Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - PATREON: Ian Fidance Hangs w/ Amish People

Episode Date: April 29, 2021

The boys have some family business to take care of this week so enjoy this HOT ep from the Patreon archive. Ian Fidance joins us for what was supposed to be trashy field trips but it quickly goes off the rails for a super funny ep. Thanks for all the support! Love youse guys.  Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage http://betterhelp.com/GARBAGE https://www.hellofresh.com/garbage12 https://Breathefum.com/ Promo Code: GARBAGE https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ Promo Code: GARBAGE  Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley clogged arteries anyway fridge from genetics you could have him he could have him doesn't matter yeah but you ain't helping your cause yeah I mean Jeanette you're pulling the genetics card on us you're 400 pounds you're going to could be genetics it's jeans now my great grandfather had a split in the ass hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast this is are you garbage god damn it yeah it's

a show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out they grew up to be classy or if they're just a big old piece of shit yeah I'm your hostate slowly coming at you on a beautiful day we're down here in Antutti's base putty she's doing good we love her she's a good kid my co-host is coming at you from right next to me this is a wacky one that I'm normally not this close to you on a po-po-po-patriot you are you what you are not we have a little company and has a little special treat for you folks he is not being compensated for I already asked first time is a joke

I won't leave until I get money Kevin James Ryan's right next to me everybody hey gang thanks for tuning in you guys are the fucking lifeblood of this motherfucking show we appreciate it the fucking patreon we just hit a thousand over a thousand that things cooking to daddy oh so thank you to everybody the fucking support means so much to us you guys are the fucking shit thank you we love these shout out to our producer extraordinaire the magic man makes us all look good some of us at least me in general specifically I think most attractive guy in the show possibly fair enough T-bone McMullen everybody give

it up Adobe McMullen T-bone what up what's with the dead stare what I honestly I couldn't tell if you were saying that you were the most attractor if I was and I took it as he needs the most work that's how I took it as he was the most attractive yes thank you Ian I go past think I like I like you well you two get a rumor we got one you guys leave couple more of those pics going around make a little something started over here I just trained some hogs back and forth before we hit record docking engage gang this is a patreon episode it's a bonus episode it's going to be a fun one we thought it'd be fun to have

our incredibly special guest our good pal back again this will be I think his fourth or fifth time six fifth on the fifth fifth whatever the two of you shut up fourth or fifth whatever six can't come back enough whether you want me or not I'm here to stay and always when I'm here it's the highlight of my week so the Ian's last appearance I don't even think this is gonna get released ladies and gentlemen it's our old pal he's our wacky neighbor Ian finance everybody hello Jerry hello Henry you're our Wilson will put you will put a fence up your eyes yes the subscribers have voted they want to only see hi

everybody thank you for having me I love being here nice to see you to you three and Antutti as well and thank you for having me on this is going to be fun thanks gonna be fun today's topic of conversation we do we hinted to this last week is going to be field trips and I figured you being Delaware trash yes must have had some interesting ones yes you know I'm just I'm the shiniest diamond in the diamond state now you want though you want the private school right it's called Delaware's called the diamond state Delaware's a diamond why and the halfway house I lived in they called it the diamond of the north

because we had a dime bag of the north yeah he had less people smoking crack in our house that was like this is the good one wait a minute why is Delaware called the diamond state do they mine diamonds down there I don't know Toby look it up I'm looking at up my Toby you producer that a lot of Neil Diamond fans because most of the state is a piece of shit cold you gotta really squeeze it to get a diamond yeah what is it kippy no it's the blue hen state yeah now Delaware's a diamond state your I am right okay I'm not saying you're wrong but I thought it was called the first state oh here it is a diamond state I thought what on the

on okay but on the license plate it's the first state yes so the official nickname is the first state I mean Delaware's so great it's the first state the first one to irritate because it's got so many nicknames it can be you can erudite Thomas Jefferson gave this nickname to Delaware according to the legend because he described Delaware as a jewel among states due to its strategic location of the Eastman seaboard guy must have not traveled a lot yeah no shit Tommy Jay not getting out of the house and name one bad thing the guy's done he's a good kid I'll wait a couple of rough tweets back in the day

all right what's what's Philadelphia yeah what's Philadelphia is first in flight well Philadelphia is a city so Pennsylvania would be the keystone yeah Pennsylvania is way trashier than Delaware no it's not yes dude my dude fucking travel to Delaware is where they call pencil talky yeah okay okay there you go okay yep pointy and I'm not a point pointy he thinks if he gets enough points we're gonna pay him yeah then no Ian dash by dance you guys owe me 36 points wait wait hold on pin tuckie you're a fucking idiot you've never heard a pencil talking but I heard a pucks a tawny with a with a red groundhog is the

fuck you with a rabbit is whatever that's trash what's his name he pull a rabbit out to stump pucks a tawny Phil pucks a tawny Phil Delaware is the state where companies go to have shell corporations to launder this is the second time you brought this up today where were you watching a movie or something what were you doing patreon still watching like clever something you've been asking a lot of questions about money someone's in your ear about the corporate structure of this hey for the Patriot can I get it an unmarked bill your mom's on legal zoom or something giving you notes is he telling you what you're making and

giving it to you yeah Delaware is there's nothing okay hold on I'm sorry there's nothing redeemable about Delaware both are trash what's it what's you guys got an airport or something no yeah Dover Air Force Base in the New Castle County Airport which is flying an F-16 the fucking somewhere where all our military members fly out of them when they die bodies come well why do you why do you think they put that they put that there because they think hey if Delaware gets taken out all right we've been moving it's cheap land yeah they're like these guys are gonna put them a penthouse in Center City I know I

Delaware is I think what is your what's your cuisine down there I think Pennsylvania as a whole is trashier than Delaware that's insane not no it's not no there are infinitely more trashy parts of Pennsylvania it's bigger yeah where's like one big city just oh there's there's north Wilmington which is the main city and there's Dover which is a capital Delaware has three counties nine tire fires and Kent County and eight thousand McDonald's wonderful beaches Pennsylvania's landlocked you know it's where they debuted the KFC double down yeah I don't know if I'd say wonderful beaches I'm a Dewey man there it is I

like do we got Dewey we got Bethany do we got a Hobbit we got Indian River Indian River inlet Rehoboth is garbage Rehoboth is a wonderful beach and it was the first openly gay beach acceptable in America did you just try to big us up by mentioning an inlet that's gonna get us with yep the hoppers a fantastic you should see the low tide go crap go crap it in Pennsylvania pal it ain't gonna happen yeah God here I mean I go to the Jersey shore like a yeah and steal my crabs from somebody you know where's closer to Jersey shore than Pennsylvania Delaware okay dude I am so fucking dumb I did not realize that Delaware was

right next to Philly New Jersey yeah I thought I'm gonna say you weren't recording or something like that no I thought it was by like Missouri or some shit that's the thing people go I thought it was Delaware they go what state what state's that in I'm like you uneducated piece of shit the reason you're trash yeah the reason it's trash is because you're so prideful of it that's what makes it trashy well I think it's because you got nothing else going on for you it is Wilmington Blue Rocks baby yep a minor league affiliate double a kind of meth double a which is something I'm also a part of oh well

also on the thought of me being really dumb the thought that I had outside was when you guys were talking about the SATs in the last episode I've been saying I've getting a 980 and you guys and it wasn't but it wasn't a 1350 it was out of the other one that you said no it's either 1600 or 20 1600 or 2400 it was you got a nine that's like getting a fucking 200 no it's not no there's no way you got a nine you got a 900 out of 2400 is your helmet under the table what the hell you should have applesauce on your yes are you from Dover yeah no but that was crushing when you said that she were like you're younger I'm the same

asers her and then oh such a bummer dude wait you really got a 900 I got a 980 you got a nine I mean he's dude foley beat you foley beat you on the essay what'd you get on your SATs 870 barbecue sauce all right Uncle Kippy come on you're giving him that that was great you've never heard that no oldest dad joking though you were lobbing me up for no that was incredible we were fine I thought you I literally thought you were fucking open me I'd say these rubes from Delaware you can get him with anything I mean got your nose yeah yeah double side of fries what'd you get 1190 really and you got in there you got in the

NYU 75% of guesses said they've gone to NYU tough school to get into yeah school to stay at to yeah I had to take an extra semester I got a all-in completes you graduate from NYU you have a degree from NYU really bachelor of science in English education teacher you teach must have been around real tight oh yeah shaking right this name I'm mr. fighting the very first anybody have a seat like the very first day the very first day of teaching eighth grade on I in on like the upper east side I'm not gonna mention the school but all the kids were busting from Harlem and it was you know I was the minority at the

school a teacher asked me can you watch my classroom and I go to go to the bathroom and I'm shaking in my boots because I work cowboy boots and a kid in the back goes motherfuckin look like his name Lawrence I forgot you were tea that's it could be a good segue if it hits did you have to go on any field trips with the kids ever oh yeah where'd you go how long were you a teacher I I student art in college and then I was a full-time sub and then I took a break and I went back and I taught test starts out as a full-time sub because it was hard to get a job as a tea what you do is you're a full-time sub

at the school and then basically you set yourself up to teach yeah yeah you're like the in-house sub and then when they want an open up yeah yeah yeah and then oh well Jesus Henry or someone leaves yeah someone moves anything someone gets there approached now were you a six-foot sub or someone pulls a chair and he was a party sub but then he had to go to rehab that's a true that I was not hired again but yeah I was I was a full-time sub at this one school and then I for the New York City public schools yeah and then I got a rep is like a really good sub and I would sub at different schools and I fucking lost it

all because of drinking it's only your M&M and a good rep yeah yeah I could you should have seen me conducting a game as heads up seven up yo man this guy's giving out hall passes oh dude they called me E money because one of the schools is progressive for money oh shit come eat on trial can I please borrow some money hide your chain here comes Ian riding around like Debo do you have any coins I'm trying to make a call the vending machine ate my quarters I'm not gonna ask where you got the money and I'm gonna tell you I probably won't give if he's not even doing any student Woody Allen I'm doing it I wish sunny

finance can I borrow your retainer is that a counter countdown for vacation why is my birthday circle you know for someone so young you're really cool I bet you don't connect well with the other kids are you sure you didn't skip a grade for 11 for 11 you're very mature I gotta be honest I don't really know where we are I don't know who's talking to who is Woody Allen a teacher or is it Ian no Ian's about to ask 11-year-old for their snapchat I don't know what's great I just don't follow back on Instagram I do follow for follow follow for follow now do your parents look at your DMs snapchat delete correct

dude one time a kid threw a bag of weed on my desk and was like what you think about this Cali Cush and I was like I think if I turn around it's still there I'm taking it home I think it's about to be two buds like that's great yeah it was wild man it was really something you were a New York City public school teacher yes and on top of that I stopped teaching for a while and then I got a job teaching test prep for Kaplan HIV test you were a Kaplan guy so I said Kaplan so I was teaching them how to take the test those guys are effectively keeping them uneducated and left behind which I was contributing to the problem

but I needed money anyway so I taught I had a teacher Joe Biden taking all the schools I'm sorry I was part of the problem if they'll go confessing anything else here I don't need my fat ass being dragged to court I don't got a suit or nothing to fucking testify against you well you wouldn't fit in the box please rise I can't he's the only witness ever to do a Skype call and you ran around he's apparently swear in a Bible not that cheeseburger so you would take kids on field trips I object to that joke that lasted a whole semester somebody's gonna put him in

contempt about this trial god damn oh god I plead guilty for fucking timing but yeah I do I taught in so many different schools throughout the city how many years did you do this this is before you moved to Philly and started doing comedy yeah and then I went back to New York and I was teaching Kaplan from Jesus 2013 until 2016 that's like tutoring though 27 2017 I would be in schools from anywhere a month to four or five months multiple schools so I'd go and teach from like nine into one I'm moving around like a shady priest from three to six within my new ID

this is your choice he's got a go bag you look a lot like the mother fucker they grab my ass no that was Lawrence do you have any cushion oh my god yeah where would you take kids on on field while we're some field trips today's the big year Toby make-out point under the bleachers have you kids ever wanted to see the stars mr. finance aren't supposed to the rest of the kids be on this field trip with us no martin he could go on a field trip to have alpax take-out why do we go on a field trip on Valentine's day why are you wearing a clip on time why is this permission for

mass for consent all right well we've officially exhausted this necessarily we'll do a call back in a couple of minutes but put some life back in this thing shit that's one thing the kids never would do where would you go man well when I was doing Kaplan I wasn't a full-time team so I'm aware of that score whatever but I brought a group of first graders to here we go to a museum I forget it was on Staten Island I forget which one of the sanitation one of the kids took a group of one year one year old you think a group of first graders are the teams through fucking the museum does anyone know where

Jimmy Hoffa is anybody know where he is does anyone know the phrase rubbed out no I tell you about Bay of Pigs the Bay of Pigs was all connected I mean yeah sure that was a jump but yeah well yeah that joke was a good hey gang quick announcement from one of our new sponsors over here on the podcast it's hello fresh baby the big dogs with hello fresh you get fresh pre-measured ingredients and mouth-watering seasonal recipes delivered right to your door skip the trips to the grocery store and hello fresh to make home cooking easy fun and affordable baby that's why it's

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never forget I had to leave the room cuz one kid was like it was like a bird it was like do not touch it he goes look at the bird he touched his head fell off like as it was like a display oh yeah I'm not paying for the head fell off the kid started crying the other teacher to go and fix I had to leave the room I was laughing so hard these kids won't return my calls up heads of falling hearts yeah what did you have what did you go to as a kid like what was it Delaware the Delaware boot factory the chemical plan the paint plan did you go to the plant in a plant no I'm trying to think of field trips one field trip we went to

Philadelphia I was in second grade went to the Franklin Institute yeah I went to the Liberty Bell my I remember it was such a big deal my parents had to talk and they're like we're gonna give you $5 to get whatever you want in Philadelphia the Liberty Bell the only thing with a crack I remember I spent on a hot dog oh and a fake what you do with it institution yeah once a Liberty Bell like second Franklin for the right for the list of Franklin Institute was like like the Ben Franklin it was like a science thing right Franklin Institute was for the oh yeah I'm thinking the Franklin Mint yeah yeah you know the

Franklin Institute was like it was like a science thing there was like I taught you about that was that was the nature it was like a mini didn't like Disney-esque thing like there was like no but I mean like in the fact that like there was like displays kind it wasn't like a museum it was like an interact it was like more interactive was like Chuck it was like Chuck E cheese for history yeah you know they had the whole they had the big sorry I offended the Disney the fucking Walt Disney family estate well you make them you don't you they had everything kites string I was choking I remember the heart you would climb and

climb to the big heart yes now we come back now it was so many field trip memories yeah that was the first time ever had rock candy ruin my life they're gonna say first time ever at rock yeah we went there when Foley went through the heart there was a 50% block it was like a crystal ball I got to ride the stint I hope I go on the table just to haunt you no that's a great joke that'll stand out it's a great ride of the stint it's a picture of Foley with his face to the aorta

that was a that was the big one and then when we was the big one I know but I think you probably missed it because I guess when we were in like late elementary school they put that big screen in did you get that there was like the 4d movie like I remember moving to the planetarium down there now this was like you flew it was like a big huge fucking movie screen that like if you were like on a helicopter flying through and it would like if people would get sick it was like a huge ride how do you get the helicopter in there no it was like footage oh okay I don't a 980 over here they got the helicopter I didn't

know Ben Franklin was a pilot if it's a used car how to get on the lot but that was a yeah I didn't get that one be back in five minutes he was not here mentally or emotionally I don't think he was he went back to childhood remember when I had one point I don't even know what we're talking about I just had a fucking flash man huh talking about the Franklin Institute was that was the classiest of all field trips in the Philadelphia area yeah some of the fucking real shitty ones we did was we did we did Amish country that was

big for us yeah family was friends with an Amish family I spent Thanksgiving on an Amish family farm my two friends were Elon and Emma I used to wear plain clothes to not rub my lifestyle so you can't use light switches I'd take my shoes off and shovel shit in the fucking you know carriage with them and everything it was awesome how do you meet Amish people my grandparents would go to Amish country they're very talkative you know warm people they got to talk into one of the the pie sellers and then they they do it nickel for the pie you don't really use money it would just be a waste if we give it to you and you

money by making your own clothing so yeah my family became friends with an Amish family and we used to go out there to visit we had a Thanksgiving with them I tried to shoot a turkey I we shot the on turkey I was bad with the shot but I was in 5th grade fucking not allowed back in the acne y'all see a turkey right here oh my god dude here's your trash no I'm cultured I was around cultured

hanging out with Amish people is not cultured I did it for the network purposes dude we got him riding in our car it was fucking awesome I'm not gonna go to heaven who wants to take a ride? who wants to take a ride of my station wagon to hell hey shleeam kids who wants to meet the devil

put down that Bible come take a ride in a pickup truck do you like gasoline God can't see if you fuck me in my ass they're fucking in the back of the pickup what Toby? hold on I gotta check out oh fuck

it's hot in here I'm sweating fucking Christ I feel good you don't look it that's cause he's losing blood flow I can't feel from the way he's down it chills me down a little bit it's like having your own air conditioning

oh fuck if I get hot it'll still take my heart medication God your condensation is coming off your fucking forehead I'm like a hotel room now this one's stuck on cool keep the window unit in all year round oh god it hurts oh man

the station wagon to hell who does that hey kids you want to meet the devil you've actually spent Thanksgiving I don't do Thanksgiving yes they do they give thanks to who?

the warlock that birthed them I mean they came here from Europe so did the pilgrims they don't subscribe to America they never advance yeah they have a very old traditional style of living and giving thanks

and being grateful is part of that tradition but dude we would be in the house everything was heated by stove they all talk in this Germanic language it would be cool to do now I would like to do it now they're probably saying these bozos from Delaware

showed up again can't get in the fuck out of the house I wouldn't that's probably low cost can I tell you the patriarch of the family they're all carpenters but the patriarch of the family

could do some Amish thing what's it called when you put the rods in your hand and you find where the water line is the water line or energy or whatever I was such a misbehaved kid wait what just

how do you propose that I don't even know what you're talking back up give me one more this was some moves metal rods energy hold on Amish guys put a molesty in it

holding copper rods okay it says Ian's an idiot I got you dowsing rods yes dowsing rods for Feng Shui it's a way of finding energy points where you then find negative energy

and you put up some sort of blocker to make better energy I was a way to find kids that can keep their mouth shut I was such a bad fucking kid we had these Amish people come down from Lancaster to my grandparents house to try to get the negative energy out of the house after you were there

it was like an Amish exorcism I swear to God they throw gravy everywhere I swear to God Ian's going let me show you a trick first they cover the house in dumplings and then so they

my grandparents got the Amish to come to do these energy things and then they got these black Jamaican Baptist women to come and say like fucking speak in tongue what are you fucking Damien I went through a lot as a kid I swear to God I was on it

so it wasn't enough so we tried everything and we're not kidding I'll never forget we were in some room not the dining room not the living room the fucking room that everyone hangs out in

the family room whatever the padded room it's only the kitchen and the bathroom after that you act like it's a big mystery I don't know what's it called you know when you sleep

and all that you can't be bothered I don't know what's it called the couch we're on the couch so we're in there and we're all huddled in a circle and we're swaying and they're doing these like Baptist prayers and they start speaking in tongue

imagine being such an annoying kid that you have multiple fucking religions driving the fucking I felt so bad about this that they were doing all this work that I started to make myself shake to make them think that it was working and the woman's like look

look it works and I fucking faked the funk and faked them out and they thought they fucking saved me but guess what am I evil you start singing a George Clinton song oh my god yeah it was wild you know

man my family went through a lot you know a rough and tumble kid I didn't really deal with certain things too well and what do you want from me so Kippy you went to Ben Franklin's house anybody go to the the aquarium

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hanging out with Amish hanging out with Amish, Jamaican fucking tongue speakers I've lived a life I can kind of see what you're saying that Delaware is classier is Christ dude I swear to God

my mom was getting rid of a bunch of we had like a garage sale and they came down to like help us clean it out Jamaicans with Amish Jamaicans were long gone my mom fucking God bless my mom you want this lamp?

I'm getting rid of this lamp I'm getting rid of this stereo you kids like Star Trek right? do you want my Beastie Boy CD? hey you want this this landline? you ever see a battery before? yeah

man the finances we got from a different club can we go to Amish Country? we lived with an Amish family for 3 years at a farm school did you? it didn't work, no Henry I thought you had to put up a barn

I'm just fucking Woody Harrells at a gig then I drink semen and chop all horses hooves off well whatever sorry I've lived an interesting life have you ever been to the aquarium? I lived under the sea one time we helped dolphins move little mermaid was about my mom's life

we helped dolphins move from one tank to the next I picture them in the ocean my mom kept saying do you want these gloves? and I was saying he's doing high pitched squeals help me holy shit

I imagine the food at that Thanksgiving picking up on everybody that comes in contact with the finances trying to get away from them quickly after and then exercising on the neighborhood start burning sage after you leave here it's not good enough just to ask you to leave

they have to torch the place I guarantee you the second you were pulling away that whole farm was burning to the ground let's go back to Europe it can't be as bad as the finances we'll face the king I don't care I don't know what year it is

winter's coming let's get back you've never shot your own Thanksgiving turkey you haven't lived we get ours killed that day by the Amish probably I don't know if it's the Amish it's delicious you get it killed that day

that day or the night before they go pick it up I mean we don't do it my stepdad knows he's full of shit we killed it today this kid's got butterball written all over look an easter bunny let poop dad those are raisins no I'm serious

I don't know I don't have any evidence to pull myself out of this you're going to have to take my word unfortunately we're going to need some otherwise we'll continue to shit on you it's fine I'm just saying if I leave my tooth under the bell or my dad says

I'll get a quarter Ian wants half of it see what you can get your dad gives a quarter he starts punching himself and puts his feet under his dentures there's nuggets killed this morning

you're lying about your Thanksgiving yeah yeah we get it that day I'm serious first of all it doesn't work like that you have to age it for a little bit it's not fucking wine you gotta process it

process it it's a natural turkey in Bucks County and then they deep fry it like gentlemen no no my stepdad goes like the day or two days before and like now it's two days here we go no no no he goes that one

they pick it you make it sound like he walked into your house like Joe Pesci and good fellas and you popped him in the back of the head I'm gonna let you hang it on that one right when you start talking this is gonna be not good send that to Ian at proofread can we get some edits on this

that was the directors kind of thing I hate a real bad one a couple minutes ago that slid under the radar I was already playing in my escape I was gonna flip the table and run out the door that's how he gets handed about the light about the turkey

put the point the gun at someone else ah I really thought that Joe Pesci light was good oh god fucking fuck what are we talking about oh god we kill our turkey after we eat it

so how about that fuckface what fucking kill the riff that's a joke riff killer riff killer that joke was clock 50% stop that on that that did her better

come on you put a stint in that joke give it some light shoot that thing like a turkey he's not beating his ride this stint joke come on oh fuck I'm so hungry

some turkey oh yeah Toby let me grab us some Amish turkey we're just grabbing Amish are you Ian if you guys need a break I can drop in some canned theme music I might need a breather

play the jeopardy tunes too funny I mean we gotta do we attempt to shift back to fucking of course of course so have you ever been we went to the Edgar Allen Poe house

what do you want to see how you're gonna die I don't get it alone and on the street bloated I don't know much about the man he died a terrible alcoholic fat death okay I'm in

I'm on board with the inch boat joke everybody he gave me the footnotes and Johnny English over here the bibliography checked out oh god I just watched the Raven with John Cusack it actually wasn't that bad thanks Siskel

he died in Baltimore though not in Philadelphia but he lived in Philadelphia for a brief time where they believe he wrote his hit poem the Raven we got another hit poem coming up here of Edgar Allen Poe stay tuned anyway coming up

hit poem top of the charts the one that I didn't go to but everybody went to in our area I don't know why I didn't go the gym the health food store the fuck is a whole food that was the Hatfield plant

that was big the Patfield ham like the ham process oh I thought you were maybe the Hearth's potato chip factory no we didn't do that we did I used to work with a guy who was married to the heir of the Hearth

fortune she was a Hearth that's a lot of cash that's a lot of fucking cash this guy was fucking filthy loaded he didn't even really care about the job he was working would you? would you get out of bed?

it's hard to stay busy come on fucking run on fumes fucking red eye today no but I mean yeah I don't know I think I would still work just to stay fucking busy and mobile and everything but the guy was filthy

stinking rich that's how you know someone will never have money when they say filthy stinking rich you've said it before you've never said it? I've said it multiple times and he'll never have money we were talking about the money from the Patreon

he's like so you're telling me in a year I won't have to save money we're like oh god this is bad this is real bad spending it like water oh fuck dude that I have not heard that phrase in so long

spending money like water spending money like water up there oh god oh fuck now we have a list of no not really I mean the lists weren't that

adequate so I figured we would just talk our stories alright so the big thing for us growing up was the distance and the distance where you would get a coach bus versus a school bus really? if it was over like two hours

they had to give you a coach bus so you could go to the bathroom I guess so that's what they did two hours away in a field trip I mean we would do like Harrisburg for like social studies there was like a New York trip I vaguely remember going to New York when I was in like we were supposed to then

we were supposed to do New York and D.C. how old were you when 9-11 happened? 34 no where were you when 9-11? I was in building 7 I was 9th grade 8th or 9th grade something like that 9th grade yeah it's like 13

how old are you now? 36 damn I was 23 where are you? living on a prayer I'm halfway there to the buffet line I was gonna go to death but oh fuck eating in a chair

I didn't get it but I'm laughing at it you didn't get it? living on a prayer well we're halfway there you were eating in a chair is that a part of the song? this guy's trying to kill the bad guy I'm not

Henry and I'm no longer the dumbest guy I'm sure yes I apologize but that was the big thing and then the other big thing was snacks the night before cause we would hit like you got a bigger lunch well I would make my dad

either go to Wawa the night before or that morning on the way to school cause my dad would always just drive me to school cause the school boss wouldn't pick me up at his house we would go on like can I have one of your gummy worms? we would have we would go to a rest stop

as a class we'd have to wait in line we'd get job applications why don't we get into the field trip we're gonna take a walk to the future and you're gonna see where you're gonna end up Mr. Brian when are we getting to the field trip Ian you're at the field trip

now the man said $20 on pump for a Delaware field trip is going to where the needles get made now put this hairnet on and go drop those fries everybody's joke was worded I flubbed Toby flubbed and you flubbed I held it tight to the chest I decided to fold them I was like

I got nothing I ain't even gonna fluff Ian folded the best hand he had a pair of deuces fucking Kenny Rogers over here Ian had the wheels he's all in on a two four off suit I'm over here bombing I'm doubling down

I'll let it ride Toby took a shot at it I raised I'm fully went all in I'm gonna play go fish he's like all my cards are red hit me I have 24 hit me

I had that seven deuce and Philly and I brought it over to Delaware my hernia hurts oh fuck hernia acting up dude I had hernia surgery back in like 2003 and when I laugh real hard

I can feel it sometimes doctor did the Amish do that oh baby he invite down on this duck he invite down on this duck what you had it

I was gonna make the joke I backed out cause you came in like a fucking big ox get the Jamaicans in here we gotta stage this joint real quick here's some stinking lord of mercy that was bad

what you doing by you a stink man you three stink man look look what washed up on the beach the accent was terrible this could be the worst podcast ever

I don't know how I lost I got so excited what you doing over there on the beach I was more of a pirate than anything nah aren't you gonna finish that I be licking Bob Marley man

are you gonna finish that we're having a good time oh fuck oh my god so the Hatfield plant back to the ham you just looked at Toby like you were in speed you guys

you guys ever been to six flights we went one time last junior year went to this real fan you took home ec did you learn how to expand the waistline jeans I saw it coming from a mile away

and you couldn't get it out that was a fucking it was like a bird flying in Delaware it was at the end of this fucking rookie of the year slow motion I still missed floated Jesus Christ you had to learn how to expand your weight

band on your belt no we just cooked we actually learned how to make a proper pasta dish I got extra points they took us to this they took our home ec class which was me one of my friends and um you know

punch out the kids I don't know what's happening I think we should stop I think we should stop doing the five games all year I don't know I don't know what where are you we don't know what the hell

we were hot up top where would a field trip meet some other kid I don't know I don't know what I'm saying it was actually 300 kids man it was the biggest field trip of the year we went to this Indian joint and nobody ate anything none of us would

we staunchly would American Indian or like Indian Indian because I went to the church you're scared of the corn I went to the church for nature center and they gave us like Native American snacks I took one bite out of like a corn patty

hey you want my antler I ate antler for lunch I'm good I stopped at Wawa I packed my own antler I had some on the bus same seats on the way back by the way oh fuck are these bear's eyeballs these are pretty good

wow that's so good bear's eyes god damn it wow we'll always have antlers dude we gotta wrap just wrap it just wrap it gang this is supposed to be the field trip episode which went off the rails pretty quickly

unfortunately thank you for tuning in we love you guys and we'll see you guys next week see you guys thank you peace