Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - PATREON: FAT COURT Season 2!

Episode Date: July 9, 2022

Foley weight loss is put on trial after he has an expensive week in LA. Join the Patreon. Its a party! Love youse guys. Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage. Y'all. Here at the show we sit down on your favorite comedians and we find out they're going to be classy. You. After a big old piece of trash.

I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a glorious day down here at Anttoody's Basin, but I'm gonna tell you folks, because you the homies, the patrons. That's right, we're here for a bubububububobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobob- Oh yeah! Having a good time over here. Hang it out! We love each and every one of you, despite what you said about me in the last seven days. My co-host is coming at you from across the table.

He's my goddamn boss. Do me a favor, I'm in the hole with this guy. Shoot me a fucking Yelp review or something like that. I think they did already. It ain't good. Service was bad. Give me five stars. I'll take four and a half something.

Make me look good. This guy's getting ready to kick me to the curb. Oh, look at him rolling over, playing victim already. Giving up for KJ? Well, I'm thinking about changing to just Kev. The beer jackets, you're a Kev. No, beer jackets are KJ, I feel. No, KJ wouldn't wear that.

Kev is the cool guy. He's still hanging around the area. Didn't go to college. He's doing pretty good. Your stock's really rising. Everybody loves you. I'm a nice guy who's not a psychopath liar. Yeah, Toby.

Speaking of Toby McMullen, our good pal, the magic man, another kid fucking killing it. They don't fucking fall behind here. They used to love me. No, I'm the bad boy. The bad boy over here. Really buttering us up for this one, aren't you? Oh, yeah.

T-Bomb McMuffin, Toby McMullen is the gentleman from North Carolina's name. What's up? Hey, pal, I got presents for you guys, by the way. Oh, nice. I just wanted to give a quick shout out to all the new kitchen staff over the last couple of days. You're doing a great job in there because we're fucking

cooking. This Patreon's cooking. Before we get into everything, we just hit the $3,600, so the $10,000 bet will be happening very, very soon. Once Foley has $5,000. So it could be six to eight years. Who the fuck knows? We'll take that from the nut.

I think we might even take it from the ad money first. OK. Because we want to get that out. We want to fucking strike while they're in the hot because we had to push the Disney thing due to the tour. So I want to fucking get this done. I mean, get this and give it to the fucking patrons. They rallied behind it, and I really want to fuck it.

So we should be getting that. But we just got jammed up with that money. They're really giving me the fucking runaround. Who is? Old ad company. Uh-oh. I didn't know this. I was bought by a big ad company.

Really? And now everything's done online. So I hit the guy up. I'm like, hey, man, you never sent me the breakdown for the payment this month. Uh-huh. And he goes, that's all done online now. You got to set up an account at fucking JG Wentworth

or whatever. Well, it's my money, and I want it. Yeah. It's Kevin's money, and I want it now. But yeah. So I think we're going to do that. So we should have some of that money, and then we can use apply that towards the $10,000 bet.

Sounds great. That'll either be the greatest night or the worst night of my life. It's going to be fun either way. Nah, it's going to ruin my summer. How do you think we should do it? We have a lot to get to. I don't know how.

I eat a new fat challenge. I don't know how we're going to film it, to be honest. Once we get into the casino, it's going to be dicey. Fake cats. You can cell phone it. I also want to get you. You can buy glasses. I thought about those.

That would be funny just to have you going like, all right, here we go. We're going in. It's going to be funny and whatever. It'll still be fun. Yeah. And then I think you could do the problem with the glass. The cell phone jet, like cell phone pocket.

That was going to be one of the moves for sure. And if we all do that, and we have three fucking cam, three cell phones running at the table. Why are you guys all wearing the same glasses? No, I'm saying if T-Bone has the glasses on. The glasses only record for like 30 seconds at a time, though. You only need that, fucking. You just need you looking at the thing, thing, thing.

Yes, it's bouncing around. We're going bling, bling, bling. We're sure we'll get audio without a question. Sure. Because we'll just fucking run over. I think you can pull your phone out. Even if you stand back like in the hallway. Yeah.

Like if you're not at the table. The hallway. What are we doing this at? Like the walkway. Yeah. Like because that's like technically not the floor. Hold on. That's an idea.

Like if you're just even back, if you're like five feet behind. I honestly think if I film it vertically on a phone, no one will say shit. I think it's a fucking Instagram story. Yeah, of course. That's what I'm saying. I think you gave me an idea with the hallway. Instead of going to an actual casino,

we go to somebody's casino night and clean out some church. Not a bad idea. No, what? What? The Baptist Church isn't going to take a $10,000 bet. All right. They got a bake sale they got to cover. He said a couple of drinks over to the table.

Will you, Padre? How the fuck you get this wine from, huh? Yikes. Very exciting. Yeah. We'll figure it out. But like, should we also do like a nice dinner? Like what's the night?

After. After. But that might ruin the dinner. I think. What we need to do? What we need to do? The night's ruined. We're going to lose.

I'm going to be in serious trouble. All three of us are doing this. We need to take the $10,000 out for a nice night on the town. Like go around with the staff. Like have them at the table and stuff. He'll have the pillow green. We'll put the little eyes on them. Yikes.

Tap water for him, please. We don't know how long he's sticking around. Yeah. I don't know. I think if we go to a nice dinner and you have like to build up, it'll be fun. We'll be so fucking anxious. I'll be boozing heavy to forget about it to shut the old memory off.

And then if we win, we'll go out and we'll buy like a bottle or something somewhere. If not, we'll go to that dive bar. We have to have the money on you, right? When you go in. Did I ask you this? What? I don't know if you vent mode it or whatever.

I don't gamble. All right. Yeah. We're driving down with 10 G-Hards. Cash. Money. Nervous. In ones.

So we look cool. I'm going to put in a key. I'm going to. I was thinking we should run a big call because Akash might come down, obviously. A little start. Oh, I forgot about that. That doubles the bet to $20,000.

What? Then there was something else of if we win. Not doing it. Just go to a nice dinner. If we win, we put like a grand on a number. I don't know if it was $1,000. It was something. It was something along those lines.

We do another a secondary bet. Jesus Christ. Whatever. I have to go back and listen to that. That's a sad thing. The loudmouth promises we made. We really run our fucking yaps, huh? Yes, we do.

We keep it interesting over here. It made us this far. You got us this far. So let's keep doing it. Million dollars next time. This has nothing to do with the new weigh-in and the new challenge. No. All right.

But I got, I was in Wawa and I got you guys a little present. Just because we were talking about them the other day. Top baseball cards. Yeah. Pack of baseball cards. Great. Of course. People, you got a trash can over there?

No, this is great. I always wanted this. This is, wow. It's not your fucking birthday present, dickhead. I just saw it. We were talking about baseball cards. So I got you a pack. And the angels too.

My favorite team. It's not just the angels. That's who's on the cover. Probably took the gum out of here already, didn't you? It was the Snickers. Let's see what we got here. Holy shit. Michael Jordan rookie card.

Holy shit. Also, what kind of bullshit? It says you get 16 cards and then may contain only nine to 14 cards. What kind of bozo shit did you get me? You're a dirt bag through and through. I got the ace of clubs. What's going on here? Man, talk about getting this screw job.

Anybody good? No, I got a met off rip. There's a couple of good guys on that team. It's Piazza who you got. Get me a Honda if you do. Tell him Kippy needs a new CRV. Mike Piazza Motors. Yeah.

I wonder if he's in there selling the cards. I doubt it. Maybe just on the weekends. Orioles, Brewers. These stink. So lay this out. What's the scoop? All right.

So obviously. Hold on. Well, we were thinking. Thank you, Polly. Of course. This actually, you know, this was sparked by Tom Cassidy of, you know, the AYG live shows. I don't know if he's a worker over there on a live show. Yes, he is.

Hey man. Hey man, when are you going to do something? It was along those lines. Hey man, what's going to happen? I think this was probably the first time you spent seven days with you or so. And it did come at the end of the trip. Yeah. His, you know, his like whatever you want to call it.

Yeah. If you're not a $10 homie, you might not know what's going on over there. Sure. I had a rough weekend in Cali. I messed up a couple of times. You ended up costing the company about, I don't know, you know, at least three grand. Closer to. Conservatively.

Yeah. That's very conservative. But we hashed it out in a hard feelings. Emergency hard feelings. Yes. So I'm digging my way out of a little hole here. What the heck is going on over there? Little hiccups.

You're like Hansy when he drinks too much toilet water. That's exactly how I got it. Blue stuff is delicious. So, and it's honestly in a, you know, we've been down this road many times, but it's. Not many times. Enough. It honestly, from a genuine place, you know, emotion, it has been weighing on me. No pun intended.

I swear to God. You really do see the behaviors when you're with, when you're together for a week. You know what I mean? You see, you know, I just see. How'd you feel about my eating habits in Cali? She had a graded from A to an F. C minus. Yeah.

C minus. That's passing. Mom, we're going to college. Community. Two years. I'll try. I thought you would have said D. Yeah.

It wasn't good. I think you were being polite. It wasn't good. I wasn't. I don't know why. You have this effect on. He does. You want, you know, you want his affection.

You want his attention. You're here. Yeah. Squeeze a C out of you. No time. Okay. A C. All right.

Let's go. Let's call. Let's call a spade a spade. It was a D. A D. The extracurricular activities weren't fantastic either. I didn't, I didn't snack in between any meals. I kept it pretty tight with the meals.

Nope. Now this is, and like from a non, we talked about this a little bit on the hard feelings that came out yesterday that we shot by the pool. Are you referring to the sweet potato french fries? The bread? Yeah. There's a lot. What do I have that had bread?

You order bread every time. You order bread every breakfast. Oh. And hash browns. I have a slice of hash browns. I know. But you think this, and I think, I think this is, you know, we, we did talk about this. And I think the disconnect is you're going, I had a slice of bread when it's really minimal

and two slices of bread and the potatoes. And, you know, I never know what it, you ordered like a whole pastry and then pretended like you didn't know what it was when it showed up. What was that? Ah, the knish. Oh yeah. Yeah, the knish.

And then got mad at us that you had to eat a healthy lunch, a healthier lunch. I'm sitting here eating fucking toppings. You're like, honestly, that's what it's like to go out with you. You know. That wasn't that healthy. I had two scoops of tuna fish and a scoop of egg salad. I know, but you're sitting there complaining. By the way, canters, by the way.

Sucks balls. Was it canters? That place needed a power. You call that a fucking pickle? Yeah, they were like, they were like, they were like wilted those things. Oh man. I think, I think there's a big disconnect in reality to your delusion of what healthy is.

Because, you know, and I was thinking about this. We also think I'm Batman. Probably should tell you guys. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no cheese. Tune in next week. Same fat time. Same fat channel. Same dinner time.

So fat there's grease on the buttons. Would you like a cigarette? It's a lot. What are your thoughts? On canters. On the white thing. I'll tell you what, I know. What do you think you're coming from?

And then we'll, we'll go from there. I thought I skated by pretty good. I mean, obviously the potatoes. See, I never know what you guys are picking up. Dude, everything. Everything, fully. Everything. I'll just ruin the meal if I tell you how I feel.

Yeah, yes you would. He did a great job of that. Ruin in breakfast that one day. He did kind of ruin breakfast. Oh, we'll get to that once we address the discussion at breakfast. Sure. I handled that very well, I thought. He did.

I do think he had the right to lose it on you. You were being very conty. In front of a associate, by the way. Yeah. An associate, yeah. I didn't snack at all in between any meals, which is one thing I'll say. Of course, yeah.

But yes, of course, I will do whatever, you know, I'll do what I can. I'll get away with. What you think you can get away with. Yeah. Which is the crux of the problem. You have no interest in bettering yourself for you. You only want to do it so you don't give me a shit.

That's also, you're not making the, you're making the choices of, I can see it in your face. Like, I know you're going like, oh, if I go pancakes, that's going to be a fucking pushback that I don't want right now. So I'll go omelet with a side of fucking whatever and whatever. And you're real big on sides, by the way.

Don't think I haven't noticed. And then also as they're like, okay, they're collecting menus like, oh yeah, triple stack of pancakes. You're like real, you really throw it together like it just came to your head. A little blooper in the left field. Yeah.

Just a little pop, a pop fly, a pop fly ice cream sundae, if you will. Trying to score runs here. Playing money ball. A little pop pancake flight, huh? You know. Side of coleslaw. Yeah, you're real big on this side.

No, but let's go over it. Okay. So what I should have had at breakfast would just be bacon and eggs, maybe, or just eggs. I would just say, hey, I'll take a feta spinach omelet and a side of bacon. And that's that.

Okay. I got you, yeah. And that's not even, I'm not sitting here going, that's the most healthiest thing. Sure. Tacos, you know, the tacos, I thought that was pretty good.

Nope. No, no good. No, man, those tacos, I mean, man, those tacos. What about that beef Wellington? Is that stepping on the line? Where did you, oh my God.

For, dude, I don't even think. Beef Wellington? I don't even think I knew what, I don't, listen, we went to an, It's literally surrounded in pastry. Dude, if we would, it came out.

It's savory treats. Dude. I've never had it before. I thought it was a, Dude, I don't believe it. I thought it was a birthday cake when they dropped it.

I was, I was expecting like 46 to be on top. Oh, the waiter starts singing. Happy, happy fat guy. Happy, happy fat guy. I didn't, I honestly didn't really know what beef Wellington was.

And I was like, oh man, I figured it was like cut a beef and like some gravy or something. I was thinking like, you know, like a tenderloin type thing, man,

that thing came out. That was like a donut, dude. I didn't fucking say nothing, though, did I? No, you didn't. And you, I didn't give you shit at all this whole time.

Very, very merciful, very, very, very kind, very forgiving. I also, Me, I'm talking about. Sure.

I, this is going to sound, this is, I'm trying to be honest and genuine here, man. You know, and you told me not like, let's keep it fun and light heart.

Like, you know, I'm not, I don't want to yell. We've been down all these roads, you know, and I do, I think I've given up

to be honest with you. Yes. I don't, I don't know if I have it in me just because like after, you know, hey, we're on the road,

everybody gives up on the road if we're in fucking Albany or fucking, you know, hey fuck, we're behind the gun, we just got to eat real quick or it's mad late and,

you know, hey, I'll get the whatever, the whatever, like, you know, we tend to turn blind eyes to a lot of that stuff. I think, I think

for storyline for the homies believing in me, we've hit rock bottom and I'm aware of that. Yeah, I think, I think you've lost all,

I mean, this is going on a year now, we did the last challenge, I think was, was probably a year ago, we started the weight loss challenge. Right,

we're at rock bottom, I don't expect anybody to believe me, which is why I wasn't such a cunt at breakfast. I understand that. If you, if you're turning your,

listen, I know I'm down in the polls right now, with the homies. And this, but this is also, this is, this is not fat fully,

this is now fucking manipulator fully going, I know I'm down in the polls, I know I've hurt you, I know I've, I know I've stolen from you, but I'm a changed man. That's this.

That's why I was such a cunt, because I genuinely believed in you and you broke my heart. And my chair. I'm sitting in a broken chair. Also, Shut up the beef welling then. Don't blame me.

Blame that Scottish bastard that invented that thing, is it foolish? And not, not a, this is just outside looking in, again a week, a full week together,

going everywhere, doing everything all day to the, you know. The late night tuna fish sandwich in that bar was probably, it was crazy that you did that. That was like, I mean,

if you would have been like, give me a meatball sub, I would have been like, at that point, I'm fucking, probably 19 beers deep. I'm looking. But a tuna fish,

you don't know what to say. Tuna fish say, I was more like, that's insane that you're going to eat tuna fish from a place that there's, there's, there's running water on the floor.

It was unbelievable. They did have really good food. Oh my God. That place was recommended by like 15, 15 people to us. You let me have a couple. Did I have a wing?

Did you let me have a wing? I think I did have a wing. Yeah. Dude, you ate everything that we got. You ate the chips, the wings, you're big on chips too. And a side of chip.

That's your. Tortillas? Yeah. You're big on one of these, and one of those. But, again, this is,

I don't want to make it seem like I'm beating you up or anything like that. This is coming from a point of like, your weight is a thing on the road. I mean, just at like,

seating, tables, booths, chairs, it's like everything, it's gotten to the point, I'm not being a dick. This isn't for comedy.

This is more of like, it's bigger than just your weight problem when you're traveling. I mean, it's like, what car seat you get in? Who sits next to you? He doesn't put me in a car seat.

No, but I'm just saying, like, Tommy's got a ride to do. First of all, we have an SUV that holds 15 people and Tommy rides up front. And it's just me,

you and Tommy. But I'm just saying, it's your, you know, your weight affects every movement, ultimately, on the road.

It's considered. Plus the airlines, you got to think about too. They're spending an extra game. They're already jammed up. We got, we got lucky on the way back though. And I do think

you smoking the sig to me, there was pure laziness. Smoking the cigarette in the driveway. That's pure, pure laziness.

Because it never would have crossed my mind to have one there. I think that you're going, I ain't, I'm done. It's late in the night. I don't have,

I've walked, I don't have it in me. I'm just going to smoke right. Okay. Yeah. So I would argue, us getting tossed, was

slightly related to your situation. My obesity. Sure. Well, I know you feel that way. And this is coming from love. This is coming from like, I'm trying to make you

aware of the task at hand. Sure. If that makes sense. Sure. There are still some, some of the homies out there that believe me.

So. I went through it out there. What? On the Patreon. Oh yeah. Yeah. It was open season. I'm a big man.

Which all just deserved as well. I'll admit that right now. I deserve every bit of it. That's a little harsh. Listen, we've got a good time over here. We very much live and die. Our personal lives on this

Patreon, which I think is why it's very popular. We air, you know, we air our stuff out. There's, we haven't had this conversation all fair. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like I'm saying this. Why do these bozos that don't have the balls to lay it all out there on the line? So we do every week, nERV, which also like it makes it easier.

The fact that we are recording, I don't know if I would be able to say that to you that your weight is like affecting the trips. Okay. You know, I don't know if I'd be able to say that to you all fair.

I think it's easier to do here because you can't really throw a punch at me. I flinch. I'm gonna make them think you're beating me. You can't sit in a booth. Which I'm all like, again,

I'm all fine with it. It's, you know, it's I'm not complaining about that. I'm just going like it is. It's a little bit like you can play. No, I'm sharing with you that like when we walk into a place.

Appetizers. It's like fully what where do you want? I got you. What do you want the booth or do you want the tape? And then when you, whatever you do take that tables get moved

about two tree feet, by the way. It's okay. So I'm aware of this. I'm aware that that that, you know, nobody's going to believe in me for the because we're gearing up for another weight loss challenge.

Pretty much, which I I'm throwing down the gauntlet once again, because I got the big man in my pocket for about 35 Honda. No, 28. I paid you to four. I paid for the hotels.

Check the new Airbnb was 3500. Wasn't it? Or 2800. 28. The total was 30. Plus I called the hotel and checked their rates.

Yeah. Then you sure changed me. That's the case. I was saying 400. It was for something and you really got away with saying the 400. Let me know when I will send it

right over. Minus the baseball cards. The 9 to 12 baseball. So anyway, I get, I get the chips are down. Right? There was never a big ruffles guy.

The chips are down and can we get some more sauce? The chips are down. You got hot sauce? Where do we have chips and salsa? Everywhere. I call you having them in bed

one night. So you're in there with a lady. It was just a tostitos bag. I heard this squeaking. You were humping her. Not a regular ruffles guy, but the cheddar sour cream ones are pretty off the hook.

Yeah. They were too, too, too grease. They're too, too much stuff on them. They're too hard. Those ruffles. They don't fuck around with those.

I was thinking hers ripples. No ruffles. The red bag. Red bag. Oh, no. That's her. That's a bad chip. That's a bad chip.

That's hers. That's hers version of ruffles. Those things are fucking like a quarter. It's thick. That'll stop a sting or missile. Put those on fucking tanks and stuff.

Jesus Christ. Anyway, not to get off track. Yeah. So hold on. So all your concerns, all your comments are warranted. Someone do a compilation of him saying this same shit over and

over. I'm being sincere. All in the same shirt, by the way. And you say the same thing every time I call you out. I'm serious this time. But just so everybody know, we

don't want anybody getting upset in a Patreon or dividing the room or anything like that. Just hold this severed head. I will not kill again. This guy had it coming. I mean, we don't want... You can't have any loose ends

walking around. I don't want people to take it too seriously. It's like you can't have any burnt ends. Left on his blade. Whoa. What's that again?

I don't know. That was... You lost confidence before you even finished the fight. I knew that you wouldn't know what burnt ends were. I heard burnt ends and that's what piqued my interest because

they are delicious. So Tommy, Tommy just... Hold on a second. I'm going to say, we don't want anybody taking things. You're not really mad at me. No. To a degree.

Yeah. No, I... The show's not in any jeopardy of going away or anything like that. No. Never. Never.

Never. Never. No. Never. And, you know, I appreciate it, you know. I appreciate that you guys care about us enough to, you know,

to, you know, be mad and you should be mad. I've let yous all down. I'll be the first one to admit it. I've let yous all down. The second one to admit it. I've let yous all down.

Mm-hmm. But, and for the record, I am not mad at you. But I have lost all faith in you. Completely. It's just where I want to be, baby.

It's just what I wanted. So... Everybody loves a comeback. You said this, like, fucking 12 months ago, 10 months ago, 6 months ago. A second comeback. A comeback, comeback.

I got here right where I want to be. So... Um... Fuck. So Tommy brought something up. Tommy Cassidy. Tommy Cassidy, just like,

in a very genuine way. Mm-hmm. Was just like, what are we going to do here? Like, you... Was I there? Yeah. I forgot to comment, but it was

like, what a... Come on in, new guy, Luke. New guy, Luke. My only friend in the company. Hey, buddy. Wow. Good to see you. Yeah.

Wait till Luke's pay's late. Because you lost us 35 grand in California. Tommy had just... It was just like a very... It was just a very calm comment of, like, what are we doing here?

I forget the exact words, but it was like, are we just going to keep... You know, you were about six IPAs deep. There was, like, you know, all sorts of apps sprinkled the infield, and you were...

You were dabbling. Hang on one second. Yeah, I got you some baseball cards, buddy. Continue. So Tommy just made a comment. It was something very... It kind of shook me to the core because it wasn't a joke, right?

It wasn't like, you fat, PC shit, you bald, it was just like, at the end of him spending a week with you, he was just like, what are...

Something's got... We got to do something here. And then obviously, the shirtless picture you're going around isn't doing you a whole bunch of favors in, you know... Here's the crazy thing. You think you look good.

I know that I look better in that picture than I do in real life. Actual, of course. If you saw me now. I mean, but that's a lot of man. You're a lot of man in that picture. Big dude, lot of man.

Your back is fighting itself. And the worst thing about it is the front is, like, a thousand times worse. Bad. That's what I'm saying. It's like Niagara Falls over your belt buckle, dude.

It's... I got the Bobby... The Bobby Buckley Airy. From Sopranos. Oh, the stomach. He had... I thought you had... He had his own, like,

fat guy waistbands or something. That's what I... I come in here dressed like Paulie Walnuts every night. I thought that's what you meant. Like, he's got a girdle or something. I'm like, all right.

I didn't know... I didn't know he's diversified like that. New Bobby Buckley Airy's girdle. I literally thought it was, like, some sort of stomach suspender. Ah, that's good. So... Yes.

I... I'm losing it. I think... I do think we're at a tipping point, right, after this past year of, if you don't do it now, and I'm not being dick, I genuinely don't think you have it in you.

Okay. After watching your behavior over the past year, not just based on anything. Like, I genuinely... I don't think you have it in you. Okay. I understand that,

and I understand your doubts. I think it would be insane if I thought you did have it in you. I'd have to check myself into a mental institution if I believed in you at... at 2-4. I understand.

But I do think you're getting to the point where it's like you... something... something's gotta... Give? You gotta do... something, man. Okay.

Something. Well, let's get into... So... Let's start to move forward. Yes, of course. Okay. Because, like I said, we don't want anybody, you know...

Don't go dying on us. No, no, it's not that. It's just, you know, I don't want to... I get worried. I don't want to turn the homies off. I don't want them to start hating me. And no one hates you. Aw, buddy.

Too late for that. Yeah. I was trying to be nice. I'm like, no one hates you. Welcome to the dark side, Fatty. We crossed that line somewhere in the Hollywood Hills. You play a good bad guy.

I am the bad guy. Um... No. So, you know... So you're... I... Conservative number. Conservative number.

You're into us. You're into the company. Uh-huh. For 28. 28 G-hots. If I really had to... If I was a business, putting an actual...

Which I know you... Which I know you don't have, by the way. Either way, for the record, I've agreed. I said I will take care of that. And you... You really... I will take care of that.

The words pay never came out. I will do that thing you mentioned with the other guy and the thing. Luke, I need a one-way flight to Cancun. Take care of it, Liam. You're the only guy I can trust. That's when you know it's real bad when I'm calling you on a Friday night.

Don't tell the other guys. Um... Right. Just... Yeah. Just trying to say my name a little bit. I offered to pay it. You guys came up with this...

New thing. I know. I know you ain't got it. I'll have it on the first. It'll be gone on the second. I'll have half of it on the first. It's like the prestige bucket. Last thing I say,

Abracadabra. Great movie, by the way. Michael Caine's just looking at your finances, losing his mind. How is he doing this? It's impossible. Dude, he owed me $400 for the hotel rooms. And he goes,

I'll get that to you next week. I go, you don't have $400. He didn't have $400 personally. I was cash poor at the time. That just means you're poor, dude. I know you don't have stocks in mind. Well, I know you don't take AmEx. Consider if you are.

You'd be my AmEx. I start reading up the number. You're like, wait a minute. It's not so good. All right, so Kippy, it's your billing address. Name on the card, Kevin J. Ryan. Oh, that's funny. Anywho.

The number we put on you is 2,800. 2,800. Okay. And I think that's, so let's do a little quick, a little math here. I owe my own company $2,800. That's insane, dude. Is that an accurate statement?

No, I mean, it's insane that that's a statement. It's not like the company should owe you money. But you don't. The company currently owes me $1,300. Theoretically, yes. Not theoretically. The company 100% owes me $1,300 for an Airbnb. Hypothetically.

No, factually, statistically. Okay. $1,300. I don't know the difference, but go ahead. So really, that's all I really do owe is $1,300. No, this is for something else. This is for an Airbnb. Another Airbnb.

This is for Chicago. No, you owe more than $2,800. You owe more than $2,800. Because if you want to really look at it, the other place was like $800 a night, and we lost two or three nights there. Okay. So that would be $800 times three.

That would be $2,400 plus the $2,800. Well, go ahead. Give me the real number. Let's go. I don't need any fucking training wheels on it. I'll fucking take my medicine like a big boy. $3,600. No, it's more than that.

$3,600. It would be $5,200 or something like that. Oh, yeah. I said one night. Oh, my God. You mean the nights that we lost at the Airbnb? That we paid for. If you pro-rated a night, let's call it,

I think it was like, I'll even, I'm guessing, $700 a night times what nights did we lose? Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. What smells like cherry? Wednesday, Thursday. This looks like Friday. So, yeah. Okay.

So. You run down and grab me a Laffy Taffy or something. Jesus Christ. That's killing me right now. Smells good. Yours doesn't smell like that. I wouldn't. Oh, Loot's rocking the Bernie's tea, too.

Way to get on my. Company, man. Oh, there you go. Take that off the top, by the way. You pay some rex specs. Look at you. You pay retail for that? So, it's technically, the number is 4900.

Okay. Which is fine. It makes it even a little more incentive. So, you're into the company for 4900. I'm sitting there. You just ran your app into two more cheese. It's okay. It's okay.

This is literally how the first one started. Hey, man, can you lose five pounds? I'll lose 400 pounds tomorrow. All right. So, let's just call it, for math's sake, let's call it 4800. For simple math. Let's call it 5 grand. Let's go.

That doesn't work with math. Yes, it does. It's another 100. Yes, let's just call it 4800. There's another 1,000. Whatever. The number we're using is 4800. Okay.

I'll go 485. Just stop. You just can't agree with things. That's what it is in your head. Anything. You've got to move it. You've got to put your little pizzazz on it. 4851.

All right. So, 1,200. 1,200. That'll be you. So, we're going to put, you don't have the 4800. Cash. Am I correct on that? I don't want to assume your personal finances.

But I'm going to, hey, Henry, can you get the checkbook out and call me a check for 4800? Can you cut Todie LLC a check for 4800? Right now? Yeah. I don't have a pen. I mean, it's a weekend. It's a holiday weekend.

So, Jesus didn't die so I could bounce a check on a Monday. I am doing the collection of masks on Sunday. Yeah. Sticky fingers over here. Strip a little bit again. Hey, Poddy, can we run this one more time? You ever see them counting the money in the back? No, but I remember that when they started doubling up on the baskets,

my dad got real pissed. He's like, you believe these cocks are good? They do it twice. Yeah. That started in the 90s. They got a lot of legal fees. Yeah. And also, they were like redoing the gym or something.

My dad's like, listen, you get a cool dub every time. You're not getting 40 out of me. I'm not even taking communion. I'm not even eating. I'll pay for the drinks, but that's it. Ah, man. OK. So, you don't have the 4800?

That's correct. I do not have the 4800. Oh, I want it from you. Fair enough. I'm giving you. I'm giving it to you. So, just that one. We're going to put you up.

So, this was two, right? This is your weight gain. And then also, you're dead. And I've decided to join these two things. Which is, listen. For content purposes. All jokes aside, for content purposes, of course. It's all content, folks.

I'm in a good time. But I will say, best boss I ever had, best friend I ever had, and I love you and I appreciate it. Moving on. You thought that was going to get me? No, I'm just saying. I can see it clearly. You know, this is nice that you're doing this.

Of course. I'm being sincere. So, we'll do four. So, I'll break that into four monthly payments of $1200. OK. Man, that's a lot of scratch. I would like to add an addendum to this. Hold on.

So, let me just say, let me explain the original contract. What are you fucking, Ben Franklin over here? And then we can add some addendums to fit our Steve. What's an addendum? An addition. It's not an appetizer. Just keep it moving. I was going to say, do they come with a sign of guacamole?

Can I get extra chips with my addendum, please? So, hold on. And the caniche. I shouldn't have even tried it. I was... He was like, he did. He takes one bite. This thing sucks.

I look over. It's gone. Plus, I used about a gallon of mustard on it. I assumed you idiots wouldn't know what a caniche is. See, this is what he thinks of us. You don't think we know what a caniche is? Yeah. You thought that I thought you didn't know what you ordered?

In what world does a man this fat not know the food he's asking for? That's Seinfeld? No. It's a good idea. Also, that beef wellington in hindsight is a egregious choice. For lunch, he had beef wellington. That's a dinner, dude. With like 15 IPA.

We were getting tanked up. What do you mean? That's what they have on Sundays for their roast, dude. Yeah. I ordered like a sausage roll. They have that at Christmas. Yeah, dude. It's like once a year.

I never had one. So, what better time than noon when it's 100 degrees out and you're drinking? Gordon Ramsay's always talking about him. Yeah, for dinner and holiday parties. Not day drinking with the boys. That's like sitting down and ordering a fucking Thanksgiving dinner. That's insane. Get some pretzel rods and a whole turkey.

I mean, me and Tommy, me and Tommy got like happy. We got like a fish and chips and like a whatever. You know what I mean? We're hanging that beef wellington dropped. Oh, man. That was crazy. Came with one of those big fucking stainless steel thing. So, the original bet was a weekend.

No bet. The original deal. No bet. The original deal was I will wave a monthly payment. The original deal because I have not comedy-wise or not being a dick. I have ye of little faith and I want the ball just to start moving in the right direction. We tried with the lose the 25 pounds in a month. I don't want anything to do with that.

I said, if you lose anyway, if you weigh in lower than what you weighed in the month before, which I could lose a pound a month. I would be happy. You're putting on two at this point. Oh, honey, I couldn't let you do that. Again, with this, let me do that. This is what got you into the trouble the last time. You can't do that.

If you could do that, you would be doing that. So, like this, this whole guy, I can't let you do that. Also, you shouldn't let me put you on a fucking payment plan. Why not? Well, I mean, like, you're like, I can't take you 1200 for four pounds. Or you're like, I won't take the 4,800 for four pounds. I mean, I should just be paying it. Yeah, I feel you should be in a position where you just, or you don't get as fucking kicked out of the Airbnb.

Which I can't go back and change that, but there'll be no trouble for me moving forward. Sure. I believe you talked about separate accommodations. Yeah, that you'll be paying. Yeah, if we go somewhere, you'll get a fucking hotel room. Wait, hold on. I don't like that. Am I banned from Airbnbs?

Obviously. Dude. Really? You cost us four grand. I didn't cost you anything. That's true. You get paid regardless. Yes.

Who's anyone? You cost me four grand. Yeah. And then locked me out of the new Airbnbs. Allegedly. Then I had to pay for hotel rooms for me. Tommy, then you sure changed me on the Venmo request. You told me it was 400.

Hey, comedy purposes, remember? Before he's like, don't get mad in this one. Let's have fun. Now I'm breaking your stones over here. First of all, you're like, I'll send you the six bucks. But the 52 hundred, you're out on the hook for. Fair enough. So, yeah, you'll pay for your, I mean, that's like hedging our bets.

I can't have you in more Airbnbs. Really? I didn't know that. Yeah, you'll get a hotel room. Is there any way to wiggle myself back in there? Let's see. When's the next Airbnb coming up? Chicago.

Really? So I didn't have to pay two nights for my own hotel? I'd rather pay. Yes. I mean, also. T-shirt money? Oh. Because of the Chicago show, there's going to be a bucket going around.

If you live in a wild, you're doing two buckets. Two collection plates. Hey, may don't light a candle on the back for the Airbnbs. Man, I tell you what, if I had a couple of those long things going around at the end of the show, I'd be all right. I mean, never. So, whatever. I don't know.

We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. But, oh no, the next Airbnb is in fucking Austin this week, next week. The first night we got an Airbnb. We just can't, I mean, hotel rooms for the three of us ended up costing us fucking $700 a night or whatever between three people. Are we in an Airbnb for Sunday and Monday? Or is he just hotelin' it? I don't know.

I don't know. Okay. So, let's get back to it. But can I just say this? I guess. We've had numerous Airbnbs that I'd never had a problem in. This guy was an extra special fucking prick and I walked right into his trap. I'll admit that.

But you gotta give me another chance with the Airbnb. We did and you locked us out and I had to get a hotel room at two in the morning. Fuck, I forgot about that. I meant the whole Airbnb experience. No, no, no. You are a certain kind of doofus. The whole week. You realize how big of an idiot you are, right?

Yeah. You just sat there and fought, give me one more shot and you already hung yourself. Okay, one more shot? We'll see, maybe. I don't know. Okay. That's a yes. Well, I mean, at what point do you go, guys, I'll just get a hotel room to stop inconveniencing you guys?

Like, at some point, the burden's on you. You're making the burden on me. Like, you should be like, hey, guys, I'm gonna be a good team. This is what I would do. If I caused the chaos you caused in LA, I'd be like, listen, guys, it's obviously way cheaper for you guys to get Airbnbs. You guys do that. I've proven I can't handle myself and be responsible as a team player. We're paying for the Airbnb.

Okay. I'm saying what I would do. You still locked other people out of their fucking hotel room, out of the Airbnb, whether you're paying it or not. You don't get to fucking just do that. Fair enough. You don't get to go, hey, Tommy, just because we're taking on the road, fucking tough noggies. Ah, poor Tommy. He was out there for a while.

Yeah, out there for like 90 minutes. Oh, he's dying. You're snoring. Didn't have those creeps across the street with the fucking Halloween decorations. I'm just saying, I think I would be like, listen, guys, if in the times when it is financially beneficial to get Airbnbs for more than one night stays with a group of people, you guys can get one for three people, I'll get a hotel. Do I have to book the hotel myself? I mean, you can.

I mean, like, again, this is like your mom doing your laundry. Can you book a hotel room yourself? You seem to do it in Hawaii and fucking Paris. You never locked anybody out. Are you locking everybody out in Hawaii? So you're not doing the laundry. Whatever. We're getting off track.

It's coming up this weekend. I got to make a move. I got to get on Expedia. I got to find out. I'm going to get bamboozled over the rates. Oh, boo-hoo. I feel so bad. You're hitting me now.

Can I come by and hang out at the Airbnb? No guess. That's my rule. 10 grand. Whatever. $5,000 fine. We're getting off track. So what lets all the three of us,

and maybe even Luke throws his cool guy hat in the ring here. So we're going to weigh you today, whatever that is. Excuse me one second. Your next, your next weigh-in. Just wanted to intimidate new guy Luke real quick. Your next weigh-in will be on or around the 15th, depending on. I'm sorry. Can you repeat that?

From today will be on or around the 15th. Ironically, that is the same day your first $1,200 payment is due. Where? To me. Okay. Not ironically. You set it up like that. This guy's an eight.

Of course. Yeah. It's also my first, my first tax payments due. Um. Which can I say that? Yeah. Got that all taken care of. Upper payment plan.

Automatic payment plan. I'm all set. I looked up. Got all my stuff. Got everything organized. I sent her over the accounting. The tax thing is being handled. And as you said, that was the biggest step.

Yeah. But this is also like, you just let the house on fire and go, but I tied my shoes today. Hey, a fire department. Look whose shoes are tied. Jokes on you. I didn't tie my shoes. My mom didn't for me when I left.

She didn't. I don't know. As a guy who's tied your shoes. I don't know if I believe that. This guy's tied my shoes. That's a good friend, huh? Not this son of a bitch trying to throw me under the fucking bus. All right.

You wouldn't fit. That's true. We'll fucked up bus. I'm not paying for that. You better have bumper to bumper in his goddamn bus. He hit me. He's a blaseo. Whatever.

So. So one month from today, your first $1,200 payment to Tootie is due. Uh-huh. Which it was 700 and somebody started running her mail. Yeah, you. Which I now regret. But also, I think this works better because when you do sit down to have a cheeseburger and you've rationalized it in your head, that could be a $1,200 cheeseburger you're about to have.

There's some truffles on that. Or what I'm saying? Slice of bread or beer. Or IPA. Listen, you like to drink. Buddy, I like to drink too. I like a cocktail. I'm not even doing the IPA.

Are you getting fucked up and forgetting? You're fucking sculling fucking seven IPAs as you're having a beat well. I mean, it's crazy. Everybody else, we're all sitting at the table and I'm a fat tub of shit too. I'm not trying to sit here like I'm an Adonis, but I'm trying to be like, all right, well, that's at least a thousand different calories. A thousand additional calories. I'm not having it.

The martinis aren't working out either because I drink about 15 of them. Yeah. And then lock us out of the Airbnb. Right. Sure. Whatever. So one week from today or one month from today, your first $1,200 payment is due. Yes.

Whatever this is. Let's just say this number is 400 even. Whatever it is. It's not going to be that, but go ahead. That's fine. Buddy, no judgment. There's no judgments. No judgments.

We agree on that? You guys got to check in. What is- No judgments on how much I actually- Before we do the weigh in, what is the number he's got to lose for the payment to be waived? Also, let's view it this way. I want- He's like a small town judge.

It's, I'll say, a hundred pounds. No, no, no. These guys really have to get- They say healthy weight loss is one pound a week. So I think somewhere in between four and five pounds. I'll say four pounds. If you can lose four pounds a month, we'll waive each. Actually, let's say five.

Let's say five pounds. I thought it was going to be 10. Buddy, no one's going to stop you at five. If you want to lose 10, lose 10. Because you want to be like, at the end of this, you want to go, I'm 40 pounds down. Please, please lose 10. You see that your brain's already warped in the sense that I'm dictating what you can lose or not. That's the way you're looking at it.

I would like to- I just want you to doubt me as much as possible. I couldn't possibly doubt you anymore. I do. Thanks, buddy. I would like to propose an addendum to the court. Also, you- Hold on, but you're addendums.

So, well, I'd say five pounds. I think that's fair. Water fluctuation, taking dump. I mean, you could clear out five pretty easy. Well, that's what I'm saying. Don't make it so easy on me. Plus, I want the homies to have to- Buddy, if you start losing-

If you lose five pounds in four months, everybody's going to be fucked. I'll cry. Five pounds in four months? Five pounds every month for four months. What's that, 25 pounds? 20 pounds. 20 pounds. Oh, my God.

Four months? Yeah. I could do better than that, but okay. Please. This is what you don't understand. Please do better, and you keep saying that, and you're getting fatter. Now, if I- Hold on.

You can't do better than that. If I lose 10- Can you just say you can't do better than that? I can't do better than what? You're saying that you can lose more than five pounds in a month. Uh-huh. Admit that you can't do that because you haven't done it. History will dictate that I couldn't.

But let me ask you this. If I lose 10- No. Do I get 1200? No. No? Okay. My-

Let's focus on five. And my addendum was going to be, if the court approves it, obviously, that if you miss, not only do you owe the money, the juice starts running. Ooh. Putting a vague on it? 10%. 10%? What, a month?

Correct. I don't know how that works. I mean- 10% of the payment or 10% of the principal? You would owe 10% more. You would get juiced for 10% on top of what you already owe. So if I owe five grand, you would add 500 to that. That is correct.

Ah. Okay. I don't agree to that, but that was a nice story. That was a cute idea. That is no bad ideas in brainstorming. Again, let's- I agree it's fun, but let's- we've been down this road before. Mm-hmm. Let's just five pounds.

Okay. Five pounds. All right. If you want to lose 10, lose fucking 100. That's what we want out of this. Okay. But history shows you can't- you haven't been able to do the five. So setting you up for 10 and then not hitting that the first month is setting you up for

failure the next month. Mm-hmm. I think that's- you're working out, which you didn't do in LA at all if we're calling- if we're calling balls and strikes here. You didn't go to the gym one time. All I heard leading up to it, you asked me for the Airbnb address, 17 fucking times, which I had sent you fucking months ahead of- I also brought two books I didn't read.

And then you didn't go to the gym once. It'd be one thing if you were sculling fucking IPAs and beef wellington being like, oh, well, I gotta get up and fucking punish myself. And you keep saying we went for a long walk. We walked two blocks. It was uphill, though. One way. We can't be uphill both ways.

It's not the 20s and my dad's going to school. Okay. So. Thought that slipped through the radar, I guess not. Oh, no. It was fully noticed. Also, for the record, I really just wanted to say the juice starts running. It made me feel real cool.

And beat me up. Coming out of my apartment, I get hit with a skateboard. Was that how you would do it? No. The skateboard is too easily connected to me. I get Luke to touch a baseball bat. Hey, Luke, let's go to batting practice. He was killed with a bass guitar.

All right. Let's do the weigh-in. So we agree with that. Five pounds, $1,200 payments on the 15th of each month. Give or take a day or two, because our recording schedule. Okay. You know what I mean? Like, sometimes it might fall on a Saturday if we're not here.

Sure. We'll make sure we're here Thursday at the earliest or Monday at the latest. Cool. All right. I'm now taking off my headphones. As we've done numerous times in the past. I want to keep my jewelry. You know what?

Can I read you a text? Can I read you a text? Can I read you a text? Is it about me? Yeah. And what a piece of shit I am? I'll take that as a yes. No, never mind.

My wife texted me. No, go ahead. No. It was, I mean, I feel bad. You were not having fun with that. Go ahead. God, I could take it. I'm looking for it, man.

Is it a text from a personal acquaintance? Of mine. Okay. You know. There it is. Oh, no, it came from my, my uncle who we drank with in Atlantic City. You guys were just quoting like mash fucking couple years ago. Yeah.

He said, he sent a picture and said, tell H. I'm worried about him. Okay. And then I said, we all are. That's how I talk about you. We all are. What's the photo? It was us showing the photo with Santino.

So it's you. It's the photo. Okay. And it's also you sitting next to the photo. Okay. Which is awful. He said you're going to, he goes, I hope not, but it looks like you're going to be doing that podcast alone really soon.

Ouch. Let me see the photo. That's not me. You're not even the one in the studio. That guy's like a real bad piece. That's Ralphie May. All right. Okay.

Let's do this. And I think we got to get out of here. Right. Let's go. Get up. This is the starting point. It's the way. And I, I, part of me is so pulling free.

The, the, the last shred of hope I have left is so pulling for you. The only thing. I want you to turn this around for you, not for the fucking show, not for fucking any, you'll be so much happier and not dreading fucking walking to get luggage. The only thing I, the only thing. The only thing I ask is you say, do you believe in me or no? Yes. Do you believe in me or no?

Honestly? Yeah. No. Lie to me. Absolutely not. Not even a little bit. I think there's a 0% chance in hell you'll ever be able to pull us off. I just told you to lie to me.

Didn't I? I didn't eat them bitch. Do you think he has it in them? We got it big man. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

T-bone. I can't see. You're going to have to do the read. The big man approaches the scale. We said whatever I weigh in is not up for criticism. Dude, nobody's, nobody's been harsh or criticized. I've criticized your Airbnb behavior more than your weight. T-bone's eyes just fell out of his head.

Hang on, I'm laughing. It's going to go up. Wait, hang on a second T-bone. I want to get an honest read here. All right. Looks like a speedometer. I know. I won't say still.

He's getting fatter by the second. It's 406. We'll call it. 406. Thank God. We almost just lost four cameras. My favorite hat. What are you looking at?

Are we calling 406? It's jumping around a ton. All right. I mean it's at 409 now. Stop moving. As you move. 410. Settled on 410.

Playing a roulette machine over there. My favorite AM radio station. Welcome back. Oh, by the way. Welcome back to the fat asses on 410. Somebody in the comments on Patreon said something about inmate 403, which was fucking really funny. But that's it.

So 405, one month from today. One month from today. And you're clear. You're 1200 bucks. Okay. All right. So when you sit down and you're going to have those IPAs, you're going to whatever could cost you $1,200.

All right. Yeah. And if not, you have to be either, you know, I'll just withhold the money or you could come in with cash and pay the big to put it. Wait. I didn't agree to that. I didn't agree to the big. I know.

It's a kid. All right. Hey, Steve, relax. Will you? It's a kid. It's fucking McMullin. I have to get me. All right.

Dude, I'm beyond my better judgment and just out of pure love, I'm pulling for you. Thanks, buddy. Rational in me. No shot in hell. Well, see, that goes that. I need to, I need to get in or out. Just, just for my-

I need you to lose five pounds. Just for my files. I just, yes. When I rationally think about it, no. When I, I believe, I love an underdog story. Everybody does. Or a fat big story. Except for Mr. McMullin, doesn't it, man?

All right. We got to wrap it up. No hard feelings, though. I understand. To better choices, to more steps, to less IPAs and no beef wellingtons. Are you talking to me? Yes. What about a beef Irvington?

You ever have that? It's got a duck in it. Gag, we'll see you next week. Love you. Thanks.