpee

I have what you call liquid happiness in my belly When I saw Mystery Amatador It did give me a lot more motivation But at the same time It realized how far I have to come I cannot wait to learn what they have to teach Because if this happens If some dude

If I was not even like my girl or anybody If I was at a group of my friends and that guy ran up and started talking to one of the girls in the group, it was like my buddy's cousin or something. I'd be like, can I talk to you for a second? If you ever come over here and ask her if we let's role play where we have to go to a seven 11, I'll slap the shit out of you. You fucking creepo I want you to go buy me a round of drinks as an act of apology

These are the closing remarks from the boys watching matador mystery tear it up. What's that? These these are the closing remarks now, okay? I mean all-time show all-time that guy is a great American he's actually he's Canadian from Toronto I learned a lot I mean that's thrown out of a bar real quick. Yeah, I mean, that's that shit's fucking insane that I it's in it's got he's got a mic pack on that's the reason that shit worked. I'll get you getting jealous. It's crazier now looking back on it than it was watching it then watching it then you're like this is fucking the corny shit I've ever seen. Take a note. But I mean now it's fucking fucking cringe worthy. Yeah.

But we got to wrap that up gang. Jesus Christ. What a fun one gang. Whoo. We love you. See you next weekend. Peace. Peace.